#wrote this during school
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A HELLUVA REWRITE ♡♡♡
♡DISCLAIMER:THIS IS CRITICAL OF HELLUVA BOSS♡
♡DISCLAIMER:I DO NOT SUPPORT VIVZIEPOP OR HER ACTIONS♡
◇NOTE: English is NOT my first language so there might be some mistakes◇
◇◇◇Blitzø Buckzo◇◇◇
• Boss of I.M.P.
• Husband of Verosika Mayday (fight me)
• Adoptive father of Loona(17)
•I.M.P.•
◇ Blitzø basically started I.M.P. to support him and Loona since Verosika basically has her own money but uses some of it to support Blitzø's business.
•The emoloyees•
Millie- Blitzø met Millie during a trip in the Wrath ring. His van broke down and Millie's family basically took them (blitzø, Verosika and loona) in until the van is fixed. He told the family about his business and Millie was somewhat intrigued. She always wanted to see what earth looked like. So, she went with blitzø and became his first employee.
•The pilot•
The pilot starts with millie and blitzø figuring out how can they go to the living world and start their business since they don't know how to build a portal. Blitzø considers visiting his old friend the goetia prince himself, Stolas. He's quite scared to visit him since they weren't in good terms and if you weren't with good terms with the prince, you are up for a good ol' beheading. He tells his fears to Millie and Millie then tells him to face his fears (blah blah you get it) and lifts him towards the company van.
The rest of the pilot follows the three, Blitzø, Millie and Loona to the goetia prince's palace while also fighting some sinners on the way (woo bloodshed!!!!), and getting distracted by a carnival. They fight demons there too( woo bloodshed part 2!!!). After a few hours later, they finally arrive at the palace. They are greeted by the prince Stolas himself and gestures them to come in. Millie and Loona basically had fun in the palace, meeting and chatting with Stella, Stolas' wife, and Octavia, the daughter. While the females are having fun, Stolas pulls Blitzø aside and had a talk with him. Stolas agreed to lend him the book, much to Blitzø's relief, BUT on one condition. He gives Stolas his own soul, which means, the prince can do ANYTHING with Blitzø,(this is where the sex deal comes in)basically making him his very own puppet. Blitzø refuses at first but stolas threatens on beheading Blitzø, so, he agrees, much to a satisfied Stolas. Blitzø then exits the room, greeted by Millie and Loona. Millie asks him what's wrong but he brushes it off. Millie accepts his answer but is still suspicious about Blitzø. They go home and drink some whiskey and watched a movie. Blitzø is still paranoid about the deal.
•♡◇ THE END•♡◇
By: Vii
#vii rambles#vii “rewrites”#vii's critisism#anti stolitz#anti stolas#anti vivziepop#anti helluva boss#helluva boss critique#helluva boss critical#vivziepop critique#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#helluva boss rewrite#wrote this during school#so thanks to one of my teachers who didn't show up!!!#note: this is critical of vivziepop#note: this is critical of helluva#note: i do not support vivziepop or her actions
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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The concept of Zero
Inspired by someone commenting that like the number zero, Vertin or the role of the timekeeper itself is a concept.
The concept of zero being that it is the placeholder for writing numbers, it is the origin but it is also the one that is merely a concept to get more of an understanding or guide to natural numbers to integers. It is the invisible line from the positive to negative, it is the middle ground.
The concept of zero in a more mathematical sense is that it is a additive to other numbers to make them bigger (ex:100) but the number zero itself is a non existent and empty number, like an equator, it is an imaginary line that helps us grasp the locations and placements of continents. Both are imaginary, both are just man made concepts to guide us to a better understanding.
Vertin's soul number is zero, she is unchanging and is considered one of the middle ground between humans and Arcanist. In a sense, she is a guide to most, but once the storm reaches its end, she will become nothing more than a concept, the role of the timekeeper was created for the very purpose of recording the beginning and ends of eras and braving the storm to one day create the immunity for it. The moment that there is no need for the timekeeper anymore, either the storm ending or finding a full reliable immunity towards it, the more people that gain the ability, the more Vertin's role becomes more of the ordinary.
The role of the timekeeper will soon fade and become only an invisible line, the origin of how it first began, on how civilization reached the immunity of the storm, and how the threat of the storm ended. In the far future where the rain doesn't rise, the term timekeeper and the name "Vertin" will be nothing more of a concept to what once was a catastrophic phenomena that hinder the progression of time, a subtle reminder of how she guided the freedom of humans and Arcanist out of the grueling storm, and into a world where the rain falls and the sun rises; Vertin is the concept of zero.
