#For some reason I just do not like Liam
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harryzhongsexual · 10 months ago
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Lmfao I was thinking the same thing when I was playing. Less attractive less quirky Hamish
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Liam, you will never be Hamish 🙄
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ittybittyremy · 6 days ago
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"While all this is happening, Orym has gone full shell shock mode. He's not talking anymore. He's going to go slump down onto a rock and is listening to all the debating at this point and he doesn't know what to do. He's been so sure for so long, and doesn't know what to do. Going in feels so wrong to him. But he hears the logic that it's only a matter of time before someone or something, a day from now, a year from now, six months from now. And just let's them figure it out, because he's took all his energy to make it to this point."
- Liam, C3E118
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luckthebard · 5 months ago
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I should know better than to go on CR twitter but I just read someone in all seriousness complain about Orym “pulling the dead family card” without any seeming awareness of how callous of a thought that is
And I just desperately want some of these people to take a giant step back and try to exercise some curiosity about different explorations of life experiences and emotional truths instead of resorting to downplaying or dismissing ideas that are difficult or uncomfortable.
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statementlou · 3 months ago
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Maya went on The Internet Is Dead podcast to be interviewed about her relationship with Liam and it's interesting; I recommend it for people who were curious about untangling the details in her book from real life (they talk about this in a number of different places with some detail), people who think she's making everything up, and anyone else sending hostile asks about her- we know she is following the fandom talk and responding to it but I have to say it's very satisfying to listen to her rattle through the exact arguments anons on here are sending around and answer every one of them.
some detail below the cut:
The experience was kind of grating at times; maybe it's just me but I never find it enjoyable to listen to people outside of fandom or casual 1D fans talk about us, and I cringe and bristle literally every time someone says "these people" or "they think", plus the hosts are not super useful; they refer to her tiktoks and book repeatedly without actually giving context for the discussion, like I could do with the occasional "in the book you say…" rather than just chatting about it and leaving us to figure out what they are talking about (they don't even say the name of the book), but whatever. There's interesting stuff in there so it was worth it for me and if you prefer you can just get my highlights, here ya go-
-Her making the point that the media training all of the 1D guys have done from such a young age not only impacts how they talk to the press but also how they talk to people in their lives, the tools it gives them for communicating with (and in this case, manipulating) people was fascinating to me, I hadn't thought about that but I will be in the future with regard to all of them, it's just very interesting to have in mind
-she says she had the book read by lawyers before publishing because it was about someone real and real events, and provided proof for things they asked about
-she points out that she has nothing to gain from making this up, and that as someone who works in a law office and is planning to go to legal school, that the fact that bringing false accusations against someone is illegal would be a huge deterrent to lying
-she says that one of the reasons she initially soft pedaled in terms of outright saying that the book was about Liam was that podcasts and such she went on didn't want her to say it, didn't want the liability, and that when she did say it that part would not get printed or would be edited out (hey speaking of this what are all these interviews she did about the book why am I just now hearing about it... when you guys see stuff like this let me know! I am interested and will maybe recap for you even!)
-she mentions Liam's silence on the whole thing more than once; "if someone wrote that about me and it wasn't true I would not just say nothing!"
-she says that her and Liam went to see After not knowing it was a 1D fanfic and then, after finding that out, he joked that she should write a book about them, and that it was where the seed of the idea came from
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edge-oftheworld · 6 days ago
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when I was in high school there was a tendency whenever there was an attractive boy to simply fan over him. in a way that talked over everything he might say for himself and created a narrative that completely ignored, the fact in some cases, that he was really struggling—or if he was struggling, to pin all the blame on the girl he’s dating and completely ignore the thousands of other factors (no it can’t be mental illness or unaccommodated disability or systemic abuse or exploitation and if he is in an abusive relationship we won’t ever consider the factors that put him at risk for that)
and I’m not saying this fandom is like that. I get the need for privacy around some things and how in public conversations sometimes it’s a lot more respectful to stick to the positives (everyone who does that, I admire you) or even the struggles that are talked about publicly, show respect by not reading too far into them. there’s a time and place for that. but sometimes I feel like our only options are shitty and ableist gossip or totally ignoring the systemic and structural issues we know exist in something like the music industry until someone dies and then we’re looking for someone to blame. friends, there is a point where the respectful thing is to listen to what someone says and come together to make things better. and you can learn how to have that conversation respectfully. please do
#forever haunted by ‘I wasn’t always a cynic it’s just I’ve been bought and sold’#and actually this highlights my whole frustration with the conversation around mental health just about anywhere#like you tell people something sucks and they’re completely unwilling to even try to challenge the status quo in order to help#and idk. I tell myself they’re going to be fine. they’re so resilient. I’m doing all I can; I’m not on the ground there I’m at a distance#but at the same time is it not bittersweet sometimes to enjoy music born from trauma? to be at a live show knowing they shouldn’t be?#to me these stories have to be told for the reason that yes so people relate but also so we can do better for the next generation#anyway I’ve gotten deep into inxs lore lately and I can say. yes it is better for 5sos simply for the fact men can talk about emotions#but that didn’t come without a MASSIVE fight don’t you ever forget that. it’s gonna still carry shame. they’re choosing to fight that#but the sad songs we got as a result?? idk they’re the thing that turned me parasocial because there’s rarely absolutely nothing you can do#like if we’re ever gonna give them a gold star for talking about this stuff as early as sgfg til today we gotta ask ourselves to look at#larger systemic issues and stuff that we ARE a part of and while we can’t be there for them when they have a bad day. we can work on#anyway the high school example still haunts me. still drives some of what I do now. we were just kids. but most of us here aren’t anymore#and the newbrokenscene is grown up now and tbh the status quo should be TERRIFIED#so idk. at the very least sign the petition for liams law. advocate for better. address local issues of injustice and addiction etc#which in some ways I’m lucky that I get to do that in sydney so it feels connected but this is just as valuable anywhere#tbh the 2010s era of bubblegum pop and ignoring all our problems is over. you’re punk now. even katy released chained to the rhythm#thinking about the nfp I’m trying to start and how to start small. for disadvantaged kids maybe? intervening via urban design?#(don’t you ever forget 5sos WERE disadvantaged kids not even 20 years ago. that shit sticks to you no matter how much you achieve)#albums and activism#anyway it fascinates me to see how differently people do this kind of thing to each band member. like the vibe is different but still track#for this whole phenomenon like whether they’re seen as pretty or strong or cute or smth else that becomes the main thing not their words#and I say that but tumblr is pretty good overall. I just wish sometimes we could have a more active conversation before any tragedy#so gosh I’m ranting so much but PLEASE talk about this with me. I notice far too much and I can’t say any of it publicly#so occasionally I come out with a rant like this
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kasarian · 11 months ago
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tumblrs been pissing me off lately more than not so im just gonna fuck off for a while.
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jacksintention · 2 years ago
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I really can't stand Gil
#Thinking about him for some reason tonight/this morning/esta madrugada#And like I can't stand him. It never changes lol#Someone else besides my cousin's girlfriend is now also reading PH because I asked#and between one and the other I'm falling again in the realisation of how much I can't stand him haha#I went into PH for the first time and saw him and thought 'oh he's neat. really pretty'#and just a few chapters later I couldn't stand the sight of him haha#Shittiest character ever. And I do love shitty characters often but the way Gil is in particular irks me a lot for some reason#I guess it's in part the narration and how hypocrital it is at times when it comes to him#Which would make sense with the ending if it weren't for the fact that I don't think it feels narrated by Gil at all until that very moment#Or not that I recall. I could reread to check again#Anyway... He is the favourite character of my cousin's girlfriend for now because 'he's very pretty and he is so kind and nice' omg#My attempts at keeping my dislike at bay were unsuccessful I think#One of the guidebooks actually brings up the topic about how shitty he is (I'm letting her borrow those too#so I'll wait and see what she thinks about it) which as I told Leigh was very validating#because this may be one of my most unpopular opinions of the manga? xD#On the other hand he was compared in that very fragment to Liam‚ who I also think was quite a shitty person despite how he is constructed#or at least perceived by the other characters as perhaps one of the best persons in the manga#Anyway yeah... Rereading these few first chapters because of being asked a question about them sent me into a Gil spiral tonight lol#Funny how it works like irl to some extent. I can't even perceive him as beautiful anymore‚ or not as I did at the very beginning#Despite how much the art improved#Although I think it's also his gestures#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#Anyway#Vincent prettiest brother among the two#Despite not being really my thing at all either#I mean#He's blond
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amplexadversary · 11 days ago
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Man. I watched the critmas special today and I *am* worried that I'm just not going to like watching actual play Daggerheart.
Might be the autism talking but I feel like they went in a direction that's even more "rules-light" than 5e, and I feel like that's pretty close to my lower limit for how much structure makes sense for an actual game.
I was hoping DH would wind up closer to a Pathfinder type of deal, or, since they did want a more modular system, Rogue Trader-ish level of complexity, since they DID come from Pathfinder into CR1.
I feel like I'm definitely going to miss seeing a lot of the strategizing over specific ranges and how long things last and the like. Not to mention I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be able to read the rulebook to keep up with what's going on unless they release a free PDF version (or someone reliable pirates it; I don't buy games my own group has a <0% chance of playing and my friends are very much d100 system lovers)
#fan wank#I was hoping they'd go more toward the system-complexity we know they actually chose pre-stream#I don't like simple games for a *lot* of reasons and I think the most relevant one to an AP show#Is that they make it really easy to become disproportionately focused on or away from particular players#Laura's already gotten the worst of the latter for two campaigns#and as much as I love *most of* Liam's characters I do not trust him to shut the fuck up and let the other players talk#especially if they let him play another mage.#Even nixing the obvious outliers (Molly and Yasha)#CR2's character focus was doled out proportionally inverse to how interesting each character was.#(also Matt used to be really hard on Marisha because misogynists would accuse him of favoring her every time the rules went her way#which makes a system where you're basically persuading the GM to allow you to do shit a handwritten invite for those types to return#after we seem to have finally mostly kicked them out too. It just sounds like a *really* bad idea ) ... :#The 2d12 system is at least interesting because it weights rolls toward the middle of the range#(which becomes upper-middle when you factor in bonus dice)#which undermines a d20's potential to derail towards slapstick with a 5% chance of a critical failure#but I feel like having to spend a resource to benefit from your own skills/experience is kind of shitty.#Makes them seem kind of pointless to have to be completely honest because they aren't reliable.#And why why why physical cards??? Those are so LOSEABLE. Sure the GM can remove some from the selection and that's nice#but I feel like having more loose pieces that can't be replaced with just any other version like a d12 can be is asking for trouble
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arolesbianism · 7 months ago
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If I had the freedom of not knowing there is going to be future new lore stuff added to oni I would do unspeakable things to so many of these guys. Or Id just make them normal guys who just sorta exist. Either or.
