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butterflyinthewell · 4 years ago

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Adult fandom antis scare me.

You know how the most violently homophobic people end up being gay themselves?

That’s why I’m immediately suspicious of any 20+ adult fandom anti who uses the same rhetoric as 15 year olds and presents themselves as a “safe adult”.

There’s no way they’re safe, they’re using the rhetoric to deflect suspicion off themselves and they’re probably saying and doing really gross shit to kids in private.

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— TW CSA MENTION —

Just imagine how they could find the kid that’s the most on the fringes, make them feel special, reel them in more, get them to share nudes, and then threaten to take away all that friendship and turn everyone against them if they tell anyone what happened. Imagine how scared that kid will feel when they see this monster, feel disgusting and deflect all that terror and guilt into telling people to stop being alive over Loli artwork.

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Predators are slick like that. They’ll hide in plain sight if it means accessing their chosen prey.

That’s why people need to educate minors about what grooming can really look like, cuz I promise it’s not icky artwork just existing on a server somewhere.

Being groomed is never the child’s fault, blame always lies on the predator. Always.

I looked up info about online grooming warning signs and here’s what I found. This may be triggering for survivors.

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The Steps of Grooming

Any person of any age, gender, sexual identity or ethnicity can groom someone for the purpose of abuse. That person may be someone you know or someone you don’t know. Children and teens are not the only victims of grooming, but this guide focuses on young people.

Grooming was first recognized in abuse cases where the abuser knew their victim in person, like Ariana Kukors, a US Olympic swimmer who was abused by her coach. Kukors has spoken publicly about the role grooming played in her story, and how the manipulation kept her under the control of her abusive coach for years. In addition to in person grooming, online grooming has become equally dangerous, prevalent and damaging. More and more of our lives are lived online, which is why we need to think more and more about our safety online.

1. Targeting a victim

Unfortunately, any young person is at risk of online grooming. Abusers typically look for someone who is more vulnerable or in a vulnerable situation, like someone living in foster care or someone with a disability. Online, abusive people look for teens who are lonely or expressing sexual curiosity. Sometimes online abusers pretend to be teenagers themselves, but more often they are adults trying to play the role of an older boyfriend or a mentor who can “teach” the victim about love or sex.

2. Gaining access

Sexual abuse is most often committed by someone that you already know, and this is because the abuser usually needs to be in your circle of acquaintances to get access to you. They want to be nearby and to have opportunities to be alone.

This is often not the case with online abuse, because the internet provides that access. Instead of being in the same city or neighborhood, abusers can meet potential victims on social media, in games, chatrooms, or anywhere that users correspond. Online platforms also allow anonymity, which works in the abuser’s favor. It can be difficult to determine who a person is and their intentions.

3. Building trust

A key part of grooming for sexual abuse is building trust with the victim. In person or online, abusers try to fill a need. You may be lonely, feel unpopular, isolated or bored, and the abuser will pretend to become a friend you can confide in and who can listen. They may act sympathetic, always take your side, and portray themselves as the only person who understands your problems. Their goal is to become your main emotional support. They may also try to make you feel special by treating you like an adult and commenting on your maturity. They may quickly look for a favor they can do for you to make you feel indebted and more likely to do something for them return. This stage is particularly damaging because it closely mimics a positive relationship.

4. Isolation and risk assessment

When an abuser thinks they have established trust, they test that bond. They may try to isolate you from family or friends, sometimes to the point of you becoming very emotionally or otherwise dependent on them. With online grooming, they may ask if your parents check your phone or if you are home alone. They may also start asking you to keep secrets, either about conversations or gifts they send. This is one way the abuser assesses whether they can move to the next step and you will stay silent.

5. Sexualization of the relationship

The final step occurs when the abuser believes they have built sufficient trust that you will do what they request and keep everything secret. They may commit sexual assault in or request sexual images or videos, often increasingly explicit in nature.

While in person and online grooming both follow these steps, abusers work at different rates. For example, Ariana Kukors swim coach began grooming her when she was 13 years old and the physical sexual abuse began when she was 15. Online abuse can occur faster, sometimes in even less than one hour.

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Red Flags and Warning Signs

It is not reasonable to say that you should avoid the internet if you don’t want to be abused. The responsibility and blame always lies with an abuser, not someone they victimize who is simply engaging in modern life online. We believe it is possible for you to still have fun online, meet new friends, and stay safe. The key is awareness. It may be difficult to identify a step in the grooming process in real time, but there are red flags and warning signs that you can recognize, especially if they start to accumulate. They can help you protect yourself when sexual requests slide into your DMs.

Flattery

It can feel nice to be noticed. Lots of likes and comments on your social media can feel good, but excessive compliments from a stranger can be a warning sign, particularly sexualized comments about your appearance. Flattery is one way online abusers gain access to their victims and begin building a relationship. “Wow, you should be a model,” may seem harmless, but it often isn’t. You have the power. Just because someone gives you a compliment does not mean you have to continue the conversation.

Gifts

Online groomers might send video game currency, cash, electronic devices, or other gifts to you to ingratiate themselves. This is a clear red flag. There is no reason why an adult should be sending gifts to a minor they met online, nor is it typical teen behavior to send gifts if the abuser is posing as a younger person. In actuality, gifts are one way abusers assess risk. They may ask you to not tell your parents about the gift to test how much you trust them and if you will stay silent after sexual abuse.

Asking for personal information

It is safest to avoid sharing personal and identifying information about yourself online or with those you don’t know. If you are playing video games, chatting, or sharing photos for fun, there is no need for personal questions about where you live or go to school. Do your parents read your messages? What is a secret no one knows about you? Abusers want to know as much as they can about their victims so they can better manipulate them.

Secret conversations

Secrets work in the abuser’s favor in two different ways. To build trust, they may confide in you by telling real or made up secrets to try to make you feel special. Abusers also use secrets to test that trust before escalating to sexual abuse. If someone asks you to keep a conversation secret, ask yourself why? Is the conversation inappropriate, or is it dangerous?

Sending sexually explicit photos

In the online dating world, it is almost assumed you will receive sexual photos whether you asked for them or not. Sexting is considered normal, but still has risks and consequences, particularly if you are under 18. Unfortunately, abusers rely on the normalization of sexting. They expect you to dismiss or think nothing of an explicit image, but in reality, abusers send explicit imagery to try and desensitize their victim to future abuse. It is a priming tactic. Keep in mind, that in many countries it is illegal for an adult to send an underage person pornographic material,nor is it lawful to send nude photos as a minor to another person. In any online exchange, it is not okay for anyone to send unsolicited explicit photos. This is poor etiquette and ultimately a nonconsensual act and red flag no matter what.

Requesting sexual photos

Online abusers sexualize the relationship by sending and requesting explicit photos and videos, explicit letters or phone calls, or asking detailed questions about your sexual history or experience. They may begin with a seemingly harmless request, like a photo of you fully clothed, before asking for increasingly sexual images. Others brazenly ask for explicit material straight away and even demand live webcam performances. Remember that after you send an image, you no longer have control over what a person does with that image. Ask yourself how well you know the receiver. Did you meet in person or online? Do you know their real identity and their intentions? How does the request make you feel? Many young people enjoy the attention that comes from the potential of a new relationship, but requests to send nudes can still feel like unwanted pressure.

Threats

After the abuser receives one or multiple sexual images, they may try to blackmail you into sending more images of increasing exploitative nature. They may send threats that they will release the images online or send them to your family or school. This is a kind of extortion, or rather sextortion, and is another form of sexual abuse. You do not need to respond or give in, despite how terrifying the threats may seem. An abuser does not want to put themselves at risk by exposing the relationship, so the threats may be a bluff. Seek immediate help.

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Next Steps

If you feel uncomfortable about an online conversation, the next thing you should do may be the hardest. Reach out for help and support. Telling a parent, guardian, teacher or someone else can be daunting because you can’t know for sure how they will react, but confiding in someone with some power who you can trust and who won’t blame you for the abuse is key to moving forward. Alternatively, you can call a helpline which allows you to remain anonymous and get accurate advice about your situation.

An online conversation with someone abusive can spiral out of control quickly. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed, but if there is anything you should take away from this guide, it is this: it is never your fault. The blame is not yours to bear.

—source: Scarleteen website.

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My advice: keep receipts. Take screenshots, save emails, save photos or videos if it’s safe/legal to do so (ie they’re not another minor sending sexually explicit stuff, saving that might be cited as CSEM possession), and document whatever you can. It will help you expose the person to either law enforcement or in a callout post if a callout is necessary.

#proshipper #antis #discourse #fandom discourse #grooming #red flags #grooming red flags #grooming warning signs #tw csa mention #swearing #long post

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snarkywrites · 5 years ago

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2020: A Year of Change and Maturity

2020, a new beginning and a year where we will be tested. The Capricorn Stellium pushes us to reach our higher purpose, to go beyond our limits and to grow up. The childish mentality will not help you move forward. Time to drop those self-defeating thoughts and to focus on the big prize. This is your year to define who you are and who you will become. Take control of the next chapter of your lives and get ready to create a masterpiece.

Aries – 2020 strikes you with a bang making you wonder about your spot in the world. Mars enters Sagittarius early in the month on January 3rd, that will give you some much needed success when it comes to academics or anything pertaining to higher thinking. Venus, the planet of love will have you going from social butterfly to hermit in a blink of an eye. It will allow for you to bring about peace. Your general focus will be working hard and hustling, thanks to the major Capricorn Stellium. Your card for the month of January is the Seven of Wands which compliments your need to compete and thrive during these times. There will be many people who will test you and put you through the ringer. Stay calm, stay strong and remember to think long and hard before taking any action. This is your time to behave like your sister sign, Libra. When Mars moves into fellow fire sign Sagittarius, it will help you think outside the box and will aid in your successes as it sparks that drive you have craved for some time.

