#without making others feel bad or burdening them
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Hi I have an idea
Imagine the reader got all the toys from Safe Haven, Doey, Poppy, Kissy and Yarnaby out of the factory and make their basement the new home and how life would be like because I imagine all the toys need a wash, they probably forgot about privacy or knocking before entering so would lead to embarrassing moments like Yarnaby walking into the bathroom while the reader is showing and just joining them not understanding that it's wrong but the reader would make a huge meal of pancakes, bacon, sausage and eggs as soon as they're out of there no matter what time of day it is
Sorry if this is long just thought it was a good idea
this is such a silly idea I love this 😭😭
🌈taking the toys home w/you!hcs🌈
-after everyone escapes the factory (and nothing bad happens!!) you take the toys back to where you live, as that would be the safest place for them now that they're out of the factory!
-lets hope your basement is big enough to fit all these critters bc if not, there might be some capacity issues sgfhs
-doey and poppy have the easiest time settling in compared to the others, as they're the most sentient/human, while the other toys are a bit like animals you just brought back from the adoption shelter lol
-the toys are all extremely grateful you saved them and are now giving them a safe place to live outside of the nightmarish factory
-but be warned, they WILL raid your fridge, these guys are starving 🥺
-yarnaby immediately dominates your bed, taking up the entire mattress with his body, so everyone will have to sleep around him. kissy will probably curl up beside the bed with poppy while you and the smiling critters pile up onto yarnaby
-they cannot be without you for more than ten seconds apparently, especially yarnaby and kissy, they are always following you around like lost puppies and wanting your attention!
-say goodbye to privacy because now with giant toys in your house, you never get an ounce of alone time lol
-yarnaby likes whenever you play music, he'll lay down and purr and listen to it for hours!
-poppy is glad to finally have the chance to be a real girl, and asks you if you'll teach her ways about the real world so she can fit in someday!
-doey helps you a lot with chores, since he's the most mature out of the toys. he also feels like they're all a burden to you but you assure him they aren't, and that you appreciate his help!
-the smiling critters kinda just chill, they don't cause too much trouble, aside from climbing all over the place, especially the fridge to reach the sugary cereal you put up high!
-they all LOVE it when you cook breakfast for them, or any meal really! they've only ever eaten scraps from carcasses in the factory, so getting to taste bacon, eggs, and pancakes for the first time is a wonderful experience for them!
-overall the toys are very happy to be at your side, as now they get to live a happy life, away from the cursed playtime factory
#poppy playtime#poppy playtime x reader#doey#doey x reader#kissy missy#kissy missy x reader#yarnaby#yarnaby x reader#hcs
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Why I think Lu Guang's answer to the riddle was the detective:
It's given at the same time Cheng Xiaoshi gives his own for misdirection. The one who gave the same answer as CXS was his own dad, a guy that for all his failings, was loved enough by SYY to try and change his death node - WQ is also attached to him, therefore we expect/hope CWM has an ethical side to himself; meanwhile the one who gave the same answer as LG was Vein.
It happens right before LG bets on Vein being murdered on that room, an antithesis to CXS changing the past for what he hopes is for the best to those involved (note: I'm fine with the guy trying to fix a death node by dumping a death node on his bestie's murderer, just pointing out them as a partnership don't EVER do things intending to eliminate the bad guys, ya feel me?)
CXS' answer presumes innocence (more on how to me, this reflects on link click's overall messages under the cut), but LG is analytical; he'd take in consideration that the detective is poor and the animals had a coin;
the riddle states that "you" are the detective. LG spends yingdu burdened by knowledge and trying to solve a disappearance along with CXS; we also know LG feels guilt over what he's doing and CXS' death (which is why he was harsh on Vivian not deserving CXS' sympathy when they were on the phone). Therefore, he not only has been functioning as a detective throughout yingdu and link click as a whole, but also presumes guilt for himself (meanwhile Vein presumes that ppl have hidden intentions like he usually does, I guess)
In other words; LG answers he's the detective bc he not only takes the seemingly innocuous clues into consideration, but by the end of yingdu he feels guilty and burdened by what he has done and feels he has to do. A far cry from the 1st episode, where he identified with the noble heroine who goes into a doomed quest; now he thinks of himself as the sharp detective who would burn a forest down to get what he wants.
Now, personally I vibe with LG and CXS pointing to two different directions: LG makes the audience aware that amidst all of the tragedies in link click, someone is benefiting; there's a person or a group who doesn't care others are being stepped on, which has been the case of the antagonists so far, be it LX or the typical bullies; and LG puts himself among them, since he doesn't justify to himself he has noble intentions so it's okay that they won't help with Emma's investigation, for example.
CXS is the other side of link click: actually, bad things will happen without anyone meaning to, as is the earthquake, the noodle lesbians' divergence, the time nodes getting messed up by well-meaning intentions.