#rat rambles#oni posting#let it be known that the second we have any sort of base of scientist ari's character and job Im going to go buck wild#I'm not even the biggest ari fan but idk I've been thinking a lot abt them lately#not anything concrete for obvious reasons but still they have so much potential#like tbh I wouldnt be surprised if theyre already technically in the logs as one of the randos I know theyre klei's second favorite child#I say second favorite because we all know meep is the favorite#anyways I hope ari does smth mildly fucked up when they do inevitably become relevant I think thatd be fun#or maybe theyll just be another artifact namedrop and never be mentioned again but I doubt it#you see meep is a man of few words he only needs to be implied through one email to leave his mark#ari needs to do smth a bit fucked up and then not elaborate I think thats the most fun ari play#as in I think itd be funny if they were like involved in smth super important but it's only briefly implied in a log where theyre talking#abt smth irrelevant and unrelated#my vote is them either being involved in the employee kidnapping or being involved in the dna stealing#yknow we still dont know who the duo in bioengineering that was mentioned once are#the only potential duo I can think of would be maybe liam and ada but idk if theyd be involved in that specifically#I think they very well could have been tho and it would be kinda fun#plus it'd give us more insight as to who could hypothetically be in the know abt the inner workings of the duplicant project#because that would mean that the plant guy could also be in the know#as in it would draw the critter and plant bioengineering ppl closer to the actual duplicant stuff itself#which would make some sense for them to be aware of the dupes but the extent of that knowledge is a question that remains#but yeah other than those two I can't rly think of any duos that are both in bioengineering#like liam isnt comfirmed but he also isnt explicitly in a different department so hes still an option#banhi and bubbles cant be it since banhi is in robotics#and every other duo falls into a similar situation or are just not in bioengineering at all#its probably not that relevant of a detail but I think its fun to speculate#but yeah Im excited to learn more abt all these guys in the future as long as it's not ellie she can explode (affectionate but still)#oh also no first hand nikola second hand nikola is fine tho#oh also I hope gossmann only gets a first initial I don't wanna know her first name#itd be so heartbreaking if they walked out and declared her full name was like tiffany gossmann or smth like that
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no-144444 · 2 months ago
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the grid: when the media says something insane...
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req: Hi, I'd like to request a blurb about the drivers reacting to reader being talked bad about from an interviewer. Scenario-Interviewer: "Do you think the reason you lost today's race is because 'y/n' was here and had something to do with it?"
featuring: Oscar Piastri, Lando Norris, Lewis Hamilton, George Russell, Alex Albon, Franco Colapinto, Logan Sargeant, Daniel Riccardo, Liam Lawson, Charles LeClerc, Carlos Sainz, Arthur LeClerc, Ollie Bearman, Max Verstappen, Paul Aron, Jack Doohan.
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Oscar Piastri: makes the interviewer feel dumb asf
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“And how do you feel about the DNF today, knowing that it's breaking your record of competing in every lap so far this year? Is there any specific reason as to why you might’ve made that mistake? I did see some new faces in the garage today,” Danica asked.
Oscar frowned. “What are you trying to say?”
“I was just wondering if you count your partner, Y/n, as a bad luck charm now. This is her first Grand Prix, isn’t it?” 
He actually laughed in her face. “Do you seriously believe in shit like that?” he chuckled. “And no, it’s not her first, nor will it be her last.”
Danica stood, embarrassed. 
“Do you have any other questions?” he asked, polite as ever. She didn’t respond. “Thanks for the joke anyway, that was actually quite funny,” Oscar added as he moved onto the next interview, a bright smile on his face despite the poor race result.
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Lando Norris: insults the interviewer
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“And how do you feel about the DNF today, knowing that it's cementing your loss in the Driver’s Championship? Is there any specific reason as to why you might’ve made that mistake? I did see some new faces in the garage today,” Danica asked.
He stared at her for a moment, trying to compose himself. “If you’re talking about my girlfriend, I’d suggest you just come out and say it, Danica.”
“Alright then, do you see her as a bad luck charm now? Considering this is her first race, if I’m right,” she asked outright. Jenson rolled his eyes beside her as Martin just chuckled. 
“Not at all, she’s here to support me and I’d much rather have her here for a day like today than a win. It’s called a support system Danica, I’m aware of the fact that you’re not a fan of those, but some of us actually benefit from caring about other people. And another thing, all of my bad races, you’ve been there. Maybe you’re the bad luck charm,” his voice cut through the tension in the cold Las Vegas air like a knife, and Jenson and Martin just started laughing as Danica stood there dumbfounded. “Maybe I should ask Sky to not bring you around as much.” 
He handed the microphone back and continued on with his day, then posted this later: 
landonorris
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liked by pierregasly, lewishamilton, and 479,933 others
landonorris: idc if ur bad luck ur too sexy to let go of 🥴
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Lewis Hamilton: protective much?
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“It’s Y/n’s first race in years, and yet you DNF for the first time in months, do you want to give us some insight to that?” Danica asked. 
Lewis’s eyebrow raised and an annoyed smile made its way onto his face. “What are you saying right now?”
“Well, it’s just strange that her first race in years, 2 to be exact, is the one you don’t finish.”
“Are you trying to insinuate that she’s bad luck or something?” 
“Is that what you believe her to be?” 
“Fuck no,” he scoffed. “She’s my wife, is what she is. I’m grateful that she’s here. I love to share my love of motorsport with my wife, and I don’t feel sorry for the media that she's been preoccupied with being pregnant and busy to be here for the last 2 years. I love having her come and support me, and I’m happy that I didn’t finish the fucking race, I get more time with my family now. I cannot believe you enjoy making shitty headlines like this. Danica, maybe just stick to fucking driving.”
With that, he walked away, and later made this post:
lewishamilton
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liked by pierregasly, francocolapinto, and 2,393,932 others
lewishamilton: my good luck charms xx
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George Russell: flabbergasted that someone would have the audacity 
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“Sorry about the result today George, do you feel like external factors made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
“Y’know, it’s been pretty tough all year with the car but it really felt like we pulled back to the top today, and it was just a shame that Lando went wide and pushed me into the gravel,” he shrugged.
“And you don’t see your girlfriend as a bad luck charm? It is her first race, right?”
He death-stared her for a moment. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Well, we just wanted to know how you react to knowing that it’s her first race and it’s also the race you DNFed in.”
“I don’t have a reaction,” he scoffed. “Your headlines are going to be written anyway, it doesn’t matter what I say. I don’t see her as bad luck or whatever rubbish you’re going to paint this as, and I don’t really care what you think about it. Anyway, it’s not like you have the monopoly on perfect races, Danica.” 
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Kimi Antonelli: awkward and insulted 
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“Sorry about the result today Kimi, do you feel like distractions made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
“Umm…” he trailed off, looking at George confused. George shook his head, silently telling him not to answer. “I don’t know what you mean?” 
“Well there were external factors, obviously, but also your girlfriend was in the paddock for the first time this weekend, correct?”
He nodded. 
“So do you see her as some sort of bad luck charm, or something?”
He pulled a face of disgust for a split second. “No, not at all. She went to every single one of my F2 races so I don’t see how she could have been bad luck here when she was not bad luck there,” he shrugged. 
“So she’s not bad luck?” 
He chuckled awkwardly. “N-no. Like I say, she was at every one of my F2 races. I think she is lucky, if anything.” 
He walked away confused as George reassured him that they were just fishing for headlines and to ‘not give them the time of day’. He was slightly worried that you would think you were a bad luck charm and quickly found you and showed you that you weren’t.
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Alex Albon: shocked. 
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“Sorry about the race today Alex, do you feel like distractions made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
“Umm,” he kind of chuckled. “I don’t think so? I mean it was so wet so I’m not shocked that I went off.”
“But in the garage, do you think you would’ve been more focused if your girlfriend hadn’t been there?”
He just stared at her with a slightly shocked smile as she held the microphone to his face. “Did you actually just ask that?”
She didn’t answer, just nodding. 
“Well, why don’t we think back to every other race she’s been at this year. Monaco, Canada, Silverstone, Austria, and Baku, which were all my best races this season, apart from maybe Canada.”
“Yes, but today she was-”
“In the garage, the same as she always is. Wow, you’ll really do anything for a headline.”
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Franco Colapinto: Sassy asf 
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“Sorry about the crash today, glad to see you’re ok Franco. Do you think this weekend has been a bit more difficult because of distractions or something new being in a paddock? We saw that it was your girlfriend's first GP this weekend, could she have anything to do with it?” Danica asked. 
He did a double take, staring at her. “¿Qué? Is that really what you think?” 
She shrugged. “It’s only a question.”
“It’s a stupid question,” he scoffed. “¿Por qué traería mala suerte? She has been at every race so far and I haven’t seen anyone complaining.” (Why would she be bad luck?)
“So she’s not bad luck?”
He laughed. “Do I have to repeat things 3 times for you to understand?”
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Logan Sargeant: angry
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“Sorry about the result today Logan, do you feel like distractions made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
He stared at her, then pushed the mic away from him. “I’m not answering stupid fucking questions about my girlfriend.”
And he walked off. And posted this later…
logansargeant
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liked by pierregasly, oscarpiastri, jensonbutton, and 345,938 others
logansargeant: let's not bring my girlfriend into this, yeah?
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Daniel Riccardo: plays it off. 
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“Sorry about the end of the race today Danny, do you feel like distractions made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
He laughed, thinking she was joking. His eyes widened when he realised she wasn’t. “You think I can’t race because my girlfriend is in the back of the garage?”
“It is her first GP, correct?” 
He chuckled. “No, no it’s not. She’s always there, and anyways, I’m in the car, it’s not like I have all the time in the world to stare at her ass or something,” he smiled. “I know she’s beautiful but I don’t exactly see her when I’m going to the straight at 200 kilometres an hour.”
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Liam Lawson: sassy man apocalypse 
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“Sorry about the end of the race today Liam, do you feel like distractions made it more difficult for today’s race?” Danica questioned. 