Taurus – Mars moving into the sign of Sagittarius might bring some intense times that will be highly beneficial. You will wield control and exude more magnetism when you are surrounded by people. With the Saturn and Pluto Conjunction, causing some friction in your expression and ideology, this Mars transit can help spice things up with someone you are in love with or interested in. Venus moving into the sign of Pisces will benefit your connections with new people. Creative types will surround you and they will bring about new inspiration. If you lacked the will to create, now is the time to keep at it. Saturn will help you work diligently. It is slow and the rewards seem to not be anywhere, but Saturn requires your patience. As the bull, you understand the importance of not rushing. Your card for the month is the Empress. Your creativity will be sparked during these transits, so trust in what you have to offer to the world. The only one holding you back is you.

Gemini – The highlight for next month will be when Venus shifts in the sign of Pisces. It will be your time in the spotlight, and you will shine and thrive during this month. This is the much-needed recognition you have been craving for. All of your hard work will come with gifts that will boost your morale. Jupiter in the sign of Capricorn will bring you with much needed stability and a new outlook on life as you finally begin to pull yourself out of the darkness of the Saturn and Pluto influence. This will be a month of hope and renewal for you. Mars in Sagittarius will make you more in tune with your needs. Vocalizing what is best for you in partnerships. With Mercury in fellow air sign, Aquarius, there will be insight and much to learn for you this month. Learn from books, learn from mentors and apply this knowledge to create better plans for the road ahead. Your card for the month of January is the Four of Pentacles. Try find new methods to expound on your financial stability.

Cancer – When Venus shifts into fellow water sign, Pisces, you will experience a change in mood. There will be more optimism on your behalf. The joyful outlook will be expanded by Jupiter in Capricorn, making you want to believe in love once again. The Saturn and Pluto Conjunction might bring a dose of reality to your partnerships and your current situation. Those in relationships will either sink or swim during this transit, as you begin to value your worth. This will either enforce the bond or you will come to terms that changes need to be made. Mercury moving into Aquarius next month might make your words sharper and you might feel more intuitive. The Devil in Reverse is your card for the month. You have acknowledged your struggle, the pain and the misfortunes that have happened this year. Now is the time for you to release this and not to cling onto the past. Much more awaits once you let go and stop thinking about the failures and what has not happened for you.

Leo – The month of January brings you some surprises. With the Saturn and Pluto Conjunction in the sign of Capricorn, you will be fighting for what you want in school or work. You have learned a lot of self-discipline during the Saturn transit. Things have not been easy and some of you might have had some health troubles in the last couple of years. It will be a month where you might feel generous thanks to Venus in the sign of Pisces, making you humbler and more excited for love. Intimate relationships will be intensified with this transit as you become more possessive and needy with your partner. Those who are single might enjoy having lots of fun meeting new people when Mars enters fellow fire sign Sagittarius. It will be a moment of lots of reflection and exhilaration that will make things more bearable for you. With Jupiter in Capricorn, you can feel the pressures and burdens lifting and there will be a more joyous atmosphere with peers. Justice in Reverse is the card for you this month. Try not to be shady this month, especially to those who have wronged you. Keep doing you and let the haters stay bitter.

Virgo – The last two years might have felt like a drain for you and a pain. The Saturn and Pluto conjunction it will probably hit a little hard for you, but that does not mean you should lose faith or optimism. The tides are turning for you, Virgo. Jupiter entering the sign of Capricorn brings you with much needed fun into your life. The Lovers is the card for the month of January, and this is very fitting considering that Venus enters your sister sign, Pisces. This is a wonderful time to renew the love for your partner or appreciate your friends. To those who are single, January brings about a new era in your love life, so get ready for some excitement that is to come. However, with Mars entering the sign of Sagittarius it will bring some friction when it comes to dealing with family. Keep the anger levels low, try to relax and meditate because this month will only bring you lots of love and excitement. Focus on bringing peace and harmony to your life because it can only bring better things.

Libra – It might feel like an extremely karmic year for you as you have endured and fought tooth and nail for your spot in the sun. Saturn and Pluto Conjunctions has caused some troubles in the home front, but you are getting out of that dark spot with Jupiter in the sign of Capricorn offering you with a much-needed reprieve. Your card for the month is the Six of Swords Reversed showing that you refuse to change your mindset, and this is the time to let go of what is hurting you and accept the transformations that are to come. With Venus entering the sign of Pisces, you will be focusing more on improving at work or in school. Perfection is everything for you and no one can stop you. Mercury in the sign of Aquarius helps you feel awakened, as you have an easy time putting thoughts in order and even connecting with your creative side. Mars in Sagittarius helps you with attaining more clarity when it comes to your thought process. Everyone might view you as cold and reclusive, but this will be your way to fight through the darkness that you will pull yourself out.

Scorpio – There have been some blockages for you with Saturn in the sign of Capricorn. Communicating with peers and siblings might have been complicated for you and Pluto added to unnecessary tension. With Jupiter in the sign of Capricorn, you might feel freer to express yourself more. Blockages might be clearing, and any karmic debts might be forgiven. This is a month of reconciliation and with Venus entering fellow water sign, Pisces, you will be more generous, caring and people will notice your compassionate side. It will be a joyous month for you as you are more in tune with yourself and the environment you are currently in. The only advise would be to watch your spending habits as Mars shifts into Sagittarius, making you much more impulsive with the purse. Your card for the month of January is the King of Cups. You are in your element, emotionally in control and a tactician.

Sagittarius – The month of January feels like the beginning of a new journey to self-discovery for you. The Saturn and Pluto conjunction might spark some depressive moments, as you ponder over financial security and your own worth. This will pass as Jupiter in the sign of Capricorn bringing everyone a little more optimism for their troubles. With Mars entering your sign on the 3rd, you will finally feel awakened. This is the boost that you have wanted for a while, as it brings you in touch with that fire energy. It will be a very productive month for you and as Venus shifts into Pisces, you will experience some much needed relaxation in the home front. This will be bringing a calming energy, but it might be occasionally challenged with Mars in your sign. Find the balance in your relationships and learn to pick your battles. For those who are single, this applies to relationships with friends and family as well. The card of the month for you is Temperance. Remember to practice the balance (mentioned in my previous sentences) because it will help with growth.

Capricorn – It is all about you this time of year. 2020 starts with a bang since most of the signs are in Capricorn. You have endured and survived the last few years, but now things start to heat up and you will most likely be up for the ride. When Venus enters the sign of Pisces, you will be more in tune with the world around you. It might even make you feel a little sensitive and contemplative, as you reminisce of lost connections and try to even rekindle past romances. The Sun and Pluto Conjunction might intensify everything revolving your persona. It will be a fight or flight transit as you either hone your power, accept the changes or cower away in fear. However, all might feel suffocating but Jupiter in your sign reminds you to keep at it. Brighter days are ahead. Your card for the month is the Three of Pentacles. Seek help from those around you when you need it. Collaborative effort might bring you luck and success. Timing is everything.

Aquarius – The Saturn and Pluto Conjunction in Capricorn feels like the pregame for the Saturn in Aquarius transit. This is a taste of what you will be feeling in the next two and a half years. You might feel tired and drained but with Jupiter in Capricorn, this will be the much-needed transit you have been dreaming of…literally. Jupiter will clear away all of the negative thoughts that you have carried. You will see things in a new light and might feel a little more optimistic. With Mars entering the sign of Sagittarius, it will prove to be beneficial for you as you interact with those eternal optimists. Surrounding yourself with people that will help you find a new method of thinking will prove perfect for you. A shift in your mindset is necessary because it will help you thrive in the years to come. Venus in the sign of Pisces will help give you a little self-love and care. It will feel therapeutic to spend some money on you but do not get too carried away. The card for the month is the Five of Swords Reversed which is telling you to forgive but not forget. If you ended something on bad terms because you were at fault, making peace with that person will be in your best interest.

Pisces – January brings you into much calmer waters as Venus enters your sign on January 13th. Being more appealing, feeling more at ease with past choices and practicing self-forgiveness will be tied to this transit. Connecting with people in the last couple of years has not been easy with Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn. The conjunction on January 12th allows for much reflection as you analyze your current state of independence and how much stronger you have become because of the transit. Mercury entering Aquarius ties dreams to reality as you weave a path through them to gain answers, but you should not stress it. With Mars in the sign of Sagittarius, there is a prominence that will be associated with you in the next few months. It may have been a time where you were low key, but now you come in full force, showing everyone that you are still a competitor and someone that has evolved after facing challenges. Your card for the month of January is the Two of Swords. Make those choices that you have been putting off, learn to be more assertive even if this frightens you. You have the tools needed to make the best decision that will allow for you to grow even more.

#Horoscope #Astrology #Aries #Taurus #Gemini #Cancer #Leo #Virgo #Libra #Scorpio #Sagittarius #Capricorn #Aquarius #Pisces

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predictmyfuture · 4 years ago

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Tips for Making New Friends

Friends can hold an incredibly close spot in our hearts; sometimes even becoming like family to us. Without friends to walk through life with, share our ups and downs, pains, and joy; our life experiences wouldn’t be nearly as meaningful. Enjoy this simple advice on tips for making new friends to help you effortlessly make new friends.

So much emphasis is put on romantic relationships, but research shows that friends are more emotionally vital for our well being.

Time with friends can be some of the best moments of our lives. They are also there for us during the most critical times of our lives.

However, making friends is not always easy, especially in childhood and adolescence, periods that can be marked by shyness and insecurity. Even many adults have difficulty making new friends. It’s a good idea to challenge yourself to open up to the people around you.

1. Give attention to people

Do you have the habit of spending your breaks reading a book, listening to music on your headphones, or using the internet on your cell? As relaxing as this can be; it makes it difficult for your colleagues to get close to you.

