#Batcat

[dyanasaur]

e k i t t e n

That matching batman and hello kitty pj's but make it batcat

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason: Haven't had the pleasure of meeting Bernard and Nika, but I assume they're too good for Tim and Damian.

Dick: Why do you say that?

Jason: It's a pattern in this family.

Jason: Selina and Talia are too good for Bruce, Rose is too good for me, Barbara's too good for you.

Dick: I respect that you've insulted me in a way I can't disagree with.

[olailamajnoon]

Selina walked onto the Watchtower along with Bruce. Zatanna "accidentally" bumped into the two. She looked up at Selina and blinked. "Oh, you're Bruce's wife!"

Selina appeared slightly taken aback, one eyebrow unfurling. "...no."

Zatanna went on cheerily, winking at Bruce with malicious intent. "Well, he takes every opportunity to call you his wife. He's like...I'm gonna marry her anyway, so might as well call her that."

Selina gave Bruce the side-eye. "Yeah, that definitely sounds like him." Her voice was dry.

"If you ever decide to marry this lummox," went on Zatanna, "remember to ask me for my list of Bruce's sixteen greatest flaws."

Selina grinned. "Thanks, but I think I know them."

"No," said Zatanna seriously, chewing her magic gum. "You only know the first nine." Zatanna sat down at the monitor console and hung upside down on the chair. "He eats with his mouth open sometimes. And he can't handle raw shrimp. It gives him...diarrhea."

Selina snorted. "How do you know this." She couldn't hide her amusement.

"We were trapped on an ocean planet for a week, and all we had to eat was raw fish. Bruce had...severe digestive problems. Clark had to cook the meat with his eyeballs." Zatanna was seemingly relishing telling the story, as much as Bruce gave her the death-glare.

"Well, I won't take him out for sushi anytime then," said Selina.

"Or...you could," said Zatanna, waggling her eyebrows. "Take him someplace without a bathroom, and watch him. He can't say no to a challenge, his ego will get in the way."

Bruce's glare at Zatanna could have melted steel as she slurped her Slurpie. Selina was trying and failing to control hiccupy laughter. "That sounds like an...idea."

Zatanna grinned from ear to ear. "You know, I like you, Catwoman. Maybe we will make good friends."

Selina hooked her right arm through Bruce's. "I'm un-uninviting you to our wedding."

Zatanna sat up. "Wait! I was...uninvited?"

"You turned Bruce's chair into mist and he sat on it and fell on his ass." Selina giggled childishly. It sounded like a kitten gurgling.

"Selina..." Bruce warned.

"...so he got upset," Selina finished.

Zatanna was smirking. "Yeah, that's always funny."

"I'm glad you two ladies are bonding," said Bruce, unamused. "But if you will excuse me, I need to work."

Selina blew him a kiss as he disentangled himself and walked away. Then she leaned closer to Zatanna. "Do you have any idea what he's like when he gets angry?"

Zatanna looked up through innocent eyes. "no...?"

"The sex," said Selina, "is so great. He gets rough, just the way I like it." She breathed in. "Any ideas how to make him just mad enough to get him to do that?"

Zatanna grinned. "Any ideas? I've got an entire encyclopedia! I've written the book on twirling Bruce round my pinkie." She flicked her hair. "What do you wanna know?"

Selina sat beside her, and propped her feet up on the console. "Let's start with everything."

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

I just read the first issue of the absolute Batman comic and I know DC fan boys will hate this but it reminded me of the Gotham TV show. Like I’m sorry to tell you this but I think this comic was inspired by that show and you can’t convince me otherwise

[graythursday]

we as a society do not talk about this exchange enough

[windybluebelles]

Bruce Wayne ships I like and why:

(P.S this is all silly and idrc if you disagree xoxo💋)

Bruce x Clark Kent

Superbat is awesome

Bruce x Oliver Queen

Child hood friends (they can also be Poly with Dinah, I don’t judge 🙌 we love Dinah in this household)

Bruce x Harvey Dent

Heartbreaking

Bruce x Diana Prince

He bottoms

Bruce x Hal Jordon

They hate eachother???? They’d be each others Work Wife

Bruce x Talia al Ghul

They train together and love eachother vry much, prolly kinda toxic and they’re both convinced that they can fix eachother. Talia will in fact be an amazing mother to all of his kids… except Dick. They both (mostly jokingly) hate eachother

Bruce x Minhkhoa Khan

They are so ‘Reluctant Allies to Lovers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers again’ who never actually really hated eachother but both had so many of their own issues to figure out that it didn’t work at first. They have so many conflicting morals and history that they really have to discuss. They kiss it’s sexy

Bruce x Selina Kyle

??? It’s Bruce x Selina??? Seen I explain more????

