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How They Ask You Out (RHONY Preference)

Jill Zarin: Jill isn’t asking. She’s chatting you up until the moment she decides she wants to see you again and then she’s giving you the time and place to meet her, maybe with a flirtatious “wear something nice��� and a wink, leaving you absolutely gobsmacked and maybe a little confused, but also excited.

LuAnn De Lesseps: LuAnn is also not asking. Rather, she’s waiting for you to ask. She can see it in your eyes that you want to, and she’ll give you a little nudge to make the move if she’s really interested. It’s sort of a test. If you don’t have the guts to ask her out, chances are you won’t keep her interest for long.

Ramona Singer: Ramona blurts it out over cocktails. “Listen, I think we should go out, just us, something fun, maybe dinner?” She sips her drink, then grins. “I mean, we have great energy together, don’t you think? Why not see where it goes?”

For anon

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Imagine being a goddess and Autolycus being enamored with you.

Autolycus was not a man easily impressed. He had stolen from kings, deceived gods, and walked away unscathed every time. But when he laid eyes on you, a goddess unlike any other, he found himself facing a challenge he could not outwit—his own infatuation.

He was drawn to you like a moth to a flame, though he’d never admit it outright. Instead, he turned to what he knew best, his charm and mischief. “A goddess with eyes like stolen moonlight,” he mused one evening, lounging beside you as if he belonged there. “Tell me, did Olympus misplace you, or did you simply tire of perfection?”

You arched a brow, unamused but intrigued. “You think flattery will earn my favor, thief?”

Autolycus grinned. “It’s worked before.”

But you were no mere mortal, no bored queen desperate for admiration. You were divine, and he— he was nothing but a rogue with a quick tongue and a quicker hand. And yet, he couldn’t stay away.

He left offerings not of gold or jewels but of things only he could steal: a coin minted centuries ago, a rose plucked from a guarded royal garden, anything rare and exotic he could get his hands on. “For you,” he’d say, presenting each treasure with a flourish, as if he were not the one utterly captivated.

Still, you remained elusive, amused by his efforts but unmoved. “You collect stolen things, Autolycus. What will you do when you cannot steal my heart?”

His smirk faltered, just for a breath. Then, leaning close, he murmured, “Then I suppose I’ll have to earn it.”

And for what may have been the first time, the King Of Thieves found himself actually willing to try.

For @jupiter-joycey

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @trexsuit, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

Autolycus: @unnecessarypineapplesstuff, @callsigncrash

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Lady Van Tassel Seducing You Would Include

Lady Van Tassel is a woman who knows exactly what she wants, and from the moment she sets her sights on you, there’s no escape.

She watches you with an intense, knowing gaze, a smirk playing at her lips as if she’s already won you, because she knows she will.

She finds ways to be alone with you, drawing you into the dimly lit corridors of the Van Tassel estate. Her voice is a soft purr as she leans in, whispering suggestive promises just for you.

At first, it’s the lightest brush of fingers when she hands you a goblet of wine, a fleeting touch at the small of your back as she passes. But soon, her hands linger, nails grazing your skin with deliberate slowness.

She always smells of something darkly intoxicating—spiced apples, burning firewood, and the faintest trace of blood. It lingers on your clothes after she walks away, making sure you’re always reminded of her.

Lady Van Tassel doesn’t just seduce, she plays. She drops hints of her affections, then feigns indifference, letting you chase her in a twisted courtship that she orchestrates with ease.

There’s always a glint in her eye that suggests she’s still in control, testing just how far you’re willing to fall under her spell.

Over candlelit dinners, she pours wine for you both, watching as you sip. “To temptation,” she whispers, her lips curling over the words, daring you to give in to her.

If another dares to flirt with you, Lady Van Tassel ensures they regret it. A single glance, a veiled threat, or a sudden ‘accident’ befalling them makes it clear. You belong to her now.

She presses you up against the cool stone of the fireplace, her lips ghosting over your throat as she murmurs, “Would you damn yourself for me? Because I already have for you.”

She doesn’t just seduce you, she claims you as hers in every way she can think to. A lock of your hair in her locket, a symbol carved into the wood of your bedpost. By the time you realize how deeply she’s ensnared you, it’s far too late.

For @yellowbird-flying

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @trexsuit, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

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January Movie Wrap Up

Bad Samaritan: 8/10. It started off a little slow, and had some moments throughout that lagged a bit, but it really picked up in the second half. David Tennant was a superb villain! All in all a pretty impressive thriller.

