#i still got most of the points for those questions instead of losing everything because of an incorrect number at the end

[i-havenothingelsetopost]

genuine question, do you like maths?? i have a vague feeling i saw your post of tags or something that said something about it but i cannot figure out if it was in fact you or if it was even positive ahahah

Yeah that was me! I don't go looking for math problems, but when I happen to do them, I tend to enjoy it. Wasn't always this way — elementary school math was about speed and memorization and I hated that — but I had a really good teacher in upper secondary school, and it became about creative problem solving. It feels the same as writing a poem in meter or managing to untangle a really bad knot in a ball of yarn.

[hawkinsbnbg]

hold me tight

Written for @steddieangstyaugust Day 20: “I didn’t know where else to go.”

tags: post Starcourt, friends to lovers, requited unrequited love.

rated: T | word count: 1k4 | ao3

This was stupid, Steve told himself. Absolutely stupid. It wasn't like Eddie was his friend or anything.

They just happened to spend many sleepless nights together smoking and talking about everything and nothing. They just met up at Skull Rock almost every day so Steve could decompress by listening to Eddie's ramblings about DnD, Hell Fire Club, and Corroded Coffin. They just told each other a lot of secrets and held hands to offer each other comfort. They just shared multiple inside jokes that not even their own friends would know.

They just—

Okay, maybe Steve had downplayed it. Because at this point, Eddie might be his only real friend in this town.

And it was just Steve's luck to catch feelings for him and lose him in the process.

See, since his young age, Steve had always been self-aware enough to know what he wanted. Whether it was toys, food, or people. He just never made his liking obvious in case his parents decided to hold them over him.

Hence, nonchalance had always been his default façade. It was the "Kill two birds with one stone", helped him protect his secrets, helped him conceal his most vulnerable part, and helped him remain indestructible under scrutinizing eyes.

And for a long time, Steve thought he was so smart, hiding his true self behind the garnished mask he had created.

Until he met Nancy, until he got his heart broken that night in Tina's bathroom, until he stumbled on Eddie and realized that the mask he wore made him look exactly like what he always hated.

Bullshit.

And now, standing on the Munson Trailer's porch, Steve tried to not turn on his heels and run away or puke his guts out because he was too scared of facing rejection again.

But he also didn't want to be alone right now, and call it his moment of weakness, he just wanted to be held and reassured that everything would be alright even when he probably didn't deserve it.

Selfishly, though, he knew Eddie wouldn't say no to him, not when he was in such a pitiful state, not when they used to be good friends up until Steve ruined it all. And perhaps, it was the thought that gave him enough courage to rap his knuckles on the door.

"D'you know what time is it, man? If you're here to ask for weeds– Holy shit!"

Against his better judgment, Steve shrank in himself, ashamed that he was causing trouble for Eddie once more, making himself as small as possible and bracing for another rejection.

"Uhm, hi?" He smiled weakly.

Wordlessly, Eddie guided him inside, led him to the couch, and sat him down.

After handing him a glass of water, which he sipped slowly, Eddie started cleaning the cuts on his face, movements gentle as if afraid of hurting him.

Though it wasn't much and Steve knew any decent human being would treat him with the same sympathy, his heart still didn't get the memo and started somersaulting in his chest.

He watched the soft yellow light cast on Eddie's face, illuminating those dark brown eyes like stars, shining on the plump lips being worried between those sharp white teeth.

He glanced down, taking in the sleeveless black tee and gray sweatpants, the crimson guitar pick dangling on Eddie's chest as he leaned forward slightly, the tattoos on the pale arms, the long fingers, void of rings.

"What happened?" Eddie asked, sounding genuinely worried, after a moment of tense silence.

Instead of answering the question, Steve only shrugged and grimaced slightly.

"Sorry for waking you up this late. It's just," he averted his gaze to avoid Eddie's intense look. "I didn't know where else to go."

"You're always welcome here, Sweetheart," said Eddie kindly. "And you can wake me up whenever. We're already past that, aren't we?"

Eddie was right.

It wasn't rare for the older boy to climb through Steve's window at random hours and invite himself into Steve's bed so they could cuddle until morning. And it wasn't new for Steve to do so to Eddie, either.

Over just a few months, they had grown impossibly close and Steve would dare to say Eddie was the one who understood him the most and vice versa.

Except, it was never that simple, wasn't it?

It wasn't as if Steve hadn't kissed Eddie in a completely un-platonic way. It wasn't as if they hadn't seen each other since the day Eddie ran away from him, confused and terrified, leaving Steve with even more nightmares.

He sighed, suddenly feeling tired. Who was he kidding anyway? It was a huge mistake to come here after all.

"Yeah," he sniffed. "But I thought I wouldn't be welcomed anymore after what I did to you."

"Steve," said Eddie sharply.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he squeezed his eyes shut and raked his fingers through his sticky hair, using the dull aches to ground himself. "I– Tonight's been a lot. People died, Eddie. And all I could think about was you. As much as I regret driving you away, I'd kiss you again and again even if I were allowed to come back to that day to fix my mistake. Because it had kept you safe and away from me, from dangers. And I swear I'm not trying to make you forgive me out of pity. I know I had screwed up big time. So I'm gonna be out of your hair soo–"

Steve let out a gasp when Eddie suddenly kissed him, staring in shock as Eddie pressed another one on the corner of his mouth, tasting his blood and pain.

"What–"

"I'm aware this is far from the appropriate answer you deserve," Eddie brushed a hair out of Steve's forehead, smiling sadly. "But I couldn't find any way more obvious to tell you the kiss was never a mistake. Because I've been dreaming about it for months and you had granted me exactly what I wanted."

Steve was confused. Because why would Eddie say that? Why would he kiss Steve then when all Steve wanted was to make it right? Why would he look so sad when he had already shattered Steve's heart into pieces?

"Why?" Steve asked softly, unable to hold a grudge when Eddie was looking at him like he hung the moon and stars, overwhelming and nothing he had feared at all.

"I was scared," said Eddie bluntly without needing him to elaborate, always understanding him beyond words. "That's not an excuse for the way I acted with you. I was an ass for going radio silence and leaving you in the dark. As your friend, I should've known to communicate better. But I didn't and I caused you all this pain just because I panicked over a kiss I've been wanting since the first time I saw you."

"I'm really sorry, Sweetheart," said Eddie quietly, hand cradling his face gently like one would hold something precious. "For having been an idiot and a coward. For breaking your trust. For running away. For hurting you."

Leaning into the touch, Steve closed his eyes and breathed deeply, inhaling the smell of old weeds, leather, citrus, and cigarettes, feeling oddly homesick even though he was already home.

He wanted to get mad at Eddie, to demand some kind of compensation for his battered heart; and yet, he was tired, in pain, and about to keel over now the drug in his system had worn off.

However, he was in no shape to hold a serious conversation at the moment and he knew Eddie had noticed it too.

"Let's go take a shower first, okay?" Eddie leaned in and kissed his shoulder. It was so random but Steve still felt his cheeks warm at the intimate gesture.

Somehow, he didn't have the energy to feel embarrassed about it and ended up having Eddie wash his hair for him.

———

After making a call to check in with Robin as promised, he padded into Eddie's room and joined the older boy beneath the quilts and blankets, smiling softly as he thought about all the time he had been in Eddie's bed when he couldn't stand his parents' arguments.

When Eddie pulled him closer, he went willingly and melted into those arms, feeling warm and safe for the first time after two months of staying apart from his best friend.

"I love you," he mumbled into Eddie's chest, too relaxed and sleepy to care about the consequences. Go big or go home, right?

And when Steve finally drifted off, he heard something almost sounded like, "I love you, too."

[oukabarsburgblr]

I've been wondering- what would happen in the karasuno bullying the first year when they all grow up? Like (m/n) should take my advice and get together with Sousuke instead!! Maybe I'm just a biased Sousuke simp but no way anyone can touch us if we have mafia on our side!! Sousuke being a softie is just a plus point :D I would like be Sousuke's husband frfr ♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠)

If you had continued into the bullying the first years storyline, you would definitely end up as a house husband, maybe finishing foundation in university but that would be the most of it before daichi had stolen you away, locking you up in his apartment, near the police academy and your parents didnt question a thing, knowing daichi who was your supposed boyfriend taking care of you. Oikawa did but he was too busy in Argentina to know more.

Hinata, kageyama, yamaguchi would lose contact with you, that's about it, they just assumed you'd went about your life. Tsukishima had approached you during your third year, asking what the hell happened in first year since he saw what Asahi did to you but you stayed silent, wanting to lose those horrible memories and move on with your life.

The second years, would be similar, losing contact, except Tanaka did try to get in contact with you but was stopped by Daichi, who said you're having a horrible phase in your life currently and Tanaka understandably backed off, asking him to send his regards.

