#22 of 72

[voiceoffenrisulfr]

Multitudes - Chapter Twenty-Two

Beaten and Broken...

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒-> Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov/Steve Rogers

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 -> Nat is haunted, and she's not the only one with with this paticular ghost.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 -> 6191

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ->(E) GRAPHIC RAPE. You have been warned. Feel free to skip the first… IDK, 25%? Choking, (inadventant) self-injury, violence, mutism, bleeding, "I'm fine" portrayal, subterfuge. Mentions of historical SA. ���/𝐍 -> Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. Please read the warnings, and proceed with caution. You know the drill. Takes place early chapter eight of Magic and Madness (not yet posted). Masterlist can be found here.

Check it out below, or on AO3 here! The snazzy Black Widow divider comes from @/firefly-graphics and I love it <3 The Multitudes Universe one is our own!

<- Previous Chapter (20/72)

My pulse was pounding in my head as I pivoted slowly.

No.

No.

No.

It was definitely him. His uniform was different, but his face – his eyes – were unmistakable.

“You…” I whispered, “The HYDRA man.”

One side of his mouth quirked in amusement, biceps tensing as he leant against the frame of the bathroom door. “Ah, you remember me. I’m so glad.”

A low tremble started in my stomach, muscles contracting against the memories – so many memories - of invasion. My hand reached back blindly, fumbling for the door handle that wouldn’t move.

He tutted, stepping closer. “You know that isn’t going to work, little girl. You never could escape me.”

“No… S-Stop.” My back met the wood, thick and unyielding against my spine.

“You know that doesn’t work either, Roma.”

I flinched violently, shoulders colliding with the door. “Don’t… Don’t call me that. My name is Natasha.” Our name is Natasha… But the least I can do is protect you.

Let me.

Let me.

No. I was faintly surprised at the third voice, but swallowed thickly. You… You need to leave. I can do this. I won’t hurt either of you like this. Go. Please.

Widow receded, guilty and grateful, but Lia hesitated. I…

Please, Lia. You asked us not to hurt you again. That’s what I’m trying to do . Get out of here, before it gets worse. Show Widow how to stop seeing. This will only be my burden.

Silence.

Blissful, relieving silence.

There was nothing selfless about this, no martyr act here; I could survive this only because the idea of making them suffer was worse.

“Oh, I’m sorry… Do you prefer ‘little girl’?” he purred, moving closer again, only three feet ahead of me now.

I pushed harder against that damn door, hoping it would swallow me whole. “N-No.”

His metal arm reached out, fingers caressing my cheek coldly. “We all know that’s not true, little girl. I can feel you trembling. You used to tremble when I fucked you back then, too.”

My muscles seized, desperate. “P-Please…”

He growled, moving closer, titanium hand finding my throat and pressing firmly. “You used to beg, then, too.” His fingers skimmed my abdomen, light and burning. “Always so eager to please, weren’t you?”

I sucked in my stomach as best I could, frantically trying to get myself away from his touch. If I hadn’t gotten so fat this would be easier… No. No. It wouldn’t make a difference. I can’t let him take this from me.

How could Tony do this?

He grasped my wrists in one large hand, pinning them high above my head, feet struggling to stay in contact with the floor as I gasped around the grip on my neck. “I-I don’t want this,” I stammered, wriggling weakly. He simply grinned, pinning my hips with his.

“When did that ever make a difference, Roma?”

The hand dropped from my throat and I gasped in relief – but it was short lived. The hard metal pushed up my sweatshirt, the sleeves catching on my forearm and cast, making me ever more helpless. His knee between my thighs pushed my legs apart, jerking my sweatpants down as far as he could reach. “Now don’t you move, little girl,” he murmured warningly, releasing my hands to kneel by my feet, tugging my bottoms off unceremoniously.

Move. Do something… Why can’t I just move.

I swallowed dryly, panic bubbling in my chest, arms still extended uselessly overhead.

It only ever hurts more when you fight it. I should know that by now.

His hands slid up by body as he rose, setting fire to my bare skin in his wake.

“I love these curves you’ve got now, Roma...” he purred, pinching viciously at my hips, and then my breasts.

No. No. No.

“Put your legs around me.”

I obliged, despite the screaming in my head warning me otherwise.

Why why why why why why why why-

His metal hand collided with my ribs, and I bit my lip at the explosion of pain, tasting blood.

The clinking of his belt made bile rise in my throat, and I tipped my head back, focusing on a tiny waterstain on the ceiling, the feeling of the wood against the flesh over my shoulder blades-

His metal hand on my ass, his fingers probing and fumbling, the feeling of tearing and breaking as he-

A tear rolled down my cheek as his teeth met in the muscle of my neck, his thrusts forceful and erratic, my body slamming back into the door.

I felt nothing. I thought nothing.

Just an eternal, deafening screaming.

“That’s it, little girl… You always take it so well. I can feel how wet you are… How much you’ve wanted this. I bet Barton doesn’t fuck you like me, huh?”

Clint.

God, Clint. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough. I… I don’t know why I’m not fighting. Why am I not fighting?

He hitched my hips higher as he pulled out, sighing with disappointment. “The only thing is… Well, you’re not such a little girl anymore, are you? You’ve been getting far too much use.” His fingers slid inside me, holding most of my body weight painfully.

At his mercy.

His member probed at my ass gently, almost tenderly – but I couldn’t bite back a scream of agony as he forced his way inside with no warning, the delicate, dry flesh splitting.

His hard palm collided with my face, the skin over my cheekbone fracturing on impact – and likely the bone underneath – as my head snapped to the side. “You know better, Roma. We don’t scream, do we? We moan, and beg for more.” His fingers found my throat once more, and tightened menacingly as he fucked me slowly. “Let me hear you, little girl. Let me hear you beg, like you always did.”

“Please…” I whispered, my voice numb and emotionless, ears still ringing from the impact.

He tutted, other hand pressing harder inside me. “You can do better than that.”

His hips jerked forward again, and I whimpered, another spike of agony shooting through my body. “Please… Please, just… Just fuck me. I need you.”

My stomach roiled at the words, but it had the desired effect, and he groaned, head tipping forward to find my shoulder as he thrusted harder, his movements becoming more frantic.

The waterstain on the ceiling the wood on my back the-

He surrendered with a groan, driving himself deeper, his grip tightening hard enough to cut off my breathing. I squeaked gently, lungs burning as he paused, my vision turning black around the edges.

He drew out suddenly, and I dropped to the floor without feeling, coughing and retching as I fought to get air around the agony in my throat.

He smirked down at me as he reassembled himself, wiping a stray smudge of his essence from his shirt and applying it to my lip. “Such a good girl. Now, you know what do to.”