Try to pay attention to people! The first step is detaching yourself, at least for a few minutes, from the distractions; and talking to your colleagues instead. You might be surprised! Make an effort to listen to what they are saying. By paying attention and interacting, you’ll get to know more about them. Remembering the little things they say lets them know you are interested. This is one of the best tips on making a new friend that you can follow.

After this initial contact, keep yourself more accessible to your colleagues, and they will start approaching you for conversation. Over time, you can become friends.

2. Show up

Just as Woody Allen said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up,” a big part of friendship is merely showing up. Whenever you have the chance to be with other people, take it. Go to the party. Stop by someone’s desk. It’s not necessary to make a significant effort; even a few minutes will pay off.

For example, if you are in school or work break, sit with others. It doesn’t have to be a full table, but try to choose one with a few people, that way you won’t feel stressed to make conversation; even just being there and listening makes you part of the group.

New friends won’t magically appear in your living room; you have to get out to meet them. This is one of the vital tips for making new friends.

Volunteering, taking a class, walking the dog are all ways to meet people.

If you must stay home, then even social media could help you make friends. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are full of people who could also use a new friend.

3. Be nice

Try to be welcoming. Keep in mind that others make mistakes, as we all do. When someone mentions a blunder they made, let them know if you’ve done something similar, so they see that you are kind and understanding. They realize that you can relate to them and their faults, so you are probably a reasonable and friendly person that they can feel safe around.

By being humble, we can see people’s points of view, conveying an image of being welcoming with considerable kindness.

We don’t all reach agreement on the same thing, thank goodness, or we’d all be the same. When talking to people who do not think like you, try to be as kind as possible; maintaining respect, and not talking behind their backs.

We all want to be friends with people who won’t judge us or spread gossip about us, so we can prove to new potential friends that we respect everyone (including them) and won’t be betraying them when they turn their back. This counts as a big winner when considering the tips on making a new friend.

4. Just Be Yourself

Don’t try to change yourself to make new friends. You have a personality, and it’s not only okay to show it, but it’s also actually the best thing to do. People that are on your wavelength will be drawn to you. Your new potential friends need to see you as you are. If the image that you portray isn’t you, in the long run, your friendship won’t last. It will be exhausting for you trying to act a way that just really isn’t you, and they’ll feel cheated because that’s not the personality they were drawn to.

So, just be yourself; that way, new people that have like minds will be drawn to you. The closest and most genuine friendships begin with both of you enjoying and accepting each other for who you are.

5. Listen, Listen, Listen

Advice from some of the most excellent communicators is just this: listen! While you are conversing with someone, really pay attention to what that person is saying.

Why should you do this?

Listening intently to another shows that their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors matter, and you are interested in understanding them.

Sometimes you might worry so much in thinking about what to say next that you may end up missing what the other is even saying.

Truthfully, most people will love you if you will show interest in their words. Even if you say very little, but acknowledge that you heard them, they will think that you are such a nice person! Whenever you meet someone, listen to what they say, their history, tastes, and opinions. This is one of the shortest paths to a good friendship. Just try it for a day with everyone. This is one of the best and easiest things you can do to attract people to you. Not much hard work there, is it, if you’re wondering about tips for making new friends.

6. Take the first step

If you find yourself with new people and you want to get to know them, someone has to make the first move. If no one initiates the talk, you can take the first step to say hello. They will appreciate it. You can start by sharing something about yourself or even the weather. Allowing the other person a chance to share things about themselves will probably be welcomed. Remember #5? People love to talk about themselves and know that someone’s listening.

7. Join a club to have fun and meet new people.

Others with shared interests have joined this club just like you. Having something in common opens the door for conversation and fun times while enjoying those interests.

8. Realize your fear is in your head

Some of us feel scared when it comes to talking to someone new because we are worried about making a good impression or keeping the conversation flowing.

The more we focus on it, the scarier it seems. This can develop into an irrational fear, which takes on a life of its own and blocks us from making new friends. It’s important to know that most of these fears are just in our heads. You may worry about the impression you’ll make and, the truth is they have the same concern. That person might be as scared as you are, or maybe even more.

9. Open your heart-Make New Friends

It is essential to open your heart to the person. This connection between you and your new friend will only become truly real when your heart is open. You have to believe in the goodness in people, trust, and follow your heart. Try your best to trust and believe in them; it will encourage them to open up, and you can see them for who they are. Meaningful relationships can be missed if your heart is closed.

10. Spend Time with Your Friend’s Friends

If you have a few co-workers, acquaintances or classmates; try to hang out with them when their other friends are around. This is one of the easiest ways to meet new people. It is less awkward if you have someone to introduce you, and there are other people there talking. This situation gives you a conversation to be a part of, without any pressure.

11. Look Them Straight in the Eye

Looking someone in the eye (within reason) gives them a sense of confidence in you, that you’re not hiding anything. It also shows that you are not looking down on them, or up to them, but that you’re seeing them on the same level as you. Being on the same level means that friendship is entirely possible. It is a very vital step regarding body language when it comes to major tips on making a new friend.

As you look them in the eye, be sure to portray open body language. Don’t cross your arms; it may seem like you’re closing off to them, even if subconsciously.

People want you to like them and not feel above or below them, just the way you want them to think of you. To come across as friendly and confident; look them straight in the eye when you are talking and offer them a warm and friendly smile.

12. Volunteer in Your CommunityVolunteering is an opportunity to do good deeds and to meet new friends!

Of course, you’ll feel great about yourself and be an asset to your community. Perhaps even more importantly; you’ll also be around people who chose to volunteer for the same mission that you’ve chosen. Immediately you have something in common. Whenever you are around people who think like you, the odds of making new friends goes up exponentially.

13. Now that you have new friends – Be reliable

When you say you’ll do something, do it. Your new friends will value and respect you more if they know that they can count on you. People who value a reliable friend are the type of friend that will be there for you in return. Make an effort to be there and to be punctual; proving to them that their friendship is meaningful. You and your new friend will forge a stronger bond.

14. Know the importance of friendshipsFriends can help cure loneliness and bring about a lot more fun and exciting times.

Now that you have great friends let them know that they mean a lot to you. Buy them a coffee, laugh at their funny stories, call them when they’re going through hard times, get out with them, and have fun!

Your new friends have brought a lot of positive things into your life, and the longer the friendship grows, the more you’ll come to feel the importance of the delightful friends in your life.

The Benefits of Friendships

Improve your mood.

Create more fun moments.

Give you a sense of security.

Help you to reach your goals.

Reduce your stress and depression.

Support you through tough times.

Stand beside you as you age together.

Make you laugh.

Boost your self-worth.

You deserve to enjoy all of these terrific benefits and more. It’s time to make some new friends and enjoy your life – you’ve earned it!

What You Shouldn’t Do To Your Friends?

Only Talk About Yourself Friendship goes both ways. Your friends should want to know what’s going on in your world but don’t rehash what’s been happening in it for the umpteenth time.

Gossip First meetings with your new friends are exciting, and you need to be careful about what you talk about. Refrain from gossiping because gossiping will give the impression that you will speak the same way about them when you are with someone else.

Only Hang Out When It’s Convenient Your friendship will not last long if you do not ever invite your friend to go out. Even if your schedule’s all booked, you should find some time to call and go out even for a quick coffee run.

Judge Them Even if your friend tells you something you do not like, do not judge them. We all make mistakes. A good friend will help you move on and not criticize your actions. Friends stand beside us when others give up on us.

Interrupt Them Careful listening shows someone that you value what they’re saying; butting in with advice before you know the whole story? Not helpful.

Sometimes it can feel natural, and other times it can be harder. Whatever it may be, do not get discouraged. Be confident and positive, and you will attract new friends and keep them for life!

#friends for life #friendship #friends #make friends #friend goals #friendships #predict my future #psychis #love psychic

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obeymematches · 4 years ago

Text

Obey Me matchup please?

Hello, how are you? Thank you for taking your time to do this for me!~

About me: I’m a hetero Female, 5'3" (161 cm), long dark blonde hair, blue eyes, pale, thin build, and wear glasses cause I’m blind af. I have a tomboyish sort of dress style. I like hoodies/jackets, don’t like to wear skirts/dresses or high heels. I almost never wear makeup unlike most girls. I have skin allergies so makeup makes me itchy. My MBTI is INFP and my enneagram is 4w5.

I’m a more quiet person, although I love memes and quoting things that make me laugh. I have a really immature sense of humor so sometimes simple potty humor is enough to get me going. It takes me a long time to fully trust someone. I have a lot of issues I don’t like to talk about, including the fact that I’m autistic (aspergers to be precise) as it’s something I really don’t like about myself. I’m extremely self conscious about my looks, I don’t think of myself as pretty or attractive. I hate it when people see me cry so if that happens I will hide and not come out till I’m ready. I have no confidence in myself, but I do have a willingness to learn. I can be sarcastic and will sometimes be a troll just for my own amusement. I consider myself more on the independent side so I’m not someone who needs constant attention. I like having my space and enjoying the silence when needed. I have a weakness for animals (especially cats, my cat is my baby) and Pokemon plush (hoarder). I’m into anime, manga, and video games. It’s pretty much what I’ve invested all of my time into. I’m really reclusive and only go outside to work or go grocery shopping, although it’s nice to get away from it all once in a while. I’m also a low energy person, so I enjoy a good siesta when I’m really tired.

I don’t know if I would consider myself touch starved, but I it’s hard for me to be cuddly/intimate even with my family members, despite us being close. Not sure if it has to do with my autism or not, touch for me with other people is just kinda weird. That said, I’d like to be more intimate with those I’m close to, just have to get around the awkward feeling it gives me. Oddly enough, I touch/kiss/hug animals like my cat just fine. With animals, there is no awkward feeling. I’m the oldest of 3 children, and my sister wants to be hugged often and while I love her deeply, I wish she wouldn’t hold onto me for so long. My brother is more like me, we love each other, but prefer to express our bond by talking about things nobody else really understands. It confuses our parents and strangers, but that just makes it the more entertaining for us.

