#Emotional intelligence

[crimson-and-clover-1717]

Ed & Agency: Poison into Positivity

In response to these posts by @ourfag here and @piratecaptainscaptainpirates here which are spot on, but broke my soul nonetheless, I want to look at how Stede and Ed interact in the final scene, and Stede demonstrates what healthy companionship looks like.

For me, it’s so important that the show finishes with an attempt at the Innkeeper dream because (other than Stede) this is the only want Ed has ever been shown to have which is truly his and which comes from a healthy place. It’s born of his own internal locus, not a trauma response, not coerced, and not an act of avoidance. Ed lacks assurance in speaking about the realisation of his ambition, but it’s significant how Stede confidence-builds subtly throughout this exchange, supporting Ed’s agency, and gently counteracting any negative talk. The difference in how Stede interacts which Ed compared with Ed’s father / Izzy / Jack / Hornigold / Pop-Pop… is startling and reassuring.

I’ve tried to traffic-light the speech with my interpretation of the emotion or tone. (It’s subjective, so cool if you read it differently).

positive neutral negative

S: So, we’re innkeepers then?

E: I thought we might give it a go, unless…you’re having second thoughts

S: I’m not, no.

E: It’s a bit of a shithole, I know S: It’s a fixer-upper. Good bones

E: Come on…Let’s try and find something to eat. Maybe there’s a feral animal or something we can cook up for dinner S: I love that idea. Place just needs a little elbow grease.

E: Jesus, what is that smell?

(my subtitles say Bonnet inhales and I find this ridiculously positive)

S: Smells of the future…to me

E: Yeah, love that

S: Me too… but we should actually find out what’s making that smell

E: Urgh! Fuck that’s strong!

S: Maybe we just air it out a bit

Ed often makes a neutral comment and then loses confidence, following with negative ideas. Stede offers positive or calm neutral responses, and Ed returns to neutral, or once to positive. And each time Ed falters, Stede subverts and mirrors back an alternative take:

It’s a bit of a shithole / It’s a fixer-upper

What’s that smell? / Smells of the future

Fuck, that’s strong / Maybe we just air it out a bit

Stede’s practical without being negative. He gently reframes Ed’s pessimistic thoughts without removing his agency. -It’s Ed’s dream, and they’re going to do it together

-It’s Ed deciding on how to acquire food, and they’re going to do it together.

It’s not that Stede will never have an opinion. But he won’t have one for the sake of it if Ed’s way is fine. We also know that if Ed wants Stede to take control, he damn well will. And knowing Stede can and will catch him if he falls, will help Ed continue to develop his confidence and self-esteem in making decisions and demonstrating agency. There is no perform for me or plan, plan, plan. And although it might be difficult, if Ed ‘fails’, it doesn’t have the same life or death high-stakes as piracy or with an Angry White Guy. Ed’s safe to fail with Stede.

Stede’s instinctive and intuitive understanding of how to handle Ed’s soul still leaves me astonished.

[t-hiswifey]

[theambitiouswoman]

Green Flags in Communication 💚💬

"I want to know when I hurt your feelings."

This shows they are willing to understand and acknowledge the impact of their actions.

"I don't want you to feel alone in this."

This shows empathy and indicates that the person is supportive and does not want the person to deal with issues alone.

"I've been struggling with ___”

This demonstrates vulnerability and trust, as the person is open about their struggles.

"How have you been feeling about ___? I know it's been on your mind a lot."

This shows concern for the other person's issues or worries, showing that they are listening and care about what's important to the other person.

"I feel __ when you __; are you open to trying __ next time?"

This is an example of constructive communication.

"What do you need from me when this happens with your family?"

This shows awareness and sensitivity to the persons family dynamics and a willingness to provide support.

"I appreciate when you ___.”

Expressing appreciation is vital for positive reinforcement and acknowledging the efforts and qualities of the other person.

"I didn't handle that well."

This is a sign of self-awareness and accountability, recognizing one's own mistakes and being open to learning and growth.