I nodded weakly, out of energy to even attempt to protest as I dragged myself to my knees and forearms, cast digging in with a distant discomfort. His boot found the space between my shoulder blades, forcing my chest to the floor, ass in the air. His hand caressed my core, dipping into my abused holes briefly before pulling away, and wetness trickled down thighs – whether blood, semen, or urine, I couldn’t tell. Probably all three.

“Something to remember me by,” he whispered, as he always did.

His metal hand collided with my ass hard enough to send me sprawling, as he always did.

Followed by his boot to my ribs, over and over, as he always did.

A tally mark added high on the back of my thigh, with an utterance of ‘Master’s Pet’, as he always did.

And then he left without another word.

As he always did.

By the time Clint returned, I was showered and changed, a turtleneck hiding the bruises on my neck, sunglasses covering the slice on my cheek and the redness of my eyes.

He purred as his arms snaked around my shoulders from behind, and I smiled. “How was your check up?”

He shrugged, placing a gentle kiss to my hair. “It was some guy from the hospital, not one of ours. So you know… Awkward,” he chuckled, dropping himself over the back of the sofa to sit beside me. “But it's all good. Healing nicely, et cetera.” He leant against my shoulder, and I held back a wince as he stretched the bite in my muscle. “What about you? What did you get up to while I was gone? You smell good,” he added, burying his face in my deltoid affectionately.

“Not a lot. Had a shower. Got some reading done.” I raised the book in my hands pointedly, but he paused.

“Nat, your voice is a little hoarse. Are you getting sick?”

I shrugged my free shoulder, blasé. “Maybe a little. It’s fine. Hey, do you want to go and see a movie or something tonight? Get out of here for a while? We could even go for a meal,” I laughed, desperately attempting to divert the conversation.

“… Nat… What’s going on?” His tone was soft but serious, forceful, and I flinched behind my shade.

“Nothing. We just haven’t gone out in a while. I think the last time we left was… For the mission.”

“And yet suddenly it’s the most important thing?” One hand found mine, tender and comforting, and I bit back a sob. “Is… Did you… Do something, while I was gone? Is that it?”

“I didn’t do anything,” I whispered, teeth clenched. I didn’t do anything. Why didn’t I do anything?

He raised his head to meet my gaze, and frowned at my sunglasses, hands raising to remove them. I moved away quickly, shaking my head. “I have a headache, okay? It’s fine. I’m fine. I just wanted a distraction.”

“Nat…”

“Clint, please. It’s just a headache. A few painkillers, and I’ll be right as rain. Actually, could you grab me some?” My body hurts and I don’t want to move because every time I move I bleed more.

He nodded obligingly, but it didn’t erase the concerned look on his face when he returned with a packet of aspirin and some water. “Here. Hopefully this will help.”

I smiled gratefully, surreptitiously popping the pills out two at a time to double my dose and swallowing them dry. “Thanks.” I tipped my head back to drink some water, but my hands and heart froze when he sucked in a breath.

“Nat… What the hell happened to your neck?”

I finished my drink slowly, placing the glass on the table before us, dragging out my actions to postpone a response. “… Hm?”

“The bruises.”

“Bruises?” I touched a hand to my neck innocently, and made a quick judgement call. “Oh, those little things? Yeah, I think I may have, I don’t know, lay on something in the night? It’s fine, they don’t hurt,” I assured him with a smile, clenching my fists to keep them from shaking.

“Are you sure? They look painful.”

I nodded, hoping beyond hope that he would let it go. “Absolutely.”

He sighed, arm wrapping around my waist as he resettled himself beside me. “Fine.” His fingers trailed across my abdomen, the muscle beneath contracting under his touch. “… You know what they say is a great painkiller, right?”

I laughed lightly, nudging his hand away. “Actually, I might take a nap, if that’s okay?”

He frowned in concern, brow furrowed. “I… Of course. Do you want me to come with you?”

“It’s okay – you never get time alone anymore. You just hang out, watch some trashy TV or something. I’ll be up for dinner.”

“If you’re sure…”

Nodding, I brushed my lips against his forehead. “I’m sure. I love you, Clint.”

He blinked in surprise, briefly lost for words. “I… I love you too, Nat. More than anything.”

Less of my ‘nap’ was spent sleeping than trying to get comfortable – a task I deemed impossible, between the pain in my spine from his boot, on my ass from his slap, and the waves of agony cramping my insides every time I shifted.

But I re-emerged, smiling and perky, at the sound of Friday’s claxon, finding Clint patient and grinning. “Hey. How was your nap?”

“Awesome, thanks. I really needed it. What did you get up to?”

He regaled me with his experience of a classic Western, gushing about the uses of old black-and-white cinematography, while I half-listened, nodding passively, as we made our slow way to the dining room. Distracting him was definitely the smartest thing to do; he little seemed to notice my slightly hesitant steps or the pain in my face. We sat at the table with little interference. If anyone thought badly of my appearance, my false positivity quickly destroyed any concerns.

Tony was at the top of the table, a permenant smirk on his face every time I glanced his way. As much as I tried to fight it, I felt myself withdrawing more and more, until I was picking at my food silently, nausea roiling like snakes in my chest.

“Natasha? You okay?”

I looked up at the sound of Wanda’s voice, glancing at the redhead opposite me. “Hm? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Just… Just a headache.”

She frowned, leaning forward. “Let me see your eyes.”

“What? No,” I laughed, muscles seizing defensively. “Headache, like I said. The lights hurt.”

“Nat… You either take them off yourself, or I do it for you.”

Clint glanced at me, confused, while I shook my head. “Wanda, honestly, just leave it. Please- Th-the lights, I just…”

She sighed, hand flicking casually, sending my glasses spinning across the surface of the dinner table. Her eyes widened in horror, and she turned her gaze to Clint, red fires flaring in the depths. “I fucking knew it. I warned you. I told you what would happen if you-“

My partner was still staring at my face, taking in the bloodshot eyes and violent discolouration of my split cheekbone. “This wasn’t me,” he whispered, and she snorted. “No, it… It wasn’t me. Nat, who the hell did this?”

His hand found mine and I winced, drawing away under the guise of reaching for my glasses once more. “It’s fine. I slipped, getting out of the shower. My own fault.”

“Nat, what the hell.” Cap grabbed my hand as I reached for the glasses in front of him, pushing back my riding sleeve. “Are these bruises from falling too?”

Violent purple lines encircled my wrists from the HYDRA man’s grip, and I drew back immediately, wincing. “Look, it’s fine, okay?” All eyes turned to my lover, and I paled. “It wasn’t Clint, I promise. He wouldn’t do-”

The gazes flicked to me, and my jaw slammed shut. In the corner of my vision, I could still see Tony, smirking away to himself, glass in hand, shaking his head surreptitiously.