Kiyoko simply didn't want to get involved. She was lucky enough the trio didnt targeted her and she knew she couldnt do much unfortunately. Yachi would have the same case for the other third years.

Sugawara and Asahi couldn't focus on you, since they went on with their own careers but the second they found out you were handcuffed in Daichis bed, Sugawara was laughing giddily, pulling at your cheeks teasingly and he was so excited to see his kouhai. Asahi was surprised you didnt even resist much, giving into your predicament and chatted with Daichi while Sugawara was making you squirm.

Daichi wouldn't let them sleep with you, Sugawara almost took a beating but he and Asahi backed off, both knowing that Daichi was the most passionate for you...but you dreaded the moment they visited Daichi's apartment.

Daichi tried treating everything like it was normal to have your partner handcuffed in bed, and you unwillingly accepted your new life. A husband he forcibly signed your marriage certificate and living with him wasn't so painful.

He still fed you, clothes you and gave you the necessary condiments to living, a phone took a year or two but the only requirement was that you couldn't step out of the apartment. And you lived by it which earned the key to your cuffs, no longer having restrained to the bedroom.

Daichi presumed the position of your lover since then, kissing you and holding you lovingly, his demeanour changed, showing more affection and a smile on his face. Sex was still scary because he would be extremely overpowering and the dynamics were tilted so far, you'd often cry during sex since you'd drop into the submissive mindset so quick.

But all's well...than expected. In a way, maybe you were content with your new life. Not having to worry, about bills or a job, only sitting in your pretty house you got to decorate, waiting for your husband to come home.

Oh man i feel bad for the other anon😭 theres barely any fluff in this universe im so sorry

And i do agree! You should just run away with Sousuke instead ↔️ but if Sousuke existed in this universe, both you and him would be the same age as Daichi and frankly Sousuke would never let you associate with anyone that had a psychopathic behaviour.

Why and how?....thats a story for another time🤗

[diminuel]

Hello! I am so intrigued by your comic of Crocodile calling Dragon because he has the Donquixote brothers. Like how did they all get into that situation? What was Crocodile doing and how did the brothers find out?

You did say this was about Dragon losing faith in the Marines, so maybe this all happened because of Marine intervention gone wrong?

(The comic in question!)

Disclaimer: this is all subject to change! If anyone has ideas I find super compelling I can still change everything around since it's fun to do things collaboratively~

Dragon won't lose faith for a while now (I was imagining that he'll make it to Admiral rank, thinking that he's just got to push through, get up higher to make a change, before something happens that just fucks him up in ways that make him want to escape. Be it a Buster Call or something involving Celestial Dragons, I don't know.)

As to Crocodile. That kid is still only 15 or 16 at that point but he's already making a name for himself in the underworld. I'm not sure entirely if he heard rumours of a "fallen" Celestial Dragon family being hunted and went to investigate, witnessing the attack or if he only came to the scene because he was doing a job for Trebol (most likely procuring either the devil fruit or an untraceable weapon) Going on the OP wiki I found out that Trebol is younger than I thought but I still find him icky so he's gonna go But when Crocodile found out just what he has planned for Doflamingo, Crocodile killed him instead, got his valuables and the kids.

It was probably all a very impulsive choice. He's got no idea what to do and the only person he could think to call was that weird Marine that inexplicably cared too much.

He's gotta get those kids out of the criminal underworld, because that destructive hate in Doflamingo is only going to fester if he stays. Even though he thinks the Marine are a bunch of assholes, the kids are Celestial Dragons. Best shot to get them where they need to be.

Either way, they won't be his problem anymore. (Or so he thinks.)

[faithst]

LIVESTREAMS WITH ZB1

pairing zb1 x idol!reader

genre mostly comedy, maybe fluff ? reader is in zb1 🤝

warnings mentions of food/drinks in hao and hanbin’s

notes hi anon, thank you for requesting ! i didn’t want this to be romantic as idol life is,, something.. but still, i hope you enjoy this ! 🫶

masterlist<3

— zhang hao

you’re playing drinking games

and before you ask, no. it’s not actual alcohol

you mix up the most unhinged drink combinations

like soy milk + tea + mountain dew 😃

the drink literally has particles in it

you play the ‘of course’ game and it turns ugly real quick

“you know that i’m better than you at everything, right?” zhanghao says, feeling proud

“of course! zhanghao.. you know that hanbin loves me more, right?” a smirk tugging on your lips that zhanghao so desperately wanted to slap off

loses the game because of that and has to chug down every drop (he’s ok tho i think)

“you’re lucky we’re live right now.”

— sung hanbin

since he was a barista, you guys are making drinks

he teaches you some tips and tricks but it’s more complicated than you think

his drink is so much more visually pleasing than yours although you both followed the same steps 😭

like pretty gradient colors that blend well together

but it’s expected cuz he’s a professional

you do a taste test

and his drink tastes like heaven 👍

you offered yours to him and he tries it

ngl, you were nervous about his opinion

“uh, it’s definitely a new experience.”

— seok matthew

some kind of crafts live

where you both are making those bead bracelets

you make ones for eachother and also the other members !

and matthew is all like ‘oh, you’re gonna love what i made for you’

he’s so proud of his creations

and at some point he accidentally spills every bead onto the table 😭

and you both take a look at eachother like 😐

and it becomes quiet for a whole 5 minutes as he picks everything back up

after that, you both continue making bracelets for the other members 🫶

“jiwoon hyung likes this color, i know him better than you!”

— shen ricky

painting live

you guys are making paintings to hang on eachothers walls

it’s actually pretty chill with ricky 👍

but then he accidentally splattered some paint onto his designer white shirt

his honest reaction to that: ☹️

but its okay, he can just buy a new one. maybe get a car too while he’s at it

since ricky is really good at arts

you wanted to paint him smth nice too

so you just put your autograph onto the canvas

he loves it tho and keeps it in his room 😔

“i can sell this!”

— park gunwook

workout stream

it was actually supposed to be a live for gunwook and matthew

but matthew had to do smth else

so you offered to accompany gunwook instead !

gunwook shares his workout tips and you just nod and agree

you both share your workout routines and people make articles abt them 🫢

‘zb1’s gunwook and y/n workout routine: is it effective?’

oh and you also get thirst trap edits bcuz of this

flaunting your muscles and abs and stuff idk 😭

“do you guys wanna know the secret to my godly physique?”

— kim taerae

from the content we have now..

it’s 100% a karaoke live

wbk he loves singing and he wanted to invite you to ‘taerae show #2’

has his anpanman guitar, ready at hand 🤝

you both have a blast singing and taerae becomes main rapper at some point

he’s so immersed in the ballad songs, he prolly starts crying for effects 😔

biggest hypeman

like he’s all ‘OH MY GOD WOAHHHH’

and he also harmonises w you

don’t be surprised when you get a compilation of ‘y/n and taerae: 5th gen main vocals’

“100 points?! i’m so good!”

— kim gyuvin

q&a stream

answering fan questions and basically fan service

“is a butt one or two?”

gyuvin actually thinks about it for a second and is like “oh my god.” 😭

it got too confusing though so you continued reading the comments

someone asked what he did today and he started thinking

“uh..” “sorry, i forgot.” you joke, making gyuvin stare daggers to you 🫢

he looks back to the screen

and with a wide smile he said

“i’m sorry zerose! i think we have to end the live here. thank you for watching!”

— kim jiwoong

makeup stream

where you do his makeup

and he’s giving you those eyes yk 👀

the comments are going crazy bcuz of it

and when you do his lips, he smiles and it curves so perfectly (ahdguajskshaikahdh)

you accidentally went overboard with the glitter

but jiwoong pulls off everything so it still looks amazing

everyone loves what you did and your makeup style is trending 👍

“i think some glitter got stuck in my eye.”

— han yujin

i don’t know why but you both are face painting

but instead of face painting on yourselves, you face paint eachother

“i’m gonna make you into a piece of art” he says as he paints a streak onto your face

he stops to take a step back and look at everything from a bigger picture

and bursts into laughter 😃

you’re so worried abt what he did to you

he tries to regain his composure but laughs every few seconds

“what’s wrong? what did you do?” “nothing! i made you look very.. cool.” 😁

and then you look into a mirror and you look like shrek's offspring (yes, you get turned into a meme)

“this is my best piece yet! should i leave my signature too?”

© keiwook

[helenstudies]

I've seen a lot of "gifted kid burnout" posts and also a few "where do we go to post studyblr stuff when we're bad students and don't get good grades" so I'm here to talk about my own experience of "I've never been a gifted kid and I've never been a good student".