“What do you mean?” he asked, confused about the question. 
“Your girlfriend was here for the first time, could she be a bad luck charm for the team?”
“I don’t think she is but I do know that your interviews make me feel pretty fucking unlucky,” he scoffed before walking off. 
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Charles LeClerc: laughs in their face
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“Charles, what do you think about the people saying that Y/n is bad luck in the garage?”
He started laughing and didn’t stop for about a minute. He was as bad as Lando, to the point that Carlos had to actually walk him off the fan stage. He came back on, teary-eyed and smiling. “I think it’s quite funny.”
“Evidently,” Carlos scoffed. 
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Carlos Sainz: …
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“Carlos, what do you think about the people saying that Y/n is bad luck in the garage?” Danica asked.
“What people are saying that?” he asked. 
“The media,” she answered. 
“Well they always have bullshit to say. I’m just surprised they had the balls to go after my wife,” he scoffed. “They’ll be hearing from my lawyers.”
“That sounds extreme-”
“It’s defamation of character and she’s my wife. Nothing is extreme.” 
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Arthur LeClerc: Won’t answer
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“Sorry about the race today Arthur, do you think there are other factors, such as distractions, that messed up your race?”
“What a stupid question, no,” he scoffed before walking away. 
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Ollie Bearman: insulted
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"Sorry about your race today Ollie, do you think that your partner Y/n being here might be a bad omen?"
He stared at her. "No. Why would she be?"
"It's her first GP and you DNF, if that's not bad luck I'm not sure what is."
"That's pretty rude," he scoffed. "Don't bring my girlfriend into this."
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Max Verstappen: guys…
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"Sorry about your race today Max, do you think that your partner Y/n being here might be a bad omen?"
He stared at her, his eyes dark. "Fuck off."
"Excuse me?"
"That's bullshit, don't bring my family into this. If I have a bad race, I have a bad race, that's just how it goes. She isn't bad luck, she isn't for you to make headlines about and she's not here to just be a good omen. She's my partner and she's here to support me, that's it."
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Paul Aron: laughs in their face…
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"How do you feel about the result to day, do you think things could've been different if someone wasn't distracting you?"
"What do you mean?" he asked.
"We saw your race engineer giving out to you and your partner Y/n for distracting you. Do you think she might now be a bad luck charm?"
He scoffed, laughing in her face. "Bullshit, someone turned into me and I didn't have enough time to react. Your headline can be about that, keep my girlfriend out of this."
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Jack Doohan: so normal about it! (...)
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“Sorry about the race today Jack, do you think there are other factors, such as distractions, that messed up your race?”
He knew what they were trying to say. “Do you want to just say what you want to say to my face?” 
She was taken aback. “Do you think Y/n is a bad luck charm?”
He scoffed. “You’re seriously fishing for headlines when someone could’ve been seriously injured? That’s pathetic. And another thing, she’s not a fucking bad luck charm, she’s my partner, she’s not just a headline for you to fuck with.”
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
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britcision · 3 months ago
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Every single time Caleb talks about how the things he did were awful and irredeemable Astrid is internally screaming
Caleb failed on their graduation day
He made it through training, and yeah, did awful things
Astrid and Wulf passed that graduation, finished training, and spent 17 years in the real world doing the actual job
The parts too hard, too bloody, too dangerous, to trust to teenagers
Caleb knows Trent is awful and all of the terrible things he put children through, and every dreadful thing he is capable of, no question
But Astrid and Wulf, looking at him after the Mighty Nein? Not when he was in the Sanitarium, broken by Feeblemind, but a whole, complete person?
A wizard powerful enough to stand toe to toe with their master, and what did he do that they didn’t to get there?
He ate pastries. Wore bread as mittens. Made dick jokes and found love and forgiveness and people who may not understand, but who don’t care that they don’t understand and accept him anyway
People who looked at this sad, broken man with up to seven years of guilt and terrible deeds weighing him down (depending on when you think Trent started scourging ‘em, seemed young in the campaign but much later in the comic)
Knowing that they spent every one of the years he was in the Sanitarium and then after he escaped still under Trent’s thumb, still doing everything they’d done as kids and more, doing it with higher stakes, higher costs
And he talks about those childhood sins as unforgivable
He tells them that they too can be redeemed, as if nothing and no one could be worse than he was
But Astrid and Caleb are the same person
So you know she’s just as convinced that her sins were actually the worst, and there’s hope for anyone else but her
And she has the resume to back it up
And no matter how much she wishes she could have what he has, be free and redeem herself and maybe admit she shouldn’t have had to do any of it…
If Caleb doesn’t believe he can be redeemed, how could there be hope for her?
(And absolutely none of it will stop Jester Lavorre from scooping up another two formerly evil wizards and tucking them gently into her pocket and woobie-ing them to death with sprinkles and muffins and love)
look me in the eyeballs. astrid and caleb (imo wulf is a slightly different story but that's another post) are textually, canonically narrative foils. i think a better, less literary term-y way to put it is that they're variations on the same person. like. canonically. astrid is caleb if he didn't fail the training. caleb is astrid if she got out. they're like if you took one person and laid out two seperate options on how they would react to a major life-changing incident (hmm. i wonder what that might be in this context). astrid. caleb. they look at each other and see themselves. caleb is alright with this. astrid was holding on for her life for a little bit, trying not to lose her shit, because. he is who she would be if she was free and she figures that out during c2 yknow. caleb always knew that he was almost astrid so he just had to. like. look at this woman he loves dearly and fucking. wretchedly. and cope with the fact that 1. he loves her 2. she's awful 3. she could be so much better than she is 4. she's too far gone for that. but he's been coping for a long time, and she's not unreachable she's just. she's never gonna be him. meanwhile she has to grapple with the fact that she will never be as free as him- i don't know if she really wants to be, but he's proof that her life didn't need to go the way that it did and that's brutal. anyway. they're the same guy. it is so so important to consider that in relation to the dynamic they have going on. is this mic on
#critical role#critical role meta#c2#caleb widogast#astrid becke#my babygirls okay#you don’t understand i am feral for them#also wulf we love wulf but he learned to work out his muscles too and snuck some himbo energy#like yeah yeah essek and caleb are narrative foils we all know#which. means. astrid and essek are foils-in-law#and i think they both know that and they would both be much happier to admit how much they have in common with each other#because they both think caleb is better and closer to redemption#and the secret is the dick jokes it’s the only thing astrid and essek didn’t do it’s why they stayed evil for sure /j#(the secret is jester specifically liam didn’t think caleb would warm up to anyone until laura Assassinated Him)#(the others woulda got him eventually but laura grabbed him by the throat first session and said#‘HEY LOVE THE NEW EDGY CHARACTER WITH THE TRAGIC BACKSTORY LIAM#BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE… DREW DICKS IN HIS SPELLBOOK’#and liam lost his goddamn mind because he is also a chaos gremlin at heart)#trent can do all the scary traumatising training he wants jester can undo it with 3 texts and a dream#cuz she literally doesn’t fit in his worldview. like. fundamentally incompatible. she shouldn’t exist.#if trent was right and the world was as bad as he thought and all of his bs was actually necessary… jester woulda died in nicodranas#her just bopping around happy and carefree and It Works proves every single thing trent ever told them wrong#‘oh we must ruthlessly train you and destroy all empathy and torture you for magical power’#‘orrrrr have you considered loving your friend so hard he becomes a god nd just gives you cool magic?✨✨✨hey now watch me raise the dead!’#caleb and astrid are the same person and this is why jester fucking broke them both#jester lives in a different world to everyone else cuz until they meet her everyone assumes her world couldn’t work#but it does#cuz she had no reason to think it wouldn’t so she tried it anyway
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sharonccrter · 3 months ago
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You know what really pisses me off? The rewriting of history. People want to pretend like the only reason Liam Payne was getting hate was because of the allegation. But I call bullshit. 99% of the people hating him online had no idea about the allegations or didn't care. They were bullying him online because they thought he was "cringe."
The latest wave of bullying online, which I saw weeks before his death, had nothing to do with the allegations. It had to do with him dancing at Niall's concert. The hate started with the Logan Paul interview, where Liam didn't say anything that warranted being dogpiled by the internet. And it never stopped.
Now, people want to rewrite history and pretend Liam wasn't bullied and humiliated for just being himself because it was "cringe." But you can't because that's the truth. Imagine bullying someone online because you thought he danced weirdly or was cringe. Then they get all defensive afterwards, sprouting bullshit about how they're "allowed to have an opinion." Yeah, and your opinion has real-life consequences.
Some of you want to pretend like Liam Payne hadn't been the internet's punching bag for years. Enough.
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the-flaneur · 1 month ago
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you've pavloved me...hmph
pairing: f1 grid x gn!reader [headcanon]
ft. the whole 2024 grid
summary: you've been with your boyfriend for so long, that when he goes, you can't seem to cum...aka who's most likely to accidentally pavlov their partner into only coming when they're there
warnings: shitpost/crack, very suggestive content and some 18+, MDNI, NSFW -> smut
[masterlist] [requests]
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not likely to pavlov them
lance
bro does not have the energy to fuck with you like that
in his mind
why bother
he just wants to have fun with you, and you can also have your own fun without him
then so be it
no need for any tricks
franco
has too much fun with you
thinks he's too good in bed, so why should he bother trying to manipulate what you think of him
and in his mind, it would also mean that you wouldn't genuinely think he would be good in bed
and so he can't have that
you must think he is the best
and of your own accord
pierre
thinks you should also be able to please yourself without him
besides, he likes the photos you send him when you're pleasuring yourself
so he would NEVER want to pavlov you
cause then he also has to deal with a grumpy you when you can't cum
and he doesn't get anything out of it
zhou
too much of a sweetheart to be that mean to you
like he hears you cry, moan or whine ONCE about not being able to cum without him
and then he's like "im sorry baby"
and then there's happy and fluffy makeup sex
esteban
also another sweetheart
but only cause he hears you complain in very very vulgar words what you would do to him (aka fuck him up) if he didn't let you cum without him
and he can't have that
so in order to please you
he promises to never pavlov you
and then you're both happy and satisfied
oscar
wouldn't pavlov you
for the sole reason that he finds this kinda shit stupid
he's like
"babe we're in a relationship, i can't really be demanding and/or withholding things from you,"
he's just a gentleman
also morbidly thinks about if he were to die, does that mean you just can't cum anymore?