A warning.

A promise.

“Nat… Who did this to you?”

Wanda’s voice was soft and I met her eyes uncertainly, opening my mouth to offer another explanation, another excuse, another reason.

But nothing came out.

Amidst the chaos and speculation, Clint looked to Tony, fury shaking his hands. “Is something funny to you, asshole?”

Tony just kept on smirking. “Apparently you’re not the only one who can get their ass beat in that relationship, is all. I just wonder how you’re going to protect yourself out there on a farm in the middle of nowhere.”

Oh God. He’s right. What if he sends Him again? What if he tells the Red Room where I am? What am I thinking – I can’t leave! It’s not safe!

“Apparently it’s no safer here,” Clint retorted with a quip, then paused. “You know, with all of your tech, I have to wonder how anyone could get all the way through the compound without detection. And the only person who can override personal door locks… Is you, Tony. Somehow, I doubt Nat let her attacker in.”

Tony’s jaw twitched – infinitesimal, but undeniable. Invisible to most…

But Clint was an international spy.

“Motherfucker-”

He was around the table before I could blink, hurtling himself at Tony and throwing him to the ground. Tony’s hand shot out, suit assembling around him almost immediately and propelling him to his feet, hands glowing.

“Make good choices, Barton. You wouldn’t want to end up in hospital again.”

“Clint, calm down! You don’t know it was him. Give him a chance to speak-”

“Tony, if you are responsible for this, Barton isn’t the only one who-”

“Clint… Clint.”

Wanda’s voice cut the clamour, and she gestured desperately at me – curled up in my chair with my chin on my knees, sniffling softly as I watched the proceedings in terror. -let this happen I can’t I can’t lose him if Tony shoots him in that suit he’ll die I can’t let that happen why aren’t I moving why aren’t I saying anything tell them it wasn’t him tell them it was the Red Room tell them it was HYDRA tell them anything just make this stop please I can’t let this happen nothing can happen to him I can’t-

“I think Nat needs you more right now, don’t you?” She rounded the table to squat by my side, her face creased in guilt and concern.

“Nat? Natty? I… I’m so sorry. I never… I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have…”

Clint’s arms lifted me without warning, and I stiffened, whimpering as pain lashed through my beaten body. “I’m gonna get you out of here, little one. It’s okay. We’re going home. Fuck the week.”

Wanda was her feet beside me, linking her fingers through mine. “… Can… Can I come? I… Need to know she’s okay.”

Clint glanced at me, and I nodded stiffly before burying my face in his neck, breathing in his comforting scent deeply, my hand still laced with hers.

I was bundled into the car with Wanda, lay in the back seat with my head in her lap, while Clint grabbed some of our things and made arrangements for the rest to be sent – “we’re not coming back here, don’t worry”. She stroked my hair, humming softly, the occasional Sokovian lyric falling from her lips.

Clint threw our belongings into the trunk before getting into the driver’s seat, hands still shaking as he spat gravel against the front of the building.

“Clint,” she murmured after a few minutes, pausing in her ministrations, smoothing my hair back from my neck. His eyes cut to hers in the rear view mirror, and she hesitated. “I… I think there may be more than we know. She… She’s bleeding.”

I winced and buried my face in her legs, too tired and humiliated and simply sad to bother hiding my shame.

He's going to know I fucked someone else. I promised him the rest of my life, but it hasn’t even been a year. He’s going to leave me.

“Bleeding… Where? How bad? Do I stop?” His voice cracked, and I heard him swallow. “Tell me what to do, Wanda.”

“It’s okay,” she soothed softly, both to him and me, as her fingers resumed their caress. “It’s okay. It’s between her… It’s not a lot. It might just be her period.”

My skin itches.

“Natasha doesn’t have periods.”

I was halfway to sleep before Clint spoke again, his voice tight and flat, drawing me back toward consciousness. “Widows are sterilised after their final exam. No kids – no attachments.”

“That’s…”

“Yeah, it is.”

“That means…”

“Yeah. It does.”

I was jostled awake by the pain inside me as I was lifted gently from the car, and Clint flinched, kissing my forehead softly. “Sorry, Little Spider. We’re here.”

Sunset was in full swing, but I couldn’t appreciate the quiet majesty of the winter light across the open land, teeth clenched to keep from making a sound.

If I scream, it will hurt more.

Clint placed me tenderly on the sofa before stepping back, running a hand through his hair. “I… I don’t know what to do.”

Wanda stepped forward, offering me a reassuring smile. “Nat? We’re gonna run you a bath, okay? It’ll help.”

“She sat there, when I came back, and… And convinced me nothing had happened. She seemed… Fine. Happy. How could she seem happy?”

Wanda winced and stepped back, cutting him a pitying look. “Compartmentalisation is a powerful thing, Clint. As is denial. Now, why don’t you go and get that bath started?”

I stood shivering in an unheated bathroom, arms wrapped around my stomach tightly as it cramped. Wanda and Clint stood before me uncertainly, glancing between me and one another. “… Nat? I promise this will help. Please.”

Clint paused, looking at the hard set of her jaw and the steadiness of her hands, and swallowed dryly. “You…?"

She nodded, smiling weakly. “One in three women worldwide, Clint. And I imagine it’s closer to 100% for places like the Red Room – or HYDRA.”

I winced at the name, skin burning at the ghost of his hands on me. I wonder if it was him that did it to you, too.

Clint sucked air through his teeth, shaking his head. “I never knew.”

She shrugged as she moved closer to me, reaching out for my hand. “It’s something that happens to a lot of women. We don’t even really talk about it anymore. It’s just… A part of our lives. Which is horrifying, I know,” she added, eyes flickering briefly. “But… Compartmentalisation, like I said. We just pretend it doesn’t happen, because there’s no other way to cope. There’s pockets of rebellion, sometimes, but… Historically, not a great deal has really changed as a result. A lot of women find it easier to just… Hope they can pretend it didn’t happen.” She shook her head fiercely, putting practice to her words, pushing aside her own trauma to help with mine. “Nat… Please let me help you. It hurts to sit down, right?”

I nodded stiffly, and Clint flinched.

“Well, this is a salt bath. It’ll help with any… Tearing. And then we’ll get you an ice pack.” I nodded again, and she smiled reassuringly. “That’s great, Nat. Do you want me to go, or stay?”

“I don’t think-”

“Clint, this isn’t about you, or what you need, right now. This is about Nat.”

I squeezed her fingers lightly, pulling her gaze back to me. “You want me to stay?” I squeezed again, and she nodded. “Gotcha. What about Clint?”

I hesitated guiltily. I don’t want him to see. Slowly, reluctantly, I shook my head, and heard him suck in air. “But-”

Sighing, she rubbed my arm comfortingly. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Wanda turned to him, her face moving out of view. “Outside. Now.”