What I want in a partner is someone who I can truly bond with. Like a twin flame/soulmate kind of thing. Someone who is not only my partner, but also my best friend. I want to be their one and only, their number one. And of course, I want to let my partner know that they’re my one and only too as well as my number one. I’m not the kind of person to cheat on my partner, and I would hope the same from them. I want us to be able to trust each other 100%, that we always have each others backs. I want us to be there for one another when one of us is going through a rough time. Being the introvert I am, I do not require constant attention from my partner. I would understand perfectly if my partner needed time to themselves or just wanted to hang with some friends. I like the idea of marrying my partner. I’m a low sex drive person so unless I’m sure it’s with the right person, I’d prefer sex after marriage. I’m not real big on the idea of children because I don’t think someone like me would be a good parent. However, I am open to changing my views on this. Looks to me aren’t as important as how we connect on a personal level. I do think physical attraction should be part of a relationship, but it should not be the main basis for said relationship.

As for a favorite character, to be honest I don’t really have one. I think each character is enjoyable in their own way, including the undateables. I guess if I had to choose one of the characters, I’d pick Levi. As for the undatables, I’d have to pick Simeon.

I hope this wasn’t too long. Thanks again for your time and I hope you have a good day. :)

------

Hiii!!!!

Thank you for sending in a request!!!

I was pleasantly surprised when you mentioned that you like Levi the most, because he was exactly the one on my mind as I read your request.

So I hope you like the result!!

I match you with Leviathan!

So your fashion style is something worthy to consider as that’s something that gets others attention and says a few things about you even if you talk to a stranger. I think Levi wouldn’t mind at all that you prefer to be comfy! Honestly, he feels the same about this and he would never try to pressure you into wearing something you don’t like. (I mean you can expect him to cosplay with you at times, but thats more fun if you want it too.)

Having a sense of humour makes people more attractive. A sense of humour is usually each to their own, but I think Levi would get your jokes the most.

Levi doesn’t trust easily either, I mean first he has to figure out whether or not you’re normie, but even if you are not he still has to make sure that you are actually genuine. This probably comes from his low self-esteem.

When you are with him, you have to deal with him talking down on himself a lot and hopefully you are patient enough to handle that. (but also don’t let him use that against you to manipulate you, he is a demon afterall)

In return he would also help you with your insecurities, like i totally see him saying stuff like “so if you think you are ugly then i am much worse than ugly”

He would learn a lot from you and about you also. Like he would never tell you he is not interested when you want to rant about anything. Like your experiences, interests, opinions, anything. He knows he has a tendency to rant so the least he can do is listen to you when you want to talk about something.

The two of you could definitely troll social media as a bonding activity!!!

He has similar views on going out and independance, so the two of you understand and respect boundaries really well, which means theres no conflicts about that!

Oh pls don’t siesta with Belphie ever, it would make Levi so envious and he might think you’re cheating.

I think Levi is not too affectionate either, like touching him turns him into a mess. Good luck trying to talk to him after that for like 3 hours. But I think after he trusts you a bit more and after he believes that you are actually trustworthy, not just a nasty human normie, he will try to be intimate with you more often. His libido is much less than Asmo’s or Lucifer’s, so I think he can restain himself well enough for you to be okay and for him to not cross your boundaries. (in canon he is a virgin if i know right so he can wait a couple more years if that makes you comfortable.)

Levi would do his best to get along well with your siblings, though he is very socially anxious so pls be prepared to help him out in case he freezes. But I think after he gets used to them he would want to hang out more at your place - you don’t have as many siblings as he does so the place is more quiet, also your siblings are actually fun, unlike that loser Mammon.

I also think being best friends with your actual partner pays off at the long run, and Levi is a very good candidate for that. (as we can see in his phantom devilgram story). He may be a shut it but that doesn’t mean his life is boring or he does nothing at all. In canon he has several creative hobbies, like drawing, sculpturing, cosplaying, but he also reads, plays games and watches anime. So there are many things to do!!! He would be honored of you indulged in his hobbies and he would do his best to show you the ropes! In return he would do the same in case you pick up a hobby he never had before. Just a fun bonding experience, thats all

Trust, loyalty and honesty are the main values he looks for and he has them in himself as well. Tho as I mentioned he will take his time with trusting you.

Hmmmmmmm idk about his take on marriage though. Like i’m certain theres the demon equivalent for that and I think his opinion depends on their traditions. (or like if it’s a wedding with traditions of both worlds, idk how that would go because he is a demon so idk youd have to talk about the religious parts a lot. also he will not be able to handle the whole town being there because of the above mentioned anxiety) but like a private ceremony with just the two of you sounds good! (i mean he is just happy that one person somehow ended up in love with him, he wouldn’t really have any issues with commitment.)

I think you’d also be able to balance out his tendencies of being irrational at times, like when he talk down too much on himself or when he impulse bought something for the 17th time this week. and it’s only tuesday.

#obey me #obey me!#obey me shall we date #swd obey me #obey me swd #obey me leviathan #levi obey me!#obey me levi #om! levi #om! leviathan #levi obey me #obey me matchup #submission

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thecoleopterawithana · 5 years ago

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Hello, I'm the last anon you answered to. I'm sorry if I came out as defensive because it wasn't my intention. In fact I've always thought that John was bisexual until I started questioning everything. ( I'm a bisexual guy myself and I'm perfectly happy with the way I am ! ) It's just that I feel like Yoko would just say whatever she wants on John to suit her agenda. John's sexuality had always been an interesting topic and dropping something like that would gaib her publicity this is why I --

I question the authenticity of her claims. She could have lied about it just to attract attention… And I’d be disappointed because John was in fact my idol and he gave me the strength to come out as bi to my family. But there’s so many anecdotes about him being homophobic that it just makes me sad and this is why I hardly doubt that he was a bisexual man…As for the Cynthia quote I heard her say something like “ John was afraid of homosexuality just like everyone ) in a video on Youtube –

I am very conflicted because I’ve watched videos of John ( interviews etc ) and many comments said that he was very skilled at manipulating people and wasn’t as honest as he appeared to be, which is why I doubt. John had always been the rebellious type and I started thinking that he was using the bisexuality topic to shock and make people talk about it which is disappointing. Was he dropping hints that he was bi to piss off people and make publicity ? This is what I believe : (There is also -

Something he said to Alaister Taylor where he said that he was trying to spread the rumor that he was gay or bi just for fun and he told him that he would never shag a man because just the thought of it turned him off… Yet he also told him that he adored Brian so much that he would have done anything with him ( he contradict himself here. ) So yeah I didn’t want to be rude. I apologize. I think I need reassurance. Could you please analyse everything I said if u don’t mind please ? : (

Anon 2

At the very least all these years later isn’t it circumstantially suggested that John had very private gay encounters, and was uncomfortable making them public, yet wanted to hint at them so he could deal with this matter int he future? He was protecting his privacy and his ego, and perhaps wasn’t yet ready to reveal either his encounters or mixed feelings of bisexuality. His encounters have been protected by those with whom he was involved, people thameant a lot to him, no?

Anon 3

hey! by any chance, do you have knowledge of the quotes where john said “sex with girls felt like a performance after the first time” and “i was never sexually attracted to women before yoko”? i am SURE i’ve seen the first one somewhere on tumblr, though the second one is more of a quote of a quote so i’m not sure if it’s real or not dfkdjk thanks, anyway!

Anon 4

Hello! Is it true that John used to be very attracted to the drag scene in St Pauli ( I guess that was the town I read about ) and that basically the drag / gay scene made him feel comfortable and at home? Says a lot about him!

@tbhmarjj

I adore you, thank u for this blog and ur beautiful mind. i doubt johns bisexuality at times tbh considering he went to great lengths for publicity and he wanted to be an LGBT ally, be cool and outspoken and as he himself said it was trendy to be bi. but then again he was obsessed with Paul in so many ways and he was the embodiment of John’s ideal man. beautiful, talented, intellectual. I’ll be patiently awaiting ur posts exploring Paul’s views on johns sexuality.Thank u

Hello again, anon!

I want to begin by thanking you for getting back to me after I answered your ask and for clarifying where you were coming from when you wrote it. It really is quite hard to fully get the tone of a written message, especially one that is so short that you have no context to draw from to get the emotional meaning behind it. It really appeared to me when I read it that the concern was not who was saying it (Yoko) but about what was being said (John was bisexual). I can now see that was not the case and I appreciate that you’ve made that clear.

I also hope you don’t mind, but I’ve taken the opportunity to include in this answer all of the other asks I’ve been receiving regarding John’s sexuality. It’s clearly a topic of great interest in this community. So I’ll be attempting to address all the points raised here. Again, this is nothing definitive; only my personal readings of the situation as I find it at the moment.

Before I do answer, though, I’d just like everyone to take a deep breath and a step back. Let’s try to examine this topic a bit more objectively.

I understand that sex is kind of major in our society. Our notion of identity is tightly bound to our classified sexuality and gender. Sexual relationships (or amorous relationships) are seen as the epitome of human connection and the ideal everyone should be striving for. And people fundamentally want to be loved and not alone, so it makes sense that figuring out who is a potential companion (and if that companion is interested back) is such a big deal.

But despite these layers of meaning and societal pressures, we should keep in mind what sex represents, essentially, from an evolutionary point of view.

For social animals who derive pleasure from sexual stimulation, sexual intercourse is – like all the other kinds of affection – a way to build connections.

If you want to find examples in nature, just look at our ape cousins, the bonobos. The also called pygmy chimpanzee lives in a matriarchal society where sexual behaviour plays an essential role in strengthening social bonds, lowering tension and keeping the peace. Bonobos don’t discriminate between gender or age (except between mothers copulating with their own adult sons, so as to prevent cross-breeding). It’s the true “free love” society; evolution took “make love, not war” and ran with it.

