#I haven’t actually felt physical attraction to them

[himblebo]

Again again thinking

[zvdvdlvr]

— Lunch Break

— 🫧. Synopsis. Spencer hasn’t been feeling well lately. When he accidentally gives you his lunch as well as yours, you have to leave work to make sure he gets his lunch and eats to make sure he gets better. But the thing is, no one knew Spencer had married someone.

— 🫧. Warnings. Blue!collar reader. Female reader. Collective group shock lmao. Foul language. Welder!reader. Pet names. Possible out of character Spencer but i dont really care. I’m so sleep deprived yall.

— 🫧. Other welder!reader pieces. Alive and Breathing.

“Bye, angel,” you murmured after pressing a kiss to your sleepin husband’s cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Spencer replied tiredly, eyes opening the slightest bit. “I already put your lunch in your cooler. Be safe.”

You smiled. Of course, even though you have to leave at 2 in the morning, Spencer’s already five steps ahead. You turned to leave the bedroom but stopped after hearing him cough. “Before you leave- I got you a few more boxes of that DayQuill/NyQuill stuff and Mucinex. Should be on the counter. Make sure you take them, Spence. I know you haven’t been feeling well. Bye, I love you,” you spoke quickly, throwing your coat on.

Spencer felt a smile forming on his face. His wife: always attentive and gentle (to him at least). “I love you, baby.”

“Hey,” Spencer greeted, picking up his phone and heading out of the bullpen. “What’s up?” Spencer was confused: you didn’t usually call him or contact him when you were at work unless it was absolutely necessary. Were you in trouble? “Are you okay?”

“I’m alright, angel. I’m coming over to drop off your lunch. You, uh,” your voice paused, probably observing other drivers’ movements at a red light. “You gave me my lunch and yours. So I’m on my way. Do you want me to come up or… drop it off? I’m all dirty ‘n everything,” you rambled.

“I think you look hot when you get off of work,” Spencer replied with a smile. He felt himself sigh. He was glad nothing had happened to you.

Your laugh crackled through the line. “That’s because it’s a very physical job, Spence.”

Spencer chuckled, “No, babe, I think you’re just… naturally very attractive.”

“You’re too good for me, Spence. Did you take your medicine? You sound pretty nasally,” you questioned.

“Yeah, I took it,” Spencer replied quietly with a smile on his face. You noticed everything- and Spencer was the profiler! “Anyway, I gotta go, babe. Drive safe, my beautiful wife. I love you.”

“I love you too, husband.”

Spencer tucked his ohone back into his pocket and wandered back out to the bullpen. “Hey, so… I have something to tell you,” Spencer blurted out to Emily and Derek who were watching him like a hawk.

“What is it?” Emily asked immediately, eyebrows furrowing.

“So, I want to apologize for keeping this for so long but I just- I didn’t know how to tell you. I mean, not to mention the fact that you wouldn’t have believed me anyway but that’s not the point. The point is I want you to stay calm and don’t be mad at me.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, kid, slow your roll. What’s goin’ on?” Derek asked.

Spencer looked at both Emily and Derek before sighing. “My wife is gonna be swinging by soon and… she’s… all I’m asking is don’t scare her away. Actually,” Spencer paused, smiling slightly, “she might scare you a little bit.”

Emily’s brows raised higher then Spencer previously thought possible. “You… What?” She asked, standing up.

“You’re actually joking.” Derek stated, face solemn. “You’re joking, man, come on.”

Spencer shrugged, hand coming up to pull the necklace his ring was on from under his shirt to show his coworkers. “We went to the courthouse one year, eleven months. two weeks, four days, and twelve hours ago.”

Derek blinked. “Are- You’re seriously not joking?”

“I have the documents at home to prove it,” Spencer replied, tucking it back under his shirt. “If, you know, you want to see them.”

“I’d rather see her in person,” Emily stated, already starting her pacing. “But like, you didn’t kidnap her or anything did you?”

Spencer shook his head. “No, believe me. She loves me, Emily. I love her.”

Derek sat, hands on his head. “So we missed the wedding and everything? You didn’t say a word, man.”

Spencer nodded. “We were gonna tell you, invite you over for our anniversary.”

“Spencer, what’s her name?” Emily asked suddenly.

“Who’s name?” A low, gravely voice asked. Aaron Hotchner stood, hands on his hips, staring each of his agents down.

“Spencer’s wife’s,” Derek responded slowly.

“Oh,” Hotch replied casually.

“You knew?!” Emily asked loudly, mouth dropped open in shock.

“I saw he added someone else to the insurance, and there was another emergency contact. I haven’t seen her though,” Hotch answered honestly.

“When’s she gonna be here?”

“Soon. She called me probably five minutes ago, so estimating the amount of traffic about this time, I’d guess probably ten minutes.”

“I assume you can find something to do for ten minutes?” The corner of Hotch’s lip turned up just the slightest bit, and he had a hint of amusement in his voice. When Derek finally tore his eyes off of Spencer and Emily bee-lined for her desk, Hotch turned around and stalked over to Rossi’s office to tell him the good news.

Spencer stood up when he heard the unmistakable sound of your steel-toed boots making comtact with the floor. A sweet smile painted his face as he gravitated to you, shoulders relaxing at your presence. “Hey, baby,” he whispered when he was close enough to you.

“Hi you,” you replied, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. You brandished a brown paper bag, Spencer’s name written in your handwriting.

Emily watched you walk in. You were wearing two shirts, dark in color with small holes decorating the sleeves and the hem of both shirts. Your pants were dark and thick, dark liquids and stains all over them. The boots on your feet were definitely thick: steel toed if Emily had to guess. A physical worker, she put the pieces together. Electician? That wouldn’t explain all the stains. Mechanic? Couldn’t be: why would your shirts be all torn if you were fixing cars? Welder? The pieces fit, though Emily wasn’t too educated in that department. She had respect for you. Not many women Emily knew could handle the responsibilities of such a physical job, or handle all the creeps, jerks, and perverts that passed in your workplace.

“Derek,” Emily whisper-yelled. He looked up and she gestured to where Spencer had strode over to you.

“Come on.”

Emily stood up, brushing her hands on her pants and followed Derek to where you were conversing.

“-come back? He’s been slacking off too much, baby, you shouldn’t let him keep relying on you to get his stuff done,” Spencer rambled angrily.

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Spence. How are you feeling? I brough- oh. Hi,” you greeted.

“Hi! Mrs. Reid, right?” Emily asked, sticking her hand out.

You smiled brightly and nodded. When you saw her hand and showed her your own: “I don’t, uh, think you’d want to do that,” you murmured.

“Doesn’t bother me,” Emily assured honestly.

You returned her genuine smile and clasped her hand. “Thank you. You’re… Emily? Right? And then you’re Derek?” You asked, turning to face Morgan.

“That’s us,” Morgan answered.

“I don’t think Spencer’s brought me up. I’m y/n Reid,” you introduced. “Sorry for all the grime. I came to drop off Spencer’s lunch,” you explained, shooting Spencer a smile, who kept his eyes trained on you the whole time.

“Good to meet you, y/n.” Emily said. “If… if you’re alright with it, I’d like to get the team together. To meet you. If,” she glanced between you and Spencer who was watching you unblinkingly, “that is okay with both of you? I don’t want to push you.”

Derek side eyed Emily. Penelope would probably scare y/n away, even though she didn’t mean to.

“Up to you, baby,” Spencer murmured when you turned to face him.

“Doesn’t bother me,” you answered. Glancing at your Casio, you nodded, “I’ve got an hour.”

“It’ll be fast,” Emily reassured with a smile.

Emily and Derek split up, Emily going up to get Rossi and Hotch, Derek rounding up JJ and Garcia.

“Are you sure, baby?” Spencer asked. He led you to his desk, setting down the bag you gave him. “I don’t- they-“

“Do you want us to do this another day? When I’m not in my work clothes?” You asked, refusing to sit down on anything.

Spencer shook his head. “No, no. I just want you to be prepared. They can be overwhelming.”

“‘Overwhelming’ I hear?”

You turned your head and saw two men and Emily walking towards you both. The younger looking one was Hotchner because you knew David Rossi’s face; him being a famous author and everything.

“Hello! You must be the missus,” Rossi greeted, sticking his hand out. Good lord, you thought, feds and their handshakes.

You showed Rossi your dirt stained hands and opened her mouth.

“We’ve touched dead bodies, y/n. I promise we won’t get upset at a little grease,” Emily explained gently. Good god, you thought.

Regardless, you shook Rossi and Hotch’s hand, grateful for Emily’s reassurance. Spencer wrapped an arm around your shoulders. He leaned in, whispering “You’re doing great, baby.”

“So,” Hotch began, “I want to personally thank you for keeping Reid sane and healthy.”

Emily and Rossi both laughed. “Yeah, he’s got enough trouble on the field,” Emily joked.

You elbowed Spencer, a grin painting your face. “Is that right?”

“Doesn’t matter if it’s right or not: I’ll always come back to you,” Spencer replies softly, eyed swiftly darting to your lips.

“Spencer!” You reprimanded, smacking him (lightly) on the stomach. “Your bosses are right there, you-“

A loud shriek cut you off, making everyone’s gaze dart to a person behind you. “She’s real! Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Reid! You didn’t even drop a singular hint that you were hitched!”

Spencer chuckled, pulling your form a little closer to his. “If I remember correctly, JJ saw my ring when I was asleep on the plane: I assumed she had told everyone and you didn’t want to bring it up.”

“For a genius, you’re pretty dumb,” a new voice cut in. “Hi, I’m Jennifer Jareau, but you can call me JJ.” The blonde smiled warmly and brought you in for a swift hug.

“Ah! Hello, you gorgeous soul! I’m Penelope!” A shorter blonde, more colorful and energetic, embraced you. “I’m so glad to meet you, even though, you know, I didn’t even knew you existed until about two minutes ago.” She shot your husband a look. “But, I would cery much like to get to know you, as would JJ and Emily if you can’t tell.”

You smiled. “I’d love to now, but seeing as I’m technically on my lunch break, I don’t think I’ll have time to do everything you probably have in mind. Could we,” you turned to Spencer, eyes glinting, “bring them over for dinner?”

“Anything you want, babe,” Spencer replied. Truly, if you had asked him to give you his heart, he would find a way to rip the organ out of his chest and give it to you in his bood stained hands. Dinner? No problem.

“I’ll give you my number. Penelope could make a groupchat or something,” you suggested.

Everyone nodded. Hotch was looking forward to this dinner. And Rossi, no matter what he said.

After you gave Penelope your phone number and everyone dispersed, Emily and Derek were wise enough to go busy themselves with a vending machine.

“You alright, baby?” Spencer asked.

You nodded. “I’m alright. Glad I finally met them. I, uh, hope you’re not mad about the dinner thing.”

Spencer scoffed. “I wouldn’t get mad over that.”

You shrugged. “Well. I should probably head back to work. Sorry for getting you all dirty,” you apologized again, pulling away from Spencer quickly, remembering you were in your work attire.

“It’s alright, baby. ‘M just glad I got to see you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, a sly smile forming on your face. “You’ve been awfully sappy lately, Spence. Are you sure you’re alright? I’m seriously considering taking you to a doctor.”

Spencer laughed. “I’m your sap,” he responded casually.

“Okay. Seriously. Stop making me get lost in your eyes because I got to go to work. Bye. I love you,” you babbled, pulling Spencer down to kiss you.

“Bye, wife,” Spencer whispered into your lips.

“Bye, husband.”

[campgender]

Quim Issue #5 (1994)

[image description: a cropped image of a magazine in black and white. at the top is the question “how can you be a lesbian and sleep with boys?” echoed by the words “call yourself a lesbian.” below this are answers with different text formatting for different responses. a black and white cartoon in the bottom right corner shows two people in skirts saying “what on earth was that about?” “haven’t a clue.”

the responses read:

I hardly ever actually slept with them. Of course you can and many of us do. Having sex with men is a diversion I allow myself every 6-8 years. They become more exciting by being forbidden.

I am a lesbian because of the people I choose to live my life with. Occasionally fucking a man doesn’t change that.

I don’t, I call myself bisexual.

My lesbianism means that I am only physically, mentally and emotionally attracted to women. Though I have had good one-off sex with men in the past, that’s as far as it goes. As far as sexual relationships go they don’t feature.

The few occasions I have done it I have had no problem dealing with it at all. I know I’m a dyke – and one of the benefits of being a dyke is having the choice and occasion to do what the hell you like. If I want to shag a bloke then I will (if nothing else to remind me why I never really wanted to sleep with them in the first place!)

If I was interested enough to commit myself to getting good sex with men, there’d come a point when I’d call myself bi-sexual. Anything I engage and put myself into is something to be proud of, so I’d be proud to call myself bi-sexual. But I don’t feel proud of what I have ever felt or done with men in bed, so the label doesn’t apply.

Easy. I am a lesbian and I sleep with guys every once in a while. Which I know many dykes do but they’re just too scared to admit thinking that women will see them in a different light. Most dykes get the 7 year itch even when they don’t admit it to themselves.

I can’t see a way of sleeping with a man/men on a regular basis and calling yourself a lesbian.

Easy.

I can fall in love with women in a matter of minutes. I have never fallen for a man in the same way.

end image description.]

[erinwantstowrite]

Hi I know you mentioned you being aroace just a couple days ago and I was wondering if maybe you could explain more in depth about how you found out your sexuality and what not? If it’s not too personal…

I’ve always sorta struggled since I haven’t had any crushes as a kid except for maybe one and that’s just cause ppl kept asking me who mine was… so I don’t even think it was a legit crush?? So not only do I not know who (looks,gender, that sorta thing) I would like … am I ever gonna like someone to even find that out???

I know you said Superman on the new trailer was hot ahaha so do you still experience that sort of physical attraction? I’ve been told when people question which gender they like, to pick which one looks more attractive to them but I’ve never really experienced that sort of physical attraction so I can’t tell that way either…

I think any thought of a crush forming was more towards their personality as well. Looks I guess are more of a second thought I think..? Even then I can’t tell if this is “you’re such an awesome person I wanna be besties with you” really strong feeling or an actual “I wanna date this person” feeling.

The only person I’ve gotten really close to discerning it as officially crush was someone from work who was older by a good amount… which can be/is pretty weird.. Lots of people my age are just a little too crazy for me.. I guess??? Idk and even now I can’t tell if that was just “glad to have someone as a friend sorta thing. I’m really sorry if this is too personal and u don’t have to respond to the ask directly either I was just hoping on maybe some advice for some clarity if possible… as I get older and realize I’ve never dated/had that sorta infatuation it feels so excluding at times.