The door closed behind them as I stood trembling, every inch of my body feeling battered and bruised.

“You can’t expect me to-”

“Clint, no. Listen to me. Don’t assume whatever you’re assuming. I bet you think it’s about you, right? That she’s scared of you, that she blames you, or something equally self-centred? Do you want me to tell you why she doesn’t want you there?”

“… Why?”

“For you, Clint. If the things we can see are anything to go by, there’s worse to come. She’s trying to fucking spare you. And believe me – take the out. You might not want to, but you’ll wish you had, no matter how much you love her. The things that you would see would haunt you for the rest of your life.”

“… Then… Why are you doing it?”

I heard her sigh before her she responded, her voice low. “Because I feel bad for thinking it was you – though I still think you’re an asshole for pushing her. Because I’m also trying to spare you. Because I’m a woman, and therefore less likely to trigger a flashback – hopefully. Because I’m a woman, and it's what we do. Take your pick.”

There were a few more minutes before Wanda returned, punctuated by sniffling and murmured apologies, gentle reassurances that I’d be okay.

I don’t feel okay. I thought this was over.

She shut the door behind her as she entered, fingers hesitating. “… Will you be more comfortable with the door locked?”

I nodded slowly, breathing a small sigh of relief as the latch clicked. She moved slowly, eyes focused on mine as my body shook, watching me like a wounded animal. “Okay, Natty. Let’s get this over with, shall we? Can you undress yourself, or do you need help?”

I half raised my arms, then winced at the pain in my ribs, shaking my head with a desperate gasp. She shushed me soothingly, head tipped in clarification, her own fingers finding the bottom of my sweater when I nodded.

Her face was flushed with rage and nausea when I could see again, my arms gently manoeuvred one at a time before she pulled the turtleneck off. Jaw tense, I could see the reaction in her eyes, but silently thanked her for saying nothing at the violent handprint across my throat, or the rainbow of bruises already forming from underarm to hipbone down one side. She simply took a deep breath, meeting my gaze once more.

“D’you want to do your sweats yourself?

His knee between my thighs pushed my legs apart, jerking my sweatpants down as far as he could reach. “Now don’t you move, little girl,” he murmured warningly, releasing my hands to kneel by my feet, tugging my bottoms off unceremoniously.

I nodded, wincing, before slowly bending to strip, fighting against the rising vomit that threated to spill forth at the pain in my ribs. “That’s it, Natty. Great job.” Hand extended, she moved to stand beside the bath, smiling reassuringly.

She helped me step over the rim and lower myself in, whimpering I touched the water, my grip on her hand becoming tight and desperate. To her credit, she didn’t react, simply waited patiently until I managed to seat myself fully before straightening up. “Great going, Nat. I know it stings a little, but it’ll help, I promise.”

I simply curled my cast-free arm around my knees, and finally, finally, I sobbed.

Wanda held me until the water turned cold, half-soaked but unobjecting, while I cried desperately against her chest. Eventually, though, my tears turned to sniffles, and then to silence, and she kissed  my hair. “It’s okay, Natty. Well… It’s not. But you will be. I promise.”

She reached across me for a washcloth, and I winced. “Last thing. You’ll feel better without… When there’s nothing left. I swear. I know you had a shower earlier – of course you did – but there’s still…” she glanced down at the bathwater, and I gagged at the blend of blood, semen, and waste. “I know. We’ll give you another wash with the showerhead after; we just needed to soak your wounds. I know it’s going to suck, but…” I nodded softly, and she smiled. “Do you want to do it?”

Pausing thoughtfully, I grimaced at the idea of touching myself – but recoiled at the thought of her doing it, too, and took the washcloth from her. “Shall I just keep talking?” I nodded again, and she sighed contemplatively. “Okay… Let’s see. Well, I’ve been practicing my Russian, as you know. It’s going… Не так уж плохо. Not so bad,” she translated with a clarifying quirk of her eyebrow, grinning when I nodded once more, easing the washcloth surreptitiously beneath the water. “Excellent – see, I’m getting there! It’s nice, speaking a Slavic language again. Sokovian isn’t exactly prolific.”

I winced as the washcloth touched my skin, pain radiating throughout me. “I’ve also been trying a little ASL, too, though I find it harder. Usually the only time I use my hands is to throw stuff around, so using them to communicate feels a little… Alien, to me. But it’s been super enlightening! I thought it would be nice, y’know? You and Clink speak it, so I thought it could be cool, especially once you move out.”

I think he bruised my insides.

His fingers slid inside me, holding most of my body weight painfully.

At his mercy.

I whimpered, and Wanda flinched. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry. It’s okay if you don’t want to – if it’s too hard.” I shook my head and she grit her teeth, nodding. “Okay. Um… Oh, the farm! Isn’t it beautiful? Vision and I actually came for a break up here a few months ago, and we loved it. That wasn’t in the Park, though – just outside. But oh, you’ll love it in the fall. It’s so stunning out here.”

I shifted my hips so I could feel further back, letting out a soft sob at the catch of cotton on my ruined entrance, broken and tender. Her fingers flexed as she paled, swallowing dryly. “I-I think we’d look at retiring up here, too. Somewhere peaceful like this… There’s less people around to stare, you know? Especially on a farm.” My ministrations became harder as she spoke, more desperate, dragging over the wounds frantically. I hate this I hate this I will never feel clean again I will never feel whole again I will never-

“Nat? Honey, stop. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

-cleaner clearer empty pure damaged broken ruined-

Her hand grasped my wrist, and I growled warningly. “Nat, I can’t. I can’t let you do that, okay? I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

My heart rate settled, and with it, my rage, tears flowing once more, forehead dropping to my knees to sob softly.

I was bundled in a soft towel, leaning exhaustedly into her shoulder, crying quietly. Her hands rubbed my back through the fabric, and I flinched, hissing.

“… Can I see?”

I nodded reluctantly, turning and letting the towel drop. She murmured sympathetically, fingers lightly skimming my skin. “Carpet? No… Wood.” I felt a sharp tug, and flinched. “Sorry. Splinters. Should I continue?”

I paused before nodding, muscles clenched as she continued, and then rubbed my arm reassuringly. “Great work, Nat. Well done. That’ll-”

She paused, her fingers touching the small of my back on the left side. “… He… Hit you?” I jerked my head haltingly, and she hummed. “I’ve had similar, too. You… It should be fine.”

“… Nat, I’m just going to kneel down a sec, okay? But I won’t touch you, I promise. Is that okay?” I shrugged around the lump in my throat, breathing hitching as I heard her drop to the ground. When she did her own sharp intake, I turned, finding her sitting heavily on the ground, blinking in disbelief.