Our own culture seems more similar to that of bonobos’ northern neighbours, the common chimp. Their patriarchy is more conservative regarding sexual intercourse, which is mainly used for reproduction purposes, and their power structure is based around intricate political games, where males form alliances and try to get public support in order to overthrow the ruling party.

I find it endlessly curious to look at these two species, whose physical separation by the Congo river made them diverge so starkly in their social organization, and compare them to the struggle between these same two natures that we find in our own society.

All this to say that, from a simply biological point of view, I have to agree with John and Yoko when they say that everyone must be bisexual. If sexual intercourse as a social behaviour is, inherently, all about establishing bonds and connections, the extent to which those connections are “allowed” to be built depends entirely on the hierarchal structure that same society is trying to preserve. In other words, what is classified as morally right or wrong is more reflective of the rules in place to keep that society working as it is, than it is of what is naturally present as a drive.

If your brain is primed to seek pleasure and sexual intercourse brings you pleasure independently of the partner’s gender, then the partner’s gender should be inconsequential.

But unlike bonobos, humans are kind of touchy about touching. So there are other levels of information influencing behaviour. The processes of socialization – of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society – and enculturation – by which people learn the dynamics of their surrounding culture and acquire values and norms appropriate or necessary in that culture and worldviews – are as determinant as the genetic factors influencing behaviour. In fact, this added education can be so effective in curbing your “primal instincts”, that one might forget they have them in the first place.

Thus, the concepts of gender identity and sexual orientation are a constantly shifting construct based on the various interactions between your genetic makeup and social influences.

I just think that, in order to have this discussion, it’s important to separate the various levels of it and be clear about which we are referring to.

There is the basic evolutionary drive to seek pleasure and form connections.

There is the social education about that same drive and how it is allowed to manifest itself.

And integrating all these different signals and information – various potentials which manifested as attraction – there finally is a behaviour, a choice.

And finally, there’s the external point of view of other members of society looking in and trying to discern other people’s drives and how they relate to their choices (that’s us now). The problem is, we often throw our own drives and choices into the mix, especially with regards to something as personally defining as sexual orientation.

So we have to make very clear in our minds what is the end goal here. Why are we interested in discussing this topic? Are we looking to discern as much of the truth as we can get it, objectively trying to understand these human beings? Or are we trying to confirm our own projections on them? And please, don’t take me wrong. All these are valid reasons to be interested in a subject. Often how it resonates with us, so personally, is vitally important to reaching a greater understanding about ourselves and learning how to communicate that to others.

But in the same way a piece of music can make you have a transformative emotional experience that the artist didn’t necessarily go through, it’s important to remember that our own inner-life might be affecting how we examine others. Better be mindful of what we project, lest we think are finally seeing inside another person when in fact we are only looking at our own reflection. (And honestly, I believe getting to truly know ourselves in this processes can be a hundred times more valuable than knowing the other. By learning to recognize ourselves we can better understand other people and vice-versa.)

So if it is important to you that John is bisexual, my honest opinion is that all the information can be read in a way that confirms it. We’ll hardly ever know for sure, and based on what we do know, that can certainly be the takeaway.

But if we want to objectively examine John’s sexuality, we shouldn’t bring in a confirmation bias. Meaning that we should be emotionally detached from the outcome, as long as it is as close to the truth as we can get. But this is only where I’m coming from, and I’m a bit of a scientist. It’s totally fair if you’re not in it for the same reasons. Though again, working under the assumption that you want to know my stance on it, let’s proceed.

I understand your reservations regarding Yoko as an unreliable narrator. To analyse Yoko’s motivations would be an interesting topic, but one which I will not go in at the moment as I don’t feel sufficiently informed about Yoko as a person to give an extensive examination.

But in my opinion, there is a whole lot of other information available from which to draw from other than Yoko’s statements.

I also get your and @tbhmarjj‘s concerns about John’s declarations during the 70s. But it’s the same question I posed in the previous post: Was the “bisexual chic” fad of the 1970s merely a publicity stunt for those involved? Even if it was, did it make the experimentations undertaken any less true? Were they just faking it for the press or were they finally allowed to try and be open about it?

Because I come from the biological background that places sex as a positive social interaction like any other, meaning that its purpose is to create bonds and the pleasure is our “reward” for doing it, I tend to believe that the behaviours were genuine. The drive there is real. As real as the internal constraints that would act on them as a result of societies shifting expectations and permissions. And this socialization is as determinant in the creation of sexual attraction as anything. So based on our definition of sexual orientation, all those bi rockstars of the 70s could have effectively stopped identifying as bi once the new social norm overrun their own internal drives and the previous less conservative status quo. That didn’t make them less bi when they were.

It’s funny, but in terms of gender and sexuality, nothing is real so everything is.

So yeah, I think that John could have been bisexual the second he felt he was. But because the social tide was likely to shift, it was better to also maintain a measure of deniability: it was just for show, it’s not serious, I was just taking the mickey out of you and you fell for it! Of course John was smart enough to leave space there to retract. He and Paul had mastered the art as communicators through song. They could claim them to mean everything and nothing as it suited them. As Anon 2 says, it’s a protective measure.

So I think that at some point in time, John genuinely identified as bisexual. Now whether he acted on it or not is another questioned entirely. As Anon 2 points out, there are various circumstantial accounts, but these are always tougher to verify.

I tend to believe Yoko when she says:

So did Lennon ever have sex with men?

“No, I don’t think so,” says Ono. “The beginning of the year he was killed, he said to me, ‘I could have done it, but I can’t because I just never found somebody that was that attractive.’ Both John and I were into attractiveness—you know—beauty.”

I ask what she makes of the people outside the building, the crowds still at Strawberry Fields.

Ono misunderstands, or mishears (or is simply focused on the last strand of our conversation), and continues to talk about sex.

“I don’t make anything out of it. When you’re not really interested in that sort of sex, you don’t think about it. Both John and I surprisingly were very passive people. Unless somebody made a thing out of it, if they made a move, I wouldn’t even think about it.”

— in Yoko Ono: I Still Fear John’s Killer by Tim Teeman for the Daily Beast (13 October 2015).

At least I believe he at least never “fully” did it, in the sense of full-blown anal sex. I think there might have been “milder” homosexual interactions, such as handjobs, that could be rationalized as not entirely gay (the thing with Brian in Spain being one of them.)

Regarding the drag scene in Hamburg Anon 4 was asking about, I agree that it also provides information about John. Though I think it’s mainly about his gender identity rather than his sexual orientation (though the two are invariably linked in the construct as well).

Here are some quotes about it:

With his four months’ greater experience, Sheridan was an ideal guide to the Reeperbahn’s more exotic diversions, like the Schwülen laden. Stu Sutcliffe later wrote home in amazement that the transvestites were ‘all harmless and very young’ and it was actually possible to speak to one ‘without shuddering’. Though raised amid the same homophobia as his companions, John seemed totally unshocked by St Pauli’s abundant drag scene; indeed, he often seemed actively to seek it out. ‘There was one particular club he used to like,’ Tony Sheridan remembers, ‘full of these big guys with hairy hands, deep voices—and breasts. But they used to make an effort to talk English. There was something about the place that seemed to make John feel at home.’

— In John Lennon: The Life by Philip Norman (2008).

And according to Horst Fascher (bouncer at the Indra Club and the Kaiserkeller):

It wasn’t just girls that were on offer to young english rockers. Monica’s Bar was Hamburg’s notorious transvestite club. For one or two English musicians, Monica’s was just another part of the Hamburg experience.

HORST FASCHER: One night Monica said, “Come, come and look. One of your boys is in the séparé.” “And who is it?” And she said, “One of the Beatles.” “Let me look”. She said, “Be careful. Look only sneaky-like.” But I did. I grabbed the curtain, pulled it aside and there was sitting John in… in a position with that girl, and you know. He felt really ashamed and I said, “John, don’t worry man. I did that all before.”

— In The Beatles Biggest Secrets. [Transcription is my own and I’m not too certain of it.]

Though there certainly might have been an aspect of sexual interest to it, I think John’s fascination with the drag scene was also the kinship with the queerness he felt inside himself; mainly in regards to him wanting to express his more sensitive side, which is coded as feminine in our society. So I think seeing men indulging in femininity and nonnormative behaviour resonated with him.

Also, I think it’s even more important to understand John’s relationship with sex in general, regardless of the partner.

To that end, the quote mentioned by Anon 3 is of special relevance:

When I was a kid, I wanted to shag every attractive woman I saw. I used to dream that it would be great if you could just click your fingers and they would strip off and be ready for me. I would spend most of my teenager years fantasising about having this kind of power over women. The weird thing is, when the fantasies came true they were not nearly so much fun. One of my most frequent dreams was seducing two girls together, or even a mother and a daughter. That happened in Hamburg a couple of times and the first time it was sensational. The second time it got to feel like I was giving a performance. You know how when you make love to a woman that the moment you come, you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything. The more women I had, the more the buzz would turn into a horrible feeling of rejection and revulsion at what I’d been doing. As soon as I’d been with a woman, I wanted to get the hell out.

— John Lennon to Alistair Taylor (Brian Epstein’s assistant), 1965. In his autobiography With the Beatles: A Stunning Insight by The Man who was with the Band Every Step of the Way (2003).

And another important passage is in reference to Janov’s Primal Scream Therapy:

Well, his thing is to feel the pain that’s accumulated inside you ever since your childhood. […] The worst pain is that of not being wanted, of realising your parents do not need you in the way you need them. When I was a child I experienced moments of not wanting to see the ugliness, not wanting to see not being wanted. This lack of love went into my eyes and into my mind. […] Most people channel their pain into God or masturbation or some dream of making it. […] But for me at any rate it was all part of dissolving the Godtrip or father-figure trip. Facing up to reality instead of always looking for some kind of heaven.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Robin Blackburn and Tariq Ali for Red Mole (8-22 March 1971). [I really can’t stop pointing to this quote as one of the most important in order to understand John Lennon.]

