#<-to justify buying one i mean
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Hi! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think i remember you mentioning at some point that you've replaced your own GB cartridge batteries. Do you use electrical tape, or do you solder? I don't want to damage anything, but I'm looking for a low-key, won't-bother-controlling-housemates method, haha. Soldering feels like something that would raise eyebrows.
I do replace the batteries in my own cartridges!! I solder them on, and in my experience, so long as you properly prepare and read up on how to do it, soldering a battery on is a SUPER quick and easy process. I've never tried the electrical tape method because it seemed kind of sketchy (in the "I don't think that's going to work properly in the long run.." kind of way) but genuinely I promise that soldering is not that bad (just. Y'know. Don't grab the iron instead of the handle lmao). You see people on YouTube having an entire fancy little setup on their desks or something for doing it and it's not even needed; I replace my batteries sitting on the floor with my cartridge on top of a piece of paper and it takes 5 minutes. I will tell you this: when it comes to replacing batteries, solder wick is your BEST friend. Use it. You gotta get every last bit of old solder off those contacts on the board before you put the new battery on.
(Also, as a side note: when buying batteries, no matter which method you're going to try, make sure the tabs on the batteries aren't on backwards. For the love of god, do this. It is SUCH a pain in the ass to buy batteries with the tabs attached wrong and then have to twist them just enough to connect them to the contacts properly so you can solder them on. 0/10 experience just for being annoying as hell.)
#for real though soldering isn't that bad! if you decide to try it though make sure to actually read up on what you're doing#you won't damage anything so long as you're sticking to the battery area on the cartridge and there's enough space there to stay there#the most annoying part is really just getting all the old solder off with the wick. after that it's the easiest thing in the world#to just solder on the tabs of the new battery#a soldering pump would probably make getting the old solder off easier but i don't do it often enough to buy one lmao#<-to justify buying one i mean#asks
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Why do the FEH devs insist on ignoring Nabatean lore so much?
I recently had a surprisingly cordial discussion on redshit with someone about the "nabateans = colonisers" take, and one of the main points raised was that the game was purposedly foggy around Nabateans/Sothis/their story because it would obviously favor a certain narrative (and thus make another narrative look, uh, not that marketable anymore).
To be honest, we still ended up with a product that had a lead go "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and yet that lead is still marketable enough to have raunchy cipher cards and 5 FEH alts, so I actually wonder if, while pissing on that lore had that purpose, it was ultimately pointless since Supreme Leader can still sell goodies despite her incarnation in FE16.
And not only Supreme Leader - but the entirety of WC where we basically have 70% of the cast crying/complaining about their "mixed blood" or lack of and basically adding their 10 cents to the "this race and its blood is the reason why the world sucks".
I mean, can you imagine Sylvain selling any goodies and alts if Flayn replied to his "wah wah people only are kind to me and want to fuck me because I have Nabatean blood :(" by some uncharacteristic "good for you, I have to hide my ears, had to dye my hair, have to lie about my family because if the truth is found out about my identity, I will be hunted and vivisected like an animal and harvested for parts by people who call my kin abominations - just like what happens in the game where the same people who call my kin "abominations" ally with a classmate who calls me a creature and pretends I am incapable of human feelings based on my race".
FE Fodlan's main selling point is its cast of students, for various reasons, but even if I tried to kid myself, Nopes and FEH made it clears : students are the main selling point.
If you spare more time and attention to the Nabatean plot/lore, the students either grow from "likeable" to "despicable" or worse, you won't gaf about them because yeah sure, Hilda might be upset because people expect things from her due to her crust, but it would feel like a "peanut" compared to Seteth's irrational (granted, it's not so irrational since GW exists) fear that Flayn's newest friends would dissect her if they learnt she was a Nabatean, and being conflicted by finally letting her have human friends and form bonds she crave, or protect her due to the trauma from the genocide of their species.
Don't get me wrong, I love peanuts, I mean, not everyone can have a tragik of loaded backstory!
