#Cannot Get Close To Anyone
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
everyone's hyping up ghostsoap as if it's not just discount jayroy
#I mean come ON#angsty man who's built like a fridge#severely traumatised#known for his face cover#Cannot Get Close To Anyone#and then you have#fruity little stinky rat whos entire being is dedicated to annoying his favourite angsty boi#roy harper#jason todd#arsenal#red hood#jayroy#dc comics#dc#ghost#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#soap#john soap mactavish#call of duty#cod#THIS IS NOT HATING ON GHOSTSOAP OKAY I LOVE THEM
92 notes
·
View notes
Text
Thinking about Mav being unsure of what Ice's eye color is
Of course he's not going to do the normal thing and ask the man, so he settles for finding ways to get up close and personal to try and see for himself without being obvious (-> he fails)
But every time he gets a close enough look they're different. One day they look blue but the next they look hazel. One moment they look brown but then he turns his head and a different light catches on them and they look almost green
It turns into one big game of "How close will he let me get? How much will he let me see?" And it's not until he's gotten to the point of being a breath away from Ice's face- close enough to brush lips- and standing under the bright white LEDs that he realizes that they're gray
#remove the the “r” and they're gay too#mav going insane because he can't narrow down ice's eye color while everyone else also goes insane because they're so fucking tired of the-#bullshit icemav courting ritual they're all being subjected to#mav is NOT subtle#what's that? you want to know they color of your wingman's eyes?#you could've just asked but no you want to get “close and personal”. ok gayboy#this was inspired by the fact mav refers to Ice as “Ice Eyes” in the novel#there is nothing normal about these freaks#top gun#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#maverick x iceman#iceman x maverick#long suffering rios#<- because you can't tell me goose (if he lived) and slider are not constantly banging their heads into the wall#as well as literally anyone in the general vicinity of icemav#they are SO stupid#5+ 1 fanfic when?#i cannot write for shit but if anyone does i will have your hand in marriage#val kilmer my mfing beloved#and his beautiful eyes
225 notes
·
View notes
Text
ive been wondering forever about when exactly levi was kidnapped and taken to the heaven lab and this bit from his new unit's board here doesnt help much but i wonder if those are just the first words he remembers learning and not the first words hes learned overall.
mainly this is all just speculation based on 2 things:
1) he ofc had some sort of childhood before the heaven lab from how old he looked at the time, plus his selfie comic art looking younger than his sprite art from ch5 (look at his little horns plus his hair's grown out)
2) he does also just say straight up that he doesn't remember his life from before the lab
i wonder if that means he had to get reacquainted with the kings all over again too. like he wouldnt recognize them at all even with how it looks like they often played together. (tho i do suspect a little that some comics might have been done before there was a more coherent story put together but thats whatever)
#cliffnotes/.txt#whb#what in hell is bad#fun thought: itd be extra hurtful if the reason beel felt closest to levi was bc of them being close as young children#but levi remembers none of that + he doesnt trust anyone now anyways#i wonder if his friendship w/ them is less smthn he wanted after returning and more he Cannot get rid of them and theyre a package deal atp#extra extra thought: if the comics r still canon to the timeline then it looks like levi was always a little introverted#even liking his coffin before everything happened#and it just got worse afterwards bc then it was the only place he felt safe#wait one more#interesting how levi looks like he'd be around maybe 10-12 in the ch5 flashbacks#(tho considering the number they gave him hes probably been in there a long time)#and that age would be pretty close to the mc's age when their parents were killed by im suspecting gabriel or angels under his command#i wonder if they'll talk about that later#how the angels stole both (and more) characters' childhoods
134 notes
·
View notes
Text
eyes that can see, eyes that cannot
#shannon umineko#kanon umineko#jichanart#umineko#umineko no naku koro ni#when they cry#wtc#i was THIS close to doing a “without love it cannot be seen” caption lmao. how cliche#at risk of sounding pretentious:#there is hidden text in this image#it's thematic. or something#well anyone who takes the time to read it gets a gold star or whatever#without love (taking the time to look or slapping brightness/contrast filter) it cannot be seen
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm not even American and I'm just. Devastated
#like i know its still early to call but it feels like holding on to false hope at this point#and the vote counts are so close#which i just cannot understand at all#and as someone in canada im just like... nervous giggling to myself bc i know we're not getting through this unscathed#i hate it here so much im honestly just in shock and disbelief#america stuff#election 2024#this is one of the worst things that could happen nationally and on our continent and worldwide#truly believe that#sighs. anyone ready for 2028?