As he reiterates in ‘I Found Out’ (1970): Some of you sitting there with yer cock in yer hand / Don’t get you nowhere don’t make you a man

To me, John’s pursuit of sex is, like most things in his life, essentially about filling this black-hole of emotional pain. He internalized the lack of love from his parents, which went into his eyes and mind, until he himself believed he was unlovable. This lack of self-esteem translates into a lot of pain and the need for an external solution for that pain.

The external solution is not wanting to feel so vulnerable any more. This can be achieved either by trying to seize control, by exerting it over others or having them look up to you (e.g. “fantasising about having this kind of power over women”; “some dream of making it”). Or it can be achieved by handing control over and being taken care of (e.g. “people channel their pain into God”, “I’ve seen religion from Jesus to Paul”.)

Sex as an activity can play into these various dynamics: it can be used to feel power over others, as John started out; it can be used as an escapist distraction, like a drug (e.g. “you get a buzz of relief and just for a moment you don’t need anyone or anything”); and it can be used as giving yourself over and being loved, looking to receive that which you can’t get from yourself.

As time passed and the first two solutions stopped working, I think John focused on the third: sex in the context of an emotionally close relationship as the ultimate intimacy and proof that he was loved. And because he wanted to absolve himself of responsibility, to be taken care of, his partner needed to be someone on the other end, someone who had control. In our culture, this reads as a masculine figure (e.g. “father-figure trip”).

This may be from a female, whose masculine qualities were what attracted John in the first place:

In this intense, intimate and revealing original cassette recording of a private conversation in 1969 between John Lennon and Yoko Ono, the couple speaks primarily about Yoko’s past relationships, her music and art, and their random views on sex, love, promiscuity, and homosexuality. […] [Lennon] adds that he had never met an attractive woman that had sexually aroused him to any great degree.

— Description of the 45-minute audiotape auctioned in 2009 by Alexander Autographs.

I used to say to him, ‘I think you’re a closet fag, you know.’ Because after we started to live together, John would say to me, ‘Do you know why I like you? Because you look like a bloke in drag. You’re like a mate.’

— Yoko Ono, interviewed for New York Magazine (25 May 1981).

Or the partner he was looking for could be found in the (often dominant) person he was most emotionally invested in his whole life.

All I want is you / Everything has got to be just like you want it to

And in a society that establishes that the closest two people can be, the greatest intimacy they can share, the ultimate declaration of love is to live in a monogamous amorous relationship, is it any wonder that John felt he could only believe in their relationship if they were together like that? Is it any wonder that he would doubt Paul’s affections because Paul apparently wasn’t willing to express them like that?

JOHN: It’s a plus, it’s not a minus. The plus is that your best friend, also, can hold you without�� I mean, I’m not a homosexual, or we could have had a homosexual relationship and maybe that would have satisfied it, with working with other male artists. [faltering] An artist – it’s more – it’s much better to be working with another artist of the same energy, and that’s why there’s always been Beatles or Marx Brothers or men, together. Because it’s alright for them to work together or whatever it is. It’s the same except that we sleep together, you know? I mean, not counting love and all the things on the side, just as a working relationship with her, it has all the benefits of working with another male artist and all the joint inspiration, and then we can hold hands too, right?

SHEVEY: But Yoko is a very independent person. Isn’t it— [inaudible]

JOHN: Sure, and so were the men I worked with. The only difference is she’s female.

SHEVEY: But you didn’t find it difficult to make that transition?

JOHN: Oh yeah. I mean, it took me four years. I’m still not – I’m still only coming through it, you know.

— Interview with Sandra Shevey (June 1972).

I know I keep posting this quote, but I don’t think he can make it more obvious than that: it’s not about the sex. Or rather, the sex is not the primary thing.

He didn’t push all those years because he was uncontrollably horny for Paul. John just wants a physical manifestation, a more tangible “proof”, of his emotional connections. He wants to be able to hold hands, be held and perhaps also have sex with his best friend; he needs those proofs of love through the means of physical affection because he won’t believe Paul’s love for him is there otherwise (or that it’s as great as John’s).

Would society normalizing other kinds of relationships – such as friendships – to be as important or on the same level as amorous (romantic/sexual) ones, have helped John and Paul? Most likely.

Would society normalizing same-sex amorous relationships have helped John and Paul? Perhaps. (For this one we would have to look more closely at Paul’s needs and desires.)

All this to say that John’s idea of sexuality was extremely influenced by society, and in his case, the rule “amorous relationships are the normative ones” outweighed the “heterosexual relationships are the normative ones”.

The conflict occurred when from Paul’s perspective, the priority of the rules was the other way around. I think Paul was ready to ignore society’s norm and live his life with his friendship with John as the most important relationship. But he also wanted a heterosexual one. (But more on that on a post of its own.)

For now, I hope I have more or less managed to express my thoughts on the matter of John’s sexuality.

Thank you so much for reading through all that and for reaching out in the first place! I truly appreciate it!

#John Lennon #paul mccartney #yoko ono #the beatles #asks me why #I'm not a homosexual or we could have had a homosexual relationship #he could be a real soft sweetie #paul is a concept by which we measure our pain #touching is good #and when i touch you i feel happy inside #the person I actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #alistair taylor #Brian Epstein #Tony Sheridan #Horst Fascher #meta #my stuff

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iyacapao13 · 4 years ago

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Unforgettable Experience

“Everything is a luxury, starting with being in this world.”

This is the story of my life, I’d like to start at the beginning, the very beginning. The day I arrived in this world, my birth. It was exactly 11:00 pm in October 2004 when I was born. My parents decided to name me “Shaniya” which they don’t know what the meaning is. But when I looked it up on the internet, it means a “gift from God”.

I was described as chubby, heavy and has rounded eyes. As time goes on, according to them I started recognized my parents voices, learned how to say strange baby words then knew how to walk & talk.

I started school at a young age, my mom said I could already read when I was only 3 years old it was fascinating for some because the experts believe that children learn to read at 5-years-old. I was referred as the ‘saling ket-ket’, this term is often a friendly reference to someone joining in an activity, despite not really being a full-fledged member of the group. That is where I learn how to write single letters, how to color and determine what color it is. As far as I can I remember, I wasn’t very social, I was shy to talk to my classmates but then after some weeks, I got used to it.

But then when I turned into an elementary student and had to transfer to a new school and had to adjust to the new environment again. That new environment was very different from my previous school, now I experienced unforgettable moments that are now only in my memories. At a 2nd grade, that’s where I join a contest and as far as I can remember, I didn’t win but it wasn’t really a big deal because I know I can’t always do well, each and every failure opened up my eyes to new opportunities.

4th grade when I joined another contest, but this time it is a poster making contest, the new opportunity. My mom was my coach and I practiced really hard, then I won 2nd place! There aren’t many contestants but still, my hard work paid off. “Effort makes you. You’ll regret someday if you don’t try your best now. Don’t think it’s too late but keep working on it. It may take time but there’s nothing that gets worse when you practice. You may get sad, but it’s evidence that you are doing good.” – Jungkook.

It was my first time trying, stopped, then joined again when I was in 6th grade. It started from the classroom, our teacher told us to draw something related to the theme and mine was picked. After a few days, the school is now picking someone to represent the school. I competed with a number of students, fortunately I was picked. That is where I started to compete at different schools. I won 5th place against 27 schools, public and private at my first competition which is a very big thing for me because it is my first time competing to other school. I can’t exactly remember how many competitions I’ve joined.

At our recognition day, I received some medals because I have been the representative throughout the school year. Then I turned into a junior high school and at 7th grade I stopped joining to contests again but later come back when I was in 8th grade up to 10th grade.

The nutrition month began and the students were grouped by grade levels, in my group there are two representatives, the other one was me, I won 1st and it felt great when you’ve achieved their expectations but felt pressure at the same time. Buwan ng Wika came and now I’m on the other group and became one of the representative again, then I won 1st again beating the representatives of the two teams. But during those joys after winning/achieving something is not my “always-feeling” I, of course lost some competitions as well and during those times, that is where I began comparing myself to others, I am a social being and I care about what other people think of me. But I realized also, I got my family at my side providing encouragement and support, so why would I stick to that mindset again? After that I’ve seen a lot of improvements on my skills throughout the years of joining, then pandemic came, I decided to practice other art styles and been trying to find my own art style. These experiences taught me so many lesson that I still bring with me up until right now. During this life experiences, my family was out there supporting me, doing what I love the most.

I grew up in a large family, with my parents, sibling, cousins, aunt, uncle and grandparents in just one house. In our house no one ever expects to find something where they left it. Growing up with them, it taught me how to live with all types of people. I learned how to share, all the toys were shared, and the clothes had been passed around so much no one was sure what belonged to whom, and memorize a lot of names because I am sure there are 15 and more people around me and they’re my family so I have to.

We go out a lot and with the advancement of the technology, it could be addicting for someone at my age and focus more on it rather than bond with family during outings. But if someone made me choose over spending time with my family and spending my time alone with my phone. Without doubt, I would rather spend my time with my family. But technologies has advantages during these types of outings, we could keep our memories by taking pictures and have it saved in our phones then you can just look back in case you miss hanging out with your loved-ones but could not because of the situation right now.

One of the fun experience at the public was going out with them, like going to the church together, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together. I remember when we went out to bond, we almost filled the whole jeepney and everybody inside was my family, except the driver of course. During the ride, jokes were thrown off to each other and it is so fun to watch. And when we decided to have a family photo shoot, they went to a shop and asked how much was it but it is too expensive so we decided we will take our family photo and it’s free and has access to unlimited takes. Seeing/experiencing this kind of moments with the people you love the most, lasts forever to someone’s heart, mind and memory.

