#Happiness enhancement strategies | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovelygirlwithablog · 2 months ago

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Under the tables

pairing: Harvey Specter x f!lawyer!reader

description: when Harvey gets bored in the middle of a meeting, he knows how to make it more interesting for the both of you.

warnings: smut, public sex, age gap, secret relationship, dirty talk, fingering, f!orgasm, praising, use of Y/N

word count: 1525

A/N: GUYS THANK YOU FOR THE NOTES YOU LEFT ON MY FIRST POST! 😭🫶🏻 here's a smut for you simps (including me, i'm genuinely obsessed with Harvey); this is one of the first times i'm writing smut and i really hope you'll like it <3

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Louis Litt adjusted his tie, a subtle sign of his nerves, before flashing his signature smirk. He stood at the head of the conference table, his usual, happy tone banging in your ears.

"Alright, everyone, I hope you’re ready to be amazed,” he began, his voice cutting through the chatter. “Today, we’re not just discussing another case—we’re changing the game. I’ve put together a proposal that will redefine our strategy and put us light-years ahead of our competition. So, let’s dive in, shall we?”

With that, he clicked the remote, and the first slide flickered to life behind him, revealing bold graphics and numbers that promised innovation and succes.

You roll your eyes, bored from the inside out. You look at Harvey and he has the same blank expression as you, staring outside the window.

"Y/N L/N." Louis spoke, pulling you back from your daydreams.

You clear your throat and stand up straight.

"Yes, Louis?" your cheeks flush.

"Would you care to share your thoughts on the proposal? I believe we were just discussing how our new strategy could significantly impact client retention,” he said, challenge in his tone.

The room fell silent, all eyes now on you. You quickly glanced at the screen, then back at him, scrambling to formulate a response. "Uh, yes! I think the client outreach initiative is a great idea. It shows we’re proactive." you said, your voice gaining confidence as you spoke.

"Proactive is an understatement, Y/N." Louis replied, grinning now. "It’s about taking charge, being the best, and standing out. And you know what they say about standing out—”

He leaned forward, gesturing dramatically, "It's the ones who dare to be different who actually make a difference. So, tell me, how do you plan to stand out in this firm?"

"I plan to stand out by bringing a fresh perspective to our clients and the firm. I want to focus on building strong relationships, not just completing tasks. I believe in being proactive—anticipating client needs before they even ask—and using innovative approaches to tackle challenges." you confidently said.

You leaned forward, enthusiasm evident in your voice. "For example, I’ve been looking into ways we can use technology to enhance our communication. Implementing tools like client portals for real-time updates can make a huge difference in how we engage with them."

Louis nodded, clearly impressed. “Excellent point! Client portals can streamline communication and provide transparency, which is invaluable. You can sit down now."

You sigh and return back to your chair.

"Good job, love." Harvey whispered in your ear.

You nod. You could feel your cheeks turning red as your heart pounds in your chest.

"Goddamit Harvey, you're driving me crazy." you think to yourself.

Harvey sits next to you, leaning back in his chair with that signature confidence, pen casually tapping against his notepad as he listens. The lighting from the sun through the windows frames him, highlighting his beautiful features.

Now and then, he glances your way, but his expression remains unreadable. You assume he’s just taking notes in his classic, composed style—sharp, observant, almost a little bored. But then, suddenly, he catches your eye and holds it for a beat longer than usual, just long enough to make you wonder if there’s something he’s not saying.

Then, in one smooth, almost careless motion, he slides his notepad across the table to you. Your heart skips as you reach for it, wondering if he’s noting something important you missed.

"You look so pretty in that damn skirt. Wish I could fuck you right here, right now."

You glance up, and he’s watching you with that half-smirk.

Your pulse quickens, and for a moment, you’re not even sure if anyone else is still speaking. It’s just you and Harvey, the faint hum of the room fading into the background as your cheeks flush from his unexpected note. You try to keep your expression neutral, fighting the smile that’s threatening to give you away. But Harvey notices, of course he does—his smirk grows slightly, a knowing gleam in his eyes that only deepens your blush.

You quickly slide the note back, hoping no one noticed the exchange, but he lets his fingers linger over the paper as he takes it, his touch grazing yours for just a split second. The contact is subtle, almost accidental, but it sends a warm shiver up your arm.

He leans back in his chair again, returning his attention to the others as if nothing had happened, but there’s a slight tilt to his chin—a subtle hint of victory, like he knows exactly the effect he’s had on you.

Then, without warning, you feel something—just the slightest brush against your knee under the table. It’s so subtle that at first you think it might’ve been accidental, but then it happens again. His hand, strong and steady, lingers, fingers just barely resting against your knee. You hold your breath, your pulse racing, trying to keep your expression neutral as your heart flutters.

You glance at him, but he’s still focused on the conversation, face unreadable, as if he’s completely oblivious to what he’s doing. But his fingers move, ever so slightly, applying a gentle pressure. The touch is subtle—just enough to remind you he’s there, to remind you of his presence.

Soon enough, his fingers travel down to your inner thigh, squeezing it gently.

Now, you knew exactly what he was up to.

You uncross your legs and let his hand travel down further, until it reaches your underwear.

You were soaked, and Harvey could feel that. You look at him, his face hiding a slight smile.

He manages to pull your underwear aside and runs his fingers through your folds, taking in your wetness.

He teases, tapping your clit with his fingers.

Your legs clench as he starts to slowly circle your clit, sending pulses through your entire body.

"Harvey." Louis says, his tone sharp and impatient, pulling everyone’s attention back.

Fuck.

He’s been watching Harvey with his usual blend of curiosity and suspicion, as if he can’t quite believe that Harvey isn’t somehow scheming right under his nose. "What do you think of the proposal?"

He leans forward slightly to make a point to one of the partners, his voice smooth and confident, yet his hand stays on your clit, circling it, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Your face feels hot, and you do your best to look focused, nodding along as though everything is perfectly normal, even though his touch has made your heart race like nothing else.

But Harvey, of course, is cool and collected, as if he hasn’t just thrown your heart into overdrive. He gives Louis a patient look, waiting for him to finish his inevitable commentary, a slight smirk daring him to challenge his answer.

Louis, sensing he’s not going to win this one, lets out an exasperated sigh, finally moving on with the discussion. The room settles back into its rhythm, but the tension remains.

Harvey's finger slips into your pussy, giving you enough time to adjust. You almost moan at his sudden action, but you try to remain composed.

He begins to pump his finger inside you, placing his hand in a way that his wrist is touching your clit.

He slides another finger and you cough, trying to mask your moan.

He leans closer to your ear, whispering softly "Careful, love. We don't want anyone to hear this, do we?"

The best you can do is nod.

"Good girl." he whispered before he moved his body back on.

Your legs spread a little bit more, giving him space to take you all in.

You move your hips a little, trying to feel him entirely.

You could feel yourself getting closer to your orgasm. Harvey felt it too, your clit pulsing on his skin as the inside of your pussy wraps tightly around his fingers.

He looks at you for a slight second and you saw a faint blush on his cheeks. You couldn't help but smile at the view. Harvey Specter flustered.

You were so close. You placed your hand on his wrist and he smirked, feeling your desperation.

Your orgasm hits you, your legs beginning to clench as his fingers move to your clit, touching you lightly.

You put your hand on your mouth, clearing your throat as you try to obey Harvey's order.

To your disappointment, he moves his hand away. He gives you a gentle squeeze as if to say, "That's it baby. Good girl."

You feel your juices on his fingers as they brush against the bare skin of your thighs.

Throughout the rest of the meeting, you feel his gaze on you from time to time.

You glance back once, catching his eye, and he gives you the slightest nod, as if to acknowledge your shared little secret. The power play between you two is electric, filling the air with a kind of energy that’s all yours.

You know this isn’t the end of what he started—just the beginning.

#suits tv #suits x reader #harvey specter #harvey specter x reader #smut

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nenelonomh · 3 months ago

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the role of kindness in self-development

kindness plays a vital role in self-development for several reasons. first, it enhances mental well-being by reducing stress and anxiety, and increasing happiness and self-esteem. when you practice kindness, you foster positive relationships and build trust, which can lead to a stronger support network and a sense of belonging.

additionally, kindness encourages empathy and understanding, helping you to see things from others’ perspectives and resolve conflicts more effectively. this not only improves your social interactions but also contributes to personal growth by making you more compassionate and resilient.

building relationships

building relationships is a powerful self-development strategy because it opens doors to new experiences, perspectives, and opportunities for personal growth. interacting with different individuals challenges you to grow, learn, and expand your horizons. through new connections, you can discover hidden talents, passions, and strengths that you might not have been aware of before.

relationships also provide a support network that can offer encouragement, advice, and assistance during challenging times. having a strong network of friends, mentors, and colleagues can boost your confidence and resilience, helping you navigate life’s ups and downs more effectively.

furthermore, building relationships enhances your communication and interpersonal skills. engaging with others requires active listening, empathy, and the ability to express yourself clearly. these skills are invaluable in both personal and professional settings.

❤️ nene

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crimson-and-clover-1717 · 13 days ago

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Mother Teach, Ed, and Self-Determination CW: Emotive

I want to explore Ed’s mother in the red silk flashback, and its lasting impact on Ed.

Mother Teach begins with the imperative, ‘Feel it, boy’. There seems to be a certain lesson in showing Ed the thing he cannot have, before explaining the rich folk she works for own many items of this quality; so matter of fact as if it’s nature’s law.

When Ed asks in innocence the question, ‘Why can’t we have things like this?’ Mother Teach comes up against an alternate line of thinking which she seems never to have considered. She blinks in what could be surprise before giving what appears to be an obvious answer: ‘It’s up to God. He decides who gets what’. This establishes the idea that life is ‘not up to us’, but controlled by an external locus: God, providence, fate… ‘He decides’.

Mother Teach is conditioned to believe in determinism, and who can blame her. Her life is decided for her. What hope of agency for a poor, indigenous woman in a world run by a rich, white patriarchy? And it’s easier to attribute the decision to God, His unfathomable will. God is also likely and conveniently a rich, white man, so the issues blur somewhat in who is actually doing ‘the determining’; but frankly, the outcome is the same. It is safe to say God isn’t a poor, brown woman.

Ed carries this belief into his future life, struggling with agency, succumbing easily to manipulation; not having beautiful things despite acquiring riches, and giving up quickly in the face of setbacks. The second part of Mother Teach’s explanation, ‘We’re just not those kind of people’ further reinforces Ed’s class and race inferiority, which again he carries painfully into adulthood. These words are spoken with some emotion. We hear the shake in her voice as she acknowledges certain truths about the limitations of their existence.