#reverse 1999#vertin#reverse1999#character study(i think-)#that comment has been stuck on my head for days now and i needed to write my incomprehensible thoughts about it#literally wrote this during my exam#math is not my strong suit#(also sorry for being gone for awhile-)#(school lmao and also writing block)#to be the origin and middle ground#to be the guide to people on understanding and grasping the unknown#to only be unchanging and invisible#to only be a concept in the end of it all#aughhh its just so- Vertin the character that you are#(i went off track multiple times but hey-)
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General yandere Danny Phantom headcanons
Definitely overprotective, I mean, c'mon, have you seen what he deals with daily? Boys got trauma
Really really hesitant about letting you fight ghosts with him- can be convinced but if you ever get hurt beyond something like scraped knees he’s not letting you ghost hunt again
If you break a bone may god forgive whatever poor ghost hurt you because he sure won’t
Anyway, he's also really sweet. It's almost sickeningly sweet at times
Bro is smitten. He tries to do cute stuff with you when he’s not busy with ghosts but unfortunately he doesn’t get a break very often
By the way, you're gonna have to deal with some degree of manipulation. He swears he’s just trying to convince you to make the better choice, but honestly who is he kidding. For the most part at least he’s trying to keep you to himself. Maybe he’ll be ok with Sam hanging around you, but Tucker is standing on thin ice.
Moving on. Of course he's gonna take advantage of his ghost powers to stalk you we’re talking about a yandere au
Also leaves little trinkets that he either found in the lab or made himself around your house. You don't know who's leaving green and white bracelets in your room or how they got in while all the doors and windows were locked but you sure wish they’d go away
I think he’d be kinda touch starved tbh. Am I crazy? Maybe. Am I projecting here a little. Most likely.
Usually has a hand on you somewhere- shoulders, hand, back, whatever. He's just really physically affectionate
Won’t kill anyone, but isn't above harassing people to make them go away
Gets really possessive when he’s jealous but also you’re gonna have to strangle it out of him if you wanna know why he gets really weird around any one person
Not all that quick to jealousy though!!! Maybe mild annoyance but usually not much further than that
One way to trigger it though is if you’re fine with him being touchy/are affectionate with him and then are the same way towards someone else. He may convince himself you're leading him on
Kinda goes by the logic of ‘well he’s best friends with Sam but he's not like THAT with HER so why would you be so affectionate with some other guy’
He does not grasp the idea that maybe you're more comfortable with physical affection with others than him. He should work on that.
End note here because this is kinda long, i’m running out of things to put here, and I’ve been working on this for something around 3 nights, kudos to the… *checks tag* one person who’s semi active in the yandere danny phantom tag. I dunno how you managed to come up with stuff without any other people to add fuel to the idea fire here, but great job. I could never.
#yandere danny phantom#danny phantom x reader#danny phantom#woooo first writing post here#I apologize for any typos I wrote this near exclusively at night and during school#Strawberry's basket
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goh parentified child syndrome. go(h)
my time is here at last. thank you for enabling me <3 apologies for taking months to finish writing this giant post!
welcome to my dissertation on this fucking Dynamic <3
ok! first thing, let's establish our criteria for Parentified Child Syndrome. this is obviously not like, an actual diagnostic Thing, but there are a million and one articles out there for us to look through. so i did the tough work of scouring those to find some Symptoms we can use as anchor points here. a lot of this is split into "emotional" (parents seeking comfort from their children, rather than comforting them) vs. "material" (parents assigning their children responsibilities that are not age-appropriate (e.g. grocery shopping, paying bills, etc.)) needs, but for simplicity i'll just merge them together - because realistically, they often go hand-in-hand. so the primary symptoms we'll work with here will be:
disruptive childhood behaviours (particularly at school)
stress and anxiety
reluctance to participate in play/age-appropriate activities with their peers
difficulty acknowledging and accepting one's feelings
insecure attachment styles
need to feel "in control"
distrustful of others/self-reliant to a fault
absenteeism and poor performance in school
passive communication style
the other obvious prerequesite here is the family dynamic. so let's dissect that one a bit!
goh's family situation isn't actually like...100% clear. but i have analyzed every episode where his family is even mentioned like it's my full-time job and i have no reason to believe his grandmother actually lives with him. so in the scope of this essay, i am assuming that she lives nearby, and most likely has a key to the apartment, but does not live with them.
otherwise, we are given enough context to assume that camille and walker have been busy with work goh's entire life (though i'd choose to believe for my own sanity that in his infancy his mother at least wasn't working...though given the type of job she has, that's actually...kinda hard to say for sure). we can also assume that they've at least been self-employed for the majority of his life. it's clear that they are fairly well-established in the city/in their field by jn, and since goh is supposed to be 10 at this point, it makes sense to me that they've been building that company up pretty much his whole life.
in terms of the work they do, goh tells ash, my dad is a system engineer and my mom is a programmer. they run a company together. granted, we don't see very much of their actual workplace, but what we do see is completely void of other people. as in, camille and walker do all this work BY THEMSELVES.
nothing in the anime otherwise disputes this! if anything, goh's explanations of his parents' lifestyle just reinforces it. he also suggests that during periods of harsh weather and heavy system use, his parents are busier than usual. this implies that they are most busy during holidays. this is actually further implied by the flashback in jn015 where they explicitly say to him that they're sorry for having to work through the holiday. his reaction, being completely unengaged, not even really even acknowledging it, tells us that this is the norm.
