#*being a trauma survivor

[vole-mon-amour]

x

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)

im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in

[br1ghtestlight]

whenever ppl talk about the contestant sleeping arrangements i just think about that one tumblr post that was like Why would they confirm that the ii contestants prefer sleeping in normal beds but mephone makes them sleep outside on the wet grass like dogs when they're in competition why would they show us that. THATS LITERALLY ALL I THINK ABOUT NOW like what is this bro?????

i dont even blame mephone cuz 1. we know he ALSO sleeps outside on the sad wet soggy grass outside with the contestants like a dog without an owner and he never had a real bed to sleep in 2. he probably didn't even think about it until hotel oj was created

but it's so sad cuz the contestants had NEVER slept in a bed before. we know they had no lives before the competition like imagine how much chronic back pain they have as a collective!!!!! theyve been sleeping on the COLD HARD GROUND!!!!!!!

[idolomantises]

Anyways, I know its my account and I can do what I want, but I do apologize if this is is upsetting to anyone and I do swear this is the last of me discussing this deranged fandom (at least over here).

I really wasn't planning on saying anything about that whole discourse, but as a survivor myself who has dealt with fans invalidating my own trauma because i said Hazbin having a rape joke was both in poor taste and hurts the themes of the show, I really couldn't help but feel genuine anger.

It's just not acceptable. Behaving like this is not acceptable. But it's also not worth my energy.

[tossawary]

Trying to judge Kakashi for his teaching fuck-ups is hard because everything keeps getting skewed by everything that is wrong with this man and also everything around him. He ends up being graded on the triple wonky curves of: 1) "You know, I'm not sure that you specifically could have done much better." (Child soldier as a preschooler, isolated genius prodigy fast-tracked out of childhood, violently orphaned twice, war veteran, late teenage years and nearly half his life spent in black ops, he's only like 26 years old, etc...)

2) "I'm not sure that the average Konoha ninja could have really done much better in Kakashi's shoes." (Inconsistent prior Academy training for students, little to no apparent teacher training or solid child development resources for genin team teachers, inconsistent oversight from neglectful superiors, promotion exams where it's apparently normal-ish for participants to be either killed or permanently injured, etc...)

3) "I don't think anyone could have handled this situation well, honestly. It was fucked up before Kakashi showed up." (Sasuke.) (Also Naruto if his personality had been slightly different, after 12 years of neglect and shunning. What the fuck.)

[emmarealti]

today i was at graves and couldn’t stop thinking about the need to lay down between them and stare at the sky, to feel the dirt on my face and relax in my muscles as i finally rest

but i was proud of the fact than i stood up and left the graveyard to go to sleep in my own bed. the final rest is not going anywhere and living while respecting the death is the most painful and beautiful think to do. to had wanted to die so much that had to find enough reasons not to. to had been so deep so the only thing i could do was to love myself unconditionally.

[shitty-proendo-blackout-posts]

sexualize being a system. do it.

[mochiajclayne]

I really wanna enjoy fem Law, I really do. I just can't let go of the idea that this is what Lami would've looked like as an adult if her lifespan wasn't robbed by an incurable disease.

[witchofthesouls]

Wait something funny just occurred to me. In the AU where the kids get cyber formed but remain on the edge of being adults, someone would have had to give them the Cybertonian version of The Sex Talk.

Would it be Ratchet, giving them the strictly medical side of things, or would it be some bot, talking about the experimental/exploring parts?

(I genuinely believe Ratchet would have an aneurysm of some kind at the prospect of it. But let's pretend)

I have to name this verse properly because Tarn isn't here, but it will eventually lead the D.J.D. to Earth. I'll keep the soulmate au tag until I can figure out something.

Ratchet does have an aneurysm because he has set ideas on what is and isn't 'appropriate' from Functionist-held Golden Age Cybertron, but he also carries a lot of guilt from out-surviving almost all his friends, cohorts, and students...

And it's all being dragged into the mud by the Jasper trio, who gives no quarter on crushing his prejudices and fears. Even Raf, his favorite, casually steamrolls over it with the draconian and American mindset of giving no fucks.