Note: The big takeaway here is that LG thinks it's the detective bc he thinks he's the detective and LG knows himself as guilty. Not that his answer was (or wasn't) the most logical/obvious and CXS' was too naive, I'm actually trying to prove that even if he answers purely using logic, LG is being emotional about it too! A correct answer is NOT the point of the riddle
btw, the positive spin of LG going from the tragic heroine to the cruel detective is that he no longer is passive about fate, and sees it as something that can be seized, which gives him hope
#link click spoilers#yingdu chapter#link click#there's a lot going on with LG. isolation. grief. guilt over CXS dying. the duty to save everyone as a dying CXS requested. love. devotion.#lc thoughts#this is neither here nor there but. that stupid mafia story was vein's own wasn't it? he WOULD lend his absurd background to cxs for the lo
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My interpretation of 'Paradise is Very Fragile', a poem written by Lana Del Rey 𝜗𝜚
'Paradise is Very Fragile' is the 18th poem in 'Violet Bent Backwards Over the Grass', and it is one that resonates with me very deeply. Each and every reread of this poem submerges me in a surreal, haunting journey, as though I am listening to a raw and heartfelt ballad of melancholia and ambivalence.
I perceive Del Rey's references to "paradise" as allusions to the good natured temperament that many of us are born with- the gentlest parts of our inheritance swathed in so much delicacy and fragility that it will inevitably end in both hurt and confusion as a result of the destruction caused by those that do not embody this innate soft sensitivity. The lines, "I wish someone had told me when I was younger more about the inhabitants that thrive off of paradise. That should they take too much, there would be nothing left to give." are especially moving to me, as this feels like reading a personal description of how my vulnerability has repeatedly been taken advantage of. I have continuously acquainted with individuals whose nature was not, in hindsight, "good or golden". The kind of people whose motives for befriending me were never kind or generous, and instead intended to thrive off of my "paradise", because they knew that they lacked this warmth within themselves.
I think that experiencing the world as a person who does have these traits of altruism and empathy can lead you to be at significant risk of exploitation from others. This is because being born with the "good or golden" nature that Del Rey describes often leads to being unknowingly adorned with 'rose tinted glasses' in terms of interpersonal relationships. Whilst those with thoughtful souls, and often unrealistic dreams of harmony and solidarity within the world (those with "paradise") usually tend to be more immensely impacted by the horrors and suffering that takes place in the world, we also tend to seek deeply for the goodness within people, to subconsciously attempt to remove the burden of being so kind in a society that appears to have no regard or care for its members. This, of course, results in our own suffering, as the 'bad' people in our lives (the people not born with "paradise") are able to recognise our good qualities easily (and utilise them for their own benefit), as they mourn what they never had in themselves, and will perpetually abuse them until our "paradise" withers away. Eventually, once our presence becomes futile to them and we have "nothing left to give", we are discarded, left to pick up the pieces of ourselves that they have shattered.
In this stanza of the poem, Del Rey is reflecting on the innocence and purity that she had been gifted with in her youth, and she wishes that somebody had warned her about the people in the world who are filled with malice and darkness- the people that would go on to inflict pain upon her in her adulthood.
In the next verse, we see a shift in the writing style. Del Rey goes from seemingly reflecting upon her childhood, to describing an ongoing altercation between her and an anonymous romantic partner. She firstly makes a biblical reference to 'Eve' in the lines, "and every time I think of that, I think about the curse bestowed upon Eve, that fateful eve, she took that bite from that fruitful tree". In this moment, she appears to be contemplating the origins of evil. She could be wondering how it is that the people born without "paradise" have become so common and so damaging towards the people who are born with "paradise". The vast majority of perpetrators of crimes inflicting pain upon women are men, and perhaps she is debating whether this widespread violence against women has come from the infamous moment when Eve bit into the apple, the moment in which humankind were banished from paradise, and we fell into a habits of sin. Was it really as a result of Eve's actions that we now find ourselves in a society in which so many seem to have such a deep rooted hatred for women? After so many experiences of abuse from (presumably) men, Del Rey could be resorting to Catholicism in order to try and understand where these terrible people have originated from.
After this, Del Rey heavily juxtaposes herself in lines such as, "you take and you take and you take and you take, but you taste like a beach in a kiss." I feel that this is a demonstration of her inner emotional conflict surrounding the man that is thriving off of her "paradise." This is illustrated by the repetition of "you take", which emphasises the devastation that her lover is causing her, which is then contradicted with a reference to a "beach". A beach is a place that is normally visited by tourists (people on exciting holidays, exploring new places) in the summer (the warmest season in which the sun brings daylight for the longest period of time), and it introduces a calm, relaxing, and peaceful scenery. This heavily contradicts Del Rey's last statement in which she confesses that the person accompanying her is stripping her of her "paradise": the beautiful, gentle parts of herself. She could be using such contrasting language as a tribute to the fact that not everybody who is born without "paradise" is a 'bad' person in all aspects of their personality, and that this is one of the major issues that she is faced with in terms of her decision making (if she should leave him or not). Whilst she is aware that he is taking her "paradise", she is still able to see all of the good parts of him. He makes her feel safe and warm, like a beach on a summers evening, he is attractive (shown in the quote, "candy for my watery eyes"), and despite her heightened sense of awareness about his true intentions, she still strives to see the goodness within him, hence why she is contemplating the origins of good and evil. She is searching for an answer that will reveal why he treats her so poorly.