however!! he also shows off a special device to horace in jn032 that he says his parents made specifically for him, to help him learn more about mew. this suggests that they must have some amount of free time to dedicate to him...but they show their love for him through material gifts related to their line of work (his computer set-up, too; he tells scorbunny that his parents set it all up for him).
otherwise, we see camille and walker privately share their concerns about goh (a clear awareness that he doesn't have many friends, concern about him being lonely because of them, etc.) but never actually confront goh with their concerns or appear to go out of their ways to do anything about it. i wrote a bit about this and the symbolism of having him catch a cubone of all pokemon in the episode we're introduced to his family here but the tl;dr is that camille and walker demonstrate care for goh to each other but not to him - presumably to compensate for their physical absence, we get the impression he's given a lot of freedom and little to no discipline.
which brings me to the first criterion:
disruptive childhood behaviours (with a side of absenteeism, which presumably contributes to poor performance in school)
goh's school life is obviously inconvienent to the plot progression, so for narrative purposes the writers have him just not go to school. in jn049 we get the explanation that goh had made a promise to their teacher to show up to school for tests...but the weird thing about this scene is that chloe's surprised by it:
since in jn001 and jn002 we see that chloe is goh's only point of contact amongst his schoolmates and that she hand delivers schoolwork to him at her dad's lab, the only way this exchange really makes sense to me is if it's a new arrangement. even the fact that goh makes a point of saying "hey, i followed through, go me" to their teacher here gives that vibe.
so, we can extrapolate from that that...prior to whenever this agreement was made, goh just didn't go to school because he didn't want to. but given how schools operate, we can pretty safely assume his parents are aware of this. and i have strong reason to believe that they have at least been on the receiving end of phone calls from teachers or administrators, because of these lines from jn015:
all things considered, this is a weird assumption to make, especially about your hyper-independent introverted child...unless there's a history of disruptive or unfriendly behaviour to inform that assumption. and based on goh's behaviour in jn001 at professor oak's pokemon camp, i don't think it's so out there to say the pattern probably was there.
goh is actually a super sweet kid towards his parents and has a clear admiration for them both. even in flashbacks, his whole thing is kind of like...he doesn't want to bother them. they fall asleep on family vacation and don't spend time with him? well, that's fine! he'll just find something else to do! in that same episode in the flashback sequence, they pick him up on the side of the road alone in the pouring rain and he doesn't say a word to them. even though he was angry and upset before.
so, yeah. i think it would make a lot of sense if he were well-behaved at home and not so much so at school. but camille and walker, even when they learn about things that happen, don't seem to probe or discipline him. whether because of any combination of giving him leeway out of guilt or of not wanting to encourage him to act out at home, we don't know. but the disconnect obviously exists.
which then contributes to
stress and anxiety, difficulty acknowleding and accepting one's feelings, and passive communication style
goh is socially awkward, yes, and clearly very anxious socially especially early on in jn, but a lot of that seems to come from an inability to express his wants and needs. i think jn003 has some of the most succinct examples of this - ash having to realize he's struggling and to reach down to him when they're climbing the tower in order for him to even accept that he can get (and needs) help getting up, and then later one when he stumbles over his words trying to ask ash to be his friend.
i think another good example is in jn007, after he gets knocked out at the flute cup. passive communication relies a lot on shifts in body language and in, well, passive statements. when ash approaches him to tell him to cheer up, goh doesn't actually really...respond to that. he does this
and then runs off. which he does fairly often, actually, even as late as jn135. it's emotional avoidance 101. literally just run away from the thing that's bothering you. something else we see in jn135 is him backing out of admitting he wants to go on a journey - because he is concerned about ash's reaction (though i think it's a little more complex than that, but i'll circle back to that).
and of course there's jn062, which i wrote a lot about in this post. but the whole thesis of the episode is that goh has learned through his relationships up to this point that it's okay to not understand your feelings but you still have to feel them. and it's actually a really beautiful character development moment for him, but also reinforces the fact that he still doesn't know how to grapple with his own emotions. after finally finding drizzile and explaining how he knew he would find it there, he starts to cry and doesn't know why. but even aside from feeling vulnerable, it's kind of a culmination of this stress he's been carrying with him throughout the whole episode...and the sense of responsibility he feels for driving drizzile away. which is a great segue into
insecure attachment styles and need to feel "in control"
if there's one thing i feel like people sleep on regarding goh's character, it's how much of a mother hen he is. he's obviously very thorough and thoughtful when it comes to looking after his pokemon - as in jn062 where he spends all that time chasing down drizzile after it runs away, even to the point of telling ash and chloe that they should stay behind because it's getting late but that he's going to keep looking - but he's the same way with ash.
off the top of my head, things like buying extra scones because he knew ash would want them, making ash wash his hands after eating ice cream, chastising him about punctuality, you know...very parental kind of things. he actually does it with horace too, when they first meet, by bringing a lunch for them both when he goes back to the forest to meet him again.
