#Guess that makes them my ex but
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anyway havjng feelings idk
#Currently having an existential crisis#And also an indescribable ache gmnfnfbfjhdjdhdhdjdbbdbf#And also missing my used to be partner#Guess that makes them my ex but#Feels weird to call them that#Does anyone have any suggestions for an alternative to ex. It sounds so mean idk#Hhhhh#I just. Idk#Life is moving again and its freakjng me out ig
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personal happiness or what the fuck ever
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#jeans here too but ssh#snap sketches#i havent posted anything in what feels like forever and i GUESS i have to remind people i do draw sometimes. whatever.#aka in my brain i have at LEAST a five-page doujin where this gets incredibly nsft but i dont have TIME for that these days do i#so for now we get just. these scribbles. ill be able to make something exemplary again someday i swear <- optimistic#i think im going to close my comms off for the rest of december once i get through the batch i have now#which ... doesnt sound hard since the amount i have will probably take me to the end of december anyway 💀#i just need everyone to believe me i have better visions for yaoifying issue 309 .... the opportunity is right there...#like wdym the dream sequence is gon end on a panel of erik's eyes as he reinforces the idea charles needs happiness like scott and jean's..#call up your ex. right now charles.#what got me peeved about this issue is i have no idea what color eriks outfit could be vjaeLVKEJARK its like.#is he wearing a lab coat over a suit .... i think thats the intention ... or maybe it is a trench coat....#idk shit for me to figure out if i ever get the time to explore this thing again#LIKE UGH IM SCREAMING i have Such Visions that i dont have time to execute and theyre killing me#maybe ill just write them down idfk <- trying to write fanfiction ends even worse for me than trying to draw#anyways. im gonna drive myself mad good night everyone#i have to go to a christmas party tomorrow night. later tonight. whatever.#BYE
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baby👶 drawings. these are very dear to me rn.. 2nd pic is my Nelavis with @barvin0k's Varonur 🩵 last one is a baby bosmer and snow elf, hairiest of them all. although the bosmer was meant to be my girl Barletta too lols
#tes#skyrim#my art#oc#nelavis#barletta#😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔 babies are so sweetum ugh my heart is crumbling rn#referenced some anne g*ddes stuff for dis#i call them snow elves instead of falmer like g*lebor would want me to#i never really get to talk about my elf anatomies at length cus i'm lazy but i sprinkled some info in the first pic#altmer society is EugenicsLand so you could only tell if your child has 'good' traits when they hit puberty#ex. height and shoulder width is something very important to them#if you don't have those traits ur pretty much a failure#other elves have it easier 🤓#idk i still might make some kinda infographic for the way i picture them but umm maybe not who knows#on snow elves and bosmer the fur is still 'confused' when they're in baby stage and is pretty much everywhere#it evens out w/ age and stays on the back; neck; sides of face the most and in places where human body hair wud be#idk ummm..and i think all elves grow their nails out unless they're very intertwined with humans in their life#ex. my snelf elisif; she has her nails trimmed to be regarded as more human i guess#nails are most important to altmer tho and might be a status symbol of some kind... they like using them in combat too#it's shameful for an altmer to not have long nails for any reason but there can be exceptions#like my el*nwen that can't physically grow nails out because of burn injury#so she has fake ones on her combat gloves#it's cute#elf nails aren't as frail as human nails and are more like an animals claws (corny) but bosmers' are the sturdiest#and their nails are curved in shape. for U know. Climbing and stuff#cause dunmer and altmer etc. have straight nails. they can hit the nail salon
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Sandra-Lynn and Sklonda are having a "What Do We Do About Kristen" phone call as we speak
#dimension 20#dimension 20 spoilers#brennan lee mulligan#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#d20 fantasy high#dimension 20 fhjy#d20 fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#sklonda gukgak#sandra lynn faeth#riz gukgak#fig faeth#kristen applebees#like kristen IS a good friend and she DOES appreciate riz and fig but she is a mess#like as mothers of two deeply troubled children it makes sense they're comcerned#if my daughter the self-sacrificing ticking time bomb said she was ignoring a CURSE because she was busy with her friend's campaign???#or if my son needed me to pull over to take a nap because the SAME GIRL was stressing him out so much??#i think because we live outside the universe and love kristen it's easy to forget#kristen went from being the 'good kid' that the bad kids corrupted to the bad influence that worries their mothers#thinking about ally saying that kristen this season is when chaos is no longer cute#speaking of which this scene did make me realize how little the Thistlesprings check up on gorgug#ik they're trying though so imma give them a pass#like kristen has NO proper guidance on how to enter adulthood#i GUESS jawbone but Jawbone isn't raising her so much as he is housing her#What Kristen REALLY needs is to have one singular adult want to be her parent#She doesn't HAVE a proper sandra lynn or sklonda checking in on her#she has her ex-girlfriend's uncle#if kristen had someone looking out for her we wouldn't BE in this situation
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Serious Lightbearer DLC fanart this time featuring another iDKHOW song SATANIC PANIC
As it’s based off of this picture of Dallon Weekes (creator of iDKHOW):
Click for better quality
Check my pinned post to see links on how you can help the people of Palestine
#we happy few#whf#nick lightbearer#norbert pickles#uncle jack#jack worthing#foggy jack#virgil dainty#whf virgil#petunia penny#morrie memento#whf dottie#whf dodo#mcart#some of the hands may be clear on whose who but I’ll specify for those who don’t know#white gloves is foggy jack#blue coat is virgil#purple nails is petunia nicks ex wife#white nails is dottie the dancer#orange nails is dodo Dottie’s sister#the plain hand with the rolled up sleeve is morrie#I don’t even think dottie and dodo had painted nails but I had to make them different so I made the nails match their clothes#or rather their hair pin#pretty sure petunia had painted purple nails but if she didn’t I made it match the purple she wears#anyways basically just chose notable characters in the dlc#this art piece also came to me in a sudden inspiration yesterday#idk what it is about we happy few but it has just like given me such a burst of creative energy I’ve hadn’t seen in a while for myself#guess this was a hand exercise#with how many freaking hands there were in the pic#this also may become my favorite piece in terms of style but idk the jack one i did before this is still pretty good to me
