#ActuallyDID

[system-of-a-feather]

So this is adding onto this post, but the statement I'm expanding on is "I think people see fusion as parts melting into each other but honestly, I think its more like your concept of self widening over multiple parts"

Context; skip to Context Clear if you don't care

For context, this is something I was thinking about because yesterday, at work, we found it really funny that since we were working with a client that reminded us a lot of our younger selves for better or worse, that we were inevitably going to utilize more of our Ray brain and energy to give them the best care and we were going "haha the amount of times we did the signature Ray 'No.'" because Ray specifically just has such a signature "no" and it made us snicker mentally everytime we did it

But today we were thinking back on it since we were choosing to listen to some of Ray's music, and really, we spent almost ALL of the day primarily in Ray mental space, but we really didn't notice it at all until the day after and THAT is incredibly odd for our system because Ray is a part that is EXTREMELY internally obvious. He's not a part we'd ever be "blurry with" in the past, and hes not a part we wouldn't realize is out. So it was really interesting that we were almost exclusively operating in Ray brain and DIDNT notice it

But the reason we didn't really notice it, is because while we - in hindsight - were obviously operating as Ray (including the iconic chronic passive singing of Frank Sinatra and similar songs), it was NOT unique or different to the concept of just what we as Feathers are like and do and that's because everything Ray does is basically completely normal and within the concept of what Feathers is. And that made me think; Ray didn't "fuse" or "meld" with any parts when we fused, the concept of Feathers expanded so that Ray is just an obvious and normal part of the "I" which Feathers is.

Context Clear

When it comes to fusion, its not really as though parts disappear or stop interacting or existing in any way or form. Sometimes they might not be super obvious or outwardly identify as themselves with fusion, but that's largely a matter of perspective and focus.

I'd like to think of it kind of like how I've heard similar things explained in some Buddhist literature; Think about table. A table is made up of many parts that we can look at individually; four different legs, the table top, maybe theres some center piece; some might even include the chairs around the table to be part of "the table".

Now imagine you stubbed your toe against one of the legs. Clearly, you can look exactly where your toe hit, and you can say that it was OBVIOUSLY the left most leg. However, you could ALSO be 100% accurate in saying "I stubbed my toe against the table". When you say "table" the legs are not suddenly melting into the table top and the decorations and the chairs; the legs are still there and they can be individually referenced and looked at, but at the same time, the table exists as a seperate concept that CONTAINS the legs.

The legs of the table can exist and be separate from the concept of the table while still being a specific part of the table that can be referenced, acknowledged, expressed, and focused on. At no point does anyone ever stop seeing or being able to discuss or interact with the legs of the table when they start talking about the table. At any point, anyone could look back at the legs, but sometimes its easier or more realistic / appropriate to just talk about the table as a table.

Similarly, if you put a plate on the tabletop, you could say "I put the plate on the tabletop" and have that be accurate, you could discuss the table top specifically, but it probably just sounds more reasonable to just say "I put the plate on the table."

With that analogy in mind, not being fused it kind of like getting an Ikea table in the box. All the parts are disjointed, unconnected, and seperate from one another. You can't really discuss these parts as "a table" because they're not together, they aren't really able to work like a table, and the parts can be taken miles apart - you could even loose parts; what happens to one part does not necessarily echo throughout the non-unified whole. If you stub your toe on the leg, you probably didn't impact the table top and every other part of the would-be table. If you place your "plate on the non-unified table", its hard to imagine where exactly you would have put the plate down. The concept of each part operates really only independent of one another.

Fusion, on the other hand, is like putting that Ikea table together. Once everything is all together, you can easily refer to the whole as a "table" but you can ALSO refer to the legs, the table top, the screws, etc.

Its not so much parts melting together to make a new whole, its more about parts connecting and unifying to create a solid whole concept. Pre-fusion, the concept of "I" is limited to the individual parts that don't really exist in a unified form - you are either interacting with the leg, the screw, the table top.

Fusion, the concept of "I" is expanded to the unified whole, meaning you are always interacting with "the table" but you can also specifically be interacting with the leg, the table top, the screw, etc.

[reimeichan]

"I'm okay with you having DID, I just don't want to talk to or meet any of your alters."

I'm an alter too, you know. Every single time you've interacted with me, I'm an alter. Even before you knew I had DID, even before I knew I had DID, we've been speaking to each other as various different alters. To ask to only interface with one singular version of me because you find the other versions of me uncomfortable to be around is hurtful.