The impact of his father on Ed’s psyche is largely plain in the cycles of abuse with older white men, but the transmission of generational trauma via Ed’s mother is also significant.

Mother Teach isn’t trying to be cruel. She clearly loves her son, and the silk is a love-token which she possibly took without permission so her child could have at least one chance to look upon and own a ‘beautiful thing’. But her own trauma means she further damages her son’s self-esteem during this interaction. She doesn’t want Ed to be a dreamer or believer in a better life. Best accept your lot, know your place, then you won’t be disappointed. There is a certain wisdom to it; and had she an average son with a dullish mind, it’s probably sound advice in this particular time and place.

But her son isn’t ordinary. He is a genius, an empath, a creative, as well as prone to overthinking and melancholy. His race foremost, and class also, are against him, and that is outside of his control; but everything else is up for grabs with someone as brilliant as Ed if he can find inner worth. He might always have to live within a subculture to find both success and happiness, but he may have done so sooner with a stronger internal locus of control, and belief in his own worth and agency, had he received a different message in childhood.

As it is, he lives a life in the shadows, emulating and enhancing further the toxic masculinity revered in the dominant culture which is so against his true nature. He uses his genius for strategy and theatre to enrich himself for protection and subsistence only, never going beyond and allowing luxury or beauty; and when finally world-weary and screaming for change, finds himself trapped by the ghosts of his childhood, some of whom are reshaped into new human forms.

One of many things which saddens me regarding Ed’s sacrifice in killing his father as an act of protecting his mother is I don’t feel it changed anything much. It was a micro action against a macro problem. If Ed possibly then ran away, his mother would’ve had to do what she always did: find another male protector, possibly a white man to enable a certain social standing, and she would likely be back within a similarly psychological and physically abusive situation. It isn’t inevitable this would happen to a woman in her situation, but it’s the most likely outcome because her choices are so limited. And that’s hugely tragic for both herself and Ed.

It’s often said for Ed, there’s a psychological affinity between Stede and Mother Teach. The rich, white man who is kind and optimistic is everything Ed’s mother could’ve been with those same sociological advantages. Stede is able to self-determine. He is a repressed gay man in a heteronormative society, but much of the world is built with his empowerment in mind, and he is able to take full advantage of that and change his path. Both Stede and Mother Teach love or loved Ed, and in an unequal world, one of them at least is able to model a different way of living; help push open the psychological door enough to allow Ed himself to begin to change his stars, and self-actualise as the person he truly is.

Writing this made me sob…I’m sorry if it does the same for you reading it

#ed teach #mother teach #determinism #agency #internal external loci #rich white men #god #stede bonnet #ofmd meta #ofmd #cw: emotional abuse #cw: physical abuse

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legendofmorons · 1 year ago

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hiya! i really like your writing! can i request reactions [from whomever you want] with a reader [platonic or romantic idc lol] who is like spiderman! like, has the sense and webs, and the workload of "who knows how they manage shit". i just think its a fun idea, cause they'd also be a "hero"

Of course you can! This is such a cool Idea! (Is there a hyrule where a spider person is the hero of courage? Maybe.)

Four

Take a nap

No, really, he tries to get you to sleep as often as possible

He'll try to enhance any weapons you may have

IF you have mechanical web shooters he will be very interested

If you have biological web shooters in your wrist from the mutation he's still curious

Can amd will try to improve your suit so you are safer

Is HORRIFIED by your workload

Don't you know about burn out??

Do you just not care?

Overall he's curious and a little overbearing

But he also understands that you're a hero, and as a hero, sometimes it doesn't matter if you're exhausted.

He'll insist you let him make you metal braces, so some of the work your joints face isn't so bad. (ESPECIALLY if your joints already hurt)

Hyrule

He is excited to learn about it!

He's also not like other people. He just has healing magic, you're a spider person

Neat!

Assuming you have the boosted healing factor that lost spider people seem to have he's relieved

He will always heal you, but it's nice that you don't need it as often

Also very worried about your work load

Always trying to get you to drink more water

If he were aware of more modern culture he'd yell 'hydrate or die-drate!'

Die-drate is not an option as far as he's concerned

Asks about the ability to stick to things. He's very interested in this

Legend

It depends on when he finds out.

He's definitely concerned no matter when you tell them though

If he's not warmed up to you yet he's kind of standoffish about it. If you share he listens bit he won't ask

If you Are close to him though he has SO many questions

How does it work?

What happened to give you these powers?

How much weight can you handle?

Have you always been so flexible?

No matter what your relationship is, if you tell him about the Spiderman upside down kiss thing, he goes RED

He also asks if you catch and eat bugs.

(What? He just knows that's what spiders do!)

He encourages ypu to take some things off your plate.

Sky

Probably the least phased?

He's curious of course

But his life has been so weird. He's met plant penguins, gopher people, and his best friend was a goddess

Asks if you're descended from a spider god

Also asks if you can turn into a spider

He also encourages you to take breaks and indulge in things that make you happy

He's happy to make anything that might help you, but with his skills, mostly in whittling, he's not sure it's that helpful.

He is excited to see you swing around, it's the closest most anyone can get to flying (aside from Sky and Wild)

Time

Immediately concerned

Powers?

Insane workload?

He gets it, mostly

Not entirely his life isn't like your's but he understands the weight power and workload hold

He is curious about your powers

Also very interested in the way your webs are made. Dosen’t matter if it's mechanical or biological

Will have you take to the tree tops when you guys ambush monsters

If you make a hamock/swing out of webs he'll be happy to keep you company

Twilight

Worried

He's not sure how to feel actually

He's curious about how you became a spider person

If he feels close to you he'll ask about it

He's glad you have enhanced healing though. He feels a little less worried

He's still worried you guys are hunting down a shadow

Will be easy to convince to race, you with your webs and him on Epona

Warriors

He is very sympathetic to your workload

He offers tips to help woth burnout

He helps you strategies to battle plans off your abilities

Wars is willing to spar with you so you can improve too

Please let him help with the self care of after the battle.

Probably asks about the effectiveness of webs as emergency bandages

Wild

He's not that phased either. He's met a semi-vengeful horse god

At least you aren't only worried about the safety of the horses

(Don't worry he takes excellent care of Epona and his own horses)

He'll ask about your adventures

He would be excited to have someone else capable of climbing!

He'll happily climb up steep cliffs with you (it can be a race he likes a challenge)

Wind

Excited

He also has a million questions

He wants to see what you can do!

He's happy to watch you swing around but he wants to come with!

Swing around with him and he's just thrilled!

He asks about ypur webs and if they could capture a monster if you strung them up like a real spider web

He also probably asks for stories about your adventures.

#lu #linkeduniverse #misty writes #misty answers #linked universe x reader #lu four #lu hyrule #lu legend #lu time #lu twilight #lu warriors #lu wild #lu wind

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charlotte-of-wales · 10 months ago

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A speech by The Duchess of Edinburgh at the Community Sport and Recreation Awards, at Headingley Stadium, Leeds, ahead of The Duke of Edinburgh’s 60th birthday:

First may I say how wonderful it is to be here with so many people who are doing so much to change lives through grassroots sport. There have been some remarkable stories that have been honoured today and a particular congratulations to Fulham Reach Boat Club for being recognised as Community Club of the Year.

If I may, I beg your indulgence for a few minutes, as I wanted to also take this opportunity to recognise another great milestone and share a small tribute to my darling husband as he celebrates his 60th Birthday, this Sunday.

Now I know from the many years of marriage we have chalked up, 25 years in June to be precise, he will be horrified at seeing me up here speaking about him in public. Without looking at him, I am guessing he will now be sitting back with slightly narrowed eyes, possibly with his arms folded, or one arm stretched out across the table and to all intents and purposes looking identical to his father when I made speeches about him.

I twice spoke about The late Duke of Edinburgh in his presence, on both occasions feeling like I was about to launch myself out of an airplane without a parachute, but holding on to the vague hope of a soft landing. You have to appreciate that my father-in-law never liked anyone to pay him compliments, believing that it was the organisations he supported that were important, not him.

However, the fact that I wasn't in the doghouse after either of the speeches reassured me that I hadn't at least committed any major faux pas and I was therefore able to stand the getaway cars down.

So, like then and with my husband of the same opinion as my father-in-law, and with fresh fully fuelled cars at the ready here goes – as I give you more of an insight of the man to whom I am so proud to be married.

Edward is probably best known for his support of the youth organisation the DofE, founded by his father which takes much of his time as he chairs committees, writes strategies as he helps to guide and shape the current activities and future of the charity in the UK and across the world. He challenges those who lead it, encourages others who work within it or support it, and loves meeting and chatting with those who benefit from it. You can only guess the number of hours he devotes to this, the most inspiring of youth charities.

Beyond the DofE, he passionately supports an array of other charities and organisations, each of which he takes as seriously. Whether it be focussing on the sporting endeavours from athletes around the Commonwealth both able and disabled; encouraging organisations offering opportunities for people to gain access to sport and activities such as the fantastic work of the Sport and Recreation Alliance, which we are celebrating today; working throughout the arts with young talented musicians, or seasoned professionals who enrich our society, or visiting and encouraging the wonderful Central Caribbean Marine Institute which does so much to protect and enhance our unseen and vital underwater world. The list is long and a reflection of just some of his interests.

I encourage you to take a walk through his CV of affiliations and marvel at the breadth of them, each doing their part to make our world a better place and to understand that he is not just a name on a piece of paper, but that he commits of himself to them all and cares deeply for each of them.

He takes undoubted pride in his military affiliations too. Not only do I think that he wears a uniform extremely well, he takes an enormous interest in their vital work and loves nothing better than to go offline and spend happy hours talking one-to-one with those who do so much to serve our country.

He has been my guide and shown me the way over the years. He has given me much help and advice (not always taken I admit), and his knowledge and instincts that have been honed over decades of service are invaluable - so we share speech notes (not this one, sorry darling!), chat through issues our patronages may be tackling, and together I think we make quite a good team.

Like an iceberg, what is seen above the water or in public is only a small proportion of what goes on behind the scenes. What is never seen or can ever be quantified is the effort spent on ensuring good governance for his patronages, encouraging people to support worthwhile causes, chairing committees, meeting chief executives and think tanks, writing papers, speeches, forewords, introductions, the list goes on.

But whatever he is doing he gives 150% of himself, and if all else fails he gives any energy he has left out to our exhausted dogs or laying waste to the garden. Like my father-in-law, my husband never seeks compliments for himself. So when acknowledgment has come his way it has always been a total surprise to him, which is why I am grateful for this chance to, for once, be able to publicly celebrate and compliment him.

