#BUT I DONT NOT LIKE ONE ON ONE CONVERSATIONS I MISS THEM BADLY. i used to talk to online friends Everyday. and ugh. obvioisly.

[nomairuins]

i literally likw felt sick hust now bc i thought abt gay people and ive just realized as i was about to hit post that this sounds homophobic. it was pure envy unfortunately

[howlsofbloodhounds]

headcanon that the thing that draws killer to color first is color's six souls situation. he wants to experiment on them so badly, but can never get to beat color so he goes plan b: pretend to befriend color then backstab him later. fortunately the plan backfires and the rest is history :)

also, i do wonder if killer has ever offered color to absorb his red soul. like, is killer's soul human enough? would color become a god after absorbing killer's soul? i think that would be a conversation color has to steer away, but killer can't stop his curiosity and self-destructive hypothesizing. color can become a god. color will be invincible. color can finally be safe like that. and like, maybe if color absorbs killer's soul, killer can finally communicate with the six souls and realize the horrors of raising six semi-children in your head as a single parent.

~ crowshipping anon

crow, how I’ve missed you. you and delta anon are the backbones of this blog btw.

And I absolutely adore the idea of how it started being that killer wanted to experiment on him lmao. Especially if its like “if this guys gonna keep lingering around, might as well make him useful,” and then he just keeps getting his ass beat over and over.

And then he decides to just go the friend route, play along and pretend he’s listening to the “bullshit” Color’s spewing, but color’s actually being genuinely nice. like, genuinely? hes not even trying to make killer stop or change, just firmly setting boundaries and redirecting killer’s curiosity on to something less destructive. and now, oh no, he likes him. hes fascinating.

and i think killer proposing the idea of color absorbing his soul even once is interesting, even if indirectly and possibly during one of his more self destructive or paranoid moments. perhaps if something happens that threatened colors life or somehow caused him to be hurt, or if something is just making killer think about them being separated. perhaps stage 1’s insecurity or just nightmares.

probably proposed it something like, “what if we became one” and color makes a light joke like “that would be awful, this heads already so full, dont you dislike children?” and then killer keeps going on with his line of thought. how color would be a god basically, how they’d be together, how maybe killers soul could help be a source of further power for color.

how hed be safe. killers soul is strong enough to rewrite entire timelines. color wouldn’t even have to worry about death.

of course killer may phrase it as something along the lines of how itd make color more powerful whenever he voices it, but color doesn’t care for more power and they both know that and color knows that he knows. color can read between the lines and killer knows that, too.

maybe this is even just killers way of expressing or wondering about how much closer they could get it, how much more there is to understand.

maybe killer less wants to know about colors souls now and more that he wants to know the souls because he wants to know color. maybe he wants to know everything he can learn about him; learn everything he can.

idk just the idea of killer being so intensely fascinated with and curious about color tickles me—something about it becomes less like scientific curiosity and more now that extremely rare desire to connect with someone. because color makes him feel understood and for the first time he feels safe being understood.

and perhaps if/when he becomes more aware of that, the intensity, is enough to cause killer to withdraw emotionally from color for a bit; even if he can’t stop mulling it over in his mind. maybe he even thinks if color absorbs his soul, then he’ll never lose access to that hope and happiness again. theres no threat of it. perhaps becoming a little lost in his fantasy for a bit.

[writingpuddle]

i wanna talk about this scene because its one of my favourite character moments for both aaron and neil. theyve just gotten to the cabin, only a handful of days after nathans death, and aaron gets neil alone and says this:

now listen. maybe what aaron is doing here is exactly what it looks like. maybe he is concerned that neil is exploiting andrew, and this is him being a protective brother. and i do think theres a part of him that is. he could also be reacting badly due to homophobia, and maybe a part of him is too. but mostly -

he's testing neil.

see, aarons not totally heartless. in that moment in baltimore, when neil was bloody and beaten to shit - aaron was horrified with the rest of them. he might not like neil particularly much, but when you see someone you moderately dislike tortured past the point of human endurance, youre going to put aside your dislike for a second. youre going to take their side, and aaron does. when the foxes claim neil, aaron is right up there with them.

but unlike neil and andrew, who spend the next few days in the emotional wringer with the feds, aaron had several days to process. to really process what allison pointed out to them.

and he realized he could use it.

maybe thats callous of him, but mostly its inevitable; this is how the twins have learned to communicate, to leverage each other with bribes and threats. he watched andrew nearly kill kevin, pick a fight with the feds, grip neils hoodie like he might disappear if he didnt hold on tight enough, and he understood that there was nothing andrew wouldnt do for neil.

meanwhile, neil is still coming off of weeks of telling himself, gritted teeth, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me, its fine so long as andrew doesnt care about me...

hes barely begun to acknowledge the much less dangerous fact that he has feelings for andrew. less dangerous because if andrew doesnt care about him, then neils death wont hurt him, and neils feelings cant be hurt if hes the one that dies. but if andrew has feelings for him, then this whole time hes been risking that his death would break andrew - break the very person he most wants to protect.

so neil denies it. hes made the first wobbly step towards freedom, but he hasnt yet dealt with the moriyamas. he could still die at any moment. wrapping his head around his fathers death hasnt given him enough time to break those weeks of conditioning himself in the dark. andrew doesnt care about me. andrew cant care about me. neil will go to war for andrew but the idea that the converse is true is too dangerous to look at directly. to protect andrew, to protect himself, he denies it.

but when aaron asks neil if andrew will fight for him, he's not really asking. we can see it in the casual way he shrugs off neils denial. he doesnt care what neil says. he wants to see what neil does. he already knows - or has a pretty strong bet - what andrew will do. what he needs to know is if neil is serious.

listen, i am personally of the belief that if andrew released aaron from his deal for neils sake and then things went sour with neil, andrew would respect the broken deal anyway. but i dont think aaron sees that - he hasnt yet fully internalized that andrew does things out of his own brand of fairness, and not out of malice. so he needs to know; andrew will fight for this. will neil?

so he lobs a grenade at neil, a loaded accusation, and neil comes back swinging. and theres aarons answer. neil isnt exploiting andrew, hes not just playing around. hes as viciously protective of andrew as andrew is of him and those two repressed assholes might not be saying it with words, but aarons not stupid. andrew gave himself away when neil went missing and now neils showed his hand too.

neils right. he has been had, and hes just lucky that what aaron wants is exactly what neil wanted anyway.

[crushedsweets]

Can you draw or talk more about Toby and Eyeless Jack or even the X-Virus?

YESSSS i can. heres a lil doodle to get me started.

