#EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS
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#body dysmorphia is literally the worst thing ever omg#all my life i have been waiting to look like a certain beauty standard before i can start the 'rest of my life' whatever that means#EVEN THE SIMPLEST THINGS#like i want to buy a phone but it's expensive so im bargaining with myself that if i work towards looking a certain way then it's justified#and it is so fucking annoying god whenever i look back at my pictures im always like 'i wish i could look like that again'#BUT THEN ive never felt good about the way i looked maybe except that one year when i wasn't completely depressed ??????#and i want to start to exercise because i know it helps me calm the fuck down sometimes#but there's always this thought in the back of my mind that yeah maybe if i exercise it will also help me in looking a certain way#and then i feel so fucking ashamed of feeling that way so i never start?????#but i thought the ONE thing that i could start now without having to wait to start the 'rest of my life' is therapy#but it just ended with a subtle body shaming and i didn't think much of it but boy am i in a spiral now#and i hate it absolutely hate it this week has been so fucking awful i cant#anyways that's why ive been mia with my first world problems so i'll respond when i get back i guess#vi.txt
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why does my mind always overcomplicate everything?
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Which companion is the most normal person?
TOURNAMENT MASTERPOST
#i love you sarah but you can't even cook scrambled egg#literally the simplest shit and probably the first thing i ever learnt to cook#not relevant sorry#i mean the inability to cook scrambled egg is#but my personal history of cooking scrambled egg is not#im so tired#deeply normal: round 2
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QSMP Fandom you must watch this masterpiece by MaepleTea on Youtube-
There's like, so many details and attention to the lore that I could honestly analyse it cut by cut, scene by scene, guys guys guys I refuse to see this video be forgotten-
youtube
#qsmp#was already a fan of all their previous animation but this?#easily my favorite#I'm running on med for COVID and may not be thinking rationally#(and by that understand it's me being overjoyed for the simplest thing ever even more than usual lmao)#Youtube
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Stuff that I wont finish and doodles that arent worth posting on instagram. Enjoy these tumblr i love tumblr
#i literally can post whatever I want and i dont feel anxious about it#i love sharing my art even if its unfinished ans i dont like it#i cant bring myself to finish anything recently by thr way. im awfully art blocked#i literally think everything i make recently is so bad and i struggle with the simplest drawings. idk what to do anymore honestly#but i had fun drawing these things today#not to mention like other 30 sketches i made today that are just outright BAD and i hate them
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THAT WAS DUNE???? THAT WAS JUST A QUIRKED UP WHITE BOY DOING SO MANY DRUGS HE BECOMES JESUS
#I finished Dune can you tell#So it's a pretty good analysis of ecology and colonization and white savior complexes#Except I like that Paul literally can't run from his destiny as a white savior. No matter what he tries to do to stop the Holy War#the loyalty of his followers ALONE is what will cause it!#He can do the most ordinary things a 18 year old boy is capable of with some added psychics and it will be sanctified#because of the Bene Gesserit manipulating the indigenous population into seeing Godhood in everything their perceived messiah does!#When he says “I didn't even draw my knife but it will be said of this day that I slew twenty Sardaukar by my own hand”#“I cannot do the simplest thing without its becoming a legend. They will mark how I parted from Chani#how I greet Stilgar-- every move I make this day. Live or die it is a legend. I must not die.#Then it will only be legend and nothing to stop the jihad.“#And “I have seen a friend become a worshipper”#goddddd hes trying so hard to escape his fate but his cult are so loyal to him his fate will come no matter what he does#dune
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#having a really sad night#and feeling very very alone#i need help i can't get#i need to feel like a person again#mistakes get made and people are unhelpful and nothing goes the way it should#not even the simplest fucking things#and im so tired of it all#one person making one mistake isn't enough reason to yell at them#20 different people making one mistake each is enough to make me want to scream#like that will legit fuck up your life
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wanna say that im the best in my bloodline but then i remember i have an elder brother who was straight up born as a walking prodigy