He was so happy and humbled when Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth made him a Knight of The Garter in 2006 and was equally delighted and moved the day His Majesty The King – who we are both incredibly proud to support – made him Duke of Edinburgh. Both he deserves in equal measure and I am so proud of the man he is.

He is the best of fathers, the most loving of husbands and still is my best friend.

So here's to you my darling Edward and may I along with all your family and so many friends and many others wish you the Happiest of Birthdays!

#wessexes #sophie #prince edward #march 2024

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mendeshoney · 1 year ago

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apple of my eye, take a bite

A/N: surprise surprise! this is a part two to "a taste of the devine," with a special little halloween twist! to my lovelies, @pyotrkochetkov and @smileysvech happy halloween babes! the title is inspired by lyrics from the song “eve” by precious pepala

Summary: You and Andrei go to the team Halloween party at a club, and it takes Andrei down memory lane.

Pairing: andrei svechnikov x f!reader

Word Count: 5,120

Warnings: five year age gap, older woman x younger man, fluff, previously established dynamics (including msub x fdom dynamics, switch, mdom x fsub dynamics), smut, semi-public sex (in a club), hints of biting/hickies, penetration, finish inside, unprotected sex

Russian terms used (bearing in mind the author does not speak Russian and definitely Google’d these) can be referenced here.

“I feel like this won’t make much sense,” Andrei quietly mumbles to himself, adjusting the ‘hat’ of his costume, his eyes casting to the side once he sees movement from inside the closet.

The sliding frosted glass door is closed, so he can only see your shadow as you move around, and he can feel himself start to get antsy.

You’d kept your part of the couples costume a shrouded secret from him, claiming you wanted to surprise him.

As far as surprises go, he typically liked yours a lot, but given his current predicament, he found himself a little more anxious than normal.

He glances at himself in the vanity mirror in your shared bedroom, running a cursory hand over the fuzzy material of his Halloween costume, and frowning a little at his reflection.

“Kroshka, I don’t-” He starts, cutting himself off and turning back toward the closet when he hears the sliding door open.

You finally emerge, body in an emerald green mini dress that you’d sewed fake vines onto so that they curled and twisted around your figure, enhancing your silhouette, vines trailing down your shoulder and around your arms until they rested delicately on your wrists. Those beautiful legs of yours donned a pair of thigh high velvet stiletto boots, the color matching your dress perfectly.

You looked a lot more like that character that Evgeny used to tease him for having a crush on when they were kids, Poison Ivy, than you did the biblical Eve.

Sukin syn.

Andrei’s hard in seconds, heart pounding furiously as his stomach flutters.

Babochki, he thinks. Butterflies.

He laughs suddenly, feeling nervous out of the blue.

“What do you think?” You ask, turning your body a little so he can get a better view.

“I think there’s butterflies in my stomach,” he says honestly, the words coming out faster than he can process, but when you flush deeply, he feels a twinge of satisfaction.

“You still have a way with words, don’t you?” You tease, trying to look anywhere else but him, and he knows that strategy.

Sometimes, when you’re not sure how to receive his compliments, you try to brush them off, but tonight’s not a night Andrei can let that fly.

He can feel his hands twitching at his sides, and his feet are moving towards you before he even realizes, that familiar gravitational pull too strong to resist.

“Ty vyglyadish' krasivo, lyubov' moya.” He murmurs. You look beautiful, my love.

You smile at his words, his hands coming to rest on your waist and pull you closer. “Spasibo, malysh.” You finally seem to take in his costume, and you giggle lightly. “You look so cute!”

He frowns, brows pinched together. “I’m glad you think so.”

You smile, giggling a little more. “Of course I think so.”

“Remind me again why I couldn’t just be ‘Adam’ for Halloween?” He asks, fingers playing with a fake vine on your shoulder.

“Because no one cares about Adam,” you remind him gently. “The story’s about Eve and the Apple. Adam’s just there.”

Andrei pouts a little, turning back toward the mirror and staring at the apple suit that covers his upper half, the red hat on his head with the apple’s stem and a little leaf, and the dark brown pants on his legs. “I guess so,” he laments, then turns his gaze back to you.

You know him so well at this point that when the corner of your mouth quirks up in a small smile, he isn’t even surprised, and just smiles right back at you. “Don’t worry, shchenok, everyone still thinks you’re sexy.”

“I don’t care about everyone,” he says without a second’s hesitation. “Just you.”

A small flush works its way up your neck and cheeks. “I still think you’re sexy, too.”

Andrei’s heart pounds then, that familiar disbelief that he was able to call someone like you the love of his life surfacing in his chest. He bends his head, pride surging through his veins when you accept his kiss.

“We should probably go soon,” you murmur against his mouth.

Andrei hums, shrugging. “Or we could stay home. Have our own little Halloween party.”

“Not an option, I’m afraid.” You say, and pull yourself out of his arms to head back into the closet. He watches, completely entranced, as you pull on a pair of thigh high velvet stiletto boots, the color matching your dress perfectly, and he can feel himself start to tent in his pants.

“Kroshka,” he tries again, the word nearly getting caught in his throat, “Are you sure we can’t just-”

You cut him off by standing, grabbing your small clutch and his car keys, tossing a curt “Let’s go, moye yabloko” over your shoulder as you head to the garage.

Andrei glances at himself in the mirror one last time, offering his reflection a long-suffering sigh, before grabbing his wallet and trailing after you.

His teammates don’t laugh as much as he expected, which he supposes is because out of all the costumes tonight, he looks the least ridiculous.

Jesperi, Teuvo, and Sebastian are dressed as Alvin and the Chipmunks - Jesperi was elected to be Theo against his will, Teuvo gladly accepted the role of Simon because it meant he was the smartest, which left Sebastian as Alvin, who claimed it was only fair since his last name began with an ‘A’ - Freddie, Anti, Jacob, and Brett dressed up as Michaelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo, and Rafael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Brent was dressed as Sully from Monsters Inc, and those were just the costumes he managed to figure out on his own.

There were far too many others for him to keep track of or understand and some were just a headache to look at, so he ended up focusing on the one thing he knew would keep his attention - the way your ass moved in your dress as you walked through club toward the VIP section they’d reserved for the team party.

The girls complimented you on your outfit and assured Andrei that he looked cute instead of silly, and it only made him feel marginally better.

He was still dressed as a giant apple for the night, after all, while his bombshell of a girlfriend looked like a walking fantasy.

After you’d said hello to everyone, the two of you ended up separated, the girls heading out to the dancefloor, some of the guys heading to the bar to grab drinks and snacks, and the rest settling into the VIP section.

Andrei plopped down between Jesperi and Freddie, removing his costume’s hat and putting it on the little table in their section, tuning out most of the conversation happening within the first ten minutes and instead finding himself focused on you and that beautiful dress out on the dance floor.

His eyes were glued to you as you danced, lost in the familiar way your hips moved and how carefree you were. Other people may have needed a little bit of alcohol in them to be so uninhibited, but you didn’t. You never had.

Watching you now, it reminds him of the first night he met you.

It had been earlier this year, when the guys had been having a particularly rough week of games, and they’d gone out to a club to relieve some stress.

You’d been there with some of your friends, and Andrei had been feeling a little bit too confident after a few drinks. He’d locked eyes with you barely ten minutes after he’d arrived and couldn’t take his eyes off you the whole night, couldn’t seem to find the need to wander more than ten feet out of your orbit.

He finally found the courage to approach you after Martinook had all but threatened to send Freddie after you first, pushing off the bar and heading over to you.

He tried the gentlemanly approach, introduced himself properly by taking your hand, and from that first touch there was this crazy electric wildfire of sexual tension that neither of you seemed to be able to deny. You didn’t seem disturbed by him being five years younger than you, and he couldn’t have cared any fucking less about you being twenty eight.

He worried for maybe half a second about you not being able to understand him through his accent, but you had no problems with it, even beyond the blaring music of the club. Then, he offered to get you a drink or a bottle of water - whatever you wanted really, he didn’t care - before asking if you minded if he joined you for a dance.

One dance became two, then four, then six, and then the next thing he knew, you both had locked yourselves in a storage closet down the back hall of the club and he had you pinned against the wall, his jeans and boxer briefs around his thighs, your dress hiked up to your waist, thong pulled to the side, and his cock buried so deep inside of you that you had to bite down on the meaty flesh of his shoulder to keep from crying out too loudly.

You’d fucked twice in that closet before you took him back to your place and fucked another two times. In the morning, you’d managed to contain yourselves in the shower, but Andrei lost all restraint and licked your pussy on your kitchen table until your throat grew hoarse and your legs shook so much your table started to squeak.

He managed to rein it in and take you on a date two days later, and then you invited him out for dinner another three days after that. After about ten dates without any sexual interactions at all, and about a month in total of you actually knowing each other, he’d asked you to be his girlfriend, and you both celebrated when you said ‘yes’ to him by locking yourselves in at his place and fucking like bunnies for about two days.

Andrei had learned everything about what you liked in bed in that first month, and you’d learned everything about what he liked.

You’d also learned enough about one another that Andrei was pretty sure he’d end up marrying you and having about five or seven kids within the next seven years, because there was no possible way he’d ever manage to find someone as brilliant as you ever again.

And at this point, you’d barely been dating a year.

He’d say he was probably moving too fast in any other circumstance, but he was pretty sure you were on the same page.

He feels a nudge in his side, and Andrei glances over, momentarily shocked because he’d completely forgotten his friends were dressed in costumes, and the orange fabric around Freddie’s eyes nearly scared him shitless for a second.

“You want another drink? The chipmunks lost a bet so they’re buying for the night.” Freddie says, gesturing to where Jesperi had gotten up and was now writing down orders on his phone.

“Sure,” Andrei says. “I’ll take one.”

Jesperi points to where you are on the dance floor and asks Andrei “One for her too, right?”, and when Andrei nods, Jesperi gives him a thumbs up before stalking over to the bar.

He has a feeling it’s going to take Jesperi awhile to put in the drink orders for the whole section, so Andrei resumes watching you, reminiscing on the day you first met and chiming in on the conversations around him every now and again.

You finally wander over with the girls once the drinks arrive, and Andrei immediately opens his arms, feeling content when you settle into his embrace and onto his lap. He hands you your drink, careful to keep your hair out of your face when you take a sip.

There’s a sound of fake retching, and you and Andrei cut your eyes to where Jesperi’s making faces at the two of you. You roll your eyes, settling into Andrei a little more, and he wraps his arms around your waist, securing you to him.

“Jealous, KK?” One of the other girls asks, and Jesperi’s nose scrunches.

“Hardly.” He scoffs. “I’m basically watching my older sister make out with one of my best friends. It’s disturbing.”