OKKKK the little concept in my head has slender's MAIN GOAL being to prevent any paranormal/supernatural stuff coming out to the general public. hence his proxies being made to get rid of tapes, evidence, and kill if Necessary. sometimes slender makes paranormal/supernatural ppl help out his human proxies "as payment for refuge" in his forest. SO that sorta explains how toby and jack know each other and why jack helps at all. he can't rlly go out to the public so he's stuck with these assholes. it's not really supposed to be a 'mansion' trope, moreso random cabins and shelters littered about the forest, but it could work in the mansion au too

Imma ramble abt toby n jacks friendship (in my head) under the cut + a random x virus doodle

as for toby and jack specifically. toby is impulsive, aggressive, can't feel pain, and doesn't know what's good for him, so he's forced to get help from jack a good bit. for a long while there was hella tension between them since, again, jack isn't helping these guys out of the goodness of his heart. he's helping them bc the forest their boss resides in is the only place he's relatively safe. jack has a weird mix of a inferiority and superiority complex, since he envies toby's humanity but also feels like he's 'better' due to toby's own . . violent habits. toby thinks jack is pretty cool from the get-go ('wooow ur grey..') but he gets pissed off with jack's questions and demands of 'DONT RIP UR FUCKING STITCHES' and 'u have a concussion don't fucking scroll on your phone for 5 hours a day'.

toby has no idea if these demands come from actual concern or annoyance, and frankly, neither does jack. regardless, toby's with jack a decent bit. partially since jack makes a lot of people really uncomfortable so it's easy to go hang out with jack when he doesnt wanna deal with anyone else but still wants company. eventually theyre capable of some decent banter and conversations. theyre both mamas boys so thats a very weird touchy topic that they kinda dance around but both feel very deeply and know the other relates. THEY MISS THEIR MOMS SO BADLY.. :( mayhaps one year toby helps drop off flowers to jack's moms house for mothers day. jacks way too ashamed to even get within a 10 mile radius of his mom. that's kinda the moment things really shift between them and they actually become friends.

toby also asks abt university. lyra was at community college until she passed, and toby never considered college as an option, so he gets curious on what he missed out on. he also likes to share stuff abt lyra and their old shenanigans. tim and brian have used his childhood against him multiple times before, and it's not like he's gonna trust ben or jeff with that information. jacks sort of like a void he could talk into. jack feels uneasy talking about his life before the sacrifice, since he misses it so unbelievably bad, but toby accidentally got him to talk about it while treating a burn before.

ok and to top this fucking essay off heres xvirus. i had no idea he existed until this year and someone sent me an ask about his updated design, so he's some scribbles for him :9 his concepts super cool tho so maybe ill get more into him later on

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for breaking up with my partner because they don’t believe in the moon landing?

My (23NB) partner (27NB) and I had a conversation a while ago and it was revealed they don’t believe in the first moon landing. They believe we’ve made it to the moon since, they just think the first one is fake.

I was pretty incredulous, and they said that I made them feel really shamed for not believing the same thing as me.

We argued for a bit, and they told me that they don’t really care about if it happened or not/that it’s not a big deal to them. I think it’s super important to seek the truth and parse information. My mom works in healthcare and had to deal with a huge amount of covid misinformation, and my dream job is to work at NASA. I work in a technical field, and do hobby rocketry on the side, so the whole moon landing thing is actually pretty relevant as it can get to my life and goals.

They told me that they didn’t learn about the moon landing in school, and that it was always seen as “America talking itself up”. (They are from another country, not America. I am.)

After they asked me to show them an explanation of why I thought it was real, I showed them a video explaining how the moon landing couldn’t have been faked with the film technology available at the time. This didn’t change anything.

Our argument ended with me promising to make my peace with their “belief”, but in the following weeks I realized that I couldn’t. We’ve been having other issues in our relationship, and two weeks ago we had a big conversation about what each of us needed to continue in the relationship. I told them that a desire and want to know the truth, to process and either refute or change your views based on new information, and openness to learning were super important to me, and that I needed them to believe in the moon landing. They agreed, and said they had been doing their own research. I took this as a fantastic sign, and we both agreed to work on the relationship.

Last week we had couples therapy, where it was revealed that they DONT believe in it. I don’t know what research they did, but it didn’t change their mind. I feel so lost. They told me how frustrating therapy was, and how they felt like I needed for us to agree on everything. I don’t, (I don’t think so) but I do kinda need them to be on the same page as me when it comes to the moon landing (and it’s not really about the moon landing, it’s that when presented with information, they didn’t change their mind/apparently couldn’t do sound research) I wish so badly I didn’t care about this, and worry I’m just going to end the relationship over something dumb. Would I be the asshole for ending it over this, or is there a point of view I’m missing here?

What are these acronyms?

[thesophistiicate]

im not trying to act all high and mighty, im just genuinely confused by this... i truly dont understand girls who allow themselves to be put in degrading situations the same as the last anon? surely its glaringly obvious that man just wanted a body to use? i know i sound so mean but im genuinely actually confused whenever i hear or read girls talking about experiences like that i find it very hard to understand what would make them give the most undeserving men access to their bodies and souls like that... i can kind of understand if you sleep with a man for the first time and he treats you badly after but what i dont understand is going back again and again and expecting a different result. at that point maybe youre a little to blame as well? why would you even sleep with someone who youre not even in a relationship with? im just very lost i thought by now we all know better than to give just anyone our time. i see this even in my girl friends, theyre all so beautiful and intelligent yet they date terrible men that shouldnt even be allowed to breathe the same air as them and when they inevitably cheat or hurt them they genuinely get heartbroken and then they start to tell me about things the man has said to them and show me their text conversations and in my head im like "hes telling you right there in that message that he doesnt care about you..? what did you expect..?" sometimes it feels like girls get into situationships and relationships just to get themselves hurt on purpose because, and this is gonna sound so mean but i dont know how else to word this, but theres no way people can genuinely be this blind and stupid. i just find it so hard to feel sympathy for girls who numerously get shown and told theyre only being used for sex and still stick around for a different outcome. is that what love supposed to be? am i the one with the twisted understanding of love? am i missing something? i hope im not coming off as heartless or conceited, im genuinely confused i just dont know how to express or word it well

i'm happy to hold space for expressing thoughts imperfectly or even harshly, so long as we are willing to find understanding and not stay stuck in judgement 🤍 i would say the challenge for you here is learning to stay out of judgement (it is all right to acknowledge that's not how you would act, but attaching value statements and labels like 'stupid' don't help you be kind and don't help anyone else thrive either), and leaning into empathy (finding understanding when someone acts in a way you wouldn't, rather than judgement and frustration).

i say this as someone who used to be really judgemental, not to tell you off, but because it's so good for the soul to learn this growth. judgement and labels are easy, it's far more difficult to build the emotional intelligence to hold space for nuance and complexity, to extend compassion and nurture even when somebody is making imperfect decisions.

