#Dc fanon

[vivianthepigeon]

Tim: “I need to tell you something”

Bruce: “What did you do??”

Tim: “when Alfred was doing our taxes he noticed a missing check”

Bruce: “what did you do???”

Tim: “Before I answer do you trust me enough to understand that it was for a good reason and just leave it at that?”

Bruce: “What. Did. You. Do.”

Tim: “it’s all Jason’s fault! He is a BAD person, I’ve been telling you for years!”

—————

Bruce to Jason: “WHAT DID YOU DO?”

Jason: “okay now before I answer that-“

Bruce: “just tell me whatcha did”

Jason: “I got a DUI”

Bruce: “Jason!”

Jason: “it’s not as bad as it sounds”

Bruce: “How is driving drunk not bad???”

Jason: “I wasn’t exactly driving”

Bruce: “I don’t follow.”

Jason: “I was at the bar with Damian and I had a few”

Bruce: “DAMIAN?!”

—————

Damian: “With God as my witness I’ve never been to that bar in my life.”

Jason: “He knows.”

Damian: “Oh I’ve been there a bunch”

[sideeve]

arkham knight!jason who watched you for months before the cloudburst. you catch his attention as he tried to get familiar with Gotham after he left the asylum. maybe it was the way your hips swayed flawlessly as you walked or the way your breasts jiggled. whatever it was made him enamored.

arkham knight!jason who takes you in secretly. he feared that if scarecrow knew about you, you would become his test subject to his fear toxin. he keeps you in his bunker, bringing you the necessities.

you got comfortable with arkham knight!jason after a while. he even showed you the person under the mask when he was sure you weren’t a threat. on calm night, he’d strip down into nothing but his boxers, cuddling you as he stroked your hair whispering apologies for taking you.

arkham knight!jason was quick to fuck you through his mattress. your face was pushed into the pillow as his large hands held your hips up, helping him hit your spot at a better angle.

arkham knight!jason who fucked you so good you didn’t even think about leaving him. his cock hit your sensitive walls too beautifully for you to threaten him of escaping. his tongue was too skilled for you to even utter the words for leaving him. he made sure of it.

taglist ;; @worldsgreatestsinner

[oraclenthusiast]

batfamily fans pretend that they like complex parent-child relationships until the parent isn't bruce wayne. and the complexity isn't very easily resolved communication issues

[shakespeareallanpoe]

The Kents

Honestly, we just don't talk enough about how Clark discovered his powers. Or young Clark in general. And personally, I think that's very unfortunate of us.

Not to mention he was the quintessential "aliens crash land into a farm in the middle of nowhere" around the same time in history that America had its alien crop circle conspiracy phase/obsession.

Just sayin. One could milk a great deal of entertainment out of that...

Some kid at school: "Good gravy. Did y'all hear what the radio folk are all preachin' these days? Aliens are crashing into our fields left an' right! Ain't that the darndest thing..."

Clark, 12, seeing all his classmates in x-ray because his vision turned on a day ago and he can't turn it off: "uh- uh huh."

Alternatively:

Teacher: "I just don't know what to do Mrs. Kent. Clark was such a a well behaved boy an' now he just ain't listenin' to a thing I say!"

*Clark, twitchy and exhausted because his super hearing zeroed in on 1 specific cricket that hasn't shut up for the past three days*

Mrs. Kent: "...Well I'm sure it's a phase, all the boys would rather be playin' in the outdoors at this age anyway." *Seriously considers wacking Clark on the head with a tool to give the poor boy some sleep but rethinking it because last week they found out he was invincible. (Not that she would ever hurt her son anyway)*

Alternatively:

Clark: "What am I doing? Am I God? Why me?"

Cow: "mooooo" 🐮

Clark: "You know, any day now I could start speaking cow-eese and then you'll have to watch your mouth Betty."

[incorrectbatfam]

What tricks do the pets know?

Ace:

Operate the Batcomputer

Alert Bruce to possible threats

Microwave his own kibble

Speak multiple canine languages

Drag Bruce to bed

Do a headcount of the batfam before they go out

Use Bruce's credit card to buy chew toys

Titus:

Greet Damian

Secret handshake with Damian

Pose for Damian's drawings

Hug Damian

Comfort Damian

Retrieve lost batarangs for Damian

Put Robin costume in laundry for Damian

Guard Damian from the people in the TV

Reach tall shelves for Damian

Love Damian unconditionally

Alfred the cat:

Curl up around a tennis ball

Admire his reflection

Gaslight

Walk all over the dinner table

Bat-Cow:

Sit like a French girl

Do her 10-step skincare routine

Order a 4-course meal from Moober Eats

Unlatch the barn door

Book the private jet

Have a hot girl summer at the Running of the Bulls

Get caught in a love triangle between a bison and a buffalo

Spark an international conflict

Retreat to a Himalayan yak sanctuary on a journey of self-discovery

Meet a dashing steer only to realize they could never work out

Return home and put the plane back before anyone notices

Ghostwrite the next Nicholas Sparks novel

Goliath:

Sleep 20 hours a day

Breathe manually

Bite rocks

Jerry:

Be gay

Fall in love with plastic lawn flamingos

Attack the same flamingos

Peck people indiscriminately

Evade baths

Wiggles:

