#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.
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rubykgrant Ā· 2 days ago
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(I hope there are at least a few that you can enjoy! I hope it is alright to add a few more, I don't want to overload, but I thought of more books that lean more toward being mature, for older teens/adults, that can fit the theme-)
"Practical Magic" by Alice Hoffman (a family known for many generations as witches, with a particular curse that implies anybody that falls in love with them is doomed to die... two sisters, Sally and Gillian, each try to escape from this in different ways, one by living as "normal" a life as possible, the other by trying to be free and indulgent. After a frightening event, the sisters are brought back together, and while they try to move on with their lives, ghosts of the past rise up for revenge. The writing is both straight-forward and extravagant, with very detailed looks at each character and their relationships, the scary elements a combination of mundane and fantastic. It deals with supernatural events, and issues that involve abuse and trauma, but is ultimately about love. A movie adaptation was made in 1998, and while it has to cut-down parts of the story and has a little more of a rom-com vibe, it still captures the soul of the story, and is enjoyable on it's own)
"Scorpion Shards" (the Star Shards Chronicles) by Neal Shusterman (Six young people who have never met have something in common; they arenā€™t normal. They have odd abilities, strange powers, and unfortunate afflictions that cause them pain, fear, and suffering. When they lose control, it can hurt other people, too. Slowly, they are drawn together, and figure out what is happening to themā€¦ and what they really are. They have to learn to work together, overcome their fears, battle their demons, and find the courage to save themselves. Some of them want to work together, while others wind up clashing. I've only been able to find the first book, and it has a sad ending... but with open possibilities for what comes next. Very dark, but in a realistic way regarding the emotions and troubles of the characters, making even the absurd situations feel more "real")
"MALICE" and "HAVOC" by Chris Wooding (this book blends illustrations with words, as well as fantasy and reality. There is an a mysterious comic book series, hard to find, and even if you get one the pages go blank as time passesā€¦ it depicts a strange and horrifying world called MALICE, full of monsters, and also children who have been transported there from the real world. An urban legend says if you gather the right ingredients and say the right words, "Tall Jake" will come and take you away. It turns out to be very real, and soon two kids begin a search and rescue mission to find their friend. The thing is, not everybody survives being the star of the comic, and you might only make it into one issue)
"Midnighters" trilogy by Scott Westerfield (a group of teenagers have discovered that because they were born at midnight, when they are within the area of Bixby Oklahoma, they are able to experience "extra time"; a thirteenth hour, in which the rest of the world within the "bubble" of the town seems frozen. As long as they stay in the area, they have an hour to experience this additional hour, and each of them also has specific abilities they can use in this time- defying gravity, telepathy and mind powers, touching flames, and more! However, they aren't ALONE in the thirteenth hour... strange creatures called Darklings live here in this part of the world that is made of dreams and nightmares, and they pose all sorts of danger. I'll be honest; these books have very intense problems, and they don't have "happily ever after" resolutions... they are still well-written, and very interesting. While not exactly up-beat, they still aren't entirely "depressing", and what happens feels like an "honest" depiction of how, even with magic powers, life can still be difficult, and even after the worst day every- you still have to keep going, into the next day, and onward)
once again wishing there was something kinda LIKE harry potter but like.
without the shitty author, aimed at an older audience, and also not conflating the "older audience" part with "making it lean way too heavily into being depressing, cynical and over-reliant on dark comedy"
and ALSO not something where you can only find it by hunting down some indie book with a miniscule fandom, thereby making you feel like you're just screeching annoyingly into the uncaring void once you want to actually talk about it.
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cheekblush Ā· 5 months ago
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took myself on a little shopping trip yesterday in the city where i used to study in hopes of lifting my spirits but by the end of the day i felt so disheartened. wandering the same streets 10 years later and not much has changed. iā€™m still the same lonely unlovable girl.
#i just wanted to have a good time and not rot in bed for once on my work free weekend but of course my brain canā€™t let that happen#it was such a lovely day actually the weather was sunny and windy it wasnā€™t too hot or cold ideal weather to stroll through the city#i had delicious food and found some comfortable clothes but at the end of the day i just felt so empty and worn out#seeing all these couples and friend groups and families and iā€™m still all by myself after so many years#tbh iā€™m even lonelier now than i was 10 years ago back then i at least had a few friends#idk what iā€™m doing with my life tbh.. i just want to be happy but even when i take myself on a cute little date i end up feeling miserable#bc it just hits me how truly lonely i am#i fear iā€™m incapable of forming any genuine relationships anymore bc i had so many bad experiences that i just stopped trying to connect..#with anyone.. even though i crave community friendship companionship and love i completely shut myself off from the world#iā€™m not even sure what iā€™m trying to say with all this.. i wish i knew how to be a person in this world#i wish i could be happy#tbh ever since i got back from my italy vacation iā€™ve been feeling depressed bc life could be so beautiful if i didnā€™t have to sacrifice..#almost all of my time for work#the post vacation depression is too realā€¦#realizing you can only spend a very limited time traveling and enjoying yourself bc you have to work most of the time just to afford living#let me stop.. i keep rambling and my thoughts are falling like a waterfall#idk whatā€™s wrong with meā€¦ i should have breakfast and put my phone away#sorry to anyone who actually reads all this word vomit#ā˜ļø
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lunarharp Ā· 10 months ago
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
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they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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ukulelegodparent Ā· 2 years ago
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If you know me irl, please move along there is nothing to see here, this post does not exist.
#For real. shush. I don't want you to see this. This information is of no interest to you#go away there's nothing here. shush shush. be on your merry way#so hypothetically.#if you and your flatmate had gotten along better and better over the months they've lived in your flat#and spent more and more time together and had talked constantly and eventually spent almost every night watching a show together#and you caught feelings and confessed them to her and you spent all of one night and one morning in blissful happiness and then they said#that they couldn't do this for a variety of reasons all of which where perfectly fair#so after a few days of back and forth you decide to be just friends and things continue as normal#and then it's christmas and you don't see each other but it's fine I mean it's all gonna be normal again after (you cry every night)#and then you come back and they're kneedeep in depression so it's not back to normal but it's fine#and like you still spend time together etc and then you get very depressed and they help you and talk to you#and then they feel bad again and you start to be bad too but you were still talking#but suddenly like every time you talk they are just either mean or completely disinterested in anything you have to say#but for some reason they are perfectly able to have normal conversations with everyone else in the whole fucking world#and you try to talk to them about it but it doesn't change anything and honestly you've given up talking to them#because every time you talk to them it feels like they don't want you to be there having this conversation with you#and when you're alone you manage to convince yourself that it's just the social anxiety talking but then you go into the kitchen to eat#and they are there making food and you ask them what they're doing tonight and it's like your last straw#and their answers are like not even mean just super short and for two weeks you've just been hoping that maybe they'd just once#come back from uni and fucking ask you how your day was#and like you ate in the kitchen hoping maybe just maybe they'd start just fucking talk to you. just ask you anything.#and you almost cried like 3 times and then you went to your room to cry for real#and now you're considering disinviting them from your birthday party bc honestly being around them having a good time with#seemingly anyone but you is making you depressed as fuck and your anxiety go crazy#theoreticallly. if that were the case. what would you do?#(yes I know the adult thing would be to talk to them)#like they're probably just busy and stressed bc of exams but then why can they have a good time with every other person in the world#this has been the most important person in your life and the person to whom you talk to about absolutely everything for months now btw
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neverendingford Ā· 2 months ago
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#I'm literally such an idiot#tag talk#I could have hung out with my friend and her siblings at any point last week I just had to ask#they literally live like fifteen minutes downtown from me and I have a standing invitation#anyway I went over last night after work and we hung out and made dinner and she and I kinda got into a friendly scuffle#long story short I finally won a wrestling match against her for the first time cause she always beat me when we were kids#we're gonna watch puss in boots last wish next week cause her siblings have been pushing to watch it and she's been resistant to it#so I took it upon myself to sell the movie to her.#she wasn't convinced by my thirsting after the wolf but our concerted efforts won out.#I try and not dominate conversations but I do end up talking so much about myself. I'm trying to get better at not just being about myself.#but it's cool cause their youngest sister is becoming a real adult and growing up and learning a lot about the world that she never got as#as a christian. so she's like 'I learned about some of the terrible things the US did' cause she's taking a world studies class this year.#anyway. we're planning a hike cause I still wanna do a sunrise hike over by the east-side on the edge where we've got good saguaro cactus.#I need to deliberately hang out with them more cause they're so very cool.#the middle sibling and I still are betting that the oldest one is some flavor of aroace and it's a running joke at this point.#I'm still resting on my laurels about being right about her being ND but I try to not be annoying about it#because people gotta find out on their own and I'm not about to be annoying or pushy about it.#but it is funny cause she's like ā€œI like the IDEA of romance so I'm not aroā€ and we're just like 'riiiight sure okay'#anyway I'm no longer depressed thanks to the magic of friendship#just another loop on the NeverendingFord RollerCoaster of Emotion
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stackslip Ā· 2 months ago
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fujimoto is the absolute king of creating a world where mass death is a regular occurrence and yet every single time it feels singularly devastating. i've seen people say his work is nihilistic, that people die over nothing--i profoundly disagree! again and again, it is made clear that the deaths and horrors in chainsaw man aren't random acts of god, and that the people who die aren't random faces in a crowd but people who are willingly sacrificed in the name of social cohesion and the comfort of a few. the people killed by the gun devil all had names, lives, ages that were inescapable and their deaths are just as bad of a tragedy's as aki's. asa's mom's death might have been forgotten by all, and yet it has a profound impact on asa's own life and outlook. the people convinced to commit suicide by falling had long discussions about their everyday life before they fell off their balcony. it is power and nayuta's deaths--people who mattered little to makima and to barem, who were simply seen as tools for an end--that utterly crush denji and awaken pochita. himeno lost her partners, one by one, and every time she got more and more depressed. these are real people, all of them! their lives mattered! death is a normal occurence in chainsaw man, but the loss of a life is a tragedy every time
most importantly; most of these mass death events, as normalized as they are, are not random or natural. they're the result of devils being used as tools, of the powerful using those that they consider belong to them as payment for their comfort or to further their goals. in chapter one, denji got murdered after a lifetime of abuse as payment for his abuser's eagerness for power. the president of the united states pays for the gun devil to fight makima with one year from each american's life. the japanese government pays for makima's every death with the death of a citizen. public safety regularly sends its employees to cut their throats for a devil to wipe out a building. the german government contracted santa claus and gave her children in return. the chainsaw man cult used its desperate, scared child members to gain an army.
and now, foreign children are given citizenship simply so they can be gunned down coldly and used as blood and payment to use chainsaw man and make scared, rich old men live longer. idk how much more explicit you can be here. look at these kids! do their lives mean nothing? they're drawn in loving detail. they're real people being sent to be butchered!