(apparently lando said yes, so that means yes)
kevin
would think about it for like two seconds
then feel very VERY bad that he thought about manipulating you like that
thinks it's "unethical" (some of the other drivers would think otherwise, duh)
thinks about from time to time (it's his mini roman empire...maybe like the byzantine empire level of thoughts)
but cares and loves you too much for that to happen
maybe one day???
valtteri
would actually consider it
BUT would bring it up with you and consider your thoughts on it before he even tried to manipulate you
if you wanted to try it: he would make sure that it was a sound/action you wouldn't embarrass yourself too (he has too much self-respect and respect for you to out your relationship like that)
if you didn't want to try it: would back off respectfully, and maybe only ask a couple more times in the future to see if you've changed your mind
yuki
would try it once after hearing about it on the internet
gets very confused as to why it's about a dog? and not a relationship?
then once pierre explained to him properly
wanted to just try it once with you
similar to valtteri, would also ask you first if you wanted to do it, but would try to convince you to just "experiment"
like a bit more like "baby, can we try it just once please. you won't even realise it,"
could be successful (ig depending on you)
charles
finds this stuff stupid
well at least most of the time...
if you just so happen to be in the right place at the right time
for him to exact some revenge after you not so accidentally posted a thirst trap of him on your instagram account
then so be it :D
would pavlov you to the sound of him saying "fuck" in that very specific cadence when he's pissed at ferrari
liam
bro would only and ONLY pavlov you to the sound of mcqueen's kachow, just so you actually WANT watch the cars movies with him every weekend
instead of complaining that he can't actually be obsessed with the red car every SINGLE FUCKING WEEK
otherwise, he's a chill guy
lando
would only do it to tease you about it
and in a funny way, not a mean way
like a "guess you're just that needy for me sometimes babe, just kidding (teasing)" kinda way
BUT would be absolute menace about it if it happened multiple times in a row
AND ESPECIALLY if it happened in front of someone else
like max f accidentally found out the sound (aka the sound of lando's pc booting up - idk how that happened man)
and then immediately went bright red, as lando cackled his head off, and you just went to hide in the bathroom
max
would pavlov you
only cause he hates missing out on having sex with you
and he actually really misses you during the race weekends
(my boy is just a massive simp, cut him some slack)
so he wants to withhold your pleasure
just so he can be the one to give it to you
(would also pavlov you to super max or du du du du max verstappen)
alex
pavloved you cause you bullied him too hard that one time (aka multiple times)
you called him a pussy for not being able to handle spice in green curries
so he calls you a pussy in return, over the phone, as you huff about not being able to cum when he's not there
and he'll even turn off the call/facetime before you manage to convince him
so you're just horny and pissed off
(aka the best combo for angry sex when he returns)
checo
desperately trying to rewrite his place in 2024 red bull constructors shithousery
so why not rewrite how you experience pleasure with him too
it's a 2-for-1
and for the mexican cartel/sponsors, that's a done deal
sealed, stamped and sent
nico
shockingly higher than you may think
BUT
THIS MAN'S CHEEKY GRIN
tells me that he would plot everything, down to the last detail
and get away with it cause he's so damn handsome and smooth talker
but flops cause he's sometimes a bit too meticulous
and takes the focus away from your pleasure, and instead focuses on your combined pleasure
cause he just loves you (and himself) like that
carlos
would also pavlov you to the smell of chilli
or other very nice aromatics
or scented candles
makes him the kinda romantic partner to pull up to the hotel room or bedroom with that massive like set up
with a bajillion candles, rose petals and balloons
except with you
it's just like the very potent smell of chilli
and apparently (?) chilli's help with sex drive
or so he tells you
george
initially i was going to put him lower
BUT GODDAMN AFTER THIS THURSDAY HAHAHAHAH
this man.
if he has an agenda.
he will push that agenda so hard, even if you were blind, you could see it and hear it
also probably learnt the "tricks" from fernando
cause they're just buddies like that
(would also pavlov you to the sound of the british anthem)
lewis
this man is a smooth AFFFFF talker
would take like zero convincing for your body to suddenly become pliant/completely at his mercy
would also manage to convince you to pavlov yourself to the sound/recordings of senna's mp4/4 or his w11 or the v10 engine
(he's just a slut for good cars like that)
or him like singing
CAUSE HE WOULD RATHER DIE THAN SHARE THE MUSIC WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD (so there's no way anyone else would know)
but if he did release that music (lewis please, just even a snippet is gold), you're kinda screwed (in a fun way)
fernando
this man knows what he's doing
that's final. PERIOD.
he is THE certified mind games genius (or villain/psychopath, up to you)
dont think just cause you're his partner that doesn't mean he won't use your love for him to make sure that you both achieve maximum pleasure when you have sex
(he is still entirely devoted to you, and you only)
but he wants you to ONLY be satisfied when you're with him
he just wants your body to know that ONLY he, and him ALONE can make you feel good
pookie is in his feels for you
(bro would also be into edging, so yeah)
would also pavlov you to his victory celebrations, cause when you have sex, it's basically a party in the sheets ;)
they know what they're doing
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permanent f1 taglist (comment or msg me to join)
@charlesgirl16 @tallrock35 @sweate-r-weathe-r @unlikelystay @alex-wotton
@daisyfreecs @euphorihan @louloucs @oikarma @dying-inside-but-its-classy
@fadingcloudballoon @princessminjikwon @chick-from-nz @nina-or-anna-or-nora
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© the-flanuer || do not copy, rewrite or translate any of my work on any platform.
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novvabee · 2 months ago
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Hi,
Could you do a romantic poly!marauder (without peter) x reader where they are in a established relationship and maybe James (I just imagine it coming for him) having baby fever and dropping hint at it to make the others want to a start a family ?
omg! I totally can see James wanting a family like straight away, but the others are kind of hesitant. Hope this fits your vision ❤️
Oh baby, baby fever
summary: james wants a baby
cw: suggestive? talk about starting a family
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James had been more needy and cuddly in the past couple of days. He was holding you closer, tighter to his chest in the mornings, being incredibly sweet. And this is James we’re talking about. He normally treated you like royalty, but he had somehow stepped it up after spending the day at work with you.
You had been a nanny for a family for about a year now, and you were loving the job. The family was so kind and generous, and they often felt like an extension of your own family. The children were no different. They were the sweetest kids with the most patience and understanding that you had ever seen in a child. There was a boy, Liam, who was 5, and a little girl named Ruth, 4. They were the reason you loved your job, getting to see them and care for them was the best job you could have ever asked for.
Two days ago, you had planned a trip to the zoo for the two, and were so excited to spend the whole day with them. James, who had the day off, offered to come with. He argued that it would be better to have two adult sets of eyes to watch over the children, safer, and you agreed. You didn’t know how the children would take it at first, him being a stranger, but just like everyone else seemed to, they took to him instantly.
Liam was so happy to have a boy to rough around with (though james was about 3 and a half feet teller and much, much stronger) and Ruth seemed to develop a bit of a crush, having James tie her pink sparkly shoes, hold his hand to cross the street, listen to her jokes and animal facts she had learned, and hold her favorite stuffed animal when she got tired of holding it herself.
James never once complained. He played and laughed with the kids, he carried both, one in each arm, whenever they asked, he bought them each a toy from the gift shop with his own money when they asked. He was doing amazing.
There was a different side to James that you saw. You were used to the kindness and warmth of him, but this was different. He was so gentle with them, it came so easy to him. You noted the moments he would get down to their level to hear them properly, to make sure they felt heard even though they were mostly talking nonsense or silly kid things. He lifted them up to see the animals without them having to ask, he just knew they wouldn’t be about to see over the fence. He made sure they had water and snacks whenever they wanted them.
It took a lot of pressure and stress off of you, put some ideas into your head… you thought that he would make a great dad.
And it seems, James had the same thoughts. The next day he dropped his first hint. All four of you and your boys were lounging about on the couch and watching movies. The day was quite glum out and you all wanted to curl up and use each other for warmth. You were curled into Remus’s side, James laying on you, his head on your chest and body between your legs, Sirius’s head in Remus’s lap. You were a big puddle of happiness. While watching a particularly boring part of the movie, James began running his hands along your sides, under your shirt. You didn’t mind, his hands were always so warm and soft. It gave you goosebumps in the best way. He moved his hands from your sides to your stomach, right under your belly button. He was dragging his fingers along your bare skin before looking at your stomach and kissing it. He laid his head back down and watched the move like nothing, continuing to rub your sides, but you knew what he was after. You knew what he was thinking and why. 
The next hint was dropped while you were all in the kitchen. Remus finishing cooking dinner for you, and the three of you waiting patiently at the table. You had somehow stumbled into the conversation of which teachers you had crushes on when you were younger. 
“Oh come on, Minnie had that authoritative thing going for her.” Sirius confidently announced over the noise of the kitchen.
“McGonagall? Sirius, what is wrong with you?” Remus looked over from the stove, baffled. You giggled and went to stick up for Sirius.
“I don't know,” you joked “She had sort of a milf vibe don't you think?”
The boys all laughed. James replied with a smirk from across the table“You’d know all about that Y/N, wouldn’t you?”
You tilted your head at him and furrowed your brows but chuckled “What do you mean Jamesie?”
“I just mean,” he starts, Remus serving you and Sirius both plates, “It takes one to know one.”
You all started laughing heartily at his comment.
“James mate, I think she’s lacking the main component for that.” Sirius teased.
“What do you mean?” James asked.
“She's not a mother.” 
“She could be,” James said slyly, a smirk cutting across his face.
“Woah woah” Remus said at the same time Sirius laughed a “What are you planning Potter?” you just laughed, you knew exactly what he was getting at. You were letting him have his fun before the seriousness sets in, before that very real, very important discussion happens. 
The next hint was dropped during game night. You had all decided to play a few games like Overcooked and Mario Party. It was quite a fun night full of swearing and playful anger. It was a good outlet to yell at each other without it being serious or mean in any way. A great way to let out all of your competitive energy. You were playing a round of Mario Party and losing, bad. Every mini game the boys seemed to team up on you. “Fuck me!” you let out.
James took this as his sign to slide in behind you and wrap his arms around you “You know that can be arranged, love.” he drawled, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. 
Remus and Sirius shared a look. “What’s gotten into him?” Sirius asked.
“He wants to have a baby.” you explained. You weren’t sure how the other boys hadn’t picked up on it. It wasn’t exactly something that  you had all talked about yet, you just liked being together, the four of you, having fun and sharing a life with each other. You weren't sure about… a baby. 