I'm not a gifted kid. In fact, there was no "gifted kid" system in my country at all. And instead of multiple choice questions or true or false questions, we had to memorize pages and pages of our textbook and write them down during three hour exams. You can't get "a" and "the" wrong or you lose points, that's how much memorization we had to do. We didn't get electives until our last two years of high school and the electives were "biology or economics?" Yeah, those were the only two. Even at my university, I didn't get to choose my own electives. Everything came in a neat little box that you can never escape. And we never, EVER get full marks in Burmese or English. 80 out of 100 is considered phenomenal and no one's ever gotten more than 82 in either subject. So our matriculation exam's full mark is 600 but the most you can get is 550.

Suffice to say, the education system sucked and I don't like memorization so my grades were 50% at most. I failed my math and physic classes with 28 marks out of 100 for a whole two years, only barely passing on midterms and end of year exams. For my matriculation exam I got 340 out of 600, which is SUBPAR. That's 2.0 GPA btw. I never thought of myself as educated or a good student and I still don't.

But I love languages and I realize that while languages seem hard to learn and have strict rules, they actually don't. You can move them around and learn them however you like. So as an avid reader, I started learning languages so that I will be able to read books in those languages and I found studying liberating. Why not? I'm no longer memorizing 600 pages of text book and writing them down.

I realize that I love learning and studying when I get to choose what I learn. So I stopped caring about grades and started learning things that I love. Hey, do you know what's the biggest side effect of learning things that you love and not caring about grades? It's that you actually start to learn and your grades start to come up. I realize I perform badly when I am stressing out about my grades. This is why you're seeing all my 100% grade and 80% grade all over my walls. It's not because I'm a good student. It's because I've let go of the notion that I HAVE to be a good student.

I can talk about my bad grades as freely as I can talk about my good grades. I can tell you that I've been learning Japanese for ten seven years and I'm only JLPT N3 level. Honestly, you know what? As a generation, we're due to appreciate our process and progress instead of our achievements. It's fine if you're a bad student. It's fine if you are a gifted kid who fell off the wagon. It's fine if you've never been a gifted kid or a bad student. What matters is you're here studying and learning and appreciating yourself for doing all that.

So post your good grades, post your bad grades. Post your good stuff and bad stuff and messy notes. Post about your good days and your bad days. Talk about your productive days and talk about your rest days. Keep going and keep learning!

[katetorias]

Hi :D

Sorry for the anon ask, I'm too shy to ask on your Instagram story whenever you do a qna. I've been wondering what it feels like to be (part of) a system. I can't quite imagine what that must be like and I'm just super curious about it

One of my most burning questions has been: how does it feel to just come into existence as a new alter? You said that Prom is still a fairly new addition and I honestly can't imagine what that must feel like and how someone wouldn't know they were a system after that.

Also how does it feel to be an alter that isn't the host? Does it feel shitty to not be out as much and to be considered "somebody's alter" instead of their own person?

Feel free to ignore this if you're uncomfortable with it. Also love your art of you and your fiancé, so cute!!

since systems are formed due to the unique trauma the specific system went through, we can only really talk on our experiences. since people react to trauma differently, systems (an extreme trauma response), all form differently and have different ways they fit into the diagnostic criteria for these disorders.

im going to answer your question in a long format below^^

• for context: we are bodily 22, and we've been receiving psych care since we were around 11/12. our therapeutic progress has always been stagnant because after we left the situation we were in, we had almost completely blocked out everything that happened. so we had nothing to tell our therapists and we didn't feel comfortable talking with them. we were often dissociated and would just answer questions shortly while staring at the ground instead of engaging.

because of our lack of progress/seeming lack of effort, our mom stopped taking us to therapy and psychiatrist appointments. she thought it was a waste of time and probably saw our mental illness as misbehaving/not caring enough to try to be happy. this kept us from having proper psych care for years. we would occasionally get called to the counselor's office in school and at some point we had to start missing school for therapy again. college had us losing that support and flunking out because of the dissociation/suicidality. we only finally got access to meds after i had to go outpatient, and we've been with our therapist since.

• how we didn’t notice: due to this we had no knowledge that our experiences weren't normal. our mental health has been neglected for years and we had no way of knowing what was happening with us because we had no basis as to understand. we have a gap in our memory from a little after we left our situation to early high school. our friend always says we knew each other in middle school and talked, but we don't remember enough of those years. amnesia can show up in a lot of different ways. we've only experienced two noticeable black outs, the rest is gradual. not remembering things soon after they happened, being told we said things we didn't remember saying, being unable to describe important events in our lives, vaguely knowing what happened but not remembering the experience.

• on forming: When I (Prompto) formed, we had just flunked out of college and were forced to start working. Me and my fiancé were just starting our relationship and were playing my source. My source was a fat child who experienced bullying and parental neglect, being left alone and friendless for years, feeling like he has to change his weight to be liked. We really couldn't handle having a job. we were clinging and desperately coping by consuming my source. Eventually I started feeling like I was confusing things that happened in game with things that happened to me, and my real life memories from years, or even just months before didn't feel familiar. This was frightening, I would cry to Noctis about how I was feeling, how I couldn't remember anything before our road trip (event in source). But we didn't have any resources to explain, I thought I was being weird and childish.

Because of the stress of this job we had, I would spend most of our time in a heightened state, anxious or dreading the next days. Jack (who formed in our childhood to take care of us and our little brother when we’d be left alone) started resurfacing again after being gone for years. Our brain was trying to protect us, but I didn’t understand why I suddenly felt different. Sometimes it felt like I would just leave. I started being told that I was saying things I didn’t agree with again. Jack felt miserable trying to force himself to be me. This conflict and pain was the reason we ended up outpatient, and a few months after came to terms with the fact that we were a system.

• on what it’s like to not be the host: for us we don’t really refer to ourselves as “someone’s” alters since we don’t really have a collective identity (discounting the body we act like). I’ve been making an effort to accommodate everyone, and make sure we get the time we want in the body or just have things that are our own. (Making space for their things/interests. Setting times for specific people to have a chance to front)

This is Nathan’s perspective since he’s been fronting more often lately:

- I actually used to hate being an alter. i felt frustrated that I got torn away from my shitty life to just be part of someone else’s. I didn’t want to exist in the system at all. our body isn’t mine. im skinny and im covered in healing SH scars, and im not hairy and i have short hair, im cis. i used to hate fronting. I would actively wish i could just disappear. it didn’t seem like me being around was helping anyone. dissociation sucked and I would pick fights with our fiancé. im pretty much the only one of us who gets full flashbacks, and i fucking hate looking at stuff for my source online because everyone hates me. or ignores the story to justify hating me instead of just. hating me for what’s actually in source.

we talked with our therapist and eventually i started coming to therapy and she treated me like my own person. she made sure to create a distinction between my feelings about something and Prompto’s. she told me to create a thing i could do instead of be angry which is why i would usually front. Prompto put a lot of effort into making me feel comfortable. it’s like pri could tell how sensitive I actually am. pri designated a corner of our apartment to me and got me decorations pri thought i would like. i got to make my own instagram. It felt good to be myself. when i wasnt forcing myself to be prompto i felt more content. the more i could express myself as a person the easier it was to communicate with the system, i struggled less with memory and i think were less dissociated now than ever because prompto made such an effort to acknoledge us as our own selves.

sorry for the long answer but you asked so not sorry I guess lol. prompto probably had a better closing statement but I don’t really give a fuck. thx for the question

[o-hora-o]

i just remembered that ae became really morally gray; they supported experiments on children to some extent with cocolia's orphanage and lieserl didn't hesitate to drug cecilia, tesla brainwashed a student too ? like they drug people now it's hilarious to me- lieserl not caring about 90% of people around her despite everything is not so far-stretched (i really think it's just tesla and welt, with the addition of coralie and joey in the circle) i wonder if ae was already so morally grau when emma was still around or if it's a consequence of her loss

Omg, another great topic, thank you!!! <3

In the beginning of hi3, they are presented as a villain organization. However, you're right, that is not far from the truth.  

Lieserl drugging Cecilia scene lives rent free in my brain. She was so unbothered as if drugging people actually is her side hobby. Apparently, her another hobby is to tell people about their loss- she told Himeko about her father's death and then just stood there and watched while Himeko cried on the floor in front of her as in “sorrows sorrows prayers”. Or when she told Mei about Kiana’s condition and that she would not last long as in “it is what it is”. 

And yes, she and Tesla have brainwashed, threatened and manipulated people. I especially love this part: 

And let’s not forget that they saw K423 as a threat and wanted to...get rid of her? 

Not to mention the Project Signa aftermath...well, it's not 100% their decision but this was the price they were ready to pay:

As for Emma... in the vn she didn't want them to ever be a part of some conflicts so probably they really did went nuts after her death and took a different approach.