More oxymoronic language is seen when Del Rey writes, "in my veins that roll, you run citrus" as she is referring to citrusy fruits- which can be either sweet like oranges and grapefruits, or bitter and unpleasant to eat, like lemons. She alludes to the feeling that her partner's essence is infused inside of her veins (she would not feel whole without him), and also talks of how unpredictable he can be- sometimes making her feel loved and appreciated, and other times draining her of her "paradise" and harshly tearing away her sense of self. As well as this, the sentence, "watercolour images of serpents on orange trees arise in my midst" continues this theme of uncertainty and indecisiveness. On the one hand, her lover reminds her of an innocent, harmless embodiment of nature- an orange tree that provides sweet fruit. However on the other hand, he reminds her of a dangerous snake that has the potential to be filled with lethal poison. These opposing descriptions placed beside one another with the overall metaphor of a delicate, carefully crafted piece of artwork (the "watercolour image") reveals the beauty that Del Rey is able to uncover in this man's destructivity, and these two traits (an orange tree and a serpent) are what she associates with him. He can be charismatic and charming, but also incredibly dangerous.
Whilst we see a reoccurring battle of ambivalence through the poem, in the final lines, it appears that Del Rey reaches her resolution. The final sentence, "but my heart is very fragile, and I have nothing left to give" heartbreakingly concludes that despite the ambiguity she has been faced with, she knows that she simply cannot go on in her relationship, as her partner has successfully rid her of the qualities in herself that were the most dear to her, and she has realised that she can no longer provide him with the "paradise" within her that he craved so longingly, as he has torn her down into a shred of the woman that she once was.
This personal, artistic poem perfectly captures the essence of what it is like to lose yourself within the toxicity of both intimate relationships, and society as a whole. For this reason, 'Paradise is Very Fragile' is definitely one of my favourite poems in Del Rey's book, and it is one that I return to frequently.
"Paradise is very fragile
and it seems like it's only getting worse
down here in Florida we are fighting toxic red tides.
Massive fish kills
Not to mention hurricanes and rising sea levels
Back in Los Angeles things aren't looking much better
My treehouse that had been standing for 60 years succumbed to the Woolsey fires
who would've thought that this year at 33 you would've been taken out from under me
after all those years
built from the ground up by hand by your very first owner.
Quiet World War 1 aviation pilot
I tried to save you but the horses and german shepherds were more important
Paradise is very fragile and it seems like it's only getting worse
Our leader is a megalomaniac and we've seen that before but never because it was what the country deserved.
My friends tell me to stop calling 911 on the culture
but it's either that or I 5150 myself.
They don't understand
I'm a dreamer
And I had big dreams for the country
Not for what it could do but for how it could feel
How it could think how it could dream.
I know I know- who am I to dream for you
it's just that in my own mind I was born with a little bit of paradise. I was lucky in that way
not like my husband- who was born and raised in hell.
I always had something gentle to give- all of me in fact
it's one of the beautiful things about me
it's one of the beautiful things about nature
But lately I've been thinking that I wish someone had told me when I was younger more about the inhabitants that thrive off of paradise. That should they take too much there will be nothing left to give.
Not everyone's nature is good or golden
and you can't fight what's in your nature.
That's all I kept thinking of as we were fighting the fires in Agoura
That I'm tired of fighting you.
Tired of you taking from me
Paradise is very fragile and it's only getting worse
and every time you leave me I seem to think about the curse
bestowed upon Eve
that faithful eve
she took that bite
from that fruitful tree
You breathe me in
kundalini
on this summers night
you in front of me
And you take and you take and you take and you take
but you taste like the beach in a kiss
candy for my watery eyes
in my veins that roll you run citrus
watercolour images of serpents on orange trees quietly arise and grow sweet in my midst
And I keep thinking that I could do this forever
just like this
but my heart is very fragile
and I have nothing left to give"
Note: this poem can be interpreted differently, and in aware that in my 'essay' I didn't reference any of the political aspects of it (ie "our leader is a megalomaniac", "my friends tell me to stop calling 911 on the culture but it's either that or I 5150 myself") but this was more to focus on the way that lana portrays unhealthy relationships & what it's like to experience the world as a 'good' person when there's so many 'bad' people out there, and if any of my quotes aren't completely accurate then that's because I was quoting the audiobook rather than the written poem.
I hope you enjoyed my analysis angels, lmk if you like these kinds of posts 🤍
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#lana del rey#lizzy grant#elizabeth woolridge grant#elizabeth grant#may jailer#sparkle jump rope queen#miss daytona#violet bent backwards over the grass#coquette#ldr#lana del rey aesthetic#coquette aesthetic#poetry#girlhood#girlcore#this is what makes us girls#hell is a teenage girl#girlblogging#girl interrupted syndrome#girl interrupted#divine feminine#female manipulator#female insanity#fawncore#tumblr girls#girl blogging#the virgin suicides#born to die#ultraviolence#lanita
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I have an unpopular opinion: I know Shoto not using his fire really held him back for a long while, but honestly atp I think that it’s not as big as a character flaw as others think.
Can you imagine being Shoto and being abused since you were five and it being severe enough to make you vomit with no breaks to play, being separated from the rest of your family and watching your older siblings play from a window, witness your mother get slapped around by your father and eventually having a breakdown that leaves you with a massive facial scar and her gone from your life for a decade, peers at your school seeing you as Endeavor’s son and project how they view him onto you (Inasa for example), and having everything controlled to even your diet?