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death in chainsaw man isn't meaningless. far from it! this isn't saying "this world is absurd and has no meaning". this is about exploitation. chainsaw man has always been about exploitation and abuse, at its very core. these people mean something. these are real human beings, being fed to the grinder, again and again. they're being fed to it BY the rich and powerful, by their governments, by their employers, by their abusers. hell, yoru has fed her own children to this grinder, just to get a little more. ownership and greed, this is the core of what's happening. this is murder, not random acts of violence!
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pinks-wizards Ā· 11 months ago
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One day I'll share with the class
i need everyone that has a wizard101 oc to tell me about them in the notes. like now. im so infatuated give me every thought
#Ok so very close to the game honestly#Roslyn is a gal from earth. About as much belief in magic as there is our world#Roslyn believes in it though she's reading every book and pissed off about magicians. She got them cyrstals and summoning and all that.#Has no clue what real magic looks like BUT at a young age actually manages to summon something! A being made of crystal who's a trader.#A trader of body parts! They find living beings so beautiful like we find crystals beautiful. The crystal body parts also come with cool#magic enhancements. Roslyn trades her eyes for some crystal ones and now she can see magic (an explaination for game UI)#Pretty useless on earth. And a heart. Because Roslyn is depressed and sad and her heart isn't good quality so she trades her vocal cords#Trader holds onto the heart in case she ever needs it later. New heart makes her super caring about people#feels like herself again! It does NOT help her isolation! It only gets worse now she can't speak! Seen as useless and just sorta a ghost#11 years old runs away because she's sick of it and oopsie she's now freezing to death in the local woods until Ambrose appears#Figures she's dreaming as she's dying and got nothing to lose. Ends up in spiral and spends half an hour getting robes that fit her (tiny)#and wondering what this dream is before the tutorial happens#Boom Hero made. Myth student!#Then I have a few universes for what happens but generally there's a base game route#and a route where she befriends all the death students and brings them along for act 1#Which leads to them actually getting through to Maliaster and Roslyn Not Killing him#If Roslyn kills Maliaster or not is a major point in Roslyn's life#Anyways safe to say she's doing Just Fine through the arcs and if it weren't for her magically helping her be more kind and understanding#heart she'd have killed (again)#The silliest part is Roslyn never saves Morganthe but always finds herself reaching a hand out to catch her#She HATES and FEARS Morganthe but her body moves on its own to save her#She doesn't know how to feel about that. Or the fact it doesn't look like she's aging. Or that she only ever seems to gain more scars.#She freaked out when learning she was Bartleby's scion but had no time to process. Becoming the Divine Paradox fucked her up a bit honestly#She never knew the allure of power until she became a GOD temporily. She craves all the sensations to a slightly worrying degree.#Never breaks but it gets weird#I love her so much thanks for letting me ramble#She just wants to help (after arc 2 views herself more as a sacrifice than a hero)#This does not really get better (she cares too much about those in the spiral to stop but is now also aware#of how she REALLY shouldn't have been put in this role and just wants to make sure no one else ever has to)#Mellori and Dasein hurt her heart so much
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quillandrapier Ā· 2 years ago
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At what age can you act like a dumb teenager and get away with it?
#awful I've been to live with lately#I'm staying at my sisters for a couple days after several bad breakdowns at my family home#And my sister walks in with a card saying I should consider writing something to mum and im just blanking#Because right now I resent her and hate her so much#And i feel like a monster for feeling like that and evil#We are on the same side but she really doesn't understand me#A couple weeks ago I had a full on tantrum after feeling very depressed... I'm 23.#My sister has been awful to me lately#And going home at the moment is so tough that it reduces me to tears and makes me actively suicidal#But my mum hasn't had it easy either because my sister is being a handful to her too#But she kept pointing out how negative and and she is right I am lashing out a lot but#I'm not dealing well with domestic abuse#When my adhd presents itself she acts like the conquenses are the worst thing in the world#She and I cannot communicate at all#She has never really supported me creatively or shown any want to understand me really#She makes me feel stupid and useless and gets defensive when I point that out#She isn't wrong im lazy and useless really#Her and my family make me feel like I have no real good quality and I'm untalented#She treats her two disabled kids like we are creatures#But she is probably right#I've been awful to her lately and I literally got so upset the other day after being attacked again I kicked down and broke a door and#Ran down my dirty street in socks and a t-shirt#She is talking about institutionalising me when I would not be this bad IF I WEREN'T ABUSED DAILY and she knows that#She never comforts me emotionally and I get it its not easy for her either#But im so alone and having the only person I talk to anymore be a person I can't communicate with sucks#And now I'm spiraling again
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sea-lanterns Ā· 1 month ago
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SILENT HILL
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synopsis: (slasher! AU) you travel to an old town to find your missing wife.
featuring: dehya
rating: 18+ smut (men and minors dni)
warnings: sub! afab fem reader (though she becomes more bold later on), dom! character who gets more subby later on, mentions of blood, reader is grieving, reader gets chased, transfem! dehya (she has a di.ck), fing.ering, unprotected se.x, cream.pie, masked se.x, size difference, size ki.nk, lap se.x, reader passes out, probably ooc, heavy pwp.
art credits: gokurakugai
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It had been a while since you last came to this town. Through the thick fog and semi-chilly air, you took a deep breath and let your body relax after the long car ride. You had finally arrived at the small town that plagued your thoughts for months; Silent Hillā€¦a quiet and eerie town that was the root cause of your recent sleepless nights, after you had mysteriously received a letter from your long deceased wife telling you to come here.Ā 
You looked down at the faded envelope in your hand, the handwriting of your wife; Dehya, was unmistakable to a grieving widow such as yourself. Though it had been three years since she disappeared and ā€œdiedā€ of unknown causes, you knew you had to come here. If your wife was still out there, still alive somehow and living in this rickety old town, then you would drive any distance just to see her again.Ā 
Slamming your car door shut, you began making your way towards the town on a dimly lit path. Whether this was a hoax or not, you were clinging onto that string of hope that it was somehow real. After all, this town was known for its conspiracy theories and stories of cults and rituals. If any place were to have things that defied death and logic, it would be here.Ā Ā 
The town of Silent Hill was an ugly one. It was hard to feel any semblance of hope when everything was cloaked in a blurry gray. You had forgotten how mundane it was to live here, the residents of Silent Hill always appearing depressed or anxious. You felt a shiver go down your spine when a possum scurried across the road, so close to your feet and making you stumble.Ā 
ā€œDehyaā€“!ā€ you stopped yourself before you could finish your sentence, shock coursing through your body when you remembered Dehya wasnā€™t with you anymore. Whenever the slightest of things scared you, you would always call her name and sheā€™d come running to comfort you and defend you from anything. But now she isn't here by your sideā€¦
ā€˜Ohā€¦ā€™ Your shock disappeared and replaced itself with grief, wanting nothing more than to run into your wifeā€™s arms again and have her hold you close. You closed your eyes and remembered how bright her smile was, a motivator to why you were here in the first place, before carrying on towards the gloomy motel where youā€™d be staying for the foreseeable future.Ā 
After checking in with the motel clerk and moving your bags in with you, you settled down in your room and plopped down on the bed. This motel was severely outdated, the hideously patterned wallpaper peeling off the walls, the ceilings stained with something yellow and questionable, if your wife were here, sheā€™d tell you ā€œat the very least Iā€™m here with you!ā€
You felt yourself crack a small smile at the memory, loving how positive she was no matter the circumstance.Ā 
ā€œI might get mold poisoning staying here,ā€ You said to no one in particular, almost like you were trying to talk to Dehya beside you.Ā 
ā€œNo you wonā€™t! I wonā€™t let my princess get sick on my watch.ā€
You could almost hear her laugh as she said that, her chivalrous attitude making you swoon even after all these years. No matter how much time had passed, you would always love how she treated you like a princess.Ā 
ā€œ...Iā€™ll save you this time, Dehya.ā€ You said to yourself again, hugging one of the pillows to your chest and snuggling into it. It was far from the softest pillow youā€™ve ever felt, but during this time of vulnerability, it felt like the most comforting thing in the world. ā€œYou donā€™t have to save me this time. Iā€™m going to find you.ā€Ā 
With all those years of regret and guilt building up, you let it shrivel away and burn into motivation. This was a lead. One step closer to finding out what happened to your wife, and possibly finding her.Ā 
You closed your eyes and went to bed, exhausted after spending several hours on the road.Ā 
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You got up earlier than usual. Usually you would sleep in late on days like these, too depressed to even crawl out of bed, but this time you had a purpose to get up. Your body was already awake before your alarm went off, sliding out of bed and getting dressed to find some answers.Ā 
Even in the mornings, Silent Hill was a town of misery. The sky was still a dull, muted gray, and the air was even chillier than before. You pulled your coat even tighter around your figure, your nose letting out a small sneeze as you stepped into the outside world.Ā 
You would spend the entire day just walking around, asking locals about the whereabouts of your wife, if theyā€™d seen her or even heard of her. You would always be met with a dead end answer, but you wouldnā€™t give up. That letter was sent to you for a reason, and you were determined to get some closure on your wife if that was the last thing you did.Ā 
The sky began to grow darker the longer you stayed out. Your fingers and your toes were stinging from the pain, almost numb from how cold you were. Your heart felt heavy, your body leaning against a nearby wall to catch your breath from running around town. You were exhausted, but you couldnā€™t give up. Not now, you still werenā€™t done.Ā 
Deeper within the alleyway, you heard heavy footsteps, causing you to perk up and immediately regain some stamina. Maybe there was somewhere in there who could help you? You pushed yourself off the wall and began making your way deeper within the alleyway, the street lights turning on and casting the area in a cold, white glow.Ā 
ā€œUhmā€¦excuse me,ā€ you turned a corner and saw a tall, muscular figure facing away from you, wearing something odd on top of their head. ā€œCan I just have a moment of your time? I am looking for my wife, andā€¦ā€
You trailed off when the figure slowly turned towards you, wielding what appeared to be a giant blade in their hand, and dressed in a beige, tattered up cloth that revealed most of their muscular figure. The figure had no face, or rather, their face was obscured by a strange, pyramid-looking helmet that sat on their head, looming over you like a great executioner of death.Ā 
ā€œAhā€¦ā€ You had no idea what you were feeling right now. Shock, fear, confusion? You had no idea who you were looking at either, but at the very least you could discern that they had the figure of a woman. ā€œS-Sorryā€¦I didnā€™t mean to bother youā€¦ā€Ā 
What the fuck was that.