Also I am hoping for a feast AND desert with this “‘soon’ but still haven’t posted it two days later” chapter plz and thank you

I hope this made sense and wasn’t too invasive!! :(

when i was younger, i was reading about this kind of thing online and i didn't find anyone like me. i think it's about time that i come full circle and make my own post. i've got like half of my frontal lobe developed and i've been figuring out a lot of things about myself these past couple of years, and there might be someone out there who needs to hear this (´-`ʃ♡ƪ) so if anyone is interested, below the cut is a very long talk about how i figured some stuff out

when it came to my sexuality, i only started considering it when i was in middle school, going into high school. (which would be when i was 12-13). that's when a lot of my friends started having crushes on our classmates and i realized they were being serious when they said they had crushes on people. they had figured out their identities as being a lesbian or bisexual, and they had relationships. (or as close as you can get to that in middle school).

i started to panic and think that i was lagging behind. and i really started to repress my feelings about dating people and romance and what that would entail. i found out through the internet about being pansexual. at the time i thought "oh, they have the same attraction for everyone!" and i slapped it on myself because i thought it would fix everything. i even came out to my parents as pansexual and for a while i left it at that.

i had an idea of romance. i shipped characters in media and i knew that my parents really loved each other. there were a lot of examples for love in my life that weren't the best, but having two parents that actually did care about each other made me want that for myself in the future...

but that's in the future. i personally didn't think about it much because we were still kids. for a while i didn't think anyone else was being serious, that they were just trying it out quicker than i was ready for. it was a strange feeling. i guess i still believed we were playing make believe, or copying what we saw on TV or with our parents. often when my friends asked me who i had a crush on and i felt pressured, i would pick someone that i thought i wouldn't mind dating if i had to. someone would be "interested" in me and i would say "okay" because i felt like that was part of this game we all seemed to be playing. i've had a few "boyfriends" over the years that got people off my back when i had them. in elementary school it was this boy that didn't pick on me, another boy that was my parents' friend's kid. in middle school i had an online boyfriend and a couple of "crushes" on friends of friends, someone just a little far out of my circle that didn't shake anything up. my friends would help me get together with a person and they'd seem so excited for me, so i just went along with it.

then it hit me that they weren't doing it just to do it, or playing pretend. they actually felt something when they were interacting with their crushes. i started to reread books and rewatch media and really grasp what they were saying. the feeling of having butterflies inside them when they talked to each other, blushing when something was said? i thought that was about a general anxiety people get when talking to other people. but there was always something more to it that i just... didn't get. no matter how hard i tried, i didn't understand what that something was.

then started coming the pressure to do the same, to fit in. that's why i accepted a label of pansexual. it was "strange" but at least it didn't feel "broken." i could deal with people telling me that i was wrong for liking more than just boys. but to say that there was no one on the table gave me an anxiety i'd never felt before. like i would be letting down my family, that the entire course of my life would shift. i wouldn't walk down the aisle because there would be no wedding. my parents wouldn't have grandkids. my friends would go on to have lives completely separate from mine, we'd have nothing in common anymore. so i stuffed it all down and made myself believe that this wasn't who i was.

it really mixed me up because i did have a couple of "crushes" that felt real. there were a few girls i was friends with, there were boys in my classes (usually class clowns...) that i'd get excited to see every day. when i thought about dating them, it felt nice. any other time when i thought about dating someone, i'd get this awful feeling in my gut that i later realized was dread. i was fully convinced it was different from all the other times. that "different" that i didn't understand before.

it was different! but not for the reason i thought it was. those people made me laugh, they listened and remembered things about me (that i didn't get much of during that time of my life), and most of all: they didn't like me back.

there were literally no expectations in their eyes for things to go away from friendship. and i think that's what made me like them, but not as a crush. it was relief. there was always an expectation for other people (specifically boys) that if we were friends, things would stray from friendship at some point. not with these people. that relief, combined with all the other good feelings they gave me (class clowns...) made it so much easier to fall into a friendship that i didn't have with other people. and i was in denial for so long that i thought of those friendships as crushes because they were different from other friendships.

there were a couple of times that i got close to having to face my sexuality and it felt like a gut punch. there were a couple of people i was friends with (that i didn't have crushes on) that i had previously thought "if i had to pick someone" about. but when they actually told me their feelings, i would run away. in one case, i literally ran away. i changed my entire routine so that i wouldn't have to face them. and i'm a creature of habit, so of course i took that step back and asked myself why i was having such a strong reaction. my friends didn't understand why i was so panicked about these confessions. especially because before, i "liked" people and had no problem with it.

part of my feelings were that no one would actually like me (which only furthered me not wanting/not considering romance). some of the confessions that i got were fake/pranks, and it would really mess with my head. i wasn't skinny, i knew i was strange and awkward, and i could be very brash and stubborn. i had a weird sense of humor and i missed social ques. i got a lot of "you should be a lawyer" and complaints of being bossy when i was growing up and i always knew they really meant "you're a bitch." i wouldn't understand why i felt so othered from my peers like that until i learned i was possibly autistic, and i only found that out a couple years ago. combined with being plus sized and not conventionally attractive, i didn't get much breathing room. if i wasn't perfectly calm all the time, if i didn't force myself to be overly nice to people, and if i wasn't funny, i'd get told i was "draining" to be around.

i did a lot to try and fit in. i kept my hair long because people would compliment it, i tried to wear skirts instead of pants/shorts, i'd wear comfy clothes and the like so i didn't look like i was trying too hard. a lot of my personality was forced and i was the one who was being drained instead. i ended up having to get a radar for when people were just messing with me. and so when a real confession happened, there was a combination of anxiety about if they were faking or not, doubt that they could actually like me, and then a deep rooted fear about if they were being serious.

instead of the relief i should have felt when i learned it was a real confession, i still felt scared. it would be the same anxiety as if someone asked me to get on the world's tallest roller coaster in the world and i had just seen a chunk of the roller coaster fall in front of me.

that part made it even harder to come to grips with my sexuality. i thought if i gave up on being a hopeless romantic, i'd be giving in to all the times someone told me "I just don't see you dating anyone." being unlovable was a death sentence in my eyes. and it didn't help that i've lived in the south all my life. i was already strange and going to hell for a multitude of things. turning around and telling them that i was going against every expectation set of me to get married and have kids by 24????

(i should clarify that my parents had never been the ones to put this in my mind. when i came out as pansexual, they had only been confused about what the hell that was. the rest of their reaction was "i mean... we could already sort of tell." and while my parents had hopes for my future, i knew deep down that while they'd be a little sad not to have those expected memories with me, they wouldn't turn me away. and they would very likely be happy to create a whole different set of memories with me.)

i have my current friends to thank for me coming to terms with who i am. by the time i was in college i had started to question everything. my middle school friend group had been majority queer but we had gone to different schools or just faded apart. in high school, a majority of my time was spent in band. and while i was one of those people who had friends in a variety of friend groups, the closest friends i had were the people in my section that i sat next to every day. and in the present time, only a couple of them remained straight churchgoers. even though they've changed now just like i have, during high school i was a different story.

going to college opened me up to a far different experience. by this point i'd shifted from pansexual to bisexual. my college experience wasn't... ideal. or really healthy in any aspect. but meeting these people did dislodge the mindset i'd had for most of my life. and my current friends have changed my life. the fear that i had about being aromantic has now become the relief i needed my entire life. it doesn't feel broken, or wrong, or strange. sometimes i do feel sad about it, or question if this is really the case. maybe one day i'll meet someone who shows me that "different" feeling i'd been waiting to understand. but i grew past the societal expectation of needing a partner to be fulfilled in life and i'm so much happier.

life doesn't need to be about that partner. i have many, many friends and family to grow old with. i have a godchild!! one day i'll have my own house to celebrate holidays and achievements at, to host my friends and family. i'll have pets that i love and i'll have my own career, and i'll be happy because i never needed to fit expectations to be happy.

when it comes to anything sexual, it's sort of the same feeling as when i had "crushes" on people in real life. though also different? i don't look at real people and feel an attraction beyond knowing that they are attractive, objectively. i can feel attraction sometimes in a physical sense, but i have no interest in having anything personal happening between us. a fictional character has no interest in me, and so it feels safe to think that they're hot and to express it. like sure, yeah, i have a crush on them! i get giggly when Captain Smoker from One Piece shows up on the screen, and the new Superman makes me think "oh! okay!" but if they were real and in front of me? i'd probably... lose that attraction, like it was never there.

here's the kicker, though, and might sound weird at first: you don't have to put a label on yourself

yeah, i do consider myself aroace. but the world is ever changing and so is the human experience. it helps to have a basis, to understand your feelings and work through them. it's nice to be like "there is a name for this" and to find a community through that. i'm not saying there's anything wrong about figuring out your identity and saying "I'm this, this, and this!" nothing at all wrong with that. but we're all figuring ourselves out, all the time. it doesn't end when you put the label on. you have the entire rest of your life to continue learning things about yourself and the world around you. i wish i'd known in middle school that i didn't have to rush it, that i have every opportunity to take it one phase at a time. a human life seems fleeting, especially when you're looking back on your past and feeling like the time flew by. but that's just our perception of it as we look back.

what i mean to say it that it's okay to backtrack. it's okay to change your mind. it's okay to not put a label on it. it's okay to put a label on it. it's okay not to tell anyone, if you don't want to. it's okay to say "i'll figure it out." and it's okay if you don't. it's okay if you sit up in bed one day when you're 60 years old and go "that's what it is." as long as you live your life listening to yourself and not trying to meet an expectation you think you have to, then you're doing it right.

and it's okay if you lived your life like i did, and you didn't do any of that. being a human is messy and that's part of life. you're not gonna get it right the first time- but even then, sometimes you will! there's a nuance and a spectrum to everything you experience. take pride in who you are even if you don't have a clue yet. be kind to yourself. you're gonna be okay.

[pernesophe]

Ren Kaji x reader who likes being talked to like that

(Minors, Ageless and Blank Blogs DNI)

TW: MATURE CONTENT: suggestive, a little bit of smut here and there (vaginal penetration (pnv) fantasy scene), f reader, no ages mentioned, but all characters written as 18+ in mind (read at your own risk please 🙏🏻) MDNI

Had this thought at like 3a two days ago and had to get it out. This is the first suggestive/smut piece I’ve written (also barely proofread), so please be gentle🙏🏻

If you’re reading this, then thank you and I hope you enjoy it!!

As the third man approaches you from the other end of the bridge from behind - effectively caging between the two men in front of you - you know you should’ve taken a different route. There’s been reports of men holding people up on this bridge, and specifically young girls getting roughed up on their way to school. As the man before you raises a bat in preparation to knock you out, you curse yourself for your stupidity.

Suddenly, a guy with snow white hair comes flying in from behind them - landing between you and them. Grabbing the bat at the same time as he punches the man holding it, knocking him out cold. He then kicks the man standing next to him, sending him flying into the railing. Turning around, he swiftly grabs your hand and pulls you towards him causing you to yelp, and then he raises his leg up high in front of him to kick the third man squarely in the jaw. As the dust settles, you look over your savior.

He’s attractive to say the least. A muscular build hidden under a few layers, dark cerulean eyes framed by white fringed locks contrasted by the black and silver headphones on his ears, and a face that could put Adonis to shame. Most notable was the fierce look on his face accompanied by sharp canines glinting in the sun when he turned to face you.

“What the hell are you doing on this bridge? Haven’t you heard the reports?” He practically shouts at you. “Do you not care about your own safety, or do you have no survival instinct?” His voice raises an octave as he chastises you. Despite his tone, and some of his words, it did seem like he was chastising you out of genuine concern. Unfortunately, you cannot help the physical reaction you’re having to his looks, his tone, and his voice. Oh his voice… you think dreamily as your cheeks flush a bright pink and heat burns in your veins. The cedarwood and tobacco scent of his shampoo and body wash wafts into your nose from the gentle breeze, and at that point you’re finished. Your breath hitches noticeably and you can’t find your words.

“What’s wrong with you? I asked a question.” He said bluntly. Just then his seconds -Enomoto and Kusumi - come up behind him and begin apologizing profusely for their captain who goes by Ren Kaji. They ask if you’re okay. Kaji’s eyebrow quirks at their apologies, but he regards you with a softer expression as if he’s trying to figure out if he really hurt your feelings or not.

“O-oh no, I’m fine! Please don’t apologize. I’m actually sorry, Kaji is right - I should’ve been more careful. I’m sorry to have troubled you, a-and thank you for your help!” You stammered out quickly, feeling your cheeks burn hotter.

“I actually have to get going - sorry - I’m running late!” You say quickly as you take off at almost a sprint towards your school. Kaji, Enomoto, and Kusumi watch you go. He starts to worry that he did hurt your feelings, and groans softly at the thought.

“I’m glad you already realized that you should’ve been kinder to her,” Enomoto chastises Kaji gently, and his captain shoots him a look in return. “Just apologize to her, I’m sure it will be fine.” Enomoto reassured, and Kusumi nodded quickly in agreement. Kaji sighs and nods as he tries to form a plan of how he would go about doing that.

Kaji truly thought that apologizing to you would be easy, but for the following two weeks it felt like anytime he got close to you, you would just disappear. It got to the point where he got his seconds and some other Furin members to start intercepting you so Kaji could meet up with you, but somehow you got one over on them every single time. Usually disappearing mere moments before Kaji arrived. The scene he’s grown accustomed to is a couple of Furin members standing with bewildered faces and a space between them big enough for you to fit. Finally, he forms a different plan that he calculated would have a higher success rate.

You arrived at Pothos after school feeling completely dead. Avoiding Kaji seemed to be a full time job, especially when it seems like most of Furin was helping him to corner you. Kotoha serves you an omelet rice with coffee as she regards your exhausted face carefully, putting away her phone.

“Y/N, I hear Kaji has been looking for you, but you’ve been avoiding him. Why?” She asks gently, but still direct.

When you don’t respond, she continues. “He’s really not as mean as he seems, you know.” She reassures you.

“No, I know… I’m actually not afraid of him… like at all.” You admit sheepishly.

“Then why have you been avoiding him?!” She asks, a little exasperated. You feel your cheeks growing redder as you try to stammer out a response, but complete gibberish falls past your lips in the form of grunts and sighs as you grasp at the words. Kotoha bursts out laughing right then and begins pointing at you accusingly.

“You LIKE him don’t you?!” She practically shouts. You reach across the counter and clap your hand over her mouth to stop her.

“Kotoha!!!” You whisper-shout at her with wide eyes. She quickly quiets down as you lean back into your seat.

“So why have you been avoiding him, actually?” She asks cautiously. Your head immediately droops in shame. Raising your gaze to hers again, you open and close your mouth like a guppy trying to find the words. Finally, you sigh heavily before coming clean.

“I kind of like it when he talks to me like that. All gruff, and kind of mean y’know? I kind of… malfunction when he does it…” you admit just loud enough for her to hear. Kotoha obviously tries to contain her laughter, but inevitably releases a symphony of gasping guffaws as she holds her sides.

“Please don’t say anything to him! Actually, please don’t say anything to anyone! I’m so embarrassed…” you plead to Kotoha, and then let out a pained groan as you drop your face into your hands.

“I won’t say anything, I promise.” She swears with her right hand raised. “But you really need to talk to him. At least accept his apology, because honestly he’s been going a little crazy about it.” She said seriously. You sigh, but nod and promise that you will talk to him.

Kaji has been thinking about you nonstop since meeting you on the bridge. He really didn’t know he was being such an ass. He was wearing his headphones, so he had yelled at you when he never meant to. Still, you had flushed the prettiest pink, and the way you could barely respond had his cock straining against his tight denim. He especially loved the way your breath hitched, making it seem like you were breathless. His imagination ran wild with how many different ways he could make you breathless with that pretty pink blush dusting your cheeks. That’s probably why he was so worried about apologizing. You hadn’t seemed scared of him, if anything you seemed flustered by him. He was curious about you. About what you thought of him. About what your soft curves would feel like against him…

Which is how he found himself standing outside of Pothos looking at the message from Kotoha one more time: ‘Y/N is here eating. Wait for her outside and walk her home!’

He held a striking bouquet of stark white roses and black dahlias intertwined, waiting for you… like a stalker. Sighing heavily about the optics, he begins to straighten up to leave, but then you walk out of Pothos and look right at him.

“Kaji!” You cry out as if you just saw a ghost. “H-how are you?” You ask in a calmer tone - trying to cover for your weird greeting.

“I’m good,” he said calmly. He didn’t really script out what he was going to say, so he scrambled for how to proceed. Watching you fidget and remembering the goons on the bridge, he decided. “Let me walk you home.” He stated - clearly not asking for your permission.