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
also guys i need you to tell me how brave and kind and strong i am. because i am a Good Person who is letting a friend stay at my house friday afternoon through sunday evening. even though this means i will NOT get to play Veilguard in the evenings either (since i will also not be able to play it during the day, as i will be working out of the house for the ren faire booth i run for 10-11 hours each day). like if there was any polite way to tell a guest "sorry its 8pm now i need you to go to the guest room and not speak to me again tonight so i can get in my 3 hours of game time before bed" but there is no way to do that that would be insane. sigh. SIGH. uhg.
#and im 'working' the next week aka grad school we dont get real time off lmao. LMAO.#im sad :(#it will be FINE#this is a videogame and while shes not actually a close friend at all but she is going through a tough time and could use the little getawa#BUT ALSO HHHHGGGGGG I HAVE WAITED 10 YEARS so i am going to complain here online so i can get out all my whining#bc i will NOT be complaining in person#ramblings#she is not the kind of person whod be into the game either so it also cant be a watch-me-play deal. ALSO i cannot have anyone like#around as witness for those opening scenes with Solas. that needs ot be a PRIVATE moment for my Agonies
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey all, I'm tentatively closing chat dms because i have become unable to keep up with them on a regular basis and they keep building up past manageable levels for me ^^; i would like to respond to all of them but I have to accept I simply am no longer able to, super sorry about that
I know a lot of you like to send me posts you think I'll like but I cant see all of them and I can't dedicate time of the day to scrolling through them :[
asks will remain open so you can send me stuff there still though (but preferrably not links to posts, sorry)
Im not sure if ill eventually answer the ones currently in my inbox i just. havent been able to answer im rly sorry i genuinely feel embarrassed that they sit unread for so long its like an ouroboros of anxiety for me
#i like it when people send me stuff dont get me wrong!! i just... cannot fucking manage anymore 😭#im already not on here very much lately. it sucks bc i wanna build rapport and community but gawd! damn!#that life can busy!!#thunderclap#im unable to close them completely and conversations will still be there available if you already messaged me#so im asking for a little peace if thats the case if possible!#and for the record this happens irl too with my chats there. its not that i have anything against anyone i just suck at balancing stuff#especially when im busy#peace out fellas i hope you have a chill day
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been slacking on Bugtober. I hit a roadblock and everything fell to pieces. I will do what I missed... eventually. I do want to.
Anyways, Bugtober day 30: Costume.
Yes, Team Bookwork is there. And Chompy.
#this idea came to me in a way I cannot trace#eetl#I'm not tagging anyone else. they are pumpkins.#eetl got the pumpkin costumes that inexplicably change their proportions to match a sitting wearer#if you want to identify everyone for some reason#team members are next to each other#except team ant. but they're still close#ugh I didn't like having to think about scale with this one#bug fables#bugtober#bugtober 2024#pumpkins#how did they get mothiva to wear it? a combination of bribes and anonymity
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
i LOVE how much you can see edgeworth's influence on klavier. klavier talks about finding the truth the way he does. klavier helps find the truth and doesnt look to win like he does. klavier doesnt treat defense attorneys like the enemy like he does. edgeworth took the long way, learning for himself what being a good prosecutor means and how the court should work then ensured the next generation didnt have to.