We’re not poor, but not rich either. Our family values are a reflection of who we are. Being Honest, having good manners, having respect, being responsible, and Fear of God is just some of the traits my family taught me. Having them complete is literally the best someone can have, we got a lot of mess but a lot of fun at the same time. It is not always all fun and games, normally there are some argumentations that occurs because of the different opinions we got and with that, it taught me different lessons. Like good listening allows us to demonstrate that we are paying attention to the thoughts given by others because every opinions matter, you get to see someone’s perspective regarding of the particular situation and it maintains productive relationships, and sometimes the only way to establish communication. This type of ability, to listen well to others could be applied to different environments as well, just one example, in school, in a grouping there could have different opinions and I know I have to respect it. Notice how I brought this personality from home to different place. I could say it is a knowledge I could carry around.

These are just some of my unforgettable experiences, proving that to move in the forward direction is to be strong and positive enough to bury every negative experience in the past. Teaching, not just me but also the people around me that let our past experiences teach us and not torment us.

Luxury. It’s not just a condition of abundance but a feeling of great ease and comfort, not every luxury has to involve money. It includes great experiences, embracing small things that create a moment of joy in my everyday life.

#littleluxuriesinlife

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garreaus-a · 5 years ago

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hi, everyone ! it’s jessie again. i couldn’t help myself, ok ? i had to bring in my Chaotic Good, espionage-elite, French son samuel ... i hope u like him :’). he’s a character i’ve had awhile from a previous rpg / my indie ( aka the Archive ) so i adjusted his backstory a lil’ to fit here. again, please hmu on discord if you’d like to plot !! <3

⌠ BEN BARNES, 36, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, SAMUEL GARREAU ! originally hailing from BLACKTHORNE, this alum specializes in THREAT ELIMINATION. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( complacent smirks paired with attentive eyes; the aroma of expensive, but fresh cologne; the decision to just “wing it”; a cigarette between lips ). it’s the ( leo )’s birthday on 08/14/1983, and when they were still in school their most requested dish was BOUILLABAISSE from the school’s chefs. hopefully their presence can help ease the minds of gallagher students.

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙱𝙰𝙲𝙺𝚂𝚃𝙾𝚁𝚈.

in the late 1970s-80s, there were a string of infamous art robberies and trafficking occurring around france, which linked to notorious art thieves from both france and america. french-american cia agent matthieu garreau was assigned to assist the central directorate of the judicial police and the dgse in their investigation. french art curator adeyln legrand ( her fam is Old Money rich bc they own museums across the country ) was involved in the case as well, helping the agencies identify the stolen art pieces and their worth. as soon as matthieu laid eyes on her, it was love at first sight !

samuel elias garreau was born in paris, france — just before matthieu was sent back to washington d.c. he was raised by his mother and maternal grandparents ( who lived in marseille ) for most of his childhood. his childhood was filled with love, art, linguistics & french cuisine. he became a polyglot at a very young age, knowing how to speak french, english and spanish fluently. his father visited his wife and son as much as he could in france, but eventually, the two moved to washington d.c. when samuel was 10-years-old.

a bit of context on the garreau family: the garreau family name has been involved in espionage for a VERY long time. lineages stem back to being loyal spies for the french monarchy for many generations before the surviving garreaus immigrated to america to escape WWII. many relatives eventually returned to france, but samuel’s paternal great-grandparents decided to continue to raise their children in the united states & establish connections with american intelligence agencies.

immediately, matthieu wanted to begin espionage training ( already samuel was a couple years behind in hand-to-hand combat / weaponry training, so he’s eager ). adelyn was a bit Conflicted but ... lil’ energetic, happy-go-lucky samuel was ECSTATIC !! what better way to bond with your father, am i right ??

those 4 years before spy prep high school was full of father-son bonding, grueling combat training, & survival skill training. but, samuel was also a normal, private elementary / middle school student in washington d.c. it was a lot of pressure — juggling school, his blossoming social life, and keeping the whole “ i’m training to become a spy ” thing a secret bc sam CANNOT stop talking

before samuel busted at the seams, he was sent off to a prestigious spy prep school on the east coast to truly hone his skills and begin to identify what he may excel at as a spy; however, sam didn’t take it seriously ... like at ALL. it was mostly because he was so bored — he needed something stimulating / challenging. often samuel was being a Sneaky jerk, pulling pranks & being a kleptomaniac; however, his grades showed the opposite of his delinquent behavior. he was excelling in all of his classes.

the garreaus did not know what to do with samuel. literally, they had a whole damn family meeting about where he’s headed in his spy career bc there’s NO WAY any spy university would be willing to take him. the plan would be to utilize their connections in france and get him enrolled in an academy there until ...

blackthorne academy showed up outta nowhere and was like “ hey, we’ll whip his ass into shape. give him to us. ” the garreaus were reluctant due to the academy’s reputation and suspicious as to HOW blackthorne caught wind of their samuel; however, maybe this is what he needed. the most against this was his mother, but her voice held no authority.

samuel was in for a RUDE awakening at blackthorne. maybe it was for the better ? he majored in THREAT ELIMINATION + LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION ( whatever was blackthorne’s version of those were ).

his first year there practically BROKE him, but by his sophomore year, his flaws became refined skills. somehow, his extrovert / devil-may-care and shrewd personality still shined amongst his callous and/or sadistic peers.

the codename HERMES seemed to be used by his instructors sometimes to “ make fun ” of samuel, the label representing his ability to outwit his peers, mischievous and intrepid nature, proficient adaptability, and most importantly, he mastered the art of infiltration & extraction — just as the god of thieves would ( the ONLY time he’s the quietest compared to his peers tbh ) u know ... also stole lives too ... i know that’s cheesy SHHH

of course ... we all know the whole deal about blackthorne. he was molded into the perfect assassin, not a sophisticated spy that could have a drink with james bond or ... with his prestigious, royal spy family.

throughout his many years of fieldwork across the globe, samuel was many things for both private clients and espionage / government agencies ( mostly doing a lot of infiltration / extraction & surveillance undercover missions ), even sometimes an actual thief for the right price.

however, despite samuel’s slight identity crisis, he earned quite the name for himself in the espionage world and solidified himself as a reliable secret agent. but he’s still a pain in the butt :-P

during blackthorne’s last years, samuel often was asked to come by as a guest instructor, a desperate attempt to liven things back up to relive its better days. despite the absolute DEMONS his students were being, it surprised him that he actually enjoyed teaching.

so, he was a bit shocked ( and ecstatic ) to hear that gallagher requested HIM out of the many blackthorne alumni to be a part of the faculty, let alone the threat elimination instructor. who would be a better teacher to teach future spy how to take down an assassin than an ACTUAL assassin ( and one who made quite a Reputation at blackthorne for outsmarting his upperclassmen and instructors ) ?

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚃𝚈.

tbh, samuel is the epitome of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he lives for the adrenaline rush; he will go out of his way and even risk his life sometimes to make missions more exciting ... but obviously, with a little planning beforehand to make sure missions are completed successfully

sam surprisingly is cooperative ( even if he really wants to do the opposite, he’d listen unless his quick-wit is essential for the situation ). his many years of experiences have made him realize how important intel and medical agents are to missions. he has a lot of respect for his fellow agents and students who aren’t concentrating their studies in the more physical combative majors

samuel likes being a nuisance. he’s quite devious and gets away with it a lot LMAO

he’s such a thespian it’s Unreal ... he’s so dramatic. but, this makes him excel at undercover missions bc this man enjoys acting way too much

samuel LOVES his students and it really cracks him up because if blackthorne student sam heard he’d be a mentor in the future, he’d laugh in your face

aka he’s the Cool Teacher at gallagher ok :’)

𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝙳𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙴𝚁 / 𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝙵𝙰𝙲𝚃𝚂.

he still has the slightest french accent when he speaks, mostly to latch on to a remaining attachment he has to his mother and previous “ normal life ”

an excellent cook ... obviously he enjoys cooking french cuisine the most

he also is an avid art enthusiast and also loves fashion and architecture. he spends the majority of his salary on designer clothes and art pieces

if the faculty have to become normal professors, samuel is definitely up for teaching anything world history related !!

randomly knows a lot of natural history trivia thanks to his maternal grandmother, who was a botanist

the languages samuel currently knows is: french, english, spanish, italian, russian, german, arabic, japanese, and chinese ( mandarin & cantonese )

and that’s it !! im exhuasted and i can’t think of any wcs atm so pls if u guys have anything in mine PLEASE let me know :’)

#『 ✰ ｡ . * » ┇ 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙚𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙤𝙪𝙨 ╱ ooc. 』#gallagher:intro #this is So Long ... im SORRY

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gottaenjoythelittlethingzz · 6 years ago

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Character Creation Tag

I wasn’t tagged directly, but I saw @kainablue do this and it looks really creative/cool. I love talking about my OCs (mainly my MC, but I’ve just created two more to add to the canonverse).

I’ll be filling this out for Schuyler, of course, since she’s the MC of her long winded tale.

1) What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Her gender. She’s in a male dominated society/community/organization with some backwards or outdated views of women. Her being such a strong and prominent woman in the story is going to change those views. Next would have been backstory as I had to fight tooth and nail against canon in order to get her introduced to the canonverse. Then character. Name was last and actually the hardest. I knew the general character I wanted nearly from the beginning, but the name had to fit and really mean something.

2) Did you design them with any other characters/OCs from their universe in mind?

Most canon MCs because I knew I wanted her to have deep relationships with each on an individual level as well as her parents who I created as OCs to fit into the canon story.

3) How did you choose their name?

I knew I needed a generic western European name. One that was strong and looked cool helped. I also wanted one that could be easily turned into a nickname. Schuyler (Sky) fit perfectly.

4) In developing their backstory, what elements of the world that they live in played the most influential parts?

The culture surrounding the club. She was designed to be the black sheep, but she also had to be accepted if she was ever to be allowed to join. It’s a balancing act to say the least.