“O-okay!” You say softly, but shoot him a gentle smile as you walk in the direction of your apartment, Kaji in stride with you. As you approach the bridge, he hands you the bouquet. You’ve never seen an arrangement of such contrast - perfect white roses, and deep black dahlias. Honestly, you wondered where the hell he found a bouquet like this. You almost asked him, if he didn’t speak first.

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. I was out of line.” He apologized, his tone truly genuine.

“Oh no, don’t worry about it! It really wasn’t a big deal. I’m fine anyway,” you chuckle softly. He doesn’t laugh though. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you…” you continue, eyes falling to the ground in shame. The two of you finally arrive at the bridge where you met.

“Really?” He asks a bit incredulous. “It’s not a big deal? I assumed you just wrote me off. Why have you been avoiding me then?” He was direct and firm with his question, but by no means rude. Your heart clenches at his admission - sad that he thought you had written him off.

“Oh, um… I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you feel that way…” you say softly. Pausing on the bridge you play with the wrapping of the bouquet trying to find the words. A pregnant pause passes.

“Look. I wasn’t asking for another apology. I was asking why. If you don’t want to tell me that’s fine, but don’t waste my time acting coy. You know what you want to say, you’re just avoiding that too.`` He said pointedly and then huffed as he ran his hand through his white locks. His steely blue eyes glinted with annoyance.

Immediately, your face began to burn and your heart pounded against your chest. Pupils dilating, your gaze zeroes in on the canines poking out as he sighed, and the way his soft locks fell through his fingers and framed his face. You find yourself eying his muscular build under his layers once again. Lewd thoughts began to race through your mind of what he could do with that hidden strength. Your imagination doesn’t help as it produces scenes in your mind’s eye of Kaji holding you against a wall - his hips slotted between yours and his mouth devouring yours hungrily as he grinds into your core. Another image of Kaji sitting on a bed with you in his lap - both of you stark naked. His hands gripping under your thighs and your arms draped over his shoulders as he holds you up and slides you down his length over and over in one fluid motion. He taunts you in your vision. Saying things like:

“Oh? You said ‘it’s too big! It won’t fit!’, and now look at you. Moaning like a whore for more.” He grins against your throat - canines skimming the sensitive skin there. He’d talk dirtier the closer he got to climax: “Who does this little hole belong to? Hm? Talk to me, Y/N. Who else can make you feel this good? Say it.”

“Kaji! She belongs to Ren Kaji!” You cry, voice straining in pleasure. “Only you-hah make me feel this-hah way Ren! Hmmmm-aaah!” You’d pant out, between desperate moans.

“I love your cock!” Unable to stop yourself from babbling now as his tip bumps that spongy spot that makes your thighs tremble in his strong grip. “I-I… You s-stretch me so good… Please, please- nnnnghh! Don’t Stop!” Drool collects on your lips as you whine into his neck about how he makes you feel.

“Yeah?” Is all he would respond with, breathless and sultry, before he’s speeding up his pace, lifting you up and dropping you down his length faster and faster - his thick cock bullying your gummy walls deliciously. Only your toes skimmed the bed sheets as you babbled and moaned into the crook of his neck.

Once again, you were malfunctioning.

“Okay. You say it’s not a big deal, but now you’re blushing again and not responding. What the hell is wrong with you?” He spats at you accusingly. Kaji’s blood starts to boil from rage at the fact that he tried at all - you were just like every other person who’s called him a beast. He turns to leave you there on the bridge when you finally let out a small squeak as you try to say anything. He turns back to glare at you, but waits for you to speak.

“I-I… goddammit!” You say with a heavy sigh as you rub your face. “I like the way you talk to me, Kaji. I-it’s… I just like it, okay?” You say back, unable to hide the bit of annoyance in your voice. Kaji stares at you owl eyed.

“What?” He asks quietly, but he certainly heard you. You’re positive he did, but you humor him anyway.

“I like the way you talk. You’re gruff. To the point. You don’t mince your words and I really, really like that about you. When you talk to me like that, or when you tell me what to do I just…” you trail off with another heavy sigh. Scratching the back of your neck as you continue. “I get really flustered. I don't know what to do or say, and you look so good when you talk like that…” you sigh again, your eyes having been glued to the bouquet in your arms for a while now, unable to meet his gaze. “I completely malfunction.” You admit shamefully, as you finally dare to peek up at him.

He's not able to look at you, but his face is beet red, and he’s holding a fist in front of his mouth like he’s trying to hide his reaction. The other held his hip causing his elbow to point out dramatically. Honestly, he could pass as a model like this.

“I’m sorry… I know it’s completely inappropriate of me... That’s why I’ve been avoiding you…” you whisper, feeling tears well up in your eyes - completely embarrassed by your own confession. All you wanted to do was to crawl under a rock and just die.

Kaji looks up to see you trying to hold back tears, and his brain short circuits. Fuck. She’s even pretty when she’s about to cry. He feels desperate to make you feel better, but a more depraved part of him wants to see just a few droplets fall down your cheek. If only so he can kiss them away.

Before the first tear can fall, he steps forward without thinking it through any further. You press your back to the railing as he closes his hands around it on either side of you - caging you between the railing and his chest. Breath hitching in your throat as he comes inches from your face. Steely blue eyes pinning you in place.

“Don’t you cry now. I told you I don’t want anymore apologies.” He said, still gruff, but there’s a softness to it. A hidden joy there. “Are you sure though? You like how I speak? You like me?” He asks tentatively. You nod quickly, meeting the steely blues that are boring into you now with determination. He chuckles low at the change in your demeanor, his cock twitches approvingly.

“And you’re sure you can take it?” He asks, his gruff voice developing a sultry edge as his eyes travel down to your lips and then lower before bringing his gaze back to yours. A soft moan escapes your lips from those words being said in that tone having been in your darkest fantasies of late. It’s just soft enough for Kaji to believe it could’ve been his imagination, but he feels your breath caress his lips. You nod slowly as your gaze becomes heated and half lidded.

“I need to hear you say it, Y/N. Can you take it?” His breath fans your lips as he demands an answer from you. Refusing to accept the silent yes - he wants to hear you scream it if possible. His voice sends liquid heat straight to your core as you rub your thighs together for any kind of friction.

“I can take it Kaji, I promise.” You whisper back softly, even though the darkest point in your eyes reflect the promise you have in store for him. His whole body is set ablaze with desire as he wraps one arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. His mouth crashes into yours, devouring it hungrily. You moan against him, and his tongue darts through your parted lips, quickly claiming your mouth as his own. He doesn’t stop kissing you until you're both breathless and the need for air forces him to finally part from you. He takes a moment to look over your puffy, kiss-bitten lips and wanton expression. Then, he takes your hand in his and tugs you towards your apartment.

“Let’s go.” He commands as he leads you along. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?” He asks bluntly as he looks at you in his periphery.

“Uh, no…” you say quietly as you are ushered down empty streets, Kaji’s warm hand enveloping yours securely. You can’t help but steal quick peeks at his broad shoulders, sharp jawline, and the way the veins popped out in his hand. Occasionally, those deep ceruleans kept meeting your gaze from Kaji taking the same peeks. You avert your gaze quickly with embarrassment, but Kaji isn’t shy about taking in your blushing face - planning out how he intends to keep you blushing.

“Good. You’re gonna need the rest.” He states flatly, but the corners of his mouth slyly turn up from the obvious taunt. Your heart almost explodes right there for a couple reasons. One, it’s the first time you’ve seen him smile and it is downright angelic. Two, his eyes glinted with a promise of his own that made your heart skip a beat and your pussy drool and clench in anticipation.

[homunculus-argument]

hey there! this sounds like a bit of a silly question, but as a trans guy, you’re one of the few trans people i’ve been following almost since i joined tumblr, so based on your other anon ask and answer i figured i’d pop in and ask if you have any advice? if you want to answer, ofc :) — i foresee this being a bit long, so i totally get if not

so i’m also a trans guy, but i haven’t been able to take any steps toward medical transitioning before since i live with my parents. but i’ll move out soon, and i still can’t decide if i should take any of these steps even once i do. i’ve never felt like i particularly wanted to medically transition (i don’t really care about how my body looks + i’ve never really cared about changing any of it), but i would like to be seen a guy — i don’t mind if not so by strangers, but maybe so by like, my friends. but i can’t help but feel like i’d be laughed at for wanting that — i’m not naturally androgynous or masculine looking to others and i have never been mistaken for a guy, because i have really long hair, d cups, and curves. and without medically transitioning, i also kinda feel like i’m… betraying the trans community, since i’m not really putting the effort into my transition and so i’m just ‘pretending’, even though i do know i’m not.

so my question would be: as a trans person who has transitioned, socially and medically, do you think people are more understanding than i think they are currently? do you know of any trans people who don’t want to medically transition, and do you think it’s possible to live fulfilled that way? or even: do you think it would be easier for someone like me to just live a lie? i usually tell people i’m a lesbian, because they definitely would not look at me and assume ‘straight guy’, but also, as a trans person who doesn’t want to medically transition, i’m just always worried that i won’t be taken seriously. i feel like your experience of being trans and probably interacting with the community is much more than mine, which is why i ask this last one — i would try being open myself, but again, i’m still living with my parents unfortunately.

I'll be honest I don't actually really know much "community" save for former art school classmates. I've only known one trans person irl who chose not to medically transition - at the time, Finland's trans law was still shitty and required sterilisation for legal sex change, and all that. She didn't want kids or anything, but refused to engage in the process as her own little personal civilian protest. I don't want to paint some caricature picture of some Sharp Dommy Tall Scary Goth Trans Anarchist, but I was deeply impressed by the way she didn't do a single thing to try to seem smaller, softer, or in any way submissive or docile to be ~feminine~ the right, socially accepted way.

She wasn't just taller than most men but usually the tallest person in the room, and she stood out in a crowd of cis women like a crane in a chicken coop - a bird just as much as they are, but a different kind of bird. And I remember thinking that I could never do that, being so unflinching and unhesitant about standing out in the crowd because assimilating and muting yourself is beneath your dignity.

Honestly, I don't know what to tell you about being openly trans without transitioning medically, save for that it takes more guts than being able to just go stealth. I had physical dysphoria about the way my body was, and was desperate to get top surgery just for the sake of my own physical comfort, and I like the convenient anonymity of being able to just be Just Some Guy who doesn't attract anyone's interest or curiosity.

It's a smart move to not come out to your parents before you're out of their house and not relying on them for anything - this is something everyone should use their own judgement for, but I stress it to every queer kid to not take the risk if there's any chance that they'll react poorly while they still have power over you. But living your whole life in the closet - "living a lie" is a good way to put it - will corrode you from the inside.

It's better to live in peace with yourself and against the world, than in peace with the world against yourself. There is absolutely nothing in your power that you could do to change the minds of people who have already decided that they don't respect you, and if they try telling you that they would, if you only met their approved criteria, they are lying. That's bait they're dangling in front of you, and there's no "earning" the respect of such people.

Stay true to yourself and be good to people, and you'll have the respect of people who are capable of respecting you. Don't waste your time and energy on people who won't respect you, every thought and effort you spare them is wasted on them.

[thebadboyfanclub]

I Would Like That (Harwin x Reader)

Another Harwin imagine and this was actually really interesting cause I wanted to write a slow burn with an arranged marriage trope, I hope you like it.

Lady (y/n) Tower was a wonderful match for Harwin, a noble house of the river lands and allies to Harrenhal, his Father Lyonel did not want to discuss it further with Harwin, especially after the whispers amongst the red keep of Harwin's living princess Rhaenyra pregnant, the same that this would bring to house Strong would be fatal.

(Y/n) traveled to Kings landing to meet with her intended, Harwin was wildly disinterested but respectful, it was to his knowledge that the lady did not have a choice in this nor was it her scheme to be ripped away from Princess Rhaenyra.

“May I present the third of my four children, lady (y/n)”

“My lord”

(Y/n)s voice was as light as a feather as she bowed before her future lord husband and good father, Lyonel was impressed, the lady was young and attractive, and she would stand well next to his boy.

(Y/n) took in Harwin for the very first time, the rumors were true he looked quite powerful, he also looked as strong as he was handsome, with curls that fell loosely and deep blue eyes, she immediately pictures little children that inherited his eyes.

Harwin took her hand in his to place a kiss on the back of her palm, some would say it was a good start for the couple, however (y/n) only felt coldness radiating from his lips, he hadn’t said a thing and he did not appear to be excited or even interested.

She shifted from one foot to the other due to the uncomfortable aura that lingered within them, Lyonel waited for a minute to give his son a chance but to no avail.

“You must be tired, the journey is certainly long and we deeply appreciate you for coming all the way here, let us show you to your chamber”

“That sounds lovely”

(Y/n) had a target on her back, to which Harwin hated himself for it, the minute they were married he felt responsible for her, (y/n) is kind, poised, and optimistic, to be around her was like being in the sun, her warmth engulfed you, unfortunately for her a few days after their wedding princess Rhaenyra gave birth to Jacaerys Velaryon, a boy that looked almost identical to Ser Harwin.

One could imagine the embarrassment that ran through her veins when she had to bow before the princess and her husband and congratulate the couple for their heir, still, she smiled fondly at them before she peeked at the child, her hand landed on the top of his head to caress the babe's hair lovingly.

“Congratulations princess, one day I hope to be as lucky as you”

Some say it was a jab to Rhaenyra, others it was a secret pain that bled (y/n)s heart to death, whatever the case may be Harwin felt the urge to do better by her, every time his gaze fell upon her he was constantly reminded of how he was underperforming in his wedlock.

“I have arranged for us to leave when spring comes, harrenhal is lovely this time of year”

“I do not understand”

“We are going to settle to Harrenhal, I will take my place as my father's heir and you will be by my side”

(Y/n) did not respond, she just furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to find the reason behind his new plan, ever since they were wed Harwin had not only been the commander of the city watch, but he was also sworn knight to Princess Rhaenyra, how could he leave everything behind?

Harwin almost sensed the questions that occupied her brain and reached from his chair to grab the hand that was resting on the arm of her chair, Harwin and (y/n) were not usually physical with each other, as much as she would love to be Harwin had never shown that type of intention.

“I haven’t done right by you, it is time for me to treat you a lady Strong deserves to be treated”

(Y/n) smiled as her heartstrings played like the sweetest of harps and the words rested on her mind, it felt like a beacon of hope had finally been lit in her life.

She nodded before she bit her lip to hide her excitement, she could already imagine telling that story to her beloved daughter when she comes of age and must marry, to bestow optimism for what’s to come to her and show her that there is always room for improvement.

Unfortunately, one mustn’t know all the plans that the future holds.

Harwin had gotten into a fight with a commoner while he was on watch and had managed to slice in the belly, along with a pretty heavy wound on his head, his fellow knights had dragged him to his wife, waking up in the hour of the bat to see your husband bleeding and unconscious caused her to go in hysteria, she had woken up the entire castle with her screams and luckily the maester as well.

(Y/n) tended to him for a fortnight, sat by his bed awake, and cleaned his bandages every two hours like clockwork, the damage was not fatal but it was serious and if it got infected the cost would be his life, Harwin would wake up only to be fed by her, soup, water and bread, that was all he was allowed to consume since they had once tried to give him meat and he threw up almost immediately, his stomach could not handle it yet.

“(Y/n)”

“It’s me my love, time for supper”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around him like the maester had shown her to make it easier for him to sit up, Harwin grunted as he felt his flesh stretched which was an extremely unpleasant sensation alongside how fragile he had become.

