#they call for our deaths the same way they call for yoursel

[butch-bakugo]

Oh my God a fucking " anti-transandrophobia truther" perisex fuck wrote word for word, in a massive fucking post " I wonder if intersex people know being Intersex affects your gender" (NO SHIT???)

And!

" I'm pretty sure all the afab/cafab (coercive meaning ya know ... GENITAL MUTILATION OF INTERSEX BABIES FORCING THEM INTO THE AFAB IDENTITY. The whole camab/cafab thing was stolen from the intersex community.) intersex people who claim the transfem title don't actually have transfem experiences"(regardless of the kind of the type of intersexuality they are?? You are just outting yourself as someone totally fucking blind to actual intersex experiences.)and! " They need their own term because they don't 'fit'". They tried to dress up the offensive bigoted nonsense they just spewed by trying to make it sound like they had our best interests at heart and "shouldn't be forced into using perisex language".... You are litterally trying to push intersex people you don't like out of our terminology to other them .... This literally reeks of literal terf rhetoric " most intersex lean one way and therefore shove them under that label" like...

Ur both intersexist freaks and bigots just in different ways. Imagine trying to claim you care about intersex people then try to determine our labels for us and push us in the way you think we should go regardless of our actual fucking lived experiences because you don't like sharing the transfem community with people who've experienced both transmysogny and transmascphobia. Not to even mention the fact the last time people tried to make a term to talk about their experiences, you've not shut up about it in years and called it a mens rights movement to try and silence an entire fucking portion of the trans community so you don't have to care about them. You literally fucking said " trans men experience both transphobia and mysogny but not at the same time (we do????) but trans women do" ok and ur blind to Transmasc issues because you think that nonsense and we are the same as cis men. Ur blind to our issues in the way you accuse us of being blind to your issues but only expect us to shut up and listen.

Anyway, denying that trans men can't face their own issues while also ignoring any trans man who disagrees with you and then attempting to delegitimize all intersex people who look you dead in the face in the transfem and Transmasc playing fields and tell you ur wrong...

Bro just say you hate Transmascs and anyone who might be slightly aligned with them and go home you intersexist piece of shit.

Also the whole " stop calling anti-transandrophobia truthers baddels! That's something specific"

My brother in CHRIST, THEY ARE LITTERALLY UNIRONICALLY IN THE USERNAMES OF THE PEOPLE YOU REBLOG FROM. BULLSHIT.

Anyway the fact y'all are all fucking white trans women and CONSTANTLY bring up black and indigenous people's experiences with gender while also being unironic baddels aka a horrifically abusive to trans men (including rape) and racist ASF movement within your community tells me everything i need to know as a native american two spirit intersex person with no "lean" whose experienced transmysogny and transandrophobia.

This is why they don't trust you motherfuckers, you got no class, just entitlement and weak ass attempts at silencing people you already hate and a weird trauma fetish for black and indigenous people. There is over lap between the transfem experiences and bipoc experiences but there is also an overlap between Transmasc and bipoc experiences, nonbinary and bipoc, like almost everyone can relate to our shit, ur not special 😭 leave us alone and don't use our oppression to try and legitimize your fundamentally transphobic views.

[raventons]

99 q/a for 2017

1.    What’s the toughest decision you made today? To get out of bed after a 3 hour nap.

2.    What’s the toughest decision you made this year? I would say turning around at the airport, not going to Moscow, deciding my mental health is more important than that trip. However, I was just following my fear, which is quite an easy feeling to follow. And I have not once found myself second guessing that call. I am not one to dwell too much on decisions like that. I honestly contemplate more about what I’m having for dinner, or what underwear to buy – and I always end up regretting or celebrating those decisions more.

3.    What’s the toughest decision you ever made? Once I spent over an hour deciding if I wanted carbonara or caciatora. I went with caciatora, and that day I learned that if you are in doubt, you should always go with what your dinner company orders. My dad got carbonara, and it was out of this world. If you order the same thing as your date, it might still be the lesser option, but at least you will not know what you are missing. As an intellectual, this is one of the conclusions I’m the most proud of.

4.    What have you forgotten? Almost all the math I was taught in high school.

5.    If you were guaranteed the answer to one question, what would it be? I would love to know who is answering me, and how they got the ability to answer any question ever.

6.    What’s it like being you right now? Better than it has been. A lot better. I’d say good.

7.    What makes you nostalgic? Lenny Kravitz, long car rides, the soundtrack of midsummer murders and the smell of old Swedish cabin in a Småland forest (we all know that smell).

