#Batfam hcs

[forwards-beckon-rebound]

batfam as things my friends and i said pt. 3

warnings: use of kitten IRONICALLY, yes the italian flag thing was said during pride month, yes the friend who said that is gay, there is even more where this came from pt 1 | pt 2

[malfiora]

Damian: *hits a growth spurt and now he's taller than Tim and Duke*

Jason: No

Damian: *grows taller than Dick*

Jason: No no

Damian: *taller than Bruce and eye level with Jason*

Jason: No no no –

[spocks-husband]

Mainly because when he started adopting kids he just sort of figured 'this is just what you do with children' since it's how he was raised and then felt weird not doing it with the rest after Dick and Jason, all the Batkids have random super obnoxious rich kid skills that Bruce either taught them or sent them to classes for. Obviously they all know how to fence, that's pretty common knowledge-- but they're all also fluent in French and Latin (plus varying degrees of Arabic and Ancient Greek), very well familiar with dining and event etiquette for any possible situation (mostly by Alfred's doing), well versed in classical literature and mythology, capable with at least one instrument (piano for most of them-- though Dick plays the flute!), and quite comfortable writing in cursive to the point where for almost all of them it's their natural handwriting, just like Bruce.

This usually isn't an issue... Except for that time when, early in his crimelord career, Jason sent a threatening note reading--

I will find you 🩷✨

--to a gang leader in his territory, which... Didn't have its intended effect. He used magazine cutouts to write his threatening notes from then on.

[dreamingaboutsakuratrees]

Listen, not only do I like the Batfam being completely human (except Duke, of course), I think it's such a vital part of their characterization. Each of them rely on their humanity and vulnerability in a different way, but it's still a core part of them.

That being said, I love the idea of Gotham's many curses and magical bullshit changing its inhabitants, and more important, enhancing her protectors.

Not by much, but enough for people to say "they're human... right?" and not being sure of the answer. It works better inside the city, where Lady Gotham herself can ensure her warrior's safety, but it lingers and it stays on them.

The way Bruce can blend a bit too well with the shadows, to the point not even metas can see him if he doesn't want to be seen.

The way Dick's body bends a bit further than should be possible, his muscles stretching and his bones at angles that would cause pain to most.

The way Jason is a bit too quiet for his body mass, how he seems to be able to move without making a sound despite his size.

The way Tim is a bit too quick-witted, a bit too observant, finding his enemies' weaknesses and flaws far too easy for a fast-paced combat.

The way Steph seems to always be on the right place at the right time, as if she were being guided to those in danger. She is always where she is needed.

The way stray animals like Damian a bit too much. They care for him and have his back in a display of intelligence that's not quite natural.

Yet they all still bleed. They feel pain and they cry and they are vulnerable.

Because they're still human.

Right?

[unfortunately-obsessed]

Bruce with baby!Jason and toddler!Dick

Dick figuring out words but moves like he has no bones, cartwheeling, and Bruce has to keep running before him because Dick forgets the room eventually ends and then gets his forehead straight into a wall

Baby Jason Soo sweet and affectionate. Doesn't know how to give Bruce kisses so he'll kiss Bruce by bitting (but don't worry he doesn't have teeth yet)

Baby Jason being carried by toddler Dick is SOOO cute. Alfred taking pics, he's a proud grandpa

Dick likes when Bruce holds him upside down and giggles so loud it echoes. Jason who sometimes get so tired but still want to stay awake to play with Dick and Bruce

Jason will eat anything if he sees his big brother eating too. Jason who loves to watch cartoon with stories. He'll nod along to what Bruce says to him

Bruce getting back from a mission, says "ouch". Jason sees it, says "ooouch?"