And yet, given how this verse's DNA is "can you fight against the red emperor who uwus about you", they had to add copious amounts of Earl Grey to their games so there's no clear-cut factions :
The "Your alien blood and its influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command" vs "I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
is turned to :
"Your alien blood Crests and its your church's influence on the world corrupted it, so I want to reform it under my command"
"I don't want to die and you oppose me due to my race and side with the people who genocided my kin"
Sprinkle with the cast's hammering here and there that the "reforms" might be needed - but never develop on what they are - and add a few baseless and groundless takes as a toping (basically everything Claude says about tolerance and the general "isolationism/foreign policy" stuff) and you get FE Fodlan where the Red Emperor's war isn't seen as the catastrophe it is in the other entries from the series!
Now, for FEH...
FWIW, the F!F!Billy's trailer had them try to explain that Sothis was a bit pissed about her slaughtered/massacred children when Nopes never gave any reason about why she was pissed - maybe on Billy's behalf bcs Jerry's dead, but come on, she would indeed deserve the medal of the worst parent in the franchise if that was the case, since Billy can murder her daughter without Sothis taking over ! - but given that they cannot write/go against the source game those characters are from.
They tried a bit, with B!Supreme Leader and Hegemongard's FB, but then it stopped (because she had no "new unit" released since then lol) and I can understand why : Hegemongard came out before the Supreme Emblem, and Hegemongard hates dragons who are seen/perceived as gods by some of their human followers. Come FE17, and now Supreme Emblem accepts Alear because they are "one of the good ones". We can come up with HCs and details and talk about what are emblems or if Hegemongard's views were only hers at the end of AM all day long... But imo, Doylist wise, it still feels it's a retcon because the devs from the main games tried to scrap and remove the most "controversial" traits she had.
For the other characters... Well, you see what Marianne is in FEH (but even in her base games), she's one of the few characters who reacts - in a way - to the partial history about relics and demonic beasts and all... only to give sad uwus to Maurice.
FE16 (and Nopes) refused to have any "student" character react to the Nabatean lore/reveal, about what are relics and all. There are no lines, Claude shared some knowledge in the explore section of VW's last chapter, but we don't have anyone muse or think or even talk about what are relics, what are crests, and what kind of fuckery their ancestors or the ancient humans of Fodlan did.
With that in mind, FEH can't do much : either they write Marianne in a retcon-y way like what happened for Hegemongard (and they're not afraid to piss on characterisation, look at Lyon!), or they flanderise her "character" and develop her around 3 lines she had in the game in her paralogue, and continue to give sad uwus about Momo when he was at best a guy who slaughtered and murdered so much that he abused the Nabatean turned into a relic to the point where he turned in a demonic beast even if he had a matching crest, or at worst, had been part of Nemesis's piñata party in Zanado and was something of a genocider.
Tldr :
Why FE Fodlan never gaf about Nabateans : earl grey + the marketable cast has to stay marketable and you can't sell peanuts at the same price you'd sell swordfish
Why FEH dgaf about Nabatean lore : they can't afford to retcon characters + they have to sell peanut alts with the same seasoning they had in their base game.
For what it's worth though, I think FEH is more daring than the base game(s) given how they gave more lines and screentime to Rhea - through her different alts - than GW. And they even designed her Halloween!alt's lines to piss on some of Claude's assertions, while the various FB involving members of the church also - indirectly - reply to some accusations thrown their way in FE16 when, FE16, never gave them an opportunity or lines to explain that those takes were full of dung.
*"but random, maybe she doesn't know that the crests she often decries is "dragon blood"!"
It's highly debatable, especially given what she and Hubert throw to Billy in CF - but even if she doesn't, Doylist wise we still have a character who, knowingly or not, says "this race and its blood* is the reason why the world sucks" and who is never called out on her prejudice. That's more of an issue regarding the general writing though, she has to be a red emperor and took pages from Ashnard's book, and yet, the player must still feel bad and want to romance her, so her mindest/goal cannot be looked at too closely, because, I guess, even the devs thought it would be difficult to romance her (thus sell goodies!) if more light was shed on the "blood from this race corrupts our people" schtick -> which in turn would also make characters whose backstory and gimmick rely on "crying about crests" be way less likeable, thus marketable and able to sell goodies.