Or

55's aftermath really did destroy Emma to the point where she went "ok, look, meine lieben, we have Edison's money for now but the day will come when we're no longer rich, so, what do you think about... free child labour and experiments on them?"

And Cocolia...truly is an interesting case. Remember how in the Eye of the Deep arc they had to vote whether or not they lose the Gem and let Cocolia die or split forces? And then Ein voted for plan 1 with no hesitation? :D

And, ironically, she was the one who had to go and meet Cocolia because between Ein and Tesla - Ein most likely wouldn't punch Cocolia in the face during their negotiation even if she wanted to. Instead of being punched in the face by Ein, Cocolia's fate was to go to a prison and be completely forgotten by the writers ever since.

Anyway, we're all aware of how much Ein despises and hates Cocolia (that's almost the only emotion she failed to hide) and we all know why. The clones.

This clones story is also known as the "one of the biggest plot holes writers can't fix". So if you never played APHO then that 5 years time skip in the main story literally feels like:

How, when, where- these are all the questions that go hand in hand with the clone story. And it starts with Cocolia.

She was in prison ever since the Eye of the Deep arc, theoretically. Did she create Joey all those years ago and kept him hidden? And then he somehow escaped? Or was he hanging out in the orphanage? And if she did, how? Just how she managed to create Welt's clone. And not one, not two but more than three clones. When. Because let's suppose you need the core to make his clone. The core was with Joachim then it was in the Sea of Quanta and then Cocolia got to prison. In this case, you don't need the core.

Alright, but you certainly need his DNA, right? In this case, AE has some secret Welt Joyce DNA bank. Maybe them trying to locate his soul in the core wasn't enough and they were very much inspired by Otto's clones. But. How they got his DNA then? Dig up his grave? When I said that they went nuts after Emma's death I didn't mean THIS nuts.

Their level of being nuts ends where Ein and Joachim started to share the hobby of killing Welt's clones with their own hands, thanks to Cocolia. And then they met Joffrey-

[mdhwrites]

Im sorry if im annoying, is just I really love Tmnt, specially Rise, and I also enjoy reading your analysis and stuff.

So, if is bothering you, you can delete this ask, is cool 👍

Now, my question is, character wise, like in a quick grande, idk if makes sense- IMPRESSIONS.

What would it be your first impression of the characters?

*bops you on the head* Stop apologizing. I've said before that if I had nothing to say, I'd just answer it privately. However, I LOVE discussions and I always appreciate asks so you're never annoying me with these. Please, don't worry about it so much.

As for the characters for Rise of the TMNT, I can't comment on everyone as I've only watched so much, like I have no real grasp on April yet besides liking her, but I actually want to start on the major thing that I think both allowed Rise to stand out and what made it so divisive at its inception, especially since talking about stuff like that is kind of going to bleed into what I think of the brothers. After all, I think whether you love the show or hate it, we all recognize that the brothers are very markedly different in this incarnation than literally any other, even if you can point to ones in the past for inspiration.

Most TMNT shows are MNT. Mutant. Ninja. Turtle. Those are the elements that they care about. Rise cares about TMT and goes about SHREDDING the fantasy that is the turtles as ninja. Not that they aren't ninja but like... What do ninja who TEENAGE MUTANT TURTLES like?

This actually even goes to Shredder's change which I'd never heard about before now: He's kind of a washed up loser. Again, I don't know everything but he's just as playful as the boys, he watches television, he goes on joyrides, he loses his mind when he's sick. He's not some grand wise mentor... And I get it. This is a man, going off normal canons, who lost his master, got thrown away, ended up halfway across the fucking globe and lives in a GOD DAMN SEWER. Not some pristine dojo. Not some high tech. Not even a cozy lair repurposed out of a sewer because none of that shit was around. All he had was a dank ass sewer. To say he hit rock bottom would be an understatement.

And mind you, it's not that her turned cruel because of this. He still passed on what culture he could but without stealing really expensive imports, what of his culture does he even have? He can't go to the library to check out books for the new family he wants to make. He can't buy home school programs to help him teach them. He has nothing. And he's old. He was already a man when shit went wrong for him in most canons so by the time the turtles are teenagers, he's at least fifty. Usually he's depicted as WAY older than that, like 70 or 80. Instead of that meaning he's some mystical figure, he's instead the cooky old dude who's maybe not all there all the time. That's a really neat reinterpretation of the character that's genuinely more realistic while befitting the tone of the TMNT franchise where yeah, it's still kind of cranked to eleven.

This is also your warning that I fucking love these characters.

So what about the brothers? If they aren't privileged but underground but instead genuinely stuck slumming it, what happened to them? Well, a core change seems to be not so much a want to belong, they actually don't seem that interested in being accepted by society, but a desire to covet society. To be able to watch and be a part of the concept of society. That's why they're totally at home watching a wrestling match. They aren't wishing they could be in the ring, they're just happy to be part of the crowd with the best seats in the house. They don't have to mind that they have to fight in costume, they're gonna rock it because they're in fucking costume and someone challenged you to a dance battle? You respond with a dance battle. They are MORE content with being outcasts than the turtles normally are because they live vicariously through media like many people do. This is with ONE exception that I'll get to.

I also like, just as a side note, that just because they are normal amongst mutants biologically, they still have no fucking clue what they're doing. They're genuinely caught between two worlds with double the naivety because of it and get screwed over by both halves because of it. Just a fun touch.

OKAY. Enough preamble. Let's actually go from the least to most bold changes of the brothers, at least from my perspective. I've never been huge into TMNT, just never really found a show I managed to watch consistently but I've liked most of what I've seen including the first Michael Bay Turtles movie, so I may not know how radical these alterations are or how safe they are except in a few small cases. For this though, the first one to talk about is pretty easy:

Michelangelo: *stares at how spellcheck just wrote that name* No wonder people fuck up mine. ANYWAYS, the reason I say he's the least bold is because adding artistic to your quirky, comedic heart of the group is not really so much a change as just a small pivot in trope. He's still more inclined towards recklessness, he's still the one who can broach the gaps between his brothers and he is the... Well, he is the one who is telling the most genuine jokes. Again, we'll get to him. But yeah, I like him but he's not actually that interesting to discuss, yet, for me because he is the one who is the most what you would expect.

Donatello: I bet some of you expected him to take the top slot but hear me out: I actually recently did a blog contrasting Big Bang and The Owl House for their depictions of nerds. The point of it was really to say that TOH tried to claim their nerds were some groundbreaking, brave representation but that they were 'good' nerds besides the one uncomfortable nerd who got in the way and that no one liked. The difference between a nerd who never brings up their interests at dinner unless prompted versus one who MIGHT ask "Hey, am I bothering you with this," thirty minutes into a rant about a niche issue with their favorite media that they brought up because you mentioned the wrong time. Say yes and you are going to be there the rest of the fucking night. THIS is what I see with Donatello. Donnie is usually just the tech dude and by that we mean he's conveniently the one who can spit technobabble out and fix things. He is nerdy but he'd never be someone you really question spending time with. This Donnie refuses to spend time with YOU and he will let you know it. He is the brutal honesty, amongst other things, of being autistic, alongside the fact that when they say he "Does machines" in the intro, I wouldn't be surprised if that wasn't foreshadowing him making himself a girlfriend out of his one true love. Now, that is going a little far. Donnie does love his brothers but of the three, he struggles the most to know how to deal with them in a human way, to the point where this is addressed very early on with him trying to fix what he finds most annoying about them and how that's wrong. This is not literally the opposite of normal, Mikey is usually the heart of the brothers after all, but Donnie usually gets along because he doesn't really have enough personality to clash. This Donnie has enough personality to perform a heel turn for someone taking shit from him. It's great. However, he is still the tech dude and still somewhat removed from his siblings, both of which are pretty normal even if the execution is different, so it's not as radical a change as the next two.

Now for the two that actually play into why I did all my preamble.