anyway, being a Mom Friend is cute and all, but it also REEKS of parentified child. taking on responsibilities that aren't yours to fulfill? yeah. that's a need to feel in control. it's what he's used to! it offers him security!
the other side of this is...chloe. goh's first friend, who he refuses to consider a friend, or let consider him a friend. but, like, she obviously IS his friend. and yet our introduction to them gives us this exchange
goh and chloe have a pretty tense relationship at the beginning of jn, wherein she is clearly trying to help him (by you know. getting his homework for him and shit) and he blows her off in a text message, which she complains is a repeating behaviour. chloe is obviously very loyal to him, even though he doesn't seem to repay the favour. again, there's a big disconnect here.
insecure attachments generally stem from anxiety over potential rejection and/or poor self-esteem cultivated in childhood based on parents’ emotional availability (or lack thereof) to their children. by keeping chloe an arm's distance away, goh keeps himself safe from the dangers of vulnerability, taught to him through childhood encounters with emotionally unavailable parents.
i'm not here to armchair diagnose (ok, who am i kidding, yeah i am), but i think goh's attachment style is anxious-avoidant. his clear avoidance of making friends, the multiple times we see him break off his friendship with ash only to minutes later be like "me and the bestie"...yeah, that's avoidance. but he does crave intimacy, arguably even more than he fears it.
hence why even though he knows ash would want him to journey on his own...he still convinces himself that actually telling ash that would be, as he calls it, a "betrayal of [their] friendship." my theory is that he's not concerned that ash will be upset - he's concerned that ash won't be upset enough. which is why when then ash turns it around on him and says he's going on a journey, goh gets upset and pushes him away. he does the exact same thing with horace when they're younger. just a complete 180 - he wronged me once, so he's the worst and i can't forgive him, ever.
the difference with chloe is that she actually takes care of him more than he takes care of her - which changes the dynamic from "i have to do everything to keep this person in my life, including suppressing my emotions for their sake" to "i cannot express to this person that i have needs and desires because they'll think i'm too much and they won't stick around if i do." which is primarily avoidant, but insecure attachment nonetheless.
this is extrapolation, but i think his relationship with chloe is so different because we are supposed to get the sense that they have a more familial dynamic. so, she's the one person he can't push away from him - but as he learned in his actual family dynamic, he also can't be too close to her. he doesn't want to be smothered; he doesn't want her to feel smothered by him. so they maintain a degree of separation that only begins to go away after her father begins literally housing and feeding him, thus integrating him and ash into their family in some honorary way.
which brings me to the last point, i guess, which is
reluctance to participate in age-appropriate activities with peers and self-reliant to a fault
these are, i think, the traits that jn is most blatantly attempting to better in goh throughout his arc. so i won't spend too long hashing it out, because i think these are things we all know he struggled with!
in flashbacks, we see him alone at school; during the first episode, at professor oak's camp, he is always physically distanced from the other kids and chloe even points out that he's basically doing professor oak's job at one point! he's not on the same level as the other kids and it's clear he doesn't want to be. when he meets horace, we see that it takes him some time to get comfortable enough with him to go explore the forest together and become friends.
he doesn't go to school, but that doesn't mean he isn't learning things - he becomes a very self-directed learner early on, from what he see. he's not just like...rotting in his room playing video games. he's studying and researching. the only times aside from with horace that we see him in a flashback doing something that isn't solitary is with pokemon - and even then, he's like...reciting their pokedex entries. his abra story at the end of jn is precipitated by him saying he was going through his dad's old pokedex (which is a whole other thing - this implies walker used to be a trainer, but neither of goh's parents seem to have pokemon...perhaps they're too busy with work to look after them? a theory for another time, i suppose, but it has undeniably being gnawing at my brain since that episode aired lol).
and of course, there's the fact that in jn062 he tells drizzile he was never comfortable with confiding in his parents or his grandmother...suggesting that he never confided in anyone, because we don't really get the sense from the whole "i don't NEED friends" exchange in jn001 that he considers chloe a reliable confidant, either.
the other place we see his flawed sense of self-reliance, aside from like...everywhere in the first 10 or so episodes, lol (something that is reflected pretty beautifully and symbolically in scorbunny's story, too!), is in project mew. he has to learn how to work in a team - and he clearly hates it. at this point he's found one person to rely on, but that already feels like too much. the raid battle with articuno is the most obvious example of this. he isn't good at being a leader, but he also isn't good at being a follower. because he's only ever been responsible for himself, and he doesn't trust anyone else to know how to direct him, but he also has no clue how to work within the parameters of a team.