Ignore commands

Arson

Haley:

Shed all over the furniture

Run away from the vacuum

Weaponize puppy dog eyes

Convince Ace and Titus to share their treats

Clean out an entire jar of peanut butter in the time Dick takes to answer a phone call

Isis:

Bring rare birds to Selina

Leave scathing comments on dog videos

Cough up hairballs on demand

Blair Witch it in the corner of the room

Be bisexual

Eat hot chips

Lie

Dog:

Bark at nothing

Eat dirt

Play hide-and-seek with Jason's guns

Run into glass doors

Occasionally poop outside

Refuse to respond to her name

Chew her own tail

Meow for some reason

Moldy:

Help scientists discover new species of fungi

Induce vivid hallucinations

Cultivate an industrial society

BONUS – Krypto:

Chase airplanes

Aim for a fire hydrant from 50 feet up

Mark typos in Clark and Lois's drafts

Babysit Jon

[mothmoth0]

I Made this panels inspired un Jorge Jiménez art for practice

[sparkoflena]

I kinda get where Fanon Tim Drake Is Obsessed With Coffee And Never Sleeps comes from.

BUT I vote we give that trait to literally any other Batkid. Tim canonically naps all the time. Anywhere. In absolutely any position. And I think that concept is infinitely funnier.

Bonus: His favorite drink is Zesti Cola (DC/Off-brand Coke/Pepsi). I think drinking those all of the time could also embrace the humor of the ongoing joke. Imagine him drinking cola with his eggs and bacon and his family judging him for it? 10× funnier.

While we're at it; Tim's parents weren't around and he spent all of his time in BOARDING SCHOOL. Imagine writing through Escaping Boarding School hijinks every time he wants to do Robin Things.

I want this canon-based humor in my chaotic fanfictions please and thank you.

[jenn0wow]

Young Just Us but like they’re 18 and trying their best

[stalkerofstuff]

Honestly, I don’t know how people forget that Dick Grayson, Nightwing, was the angry Robin.

Not Jason.

Jason was the magic Robin saying he brought people happiness and stuff, he was very happy and magical

Grayson was very angry and wanted to kill people (at first)

Yes now it has changed a bit and Jason is now angry, (which is fair) and has lost a bit of his magic, but Grayson is also angry still yk?? He’s just better at controlling it, to not make the same mistakes with the rest of the young hero’s and robins like he did with Jason

He’s still angry, he’s still sassy, those never went away, he just learned that not everyone needs to see it, there’s good people that don’t deserve his anger, that not everything is life or death,

And Jason? Has learned the opposite.

[damian-al-ghul-wayne]

tt. I lied. I am now watching another film I've never seen before; A Dog's Purpose. This has been recommended to me so many times before, and I know I had said yesterday that I would no longer be taking recommendations, but I suppose I'll watch this one.

[vivianthepigeon]

Bruce and his batbrats

Edit: fanon Bruce

[the-better-robin]

why the fuck is this whore following me for. It's too early in the morning for this.

[sleepisoverrated]

My headcanons about Dick Grayson

Dick Grayson is smart.

Like I hate it when they make him a dumb bimbo, he's hot yes he knows it, but he also has been hacking into the Pentagon for fun since he was ten, survived Spyral and several almost apocalypses. I know it's cannon since no Bat is dumb, but some fics, SOME FICS, make him look like he never went to school.

Dick Grayson knows so many languages.

I assume due to the fact that he grew up in a traveling circus he already knew a lot of languages(even if his english was bad when his parents died), but due to being robin and Bruce Wayne's ward he learned basically all major languages on Earth( and some alien) like Romani, German, French, Russian, English, Italian, Greek, Spanish, Irish, Finish, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese, Indian, Latin, backwards speech(Zatara), Tamoranian(i think that's how you spell it), Kryptonian, speedster(when speedsters talk super fast) and so on.

Dick Grayson has at least some immunity against Fear toxin(Ft), Joker venom(Jv).

And most of the other poisons due to constant exposure since he was 9, also when he was younger there were no antidotes for Ft and Jv so he learned how to ride them out without a sound. (You can't tell me it hasn't fucked him up somehow, like a 9 y/o being constantly exposed to these things HAS to have some consequences and while he has his immunity I also think he has extreme anxiety( like all the bats a.k.a. Bat paranoia) and constant panic attacks(next headcanon))

Dick Grayson is a master at controlling his body.

Besides the fact that he probably learned acrobatics before he could walk and was a stage performer(always smiled even if the performance got off the rails) I also think he has taught himself complete control of his body due to far too many close calls. He learned to control each muscle individually for combat under high-stress situations(where he most needs that control). This had a side effect of him being able to control his face muscle/expressions and body language. He became the best actor there will ever be, because he can keep a smile on his face even if he is in excruciating pain, he can look completely calm and relaxed even though he is having a panic attack and the opposite is true as well he can look completely terrified even though he is amused. Because of this you need to know him extremely well to tell if he's in distress(the only people so far are Alfred, Damian and Slade(he's obsessed))

Anyway if you want more of the headcanon's just say, Nightwing is one of my favourite characters I can rant about him much longer.

[ddejay18]

Max in Batman Beyond is Her (ignore how overly cunty she is)