Benjamin: 1/10. Couldn’t even finish this one. The main character was so cringe inducing that I felt physical pain just watching him. It was advertised as a rom com, but what I watched was dreadfully dull and not at all romantic.

Don't Talk To Irene: 9/10. Truly stellar movie overall, but I am a sucker for a movie about outcasts and old people, so I may be a little biased. 🤣 And Geena Davis as the narrator/god/whatever was really fun. The humor didn’t always land, but overall very sweet, fun and uplifting.

Lizzie: -1 billion/10. I don’t know what the fuck anyone was thinking making this. There’s good actors in it, but their performances are all terrible. The lighting is atrocious, and for a movie based on a historical event, there sure isn’t a single iota of fact in it. If you want to learn about the Lizzie Borden story, please do not watch this. Watch Christina Ricci’s Lizzie Borden Took An Ax. That is well done. This is trash and drivel.

Paradise Hills: 8/10. If you want fantasy meets sci-fi meets thriller, this is the one for you. It was a little hard to follow at times, but that may just be my attention span. But it was visually beautiful as well as riveting to watch. A little out there for some perhaps, but an underrated, untalked about gem if you ask me.

Quiz Lady: 9/10. It was funny, cute and honestly pretty amazing. I went in hoping I would like it and was so glad that it didn’t disappoint. Sandra Oh was phenomenal and her fashion in this movie was 😍. So worth the watch!

See How They Run: 7/10. It was a nice little mystery/comedy. Sort of a dry wit to the humor, but it got a few chuckles out of me. If you like Knives Out, give this one a chance. Similar vibes. Personally I didn’t think it was exceptional, but it was good enough, I suppose.

Teeth: 6/10. The plot felt like it didn’t really try. And when it did, it was just kind of boring. Had they really camped it up I think this could have been way better. +1 point for Hale Appleman being a goddamn treat. Such a beautiful man.

The Holiday Exchange: 6/10. If you’ve seen The Holiday, then this play on it definitely falls pretty flat. The couples are both okay, and there are a few sweet moments to smile at, but it’s mostly just meh. Was it worth the five minutes of Kyle Richards I got? Not really.

The People We Hate At The Wedding: 7/10. Look, was it super original? No, but it was a pretty good watch despite some tired rom com tropes. There were some truly hilarious moments, and some really nice Allison Janney scenes. 😍 I probably wouldn’t watch it again, but it was good enough to have kept my interest.

Wicked Little Letters: 9/10. Listen, it’s a bit of a slow burn, and you don’t know exactly what’s happening or why in the beginning, but this one you’ve got to stick with. Olivia Colman is as adorable as she is maniacal and it turns out to be well worth the watch in the end.

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December Movie Wrap Up

X: 4/10. I was so expecting more from this, but all in all, very boring and predictable. Not a fan. For a slasher it was a snooze fest and for a plot, just amounted to basically nothing.

Pearl: 2/10. Essentially the same thing as X but set in the past. Nothing original here. Characters were boring. Really stopped paying attention and still got the whole story without even needing to.

MaXXXine: 3/10. This movie series was just not for me. There was nothing to keep my interest. Just a giant flop. Maybe it was too talked up for me, and my expectations got too high. Idk, but I wish I hadn’t wasted my time on them.

Book Club: The Next Chapter: 7/10. It was fun, kept me entertained, but I mean, Jane Fonda is reason enough for me to watch anything, and I did enjoy the first one. This one holds up too. Also, shoutout to Mary Steenburgen in that red dress. 🐺😙

Cottage Country: 9/10. You go in expecting a horror comedy, and you do in fact get that, but it turns into so much more. Wild ride, and I mean crazy, but so so good. I was very impressed.

Do Not Disturb: 10/10. It’s only 43 minutes, seems like it could have been a pilot for a dramedy, and I wish it was, because I could so use more of it. But anyways, truly amazing! If you’re into Catherine Tate, it’s basically Catherine Tate porn, so do yourself a favor and watch it. If you need a better reason, may I present the edit I made for it.

Gypsy: 7/10. The costumes were beautiful, Bette was marvelous! Didn’t love the musical aspect. The numbers on stage were fine, but the extra breaking into song at random bits always serve to take me out of the story. But it was a nice story overall. Gets one extra point for Bette’s ending number alone.

Jewtopia: 6/10. By title alone I thought it was going to be way more offensive than it was, but it wasn’t so bad. The cast was pretty good, shoutout to Rita Wilson and Wendie Malick. It was funny at times, interesting enough to keep my attention. Decent watch overall.