Raphael: I haven't gotten backstories yet but if it turns out Raph looked around himself as he was growing up and realized NO ONE was the adult, I wouldn't be surprised. He doesn't seem traumatized by this fact by any means but he does give the impression of having grown up faster than the rest. He's not just physically more than them, he's mentally more. He's taken a step they all will eventually need to follow him... But he's not going to drag them kicking and screaming with him unless they're being genuine dumbasses. I actually love EVERY part of how this comes to play out. Raph doesn't have his hotheadedness, he has something much closer to cold fury which implies he knows that he can't lose it the way old Raphs did but that anger is still there. He is the one who actually has plans and most often presents worry over how something might go wrong, or sees through the rouses set by his brothers, meaning that he's taken the role of guardian over them (which makes his power being a form of shields technically chef's kiss). HOWEVER, by contrast, he has what feels a bigger blindspot to people outside of his family when it comes to tricks, likely because he's been focused on his brothers for long enough that he has become more naive than even many of the others of the world outside their home. This is probably why he has some of the bigger hero worship amongst them, especially since he's trying to live up to nobler ideas, or at least more adult ideals. That's ironic due to-

Leonardo: The choice to give him the voice Randy Cunningham is pitch perfect casting. This is EASILY the biggest and most jarring change but for the me the most welcome. Leo was never really a straight man from what I could tell comedically, Raph or Donnie usually did more of that, but instead was meant to be the rock of the group. Instead, he just came off as many bad adventure leaders: No personality. He's a nice enough guy and he's good at what he does but that's what you say about your mailman, not the leader of your ensemble cast.

This Leo is anything but this. He does not covet society, he wishes for society to covet him. He has taken celebrity worship to its natural conclusion of wanting to be a celebrity at all costs. He sees himself as the hottest shit out there and you bet your buns he's going to let you know it. He will do anything for recognition which is hardly surprising for a kid who grew up in the sewers watching stuff like Kung Fu movies. He wants to be that level of awesome and you better believe he knows the phrase "Fake it till you make it." Of course, he doesn't think he's faking it which makes when he gets punched in the face all the more satisfying. But... This does come with some wrinkles. He does not look upon the world favorably. If Raph is too innocent, he's cynical. Everything is quid pro quo. If you show him why you're giving him praise, even if it's shallow or a lie, he'll believe you because he is easily manipulated but you show him nothing? You say you JUST want to help without even being family? Yeah that doesn't fly because it's not what he would do, often times even with his own family. It makes for an interesting version of awareness. All of this does beg a simple question though: Is there any connective tissue between old Leo and new one? Is this like Teen Titans Go where they entirely scrapped the old character just to make him some shit eating idiot?

Confidence, wit, and spirit. Raph's greatest problems as a leader is that he isn't quick on his feet, he can't get people to listen to him and when he does have a plan, he doesn't have as much confidence as he needs to make sure everyone follows it. Leo genuinely has everything and than what Raph has a leader. He is smart, that's why he's a snarky bastard. He's confident to an extreme fault but that means when he pitches you an idea, it sounds legit just because of how much he seems to believe in it. And hey, even after he gets punched, he gets back up. He will make you say he is the best or die trying (which from my understanding is essentially the fuck up he makes at the beginning of the movie but with nobler intentions). He is missing two key components from being a genuinely great leader and ninja. The ability to see outside of himself and maturity. He needs to grow up and remember there's no I in team. That it doesn't matter who got the final hit, what matters is that the job was accomplished at all. He needs to stop wanting to be a celebrity, an icon to worship and trudge behind, and instead be a leader who is shoulder to shoulder to you. Who says that anything he'd ask of you, he'd ask of himself.

That is a fucking INCREDIBLE pitch for your main character as a starting point. All the things he needs but a radical wake up call that will force some HARD change if he wants to realize his real potential. Even better, his real potential is what he wants to be seen as, just that so long as the image is what he cares about, he'll never be what he wants to be. It's pitch god damn perfect and the fact that he is a delightful asshole who gets everything he deserves coming to him, constantly, from all angles, while he works on himself makes for a very entertaining character even as you wait for this arc to potentially happen. He is a good cartoon character either way and not everyone call pull that off.

In fact, even the most shallow of them makes for someone who you know will at least make you smirk if you give them eleven minutes. To me, that's a pretty good sign for a good character if one of your main goals is to entertain. And man... These turtles are entertaining. See you next tale.

======++++++======

Also, small note: I finally hit 200 followers! And I'm announcing this on a blog most of them probably aren't going to read. XD

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[yoonnamjin25]

Is it really accurate to use the word "selfless" to describe Merlin?

"Selfless" is a word with an undeniable good "white" connotation and when it comes to Merlin, I don't think we can say something is black or white in its entirety. So this question is kind of tricky and, honestly, far too complicated to answer it with a simple and short yes or no.

Let me elaborate.

He was not selfish when it came to himself as a person —that part is right— as he never hesitated in giving his life for others, always helped his friends no matter what, never seeked power nor recognition for himself, etc.

But I do think he was selfish, extremely so at times, when it came to his own self-interests. The main one being Arthur's safety and wellbeing.

And why do I say this? Let's go back to memory lane and remember some of his decisions throughout the show!

1. He condemned (heartbrokenly, I'll give him that) his whole kin to continue living in the shadows and most probably to be executed if they were caught practicing magic in Camelot just so Mordred could die and Arthur could live by extension.

2. Talking about Mordred, he never gave him the chance to prove himself trustworthy and loyal to Arthur, he just decided he was evil since he saw he was destined to kill his friend instead of trying to change that outcome or understand where would that could come from.

3. He lied to Arthur about himself and what he was for the whole decade they knew each other so Arthur wouldn't feel bad for choosing him over his father when he found out about his magic. Or viceversa.

4. He always put Arthur's life before any other's, including his closest friends: remember when he repeatedly tried to talk Arthur out of going to save them from Morgana because he was worried about him as the druid seer showed him he was going to be killed by a man aka Mordred?

5. He lied to Arthur about his mother and what Uther did to conceive him (he also robbed him that unique and beautiful moment he shared with his mom), something he had all the right to know, so Arthur wouldn't kill Uther and hate himself for it for the rest of his life.

6. He took Arthur's free will away from him so he would agree to everything Merlin said and he could take him out of the castle and save his life when Morgana and Agravaine attacked.

And I could go on, honestly, but I won't because I fear some people might take this as a hating post towards Merlin, which it definitely is not lol. Quite the contrary, actually! I understand and, to a certain point even love, all the decisions Merlin took because it just proved the inmensity of his love for Arthur.

So if I mention all this is because, despite having honorable goals —as saving someone's life (Arthur's) or sparing them the possibility of feeling irrevocably guilty for taking a life-altering decision when their heads were clouded by anger, sadness and fear— the means he used to do all that were highly questionable to say the least: lies, deceiving, manipulation, mind-control and so on are, in no way, justifiable.

They are just not.

But we fans decide to brush those aside and accept them because we understand that it all came out from a place of love. Pure, huge, raw and unwavering love. Although, that still doesn't make it right. Not really.

I will dare to say it actually makes it worse.

Love is a complicated and, may I say, dangerous feeling. It can make us feel happier, confident with oursleves, adventurous and giddy. But it can also make us stupid, blind and selfish.

And that's exactly what it did to Merlin.

He came to a point where he stopped caring about his destiny and focused only on saving Arthur's life, others be damned, just because he loved him too much and he couldn't bare to lose him.

And unfortunately at the end, it was that love, and the King's complete and blind trust in Merlin, that got Arthur dead.

To sum it up, I don't think there's a better way to describe Merlin than to say he was a whole spectrum of greys. A constant paradox of selflessness and selfishness. Another victim of love.

Anyway, he was far from perfect but that's exactly why I love him! He could come as the most selfless person at first glance (and to a certain degree, he was; although I think the word sacrificial suits him even better) but if you really look at it, specially from a canon era outsider POV, he could rather come as a selfish, powerful man that wouldn't hesitate in destroying you if it means he can save Arthur's life with that.

He was truly unhinged when it came to his other half and that's exactly why he's my second most favorite fictional character ever created!

**The first one being Dean Winchester, another unhinged man that couldn't live without his baby brother and would burn the whole world willingly only to keep Sammy safe!

Huh.

Now that I think about it.

Maybe I have a type?

[atranswomansdiary]

Day 126

October 9, 2020

“It is the end of all hope To lose the child, the faith To end all the innocence To be someone like me”

I… I don’t really know how to start this or even how to write about it. It’s… Everything is just so awful right now and, in a way, maybe I shouldn’t even be writing this, but I feel like if I don’t put down in words what happened this week I’m going to make one of those decisions with no return, one of those that you can’t take back once they're done.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we? On Monday morning, tired and bored as I usually am when starting a new workweek, I looked at my WhatsApp and decided to delete some groups that we were no longer using. They were mostly coordination groups and, since the reason I created them are no longer was valid, I felt like deleting them was the right thing to do.

I know, I know. I can almost hear you saying, “No, you didn’t!” And you’re right. They weren’t occupying space or bothering me in any way… Except that they were there any time I opened the freaking app, reminding me of those painful things that I don’t want to think about right now, like the fact that J.N. and I are no longer friends, that most of the spaces and activities we shared together are now gone, and that there’s no turning back when it comes to our friendship.

And I think that gets to the bottom of the thing, the real reason why I decided to delete those WhatsApp groups. To help me close the wound and start the healing. And so I did.