The whole room turned attention to James, who seemed to have turned shy. “I just-,” he started, “I think that… Y/N would make a wonderful mother, and I think I would be a pretty good dad? And I love children, I want one. I’m not saying, I mean, I-I don’t know…” He finished, unconfident and a little deterred.
You sighed, sitting up and readjusting to sit in his lap, facing him. “Jamie baby,” You said, taking his face in your hands, “look, you would be an amazing dad, the best dad in the world. But honey, I don’t think we are all ready for that right now.” you looked over to Sirius and Remus for agreement, they nodded and encouraged you to keep going. “James, we’re still really young. And I know you had a lot of fun with the kids I nanny, but that is different. Those are someone else's kids. Kids that we can have fun with and do fun things with them and then send them on their way back home where they scream and cry and throw tantrums. They aren’t always so perfect. And you’ve never had to change their diapers or deal with them when they're sick and when they are inconsolable. It was fun, but there is a whole other side to parenting, a hard and serious one.” Sirius opened his mouth to make a comment at that but Remus nudged him in the ribs and shook his head. “So baby, I am not saying no. But I am saying not right now. Is that understandable?” you asked.
James looked at you and nodded, you could tell he knew it wasn't the right time, but deep down that is something he wants. You kissed his cheek to try and cheer him up a bit, you know he would need a little bit to be sad, but that he would inevitably come around.
Remus, noticing that James was still upset, came up with a proposition. “How about we work our way up? We start small and then see where we are after. What if we get a cat or a dog?” He suggests.
Sirius squinted his eyes and said “How about a plant?”
James chuckled, the sound making your heart feel less heavy. “I would like a cat…”
“Damnit” Sirius said under his breath.
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upsidedowngrass · 2 years ago
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ive missed seeing your posts i hope youre okay!!!!
hey, thank u!!!! i appreciate it :D!!!!!! im doing a lot better atm!!
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quietstormxr · 3 months ago
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Green Dragon Part 2
Xaden Riorson x Reader
The requested Part 2! I hope y’all enjoy the continued angst, along with fluff and happy ending. Thanks so much for reading and loving the first part!
Word Count : Over 9k
Warnings: violence, torture, swearing
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Even though your relationship with Xaden never improved, you felt yourself finally willing to talk with the rest of the boys. 
Months after the first time Bodhi said he wanted to talk to you again, you were finally back to hanging out the way you used to. Sometimes he would bring Garrick and Liam with him when you would go and hang out at the river. 
Your favorite times to hang out with them was sunset, but one night you found yourself with Bodhi and Garrick staring up at the stars. 
“You know this reminds me of the time that Xaden and I first found you sneaking out of the dorms as a first year.” Garrick states. 
You turn to look at him and aren’t afraid to let him see the happiness the memory brings along with the sadness at the mention of Xaden. 
“You told us that we should always take time to look at the sky and appreciate the beauty around us.” He continued. “That was after you tried to take both of us on to stop from getting told to get back to the citadel.” I smile back at the amused look he now has on his face.
“I can’t help the fact that neither one of you would just let me enjoy the stars. Besides, if the two of you hadn’t found me out here, we probably wouldn’t be friends. It’s not my fault that you thought I was trying to uncover your secrets.” I huff back at him, earning an eyeroll from the man after mentioning their secrets.
“Yeah well, we didn’t plan on letting you in on any secrets.” He snarked, even though you knew there was really no menace behind it. 
“Too late for that now.” You say as you give him a saccharine sweet smile.
It wasn’t your fault that the entire group adopted you into their family. You supposed you were just lucky. Although, you knew that if you hadn’t come across that one letter that was irresponsibly tossed, you would’ve never learned the truth either.
‘You were smarter and more observant than the Wingleader gives you credit for.’ Cedri concluded in your mind.
Another smile breaks out over your face at your dragon’s continued skills to make you feel like you were too clever for your own good. At least you knew that was one way you got on Xaden’s nerves. For some reason, he could never predict what information you could get out of anyone. Even though he tried to keep things from you, you always seemed to pick them apart and discover what they were doing. 
‘Besides, you needed to know what we are up against if you were going to fight like the Wingleader expects you to.’ 
‘Yes, well I suppose I won’t have to live up to his expectations anymore.’ I sass back not wanting to talk about the “Wingleader” with my dragon.
‘You may not want to talk about him, but that doesn’t stop your thoughts.’ Cedri muses into your mind.
You can’t help the labored sigh that breaks from you after your dragon points out your inability to let Xaden go completely.
‘Thank you, Oh Illustrious One, for pointing out my human weakness of emotions for the millionth time.’ You sigh back to him. If only you could block him out from your emotional thoughts, maybe he wouldn’t be pulling on your weakness for what seems like the thousandth time. 
Cedri huffs in your mind, the sound of amusement reverberating from your bond. You may have tried to move on, but that didn’t stop the fact that you still had feelings for Xaden that were more than just caring if he was alive.
“What’s got you huffing?” Bodhi asks from your other side, amusement laced in his tone.
“Oh, just a nosy dragon commenting on my internal thoughts.” You chime back at him, letting out another sigh before you let your head drop to Bodhi’s shoulder enjoying the quiet night with sparkling stars. 
In the absence of Xaden, you had gotten closer to Bodhi, especially since he was now in your squad, and you were still spending a good amount of time with your squad members. It was perfectly ridiculous you thought. Of course, you would now be extremely close friends with the cousin of the man that seemed to still haunt you. 
Though it was a perfect distraction for you both. Bodhi had told you that the time he spent with Xaden had significantly diminished since War Games had begun. You had begun a new routine with him helping you train after dinner for an hour almost every night. Even Garrick would join in whenever he was available and needed to blow off some steam. 
It was one of those sparring nights when you found yourself laying on the mat trying to regain your breath after a spar with Garrick. You couldn’t keep the smile from your face and the contagious laugh that broke out as you and Bodhi had been teasing Garrick about his obvious interest in Imogen. 
You were so caught up in your enjoyment that you didn’t even hear the door to the gym open. Therefore, it was even more surprising when you sat up from the mat and ended up looking directly back into those onyx eyes you hadn’t had the courage to meet in some time. 
The laughter immediately died from your lips, and you found yourself getting up and turning towards the girl’s locker rooms. 
“I’ll see you boys tomorrow.” You threw over your shoulder to your two sparring partners.
You hadn’t even taken two steps before you felt a hand close around your wrist. You immediately knew who it was, with the memories of those calloused hands flashing brightly in your mind. Your heart began to race, and you battled with yourself if you really wanted to turn around and face the man that had a hold on your wrist. 
Deciding on trying to save yourself from spiraling, you gently tugged on your hand hoping that he would just let it drop. Unfortunately for you, it didn’t seem like Xaden was in the mood to acquiesce to your wants. 
You turned around to face the man that you had been studiously avoiding for the last five months and looked at your hand where he still had his wrapped around your wrist. You kept your eyes trained down, not wanting to look up and see what exactly was in Xaden’s inner monologue of his eyes. You could have kept it that way until he decided he was going to speak.
“Look at me, please.” He asked, his voice quieter than you had ever heard it before. 
It was then you noticed that the gym was empty as Bodhi and Garrick must’ve been given an order to leave. Knowing that there was no way to avoid him, you slowly moved your eyes towards his onyx ones. As soon as you met them, you knew that it was a mistake to look. 
There was no denying that there was a sadness etched in the look he was giving you. But that wasn’t the only thing, at least that’s what you thought, it seemed you saw a look of love and regret behind those eyes. You couldn’t help the absolute disbelief that crossed your mind. There was no way this man, who was obviously so interested in someone else really wanted you. 
Feeling the conviction of your certainty that you no longer held the heart of the man in front of you, you finally found the courage to speak.
“What do you want from me Xaden?” You asked with an edge of exasperation in your voice and a tired sigh leaving your lips.
For a moment you felt regret for the flinch that you couldn’t avoid seeing as he took in your words. But why were you supposed to feel guilty when he was the one who broke your heart. 
“I want to talk to you about everything. I need you to be part of my life. Please let me explain.” He starts. 
You continue to stare at him trying to take in his words, but everything around you still seems to crumble.
“I may have believed that before I saw you kiss her, Xaden. And I know from your own friends that it’s gone further now. There’s no need for me to be put in the middle of your seemingly budding relationship.” You say but you can’t help the hurt that comes through your voice. 
You feel the sting of tears gathering in your eyes and drop your face once more not wanting him to know that the betrayal still affects you this way. You go to pull your hand away, but you feel a strong grip pull you forward, and he crushes you to his chest in an embrace. 
“Please don’t.” You whisper trying desperately to hold back your tears while your body stiffens. Without ever meeting his gaze again, you push against his chest, and you feel his arms reluctantly let you go. You turn around and walk out of the gym with your head down.  
As you trudge your way back to your room, you’re shocked to find Garrick standing by your door. 
“Hey.” He says softly looking at you with nothing but understanding in his eyes.
“I’m not in the right frame of my mind to entertain anyone Gare.” You say trying to hide the tremble of emotions in your voice. 
“I know. I’m not here for you to entertain me. I just wanted to make sure you are okay.” He says quietly. 
You look up to see him looking at you with nothing but sadness and a sincerity to help. He opens his arms seeming to know you need someone to lean on, and you walk straight into them.
He doesn’t even get the door to your room closed before you are sagging in his arms letting the tears flow freely. You know that you don’t usually show emotions like this, especially in front of the guys, but you’re tired of putting up a strong front. If just for tonight. 
You don’t know how long you sit there on the floor of your room, the tears flowing freely while Garrick rocks you in his arms, but eventually your tears seem to dry up and exhaustion starts to claim you. With help from Garrick, you make your way to the bed.
“Thank you, Gare.” You whisper to him as your eyes fall closed and the exhaustion claims you.
After that night, it seemed both you and Xaden avoided each other and never found yourselves alone in a room again. Soon you knew he would be leaving for his outpost as a new Lieutenant, and you wouldn’t have to look around for him anymore. 
Unfortunately for you, the night of graduation wasn’t to be one for celebrating for you. As you stood in the courtyard after you had said your goodbyes to Garrick, you had to watch as Xaden was walked to the flight field by Violet. For a moment, you caught each other’s eyes, and you could feel yourself drowning in his dark eyes. 