i also want to say, as a final note, that i actually think this is all extremely intentional writing. obviously in the west we have a strong capitalism culture too, but the work culture in japan is very toxic (just google "japan work culture" and you can see right away how intense it is lol) and i'm not actually surprised at all that pokemon would make such a direct commentary on that - a lot of japanese kids could probably relate to goh and his emotionally absent, work-obsessed parents! they are clearly pretty well-off, but their dedication to work supercedes matters of home and family, because that's how it's supposed to be. as a result, goh admires them a lot for this dedication - but his arc is primarily about letting go of the "work" part of interacting with pokemon and learning how to have fun and make the most of his experiences. and i think that's a really lovely message for modern pokemon to be sending to kids :')
#answered#*meta#mine#i wrote most of this in may but i came back to finish it tonight shjdfghj hi#goh#pokemon#anipoke#tangentially i actually noticed something similar with the way hz has the kids do like...distance learning and stuff LOL#even sv in itself as like. a school-based adventure. the current culture influence is SO glaring...of course they're emphasizing school as#part of this fantasy world for kids to escape in. i think a lot of adults didn't Get It...but sv were developed during covid. so...yeah#pokemon has always done a very good job of making cultural commentary like this imo!
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doodles before i go to sleep
#ive only been wanting to draw recently… and do nothing else…#maybe watch a musical read a few scripts that i Really need to finish and continue violet evergarden but sighh i wish i had this much#motivation during the summer… i could draw for days straight rn :(#ALSO WRITE i really need to warm up i havent wrote anything besides stuff for school in. A while. Uhhh. Embarrassing#my grammar has been god awful (im being dramatic) and i have not been able to articulate my thoughts in a way that feels like it fits#my art#pjsk#pjsk fanart#prsk fa#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#i dont like nene’s hands (i dont know how to draw hands. Why am i surprised…)#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#wxs rui#wxs nene
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YOU GUYS MUST LOOK AT WHAT TEE GOT ME FOR MY BDAY!!!! SHE GAVE IT TO ME EARLY FOR CONGRATULATIONS ON FINISHING MY FIRST WEEK OF LAW SCHOOL
#i’m going to explain why it’s so special and you all will listen#ONE this is literally based off a little drabble she wrote for me while i was sad and the drabble was my favorite thing ever and it#literally made me cry sobs#TWO look at the DRESS!!!!!! it fits in with all of my other comms and i’m so happy because i love having consistency with my comms it makes#so happy#THREE#she got it from my FAVORITE ARTIST EVER ??? SOBS THATS SO SPECIAL TO ME I LOVE THIS ARTIST SO MUCH SHES MY GO TO ARTIST#and my face looks so pretty and even the couch and the background matches my other comms and i’m sniffling cuz i love it sm 🥹#quite literally the best way to finish off my first week of school 🥹#sobs this is so special to me i’m literally making it the new background on my watch so i can stare at it during class forever#this is the bestest birthday gift ever sobs i cry so hard it’s so thoughtful & in depth with my ss AND my fav artist ever i’m sobbing#— selfships
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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OK troops, time-sensitive poll — I have been left unsupervised w a bookshop gift voucher. What should I get? (They don't have Cyrano de Bergerac in stock so I'm open to suggestions)
tbh there is a chance any number of these are also out of stock... hope springs eternal
U have 7 hours to get yr votes (& suggestions) in before I leave the city. Make me proud! 🫡
#The Count of Monte Cristo#The Night Circus#Lost in the Funhouse#The Menelaiad#The Last Werewolf#books#poll#vignettes de ma vie#for anyone who wants more context:#I have already listened to the original anonymous Monte Cristo translation but I hear Buss's is a bit more modern & I'm curious#The Night Circus is an eternal fave that I still somehow don't own (rlly hoping I can get the cover the one I read in high school had)#rlly want a hard copy of the Menelaiad!! which is a surrealist mindfuck of a take on Menelaos's story during the Homeric epics#& The Last Werewolf is a novel (trilogy) but I actually know it from the eponymous album by The Real Tuesday Weld#the author & the singer are best mates so he wrote him the album as an accompaniment to the novel's story#& I love the album! so I'm keen to find out what the novel contains#meanwhile Cyrano is Cyrano. I stay obsessed. sigh 🤍🪶🖋#this bookshop only has that one random WWI adaptation of it rolled up w Antigone which...?? I might read someday???#but I want to start off on more solid classic footing first sfdksglfhdkd. thanks anyway Damien Ryan
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also on ao3
(cw: tics, bullying)
Eddie started shivering in seventh grade.
Even when it was hot, even when he was sweating and desperately wanted a non-rattly fan or a better air conditioner. They weren't normal shivers. He wasn't cold. But his shoulders would jerk or shake, or he would tremble for a second, and he didn't know what else it could have been. Others didn't question it for a while, because it started in October. Everyone was shivering. But by March, it hadn't stopped, and he had to explain himself when people gave him questioning looks or asked if he was okay. (Back when people cared.)
'S just a shiver, I'm fine.
He wasn't fine. It got worse over time. He got used to it, to the weird feeling that took over his body for a few seconds, got used to telling people he was cold, joking that he must be low on vitamins or iron, joking that in the future, someone is walking over his grave. But other people didn't get used to it. They thought he was weird. That was fine with him. Wayne realised something was wrong before Eddie started the tenth grade, because he wasn't just shivering anymore. His whole body was jerking sharply, suddenly, his shoulders drawing up, fists clenching. Eddie didn't question it. Wayne did.
