#youre still here? its over! go home! go!
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god i love tumblr tags i love this shit only feature i actually like on this goddamned site and also fuck you tumblr
i only use them to sort a select few types of posts but i use it to stay stuff
sneakily...
#under my breath#where i can continue my thoughts#or say the goddamn stupidest shit imaginable in the form of a non sequitur#this is an actual warning this post has so many tags in it scroll past fast#its like a bonus#and many many times#these tags will go on for longer than needed#like way way way way way way way way longer#and sometimes not#this is one of those times where it goes on longer#i just try to jam as many tropes into my shit as possible this crap has ruined me#i had beef standoff for dinner. beef stroganoff. for dinner tonight#i cannot believe the word stroganoff was not in the dictionary for firefox i thought i was spelling it wrong#and absentmindedly i clicked the autocorrect and it changed it to standoff. okay.#theres the non sequitur i mentioned earlier#blah blah blah overly long gag#im sorry to whoever clicked to expand tags seriously you probably hate me for this#ill make it up to you by not doing a goddamned thing#🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎🦎#call back#is there a trope where someone references the name of a trope or is that just way too specific#i would actually challenge anyone to count every single trope i used in this even absentmindedly and for a prize i wont do a goddamned thin#i miss you textposttropes#okay like im genuinely done#youre still here? its over! go home! go!#... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... *bows* thank you. thank you. i feel this is truly my magnum opus. ... ... the stinger.
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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Oh my God a fucking " anti-transandrophobia truther" perisex fuck wrote word for word, in a massive fucking post " I wonder if intersex people know being Intersex affects your gender" (NO SHIT???)
And!
" I'm pretty sure all the afab/cafab (coercive meaning ya know ... GENITAL MUTILATION OF INTERSEX BABIES FORCING THEM INTO THE AFAB IDENTITY. The whole camab/cafab thing was stolen from the intersex community.) intersex people who claim the transfem title don't actually have transfem experiences"(regardless of the kind of the type of intersexuality they are?? You are just outting yourself as someone totally fucking blind to actual intersex experiences.)and! " They need their own term because they don't 'fit'". They tried to dress up the offensive bigoted nonsense they just spewed by trying to make it sound like they had our best interests at heart and "shouldn't be forced into using perisex language".... You are litterally trying to push intersex people you don't like out of our terminology to other them .... This literally reeks of literal terf rhetoric " most intersex lean one way and therefore shove them under that label" like...
Ur both intersexist freaks and bigots just in different ways. Imagine trying to claim you care about intersex people then try to determine our labels for us and push us in the way you think we should go regardless of our actual fucking lived experiences because you don't like sharing the transfem community with people who've experienced both transmysogny and transmascphobia. Not to even mention the fact the last time people tried to make a term to talk about their experiences, you've not shut up about it in years and called it a mens rights movement to try and silence an entire fucking portion of the trans community so you don't have to care about them. You literally fucking said " trans men experience both transphobia and mysogny but not at the same time (we do????) but trans women do" ok and ur blind to Transmasc issues because you think that nonsense and we are the same as cis men. Ur blind to our issues in the way you accuse us of being blind to your issues but only expect us to shut up and listen.
Anyway, denying that trans men can't face their own issues while also ignoring any trans man who disagrees with you and then attempting to delegitimize all intersex people who look you dead in the face in the transfem and Transmasc playing fields and tell you ur wrong...
Bro just say you hate Transmascs and anyone who might be slightly aligned with them and go home you intersexist piece of shit.
Also the whole " stop calling anti-transandrophobia truthers baddels! That's something specific"
My brother in CHRIST, THEY ARE LITTERALLY UNIRONICALLY IN THE USERNAMES OF THE PEOPLE YOU REBLOG FROM. BULLSHIT.
Anyway the fact y'all are all fucking white trans women and CONSTANTLY bring up black and indigenous people's experiences with gender while also being unironic baddels aka a horrifically abusive to trans men (including rape) and racist ASF movement within your community tells me everything i need to know as a native american two spirit intersex person with no "lean" whose experienced transmysogny and transandrophobia.
