#batman humor

[sparkoflena]

I kinda get where Fanon Tim Drake Is Obsessed With Coffee And Never Sleeps comes from.

BUT I vote we give that trait to literally any other Batkid. Tim canonically naps all the time. Anywhere. In absolutely any position. And I think that concept is infinitely funnier.

Bonus: His favorite drink is Zesti Cola (DC/Off-brand Coke/Pepsi). I think drinking those all of the time could also embrace the humor of the ongoing joke. Imagine him drinking cola with his eggs and bacon and his family judging him for it? 10× funnier.

While we're at it; Tim's parents weren't around and he spent all of his time in BOARDING SCHOOL. Imagine writing through Escaping Boarding School hijinks every time he wants to do Robin Things.

I want this canon-based humor in my chaotic fanfictions please and thank you.

[maxiemartmanager]

[rayz-gamma]

INJUSTICE (2019)

[jacocoon]

I forgive you Joker, U are a good boy

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Dick: Sorry guys, Bruce AND Alfred said no more cookies for today

Damian: this vexes me

Tim: so not demure

Duke: I’m going to eat Damian

Jason and Steph: Destiel didn’t die for this

Cass: ☝️❓🤨🙄

Dick: Please guys what the fuck are you saying

[shyjusticewarrior]

[galaxymagitech]

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

[frownyalfred]

Roy: having the Bats as friends is so weird. I was crying and they just told me to “lock in”

Oliver:

Roy: and then I did

[delicatedarknight]

Tim: so why should we select you?

Guy A: I'm rich and handsome

Dick: Bruce is literally a billionaire. are you saying you are more rich than him?

Jason: and handsome? Don't make me laugh you look worse than our family dog.

Guy A: ex-xcuse me??

Damian: you are excused. Now get out

Tim: and what about you?

Guy b: I can protect him

Damian: protect?? dad??

Dick: [scoffs] It's like saying you can protect Batman.

Guy b: but he ain't Batman though

Jason: bitch he might be

Damian: where did you even find these people Tim?

Jason: seriously? imagine saying u can protect Batman

Dick: nah bruh imagine flexing money and looks on Bruce

Tim: ok guys this is the last candidate for the day

Tim: so what makes you special?

Clark: I can cook for him

Jason:[snorts] What if you can cook for him? How can it help our Bruce?

Clark: I'm sorry I'm not as rich as him but I can cook, clean, and care for him

Dick: have you brought anything to claim your statement.

Clark:[places the pie] I brought this Kansas special apple pie-

Damian:[already on his second slice] ae-ets gsoo ghuuud

Jason, Tim, and Dick fighting for the last piece

Clark: uh..soo

Damian:[clears his throat] You are selected.

Dick: Definitely

Jason: prepare your vows

Tim: btw who recommended you? Because you have a really ordinary background

Clark: oh it was Bruce

[collective HUH from batkids]

Clark: [snickering] It was to get approved by you guys

[collective even louder HA]

Clark: [laughing] That's because we are already dating

[collectively yelling WHAT]

Clark: [changing into Superman] hate to leave like this on our first meet but Metropolis needs me

[collective screaming]

[giotanner]

All Tim Drake has to do is say "millenial core" (support my entire video on tiktok)

ko-fi

[peculiardiction]

Canonically Tim isn’t addicted to coffee but this fucked up energy drink called “zesti” and I think it would taste disgusting, personally

Edit: OKAY! I now know it's not an energy drink!! I've obviously committed the biggest sin on the internet: not knowing a niche piece of information/lh

[catchymemes]

[jacocoon]

joker waiting for his batsy

[troythecatfish]

[shyjusticewarrior]