It wasn't normal. But nothing about Eddie was normal. Wayne took him to see a doctor. The doctor make him do things, walk in a line, hold his arms out and push the doctor's hands away as hard as he could, follow a flashlight with his eyes without moving his head. It was all weird. It kind of scared Eddie. The doctor kept writing things in a notebook, and Eddie couldn't tell if he was doing well or not. But Wayne was there, watching and listening intently.
The doctor said he had tics. It sounded funny to Eddie, but then it wasn't funny, because the doctor didn't give him anything for it. He just said there wasn't anything really wrong with him. His brain just worked a little differently. (Which Eddie was already used to hearing.) That his tics could get better or go away as he got older, or they could get worse.
They got worse.
By the end of that summer, his arms were moving, flying over his head suddenly, randomly, and his head was jerking back so sharply it hurt. Wayne was worried about him getting whiplash. Eddie was worried about going to school.
That year, he became the freak.
At first, he tried to explain it to people. The movements were involuntary, he couldn't control them. Wayne contacted all his teachers, who mostly got it, but still preferred to make him sit in the hallway so he didn't distract the class. But the other students thought he was possessed, faking it for attention, and everything in between. They'd throw things at him, and complain to the teachers that he was distracting even when he wasn't moving, just to get him out of the room. They would mimic him, make fun of him, and by September, he learned that the tics get worse when he's upset. He could hear them all snickering and giggling as he shoved his hands under his legs and tucked his chin to his chest or held his shirt over his face, as he held his limbs tense so they wouldn't move, so tense he was exhausted and sore all the time, and then he'd go home and cry because he couldn't control his own body.
He'd have to sit on the sofa so when his head threw itself back, it would hit the back of the sofa instead of the wall, and Wayne would just wait, watching with that fucking sadness in his eyes that made Eddie ache even more. When it finally stopped, sometimes after a few minutes, sometimes after an hour or two, he was so exhausted he'd fall asleep right there on the sofa. He couldn't do his homework. His grades dropped even more, but he managed to keep himself afloat. He did the best he could, doing his homework early in the morning before school or in detention. (Some of his teachers thought he was faking. Mr Peterson was in charge of detention, and he was nice. Considerate. Eddie counted him as one of his few blessings.)
His tics got worse.
In December of his junior year, he started making noises. Short screams, grunts, quiet vocalizations. It scared him. He didn't want to go back to school, but he did. The laughter around him got louder, and he was sent out to the hallways more. He started skipping classes. He knew he'd be forced to leave anyway. So he'd sit in the boys' room, on top of a lidded toiler, his feet up on the stall door, and he'd leave cigarette burns on the walls.
Not everyone was awful. Some kids were just curious about him, asked why he acted the way he did, and he did his best to calmly explain it all. I can't help it, actually. It's just my brain works different. That turned into Eddie's brain's fucked. It's broken. He's a fucking--
So he used it. Eddie the Freak. Attention-seeking, desperate for people to notice him. So he started making devil horns, yelling from tabletops, making himself The Freak so no one could use it against him.
No one, not even Wayne, saw him cry at night, because the attention he got was never the attention he wanted. Because he was tired. So fucking tired. His limbs were sore and his voice was rough, and his neck hurt, and he was sick of being laughed at. But that was all he got.
He kept counting his blessings. Mr Peterson, who never minded Eddie's noises or the way his fists would bang against the table loudly in the silent room, who scolded the other detention-goers when they tried to tease. The Hellfire guys, who got used to his tics fairly quickly, and knew when to pause whatever they were doing if Eddie couldn't hear them over a scream or was distracted by his own body. That nice girl, Chrissy Cunningham, who would slip notes from the classes he missed or skipped into his locker or backpack with sweet smiles. (If Eddie wasn't gay, he would have fallen in love with her.) The other few students that ignored him when his tics acted up, just glancing and moving on. Wayne, bless his soul, who would come to the school to confront Eddie's teachers and complain to the principal about Eddie being mistreated by the staff.
And, oddly enough, Steve Harrington.
Eddie never saw it coming. It was a particularly bad day. He was at his locker, trying to line his books up, but a tic threw his hands up, and some books fell from his locker to the floor. He watched helplessly as papers scattered across the floor, as most students stepped around them, ignoring them, as some jocks trampled over them, over Chrissy's neat handwriting, his fists clenched at his sides. When they passed, he kneeled, picking up the books, and when he looked up, Steve Harrington was kneeling too, gathering the crumpled papers and carefully straightening them out.
He gave them to Eddie with a smile, and Eddie thought he might be dying, in some weird, upside-down dimension where Steve Harrington smiles at Eddie Munson. Eddie took them hesitantly, said thank you, and then he hit him.