Andrei feels you stiffen in his arms, but Jesperi’s already turning away, and Andrei squeezes you gently. “Zajka?”

You turn to Andrei, a slightly stunned expression on your face. “I…does he really think of me that way?”

“What way?” Andrei asks, bringing a hand up to gently caress your cheek.

He can see the shock starting to settle in a little more. “Like an older sister?”

And though Andrei knows they’ve never really talked about it, because it’s not really a topic that would come up, he knows for certain the answer is yes.

Especially after the way you looked after everyone during the beach trip this past summer, all Andrei heard for weeks during training camp and preseason was how much everyone missed your cooking, people asking how you were doing, and demands for him to bring you around more.

Since you’d barely been together for six months at that point, he didn’t push you about it at all because he didn’t want you to feel pressured or rushed, even though he knew you liked everyone just fine. It was another thing he felt like would make it feel like this was going too fast, even though you’d probably be on the same page about this, too.

“I think a lot of them think that way.” He admits. “Pretty sure Freddie thinks of you as a younger sister. Burnsy too, to be honest.”

There’s a thoughtful look in your eyes now, and after a beat, you nod. “I didn’t know that.”

“Is that…is that okay?” He asks, slightly unsure. He doesn’t know that he’s seen you this…contemplative before.

You turn to Andrei, and give him that dazzling smile of yours he loves so much. “Of course it’s okay. Just took me by surprise a little.”

He nods, sitting up a little more so he can press a kiss to the base of your neck. “They love you as much as I do.”

Andrei’s surprised when his kiss makes you shiver a little, and he pulls back a bit, raising a brow at you.

You flush, suddenly bashful. “I just…” He raises a brow when you seem to be trying to find the words to say, and you gesture with your head towards the dancefloor. “Feels familiar, doesn’t it?”

Realization hits Andrei and he smiles, nodding. “It does, zajka.”

A sly, cheshire smile works its way onto your lips, and Andrei feels his heart begin to pound in anticipation. “Let’s see just how well you can tempt me a second time, moye yabloko.”

You’re downing the rest of your drink and getting up from his lap faster than he can blink, and then you’re heading back out to the dancefloor with the girls.

As Andrei watches you walk away, he catches the wink you send him over your shoulder before you disappear into the crowd, and he smirks to himself.

Da nachnetsya igra.

Let the games begin.

Drink in hand, Andrei makes his way through the crowd, his puffy apple costume coming in hand by parting the crowd a little as he moves - he even has the ridiculous hat on again - until he finally reaches where you are in the middle of the dance floor.

He taps gently on your shoulder, and when you turn around, your eyes look up at him curiously, a small smile on your face.

Andrei leans down so you can hear him better, saying “Hi, I couldn’t help but notice you earlier, and I thought I’d introduce myself and bring you a drink.”

It’s not exactly what he said that first night, but it’s close enough. So what if he skipped a few cheesy lines?

You lean back a little, staring at the drink in his hand before taking it with a small amount of hesitation. “Thank you,” you say back, leaning in like he had. “That’s really thoughtful of you.”

“I’m Andrei,” he says, holding his hand out.

You take it, shaking it once when you tell him your name in return.

The nostalgia has those butterflies resurfacing in his stomach, and he tries his best not to smile like a total idiot. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” You say, then smirk a little at his costume. “You know, I’m pretty sure I was warned to stay away from you.”

He laughs a little, stepping closer into your space. Bending down so he’s right next to your ear, he rests a hand on your waist and says “One bite won’t hurt.”

At your responding chuckle, Andrei feels goosebumps ignite on his arms. “I’ve heard that before.”

“It’s different this time,” he promises. “It’s just us. And there’s no punishment.”

“Sounds a little too good to be true,” you say, pulling away a little and taking a sip of your drink, blinking up at him from under your lashes.

Andrei rights himself, shrugging. “Only one way to find out, isn’t there?” He gestures with his head towards a hallway that he’d confirmed about ten minutes ago had both a storage closet as well as what looked like an unused office full of boxes, but still came equipped with a couch and a perfectly solid desk.

He makes his way toward the hall, waiting for all of five minutes before you appear in front of him, the glass your drink was in now empty save for the cherry stem he already knew had a knot in it.

“Fancy seeing you here,” you joke, taking careful steps toward him.

He holds a hand out, pleased when you take it, and he leads you toward the end of the hall. The door to the storage closet is on the left, and the door to the empty office is on the right. He places you in front of him, his hands resting on your waist from behind.

“Pick a door, zajka.” He says softly.

You hum a little, taking a step forward. You open the door on the right first, but there’s a small noise that leaves you, and Andrei’s confused when you don’t take a step inside. You open the door to the left, and the second you see the closet, you spin around, smiling wickedly at him before pulling him inside.

He flips you the second he crosses the threshold, shutting the door and locking it before pinning you against the wood, placing his arms on either side of your head. “Didn’t like the office?”

You shake your head, tilting your chin up, waiting. “Not the same.”

“I would’ve liked fucking you on the desk.” He admits, the image of it still fresh in his brain.

“You didn’t fuck me on a desk till I moved in with you.” You remind him.

He smirks. “Oh I remember,” he promises. “Hard to forget the time you made me come so hard I almost passed out.”

You shrug. “You’re still alive, aren’t you?”

He drops one of his hands from the door only to bring it up between you, running a finger down the side of your neck, to your collarbone, your chest, before teasing at the neckline of your dress.

“If you rip this dress before you get me in your bed, moye yabloko, you’ll be sorry.” You warn, but even so, your back arches off the wall, pushing your chest into his touch.

Andrei smirks. He’s never been one to shy away from his punishments.

Instead, he trails his hand down your dress and to the hem, pushing it up your thighs until he can reach under it to bring his fingers to your core, pleased when he finds the fabric of your thong already soaked.

“May I, moya koroleva?” He asks sweetly, eyes focused on where his hand lingers.

You nod, breath hitching a little when he pulls your thong to the side and runs his finger between your folds. “I want it like the first time.”

Andrei blinks, eyes darting back up to your face.

That first night was intense - and beautiful - but also not the kind of sex the two of you have most often. He likes to please you, likes taking his time warming you up or worshiping you the way he’s learned that you like best. Other than the occasional quickie, you two rarely ever just get straight to it.

“Can you take me like this? Right now?” He checks.

“I can,” you say. You reach forward, fingers finding one of the belt loops of his pants and pulling him forward. “Please, malysh. I don’t want to wait.”

His heart beats hard against his ribcage.

It’s rare that you’re the one pleading for him, that you’re the one asking for it this way, and he can feel the way his breath starts to stutter as he tries to maintain his composure.

The second he nods in agreement, it’s a race to get inside of you.

In a hurry, the two of you work to unbutton and unzip his pants, shuffling them down his thighs along with his boxer briefs. His aching cock springs free, and before you can reach for him, he’s bending down to lift you up and pin you against the wall, helping to wrap your legs around his waist.

He balances you in one arm as you press your weight into the wall, reaching down to line his cock up to your entrance. The second he can feel it catch, he presses in at the same time that you angle your hips downward, and he pushes until he’s seated all the way inside and his hips press yours against the wall.

You take a gasping breath, head lolling back as your eyes squeeze shut, arms flying to his shoulders and nails digging into the skin as your pussy grips him tightly.

“Zajka?” He asks, worried. “Are you okay?”

You nod, breathing harshly through your nose. “Move, malysh, spasibo. I need you.”

Andrei has a sudden feeling he’s going to have a hard time trying to remember to breathe if you keep talking.

Carefully, he pulls his hips back until just the head of his cock rests inside, and then he pushes back inside in one brutal stroke that seizes the breath from your lungs once more.

“Just like the first time,” he reminds you, before setting a rough and steady pace.

Your moans fill the room in seconds, and Andrei doesn’t care anymore about who can hear you or who can’t.

Especially when he knows you couldn’t care less about it either.

This time, you’re not at Freddie’s house and worried about making a good impression.

You’re here, with him, pretending like it’s the first night you met all over again, except this time there’s less to be cautious of for both of you.

Although…

If you do want it like it’s the first time again…

“You can’t moan too loud, kroshka.” He says, pressing in closer to you as his strokes slow a little, dragging himself in and out of you with precision. “Don’t want anyone to hear how pretty you are when you’re dripping on my cock, do you?”

Recognition flashes in your eyes like a bright flame, and you capture your lip between your teeth, nodding obediently.

“Need something to bite down on, my beautiful Eve?” He murmurs, gathering you up in his arms and pushing until he’s flush against you, tilting his head to expose his neck. “Do it, it’s okay.”

You wind your arms around his shoulder and lean forward, and when Andrei feels your lips on his neck, his whole body shivers, groaning at the way he can feel your teeth bite down before licking over the wound, then sucking a bruise into the skin.

That’s another thing the two of you don’t give a shit about anymore.

Andrei’s all too proud to wear your marks like a badge of honor, so as you suck on his skin, feeling his pulse beneath your tongue, he knows you take notice of the way his cock drives deeper into you.

He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to manage a second round in this closet, too desperate to fill you up and then drag you home so he can do it over and over again.

When his hips stutter a little, you finally pull away from his neck, leaning back to examine your work, smiling proudly. “Such a pretty little thing, moye yabloko.”

Fuck.

It is just like the first night all over again.

Andrei remembers the dirty things you whispered to him then, too. He remembers how he’d never heard something so sultry, so sexy in his entire life. It somehow made him hornier, made him feel like he could go insane with how much it made him need you even more in that moment.

It was like you knew exactly what to say and what to do to drive him insane, to make him feel like he would do anything to prove to you just how good he could be.

“You’re the same good boy you were that first night, too,” You taunt again when he doesn’t respond, and a sharp hiss falls from his lips when you tug his hair harshly, prompting him to tilt his head up so he can look at you.

His knees nearly buckle, and he thrusts hard into you once in warning.

“You can’t say things like that,” he breathes out, focusing on fucking into you in deep, hard strokes.

“Why?” You breathe out, bringing your hands from his shoulders and tossing the hat of his costume off of his head before sinking your fingers into his hair.

He shakes his head. Any other man might be embarrassed, but that’s never been a thing between the two of you, and especially not when you’re being intimate.

“It makes me…u menya babochki.” Andrei admits, trying his best to stay focused. I get butterflies.

“Babochki?” You ask, tone just shy of a whine, slightly mocking him. “Do I give my pretty shchenok butterflies?”

He looks up when he feels your hand on his cheek, staring into your eyes, and he can feel himself getting closer to his orgasm just looking at you. You run your thumb over his lips as they part, resting the pad of it on his tongue before his cheeks hollow, sucking gently on the digit.