Your eyes glanced at the blade in their hand, the light from the streetlight shimmering across it and showing the faint splatters of crimson on the edge. Blood. You gulped and took a step back, the pyramid head figure tilting their head and taking a step forward.Ā 
ā€œIā€¦I will leave now. Goodnight!ā€ You whimpered and immediately began walking away, but your fears quickly caught up to you when the figure started walking towards you as well.Ā 
You continued moving away but she kept getting closer, taking long strides towards you with her long legs. Immediately, you began getting nervous, walking a bit faster before breaking out into a run.Ā 
Well, that was a mistake. Because now the Pyramid Head woman began running after you as well, her heavy footsteps thudding through the street and dragging her rusty blade across the ground. The noise was horrible, a grating sound that made the hairs on your skin prick like needles. You just wanted to find your wife! What were the chances that youā€™d run into a deranged, monstrous serial killer?!
As you continued running, you let out a shout for help, looking around desperately to see if there was anyone out tonight. Unfortunately for you, it seemed everyone had decided to go home early, all the porch lights turned off and leaving you the only one alive with the woman.Ā 
The grating noise of her blade met your ears again, causing your heart rate to spike like crazy. You began to run your way back to your motel room, but it was on the other side of town and at this point your body began to exhaust. There was a sharp burning sensation in your lungs, the cold air not helping you breathe whatsoever as you felt yourself lose steam. Damn, it had been a while since you ran like you meant it, Dehya did always say you should workout at the gym with her to build some stamina, but you never really took her seriously.Ā Ā 
You definitely regret it now. Your legs buckled and you found yourself collapsing in the midst of another dark alleyway, the pavement scratching up your knees and making you grunt in pain. No matter how hard you tried, your body was tired, cold, and weak. After spending the entire day outside and begging for help, this was your limit.Ā 
You stumbled on your footing and found yourself at the dead end of the alleyway. A large, rusted gate towering over you and cornering you with nowhere else to run. The grating noise of the killerā€™s blade drew closer and closer, trapping you in the box youā€™ve locked yourself in.Ā 
ā€œDehyaā€¦ā€ you whimpered, feeling all hope drain away as you scuffled to the edge of the gate, too weak to stand or even attempt to climb the gate for your survival. Was this it? So this was how youā€™d find your wife, by dying at the hands of a killer and joining her in the afterlife.Ā 
You sniffled and looked up to see the looming Pyramid Head staring down at you, rusted blade in hand and tattered clothing blowing hauntingly in the wind. She looked almost like a ghost, like someone that was not meant to be here but was. The wind continued to howl, the silence between you two almost deafening.Ā 
ā€œ...Iā€™m sorry. I just want to find my wife.ā€ You whimpered, still gazing at the Pyramid Head woman. ā€œIs this my punishment for that?ā€
You were spewing random nonsense at this point. You were so tired and cold, your body shivering and looking like a frail little bunny in the eyes of the Pyramid Head. She tilted her head, almost conveying a unique kind of communication despite her gristley appearance.Ā 
ā€œ...ā€
ā€œ...ā€
Neither of you spoke for a few seconds after that, your head starting to throb and making you wince in pain. You felt so dead at this point, your head feeling heavy as you lowered yourself closer to the ground, looking like a kicked dog. ā€œDehyaā€¦I really wish you were here right now.ā€ You would imagine her protecting you, fiercely telling you to run or standing her ground and being your knight in shining armor.Ā 
ā€œRun baby! I'll protect you!ā€
You canā€™t, and you felt the bitter coldness swallow you in. Were you going to die from the killer or hypothermia? You didnā€™t know anymore at this point.Ā 
Your eyes began to droop, watching as the Pyramid Head walked closer and closer to you. She swung the rusted blade over her shoulder, her hand reaching for your head before your vision blurred and you dropped limp to the ground.Ā 
Iā€™m sorry I couldnā€™t find you, Dehya.Ā 
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Your body felt very, very warm. Was this what heaven felt like? It felt like Dehya cuddling you from behind again, spooning you in her muscular arms and running her hands all over your tummy. You missed this, the feeling of laying with someone so warm and gentle. Perhaps you really were dead and this was your eternal fate, to be cuddled by your lover for the end of time.Ā 
You wouldnā€™t mind that. However, your other senses began to awaken, telling you that you were merely asleep. Your touch began to come back, the feeling of a soft bed and warmth beneath you. Your hearing began to come back, the sounds of a soft fire crackling in the distance. Taste, smell, you tasted the dryness in your mouth, and inhaled the smell of burning wood and ash.Ā 
Finally, your sight. Though you were initially reluctant to open your eyes, your body did so anyway, letting your eyes land on the rotting ceiling above. Wellā€¦this was a sharp contrast to the other sensations youā€™ve experienced.
Your neck craned to look at the side, your vision still somewhat blurry before focusing on the figure beside you.Ā 
Dehyaā€¦?Ā 
You could vaguely make out her long, brown hair and warm smile, joy filling your chest at the familiar sight.Ā 
Dehyaā€¦? Dehyaā€¦!
You closed your eyes for a brief moment and opened them again, expecting to see your wife more clearly, but instead being greeted with the Pyramid Head woman that chased you before. Instantly, all that joy vanished as quickly as it came, fear and shock filling you and making you hyperventilate.Ā 
ā€œWhaā€¦Whaā€¦!ā€ Your eyes went wide as you gasped for air, the panic settling in that the sight of your wife was a mere hallucination. A delusion.
The Pyramid Head loomed over you, her height absolutely intimidating and making you nearly whimper upon instinct. She was even taller up close, her muscles defined and scars exposed, looking like a modern day Amazonian if you had to describe herā€¦
You scrambled on the bed you were on, backing up against the headboard and looking at the woman in disbelief. Were you going insane? You saw your wife! Why was she here? Why hasnā€™t she killed you yet? You gasped when she suddenly dropped the blade she was holding, the metal hitting the floor and causing it to echo across the walls. The sound made you flinch, and upon seeing how afraid you were, the Pyramid Head reached her hand over to touch you.Ā 
ā€œNoā€“!ā€ You flinched, but she didnā€™t move away, a warm, heavy hand cupping your face and holding it firmly. It was quite shocking actually, to see just how large her hands were in comparison to your face, squishing it with ease and making your lips form a cute pout up at her. The Pyramid Head tilted her head to the side, almost as if she was thinking underneath that behemoth of a helmet.Ā 
ā€˜Soft.ā€™Ā 
Though the Pyramid Head was a quiet one, she couldnā€™t help but enjoy squishing your face. Despite the biting cold of October, your face held a familiar warmth that the figure could not put her finger on. Strangeā€¦she shouldā€™ve slaughtered you by now, but it seems like you were the one person that came here to not be punished for their sins.Ā 
Perhaps, it was your desperate attachment for your wife that made the Pyramid Head manifest in a moreā€¦loving form.Ā 
ā€œMmpfā€¦ā€ You attempted to speak, but she held your face in such a grip that your words came out muffled. Upon seeing that you were trying to communicate, she let go, but not before using one of her thumbs to prod at your lips, forcibly making you open your mouth.Ā 
Well, this is very awkward.Ā 
You let out a yelp when she suddenly pushed her thumb into your mouth, brushing over your tongue and seemingly admiring how small it was. Compared to her, everything about you was so much smaller, something that the Pyramid Head seemed to love. She was so confused, tilting her head as she continued sticking her fingers in your mouth, feeling the soft muscle of your inner cheek.Ā 
ā€œHeyā€“pffckā€“ā€ You had enough, pushing her hands away and coughing as you wiped the spit from your lips. ā€œYou canā€™t just stick your fingers in someoneā€™s mouth without their consent! Thatā€™s weird!ā€Ā 
You hadnā€™t expected to raise your voice at this gristly-looking killer, but to your surprise, instead of getting angry and chopping you to bits, the Pyramid Head looked surprised and jostled back, her hands raising in the air as if to prove their innocence.Ā 
Thatā€¦motion.Ā 
Your eyes widened as a flash of recognition triggered in your memory. Dehya. Now why was that appearing again? Thereā€™s no way that this completely coincidental motion would remind you of your wife. Surely notā€¦
But still, there was a gut feeling in your chest, telling you to try again. You looked up at the Pyramid Head with curiosity, before uttering her name hesitantly on your lips. ā€œDā€¦Dehya?ā€ You didnā€™t expect any results to be honest, but your breath hitched when she tilted her head, almost like she recognized it. ā€œ...No, it canā€™t be.ā€Ā 
You felt your heart start to thump wildly in your chest, before you had an idea. If this truly was your Dehya, then she would always wear her wedding band on her left hand, engraved with your initials. ā€œCan I see your left hand?ā€ you asked softly, causing the Pyramid Head to oblige almost immediately. Cute, she was almost like an obedient dog.Ā 
She gave you her left hand, shock coursing through your face when you actually saw the wedding band on her finger. Though a bit discolored and dirtied from being in a grim state, you could make out your initials on the front of the band.Ā 
ā€œOhā€¦my god.ā€ You whispered out, excitement and shock coursing through your veins. ā€œIt really is you.ā€ At this point, you didnā€™t care that your wife appeared as a horrifying killer, as your mind began to close the gaps and find other similarities in the Pyramid Head. Your fear mustā€™ve blocked out all the clues, because as your eyes trailed over most closely, the resemblance ā€“besides her face which was still hiddenā€“ was clear.Ā 
You hugged her, your smaller frame clinging to her like a leech while you buried your face in her chest. The Pyramid Head ā€“or rather, Dehyaā€“ let out a grunt when you suddenly engulfed her, her large arms instinctively coming around to wrap around your figure. Immediately, warmth and familiarity raised in your senses, her taut muscles flexing around you and making you break down into tears at being in her embrace again. ā€œDehyaā€¦Iā€™ve missed you.ā€Ā 
Dehya grumbled and looked down at you, running a calloused palm over your cheek. Even though she didnā€™t speak much, it was clear that she (or this manifestation of her) felt a deep connection with you and couldnā€™t bear the thought of hurting you. Almost like instinct, she pulled you closer to her, your body straddling her thighs and making you yelp in surprise.Ā 
ā€œMmmmā€¦Mineā€¦ā€ She croaked under the mask, her voice raspy yet very much like your Dehya. Her voice sent so many shivers down your spine, a sound that youā€™ve missed after all these years of being alone. ā€œIā€™m yours, Dehya. All yours. Iā€™m not leaving.ā€
She seemed pleased by the response, her arms scooping you up by the thighs and pushing you down on the bed. You gasped when you felt your back plummet into the mattress, her tall figure looming over you and trapping you under her large frame. ā€œI..I see youā€™ve missed me too.ā€Ā 
She nodded and let out an almost primal growl, wanting to get closer to you if not for her helmet blocking the way. She seemed frustrated at the fact and pawed at your clothes, her blunt fingers wanting to tear off every pesky cloth you wore. ā€œOffā€¦ā€ She grunted, the sound muffled but command clear. ā€œTake it offā€¦ā€Ā 
You let out a small giggle at how eager she was being. After three years of not seeing each other, it seems that she was very touch starved. ā€œSure baby, Iā€™ll take them off for you.ā€Ā 
Though you werenā€™t sure if she could see clearly, she was definitely keeping her eyes on you as you removed each article of clothing. Everything felt so sudden but so comforting, your nudity being revealed by the second as Dehya resisted the urge to just pounce on you right there.Ā 
Finally, you laid there in your nude glory, sliding your panties off and dropping them before Dehya couldnā€™t hold back anymore. She grabbed you by the waist and easily hoisted you upwards, plopping you on her lap and making your bare entrance sit atop her clothed member. Though it was limp before, it seems that just watching you strip was enough to get her hard, stiffening under your touch and rising to life.