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Watching Wayward Pines for potential ST5 inspo bc the Duffers wrote a couple episodes in s1, and when I got to their second (last) episode and their name crossed the screen, I noticed a visual parallel that might already exist on the show…
Recognize it??
It instantly reminded me of that last shot for the opening of s3, with the landscape peaking out behind the Russian base. But when I went back and actually compared the two, holy shit it’s near identical, and not just the landscape.
I didn’t even remember the helicopter being there on the left, not to mention the pillar-esaue contraption at the center. Like… they’re the same picture.!
With them being credited right at that moment, it’s obvious this was an intentional nod to their previous work.
I just thought it was cool so I wanted to share, but in terms of my watch overall, there is a LOT going on that they could pull from. I’m only halfway through s1, though I’ve heard the show goes downhill in s2 so we’ll see how that goes 😂
#byler#stranger things#wayward pines#st inspo#st5 predictions#spoilers I guess?#matt dillon is a secret service agent and when fellow agents go missing#he goes to find them and ends up in an accident himself#and wakes up in wayward pines#and no matter what he does he can’t reach anyone on the outside nor leave#people around him seem to be playing along with this sort of Truman show lifestyle of pretending everything is fine#then he runs into one of the agents who went missing also his ex-mistres#carla gugino my beloved#and she’s also playing along#bc they kind of have to otherwise they will be killed#little does Matt Dillon know his wife and kid on the outside are worried because he went missing#they go looking for him and end up in wayward pines too#wayward pines is actually really chill in retrospect bc you get a free house when you arrive#but the whole being trapped and not explained what’s going on and treated like your crazy part makes it hard to see the positives#and just when you think this whole town is an experiment#it is!!#but also not because they have any other choice really#turns out humans devolved into this creature referred to as abbies and they basically take over the world killing everything in sight#a scientist predicted this and managed to launch an experiment where he basically kidnapped a bunch of people and froze them from aging#to live safely in the future over 2000 years later in this confined town#where very few know the truth#the town being an experiment aspect intrigues me in terms of all the surveillance in Hawkins…#also random but the main kid on the show has an uncanny resemblance to the duffers despite no relation and it’s freaky 😂
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if i reply to a quote retweet you made and your first thought is "oh this is that guy that this friend of mine made fun of before but i don't even know him, i should use that in-joke here lol kek" i think you may have something wrong with you if you just go straight to that. just no restraint at all huh
#''there's like 15 cardiacs fans and they all know each other'' well then i fucking hate the cardiacs as a band then. never listened to them#but i don't care anymore. i don't have to try something to know i won't like it especially when an ex friend has soured it#i guess sometimes my life is just a series of lose-lose situations but hey im still fuckin kicking. im stull breathing and living#blah blah blah im just gonnashut up who the fuck cares. hahah ahhaahah ''fautfur undertones'' ooheheheheheheh i'll DRAW MTYSELF ON A THRONE#TO MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR SAYING THAT#HAHAAH I'M SOOOO OCOOOOL fucking asshole. okay enough of this sorry guys back to your regularly scheduled posting of whatever the hell i li
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life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)
#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:((#i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends#she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much#and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me#one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW#oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po#Int 💀)#and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes#like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know#which ive realized now is not practical#but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends#even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in#also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system#which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out#but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe#shocking i know#anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here#liveblogging.pdf
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remembers my isat tattoo hcs from one million years ago
#radio rambles#ooh…………….#started thinking about the different tattoo styles from diff countries…..#since. none of them have any technically one to one. real world country inspirations i feel like i should have. free reign on this kfkd#vauguard to me gives the vibe where tattoos would be highly symbolic. through shapes and lines mainly#vague / abstract designs that have meaning to the . tattoo-wearer (whatever that word would be jfkd)#so like. i think my hc for nille was a lot of tattoos? designs would be big and think and blockier i think.#poteria…… maybe they r more artistically inclined#more preference to realism on a tattoo / or stylistic inspiration#pictures. etc. goal: look cool#on my hc siffrin knows how to do very basic (and amateur lol) stick n poke tattoos…#he wouldve learned in poteria#ka bueee somewhere between the two methinks#heavy focus on symbolic tattoos but they are more. pictures than simplistic shapes#odiles lower back tattoo representive of her ex-polycule (hc with my server jfjf) is made up of objects to represent her partners#mwudu i am not so sure…… trying to like. remember what we know about mwudu jfksjd#maybe they are not big on tattoos. el oh el#i didnt mean to. put all tbe thoughts here. i sorta wanted to. make an art post. and explain it all#but whayever . i guess. take my thoughts.