You smirk, eyes rolling back in your head when Andrei gives a particularly hard thrust, causing your back to arch a little more and your body to press further against his. He can tell you’re getting closer, can read all your little tells.

The way your chest starts to heave, how he can see your nipples starting to poke through the fabric of your dress, the way your body starts to go lax, thumb slipping from his mouth and hand moving to rest on his chest instead.

“You gonna come for me?” You ask, tone somewhere between taunting and begging.

Andrei nods furiously, welcoming the molten lava spreading across his spine as he finds solace inside of you. “Da, moya koroleva.”

“Gonna come inside of me?” This question is definitely a taunt. “Gonna fill up the pretty stranger the very first night?”

“I did it once,” he reminds you. “I’d do it again, but only for you.”

Your blinding, satisfied smile takes over your face and Andrei feels his heart fall to your feet in adoration. “Come with me,” he begs.

You nod, tilting your hips a little until he’s hitting that beautiful spot inside, and your eyes flutter shut, pussy squeezing tighter around him.

He loses all control after that, cock pounding into you in a frenzied, nearly manic pace, trying so hard to keep going for you while also chasing his own orgasm.

When he feels you lock him in that familiar death grip, your come drenching his cock and making the slide oh so right, his eyes squeeze shut, and a loud, satisfied groan leaves his mouth as he throbs, spilling inside of you until he feels like he can’t breathe right.

For a moment, the two of you can only remain like that - you slumped and sated in Andrei’s arms and his hips pinning you to the wall.

When he feels you begin to squirm, he carefully pulls out of you, then sets you back on your own two feet as gently as he can. He’s quick to locate a stack of paper towels behind him and grabs a few to help you clean up before pulling your thong back into place and tossing the paper towels into a trash can near the door.

“Do I look okay?” You ask, fussing with your dress.

Andrei nods, letting out a content sigh. “Beautiful as always. What about me?”

When you glance up at him, Andrei’s expecting the same, but then you blink, and a surprised laugh practically barks out of you. It startles him a little, and your hand is flying to cover your mouth, eyes glistening with delight.

“What?” He presses, starting to fuss with his own costume. “What is it?”

“Drei, how hard did you come?” You ask through fits of giggles.

“You said like the first night, so pretty hard.” He admits, unashamed. “Why?”

“You’re…you’re…” You can barely say it through your laughter. After a second, you take a deep breath, calming yourself, and then smile at him happily. “You’re as red as an apple.”

If he - apparently - wasn’t already red, he definitely would be by now.

“How bad is it?” Andrei asks, rubbing at his face absently.

You shrug. “No better and no worse than after a shift on the ice.”

He pouts, brows furrowing. “I don’t know if that’s good or bad.”

“It’s normal,” you explain. “It might be tough to explain away when we say goodbye to everyone in a minute, but it’ll be alright.”

“We’re going home?” He asks, already excited.

You nod, shrugging your shoulders a little. “Pretty sure that’s what we did the first night, too.”

He smirks, stepping closer to you and pulling you to him by your waist. “We did a lot of things that first night. And the next morning.”

Your own cheeks flush now, and you nod. “That we did.”

“Feel like a trip down memory lane, kroshka?” He murmurs, already leaning down.

You rise up on your tiptoes, lips brushing against his when you say “I think that sounds lovely, malysh,” before kissing him softly.

#andrei svechnikov #andrei svechnikov x reader #andrei svechnikov smut #carolina hurricanes #hockey writing #hockey fanfiction #hockey smut #mendeshoney masterlist

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cyber-soul-smartz · 6 months ago

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Hafsa Reasoner

Hello, I would like to invite you to get to know my newest project, "Empowered Journey: A Holistic Guide to Mindfulness and Growth". Thank you

Exploring ‘Empowered Journey’: A Holistic Guide to Mindfulness and Growth Reasoner, H. Discover Your Inner Strength With the Right Tools to Help You Reach New Heights within “Empowered Journey” With great humility, I present my latest endeavor, “Empowered Journey: A Holistic Guide to Mindfulness, Resilience, and Personal Growth.” This is not just another book but a unique and deeply personal…

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sweetasadaisy · 9 months ago

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Glowing up: A journey towards self-improvement

The reason I want to glow up is because I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I want to improve my health, enhance my appearance, and become a better version of myself. For as long as I can remember, I've been lazy, mediocre, self-destructive and unkind. But I refuse to be like that any longer. With hard work and dedication, I know I can transform myself into someone I'm proud of. I know it won't be easy, but I'm ready to take on the challenge and become the best possible version of myself.

Part 1:Physical wellness

Inspiration:Pink Pilates Princess and Green Juice Girl

The physical aspect of glowing up goes beyond aesthetics. Although, I won't deny that the main reason is doing it. It's about feeling strong, energized, and confident in your skin. I struggle with chronic migraines, fatigue and Self-destructive behaviours. My self-destructive behaviours are things I unconsciously do to make myself unattractive like binge eating because I want to be skinny but my brain doesn't want me to be skinny because it knows it will make me happy and unconsciously I don't want to be happy. I also cut my hair short because I love long hair and I cut my hair every time it gets long because I secretly hate myself and don't want to be happy. (This probably belongs in the mental wellness part.)My plan to improve my physical health is to lose weight gained from years of binging and become fit.

Goals

Lose almost 30lbs by

Eating porpotioned healthily balanced meals(<1450kcals)

Taking my vitamins

Exercising at least 3hrs a week

Getting 10k steps a day

Sleep at 11pm at latest and wake up at 5/6 am

Develop a skincare routine

Grow my hair back to waist length

Part 2:Mental, Emotional and social wellness

Inspiration:That girl and Clean girl

Mental health is the cornerstone of glowing up. It involves cultivating a positive mindset, managing stress, and fostering resilience. Emotional health involves understanding and managing our emotions in a healthy way. It's about cultivating self-awareness, practicing self-compassion, and developing coping strategies for life's challenges. Social health involves building and maintaining meaningful relationships, setting boundaries, and fostering a sense of belonging. I have struggled with my mental health for a long time. I am diagnosed with depression and I have dealt with binge eating on and off for years. I have low self-esteem and self-worth. I never liked myself since I was young. (I think I know the reason but I don't want to share.)The hatred I felt for myself got externalised into hatred, envy, jealousy and unkindness towards others. I am going to change that by:

Getting a therapist

Self care

Being positive

Thinking before I speak

Practicing gratitude

Clean my room once a day

Meet with friends outside of school at least once a month

Part 3: Spiritual wellness

Inspiration: That Christian girl

Nurturing spiritual health provides a sense of purpose, connection, and inner peace. I was born catholic and went to catholic school from the age of 5 to 11(ages 7-11 were an only-girl school). I became an atheist at 11 and have been struggling with my relationship with God ever since. I was born and raised catholic but I was never properly Cathechized. That is because my parents(My mom is a cradle catholic and my dad was born catholic but became Pentecostal) are lukewarm and don't teach me and my siblings about God, the Bible and the Catholic Church. My parents have had multiple children and have not married. (I don't want them to get married to be honest because they are not right for each other and they aren't the best example of a healthy relationship.) My mom only started regularly attending church because I asked her that we start going. My parents aren't the best example of good Christians. Also, in catholic school days teach you nothing about the catholic church they just read the bible to you every morning, make you pray 3-4 times a day and bring you to church once a week. Catholic school wasn't that bad because catechizing me wasn't their job it was my parents. My goals to become strengthen my relationship with God are:

Attend mass on all Sundays and days of obligation

Pray at least twice a day and before eating

Read the Bible daily

Learn about the catholic church and catechize myself

Got to confession eventually

Do my confirmation

Become a Proverbs 31 woman

Part 4: Intellectual wellness

Inspiration:Academic weapon

Continuous learning and intellectual stimulation are essential components of glowing up. An Academic Weapon is a student who is perceived as particularly successful in academics as a whole. My grades are mediocre but i can easily fix that if i stop being lazy and study more. I am going to:

Study atleat 3hrs a day un top of homework

Have an 8-hour study session once a week.

Read one book a month

Join more clubs

Take every opportunity to learn

Conclusion

Glowing up is not a destination but a lifelong journey of self-discovery and personal growth. By nurturing physical, mental, spiritual, social, emotional, and intellectual health, we can become the best versions of ourselves. Whether you're striving to be that Christian girl, a pink Pilates princess, a green juice girl, clean girl or an academic weapon, remember that the most beautiful glow comes from within.

#that girl #that christian girl #thatchristiangirl #pink pilates princess #pink pilates girl #clean girl #academic weapon #glow up #catholicgirlhood #catholic girl #catholic #catholicism #catholic girlhood #studyblr #glow up journey #sweetasadaisy glow up journey #sweetasadaisy glowsup #health and wellness

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archivistofnerddom · 9 months ago

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Okay, but the idea of Omega having a high enough M-count that she could be vaguely Force sensitive got my brain churning.

Look, I’m not saying that she’ll necessarily be a Jedi with her M-count. I’m currently operating with the idea that she has enough of a count that she has low-level soft skills that don’t make her obviously a Jedi/Force wielded, but enough that she’s more in tune with the Force than the average person. It’s basically developing out qualities and abilities we’ve seen from her before. Things like:

Being able to read people well and using the info she gets from them. (Her figuring out who Cid was, building trust with Crosshair on Tantiss, etc.)

Being good with strategy. (See hustling at Cid’s bar to pay off the Batch’s debt to her in season 1, even as a pre-teen/early teenager with (at the time) limited exposure to the galaxy at large.)

Keeping up with the meditation techniques she learned from Gungi (to the point where she’s able to talk Crosshair through them).

Her inherent empathy, kindness, and desire to help anyone who needs it. (Hera, Gungi, Crosshair and the rest of her fellow clones, Batcher, etc.)

Maybe she’s not a Jedi, but Omega definitely has certain abilities that a low-level Force sensitivity could easily enhance.

Which leads me to my idea.

An adult Omega crosses paths with Din Djarin and Grogu and offers to share her knowledge with the kiddo. She can operate on the same level as Din. She has also been on the receiving end of having an overprotective parent(al figure), despite you actually being older than said parent(al figure). Omega could easily provide a path forward to Din about focusing Grogu’s Force abilities into something outside the Jedi and that is more aligned with how Din and Grogu live their lives.

I don’t know how long it would take for Din and Omega to reach a happy friendship medium, but they’d get there. She definitely gets taking care of your strange family while also making your way in the galaxy at large. With her own skills, Omega would certainly be a good ally and friend to the Clan of Two.

Plus, it’d be fun to see her stumble into “Crap, I’m looking after/training a precocious “child” who likes to do their own thing” territory. After all, in Star Wars, history often rhymes.