I cocked my head, worried, and she blinked back tears. “The, uh…. The s-scars – the cut on your thigh… Was that him?”

I nodded slowly, and she huffed out a breath, pushing herself to her feet. “Can I show you something?” My brow furrowed, and she turned, shimmying down her skin-tight trousers to a reveal six long, horizonal lines across the back of her left thigh.

No. No, no, no. Not her too. Not her, too.

My fingers brushed the scars unconsciously, eliciting a shiver, and she stepped away to redress, offering me my towel with her eyes low.

“… The HYDRA man? The one with the arm?”

I nodded as I rewrapped myself, the motion small and nervous, and she flinched.

“I… I only have six. You… I can’t imagine. That was… What? 30? 40?”

52.

She sighed, pushing a hand through her auburn hair. “You know I have to tell Clint it wasn’t Tony, right? We… We’ll have to go back. Apologise.”

Shaking my head violently, a shudder went through my body as I grabbed her hand. No. I can’t. I can’t go back there. Not with him. Not with Him.

“Nat, we have to tell him. I’m sorry. If we don’t, it’ll destroy the team.” My face crumpled, and I whimpered desperately, dropping her fingers in betrayal.

“It was… It was the same man who… Who abused me. He works – worked, I guess – for HYDRA.”

Clint’s gaze was firmly on me as Wanda spoke, but I refused to meet his eye, staring at the crackling fireplace with my arms wrapped around my knees. “How do you know it was him?”

Wanda swallowed audibly, and I flinched. “He… He has a calling card, of sorts.”

“What?”

“A… An indicator. A tally. He… Counts.”

“Wh..?”

He cuts the back of the left thigh, I signed slowly, encumbered by my cast. Always the same length, starting at the top, going horizontally. It's his mark of pride. One for every time he fucks you.

Clint blinked, startled, watching me as I spoke. How many do you have?

52. No… 53.

“And you?” he asked aloud, turning to Wanda. She hesitated, hands fumbling as she replied.

Only six.

He smiled weakly, distantly touched by her attempt. I’m sorry that happened to you. To both of you.

I sniffed, extending my arms to my archer, and he moved to sit beside me immediately, pulling me against him. My fingers reached up their own accord, sliding the hearing aids from his ears and eliciting a fond grin. It’s been a while, Little Spider.

I glanced at Wanda, who was watching us with a fond smile. Don’t worry. Vision and I are weird too.

Sometimes… Verbal words are too much, Clint offered, shrugging simply. This is easier. She nodded, head cocked thoughtfully.

That’s… I like it.

The softness of the moment fled quickly, and I chewed my lip. Clint… We can’t go back.

Why? he pressed, brow furrowed. This HYDRA man… He’ll be gone, right? We’ll tighten security. He’ll never get near you again, I-

I shook my head firmly, desperately. Please. We can’t. It won’t matter. We’re better off here – with our own security.

Wanda and Clint exchanged a worried glance, and I flinched. Nat… Why are you so reluctant to go back? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not excited to see Tony again, but…

We can’t. Please.

Nat, Clint’s right, we-

Tony knew, okay? I paused, panting, glaring at them, panic and fear bubbling in my chest. It wasn’t him. But he knew. He… He set it up.

They froze, watching me carefully. Wanda simply blinked, while Clint swallowed, jaw clenched. Nat… I need you to tell me what you mean.

I glanced at the witch and sighed, fighting to unglue my tongue from the roof of my mouth, for her benefit.

“I...” I ground to a quick halt, throat working, and took a slow, calming breath. “I left Clint when he was called to the medical bay for a check up,” I began, hands moving in tandem with my voice, soothing the disquiet in my mind. “I got in and shut the door, and... Tony was in the chair, just drinking his goddamn whiskey and grinning. We told him to get out of our room, and he said it was his room – they all are.”

“I told him I could kick his ass, and told me to stop being hysterical. Said he’d been in touch with someone I knew, and thought we might like to catch up. He... he stopped as he went past me. ‘Don’t ever speak to me like that again, Little Spider,’ – that’s what he said.”

“And then he left and told Friday not to open the door for me. I couldn’t... Escape,” I finished lamely, hands dropping as my reserves were depleted. “He was there, and I couldn’t escape.”

Wanda’s fingers covered her mouth, eyes wide with horror, while Clint trembled beside me.

“I’ll kill him,” he whispered aloud, soft and deadly. “I’ll kill him.”

Clint-

No, he interrupted, shaking his head fiercely. This… Somehow, it feels worse. How does it feel worse? His eyes cut to mine, blazing with fury. I’m going to fucking end him. I knew he was an asshole, but this…

“You were right,” Wanda murmured eventually. “We can’t go back.” I can’t go back, she added, hands shaking as they moved. I can’t be there. If he can do it to you…

I shook my head once, wincing. He came after me because I knew his secret.

“Secret-? What secret?” she prompted, brow furrowed with concern. I hesitated, then laughed lightly.

Fuck keeping his secrets.

“He’s been sleeping with Strange. Or fooling around, at the very least. That’s why he lost it when I mentioned his masculinity being threatened. He’s having a goddamn gay panic. Which is entirely understandable,” I added quickly, “but not when it ends like this. I, of all people, can understand sexuality anxiety. But he’s been coming after me because I knew – and then when I challenged him, he… Well. You know the rest.” I winced, looking away, shifting as the bruise on my ass throbbed pointedly.

Clint looked at both of us in turn, and let out a heavy sigh. “… What do we do now?”

[numahachi]

[andreykuzmenko96fan]

[burtlancster]

buford talks about how burt’s height, coordination, muscle, and burgeoning beauty were all unforeseen by himself and his school peers and that he used them like armor to protect the smaller than average, bookish and worrisome kid within. interesting how later he developed a need to defy those traits in his work because that tiny cerebral kid was now trapped in a star body. like the rose tattoo and come back little sheba were both examples of purposeful diversions from the star path that he fought hard to do and in the 1972 interview i just listened to he talks about favoring supporting/character roles over lead roles—but i think that perspective came with age.

also tough titty

[s-cullayy]

Cozy king

[devils-pirate-crew]

HEY! What did I just tell you? Dougie does not deserve this hostility!

Arber sighs at that, pressing his hand to his temple and looking back to Dougie. He opens his mouth to speak to the pilot but lets out an empty sigh instead.

"I don't - you shouldn't know that, though." The pilot pauses, voice even softer than usual, almost swallowed up in the sounds of Jack and Trevor fucking around with the crew of Sensibility in the background. "We don't ever - discuss that. Is that - "

Arber leans back in his seat again, nodding. "The spirits tell me things. They, uh, think that was harsh on you. Not the getting abandoned bit, just - how I said it, I think?" A pause. "Well, also the getting abandoned part too, probably."