How much dehumanization do you think Shoto went through just from his father? Who could he have turned to outside the family without them just throwing him back towards his abusive home? Barely anyone seemed to care when Endeavor’s crimes got exposed when he wanted to but didn’t take responsibility. What would have happened if Shoto (or anyone in the family) tried to get outside help with Endeavor still trying to beat Shoto into his “masterpiece”?
I think that him repressing his quirk was probably the only way he could have gotten any control back into his life. Was it unhealthy and bad for him in the long run for his goals? Yes. However, it was probably one the few mental lifelines he had at the time, and that and his love for All Might was probably the only things that kept him going.
Maybe with how the story ended and how spin off material seems to prefer Endeavor over Shoto, I feel more sympathetic for Earlyroki. Lashing out at others wasn’t great, but Shoto continued to have such a heavy burden throughout the story with very little reward in comparison, especially with a good chunk of other characters being used to either tease or praise Endeavor. He didn’t get any comfort from his family and he didn’t even get to cry about not being able to save his brother even when he tried his damnest to keep him alive. His family he tried to connect to became permanently broken, and although I’m glad he was about to love and appreciate his class, I think a lot of adults failed him- especially when no one stood next to him besides his father who caused Touya to become a villain and Hawks who we know where his loyalties lie.
It’s a miracle he didn’t end up a villain, and he was close to toeing that line if it weren’t from Midoriya and his mother’s words that stopped him, made him rethink, and work to become who he wants to be.
I think Shouto repressing his fire and pushing his ice to its absolute limits first actually did serve his endgame. It was part of the narrative about "taking the long way around".
After the Sport Festival, the story focused a lot on Shouto's fire development, and made it clear that by not developing his fire, he was on the back foot. But when he finally mastered flashfire, and Dabi came into the picture, it also became clear that fire was a dead-end. Fighting Touya with fire would just kill them both.
So the story did justify early Shouto in a way, who pushed his ice to its limits early. Because a Shouto who didn't resist his father and would have gone along with what Endeavor wanted, would have used ice only as a complement to fire.
But Shouto, after going the full circle comes back to his own way, comes back to ice and uses fire to be able to surpass his own output limits.
So I felt that Shouto's ultimate move did his teenage rebellion justice. The achievements of those angry, Earlyroki version of himself was absolutely needed to build his endgame move.
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on the bright side, I will get time to do shit I like very very soon. On the other, I have to endure finals before then.
#vt.talk#I am so close to being free#I also wish I didn’t care about grades as much. part of it was my high school environment and such#and I think part of it is just that I feel like I can’t really talk to people irl as to why it matters for me#without making others feel bad or burdening them#like I wanted to vent to my sibling cause she’s done that but it’s also like.#I care a lot because my sister struggled a bit more in school so there felt like there was an expectation for me to be the child where#things go smoothly.#idk man. I’ll be free soon
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#idk how to tag this but it’s about my dad who i just went NC with bc he’s abusive and hasn’t changed#so if you don’t want to read keep scrolling i don’t care i just need to fucking do something#i’ve passed rage and now i’m just sad#and i feel bad about being sad bc i don’t want to be sad bc being sad SUCKS#i feel like i’m burdening my friends by telling them the shit my dad did to me#ik realistically im probably not but i just#only three people would truly understand the situation#my mom my sister and my childhood best friend#my sister is off limits bc i’m not putting her in the middle of this again#my mom was also abused by my dad and i don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad so i don’t feel like#i can always go to her about this shit#and i don’t want to take advantage of my best friend’s listening ear even though she is being supportive of me and everything#like i just feel guilty and i feel like im burdening others with my burden#i want it to all stop i just want to stop being sad#i want to stop feeling like im 7 year old me hiding in the pantry from my dad#i don’t want to go to work i don’t want to do anything really#and it’s not like i want to die i just want to stop feeling like this#i want to stop feeling like i somehow fucked everything up when it was my dad’s fault#ik i should book another therapy appointment but i can’t with the way my week is next week#and idk i’m just#im not having a good time#i’ve taken an ativan every night this week bc of all this#previous to this idk when the last time i took an ativan even was#and i’m not trying to read into it too much but its hard not to when ive gone literal months without taking it#and now i’m taking it every night so i don’t stay up half the night bc my brain won’t shut up
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☔️
#having a family has never been anything but a burden for me sadly#i always feel like a burden who drags my family down#but truth is i dont bother them. i only let things affect me and myself#i never do anything that affect my family#this is harsh but i have to vent....#because of things and my mom not making it work#she'll be completely without money for july and august#that is really bad bc we are already poor#and without her income we're basically screwed#i feel frustrated bc i do mine. i do what i need to do#they've always been mad at me for being a failure and a fuck up but i've always made sure i do what i have to to get my income#but my mom didnt plan well enough and here we are#i know i shouldnt be angry but i just feel so angry#i've done what i can do as to NOT stress about money#but she didnt and now it'll spill over me and affect me#im so fucking stressed omg sskkskskskksksks#will we be able to make rent?#it's just so frustrating#for every little thing that happens i realize more and more that for me#family will never be anything other than a burden i dont want or need#if im on my own i take care of my shit and that's that#i wont have three other ppl dragging me down and fucking things up#jesus christ... thanks mom#why didnt she plan better to avoid this? i dont understand ppl#im so meticilous with having plan 1 b c d e etc etc#i know things go bad and i want to be sympathetic with her#but the situation she's put us in.... i cant be anything but angry rn