And, given that Din and Boba are on good terms, it’s not a huge logic leap that Omega tags along when Din and Grogu drop by Tatooine. (Peli is a much nicer sketchy aunt to Grogu than Cid was to Omega. Omega would love her.) But back to my main point. Can you imagine how chaotic it’d be to have Boba, Fennec, Omega, Din, and Grogu (and possibly Peli, if she’s on babysitting duty) in the same place at the same time? Yes, I want to see that happen.

Now imagine how nuts it would be to see Omega introduce Bad Batch tactics to the above-mentioned group? Fennec is (currently) the only one of that group with exposure to such things, and I think she would enjoy watching the chaos unfold.

Psst, Disney, make this happen! It’d be great.

#star wars #the bad batch #the mandalorian #book of boba fett #tbb omega #din djarin #din grogu #grogu #fennec shand #boba fett #peli motto

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haggishlyhagging · 1 year ago

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Get "power" by "surrendering" and "submitting" to your man's every whim, a leading '80s self-help manual advises in typical feminist-sounding rhetoric. Don't talk back, because a ladylike silence will "enhance" your "self-respect" and "feeling of mastery." "Take charge . . . of your courtship," suggests another popular text. "Overcome obstacles," so you can get married. The pseudofeminist title of one 1989 advice book puts it most succinctly: Women Who Marry Down and End Up Having It All.

While the backlash therapy books may be written in feminist ink, they blot out the most basic precept of feminist therapy—that both social and personal growth are important, necessary, and mutually reinforcing. This is a view that was supported, albeit in a rather degraded, commercialized form, in the leading self-help manuals of the 70s; in 1975, The New Assertive Woman issued an "Everywoman's Bill Of Rights" that called for "the right to be treated with respect" and "the right to be listened to and taken seriously." The '80s advice writers, by contrast, seemed to go out of their way to urge women to stop challenging social constraints and to keep their thoughts to themselves—to learn to fit the mold rather than break it.

On no group of women did the self-help authors impress this message more strongly than the ones without wedding rings. The diagnosis was, underneath it all, little changed from the postwar era, when that era's leading advice book—Marynia Farnham and Ferdinand Lundberg's Modern Women: The Lost Sex—declared all single women neurotics and proposed subsidized psychotherapy to get them married. In the '80s, even advice experts more sympathetic to single women and the pressures they faced touted the same marital party line. In the popular 1988 advice book, If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?, counselor Susan Page acknowledges in her introduction that unwed women are contending with a social climate that is especially rough on them now; they are burdened by "the specific problems that our times have spawned, such as misogyny," she writes. But she's not interested in helping single women develop the self-confidence and internal strength they need to bear up under these antagonistic conditions. Nor does she propose that single women even question the culture's marital marching orders. "I want to accept certain sociological and psychological factors as given [her emphasis]," she writes. "In this book we will not discuss why [her emphasis] these conditions are as they are, and we will not lament them." What then should single women do to ease what Page calls the "Great Emotional Depression" that she says has descended on millions of them? Just change your single status, she proposes. She dispenses "strategies" only to make women more marketable for marriage.

The '80s backlash therapists firmly rejected another fundamental feminist principle—that men can, and should, change, too. "[L]ately it seems there is a rising tide of utter frustration among women concerning men," Smart Women/Foolish Choices observes, and a lot of women "always end up feeling disappointed by men." But Cowan and Kinder do not go on to consider what men might be doing to inspire such an outpouring of frustration, nor how men might change their behavior to make women feel better. Instead, the psychologists conclude that men are fine and any disappointment women feel is wholly self-generated. It's not the men who are "inadequate," the authors write; it's just that the women's "expectations are distorted." Women are just "hypercritical" of men. All would be well if women only learned to "truly understand men" and their "need for mastery and career success." Women would be happy if they only quit "pushing" the opposite sex to change and learned to "compromise."

Asked later what sort of compromises he had in mind, Kinder says: "Women could have their kids while they are still in college, and then, if they still want a career, they can do that after the kids are grown. You do have to make some sacrifices." What about fathers "sacrificing" by taking some responsibility for their children? Kinder, whose wife stayed at home to raise their children, mulls it over. "Yeah, well that would solve the problem," he says. "But men won't do it. And it's not our place to be saying things like that. We're not social engineers." Not, anyway, when it comes to men.

Confronted with the antifeminist implications of their message, the backlash therapists almost always issue a denial. "We're talking about broadening expectations, not settling for less, and that's not just a play on words," Cowan says. But it is exactly that—unless Cowan has already forgotten his own "Rules for Finding the Right Man" in Smart Women. Rule #8: "Fewer expectations lead to greater aliveness."

Some of the therapists attacking women's liberation most forcefully claimed, in fact, to be proponents themselves. As many media-conscious therapists in the '80s discovered, feminist-bashing "feminists" garnered the most airtime. Susan and Stephen Price, authors of the popular No More Lonely Nights: Overcoming the Hidden Fears That Keep You from Getting Married, were one such "feminist" husband-and-wife therapy team who got a lot of press mileage plugging this backlash diagnosis of modern single women: "androphobia." This "problem without a name," they wrote, shamelessly stealing Friedan's phrase, was a "deep-rooted intense fear of men" shared by most unmarried women over thirty, especially professional women. The cause: "You have been deeply influenced by feminism."

* * *

"These obsessive androphobic fears are a major ingredient in women's resistance to marriage today," Stephen Price is saying in his Manhattan office, a few weeks after his appearance on the "Today" show. "Now that we've reached the end of the women's movement, which is where our culture is today . . ." Here he hesitates, then says, "We both, of course, feel very pro the gains of the women's movement."

His wife, Susan, seated in the office's other therapeutic armchair, nods vigorously. "We're both feminists," she says. "In fact, it was almost me being a feminist that kept me from seeing these hidden fears developing. As a therapist I encouraged women to pursue careers. But what happened is, women escaped into their careers and they didn't put their energy into their relationships. Their feminist viewpoint became a trap." But if careers hurt women psychologically, then why do professional women consistently rank highest, as we've seen, in virtually all measures of mental health? The Prices have no answer.

In spite of their pro-feminist claims, the Prices seem to oppose every feminist tenet, from economic independence to sexual freedom. In their book and in their counseling sessions, they advise women to refrain not only from initiating sex but from having sex at all before marriage. "If the woman is sexually aggressive, the man might put her in the category of someone to go to bed with, period," Susan Price says. Evidence? "Fatal Attraction may be overdrawn in some ways, but you can really see that operating there," she says.

Unlike authentically feminist therapists, the Prices don't consider, much less confront, other forces at work in women's lives. They reinforce the era's isolation of single women by encouraging their female readers to see themselves as defective units, alone and isolated only by their own aberrant behavior. They advise women to "deal with your own personal crisis: What might you [their emphasis] be doing to make intimacy with a man impossible? What attitudes are keeping you [their emphasis] unavailable for marriage?" The primary offending attitude that the book singles out: an insistence on respect and equal treatment from one's mate. "The desire to avoid a submissive status in relationship to men can lead you into a loveless life," they assert. Again, there is no analysis of the attitudes of men, much less proposals for altering them. If a man mistreats a woman, she probably asked for it. "A resistant woman picks a resistant man," Susan Price says. "What we help single women to see is how what they think is a problem with the man is really something inside them." Don't men play any role in difficult relationships? "Probably it is a fifty-fifty proposition," Stephen Price concedes, shrugging. "But this book is focused on women—for the purpose of clarity."

While they don't actually support a feminist vision, the Prices are happy to appropriate the movement's activist language to promote their own agenda. They urge women to "take control" of their love lives by scaling back their career aspirations and to "gain power" over potential husbands by remaining celibate. "It's Up to You to Get Married," the manual instructs, this being the only arena, apparently, in which it's okay for women to take the initiative.

Androphobia may have a scientific ring, but it's not based on scientific research—or any research at all. "We just knew it was a phobia," Stephen Price says flatly. How? "Well, because there's an avoidance there." Pressed to explain what that means, Stephen Price falls silent. Finally, he says: "A lot of the dynamics of phobia are hidden. That's how we know it's a phobia. It's very hidden." This invisible phobia turned the Prices into very visible "marriage gurus," as they now call themselves. "We are inundated," Susan Price says happily. "We've been doing three radio shows a week. Women are calling up saying, what's your [marriage] success rate? We do sessions by phone. We have women flying in from out west. And we get so many letters from women saying they read our book and they realize now how they did it to themselves. They are grateful."

It turns out that Susan Price does actually support feminist principles in one way—for herself. "When we first married, Steve couldn't understand my need for my own career and not wanting to be a homemaker," she recalls. "I got jobs [to support him] while he was in graduate school. He was being groomed for a career and what was I doing?" First she became a schoolteacher, but she didn't find it fulfilling enough. "I decided I wanted to be a therapist. So I went back to graduate school. The kids were still babies at the time. We hired a lot of baby-sitters and put them in a lot of nursery schools." Was any of this a mistake? "Oh, no. I love what I do."

-Susan Faludi, Backlash: the Undeclared War Against American Women

#susan faludi #marriage #self help #antifeminism #female oppression #male entitlement #the more things change the more they stay the same

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walkingstackofbooks · 7 months ago

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Julian + Loneliness + Love: an essay

BASHIR: Wait. Quark, did you really mean all that? About Dax being my one last chance for true happiness?

In Change of Heart, Season 6, Julian really latches onto these words from Quark, leading us to half-a-season of having to painfully watch him become re-obsessed with Jadzia. Here, I’m going to examine how Julian perceives love – particularly romantic love -- as being that one, impossible-to-get thing that could actually make him happy, and why he might think that way about it.

First: a couple of things I learnt about in therapy that I think are pretty relevant to how Julian does life.

(Please note I am not a professional – my therapist is wonderful and I’ve tried to re-research this too, but I might well have misunderstood or forgotten something, so please don’t just take my word on it! The descriptions of the concepts are also rather simplistic in the interests of time.)

Drive, threat, and self-soothing systems

In ideal conditions: we will be seeking out satisfaction from our lives through our drive system. There will be things we want in life that will give us purpose and make us happy, and we’ll move towards our goals because we *want* to.

At times, we’ll face things that are difficult, and when we are in danger, our threat system kicks in to warn us of it and get us away. The old fight-flight-freeze-fawn thing; our limbic system takes control, so that we don’t waste time *processing* things and thinking through everything logically -- we need to get away from that sabre-toothed tiger automatically, not stand there thinking about it!

Once the threat has gone away, our soothing system kicks in to neutralise the threat system. As we go through life, we learn from our experiences how to better self-soothe, and gradually add to that system.