"But how do they know - " Nico cuts in, clearly perlplexed.

Arber merely shrugs at that. "That's just how they work. You don't really question it after a while. Runs in the family, so it's not like I ever had major problems with it." As if on instinct, his eyes flicker to Dawson again; the pilot's mate shivers where he lies on the bench, still pushing up into Arber's touch like it's the only thing keeping him grounded. Damn, he hopes the kid's okay.

A silence falls over the table for a long moment. "Uh, sorry that happened to ya, Dougie," Cole pitches in. The pilot nods silently, taking the apology.

"You said your spirits don't like the post office," Nico leads in, changing the topic. Arber hums in agreement. "We found Dawson by the post office today, in a really bad state." Sparing a glance at Nick and Dougie, it seems like they're putting together the same pieces Nico has, just a little bit slower. (Cole's too drowsy to care, still half-dozing on Nick's shoulder.) "You were the only one that could calm him down, Arber," the captain of Jersey Devil presses on. "Why is that?"

Fuck.

"It's - not my place to explain," Arber mumbles out through grit teeth. "Dawson should be the one to tell you - if he chooses to."

"He won't tell us," Nico replies, "Because he doesn't trust us. Your words, not mine. So it's up to you, Arber."

"I - "

"If you tell us, we can help him," the captain cuts him off. "If you don't..." Nico sighs. "I don't know if we can travel with him. He's a risk we can't afford to take."

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

[gutachter]

Auch Wände in Altbauwohnungen dürfen nicht feucht sein!

LG Paderborn, Urteil vom 06.03.2024 – 1 S 72/22 1. Der Mieter einer Wohnung kann nach der allgemeinen Verkehrsanschauung erwarten, dass die von ihm angemieteten Räume einen Wohnstandard aufweisen, der bei vergleichbaren Wohnungen üblich ist. Dabei sind insbesondere das Alter, die Ausstattung und die Art des Gebäudes, aber auch die Höhe der Miete und eine eventuelle Ortssitte zu berücksichtigen.…

[just-a-little-unionoid]

WHY do I have to go to work when it's already this hot outside and will only go up?

[unrealfigmentofyourimagination]

Hit a new low today......

I have one tumbler that I drank milkshake in yesterday, too tired to wash it so I let it be

Then I had maggi last night and didn't wanna clean a plate so I ate it in the same glass (milkshake was mostly gone)

Got a milkshake again today while walking back from my exam hall, rinsed maggi off (no soap or scrub) and am currently drinking milkshake out of the glass again

[prattlinpeach]

A fitting tribute

I was going to tell you all about my day today, it was full, but right now, I’m only going to tell you about one thing, an amazing tribute to a dear friend. I told you yesterday that today I was going to Staten Island for the funeral of my friend AGM, who passed on February 14th. Here we are, on Staten Island, staying at my dad’s house for the night, so we can proprely toast, I’m not going to…

[methsaint]

list of all lana unreleased, demos & covers

unreleased songs

1. You Can Be The Boss (leaked)

2. Kinda Outta Luck (leaked)

3. Oooh Baby (= “Are You Ready?”) (leaked)

4. Hundred Dollar Bill (leaked)

5. Driving in Cars With Boys (leaked)

7. Daddy Issues (= “I Was In A Bad Way”) (leaked)

8. Trash Magic (leaked)

9. Paris (= “Take Me To Paris”) (leaked)

10. Heavy Hitter (leaked)

11. Dum Dum (3 different versions) (leaked)

12. Match Made In Heaven (leaked)

13. She’s Not Me (= “Ride or Die”) (leaked)

14. Pin Up Galore (leaked)

15. Dangerous Girl (leaked)

16. Never Let Me Go (leaked)

17. Children Of The Bad Revolution (leaked)

19. Marilyn Monroe (= “Puppy Love”) (leaked)

20. Come When You Call Me America (2 different versions) (leaked)

21. 1949 (leaked)