Bruce will be talking to Dick and Jason will start to cry because he wants to be included in the conversation! He'll even babble along

One of those grey but comforting evenings where there's lots of rain and wind, Bruce flat out dead (sleeping) in the couch, Jason napping in his chest, Dick between the couch and Bruce and using his arm (that is not holding Jason up) as a pillow, snoring

Jason that pouts when he's focused (playing with his teether). Isn't easily tickled but does laugh when Bruce kisses his feet

His first word is "dick"

[thief-of-eggs]

Cass doesn’t look, she glares

Tim doesn’t smile, he grimaces.

Damian doesn’t speak, he growls.

Jason doesn’t raise his voice, he screams.

Duke doesn’t watch, he scrutinizes.

Dick doesn’t smooth talk, he manipulates.

Steph doesn’t laugh, she cackles. Manically.

Bruce’s children are a little damaged, a little odd. If not in big ways, then in the smallest of ways that so clearly sets them apart from everyone else. Their line of work demands it, their breeding encourages it.

It’s just how they were made. Once they’ve been touched by the shadows of Gotham, it never leaves their veins.

It’s in their blood now. It’s seen in their eyes, their smiles. The twitch of their face, the narrowing of their gaze.

Gotham’s embrace never lets you go.

[violent138]

I feel like Dick, who spent so much of his childhood crime fighting, missing school, and having adventures with people he genuinely liked and also didn't really have normal experiences either, used to just lie and invent personal examples and Normal People characters for his siblings when they asked for advice. The others compare notes once on Dick's childhood, fondly recall a fake person and only realize something's wrong from the deeply confused looks on Alfred and Bruce’s faces. They then go to Dick's flat and ask him how much of everything he ever said were lies.

[brucewaynehater101]

Fear Gas hc: Tim edition

Tim has a ton of fears and horrific memories that the fear gas can craft into nauseating tales of terror. He's seen them all: his parents dying, his friends dying, Tim becoming what he's fought against, Ra's being creepy, falling from the dinosaur, that godsdamned desert, etc.

What's the one fear that absolutely grips Tim until he's screaming, crying, and throwing up?

Jason dying again.

When the family found out about how Jason's second death petrifies Tim, they asked why Jason specifically. Tim shakily smiled and told them that Jason's first death was horrific and he never wants that to happen again. The family takes that answer. They ensure Jason is always available for Tim when he gets hit with the toxin. The only way for Tim to calm down, even after receiving the antidote, is for him to feel Jason's heartbeat.

Tim lied, though. Yes, seeing any of his siblings dying is horrific and one of his fears. Jason, though? That fear is born out of selfish necessity.

When Jason died the first time, Tim was the only one who was able to get through to Bruce. The teen loved his Robin run, but it was also extremely traumatic.

If Jason dies again and Bruce needs to be put back together, Tim would do it. Of course he would. He loves Bruce, his father. He would assist his dad and family without hesitation.

The process would kill him.

Tim fears Jason dying because he knows it would destroy his family and kill Tim as well.

[dark-dragon-8]

Me, thinking peacefully about Batfam scenarios in the shower when this gem hits me:

Damian should get a pet owl and name it "Grayson"

The same way he did with Alfred the cat, only it plays on the Court of Owls obsession with Dick and/or (if it's a Talon Dick AU) on the fact that Dick is "part owl" and said owl reminded Damian of him (maybe, if it is a Talon Dick AU, then it also helps Dick accept that part of him, since there's something good/nice/wholesome coming out of it and he's not just some monster that everyone is afraid of)

[bibibusinessman]

Don’t come for me on this guys

[zodarii-dae]

the batkids absolutely have a shared spotify account. they each have playlists with the songs they like to listen to while patrolling/doing cases/training/etc.

it’s very popular; gothamites absolutely love listening to it. there have been physical fights over who has the best music taste. sometimes, if they know there’s going to be a specific bat around, they’ll play their playlist. red hood’s is playing somewhere in crime alley pretty much all the time.

the only person who doesn’t have access is bruce, because he might delete the ‘fuck batman’ playlist (which is, of course, a playlist of all the songs bruce hates. they play it whenever he annoys them).

they even have specific playlists for fighting different rogues. oracle can and will take over any speakers she can find to play them.