#anon#replies#heroes salt#fodlan nonsense#they can't develop stuff about nabateans else the people would wonder if this thing existed in FE16/Nôpes#and we all know people siding with the Agarthans would have like#a harder time justifying being allied to the Agarthans even if they don't know everything that transpired between them and the nabs#and yet Pelleas is accused of being a moron for listening to Izuka when he didn't even knew Izuka was the one who#developed the feral subhuman drug and earnt a PHD so#in the end everything's always about money#I'd buy in a heartbeat any Hilda (fe4) figurine#but i guess thes devs/money makers believe that antagonists at least in this franchise don't sell as well as marketable characters#like prime waifus#hell even UO started to print figurines of the main heroines but none as of yet of Alcina#can you imagine if the uwu overprotective dad joke#that is basically the crux of the Flayn'n'Seteth's relationship#was more developed in the lines of Seteth being afraid that Flayn would trust humans too much and reveal the truth about her#in a gesture of friendship and trust! and it would turn against her#I mean isn't it basically why the nabs are pissed at Adrestia??#Rhea trusted Willy about her pointy ears and now Willy's scion wants them out of Fodlan because their ears are pointy#or Flayn really getting along with people but ultimately not being able to trust them fully because she cannot tell them the truth#and maybe her support friends and all either pulling what everyone does with Marianne#or have the issue resolved in a more meaningful way like Nabs finally accepting to trust humans again in a plot relevant cutscene#and Flayn's final supports only being available after that cutscene#but we couldn't have that at all because again#Earl Grey + peanuts#can you imagine Sylvain getting a convo with Flayn post reveal? Where he feels like trash for wahwahing about his crust?#that's not the route the games wanted to walk on#so FEH can't walk it either#I swear this isn't a post asking for a new rhealt lol
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..
#and i feel like im going insane trying ti map out the full extent of the transmisogyny of it all#when i tried to help him with the frustrations he was having with his friend and defended the friend even slightly#he accused me of talking like the friend was my actual boyfriend and told me to go run away with him#when he broke a fuck ton of glass in our bathroom his clean up was even more half assed than usual cause of the state he was in#so even as he apologized to me and called his behaviour abuse and used all the right words#it was still me cleaning up after his abuse literally with a broom and mop#i still freak out at rhe very idea of broken glass and i know that trigger isnt going away anytime soon#and i still didnt leave after that#then him and his friend took so many of my words out of context to essentially accuse me of emotional cheating with people on here#and i cant think about that conversation without thinking about how yall on here have talked about abusers using cheating accusations#and when we finally broke uo he couldnt help but keep giving me permission for things#permission to throw something of his in a lake#permission to let my friends talk shit and be mean#but then when i had something mean to say afterwards and he saw it by checking my blog#he punished me for it by doing everything he could tk scare thr shit out of me#cause even as we were broken uo he hadnt given me permission to talk shit#only to listen to my friends#and even after all that him and his friend still expected that i would share my car and weed for them to use#and i still did with the car cause im either wonderful for dumb as hell#probably both#then after all that his friend cut me off as a friend using the fact that i had asked him why he was refusing to even look at me and if we#were cool to say i was demanding and pushing him and not respecting his boundaries#he used me asking why i was being treated as a pariah to justify treating me as a pariah#after all i had refused to still be a punching bag#i stopped buying him weed#so it was time for me to be disposed of#and even as they disposed of me they still expected me to live in that house for another fucking month with them#i was used and disposed of by two of the people i was closest with#one of whom i would have married eventually if he hadnt pushed it over the edge
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now this is gonna sound really stupid and i need no one to call me stupid about it -> it turns out when u make food that is more than the bare minimum to be edible. ie make it a lil fancy w a lot of flavors and textures going on (scary to me <- autist). u want to eat it more. and even tho its more work. sometimes the prospect of eating something that actually tastes great is motivating enough to get u thru the work. and so conversely it is easier to keep up a consistent eating routine. bc ur not also constantly bailing on planned mediocre dinners to eat all ur backup stock of emergency instant meals.