"I'm sorry, I was wrong to say that. I'll try to be more mindful in the future."

Shows you are able to apologize genuinely and a commitment to improving behavior.

"Tell me more about that; I'm really interested in hearing your perspective."

Indicates a genuine interest in the other person's thoughts and feelings.

"I noticed you seemed a bit off today. Is everything okay?"

It shows you are attentive to the other person's emotional state and a readiness to provide support.

"I'm here for you, no matter what you need."

Offers unconditional support, creating a sense of security in the relationship.

"I love how passionate you are about your hobbies. It's inspiring to see."

Expresses admiration for the other person's interests.

"Let's work on a solution together. What do you think would be fair?"

Focusing on collaboration rather than conflict.

"I trust your judgment on this."

Trust and respect for the other person's decision-making abilities.

"Your happiness is important to me. Let's make sure you're taking time for yourself."

Prioritizes the other person's happiness and emphasizes the importance of self care.

"It's okay to feel that way. Do you want to talk about it more?"

Validates the other person's feelings.

"I appreciate how you handled that situation. You're really good at ___."

Praises specific strengths or skills, boosting the other person's self-esteem.

"I know we disagree, but I respect your point of view."

Acknowledges differences in opinion while still maintaining respect and understanding.

[the-joy-of-knowledge]

Common Sense for women in their 20s

Define your raison d'être

Journal regularly, in fact daily

Figure out the right hairstyle for you

Buy clothes that fit your body type

Learn to do you own makeup if you'd like to wear it

Observe, observe, observe

Try to participate in the society

Know that not everything is within your control

Do not live in fantasy or fear, they are distractions

Read books

Learn to form you own opinion

Do not force friendships

Do not stress the small stuff

Spend time getting to know your self

Know women's history & History and use it to your advantage

Have some intellectual rigor

Create your own community

Find a third space

Take your vitamins

Your wellbeing and wellness should be your priority

Have role models for every area of your life

Have discretion

Do not be quick to anger

Have mentors and be a mentor to others

Your social skills will take you far

Be responsible, the world is not so forgiving to women

Know when to stand out

Know when to fit in

Curate your life to fit your goals and desires

Understand strategy and how best to use it to your advantage

Get acquainted with what maks the world go round

You have to climb socially

You need allies in areas where you want to win

Be kind

Be content with what you have, otherwise you will pay the price

[classycookiexo]

[slayingfiction]

Feelings Wheel

This is the feelings wheel by Geoffrey Roberts, shown to me by my therapist. My initial thought was, "what amazing synonyms to use for diverse emotional vocabulary!"

More than that, this wheel is great for understanding your characters inner motivations and reactions to situations. For example, if a character constantly feels helpless, then their overarching characteristics will be that they are fearful.

Characters who are less emotionally aware may use words and act in the inner most circle. Those much more aware of their emotions may describe themselves or express and use words from the outer most circle.

Hopefully you guys find this as helpful as I did! Let me know down in the comments.

Happy Writing!

[honeytonedhottie]

how to protect urself and stop breaking ur own heart⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍡

in this world its crucial to learn urself wholly so that u can protect urself in the best way possible. ofc u won't be able to protect urself from everything because some situations are opportunities to grow which is what life is all about. but lets talk about protecting urself and how to NOT break ur own heart…💬🎀

LEAVE THE PAST WHERE IT IS ;

first thing i wanna touch on is STOP checking on ppl that no longer have space in ur life. its just so stagnant and useless like why do u care? if u have enough time to check on someone from YEARSS ago (especially if this someone did u wrong) then ur wasting time that u won't get back. go spend ur time on something useful like affirming.

i feel like this also encompasses not trying to change people. respect a person for who they are -> not what u hope they will become. dont be friends or get into a relationship with someone for potential because they won't grow and evolve unless they WANT to. if ur thinking "oh just give them time, they have potential" or "they'll change, they won't keep hurting and disregarding my feelings" then ur just wasting ur time.

ALSO it doesnt matter if ur excuse is that you've known each other for a long time, ur allowed to leave relationships, situationships, friendships that no longer serve you its YOUR life. ur 100% allowed.