And that’s where the shitstorm began.

Hours later, I.C. (a mutual friend of both J.N. and I) contacted me and told me that she had started a cancellation campaign against me. And to clear any doubts about it, she sent me some screenshots.

To say that those words and pictures froze me in place would be the understatement of the century. This had never happened in my life before, but I just lost all sense of reality for a little bit. I was at a meeting with my boss and I just couldn’t hear his words. For a moment, I felt like the only thing I wanted to do was to disappear, to dissolve right into the groind. To stop existing. I hadn’t felt this way since the day I tried to kill myself (and failed, obviously) almost 10 years ago.

Luckily for me, the meeting ended earlier and I got to walk across the company, from one building to another through the parking lot, under a warm midday sun. It wasn't strong enough, though, because I was shivering all the way through.

Once I got home, after work, I sat down and decided to say my piece. After all, J.N.’s poor opinion of myself was an isolated case, wasn’t it?

Oh, dear. I couldn’t have been more purposefully wrong if I had been trying to miss the mark.

One other person I considered close to me (not a friend per se, but someone that had expressed admiration and at least “good vibes”—as the youngsters say—towards me) not only supported J.N.'s accusations, but she seemingly had an axe to grind with me about something we never talked about, and made use of a public forum to do so instead of discussing it with me in private! I... I just had—and still don't have—any words

I was horrified and questioning all my life choices in the past few years at this point, so I did the only thing that I thought could bring me some kind of peace. I wrote to M.C. to ask her if she had heard about the whole debacle. And here I must confess that I was fishing for some reaffirmation and comfort. After all—and I think I’ve said this before—I think she's probably my closest friend. And you want to know what happened? She didn’t write back. Not a word or reaction or phone call. Fucking NOTHING. Zilch. Nada.

And that was my Monday.

Tuesday was a dead day. I went and came back from work and slept the rest of the day and night (thanks, sleeping pills!). I ocassionally checked to see if M.C. had said anything. Nope. Nothing. I started fearing the worst.

Then Wednesday came and she finally replied.

Her answer (as I should’ve expected by this point) was the most disappointing of all the dissapointing shit that I forcefully found out this week. She basically sided with J.N. (and the other person) and, as a result, I lost two of the people I’ve loved the most in the past few years in the span of three days.

And, if that weren’t enough—and considering this whole disaster—I just had to leave all the public spaces we shared. And I fucking loved being there! But I had to leave! I had no options. How could I have stayed there, knowing that not one but two people, whose opinion I deeply appreciated, thought of me (in short, that I was—am?—the worst of the worst, everything I’ve stood up against for most of my life)? There was no fucking away I could’ve stayed there and remain whole.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my dad once, perhaps the first time I asked him for advice in my life. I was 23 at the time, and I had just finished one of the most important relationships of my life (with V.M., which I believe I’ve written extensively about in other versions of you and in other places as well) and, to make matters worse, N.G.—who was probably my best friend at the time—told me, two weeks after V.M. and I had finished our relationship of almost four fucking years, that he was in love with her, and that he was going to pursue her now that our romantic relationship was officially over.

Talk about a fucking disaster.

We were sitting in a shitty fast food restaurant (those with ugly plastic chairs who are uncomfortable as fuck) and he and I were discussing whether we would remain friends going forward. And I’m so stupid (or I was so shocked by the revelation) that I just said “Yes” and I smiled all my way through that most awkward conversation I've ever had, trying to be encouraging as my best friend was about to romantically pursue who I thought, at the time, was the love of my live.

When I got home, however, I felt the uneasiness overcoming me… And I just didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t feel like I could ask my other friends (like J.C. or A.P.) their opinions because, in my estimation, both of them liked N.G. well enough to side with him and his “Why can’t we be friends?” bullshit. So I consulted the only person that I thought had my best interests in mind and could counsel me properly about this situation.

And you know what? My dad delivered. He told me very clearly (and without much floriture, as far as I can remember) that I had two paths ahead of me. If I chose to remain friends with N.G., I would have someone by my side who was clearly not as much of a friend as I thought he was and, in exchange, I would lose all my dignity and self-respect. And, on the other path, I had to withstand the pain of losing both my best friend and the love of my life then, but I got the rest of my life to recover and find better friends—and maybe another love of my life.

It wasn’t much of a choice, but I thought (and still think) it was sound advice, so I took it.

So that’s how I came to decide, once again, to cut ties with the people I love—and thought loved me back—with the faintest idea of surviving this, somehow. In the middle of a pandemic. On the brink of making the biggest decision of my life.

And that was my Thursday, one of saying “goodbye” with a broken heart to places I loved (and helped to build) and others I had a great desire to be a part of.

So, today is Friday and I have only one question on my mind: who the fuck has got time to think about transitioning under the current circumstances?

As a matter of fact, I do.

Because even through all of this shit, at the bottom of this pit I didn’t know I could fall so far into, there’s only one thing sustaining me and giving me life. And it isn’t the prospect of my family lending me their support through all of this, or whatever friends I have left telling me I’m not that person they’re saying I am, no.

It’s the dream of maybe one day transitioning and being myself.

“This is the birth of all hope To have what I once had This life unforgiven It will end with birth”

Until then, with love,

ZZ

[inposterumcumgaudio]

Maybe u could talk about the Byngs? Not necessarily as a family unit, I just never see people talk about them in depth despite their importance in the game and lore.

You know what I noticed the other day? When Victoria meets with General Byng after her jailbreak, he offers her a place in his safehouse. This would have to be after Sally's escape from it or else he'd be planning for her to stay there instead (and also because by this point, Victoria's begun her assault on the Joy supply in the water so the town is going properly insane about it). And yet, Byng's not got his face all slashed up as he should. I think Victoria would have noticed that.

You could write that off as unintentional oversight, but they do have a texture of slashed-face Byng they could have used. On the other hand, that texture is only seen for a split-second in Sally's act.

It happens so fast one might even wonder if it actually happened at all.

The foundation for questioning Sally's perception of things is a whole other post (which this fandom desperately needs), but let's just say that everyone is the hero of their own story and wants to remember themselves as more than they probably were in a moment.

A lot of what we know about Byng is through the lens of him as a burdensome necessity to Sally's survival. Sally certainly spends a lot of her time soliloquizing to herself about how much of a chore entertaining him (and men like him) is. But she also fondly calls him "Byng-a-ling" on her clientele list that no one but her will ever see. She likes Byng, but she has to complain to herself to maintain her self-perception as the put-upon pretty girl.

I would argue Byng is actually the best suitor she's had, exactly what she's spent her entire adult life looking for. She can lie to herself about wanting Arthur, but if an Arthur was what she wanted, she could have found one. You can't throw a dead rat in Wellington Wells without hitting an Arthur. But she doesn't actually go for Arthurs, does she?

What she seeks out are men who can do something for her. But those men want things in exchange, they make demands on her time and attention. She has to give to get. Men like Stewart Adams are happy to give her practically anything for a smile, but they hardly have anything to give. She complains constantly about how Verloc required all of her attention, but she got status, education, access to chemicals and equipment, the list goes on.

But Byng! Byng shows up, what, once every week or so? A spritz in the mouth and a little manic-pixie-dream-girl dance and he's good. Very low maintenance comparatively.

And he gives her equally as much as Verloc did with the added bonus of protecting her from Verloc. Really, his only overt demand is still a passive one: keep the Bobbies supplied with Blackberry, thus maintaining the power balance in the town to Byng's favor. She'd have to do that anyway.

And the difference is Byng sees this relationship the way Sally would like the relationship to be. They meet periodically, she gets everything she wants from him and barely has to do anything for it. The promise of being the prettiest girl in the world, finally fulfilled! Even that once-a-week encounter can't be that much of a chore. Imagine being a girl as insecure as Sally, thinking your only power in the world is your looks, you just had a baby when everyone around you is a waif and the local tabloid said you could stand to lose some weight, and the most powerful man in town is content to get high, watch you do a little dance, and fuck on off when he wakes up without even demanding a goodbye. That's quite ideal, if you didn't have a baby upstairs.

But she has to think of it as a hassle because otherwise, she'd have to admit that it's what she always thought she was entitled to.

She only really starts to turn on Byng when he suggests that she should let him take Gwen across the bridge. And that sounds just monstrous if you're Sally but... is that really so unreasonable? If you are looking at this objectively, that's whole-ass a plan. Wellington Wells is incredibly unsafe for a baby!

I'm not saying Sally's wrong for being like, "Uh, no?" about that because she does not know what's on the other side of the bridge. We know there are children out there, as evidenced by Shitty Day Kid. You don't learn about him until after Ollie's act, so you don't know when Byng is making this offer to Sally, but there is conceivably a place for Gwen to go. Therefore, there's no reason why we should assume any nefarious intent behind his offer to get her out.