This is why they don't trust you motherfuckers, you got no class, just entitlement and weak ass attempts at silencing people you already hate and a weird trauma fetish for black and indigenous people. There is over lap between the transfem experiences and bipoc experiences but there is also an overlap between Transmasc and bipoc experiences, nonbinary and bipoc, like almost everyone can relate to our shit, ur not special 😭 leave us alone and don't use our oppression to try and legitimize your fundamentally transphobic views.
#levi speaks#cant make this shit up#transandrophobia#transandrophobia truther#intersexist#perisexist#perisexism#anti intersex#baddel#baddels#transmysogyny#transmisogny#/do intersex people know ur gender can be weird because your intersex?! 😯/ is the sky blue???#its got /do mexicans know about texmex?/ energy like yeah we do why are you infantilizing us#not just that but trying to delegitimize the identities and experiences of intersex people you deem /too close/ to afab#like just say you hate afab people and go home with your alt right white cis bf who hides your identity from his family#go back to /cancelling out/ your cis bf's vote 😮💨 we are gonna actually focus on getting shit done#go back to ignoring that abortion is a trans issue and exclusively focusing on bathroom bans and acting like trans men#feel safe in men's restrooms cause they dont lol#ive watched terrified traumatized passing trans men read a room and flee into the women's bathroom and still get harassed by terfs#out here claiming terfs treat trans men better#THEY WRITE 900 WORD CONVERSION RAPE FANFIC ABOUT US#they call for our deaths the same way they call for yoursel#sitting there making shit up about how transmascs will have terf followers and transfems wont#ok just say you think alll afab people are terf dyke hairy ugly feminists and go back to calling cis women fish fuck off lol#they litterally scream at transmascs who feel more allyship with cis butches than cis men then cuddle up to raciat white gays#ok boo sure boo you got it boo 😂😂😂#like im a trans woman i know most of us armt like these trash ladies but they specific have this sort look down their nose looks#and sincerely think they as het white trans women with cis bfs are the most oppressed demographic#and i just have to sit over here and belly laugh hun you are the cishet white man of the trans community and ur not even a man
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spending more than a few days around your family and no one else truly does cause a certain type of madness. and baby they call me the joker
#ughhhh#travelling with other people after travelling solo is exhausting#wdym i cant just go do my own thing#what do you mean i have to spend this entire time doing shit other people want to do while i just kinda stand around awkwardly bc i dont#have anyone to talk to#what do you meani constantly have to mask more than i ususally do bc i cant look at all neurodivergent or queer or. unhappy. or bored.#or tired#im so tired.#ive got a couple of days in london alone thank fuck#but ugh idk#its just constant 'you should appreciate this!! not many people get to do this!!#cant have a real conversation. treated like a child the whole time. cant even swear.#misgendered and deadnamed the entire time but whats new there#constantly surrounded by people#constantly have to be performing happiness because otherwise youre called rude and told to snap out of it#cant talk to people because everyone interrupts or talks over you or doesnt hear you#cant go on your phone at all if theres anyone around. and theres always people around#constantly on the border of being overloaded at all times but you still have to talk to people !!!#its not even my family this sucksss#'come to england so you can sit in a pub for 3 hours while everyone drinks beer and talks to each other you cant join in on any conversatio#you cant do anything else and if you dont look happy to just be sitting there doing nothing then you get yelled at!! and maybe this is a lit#paid for my own tickets) but#im not. this isnt *fun*. im sitting around surrounded by someone elses family who dont know me and i dont know them#doing shit i actively hate all day#and i constantly have to be performing and acting like im habing a great time the entire time or im spoilt#even thouhg i. i paid for my own ticket here#man i couldve gone to japan again#'isnt england amazing!!" yeah idk it seems like it is!! too bad weve spent this entire goddamn time in some tiny village in the middle of#fuck ass nowhere going on walks that are identical to the ones at home#love to actually go experience it outside of the. one full day. i get in london
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Today I got bangs and a new friend
#nobody told me they were so incredibly FRIEND SHAPED#thats a lie ive been told i just never imagines it was so literally true#i was holding it while walking around before checkout and i dont want to put it down ever#if nobody got me i know blahaj got me#thats a lie if nobody got me my husband's got me#if youve read all of this#youre still here? its over. go home. go#selfie
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((wash ur hands, make sure you stay home when sick if u can help it, learn how to disinfect things properly. if someone questions why youre wearing a mask or is rude about it, tell them youre extremely ill.))