#tfym he has like 57 certificates#in piano???#bros beethoven's child#bros so good in his uni#that the teachers give him the simplest thing to play#cuz he already mastered every other instruments#people find bro n pay him to help in their assignments 😭#people from overseas also hire him to play the keys for vvip events??#bros fate is insane#im not even glazing bro these r like#hardcore truths#then i look at myself n sigh#where did i went wrong in life#brother in the light x sister in the shadow trope#﹙🦇 .𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝐛𝐥𝐞𝖘𝖘𝐞𝐝﹚
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listen okay Rasputin has lots of plans other than violence he has a whole toolbox of problem-solving strategies it's just that maybe tools one through three are "orbital strike" and four is "get someone else to do it"
#Destiny 2#Season of the Seraph#the Warmind Rasputin#usually the 'someone else' is us#Rasputin has two emotional gears:#'sad music'#and 'heavy ordnance'#the boy knows his brand#no but really Red believe in yourself a little bit#you know lots of things that aren't violence it's just everyone keeps asking you to do a violence#you'll come up with something!#I believe in you#even if you don't#look at Sleeper Simulant#one of the simplest exotics in all of Destiny!#'this end towards problem'#'pull trigger'#'repeat until there is no longer a problem'#this is the wager of existence
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art block is fine for me because sometimes i just can’t draw. chill. whatever. i don’t draw often, it’s fine.
writers block feels like the one thing im good at has DIED and i am the remnants LEFT BEHIND grieving over my SHATTERED SOUL and NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY AGAIN!!!!!!!
#so bad i can’t even write the simplest of things#an integral part of my being has wilted away#why is writers block a thing#it’s just words on a paper!!!!!! not that hard!!!!!#and yet#the most I can get out is#‘He tried to’#that’s it#ive been here for an hour and a half#3 words. total#not exaggerating eithe#what the fuckkkk
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I'm revisiting a part of The High School Survival Guide: Making the Most of the Best Time of Your Life (so far) by Adam Palmer. It's a Christian book despite the fact that the title makes it seem totally areligious, and I read parts of it when I was in high school. It was the first time I ever read about being gay in a book. I found a free version online and while I didn't think the Bible could shock me anymore my mouth dropped open at this:
Apparently the MSG version of this passage really says the quiet part out loud. Gay people aren't even human / lose the knowledge of how to be human. Not sure how that works. There's such a dissonance between the tone of this verse and the tone of the text in the book too.
GEE I WONDER WHY??? How strange that Christians, who believe their sacred text claims that homosexual acts strip people of God, love, and their humanity, view homosexuality as 'icky' and 'gross.' In fact, I would think they'd think much worse in that scenario and treat gay people far worse. In fact, it kinda seems like you're downplaying the absolutely brutal treatment and systemic discrimination of gay people that was carried out in the name of Jesus.
And all of this is being aimed at (presumably Christian) teenagers who think they might be gay. There's no real advice here other than to surrender to god and to seek accountability.
I was keenly aware as a gay Christian that I was at the center of a culture war I did not want to be a part of. People out beyond my religious community were fighting for an acceptance and celebration of homosexuality that I thought was harmful and sinful. People inside my religious community had all kinds of incorrect ideas about gay people and I didn't think there was much space for me to be "out of the closet" even if I stayed single, celibate, and god-fearing. And I had no idea what to do about any of it.
I didn't come out to anyone until after high school. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed, and the weight was still heavy. God did not make it easier, did not lift the burden of homosexuality from me. I had plenty of accountability in my life, constantly watched by helicopter parents with Internet filters, confessing sin regularly in men's groups (both before and after I started to tell people I 'struggled with same-sex attraction). 'Accountability' only served to intensify my shame.
The only time things got easier was when I started to take God out of the equation, when I started to see my sexuality as a part of myself to embrace rather than excise. Christians will drone on and on about how Christ sets people free from their sins. In my experience, to be free of my sin I had to first be free of Christ.