Maps To The Stars: 7/10. What a wild, fucked up little movie. I can’t say as I know what the actual point was, but it kept my interest the whole way through. The best bits were obviously Julianne Moore’s part, but the rest was good too. Weird ending, but fitting enough I suppose.

Martha Marcy May Marlene: 1/10. If you want a real slow reliving of cult trauma with absolutely no ending worth a shit, then maybe this is for you, but like, in all honesty, don’t waste your time. Not even Sarah Paulson or Elizabeth Olsen could save this. Waste. Of. Time.

Mr. St. Nick: 6/10. I’m not a huge Christmas movie fan, but this one was alright. Not great, but decent. I probably wouldn’t watch it again, but again if you’re looking for a less popular Christmas movie, this one ain’t bad.

Solace: 7/10. Engaging plot with a supernatural/psychic element. Anthony Hopkins was great, and a couple of familiar faces was a nice surprise too. If FBI thrillers are your sort of thing, I’d recommend giving this one a watch. A few good wtf/omg sort of moments. Definitely keeps your interest. Probably not one I’d rewatch personally, but it is good.

Stuff: 7/10. It was an interesting enough story, but not thrilled with how it turned out. Could have had a way better ending. That would have bumped it up a point.

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Headcanons

Your First Time With Cisserus Would Include

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Headcanons

Being A Baker Who Falls For Mrs. Scrubitt Would Include

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Headcanons

Zelda Spellman Cooking For You Would Include

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Jill Zarin

LuAnn De Lesseps

Ramona Singer

Preferences

How They React When You Flirt With Them

How They Ask You Out

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Judge Turpin

Nellie Lovett

Dark Appetites 😈🫦

When Nellie tells you the secret ingredient in her pies, it’s not fear she sees in your eyes, but something else. Something darker.

Angst = 💧 Fluff = 🧸 Suggestive = 🫦 Explicit = 🔞 Dark = 😈 Humor = 🃏 Pregnancy = 🤰🏼

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Barbara Howard

Cozy Snow Day 🧸

Abbott has called a snow day, so you spend your newly gained time with Barbara in your favorite way, just enjoying her company.

Melissa Schemmenti

Angst = 💧 Fluff = 🧸 Suggestive = ��� Explicit = 🔞 Dark = 😈 Humor = 🃏 Pregnancy = 🤰🏼

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Addison Montgomery

Mother Of All Problems 💧🧸

When you’re brought in after an accident, your mother in called in as your emergency contact. Less than thrilled to see her due to the nature of your relationship with her, Addison is there to pick up the pieces when her being there starts to threaten your recovery.

Amelia Shepherd

Smoke Signals 🧸

You and Amelia have been secretly seeing each other for a while but her coworkers figure things out when you stop by for a visit.

Arizona Robbins

Catherine Fox

Cristina Yang

Derek Shepherd

Erica Hahn

Mark Sloan

Meredith Grey

Miranda Bailey

Teddy Altman

Tom Koracick

Cristina x Teddy x Reader

Three Alarm Fire 💧🧸

When you’re taken to the hospital after saving a young girl from the flames of a burning house, two of the doctors take a special interest in your case. What everyone can’t figure out is why.

Derek x Mark x Reader

Angst = 💧 Fluff = 🧸 Suggestive = 🫦 Explicit = 🔞 Dark = 😈 Humor = 🃏 Pregnancy = 🤰🏼

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Adrienne Maloof

Camille Grammer

Dorit Kemsley

Eileen Davidson

Erika Jayne

Kim Richards

Kyle Richards

Headcanons

Cuddling With Kyle Richards Would Include

Lisa Rinna

Lisa Vanderpump

Headcanons

Your First Date With Lisa Vanderpump Would Include

Sutton Stracke

Preferences

How They React When You Flirt With Them

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Dark Appetites — Nellie Lovett

Summary: When Nellie tells you the secret ingredient in her pies, it��s not fear she sees in your eyes, but something else. Something darker.

Word Count: 1,013

Warnings: Knife kink, cannibalism kink, dark and suggestive

You'd be lying if you said you hadn’t noticed it before, but you now watch transfixed as the knife blade gleams when she turns it in her hands, catching the dim light that filters through the shutters of her grim little pie shop. The handle looks worn, like it’s been held tightly too many times, squeezed until palms sweat and fingers cramp. She’s holding it like that now, firm, deliberate, but there’s a playfulness to the way she angles the tip, letting it hover in the empty space between you.