However, it doesn’t always work out that way and my best guess is that Julian’s system is going to be heavily threat-based with very little soothing.

I imagine that post-enhancements as a kid, he did manage to develop his drive system, finding things he enjoyed doing and chasing after them just because he wanted to. However, his parents’ very high expectations probably meant that even then, his threat system was conditioned to think of *failure* as a threat, and so even from a young age, Julian’s threat system has been highly active in being a driving force behind his ambition - undermining his *actual* drive system.

Then, of course, he learnt about his enhancements, meaning that he becomes preoccupied with not being discovered -- and from this moment on, his threat system is pretty permanently activated. He seems to find some relief in distraction: escapism through books, in his work, in tennis -- but he doesn’t have a way to soothe this threat, only ignore it.

By the time he arrives on DS9, I believe he has a few things in his actual drive system, including wanting to help people and seeking adventure. But he is also so used to his threat system being engaged that he doesn’t even notice how driven by fear he is -- and his soothing system is an absolute wreck, with minimal coping mechanisms.

Attachment style

There are four different attachment styles, as pictured above. These influence how you form and manage the relationships in your life -- in the image it says “partner”, but it’s also involved in your friendships and families.

As warned, this is a little simplistic, but basically your attachment style is formed by having a warm, consistent and loving relationship with your primary caregiver in infancy. Julian very much didn’t have that, and we know that from when he was very young he “knew he was a great disappointment to his parents” -- so I think it’s very likely he would fall into having a fearful attachment style, with both low self-esteem, and low trust in other people.

(Having a secure attachment with your caregiver also helps you develop good soothing strategies for your threat system! Another reason why his is so depleted…)

Attachment styles can change and improve, so I think that during his time at DS9 (maybe even during the Academy) as he begins to gain experiences of friends who do consistently choose him and with whom he is safe, he probably moves more towards the preoccupied category. But I do not think this man has ever made a *really* secure attachment in his life. 💔

I also don’t think he has ever examined this too deeply? Maybe after DBIP, hopefully some of his friends might have gone “that was a super fucked-up childhood you had there”, but I figure he probably attributes the way he approaches social situations to his autism (which due to his parents’ ableism, means he thinks “I’m doing socialising wrong and everyone else is doing it right so I should listen to everyone else and do it their way regardless of how I feel about it”) and so he doesn’t realise that actually his fear of being rejected and his craving for validation through meaningful relationships -- if he even recognises those feelings for what they are -- are unhealthy coping mechanisms that he could learn to shift into something more positive if he had the time and space and help of a professional.

His relationship with Palis was almost definitely a victim of this, imo. Even if he doesn’t realise it, he’s terrified that she will inevitably reject him (having a ridiculously catastrophic secret doesn’t help with this assumption, but being fearful-preoccupied also just lends him to believe that people are inevitably going to reject him) and so he makes his excuses and leaves her first.

Amatonormativity

Even if I hope that the 24th century is less amatonormative than now, I don’t think Julian has necessarily been able to benefit from that. Given how ableist his parents are, I don’t think it’s too much of a stretch to think that they might be queerphobic too, or at the very least dismissive of any lifestyle that isn’t the same as theirs.

In addition, on DS9, his best friends are Miles O’Brien (who has always been very vocal about how happily married he is) and Jadzia Dax (who had been as happy as he was to be flirty and single and not tied down, until she found her One True Love, and got married), which wouldn’t exactly help discourage the notion of “romantic love = marriage = happiness”. So I think that Julian has definitely internalised all this, and – especially since he’s been taking cues from those around him how to act and what to think about social situations his entire life – he accepts this whole “you need to have a partner” thing as true for him, just because it’s been true for his friends.

I headcanon Julian as being somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, too (hovering around WTFromantic) -- but crucially, he has no idea. He genuinely struggles to tell the difference between platonic and romantic feelings and guesses how he feels a lot of the time, but since he doesn’t know that he's guessing, he really believes he's in love. And because he has never connected the dots that he’s aro, he assumes the disconnect between *his* experience of love and everyone else’s is just down to his autism, and therefore everyone else is right and he needs to follow their lead in finding happiness through romantic love.

We also know that he really likes old books like James Bond. (I headcanon that he finds pre-1990s fiction safer, because there is no chance that the villain is secretly going to be an augment all along, or any other anti-augment prejudice or micro-aggression in them.) So despite being a 24th century guy, he becomes steeped in these 20th century views -- and with him trying to figure out all the time what’s a “normal” way to act, both in a “not-an-augment” sense and a “not-autistic” sense, he’s internalised a fair amount of “what love really is” from these books which, like, isn’t always great to say the least.

Season 6

QUARK: You know what's really sad, what really keeps me awake at night? She's out of reach because we let her go. BASHIR: I suppose so. But some things just weren't meant to be. Evade. O'BRIEN: Julian, are you sure you want to-- QUARK: Chief, please. You know the rules. No coaching during a round. You're probably right. But what if that's a convenient rationalisation? What if deep down in our heart of hearts we both know she's something unique, something we may never see again. A chance at true happiness and we let her slip through our fingers.

And so we come back to this conversation. Quark is manipulating Julian to win the game of tongo, but whether or not he knows how deeply his words will cut, they leave a lasting impression upon Julian.

Quark calls Jadzia “a chance at true happiness”, but when Julian repeats those words later -- despite his perfect recall -- he describes Dax as being his “one last chance for true happiness”. And this, I think, is what really gets to him.

We’re deep into Season 6 -- Julian is not “happy”. He’s become depressed, despondent, weighted down by the war. It’s not been long since Statistical Probabilities -- is he watching the casualty count grow, the war continuing exactly as they had predicted for the time being? At this point in time, “happiness” feels like a pipe dream for him.

How long has it been since he has truly had a long stretch of contentment? Most people put it at pre-Dominion-camp, right? So he had a pretty long stretch of being happy and (incidentally) in a relationship with Leeta from the end of Season 3 until s05e07, and then a few months later, he was kidnapped – which makes me think that if he’s thinking back on the “good old days” of DS9, it’s quite likely he’s thinking of a time when he was in a relationship.

Julian comes from a background of believing that no-one would accept him for who he is. Even in Statistical Probabilities, among his friends, O’Brien and Sisko and Worf all openly discuss how augments should have restricted access to general society. And that’s just the augmentations: he also knows that his personality can be annoying and off-putting to many people. So he thinks that it would take an extraordinary person to actually like him and want him.

> Back in Season 2, when he was talking about Palis, he said “Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think to myself, will I ever find anyone that wonderful again?” Quark describes Dax as similarly unique -- and I think that strikes a chord with Julian, causing him to think “I lost Palis, I’ve lost Leeta, I’ve lost Dax -- how many more extraordinary people can there be? Dax really was my last chance.”

Julian doesn’t properly understand his feelings. He’s used to relying on other people to help him figure out what they are and how he should react.So Quark asserting that Julian does still feel attracted to Jadzia and does resent Worf and that he should have tried harder with Jadzia is something he accepts. (Just like later on, when Vic tells him he should be moving on, he accepts that very easily, too.)

> His preoccupied attachment style and fear of loneliness also means that he gravitates towards social interaction and people being friendly to him. After this, and particularly after Jadzia’s death, he starts having a bit more time for Quark: Quark’s inclusion of him in this “we both like Jadzia and resent Worf” club does provide him with some of that relationship-ness he needs, and even though he isn’t quite on the same wavelength as him, Quark is making him feel seen and understood, so if he’s lonely and there’s no-one else, he’ll probably seek Quark out that bit more.

>> And come to think of it, we’ve definitely seen Miles leaving Julian behind at the bar (with no-one to talk to but Quark) to go home to his wife and kids, just reinforcing the people-with-relationships-get-to-be-happy thing.

So yeah: Julian’s actually feeling some really big feelings about his loneliness and unhappiness and wanting to feel better, but he ends up projecting all of this onto his lack of a relationship, and more specifically, that Dax is probably the last person he’s going to come across who would accept him so completely.

Which sucks, and is a really toxic attitude. We don’t see it change the way he treats Dax on-screen, but even so, there is a sense of misplaced entitlement: he’s entitled to be happy and therefore he should have been entitled to have Dax. And I hate that for him. But he really is deeply, deeply afraid that without being in a relationship with her, he’s never going to feel genuinely happy again.

(Yes, he has friends, and he enjoyed spending time with them, like in Take Me Out To The Holosuite. But remember -- his threat system is constantly on with his fear of loneliness, and he doesn’t have the skills to actually soothe that fear and put it to rest. What he can do is use his malformed coping mechanism of distraction -- distracting himself with his friends and holosuite games and so forth. And no doubt they do give him some true satisfaction and validation -- but since he doesn’t have an internal source of validation, he’s lost when they can’t provide.

And additionally, when they can’t provide it’s often because they’re in a relationship. In the beginning of Chrysalis this is made super obvious, when Miles can’t hang out, and Kira and Odo are going to Vic’s together, alone, and he just ends up in bed working. Until 3am. I can’t help thinking he was somewhat trying to avoid being alone with his thoughts.)

And then Jadzia dies. And he has to refind his footing in a Daxless world and I can only imagine that he just accepts the depression is here to stay forever now.

Season 7

And now Chrysalis happens and firstly: I’m not here to make excuses for him. Chrysalis was pretty fucked-up, and irl I don’t think I could be friends with him after what he did. (But also irl I’d have given him a real talking to and not just accepted his bs like everyone else did in this episode and I think with that he might have realised earlier what he was doing so idk. I think if you’re gonna judge Bashir for this episode you also have to judge everyone else for standing by…)

Anyway, Sarina appears, appearing to be his dream woman, and Julian’s just lost.

It doesn’t happen immediately. When Sarina shows up on his doorstep and falls asleep on him, he is so awkward and uncertain what to do. And in the morning he’s still unsure and hesitant as to what this all means.

I’m certainly nor blaming Sarina -- she’s figuring everything out even more than Julian is! -- but when she makes breakfast for him and sends him off with it, I figure that is a massive romance-cue for Julian, who’s given up on his dreams of domesticity. If his feelings are just platonic at this point, he figures out they must actually be romantic, because people who are in love live together and make breakfast for each other. And if he has already started falling for her, it’s a confirmation that he’s allowed to fall for her, because they’re already acting romantically, and she started it. (Again, not an excuse -- he should have known that she is in no position to make a move to start a relationship.)

He’s not thinking logically and pursuing a relationship with his drive system, he’s still being driven by his threat system and fear of loneliness, and being in a relationship is the only thing that he can imagine will soothe him. (I mean tbh this has been his problem all along -- possibly even back to Palis -- and ugh, it sucks, because even though in a way he kind of can’t help it and he’s clueless to why he wants a relationship so much, it’s also kind of on him that he’s never done some serious self-reflection, and the fact that his trauma has led to him acting like this doesn’t negate the fact that he’s taking advantage of a very vulnerable woman and hurting her.)