#all these fics showing klavier meeting edgeworth after aa4 r so wrong im sorry#like!!! he straight up repeats edgeworths exact ideology multiple times!!!!!!#and maybe it was just by watching edgeworths old tapes but honestly? thats bullshit ur honor#no ones gonna indite their brother from old courtroom tapes#just. if u watch closely u can see phoenixs influence on apollo grow more and more yet from the beginning u can see edgeworths influence on#klavier. its a direct opposite to how it worked in the first three games of how phoenixs drive for the truth was there since his first case#but edgeworth had to learn it over the course of the first game#that coupled with phoenix talking abt how the next generation must be ushered in and how he cant stand in the way of that but can guide the#paints such a picture in my mind that aa5 effectively ruined#it brings to mind how the creator didnt want phoenix is the second trilogy and was forced into it by capcom much like how capcom forced the#next group of creators to make phoenix a much bigger roll in aa5 than he was in aa4#its so fascinating#edgeworth clearly doesnt blame klavier for phoenixs disbarment and neither does phoenix#phoenix doesnt blame anyone but himself in fact. know that says so much about him that i cannot get into here without filling the tag limit#anyway#ace attorney#ace attorney apollo justice#klavier gavin#aa4#miles edgeworth
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sebastian Vael would've been such a better character for the Dragon Age fandom to enjoy if in act 3 instead of the shitty "here, have a Leliana cameo and another proof there's Blood Magic Everywhere in Kirkwall, go fetch!" quest, we had a different one.
Let's say... Hawke has an option of investigating a weird deal between a chantry sister and a Starkhaven diplomat, and during it you uncover that the chantry has been embezzling from Starkhaven's treasury, as well as putting "former chantry members" (read: malleable or outright Chantry puppets) in the ruling circle which is currently holding Starkhaven afloat in absence of Sebastian as their Prince.
If Sebastian is not in the party as you uncover this, you have an option to either tell him about it, or investigate the questline further. If he is, however, in the party as you find the first notice of something being wrong between Chantry and Starkhaven relations, Sebastian will exclaim that this is a mistake, someone posing outside (or within) a Chantry to implicate either Starkhaven royalty, or Grand Cleric Elthina, and reference Sister Petrice. The moment you involve him in the questline, however, he'll be locked in for the investigation missions, and start getting special points in the code, one for each encounter (including the very first one starting the questline), for the final confrontation of the questline. The same happens if you start involving Sebastian at any other point of the questline, but with less and less points available.
As you progress, there would be three more quests to go through, one of which even takes you to either the outskirts of Starkhaven, or to the busy streets of it, allowing 1) to show another city state of Free Marches, 2) where Sebastian comes from, 3) actually be worth your money for the DLC, if ideal DA2 still had him as a DLC companion. Which I still hate with burning passion a decision, same with Javik being DLC in ME3.
The questline has chantry sisters and nobles implicated, Flora Harriman reaching out to Hawke about weird decisions made in Starkhaven politics, resembling what her mother did, and at a second quest there's even a possibility of you uncovering a chantry brother in a contract with a Desire demon. It seems like it all leads up to corruption in the political sphere and stragglers in the Chantry circles, right?
Except. On the final quest. It is revealed that Elthina, in her own handwriting, no forgery as confirmed by any rogue in the party, has forced Grand Cleric of Starkhaven to resign, installed her own puppet (one of the chantry sisters you might see in Act 1) as a new Grand Cleric, all for a bid of "uniting the Free Marches under the Chantry banner". It also implies that Sister Petrice was telling the truth, and that Elthina was, in fact, more involved with the unrest against Qunari than one would believe in the base game (I believe she was involved, but it's not majorly pertaining to this post in particular). There's a letter that implies Lady Harimann was allowed to do what she did, because Elthina believed she'd be able to manipulate Sebastian in favour of the Chantry. It also unveils how many people of Starkhaven were hurt by this. Turns out, a lot.
Then, you can go about this questline ending several ways.
This is where the points counting in the background come into play.