#change ur clothes when u get home and wash your hands. dont touch ur face Bits til u wash them ))#things are bad right now in the world and im not mentally okay about the world rn and every bit of progress has gone backwards for me. ))#yes sickness spreads in winter every year. but its worse this year. and norovirus has tripled in outbreaks. thousands of comments talking#about just having had it or still actively going through it all over the place. please just take care of yourselves and others properly. ))#ooc#only thing im gonna say here. but just heads up im not okay. im worse. ))
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#day six death and dying over here due to kidney stones#pain meds really give u false sense of security briefly but overall difficult to concentrate on anything#cos when they run out they really fuckin run out level 8-10 pain#and the first hour after taking another dose is mostly waiting for the pain relief to kick in again#hour two maybe into three feeling like a normal person again wow i can exist normally#then it starts runnning out again and it goes from like 3 to 9 real quick#really trying to make the full 4 hours between the tylenol and ibuprofen so that the range between doses of the same are well past 6 hours#on top of still having to work 11.5 hour days and getting yelled at by customers and having them wish ill heakth upon you#and i still got 2 full days before my surgery wed morning#having a real fuckin struggle#ursa speaks#i knwk they prescribed me the oxy if i really need it but i really dont want to have to take it#really wish theyd done the scan when i first went jn to the ER the week before instead of being like#well we ruled out a UTI so it's probably a kidney stone ok go home now bye#then week later when i get whammoblammod by crippling pain theyre like ok now that we know its a 10mm stone we should schedule u with a uro#arg arg arg 5000 im just ranting bye#ohhhh youre a bit young for kidney stones says the urologist#ok tell that to my bitch ass kidney
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coffee dates with your mom have you spilling all your dirty secrets without a second thought 😭
#kai.rambles#idk what this phenomena is but it’s apparently common lol#im gonna tmi in the tags like it’s a little face time call bc i’m waiting at the airport for my friend#but i had a little coffee date with my mom yesterday bc we both needed a little break since the family is STILL here and hasn’t left#and we just need this whole thanksgiving thing to be over bc we’re going insane with so many relatives in and out of our homes#so we went to a local coffee shop that just opened and it’s so cute btw and ITS PET FRIENDLY so i saw many doggies there#and can’t wait to take woody when this whole doggy virus going around calms down 😔#but anyway she saw that i was like fidgeting in my chair and ask wtf was wrong and i told her that i had a pimple on my ass cheek lol#and she was like how did it even get there like you take such good care of your skin??#and i was like idk it just appeared there 😅#and she was like - 🤨🤨 after your bday?#and i said like yeahhhh?#at this point i already knew she was onto me lol and we both laughed and she asked what did my bf and i do for my bday#so i told her and now she won’t stop laughing at me#for context - here’s the tmi lol - but my bf used whipped cream on me for my bday and we cuddled for a bit#afterwards with the intention of going to shower but we ended up passing out all sticky 😭#and i quickly took a full exfoliating shower in the morning when i realized but it was already too late and now i have a pimple on my ass 😭#and it’s like more towards the inside of the cheek so it fkn hurts everytime i sit down#and i was so paranoid after that instead of putting one boric acid capsule into my pussy i put two just in case#bc i was so scared that i was gonna get and infection of something but it’s been 4 days now#and nothing’s happening so i think i’m good but yeah i told her and now she laughs everytime she sees me or remembers it 😭#i don’t mind bc it’s her and i trust my mom and tell her everything but i never get into detail about my sex life#so the fact that THISSS is the one thing about it that i tell her it’s hilarious#so yeah and now whoever reads this monstrosity of tags knows too#and if you did read this then come here bc i’m giving you BIG WET KISSES and taking you out on a little picnic date 💓💓#and we can wear matching outfits and feed eachother desserts🥺
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Tag drop: Seele (Honkai: Star Rail). Listen, I used to write her and I miss her a bit, and also: there's Belobog people around. And also, well, she's much more interesting than people give her credit for. Also, prepare for some 'rewriting', because Belobog's pacing in specific ways kind of blew a little bit much.