You saw Violet saying something to him, but he never seemed to tear his gaze away from you. Not wanting to cause any issues in their relationship, you dropped your gaze and proceeded to walk to your room. 
‘Do not worry yourself Stormy One. You will get even stronger this year and will be ready to take on the next challenge.’ Cedri encourages you.
‘I just hope if I make it to graduation, I won’t have to be stationed with him. I don’t want to watch their relationship while fighting this war.’ You say to Cedri, even though you know you are drowning in your own self-pity tonight. 
You fling yourself down on your bed and pray that sleep will take you without any nightmares. 
As the months flew by, you threw yourself into classes and learning runes. If there was one thing you would always be thankful to Xaden for, it would be teaching you Tyrrish culture. You always found it fascinating to learn everything you could about each of the different provinces. 
One night while practicing runes with Bodhi in your room, there was a knock at your door. You figured that it must be one of your squad mates looking for help on some homework, but your eyes flew wide at the person standing on the other side of the door.
Xaden.
You stared back at him not really believing that he was standing there in front of you. Wasn’t he supposed to be at his station? Why was he in Basgiath? And even more confusingly, why was he knocking on your door?
Before your mind goes into too many directions, your brain clicks back into gear, and you realize he must be here for Sgaeyl to visit Tairn. And he must be here looking for Bodhi. 
“I believe someone is here for you Bodhi.” You say and turn to go back and sit on your bed. You return to the more complicated fabric runes that you had been working on and try to distract yourself. However, after a few seconds, you realize that you hadn’t heard your door click. 
You look up to see Xaden staring at you his eyes moving from your hands where the fabric lies, up to your face. It seems he can’t help the small smile that makes the left side of his mouth tick upwards and the slight crinkle to his eyes, a look of happiness dancing in his gaze. 
You are both cut short in your staring when Bodhi clears his throat as he walks up to meet his cousin at your door.
“Come on cousin. We can talk in my room.” Bodhi says as he moves past Xaden and begins to close the door behind him. You watch as Bodhi pulls at Xaden’s flight jacket sleeve before the door clicks and your view is obscured.
You can’t help the deep breath that leave your lungs as soon as you hear the lock slide back into place. How long had it been since you had seen him? You try not to think about the fact that the man still makes your heart race just by looking at you. And just about makes you faint when he deigns to give up one of his true smiles. 
“Ugh. Get. It. Together.” You breathe out in frustration and correct yourself. You can only think how grateful you will be to finally get out of Basgiath and hopefully never have to lay eyes on this man that seems stuck in your soul ever again.
Not even two days later, you wake with a pounding headache and an uncertainty in where the hell you are. The last thing you remember, you were heading to the bathing chamber after a day of training with Bodhi. Both of you laughing at an inside joke between the two of you from your first year. 
And then the memory clicks, of cloth covering your mouth while strong arms wrapped around your torso. Before succumbing to the substance on the cloth, your vision was blackened with a black cloth bag that was thrown over your head. 
You look around at the sight and think you must be back in your second year again and having to take part in RSC again. Then you remember, you’re a third year. 
Before your mind can continue to catch up, you hear the door behind you click open. You hear boots click on the floor coming closer and closer to you before a figure stops in front of you.
Varrish. 
Your heart rate begins to pick up. Why the hell were you being interrogated? Why would Varrish be handling it? You hadn’t done anything reckless in weeks that you can remember. You certainly hadn’t done anything to break the codex. 
“Welcome back to the land of the living, for now at least.” Varrish spits at you while looking down at your restrained body.
“Why the hell am I being retained Vice Commandant?” You question, though you can’t help the disgust in the tone that leaves your lips. 
“Ah, you did not do anything. However, you’re instrumental in getting the person we need back to Basgiath.” He continues venomously.
You can’t help the look of confusion that must be all over your face. Who would come back to Basgiath for you? You weren’t from a family of riders. Most of them were just regular civilians living their lives. You were the only one in your family that felt the call to come to Basgiath, let alone become a dragon rider. Who did the Vice Commandant feel would come to rescue you?
Your look of confusion must have entertained Varrish as you watch a slimey smile cross his face, followed by a sneer of disgust painting your features. 
“Oh, I believe you are aware of the Lieutenant that I speak of cadet.” He drawls, continuing his manic pacing in front of you.
At that statement, the facts in your mind finally arrange themselves. For some reason, Varrish thinks Xaden will come back to Basgiath for you.
The look of disbelief that flashes in your face is followed by one of resignation. You’re going to die here. The repulsive man in front of you is going to torture and kill you and you can’t even stop him. Xaden is not coming to rescue you. He would never threaten everything for you. He has other priorities now. You’re just going to be another name on the death rolls.
The resignation hits you, along with the acceptance that you cannot break. You cannot betray Xaden, Bodhi, Garrick or any of your other marked friends, whether or not you were still part of their lives.
“You’re in for a surprise if you expect him to come here.” You spit out along with the blood that has continued to fill your mouth after the right hook to your face from Varrish.
“I’m not the one that will help you accomplish your goals; I believe you’re looking for a Cadet Sorrengail.” You continue even though every word causes pain to crash across your now broken jaw.
“And I think you are mistaken cadet. The cadre has noticed more than once the feelings Lieutenant Riorson seems to harbor for you.” Varrish spits back out crouching down and getting into your face.
“Besides, Cadet Sorrengail has not returned to Basgiath since her group of traitors stole from the Archives. Although, I will say we didn’t expect this much of a fuss from your dragon.” He snarks as he gets closer to your face. His putrid breath mingling with the damp smell from the holding cell and the fresh scent of your blood. Why did it seem like this was something they had planned all along?
Your breath catches at the mention of Cedri, you let a thought you hope he can hear cross your mind.
‘Thank you for being my dragon, Cedri. It has been an honor to be your rider. Please promise me you’ll live and find another worthy rider.’
You close your eyes and let your head fall back onto the hard wood of the chair you’ve been strapped to. You realize that the connection to Cedri has somehow been severed. They must’ve drugged you with the new concoction you had heard the second year’s talking about. 
Time seems to slow and even though you have accepted your fate, you can’t stop the excruciating pain that’s continually inflicted on your body. 
Gods how many days have I been in here.
The only thing you could do now was hold onto the last good memories you had and hope that your body would give up soon. 
It wasn’t helping that Varrish and his posse kept bringing up Xaden and opening up the wound that never seemed to heal from lost love. Couldn’t he just leave the one person that was an open wound out of the salt he continued to pour over your body in the form of kicks, punches, and broken bones. The physical pain was one thing you could handle, but the emotional torture seemed to be toying with your mind even more.
As you fade in and out of consciousness after enduring another day of torture, you can hear voices outside of the door to the chamber you’ve been held in. 
“We’ll need to move her tonight. The cadets looking for her are getting closer and we can’t punish them when we don’t have any ground on holding her here.” You hear a distinctly female voice comment.
“Of course, we have ground. I’m the Vice Commandant. I punish cadets as I see fit and this cadet is more than deserving of punishment.” You can hear Varrish spit to whoever the other voice belongs to. 
You can’t help the small light that ignites in your chest when you hear that at least someone at Basgiath has realized you are missing and is trying to get to you. The thought is short lived when the door swings back open and a black cloth bag is forced back over your head. 
You would scream. You would try to kick and punch. You would cry. But they’ve nearly torn all the emotions and reactions that you have in your body from you. You are exhausted. The small fire that someone is looking for you disappears when you feel your broken body being picked up and tossed over a shoulder. 
Suddenly you feel the temperatures around you are plummeting even colder. The slight dampness of the cell you were contained in before was nothing compared to the water you hear now steadily dripping somewhere onto a stone floor. The scent of muddy earth and moss intensifies as you feel the person continue down steps. 
You find yourself numb. This must finally be where I die you think. No one is going to find you this far down beneath, what you think is the fortress of Basgiath. 
How far down are you even? The frigid temperatures don’t help you when you feel yourself start to shiver, but it takes everything not to break down in sobs at the pain radiating from the shivers. You feel yourself getting tired. You don’t even think you can remember what the sun on your face feels like. 
You take a deep breath trying to calm the tightness that seems to be pulling in your chest. How much longer until you finally welcome me home, Malek? You can’t help but think as your vision begins to blacken from the blood that still seems to be pouring from the wound in your side. 
Gods. How many times will they make you do this before they just kill you. At this point, you can only feel that death would be a mercy.
Time begins to slip by again, torture, mending, more torture, more mending. You’re unsure of how many more times you have been tossed around as they move you from different areas so no one could find you, even if they tried. 
You are again by yourself in the dark. Your left eye has completely swollen shut from this morning’s punch to your eye socket. Your right eye isn’t much better, they must’ve shattered your cheekbone when hitting you with the iron cuff across your face this morning. But the worst pain must be the bleeding gash that has been torn across your abdomen. You can feel the wound still seeping blood as you take shallow breaths that seem not to be enough to keep your lungs functioning. 
This is finally it. You think to yourself, hoping that you can finally have the peace of blissful sleep as you slip into Malek’s arms. 
Suddenly you hear a commotion, the room you are in seems somehow to get even darker. You try to hold on, but oblivion seems to keep pulling at your consciousness. You hear distant voices, but you can’t make out the words they are saying. 
As you feel your head rolling back and your vision completely blacken, you hear the door bang open. You don’t even try to open your eyes as you know the only thing that the noise could possibly be is more torture heading your way. But before you completely lose consciousness, you could swear you hear a masculine voice breathe out your name in rage and panic.
­­­­­­­­­­­­­______________________________________________________________
You never thought death would have a smell. And you can’t help at the sarcastic huff that you think when you realize the smell is just like Xaden. Distinctly mint and leather. Why would Malek want to torture you for eternity? What great sin were you paying for?
You didn’t ever think that in death you’d be able to feel things either. You move your fingers slightly and are shocked to feel what seems to be soft sheets enveloping you. Its then that you realize that you still feel the haze of pain over your body. 
This must not be death. They only mended me again. 
You can’t help the disappointment you feel that you haven’t been set free from the chains of the torture you’ve been enduring. But confusion causes you to crease your eyebrows when you realize there is glorious sunlight dusting your eyelids. 
You slowly try to flutter your eyes open and are greeted with an even more shocking sight. You are in a bedroom, not in a damp cell any longer. You try to move your body, but you feel as if everything is still broken. So instead, you turn your head to the side and can’t help the breath that gets caught in your throat. 