If you did not bring Sebastian alongside you on any of the missions, or if there aren't enough points for you to sway him... Sebastian will claim the evidence as plot against his support of the Chantry and Elthina specifically, and burn the letters in particular, calling them a "bad replica of what sister Petrice tried to do". Elthina, on prodding, feigns innocence, or if you have not talked to Sebastian yet, calls him in to discuss "this silly accusation", which gives +15 rivalry if you're not in a locked relationship with him. He still burns the letters, and accuses you of believing the conspirators, or even being one of them. There are some undertones in Elthina's dialogue to imply she's ready to blackmail you back if you press the matter, and Hawke has no choice but to back off.
If you bring Sebastian along and your relationship with him at this point is so-so, neither a full friendship or a rivalry, you'd need at least 3 points with favourable dialogue, this makes Sebastian question the Chantry, even Elthina. You'd need all 4 points (bringing him from the get go in your party when they rock up to the start of the questline) without going further into discussion for him to buckle. With friendship, you'd need to bring him on at least 2 missions, or 3 with favourable dialogue. With rivalry, however, you need for him to be brought only on one mission with favourable dialogue, the final one, after which he'll even say that "You (Hawke) were right about me needing to step up and rule Starkhaven". On two missions if you want to bicker with him throughout the quests instead.
If you would manage to sway Sebastian by the end, you'd have one final choice: support him in standing up and demanding answers from Elthina, or asking him to forgive her involvement.
Supporting him on Friendship is the simplest, but supporting him on Rivalry ends up in Sebastian switching to Friendship, like with Merrill reversing her Friendship in Mirror Image if you don't give her the Arulin'Holm. This ends up in a calmly voiced, but very angry Sebastian Vael, pure venom in his words, listing how Elthina has abused his trust and his people by using faith in the Chantry, and manipulating a Prince of a sovereign nation for her own means. If you supported him on Rivalry, he'll have additional lines on how you've challenged him to see problems with Chantry and Templar order, as well as to come back to Starkhaven, and outright thank you right in front of Elthina, whose eyes will throw daggers in your direction. At the end of the speech, Sebastian will actually start removing pieces of his armour, them clattering to the floor at Elthina's feet, and walk out alongside you out of the Kirkwall chantry.
However, if you ask him to forgive Elthina, he'll have the biggest rivalry (+30) jump in the game if you aren't in a Friendship, and will briefly lash out at you, saying that complacency with his devotion to the Chantry is what got him and his people into this mess. On Rivalry, it's worse. Instead of a calm but angry and vicious reprimand of Elthina's actions, Sebastian will SCREAM at her, throw evidence in her face, and then scream at you on Rivalry for good measure, about how you can't simply forgive someone who would seek ruin his city, and is actively ruining Kirkwall. How he was blind to Elthina's actions, but sees now that blood magic isn't the rot at the city's heart that is dividing the Circle and Templar order, it's Chantry politicians like Elthina. And instead of armour pieces clattering to the ground, they're thrown at the feet of the Andraste statue, while Sebastian outright declares that if Elthina doesn't cease machinations in Starkhaven, he'll rage war against her, specifically, and everyone who would support her. Then, he storms out, alone.
You can insert either a "there's nothing to talk about" with Elthina afterwards in both endings of this form, or promises of Hawke "never holding a position in this city aside from carrying the Amell name".
After that, you can find Sebastian, clad in a new armour (simple, reminiscent of what Alistair wears in his introduction scene in DAO, only with the Starkhaven symbol emblazoned on an archer chest piece), with a box in his arms, on the steps out of Hightown into Lowtown. He jokes about how his whole life in Kirkwall can, at the same time, be put into a small box like this one, and be something world encompassing. After a dialogue, where he tells you he is going to live in a small hovel in Lowtown, since he doesn't want to even see the chantry building, or talk with nobles who'd gladly eat him and people of Starkhaven alive, until the moment Kirkwall unrest is over, since he wants stability for you and your city as well. Also, he'd rather spend money on his people and those in need, not himself.
