#Caine headcanon

[duckoflockston]

saw this and IMMEDIATELY had to draw it out

Not sure if this is considered a headcanon but... Caine is literally a giant pair of teeth, do you ever think he bites his eyes by mistake, much like one would bite their tongue? If he does, I imagine the shriek of pain would be heard throughout the circus.

That sounds absolutely horrendous for Caine but I do think that this could happen.

[the-s1lly-corner]

Kinger, Caine, and Jax x reader who can disassemble themselves

Very specific to my oc but not including all their details so you guys can apply your own inserts onto this wOOO

Requests will continue to be closed for a little longer; got some ideas in the work but I only have so much time in my life <\3

CAINE

I think he would try his best to put you back together... but.. hes not very good at it, probably gets some parts mixed up. He might crack some light hearted jokes about your little quirk. Has probably accidentally taken your head off when he tried cupping your face to give you a kiss... not that it phased him or anything! Probably makes a joke about it before putting your head back on and giving it a light pat

JAX

Would comically throw a bowling ball at you and snort as he watches you fall into several pieces. If you scold him enough he might just help you pull yourself back together.. I mean you can manage on your own but its certainly easier with some extra hands. He would probably hide some of your parts after you guys get into an argument/j which... when you think about it is a little.. dark.. oh he definitely makes jokes about it like caine, but jax's are a little teeny tiny bit.. meaner

KINGER

I have probably said this before but he would run off with your hand on accident in the face of danger... be would feel so bad.. in the event he accidentally pulls something off of you when hes trying to kiss you or hold your hand he would freak out for a moment, probably attempts to jam the part back into place.. though that might be unlikely since he treats you like you're made of glass. Probably drops to his knees in defeat when something makes you fall into a pile into several pieces

[spark-hearts2]

Little AI to Human headcannons

I've seen a lot of fanfictions or art about Caine as a human. Specifically an AI turned human (not human, then ringmaster, then human again). So, here are some of my own headcannons that I haven't seen anyone mention. I don't plan on doing anything with them, so if anyone wants to use them, please do!

Over stimulation. Before, in the circus, he could disable visual and audio processing. He could even go as far as to unload his virtual avatar and exist purely as a bundle of code. Now, he is essentially stuck in his body and can not manually turn his senses off.

Staring into space. He already does this in cannon, but I would imagine it would get even worse as a human. He would get too in his own head thinking about things and completely forget that his body exists at all times. He would either be impossible to drag out of this, or get annoyed that his train of thought was interrupted as he no longer has perfect memory.

Memory issues. Well, he wouldn't gain memory issues. It's more like he would be used to the perfectly memory of a machine. Suddenly storing information organically would be a massive downgrade for him, but he no longer has to worry about running out of storage so there's that.

Very good at math. This is another thing that he would consider got worse when becoming human, but compared to the average person, he's a physicist. He's familiar with all the light, force, and gravity based calculations and can even solve them reliably quickly. Again, he used to be able to do this in fractions of a second, so he considered it a downgrade.

Fascinated with the little details. He's familiar with physics because that's how computers render things, but moving to the real world, everything has insane detail to him. Something as simple as tearing paper has his eyes sparkling and lead him to talking about destruction physics. The fact that everything breaks differently every time fascinates him.

Insane knowledge about game design. I agree that Caine definitely would be almost completely ignorant about how the real world works and would essentially need a babysitter to make sure he doesn't die. But what I've seen very little about is how good he would be considered at design and programing. Man was literally built for this stuff.

Anxiety. As a computer, he could think 24/7 without consequences. As a computer, he could know the digital world on an extreme level. Quite literally know where everything is at all times. Obviously he isn't always monitoring this, as he didn't realize that Pomni had clipped out of bounds, but I imagine that he is capable of this. As a human, not only is he lacking this level of knowledge about the world, but he also can no longer think all the time without consequences. I imagine that he would still try to do this, thus manifesting as Anxiety.

impulse control. Now as a human with way less control over himself, I'd imagine what little impulse control he has just goes down the drain. Something interesting happens? He's walking over to look at it no questions asked.

Anger at his situation. To him, turning human is a downgrade. Yes, he is insanely happy to still be with everyone and see the real world, he's just unhappy about being a human in it. He would prefer to still be an AI system, just with a camera, microphone, and speaker on it so he can see, hear, and still talk to everyone. Of course, he would not voice this anger towards any ex circus member, as he views it as not their fault and therefor not their problem.

Now this one has to do with my own cannon adjacent AU, specifically the fanfiction I am currently writing a chapter 2 for. All you need to know is that Caine has been sending error reports, specifically about the inability to leave the circus, since the issue first started. These reports have gone unread.

10. abandonment issues. No one has helped him fix errors in so long that is has genuinely warped his view of reviving help. In the circus, no one (except maybe Kinger) knows how to read code and debug, but even as he moves to the real world and is surrounded by people who do know how his system works, he is still reluctant to ask for help. He's become used to asking and receiving nothing, and then being the one to fix everything. He's open to asking questions about the world and learning things, but when it comes to his own issues, nothing. Like, the kind of person to not ask for a blanket and then curl up under the rug. Also, he would hate sending text messages or emails because he hates having to wait for a reply. At least when talking to someone he can see that they are actually there and listening.