“Y’alright there, love?” Nellie Lovett’s voice is sing song and light, but her gaze is sharp, cutting straight through you like the knife she’s holding. “You’re lookin’ a bit peaky, if you don’t mind me sayin’. Or maybe…” She steps closer, heels clicking against the floor, “…just a bit flushed?”

You swallow. Hard. She sees it. The way your breath hitches, the sudden heat creeping up your neck. You can’t hide it, not from her. She’s too clever for that, too quick. The knife shifts in her hand, the point tilting upward as if to test how far you’ll let her go. You should run. Maybe she even wants you to, but you don’t, and that’s the most telling bit of all.

Finally, she speaks again, as if making your decision for you. “Funny thing,” she muses, eyes dancing, “most people, if they hear what’s in my pies, they go right off ‘em. Can’t stomach the thought, can they? Poor little things.” She tsks and takes another step. The tip of the blade brushes the side of your throat, light enough to make your pulse jump. “But not you.”

You can’t answer. Not with her so close, not with the way her breath ghosts across your skin. “Oh, I noticed,” she continues, voice dropping to a near whisper. Her lips curl into a smirk that’s both amused and predatory. “You didn’t flinch, not even when I told you. What was it, now? What’s the secret ingredient?”

You know the answer. Of course you do. It’s why you’re still here, why you haven’t fled through the door like any sane person would’ve done.

Human flesh.

The words echo in your head, and Nellie must see it written all over your face because her grin widens. She tilts the knife, just enough to let it trail down, grazing the line of your collarbone.

“Couldn’t take your eyes off me, could you? Not when I was explaining it all.” She hums, feigning thoughtfulness, but her free hand comes up to cup your chin, forcing you to look at her. “I see it plain as day, love. You liked it. The story, the blood, the…taste.”

You shudder, and that only makes her bolder.

“Bet you’re picturing it now, aren’t you? How it all works —the slicing, the cleaning, the baking.” She draws the blade back, just enough to let you breathe, but it’s only a tease. The moment you exhale, it’s at your throat again, pressing, not hard, but enough to prick your skin. “Can’t help yourself, can you? Makes you warm all over, thinkin’ about it.”

She’s laughing now, soft and low. It’s not cruel, not exactly, but it’s dangerous all the same. She’s toying with you, enjoying the way you tremble, the way your eyes flick between her face and the blade.

“Go on, love,” she urges. “Say it.”

You shake your head because you can’t, not out loud. Not with her looking at you like that, like she already knows everything you’re too ashamed to admit.

“No?” Her grip tightens, nails digging into your skin just enough to sting. “You sure? Seems to me you’re dying to say something.” She leans in until her lips are almost brushing yours. “Or maybe you’re just dying to see it.”

You don’t mean to gasp, but you do, and it’s a mistake. She hears it, feels it, and her smirk sharpens into something wicked.

“Oh, you really are a nasty little thing, aren’t you?” The knife slips lower, over your shirt and down your chest, down your stomach, until it catches on the waistband of your skirt. She doesn’t push, but the threat is there, humming between you like a live wire. “Bet you’d let me, wouldn’t you? Bet you’d beg for it.”

Your knees threaten to give out, but she doesn’t let you fall, knowing you would only collapse into the blade, and she doesn’t want you dead. No, she keeps you upright, keeps you pinned under her gaze like a butterfly in a glass case.

“Such a good girl,” she purrs, and the words shouldn’t make your breath hitch the way they do, but you’re too far gone to care. “Good enough to eat.”

You don’t know whether she means it literally, and maybe you don’t want to know. Maybe you like the not knowing, the razor sharp edge between fear and want.

“Go on then.” She draws back just enough to let you breathe again. The knife is gone, tucked away before you even realize it, but the heat in her eyes lingers, scorching and unrelenting. “Be honest, love. Did you come here just for the pies?”

You shake your head.

“No,” she echoes, tilting her head like she’s savoring the admission. “Didn’t think so.”

She steps away, leaving you rooted to the spot, still trembling. When she turns back, she’s back at work, prepping the night's pies. There’s flour on her hands and a glint in her eye that makes your stomach flip.

“Tell you what,” she says, brushing her hands off on her apron. “You stay a bit longer, help me with the baking and I might just let you watch.”

You open your mouth, but no words come out. It doesn’t matter. She’s already moving, already pulling out trays and knives and flour dusted bowls like nothing happened.

But something did happen.