#[ seele. ] we tell them 'things will be better tomorrow.' everyone knows it's a lie; but it gets them to sleep with some hope.#[ seele: ic. ] he always says 'humanity's endless conflicts'; but you don't get peace by offering everything up on a silver platter.#[ seele: inquiries. ] that's not the only thing you won't have heard of down here; princess.#[ seele: countenance. ] to all those thugs and gangsters in the underworld; i'm like a spectre always haunting them.#[ seele: introspection. ] the chief's right. sometimes a sharp blade is the only way to get people to come to their senses.#[ seele: meta. ] she got used to people losing their homes. and she got used to people losing their lives. but crying alone was useless.#[ seele: little notes. ] they only eat half their meal; throw the rest away. do they know people below haven't got enough food to eat?#[ seele: wishes. ] where there's hope: there's the will to fight.#[ seele: etc. ] a young girl smiles subtly. 'how? right here; right now; i am alone… but it feels... very lively.'#[ seele: underworld. ] what's more important than miracles; [ seele. is to protect people's hopes for miracles.#[ seele: overworld. ] oleg saw how a look of gloom passed over her tender face. 'let's go back. i don't want to come back here again.'#[ seele: sampo. ] wildfire has countless issues on its place right now. we don't need a side order of koski.#[ seele: sampo. ] so we're there; now it's real. now that you have me; do you want me still? inominati.#[ seele: bronya. ] they go their separate ways: one stepping into the light; and the other into the shadows. until one day; they meet again#[ seele: natasha. ] i learned quickly that tantrums won't get you anywhere. she knows how to give you a taste of your own medicine.#[ seele: oleg. ] i probably owe my life to the chief.#[ seele: hook. ] don't let her appetite for chaos fool you; i think that kid's going places.#[ seele: v. youth. ] everyone in the dark side of town knew that fearless homeless girl. everyone wanted to avoid that wild; stubborn rasca#[ seele: v. underworld. ] just what we all need: more lies about a world that never was and never will be.#[ seele: v. present. ] can you imagine the consequences if we told the people what happened here? they'd be devastated.#[ seele: v. future. ] ... priorities? what do you mean? are you saying rebuilding the underworld isn't one of your 'priorities'?#tag drop
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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"not the time for scrupules, we have to save the future"
#basically same line i just hear them differently in french idk why#i also catch a lot more plot in french somehow?#not big plot but the little things like 'im gonna go here do this and youre gonna go there do that'#in english they slide right off me in french i suddenly hear them its really weird#anyway thinking abt yasmin 'postponing the breakdown' khan#it's different than what 13 is doing i think#maybe once back home it'll turn into smth similar as 13 is doing idk#but here it's different it's pragmatic#oh right thats what i used to think about back with flux right? the respnsibility#i think yaz feels a lot of responsibility which is sligthly different from the doctor's Duty#all the things yaz does are Slightly Different to what the doctor's doing bc yaz is a person still#she has a family and a history and you feel that when she makes her choices#when she consciously prioritises the doctor you feel that#when the doctor betrays their values it's just themself#when they prioritise one person over the universe it's just themself to be accountable to#the fact that it's 'over the universe' at all is part of the issue#anyway#like i mean. Duty is like a platonic ideal. but it's impersonal. yazs sense of responsibility. to the doctor. to her family.#is very personal and tangible#it's not DutyTM as in 'i need to do this bc i told myself so and otherwise i wont deserve my name'#it's just. she cares#and i think all of the things they have the same but different are abt that difference#about what 13 says on the beach. in a way#wough thasmin#i need to write them#need to come up with some nice plot for them#like 6 months post potd happy ever after au. 6 months-1 year smth like that
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the fact that so many child abuse laws are like "its not child abuse unless it leaves a lasting mark" is so fucking crazy to me. You can hit a kid as long as your fists weren't closed and you hit them light enough
#It's actually so hard for someone to be convicted of child abuse. especially if what happened is under the guise of ''discipline''#yeah the kid was fighting me so its not MY fault that he hit his head and arm on a counter and was also on edge of having a panic attack.#this is the proper reaction to a kid being guilty of talking back and being bossy - my uncle#also my uncle: I've never been found guilty under the law for child abuse. you are wrong. also you are the one needing to grow up bc somehow#I'm circling this conversation about you assaulting me over thinking something bad was happening to your brother back around to the fact you#are still living with me#its so funny to me bc even if I did try to leave my mom would try to stop me lmao. ''you're mom is enabling your lifestyle for some reason''#my dude. my mom is ENFORCING this lifestyle. not to mention when you were shaming me for how old I was and still living here...you got my#age wrong??? do your research before talking to me.#literally told me I had no goals or plans for the future. lmao even. he only ever talks to me to tell me that he wants me out#quickly! name 8 interests I have that I did not have while in elementary school!!!#like I'm so mad. at least I can revel in the fact that my uncle was such a pussy you didn't commit to calling the police on me when he said#he would lmao. I can also revel in the fact that he fucking hates it here and tries to avoid being home. and that hes failing at parenting#his own children. I'm sorry brenna. I mean no slander. but you sneaking around and being found out about it and that all the adults knew#about it before he did thus making him look bad is so satisfying. its like watching him judging his gf and my mom for being bad parents#while his kids do much worse things (in his eyes) so fucking poetic#I'm sorry for going batshit crazy in the tags. I am. venting#tw child abuse
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Okay crew. I have three hours to get out of my apartment and get going to my parents' house. I don't have to pack my mattress or get rid of my furniture anymore because my strong af girlfriend helped me take care of it. I just have to fit what I can into my van (not a lot) and abandon the rest. Then drive four hours. Wish me luck. I'll need it.