i think that you're someone with a really good level of self worth and self respect who cares about others too. that's so amazing! the best thing you can do is continue to hold your standards and lead by example. you aren't the one who has it wrong at all. healthy, respectful relationships aren't like this! keep your standards high, show your friends examples of high standards. as much as it will feel like they aren't listening, sometimes a simple, fairly neutrally toned: "wow, you deserve better" or "geez, i wouldn't put up with that" or "that's not normal" will linger and have more long-term impact than you realise.

i know it's easy to look in from the outside and say, can't you see it?! he just sucks!! or to look at the end of a crazy story and be like, girl, there was SO many red flags wtf!! (lol me at my past self!) but when you're in the middle of it, it's actually really hard. these people are master manipulators and they know how to keep their victims hooked. love bombing, mixed signals, disrespectful treatment to lower self worth... it's a wild ride inside the storm, you simply cannot see clearly because they are committed to obscuring the view.

at the core women get themselves into these situations because of low self worth. it's why i talk about it ALL THE TIME, it's SO CRUCIAL. when you don't value yourself, you put up with being disrespected. the more you are disrespected, the lower your self worth drops and the more bad treatment you accept. it's a toxic cycle. it's the exact same dynamics as in any abusive or domestic violence scenario (even if the relationships aren't abusive and he's just casually disrespectful - that is the beginning of abuse), and it's pretty well researched why women stay, how they get in those situations, why they find it difficult to leave, why the cycle keeps repeating with new partners. i'd highly recommend researching it if you want to understand it better. every woman should be educated on this topic.

you are right to some extent: if you want to get out of the cycle you do have to take responsibility for your own behaviour. you have to ask why you're accepting being treated that way. what led you there. why you are obsessing over their behaviours but not questioning your own.

but to confront all this is very difficult and painful and often related to trauma and neglect. yet another reason why so many can't escape the cycle, to face all of that can be more painful than putting up with a shitty guy who just wants sex without commitment... the crap treatment is easier to face, until it isn't.

it is a form of self-harm, a kind of self-destruction as a way a broken mind and spirit tries to cope with trauma. to end the relationship would be to limp out and finally confront how broken you are. when you stay in it you can stay delulu. it's a form of escape.

of course, to a healthy person it doesn't make sense. why would anyone ever willingly hurt themselves? and yet, it's a psychologically observable phenomenon and unfortunately the solution and path to healing is far more complex than just not doing that or getting into those situations. if only!!

but the way out DOES involve making a decision that you deserve better. which is why we need to keep talking about these things, bringing them to light, being compassionate, creating safe spaces for women in these relationships to talk about what they're experiencing without judgement, shame, being called stupid or asking for it etc 🤍

i could speak for a long time on this, but i'll leave it there for now... it's all right to not understand it. i actually think that's a good thing in a way, it means you're in a good place. but certainly if you really want to understand it, the research is there!

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

my fullmoon dream ended up being a somewhat dense one in a continuation of my dream timeline

There's this person, who was my friend but it ended badly, a few years ago. And i didnt really understand what happened it was very confusing to me, i didnt really have any power in the situation, it was only this past year i learned of the way all these strings were being pulled behind my back, which helped me understand why that situation occurred, why there was so much resentment directed towards me when i was trying so hard to just exist and keep the friendship simple + lighthearted. Like basically it was just sabotaged which has been kind of hard for me to accept even with finally knowing how it was sabotaged, it was all so unnecessary and i just wish i knew sooner.

over the past 2 or so years ive had a recurring dream scenario where I run into this person. i always write them on here too. Sometimes we apologize to each other, sometimes we dont really speak at all, but theres always this vibe of like, "Things are cool between us now, its Ok." And its a very relieving feeling, in the dreams. its almost exciting, like wow, we can be friends again??! The thing i find most interesting about it is that even though i lost a LOT of friends in the past few years through the same source of sabotage, this is the only person i have these dreams about. I guess we were pretty close for a while but still its interesting no one else comes up in this way.

Anyways. in the dream last night(this morning), it was kind of different... it was really emotional?? usually its never that emotional, usually we dont even say much. but in this dream today, they were crying, they were so earnestly apologetic, talking about how they regret the ways they treated me, and missed being my friend so much. And i cried too because it felt so good to hear it, i apologized for the messy ways i responded to the situation because i didnt get it at the time i thought i was going crazy.. And we were like holy shit we can finally just be friends again.. This is amazing..

as the conversation closed i woke up, i had a moment of being like woahh, that just happened, all the feelings and imagery of it cemented into my conscious mind. THEN, i fell BACK asleep, to the exact same dream!! it just continued. I went and did some other things, i got a job at this weird childrens entertainment center where i was dressed in a panda costume dancing for children. But it was the exact same setting, they were still sitting in the same spot close by, and in the dream i kept having flashes of relief thinking like "omg we're friends again i cant wait to catch up and talk more once im off work"

i feel my body woke me up from that conversation to make sure i really claearly remember that part of the dream before it continued on. I havent had a dream-wakeup-backtosamedream happen in quite a while but i always regard it as an extra significant dream when i do,... also its the full moon

i never know what to do after these dreams like do i reach out? honestly this person kind of intimidates me so i never know. Like i cAnt imagine in reality they miss being my friend that much. But they are pretty sentimental deep down, so maybe. Its just a difficult situation where I was never the one with any of the power, So it feels strange to instigate contact. Like how it happened in the dream, it would only really make sense if they said something first. Maybe these dreams are just meant to bring about some psychic closure that i'm not likely to ever receive irl. Its always very confusing to wake up from lol. I would like to feel that relief for real..

But at the end of the day im satisfied with my life and the friends I have now, so its not a big deal. Just stuff thats buried. I swear its always full moons when i dream about them lol! We have the same moon sign, in astrology, i wonder if thats something to do with it. We always had a lot of weird almost creepy synchronizations in our personalities. Oh well

[monsterqueers]

You know, I can see why sometimes people think callouts are necessary;

When you are in a communal space and being harmed, or have suddenly become privy to serious harm, you want that harm to stop. One of the first things you learn on how to do that, once asking them to stop doesnt work, is to ask for help.

In small communities like forums or discord servers, you ask the community leaders for help. They talk to the person to make them stop or ban them from the small, non life-essential community. If the harm was bad enough they might encourage you to bring it to court (such as an adult soliciting nudes from minors in DMs).

Often this is done without the details being aired to the rest of the community (if the issue was in private).

But bigger websites like tumblr or twitter or youtube are not these kinds of small communities. Banning someone from a huge swath of the internet materially effects their livelyhood and ability to access community and care. The support staff for these websites usually take time to get to the case and often do nothing about it when they do because its not what they consider a TOS violation, even if its harm done.

This means if it cannot be solved by blocking, and you cannot leave because the space has things you need, your final tool to make harm stop is by airing the dirty laundry so social shame hopefully does something.

HOWEVER THE VAST MAJORITY CALLOUTS ARE NOT LIKE THIS

Most callouts are petty drivel attacking minorities (but especially trans women in particular) and filled with lies.