There, in the chair next to the bed you’ve been placed in, is Xaden. His head is resting on his hand at an uncomfortable angle, but the thing that shocks you is the way his eyes seem puffy and red rimmed as if he had been crying. You follow the rest of his body and find that he also has his other hand draped on the side of the bed that was almost touching your hand. 
You continue to take him in a few more minutes, before he begins to stir and shift positions in the chair he is in. You watch as he begins to bring his head up, your heart rate begins to race at the thought of your eyes meeting his onyx ones. 
Finally, his gaze meets yours and you watch as his eyes widen comically before he is soaring from the chair and moving to the side of your bed and grabbing for your hand. 
“Y/N.” He says breathlessly, as if he thought he’d never be able to say your name again. 
He continues to stare at you wide-eyed, though you notice the purple that is smudged underneath his eyes. 
You continue to take in his rumpled form. From his hair that is completely disheveled to the sunken in look to his swollen eyes, this is a Xaden Riorson that you never thought you would see. He looks lost, shaken, and completely ready to fall apart. 
As the shock of everything begins to wear off, you start trying to push yourself from the bed. Before you can even sit up completely, your whole-body sags and you fall back into the mattress. An irritated grunt leaves you lips, but Xaden is worriedly moving closer trying to coax you to lay back down.
“Don’t try to move too much. Your body is still healing.” He rasps out. His voice sounding gravelly from disuse and emotion. 
He goes to move closer to you, but you flinch when you feel him coming closer at a rate that seems too fast. He sees and immediately tenses up. You look at him with sorrow in your eyes.
“I’m sorry. I – I’m – it’s just...” You trail off not really knowing how to voice the fact that you’re scared, although you know that Xaden would never hurt you. Your voice is dry, and you try to swallow to help coat your vocal cords. 
You bring your hand up to your neck and gingerly touch it, remembering the feeling of someone choking you until you couldn’t breathe and were about to black out. 
You can see the absolute sorrow that passes across Xaden’s face, but there’s also a look of absolute rage that flickers behind it. 
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says while moving back to sit next to where your hand is. You watch as the man you know as so confident, seems to fiddle not knowing where to go or how to proceed. 
If it weren’t for the fact of what you’d been enduring, you would find the sight of Xaden being insecure as endearing. 
“Would you like some water?” Xaden asks hesitantly, now seeming like he doesn’t want to scare you too much. 
As you go to respond, your mouth feels too dry, so you shake your head in confirmation. You watch as Xaden slowly rises from the bed and grabs the cup of water on the nightstand not far from you. You try to sit up again but hiss in pain when you try to bend your abdomen. 
You look down to see an angry scar running across your stomach that looks to have been mended a few times. Before you can try again, you feel two strong hands lift you from you shoulders and set you up against the headboard. 
“Thank you.” You rasp out before gingerly taking the glass of water from Xaden’s hand. You bring the glass to your lips and close your eyes as you take a drink of clean water. It’s impossible for you to remember the last time you even had a drink of water, causing you to furrow your brows trying to figure out the day. 
You finally bring the glass down and look back up at the man perched on the side of the bed. You realize he’s been watching you carefully, seeming to try and take in every feature of yours that he can.
“Do you know how long I was held?” You choke out. Hoping that your voice doesn’t give away the fear that is still in your bones at being held captive again. 
You watch as Xaden’s face becomes even more sunken in, as if he is hating himself for some reason. 
“They had you for seven days.” He chokes out, not being able to hide the emotion taking over his voice. He takes a moment to settle before continuing.
“Bodhi got word to me by the second day, but I wasn’t able to get to you immediately.” You see the wetness that is starting to pool in his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry. You don’t know what it felt like knowing you were there, and I couldn’t get to you.”
You watch as Xaden tries as hard as he can, but he can’t stop the few tears that seem to escape from his eyes. 
“It wasn’t your fault, Xaden.” You tell him, looking down as you don’t want to break yourself from all the emotions he’s shown today.
You feel him scoot closer on the bed and the next thing you realize; your hands are in his. It feels surreal to have someone else touching you and not causing you pain. You do everything you can to not completely tense every fiber of your body. It’s as if he can read your hesitance and he begins to softly stroke his thumbs over your knuckles. 
The action that is so achingly familiar causes you to close your eyes in comfort before looking up at him sadly. You try to hide the sad smile that steals across your face, but you can’t hide it when you find him bringing his hand to your chin to tip up your face. 
“It is my fault. Those fuckers were looking for me and used you as godsdamned bait. They deserved more pain than what they were given.” He says and you can feel the rage that crawls into his voice as if it is a living, breathing thing. 
“Are – are they still alive?” You ask, your voice sounding small and afraid. 
He tilts your chin up to him and holds it firmly in place looking at you directly in your eyes.
“No.” He says firmly, without hesitation. “They are all fucking dead. But, if I could kill them again, I would.”
You feel your body sag in relief at the news that those who inflicted all this pain are no longer alive. You feel two hot tears slide from the side of your eyes unbidden. You watch as Xaden brings up a hand to wipe both of the tears from your eyes. 
You take in the feeling that you are something precious to the man in front of you, relishing in the attention before you know you will need to give it up. 
“Thank you for saving me. I’m not sure how much longer I would have lasted.” You say, knowing that your body was the closest to death you had ever felt. 
“You shouldn’t be thanking me. You should hate me. If it wasn’t for the fact that you’ve been involved with me, that would’ve never happened to you.” He says getting frustrated with himself.
This time you stretch your hand to his face, and cup his cheek, running your thumb over his cheek.
“I could never hate you, Xaden.” You look at him with your eyes going soft. Even with everything you’d been through, you would never wish ill on him, knowing how much he has endured in his life.  
You drop you hand from his face and bring it back to your side. You feel exhaustion pulling you back down, knowing that your body is still healing. Not wanting to be more of a burden than necessary, you scoot back under the covers and bring the blankets back up. 
Looking back at Xaden and knowing him sitting here blaming himself is keeping him from his happiness, you can’t help the words out of your mouth.
“You can leave Xaden. You don’t have to babysit me, I’ll be alright.” You say even though the statement lances sorrow through your heart. 
He looks back at you and his brows knit. “I’m not here to babysit you. I’m here because I want to make sure you’re alright. I’m here because I care about you.” He says going to grab your hand again. 
Right before you are about to respond to him, the door pushes open and the sight before you makes every thought you had seconds ago crumble. Standing in the doorway is the silver-haired girl that started the whole mess you find yourself in now. 
Weariness now settles over your bones, and you turn you face away from the man that used to be your whole world. You turn to your side and close your eyes, hoping beyond hope that if you sleep, you will wake and the last week or so will be just a bad nightmare. 
You hear Xaden let out a long sigh and feel as the bed springs back up as his weight leaves it. You hear the door click shut and let out a ragged breath. 
Before you finally drift back into unconsciousness, you hear voices outside the door.
“What do you need Violet? I thought I asked you not to come up here unless necessary.” You hear Xaden reply tersely. 
“I’m sorry Xaden. But the Assembly asked me to come and get you. They are having a strategy meeting and requested you to be there.” You hear Violet explain.
“Couldn’t you have just asked through the bond?” He says with an annoyed edge to his tone.
“Well, I would have, but you’ve had me blocked out mostly since you’ve returned from Basgiath five days ago.” You hear her reply curtly.
Your mind not waiting to hear any more of the conversation, shuts off and you find yourself drifting back into unconsciousness. 
Weeks pass and you’ve found yourself trying to get back to your previous strength. It’s been weeks of light training with Bodhi and Garrick, along with nights that haunt you. Trying to gather some sort of strength from everything they had taken from you.
The next thing you know, it’s just another night where you find yourself awoken by the feeling of a hand clamping around your throat and feel the phantom pain of a sword ghosting across your abdomen. 
You awake with a start, sweat covering your entire body, your heart beating erratically. Luckily, you were smart enough to put a sound shield on the room you’ve been staying in, because your throat is hoarse from the scream that just tore from it. 
After what seems like an eternity, your heartbeat begins to slow, and you can take full breaths once more. 
Knowing that sleep won’t be finding you again any time soon, you wrap yourself in your flight jacket and close the door to your room softly behind you. 
As you descend the stairs from your room, you find yourself walking towards the hills that surround the fortress. Without questioning your steps, you continue up to one that you think will have an excellent view of the sunrise. 
You smile slightly to yourself when the memory of watching the stars until sunrise with Xaden crosses your mind. You thought that being in Riorson House would feel stifling, like you couldn’t escape the aura of Xaden. But, for some reason you don’t understand, the fortress feels like a warm blanket that can shield you from all the horrors that you’ve had to deal with since arriving at Basgiath. 
When you make it to the top of the hill, you can’t help the small gasp that tears from your lips at the beautiful view before you. Sinking down next to one of the large trees, you look over the small town that has been rebuilt below you and take everything in with awe. 
You always knew that Xaden and the other marked ones loved their homes, but it warmed your heart to see the work that they had put into helping others begin to put their lives back together. 
You take a deep breath and lean your head back against the tree, closing your eyes and enjoying the quiet sounds of the early morning. You’ll never take for granted the life around you, even though winter is coming, and the sounds are quieter, not after being held in that cell and being deprived of the world. 
 As you sit there in the stillness and enjoy the quiet, you feel your body begin to want to drift off, but the pop of a branch breaking brings you out of your calm. 
Quickly turning and jumping to your feet with your heart racing, you are surprised to see a familiar face staring back at you.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says, his eyes sad and tone quiet.
“It’s alright. I – I’m still getting used to real life.” You say as you drop your eyes feeling ashamed for being scared of such small things. 
While your gaze is down, you hear footsteps as they cautiously come towards you until two booted feet are standing inches away. A hand comes up and three fingers gently bring your chin up to look into two onyx eyes. 
You don’t know why, but you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from his gaze. His eyes bore into yours, seeming to search for something. 
“You shouldn’t feel ashamed for being afraid.” He says as his thumb strokes your cheek. “You’ve been through a lot. I just hope that you feel safe here.”
“I hope that you feel cared for.” He continues, although his words seem slightly hesitant.
You give him a small smile, knowing that if it wasn’t for the man before you, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy the small things anymore. 
It’s as if that small gesture opens a dam for him and before you really can think his hand is cradling the back of your head to his chest and his other arm is snaked around your waist holding you close to him.  
