br1ghtestlight

[br1ghtestlight]

going to take biology this semester i think and it's soo scary im trying to reach into the depths of my mind and pull out any knowledge of biology i retained from 8th grade. we dissected cow eyeballs and mine had a tumor on it. the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. i don't know

[br1ghtestlight]

I do not "render." I do not "shade." I do not "paint," I do not "detail" and i do not draw "Backgrounds." I draw BLAND CHARACTERS standing in WHITE VOIDS And if it doesn't look good i GIVE UP.

[br1ghtestlight]

targeted advertising from reddit 😭😭💔

[br1ghtestlight]

sighs..... i miss writing 😔 it's been so long

[br1ghtestlight]

kinda wish i knew my muslim grandpa just bcuz i think growing up with grandparents from every major religion would've been so cool. like imagine all the holidays.....

[br1ghtestlight]

i’m so glad my girl is going to be ok 🥺

[br1ghtestlight]

having wifi again is so beautiful lalala peace and love on the planet earth ^_^ <3

[br1ghtestlight]

fascinating that in america "malls are dead" and no one goes to them anymore apparently bcuz where i live malls are VERY MUCH alive 😭 doesnt really work as fascist nostalgia baiting when the shitty clothing store malls in my town are always hustling and bustling. if anything we NEED malls with arcades and movie theaters etc maybe then we'd have something to fucking do

[br1ghtestlight]

growing up i was led to believe that my family was the most disgusting shameful awful family in the whole world and nobody could ever know about us or what it was like and in some ways that was kinda true (i wouldn't talk about it online bcuz of the amount of harassment i would receive) but also as an adult realistically there were probably like 25 other families just in my town in similar situations. like it wasn't that crazy lmao

[br1ghtestlight]

the only frame of reference i have for how clean/dirty things are actually supposed to be are my mom (allowed us to live in actual nuclear waste level filth for 19 years of my life) and my grandma (1960s housewife from europe with extreme cleaning anxiety and perfectionism) so i never really know what normal ppl are used to and whenever people come to my house im immediately like sorry its so messy!!! im still working on unpacking etc and they're probably seeing this

[br1ghtestlight]

always remember that love will always come back to u. in a different form, different person, different hobby, different touch. but in any way, love will always come back.

[br1ghtestlight]

it's weird actually cuz ive never been scared by a horror movie/game or haunted attraction before.... like they don't SCARE me they just startle me. is that what ppl are talking about or are they actually like. scared of these things?? they're not real. idk im just not someone who enjoys that type of entertainment i think

[br1ghtestlight]

i don't even get scared by horror or jumpscares or anything i just have ptsd and people jumping out and screaming at me without warning (even with a warning tbf) is like my own personal idea of a nightmare LMAO it just triggers my fight or flight but not in a fun way in a trauma response way. which is why i dont enjoy halloween or haunted houses or horror movies. im already on-edge all the time!!!!

[br1ghtestlight]

offering my service to americans for the low cost of idk 20 dollar i will buy items online from foreign countries for you and drive them to the border for ur convenience. we're doing this the old fashioned way

[br1ghtestlight]

it's kinda nice to imagine that if you got cancer or a brain tumor etc people would start caring about you but the truth is if they dont care about you now nothing is ever going to change that. people get bored of ppl with chronic illness and leave them behind, their terminal cancer gets too burdensome etc and they forget about them. at most they might use your illness as an excuse to get sympathy for themselves bcuz of how hard it is for Them but they won't suddenly start caring about you as an individual. after a few months all the concern and praise for your bravery will disappear and you'll be left alone and traumatized

[br1ghtestlight]

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”