Bruce x Arthur Curry

Because that’s so fucking funny??? Oh my God????

Bruce x J’onn J’onzz

They both have autistic swag

Bruce x the entire justice league

Minus like, the actual children. Poly justice league for the win

Bruce x Nick and Nora Bromfield

Because then he can parent the Batsons without disrespecting them. Fuck some of you guys who shame my girl Mary’s beautiful loving parents

Bruce x Lex Luthor

…Sorry? I don’t think they could be in any sort of long term relationship and I want them to be extremely awkward around eachother. They both respect eachother and kinda get along as people, they can just never look eachother in the eye without being filled with great embarrassment, the only person atleast partially exempt from the Brucie persona while in public simply because Bruce would rather put a gun to his head than ever flirt with Lex again.

Bruce x Lois Lane

🤷

As you can tell, I always have amazing reasoning for my opinions I you all clearly agree with everything I have just said /j

The vast majority of these can and should be made polyamorous but I’m not gonna get into that

[monkesupreme]

ref

a satisfactory answer for Selina

[dieubius]

The in-universe Gothamite's guide to shipping your resident billionaire 💀

...

Comes with labels

[carnicer01]

Lovebirds are annoying someone shoot him already

[everwalldigan]

Based on that meme going around on twt hihi

[shyjusticewarrior]

Cass: *recording*

Steph, holding microphone: Who do you prefer Bruce be with, Selina or Talia?

Dick: Selina.

Jason: They're both too good for him.

Tim: Selina has threatened to kick my ass, but the guys Talia raised have kicked my ass. Selina also brings Bruce more work-life balance.

Tim: Mostly I just want Bruce to stay out of my love life.

Steph: Real.

Duke: Jefferson Pierce, so he'll stay away from my mom.

Dick: We can do that? In that case, Clark.

Steph: What about you, Damian?

Damian: Tt. Either way he'll be obnoxious.

Jason: Damian knows what's up.

[olailamajnoon]

Selina: Bruce how do you want to get married?

Bruce: you name it. It's not like I can't afford it

Selina: Well, I was thinking...Arctic wedding. Everyone gets to wear their winter suits. You know how smart the kids look in those

Bruce: I'd rather not freeze my balls off, if you don't mind. Especially since I'll be needing them later *winks*

Selina: well, what about an island wedding? We can enjoy some waves, walk on the shore, pick shells...

Bruce: I hate sand. It gets everywhere.

Selina: Okay, emo Anakin. You name a place then.

Bruce: no no, it's your choice. Completely.

Selina: ...okay, what about the moon? It doesn't have sand or ice, and you already have a spy station there.

Bruce: too inconvenient. For a man who likes Doctor Who so much, Alfred is surprisingly opposed to space flight. And he believes zeta beams disintegrate the soul.

Selina: what about the Manor? We can do it in the garden, with fairy lights under a starry night sky...classic.

Bruce: I grew up here, and I'm forced to look at those bloody stars every night. I'd rather do it somewhere away from it all.

Selina (with anger in her voice): where then, Bruce? Why don't you name it? Name the place.

Bruce, sighing: fine. I'd like to do it where we first met. In the tiger enclosure at Gotham Zoo, where you tied me up for the very first time.

Selina: ...

Selina: this is why you're not married yet.

[theendlessnessofbeingme]

Dick giving a pep talk to the family before they do Bruce’s monthly training game

Dick: It’s been a pleasure fighting with you. Some of us won’t make it. But there is a place we will all see each other again. And that place is Denny’s.

Jason: Which Denny’s?

Dick: We’ll figure it out later Jay.

Jason: The one near the tracks I’m banned from there.

Dick: Well then I guess I’ll see you in hell.

[starspilli]

catwoman 🐈‍⬛

[ochibrochi]

guilty conscience 😬 (i watched legion of superheroes movie)

[sweet-prroncito]

Bruce + loves through time and circumstances~

Bruce + Talia and Khoa

Bruce + Gotham rogues Catwoman and Two Face

Bruce + Superman and Wonderwoman

Bonus down the cut:

4. Bruce + Harley and Jack Napier (Batman beyond the White Knight)