“Here, I managed to convince the maester to let us add fish, I know eating the same thing can be boring”

“Nothing can be boring when you are the one that serves it, dear (y/n)”

(Y/n) could already detect the blood rushing to her cheeks as she was blushing, how could she not? Harwin had been in and out of consciousness for days, barely being able to speak, now as he slowly was coming up on his feet and (y/n) could listen to the sweet sound of his voice was a treat by itself, let alone to listen to such lovely compliments.

(Y/n) dipped the spoon on the plate before she blew slightly to cool the substance and then fed it to Harwin, the warmth of the soup brought comfort to him, and the combination of food with (y/n) looking at him with her deer-like eyes as she waited for a reaction was getting his spirits high.

“Oh I remember you, you were right, fish makes it better”

“If you digest it properly maester said that we can also try to help you walk, I was thinking of the gardens since the weather has been generous the past days”

“Not more than you, you have been more than generous to me”

“It is my duty as your wife to tend to you”

“No, it isn’t, you have been ridiculed by the court, you could have despised me and left me for dead”

“Harwin-“

“You endured it all, with grace at that, now you came to my aid and have been nothing but wonderful to me, you are more than I could ever ask for”

“You are not a bad man Harwin, I understand I was not the lady you would have chosen to be your lady wife”

“Indeed, I would not have picked you”

The scrunch of the nose that Harwin saw (y/n) does was enough to help him recognize that (y/n) was also hurting, badly, she thought that she came second and perhaps that stood true when they first met.

(Y/n) was about to feed him another spoonful before Harwin stopped her, once again he grabbed her hand but this time he brought her knuckles up to his lips to place a kiss full of endearment.

“Because I was a blind man that did not see the blessing that is you, I am delighted that my father was smart enough to see the gem that you are. I love you”

Tears came to her eyes as the weight that had kept her from breathing was finally lifted off her chest, she deserved a round of applause for how well she had kept it together for this long, only the Gods know the number of times (y/n) had cried herself to sleep from the unbearable burden of having to wed a man that already had a firstborn bastard and with a princess at that, she kept her spirits high for the sake of her family and to restrain herself from going insane.

“You healed my wounds, I believe it’s time that I heal yours, what do you say?”

“I would like that”

Her voice cracked as the tears ran down her cheeks for Harwin to reach and wipe away, it was hushed but it was enough of a response for Harwin to smile at her, silence fell upon them but as they stared back at one another all that needed to be said was there, to Harwin's hand resting upon hers and the fond grins.

They both experienced the relief of beginning a new chapter as they both held the pen together, their vows coming to fruition as they spiritually became one, accepting one another as someone to love and hold.

As (y/n) kept feeding her husband with the ritual of slightly blowing each spoonful for him slowly but surely the soup vanished from the dish and Harwin felt better than ever, it was perfect timing for his father to walk in.

“How are you today son?”

“Much better, my dear has been taking good care of me”

Lyonel came to a halt at the scene that unfolded before him, (y/n) placed the tray aside and Harwin stretched his arm to find her hips and pull her next to him, making (y/n) yelp from the surprise and plop right next to him.

Lyonel admired his good daughter ever since he met her, she was perfect for Harwin and the way she cared for him and stood by him was admirable, to say the least, now that Harwin had seen to look past his nose and become the man he should have been months ago to her was wonderful news, Lyonel nodded once as a smirk played on his lips.

“I see I am interrupting, I shall leave you to it”

“No, you are not interrupting my lord”

“Father with all due respect I would like to spend some time with my lady wife, in private”

Requests are open!

[happilychee]

thinking about aromantic lucy

I saw a terf saying aspec people aren't actually queer so fuck them here's aromantic lucy heartfilia

cw: a few mentions of internalized arophobia

lucy who doesn't know that the word love exists until she reads it in one of the few fairytale books in her father's extensive library. lucy who doesn't quite get the kissing and the physicality and the fiery proclamations, but thinks that it's an okay price to pay for someone to be so passionate for her. to choose her and care about her, like her mother did before she passed.

lucy, who's eight years old and crying after another argument with her father, who summons aquarius and asks "do you love me?" aquarius feels her blood pressure rise, but seeing the broken look in her wielder's watery eyes, she decides to drop the snark. "I do, kid." "does that mean you wanna kiss me?" aquarius almost smacks lucy over the head.

lucy who doesn't quite understand the difference between how she cares for her spirits and how she felt about her mom. lucy who cares deeply for everyone who's important to her, who thinks that aquarius could just as easily be her knight in shining armor as the storybook prince. lucy who reads romance books because she wants someone like that in her life. lucy who's never had any friends besides aquarius. lucy who thinks it must be nice to have someone choose you, care about you, protect you. lucy decides that that's what love is.

lucy who's old enough to know she doesn't like her father. lucy who's so confused when she hates him but still cares about him. lucy who's old enough to run away from home but too young, too young.

lucy who joins fairy tail and has no idea what to expect. lucy who's startled by her new friends' openness and easy acceptance of her. lucy who blushes when natsu throws an arm around her, who feels warm and fuzzy when gray guides her by the small of her back, who has a lopsided grin on her face when erza links arms with her as they walk. lucy who suddenly thinks that she's in love with three people at once and panics (her storybooks never mentioned that!!).

lucy who turns to who she can confidently call her best friend, levy mcgarden, for help. levy sits her down with a cup of hot chocolate and cookies. they talk for hours about sexuality and attraction; lucy sleeps over that night. the word that sticks out the most in her mind is aromantic.

lucy who gets drunk at a party and gets a little too close to cana, and suddenly they're in cana's apartment, making out like there's no tomorrow. lucy who feels guilt creep up in the morning because she knows cana and gray and loke have something going, and she might've just ruined it. lucy who tears up when cana laughs because she's so, so confused. cana's expression morphs into concern and she wipes away her friend's tears, warm skin on skin. cana who tells lucy that what she does with gray and what she does with loke doesn't restrict her from what she does with other people. "we talked about it, I promise." cana reassures her. then, leaning in with a sexy smirk on her face, she whispers, "besides, they're probably jealous I took you home first~" the rush of heat is enough to make lucy's mind go blank with joy.

lucy who shyly asks cana about her relationships and learns so much she feels like her head is going to explode. lucy who has a crisis about her storybooks and her ideal romances. she's never going to have that, she realizes. it feels like someone's scooped out her chest.

lucy whose feelings ebb and flow like the tide. she's not used to this. being so... different. her storybooks are scattered across the floor, thrown in an angry fit. her door is locked, but her window isn't, and that's how natsu gets in. "you okay, luce? we haven’t seen you in a while."

the dam breaks. lucy sobs in natsu's arms, and all she can think is that this is the exact type of hurt/comfort scene she loves in her stories. she wishes she were normal, so she could love normally, so she could love natsu the normal way and be done with it. she doesn't realize she's talking out loud.

natsu cups her face, onyx eyes boring into chocolate ones. he squishes her cheeks together, the way he does when he thinks she's overthinking something. and then, natsu breaks through her entire crisis with three little words.

"does it matter?" he furrows his brow. "you're lucy, and I'm natsu, and I care about you." "but- I don't feel romantic attraction-" natsu huffs, frustrated that lucy's not getting something that's apparently obvious to him. "luce. I care about you, and I trust you, and I want to take care of you and protect you. who cares about anything else?" lucy blinks once, twice, and then she's sobbing again. natsu panics, because he knows he can be blunt and dismissive sometimes, but lucy barrels into him, clutching onto his scarf tightly.

"you care about me?" she whispers in a child's voice. that's more important to her than anything. romantic, platonic, the gray area in between, none of it matters as long as natsu cares.

natsu tightens his grip, wondering who he has to pummel for making his girl feel that way. "course I care about you, dummy. I'd burn down the world for you. and so would erza and gray and cana and everyone else."

lucy who has a really hard time moping when natsu's there every step of the way, trying to cheer her up. erza and gray show up, too, and it's hard to stay sad when she's being tickled by erza while gray cooks dinner and kicks natsu out of her kitchenette.

lucy who feels the hollow fill with something warm and gooey when erza gives her a hug, confessing that she often has trouble figuring out how she feels about anything. lucy laughs when erza tells her about the shenanigans that have happened when she doesn't pick up on someone flirting with her but gray and natsu do. she feels all fuzzy when gray leans against her, telling her that he feels the same way. his hand plays with hers, and she thinks it's nice how well they slot together.

lucy realizes when natsu falls asleep in her lap, arms wrapped protectively around her waist. lucy realizes when gray falls asleep at her side, erza tucked to his chest. lucy realizes that her friends make her feel like she's on top of the world, and she doesn't need a fairytale prince when she's got fairy tail.

[fanfic-compass]

~Doubt~

George Weasley X Fem!Reader

Summary: Since the birth of their twin kids, George and y/n's love life has been dead. Both worry that the other doesn't finf them attractive anymore.

Note: Sorry for any spelling mistakes

The last three months have been exhausting for y/n and her husband George but also so fulfilling. Y/n has given birth to their twin sons Anthony and Alastor. Redheads, of course,just like their father. Their nights were filled with crying babies, dirty diapers and a lack of sleep but they absolutely loved their children and they would do anything for them.

It's been little over a year after the Battle of Hogwarts where everyone lost friends, family members and loved ones. But now they were a real family and everything was perfect. Well, almost everything.

The love life of y/n and George was practically dead. Y/n knew that it was normal not to have sex the first weeks after giving birth but still George never even made a single move to change that now and it started to worry the young mother.

She was scared that he didn’t find her attractive anymore. She gained weight and got stretch marks which was actually normal during a pregnancy but she still believed that George didn’t like her appearance anymore.

What she didn't know was that George was struggling with himself too. And naturally he came to his best friend and twin brother Fred to talk to him about his own problem.

“I tell you, it’s been so long since we had sex…” He explained, worried.

Fred sighed. “Is this about you gaining weight again? I told you it’s sympathy weight. Nothing unusual for a guy”

“I know… but still. First I lost my ear and now I gained weight… I can't even believe she is still with me. She's crazy, there is no other explanation.”

George tried to sound funny as always but deep down he was still worried.

“Maybe we should make a potion to lose weight. We could make a lot of money with it… and I could test it on myself.”

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and y/n entered. She gave George a quick kiss, this was the only physical touch they shared, apart from loosely cuddling at night.

“The kids are asleep right now…” She told him.

Actually she came to talk to Fred but with George in the same room, she couldn’t. So they sat for a while in an awkward silence until one of the babies started crying. George stood up and walked out of the room to take care of it.

“So Freddie… I need your advice” Y/n started quickly. “I… have a little problem right now… about George…”

Fred could already guess what it was.

“Well… I think that George doesnt find me attractive anymore.”

“And why do you think that?” Fred was curious.

“Because… i gained weight during the pregnancy, i got stretchmarks and… and since the kids were born we never… got a little… closer than just a simple kiss.”

Fred laughed. For him it was like one of those comedy shows on the muggle tv that y/n once showed him. But she didn’t find it funny at all.

“Perhaps you could talk to your husband?”

“But what if he tells me that he really doesnt find me attractive anymore? What if he only stays because of the kids?”

“Come on, y/n. He has always been crazy for you. Ever since we were kids. I have an idea. How about you two go on a date tonight?”

“And the kids?”

“I will take care of them. They love their uncle Freddie. After all, I have never met someone who didn't like me.”

“Uh… Umbridge?”

“The evil toad doesn’t count. But seriously, tonight you're gonna go on a date.”

Y/n sighed but agreed. In the evening she and George were eating at a romantic restaurant and they finally had time for themselves again. They talked about things that they haven’t talked about in a long time and it felt refreshing to be together again. After their date they got back home. Fred put a note on the door, saying that the kids were in his room and that he would take care of them in the night. Then he put a little smirking smiley at the end of the note.

George and y/n went to their bedroom and got ready for bed. George sat on the bed and y/n came in with a beautiful set of lingerie on. She sat next to her husband and caressed his thigh. He, however, backed away.

“Georgie… we need to talk.” Y/n said in a serious tone.

“Yes, i think we need to talk…” George agreed.

“Do you still find me attractive?” Y/n bursted out.

“Of course. You are the sexiest woman ever.”

“Then why do you seem so uncomfortable with me touching you?”

“Because…” George sighed. “Because I am not attractive enough anymore. During your pregnancy I gained weight. And on top of that I’m still missing my ear… I just don’t want you to be repulsed by me…”

“Darling… I love you. I could never be repulsed by you. You are so sexy and handsome and attractive and… I just wish we would… have sex again. I miss the feeling.” Y/n took his hand and sat a little closer. “I just thought with my stretchmarks and my weight that you were repulsed by me.”

“You’re crazy. I love you. You are so sexy… and you look like you do because you carried our children. That’s the most beautiful thing in the world.”

“So can we… maybe… tonight…”

George cut his wife off by pressing his lips against hers in a passionate kiss. They kept kissing for so long and after a while he lifted her up and sat her down on his lap where they kept making out and caressing each other like they haven't done in so long. And with that they reignited the fire that burned so low after the past months. And oh, how they needed that.

[slowcatsisland]

I love your Post about Laws ideal type. 💯😍Do you see him more with a boy or girl?

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A/N: omg I love this question sm bc regardless of what points I say it’s ambiguous and up to the audience’s interpretation and ultimately Oda’s however I seriously doubt Law would have a significant other in the canon timeline. Ty Ty for asking I had a ton of fun writing this out!

- I’m not religious and haven’t read the Bible so don’t attack me if I say smth improper about any of the sects of Christianity bc I’m using my preconceived and second hand knowledge abt it. if u think of smth pls comment and share ur thoughts w me I would love to be educated by another further respectfully ^^

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Trafalgar D. Water Law; Boy or Girl SO Preference?

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If you look at Flevance, they resemble a typical small Christian community, even if it isn’t explicitly stated. There were religious crosses, nuns, churches. There was most definitely a theme in Flevance’s religion about hope and the good in others, as the nun that Law sees says smth like, “There’s always a hand to help you.”

Flevance also had a high status of wealth (the whole diamond scheme) and the average cost of living/luxury of the average person was reasonably high. There vastly majority of the couple in Flevance were also probably traditionally monogamous, with one man and one woman.

I think if Law had grown up in Flevance his romantic interests would solely be focused on a female partner bc that would be the socially acceptable way and he wouldn’t view males in the perspective of a potential suitor. (Idk if this is recent interpretations of the Bible or not but it’s realistic to say that there would be stigmatism surrounding same sex couples in Flevance as most traditional believers of Christianity view same sex romantic relationships as ‘wrong ish’. At least where I live..)

However, the destruction of Flevance brought change to Law’s character and perception of love. Because of this and his loss of faith from this experience, I think adult pirate Law would be more willing to engage in a same sex relationship. (Would actually be a good writing moment made by Oda if it did happen imo but I digress)

I don’t ship LawLu, but I think Luffy is a real example of the type of person that could help Law heal and has aspects of what Law would need in a relationship. LawLu is good on a companionship/spiritual level imo but sexually/potentially romantically I do not see it at all being reciprocated by either Law or Luffy.

Just the fact someone like Luffy exists that had met Law is a good argument for Law being with a male, just not Luffy specifically.

Law’s significant other to me represents stability, safety, and humanity. This can manifest in people differently though so I don’t see him looking for something based on physicality.

Because of that I don’t see Law in canon having a preference between boy or girl for a partner. Perhaps a leaning towards female because that’s the traditional way of his hometown and in the One Piece world it seems like.

He’d need someone emotionally before he’d need them sexually imo, so if he found someone that worked for him and he was ready, that’s it no matter the gender.

Sexually he would probably be more attracted to females, and a lot of times sexual tension is mistaken for romantic tension but I don’t see Law acting upon either.

Hate to leave this discussion without giving u a definite answer anon but I just don’t think there is a definite answer yk.