If romanced, or with certain persuasion options, you can invite him to live with you. You can still try to invite him with a couple of options, but he'll deny them for various reasons. After that, he'd live near the market; or, if you managed to convince him, in Hawke's mansion.
If in a romance, there's a hot makeout scene in the library which fades to black implying a proper sex scene. If not, he'll have amusing additional scenes with other companions, especially other love interests, with a bit of hostility from Isabela and Anders, and a lot of genuine fun from Fenris and Merrill.
When you talk with him alone (at either Lowtown hovel or at home in the Library), Sebastian discusses, on Friendship, how he is still Andrastian, even if Chantry failed him and his, or on Rivalry how he feels that blind devotion blinded him to Chantry mistakes.
Banter between party members also changes, with one dialogue from Merrill implying that Sebastian is now helping refugees and the poor, Fenris talking about his efforts in making an organisation for former templars/chantry members expelled for one reason or another, Anders being surprised at a late night visit where Sebastian covered in blood (not his) brought him herbs and potion flasks as a peace offering, et cetera. There's still tension over Sebastian belief in the Chant and Andraste, but it's not anymore about him having to perform for the Chantry and his public image.
If you don't complete the quest with this ending, Sebastian Vael still demands Anders to be executed, or he'll wage war. But if you do... he confesses that Anders has asked him to warn as many people in Lowtown and Darktown not to come to the Hightown and chantry, but assumed this would be because of Meredith and Orsino outright fighting in front of Elthina, not this... murder.
He will, however, draw his bow and point an arrow at Anders, saying that this was not the answer to help his cause, and Anders needs to pay now. Hawke can allow him to do that, or step in.
In a so-so relationship, if you choose anything else but "I will execute him myself" or relent to Sebastian's demand and let him shoot Anders? Vael will spit at your feet and leave your party and the conflict, resulting in a very similar ending to his character as in the original DA2, just less anti-mage and pro-Chantry.
However, in a Friendship or Rivalry, it's very easy to convince him to still stay at your side and see it through. With his unknowing help, many innocents of Kirkwall were saved, and now he has to stick around to help as well, and to either see Anders pay for his crimes with work and healing, not redemption through martyr-like murder, or to understand that this, inadvertently, would be every city across Southern Thedas, including Starkhaven, if Chantry dogma supported by Templars will continue murder, physical and emotional, of mages. He'll have additional dialogue depending on whether you're a mage Hawke, or if Bethany died/is in Circle.
In Romance, Sebastian will lower his bow immediately as Hawke steps between. You'll have to mess up really badly in dialogue for him to storm out.
#Varya rambles#Dragon Age#DA2#Dragon Age 2#Sebastian Vael#Dragon Age II#text post#Varric's additional dialogue actually becomes more ANGRY with Sebastian if he's moved to Lowtown#and completely VICIOUS if Seb moves in with Hawke on friendship basis#he's like. THAT'S MY BESTIE/WORSTIE!! HISSSSS. he'll probably throw something alike to 'GET OUT OF MY TOWN' at Sebastian#who'll ABSOLUTELY consider that flirting. and on some level? he's so right#anyway. don't mind me. I'm going insane in the middle of DAI replay. it sucks SO BAD!! gimme Seb I actually love him#i also just think that Scottish-coded person in the party being a 'pro Chantry in the government' *stinks* of UK conservative politics#but as someone who's not one in any way shape or form i cannot personally judge how bad is it#...hey anyone up to writing this as a fic or like. outright throwing DA2 act 3 into garbage fire and remaking it with this as a questline?#this version of Sebastian in my brain that I cherish I am kissing on the tip of his nose#gd the Western Approach and just the sheer 'GAME SCENERY GO BIG' sucks so bad. I literally closed the game to write this post instead#long post#btw this way the funniest outcome of Inquisition (or something replacing that game) would be 'Starkhaven declares democracy'#'Varric who's about to be viscount of Kirkwall would you like to be friends and unite the Free Marches in democracy :)'#Varric. visibly seething he didn't realise this is the funniest way to NOT be viscount but also to still have a hand in handling Kirkwall:#'yeah fuck it Choir Boy let's do democratic union of Free Marches and put up a big middle finger to Orlais and others'