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absjdjfkglg
cid n utha are cuddling in bed after a marathon woohoo session (me clicking through ww animations trying to find something good)
nero then immediately shows up as the welcome wagon, on his own AND WITH NO FRUITCAKE SMDH
#i have him and cid as a household in my library so i moved them into an apartment then split cid off to move in with oofa#just to make it easier#guess he immediately knew where his ex ran away to huh#also if u dont play ts4...new neighbours usually come to meet you and bring fruitcake but nero said fuck you both
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah
#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back#and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck#she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me#BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad#i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa#anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since#the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem#they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt#recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times#and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so#what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw#and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason#ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends#so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much#rant#vent#?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all#I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now
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2023 reads
The Siren The Song and the Spy
sequel to The Mermaid The Witch and The Sea following many new & background characters
allies from across the seas are coming together to fight against the empire once and for all
two siblings from a community who’ve held back colonisation until now, and the rich girl who washes up on their shore after a shipwreck, a pirate spy in the capital, and various others
and the Sea and her daughters, the mermaids, and creatures who want to fight back
#The Siren The Song and the Spy#the mermaid the witch and the sea#maggie tokuda-hall#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i enjoyed this a lot!! more than book 1 tbh#i enjoyed book 1 but wasn't obsessed w it for whatever reason. also my memory of it is pretty hazy#but ahh!!! good characters#TWO aroace MCs :)#aroace books#florian & evelyn only have a couple short chapters between them; so maybe not great for fans of them#(but also honestly i'd prefer that to like. they're mcs but bad things happen to them)#it maybe… simplifies revolution and overturning the empire a bit?#but I guess most of the characters are just joining right when it’s about to pop off.#and also it does have the fairytale vibes that makes that work (I saw a review that said ‘deau ex oceania’ haha)
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k, m, n, t for pd and/or suck!!! >:33333
K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?
-> you know i gotta say wiwi. i have to. that character was Made For Me i swear to GOD . genuinely i cannot think about prime defenders season 2 episode 39 without feeling physically sick bc i love it so much. its the only one i havent relistened to since i heard it the first time. i KNOW its gonna make me cry again so i genuienly have not touched it even though theres things in there i need to hear again for character research. his arc is so like. narratively satisfying in a way that hits me so fucking deep to my core in an extremely personal way. and like. there were definitely some Decisions that i was REALLY ANNOYING about hating when they were brought up because im used to media with bad storytelling/creators that do not care about their characters but. looking back on it i would not change a single thing about it. i love you wiwi so much.
-> FOR SUCK.... its not over yet. so i cannot definitively say. campaign finale comes out tomorrow so my answer may change depending on that but for right now i think i gotta say arthur. i joke a lot about hating arthur for no real reason in particular but. man his story is just REALLY good. not going 2 give you suck spoilers (hehe) but i also really like how shilo has grown through the campaign. hes my little guy :]
M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.
-> TIDE. TIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIDE TIDE TIDE I LOVE TIDE SO MUCH. thats my dad thats my best friend i love tide so much dude. every time he is mentioned or on screen i am just like :D HI TIDE I LOVE YOU TIDE
-> grefgore :] light of my life this is how i feel anytime i think about grefgore
N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).