She let out a soft groan and moved her palm to rest on your ass, clearly aroused and wanting you now. But, since this was Dehya we were talking about, she held back and gently swirled her thumb over your clit, wanting you to be wet enough first before taking her. After all, Dehya knew more than anyone how big she actually wasā€¦
ā€œIā€™m already wetā€¦ā€ you pouted, wanting her to fuck you right away. Yet despite your needy pleas, Dehya shook her head, letting out a grunt of disapproval and continuing to finger your pussy. She knew better than to cave into your whines, and you wanted to comment playfully on that, if not for your lewd whimpers leaving your throat. ā€œDehyaā€¦!ā€
Her fingers were quite wide and thick, pushing past your folds and thrusting at a gentle pace. She really was a gentle woman, even in this new form of hers, waiting for you to become wet enough so she wouldnā€™t hurt you. God, this felt so nostalgic, your wifeā€™s fingers burying them all the way down to her palm, before adding a finger or two to stretch you to her liking.Ā 
You threw your head back at the sensation, your moans echoing through the room and making you arch your back in pleasure. She continued fingering you, admiring your lovely form and keeping a rough hand on your ass. ā€œGoodā€¦?ā€ she asked softly, sliding her fingers out before shoving them back in. ā€œGood.ā€ You repeated, eyes fluttering shut in bliss while she plunged in repeatedly, filling you up on just her fingers alone.Ā 
If you felt this full from just her fingers, you could only imagine how full youā€™d feel with her actual cock inside you.Ā 
Finally gauging that you were wet enough, Dehya slid her slimy fingers out of you and seemed satisfied at the aftermath. By now, she was already rock hard, her member straining against her dress and forming a tent under your lap. She was so cuteā€¦youā€™d remember how desperate yet controlled Dehya was whenever she was horny for you, wanting to wreck you into an incomprehensible mess but restraining herself because you were simply too delicate for her. Sheā€™s always treated you like a princess, and even now she was your knight in shining armor. Albeit, she wore less of a metal plate and more of a metalā€¦pyramid head.Ā 
ā€œYou look so pent up.ā€ You commented suddenly, causing her to look up at you. You smiled and gently ran a hand across her dress, feeling her muscles tense up before relaxing when you trailed lower. ā€œDonā€™t you want to get there already?ā€Ā 
ā€œ...So small.ā€ Dehya comments softly, her hand cupping your needy pussy and brushing over it. ā€œNeed to be patient.ā€Ā 
You huffed and cupped her stiffie under her dress, causing her to gasp. If she wasnā€™t wearing that metal helmet you were one hundred percent confident that she was blushing like mad right now. ā€œI have been patientā€¦! Iā€™ve waited three years to be with you again, Dehya. I need you inside me nowwwā€¦ā€Ā 
Your whines struck a chord within her, Dehya grumbling to herself and shifting you on her lap. She was getting antsy, the feeling of your soft hand on her shaft making her lose control of her lust for you. She let out another grumble and complied with your demands, lifting up her dress and allowing you to see just how turned on she was for you. Wow, now that was a sight youā€™ve certainly missed.Ā 
Though it had been a few years since youā€™ve last had sex with Dehya, you remembered her very vividly. She was quite large, mostly girthy but it was nothing that a bunch of lube and slick canā€™t fix. No wonder Dehya took so much time in prepping for you, though you knew she was always big, you always overestimated yourself and needed Dehya to wait like five minutes for you to adjust to her size.Ā 
ā€œ...Iā€™ve certainly missed this too.ā€ You chuckled, gently running your hand up her shaft and feeling it twitch under your hold. Dehya groaned, getting needy as she wrapped a hand over your wrist and made a subtle nudge for you to hurry. You gave her a few steady pumps, a few beads of precum starting to form at her tip, before you guided her cock to your awaiting entrance.Ā 
Dehyaā€™s breath hitched under the heavy metal of her helmet, her head leaning backwards and letting you take over. You guided her tip to nestle sweetly against your folds, gently sliding it back and forth through your wetness before easing yourself downward. Though you were already quite wet, you definitely felt the tight stretch as Dehyaā€™s girth split you open on her cock and made you stop halfway.Ā 
You were already breathing quite heavily, sweat trickling down your brow as you struggled to accommodate her size. Dehya noticed you stopping, tilting her head when she realized that you were struggling quite a bit to go down the other half of her. ā€œSorryā€¦ā€ She whispered softly, holding onto your waist and gently massaging your skin. ā€œIā€¦I will try to be smaller.ā€Ā 
ā€œSweetie, thatā€™s kind of impossible right now.ā€ You whimpered, but appreciated her attempts at comforting you. You placed a small kiss on the edge of her pyramid-shaped helmet, causing her to jolt in surprise before giving yourself a few bounces to continue easing down. With each small bounce, Dehya grunted and resisted the urge to slam your hips down to her lap, steadying you in her arms while you slowly took in more inches.Ā 
Downā€¦Downā€¦ Finally, you found yourself sitting right on her lap, your pussy feeling so full and hot from how deep Dehya was inside you. Now that she was buried to the hilt, Dehya grumbled and gently squeezed your hips as if silently asking for permission to move you. You had planned on just riding her and letting her sit back and watch, but it appeared that your wife wanted to be more active than you thought.Ā 
ā€œYou can move me,ā€ You responded, ā€œJustā€¦be gentle. Youā€™re still quite big.ā€Ā 
She nodded and slowly lifted you up in her lap, sliding out until only her tip was in you before softly pushing you back down. Her strength, plus the external force of gravity allowed for a very hard (and very pleasant) thrust, causing you to moan loudly and cling to her shoulders.Ā 
Dehya growled and seemed to enjoy the feeling of your tight pussy around her, moving you up and down with ease as she wanted to feel more. She gripped your hips with a certain air of possessiveness, wanting to claim you and keep you all to herself, her blunt nails leaving small crescent moon shapes in the plushness of your thighs. ā€œMineā€¦ā€ She growled again, beginning to up the pace the more she grew addicted to your pussy. ā€œMy wifeā€¦ā€
She slammed you down on her hips a bit harder, her fat tip smashing against a rather sensitive spot inside you and making you arch your back. Dehya picked up on that easily, lifting you so that she could realign her cock to hit deeper.Ā 
At this new angle, Dehya could move further, starting to thrust into you at a hotter rhythm than before. You had forgotten how rough Dehya could be when she wasnā€™t being your doting knight, grunting and panting while she pushed you down to the hilt. You didnā€™t even have to move or anything during your sessions with Dehya, as she would always serve you with the utmost devotion.Ā 
ā€œD-Dehyaā€“ Dehyaā€¦!ā€ Your words came out all choppy and disorganized, her rough thrusts pushing each syllable out of you before you were ready. ā€œB-Baby slow downā€¦!ā€
She whimpered and hugged your waist tighter, resisting the urge to continue her brutal pace and obeying your command. She dragged her hips more languidly across your walls, making you feel every twitch and vein while your pussy grew more sensitive around her. ā€œDehyaā€¦I think Iā€™m closeā€¦ā€Ā 
She let out another pleased moan at your words and you felt her cock twitch more inside. It appeared you also werenā€™t the only one getting close, as Dehya was getting close to release herself. ā€œCan Iā€¦nngh, come?ā€ She whispered raspily, panting in desperation. ā€œInside? I want to come inside you.ā€Ā 
Your cheeks grew hot at her ask, but you couldnā€™t deny her. Not after youā€™ve just found her again. ā€œYouā€¦You wanna do it inside?ā€ you whimpered, a small smile spreading across your face. ā€œAlright thenā€¦Just try not to make too much of a mess.ā€
Dehya seemed quite happy at that, ramming herself faster until she felt her impending climax come. She thrusted once, twice, three times, until finally she felt herself tense up and release hot spurts of cum, triggering your own climax simultaneously while you were filled to the brim.Ā 
Your womb felt so full. All hot and filled by Dehya while she continued thrusting to ride out both your orgasms. She definitely did not fulfill your request of not making too much of a mess, but that was okay. You were quite pleased with being filled with your wifeā€™s seed, and being by her side again was all that mattered to you at this moment.Ā 
Her thrusts soon slowed to a halt, but she didnā€™t pull out yet. Instead, she kept her cock still firmly deep within you, and simply readjusted your position so that you were lying more comfortably against her chest. ā€œDid I do good?ā€ she whispered, looking down at you through the small holes of her helmet.Ā 
ā€œVery goodā€¦ā€ You whispered back sleepily, your body succumbing to exhaustion as you laid atop your wifeā€™s body, her cock keeping you nice and warm inside. ā€œIā€™m so glad I found you again.ā€
ā€œMmm.ā€
She gently caressed the back of your head with her hand, the other one resting lazily against your thigh, making you feel all safe and secluded. As you were slowly lulled to sleep in the comforting embrace of your lover, your thoughts began to reminisce in the journey that brought you here. The town of Silent Hill was one not known for its warmth and welcoming structure, but in this town of darkness and gray, you found the one thing that would make you stay forever.Ā 
You had finally found your wife again, and you were never leaving her side.