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vent tw, if you have depression please please just dont interact-
#ok so. to preface this for anyone with depression going past this point. im not gonna be nice. this isnt about you#this isnt about you in particular or how your secretly constantly a burden to everyone you love or how you just cant get it right#its not about having to deal with a person with depression but more how the social climate has made it so its so hard to deal with every#thing. thats all. if you read more do not blame me for feeling bad.#that was your only and last warning#okay so! now that hopefully all my homies with depression out there are ok- it is hard being surrounded by people with depression#sorry like. i am the only one in my imediate family without depression. and its. its hard a lot#like i care so much about these people and yet i cant help them because their either sad or tired or angry or numb most of the time#and i cant do anything. i cant do anything at all. and thats fucked!!!!! i think. sorry i am not one for curing mental illness but i really#really wish there was just a cure for depression so the people i care about could be happy and have energy and be ok#i dont want to constantly worry in the back of my head if what ill say next will lead them to going quiet and sad#or worry about how a few too many wrong moves and a hard time could push them off the edge. i know it wont happen.#but i worry about it constantly especially with the political climate#and i care for them so much and i just wish they could feel happy most of the time. just more than half is enough. more than half#gosh its gotten to the point a sertain tone of voice or someone saying their tired can make me feel bad#like bad enough i need to leave the room and go cry. everyone is alwase tired and i dont know what to do#i feel like a little kid being so sensitive by others emotions- but i cant help it. i cant help it when im surrounded#again this isnt a bash against anyone with depression. this is a bash against depression because of all the pain its given my loved ones#if i could fight depression as a just. thing i would mawl it alive. tooth and nail til all that was left was either bones. cartalige.#blood and flesh that hadent somehow made it into my stomach. and id keep it alive for a long as i could as i killed it#it would suffer 10 times the amount its made others suffer if i could. i can be a cruel bitch and i will if i ever got the chance.#and u h ya! sorry lil bit of silly moment i am just. sick of the tired. if i could id honestly never hear the phrase im tired again
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its times like this when i really wish i had an SO's shoulder to cry on
Because I think i factrued/sprained my foot the other day it happened wednesday but its still pretty swollen and pops when i try to walk on it without hobbling. i know i signed up for health insurance through work. i wrote down the insurance company name as Bayside and I have my personal insurance id number but the card never came in/got lost in the mail (and i already called for one replacement that never came so idk if theyll send me a third) so i cant confirm the insurance name nor call them, but i need to because ive called/visited 5 health care facilities around me and NONE of them have even heard of Bayside. So im calling the phone number that my manager provided me with telling me that was the insurance company. I keep calling the number (and mind you ive called them before to try to get a second insurance card sent to me but that was in like April) and i get that its saturday but theres no answer and the stupid automated machine wont let me leave a voicemail. the automated answering voice on the phone also says that theyre called National Benefit Plans by SafetyNet and google says the phone number im using belongs to National Benefit Plans out in San Antonio Tx (i live no where near there). I found National Benefit Plans' website on SafetyNetPlus dot com but National Benefit Plans doesnt have their own website, just through SafetyNet, and also the SafetyNet website says on a side panel that "this is NOT insurance" and instead keeps saying "health benefits" instead so idk what the fuck ive been paying for for the last 6 months tbh and im having an emotional breakdown bc i dont want to fuck my foot up for life just cause i couldnt figure out my health insurance/benefits shit
#ive been fucking sobbing on the phone for 20 minutes calling the phone number over and over again#im about to mcfucking lose it and im sad and confused and scared because my foot is still so swollen even though it doesnt hurt very much#and google says if swelling on an injury like this persists after 48 hours to go get it looked at#all the walkin clinics near me dont have any xray techs til monday & quoted me anywhere from $130-$300 if i dont have insurance which i can#provide proof of nor am i even sure i actually have at this point and im ngl my guys i only have like $180 to my name until next friday#but then basically my entire next paycheck is going to Geico#and overall im just having a really really really bad time rn and im scared that if my foot is actually fractured im gonna fuck it up worse#by walking around on it without a boot/cast. yeah ive been sitting at work the last few days#but its front desk at a hotel so at least for the first hour of my shift and last 1.5 hours i HAVE to be standing#my foot was so swollen after work today it hurt to get my shoe off#im just really fucking stressed and anxious and confused and im sitting here sobbing my eyes out realizing theres literally no one i can#call just to vent and cry it out with#cant call my mom cause i busted my foot leaving her place after her husband got in my face & screamed at me for saying you cant hit people#cant call my siblings cause none of them can help/we dont talk often enough that i feel like i can burden them with this#i have a few casual friends but same sitch im not close enough with them that i feel comfortable venting while sobbing to them#i could call my ex but shes got a new boo now/its not her problem/we rarely talk anymore/she cant help so no point in calling#only other person who knows/is worried about me is my ex's mom but she wont be home from work for break til 2pm & its 11:30am rn#not close enough to any of my coworkers either#its times like this that i realize how truly alone i am these days with no one that can physically comfort me#which of course is only making me more upset#thats what i get for being depressed and reclusive the last 2 years and only letting people get an arms length reach from me emotionally#there is a medical clinic i can go to that is a 50 minute drive from me and without insurance you just pay a $20 sliding fee plus a little#extra for the care services but again theyre not open until monday and also its a 50 minute drive from me#so all im learning is i shouldve gone some place thursday morning after it happened and im fucked at least til monday#FUCK my STUPID BAKA life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#whatever. guess imma keep icing it try to keep it elevated and just endure it and hope it doesnt get worse#emma rambles#vent tag#DONT REBLOG