LEARN URSELF ;

by becoming aware of what u value, what triggers you, ur boundaries etc you can stay true to that and protect urself better. something that u can do to help you to learn yourself + how to protect urself is

make a list of things that u LIKE or are OKAY with. things that make u feel good. then make a list of things that make u feel bad and things that u don’t like…💬🎀

stay true to that list. when u understand urself and ur triggers u can protect urself better. live privately because what ppl don’t know they can’t ruin. not everyone has to know ur business, which leads me to my next point.

WHAT PEOPLE DONT KNOW, THEY CANT RUIN ;

dont put ur business out there for everyone ALL the time. privacy is power and the more private u are the less people will have to try and sabotage u because not everyone wants the best for you. when u tell everyone everything that makes you vulnerable and vulnerability can be good when building meaningful relationships and connections, you should NOT be vulnerable with every single person.

USE UR INTUITION ;

what u can't immediately sense YOUR BODY CAN. thats why we have things like gut feelings and hunches that often times are correct. ur intuition is like, everything that u know or have experienced subconsciously that u might not be able to recollect quickly, but ur body can. thats why its there.

[courtingwonder]

Treat Emotions Like Visitors Who Are Just Passing Through

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: Tips To Become More Emotionally Intelligent

Embrace self-awareness & self-reflection: Observe how you feel, behave, and how people generally respond to your words/actions in different situations

Practice self-regulation: Learn to differentiate between your feelings and the actions that would be appropriate in a specific setting or interaction. Internalize that feelings are fleeting and non-factual. You're in control of how you respond/(don't) act on these emotions

Engage in active listening: Pay attention to what others are saying with the intent of understanding, not responding

Focus on emotional differentiation: Understand where your thoughts, feelings, intentions, and opinions end and another person's identity/perception begins

Display radical empathy and acceptance: Understand that almost all people's words and actions result from their own beliefs, past experiences, and current life circumstances/priorities. Put yourself in their shoes when attempting to understand their choices, behaviors, and times they come to you to discuss a problem, success, or major life decision. Accept that you can only control what you do. Very little of other people's actions/the world's workings are personal. Things are happening around you, not to you

Let go of your ego: View yourself as objectively as possible with the potential for improvement. Abolish any superior complex or overwhelming desire to prove your self-importance in others' lives and decisions

Remain open-minded: Question your own beliefs and opinions. Stay curious as to why you believe them to be true/authentic to you. Allow your opinions to change or have the capacity to modify your beliefs upon hearing new information. Understand your worldview and values are valid, but they're not definitively correct beliefs, just because they resonate/feel comfortable for you

Be receptive to feedback: Embrace constructive criticism as a self-improvement tool. Approach it with curiosity and optimism, not as a personal attack

Differentiate between your feelings and capabilities: Your thoughts are not facts. Remember you can do things you don't feel like doing most of the time (work, waking up in the morning, working out, etc.). Learn the difference between being a slave to your emotions and genuinely running out of energy

[positivelypresent]

It’s okay to have mixed feelings!

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Emotional Intelligence

The concept of emotional intelligence has been proposed to explain why some people with a lot of academic intelligence do not appear to have a lot of practical intelligence, people skills, or what might be called street smarts.

Goleman (1995), in his book, Emotional Intelligence, presents many cases of people who have high levels of traditional intelligence yet fail in various areas of their lives, such as in relationships.

Goleman also reviews the psychological literature and comes to the conclusion that traditional measures of intelligence, although predicting school performance fairly well, actually do a rather poor job of predicting later life outcomes, such as occupational attainment, salary, professional status, and quality of marriage (e.g., Vaillant, 1977).

Emotional intelligence, Goleman argues, is more strongly predictive of these life outcomes.