-> CHARACTER STUDIES. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. I LIKE A GOOD SHIPPING FIC AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT PLEASE GOD WRITE THEM IN CHARACTER. EXPLORE THEIR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AND WHY THEY MAKE CERTAIN DECISIONS THE WAY THEY DO. this doesnt even go for just pd and suck this is like. true for every single fandom ive ever fucking been in. do you know how hard it is to find character studies in the danny phantom tag on ao3. nobody has even fucking watched the show how are they going to write character studies they just want (<< i cannot legally finish this sentence without getting in so much trouble) I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING MY FUCKING SELF AROUND HERE. ALL I EVER WRITE ARE CHARACTER STUDIES BC THATS THE WAY I THINK ABOUT CHARACTERS. I LOVE THEIR MOTIVATIONS I LOVE TO GET INSIDE THEIR BRAINS LIKE A LITTLE PARASITE AND IT IS ALWAYS SURPRISING TO ME WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DO NOT THINK LIKE THIS. (edit im just now reading through this and realized the question says three things. i did not process that. my three things are all more character studies please)
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
-> oh dude i have so many hmmmmmmm how to choose just one. i have a LOT of feelings about wiwis original death and i might write something about that when i can get over my shrimp emotions about him. dakota cole audhd truther but that ones pretty much canon anyway so i dont think it counts. vyncent and his relationship with growing up in fantasy world and then being thrown into prime and how he adjusted to that. I think he really lies shitty syfy channel type horror movies that are so stupidly bad. and also plays a lot of video games but again i think thats mostly canon already. i think tide listens to dad rock but also like. ocean man by ween. you already know about my william and ashe being each others emotional support at concerts. i think william and ashe should hang out and do emo kid things more. i also have a lot of feelings about ashe and coping with the crippling loneliness of basically growing up alone and how the pd becoming like INSTANT best friends was so much for him in sooo many ways. you already know how i feel about mark i am in the middle of dissecting him like im in a high school biology class as we speak. uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i know im gonna think of something really good after i hit the post button so stay tuned
#ive written like. maybe 2 shipping fics in recent years and one was while i was high on post-wisdom-teeth-surgery drugs#and the other has been in my wips for over a year bc i got to the quote unquote romantic part and ran out of all ideas#<< ive started working on this one again and instead of making them kiss i just went on for like . 4 more paragrapsh#about how the robot character finds it inconvenient to be in a body that visibly emotes. so that explains a lot i guess#the murderbot influence has hit me apparently#I DONT REALLY HAVE MANY SUCK HEADCANONS. as much as i loooove the suckening it doesnt like. grip me quite as hard as#pd and riptide do.#same with bitb! i fucking looooove bitb and i think about it so much but i dont necessarily have hcs for it because i like.#prefer the way canon is??? if that makes sense????#I DO HOWEVER love to say the phrase “arthur bennett is a beautiful name for a butch lesbian” only bc i saw a piece of fanart with#that as the caption after like. epsiode 3. and it got stuck in my mind#oh also idk if ur here yet but arthur and deacon are also divorced father toxic exes in my mind. they totally fuck in a vampire style#(<< which is . ALSO a quote from a piece of fnaart that got stuck in my mind so fucking hard. they totally fuck in a vampire style.#i hate it here)#GODDD THANK U FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE. CAN YOU TELL IM NORMAL ABOUT THIS#asks#intertexts#friends!!!
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Again again thinking
#like am I asexual or do i just fear physical intimacy because of my assault#like I have desire I experience arousal#hell I fucking love smut#but whenever I’m with a girl#like going on dates recently and even with my exes#I haven’t actually felt physical attraction to them#and the couple of times I tried to ignore that and make out or have sex#I would freeze up and dissociate#or have a panic attack#or just physically feel nothing when being touched#it’s really confusing#because also the two times I’ve developed actual feelings for someone it’s only been after knowing them for 2+ years#and I’ve been physically attracted to those two people#so like okay I think the biggest most obvious issue here is that I have not been attracted to the people I’ve been intimate with#but I desire physical intimacy so I try to engage in it anyway#and then the ptsd enters the room and complicates things further#and this is why dating is so exhausting#because even people that say they want to take things slow don’t really fully get what I mean#but I also understand not wanting to continue getting to know someone that is not attracted to you when you went into this to#ostensibly form a relationship#what does annoy me is when they respond to my honesty about not being attracted with#‘I’d love to keep getting to know you as a friend’#and then never talk to me again#like come on please just be real with me#I desire intimacy but can’t mentally or physically do casual hookups#and at this point I think I might give up on dating because it’s actually so draining#I think the only way for me to meet a potential partner is to keep making new friends and see what happens#but I don’t have energy to do anything or go anywhere outside of work#so I guess I’ll just be a spinster with a diverse sex toy collection and a Zoloft prescription
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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