My personal preference tho is him with a female because I see him falling for someone with a strong maternal presence. Yk little instincts and gestures they do towards him and the crew that sometimes make them sigh ‘okay mom’ while drawing out the ‘o’ in mom. Someone that reminds him of the feeling of safety and peace he felt as a kid in Flevance where his body wasn’t so tense all the time.

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Hope u liked reading this and it helped u form ur own opinion on who you prefer Law with !

Mwah 😽

[ask-sister-solaris]

“Wait me?”

Ray Stantz X reader ficlet

Warnings; none just toof rotting floof

————————

You had an extensive education. Psychology, science (physics, biology and chemistry) aswell as some more ‘niche’ studies including neuroscience and parapsychology. You had quite a deep understanding of the paranormal and occult, seeing it as nothing but a hobby, but when the Ghostbusters come around you realize you could actually make use of your PhDs and knowledge.

You stood infront of the tall and rundown building looking back at the paper. Yup this was the place, old Fire station. You peeked in before stepping in and going over to the reception desk. A dark red haired female looked up at you and she gave you a confused look before you explained why you were there

“I’m here about a job..I believe I can be of assistance to the Ghostbusters, I have proof of my PhDs and exam results..”

She hummed and turned around yelling for someone a man, no taller than you, pelted out of his office and vaulted over the border between the back room and reception. You recognized him as Peter Venkman. You’d never met him personally but you’d heard from students he’d had.

“Well hello, how can I help?” Peter gave you that signature smile and you rose a brow, how did women actually fall for him..shaking your head gently you held out the envelope containing all your certificates

“I’d like a job” your voice was surprisingly firm despite how shaky you felt. Peter looked it over and hummed impressed before smiling holding a hand out toward you. “Welcome to the Ghostbusters, follow me and Dr Stantz can get you all situated” you nodded and followed him as they reached some sort of garage. A pretty beaten up car was sat with the bonnet up and it looked as if someone was working on it, a small radio blasted out rock music, Peter turned the radio off.

“Ray! We have a new recruit walk them through the proton packs and stuff will you” he walked off before the poor man could answer. You gave him an awkward smile and wave. Ray wiped his hands and held it out, which you shook with a smile.

“Ray Stantz, I’ll try to explain the whole proton pack thing but we haven’t even had a test run of them yet” he rubbed the back of his neck. You chuckled and smiled gently waving it off “It’s fine Dr Stantz honestly, I’m just happy Dr Venkman took me on..”

He smiled gently “please call me Ray” he led you to the storage room where the suits and packs were kept. He explained it briefly, it peaked your interested quite a bit and you took in every word he said. You’d always been the same, attentive, friendly and hardworking.

It didn’t take long for you and your fellow ghostbusters to actually gain popularity, after the hotel everything seemed to be smooth sailing. Most of your time was spent in the lab with Egon and Ray, or in the garage with Ray. Venkman usually left you two alone in the garage teasing he didn’t want to interrupt two lovers bonding. You found it funny that he’d say that, considering you’d had a massive crush on Rag since day one, and little did you know that Ray felt the same.

Time seemed to fly by, you, Ray and Egons researched revealed more about Dana’s apartment and you and Ray spent even more time than you had previously. You had to confess but you were so scared. And she panicked when she was called and found out Ray and the others had been jailed. She rushed to the police station and told them you were also a Ghostbuster and if they were jailed you should be to.

Admittedly Ray found that downright attractive that you’d put yourself up there proudly claiming you were a Ghostbuster. Shortly after you were called in to the Mayors office. You stayed silent while the madman that had turned the grid off ranged (Egon had filled you in) and you hummed “Hold on. If what you’re saying is correct then it’s your fault, you turned off the grid releasing all the spirits and ghouls onto New York. And not to mention you blatantly ignored Dr Venkman”

The other four looked at you surprised and you turned to the Mayor “Now id listened to my colleagues before the whole of New York is destroyed and plunged into darkness” you stepped back and stood beside Ray his eyes never leaving you. God his heart was pounding even faster for you. Once the Mayor finally agreed offered a lending hand all five of them set off in the Ecto 1.

Fighting Gozer wasn’t easy, nor was it fun. Venkman taunting said cursed spirit. After Ray accidentally summoned a huge Stay Puft you stood beside him and fought bravely. With Stay Puft defeated and the gate closed you stood up with a groan covered in Mallow fluff. You were hugged by an equally covered Rays and you both laughed. After the two entrapped by the Keymaster and Gatekeeper you and the others headed down. You were holding Rays hand and he looked at you as people cheered.

What happened next you didn’t expect to happen at all, Ray tilted your hand up and kissed you gently. Your eyes widened before you melted into the kiss as everyone cheered, you swore you heard Venkman yell at Egon about owing him.

[vad-hander]

LET’S KEEP IT SECRET Pt.6

pairing: Jaehyun x reader x Yuta

others: SM Rookies, multiple SM and JYP idols

genre: series | idol!au | smut | angst | fluff | slow burn | unrequited love | friends to lovers (oops) | mutual pining | teenage to adults | idol!nct, idol!reader, teenage to adults (trainee days until today)

words: 5k

side note: as usual, I'll appreciate all your feedback and thoughts!

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7

“I think my childhood friend haunts me in my dreams.“ You stared off into the night sky on the balcony in your dorm. The dorm that was new and fresh and oh so comfortable, with air conditioning and what felt impossible at this point - less roommates.

It was just you and one more girl in your room and you couldn’t be any happier, because she did ballet classes as additional education and 3 days a week you had your room all to yourself for additional 3 hours. Since your’s and Yeji’s schedules were literally mirrored by now, you’d often spend those additional free hours on dance- or vocal practicing. It was one of those days and the two of you walked out to breathe in fresh air after sweating yourself on a SHINee choreography. 

“What?“ Yeji chuckled at the statement. It did sound a little funny, you had to admit, you did need to elaborate. 

“Yeah. I get absolutely not related to anything dreams and in those, somehow, there’s the same person, and I don’t even see their face, just like deep down  know who I am looking at.“ Your articulated with your hands. Thinking about those dreams made you feel funny, because they were projecting something you clearly didn’t feel. You couldn’t understand where all those feelings in your dreams came from and you couldn’t describe the feeling with any word but funny. “All those weird things happen in my dream and somehow when I wake up, and maybe while I’m dreaming too, I have this heavy feeling in my chest.“ You physically had to stop because you were starting to feel heavy once again. “Like I’m so deeply in love with them and in that dream world I know as a fact, that we’re attracted to each other and it’s like a crazy rollercoaster for us to be together, and sometimes it’s a happy ending sometimes not really. Sometimes I wake up before I can get to any logical ending.“ 

“Wah. Do you see correlation between dreams and what happened with you and that friend in real life?“ She smiled curiously. 

“No, we don’t even talk anymore, I haven’t heard of that friend or seen them in a long ass while, but I get these dreams literally out of the blue. Even if I’d purposefully think of that person - nothing, and then randomly one day I wake up and realise what just happened. Sometimes I don’t even remember my dream for a half a day and then randomly it hits me. And I get uncomfortable thinking of it.“ You pouted and took a look at Yeji. 

“It sounds a little crazy. I think I read somewhere we can see random people and things in our dreams. Not related to anything. Maybe your case is the dream isn’t related to anything. Or maybe your friend think of you and somehow call for you in dreams?“ She chuckled, trying to sound spooky or whatever.

“Well I feel like I’m being haunted.“ You admitted. You hated waking up everyday and thinking of Jaehyun. 

“Maybe you had those feelings for your friend back when you were friends?“ Feelings? For Jaehyun? Yeah, no. You almost said it out loud how ridicules the thought seemed to you. 

“I don’t think so. I had someone I actually liked-“ wow, this was a dangerous path, you had to be really careful with what you were saying. 

“Then maybe that’s how your friend felt? Was that a boy or a girl? What if that person misses you?“

“To be fair that’s not impossible, we did lose contact in a weird way, but he for sure isn’t thinking of me like that. There has never been even a hint on his side.“ 

“Why does it bother you?“ Yeji faced you properly, curious. You didn’t even know yourself, why it bothered you so much. It just did and you felt like it was safe enough to share those feelings with the girl.

“I don’t like feeling like I’m in love with someone when I’m not.“ 

“It’s just dreams. It’s not like you love each other, especially if you lost contact.“ She shrugged, she wasn’t bothered by what you were feeling and saying. You wished you could relate. 

“Yeah.“

“Just think of how would JYP react if he heard this.“ Yeji giggled, imagining your producers’ reaction. He had a specifically wild reactions to anything relationship related.

“I don’t want to imagine this. He’d most likely disown me in a second.“ 

“He’d literally flip out, and we wouldn’t want that. We both know what your real goal is. Don’t even think about it like that.“

“You’re right.“ You two paused, both in your own world. “Ugh, now whenever I get these dreams I feel like our producer’s going to pop out and scold me.“ You giggled, followed by Yeji. 

“Do you have this friends’ phone number? Maybe you should reach out and ask how he’s doing. Then you’ll understand these dreams are fictional, and could continue on with your life.“ 

“Wah-no, I wouldn’t call him. Nor text or even breathe his way.“ You panicked immediately. 

“Why?“ Well because it’s been a little under a year since your graduation and you haven’t seen him since then. Like, at all, and TV didn’t count. You were just ignoring his endless wish to continue your friendship and it hasn’t been too long since he finally gave in. You wanted Jaehyun to realise you grew apart, you wanted him to realise childhood friends go sometimes and you were two friends that took different paths. End of story. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t want to part ways, it doesn’t matter there was not even a reason for you part ways. You just felt so tired of this constant comparison from Yuta, and even worse in your brain sometimes of your boyfriend and friend. You had to let go of one, to make the other one, and more importantly YOU, make feel better. And you knew, that letting go of your boyfriend wasn’t the right thing to do. 

“We’re not friends anymore. I hate that sort of thing, popping out of nowhere when it’s unneeded.“

-

“Yuta?“ You chirped into the phone excitedly, you just got the news and first thing you did walking out the building - dialled his phone number.

“Yes, love, what’s up?“ He cleared his voice in what seemed to be confusion, like he just woke up or something.

“What date you said you’re going to be in LA?“ You started from afar, clearly excited and clearly having difficulties keeping yourself at bay.

“Ugh, I don’t remember. Wait a minute I’ll check our schedule. Why? Anything happen on those dates?“ you waited patiently for his confirmation, before you could tell him anything. “October 4th to 9th, why?“ Your breath hitched, you were too close to miss out on him. 

“I’m going to LA.“

“Huh?"

“With a few other girls, we’re going there to train for a couple of weeks before returning home for a final debuting decision. We’re coming on 6th. This is our first trip together just you and me kind of chance.“

“Baby, that’s awesome- Your debut-“ Yuta gasped and seemed much more lively than before. It was so sweet, that he was excited for you. 

“No, don’t say anything like about my debut before it’s set. I only care about both of us being in LA at the same time.“

“Okay.“

“I’ll look up things we could do.“

“Okay“

“I love you.“ You whispered under your breath excited. “This is going to be so good.“

“We’re attending some award on 8th and leave early on 9th, but other than that, I’m all yours.“ 

“Just one night?“ You were hoping for more, how did it come short to just one night, you pouted to yourself.

“I’m still excited even for one night. Love you, need to go.“ 

You didn’t just walk back home, you flew on hope and excitement and much more and you were buzzed and you went on with that buzz for the upcoming week, looking up things in LA, marking up places in Notes you could possibly visit, choosing options in case Yuta wouldn’t like your TOP-choice. You couldn’t think of what followed after that trip, you couldn’t think of the final decision on debut. You busied yourself like crazy, because it was pleasures being busy planning your date with Yuta and because it only felt right to focus on this. During practice breaks your brain still wandered to the main issue - it was you and 7 other girls, you all worked hard, you were all honestly worth the debut, but no one gave you even a single hint on the number of people in the final line up. You all just saw those papers saying Q1 2019 debut of a girl group and prayed you were part of it. It was supposed to make you feel better - less pressure to show off you skills, but honestly - everyone were on verge of breaking down.You only held yourself together because you went through this once already. 

You worked hard to erase previous memories, but you were scared. They still called you their backbone, secret weapon, main event and secret trainee, still told you were the centre of the planned group, but you won’t be able to crawl out of one more mental breakdown if things go south, you won’t be able to recover if this ends up as a fail too. 

Finally It came down to the packing day and right after that it finally came to the trip day. You got into the van and off to Incheon. None of you was sure if it was planned or a surprise for everyone - there were a few people with cameras at the Gate 2 entrance. All 8 of you panicked, you didn’t even understand what happened at first, looking around for some celebrity behind you, when the flash started to blind your little group. It took you a little time realising the cameras were pointed at you, you watched Yeji grab onto her face hidden behind the face mask and did the same in panic, lowering your head so the visor of your cap hid your eyes. You were just a bunch of girls that had a very questionable amount of supporters due to pre-debut activities, but mostly it was so low key you couldn’t even imagine someone gathering up to see you at the airport. Or more like, spending money on getting such information. The staffs gestured for you to move quickly and you trailed behind your manager like baby ducklings, finally escaping the following in the boarding area. Despite the shock, it somehow made the mood of everyone so light and positive. Neither of you could believe it was real - that people wanted to see you, you couldn’t stop daydreaming what would it be like leaving for schedules as a group, boarding in business, and not in economy like you had to now. 

You arrived at LAX safely and most importantly - calmly, getting into another van and transferring to what surprised you - a house. You weren’t used to this lifestyle, you all grew up in apartments, staying in a big mansion in the middle of the 2-story America made all of you excited.

“Wait, how many rooms is in this building?“ Lily wondered.

“Definitely more than in our previous dorm.“ Somi laughed and ran through the corridor. 

“Okay, listen up.“ The older manager clapped her hands. “There’s 6 rooms, since we have staffs on this trip, some of you need to stay in a room together.“ You and Yeji immediately grabbed each others hands. “There’s a 3-people room and a 2-people room mostly.“ Your fingers automatically grabbed Ryujin’s shoulder, forcing the girl to stand with you two, poor girl almost tripped over the bag behind her.

“We can share a room.“ Yeji announced what you implied and you nodded your heads in unison, Ryujin happily agreeing.

“Okay, go make yourself at home. Three weeks of hard work are upcoming. We have time to go out to the city today, so be ready to leave at 6.“ 

The three of you trailed off excitedly into your room. 

[17:02] to Yuta<3: <Location shared>

[17:02] to Yuta<3: I’m in the city!!!

[17:02] to Yuta<3: We’re staying in a cool west la house

[17:03] to Yuta<3: Wby?

[17:04] from Yuta<3: Ironically, koreatown

[17:04] to Yuta<3: kkkkkk

[17:05] from Yuta<3: I was thinking if we could see each other tonight?

[17:06] to Yuta<3: How do we make it work? 

[17:07] to Yuta<3: We’re going somewhere for dinner, I don’t think they’ll let me disappear on my own like that. 

[17:10] from Yuta<3: Send me your location when you’ll arrive 

[17:14] from Yuta<3: We’ll see what’s possible

[17:14] from Yuta<3: Love you 

[17:14] to Yuta<3:I love you

Now, despite the jet lag you wanted to look presentable, you wanted to always do your best when it came to Yuta. You quickly unlocked your suitcase, searching for a dress you packed just in case in 10s of training pants and shirts. You took a shower to feel fresh and packed a purse with necessities, earphones, tissues, a mirror, you found your passport, opening it just in case - your eyes darted towards its cover, where you always carried things like sim-cards, tickets, anything, to be fair, that fit. You pulled on a piece of paper and felt a lump in your throat. 