#when i wrote this in my head it konda sounds like a general inspiring his troops#except im both the general and the troops#oh god i have three hours to condense my life into my minivan#i took 70mg of vyvanse and i feel great. i think im gonna take 30 mg more just because i have to get rid of it#see i stole the 30mg from my brother and im about to go see him. i dont want him searching my shit and finding his own meds#its okay he only takes these meds while hes in school. and i stole them over winter break#please only take medicine that is your own. dont fuck with prescriptions that belong to other people. do as i say not as i do#holy shit im not okay#i went to my fav local coffee shop today for the last time and started tearing up while i was there#im gonna miss this place#im moving across the country to live with my sibling#and honestly i dont think its gonna be my forever home. i think this is just a much-needed adventure and change of pace#i can see myself living in this city for years and years. but im still leaving#i know i need to leave. i need to live with someone. be with family. i need to get out of my shit job. i need a new start#so itll be worth it. but i think ill probably come back here eventually. idk. but for now im leaving. i need to go#i need to go in three fucking hours
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anyway
with me back on my 5sos wagon, im just really glad i didnt get rid of my old tour programs and my slfl shirt
#that concert really did me in#i seriously thought i had moved on!!! 🤡#i wasnt going to get rid of my programs. but my slfl shirt is p torn up and i did consider donating it#i havent listened to their discog this seriously since youngblood#and here i am. hemm-ifying my blog like its 2015 all over again#they meant sm to me as a teenager my soft spot for them and what theyve been up to never left#but now its like… im back in boys. listening to all their music and watching their interviews and old streams lol#theyre like the nice ex boyfriend youre still friends w and catch up every once in awhile lol#its crazy how ‘at home’ i felt at their show compared to the other concerts ive been to this year#its like. smth about all of it has been v neat and wholesome for me to revisit#mytext
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i never actually drew that cat ill do it tomorrow i lost track of time since like 7pm today. Yesterday. its 2am now
#i tried sleeping but i couldnt stop thinking about abot..#i kept running through 'heres how we can still win" scenarios#and that cat that fucking cat im so ill about tjat cat#reigen please go home and feed your cat challenge please please please i need some acknowledgment in an upcoming chapter that this happens#that this cat is taken care of#i mean like i know its to be assumed i know this i know i know but like. i need it in text or else i won't stop worrying myself over it#liveblogz
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KINGDOM OF ASH (by SJM)
Chapter 48
THE FAMILY REUINION🥹😆😭🫶& MY SOULLL
But when they reached Princess Hasar's battle tent, when they had all gathered around a map of Anielle, they had only a few minutes of discussion before they were interrupted. By the person Chaol least expected to walk through the flaps.
A moment later, Chaol was glad he was sitting down.
Nesryn breathed, "Holy gods."
Chaol was inclined to agree as Aelin Galathynius, Rowan Whitethorn, and several others entered the tent.
They were mud-splattered, the Queen of Terrasen's braided hair far longer than Chaol had last seen. And her eyes ... Not the soft, yet fiery gaze. But something older. Wearier.