35 notes
·
View notes
Text
reading about autistic meltdowns is crazy. in retrospect maybe that time i ended up sobbing self isolating and lashing out at people because I couldn't figure out how to set up my laptop the same way it had been before might've been because of The Autism
#i cannot deal with changes to things I deal with regularly#i need to have my phone and comp exactly the same lest I Suffer bc i use them every day#also perhaps i would get so upset over my mom cleaning my room (although being a nice gesture) is because she would move shit to places-#i didn't know and messed up the system i had#also fuckin. executive dysfunction. that's some shit isn't it#i had to move to a new desk early in my job to run a different room and the desk setup was different and I Was Struggling A Bit#also people trying to calm me down during meltdowns is significantly worse and i read a bit that was like.#'trying to interject into the meltdown may cause additional sensory overload. it's most safe to let the person self-regulate.' well shit#that's about right huh#autistic burnout also seemed very familiar and its a little disturbing just how close everything hits#anyways im probably autistic. good night#mossy's rambles#text post#luci's rambles#autism#neurodivergent#autistic things#autistic adult#autistic experiences#if anyone would like to add to the pile and tell me im autistic feel free ig. ive already been peer reviewed
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
saw a whole queue of people waiting to get piercings in claires today. nauseating.
#official claires hate post#it was all children (with their parents)#and like on top of all the usual issues with piercings by claires (do NOT get me started as a person pierced over 30 times)#is that schools go back in like three weeks#no matter what claires tells you 1. you CANNOT safely change the jewellery that soon#2. you cannot take it out for the school day without it closing up (something one near me was telling people you could do within SIX WEEKS)#and 3. a plaster over a healing piercing is Not Good for it#its not like putting a plaster on a cut#there was a queue too at the tattoo studio with a walk in policy too#not a fan of one in one out places but at least they use needles and a steriliser#I'll go into problems with one in one out walk in places if anyone wants to know tho
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....
#autism#autistic#asexual#aromantic#these are probably the two factors that put me in this position#im undateable because im too autistic to form any connections with people and cant even make or keep friends around for long#so how would i ever try to date anyone????#and also asexual which makes it harder. and aromantic (not sure what kind if its like demi and i just need to meet “the one”#and form a connection first to actually have any feelimgs for anyone or not sure if I simply cannot experience romantic attraction#either way its a lonely existence in a world where 99% of people pair off or obsessed with trying to partner up#and theres less value/time/effort put on friendships#ON TOP OF being autistic and forming any connections at ALL is an extremely difficult task that seems to always fail on me!#lee rants#lee rambles#im actually visiting a friend and her gf (who is also friend but we are less close) so i know not everyone partners and shuns friends#but they live in another country and i cant visit all the time so it doesnt help this lonely shit feeling all the time D: to have ~1 friend#would be nice to have all the close benefits and of a dating partnership without the physical stuff and pressure of “dating”#if thar makes sense. best friends but life patners. the person is obligated to help me and bw there for me at all times#someone who chooses me first instead of others. someone that doesnt make me their last choice all the time#their very comfortable to be around and we relate and get along perfectly and make up for each others weaknesses#my favorite person and im their favorite person#they usually always say yes to me and include me and im their first choice for eveything#they respect my needs and boundaries and work with me if we have a misunderstanding or disagreement.#its so hard to find people like this. someone who matches me well enough to fit all these picky things i want#someone who would like me enough to be like this. someone im comfortable with and like who fits the energy i want#even if someone liked ME enough and was these thjngs if they arent comfortable or match my energy then i dont want them#im not desperate enough to take Anyone ans im extremely picky about it#being aroace makes any kind of datimg very hard because theres ~less fish in the sea~#but being autistic makes it EVEN HARDER becuase i cant even make and keep FRIENDS so how would i have a /partner/ ?????#sighs. i think im meant to live a lonely life and need to learn to accept it