8.    If you had two hours left on earth what would you do? Sit close to my parents, and talk about our life together. And tell them how grateful I am and how happy they’ve made me.

9.    What’s the most beautiful word in the world? The Swedish Blockchoklad or the Russian Nemnoga

10. Who makes you laugh more than anyone? Alex, no doubt.

11. What did your father teach you? How to show affection, how to make people laugh, how to interact with strangers, how to put together a good outfit, how to cook and pretty much everything I know on economy and religion. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

12. What did your mother teach you? How to not give a shit about anyone’s opinion, how to appreciate simplicity, how to be a storyteller, how to calm down when afraid, how to love without giving yourself up, how to be badass and pretty much everything I know on literature, self-esteem and really bad British crime stories. And how much it means to have amazing parents that never, not even once, let you down.

13. What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? An orange moose I gave to my dad. It was really cheap and dumb, but he had just been diagnosed with a chronical disease (he is much better now) and everything just seemed to fall apart. So I did what any good daughter would do, I bought him a stuffed animal. It made him smile. And he still keeps it by his bedside. It’s called the vomit moose, since that was the most… obvious symptom at the time.

14. Best gift you ever received? My friend Lin gave me a card once with pictures and drawings of us. I love it and still have it ten years later.

15. How many times a day do you look in the mirror? Way too many.

16. What do you bring most to a friendship? I’d like to think I am funny. I talk too much, and always about the wrong and often quite strange things, but when I’m in the right mood and they’re in the right mood; I’d say I am funny.

17. If 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you? Very few if we are talking happy as in privileged. I am so very lucky and have had so many fortunate turns in my life.  

18. What is or was your best subject in school? Social science.

19. What activity do you do that makes you feel most like yourself? Writing.

20. What makes you feel supported? I do. (Wow, I am actually quite proud of that answer, but it is true. Sometimes I look for help or motivation in others, but confidence and shit I truthfully only find in myself).

21. Whom do you secretly admire? Secretly? No one. I admire a lot of people, and I think I make sure to tell them.

22. What time of the day do you feel the most energetic and what do you usually do in those moments? Noon. Usually waste that energy on procrastination.

23. What’s something you never leave home without? Pants.

24. What’s a recurring dream you have? Teeth falling out. Or organs. I quite often have nightmares about some stuff that is supposed to be inside or attached to my body suddenly isn’t.

25. What makes you feel safe? Blankets and tea.

26. What’s the best thing that ever happened to you? Discovering international law as my field of work.

27. What do you want people to say about you once you’re gone? That I was smart.

28. What’s the coolest thing about science? Well… let’s go with nature science, because my field of research is not cool at all. I think it’s about the fact that nature is there. It’s not something we invent or solve, it’s something we discover. It’s all written, all the answers are out there somewhere. All the equations, all the numbers, they all correspond to a reality we only see fragments of. It’s like humanity is reading a book together, and the physicists and biologists flip the pages. And for each chapter we find out more and more about how the world around us works.

29. What’s the best money you ever spent? My skinny, black jeans.

30. What’s a bad habit you have? Listening to bad music. I don’t want to support sexist or racist producers. Still here I am, having my playlists filled with pop about grabbing pussies. I’m also weirdly addicted to marzipan.

31. What are you grateful for? My professors and a free education.

32. Whom are you envious of? Almost everyone. But it varies, passes and comes back. It depends on the day. Or the hour.

33. What’s an image you’ll never forget? Well, I have to go with a few summers ago when me and a former classmate ended up skinny dipping in a sunset down at Österlen. But actually, the first thing that came to mind was the real holocaust footage that was included in the TV-show The Promise. I had to leave the room, could not finish the series and I still think about it quite often.

34. Describe a near-death experience. My brain thinks I have one daily, but I don’t think I’ve ever had one. Once I got my luggage lost in Russia, and we had to drive around downtown St Petersburg for hours in a shady cab. It was all fine and no hostile environment what so ever, but when I tell the story it really sounds quite near-death.

35. If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do? Dishes.

36. What’s your idea of Heaven? A lot of cozy spots by windows with rain outside. Good food, good tea and good conversation. A book shelf would be nice too.

37. What’s your idea Hell? Bad food, bad tea and bad conversation.

38. When did you know? Did I ever?

39. What can you do better? I could be more structured. I literally have no routines at all.

40. When are you most yourself? When I am alone, covered in loud music.

41. What superpower would you most like to have? Time travelling but without all the complicated world-war-shit to come with it.