It’s been implied by a) Quark, b) Vic, c) Bond-type books and d) most recently, Ezri, that he wasn’t quick enough to get Jadzia and should have tried harder. So of course, once he starts thinking he’s in love with her and that a romantic relationship is what they need, he’s desperate to start as soon as possible so that he doesn’t lose his chance. Because if he thought Dax had been his last chance, how much more is he going to be thinking that Sarina is his real last chance?

Sarina is pretty similar to him, and he can empathise a lot with her. And he knows how augments are treated by the world. And he knows how difficult it’s been for him, finding someone to love. And so he projects his own loneliness and fears onto her, and figures that being in a relationship is what they both need, because she’s unlikely to be given many chances either (which is kind of a contradiction to “I need to act now in case I lose her”, but hey, limbic system. Rational brain has long been taken out.)

And then as soon as he realises she’s only gone along with him because she feels like she owes him, it clicks and it’s over. It doesn’t make up for what he’s done but it genuinely never occurred to him -- and what’s more, he knows it should have occurred to him, and he still can’t figure out why he wasn’t more rational about this all.

> Which is also why none of the other characters were allowed to have a proper talk with him this episode because I think that would have made him realise what he was doing. (I know Miles kind of tried with “Julian, she’s your patient”, but when Julian came back with his excuses, Miles didn’t exactly argue against them.)

> And also, how much do you think that her telling him “I don't even understand what love is. I don't understand anything… What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to feel? Tell me. I want to make you happy” resonates with him. Does he realise that these are the things he’s been asking himself his whole life, that this is actually how he’s been living his life and doing relationships this whole time. Are these actually a direct reflection of his thoughts about her: meeting with his friends, showing her off at dabo (he was always so proud of Leeta, remember?), that whole cliche of a romantic dinner… Are these all things he felt he was meant to do to make her happy and to show her what a romantic relationship is like?

And the thing is -- he does learn from this experience, and we see that he doesn’t try to rush in with Ezri when he starts getting feelings for her. (Yes, his learning shouldn’t have come at the cost of Sarina’s wellbeing, but it did, and I’m just going to accept that because he’s a fictional character and also I love him.) I don’t know if he got to the bottom of figuring out why he went so off-the-rails with Sarina. But clearly, it’s a mistake he doesn’t want to repeat. And I do want to give him some credit for that.

So let’s go on to Ezri.

BASHIR: Funny, I was just starting to... O'BRIEN: Starting to what? BASHIR: I don't know. But there was something-- something about her, wasn't there? Something that made me happy, anyway. She was this old soul and yet so young at heart, and… and-- I don't know what I'm saying.

I read this as a sort of admission that he doesn’t know what romantic love is. He knows he felt something, but I don’t know if he found something in what Sarina said that makes him doubt and wonder if it is love that he’s been feeling, or something else. But also, he leaves before O’Brien and Quark can comment, not asking for anyone to help figure out what he’s feeling. (Particularly as Quark’s made it obvious he thinks Julian must be in love with Dax, even if he doesn’t want Julian to be in love with Dax.)

And then when she returns, they begin their whole awkward dance around each other: though interestingly, as he’s talking about his inability to talk to her about his feelings in their eventual conversation, he sounds genuinely confused, and even distressed, when he says “I mean, I'm not usually like this. If I find someone attractive, I just-- I just tell them. I don't play these ridiculous games.” It seems he’s been experiencing some subconscious barrier whenever he’s wanted to bring his feelings up -- probably not dissimilar to most people’s hesitation to ask out a crush, but like he said, that’s not usually his style at all.

Presumably, this is because he’s worried that he could lose Ezri altogether if he makes a move and his feelings are unrequited, along with the knowledge that pursuing Sarina had been the complete wrong thing to do. Although again, maybe more subconsciously than not: when Ezri suggests they’ve both been hesitating because of their friendship, it seems to click for Julian as something that he’d not properly registered before.

Additionally, at this point in the show, losing people to the war seems inevitable. There’s been a long period with very little hope that either Ezri or Worf are alive, Kira, Odo and Garak are all off on Cardassia doing goodness-knows-what, until Odo returns with the Founders’ disease and again, there’s very little hope that he’ll survive. So it’s not really surprising that Julian finds himself unable to speak to Ezri about his feelings, given that this is the time least suited to losing friends to stupid mistakes like telling them you love them.

I definitely think there’s more to say about Ezri and Julian, but I feel like I’m losing the plot of what I’m saying a bit, so I’m going to stop there.

In summary:

Julian’s driven by his threat system: his fear-of-failure, fear-of-loneliness and fear-of-discovery/fear-of-rejection-for-being-an-augment. He doesn’t realise how much this affects him.

Julian thinks that other people/pre-90s media know about romance and love more than him and he should try to emulate them rather than figure out what he wants from them.

Julian doesn’t really understand his own feelings – his upbringing never gave him the chance to, and it hasn’t occurred to him to explore them and figure out what makes him tick and what doesn’t.

He’s deeply unhappy by season 6 and relying on easy but short-lasting waves of happiness to get by (e.g.holosuite adventures)

Because of all these things, when it is presented to him that there is a way to get lasting happiness, and that one way is to be in a relationship, he buys into it completely – falling for that idea probably far more than he actually falls for any of the ladies in question.

#Looooooong post #But worth the read I hope!#Julian Bashir #Julian Bashir meta #autistic julian bashir #aromantic julian bashir #genetically enhanced julian bashir #god this man needs therapy 😅#andi writes #my trek musings #wsb

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klbwriting · 11 months ago

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Adventures In Atlantean-Sitting

Chapter 1

Fandom: Aquaman

Pairing: Ormxfemale!Reader

Warnings: violence

Summary: Atlanteans have attacked a coastal surface city, framing Orm for the attack. In a bid to keep Orm secret and the council off his back Arthur gets the help of YN, a metahuman with tracking abilities, to track Orm and let him stay with her while they figure out the real attacker. Orm is not too pleased about having a babysitter.

Notes: here is the second fic! I hope you enjoy! This will be posted in the evenings (for me at least), comments/critiques are appreciated

Traveling the US had become almost fun to Orm after the last year. He had explored national park, lakes, even got all the way to Alaska to see the northern lights. Anything that the country had to offer in nature he had done. Now he was ready to try maybe giving the less natural world a shot. That's what first led him to Coast City, shining on the California coast and one of the nicer cities in the country if the magazine Orm had read was correct. Being here he believed it. It was big, but not overwhelming, there was good food, the people were decent, and he even found a cheap place to sleep while he visited, something he didn't always have. For the first few days it was wonderful.

Then the attack happened.

Orm hadn't been exactly where it happened but he had seen the emergency vehicles, saw a green metahuman flying that way. So Orm went the opposite way. He had to keep his head down and out of trouble or else get sent back to Atlantis and that sandy prison he spent four years in. No thank you. Instead, he went back to his room, sat down and watched the news on the television. He had held no great love of the surface but seeing the destruction that was happening did not sit well with him now. Then he saw the attackers clearly. He was sure no one without enhanced eye sight would be seeing this clearly, thank Poseidon, but there were at least three Atlantean highborns with energy rays shooting randomly at buildings, creating as much smoke as they could. It was a confusing strategy. Why just make a mess? Was this some kind of warning? He knew Arthur wasn't the brightest man in the world...or even in a kindergarten class...but he had better sense than to do this. This was rogues, someone sending a message. Orm just couldn't fathom what it could be. He got up, going to the adjoined bathroom to get a drink and noticing the cup he had this morning was gone. Strange, they must replace them daily. How wasteful. He shrugged some and went back to the main room, turning off the TV and deciding on a nap instead.

"You found what at the attack site?" Arthur asked the council, looking at the documentation of evidence. Green Lantern had reported an Atlantean weapon found in some rubble, but the DNA that was on it couldn't be possible.

"The tyrant king Orm Marius's DNA was used to activate the weapon," councilwoman Yavon spoke. She looked pained at the statement. "It appears that he not only escaped his prison, but he also survived the attack against you with the Black Trident." Arthur sighed. This made no sense. Orm was in Coast City, Arthur knew that, but he had spent a year just walking around the country, being completely nonthreatening. He even seemed happy sometimes. What had changed? Arthur frowned more.

"How is his DNA even able to activate these weapons still?" he asked. The council shifted nervously, like they had hoped he wouldn't be smart enough to ask. People underestimating his intelligence would never not be annoying.

"It seems that some of the weapons' caches in that part of the ocean had not been updated to remove his ability to use them," council Horath spoke, sounding bored. Arthur glared at him.

"Are we keeping you from something councilman?" the king asked, wrapping his fingers around Atlan's trident. The councilman sat up a little straighter.

"No, your majesty, I am just glad that finally the escapee slipped up. I have been warning this council that the former king has been living, traveling the North American continent for a year now and everyone ignored my warnings. Well here you are, plan as day, seeing that he is in fact alive and now has found weapons to attack the surface with," he said. Arthur sighed. He couldn't hold off Horvath any longer. This was too much to argue with.

"Yes councilman, I see that we have gravely mistaken your warnings, what we thought was paranoia was insight into a criminal who was cunning enough to hide in plain sight. We will not make that mistake again," Arthur said. Horvath seemed satisfied, a haughty grin on his face. Another councilman, Orlan, stood up.

"Let me send my son after the king, he is a general with the battalion in that part of the ocean, Orvex will be able to find him and bring him to justice," he said. Of all the council member Orlan was the worst. He was constantly trying to undermine Arthur or wrestle just a little more power away from someone else. It was aggravating and unnerving and Arthur knew he had to be careful with the handling of this situation..

"Let us not jump to such things just yet. Sending a general to the surface with a small army may concern the people there. They might take it as an act of war and we don't need them trying to find Atlantis and drop a nuke on us Independence Day style," Arthur said, drawing blank looks from the others. God he missed his wife, Mera at least was starting to understand his references. "I know a metahuman on the surface. She has incredible power, she will be able to track down Orm and even subdue him, all without get the military involved. She lives around where the attack occurred and I'm sure she knows the area enough to know where he might be hiding. I just need the DNA evidence to take to her. She will use that to find and captured my brother." He could see Orlan seething at his son's big moment being taken away but Arthur needed to make sure that Orm didn't do this. If he did Arthur would cart his tantrum having ass back himself, but if he didn't he needed to warn his brother that someone knew he was alive. And was trying to use him to start a war with the surface.

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