Chaol shot to his feet. "I thought you were in Terrasen," he blurted. All the reports had confirmed it. Yet here she stood, no army in sight.
Three Fae males-towering warriors as broad and muscled as Rowan—had entered, along with a delicate, dark-haired human woman.
But Aelin was only staring at him. Staring and staring at him.
No one spoke as tears began sliding down her face. Not at his being here, Chaol realized as he took up his cane and limped toward Aelin.
But at him. Standing. Walking.
The young queen let out a broken laugh of joy and flung her arms around his neck. Pain lanced down his spine at the impact, but Chaol held her right back, every question fading from his tongue.
Aelin was shaking as she pulled away. "I knew you would," she breathed, gazing down his body, to his feet, then up again. "I knew you'd do it."
"Not alone," he said thickly. Chaol swallowed, releasing Aelin to extend an arm behind him. To the woman he knew stood there, a hand over the locket at her neck.
Perhaps Aelin would not remember, perhaps their encounter years ago had meant nothing to her at all, but Chaol drew Yrene forward. "Aelin, allow me to introduce"
"Yrene Towers," the queen breathed as his wife stepped to his side.
The two women stared at each other.
Yrene's mouth quivered as she opened the silver locket and pulled out a piece of paper. Hands trembling, she extended it to the queen. Aelin's own hands shook as she accepted the scrap.
"Thank you," Yrene whispered.
Chaol supposed it was all that really needed to be said.
Aelin unfolded the paper, reading the note she'd written, seeing the lines from the hundreds of foldings and rereadings these past few years.
"I went to the Torre," Yrene said, her voice cracking. "I took the money you gave me, and went to the Torre. And I became the heir apparent to the Healer on High. And now I have come back, to do what I can. I taught every healer I could the lessons you showed me that night, about self-defense. I didn't waste it-not a coin you gave me, or a moment of the time, the life you bought me." Tears were rolling and rolling down Yrene's face. "I didn't waste any of it."
Aelin closed her eyes, smiling through her own tears, and when she opened them, she took Yrene's shaking hands. "Now it is my turn to thank you." But Aelin's gaze fell upon the wedding band on Yrene's finger, and when she glanced to Chaol, he grinned.
"No longer Yrene Towers," Chaol said softly, "but Yrene Westfall."
Aelin let out one of those choked, joyous laughs, and Rowan stepped up to her side.
Yrene's head tilted back to take in the warrior's full height, her eyes widening-not only at Rowan's size, but at the pointed ears, the slightly elongated canines and tattoo. Aelin said, "Then let me introduce you, Lady Westfall, to my own husband, Prince Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius."
For that was indeed a wedding band on the queen's finger, the emerald mud-splattered but bright. On Rowan's own hand, a gold-and-ruby ring gleamed.
"My mate," Aelin added, fluttering her lashes at the Fae male. Rowan rolled his eyes, yet couldn't entirely contain his smile as he inclined his head to Yrene.
Yrene bowed, but Aelin snorted. "None of that, please. It'll go right to his immortal head." Her grin softened as Yrene blushed, and Aelin held up the scrap of paper. "May I keep this?" She eyed Yrene's locket. "Or does it go in there?"
Yrene folded the queen's fingers around the paper. "It is yours, as it always was. A piece of your bravery that helped me find my own."
Aelin shook her head, as if to dismiss the claim.
But Yrene squeezed Aelin's closed hand. "It gave me courage, the words you wrote. Every mile I traveled, every long hour I studied and worked, it gave me courage. I thank you for that, too."
Aelin swallowed hard, and Chaol took that as excuse enough to sit again, his back giving a grateful tinge. He said to the queen, "There is another person responsible for this army being here." He gestured to Nesryn, the woman already smiling at the queen. "The rukhin you see, the army gathered, is as much because of Nesryn as it is because of me."
A spark lit Aelin's eyes, and both women met halfway in a tight embrace. "I want to hear the entire story," Aelin said. "Every word of it." Nesryn's subdued smile widened. "So you shall. But later." Aelin clapped her on the shoulder and turned to the two royals still by the desk. Tall and regal, but as mud-splattered as the queen.
Chaol blurted, "Dorian?"
Rowan answered, "Not with us." He glanced to the royals.