The person making the callout though, often genuinely believes that they are making harm stop like above though- because their definition of harm is much wider and includes things like 'trans woman having sex with consenting adults in a way I dont like', 'I was in conflict with my ex a lot because we could not communicate', and 'reblogged a fanart shipping naruto and sasuke once'.

They think that things that personally upset them out of disgust count as real harm. They think any conflict is always abuse.

Or at least, that is what the people making them will claim, and its hard to sort them from the true victims.

I think a notable part of why callouts are such a plague is because of the structure of social media as a whole. We dont HAVE the usual tools to curate our spaces well enough anymore and protect our communities from bad actors and people know this. Its the drawback of being so connected. They cannot see another way to do this, so they are loathe to let go of a tool that -in theory- can.

I think its something that is overlooked in conversations about this.

Its rare a plea to abandon callouts altogether has a feasable answer for 'what do we do with the confirmed serial abusers, scammers, and cult leaders that DO exist? How do we prevent them from hurting more people? They already had community support and love and they did harm with it. You cannot give them a rape babysitter a la the missing stair essay (of which the story shows works badly) over the internet. You cannot make them go to therapy over the internet and ensure it works. You cannot still act like nothing happened without making their victims feel unsafe and unsupported. What is there left to do?'

And honestly, I DONT have a good answer to assuage these concerns.

With new social media the way it is, with site moderators that only step in for TOS violations if that, how CAN we keep known serial bad actors with no true commitment to doing better from harming others except by warning people to not trust them?

Internet safety tip PSAs only do so much, and not using the megasites is not an option for most people either.

Trying to make callout posts be more accurate by trying to educate what is a calloutable offense has done nothing to reduce erroneous callouts.

People already commit to 'only spreading REAL callout posts', but they still spread bunk posts regardless.

It just... sucks all around.

-This post is not a perfectly worded and cited essay, do not treat it as such-

-This post is saying all the callouts crying wolf have ruined one of the few tools left to oust actual unrepentant serial abusers and scammers from communities without cop involvement, not that one should spread callout posts, dont clown!-

[sylvaridreams]

Recently the question came up in the guild of when ocs were at their happiest in life, soooo...

for Alba he was at his happiest when Jormag was whispering to him… the direct attention, the voice telling him things he wanted to hear that he wasn't getting from other people. they knew him better than anyone could have. it was very soothing, comforting, having these quiet conversations with the wind, feeling control and responsibility being taken out of his hands. he felt wanted in way that he was missing, and for once didn't have to worry about things because the voice kept telling him it was okay to rest and close his eyes and lean into it.

second place is when he was fused with his tiger, it was exhilarating because he was sharing the tiger's thoughts and desires, and then just running blind through the woods fulfilling those desires. basically all their thoughts and needs and wants were pooled and he was gaining all the boons of the tiger being happy and fulfilled. he was only conscious for maybe ten full days combined out of ~6 months but. when he was aware of himself as a person he was for the most part overwhelmingly happy about what he was doing.

Auruim, similarly... was prolly at his happiest in times he was deeply corrupted. during the short time between being chosen as mordremoth's champion and the dragon's death, he had at least a few weeks of intense, raw power and control over things. like in the same way, he was handed what he had been missing and knew intuitively how to use it. taken with a grain of salt because corruption + hivemind thoughts but it was a really high point in his life where he finally had the power to not only protect himself but lead.

other time… he was sadly really happy during most of his coma dream… the demon feeding off of him wanted his happiness, so it was giving him day after day of pure bliss to live out, spending time having fun and being around the people he loved the most and never having to argue with them, never being made angry or upset… it was really like "ok now imagine all of your friends and loved ones are a perfect fit for you and only ever make you really happy to be around them." and it only started to turn when the demon was exorcised and started dying, and the dream started crumbling around him and going worse and worse and darker and darker. i dont think he remembers much of his coma dream but. what he does feels very bright and warm and. felt like being home. still struggling to regain that feeling after waking up.

and then Aeris was briefly but intensely happy in the moment when Alba missed the shot and Kralkatorrik blasted him because she thought for a second that Alba was going to die. and there would be nothing left but her and Kralkatorrik. and then the second passed and Aurene was branded and dead and Alba was so badly wounded he could barely walk and she was hit with the rush of guilt and horror at what she'd thought, then anger that her dragon had got away, so she took it out on him in front of everyone :) classic Aeris moment.

[thejustknowing]

"I NEVER said That!!!

The Truth I couldn't see.

By: VAD

My Story

He tells you are being irrational, that you really need help. He tells you he's moving out and taking your little girl because he needs so badly to start a manipulative argument. He tells you to "Fuck Off" and calls you a victim and tells you it's all your fault. He makes false references about your own childhood to try to break you apart. He thinks he can still convince you of things about yourself that arent true, he wants to so bad. You can tell he truly misses those days. When he could gaslight you and play confusing mind games disguised as a conversation you 'think' you are having with your husband; about something real.

It's something wrong in your relationship that you actually want to fix so you tirelessly try and try because you want things to be OK again. Over time though, this constant cycle sucks all of your energy and everything that is good out of you, but you don't know that yet. You feel broken hopeless and destroyed and you dont understand why, but you eventually start to realize that something is very very wrong. You must have missed something somewhere, this no longer even resembles an argument you would have in healthy realtionsuip, probably not even in most unhealthy ones. It's irrational, it's confusing, it skips around from one thing to another, its fact twisting, it's blaming, it's accusing, it's getting another person's pain and problems thrown at you and piled up until you cant breathe at all. At it's worst, it's doubting your own perception of anything because of someone telling you that you're crazy over and over and over. He is starting to convince you that you remember things wrong, and saying that you make stuff up in your head. It's someone denying what they have said so many times that you can't be 100% sure of anything. Your trust in yourself is dwindling. You start to ask yourself "Who is this person in the mirror? It's being told that 'you' said what 'they' are denying having said, even though they said it to your face two minutes ago. It's being locked out of your house in the middle of January with shorts and a tank top on. It's being told you are a horrible person and nobody likes you. It's being told you cant be trusted to do anything right and then getting guilt tripped because they have to do everything and you do nothing. It's having your baby used against you, it's being threatened to have your baby taken to a hotel by someone who is drunk because, "What you deserve is to be in a dark house with the power out, alone." It's being told that the cops are coming and it's because YOU are the actually the abuser and you are scaring them. It's real FEAR. It's slamming doors, sighs, silent treatments, and dirty looks. It's lies aimed to control how other people view you. It's an argument about money, laundry, what time the kids should be in bed, work, who left the lights on, a dropped dish, spilled milk, the way you said something, a choice you made. It's everything you do is wrong, and it's not Real. It's dealing with it, and on some level knowing, and saying nothing because you know it will make things worse. It's walking on eggshells every single day. It's downplaying your sucessess, it's really jealousy and deep resentment of your accomplishments, but you don't know that yet. You just aren't good enough, and that even what you thought was good about yourself isn't. Your strengths, talents and most admirable traits were the first thing he targeted, but you don't know that yet. The constant and unending ridicule and forever reminders of even the tiniest mistakes. You are careful never to make a real error in judgment or a bad decision because he will never stop reminding you. He will say "The truth hurts, doesn't it" He will exploit and expose any weakness or vulnerability you show him, he does not have the capacity to genuinely love, he has no regard for the feelings of other's. He is a victim when when presented with any information suggesting he is at fault. He is a victim to control you and suck out your compassion even after he breaks you down for hours. He has a huge RED Flag, and it's one of many you don't know you missed yet. He is 100% incapable of admitting he did or said anything wrong. He cannot take responsibility, he only knowe how to blame, twist and project. He is not capable of a genuine apology because 'You' are the problem and he is the victim. His personality makes him capable of one of the worst and most dangerous forms of abuse. You don't know it yet but you never did anything wrong, you were never the problem. You didn't deserve this.