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lucabyte Ā· 6 months ago
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Finally: The NoHats AU doodles. Plus some sprite edits.
Usually I'd let things speak for themselves and keep my chattering in the tags, but I'll ramble about my context thoughts...
So. First of all here's a link (x) to the Nohats Origin Post for those coming in and going ????.
Anyway. These doodles are not in any obvious chronological order, though Loop going from pilfered bandolier (my headcanon for how Siffrin has all those pockets) -> custom outfit made by Isabeau, is supposed to generally denote 'just after the ending' -> 'a few months down the line'.
And speaking of, Design & Characterisation notes:
Overall: NoHats is suppooooosed to have the range to not just be ULTIMATE MISERY ALL THE TIME (but if you're a major whump/angst fan. go fucking nuts.) so these are supposed to be. The steps toward overcoming and living with grief but. The Misery Is Kind Of The Punchiest Part.... Oops....
Mirabelle: Taking the lead, continuing to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. In the game proper she's already shown to, while yes, be emotionally fragile at times, be prone to trying to hold the team together. I feel she'd do the same here. It also would help that she'd presumably be medicated again? But I can't imagine her chosen-one anxieities would be super ailed by the death of her friend. I wanted to try and give her more differences? She follows the change belief after all and is thus liable to switch up her style in general... But I didn't have a strong vision for this, so. The ball is in anyone's court. Her design changes here are keeping one of Sif's safety pins a la qpr bonding earring, and has the bell pendant at Loop's (oddly pushy) suggestion.
Isabeau: Taking it. Badly. Depression mullet and beard in tow. However, you best believe he is trying real badly to hide it. Loop very much does not reveal their identity to him because What The Fuck Would That Even Do. That's Scary. but they do try to comfort him while mentally regarding him "off limits". Backs themselves into some very unfortunate corners by alluding to their unfulfilled relationship with their Fighter as a point of common ground. I don't imagine this would go super great when recontextualised later after Loop is inevitably found out. Just in general oh good god what the fuck. this is like a radioactive pit of survivor's guilt.
Bonnie: Taking it probably The Worst. This is a child. Who was already feeling guilt. This is who everyone else is trying to keep it together for. Mirabelle and Isabeau would likely be putting up far less of a front without Bonnie around. They take the hat and take on Pocket Duty. They also have slightly more sif-y hairstyle but... Don't worry about it. They'd have Nille to fall back on once she's picked back up, and Loop almost certainly attempts to redouble efforts on making them feel better but seeing as how closed-off Bonnie can already be, it'd likely be difficult. However they would probably take Loop's identity reveal best...?
Odile: Odile's design.... ! Does not seem to have changed? How odd! Well. I'm sure she's dealing with things in a regular and non-cloistered manner. I already think that a regular Postcanon Activity for Odile could be her finding out about the potential for sif/loop to translate books and thus Knowledge in their native tongue assuming that ability sticks around postgame. Something something culture can never truly be wiped out etc etc. But putting it in this context. Makes it more desperate, more of a deflection for something else.
Loop: Helpful Loop. Well. They win! I feel like the entirety of ISAT being about Siffrin's mental state means I don't need to spill much ink here? You get it I think. I can't outdo the source material man. Anyway I imagine Loop is given clothes by Isabeau before they know who they are, but after they've become genuine friends. The outfit is in genuineness, on both sides from Loop and Isa, in having the cloak be a nod in respect to Siffrin, since Loop's "shared culture" would have to come up vis a vis cultural funerary traditions. Hard to avoid divulging that one...
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samara444 Ā· 4 months ago
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everything i learnt during my break (ie all you need to know about manifesting)
hi guys, i took a months long break from tumblr. i used to be depressed, suicidal, constantly looking for results, having only failures, whining, being affected by the 3d every turn, crying almost everyday, to now not being affected by the 3d at ALLL, knowing my true power, and having it all easily conform in the 3d, i dont have anxiety/depression anymore and i feel so blessed, now i literally cry happy tears.
i used to be someone who used to spend my whole day on here, morning to night, looking for answers and the final "key" to manifesting/shifting, taking a break was much needed. here are the things i finally learned after so long.
dont be double minded // i would like to start by saying, see its a choice. we have 2 very distinct sides in this world, one full of lack, negativity, failures, sadness, losing, wishing, wanting....and the other of fulfillment, belief, positivity, determination, persisting, having, being, awareness etc. and whatever we choose, stick by it. i see so many people complaining and trying to say manif/shifting isnt real, and yes thats true FOR YOU in your reality. whatever you have choosen, a life of suffering or one of happiness through the law, please stick to it. if you want to say the law doesnt work, great, but if you have even a slight hope that its true and real, then give it a shot, and dont doubt, and with faith watch how it changes your life.
no circumstance can stop you // be it time, or the past, or trauma, every condition and circumstance only exist because we identify with it. the difference between a broke guy working a 9 to 5 that they hate, no purpose in life, debt and all relationships failing and a multimillionare, who doesnt have to work a single day in their life, life full of luxury and happiness, people who love them etc who probably doesnt even deserve their money but still gets to enjoy it, is simply their beliefs. believe better for yourself.
thinking from your desire and not of it // wishing and wanting and creating up fake scenarios is very different from knowing you HAVE your desire rn. the former is daydreaming, the latter is creation. you can waste years of your life thinking you're manifesting but its just us THINKING OFFF our desire. the results only show up when we HAVE right now. not to get, not to change the 3d but haveeee right now.
imagination is the only reality // we live in a multiverse, idc if people believe in that or not because its true for me, and every possible circumstance is possible and already created. already done. all our job is to HAVE it, and to CHOOSE to live in the state of having. and being fulfilled in our imagination instead of looking for in the 3d. if we look now we'll forever be looking, but when we close our eyes and know its done because our minds is the true consciousness, thats when it actually shows up.
stop manifesting with the intent of changing the 3d // physically trying to change the 3d is so hard, its so tiresome, its futile and useless, but being fulfilled and in the present moment, not worrying about the past or the future. just focusing on staying in the state of the wish fulfilled with our eyes closed is the key, dont worry about what you see with your eyes open. the 4d is the creator, the 3d will AUTOMATICALLY follow.
stop overconsuming/more techniques and enjoy life // you know already what you have to do. most of us know that living in the end means being the person who already has it. so does your dream ideal self do a million techniques trying to get? does you ideal self spend their whole day scrolling on tumblr looking for another technique? another magic affirmation? subliminal? post? that will fix it all? no. they enjoy their lives knowing its done. their wish is in the greatest hands and its all done. so really, stoppp STOP with the overconsumption, trust that you know everything that you are supposed to. everything is within you. stop searching for it outside.
i yap a lot. i love to write so dont blame me, but i wont make this post too long, my dms are always open for help/ or to make friends. ily guys, i feel so happy now being on tumblr, i used to read others success stories and now i have my own hehe so yes slay. bye
-love, sam <3
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zombie-bait Ā· 6 months ago
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Full Moon
Ok so I donā€™t normally post about Helluva Boss but the newest episode touched on an interesting concept I havenā€™t necessarily seen represented in media. Back when I was on Twitter (derogatory) a few years ago there was this now deleted viral thread where someone discussed how their struggles with mental health affected their relationship with their partner and I havenā€™t stopped thinking about it since.Ā 
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This is such a good, short example of how anxiety and depression can play tricks on you. It becomes so easy to envision yourself as a nuisance, a constant burden to those closest to you because they cannot possibly genuinely enjoy your company, right? But in doing so you create this arbitrarily cruel version of the people you love, people who would otherwise never behave like this outside of your own mind.
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It's mean. Because your mind wants to be mean to you under these circumstances. It wants to put everyone else's emotions and desires above yours, both in worthiness and validity. And that starts bleeding into your understanding of other people, especially those you care about.
Now. Helluva Boss.
"Can I get a fucking MINUTE to think after everything you put me through you pompous rich ASSHOLE? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you canā€™t just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because weā€™re smaller and not as important. Well Iā€™m not letting you, BITCH! Letā€™s go!" - Blitz
I find it really interesting how Helluva Boss decided to approach this conflict between Stolas and Blitz. Obviously, the difference in power matters. It's the underlying tension of their entire relationship and their lives. Stolas is burdened by the mountain of expectations thrust upon him from a very young age while Blitz is constantly reminded that he can NEVER be part of that world, that he is "smaller and not as important" not just in Hell's hierarchy but in his own life and family. Stolas very literally has power over Blitz (through the grimoire, the arrangement, his position in society) and Blitz uses their relationship as an excuse to reverse those roles. But that power dynamic, in one form or another, never truly goes away. And for Blitz, it's a lot easier to paint Stolas as this manipulative symbol of power and himself as nothing more than Stolas' plaything. It's easier to be angry than to be vulnerable and accept that someone might care about him.