Yes, Byng does have his ulterior motives for wanting to send Gwen across but not Sally. He needs Sally; the entire town does. Her departure would have meant the end of order in Wellington Wells, even outside of Arthur's, Ollie's, and Victoria's actions. And, if you are Byng, even if (as Indira says in a cut line) "an Englishman’s duty has an uncanny knack of being whatever it is he wants to do anyway", well, it is in this case. His duty to Wellington Wells would very explicitly be to not allow - let alone enable - one of its most valuable assets to leave.

I think my favorite thing about Byng, though, is that he often has to be the adult in the room to a populace that has elected to remain children. And as such, because you are as a player made to empathize with these adult children (and indeed because most of the people who played this game were children themselves), this more than anything is why Byng comes off as the game's ultimate villain.

Unfortunately, he's also very often right.

"Sally. Do you love her? Or do you just love having someone who needs you?"

"Really? Would the good townsfolk of Wellington Wells have followed me into the machine guns? Or would they all have hidden in their basements?"

"[The Executive Committee]'d tear me apart like starved jackals. And then they'd pop a Joy."

"Nothing is exactly what we must do. If our people realize they're running out of food, they'll kill each other for the last box of V-Meat!"

Like, none of these statements are untrue. In the context that you hear all of them, you're in the position to read them as self-serving excuses and rationalizations. But Byng is perhaps the person best equipped to see the big picture. He does not take Joy like Victoria, he's not under the same pressure and emotional distress as Verloc, he has been awake and aware the entire time. "Excruciatingly well informed," as a certain memory of an ex-wife once put it.

He's also a skilled tactician and knows the limits of his own powers (which he makes a point of multiple times: "there's only so many strings I can pull" to Victoria, "even I won't be able to save you then" to Sally, "you don't think I'm the one who decides these things, do you?" to Ollie). He can predict what outcomes will occur based on what he can do with the resources available to him and frankly, Wellington Wells is not the best hand to be dealt. Like I said in the Haworth and Verloc post, it's a city of cowards and savages.

Even the point at which Victoria loses all faith in him, when he says that "Our duty now… is to rescue what we can. Salvage something from this whole rotten mess. Even if it's only two or three people," is not an unreasonable position to take from his perspective. The citizens of Wellington Wells are behaving exactly as predicted. To narrow the scope of his interest to just the few people he can save, and narrowing it again as those people reject his offers? It's a tactical reallocation of resources. Every day is a fuckin' battle when you're the General.

I'm not saying he's a good person. He's not. Even his own biography - which presumably would tell you how he himself would like to be perceived - paints him as a self-serving tattletale. He's as much a shitheel as everyone else in this game. But I do think anything you hear about him (and this is true of everyone in this game, all the time) needs to be viewed in the context of the person who's stating that opinion.

And always remember what they tell you right at the beginning of Sally's act:

[dollsonmain]

Well now I've gotten riled up.

When I first started to think something was actually wrong, that he was abusive and not just a jerk sometimes, someone else mentioned he sounded "like a narcissist".

Then those videos I mentioned started popping up on Instagram a lot thanks to Algo, and I watched them and went "Hey! He DOES do that!!"

And I got MAD.

The more of those videos I watched, the angrier I got. People saying "Hey! This is ABUSE!" and me going "I KNEW IT!!!"

The angrier I got, the more I started to question that anger. Were they TRYING to make me angry? They sure were angry. Was their anger clouding their judgement? Was it changing the meaning of their words? Were they looking for behaviors that were hurtful but weren't intentional to support their anger? Their videos started to sound uncaring, vindictive, lacking in empathy, to the point that I started to ask myself "Are they trying to make me angry on purpose and relying on shock for engagement instead of actually trying to educate?"

I read most of Why Does He Do That? and had to stop about halfway because other than physical abuse, he did everything the other men in the book did and it made me angry all over again. It was pointed out to me that the book was biased because it spoke almost exclusively about abuse perpetrated by men. The only mention that women could be abusive was a small blurb at the beginning saying everything applied to women, too, and then going back to talking about men. I acknowledged that bias and moved on.

Then I moved onto the medical resources and the DSM-V which you can read online.

I was able to more objectively look at the descriptions of NPD, narcissistic behavior, and "narcissistic abuse" and say "Yeah, he does that. Why does he do that? Emotional neglect as a child... I can understand that. That doesn't excuse the abuse nor does it mean I have to endure it."

"Narcissistic discard" is described differently between biased personal accounts and presumably unbiased medical texts, but it's still there. It's easier to type "narcissistic discard" than something like "Someone exhibiting symptoms of NPD may suddenly lose all interest in a person if that person no longer complies or no longer supplies them with the admiration they desire." and gets the idea across.

Like I said, I don't talk like a textbook, but I do read them.

The commenter was right: A lot of the biased resources out there are demonizing and try to paint anyone and everyone with NPD as irredeemably evil, but I don't agree with or believe that just because I read it somewhere.

I may be a dumbass but I am smart enough to know to look into multiple resources.

And I am still angry.

[k1ranishf4]

It is 8am, I haven’t slept at all and most likely have all qualifications needed to be declared clinically insane.

BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK MAN??!,!!?!,!,!,!, KXKKSOZLSKXJDLZKSNICUEJSPMWOZHC

I’M GONNA FUCKING KMS AT THIS POINT

*GOOD OMENS 2 SPOILERS BELOW*

It all started so nicely; the first 30 seconds or so literally showed us Crowley when he was still an angel, happily creating the stars and the galaxy and being so proud of his work to the point where he couldn’t even stop smiling like an idiot.

And Aziraphale was with him!! Aziraphale, who fell in love with Crowley even before Earth itself was created; Aziraphale, who couldn’t take his eyes off of Crowley for even just one second while the other was rambling about the stars.

It just got better and sweeter after that, I literally couldn’t stop thinking about how they definitely seem like an old married couple to bystanders, especially whenever they bicker back and forth!

Not to mention their familiarity. You could tell back in season one that those two have known each other for a really really long time and it just got more obvious with this season.

Their mutual pining was also painfully obvious, as always, but this time it really punched me in the guts. I kept coming back to tumblr every now and then when I needed a giggling-and-kicking feet-break while watching and obviously saw a few posts and gifs. Which didn’t exactly help my kicked-puppy-phase. I’ll come back to this later.

Anyway, I’m also hyperventilating about the “One cast-out Prince of Heaven was already bad enough” or something along those lines and was like “ARE THEY INDIRECTLY CONFIRMING THAT CROWLEY WAS THE ARCHANGEL RAPHAEL BEFORE HE FELL???” Because the way I see it, the answer seems to be yes.

Muriel basically said “I don’t have the clearance to show you these files, I’m really sorry” and Crowley just— the fact that the files can only be accessed by angels of higher status tells enough for us to know, but then again, I could be reading way too much into it and all of that could be something else entirely (which I highly doubt, but we saw that literally anything can happen).

Another thing that I absolutely loved was Saraquael’s floating wheelchair. It looked so cool, to be honest. I also liked that they decided to have a disabled angel, instead of going with “yeah, they’re all at peak physical performance”.

Coming back to the Idiots in Love, I honestly thought that it was hilarious of them to stick their noses into other people’s love lives, yet they’re blind/mute/deaf/whatever you want to call it when it comes to the both of them. Loved how two mere humans had to talk sense to a literal demon.

The Kiss. Oh, the Kiss. That broke me. I was worried at first when Aziraphale came back to the bookshop after his little walk and talk with Metatron and was actually shocked to find out that my anxious worry was right. Angel comes back with a two meters wide smile plastered on his face and suddenly starts talking about Heaven again.

That definitely hurt Crowley on an indescribable level. Imagine most of the current problems in your life have been solved again, you’re daydreaming about a lovely dinner at the Ritz with the love of your life and have (some of) your precious, peaceful and fragile existence back when suddenly all of your hopes and dreams get crushed by the very person that you love because they can’t help Heaven’s brainwashing and their own righteousness.

Imagine them happily talking about the very place that you were cast out of just for daring to question or even make suggestions for God’s Great Plan. Yup, definitely sucked for Crowley. I believe that in that moment, when he kissed Aziraphale, he was hoping to finally open the angel’s eyes and make him see and understand what Crowley truly meant.

He just wanted to be away from everyone and everything and have his love by his side, just like he always had been.

But Aziraphale didn’t—couldn’t!— understand that. He was losing his faith and frankly, I still think he does, but deep down, there’s this something in him that sees the good in everyone. Especially Heaven, because God and the angels are supposed to be the good guys here! Hell is obviously bad and evil, and so are demons, then Heaven must’ve been better!