42. If you were granted three wishes, what would you do with the second wish? Fix up the UN.

43. What is your actual superpower? I am very, very analytic. I am also amazing at app games.

44. If you won 100 million dollars, what would you buy first? I would love to own a goat. But well, that’s more of a management problem than an actual money problem.

45. What's the best sound in the world? Waves. Or someone biting in chocolate.

46. What’s perfect about your life? My parents. And Amanda. She is a wonderful person. 

47. What song do you sing only when you’re alone and what memory does it bring back? Min Kärlek av Shirley Clamp. And there is no memories connected, it’s just fucking brilliant.

48. Describe a moment you were so embarrassed you wanted to disappear. When I was 8 we had a quiz in class, and I answered cow instead of turtle (I will NOT tell you the question).

49. How many times a day do you think about money? Every time I use it.

50. Who has been the biggest influence on you in your relationship to money? My parents.

51. What's one thing you're certain of? Cows don’t have shells.

52. Describe one of your colossal failures. I think I just did.

53. What makes you cringe? People trying to make memes a thing you can refer to in real life.

54. What does your inner voice tell you? To shut up. I tell it the same.

55. What crime have you considered committing? I don’t even bike without a helmet. I am a pussy.

56. What's great about your mom? Her hair is amazing.

57. What’s great about your dad? His hair is not so very amazing (and I inherited it) but he has other good qualities. He collects post-cards for example. That’s pretty cool.

58. Which day would you gladly re-live? The day in third grade when I won the egg-cracking championship at our school.

59. What are you awesome at? Egg-cracking, obviously.

60. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I seem decent.

61. When were you most afraid? Berlin, 2014.

62. What are you terrible at but love to do anyway? Sex, probably.

63. What weapon would you carry during the Zombie Apocalypse? An axe or a sword. Or a nuke, if bad goes to worse.

64. Which of your five senses would you keep if you could only keep one? I would like to hear shit.

65. What’s something you love to make? Pancakes.

66. What do you cook better than anyone? This weird ass pasta with butter. It’s unhealthy but so damn good.

67. What do you wish you’d invented? The airplane. Or well… the flying machine or whatever it was called when it was invented.

68. What would you like to invent? A new UN system.

69. Out of 100 random people, where would you rank yourself in terms of your intelligence? Pretty high.

70. Where do you want to be right now? Venice.

71. If you could be someone else for a day who would it be and why? Graham Norton. He seems so happy. And he is funny and smart and his job seems to be really cool.

72. What makes you feel powerful? My Hans Zimmer playlist.

73. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said? Considering how empty my brain is right now, I think it has done quite some work on supressing those memories.

74. What’s the meanest thing someone has ever said to you? Actually, most people are nice. I don’t think anyone has ever been really mean to me. Sometimes I get hurt, when people say I am pretentious or annoying. But the only reason they say that (and the only reason it hurts) is it’s true.

75. What three words would you have on your grave stone? Let me sleep.

76. What’s your first thought when you wake up? Let me sleep.

77. What’s one thing you wake up to in the middle of the night worrying about? Usually if I have cancer in the prostate since I need to pee ALL the time. But then I remember I am a female.

78. If you could tell someone something anonymously, what would it be? I would tell my cousin Johan to never be insecure about anything. He is probably the most awesome, complete and admirable person in the world.

79. Whom would you like to forgive and forget? The people who made two and a half men.

80. If you could get rid of one of your responsibilities today, what would it be? Dishes.

81. What type of person angers you the most? Extreme right wingers who grew up in a place where they had a choice. Of course you can’t blame people for reacting to the environment around them, and get affected by their culture – but people who grow up with access to information and without oppression – how on earth did you make those conclusions?  

82. What is your greatest strength? I’m confident about my intellect.

83. What is your worst weakness? I’m insecure about pretty much everything else.

84. How do you show your love for others?  Tiny surprises. It can be buying them flowers, cleaning their apartment or just answering a two years old text and apologize for forgetting their existence.

85. Why are you here in this room right now? It’s 10 degrees minus outside.

86. When is a time you forgave someone or were forgiven for something? I forgave myself for not doing the dishes. It felt good.

87. What’s the biggest mistake you ever made? Talking too much. I always talk too much. It’s not one big mistake at one certain event. But it keeps on happening and I never fucking learn.