"Dismiss" is the keyword in that quote. All that Blitz has been able to process is that Stolas has decided to end the relationship that they have. He feels ls like a choice has been taken away from him so he lashes out because he's not ready to emotionally tackle what the rest of Stolas' offer might entail. If Stolas hates him, just wants to play with him, then he is justified in his anger, his self-destruction, his isolation. If the world is mean, you're "allowed" to be mean back.
But
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In that moment he forgets that Stolas is someone he actually cares about. Someone he's known for way too long and clearly wants to keep in his life, no matter how reluctant he can be to admit it. Someone who is not innately cruel or manipulative but sad and desperate for connections in a lot of the same ways that Blitz is. And Blitz immediately sees that he's miscalculated something.
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Somewhere along the way the fictional version of Stolas that he's allowed himself to be mad at and the real one that he's not ready to admit he cares about have merged into something real that he has actual power over. Stolas can get hurt and Blitz can be the one who does it. He has once again allowed his greatest fears (which Stolas so frequently symbolizes) to co-opt his loved ones, to give him an "out" even though he didn't actually want one in the first place.
I'm definitely not the first person to say this but I think this is an example of the miscommunication trope done right. Their individual struggles are what cause them to be unable to connect during this conversation or to even have a proper conversation in the first place. There is no convenient misunderstanding or third party fabricating this rift. Both of them have preconceived ideas of what the other one is thinking but those ideas are flawed and rooted in self-hatred. They also both shutdown in their unique ways when the conversation starts heading in the direction they'd feared it would.
Blitz and Stolas work because they're both fucked up in similar ways, because they want similar things. That's the same reason why they're uniquely designed to hurt one another. A fear of rejection and a yearning for happiness. To borrow a quote that has been used by literally everyone from Spiderman to Evangelical preachers, "hurt people hurt people."
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anyway, I really liked this episode.
(twitter thread screenshots sourced from this reddit post)
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risuola Ā· 1 year ago
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PROMISE ā€” F. READER x GOJO SATORU
You felt sick watching your husband fighting for his life, but your unborn daughter seemed to sleep just fine despite your complete distress. Little that you know, Satoru made some promises to her.
cw: manga spoilers!!! (chapters 223-235 with not much of specific details, but itā€™s resolved around the events), reader is pregnant ā€” 0,8k words
a/n: this piece has TWO alternative endings ā€” FLUFFY & SWEET & ANGSTY & DEPRESSING ā€” choose your fighter, I guess
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Sick. You felt sick, sitting in the room full of people, most of which you didnā€™t even recognize. You felt sick watching the screens that showcased live what was happening in the middle of Shinjuku. You felt dizzy and nauseous, and so overwhelmingly sick when you heard people betting money, trying to make profit of something that was so painful for you to watch.
ā€œYou think heā€™s gonna win that?ā€ ā€œNah, heā€™s dead.ā€ Some men were talking, chuckling like it was entertainment of the highest level for them. And maybe it was, maybe some sorcerers could benefit from the outcome that you considered the worst one, but you felt like the world was crumbling down in real time. Your world was fighting for his life right in front of your eyes.
You sat there paralyzed, unable to move as all of the voices around you slowly became distant. Yujiā€™s rambling, Kusakabeā€™s comments and Yutaā€™s notes all blurred into one, incoherent noise in the background and you wondered what happened, what went so wrong to lead to all of this. Why it felt like youā€™ll never see Megumi again? You raised that boy, you talked down his teachers in middle school from expelling him when he beat the hell out of other students, you encouraged him to train harder when he felt down, overwhelmed by the comparison to Gojoā€™s strength. Why now it felt, like youā€™ll never get to force another hug out of him, like youā€™ll never see his grumpy face again? Youā€™ve already lost Tsumiki, the tears from that still felt fresh on your face and now you had to watch your husband on the battlefield, being wounded time after time by a cursed spirit that should have been dead thousand years ago.
You felt your insides turning and twisting into a very tight knot, every time Satoru got hit by Sukunaā€™s attack, every time you saw blood staining his light skin, you felt a little closer to heart attack. It was a sight you could never familiarize yourself with, Gojo never bled. He never was cut, not even punched and now, all of his body was covered in slits. Just once in your life you saw him in a puddle of blood, decade ago while still in high school and after that, never again. Until today.
You were scared. Petrified with the thought that he might not come back, that you might never feel his warmth again. The idea of going further in your life without him spread out in your mind in the colors of the worst kind of nightmare, your throat clenched, tears rolled down your cheeks as you watched his domain shatter. Infinite void fell down in pieces and the reds and blues were not effective either. Itā€™s worse than nightmare. It was torture.
You felt the pain, deep in your heart, spreading in waves to every cell of your body. You wanted to go there, to jump in and help him, to shield him from the attack even if it would cost you your own life. You wanted to go there and slap Sukuna out of Megumi, to hold the boy to your heart and tell him that it wasnā€™t his fault, that everythingā€™s gonna be alright. But you couldnā€™t do either of those things. You knew youā€™d only be an obstacle, a limiting factor to your husbandā€™s abilities. You knew your tears wouldnā€™t bring Fushiguro back. You were strong on your own, but now, you were helpless just as everyone else. And you had a life to protect.
And so, you sat there, rubbing soft circles into the bump of your stomach that held the little girl that was yet to come to this world, wondering if sheā€™ll get to know her father. She will, you knew that, deep down underneath all of the layers of fear and worry, you knew that Satoru will win, because he has to win. He has to be there with you, he has to know if his daughter has the same blue eyes as him and the same cute nose as you, because he bet on that. He has to be there to take all of those goofy selfies with the newborn, he has to be there to showoff the miracle that heā€™s created with you, to be able to put new title to his name ā€“ the best dad.
The baby seemed to be sleeping, calm in your stomach despite the utter distress that consumed you. She probably knew better than you not to worry about Satoru. She probably knew that her daddy will never leave her. He promised that to her, when before leaving to the Shinjuku district he pressed his lips to the curve of your bump, whispering things you barely heard.
He made a promise so he had to keep it.
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shanieveh Ā· 1 year ago
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ā€œ forget me not... ā€
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synopsis: neuvillette, too late to confess his love to you, is drowning from the suffering and regret that came along with it, especially after knowing that you felt the same all along.
tags: gn!reader x neuvillette, depression and low self-esteem, bittersweet ending, mentions of freminet, lynette and melusines, heavily implied reader death and neuvillette also kinda wanting to die
a/n: people want this and i have came to deliver (hopefully) enjoy~ this is my first long fic that i published
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How can this beā€¦.?
Neuvillette sat in the corner of his office, all your letters in his right hand. How can you say you loved himā€¦ how dare you describe the love, the passion, everything you felt for him when he can't even say it back.
How can you love someone so unlovable?
His silent cries can't match up to the violent outbursts of the skies outside. Days went by when he first found out, the melusines were scared to death about who would report it to him. The way you dissolved into water, not even seeing you for the last timeā€”not having the privilege to have a proper funeral.
He failed youā€¦ the monsieur wasn't too sure on many things but this one was certain.
Reading your diaries, knowing your thoughts and hopes for the future. It was an invasion of privacy but also in a wayā€¦ the last remnants of your existence. One such entry was that of three years ago where you first met.
Encountering this, a profuse blush colored his face. The adjectives being used "handsome", "tall" and "kind" for your first meetingwith the chief justice. Far from the truth really, although Neuvillette knew you meant every word.
You always did.
You always were an honest person.
The very first day his lavender eyes met yours, to the very last. There was never a trace of impurity or a hint of a liar. Of course, the verdict went in your favor, because to him a precious rose like you can never steal and the plaintiffs were wrong.
Reading it now, not even a slightly negative comment was made to those who wrongly accused you.
"Maybe they had their reasons, after all, I was also in need of money at that time." you wrote. Adding on that you defended the "Monsieur Neuvillette" when people called "such a man of honor and kindness" a "merciless and arrogant man".
A man of honor and kindness? Your words became running thoughts in the hydro dragon's head. That day was one of the only days he didn't cry after a trial. Neuvillette was just happy that such a person of integrity was cleared of their name.
He turned through the pages of the diary, how you taught him to socialize and even mend his relationship with the hydro archon.
"Monsieur Neuvillette was too adorable! Being with a person of lowly status and treating me with such respect and humility, he truly is the epitome of mercy and loveliness."
How can you be so blind? Anyone with eyes will know that it's a privilege to be with someone so beautiful, especially to be with someone like Neuvillette. A cold and repulsive soul. You make him sound like a good person, when in fact he isn't both good and human.
He was a monsterā€¦ these words of humanity you always used to describe a monster. Why do they sound so genuine? Why do they look so real? Maybe only you can make him like that, you and only you.
A few pages later he finally saw the wordsā€¦
Words that should've made him scream in euphoriaā€¦ tore him to a million pieces. Because even before this he already loved youā€¦ because you had so much time to confess but never didā€¦ and never will.
"I think I'm in love with the chief Justice."
And after that, he couldn't even get himself to read, he couldn't. His eyes got so blurry to see, his heart became too heavy to feel. Why were youā€¦ why you? In a world filled with monsters, they chose an angel. They chose a soul that still wanted to live, love and give. Those demonsā€¦ despicable.
Remembering his shortcomings, maybe in some way he could've avoided all of this. Neuvillette shouldn't have given you his blessing to investigate the serial disappearance case.
But that glint of adventure in your eyesā€¦ he was too soft to reject you.
It was all his fault.
Wiping his tears he looked at the last entry of the diaryā€¦ Oh.
Oh.
"After this investigation, I'll finally confess to himā€¦ I surely hope Neuvillette feels the same way, I even planted some forget-me-nots to give him in the backyard so that he'll know when it rains and he weeps. I will always be here."
The chief justice didn't know what was coming to him but he started runningā€¦ and only then can he see the state of Fontaine. Many flowers have wilted and only a few people were outside. What had he become..?