It was you and Jaehyun on your graduation day - his whiskers on display, just like you’d hoped they would. You didn’t need to look at the second piece of paper, it was the second photo of you staring at Jaehyun. You printed those to gift him back at the start of last year, but then everything changed and you just put them away and forgot they existed. You felt a little pinch on your heart and put the photos away back into the passport cover, pulling the one under outside and on top of the other.. You won’t have a chance to give him those anyway. You put your passport in the bag as well and was ready to leave. Finally both Yeji and Ryujin were done and you left the room at 5 minutes to 6, teasing collectively the manager that was late by 2 minutes.

As you promised, the moment you stepped foot in the restaurant, you sent Yuta the location. You were starving, deciding on eating first - walking later. You were just trainees, you didn’t have real money to dine at restaurants, so everything was company paid. You couldn’t stop talking between each other that company paying for a fancy dinner with meat and dessert MUST mean something. It just must. 

You were moving to dessert, when your phone ringed and you felt hot. You were so busy yapping with the girls and eating good food you forgot completely that you sent Yuta the address. 

[19:14] from Yuta<3:Come outside, will you?

Your legs moved faster than your tongue was able to tell everyone you left for the bathroom. You didn’t walk - you sprinted out to the street, your eyes immediately catching Yuta’s faded pinkish hair, you wheezed and a few people turned their heads at the crazy sound you made, taking off in his direction. Your arms immediately weaved around Yuta’s neck, you felt his palms encourage your legs to jump-hug him and you did so just how he wanted it. 

“Yuta.“ you breathed, your mouth clasping onto his before he could even say a word. “I missed you.“

“Hi baby.“ He smiled, satisfied that his surprise worked, that you were happy, that he was seeing you in real flesh. 

“What are you doing here?“ Your feet met with the ground once again, but you couldn’t unglue yourself from Yuta. “Girls and management are all inside. I can’t be here for too long.“

“I know, I just couldn’t go to sleep knowing we’re in the same city and not see you.“ You kissed him once again, immediately inviting his tongue to dance in unison with yours. You didn’t have time and you needed to drink up all of Yuta in this short time. It’s been a little too long since your last hourly motel-date and you needed more of him at all costs. 

“I can’t let go of you now.“ You whined in his mouth. “Can you take me somewhere with only you and me?“ 

“Mmh.“ Yuta’s fingers squeezed your side. “I will, I promise.“ Yuta pressed his body more against yours, you mewled, you didn’t want to move. You loved him so fucking much. “Do you have your phone? Or anything?“ 

“No, why?“ 

“Come inside and bring your things.“

“I can’t leave.“ You protested weakly into his ear. 

“I know, love, but can you?“

“I can’t promise I’ll return because this is going to be suspicious, but okay.“ You nodded and felt Yuta’s lips on yours, before he pushed you back to the restaurants entrance. 

“Baby?“ You turned around at the call “You look fucking beautiful.“ you beamed, biting on your cheeks and lips to calm yourself down before returning to the table.

“Are you okay?“ Yeji asked concerned. 

“Yes, just need my bag, a little something happened.“ You made your eyes wider and giggled and left before more questions could pop out. You quickly returned to the spot where you left Yuta, he smirked teasingly and kissed you once again, like he didn’t see you just a minute ago. 

“Can you give me your passport?“

“Yeah, hold up.“ You chuckled at the question, whatever he needed it for. You found the needed paper and handed it to Yuta. His fingers moved to the cover, looking for something in there.

“Where’s your ID? Isn’t it usually here?“ he chuckled and pulled on the pieces of paper that replaced your ID because you switched them in place just a couple of hours ago on accident.

“On the other side.“ You chuckled, and gestured for him to look on the other side of the cover. Yuta let go of the papers and moved his attention and you didn’t even realise before that you were holding your breath. You watched Yuta fish his phone out and take a pic of it. “Why?“ you smiled confused.

“Will tell you later.“ Yuta beamed, you wanted to kiss him, but your phone rang and you moved your attention to the screen.

“Hi, dad!“ You exclaimed excitedly and turned away from Yuta still holding on to your passport. If you turned back around just a moment earlier, you would’ve caught a glance of him pushing back the photos into the cover. “Yes, we’re in LA already. I forgot to call you, I’m sorry, we’re in the city having a dinner. I’ll send you pics.“ You smiled at your dad’s reply. Yuta smiled in return as he watched you speak, closing the distance, Yuta returned your passport to you, mouthing ‘I have to go’ and kissing your cheek before you could protest. He walked off so quickly and your dad called for you on the line and you could only focus on one thing so you just continued the conversation. “No, dad, it’s fine. The dinner is on company, I don’t need money.“ You smiled into the phone. 

“Y/n, is everything okay?“ You heard the manager’s voice behind you, jumping in place.

“Dad, wait. Ugh, yeah, my father called, I came outside to hear him better, I’m sorry.“ It was SO on time that Yuta left, you wanted to give a big breath out but couldn’t give yourself away.

“Okay, but dessert is served, come back quickly.“

“Sure.“ You nodded and finished the conversation with your dad.

-

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: hi, boo

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: I heard you are in LA too

[19:14] from Jeong Jaehyun: First of all, I’m so happy for you and this opportunity

[19:15] from Jeong Jaehyun: Second… I was just hoping you’d want to see me? I miss you a lot. 

Hundreds of electric shock waves ran through your body, you couldn’t even hear Somi calling for you to complete the formation. 

“Y/n?“ Yeji was able to bring you back to life, and you looked at her like dear in headlights. “Everything’s good?“

“Ah, yes, yes.“ You jumped up from the floor, dropping the phone back on the floor and focused yourself on the dance. You didn’t think you could do the new steps so clearly, your body moving like you had all the energy in the world, all thanks to Jaehyun. 

“Good, Y/n! Such clean steps!“ The choreographer exclaimed proudly as you did your centre part neatly. The music stopped and you had no escape to not reply to Jaehyun. It was always like this pangs of conscience hitting you hard if you didn’t immediately reply to him, and it was a whole damn asphyxiation of conscience when you didn’t reply of him at all. 

“Thank you.“ You bowed, smiled and clapped with the rest of the girl, sitting down right next to your phone

[19:55] from Jeong Jaehyun: Please at least let me know what I did wrong

[19:55] from Jeong Jaehyun: I feel so bad even though I don’t know what’s wrong

[19:55] to Jeong Jaehyun: Hi, Jaehyun

[19:55] to Jeong Jaehyun: I am in LA, I could only wonder who you could’ve heard this from ;)

[19:56] to Jeong Jaehyun: I heard from the same source that ya’ll are busy up to the day you’re leaving, so I’m not sure its possible

 [19:57] from Jeong Jaehyun: hi

[19:57] from Jeong Jaehyun: I’m free tonight, or after the award, or before we fly back home

[19:58] to Jeong Jaehyun: Well, I’m busy tonight, maybe tomorrow, I’m not sure

[19:58] to Jeong Jaehyun: I could tell you later

You really wanted to type him a no, but somehow your fingers weren’t moving in the needed direction of the letters, so you ended up with giving him hope.

[19:59] from Jeong Jaehyun: Busy with Yuta, right?

[19:59] to Jeong Jaehyun: Yes, why?

[20:00] from Jeong Jaehyun: He said he’s got a terrible headache and won’t be able to see you tonight, that’s why he told me you’re in LA

[20:00] from Jeong Jaehyun: So we’d keep each other company

You didn’t even bother to reply to Jaehyun, you didn’t bother to walk out the dance class, you dialled Yuta’s phone immediately, somehow being met with a turned off phone.

[20:01] to Jeong Jaehyun: Can you ask him to call me? He didn’t say anything about it

[20:01] to Jeong Jaehyun: His phone is off 

[20:01] from Jeong Jaehyun: He told me he’s going to just sleep

[20:02] from Jeong Jaehyun: He felt very sick earlier

[20:02] from Jeong Jaehyun: Maybe food poisoning 

[20:03] to Jeong Jaehyun: Are you pranking me?

[20:04] from Jeong Jaehyun: No, I’m honest

[20:04] from Jeong Jaehyun: He didn’t feel good since the morning and then just told me about you and got to his room to sleep

You dialled his phone once again, to no avail, messages, obviously didn’t come through. You felt so heartbroken, tricked maybe, just hurt. You were going though multiple things in your head at once. He didn’t even text you he felt sick, it wasn’t that difficult to type I’m sick, or anything else. He had enough strength to talk to Jaehyun anyway. You needed to hear this from Yuta.

You had a perfectly planned escape - Yeji would cover for you in case anything happens, bless her heart she didn’t even ask where you wanted to go and why. You had another 30 minutes to come back home, wash up and bring yourself to the designated place. Yuta had up his sleeve a whole day of being sick and didn’t message you even once. 

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: okay

[20:05] from Jeong Jaehyun: okay let’s see each other or okay about Yuta?

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: everything

[20:05] to Jeong Jaehyun: we’re in west LA, if you want to, come here.

[20:06] from Jeong Jaehyun: Just tell me what time

You looked at the clock again: 8pm, it would be not earlier than 9 when you’d be able to see him. 

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: no actually

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: A few of my friends & I really wanted to see the ocean so I think we’re going there

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: You could come to Santa Monica

[20:08] to Jeong Jaehyun: I think it’s better you come with someone

[20:09] from Jeong Jaehyun: what time?

You felt so uneasy, why was he agreeing to everything. If you’d tell him you were in San Diego, would he just asked you for the time too? You wanted to make it late so he’d back off. You were so upset about Yuta, you couldn’t even bother to care about Jaehyun’s suggestions or questions. 

[20:09] to Jeong Jaehyun: 10 pm central entrance to the beach

[20:10] to Jeong Jaehyun: c ya

"Who you’re texting with that face expression?" Yeji giggled and bumped shoulders with you.

“What face?" Annoyed, angry, mad?

“I don’t know, just full of emotions.“ she smiled. You watched people walk around the room, in a formation that didn’t include neither Yeji or you, when the music blasted in your ears, you answered.

“Remember I was under SM for a little while?“

“Of course, few years, not a little while.“

“Yeah, like that. Well, somehow, some of the people I’ve trained with are in LA too.“

“Okay?“

“They’re asking to see me, I said me and my friends wanted to go to Santa Monica, so they’re coming to Santa Monica around 10 pm, so we have to be there around 10 pm.“ Yeji exclaimed excited. “Yeah, but how are we going to go this late somewhere alone.“

“I’ll just ask.“ Yeji shrugged and got up quickly to your manager, you really wanted to stop her before she could start talking, but she batted her eyelashes and in a moment you saw the manager give her a nod and Yeji happily ran back to you. “It’s fine.“

“H-how?“

“She said it’s near our stay and we’re adults, just to come back so we’re okay for tomorrows practice.“

“Crazy.“ You opened your mouth.

You stood next to the stairs that would take you to the beach, arriving a little earlier than planned. The three of you felt a little uncomfortable as a homeless man walked across the street and gave you looks you couldn’t distinguish. You invited Ryujin too, because leaving her in the room alone felt like crime.

“Oh, by the way.“ You cleared your voice and the homeless man stared at you with wide eyes, probably confused with the language you spoke. “I didn’t specify the friends that are coming.“

“Yeah, is it some girls that didn’t debut yet? Or is it Red Velvet?“ Yeji exclaimed excited at the thought.

“Ugh, no.“ you giggled. “Have you heard of NCT?“

“NCT?“ Ryujin repeated louder than you said it.

“Yeah, the friend that reached is an NCT member. I don’t know who he’ll bring with him, but please don’t flip out or anything. I promise you they’re all losers and being active idols isn’t making them any special.“

“What’s up, ladies?“ Johnny said loudly in English as he and the boys turned the corner that took to you. 

“Oh my god.“ both Yeji and Ryujin gasped. You almost did too, Jaehyun brought Johnny and Haechan, they were getting closer to you, walking in age order. Jaehyun, wow, you had to look away because you kind of was staring at your best friend and it wasn’t a good thing. 

“Hi.“ You smiled “This is Yeji and Ryujin, we’re training together. This is Hyuck, Johnny and Jaehyun.“

“We know.“ Both girls smiled like fools and you really regretted bringing anyone but yourself.

“Hi, nice to meet you.“ Jaehyun beamed politely, his dimples popping out and face turning into that soft grin as his eyes focused on you. “Hi, boo.“ He said loud enough for everyone to hear and make you a little embarrassed, only to make your face bright red colour when he decided to lean in and hug you, not forgetting to comment on your appearance. “You look very pretty, just as usual.“ His fingers patted your upper back and you lost balance. 

“Ah! Five seconds in and they’re already on their soulmate shit!“ Haechan exclaimed loudly and gestured for everyone to walk away. Surprisingly they did just that and Jaehyun let go of you a moment later. 

“Y/n never mentioned before she was this close to NCT!“ Ryujin pointed her hand towards Jaehyun, as they were darting away from you 

“We’re not that close.“ You denied, obviously, hoping they’re still able to hear you.

“Yeah, sure. You’re only didn’t come out from the same womb. As for everything else-“ Haechan teased back, obviously, it wasn’t his style to agree to anything anybody said.

“You don’t look like a baby anymore.“ Jaehyun smiled, taking your attention and not letting you hear what Haechan had to say. 

“And you still do.“ You cracked a smile, making Jaehyun giggle. “Is Yuta okay? He still haven’t messaged me.“ your main concern was still pretty clear, you were confused as hell with the way your boyfriend vanished. It was supposed to be you and him, not you, Jaehyun and other 4 people.

“He’s probably still sleeping.“

“Okay.“ You tried to hold back from looking down and giving away that you were upset but clearly failed, because Jaehyun’s fingers gripped onto yours in support. It felt so unusual, his warm long fingers on yours, a gesture that was with you all along your friendship. You’d grip onto each others fingers when you were upset, excited, happy, you used to just squeez his digits between yours and everything felt better. But now the heat that he was exceeding surprised you, its like you never experienced it in that way. 

“Boo, I’m so sorry, I know I wasn’t exactly who you wanted to see tonight.“ Jaehyun wasn’t a fool, it was clear he knew who this evening was booked for prior to him. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.“ You had to wave him off. Admitting he was right probably was too cruel even for someone that tried to make their friend dislike them. You wanted him to no t be interested in being your friend, not hate your guts. “I’m so happy to see you, I wish sometimes we still had each other like we used to.“ You admitted stupidly on a first breath, and wrapped your hands around his waist for a real hug, tucking your face in his chest. Jaehyun wrapped both your shoulders in his usual manner, patting your head lovingly. 

“Well, you failed to push me away. I’m still here and only one call away, always. Like I promised you on your last day at SM.“

“That I really hate you for.“ You murmured more to yourself, then him, hoping he wasn’t able to hear you. 

“Will you two move, or you’re having a date now?“ Johnny shouted teasingly from a far. Only now did you noticed the two of you two really lagged behind. 

You parted from Jaehyun, taking the stairs to catch up with the rest of the people, Jaehyun trailing behind you, his fingers wrapping around yours in uncanny manner, like he needed to hold on to you to keep up with your pace and you let him. 