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#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-(#share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together#i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me#but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces#i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq#are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :')#ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned#and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me#and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again#im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs#and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable#i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me#i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful#and how happy they are about my downfall#im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work#i cant do this#im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard#i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it#i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring#while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone#why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it
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I’ve seen it coming years away, but it still always manages to make me bleed a little bit more when I am reminded I AM being left behind, watching everyone I know go on ahead of me because why the hell would they hold themselves back like that? I wouldn’t want them to, but it still hurts to be reminded that I’m still stuck here for the foreseeable future, that there will be no collaboration, it’s up to me and kitty and only us. I’m still in the same place I was when I graduated high school. I don’t see a way out yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough money on my own. It’s depressing being reminded of it all. I’m not ready and I should be. I’ve wasted so much time, how am I going to catch up and not feel decades behind my peers? I don’t hate myself or my body (I can’t afford to do that again) but a lot of times I wish there was something different about me that made it so I had the same ease/difficulty doing things that others did, that I could form habits like most people can, that I wasn’t so exhausted mentally and physically all the time. It’s mortifying to be left behind. I’m happy for them, and I hate that it’s soured by my own problems and tinged with selfish resentment that it’s just me and my twin against the world.
#I guess it hurts more when you find out someone you thought you were getting out TOGETHER with has moved on without you.#one day maybe I’ll be able to have something to offer my friends beyond myself. it isn’t anytime soon#it won’t be like this forever. I refuse to entertain that. but it still hurts to see that it won’t be with anyone else#that I’ll be leagues behind others. sometimes I wonder if they secretly look down on me or pity me#or think less of me. I wish they wouldn’t. but it’s probably hard not to when I’m so far behind them#the plans I’ve made with others will always fall through because of me.#‘alone’ as in its just me and kitty against the world#we had all these wishes and dreams but they were just that. and I don’t bregrudge them for leaving fairytales behind.#i don’t want to burden them with that. and I don’t want them to stay where they are either.#I guess I just thought I had more time. idk when I’ll stop falling for that#I feel like I’m chained to the floor. my wrists hurt from trying to break it. I’m going to have to saw trap this shit.#this drawing I left in my sketchbook YEARS ago manages to haunt me every time I look at my friends#it’s ended up as true now as it was then.#I’d meant it as a vent art that I didn’t fully believe as much as I just felt. but more and more it’s telling me it’s true#one day they’ll be so far ahead of me it won’t make sense to stick around someone like me.#kitty and me will be our only friends in the world all over again eventually.#I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to hold themselves in bad environments just to wait on us. but it still hurts to lose them#it still hurts to be left behind again.
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DCXDP Prompt 13 :
@demonic0angel I'm gonna borrow a bit of your 'First Burn' Prompt If ya don't mind <33 just a teeny bit(cuz song hehe) and make it more ANGSTY!!
Danny and Bruce are divorced, Only Dick knew they were together, Danny and Bruce's love started in college, oh how their love and passion were true and gentle, everyone around them wished them happy memories.
But as Bruce took the Mantle of Batman, He never told Danny, neither did Alfred have the heart to tell Danny that he was always getting into dangerous situations as he roamed around Gotham as a Vigilante, Sneaking out at night from their bed.
Bruce and Danny both adopted Dick, Little Richard 'Dick' Grayson, Danny's little boy, his precious little star. Bruce saw how much Danny cared for Dick, Bruce thought Dick could be a distraction for Danny so Danny doesn't notice his secret Vigilante nightlife.
....
Danny knew. He knew everything alright. Danny tries to not cry every night as he feels Bruce sneak away in the middle of the night, every whispers of love that Bruce utters to Danny felt like lies, Danny knew he had secrets too, His Past Vigilante life as a teenager is something he never told Bruce.
But this is something Danny is slowly breaking himself into denial, His husband is a vigilante, that's fine, he was fine with that, but the way he interacted with other women made Danny's heart break, even other heroes... Too close, Too Intimate, Too Comfortable.
Danny stopped following Bruce everytime he left by that time, he felt so hurt and so insecure of himself everytime he saw 'Batman' Interact with those others so.. closely.
It made Danny's core scream in doubt and his emotions derailing into confronting Bruce.
He thought Confronting Bruce about his nightly sneaking would get Bruce to finally trust Danny with the information about Him being Batman but no, it made Danny doubt so much more, Days of constant fight and reuniting, His Little Boy, Dick , and Alfred was the last thing keeping Danny in mental order, Organized and Composed as he always should be. Even if Bruce is Acting like a Playboy Brucie Wayne.