"What's up with this weather? It isn't even the rainy season yet?!" A shop owner complained.
"I know! My crops have been drowning these days, at this rate if it doesn't stop we'll have a famine!"
It was all his fault, his running turned to a slow walk taking in all that he had done. This was all because of him. The lonely streets, the lowered morale. This was all becauseā€”
"Hydro dragon, hydro dragon, please don't cry!"
He turned to the voice and saw a young boy in the distance. Neuvillette remembered now, his name was Freminet. That child on which you doted extremely, giving him sweets and hushing his tears. The chief justice quickly let go of his gaze and continued to walk.
"You see Freminet, it didn't work... let's go inside."
The response was that of a stoic young woman, but he just continued his legs even if they wanted to rest all to see the last thing you cared forā€¦ those flowers. And when he finally was at the destination he saw it immediately outside.
It was in the bushes, he couldn't miss it. Every corner of your house was haunted, every tiny thing was a memory. The chairs you painted, the drawings pinned in the cabinet of you and him with the melusines. It was precious. All of it. Just as you are.
He finally saw them, most were almost to bloom and some were wilted. Picking one he unconsciously kissed it, perhaps mistaking it for you. These flowers were made to remind him he was never alone, but now he is.
More alone than he can ever be in one lifetime. Your scent still filled every corner, a remembrance of the biggest "what if" in his life. Your will stated that every single thing of yours is his just as you were always his. Bittersweet was he when reading it.
Neuvillete forgot that too included your house, maybe he was too consumed with your thoughts to visit this place. He was twisting the poor flower that looked so tiny compared to his hand. Perhaps that's what it's like to be with him. It's a curseā€¦
He continues to caress the flowers, to treat them as if they were you. You were wrong on one thing about this, even if there were no flowers he will never forget you. Never, no way! The love he has for you can destroy nations and can cause millions of sacrifices. Just to keep you, to see your smile again.
But he can't even do that, you didn't give him the privilege to do something for you. If only he knew, he would'veā€¦ done everything for you. The love that can create the strongest of floods failed to protect the one person he was supposed to protect.
At that moment, he felt the waters, the ocean, his homeā€¦ you. It made his crying bearable, somewhat. Grief that could surpass a lifetime, wasn't enough. Nothing he can do will ever be enough to have you again. Perhaps he should also leave this world to stop being a burden to the peopleā€¦ and maybe to see you again.
"Neuvilletteā€¦"
Now he was even imagining your voice, or was he? Maybe he was delusional but he still followed your voice even if it took him to an unknown path. But the end was in a small pond, where you used to keep the fish, all of which were alive and well.
"Neuvilletteā€¦?"
At this he didn't even care if was going insane, your voice sounded like a melody even if it uttered his name. It sounded like a rare jewel, a myth, a prophecy too good to be true.
"Darling?" He replied in a hopeful tone. He looked through his surroundings, no longer was he in a pond but a terrain of boundless water. In the middle was a flying Oceanid, a spirit. Was itā€”could it be?
"Even I could feel the heavy pouring of rain, monsieurā€¦ don't be sad."
It was indeed your spirit, a part of you that remained before that bastardā€”he'll make whoever did this pay. It wasn't for justice anymore, this one is for revenge.
"How can I not? When I have failed you over and over again, I couldn't even get to sayā€¦"
"That you love me?"
His eyes widened, looking at you. Even if it didn't look like you, he knewā€¦ he always did. A nod soon followed after that, it was barely noticeable even at this rate the chief justice was a bit shy saying it.
"I just don't know why you could ever say you love me, how you could even think of me so kindly. Why? How? How can you love me back?" He was clueless to what you mean.
"How can I not?"
The reply you uttered was one of a teary-eyed person. Even to this moment you still haven't accepted you had died, not when he was still alone needing you.
"Just as you saidā€¦ how can I not? You out of all people my dearā€¦ know of the sacrifices we make for the person we love."
It was that moment where you took your normal form, you looked beautiful as the day he lost you. As beautiful as the day you met. And as you walked towards him, the clock ticking until your final goodbye, it was time.
"I love you Neuvillette, i always had and continue to do so." For the last time, you cupped his cheek and kissed him.
"I love you, darling from the very beginning and every single lifetime to come." He let go of the kiss and hugged you tight, closing his eyes, until you disappeared not knowing he was hugging his own.
Opening his eyes, the rain was long gone, and what remained were the flowers in the bushes, the ponds, the fish, and him. Maybeā€¦ just maybe he will bring you and the other victims to light.
Until then, this one last encounter and goodbye will make him content. He was sureā€¦ that finally his love will be at rest.
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katiascraft Ā· 29 days ago
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"So sue me for moving on and doing everything right. For being something you can't forget" | LN4
Parings: Lando Norris x Bisexual!Reader.
Summary: after that night where you saw lando with the opposite of you, you made sure he regretted leaving you behind. You both continued with your lives but you being friends with all of his friends made things tricky. Did you both really move on?
PART 2 OF "OPPOSITE"
Now playing: "Sue me" by Sabrina Carpenter.
Word count: +2,7k.
Warnings: reader has a girlfriend. Mentions os sex. Insinuating. Angst. Not a happy ending I think (?). Not a native English speaker so there could be errors. Not proofread.
Author's note: hope you like it and it's enough as a sequel! Don't forget to like or reblog! And follow me so we can be friends :3 (and have mate together!)
MASTERLIST
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Since that tragic and heartbreaking night when Lando ate another girl in front of your nose who didn't look any closer to you - you decided it was real-time to move on.
The fact that he had the audacity of calling you beautiful after kissing her was too much for you to handle.
But you also decided to make his life a living hell if you could. You were vengeance. You would make him regret his decision as long as you needed to. The thing was you kept on seeing each other because you had so many friends in common that it was just impossible to not see each other ever again.
After that night you fell into a depressive hole. It was really hard and intense. You needed to grieve him. You didn't know how to function properly anymore. Your brain tortured you with contrasting images of Lando calling you beautiful, perfect, gorgeous, pretty, cute, baby. You constantly were rumbling around it. The whole day. And the whole night. Hou felt miserable. Your whole life together felt like a completely stupid lie. You felt stupid. Very stupid. How could you believe him? How could you not? You were so in love with him. For you, he was the one. He was your favorite song - the one that just comforts you and makes you feel happy and special. He made you feel special. But it turned out you weren't because he chose to date the opposite of you a few months after allowing the end of your relationship. It felt so unreal. It felt terrible. The image of them kissing made you nauseous. And you had to run to the bathroom and throw up. It was embarrassing. Shameful. It was heartbreaking to see. You were sure that if you didn't have your friends to back you up you wouldn't have done it. Sadness was your new personality and you lost all of your confidence. You didn't even know how to talk to people. You thought they wouldn't ever like you because you didn't look like her. Or even laugh like her. Or touch like her.
Did she touch him better than you did? Was she a better sight naked? Was she as fun? As loyal? As empathic?
You didn't want to know. There was no self-confidence left in your person. You were just an outsider in your own body. You didn't feel enough. You changed your style to baggy huge clothes so you could hide in them. Yes, they were more comfortable and expressed your personality better in your opinion. But on the therapist, the truth was you hid. You hid from the world because you felt so humiliated by the fact he chose her after you. She was better than you in every aspect.
You became obsessed with her for a while. Stalking her socials like crazy comparing. You couldn't stop. Every picture she uploaded with him was dissected destroying every single bit of your heart. She was gorgeous. Flawless skin. Trendy lips. Brown eyes. Blonde hair. Skinny and curvy. Everything you felt you were not. You always ended up sobbing in your bed. You couldn't believe you believed he loved you. That he found you attractive. All the times he said he needed you turned into nightmares. How could he need me if he now has her? There was nothing that could help you make you feel better.
Carlos was that one guy friend you are grateful for. He helped you so much. He knew Lando but he also loved you. And he was as much of a friend to him as he was to you. And he didn't fail you. He was one of the reasons you are better healthier and happier now. He listened to you every night. And made sure you knew you weren't the monster you thought you were. Also, your best friend didn't leave your side for a second. She was everything to you. Without her, there wouldn't be you.
It took you a few couple of months to start to progress. You started feeling better day by day. Your friends always made sure you were comfortable and if you needed to talk they were there for you - always ready to cheer you up.
Things got tricky when the birthday parties started. You knew it was impossible for Lando not to attend to his friend's birthdays so you needed to go through that test. The scariest test. Which was to see Lando again without crying or dying trying. It was the hardest part for you. You didn't want to ignore him but the few could of first times you did. You couldn't even look at him. He came along with his girlfriend. That girlfriend. And it was painful for you to watch. Seeing him kiss someone else. You missed his lips so much. He touched her the way you loved. You thought of stopping being friends with everyone so you didn't have to go through all of that. But eventually, you stopped carrying. You started talking to other guys and girls and you now have dates again and regaining confidence in yourself.
Once you felt you were back to your best version that's when Landon regretted everything he did. And realized he had made the worst choice of his life. And that there was no coming back from there.
One day he was just driving around when he remembered he had forgotten his rings to Osxarā€™s apartment. So he asked Oscar if he could stop by and pick them up. He agreed and mentioned you were there because you were very close to Oscarā€™s girlfriend. He got nervous. He doubted for a few seconds at the red light. He wasn't sure if it was appropriate. Since that horrible night, as he remembered it, he didn't know how to talk to you. He was lucky you only saw each other in crowded and public spaces so you didn't have to talk or look at each other. You could just ignore each other and that was it.
He broke up with Hanna, his ex, a few weeks ago. The relationship was going nowhere and she was very toxic at some point. He always knew he didn't love though. He didn't want to admit he chose her so he could forget about you faster. But of course, it didn't work. And he hated himself now for purring you into so much pain. He just didn't make the best decisions in life. But he decided to get his shit together and fix himself. No dating life till he figures it out. Or that he wanted to believe.
After a few minutes of driving he accepted to go to Oscarā€™s. He needed to face reality once in a while. You two couldn't keep ignoring each other and make everyone uncomfortable. Maybe there was still a possibility you could be friends at least. Or he hoped for that.