-

I'm so excited for next Monday's chapter !!! ☺️

[sgojoenthusiast]

hi guys!! i need some help. if you read all this yap i love you.

i haven’t posted anything in a while bc i’ve been really struggling w my sexuality. this is going to come as an absolute shock if you follow me, but for the past year or so i’ve identified as a lesbian. however i am one of those lesbians who would kill for any of my pretty little princesses (my big, buff, 6’0 fictional men) and i absolutely LOVE to write fan fiction for them - which is somewhat apart of the problem.

i cant actually picture myself doing any of these things with a real life man but i also can't picture myself doing anything with a woman either. it's not that i don't like the idea i just can't physically see myself doing any of it and atp i can't really see myself in a relationship at all.

this whole thing started about a month ago, where i was introduced to another girl. the first night we met, we did stuff together (not rllt much) but i did feel a little pressured into it. the entire time i was just thinking 'when is this going to end' but not because it didn't feel good. we've been talking a lot (long distance) and she likes the same things i like (which is difficult for me to find) and she's kind and funny but i just can't seem to like her in that way. i've never liked any woman to the point where i can call it love so i feel like i can't call myself a lesbian even though i've never felt that way for a man either, but then again i don't really speak to many men outside of my family/gay friends.

i can see myself married to a woman more than i can see myself married to a man. i find men attractive and i find women attractive but i can't tell if i'm attracted to them, and seeing my lesbian friends with their girlfriends makes me so jealous because i want that i just don't know if i'm capable of feeling such strong feelings.

i've already decided that i'll talk to the girl from earlier about this once i've gathered the courage because i know it's unfair for me to string her along when i'm so unsure at the minute because clearly i'm unready for a relationship. like at one point my friend thought she was talking to another girl and if anything i just felt relieved.

on the topic of fan fiction, i know and understand that it is completely different from real life s3x & that it sets an unrealistic standard for these kinds of things which is why i love to write it. i love writing about that kind of connection and visioning a world with a love like that even if i do write it about men a lot. but when i take into account the real world and real men i'm completely uninterested and can only see that world with a woman but then i don't really ever write about women.

i love the idea of love and falling in love and i don't know what i'd do without it but then there's a part of me that thinks that i could be aroace because i can't seem to feel any of these feelings.

anyway, all this has stemmed from one girl and i can't tell if its just another failed attempt at a relationship or whether i'm not really a lesbian.

thank you for anyone taking the time to read this i appreciate it and would love for some advice. i know labels aren't important but in a community so divided as this one i feel like i need a space where i can feel more comfortable and with people like me.

[luckyqueenreign]

This season of LITG has so far been so good. I wonder what happened that forced them to push the update a week… because it’s clear this “meet the OG girls” was slapped together in the matter of hours and thrown up on the app. If you haven’t played it yet and want to know if it’s worth it….it’s not. We already know what all of the girls look like and the girls don’t really say anything new or interesting.

Here’s the gist of what all of the girls said..

Estelle: Alex isn’t the type of guy she normally goes for but she wants to try something new and she thinks he’s hot.. she can’t tell right now if just friendship vibes or more and she doesn’t wanna lock things in too early like Daphne and Raf. She thinks they come off looking forced. She loves all of the girls but Willow is her bestie… she mentioned asking alex about sharing a bed. I mean it’s a given on love island especially as an og, we’ve never asked to share a bed with someone so I thought that was weird.

Daphne: poor girl, she would benefit from some acupuncture and micellar water... I felt her reasoning for going after Cassius was actually so real. This is love island you’re supposed to explore your connections and attractions and for her to explore it with Cassius and see she didn’t feel anything I think is part of the process. What I found to be possibly the only interesting thing any of the of girls said was when she was talking about Alex she mentioned that he’s Raf’s bestie and that he would redo her kitchen cabinets but then she gets flirty and blushes and says “That’s not the only reason I like him” EXCUSE ME?!? 🤔👀 I wonder if they’re going to explore this at all or if this was just a random thing they added in to this super rushed update. I guess we’ll see.

Willow: she says she needed a break and her and Bryson aren’t really vibing. I’m sorry to the Bryson girlies but I get what she means, I kind of felt like he was a little annoying and it’s the reason why I couldn’t jump on his route 😬🫣 anywayyy Willow says she normally goes for business bros but it seems like it doesn’t matter what type of guy both types sucked, so she’s hoping for a new bombshell. Is it just me or isn’t Willow perfectly coded to have a friends to lovers type route with MC like a more new and improved Angie route??? Really hope they do bc the wlw routes def need some work. As for the other guys she thinks alex is a hottie, Joyo is gonna take her diving and eek she said it looked like Raf wasn’t that interested in Daphne before they left for casa.

Geri: I’m sorry but immediately I couldn’t focus on anything because they gave her the tiniest hands ever and it somehow makes her head also look bigger. Look at this pic of her and Daphne. Look at the hands!! The poor girls proportions are all off.

Ok ok back to what was said.. her connection to Joyo seems super physical and not much else. The things they have in common are all of the many places they’d want to bone and coffee. Basically she’s unsure of where her couple stands right before casa. She thinks Estelle and Alex are great for other people. She doesn’t seem them vibing or going very far. Daphne and Raf she thinks are vibing hard and she would be shocked if he twisted! This made me think if you’re on the Raf route she might be your enemy but on the Alex route she might be more friendly towards you. (I really hope they explore that) as everyone else has said Bryson is too much of a flirt that it’s hard to tell how he actually feels. She feels like there’s a spark missing with both Joyo and Bryson. She thinks every girl but Daphne is going to twist!! But she mentions we can’t forget history could repeat itself and Daphne could end up twisting too. It would actually be exciting if they had all of the girls twist too BUT I’m thinking that, that would mean no more bombshells for the rest of the season because we would be getting four new boys at once. I doubt they would throw more bombshells in for an already shortened season.

[lady-october]

Pairing : Oli Sykes x Female Assistant Genre : Romance, Smut (18+ Only) Previous Chapters : Available on Ao3

Story Content : Smut, Drama, Choking, Power dynamics, Romance, Sadism/Masochism, Dom/Sub, Mentions of addiction & self harm, Degradation, Praise kink, Exhibitionism, Breath play, Dirty talk.

Summary :

“Don’t you see what a dangerous game you’re playing? Why did you have to look so fucking delicious tonight, I couldn’t stop undressing you in my mind, thinking of all the twisted things I want to do to you.” She had only worked on the touring team for three weeks, but her mind had been hijacked by dirty thoughts of a man she barely even talked to. Sure, he was very attractive, but were there other reasons she was so uncontrollably drawn to him? This is a filthy story of pain, self discovery, and love.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Chapter 19: Why am I this way?

Chapter title is lyrics from "LosT"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

It was 7.35pm when I knocked on Oli’s door.

He’d sent me a text saying he’d come by my room around 8, instructing me to cover up – preferably in layers, and while bewildering, I’d done as he wished; slipping the sweater that Liam had hated so much over my mesh top and jeans outfit.

The only problem was that after having spent several hours attempting to stay sane as the guilt inside me expanded and grew until I felt like a fucking pressure pot, I decided that I couldn’t wait until the time Oli had decided to come and collect me.

Instead I took matters into my own hands, even though the hands in question were currently so sweaty I had to continuously wipe them on my jeans as I waited for him to open the door.

I took a deep breath, trying to collect my scattered thoughts.

I knew Oli and I weren’t a couple, and I knew I didn’t necessarily owe him anything, yet it still felt as if I’d just cheated on him by kissing Mat.

By enjoying kissing Mat.

While I knew it was perfectly normal to date, and even get physical, with more than one person at a time, I’d never actually done it before, and because it was all very new to me I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that I’d committed some terrible, unforgivable crime.

Which had me questioning if I only felt this way because of my anxiety, or if my feelings were warranted and I was just a horrible person, playing Russian roulette with people’s hearts.

Pull yourself together, Alice. You haven’t even slept with Mat.

I dried my sweaty palms on my jeans again, wondering what was taking Oli so damn long.

Wondering if I should knock again.

Just as my fist was about to connect with the door, it finally swung open with Oli behind it, fully in black with a half buttoned dress shirt, his tattoos spilling out from every hem.

He squinted at me, eyeing me up with suspicion, “You’re early, and in the wrong place.”

The door opened further to let me inside.

As I walked past him I was hit by the wonderful way he smelled, which was stronger than usual considering he was in the middle of getting ready and had probably just applied whatever magic product that produced it.

“I’m sorry, we need to talk.” I said distantly, slightly distracted as my attention went from his enthralling scent to immediately take in the room before me.

It had a similar light and airy colour scheme as mine and Liam’s room, but the ceilings were even higher, with a massive bed facing a stone fireplace on the opposite wall.

But the real showstopper was the view.

You could see the entire lake from the row of large arch windows, and since the sun had just gone down the mirror image of the moon was slowly dancing on the calm surface of the water.

“What about?” He asked, sounding even more suspicious than he looked as he shut the door.

Deciding I couldn’t stand up during this conversation, I walked over to the end of the bed and took a seat.

“Mat.” I felt myself starting to disassociate ever so slightly as I said his name out loud.

He was in the middle of buttoning his shirt as I spoke, causing his fingers to stop what they were doing entirely.

“About you and Mat?”

“Yes.” My gaze fell to the floor out of shame.

He audibly exhaled before walking over to sit next to me on the bed.

The mattress shifted from the pressure, but I didn’t dare face him, didn’t dare see his expression as the sound of my heart beating in my ears got louder and louder during the heavy silence that had fallen between us.

“Do you still want to go on this date with me?” He asked softly, with so much sadness in his voice that my eyes involuntarily flew straight to him.

Large hazel eyes, framed by hair that had been tamed into more defined locks, were swimming with vulnerability as they looked at me, causing the ache in my heart to intensify tenfold.

“Very much.” I answered with certainty.

He studied my face as several emotions flickered over his features.

“Then I don’t need to know.” He stated casually before he shot out of bed to continue buttoning his shirt.

Feeling panicked, I frowned deeply, knowing I needed to tell him what happened before I fucking exploded.

“Wait, but–” I started, but he cut me off instantly, raising his voice in the process.

“Alice!” He bit out, shooting me daggers for a split second before his expression softened. He walked back over to me, reaching down to scoop up my hands into his, guiding me to stand before him, “Let tonight be about us.” He pleaded.

As I looked up at the man that was glowing with so much adoration for me that it caused my chest to constrict, I knew I didn’t have a choice but to answer his plea, knowing my heart wouldn’t allow anything else.

“Okay.” I said under my breath, reluctantly.

His pleading features shifted to a warm smile, tension slipping away from him, “Thank you.”

Letting go of my hands he skipped over to the window for a quick look at the sky as he finished doing the last of his buttons.

“Come on, love.” Is all he said before he took my hand and hurried us to the exit, not allowing me another second to reconsider my decision, or to start up another conversation.

The look he shot me after shutting the door was so full of excitement I couldn’t help but smile back at his sparkling grin, some of the anxiety from not having told him what transpired between me and his best friend melting away in the process.

But confusion quickly claimed me instead, as I was being pulled in the opposite direction of the elevator.

“Wait, where are we going?” I laughed.

“Oh, don't you worry about that.” Stopping at the emergency exit at the end of the corridor, he shot me yet another devil's grin before pushing the door open, leading to a winding staircase.

“Are we allowed to do this?” I heard my words echo in the stairwell as we quickly ascended the steps.

“Turns out, when you pay people they let you do whatever you want really.” He looked back at me, “Well, within reason of course.”

“I see, so is that what you’re doing with me then?” I asked teasingly, causing him to laugh as we reached the top of the stairs that had led us to a large door.

“While I fucking love calling you my whore, I was hoping your reasons for following my orders when we’re alone wasn’t for monetary purposes.” He said with a suggestive smile, pushing the door open.

It was so dark at first that I didn’t see anything, but my eyes quickly adjusted.

We were standing on the rooftop of the hotel looking out over the lake, the short stone wall perimeter adorned in fairy lights, and a large pile of blankets and pillows in the very middle, next to a tray with drinks and some food.

Oli let go of my hand and began walking backwards towards the blankets, arms stretched out, looking proud of what he’d set up for us, “What do you think?”

I was in awe as I took in the space.

The thought struck me that I’d never had anyone prepare such a romantic date for me before.

“This isn’t what I expected.” I breathed.

With a frown his arms fell to his sides, “Disappointed?”

“No, it’s incredible – perfect, actually.” The smile returned to his features as he walked back towards me, “I was just expecting– I guess I thought you wanted us to be more open about us, and this is very… private.” 

He came to a stop in front of me, “We are more open – everyone knows we’re on a date right now– besides, I just wanted to get you alone again, no distractions this time, just you and me, so I can spend more time with you.” The suggestive grin returned as he leaned in closer, “Which is why I told you to cover up.”

I felt my brows furrow, “Because I’m distracting?”

“There’s nothing more distracting, love.” He said so seriously I almost laughed.

It was my turn to be suggestive, “I was covered up for most of last night, you still ended up coming twice.”

A light breeze came as his eyes darkened, causing his locks to sweep over his face, gently rustling the trees all around us, “You may have been in a baggy sweater, love, but I knew what was on display under that poor excuse for a skirt, barely covering your ass.” As he spoke his gaze wandered to my lips, the air quickly filling with the familiar electricity that always seemed to fly between us. 

Yet this time it stirred discomfort in me, as if it didn’t feel right to do this without him knowing about me and Mat.

“Not to mention the absolutely perverted lipstick you’d chosen, how was I not supposed to play with it? As soon as I saw it on your fuckable little mouth I knew exactly what I wanted to do.” His thumb was just about to connect with my lower lip, hovering not even an inch from it, to rub it just like he’d done last night. 

Heat spread throughout my whole body.

But the imminent physical contact also made me tense up; made me want to blurt out that I felt his friend's erection between my legs earlier, despite him not needing to know; despite him making it very clear that he doesn’t want to know.

Thankfully the hand fell away right as it touched me, with Oli shaking his head.

“None of that, come with me.” He said flatly, eyes wide, clearly attempting to keep us on track so we wouldn’t just spend all night fucking, which, for once, I was extremely grateful for.

Taking my hand, he swiftly led us to the blanket pile that he proceeded to lay down on, patting the space next to him for me to get comfortable as well.

As I took a seat, I paused to look at him, my heart still screaming to tell him what happened, making me question why I needed him to know so badly, while also wishing intensely that I didn’t feel like this at all so I could simply enjoy the night.

A couple of frown lines appeared on Oli’s forehead as I wordlessly stared at him, “Come on, love, lay down with me.”

His words were spoken gently, clearly worried, either about me or whatever he assumed was running through my head.

Attempting to shake off my thoughts, I did as he requested, making sure to leave a bit of space between us, not feeling steady enough for physical contact.

But my intrusive thoughts melted away effortlessly as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My eyes had adjusted further to the darkness, allowing me to now see the massive blanket of twinkling stars above us.

Having lived in cities my whole life, the night sky I knew looked nothing like this.

��That’s amazing.” I said distantly, lost in the natural beauty above us.

“I love the stars, I don’t get to see them too often though.” He said with wonder in his voice.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them this clearly.” The longer I looked the more my eyes adjusted, causing even more stars to appear, this time with very faint washes of colours behind them, giving me the illusion that someone was painting the vision before me as I watched.

“I used to dread coming here.” He started, and while Mat had already told me that, I wasn’t about to interrupt him as he opened up to me, “The first time was a bloody nightmare, thought I’d rip my hair out with how little there is to do. But that was back when I needed constant distraction to stay sane – also back when ketamine was a bigger problem.” He tilted his head towards me for a second, I would have met his eyes but they quickly returned to the night sky as he continued with his story.

“Second year they had to essentially drag me here, but I came more prepared – mostly with a lot of weed,” He huffed out a nervous laugh, as if talking about his old self had mentally brought him back there, “Bumped into a janitor as I was heading out to find somewhere nice to sit and smoke – stuffy old fella, he smelled the weed on me and pointed out that it’s not allowed here, but I could tell he didn’t actually give a shit, so thought I’d try offering him some. All he did was shrug and led us up to this roof to get high.” 

I felt myself smile, trying to imagine some rigid old man hanging out with Oli in his twenties.