It's slow and intentional and you can't understand it yet. You think this person loves you and would never try to hurt you. You are so wrong though, and if you don't figure it out soon you might never recover. How can you be a mom to this beautiful baby if you don't figure out what has changed in you? How do you get up for work and do your job that "the old you" used to excel and thrive at? How will you and be able to function much longer if you can't find your confidence and strength, 'your edge'. You don't know how to survive without the one thing about you you've always counted on when everything else was gone. But it's no use, it's not inside you anymore. It's gone. You ask yourself how could this happen? How could you have let this happen and not see it coming so you could stop it. You start researching and searching for something, anything to fix this. You'll one day be an expert on this type of personality disorder and the pattern of behavior that goes with it, but not yet. You've always been able to fix anything, but you can't fix this. You hit bottom, and you do the only thing left to do when you are truly helpless. You beg and pray to God and angels to help you. You can't get through this on your own, you beg for help and look up at the sky while tears roll down your face, you cling to hope.

To your complete suprise the help does come, and it quickly, within days. The help sent to you is unfamiliar and strange, it's almost spiritual. It's an untravelled path of self realization of how you ended up where you are. But this is no quick fix. You don't understand for a long time that there is no quick fix for this, and why. Help is sent in all different forms you couldn't see before, you start a sort of awakening. You start to see signs, coincidences, information, people appear in your life that seem to have been strategiclaly placed there at just the right time. it's amazing. But the dark realizations keep coming. As you put all the pieces together and start to truly understand what happened, you really hit the fucking bottom. You'll see later that this is the only way to come back to life, but not yet. This is the lowest and darkest place there is. You could easily stay in that place forever because getting yourself back to where you were, and who you used to be seems more and more impossible the more you come to terms with the reality of it all. There is nothing of what was. You can't even muster up the courage to ask for help because you are so ashamed of yourself and you are constantly blaming yourself for being so blind and so naive.

The worst is over now, but you don't know it yet. You are still just trying to survive. One thing you come to realize at rock bottom is that you have two choices, and that one of them is giving up and believe me it will be the obvious choice. It seems like the only way out, but it means giving up on your chance to be the Mommy your baby was meant to have, before all this. It means giving up on the "YOU" that you remember being your whole life. I know for an absolute fact that God, the Universe (undoubtabley both) showed me the ONE tiny glimmer of "the old me" that was left, and for good reason. They knew that Giving Up is something "She" would NEVER choose. She would FIGHT and SEARCH and never stop until she found a way, just like she always had; with or without her edge.

So that's what she did, with no idea if it was even possible at all or if it would ever work. Two long painful years of exploration, awakening and trust in "the plan", and I started feel like me again; the NEW me. The old me was gone and I came mourn ans accept that over time. I hid this journey from every other person on the planet even those closest to me. I faked a smile, worked as hard as I could and hid the ugly, shameful truth. Out of the darkest place I began to emerge a new better version of myself, one I didn't know was inside of me. It turned out this whole experience was the start of a new phase of my soul's journey. I had a new purpose, and I understood the "Old Me" wasn't meant to travel with "Me" this far. So I left her behind and kept going. I understood the laws of attraction and the power to manifest strength where there is none. I now had faith, I realized my gifts, I came back. So much of 4 years of my life is still gone, my daughter is now 5. There are huge parts of these years l still can't remember. I see pictures of birthdays and special events that I don't recognize. I will continue to write In hopes of bringing back the precious memories of my little baby girl, memories still covered and buried by the painful ones that I unknowingly blocked. I am a survivor of a long encounter with a monster I could have never seen coming. They don't teach you about these kind of monsters, even though are the REAL ones. They don't live under your bed or in the dark scary attic at night. They don't wear scary masks that you can see or have horns or sharp teeth. They look like whatever you want them to, they look like love and infatuation and friendship, sometimes they look like your parent. They are all the same, they have the same cruel games and tricks up their sleeve to break you. And trust me if you think you are unbreakable or immune to this, think again. I was one of strongest, most confident and intelligent woman I knew at 30, this nightmare started before I turned 32. I hope to someday be ready to educate as many people as I can about narcissistic abuse and about the hundreds of subtle little tactics that people use to slowly destroy you. There ARE red flags and they can be stopped from harming you. If this sounds anything like your life, know you are not alone and know that this is a sign. You were meant to see this.

[afreakingdork]

...

how do i even start.

Miss Dork, do you realize you make me miserable? how am i supposed to wake up everyday and deal with the fact that i'm deeply in love with a man that doesn't exist.

How am i supposed to cope with the fact I will never hold him on my arms or hear his voice say my name? I will never be able to ask him how his day is and ask wtf he meant when he uses his nerd words.

Having said that

EPIGUOHJG0IPDS´JD´SOMIG{ÑSJOKGBJNDFBUÑOIHSDJKOVDSI{GNJDS´PJDSPIDSNGÓIDSONGDSJNSD{LFL{FKÑASO{ÑJSAFHDSJLGJDSLF{DSFJDSLFNSDOÍJDS´GJDSOGI´DNHGIÓSF{KMLÑMSF{LKDSFNASPFOJFÓSDHFJ

1-SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON SHELLDON

HE IS SO CUTE, I WANNA PUT HIM IN MY POCKET I WANNA SLEEP WHILE HEARING HIS DRONE FANS

HE DESERVES THE WORLD THE INTERACTIONS BEETWEEN THE 3 OF THEM WERE SO AMUSING

2. AH YES, READER GIVING DONNIE A TIME OUT IT'S WHAT I NEEDED TO INCREASE MY LIFE EXPECTANCY

3. THAT FUCKING BITCH HID HIS IMPLANTS!!!!! MAKES SO MUCH MUCH SENSE OMG!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO HUG HIM SO BADLY (had to look up for that on the google, i've been reading the chapter with the browser and traductor open as always lmao)

4. POSSESIVE DONNIE YES I LIVE FOR THIS

5. Reader: "didn't u said u named urself?"

me: HELL YEAH READER ASKING THE RIGHT QUESTIONS I NEED TO KNOW SO BAD

donnie: *ptsd*

me: MISS DORK WHY DO U DO THIS TO ME

(splinter splinter splinter splinter??????????????? i can smell daddy issues, I KNOW THAT SMELL SO WELL)

6. tbh donnie is so lucky to have reader. can a person fall in love with the reader? well, seem like it's possible, look at me. Theyre so sweet.