He was mortified, almost dropping the papers again, jumping back as his whole body flushed with heat, staring at Steve's shoulder where his hand had just landed heavily, and he burst with a Fuck, I'm so sorry, oh my god--
But Steve had just laughed. Amazingly, it was a kind laugh, with sparkling eyes, and soft cheeks, and he said It's okay.
And then he was gone. Down the hall, after his friends, and Eddie realised his hands were trembling.
Steve kept smiling at him. Even when his friends were making fun of Eddie's Satanic cult, and of the way he couldn't keep still, and of his sad, broken brain. Even when Eddie's brain made him flip Steve off across the cafeteria, Steve saw how Eddie pulled his hand down sharply, and Steve just... laughed. Eddie fell in love with his laugh. It was kind, and it made Eddie feel better, even when he wanted to cry.
Steve graduated the next year. But he didn't leave Eddie alone. Eddie couldn't stop thinking about him, and his kind laugh, and his pretty eyes, and then the sheep Eddie adopted told him all about how cool and brave Steve was, and Eddie fell harder without even seeing him.
The world went to shit. But Eddie got to see Steve again.
Steve was still kind, even though the world was ending, and even during serious discussions, plan-making, how-to-save-the-world conversations, Eddie's tics kept going. His body jerked and shivered, and his head threw back, and his fists hit his own chest and shoulders, and he had to sit down. And Eddie found out that there are more kind people than he thought. When his tics slowed, Nancy wordlessly got him an ice pack to hold to his chest, and when he flung it across the room, Robin caught it with a casual oops, and brought it back to him. No one questioned him, or stared, or laughed, even though he knew how annoying he was.
When he woke up in the hospital, he hurt so badly he couldn't move. He just cried. Steve sat by his bed and held onto his hand. He was crying too. When Eddie stopped crying, Steve carefully slid his rings, clean of blood, onto his fingers.
This one goes here, right?
Yeah.
On the second day, his brain didn't care that he hurt. As Steve was telling him about what was going on with the others (Max was staying with the Sinclairs, Dustin's leg was almost healed), Eddie's hand smacked him across the face sharply, the sting of his rings bringing tears to his eyes before he even processed what happened. Steve wordlessly crawled onto the bed, carefully pulled Eddie against himself, and set a pillow over Eddie's lap for when his fists started hitting his legs. He'd just murmured those words, the first words he'd said to Eddie years ago.
It's okay. It's okay.
And he waited until Eddie's body fell lax against him before he carefully found Eddie's hand, laced their fingers, and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
Eddie was released from the hospital a few weeks later. He stayed in the Wheelers' basement for a few days until Steve's parents left town, for good this time, and then he moved into the Harrington house.
He likes it there. Steve is still kind. Always. He lets Eddie lay his head in his lap when his body hurts or won't stop moving, and he drags his fingers through his hair or holds a joint to his lips for him, and he smiles. (Eddie would go through the end of the world all over again for that smile.) When Eddie's head hits the wall while they're in the waiting room of the hospital for a checkup, Steve just shifts to face him and holds a hand up to the back of his head so his hand hits the wall instead, saying quietly that Eddie isn't allowed to beat his record number of concussions. He drives Eddie to Wayne's even though Eddie doesn't tic when he drives except for a few facial or vocal ones.
When Eddie whistles one night, Steve just smiles at him and says Was that a tic or are you hitting on me? and Eddie freezes, his face burning. Which would you prefer, pretty boy?
Steve kisses him.
And then Steve starts holding his hand even when he isn't having tics, even when they're with the Party. Eddie moves into Steve's room. (They always slept better when they accidentally fell asleep on the sofa together anyway.) Steve holds him when his tics are bad, and Eddie holds him during his migraines, pressing kisses as softly as he can to his forehead and his temples. Steve takes his hand when it moves to hit Eddie's face or chest. Eddie stands steady and holds Steve's hand to himself when he gets dizzy. Steve keeps ready-made ice packs in the freezer to hold to Eddie's chest and legs when they bruise from his fists. Eddie keeps his handwriting as neat as possible when he writes notes in case Steve forgets anything. When they wake up at night, breathless and sweaty and crying, the other is there, arms open, lips waiting.
One night Eddie says very softly, You know, they used to say my brain was broken.
Steve just says, Mine too.
#welcome to projection central#hand wrote this during a lecture today bc i was bored and realised a lot of ppl write/hc eddie as autistic and w adhd#but usually those are the only kinda neurodivergencies i see in fan content#(pretend thats a word)#but then i thought eddie having tics would make sense for his character and i have Experience to write from so#(disclaimer i was not bullied in school nor was i removed from classes (unless i left on my accord bc i wanted to hide in the bathroom))#(some kids teased me or mimicked me or told me to 'do it again' but i dealt w them)#(and the one kid that was really a dick ended up being rly nice by the time we graduated he's cool)#(and i got lucky w my teachers i think they were all very sweet and considerate)#(but i thought this story would make sense and go along with eddies story in the canon)#anyway give eddie tics#anotther hc that his tics calm down/stop when he's playing guitar and playing d&d#mine arent as bad as they were in high school but back then (and on bad days now) they usually calm down#when im focused on something or doing something i enjoy (ie drawing or painting or st)#steddie#steddie oneshot#eddie munson#eddie munson oneshot#steve harrington#steve harrington one shot#stranger things#stranger things one shot
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Reading the epilogue in Harry potter makes me so emotional when I think of Harry's first journey when he was 11. The juxtaposition gets me so bad. That little boy had no idea he would have a loving family. A loving family with the girl he had met on the day of that very journey, no less!