88. What are you hiding? Nothing.

89. What’s your unanswerable question--the question you seem to always be asking yourself? Can there be true objectivity?

90. What are you ashamed of? My fetishes.

91. What is stopping you? Panic attacks. Or walls, mostly.

92. What’s a secret you have? I really have no idea what I am going to do with my life.

93. How do you secretly manipulate people to get your way? I don’t do this on purpose, but I’ve noticed it happening without actively thinking about it. I usually express a will to rely on people, and come across as weak and fragile, making them think I need their help and protection – when I am really just better of on my own.

94. When was the last time you apologized? This morning.

95. What is the biggest lie you tell yourself? That I am a cool and mysterious person that people look up to.  

96. What’s the moment you left childhood behind? Probably when I moved out from home and went grocery shopping for the first time. Deciding if I needed milk or not was my first ever adult decision.

97. What's missing from your life? Structure. And home cooked meals.

98. Do you believe in a higher power? No.

99. What are you ready to let go of? About half my closet and my fear of flying.

[enmseolmae]

‹ nine lives ›

Court lady Park screamed her name loud enough for the entire building to hear.

Seolmae’s stomach hallowed out of any confidence she had before. She shivered from the inside out. There was no way they could’ve known. No way they could’ve found the truth. She wrung the top layer of her dress in her hands. She had to answer the call even if she wanted to run away.

“Seolmae,” she bellowed again.

Her head dropped down as she scurried towards the voice. “Yes, Court lady?” 

Court Lady Park’s fingers dug into her shoulder. She still didn’t lift her head. It was easier to hide her winces this way. 

“Look at me, child.”

The quiver in her gut returned. She lifted her gaze slowly, carefully. Court lady Park’s gaze had a frenzy that pushed her pupil to the size of pin pricks. Seolmae couldn’t look away. People who looked away when the pressure was on were the ones got caught lying. She couldn’t be caught.

“I told you to pick anybody else to serve. Why did you not heed my warning?”

Seolmae gulped. “My parents wanted me to be safe with Prince Yeonghwan. I had to follow their orders.”

The grip on her shoulders tightened. “And how safe are you now? That traitor cannot protect you now. She’s gone. Do you understand?”

“I-I have done nothing wrong. I have nothing to fear.” Every breath left her body in order to support the lies she spouted, and make them sound more sturdy.

“What does it matter at this point? They’re coming to get you,” Court lady Park’s voice died down to a harsh hiss.

Seolmae’s mouth hung. Every muscle went limp and lifeless. Her hands dangled by her side. She fell forward but Court lady Park held onto her. 

“Court lady. I didn’t do anything. Court lady Han didn’t commit anything–”

Court lady Park continued to look at her with pity in her eyes.

Seolmae’s voice broke, “I didn’t do anything. Please help me. Help me, Court lady. Please help me. Court lady, please.” She grabbed onto the hems of Court lady Park’s sleeves. Even her fingers lacked strength to fully curl around the smooth fabric.

“My child. You must listen to me,” she held Seolmae’s face in her hands. “You have one chance. It’s slim but I think it’s all you have left.”

“Please help me, Court lady,” she begged.

“When they ask you for the culprit… You must not protect Court lady Han or Prince Yeonghwan.” 

She jerked away upon reflex. “What are you saying…?”

“Do not be prideful. To save yourself you have to start thinking about yourself. Do you hear me? They are as good as dead.”

“I can’t. I can’t.” Seolmae shook her head defiantly.

“If you don’t, then you’ll die too.”

Knocks came from the main door. 

Eunuch Gong’s voice pierced through the tense atmosphere. “Royal decree from the Queen. We have come to collect handmaiden Seolmae.”

(/WARNING AHEAD: graphic description of torture)

It had been three days of no food or water. They were tired of this, she guessed. She was too. With every chance she got, she told them. She had nothing to do with Court lady Han’s disappearance. She didn’t know where the lady was now. 

The last thing she remembered hearing was “Start Juri. Then she’ll talk.”

After that all filled the air were her screams. 

It was quiet before that point, but even the silence was menacing. They restrained her to a chair, tied her ankles together, and stuck too wooden rods at a cross between her legs.

“Where is Court lady Han?” The magistrate asked.

By giving them the same reply as before, she knew she signed her death sentence. 

The eunuch by the magistrate’s side nodded to signal the guards. In the split moment where nothing happened, she felt a premature relief rush into her chest. And then the two guards started pressing down on the rods. It felt dull at first but the pain grew quickly. 