7. "If all of this hasn't finally cemented your decision otherwise..." YOU WISHED BITCH UR NEVER GETTING RID OF US

8. "it will aide my explanation and give me achance to itemize all the individual apologies necesary" fucking nerd i love u so fucking much for that you have no idea i will kill for you.

9. I love mikey but "orange oaf" sound really fitting. At least coming for someone who doesn't entirely understand the weight of the insult sdgjh´guj.

10.All of the conversation about the bastard's three (i'm starting to have question about this name) is just so sdhgusdghhsfhdfhusg

11.YEAH FREE CONTEXT FOR OUR POOR READER

12. Donnie: "fucking botched bullshit rescue attemnt. He's utter scum. I'll"

Me: u///u

13. "Sort of.. kicked him off the roof?" "Oh and I called him carrot cake and told him to get lost"

"kiss me"

I HAVE- I CANT EXPLAIN-

YEAH I WILL LITERALLY TEAR APART EVERY PERSON YOU DON'T LIKE IF THAT MAKES YOU FEEL HAPPY AND PROUD AND LOVED. I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE "THE GOOD ONES" AND GOD I WILL COMMIT ALL THE WORST ATTROCITIES IF IT MEANS YOU WILL LOOK AT ME THAT WAY AGAIN URGGGHHHHHHHHH

14. NO PLEASE DONNIE DON'T LEAVE ME I LITERALLY NEED YOU FOR MY BRAIN TO GIVE ME THE HAPPY JUICE

15. BIG ASS APOLOGY WALL TEXT I'M GONNA TATTOO IT IN MY OTHER FVCKING TIGHT I SWEAR TO GOD

YEAH BITCH APOLOGIZE FOR EVERYTHING SO I CAN FORGIVE YOU WITHOUT A SECOND TOUGHT AND THEN HOLD YOU IN MY HANDS BECAUSE YOU DESERVE THE WORLD IDC YOU CAN KICK MY MOM AND ILL SAY "AWW NO BIGGIE BBY"

16. OF COURSE HE HAS LOTS PROPERTIES ALL LOOKING THE SAME YEAH READER HE IS INDEED A STUPID RICH IDIOT

IT'S SO SAD BUT SO FUNNY THAT HE CAN'T GET ATTACHED TO ONE PLACE SO HE HAS TO DO THAT HE CAN LEAVE IN MY HOUSE NOBODY WILL EVER FIND HIM IN MY SHIT ASS TOWN (jk i love my town)

17. Donnie being seduced by reader insulting his (not) brothers

18. "I had made it to 30" the exact moment I started to cry.

19. "I will never be more than a deplorable villain." YESYESYESYESYES IT'S HAPPENING

THE CONVERSATION- ITS HAPPENIGN

DONNIE EVEN IF THAT WERE TRUE I WOULD LOVE U FOR THAT DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT

20. "Your blind eye will get you killed and I will decimate this planet for even considering bringing harm to you" THIS EXACT MOMENT FREAKING DORK, THIS EXACT MOMENT MADE MY BRAIN STOP FUNCTIONING.

LITERALLY, THIS FANFIC IS A COCTEL OF ALL THE STUFF I LOVE AND THIS IS THE FUCKING CHERRY ON TOP. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS SINGLE LINE. I WILL SCREENCAP THIS PART OF THE FIC AND IT GOES TO MY WALLPAPER.

21. the final scene is so touching. I really love those two and I know they'll be together again but part of me feels so bad for them for having to be apart for so much time ("at least a few weeks" it's a fvcking lot). I wonder how will reader process al this information when she's away from all of this. I wonder what will happen with dispute of donnie and his (not) brothers.

I WONDER IF THE BASTARD IS SPLINTER OR IT'S THE TURTLES. I GOT THE DOUBT AND LOOKING IT UP IN GOOGLE TRANSLATE ONLY CONFUSED ME MORE.

-

My asks are getting longer and longer BUT THERE WAS SO MUCH I NEEDED TO YELL ABOUT I SWEAR TO GOD

I've decided chapter 19 was my favorite yasterday but now you blessed us with this one. THIS IS MY TOTAL FAVORITE, I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO THINK TWICE, IF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THIS CHAPTER WASN'T ENOUGH TO MAKE IT MY FAVORITE THAT LINE, YOU KNOW WICH, ABSOLUTELY BOUGHT ME.

i hope you have a good day bye!!!!!!!

You miserable? I'm the same way! It's excruciating to be in love with a purple turtle. He is both everything and some how nothing when he is so real in my dreams 😩😩😩😩

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. is the best white noise machine. There, i said it.

Daddy issues, huh? 👀👀👀

Mr. Alliteration over here has a color insult for each brother. Oaf is a little lighthearted overall, but from Donnie it's straight hate.

Ahhhh!! I'm not commenting on every item, but you highlighting them makes my heart swell!!! I can't thank you enough! This really made me smile!! You have a wonderful day as well!!!

[v-arbellanaris]

some ~critical~ thoughts on my exp with pillars so far under the cut for negativity ig

so i gave up on pillars (for now?) and i might pick it up again later but right now, i'm really, really frustrated with it. i'm really stressed out, and frankly, upset. i'm not having a good time playing it, and every attempt to just stick it out is making me MORE frustrated and upset. the "tutorial" barely did anything, i'm still incredibly lost most of the time for combat. and idk, i dont wanna just say the combat system is garbage, but if i've been playing it for a week, and it's still really difficult to navigate or play, i have to wonder at the "mystery" behind it. like why make it so impossible to play the game, why make it so difficult to figure out the combat system, why isn't there an actual tutorial or actual helpful instructions on the system??? i'm playing on EASY because a) new combat system and b) i want to know more about the story but i just keep getting bogged down by all these stupid encounters that KO multiple party members, even when i have the chara ai switched on and everything, and it's really aggravating and upsetting. i explicitly DID NOT sign up for a hard time, so why am i getting a hard time from the game???

it's also not super RSI friendly to me? the amount of clicks i would have to go through just to cast a spell or cast a healing spell is absurd - i have pause, then click the character, strain to click the tiny thing in the corner of their character portrait to pull up their abilities, find the ability, aim it, etc etc. and presumably there's an easier way to do this but - you guessed it! there's no tutorial on how to do it. i had to fucking google how to select my whole party at once because it's not intuitive and i had to manually click each character AND their summons to move them. it made my RSI flare up so badly a few days ago that i couldn't use my arm at all that whole day.