He’s loved Crowley for as long as Crowley has loved him, but in that moment, he saw his chance to possibly make a change and had to take it. He doubted this decision, obviously!! But he also knew that change was desperately needed, even though he seemed to regret his choices and even considered just going back to Crowley.

Crowley, on the other hand, expected Aziraphale to immediately turn down the offer and when it was clear that he hadn’t, he tried to convince Aziraphale of just calling everything off. He waited outside by his car, because Aziraphale always came back after arguments like this. He came back when Crowley had asked for holy water, despite being against it. He came back when Crowley had offered to run away together multiple times during Armageddon. He always returned to Crowley despite his own opinions and Crowley thought that this might also be just like those times.

Except it wasn’t. He got another “I forgive you” and watched the most important person to him step into the elevator to Heaven. The bookshop was in the hands of a stranger and their countless ‘dates’ became just another thing in the past.

He was lonely again, just like he had been when he had fallen and this time, there didn’t seem to be a solution to his loneliness.

It was absolutely fulfilling to see Beelzebub and Gabriel get together and be happy and I was desperately hoping that we’d see the same with Aziraphale and Crowley, but it was just wishful thinking.

At this point, I think that Neil Gaiman just took everything he saw on Tumblr and Twitter and said “let’s put all of this into the second season, but with extra angst in the ending.”

Which is incredible!! But it still hurt my soul and I’m gonna be thinking about this until we hopefully get a season 3.

It’s 9am now, I’ve been typing this for an whole hour and am incapable of forming any coherent thoughts. If something else should come to my mind, I’ll post it after finally catching some Zs.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Why are birds considered dogs?

Because birds are dogs, duh. I'm not joking. It really is a common misconception that there are two different types of dog: the ones with four legs and fur (called "canines"), and the others with wings and feathers ("avians"). In reality all dogs have either type of appendage at some point in their lives — most young puppies have no feathering but they will grow it later as part of puberty. Similarly, many adult canine animals spend time living among the avian population when younger or during certain times of year. For example, many owners keep parakeets for companionship purposes; these might be used to bring babysitters into one's home if you aren't able to find an actual human sitter! (Weirdly enough, this is actually more popular than people think.)

In fact, most of our more familiar domesticated breeds were derived from wild canids which had contact with humans over long periods of time — after a while the ancestral relationship becomes difficult to discern because any physical trait could have been selected by both. This means it's hard to know where exactly your neighbor's goldfish-toothed dog came from, let alone whether he was originally yellow or chocolate brown.

However, we do have more reliable information on other animals such as turkeys and horses, whose ancestors didn't live around us until recently. Both were developed through selective breeding based on specific traits like aggressiveness and stamina, so even though they don't look much like wolves anymore they still share important genetic similarities. Aside from hair coloration, bird species resemble each other less closely than horse or cow varieties despite being closely related. The reason for this difference isn't known yet, but it probably has something to do with how relatively recently humans began selecting them. One possible scenario involves food scarcity in certain parts of Europe leading to farmers having to feed livestock whatever edible plant matter they found nearby rather than just keeping the plants themselves growing. There wasn't time for domesticated versions of many plants to evolve, since rapid diversification would have meant losing valuable nutrients before anyone got a chance to notice what made the best pig fodder, etc., while cultivating crops allowed for greater control over the diet. Therefore birds emerged as useful scavengers who could eat anything without needing training. They also turned out to make good guard animals — even predators like hawks and falcons will display territorial behavior towards potential competitors — although owls seem to take offense at this. Overall, the two groups interbred quite frequently, so birds are mostly descended from domesticated canines and vice versa. If you looked carefully you'd see evidence for both everywhere, like the feathery stumps of wolf tails mixed in with the tufts of fluff left behind by pet parrots. Or maybe you wouldn't…

So I guess why birds are called dogs depends entirely on whom you ask. Most people have never heard the theory described above, so they generally believe that dogs are those things that have four limbs and fur. Since birds have only three limbs and feathers instead of fur, the misnomer persists unchallenged. Meanwhile scientist types prefer the term "bird" because that includes everything, including non-domesticated populations, whereas "dog" implies artificial selection. To them it's a question of precision vs. clarity. Personally, I call my chicken "my little boy," so perhaps I am biased toward accuracy over practicality here. My answer may not satisfy you, but it should tell you why the confusion exists and give you lots to think about.

[thefourchimes]

🍌🍈

Wasn't able to answer this last night as I had passed out and then I got really busy the whole day today, whoops, my bad about that, but here we go!

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

Ooooh...well, as mentioned in the previous ask, I haven't actually posted anything for Encanto yet, and while I probably have a lot of possible choices from my other fandoms, I can't remember any from the others off the top of my head atm oof

Plus most of my stuff is angst instead of crack AHSFUIHAFS but I'll do my best

So yes, a joke/reference/pun I've made for a fic...I honestly have a few in mind right now for Encanto, ones from the 233 page AU, but if I say it now, it'll lose its magic when I hopefully post it AHSFUHASF

I'll probably just mention this one scene I had written for the one All of Us Are Dead fic I have, one that still makes me laugh every time I reread it:

It probably doesn't help that my sense of humor sucks but it's funny to me at least HASUFHASF

My bad if I wasn't really able to answer this properly 😅

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

Ah, this question <3

I don't think I made it too obvious as to who my blorbo is before, besides a few posts and the fact that I love all the cool sisters so much, so yeah, guess it's time to "reveal" it

It's Isabela

I remember watching Encanto again all those months ago, the moment where my hyperfixation was about to rear its head and grab me by the throat, never letting go

As that was happening, the feral, chaotic, and unhinged cactus gremlin sister decided to jump me too

I can't remember exactly when I knew she was my favorite, but I just knew that she already was before I even fully realized it

I had WECID on repeat for a long while at one point

I think her exploring herself after everything hit me hard, I relate to her so much in a way, ngl... (except the hilarious thing is that I'm not even Isabela in this case, I'm the youngest out of my three siblings so I'm technically Mirabel in a sense ASHFIASF)

But anyway, I digress, my thoughts on her (along with my ideas for her that pop up in fics—er, will pop up anyway) are so wild that I'm not too sure on how to write it down in paragraph form, plus it probably won't be anything new since someone else in the fandom has probably already mentioned these, but I guess we keep going with it in a chaotic and wild way, true to Isabela's character (apologies in advance for the explosion of thoughts—except also not really sorry):

She's chaos incarnate, a force of nature that is so very extra and so petty as hell but it's okay because we love it sm

We don't get to see it all as much though because of her mask, but that just makes me even happier since she gets to be free post movie

She's acrobatic and athletic as seen in WECID, not to mention her skill with vine swinging, but that doesn't mean she didn't get at least a bit of clumsy genes from Agustin in some way, she just hides it pretty well due to her mask of perfection

She's always colorful and changing colors every time, experimenting with all the possibilities and she changes the color of her hair strand a lot too

She makes and discovers and explores all kinds of plants (ones she keeps track of to know what they are and what they can do), but we all know she has a soft spot for cacti <3

She knows a lot about flower and plant language, whether already having knowledge during the movie or learning after

She loves her family so much that she would and has sacrificed her happiness for them, that's something I admire so much but am also sad about because she really loves her family that she wants them happy even if she can't be happy, ow—

This seems to be a consensus the fandom has: she's one of the ones who will most likely murder someone and will kill for her siblings, very protective of her sisters and her family <3

Speaking of which, she has a ridiculously overpowered gift, one she has just as ridiculous control over as well, that I cackle and shake my head every time when someone just underestimates her and her gift

We know how she wants to be free but is feeling trapped as she's forced into perfection, half due to her own making and half due to others boxing her in, so there are lots of fake smiles and pretending on her part, but that does mean she's a pretty good actress considering she had everyone fooled for so long

I fucking love her bonds and relationships with her sisters and her cousins, but, as my PFP is indicating, especially the cool sisters

They weren't close with each other for several reasons for a long while, not even mentioning the strained relationship between her and Mirabel, but to see them have the chance to connect again and make up for everything was done and all that happened after the events of the movie? I love it so much aaaaaa

She teases the hell out of them in various ways, that's for sure, the sister vibes are so real <33

But that doesn't mean the cousins are left out here, ofc, the exploration of dynamics is always so nice and fun to see

I love all the grandkids so much <33333

I want to keep going so badly but I feel like I'd never finish this ask if I do AUISFHUIASHF plus I'm very sure I forgot something, but oof 😔

Ngl, this was me the entire time I was trying to answer this question:

Isabela <33

yep, that tracks HASFUIAHSF but yeah, thanks for the ask!! :DD <33