22. You’re Gonna Love Me (leaked)

23. Put the Radio On (leaked)

24. Gangsta Boy (leaked)

25. Summer of Sam (leaked)

26. Serial Killer (leaked)

27. Go Go Dancer (leaked)

28. Delicious (leaked)

29. Big Bad Wolf (= “Hot Hot Hot”) (leaked)

30. Playing Dangerous (leaked)

31. Afraid (leaked)

32. Hollywood’s Dead (leaked)

33. Damn You (= “American Dream”) (leaked)

34. Lift Your Eyes (leaked)

35. Boarding School (leaked)

36. Butterflies (leaked)

37. Every Man Gets His Wish (leaked)

38. Fordham Road (leaked)

39. Motel 6 (leaked)

40. Paradise (leaked)

41. Velvet Crowbar (leaked)

42. Fake Diamond (2 versions) (leaked)

43. Backfire (leaked)

44. Moi Je Joue (leaked)

45. Last Girl On Earth (leaked)

46. Live or Die (leaked)

47. Push Me Down (leaked)

48. Teenage Wasteland (= “Prom Song” [Gone Wrong]) (leaked)

49. Tonight (= “I Don’t Wanna Go”) (leaked)

50. My Best Days (leaked)

51. Break My Fall (leaked)

52. Catch and Release (leaked)

53. Crooked Cop (leaked)

54. Is It Wrong? (leaked)

55. Jealous Girl (leaked)

56. Hawaiian Tropic (leaked)

57. Heartshaped Chevrolet (leaked)

58. Hit and Run (2 versions) (leaked)

59. Making Out (2 versions) (leaked)

60. Noir (leaked)

61. Scarface (leaked)

62. TV In Black & White (leaked)

63. Us Against The World (leaked)

64. Midnight Dancer Girlfriend (leaked)

65. Maha Maha (leaked)

66. Television Heaven (leaked)

67. Golden Grill (leaked)

68. Beautiful Player (leaked)

69. Dynamite (leaked)

70. Breaking My Heart (leaked)

71. Black Beauty (leaked)

72. Hollywood (leaked)

73. Angels Forever (Forever Angels) (leaked)

74. Starry Eyed (leaked)

75. JFK (leaked)

76. Butterflies Pt. 2 (leaked)

77. Daytona Meth (leaked)

78. Tired Of Singing The Blues (leaked)

79. St. Tropez (= “Party Girl”) (leaked)

80. Queen Of Disaster (leaked)

81. All Smiles (leaked)

82. Bentley

83. Betty Boop Boop (leaked)

84. Born Bad Bay

85. Caught You Boy

86. C U L8r Alligator (leaked)

87. Criminals Run The World (= “Hit And Run” alternate version) (leaked)

88. Cry Me A River

89. Girl That Got Away

90. I Was In A Bad Way (= “Daddy Issues” alternate version) (leaked)

91. I’m Fucked

92. Kindness of Strangers

93. Mermaid Hotel (leaked)

94. Put Your Lips Together (leaked)

95. Resistance

96. Roses

97. Ruby Tuesday

98. Slow Gin Fizz

99. So Legit (= “Against Gaga”) (leaked)

100. Smarty (leaked)

101. Playground (leaked)

102. Wrong

103. Strange Love (leaked)

104. Bollywood Hawaii (leaked)

105. Baby Blue Love (leaked)

106. I Want It All

107. Behind Closed Doors (leaked)

108. Jimmy Gnecco (leaked)

109. Break The Cycle

110. Epiphany

111. Jonah

112. Little Angel

113. Lullubye

114. True Love On The Side (leaked)

115. Living Without You (= “TV In Black & White” alternate version) (leaked)

116. True Love

117. Greenwich (leaked)

118. Shadow Of A Doubt (leaked)

119. Get Drunk (leaked)

120. BBM Baby

121. Be My Daddy

122. China Palace

123. Dance Money

124. Fine China

125. For Charlie

126. Living Legend

127. Morricone

128. Piano Theme

129. W

130. Yes To Heaven

131. Ridin’/My Bitch (feat. The Kickdrums & A$AP) (leaked)

132. Back To Tha Basics (leaked)

133. Because of You (leaked)

134. Coca Colla (= “Television Heaven” alternate version) (leaked)

135. Hangin’ Around (leaked)

136. In The Sun (leaked)

137. Joshy & I (leaked)

138. Let My Hair Down (leaked)

139. Live Forever (leaked)

140. Meet Me In The Pale Moonlight (leaked)

141. Methamphetamines (leaked)

142. On Our Way (leaked)

143. Stoplight De-lite (leaked)

144. Trash (leaked)

145. Wayamaya (leaked)

146. You & Me (leaked)

147. Your Band Is All The Rage (leaked)

148. The good life (leaked)

149. Zodiac (snippet leaked)

150. Ave Maria

151. Pink Champagne (leaked)

152. Fine china (leaked)

153. Dragonslayer (leaked)

154. Poetry in motion (leaked)

155. There’s nothing to be sorry about

156. All for you

157. Unidentified flying bill

158. Smile

159. California

160. In wendy

161. More mountains

162. When i’m with you

163. French restaurant (leaked)

164. Coconut & key lime pie

165. Sweetheart

166. Roses bloom for you (leaked)

167. I must be stupid for being so happy

168. Earthquakes

169. Star lux

170. Eat for free

171. Wait

172. Crazy for you

173. Blizzard

albums

Lana Del Ray (Steven Mertens recordings)

Tracklist: unknown

Lizzy Grant and the Phenomena (leaked)

Tracklist:

1. Disco

2. For K Part 2 (Demo)

Sparkle Jump Rope Queen (leaked)

Tracklist:

1. Axl Rose Husband

2. Elvis

3. Blue Ribbon (= “Gramma”)

The Money Hunny Recordings (leaked)

Tracklist:

1. Money Hunny

2. A Star For Nick

3. Rehab (“For K Part 2″ Demo)

4. Pawn Shop Blues (Demo)

May Jailer – Sirens (leaked)

Tracklist:

1. Sirens (Titled as “For K”)

2. Next to Me

3. A Star for Nick

4. My Momma

5. Bad Disease

6. Out with a Bang

7. Westbound

8. Try Tonight

9. All You Need

10. I’m Indebited to You

11. Pretty Baby (Or “For K”)

12. Aviation

13. Find My Own Way

14. Pride

15. Birds of A Feather

Lana del Ray AKA Lizzy Grant

Tracklist:

1. Kill Kill

2. Queen of the gas station

3. Oh say can you see

4. Gramma (Blue Ribbon Sparkler Trailer Heaven)

5. For K Pt. 2

6. Jump

7. Mermaid Motel

8. Raise me up (Mississippi south)

9. Pawn shop blues

10. Brite lites

11. Put me in a movie

12. Smarty

13. Yayo

demos

1. Born To Die (2 different versions) (leaked)

2. Blue Jeans (leaked)

3. Video Games (leaked)

4. Diet Mountain Dew (3 different versions, also known as Diet Mnt Dew) (leaked)

5. National Anthem (2 different versions) (leaked)

6. Dark Paradise (2 different versions, one with other lyrics) (leaked)

7. Radio (leaked)

8. Carmen (2 different versions, one of them is acapella with other lyrics) (leaked)

9. Million Dollar Man (leaked)

10. This Is What Makes Us Girls (2 different versions) (leaked)

11. Without You (2 different versions, one with other lyrics) (leaked)

12. Lolita (4 different versions, also known as Hey Lolita Hey or Lolyta) (leaked)

13. Lucky Ones (leaked)

14. Driving in Cars with Boys (leaked)

15. Hundred Dollar Bill (leaked)

16. Heavy Hitter (leaked)

17. Yayo (leaked)

18. Trash Magic (leaked)

19. Ghetto Baby (Demo for Cheryl Cole) (leaked)

20. White Pontiac Heaven (= “Axl Rose Husband” alternate version) (leaked)

21. Summertime Sadness (leaked)

22. Young & Beautiful (leaked)

23. Jump (leaked)

24. Put Me In A Movie (leaked)

25. Brite Lites (leaked)

26. Unfixable (Demo for Shades of cool) (leaked)

27. Miss America (demo 1 and 2)

28. Beautiful people beautiful problems (leaked)

29. Freak (leaked)

30. Thunder (leaked)

other songs – live/covers/collaborations

1. The End of the World (Skeeter Davies Cover)

2. Iron (with Woodkid) released

3. Chet Baker (with Mando Diao) released

4. Gloria (with Mando Diao) released

5. The Happiest Girl In The Whole U.S.A. (Donna Fargo Cover)

6. Ten Dollar Ring (with Bryan Dunn)

7. Goodbye Kiss (Kasabian Cover)

8. Heart-Shaped Box (Nirvana Cover)

9. Blue Velvet (Bobby Vinton Cover – for H&M) released

10. Chelsea Hotel No. 2 (Leonard Cohen Cover)

11. Summer Wine (Lee Hazlewood & Nancy Sinatra Cover)

12. Spender (feat. Smiler) released

13. Dayglo Reflection (feat. Bobby Womack) released

14. Cry Me A River (Various)

15. I Love Paris (Ella Fitzgerald Cover)

16. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door (Bob Dylan Cover)

17. Roadhouse Blues (The Doors Cover)

18. Why Don’t You Do Right? (Peggy Lee Cover)

19. Wonderwall (Oasis Cover)

20. Some Things Last A Long Time (Daniel Johnston Cover) released

[hobbystationerytagimi]

ハセガワ　1/72 VF-22S SVF-124 ムーンシューターズ　マクロス7　再入荷しました。

[adribosch-fan]

"La sociedad de la nieve" y la increíble historia de supervivencia en los Andes

Más de medio siglo después de que un avión de la fuerzas aéreas uruguayas se estrellara en los Andes y de que los supervivientes del accidente tuvieran que tomar la terrible decisión de comer los cuerpos de los fallecidos para sobrevivir, su trágica y épica historia vuelve a ser contada en una película, dirigida por Juan Antonio Bayona. Tras el tremendo impacto contra las montañas, el avión se…

[girlwithrituals]

101 ways to improve self esteem

1) Master a new skill.