#I thought this book was when I encountered the “actually gay people just have a bad relationship with their same sex parents” argument but#turns out that's not the case#which is not helpful for the other thing I was writing but now im making this post#this book is so crazy too like it really neatly packages the evangelical worldview and aims it at high schoolers#Rereading it is eerie cause it's presenting stuff that's nearly exactly what I believed as a Christian#but it's not like my entire worldview came from this book#I don't remember even reading this book all the way through and I doubt I did#it's just very good at bottling up the theological waters in which I as swimming and serving it to in its simplest form#exvangelical#tw: homophobia#cw: homophobia#homophobia#ex christian#ex fundamentalist#ex fundie#ex religious#apostate#gay exvangelical#religious trauma#shoesofatiredman
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for no reason in particular (Lying) i headcanon Mayday's obsession with Kul Fyra to be hereditary. more specifically it was Directly passed down from her mother who owned. like. almost every piece of The Goolings merchandise under the sun; shit ranging from the collectors' edition of their debut album to the drummer's autographed crash cymbal ... it was almost as if the only notable thing missing from her collection was Kul Fyra's Guitar...
#nettsy rambling#and may had inherited it after she passed#i know the Dead Parent trope is TIRED but i promise there's actual significance to it#i think the simplest way i can put it (because going into the details would require me to talk about Kul Fyra)#is that it's all supposed to be an allegory for death and rebirth#kul fyra 'died' and was reborn as tatiana qwartz#and with her ... rock music's reign over vinyl city died as well—#—but was reanimated with mayday (and zuke)#mayday's mother died at an age where may was too young to fully (begin to) process the grief#yet she lives on in all of the one-of-a-kind Goolings memorabilia she'd left behind#not only in her eyes but in her grandmama & papa's eyes too (which only spurred her slightly neurotic obsession on)#which lead her to Pretty much imprint on kul fyra#and mayday couldn't let rock die as an art under NSR's suppression of it#lest her mama's and kul fyra's memory die with it too#...#and this isn't even taking account the things i said about mayday being a lower class citizen in the shadow of NSR#the post on june 30th specifically#'the simplest way i can put it' ONE WALL OF TEXT LATER#sorry for rambling in the tags 😭😭😭#this is a display of the Ultra Nettsy Cope in retribution for the mayday backstory SCRRAAAPPPS they gave us ingame#errrmm i can elaborate on any of this if you guys want#preferably in the form of an ask okaayyy byee
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Just...a thread where Dev can hear Dale's thoughts asdfghjkl
#ooc tag#《 i feel like it has potential to be both funny and sad 》#《 dale overthinking the simplest things because he can NOT afford to mess up 》#《 even though he's messing up big time without him realizing it 》#《 i love writing dale to be a pathetic mess of a man 》#《 worrying about a 10 year old thinking he's cringe for...daring to say hi to him when he comes home from school 》#《 my dale is so starved for connection 》#《 bc he can't conceptualize that his son doesn't see him the way he sees himself 》#《 and even if he could dale would have no idea where to start 》#《 and the fear of failure makes him hesitant to take a risk by trying to reach out 》#《 something about pulling the curtain in front of dev and letting him see this side to his dad he never gets to see intrigues me 》#《 like seeing how it affects dev's perception of dale 》#《 whether or not dale's anxieties about dev losing respect for him have any merit or not 》#《 very spaced out rn so i don't know if I'm getting my point across very well 》
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i understand why people wanted (and still want) jujutsu kaisen to be darker and more tragic than it turned out but, not going to lie, pulling a tragic end now, in the last chapter, after delivering a conclusion consistent with the main theme and yuji's character development, just for the sake of cynical shock value would be EXTREMELY stupid of gege, and i do hope he's not going to ruin his story like that
#and ngl it would probably ruin the series in my eyes#idk i have a feeling that people are so desperate for edgy bloody ending that they are missing the simplest explanation#of rush in recent chapters#and its WSJ not giving yet another title of theirs enough magazine time to wrap things up neatly#everyone forgot mha even if its basically the same process?#and earlier naruto and bleach to name a few older madly popular titles?#this is a very ugly habit of their and gods i wish jjk was given time to breathe#and deliver a detailed ending it deserves no matter if good or bad or something in between#but it is what it is and series get chopped there as soon as they reach their climax and i don't think it will change any soon#and that it's basically expected of WSJ titles at this point#and yes i mean one piece too sadly#bas mumbles
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Favorite Ship / Supernova
(disclaimer: i hc eris morn with they/them pronouns)
Lately, things have been calm and she got her paperwork for the day done sooner than usual, so with the free time Ikora decided it would be nice to have a spontaneous date. She sends a message to Eris, hoping they aren’t busy at the moment. At least, far as she knew there shouldn’t be anything taking up their time. After a few moments Ikora smiles when her screen lights up with a response.