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

multilingual batkids. they learn each others languages so they can mix and match. for example:

tim in french: have you figured out how we’re gonna tell b we’re not going to that gala yet?

damian in arabic: no i thought that was thomas’ job?

duke french: me? no jason said he’d do something

jason in arabic: hey don’t drag me into this!

dick in romani: i’m gonna kill him i really i am

steph in russian: who are we killing?

dick in english: ah! nobody! wait i didn’t know you spoke romani

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason in english: wait my greek is rusty say it again slowly

tim in greek: you’re an asshole

jason: …. you motherfucker

cass signing: nice drawing

damian in chinese: thank you

dick yelling at bruce about something he did

jason in spanish: what language is he speaking right now?

tim also in spanish: uh all of them i think

jason: does bruce even know-

tim: no he doesn’t

[demonicsuffrage]

Headcanon that when the batkids are mad at Bruce or just, mildly annoyed, they deliberately use last names that piss Bruce off, a lot.

Kidnappers over the phone: We have Richard Wayne in our custody, if you want to see him again-

Dick, mad after Bruce made him throw out the discowing suit, in a muffled voice: It's actually Richard Grayson-Kent, get it right

Bruce, on the verge of a heart attack: Chum Please

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barista at Batburger: What would you like your coffee cup to say?

Tim, not mad, just mildly annoyed at the way Bruce did the reports last night: My name is Tim Jordan-Gardener-Cruz-Scott

Bruce, clutching his Jokerized fries so hard veins appear: You're grounded

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author, at a book signing event: And who should I address this to?

Jason, after Bruce had let the Joker live yet again: To Jason Dent, please

Bruce, standing in line next to him, whom Jason had brought along to pay for the signed copy: I should make Harvey pay child support

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Announcer: And the award goes to, Ms Cassandra Isley-Quinn!

Cass, mad because Bruce missed another one of her recitals, walking up to the stage:

Bruce:

Bruce, signing to her: You're killing me, you know that? You're killing your father

Harley, sitting next to Bruce along with Ivy: Yes! That's our daughter!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duke, calling some shady Gotham lawyer right in front of Bruce after he lectured him a little too much about keeping up secret identities: Hi, how much to legally change my name to Duke Thomas-Queen?

Shady lawyer: About 50$

Duke: Got it. Hey Bruce can I borrow 50$?

Bruce:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steph doesn't use the Wayne name anyway, but sometimes she uses it for Benefits™

Damian would much rather die than adopt the last name of anyone in the justice league or the batrouges or anyone except his very infamous lineages, because he doesn't want to associate with incompetent people

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[adhara2034]

Headcanon that the batfam has a Samsung smart refrigerator or whatever it's called, and it is used entirely for doing work while in the kitchen. There has been justice league meetings held on that motherfucker and nuclear threats disengaged.

[thefriendlyneighborhoodace]

sometimes i think about how funny it would be if bruce had a slight english accent as a result of alfred being the only adult in his life for most of his formative years. that or he just says british slang instead of english.

this either drives his children insane, or they think it’s the most hilarious thing ever.

__________________________

Bruce: Can you pass the chips?

Dick: Sure, B. *passes over the potato chips*

Bruce: No, the chips.

Dick: ???? … yeah? here?

Bruce: NO! THE CHIPS! *gesturing wildly for the french fries*

Damian: Father, are you having a stroke?

———

Batman: Alright, this mission is very important. It is imperative that everything goes to schedule. (shh-edule)

*red robin and red hood snicker*

Batman: *glare* As I was saying, it all must go to shh-edule…

RR & RH : *uproariously laughter *

Batman: *harsher glare* Is something funny?

RR: Oh nothing, B, don’t worry.

RH: Absolutely nothing wrong, “left-tenant”

RR & RH: *dying of laughter *

———

Bruce: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Duke: … You sound like Alfred…

Bruce: *horrified look over coming him* … what

Cass: *furious nodding*

*Some time later, after B has been fished out of Gotham Harbor, which he jumped into after declaring that he “couldn’t turn into his father”*

Alfred: *reaching the end of a long rant about responsibility and making sure you are keeping yourself and others safe* And what do you have to say for yourself??

Bruce: *white as a sheet* … Sorry Alfie…

*Steph is heard furiously cackling in the background*

_______________________

anyways i just thought this was fun

[galaxymagitech]

Most of the Batkids lie to Batman.

What’s unique about Tim “I lie to Batman” Drake is that he lies *successfully* to Batman.

Damian just states blatant untruths and expects people to believe them. Dick puts on a good act, but it can’t fool his family, even if they won’t call him out on it. Jason’s emotions are too easy to read, even with his helmet on. Cass lies with her words, but never with her body. Duke lacks self-awareness of his insanity and thus doesn’t try to hide any of it. Steph and Barbara don’t even bother, because Batman has no authority over her whatsoever.