“We had fuck-all in common; he was in his 60’s, religious man, never heard of our band – pretty sure he thought metal music was the devils music, but turned out his wife had just died so I don’t think he cared much about anything anymore.” He paused for a moment, sighing before he continued, “He was honestly kind of a prick, but he loved the stars, knew all the names of the constellations – told me them too. He tried really hard to describe exactly where they were, but none of it stuck, probably cause none of it really made sense to me.”

At some point my gaze had wandered to Oli as he spoke, his eyes sparkling as he dreamily stared at the sky above us, lost in his story. 

"Never saw him again either, don’t even remember his name, but every year after that I’ve been coming up here to look at the stars – well, whenever the weather would allow it. But since I never learned the proper names, I’ve just sort of been making up my own from whatever shape I see that night – kind of like cloud gazing. Like over there, that totally looks like a car, doesn’t it?”

He moved a bit closer, our shoulders connecting as he pointed towards an area in the sky, his intoxicating smell flooding me.

I swallowed, attempting to focus on what he was showing me, but I couldn’t see anything that even remotely resembled a car.

“I can’t tell if I’m blind, or if you’re making it up, but there’s no way there’s anything car-shaped there.” I retorted as steady as I could, trying to keep the mood light.

Trying not to be too distracted by his proximity.

However, that immediately became impossible when he turned to his side and moved even closer, pressing his warm, slightly stubbly cheek to mine, causing my breath to hitch before he took my hand, pointing my index finger to the shape he was trying to describe in the sky.

“You see these six stars here…” He spoke softly as he guided my finger in a circle over the six stars, his warm breath fanning my face, smelling minty, “That’s the front wheel – and these ones over here…” My finger was directed in a shape that loosely resembled an oval, a bit to the right of the circle, which was hard to follow since my attention has been hijacked by how his thighs rubbed against mine, how his hand so tenderly held my fingers in his, and how his hair tickled my face in the gentle breeze of the night, “That’s the back wheel. Then finally, this riiiight here…” Trailing my finger in the most jagged arch possible, I couldn’t help but frown as the vehicle appeared in the sky above me, “That’s the top of the car. You see it?”

It was truly one of the most horrible renditions of a car I could imagine.

“Oli, the only way you could convince me that’s a car is if a small child drew it.”

He laughed as he laid back down on his back, angling himself in such a way that our shoulders and temples touched, “That’s fair, it’s not my best work. You try one.”

It took me a moment before I even began searching the sky, being suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions building in my chest, which only multiplied when Oli sighed, snuggling his head into mine even more.

There seemed to be a confusing duality with every emotion I felt in the presence of the man next to me; pain made me feel pleasure, happiness so easily caused panic, and I found comfort in the discomfort he so deliciously crafted for me.

Which sadly meant that the most perfect night I could imagine was currently being ruined by the soul crushing guilt that intensified every time I was reminded of how I felt about him.

How I wanted nothing more than to cuddle into him right now, yet feeling like I didn’t deserve the joy it would bring me.

“Nothing, love?” He asked after a while.

“Not yet, just a bit longer.”

My eyes had been mindlessly searching as I filtered through my thoughts, and finally I saw something.

“Oh– a smiley face!” I exclaimed with a bit too much excitement than the situation warranted.

“Show me.” He said before pushing his arm under my neck, wrapping his other hand around my thigh in order to pull me close, nestling me up against him.

My pulse sped up as I was flooded with more emotions; more discomfort; more happiness; more panic.

With a slightly shaky hand I started tracing the mouth, “Right there.” I whispered.

He pressed his face closer to mine to get a better look.

“Oh yeah, I see it.” He breathed, before reaching for one of the spare blankets, draping it over us as we laid tangled up with my head on his shoulder.

It was a fairly warm night, and the blanket was thin, not adding much warmth or weight to us, yet it felt as if I was suffocating as I listened to his heartbeat under my ear, my fingers restlessly playing with the buttons of his shirt, his hand on my arm caressing me tenderly, lovingly.

I should be happy – content – yet the wonderful sensations caused my heart to break.

He released another long sigh, holding me even closer, and I could barely take it anymore.

“It’s all you can think about, isn’t it? The stuff with Mat.”

The question took me by surprise, even though I realised my mood was very clearly written all over me.

“Yes.” Afraid to say it out loud, the word had barely been a whisper.

He rolled me onto my back, perching himself on his elbow so he could look at me during this conversation.

Tears stung my eyes as I looked at him hovering over me, his beautiful dark locks falling over worried features, with the starlit sky as his backdrop.

I felt such deep disappointment in myself for not being able to let it go, not being able to stop the guilt from eating me alive.

The stunning man above me visibly tensed, his worried features turning increasingly serious, “Do you have feelings for him?”

Shaking my head, I answered with confidence, “No, I don’t.”

It was too soon, all I felt for Mat right now was interest – curiosity.

And attraction.

His eyes pinned me, “Then please, Alice, drop it.” 

A tear ran down the side of my face, “I can’t.” 

“Why?” He asked through clenched teeth, frustration clearly taking hold of him.

“Because it feels like I’ve cheated, and you said that was a dealbreaker.”

While it had been obvious something had happened between me and Mat from the moment I stepped into Oli’s hotel room tonight, this was the first time I’d said something that had actually confirmed it.

With that confession, some of the pressure inside me began to ease, making me want to tell him everything, despite Oli’s wishes.

Despite how much pain and anger was twisting his features, the volatile energy radiating off of him in waves as he wordlessly glared at me.

When he finally spoke the words were low, aggressive, “You aren’t mine.”

Logically I knew I wasn’t, I knew we weren’t a couple, yet the words stung and burned like acid.

“Then why does it feel like I am?” I whispered, more tears running into my hairline.

For a moment I thought he was about to break down, to join me in tears as I whispered the words, but the anger returned immediately, the air so thick with it I could barely breathe. 

“But you’re not. You’re not ready to commit to me, to be mine, are you?”

I wasn’t – not yet, not with this many unanswered questions; not with this much confusion.

Not with this many fears.

So I shook my head in response, not able to speak the words.

“Then fucking drop it.”

The words were already on my lips as he pleaded for me to keep the information to myself, begging me to spare him the details, knowing it would only hurt him further.

Yet I couldn’t stop myself.

“We kissed.”

His hand was suddenly at my throat, baring his teeth, a mixture of intense disbelief and pure rage burning in his eyes.

But it only made me want to keep sharing, keep pushing the knife in deeper.

“I also walked in on him last night, when he was– right as he–”

The tears were streaming from my eyes as I clumsily pushed the words out of me, needing them to leave my mouth so they’d stop torturing me. 

The furious man above me digging his nails into the flesh of my neck, yet refusing to apply any pressure that would stop me from speaking.

“Shut the fuck up, Alice.” He spat.

“...Right as he came.” A sense of relief washed over me as I finished my sentence.

His chest was heaving, the fingers on my throat shaking as the nails dug in deeper, hurting me in a way that did nothing but make me feel infinitely better as the pressure inside me subsided.

Meanwhile the pressure inside Oli was building, threatening to explode.

But that’s what I want, isn't it? For him to take it out on me, so I can feel less guilty.

Unease settled in my stomach at the realisation.

“Did you like it?” His words were mocking, vicious, dripping with uncontained fury. 

I nodded, feeling dizzy from the intense mixture of emotions and sensations, my uncontrollable tears flooding my eyes further, turning the man above me blurry before each blink.

He studied my face as he worked overtime to control his rage, “Why are you telling me this?”

“I don’t want to have any secrets with you.”

With a sharp inhale the anger immediately fell away from him as I spoke the words I’d realised last night in my bunk, knowing that I couldn’t consider potentially starting something with Oli while keeping secrets.

“B-but that’s not the only reason.” I pressed on, knowing that not keeping secrets included sharing the realisation that hit me just a moment ago.

The fury returned to his features like it never left; as if he could read my mind.

“You want me to punish you, don’t you? So you’ll feel better?”

I felt my whole face twist in pain as the guilt punched me in the gut, hating how he already knew, hating how right he was.

Hating myself for being like this, for torturing him in the process.

“At any point did you stop to think how deeply fucking selfish that is?”

“I know– I know, I’m not expecting it, I’m so sorry, Oli. P-please, forgive me. I just wanted to enjoy tonight with you so badly– I, I’m–”

The hand on my throat moved to my mouth, covering it firmly, effectively putting an end to my rambling apology.

I blinked away more tears as he pushed my legs apart with his, the furious, unwavering stare darkening as he mounted me, the blanket that he’d so lovingly wrapped us up in just moments ago falling away from our bodies in the process.

“Do you want me to fuck the pain away?”

The air, already sickly thick from rage and pain, turned thicker still with lust, my whole body screaming for his; needing the sweetest of release that only he could offer, more than I needed air.

I nodded slowly against his hand, feeling shame for admitting it considering the circumstances.

His eyes darkened further, his hair falling over them, rendering them barely visible above me as his hips connected with mine, grinding his already solid length against my pussy so hard it hurt in the most delightful of ways through the thick fabric of my jeans, making him inhale a ragged breath while I moaned into his hand, blinking away more tears.

“I want to be more than your painkiller, Alice.” I could feel a deep heartbeat between my legs with his erection pressed against me, his breath coming heavier in the process, “But the relief works both ways, and I’m suffering a fair bit right now.”

He ground down on me again, my back arching into him, my legs wrapping around him.

Studying my face, he let go of my mouth, causing our breaths to mingle in the night air as another gust of wind rustled the trees.

“You’ll need a safeword tonight.” He breathed, “Say red if you want me to stop entirely, and pink if you want me to ease up. I will not fucking listen to any other words, you can scream ‘no’ till you turn blue – I won’t give a shit. Are we clear?” He asked, glaring at me.

A shiver ran through me.

Excitement, fear, adrenaline, and curiosity all blossomed in my chest, making me feel incredible.

Making me feel alive.

“We’re clear.”

He visibly swallowed, “Alright.”

Pushing off of me entirely, he crouched to collect me, effortlessly throwing me over his shoulder.

My heart was racing so fast I thought it would beat right out of my chest as he took long strides towards the door.

I realised I hadn’t thought this through, that he was probably taking me to his room – that we’d have to walk through the corridor that had been bustling with people every time I’d used it – including the other band members.

“Wait!” I yelled as he pushed the door open to the stairs, and was immediately met with a sharp pain on my behind, burning as the hand that had caused the pain trailed down towards my thigh, the thumb brushing over my pussy in the process. 

“That’s not the fucking safeword, is it?” His words echoed in the stairwell, followed immediately by another burning slap, the caressing thumb pressed harder against my core this time.

I whimpered in pain, considering using the safeword already, to avoid any potential awkwardness on our way to his room.

Which was foolish of me, knowing damn well how badly I needed this.

So I shut up, accepting that whatever happens, happens.

As soon as we were flooded by the bright light of the hotel corridor Oli spoke, causing my heart to sink.

“Hiya, mate, you alright?” The aggressive energy in his voice remained unchanged as he spoke the casual words.

“Yeah, good thanks.”

I felt myself go ice cold.

I couldn’t see him, but I knew that voice; it was Mat.

He’d answered flatly, sounding distant, obviously shocked by the vision before him.

But Oli didn’t falter, he never stopped taking long strides – nor did he stop inflicting pain on me.

When Mat’s legs entered my peripheral vision as we passed him, I felt another slap, growing more painful each time it happened, making me whimper louder.

I looked up at Mat through my hair as I was helplessly being dragged off, his eyes were dark with some unreadable emotion as he stood by his room, clutching his keycard.

All I could do was let him stare at me while my expression involuntarily melted into obvious pleasure as fingers dragged over my pussy, before we disappeared into Oli’s room.

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Heaven in Hiding: Mike Duarte x Reader

Part of @storiesofsvu Holiday Bingo! The square was Holiday Party!

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @withakindheartx @mysoulisasunflower @resonmalvo @@littleone65 @thesandbeneathmytoes @mydarkestsecretlol @evee87 @wooshwastaken @hearthockey @justreblogginfics @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @rosaliedepp @thatesqcrush @storiesofsvu @whateversomethingbruh @burningpeachpuppy @legit9thlunaticwarrior @kiwiithecrazybird @spooky-pomegranate @telepathay @weiwei0210 @spaghettificationandpretzels @plaidbooks

Part of the Crossing Lines Arc:

Crossing Lines - Mike tells you how he feels when he’s high.

Worth Waiting For - Companion piece to Crossing Lines

Mike Duarte is hiding. He’s leaning against the printer in the dark copier room whilst the Gang Unit’s Annual Christmas party is in full swing outside in the Squad Room. He hates these things, he hates how loud they get, how raucous. The same people making fools of themselves over and over again because they’ve had a little too much to drink.

 If he’s honest he hates the season, he has too many memories of a cold house, a thread bare tree, and paper Christmas decorations that degenerated more and more, year after year. His Mami had tried her best but with three kids and a husband that was consistently gambling against the house, there was barely any money to put food on the table, let alone pay for the heating.

He looks up when the door clicks open, you slip through the gap closing it swiftly behind you. There’s only a couple of feet between the two of you, the room is small, barely more than a closet. The scent of your perfume floods his nostrils, it’s light and floral, jasmine, he thinks. It reminds him of the first few days of spring. He’s tried to keep his distance, ever since that thing with the cocaine, when he’d gotten a little high and told you how he felt.

 “I don’t wanna be your Captain, I wanna be the man who makes you come.” He’d told you.

You’d smoothed it over a few days later.

“We need to talk.” He’d said when he’d summoned you into his office. “About what I said, and what I did.”

You’d shrugged your shoulders.

“It happens.” You’d responded.

That had been over a month ago and his feelings haven’t changed. He’s still attracted to you; it goes far beyond physicality. It wouldn’t be such an issue if it was just about that. The problem is he actually enjoys spending time with you and that messes with him.

“So, this is where you’ve been hiding.” You say, leaning back against the door, blocking his exit.

“Yea.” He says swiping across the video on his screen in order to turn down the volume. “Out there isn’t really my scene.”

“Mine neither.” You say with a small smile. “It’s my first one, I thought I’d be social but it’s barely past ten and the majority of them are already a mess.”

“It gets worse.” Mike tells you, the edges of his mouth tipping up. “So much worse.”

“So, I guess that means we’re going to be hiding out here for the rest of the night…” You sigh, shifting so that you end up taking up residence alongside of him. Your arm brushes against his and he feels the heat from your skin searing against his own before you gesture towards his phone. “What were you watching?”

“My niece Amelia,” He says, showing you the video. “She had her Christmas play tonight, that’s her, the angel on the right.”

“She’s got that trademark Duarte scowl.” You laugh as you lean in close.

“She wanted to be the Christmas tree.” He reveals as he points to boy in a handmade costume. “This kid is now her nemesis.”

“And there’s the wrath.” You tease as he returns the phone into the back pocket of his jeans. “I’m guessing it’s a family trait.”

You’re still smiling when he tilts his head toward you, it’s that smile that ensnares him. His eyes meet yours and for a moment everything just falls away. All of that worry, all of that doubt, it falls away and he’s left with an intense sense of longing. He wants you, Christ he wants you more than anything, but he just can’t make himself take that step.

Your fingertips ghost along the line of his jaw and he closes his eyes, savouring the sensation because he can’t remember the last time someone touched him like his. Your lips are soft as they brush over his, there’s a tenderness in you that’s never he’s felt with any other woman and Mike revels in it.

When you draw away, he doesn’t know what to say so he says nothing. He sees the conflict in you, the uncertainty that crosses your features.

“I’m sorry.” You say quietly. “I thought…”

You laugh, your cheeks colouring with embarrassment as you reach for the doorhandle.

“It doesn’t matter.” You tell him before you pull the door open and head back into the fray. “Merry Christmas Captain.”

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