#YOU KNOW. i mean most of u probably genuinely know. sometimes theres a delicate balance of.#u cut back u cut back u cut back so u can get stuff done despite the [disability] [lack of spoons] and u live in Bare Minimum Land#and then at some point u think abt adding stuff in and its like oh yeah i forgot i can do that. i forgot i can expend a little extra#effort. SOMETIMES. it doesnt always work which is why i never want to be called an idiot for playing it safe and minimum lol.#ive got. no one else doing this stuff for me. so i always want to make sure i have enough budgeted energy for stuff like. eating#once a day at least. lol. lolllllllll. is that enough justifying myself. ive been eating okay lately. even w the diet change. and its nice#altho also eating more regularly means i actually go thru my bought food quicker means i have to buy more. 'SPENSIVE. in 2024
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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Getting dangerously close to the end of my sketchbook i should start managing my page space better
#i could buy another one but sketchbooks are stupidly expensive for some reason I'd rather spend that money on junkfood#i had another sketchbook that cost like 300 i mean the paper texter was noce but no amount of good texture justifies the price#if you see me drawing on notebook paper in the near future I've probably decided that doodles aren't worth the money#blue's doodles
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Finally!!! I have it!!! The french hardcover edition is in my lil' hands! :D
It's so pretty and shiny, no joke it has got to be one of the most beautiful books I've ever owned. Now I just have to read it and see how the translation holds!
I already skimmed through it and I've already found some highlights ngl:
On that note, ty to the translator who made that wonderful choice, thus giving me the possibility to unironically use "scobra" in my french fics. Much appreciated.
Also Hua Cheng is not a Calamity but a (gay) Disaster. Knowing my brain, it's going to become stuck on this joke. This is gonna be fun.
#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#la bénédiction des cieux#I'm very excited but also kinda scared to read it ngl#I mean I know the story by now so I'm only hoping the tl's decent#that way it'll justify me buying all the other ones ^^"#myposts
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should i.......preemptively buy 40$ worth of yarn before a designer picks me for a test knit.......
#its risky but this designer LOVES me if i do this one for her it'll be my third test for her. and im the only one who is doing my job#i mean my due diligence. im posting stories and tagging the knitwear companies and i finished both projects weeks before everyone else#AND to justify the expense i found another pattern i could do with this wool for like four bucks#but this design is a we are knitters collab and sorry you couldnt paaaay me to buy yarn from them. actually you could.#would love free yarn. but if im not getting it for free no way am i buying shit that expensive#if i bought we are knitters yarn for this project it would be a 130$ expense almost#as opposed to the 40 i found on sale from this small norwegian brand. itll felt a little but this is the kind of knit that looks good felte
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How are you? What are your plans for this weekend?
They still haven't restocked my pink lemonade
Now I'm drinking apple juice like some kind of freak
I want strawberries, but The Creature (economical inflation) demands my left kidney for it
Bad. It's been bad, Anon. I hope your days are better than mine
Was hoping to go to the cinema this weekend, but I don't wanna risk it burning down like that one bowling alley on my birthday
#yesterday was especially bad#The thing about being on expensive medicine is that part of you hopes it doesn't work so at you can justify not buying it#Because if it does work. and it actually makes me better. it means the only thing standing between me and good health is-#-a monthly payment of a substantial amount of money that could've gone for food. That It costs so much just to reach the bare minimum health#other people take for granted#what's worse is that the knowledge you'll rely on it for the rest of your life#I rather be disappointed from the start than gain hope only to have it snatched away#I can't fall if I don't fly#I need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt and just start ditching the second something seems off#then I have the audacity to act surprised when they turn out to be awful#maybe I wasn't built for friendship maybe being a hermit comes with being a writer#there can't be something wrong with all of these tens of people I keep leaving. could there? It's statically unlikely. extremely.#I'm the one common factor#I fixed so much how am i still stuck at the starting point. how am I still difficult. this is the best version of me i could ever amount to#my hair looks pretty tho. recently washed it and the curls are really curling#i look hot at least. i have this one thing going for me. being chronically sick results in a nice figure who could've guessed#yay. sxual obejctz. i win. woo
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being an adult who makes my own income is also realizing i can actually buy some of the pretty art i see online. some day i might even be bold enough to directly commission an artist.