Emotional intelligence is proposed as a set of 5 specific abilities:

Awareness of one’s own feelings and bodily signals and an ability to identify one’s own emotions and to make distinctions (such as realizing the fear that lies behind anger)

Ability to manage and regulate emotions, especially negative emotions, and to manage stress

Control of one’s impulses—directing one’s attention and effort, delaying gratification, and staying on task toward goals

Ability to decode the social and emotional cues of others, to listen, and to take the perspective of others (empathy)

Leadership, the ability to influence and guide others without their becoming angry or resentful, the ability to elicit cooperation, and skill in negotiation and conflict resolution

It is easy to see how these skills and abilities relate to positive life outcomes and how they are so different from traditional concepts of intelligence, such as scholastic achievement and scholastic ability.

If these notes inspire you in any way, please tag me, or leave a link in the replies. I would love to read your work!

Writing Notes & References

[autisticmind]

It's especially sad to me, how apparently common it is for some people to think autistic/neurodivergent people are lying or trying to manipulate them when they're actually being radically honest— it's just "too" honest for them to identify or accept.

It's sad that their honesty is considered "radical" relative to neurotypical society, when it would in nearly all cases be healthier and better for everyone to be more open and honest with each other.

[astrosouldivinity]

Random Astrology Observations: ✨

✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚

🔮 You may never truly know a Gemini placement. They talk a lot and appear social, but they only will tell you what they want you to know. Sometimes they will overshare, but I find it works better in their favor because it helps them perceive manipulative individuals much quicker.

🌟 Gemini’s change their mind a lot. They can be perceived as fake for this trait. But in reality, when new knowledge is presented they will change their stance.

✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚

🔮 Pisces placements are way more savage than people realize. I wouldn’t recommend hurting them whatsoever. Underneath their soft demeanor is a master manipulator. They know exactly how to hurt you at a soul level. If a Pisces is silent they are giving you grace.

✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚ ✶⋆.˚

🌟 You can tell how a Virgo placement is doing mentally by how clean and organized their environment is. Their emotional and mental state will manifest outwardly in their home, relationships, and career.

[theambitiouswoman]

How to Stop Procrastinating by Managing Your Emotions

Procrastination happens when we delay doing things, and it's often connected to our emotions. Feelings like being afraid to fail, feeling worried or stressed, getting bored, or lacking motivation can all contribute to procrastination. To stop procrastinating and get more things done, it's important to learn how to handle our emotions better.

Boredom:

Break the task into smaller, more engaging sub-tasks.

Find ways to make the task more interesting or challenging.

Set a timer and work on the task for a specific amount of time, followed by a short break doing something enjoyable.

Feeling Overwhelmed:

Prioritize tasks and focus on one thing at a time.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable steps.

Delegate some parts of the task if possible or seek help from others.

Use tools like to-do lists or task management apps to stay organized.

Anxiety:

Practice deep breathing or mindfulness techniques to calm yourself.

Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic ones.

Start with the easier or less intimidating aspects of the task to build momentum.

Set realistic expectations and remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes.

Self-Doubt:

Focus on past accomplishments and successes to boost your confidence.

Seek support or feedback from others to gain reassurance.

Remind yourself of your skills and capabilities to tackle the task.

Use positive affirmations to counteract negative self-talk.

Perfectionism:

Embrace the concept of "good enough" rather than seeking perfection.

Set realistic and achievable goals for each task.

Recognize that mistakes and imperfections are part of the learning process and growth.

Indecisiveness:

Break decisions into smaller steps and make one small decision at a time.

Set a time limit for making decisions to avoid overthinking.

Trust your instincts and make the best decision you can with the information available.

Apathy or Lack of Interest:

Find aspects of the task that align with your values or long-term goals.

Break the task into smaller, more manageable parts and focus on completing one at a time.

Reward yourself for completing the task to make it more appealing.

Stress or Burnout:

Practice stress-reduction techniques such as meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature.

Break tasks into smaller steps to reduce the feeling of overwhelm.

Prioritize self-care and take breaks to avoid burnout.

Feeling Uninspired or Creatively Blocked:

Engage in activities that stimulate creativity, such as brainstorming, mind mapping, or seeking inspiration from others' work.

Start with a simple and basic version of the task to get the creative juices flowing.