85 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate not being able to put my thoughts onto paper drawing wise cause like I HAVE SO MANY ANIMATIC IDEAS I WANNA MAKE BUT I CANT DRAW IT HOW I WANT IT TO LIKE GRRR NOOO I DONT HAVE TIME TO GO THRU A TRAINING ARC TO MAKE IT HAPPEN I WANT MY THE REMEDY ABANDONED POOLS TOMTORD ANIMATION NOWWWW
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#im not gonna get over that idea bro I BEED TO MAKE IT HAPPEN#IT WORKS GUYS IT WORKS#ITS THEM ITS LITERALLY THEM#I have a vision i have a vision i cannot share rn cause i have to take it first before anyone else#also the hoodwinked one i gotta do but like#idk priorities#im so close to even like doing a real life recording to refranxe off of cause ive always been better with doing dhit like#myself??? physically??? yeahhh#i take doing the same face you’re drawing to the next level I gotta act shit out#its so bad i forget my face isnt that expressive as a animated character so i end up making weird faces and looking like a idiot#tomtord#tordtom#affing cause like i referenced them so ya know
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Drabble 193/366 - Doctor Who
She does understand.
She’s lived too long not to. She’s felt Graham’s grief despite her lost wedding ring. She remembers playflirting the way Ryan does when she was a man.
She knows what the look in Yaz’s eyes means when it falls on her.
Too early, too late. She feels like the awkward rut in the road. Trapping Yaz, herself ground down. To escape she’d have to tell the truth, break Yaz’s hope, and offer comfort for her unrepentant hearts’ regeneration: for the love she can’t feel and the friendship she can.
If with anyone. But not her. Not her.
#there’s a flavor of aromantic story that i return to because it’s the opposite of the one we usually get. which is Oh The Tragedy! They#Cannot Love Anyone Back! They Must Be So Upset About It! and the story i return to. is. well. no. no it’s not. that’s not the hard part the#part that hurts.#its the feeling of love as a trap about to close. or of guilt at knowing that for no fault of your own you aren’t what someone needs you to#be. enough tragedy presupposed on the idea that an aromantic person should mourn not being allo.#more on how fucking hard it is just to exist as you are with what will constantly be put on you#to not fit doesn’t hurt because of anything to do with you. it’s because the space made for you isn’t the right shape.#does that make sense. anyway whatever thats a lot of rambling on a drabble about thirteen being aro#drabble-a-day#drabble-a-day 2024#fanfiction#thirteenth doctor#doctor who#id consider this a fic in concert with my aro!nine drabble tbh. two sides of the same coin.#there really is so much of nine in thirteen we should talk about this more. aside from this i mean.
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
why do all girls around me have girl friends?????????????? why dont i get to have that??????????
#well whatever i just want#i dont want anything#i just want#no idk#well whatever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#in my head im loved and wanted and cherished by my kidnapper bf <33333333333333333#i dont like the pain and violence but im just happy he wants me#he isnt real but idk#being this lonely is so#idk#i just dont know anymore i try so hard to be ok#and pretend im ok#but im not#i hate watching shows and they all have friends#i hate reading books and they all have friends#i hate going outside and they all have friends#i hate seeing my old friends and my cousins bc they all have friends#who am i? no one#what am i? nothing#whatever!!!!!!#fuck i wish i didnt have these loser disorders and health anxiety#bc i wanna get fucked up but im to boohoo scared to do drugs or drink alcohol#i literally cannot have any escape#death is the only thing i long for#i just dont wanna be alone but i honestly#i dont even dare to get close to anyone#bc why why why would they ever wanna stay with me#i dont even want to get kidnapped bc he'd get sick of me after a week tops#i just dont wanna feel lonely anymore#ive tried to pretend im ok for weeks now but god im so sick of this i dont
9 notes
·
View notes