#sometimes i forget that i can just...buy things that i like#obviously i can't go wild about it or spend an outrageous amount#but...i do have spending money and i no longer have to like justify purchases to my dad#or beg him to let me buy some cool art at the local ren faire#i can literally just...buy it#still keeping myself in check#but i am so used to only using my spending money to buy books and snacks#and sometimes notebooks and art supplies#but now there's no one to tell me that i'm too old for dinosaur figurines and cool prints and cute plushies#like i mean my dad is still around but i'm not a kid anymore so...#honestly i could've probably bought more things i just like and want because they're cool when i was younger#but i was just not great at doing things without permission#and my dad is simultaneously a penny pincher and a careless spender#in a weird way where he'll budget everything very carefully#and he saves up and has his Roth IRA and investment portfolio and so on#but then he will also like...spend a ridiculous amount of money on super expensive living room curtains#that will inevitably be destroyed by the cats within the course of a year#or he'll buy a custom made reclining chair from norway for way too much money and then never use it#like he carefully budgets all this stuff#and then is like 'ah and now i need to factor in my $1000 ugly lamp that no one asked for'#my sister ends up replacing most of these items with more practical cheap stuff from like facebook marketplace#so honestly he has nowhere to throw stones from#will say i do like his too-expensive giant abstract art pieces. they're pretty cool#not my style but i don't hate them#but those curtains...#maybe it's my turn to criticize HIS purchases
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at some point in the future:
*non vegan reading about a new vegan leather*: psh. bet it has plastic in it tho.
*scrolls down and finds out theres 0 plastic. the non vegan gets angry since now theres finally a vegan leather they dont get to complain about*: psh, bet it doesnt feel like real leather tho.
*scrolls down to find out the creators of this leather spent a lot of time to make it more "like real leather*: psh, bet they exploit their workers tho
just say you want to use animal leather and you were never going to consider an alternative in the first place, bud
#bc ik for a damn fact plenty a yall are gonna do this.#excuses excuses#ooo but im sure all that leather you buy is totally not from exploited workers either#im sure you take Great Care making sure its not 😒#and if you do. great for you! why do you think human lives and comfort is more important than animal lives and comfort btw?#you'll do anything to avoid hurting exploited workers yes? but having anything vegan now and then is just. off the table. am i right?#am i correct? have i read you for filth?#and then you'll tell me 'no ethical consumption under capitalism' yet you still try to avoid buying from exploited workers-#so seems like more or less you just say that to avoid feeling any guilt about eating or contributing to the harm of animals?#just say you value human lives more and move on.#'no ethical consumption' to some people means 'i get to say this to excuse any behaviors i do that exploit others and to justify#why im only considerate about 1 (one) thing when it comes to buying stuff'#but what if you could do more than that though- clearly you only buy from places that dont exploit their workers bc of your morals and#not bc you think it actually changes things if you believe in the 'no ethical consumption' argument#so why cant you ever acknowledge that you're harming animals or try to make excuses for why its fine? ik deep down it conflicts with#your moral outlook too. you're selective about what you think you can change because theres some stuff you're unwilling to change.#be real. its not because of capitalism. you think meat tastes good and you like how leather makes you feel Cool and Badass or whatever#you feel Punk and Rock And Roll for wearing dead animals. never mind that that fascination is hard to distinguish from southern right#wingers who love their snakeskin cowboy boots and hunt for sport.#they also feel Very Cool for wearing dead animals 😒 bb girl you're not as counter culture and punk as you think you're coming off as#at least native ppl dont generally do it to Feel Cool
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who wants to buy me the simple living things hoodie?