He tried to do what Jazz would have done but nothing FUCKING worked and Danny was always on edge, he felt that everything his husband said was a lie, he loved Bruce but why won't Bruce trust him? Please... please, just tell him the truth, I won't be mad. Please. Just tell me. Tell me everything. TELL ME! PLEASE! IM BEGGING YOU! JUST TELL M—
Danny loves Bruce, But as day passes, that love slowly felt one sided.
....
Dick didn't mean it, it was supposed to be a harmless little prank, he didn't know how rocky Bruce and Danny's Marriage was, he didn't know. He really didn't.
He didn't know a picture of Batman with Selina would seal it off. He didn't know a single lipstick would finish it all. He was only a child. It was his fault. He felt that it was his fault— why wouldn't he? He didn't know.. he really didn't.
Danny and Bruce screamed, it was nothing that Dick could have ever heard before, he didn't know at all. He really didn't.... It was only supposed to be a prank.. He didn't mean it...
...
Bruce soon took in Jason, Dick noticed how much Jason looked like Danny, Dick wanted to yell, he wanted to scream at Bruce, He wanted to confront him about passing the mantle to Jason— but... It's no use fighting against someone that's like Bruce. Not like Batman.
Dick secretly kept contact with Danny and his Family, Dani And Jazz was still his aunt as they lived in Bludhaven, he could always go to them as Nightwing and they'd know to help him without questioning. Dick felt bad everytime he did. He felt as though he was burdening the family of the person who's marriage he ruined, his own Father.
The only Father who could actually handle and was a real father.
Everything passed by so quickly.
Jason Died.
Tim Was adopted and he became Robin.
Jason came back to life.
Dick immediately took Jason to Danny.
Damian Came into their lives. Dick felt his blood Boil when Damian did but he couldn't blame Damian, Dick accepted Damian with a whole heart, acting like the Danny which the Manor Lost because of Bruce.
He will be the person who loved everyone, just like Danny, even if sometimes it's tiring— he just needs to keep being the Father of these children that Bruce struggles to be, It's the only Way Dick could honor Danny.
...
Bruce misses Danny Dearly, he regrets many things.
But the one he regrets the most is...
Losing Danny.
Danny and Bruce are Divorced Because Bruce Fucked up with being Batman and didn't tell the truth, Dick wanted to do a little prank cuz a kid will do pranks and snuck a lipstick on Bruce's coat and a picture of Selina with a kiss mark on it. Danny and Bruce's marriage are rocky as fuck, Dick secretly takes the other Wayne kids to Danny and they come to love Danny as their father much like Dick is attached to Danny, Jazz and Dani are the Wayne's Therapists. Specifically Jazz, she's the Best, Uncle Dan is Jason's Favorite mechanic.
Bruce Misses Danny dearly and wants him back and will try and probably try to court Danny again, nonstop as Batman, Danny still loves Bruce and hadn't moved on, His core is very much attached and embedded in the memory and love of Bruce Wayne, thus he is just waiting for Bruce to finally step up.
Yes this was Angsty, I apologize <33 but yes.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#dc x dp#danny phantom fandom#dp x dc#dcxdp#dcu#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#dpxdc#possible spirit halloween ship#that's reunited aka getting back togethe#spirit halloween ship#spirit halloween#dcxdpdabbles#dpxdc prompt#dpxdc prompts#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc au#dp x dc prompt#dcxdp prompt#dc x dp prompt
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[Arcane preference] with a s/o with a mental issues pt.2 (the big sad)
Requests with sensitive themes are reposted with names that hint at the topic but aren’t explicit, to avoid censorship. On another note, I’m taking advantage of this post to promote myself and let you know I’m working on a mini-series of Arcane posters. Right below the "read more" line, you’ll find the link to two drawings and my other socials if you’d like to follow me elsewhere! Enjoy!
socials: | INPRNT | | Tip Jar | | X | | BlueSky |
poster: | Jayce poster | | Silco poster | | Steb poster |
Jayce:
- The panic man, but not in this scenario.
- He usually notices a crisis brewing before it’s too late, and when he picks up on the signs, he intervenes immediately.
- He’ll take you out for a walk to get some fresh air, clean the house thoroughly, and make sure to open the windows to keep everything well-ventilated.
- Breakfast? In bed. Lunch? Strategically either at your favorite spots or something he cooks himself—things he knows you can’t resist.
- If the crisis worsens, he’ll help you with dressing, making the bed, and even brushing your teeth if necessary, without making you feel bad about it.
- He refuses to let you languish and is convinced that fresh air, a refreshed you, and clean, fragrant clothes will help you feel better much faster.
- Get ready for some storytelling from any fairytale book he can get his hands on.
Viktor:
- He completely understands what you’re going through and notices it fairly quickly.
- Viktor will be the first to personally help you while also suggesting someone who could support you—not because you’re a burden but because he genuinely wants you to feel better.
- There’s no shame in asking for a little help.
- Whether you’re up for it or not, he won’t push you, but he’ll try to stay as close as possible.
- He insists on boundaries, though. Not hungry? At least two full meals a day.
- Struggling with hygiene? He’ll buy you wipes, and if needed, he’ll assist you with washing.
- He doesn’t want you to neglect your tasks, self-care, or well-being for fear that it might worsen the crisis or weaken you over time.
- If you don’t want to go out, it means you’ll watch a series together—or maybe two. He’ll work on his projects at night, but you’ll never know about it.