Collaborate with others or seek feedback to gain new perspectives.

Fear of Success:

Identify and challenge the negative beliefs or fears that may be holding you back.

Visualize the positive outcomes of completing the task successfully.

Focus on the benefits and personal growth that come with success.

Impatience:

Break long-term goals into smaller milestones to track progress.

Practice mindfulness to stay present and patient throughout the process.

Remind yourself that progress takes time and effort.

Lack of Confidence:

Celebrate your past accomplishments to boost your confidence.

Seek support and encouragement from friends, family, or mentors.

Focus on building specific skills related to the task to increase confidence.

Avoiding Discomfort:

Acknowledge that discomfort is a natural part of growth and improvement.

Break tasks into smaller steps and tackle the more challenging aspects gradually.

Remind yourself of the long-term benefits of facing discomfort.

Overestimating Future Motivation:

Practice discipline and commit to starting tasks even when motivation is low.

Set specific deadlines for tasks to create a sense of urgency.

Establish a routine that includes regular work on the task to build consistency.

[the-joy-of-knowledge]

Becoming an Intelligent Woman

My Dears,

There is no greater goal than being a fine woman who is intelligent, kind, and elegant. As much as we all want to be described with these adjectives, it takes a great amount of discipline to get there. It is very doable only if you are ready to put in the work.

Here are steps you can add to your routine in the next 4 weeks that will make you 1% more intelligent than you were before. This is a process that should become a habit not a goal. It is long term, however, I want you to devote just 4 weeks into doing these steps first and recognize the changes that follow.

Watch documentaries: This is the easiest step, we all have access to Youtube. Youtube has a great number of content on art, history, technology, food, science etc that will increase your knowledge and pique your curiosity. I really did not know much about world history especially from the perspective of World war 1 & 2, the roaring 20s, Age of Enlightenment, Jazz era, monarchies etc but with several channels dedicated to breaking down history into easily digestible forms. I have in the last 4 weeks immersed myself into these documentaries. Here are a few I watched:

The fall of monarchies

The Entire History of United Kingdom

The Eight Ages of Greece

World War 1

World War 2

The Roaring '20s

The Cuisine of the Enlightenment

2. Read Classics: I recommend starting with short classics so that you do not get easily discouraged. Try to make reading easy and interesting especially if you struggle with finishing a book. Why classics? You see, if you never went to an exclusive private school in Europe or America with well crafted syllabus that emphasized philosophy, history, art, and literary classics, you might want to know what is felt like and for me this was a strong reason. Asides that, there is so much wisdom and knowledge available in these books. In these books, you gain insights to the authors mind, the historical context of the era, the ingenuity of the author, the hidden messages, and the cultural impact of these books. Most importantly, you develop your personal philosophy from the stories and lessons you have accumulated from the lives of the characters in the books you read. Here are classics to get you started:

Animal Farm by George Orwell

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

The Great Gatsby by F Scott Fitzgerald

Candide by Voltaire

Paradise lost by John Milton

3. Study the lives of people who inspire you: I dedicate one month to each person that fascinates me. I read their biography (date of birth, background, death, influences, work, style, education, personal life) For this month, I decided to study Frank Lloyd Wright because I was fascinated by the Guggenheim Museum in New York. I began to read about his influence in American Architecture (Organic architecture, Prairie School, Usonian style), his tumultuous personal life, his difficult relationship with his mentor (Louis Sullivan), his most iconic works etc. By the end of the year I would have learned the ins and outs of people I am inspired by through books and documentaries. Here are other people I plan to learn more about:

Winston Churchill

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Ada Lovelace

Benjamin Franklin

Helen Keller

John Nash

Isabella Stewart Gardner

Caroline Herrera

Ernest Hemingway

Catherine the Great

Ann Lowe

My dears, I hope you enjoyed this read. I cannot wait to write more on my journey to becoming a fine woman. I urge you to do this for four weeks and see what changes you notice. Make sure to write as well, it is important to document your progress.

Cheers to a very prosperous 2024!