5) Is there any significance behind their hair color?

I just like blondes. Also, for her character design I wanted the “Idealistic” or “perfect” female lead in terms of her looks for American/white standards. Spoiler: The progression of the story shows that she is anything but idealistic as far as her personality/character.

6) Is there any significance behind their eye color?

Again, blue eyes. Kinda typical white girl or idealistic. Operating in an non-idealistic or unsophisticated world.

7) Is there any significance behind their height?

Good height beside her partners and other characters I suppose.

8) What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

I love the canon story and the characters she adopts as family. She’s a strong female lead that I, as a reader/creator, respect greatly. Her love of animals and food for sure. We’re also both from Texas, but this has standing reasons in canon.

9) Are they based off of you, in some way?

Blond hair, blue eyes, curvy, stubborn, from the south, GNC. But she’s way stronger and way more confident than myself. She’s a leader which I really respect.

10) Did you know what the OC’s sexuality would be at the time of their creation?

For the most part. Sex is part of the culture she was raised in. Of course, she’d be a player because she was raised by players alongside players. Her best friend is a total lady’s man. Sex became a competition between them. She doesn’t see gender, race, or size. Sex is just a common everyday occurrence. An activity or a fun thing to do to pass the time. Because her whole club is into the “casual sex” scene it is also expected as part of the culture.

While she respects her partners to a certain degree unlike her brothers she still isn’t capable or interested in commitment at the start of the story which is very similar to the rest of the cast. And I started the story idea with the intention of, spoilers, her ending up in a poly triad relationship with two men (I’ve always been interested and curious to tackle such a relationship dynamic in writing), so her being bisexual made the most sense for her story.

Her gender orientation is a different subject. I knew she had to be female to break the social norms of the canonverse. However, she’s not a priss or a girlie girl. And I wanted her character to be more meaningful than a normal ‘tomboy’. Not that there’s anything wrong with writing either character type. Yet, starting with a closeminded group and having no previous experience writing for NB, agender, or transgender characters, I decided that GNC was the term that fit Schuyler the best. It’s a term I believe she herself would be the most likely to use and thus it was chosen.

11) What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

Creating her voice in dialogue. I know how she thinks, but as a writer I’m kinda new to dialogue. I’m getting better and it gets more natural with every edit or new scene, but creating a voice from scratch (not a FF/canon character) has been an experience.

12) How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

From Schuyler’s birth to canon. Including family linage and setup for canon events leading into the story. As well as several weeks after canon ends. I’m planning on adding a few chapters in between canon time jumps which would also deviate from canon and maybe lead to some changes, but have yet to draft them as I’m still in the drafting phase of the project.

My WIP TROD follows the story of SOA from the pilot to the final ride. With this in mind, though I plan to use a majority of storylines and respect the canon, it can be viewed as a sort of AU and I plan to add as many original characters/scenes/maybe a story arc(?) to make it my own and interesting to fans who have seen the show a million times. I want my readers to be entertained from start to finish.

13) If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

1) Respect canon & 2) Schuyler is a leader not a background character or follower

14) What is something about your OC that can make you laugh?

She’s generally suppose to be a funny character with a good sense of humor. Being a woman, she’s suppose to be level headed and fight with words before using fists. However, she has a habit of taking on the biggest guy in the room and hilarity ensures.

15) What is something about your OC that can make you cry?

Her backstory maybe? It has some dark spots. As far as the actual story, nothing (has yet) happens to her, but many things happen around her that she can’t always control or that effect her/her family deeply.

16) Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

I'll let you know when I find it. Still in the drafting or honeymoon phase with her character. I just thinks she’s great all around!

17) What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC?

She has a sweet tooth! While she’s attractively curvy and built a little bigger than the other females in the story she never gains weight no matter what she eats. This is most likely due to the fact that she tends to have a healthy relationship with food even when she binges sweets.

18) What is your favorite fact about your OC?

It takes a long time and a lot of trust for her to form real lasting bonds with people, but once they form there’s no going back. She’d kill or die for those she loves and deems as family.

I tag: @failbetterwriting, @boredwriter-16, @themildestofwriters, @squaaad-goals, @turtwig387, @thatfizzyyyy, @sashathewriter, @tiredbard, @moony-wolfstar-padfoot, @rhikasa, @allisonilluminated, @annelaurant-writing, @leave-her-a-tome, @durzarya, @ryebbread, @aspire2bu, & @lone-mezzo-of-the-mezzorealm, as well as anyone else working on a WIP/OC who sees this and wants to participate!

No pressure if you’ve already done this or have no interest in doing so. I’m just saying hi! This is a list of some of the blogs I often see in my notifications and some writers who I know are in the middle of some cool projects of their own. Have fun!

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faizajamil42924 · 6 years ago

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“LIFE “ stands for:

L - Love I - Intensity F - Friends E - Everyday "L" is for Love well, this one is obvious. You can't live without love. Why do you think so many people obligate suicide? Because they don't love life, of course! That's why it's important to love and to widen your love to anyone you can. "I" is for Intensity Live every day as if it were your last, isn't that how the saying goes? You must do everything with a sort of concentration that shows people that you're living life to the fullest. Intensity can be transmittable. If you're doing your best in everything, then everyone around you will be affected by your passion and determination and they will work hard, too. Besides, what's the point of doing a half-assed job when you know you can do a better one? "F" is for Friends your family, your school friends, your best friends, your connections, your boy/girlfriends...they're all friends. They matter to you, right? They're important to you, right? And they're a big part of your life...right?! Enough said. "E" is for Everyday Everyday matters. Every day, something happens. Every day, you need to make the most of what's going on. Every day, rain or shine, bad or good, you live. Life goes on.

7 Life Rules for Living Your Best Life

v Life Rule #1: Love

v Life Rule #2: Live With Purpose

v Life Rule#3: Be Grateful

v Life Rule #4: Laugh

v Life Rule #5: Sing

v Life Rule #6: Spend Time With Your Friends and Family

v Life Rule #7: Forget About The Money (Well, Sort of )

v Life Rule #8: Dance

Life Rule #1: Love

Why?

Why not? In addition to the good experiences (as well as the ups and downs!) that come with love, research shows that folks involved in loving relationships have additional benefits such as:

ü Fewer Doctor’s Visits

ü Lower Blood Pressure

ü Less Anxiety

ü Better Stress Management

ü Fewer Colds

ü Faster Healing

ü Longer & Happier Life

Life Rule #2: Live With Purpose

Why?

Don’t just exist – really live your life with purpose because research shows:

People are happier with them have meaning in their life: a belief in something bigger than themselves – from religion, theology or a belief of life.

Live working towards goals that are aligned with our needs, values and identity (self-concordant goals). When pursuing self-concordant goals our sense of satisfaction (happiness) increases.

And while we’re on the subject, write down your goals

Not sure of your purpose? Searching for meaning? You should pick up a copy, free, of personal development 101 – it’s the first thing you’ll learn. You could pay coaches hundreds of dollars for the same lessons.

Life Rule#3: Be Grateful

Why?

According to Robert Emmons, Ph.D., psychology professor and researcher, University of California, Davis “Grateful people take better care of themselves and engage in more defensive health behaviors like regular exercise, a healthy diet, regular physical examinations.”

Grateful people report higher levels of positive emotions, life satisfaction, vitality, optimism and lower levels of depression and stress.

Life Rule #4: Laugh

Why?

Not only is it pleasant and a way to socially bond (which has its own benefits), research shows laughter has a number of direct health benefits:

Strengthening your immune system

It may reduce food cravings (who haven’t eaten just because they’re bored?)

Can increase your threshold for pain.

Is linked to healthy function of blood vessels

Life Rule #5: Sing

Why?

If you’re like me, you enjoy singing just for the sake of singing. That’s not the only benefit though, you may also experience:

ü Increased happiness

ü Faster Healing

ü Improved immune function

ü Pain relief

Singing with a group is even more valuable due to the social interaction it provides – and truth be told, some of my happiest memories are the days I spent playing music with the bands I was in.

Life Rule #6: Spend Time with Your Friends and Family

Why??

Well, for starters you’ll (hopefully) enjoy their company. Research also shows:

Friendship can ward off germs. Our brains control many of the mechanisms in our bodies which are responsible for disease. Just as stress can trigger ill health, it is thought that friendship and happiness can have a protective effect.

Friendship has a much bigger effect on average on happiness than income itself

Call your parents – research shows happiness for both children and parents is strongly linked to this relationship.

Life Rule #7: Forget About the Money (Well, Sort of)

Money certainly matters – but it does not increase happiness after a certain point. Consider the following:

Catherine Sanderson, a psychology professor at Amherst College notes that we’re never satisfied. “We always think if we just had a little bit more money, we’d be happier, but when we get there, we’re not.”

“Once you get basic human needs met, a lot more money doesn’t make a lot more happiness,” notes Dan Gilbert, a psychology professor at Harvard University

Life Rule #8: Dance

Why?

A study at Labuan college indicated dance had a positive effect on physical fitness and psychological wellbeing

Dance is a very good exercise for heart patients compared to other aerobic exercises like cycling. They also noted patients enjoyed it much more

A study in New York in 2003 has shown that cognitive activities like crosswords help ward off dementia but, but physical exercise didn’t – except for ballroom dancing.

And of course, there are social benefits associated with meeting people dancing =)

Life Rule #9: Give

Why?

When we do something fun, our happiness is fleeting, but when give, and help another person that happiness lasts.

Life Rule#10: Eat Your (Green) Vegetables

Why?

Calorie for calorie, green vegetables is about as good as it gets.

They are high in fiber, high in a number of nutrients

Consumption of green vegetables has been linked to everything from improved immune systems to helping ward off heart disease to longer life.

The best ones? Kale, Spinach and Broccoli.

#life #rules #value #love #friend #good #quotes #happiness #happy #sad #difficult #easy #special #high #low #unique #ideas #7

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