We have little to no control over who's fronting at any particular time. We switch a lot, that's the nature of my system. Even we don't know who's fronting all the time, not least because we're discovering new parts still all these years later.

And, ultimately, they're all me. If you've only met one version of me and like that one version of me, do you truly like me? If you've only ever gotten to know me in that particular mode, how well do you actually know me? How can you say you love me when there's all these other me's that you cast aside and ignore?

You can't say you're okay with my DID but then ask to never get to know my alters. Because, ultimately, that means you never get to know me. And that means you're not okay with my DID- or with me.

[ed-recoverry]

This post exempts you from any and all “If you don’t ___ this post, ____ will happen.” You are hereby immune to it all. You are now protected! Be free!

[horrorcrew-diary]

*remembers something from our childhood I had forgotten about*

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[hiiragi7]

Trauma is the response, not the event.

And when we talk about how DID is formed from severe childhood trauma, what is not meant is that what happened to you needs to have been objectively "severe". If you have severe trauma responses (such as DID), then you have severe trauma.

Your trauma is enough regardless of what happened to you.

Trauma is incredibly subjective; what was incredibly traumatizing for one person may not be for another. How we become traumatized is related to a complex web of factors. No case of traumatization will look the exact same.

Trauma is not a competition. What matters is that it affects you. It's enough.

[omnium-gatherums]

What they don't tell you about DID is that almost everything is just vibes. Literally just vibes. System mapping, inner world, knowledge about alters in general - vibes.

[blooming-foliage]

apparently theres 5 threat responses documented now!

from a trauma & dissociation workbook page our therapist shared

[unstablemotions]

Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:

"If there's smoke, there's fire"

Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old

Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3

[clever-and-unique-name]

A simplified version of the thing I feel like goes on in my brain.

Blank version under the readmore if you want to be a bit silly+introspective with your own "settings"

[the-indigo-symphony]

It's been a while since I've seen a post like this, so... Here's some tips for figuring out who's fronting if you're having trouble!

Try calling yourself by the names of selves you suspect you might be until one of them clicks and feels right. (Or get someone else to do this to you.)

Set up a personality quiz with your system – with different alters as the results – and take it!

Consider how you'd feel if you were told you absolutely were not (insert headmate here). Would you be frustrated? Upset? Would you instinctively push back against that assertion? If so, this is probably a good indicator that you're that headmate.

If you keep descriptions of your sysmates, read through them and see what you relate to, and if you ever feel like anything is referring to you specifically, or that you wrote something.

The previous suggestion can also work for journal entries if you keep track of who wrote what.

This is not an exhaustive list; if you find a different method that works better for your system, use it! And remember, if you feel deep down like a specific system member... you probably are that system member. Good luck figuring out who's fronting and who you are!

[mar-im-o]

pro endo in the sense that I've studied psychopathology and am well aware that we're all just making up the categories of disorders for insurance purposes and like idk man maybe people can be plural for other reasons I genuinely don't care.

Like yes sure my plurality is trauma-based but I don't give a shit of someone else's isn't it doesn't affect me.

[reimeichan]

Think systems with a high number of fictional introjects are a new phenomena? Kluft's paper on polyfragmented/extremely complex DID from 1988 includes a patient with LOTR introjects, and another based off of Shakespear's Tempest. Fictional introjects have been a thing for a very long time!

[iwillbreakyourfuckingskull]

"I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy" well I fucking would

[sucked-into-abagel]

When ppl talk about alters being stuck in trauma time, they usually talk about those alters not knowing the body's friends, or recognizing where they live, or any number of physical reality changes. And we've definitely had that experience! But more often what "alters being stuck in trauma time" means for us is those alters know basic physical reality facts, but their emotional reality has not changed at all. So they might know our best friend, but they aren't connected to how that friend and I interact. They respond to everything like the trauma is still happening, so they expect any mistake to be met with punishment, they expect the ppl around them to suddenly hurt them without warning, they have no ability to use our modern coping methods, and they have no concept of anything being other than the abusive environment of our youth.

So yeah, our trauma-stuck alters typically know we live in a different house and our dad isn't coming home, and they know things like we graduated college and the names of our friends. What we struggle with a lot more is getting them to understand that this current time isn't just our childhood with new set dressings.

[horrorcrew-diary]

Passive alter influence is like.... I wanna go home. I'm yearning. I'm taken. I'm literally asexual. I wanna go to bed. If I even try to go to sleep I'll cry. I miss my friends. I hate you. No I don't. Where's our parents. I hate my parents. I'm yearning again.