and finally, it's really hard to get into the story for me because it's so, so heavily text-based. there's a lot of dialogue, there's a lot of descriptions around the dialogue - and there's some conversations you can't revisit so you just miss key details. i don't feel like i know anything about the companions, or feel particularly close to them - i don't even really feel all that much interest in my pc - and the amount of text to read per conversation really really bogs me down; there's a lot to read and a lot to process, to the point of it being overwhelming. going into the cyclepedia or whatever doesn't help me, i feel like information is scattered everywhere and there's so much that it's difficult for me to filter it. ive played text-based games before, so i know it's not a problem with the text, but it feels like it's not anchored in anything and it's really difficult for me to process it. i can't remember specific conversations with my companions - only some lines are voiced, and others are not, and there's no way for me to anchor those specific conversations in more memorable lines or anything like that. i remember a few of eder's ambient dialogue, because it's funny or witty or interesting, but i can't recall what the other party members have said or remarked???

and i think that really sums up my experience with this game so far; it's too overwhelming, and it feels like the game really does not want me to play it, it's made for other people and at times it feels like actively hostile to players like me, who are not familiar with the system. idk, i know loads of people enjoy this game, so there's obviously good things about it, but this feels really unwelcoming to my adhd and my RSI, and i'm upset bc i wanted to have a good time playing and i didn't. i bought both games during the autumn sale, and i cannot get through the first one. i feel like i spent so much money on a game i can't even enjoy playing (because i've been trying, thinking it's a scaling issue and maybe after i'm a couple of levels in, this will stop happening. im at level 5, and it's still happening, and i'm STILL lost) and i'm really upset abt it

[caluski]

meeting with your internet friends. or reaching out to old friends. i did it a few times and it turns out some people do actually look back fondly on shared past. Also!! going to any talk, like book event, discussion, q&a, this is my favorite. festivals, book fairs. this one is harmful but cigarettes - people sometimes just start chatting, the same with dogs (sometimes i think about how much would my social life benefit from having a dog but landlords😐). farmers market at a busy time! and if nothing works, dating apps. this is all from one loner to another. and for internet of course, vloggers! that chat about life and not a specific topic. but also forums etc. lately i have been hanging out in a particular small fandom that makes me feel nice despite not actually making friends with anyone but i try to be friendly to everyone and sometimes speak up (e.g. through anonymous asks🤭)

thank you so much for the suggestions dear, i appreciate it very much.

some ive tried already - even farmer's market felt really cold and unwelcoming this week, its too bad. i used to really like making casual conversations there, people talking about weather or seasonal produce and such.. and i unfortunately have also thought about messaging old friends just today, too, but god, what a depressing sight it was, to be reminded that i was always the last message in all those conversations with people that used to mean so much to me. really hurt to see those "let me know when you have the time to meet" when i glanced at my chat histories, good lord. it really fucking sucks when youre such a heavy presence, too heavy for others to bear.

and its unfortunate how i have to agree with you on cigarettes. i used to hang out with smokers a lot, and its funny how people would just join us randomly, starting the conversation with asking for light and chatting like it was nothing. kind of sucked that when you wouldnt wanna go out to smoke with them, best conversations could really pass you by.

but maybe free lectures and other events could be nice. its too bad i have the time, but dont have the money, right now. maybe if theres some cheap movie screening with a discussion afterwards, or some free conference to attend, in which id be interested. ill keep looking out for that.

i really really wish i were a fandom creature. or even a person with a specific hobby. it really opens up a lot of new possibilities, new communities to get involved with, on any social media, new groupchats, new discussions to participate in.. i miss being passionate about things so badly. too bad just having a few characters and stories of your own isnt enough.

[firstdeathandlust]

An open letter I'll never send.

Hi, I'm sorry to text you out of the blue, and I know it's way overdue, but I wanted to say that I am sorry for breaking your heart. There are so many things to apologise and discuss for, but I'll be accountable for what i remember currently and that i want to apologise for. Our relationship was so compex that I can only hope that it gives you some piece of mind and clarity with what i want to say.

I'm sorry for shutting your off for the months leading up and after the break up. I'm sorry that my focus on academic work hindered our relationship. I'm sorry for ever being so disgusting and dehumanising towards you. I'm sorry for letting my rationality and logic overrule what tender moments we had. I'm sorry for being so controlling at times.

Parts of what you did fucked up my perception of what love is and what it meant to me. I didnt feel loved the way I wanted to be loved. In all honesty I was chasing a fantasy and potential which you weren't going to develop into, because you are your own person. I sometimes wish we did merge into that one person that you desired for us to become, I was just hesitant because I was afraid of becoming you, with memories that still hurt me so much from past actions. I wanted so badly to give you what you wanted, the mind is the most powerful tool after all, and all I wanted from the beginning was to sacrifice everything for you, I let down my morality and boundaries and I let you had it all. We both know how that went. I felt robbed of what little innocence I had left, you took it and ran. But being a "grown up/ mature" person i realized that i need to make more vulnerable and emotional mistakes sometimes. The love I felt for you developed then to truly help you become stronger than your own demons. But that was not my job. What I learnt through this karmic relationship was that I can never ever redirect a person, everyone is on their own path of growth and divine timing. I can't play martyr to save someone else no matter how genuine my intentions were. I was playing in the cards of justice, fairness and rationality with an ultimate goal to save people, but being a people pleaser never ends right.

I'm still bitter at the events which led to the ending of our relationship. I felt disrespected when you didn't invite me to the hangouts when you were back, even less when you gave me back my mangas, adamant about lending me a plastic bag to carry my books back. I didn't want to hear what you had to say because I was so bitter and resentful for letting you having the last word and say in this relationship, it always felt that way, it just felt that your presence overdominated mine and i had no place in this world. I was meek and insecure, i couldnt stand up to you until i have had enough. I am also bitter that we didn't have more intellectual and stimulating conversations. I'm bitter that we didn't go on actual dates, outside, did things out of our comfort zones.

By now you should know that my reactions and processing of trauma takes time as i constantly distract myself. Nothing in life feels worth fighting for. I genuinely dont find pleasure in anything that i do. I dont get a thrill to chase after things, i just do them cuz i know i am capable. What i want is already lost, that is, I don't want to be back in a relationship with you, I just truly miss all of the good moments we both shared.

I'll never be able to confront you like this. And I'm sorry.

[mortaljortlebortles]

I love Nikita Gill and the splendid sense she makes and this statement resonated:

My home situation involves none of the financial burden- but I have been looked after by two parents who were abused as children

One who cannot speak of his past, or even remember

Who needed control so badly last year that he took to feeding me less when he was struggling or picked up on something.. Even kindly. Who in anger at not knowing where he was going drove recklessly , and who appeared to be trying to scare me at the time(he lost control and we all do). 