[stars-fall]

If Thomas Wayne was a surgeon then that means that he wasn't running wayne enterprises while alive. So I present to you: Martha wayne took over the company.

Young Thomas Wayne meets Martha Kane at a gala and they become fast friends. Martha is smart and cunning, business savy, more than Thomas was. So he convinces her to go to business school (rather scandalous for the time- assuming it's the late 40's) while they are in school and Thomas is going through medical school the two fall in love and by the time Martha graduates they decided to get married and Martha Kane is now Martha Wayne. Shortly after Thomas graduates his father decides that he can no longer run WE and Thomas, being an only child is troubled. He didn't want to run the company and honestly hadn't thought of what to do when his father stepped down. Lucky he had a brilliant beautiful, and did he say brilliant wife who just so happend to go to business school.

: ) I regect model Martha wayne because that's boring, CEO Martha wayne who was simply a fashion icon and often on the cover of magazines is better (nothing wrong with model Martha but I want Martha to be more than Bruce's mom)

[spocks-husband]

Bruce definitely made all the Batkids sit down at some point and forced them all to watch The Gray Ghost. He paused every few minutes to make sure everyone understood the plot and to give trivia facts. He didn't confiscate phones but if he saw you on it he'd just look at you REALLY sad for a while and all the others would glare at you.

Every time Bruce is sad they let him do this again btw. It makes him very happy. He is autistic.

[carascaramouche]

hc that even though we know that dick and bruce are like…hot, that all of the robin batboys are just like…ethereal gorgeous. and just like their mothers.

like dick, we already know man’s is gorgeous beyond belief.

jason is more handsome than pretty, but he looks just like his mom when she was younger and perhaps kinder, with long lashes and flush cheeks and plump lips, and looking like an angel when he wasn't about to shoot.

tim is the scary type of beauty. like janet drake, who was ready to cut someones throat in a second, ready to negotiate and ruin someones life with that cold cold smile. like the devil, with beauty that makes everyone around him envious. skinny, pale with blood red lips plump lips, high cheekbones, and a cold smile that makes you fall inlove and know that you're making a great mistake at the same time.

damian is always told how much he looks like a younger bruce, but really he looks a lot like talia. with soft, smooth hair, sharp green eyes like a tiger, pink lips that form a pout when he doesn't get what he wants, and beautiful dark caramel skin that still holds his baby fat, that will be filled with muscle like both of his parents.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Headcanon that each batkid has one (1) person that if confronted by will make them fold like a house of cards.

Babs? She figured Dinah was being possessed in like 4 seconds because she wasn’t overcome with the urge to confess everything and it was weird.

Dick? Barry Allen. No one must ever know.

Jason? Alfred. Obviously.

Cass? Also Alfred. Those cookies are worth spilling all secrets.

Steph? Diana. She’s just so cool, okay? (Jason: I mean, she’s not wrong)

Tim? Martha Kent. Kon has attempted to use this to his advantage.

Duke? It was once, okay? Not statistically significant. Or something. Hopefully Cass just doesn’t need or want to know anything from him ever again.

Damian? Jason. It is his greatest weakness, and one he still can’t figure out how it came to be.

[thief-of-eggs]

Headcannon that when Alfred finally caves and allows the Wayne family to get a roomba, the bat brothers just go nuts over it:

Damian names it, and gets disgruntled when people simply refer to it as “the roomba”. Like, no, that is Cerberus? Get it right please

Tim tampers with it on more then one occasion. Hooks up some motion activated speaker/microphone mechanism complete with a voice modulator so that he can speak to whoever it passes. Steph is convinced for a whole WEEK that the roomba is sentient

Jason puts a few knives sticking out from it at some point. The whole family can hear Bruce’s screams when it enters his study.

And Dick just turns the damn thing off every time he sees it. He thinks it’s the worst purchase of all their collective lives