And as you follow her to the counter, your legs still shaky, you know it’s not the pies that’ll keep you coming back. It’s her. And the knife.

For anon

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @trexsuit, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

Nellie Lovett: @iticaboopsyou

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How They React When You Flirt With Them (Real Housewives Of New York City Preference)

Jill Zarin: Jill’s face lights up with amusement the moment you start flirting. She leans in closer, her signature laugh ringing out as she playfully swats your arm. “Oh, stop it! You’re too much!” she says, but the twinkle in her eye suggests she’s thoroughly enjoying the attention. Jill might even flirt back, complimenting your outfit or wit.

LuAnn De Lesseps: LuAnn’s response is pure elegance. She raises an eyebrow, her smile subtle but undeniably flattered. “Oh, darling, you do know how to make a lady feel special,” she purrs. She keeps her composure, but there’s no mistaking the spark of interest in her gaze. LuAnn might test the waters by offering you a compliment in return or brushing your arm lightly as she speaks, maintaining her countess like grace the entire time.

Ramona Singer: Ramona’s reaction is immediate and high energy. “What? Oh my God, are you serious,” she blurts out, laughing nervously but clearly flattered. She’ll fan herself dramatically and might even take a sip of her Pinot Grigio to collect herself. Ramona isn’t shy about fishing for more compliments and could flip the script by asking you if you’re flirting with her just to see your reaction. If she’s interested, she’ll keep the banter going with wide eyed enthusiasm. If not, she’ll still play along. Ramona loves the attention!

For anon

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @trexsuit, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

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Imagine being nervous to share your bed with Bellatrix.

You’re not sure why you’re nervous. It’s not as if Bellatrix has ever made you feel unsafe. Quite the opposite, really. She was intimidating, eccentric, but she’d never treated you badly.

Yet the bed feels too small with her in it, though it’s big enough for two. You sit on the edge, your back straight, hands fidgeting with the hem of your sleeve as if that will distract you from the way her dark eyes are watching you. She doesn’t speak, but you can feel her amusement. She always seems to know when you’re uneasy.

“Get in,” she finally says, voice smooth and sharp all at once. It’s not a request.

You swallow hard and do as you’re told, pulling the covers over yourself as though they’ll shield you from her scrutiny. She’s already lying back, one arm draped lazily behind her head, the other resting close enough to you that her fingertips brush your skin when you shift. The contact makes you flinch.

“What’s the matter,” she purrs, turning her head to look at you properly now. “Afraid I’ll bite?”

You don’t answer, though you know that’s exactly what she wants, a reaction. She always wants to see you squirm.

Bellatrix shifts closer, her breath warm against your ear. “Or is that what you want?”

Your pulse quickens, and you feel the heat rising in your cheeks. She laughs and rolls onto her side, her hand sliding up your arm, nails grazing skin just enough to make you shiver.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” she whispers.

You turn your head to face her, and the intensity in her gaze nearly knocks the air from your lungs. She’s too close now, her dark curls spilling across the pillow, her lips parted ever so slightly.

“Unless, of course,” she murmurs, “you like being afraid.”

And maybe you do. Maybe that’s what scares you the most. You like the unpredictability she brings. It keeps you on edge. She had you figured out before you did.

For @maellslut

Forever Tag: @baubeautyandthegeek, @ghostsunderstoodmysoul, @immyowndefender, @valencethefriendlychangeling, @crimsonwidow666, @rebelbossheart, @thedailyspiritualist, @orangeisnttheonlyfruit, @woman-simp, @aperol-with-izzy, @leonoralessoem, @ellepossum69, @lakita-fisher, @trexsuit, @analuw, @luvlesavyy, @malfoyfeed, @aliciabrower, @sparrowspixie, @imaginationismyworldlypleasure, @og-kxsh-420

Bellatrix LeStrange: @riveranddoctorsong123, @whither-the-wind-goes, @bellatrixblackthoughts, @unexpected-character, @becomingthedreamversionofme, @bloodinthedarksworld, @gothtrash6969, @music-bird, @fairyfaefiction, @chaotic-mushroomz, @iciclesandsnow, @thenazwife, @animeloverfreak310, @m-rae23, @asocialrandom, @404-its-alr, @beyondgaby, @scarlettmal, @wynt3rrr, @geekyandgay98, @pink-sunrise-56, @sweetyprincesschaos, @mindfullofnothingbutyou, @witchthewriter, @anarrowtotheknee, @thekirbishow, @lannister-apologist, @jeaninesfavouriteserum