And a woman who is ashamed of her mental illnesses and refuses help, but who is irrationally angry, delusional at times and has always needed us to predict her every mood. She tries her best and is so hurt and is kind. But we apologise for actions we didn’t make, mistakes we made that all kids make, for spilling things and for playing in a way which triggered her to think we didn’t love her enough. 

There are always lies, a lack of knowledge of what is true, no ability to predict the level of anger, conversations about the other which you have to support them with and never diss the other even if there is reason to. Never arguments only tears, passive aggression and apologies. 

Their abusers demand complete love and obedience and have since we were small- and we used to be looked after them 3 hours a day.

My parents cannot be wrong or misremember because there is hell on this earth.

Confusion, aggression and losing control to the point of hitting out isn’t okay

And you can love them and know its wrong

You can know someone is ill and still ensure your safety first

It isn’t selfish

And if you like me are mentally ill and do stupid things, thank people for helping you when they don’t remember, share traumatising things, show you are ill, ask for forgiveness because you are told you hurt people and show you need help-in my case

... that isn’t the same as being aggressive or evil or abusive

That’s trying and failing and growing and being alive

You just have to try to be kind and look after yourself 

respect people’s boundaries+ learn from your mistakes rather than shutting up and never ever ever believe you are painful- you are just in pain and need to get help 

( or get let someone you trust help you- tell them what you need not why you need if they or you believe they might feel the conversation too deeply)

though i struggle with these things everyday 

and I am still fighting to be treated

I know its true

and tomorrow is a new dawn and there is always something you can do

Help:Directory of International Mental Health Helplines - HelpGuide.org

United States

Emergency: 911

Non-emergency essential local services: 211

Suicide prevention

988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988 or Lifeline Chat

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME TO 741741

Abuse and domestic violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

STAND! For Families Free of Violence crisis line: 888-215-5555

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 800-422-4453

Darkness to Light Child Sexual Abuse National Helpline: 866-367-5444

Stop it Now! Prevent child sexual abuse helpline: 888-PREVENT

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children Hotline: 800-843-5678

RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656- 4673

Eldercare Locator (a public service of the U.S. Administration on Aging) to report elder abuse and neglect: 800-677-1116

National Center on Elder Abuse (NCEA) directory of state helplines

Mental health

National Alliance on Mental Illness NAMI HelpLine: 1-800-950-6264 or text NAMI to 741-741

Crisis Support Services national helpline: 800-273-8255

SAMHSA’s National Helpline (substance abuse and mental health): 800-662-HELP (800-662-4357)

Teen Line for youth in need of support: 800-852-8336

National Runaway Safeline for runaway and homeless youth, teens in crisis, and concerned family/friends: 800-RUNAWAY (800-786-2929)

Self-harm

S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self-Abuse Finally Ends) self-harm helpline: 800-DONT CUT (800-366-8288)

UK

Emergency: 999 or 112

Non-emergency: 111

Suicide prevention

Samaritans 24/7 helpline: 116 123

Crisis text line: Text SHOUT to 85258

Papyrus HOPELINEUK for those under 35: 0800 068 4141

The Campaign Against Living Miserably CALM helpline: 0800 58 58 58

Abuse and domestic violence

National Domestic Abuse Helpline in the UK: 0808 2000 247

Women’s Aid online chat

Respect Phoneline for perpetrators of domestic violence: 0808 802 4040

Respect Men’s Advice Line for male victims: 0808 801 0327

ManKind Initiative for male victims: 01823 334244

National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0800 999 5428

NSPCC helpline if you’re worried about a child: 0800 800 5000

NSPCC Childline for under 18s: 0800 1111

Action on Elder Abuse: 080 8808 8141

Rape Crisis National Telephone Helpline in England and Wales: 0808 802 9999

Rape Crisis Scotland helpline: 08088 01 03 02

Addiction

Frank helpline: 0300 1236600

Drinkline national alcohol helpline: 0300 123 1110

National Association for the Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) free helpline: 0800 358 3456

Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) National Helpline: 0800 917 7650

Al-Anon Helpline for family and friends affected by someone else’s drinking: 0800 008 6811

Narcotics Anonymous UK helpline: 0300 999 1212

Scottish Families Affected by Alcohol and Drugs helpline: 08080 10 10 11

DrugFAM Helpline for those affected by someone else's drug or alcohol use: 0300 888 3853

Families Anonymous (Famanon) Helpline for those who care about someone with a drug problem: 0207 4984 680

Release helpline for help and legal advice about drugs: 020 7324 2989

Dan 24/7 drug and alcohol helpline for Wales: 0808 808 2234

NHS Smokefree helpline for stop smoking services in England: 0300 123 1044

Smokeline for stop smoking services in Scotland: 0800 84 84 84

Help Me Quit helpline for stop smoking services in Wales: 0800 085 2219

Gamcare National Gambling Helpline: 0808 8020 133

Mental health

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Rethink Mental Illness advice line: 0808 801 0525

SANEline national out-of-hours mental health helpline: 0300 304 7000

NHS: 111

Find a local NHS urgent mental health helpline (England only)

Anxiety UK: 03444 775 774

Breathing Space (Scotland): 0800 83 85 87

SupportLine for emotional support on any issue: 01708 765200

Self-harm

Mind Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Self Injury Support Helpline for women: 0808 800 8088

ZEST (N. Ireland): 0287 126 6999

The Mix support for under 25s: 0808 808 4994

Republic of Ireland

Emergency: 999 or 112

Suicide prevention

Samaritans 24/7 helpline: 116 123

Crisis Text Line: Text HELLO to 50808

Abuse and domestic violence

Women’s Aid 24hr National Freephone Helpline: 1800 341 900

Men’s Aid Ireland: 01 554 3811

Childline Helpline Ireland: 1800 66 66 66

ISPCC Teenline: 1800 833 634

Age Action HSE helpline: 1850 24 1850

Rape Crisis Help Ireland 24 Hour Helpline: 1800 778888

Addiction

HSE Drug and Alcohol Helpline: 1800 459 459

Al-Anon Helpline for family and friends affected by someone’s drinking: 0800 008 6811

Mental health

Mental Health Ireland: 01 2841166

Aware Depression & Bipolar Disorder Support: Freephone 1800 80 48 48

Grow mental health support: 1890 474 474

Shine supporting people affected by mental ill health: 01 541 3715

you can always call your emergency services if you need help (or your doctors if you need non-urgent help)!!!

Your children aren’t meant to be therapists for your bad marriage. Your children aren’t meant to be the adults in the house if your partner isn’t home. Your children aren’t supposed to parent their younger siblings. Your children aren’t supposed to fix your financial woes. Putting these demands on children from a very early age is actually a form of abuse.

[chainofdespair]

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