#spotify reminded me of all the merch that i could buy and now i want to spend all my money#how can i justify spending 70€ (shipping not included i think) on a hoodie when i already have too many hoodies?#and of course the one i like is the most expensive#i mean the rest of the hoodies are 41€ but the one i want is 70€#and my second favorite is the unknown hoodie which is also 70€#cant even buy hozier merch 🥲#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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Birthday keroppi time B)
#screams#my birthday is next Friday holy shit I'm gonna be 25#can't believe its that time of year again#and not me blanking about what I want to get and do for my birthday#wtf could I ask for that I can't get or go do myself#anything I would want is out of the question because of expense (like a new pc. I still haven't gotten one)#I guess I could ask for pokemon legends arceus. I've been meaning to buy it but haven't been able to justify spending $60#on a game I might take my seeet ass time playing thru cause I hate using my switch lite (the screen is so fucking small its annoying)#but its an idea at least#as for what I want to do? man idk#we'll probably go to olive garden like most years which Im cool with#although nowadays my datemate and I go there often for dates (we were just there yesterday for instance)#but I love olive garden so I won't say no to going#maybe to that historical township thats a half hour drive away?#datemate and I were supposed to go today as part of my vacation#but he talked me out of it (like he does with most big trip plans I make 😒)#the reason he did so it because its hot as balls today and sunny with a hogh uv index#we'd be outside for most of the trip and her reckons being in the heat will make him miserable and a killjoy#because he's heat sensitive. I am too so I can't really argue with him on that#so maybe it'll be cooler on the 15th so we can go#if not I don't really mind waiting til October because that township is better in the fall#but anyways those are the ideas I have rn#I'll probably ask for a pokemon plushie as a gift#I'd kill to get a new stufful plushie but those are rare and expensive thanks to scalpers#I'd be down to get another Vaporeon like my datemate bought me last year. or another of my favorites#Im not gonna be too picky this year even tho its a big birthday (my brain is fully developed)#because a lot of my birthdays turn out to be shit. last year was really nice tho#but I don't want to get my hopes up for anything and then be depressed that day like what often happens#so I will just be grateful to get some good tasting cake. that's literally the bare minimum of what I want without question#sam's rants about life
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i cant even remember the last time i went to starbucks. "you cant even boycott starbucks" biiiitch... i dont even know where the starbucks in my town is
#if im getting an expensive caffeinated beverage. im going to kung fu tea. which i only go to like once a year bc i cant justify buying it#mcdonalds i have gone to recently but bc there was one right by my old workplace. everything else you are telling me to boycott#i have never even considered buying at all .. i mean i respect it! but i feel like starbucks especially is SO easy to not go to#you dont need to make posts with some air of superiority like Yall cant even do this. most posts i see arent doing that but theres a few#however the town i grew up in had insane amounts of starbucks and very few cafes so like i do get it. im lucky to have cafes near me ig
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#body dysmorphia is literally the worst thing ever omg#all my life i have been waiting to look like a certain beauty standard before i can start the 'rest of my life' whatever that means#EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS#like i want to buy a phone but it's expensive so im bargaining with myself that if i work towards looking a certain way then it's justified#and it is so fucking annoying god whenever i look back at my pictures im always like 'i wish i could look like that again'#BUT THEN ive never felt good about the way i looked maybe except that one year when i wasn't completely depressed ??????#and i want to start to exercise because i know it helps me calm the fuck down sometimes#but there's always this thought in the back of my mind that yeah maybe if i exercise it will also help me in looking a certain way#and then i feel so fucking ashamed of feeling that way so i never start?????#but i thought the ONE thing that i could start now without having to wait to start the 'rest of my life' is therapy#but it just ended with a subtle body shaming and i didn't think much of it but boy am i in a spiral now#and i hate it absolutely hate it this week has been so fucking awful i cant#anyways that's why ive been mia with my first world problems so i'll respond when i get back i guess#vi.txt
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part of me wants to invest in a few Good Watercolors part of me is like 'I don't DESERVE good watercolors I haven't EARNED THE RIGHT to get good watercolors'
#how do I balance 'you're an adult you don't have to preemptively punish yourself for your shortcomings forever'#against 'I have an awareness of my shortcomings and one of them is if I buy expensive paint in an adhd passion I might not actually use it'#I mean-- I won't NOT use it EVER like it won't go BAD or anything#but I've had this same cotman pocket set for like fifteen years#and on the one hand okay! if I buy high quality watercolors and they last the rest of my life then that was a pretty good investment!#but obviously on the other hand if I use watercolors so infrequently can I justify getting better ones... it's not like I really need them#I dunno. I dunno!! I feel like my colors are really dull and unsatisfying and more densely pigmented paint would make me really happy#but I also feel guilty about going into these adhd manias that last JUST long enough for me to Buy Things#I'm in a 'wehhh I wanna life sketch more' phase right NOW but will it even last the rest of the week lmao :')#about me
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