Tim, though? He was raised by boarding schools and nannies and practically incentivized to lie to adults. He’s so earnest and well-meaning that everyone expects him to be a compulsive truth-teller, and he weaponizes it like the little gremlin he is. And when that isn’t enough, he knows how to spin things just right that they don’t quite sound like an untruth.

[jesterraconteuse]

You don't understand there's a part of me that wants Alfred Pennyworth to never age but there's another part that's like

As Alfred grows older his body grows tired and everyone notices. And for Bruce that's his surrogate father. For everyone else that's Grandpa. Immediately there's a secret boot camp in the Batcave for everyone to start learning how to better care for themselves. Selina Kyle assisting of course.

There's already disability accommodations for Barbara so they just need to tweak and add some stuff. They've learned from her needs and start researching on how to care for the elderly for Alfred specifically.

On paper he's still a butler but really everyone (who lives or stays for a long time in Wayne manor) makes sure they learn how to do the hardwork for themselves. Most of his job is just to be there for them honestly. They insist on doing things for themselves.

But Alfred is Alfred. So he knows what's going on. And he's so deeply proud of them. He doesn't let him do anything he insists he can or wants do himself. He's still his own person after all, and they gradually learn his boundaries and patterns.

Bruce keeps paying him but not in a way you'd pay a butler usually. More in a way where you'd send money to your retired parents.

Do you see my vision?

[amazingdigitalheadcanons]

Not sure if this counts as a headcanon or not. I watch TADC on the side but I got to thinking about something... Caine gets one of those spa day facials, but instead of the weird green goo it's just... toothpaste.

So that's how his teeth remain so shiny and white. Him using just toothpaste is quite likely to happen.

[the-s1lly-corner]

if it's alright, could I ask for headcanons of Caine with a reader who can't sleep in complete silence, because background noise ironically helps them sleep (sometimes the background noise is just people talking and it still works). You don't have to if you don't want to though.

Caine x reader who can't sleep in silence

Honestly I felt this so so hard, I sleep with a fan on just for the noise. Cannot stand sleeping in total quietness unless I'm like. so tired I feel like I'm melting into the ground. Will immediately wake up if the power goes out due to the sudden loss of sound

He doesn't totally get it, but to be fair he doesnt totally get sleep because he doesnt need to sleep... though given that you're in the digital world, you don't need sleep either

I mean you can, and it does offer your brain a temporary "shut off" within the chaos of the circus, but..

Not to fear, though, there's always some level of sound going around in the circus, assuming the bed rooms arent sound proof..

If youd like, and caine can't be there for you he can make it so your room has a natural ambiance; whether it be music or a constant noise to help you get your pretty head to bed

Caine tries to join you on simulated nights when you want to sleep, often quietly talking to kill the silence. You'll still find him blabbering on in the morning

If he somehow doesnt have anything to talk about, he rattles off random things that sound suspiciously like infomercials and ads, terms of services, and things like that! Not too different from the fast speaking he did to pomni, or when he blue screened

Will not stop until you wake up, unless his presence is needed direly elsewhere in the circus

[superbat-love]

Dick: [flaunting his Halloween costume] Ta-da! Guess what I’m supposed to be?

Cass: Fun Batman.

Jason: Batman having a midlife crisis.

Duke: Rainbow Batman?

Damian: Father with a fruit hat.

Tim: Fruity Batman.

Barbara: Batman finally being honest with himself.

Steph: Batman’s ‘Date night with Superman’ outfit.

Dick: …What? I’m supposed to be a Devil Fruit, guys! [points at his fruit stem headband]

Jason: I like my interpretation better.

Bruce: Thanks a lot, kids.

Dick: Well, what are you going to be wearing for Halloween, Bruce?

Bruce: This.

Barbara: You're going as Batman?

Bruce: No, I'm going as Bruce Wayne going as Batmaaan~~~

Tim: Omg, an even fruitier Batman.

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

batfam meets the JL but it’s just the bat kids breaking into the watch tower during a debriefing or meeting to ask bruce the most mundane questions. they go about it like they’re interns that need to speak to the CEO during a board meeting. they walk over waving their hands and mouthing “i’m so sorry just need to ask batman something 😬” and then they lean over to bruce and ask something like “alfred wants to know if you’re gonna be home for dinner” and then they dip.

one of them started this when bruce didn’t answer their texts (it was probably tim or something) and now everyone does it.

[revolver-d]

Y'all's goin about @burrotello 's super awesome Fight Club AU,

while my headcanon Pomni already knows how to throw them hands XD

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce once made an offhand comment about how no one wears watches anymore because they all use their phones to tell time

The next day Tim buys a smartwatch

Dick straps the hourglass he got from the dentist onto his wrist

Damian carries a bunch of candlesticks with nails in them and lights one whenever he needs a timer

Jason lugs around two industrial buckets of water to make a water clock

Steph gets an antique pocketwatch but it's carried around by a personal assistant that's coming out of Bruce's budget

Barbara buys a classroom clock and keeps it in her wheelchair pocket

Cass stands in a well-lit area and checks her shadow

Duke unearths a fifty-pound sundial and names it Duke II

Bruce no longer comments on Gen Z