#— incorrect quotes

[incorrectbatfam]

Duke: I love these new WayneTech phones.

Jason: Take one.

Duke: What?

Jason: Take it home. I do it all the time. They have plenty, trust me.

Bruce, entering: Plenty of what?

Jason: Plenty of fish sticks in the cafeteria. He was asking if they're out.

Bruce: If they're all out, I'll tell you they're all out, alright?

Bruce: *leaves*

Duke: Jason, I'm not gonna steal from the company.

Jason: If you came over to my safehouse, you'd see my whole setup is Wayne Enterprises stuff. The electronics, the furniture, the salt and pepper shakers.

Duke: Are you serious?

Jason: Steph, do you ever take stuff home from here?

Stephanie: I take the gala champagne glasses home. Give 'em away as gifts. It's a perk.

Jason: It's like a monthly bonus.

Duke: It's stealing! Tim wouldn't do it.

Tim: Do what?

Duke: Take Wayne Enterprises stuff home.

Tim: No, but I do keep a bunch of clean coffee mugs in the trunk of my car and I bring them in every day for Bruce to check and then I put them back so I don't have to wash the dishes in the break room.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Eddie: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Buck, he's perfect.

Buck: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

Chim: That's not even toxic, that's just an ambitious task, and I will support you in this endeavor.

[beif0ngs]

*record scratch* 🎞️ *freeze frame*

[draco-glacialis]

*the Coven at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Jen, Lilia, and Rio: *spinning a little and talking*

Alice, Agatha, and Billy: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

[frownyalfred]

Therapist: “And what is the last thing that made you cry?”

Jason Todd, about to win at therapy: “Pepper spray.”

[onceandfuturelesbian]

[arthur is being nice]

merlin: careful sire, it almost sounds like you care about me.

arthur, deflecting: i care for all my subjects.

merlin: technically, i’m not your subject.

arthur, thinking: fuckfuck merlin’s not-

arthur: well maybe i care about you specifically then.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Toby: It’s like the same thing is happening over and over!

Y/N: So we’re stuck in a loop?

Toby: You can say that again!

Y/N: So we’re stuck in a loop?

Toby: You can say that again!

Y/N: So we’re stuck in a-

Tim: I WILL KILL YOU BOTH WITH MY BARE HANDS.

[percabethconvos]

Annabeth: I need Percy there

Annabeth: I need someone to exchange glances with when people inevitably annoy me

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred: No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf. Sure, Master Bruce told me he'd matured after he took control of Wayne Enterprises. But then, right on schedule, it was, "Guess what, Alfred? I'm going to be Batman."

[glysraya]

Ferrari: You have been observing Oliver Bearman for 48 hours now, what have you discovered?

Charles: People grow to love him very easily

Ferrari: …example?

Charles, holding back tears: Me

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Toby: Here’s the plan. We wait for Slender to leave the cake on the counter to cool, then I’ll call him on the landline in order to draw him out of the kitchen. While he’s out, you grab the cake. Understood?

Y/N, walking up to Slender: Could I please have some cake, Slender?

Slender: Of course! Thank you for asking nicely.

Y/N, handing some cake to Toby: Here you go.

[angstandhappiness]

LMAO

He's never happy

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Regulus: I scare people lots because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms so when they turn around I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me

James: how did you get in my house?

Regulus: exactly

[frownyalfred]

Jason, gesturing at his ear: I have tinnitus like crazy

Dick, barely listening while trying to comm Oracle one-handed: tonight IS crazy, you’re right

[incorrect-bridgerton-family]

Colin: Hey, Benedict. How far away are you from getting married? Because Penelope and I were thinking about getting married, so…

Benedict: Colin, you know, siblings don’t have to get married in order.

Colin, shocked and excited: Penelope! We’re doing this!

[spencerwayne-todd]

This. This is a typical morning.

Dick: When I was your age-

Jason, mocking Dick: When I was your height.

Dick:

Dick: Listen here you little shit-