"They know everything," Nesryn said
"He's with Manon," Aelin said simply.
Chaol wasn't entirely sure whether to be relieved. "Hunting for something important."
The keys. Holy gods.
Aelin nodded. Later. He'd think on where Dorian might now be later. Aelin nodded again. The full story would come then too.
Nesryn said, "May I present Princess Hasar and Prince Sartaq."
Aelin bowed—low. "You have my eternal gratitude," Aelin said, and the voice that came out of her was indeed that of a queen. Any shock Sartaq and Hasar had shown upon the queen bowing so low was hidden as they bowed back, the portrait of courtly grace.
"My father," Sartaq said, "remained in the khaganate to oversee our lands, along with our siblings Duva and Arghun. But my brother Kashin sails with the rest of the army. He was not two weeks behind us when we left."
Aelin glanced to Chaol, and he nodded.
Something glittered in her eyes at the confirmation, but the queen jerked her chin at Hasar. "Did you get my letter?"
The letter that Aelin had sent months ago, begging for aid and promising only a better world in return. Hasar picked at her nails. "Perhaps. I get far too many letters from fellow princesses these days to possibly remember or answer all of them."
Aelin smirked, as if the two of them spoke a language no one else could understand, a special code between two equally arrogant and proud women. But she motioned to her companions, who stepped forward. "Allow me to introduce my friends. Lord Gavriel, of Doranelle." A nod toward the tawny-eyed and golden-haired warrior who bowed.
Tattoos covered his neck, his hands, but his every motion was graceful. "My uncle, of sorts," Aelin added with a smirk at Gavriel. At Chaol's narrowed brows, she explained, "He's Aedion's father."
"Well, that explains a few things," Nesryn muttered.
The hair, the broad-planed face ... yes, it was the same. But where Aedion was fire, Gavriel seemed to be stone. Indeed, his eyes were solemn as he said, "Aedion is my pride." Emotion rippled over Aelin's face, but she gestured to the dark-haired male. Not someone Chaol ever wanted to tangle with, he decided as he surveyed the granite-hewn features, the black eyes and unsmiling mouth.
"Lorcan Salvaterre, formerly of Doranelle, and now a blood-sworn member of my court." As if that weren't a shock enough, Aelin winked at the imposing male. Lorcan scowled. "We're still in the adjustment period," she loudly whispered, and Yrene chuckled.
Lorcan Salvaterre. Chaol hadn't met the male this spring in Rifthold, but he'd heard all about him. That he'd been Maeve's most trusted commander, her most loyal and fierce warrior.
That he'd wanted to kill Aelin, hated Aelin.
How this had come about, why she was not in Terrasen with her army ... "You, too, have a tale to tell," Chaol said.
"Indeed I do." Aelin's eyes guttered, and Rowan put a hand on her lower back. Bad— something terrible had occurred. Chaol scanned Aelin for any hint of it. He stopped when he noticed the smoothness of the skin at her neck. The lack of scars. The missing scars on her hands, her palms. "Later," Aelin said softly. She straightened her shoulders, and another golden-haired male came forward. Beautiful. That was the only way to describe him. "Fenrys ... You know, I don't actually know your family name."
Fenrys threw a roguish wink at the queen.
"Moonbeam."
"It is not," Aelin hissed, choking on a laugh.
Fenrys laid a hand on his heart. "I am blood-sworn to you. Would I lie?"
Another blood-sworn Fae male in her court.
Across the tent, Sartaq cursed in his own tongue. As if he'd heard of Lorcan, and Gavriel, and Fenrys.
Aelin gave Fenrys a vulgar gesture that set Hasar chuckling, and faced the royals. "They're barely housebroken. Hardly fit for your fine company." Even Sartaq smiled at that. But it was to the small, delicate woman that Aelin now gestured. "And the only civilized member of my court, Lady Elide Lochan of Perranth." Perranth. Chaol had combed through the family trees of Terrasen just this winter, had seen the lists of so many royal households crossed out, victim to the conquest ten years ago.
Elide's name had been among them.
Another Terrasen royal who had managed to evade Adarlan's butchers.
The pretty young woman took a limping step forward, and bobbed a curtsy to the royals. Her boots concealed any sign of the source of the injury, but Yrene's attention shot right to her leg. Her ankle. "It's an honor to meet all of you," Elide said, her voice low and steady. Her dark eyes swept over them, cunning and clear. Like she could see beneath their skin and bones, to the souls beneath.