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It’s a cool, clear night where you’d swear you could see every star in the galaxy that wasn’t eclipsed by the moonlight. A sight like this wasn’t possible in the last city, and seldom did Ikora get the chance to venture out of it. Duty was a chain and it kept her not too far from the city, but in the rare chances she had the opportunity she wanted to take advantage.
Setting down a blanket on the side of a hill, Ikora places two comfortable, large pillows she had against the incline. Eris patiently stood by, their form illuminated by the light of the moon as they looked up to the sky. She wondered how much hive eyes could pick up on the distant pin-pricks of light, having been told they weren't the same as human ones. If you compared it to human vision, technically you could say they were blind.
Nonetheless, they mentioned their way of “seeing” just works differently now. They still had a sense of their surroundings, even knew the distance between themselves and the moon. An odd thing to be precognitive of but they chalked it up to it being the birthplace of their transformation, when Eris became kin to the very enemy they sought the end of.
How things have changed. Outside of that Eris had a sensitivity to paracausality which gave her a refined sense of other guardians as well as the shape of their light, despite being without. Strange changes, but not without some benefits. Ikora reaches over to gently bump her hand against theirs to catch Eris’ attention without startling them. As if much could startle them anymore.
“Finished?” Eris asks as they turn to look at Ikora who nods, the pair’s hands linking together as they settle onto the cozy patch. They lean back, side by side with hands still intertwined and multiple points of contact between their bodies. Silence hung in the air for a short time as they enjoyed the view, until Ikora broke it with a question. One she had long wondered about since Eris’ ascent from the Hellmouth.
“Do you miss it?” She softly questions, gently squeezes Eris’ hand with her thumb rubbing against the length of theirs. “Miss what?” They reply after a short second. “The light. What you were, before-” Ikora stops herself choosing not to say the rest.
A contemplative pause, “It doesn’t matter now, does it? It happened. All I can do is move forward in spite of it.” That solemn answer cuts straight through Ikora’s question with a knife’s edge. She turns her head toward Eris who continues, “Nothing good comes from dwelling on what’s missing.” and then a little quieter. “Do you wish I was unchanged?”
Ikora frowns and quickly sits up, turning her whole body towards them. “I only wish for you to return from the things you hunt every time, safe and sound.” Eris gazes at her as she leans over to rest a hand against their cheek. “It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re still here.” She gives Eris an affectionate smile.
Eris’ own lips quirk up as they sit up as well, faces hovering inches apart before they make the first move to kiss Ikora. It lasts mere seconds as they slowly break apart but still close enough to feel each other’s breath. “In my darkest, loneliest moments, I miss the presence of your light over mine.”
To think, after everything that’s happened including losing the light, Eris would rather have Ikora leaves her feeling a certain way. She feels the void open its empty maw in her chest, wanting to devour her heart over the proclamation. “Do you?” Ikora breathes out, letting the void energy trickle through her fingertips against Eris’ cheek.
Eris’ shivers a little from the sensation as they turn their face more into her hand, the ever present dark tears dissipate against Ikora’s radiant light. “I do.” Almost reluctantly, they retreat from the physical contact to look Ikora full on when they ask, “Show me your light.”
It comes out not as a question but like a lover’s request for their partner to share their body. And traveler save her, she finds herself bending easily to it. Usually Ikora wasn’t for unnecessary displays of her light, but she couldn’t resist Eris. So she adjusts into a kneeled position and brings her hands to hover in front of her mid-air.