You hear as he gives a small huff of a laugh before speaking. “Leave it to you to find the one spot in Aretia that’s incredibly special to me.” He begins.
You pull your head back slightly to look back at him and raise an eyebrow. 
“What do you mean ‘leave it to me’?” You ask.
He looks down at you, his eyes softening although he hasn’t let go of your waist. 
“You were always the one to figure out things I tried to hide, no matter how well I thought they were hidden.” He explains while giving you a small smile.
With that action and those words, you can’t control the smile that steals across your face and the way your eyes crinkle. One of the things about your relationship you always enjoyed was the small gestures and emotions he gave only to you. 
After a few moments of silence, Xaden breaks the quiet.
“Will you please let me explain everything to you? Please.” He says while now going to cup your face.
“You can decide what you want to do from there, but I need you to listen. Please. I miss you so fucking much.” He begs while letting the longing and sadness he’s feeling leach into his voice. 
The smile falls from your face, but you know that there is no way to completely avoid him or this conversation forever at this point. You take a small step back, but you can’t go far because of the firm hold Xaden has on your face. You give a small nod.
“Okay.” You say in a whisper, not trusting your voice to get any louder.
The strange rush of relief that crosses his face makes your heart beat a little faster. He drops his hands from your face and threads his fingers through yours before tugging slightly to have you sit down next to him.
When you’re both seated against the trunk of the tree where you were watching the sunrise, you turn to him to see him already watching you. He still hasn’t let your hand go, before he begins.
“I’ve had more than enough time to ruminate on everything that has happened between us over almost the entire last year. And I will never be able to make up for all of the ways that I’ve failed you.” He starts as his face falls to your intertwined hands that he has now brought into his lap. 
“I never once came to you to explain everything. It all started when Bodhi informed me that you had seen me kiss Violet.”
You don’t miss how he flinches at the revelation, though you’re unsure if it was because Bodhi told him or because he did it in the first place. With the painful reminder, your own heart falters again and you go to take your hand back, but he now has it held in a vice grip. 
“I shouldn’t have brushed you off. I should never have gotten involved with Violet. The kiss was a mistake that happened when we both were overwhelmed with the bond of Sgaeyl and Tairn not shielding. I know that doesn’t make it alright, that nothing ever will, but I want you to know that I’ll never forgive myself for that even happening. Especially when you were still the person I was thinking about.”
It's shocking to you how much of a dam that he must’ve been holding in because he can’t seem to stop talking. The next thing you know, he is explaining that both he and Violet got further involved because they were both trying to move past their previous relationships. Him with the reminder of you and everything that he had lost. And she with a relationship that she thought was always going to be part of her life.
As you listened, you realize that you both were just living in the hurt that you both inflicted on each other. Him for not realizing how much he had begun to pull away and not show the attention you deserved and you for not going to him and explaining how you were feeling. 
As he continued to fill you in on everything that has been happening in the past few months, you lean your head back on the tree and close your eyes taking in all the information. Soon enough, your ears are greeted by silence, and you pick your head up and open your eyes.
You turn to see Xaden staring at you seeming to take in your full form as if he’s a man that has been denied water for numerous days. He finally looks back into your eyes and all you see is a burning fight in them, as if he would never be able to part from you. 
“Do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me?” He asks hesitantly as if he is afraid of the actual answer. 
You look back at him and of course your heart breaks looking at the hurt look on his face and the way he is so tentative with you. However, you know that it can’t just be that easy for either of you.
“I think maybe we could get there.” You say, your voice small as your own uncertainty shines through. 
You watch as his face crumples and sadness takes over the hopeful expression he had. Though it doesn’t stay around long. Soon enough, he sets his face in determination and looks back at you again. 
“Okay – Alright. I can work with that.” He says, setting his jaw as if he is getting ready for battle. 
He gets up and reaches his hand out for you. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”
You take his hand, and he intertwines your fingers again, slowly guiding you back down the hill towards the fortress of Riorson House. 
Before you break through the doors, he turns to you, and you almost run right into his chest at the rate you had been following behind. His arm jets out to grab your waist and steady you before speaking.
“Will you train with me?” He questions looking at you with expectant eyes. 
“Sure.” You say with a slight hesitance. 
A smile breaks out over his face, and he brings your hand to his lips and kisses your knuckles. Your eyes blow wide at the gesture, but he’s walking through the doors and pulling you with him again.
The next thing you know another month has passed and you can feel yourself finally feeling stronger again. Not to mention your friendship with Xaden has been growing stronger day by day. 
You start enjoying his company again and begin sitting with him and all his family during dinners, enjoying talking and laughing together. 
One night, you find yourself on the mats stretching, waiting to see who the sparring partner that will join you today will be. 
Soon enough, Garrick comes strolling through the door one of his charming grins plastered over his face. You give him a quick smile as you continue your stretching.
“Ready for a fight?” He quips.
“Of course.” You sass back at him.
“Well, you should be resting comfortably at least. You know since you have the biggest room in this damn house.” He jokes.
Your brows furrow in confusion as you pick up your head to look over at your friend. 
“What are you talking about? Why would I have the biggest room?” You ask in confusion.
“You mean to tell me you never noticed how much larger the room you’re in is compared to the rest of ours?”
You start to think about all the times that you’ve been in your friends’ rooms, especially those close to Xaden. All the rooms seemed spacious enough, but you had never realized how large yours was until now. 
“Why the hell would I have the biggest room? Shouldn’t Xaden? It’s his house.” You say confused.
You quirk your eyebrows when Garrick begins to laugh heartily and looks at you as if you haven’t realized what you’ve said. 
“He does have the largest room. He just hasn’t been staying in it.” Garrick explains.
Your brows stay furrowed for a few more seconds before realization dawns and your eyes widen in shock.
“Why the hell would Xaden give me his room?” You ask in shock and confusion.
“You should know the answer to that question.” He says back to you with a pointed look before continuing.
“You should know by now how madly in love that man is with you. When we finally were able to get to you and bring you back…” He starts while shaking his head seeming to recount the memory. “I’ve never seen him so crazed. Between the fact that it took days to make a plan and execute it so we could get to that room without too much resistance. Then getting you back to Riorson House, and you being so broken. I’ve never seen him like that. He wouldn’t even leave your side while Brennan mended you.”
You sit there staring at your friend as he continues to recount the story.
“If it wasn’t for the fact that he had to go to some Assembly meetings, he wouldn’t have left that room until you woke up. We had to almost spoon feed him and drag him to any meetings he was required at. Even then, he made Violet stay in the room with you while he was gone, because she can communicate with him directly. He wouldn’t let us do it because we couldn’t get information to him immediately.”
You shake your head slightly and drop your head. You can’t believe that you didn’t even know any of that, let alone realize you had taken over Xaden’s room. 
Before you can get yourself together, you see the doors of the sparring gym swing open again and Xaden walk in. You see him look up at you and smile, until he sees the look on your face. He seems to speed up the pace of his walk before he’s standing in front of you and Garrick.
“What?” He says with concern laced in his tone, looking down at you. “What’s the matter?”
You see Garrick look between the two of you and he smirks slightly before starting to walk away. 
“I think I’ll take my leave for right now.” Garrick says amusedly. 
You and Xaden watch as Garrick walks to the door, and it swings shut behind him. Xaden turns his head back to you and looks you in the eyes, concern still laced in his features. 
“What happened?”
“Why am I staying in your room Xaden?” You ask, pure curiosity in your voice.
You watch as his eyes widen, and his looks turn sheepish. He looks down at his feet and you’re shocked to see this intimidating man looking as if he was caught red handed like a child stealing a slice of chocolate cake.
“I – uh – wanted you to be comfortable.” He says, although you can sense there is something else he isn’t saying.
“Uh huh. Comfortable? And why exactly wouldn’t I have been comfortable in one of the other bedrooms of Riorson House?” You challenge, enjoying it too much when you see a flush grace the cheeks of Xaden Riorson. 
“Well – I mean – You would’ve been. But – “He continues stammering.
“But what Riorson?” You continue, enjoying putting him on edge. 
Your relationship has been getting stronger and Xaden has done nothing but prove himself day in and out. It’s with that knowledge you find yourself feeling a new sense of bravado, especially when you already have him off kilter. 
As the conversation has continued, you’ve slowly been bringing yourself closer to him. As he continues to look back at you sheepishly, you bring your hand and place it on his chest. You watch as the move continues to rattle him, and he swallows thickly.
With a mischievous smirk sneaking across your face, you leave rationale behind and continue to rise on your toes and place your lips to his. You keep your eyes open, just to watch his reaction and what you see makes you smile into the kiss.
First his eyes blow wide in shock and his body tenses, before you feel his arms snake around your waist and pull you flush against his chest. The next thing you know, his eyes have closed, and the kiss has turned into one of pure desperation. You follow, closing your eyes, as you wrap your arms around his shoulders and spear your fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.
The kiss feels like a mix of new excitement and coming home. Too soon, you feel him slowing down the kiss and pulling back slightly. He places his forehead against yours and tries to catch his breath, his gaze boring into your eyes, searching for an answer to a question he hasn’t voiced.
“What does this mean?” He asks breathlessly, before rushing to continue. “Please know I don’t expect anything, not after everything I put you through. But if there is any chance at all for you to be mine again, please know that I will not waste it.”
You stare straight into his eyes, searching to see if his words are the truth. Not seeing anything in his gaze but pure hope, you smile at him. 
“I’m yours.” You say to him and watch the most blindingly perfect smile spreads across his whole face. 
Not even a second later, you feel yourself being picked up and swung around in a tight hug. Xaden hasn’t even put you down before he’s crashing his lips back into yours, the smile he was wearing still tearing at his lips. 
“I promise that even though I may still piss you off and be an ass at times, I’ll never let what happened between us ever happen again. You’re mine, and I’m never letting you go, never again.” He declares after you both finally pull apart. 
“Come on.” He says, pulling you by your hand.
“Where are we going? I thought we were training?” You say all while laughing at the antics of the man pulling you along.
“Fuck training. We’re going to watch the sunset on my favorite hill and I’m not letting you go for one minute.”  He says as he continues to pull you through Riorson House to the doors.
At that point, a smile of pure happiness settles across your face as you follow the man that has your heart out the door and into the endless possibilities that lie ahead. 
As he rests against the trunk of the tree with you wrapped in his arms against his chest and his head nuzzled in your hair, you can’t help but think this may be the most beautiful sunset you’ve ever seen. 
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