Aelin wiped her hands. "Well, that's over and done with," she announced, and strode to the desk and map. "Shall we discuss where you all plan to march once we beat the living shit out of this army?"
#NO SPOILERS PLEASE (though warning for the chapter in post & tags) this is my first read along with me & more reacts in tags etc#Chaorene Rowaelin Elorcan MOONBEAM this chapter has EVERYTHING so it needed its own post mark-if only it had Dorian than it would be PERFECT#A PROPER MAASVERSE REUINION-FULL CIRCLE-& me squealing in wivern happy in sappy like🥹 crying giggling & kicking my feet in excitement#Aelin Sardothien&HER CADRE/Court; her calling them all that — MOONBEAM finally lol how has this not come up or Lorcan tease or Rowan cheerin#she really nails these scenes-break my heart make my day-like QoS but ow&healingX100-my bbs are happy-TAB REFS-THE DYNAMICS-the wives meet!#Ivory horsehair for times of peace; the Ebony for times of war. — significance in tiny details-It was holy-the gold couch lol-SHES PREGGERS#To sit down even for a few minutes would be a blessed relief. — the difference from TOD - lol only Hasar could get interior design rn#to be the first piece of furniture in the home he'd build for his wife. For the child she carried.—shewastheoneheleastexpectedtoseeomg#holding hands even in blood-the ruler but wished to know-close to disaster-flood?that’s bad for fire/maybe she can steam-HOLY GODS INDEED#a moment later Chaol was glad he was sitting-as Aelin Galathynius Rowan Whitethorn and several others entered. Mud splattered. Too long hair#And her eyes ... Not the soft yet fiery gaze. But something older. Wearier.-the young queens gaze again-but a queen nonetheless-HE STOOD#Not at his being here as he took up his cane and limped toward Aelin But him Standing Walking-my soul needed this back-the core tale trio#The young queen let out a broken laugh of joy-broken but still joy-and flung her arms around his neck-the fact she wanted to hug him—#the ache & healing they both felt-but Chaol held her right back every question fading from his tongue.-Fire lance?-she’s shaking again#The way she gives him belief-then there she is-she remembered-her core-no one does anything alone-to say I’m happy for you & mean it vibes#hand over the locket-Yrene Towers the queen breathed as his wife stepped 2 his side The women stared at eachother-YRENE WESTFALL-notCelaena#I knew youd do it-goes both ways-Thank you-those words in this book-it was all that really needed to be said-smiling through tears#Aelin closed her eyes smiling through her own tears and when she opened them she took Yrene's shaking hands-choked joyous laughs-MY SOUL#Rowan stepped up to her side-Aelin said Lady Westfall my husband Prince Rowan Whitethorn Galathynius-the my wife we deserved#emerald mud-splattered but bright-she sure got those emeralds dropping hints literally in EoS-pine green-Nesryn Aelin friendship core#My mate Aelin added fluttering her lashes Rowan rolled his eyes yet couldn't entirely contain his smile-next quote why I luv books/TOG#May I keep this?She eyed the locket.Or does it go in there?Its yours as it always was.A piece of ur bravery that helped me find my own#It gave me courage the words you wrote. Every mile I traveled every long hour I studied and worked it gave me courage. I thank you#A spark lit Aelins eyes&both women met halfway in a tight embrace I want to hear the entire story Aelin said Every word of it#They know everything-Ok WELL MANON lol-The keys Holy gods-the story would come then too-true queen-she bowed for them#the voice that came out of her was indeed that of a queen-THEY BOWED BACK-the portrait of courtly grace lol-the letter worked well#Aelin smirked as if the2of them spoke a language no one else could understand 2equally arrogant&proud women-hell yes I needed them#My friends-uncleLOL-my pride-AelinswinkLorcylol-how had this come about?-guttered-Rowan put a hand on her lower back Bad#gestureHasar😂-only civilized Lady Elides name had been crossed out-the1sthat escaped-CunningClear-she could see beneath to the soul#I am sworn2uWould I lie-cursedAs if he'd heard of LorcanGavrielFenrys-where to march once we beat the living shit out of this army-Vher
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