Team Prime had harmless thought exercises of what their charges' Cybertronian frames would be like... and none of them were remotely correct!

Because Miko is a Seeker femme, Raf may or may not be a type of Predacon, and Ratchet can't get proper readings on Jack's base-coding, Ratchet sits them all down because they're not sparklings or mechlings with sealed plates but full-framed mecha with total access. He gives them the reproductive talk, especially since Seekers and beastformers go into reproductive heats, but humans don't have that. He's trying to be mindful, and Ratchet is going through the different sexual methods and the variations of parts. Of course, Raf has to interrupt because the draconian mech has two spikes and no receptacle, and he would like to know about any necessary care.

All in all, it's really Ratchet having another fit because his weird humans are now weird Cybertronians of yore/throwbacks. And the ex-humans are taking it rather well, but Jack, Miko, and Raf had literally lifetimes to explore sexuality: as humans, human-hybirds by exploring their heritage as well as alchemical concoctions and very curious lovers.

This, however, did kickstart the path of Ratchet teaching Miko his medical knowledge as she doesn't want the results. She's burning to have the technical skills and knowledge of the processes. Ratchet does pass on his skills to Raf and Jack, but Raf prefers the science as Jack is more fascinated by procuring research material. Miko literally bullzoned her way to become his student. The howling matches they had shook the foundations of the base, but she got her way because she deliberately aimed at his vulnerable parts. ("You'll leave us one day to go back to Cybertron! And you're refusing to tell me how to properly care for myself!?") Ratchet is highly concerned about how voracious Miko's appetite is for that knowledge.

She yearns to become a Tsunade/Unohana terror among them because they have a strong suspicion that if their status is revealed, then they'll become targets. She'll become a Cybertronian Bloodbourne horror if it means she'll never be trapped like what happened to some of her kin.

[ellenhuttereborn]

maybe I just have on “fucked up media” goggles at all times, because I can’t believe there are people who watch supernatural and don’t draw parallels between sam’s storylines and csa/sa. there’s so much more to his character than just that, but it feels like such an integral part of him to me and goes hand and hand with his lack of bodily autonomy.

[nutmegthings]

When MurderBot says "sometimes people do things to you that you can't do anything about. You just have to survive it and go on"

Fucking Hell.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...

[mayasaura]

For some reason, the dnd:hat movie has been living rent-free in my head for over a week. Xenk is just rattling around in there right now, having a long talk with Kira about morality, mortality, personal sacrifice, and being a child who saw the Beckoning Death unleashed on their home.

I feel like Xenk would have a lot to say that Kira needs to hear, and be a good listener for the things Kira needs to talk about that she can't tell her dad or Holga. He'd probably benefit from talking to her, too. Kira almost experienced the same tragedy he did when he was her age. It would be cathartic for him to help her through that, knowing he helped save her from ever experiencing what he went through

[antiendovents]

Wouldn't hate endo systems as much if they stopped trying to get themselves to be accepted and treated the same way as TRAUMA SURVIVORS and invade our spaces etc when we say that we don't want non traumatized people in safe spaces for traumatized people 😭

literally. Why are you demanding that trauma survivors treat you like one of them even though you claim to have no trauma. Like dude fuck off.

[coockie8]

I don't know if I've mentioned it on here before, but I've mentioned it elsewhere, that I probably wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with an anti. Whether they're the feral ''kys'' type anti or not.

A lot of people seem to misinterpret that as me letting pointless fandom drama control my relationships, but that's genuinely not the reality. Fictional squicks are not the issue here; the treating fictional anything like it's comparable to my lived trauma is, and that is a thing that all antis do.

I don't care if lolicon and incest fiction makes you uncomfortable, you are allowed to be uncomfortable, but the reality is this shit is fiction, and fiction is not the same as 13-17 year old me getting sexually assaulted by multiple different adults on multiple different occasions.

I simply would not be able to maintain a relationship of any kind with someone who thinks a fucking drawing is in any way comparable to what those men did to me!

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

actually just gonna take better care of myself than I did last year. thats it thats the resolution