#It gets me sooo bad#Harry was alone!#He had to resort to asking strangers for help!#He stayed at school for the holidays#And he grows up to have a son that he and his wife wrote to 3 times a week during his first year#His youngest son feels comfortable telling him about his fears!!#I love that Ginny was there on the first platform journey and the last#God#Fucking god bro
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🧸👹Go! Various guys! Here's a long overdue oc post! Seeing my friends and mutuals post about their characters has encouraged me to actually make mine public!🐙🤡
This is a post dedicated to a handful of my many, many characters. I love them all so very dearly that I've been overprotective of them for years now.🥲
I hope you all enjoy the change from the usual fanart!
#kingmagppiocs#Muñeco DeReyes#Grimm L.L. Needle#Queen Violet#Hickory D.D.#Luvxic duCirque#Tom Stuffin#Scythe#Queen Emily#Princess Octavia#ocs#original character#those are their names. a bunch of them have been with me for about 7 years now... theyve grown with me during my art journey!#it took a lot of courage for me to actually post them here!#yes they have lore yes i will elaborate if asked nicely...#theyre all part of the same little universe#the universe doesnt exactly have a proper name yet though... like the title of their story. i wrote it back in middle school but like#the title doesnt really fit them anymore!#anyway heres a peek of whats lurking in my sick twisted mind#oh yeah ive shuffled all of Grimm's portraits to the bottom but the red one is him and Violet is the purple one with the horns with him!
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I want to write a crossword puzzle just so I can have a clue "you just lost it" and the answer is T H E G A M E.
#Sorry#The game#crossword puzzle#post o' mine#I actually wrote one in high school while I wasn't paying attention during class. Can't remember the theme#But I think it was mostly ok#A couple sticky corners#It's tough. Props to anyone who can donit
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random almost 2am thought that's been plaguing me for like a week actually but you ever think about how the original stunt from wonder halloween with the trapdoor and the action under the stage was Really Fucking Stupid (sorry rui).
Literally the first fucking thing they tell you in drama lessons is to not do anything significant behind (or below) the stage. the audience should be able to see everything that's going on. falling through the trapdoor on its own? sure, kill him or bring him back in another scene. having him have to climb back out afterwards to continue the play right into the next scene also creates an issue.
and i mean rui does realise that it was dumb in the next chapter this is just something that bugs me. rui kamishiro what the fuck were you thinking (he saw a trapdoor and got excited). wonder halloween is still a 9/10 go read it now if you haven't already.
#my high school was weird we had to do compulsory drama for 3 years#i am a good actor. i hate acting. i wrote and directed every 3 minute performance my group did every week and gave myself the smallest role#for 3 years. well 2 and a bit corona hit during my 3rd year but still.#mine
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A small fluff thing I wrote .
• • . •. •. • • • . •. •. • • • . •. •. •.
You ran your fingers through his hair as he soundly slept on . You both had been cuddling on your bed . The last week had genuinely became very hectic and you both didn't get any time to rest . His arms were around your waist and his head was buried in your neck . His every breath tickled your neck but you ignored that feeling . Wanting to savour this moment for some more time , you gently rested your head on top of his and fell into a quiet and peaceful sleep .
• • . •. •. • • • . •. •. • • • . •. •. •.
#Can you all believe that I wrote this at my school during english period 💀#At least my teacher didn't see me#otherwise I would have been yeeted into obliviation#obey me#obey me shall we date#om swd#obey me mc#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me sheep mc#obey me fluff#obey me x reader#YEETUS THE BINGUS#om lucifer#om mammon#om leviathan#om satan#om belphegor#om asmodeus#om beelzebub#om mc
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feel like people forget a lot of the time that yeh u don't really know who i am or whatever but i am still a real person with feelings like the amount of hate i get is just unwarranted and it's the fact that some of u guys are okay with saying such disgusting things is really quite fucking worrying
anyways, i am much better than i was feeling earlier on today but yeh anons are off for the foreseeable future n i don't think i'll be turning them on in a hurry
#sorry to drag it out#but not really cos it's my shit#but yeh like i was acc quite upset#n i'm sure whoever wrote those anons is reading this so hi!#n ik i joke around a lot but i am acc quite a sensitive person#bc i got bullied a lot during school#n it was just not nice to receive the anons i did#when i didn't say anything today#like it was so out of the blue as well#anyways hope everyone's had a good day
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