2) List your accomplishments.

3) Do something creative.

4) Challenge your limiting beliefs.

5) Talk to a counselor.

6) Don't worry about what others think.

7) Read or watch something inspirational.

8) Stay true to your character.

9) Let go of negative people.

10) Set healthy boundaries with others.

11) Care about your appearance.

12) Welcome failure as part of growth.

13) Be a lifelong learner.

14) Face your fears.

15) Become a mentor.

16) Accept compliments.

17) Eliminate self-criticism.

18) Practice coping skills to manage stress and big emotions.

19) Notice negative thoughts and beliefs.

20) Challenge negative thinking.

21) Think about what you learned from negative experiences.

22) Practice gratitude.

23) Exercise.

24) Eat healthy and limit junk food.

25) Get good sleep.

26) Spend time with positive and supportive people.

27) Encourage yourself.

28) Write a list of your strengths.

29) Don't compare yourself to others.

30) Avoid perfectionism.

31) Do at least one positive, enjoyable activity every day.

32) Celebrate small victories.

33) Be helpful and considerate to others.

34) Be honest with yourself and others.

35) Accept your flaws.

36) Don't give up.

37) Practice self-care.

38) Go easy on yourself.

39) Practice being assertive.

40) Practice saying "No".

41) Practice relaxation techniques.

42) Take on challenges.

43) Volunteer to help others.

44) Forgive others and yourself.

45) Set goals and work toward them step by step.

46) Seek balance in all areas of your life.

47) Discover your passions and purpose

48) Groom yourself.

49) Dress nicely.

50) Be kind and generous to others.

51) Practice good posture.

52) Change a small habit.

53) Smile.

54) Don't procrastinate.

55) Don't take things personal.

56) Organize your personal space.

57) Challenge unkind thoughts about yourself.

58) Spend time outside.

59) Notice the good things.

60) Celebrate your successes

61) Write a list of things you like about yourself.

62) Don't take too much on.

63) Do something for yourself every day.

64) Develop daily habits.

65) Remind yourself it's okay if not everyone likes you.

66) Practice mindfulness.

67) Learn to tolerate discomfort.

68) Use problem-solving skills.

69) Take responsibility instead of blaming.

Tell Yourself Positive Affirmations Such As:

70) I am grateful for every day.

71) I am worthy of happiness and love.

72) I am in charge of my own happiness.

73) I love, respect, and believe in myself.

74) I deserve to be happy and successful.

75) I approve of myself, right here and now.

76) I am learning and changing for the better.

77) I accept 100% responsibility for my own life.

78) Every day in every way, I am getting better and better.

79) I can learn to accept the parts of myself that I don't like.

80) I am thankful for my challenges as they make me a stronger person.

81) Write down three positives about each day.

82) Make a collage with your talents, goals, and dreams.

83) Practice laughing.

84) Be proud of yourself.

85) Say mistakes are an opportunity to learn.

86) Show respect to yourself and others.

87) Resolve conflict peacefully.

88) Ask for help or support.

89) Complete a daily task list.

90) Have a growth mindset.

91) Be optimistic.

92) Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.

93) Focus on the things you have control over and can change.

94) Get started on tasks you have been putting off.

95) Practice good daily hygiene.

96) Focus on solutions not problems.

97) Talk about your feelings with someone you trust.

98) Drink plenty of water.

99) Start a new hobby or join a club/sport.

100) Do random acts of kindness.

101) Create a dreams list.

[jillraggett]

Plant of the Day

Friday 13 December 2024

Growing in the shade of the tropical-style foliage plants of the Sunken Garden of Great Dixter, Sussex, was the rhizomatous perennial Begonia 'Little Brother Montgomery'. Though not hardy this cane-type begonia thrives when shielded from direct sunlight to prevent leaf scorch and ideally in a temperature range between 15-22°C (58-72°F).

Jill Raggett

[bioware]

Decisions, decisions... 🤔 Warning: Spoilers ahead!

Dragon Age: The Veilguard is all about tough choices - so we put together this graphic to see which stories our community told! Which paths did you take? Alt text under the break.

Spoiler Warning. Dragon Age: The Veilguard. Your Story

Who did you romance? #1 Neve, #2 Lucanis, #3 Taash, #4 Harding, #5 Bellara, #6 Davrin, #7 Emmrich

What did Bellara do with the Archive Spirit? 44% Free Archive Spirit. 56% Keep Archive Spirit

Did Emmrich become a rich or save Manfred? 54% Become Lich. 46% Save Manfred

What did Davrin decide to do with the griffons? 33% Send to Wardens. 67% Send to Arlathan.

How did Lucanis deal with Illario? 78% Jail. 22% Forgive

Which culture did Taash embrace? 21% Qunari. 79% Rivani

Who did Neve Become to Dock Town? 39% An Inspiration. 61% A Protector. 

What Titan emotion did Harding embrace? 16% Anger. 84% Calm

The fate of D'Meta's Crossing Mayor. 22% Banished to Grey Wardens. 36% Saved. 42% Left.

Which city did you help save? 49% Minrathous. 51% Treviso.

Dealing with the First Warden? 64% Punch. 36% Reason.

Isle of Gods distraction team leader? 54% Harding. 46% Davrin.

Isle of Gods ward shutdown? 58% Bellara. 42% Neve.

Top 3 companions chosen to unravel the wards with the Veil Jumpers? Emmrich, Neve, Bellara.

Top 3 companions chosen to go after the Venatori commander with the Crows? Lucanis, Taash, Emmrich.

Top 3 companions chosen to fight the Juggernaut at the gate with the Grey Wardens and Mourn Watch? Taash, Davrin, Emmrich.

Top 3 companions chosen to stay behind for the counter attack? Taash, Davrin, Harding.

Confronting Solas: 3% Sacrifice. 8% Fight. 17% Outsmart. 72% Redeem.

If you redeemed Solas: 43% Inquisitor joined Solas. 57% Left in Fade alone.

What percentage of players played Rock, Paper, Scissors with Manfred? 31%

What percentage of players petted Assan? 50%