“Did Court lady Han kill His former Highness as a ploy to put her son on the throne?”

The rods crushed her thighs. Her reflex to stand up to run away worked against her. The more she tried to get up, the more she pressed her legs against the rod. Her legs were going to be ripped out of her hips; she could feel the joints barely holding on.

She grew up being soft spoken but at that time, she heard so much of her voice fill the space. The screams sounded like they were being ripped out of her. They were raw and coarse around the edges.

The eunuch raised his hand. 

The guards stopped and removed the rods.away.

The throbbing sensation pooled to the areas where the rods pressed down on her. Specks of blood seeped through her white garments. The bruising must had gotten really bad already. 

She stopped her sobbing enough to say, “No.” 

“Tell the truth,” the magistrate said. “You shouldn’t protect someone who put our country at risk. She is gone which means that she was guilty.”

“Please,” she pleaded with tears running down her face. “I don’t know anything about the assassination.” 

He sighed and the eunuch dropped his hand again. 

Out the corners of her eyes she saw the guards shift into positions again. 

“No. No. Please, I am telling the tru–”

The areas were still tender. The rods were jammed precisely into the same spots of her legs again, and she stopped breathing. The aching in her bones told her they were going to snap. If it meant that she wouldn’t feel this pain anymore, then she wished for her legs to break too. Her eyes shut tightly together. She didn’t want to see the guards flexing and sweating from all the work they put into this. She didn’t want to see the magistrate and his eunuch’s smug faces.

“Do you know where Court lady Han is?” 

She wasn’t screaming any longer. Each sound that rolled from her mouth were sobs. Her hips were on fire, and the flames of that pain caught onto every part of her body. She didn’t understand how her legs weren’t dislocated yet. 

The eunuch raised his hands.

The garments were dark red now. 

 “I don’t…” Her breath and her words were weak. “I don’t know.”

The magistrate stepped forward. He grabbed Seolmae drooping head and lifted it. 

Blood dribbled out the corner of her lips. Her tongue felt numb from how hard she bit into it by accident. 

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk,” he clicked his tongue. “Such a lovely girl. You’re going to give your life up like this?” 

Court lady Park’s voice entered her head. ‘ When they ask you for the culprit… You must not protect Court lady Han or Prince Yeonghwan. ’ 

“Court… Court lady Han…”

The magistrate smiled. “Yes, handmaiden? I’m listening.”

“…Didn’t tell me anything…” 

He flung his hand away so hard that her head snapped along with the motion. She wished in the depths of her core that it had killed her. 

The guards moved into place again. This was going to be the one, she thought. This was the one that would bring her peace (she prayed). She owed Court lady Han. The debt was hers to pay and she had to do her part. Seolmae was neither a Han or a Wang, but her life was sworn to aid and protect the prince. The oath extended to his mother as well.

The torture resumed.

A steward ran into the prison. He saw Seolmae’s condition and flinched. She gritted her teeth and held onto the chair handles. Her fingertips smashed into the edges as she tried to endure.

“What?” The magistrate raised his voice over Seolmae’s.

The steward tried to pass his message once more.

“What?!” The magistrate yelled again.

The eunuch raised his hand so Seolmae would shut up. She couldn’t though. Even without the screams there were still the pants. The sobs. The quiet pleading for everything to stop.

“Court lady Han’s handkerchief. Was. Found. In. Handmaiden. Chun. Hwa’s. Room!” The steward carefully enunciated each word. 

“Isn’t this wench the one who served Han?” He pointed his grubby finger at Seolmae.

“Y-yes,” the steward hesitated. “But the handkerchief was found elsewhere.”

The magistrate groaned as if this ordeal was most taxing on him. “Wasting my time…” he muttered. “Release her. Bring me Chunhwa. If this one doesn’t pick herself up and return to her duties, then get rid of her. The palace has no place for worthless people.”

She knew. She knew Chunhwa would know nothing about Court lady Han. People stole from the rooms all the time. Borrowing from the Court ladies wasn’t unheard of either. If they brought her in, she’d be in the same position as Seolmae… 

And yet Seolmae did not speak up. 

Whether she ran out of stamina to do much anything else, or she simply didn’t want to, she did not speak in Chunhwa’s defense. She remembered Court lady Park’s advice.

‘ To save yourself you have to start thinking about yourself. ‘

It was time for her to start thinking of herself.

(/Video reference for what Juri is. Warning for blood and violence.)