You were at Oscarā€™s happily chatting and eating fruit in his living room. You had your papaya-matching pajamas with his girlfriend. You loved them both so much. You just were gossiping about the drama happening at the University you attended. You were studying engineering. You were proud of yourself. Your dream was one day working on an F1 team. You loved strategy so maybe one day you could win a championship. The bell rang capturing your attention. Oscar answered and announced it was Lando. You felt weird instantly. Uncomfortable. But tried to brush it off as if it was nothing. Because it wasn't right?
You said hi to him like you normally said to anyone. He said hi to the three of you and asked for his rings.
When he saw you he felt he was about to faint. It's been a while since you two last saw each other. And you looked beautiful. Orange was your color. He loved it on you. He always fell for you in orange. He didn't know if it was part of your plan or just destiny torturing him. He tried to play it cool like he wasn't feeling what he was feeling.
Your eyes were locked on his frame. You haven't seen him in a while. You felt kinda excited to see him again to your surprise. He looked incredibly handsome from your point of view. The Sunlight was brightening his face making his eyes bluer and shiny. You just tried to brush off this thought in your head. You have a girlfriend now. And it's been more than a year since everything ended. You shouldn't feel this way. You wouldn't feel the need to take off his hoodie and give him head. So you could feel your effect on him. How he begs you for more. That you're such a good girl. His best girl. The prettiest one.
You just looked to the other side. Ashamed of such a thought. Of course, the air was tense and the interactions were a bit awkward between the four of you in that silent apartment. You readjusted in your site and swallowed hard. You looked at him again now with his rings on smiling and talking happily with Oscar about paddle matches and barbecues with the boys. You licked your lips. Your heart was racing fast and you just needed to get out of there. You stood announcing your departure. The boys looked at you a bit confused because you kind of interrupted his conversation.
ā€œYeah I think I should head out too,ā€ Lando said while you picked your stuff up off the sofa. You glanced at him a bit and hugged Oscar's girlfriend with a smooch on her cheek. ā€œSee you beautiful,ā€ you said. And she smiled. You then hugged Oscar and he led both you and Lando out of his apartment.
When he closed the door you called the elevator. Uncomfortable silence between you two. Tense. You didn't want to look at him. And he didn't wanna do it either. The elevator arrived and you both jumped in.
ā€œDo you need a lift?ā€ he asked breaking the silence between you too. His voice is a bit shaky. You finally looked at him.
ā€œIf that's okay I'll take itā€ you answered softly. He nodded giving you a little smile. You didn't even know why you accepted. This will get you in so much trouble. But you couldn't help it. It was Lando. And whether you wanted to believe it or not - he was the love of your life. It never mattered how son of a bitch he was to you. One way or another you just fell for him like the first time. Though you don't like thinking about it when you are in a relationship.
You got out of the building in silence neither of you wanted to say anything. The tension was cutting deep in both of you. Landon led you to his car. A very not-so-secrecy car. He opened the door for you and you just hopped in. He rounded his car and got up on the pilot seat. When his door closed the silence intensified. You didn't say or look at each other for a few minutes. He didn't even turn on the car. You sat there in silence.
ā€œYou still live where you always lived?ā€ he finally asked turning on the car. You looked at him. Your heartache intensified.
ā€œYeah, I do,ā€ you said in almost a whisper. He nodded and started driving towards your place. He turned on the radio and it was Ed Sheeran playing. You tried to concentrate on looking by the windows if possible the whole trip.
He looked at you by the corners of his eyes. He didn't find words to say. But in some twisted way, he found comfort in this situation. You looked so gorgeous he just couldn't stop looking at you every chance he had while driving.
ā€œYou could try to be not so obvious. You're eating me alive with your eyesā€ you told him out of nowhere making him skip a beat. You looked at him directly for the first time since you got out of the apartment.
ā€œI'm sorry. You look too gorgeous I can't help myself. I know I shouldn't and it's disrespectful but yeah, I won't lie about itā€ he kind of defended himself. You rolled your eyes a little irritated surprisingly.
ā€œI don't believe you anymore when you say that about me if it was true you wouldn't broken up with meā€ you spitted. A mix of hurt and anger in your voice.
ā€œOh c'mon y/n. I told you I was sorry. I was an idiot that night. And I needed to focus on my career and yeah in that I lied to you because I jumped into another relationship quickly. Andā€¦ I don't care if you believe me or not but I dated her just because I wanted to forget you and I thought it would work but it didn't. I felt stupid. Because you were right. You're always right. I was a selfish asshole. I was in love with you for real but I fucked it up. And yeah I've felt like shit since then so I already paid for my sinsā€ he said with a deep crackly voice. A mix of desperation and upset in his voice. He was sad and angry at the same time. At him.
You looked at him trying to figure out whether you were being fooled again or not. You sighed stressed. You wanted him to rot in hell for what he did. But as of right now, you don't know if that's what you wanted.
ā€œI have a girlfriend you know,ā€ you told him not looking at him. You didn't wanna cry. And you knew yourself too well to be sure that if you did you would break.
ā€œI know,ā€ he said shortly and coldly. You played with your fingers nervously. ā€œAt least we could try to be friends?ā€ he now says with a cracky voice. Your heart wouldn't take any more of this. You felt so gutted.
ā€œNo, we can't be friends. I never wanted to be your friend in the first placeā€ you answered him. You heard him have a deep sigh. He didn't know what to do anymore.
You stayed in silence for the rest of the ride. When you got home he stopped by your door. You didn't move for a few seconds.
ā€œI really hate you, Lando. I hate you made me love you so deeply that I will never be able to get over you. And all of the memories we made will haunt me for the rest of my life and kill meā€ you confessed. He was looking at you but you didn't. ā€œI hate that I really wanna kiss you right now and lose my shit just to be able to feel you again but I won't.ā€ you finally looked at him. He got into a trance. His heartbroken yet he wanted to kiss you so badly. He stared at your face analysing every feature. Your lips looked so tasty in that lipstick. Those shorts showed your beautiful and sexy legs. He knew you weren't wearing a bra. He leaned to you, but you stopped him with your hand.
ā€œYou need to pay for your sins still baby boyā€ you whisper so close to his face that sent shivers down his spine. He was so turned on now. And you knew and you were enjoying it. You were too but you won't let him win. ā€œYouā€™ll have to sue me for looking so pretty while you can't have me. Sue me for wearing your favorite color and you can't do anything about it. Sue me for being something you won't be able to forget Lando. You can't have me anymore and I just wish this is the karma for you to rot in hell for what you didā€ you whispered so sexy. With a needy voice. And a malicious undertone. You had him speechless. You smiled victorious though you really wanted to fucked him right there and show him what is like to have the best sex you'll ever have in your life. But you just pushed him away from you softly and got out of his car without saying anything else. You close the door behind you and get into your house not looking back.
Landon can believe what you did. And how he felt. He was already hard. And you left. And you hated him. But then why did he feel you wanted him as much as he did a few moments before?
ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”-
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yiling-laozu-is-loml Ā· 3 months ago
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You know what's sad about Wei Wuxian's death? Its not that a bunch of people disliked him and said 'die bitch!'. No. The thing with Wei Wuxian was that he had to die. There was no other way.
Wei Wuxian was kind, selfless, paid his debts and favours as deserved, cared about people, used his skills and cultivation for good of as many as he could, didn't shy away from danger or back down in the face of injustice. He was, in short, the very definition of what a cultivator should be. And that's why he had to die.
If he lived, corruption would have decreased and ended over time. If he lived, civillians and younger cultivators would've realized their rights and how they shouldn't take bullshit from clans. If he lived, next generations would've realized that rules and traditions were just constraints set to keep them under strict control and from realizing they didn't need all those useless elders after all. The system would've changed, no one would've tolerated all this extortion, corruption, nepotism, power imbalance, crimes that were swept under the rug due to the committers being influential. Absolutely no one.
And all that would've been caused by the existence and actions of one man. Wei Wuxian.
So how do we deal with that? We nip the evil in the bud. First use his horrible treatment at the hands of Jiangs as a base to show that yes, he's bad, his martial family treated him that way and they know him best. Then cutting off his allies by skewing their perception about him and his intentions. Then by sowing fear into hearts of allies and civillians. And then leading a siege to cleanse the world of 'evil' so that their bullshit won't be discovered or put a stop to even centuries later. So that his end would serve as a warning to anyone who wishes to rise against evil and corruption, as an unspoken threat to anyone who cared for people and their duties for real.
And it worked. It worked spectacularly. Anyone defying the rules was punished, anyone saying anything similar to Wei Wuxian's? Anyone trying to do real good or anyone following in his path was deemed evil. Their torture and murder were never even acknowledged, yet the rumours were spread to discourage others from trying. Even people who didn't follow his footsteps and chose to be righteous of their own accord didn't live to see the results of their goodness (Nie Mingjue, Xiao Xingchen, Song Zichen etc) and if they did, no one found out and they were forgotten quickly (Mianmian).
It worked so well that every harm that befell on anyone, whether it was from the gods or from someone playing god and taking advantage, was attributed to the Yiling Laozu's evil ways. He was dead, yet everything that went wrong was his fault. Your marriage didnt work out? Wei Wuxian was behind this, I am sure. There was a flood that destroyed years worth of your hard work? Sounds like the Yiling Laozu. You had a cough because you ate something cold in the winter? Pretty sure the evil Wei Wuxian is behind it, he has various very evil tricks up his sleeve. That Monster!
He was all-powerful, a man who didn't bend to the whims of gods or wills of mortals. Someone who could defy everyone if he woke up in the mood to.
The propaganda and brainwashing worked so well that people never stopped to ask themselves the question: If Yiling Laozu was truly so powerful, how did he get defeated by a bunch of corpses? How did the Ghost General, his most powerful weapon, get killed by a few dozen cultivators?
And thinking of that is depressing as fuck because he died solely so the rich could get richer, the evil and corrupt could advance in their evil ways (Jin Guangyao, Xue Yang) and everyone could stay on their carefully curated bubble of bliss with none the wiser about their deception, manipulation and bullshit about bloodlines and traditions (Jiang Cheng, The Lans, Jin Guangshan, etc).
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