Fluorescent violet light begins to form in a small, concentrated ball between her hands, steadily growing in size and luminescence. Ikora envisions in her mind pouring the void into a container, particles being shifted in an even circular motion that continues to slowly get bigger.
It’s the size of a kick ball when she decides to stand up, purple light shining its hue across the two of them. Eris watches the nova bomb increase further and further until Ikora has to lift it over her head and release it up toward the sky, flying up and up to a seemingly impossible height until it explodes like a collapsing star.
Like a firework streaks of void shoot outward from the center and leave glittering trails of void as the bolts try and fail to find a target, thus bursting into smaller showers of purple that sparkle amongst the starry sky. An imprint of the void lingers like the burn of an afterimage from a too bright light.
“Beautiful.” Eris says in appreciation. Ikora sits back down with them as they reach out to grab her hand and trace it, making her shiver in return. She pulls their hand up to her mouth and kisses the knuckles of it, huffing a short laugh. “I’m glad you can still find beauty in the light.”
#ikoraweek2024#ikora rey#destiny 2#prompt is favorite ship? oh baby you know what time it is with me#listen i know that just watching someone lob a nova bomb doesn't sound exciting#its less about the what and more about the who. watching someone else perform a mundane task vs watching someone you love#finding beauty and awe for the little things because its not just about liking what they're best at but anything they do#also its because half the time i'm in raids or some other activity and i have a charged nova but we have to stop or wipe#i love to just lob that thing up and watch it explode. everyone else: arguing over best super due to utility/damage#me: nova bomb cataclysm because it big pretty purple explosion#anyway. i like to hc eris is technically blind by human standards but hive and paracausal sense ability wise#she's more aware than someone with 20/20 vision. and i like the idea that guardians can be discerned by their#own individual light or even darkness capabilities. does it make sense? maybe not.#did this fic feel ooc as i wrote it and is it? maybe but idc. i want love and appreciation of your partner#just for their simplest most mundane things. not just for the exemplary things they do#and these 2 deserve to have more moments not being entirely closed off/focused on what's happening. a moment of vulnerability#void.txt#void.write
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Wait you guys......
Mike and Will are in love
No because like they're just...they're just a wholesome childhood friends to lovers slowburn I'm gonna rewatch like "aww you don't know yet".
Like....
Mike and Will are in love.
They fell in love from ages 12-16(?). That's so cute. What the hell. I just randomly starting thinking about it like it's just some show I just heard about or something and I'm like "aw cute trope". What a cute trope wtf. That's adorable. Two twelve year old boys in the 80s and they fall in love over the course of many years as they grapple with internalized homophobia and homophobia in their small town? That sounds like a GREAT show where can I watch it? That's adorable.
Mike and Will are in love. And...that's just the premise. That's just the premise of their plot. If you came up to me after you watched episode 1 for spoilers and you were like "What happens to Lucas? Dustin? Mike? That girl they found? The kid who went missing?" I could just be like "Dustin gains confidence and becomes besties with Mike's sister's boyfriend after they break up, Lucas meets this girl who's introduced next season and they're really good for each other, the girl gets adopted by the police chief and then into the Byers and has a great found family and independence arc, and the boy who went missing survives and he and Mike fall in love!"
And that'd just be like...right. I'd just be telling you what happens.
#byler#byler endgame#stranger things#i'm processing in the simplest way of like#the knowledge that#not in a bad way but#once it's canon it won't be as big a deal#nothing to prove i'll just be like 'omg that's my favorite show bc it was such a wholesome romance. they fell in love from 12-16?? cmon ado#able!' and not need to elaborate#sometimes i think about it not even as an immediate reaction canon but like#when there isn't memory of it being this huge pop culture moment and you just pass by it on netflix#or when you've heard about it because it was on your youtube homepage one day#and you were like aw that sounds like a really sweet premise#i feel like i'm observing myself right now#like it's so surreal i'm just like#that'd just be true#that'll just be true#i am genuinely post-season 5 gonna find as many people as i can who haven't seen it and make them watch it#and keep me posted on their reactions#it'll be my main source of entertainment#motivation to make new friends also#i work a gig job so i'll keep getting great turnover too
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