Ekko:
- Ekko notices it less quickly than the others, not because he’s emotionally clueless but because in Zaun, feeling unwell is both common and a part of daily life.
- He’ll pick up on it when you become less communicative, when he doesn’t see you around, and when he finds you lying in bed all the time.
- He’s the least likely to push you. Don’t feel like eating? He’ll bring a plate along with some treats he’s managed to scavenge and leave them in your room so that if you change your mind, you won’t have to get up.
- Really hungry? He’ll cook for you personally before you even ask, as soon as your stomach growls.
- Can’t bring yourself to wash? You’ll do it when you feel better—there’s no rush, no pressure. No matter how messy your room gets or how much you stay confined to that tiny space, he won’t make you feel bad about it. He’ll ask if you want to take a walk, visit the kids, or suggest plans to stimulate you.
Vander:
- The man who managed the entire Undercity, four criminal kids, the mines of Zaun, and the enforcers doesn’t back down from this challenge either.
- His approach is to never leave you alone.
- In the morning, he’ll dress you, comb your hair, and carry you to the bar. If he has to visit Benzo or go elsewhere, he won’t leave you alone for even five minutes.
- His reasoning isn’t fear that you’ll get worse but rather the belief that having stimulation without exhausting yourself will help distract you a bit.
- If possible, he’ll take you to the bridge, maybe for a picnic.
- You’ll always have a smoothie to drink so that, even if you don’t feel like eating, you can still get nutrients. At the same time, there will always be a plate of food on the table.
- Breakfast? Wherever you want. The other meals? In the living room or at the Last Drop, so the air in your room can be refreshed.
Silco:
- Before you even realize you’re having a crisis, he’ll leave some pills on your bedside table with a note explaining how to take them.
- His goons—at least the younger ones—are almost like his children, so he’s used to this kind of situation and already has everything prepared.
- If you lock yourself in your room, he’ll respect that; you need your space. But if it goes on for too long, he’ll feel compelled to intervene, if only to make sure you’re not wasting away.
- He’ll ask Sevika to take care of you when he can’t—though she won’t be thrilled about it. Still, the kingpin doesn’t want you to feel neglected or entrust you to someone unreliable or incompetent.
- He’ll adjust his work schedule to spend more time with you, though his requests will often feel more like polite orders.
- In Zaun, there aren’t good doctors to turn to, so if the choice is between letting you get a rash, an infection, or washing you himself, he won’t think twice about doing it.
- On the other side, he becomes much more affectionate. He’ll have you sit on his lap while he’s in his office and keep physical contact constant when you’re together, so you always know he’s there for you.
Jinx:
- “You’ve got the Big Sad,” as she calls it, speaking as someone with plenty of problems and few diagnoses.
- Her approach is also a way of exorcising the illness, making it less scary.
- Her main method of helping is cleaning and decorating her lair to make it brighter and more colorful, with cheerful music playing in the background and colorful lights stolen from Piltover.
- If you feel up to going out, she’ll take you to Piltover, where the air is cleaner, there’s more sunlight, and you can soak up some oxygen and vitamin D. If not, she’ll steal anything she can—fruit, toys—so you have something to engage with.
- When it comes to meals, she’s not great at managing herself. She often forgets to eat, and it’s her father who forces her to have complete meals. As a result, most of the edible things she’ll bring you are cookies, chips, pizza—tasty but not necessarily nutritious.
- The important thing is that you eat.
- She’ll try to negotiate with her father to skip missions for a while to stay close to you or go on them at night so you won’t notice her absence.
Vi:
- She doesn’t catch on too early but notices just before things worsen. She becomes very protective and more careful and kind in her actions, simply to avoid upsetting you.
- Out of personal guilt, she won’t let you know if she gets hurt, to prevent you from worrying or feeling bad about receiving help.
- If you drop something, she’ll immediately stop whatever she’s doing and come to you. First, she’ll reassure you that it’s okay—it happens to everyone—then she’ll help you clean up the mess.
- She doesn’t care if you don’t wash or dress yourself; coming from prison, she’s used to such things. If you want to but can’t, she’ll help. But if you don’t want to because it’s your favorite hoodie, she won’t push.
- When it comes to eating, though, she’s more insistent. She eats a lot, and Vander raised her with the idea that eating well is necessary to feel well. She’ll negotiate to get you to eat something—at least three times a day.
- It doesn’t matter if it’s a small amount, not very nutritious, or not a complete meal. You need energy.
- If you crave something specific, she’ll buy it—or steal it, depending on the cost—but she’ll make sure you get it.
Caitlyn:
- She’ll set up the guest room for you so you can stay at her place while still having complete independence.
- With her job keeping her busy, she can’t take full days off to be with you, so she instructs the house staff to have your meals ready at specific times, change your sheets, and clean your room to ensure you’re as comfortable as possible.
- To make up for her absence, she brings you pastries, slices of cake, or anything else she thinks you might enjoy.
- If she notices you’re not eating, she’ll simply sit with you and talk about how you need to eat at least a little, asking about your preferences so she can make sure you get the meals you want.
- In the evening, she’ll take a bath with you, washing your hair and massaging your back—both to make you feel better and to ensure you go to bed completely comfortable.
Mel:
- She struggles to notice something’s wrong until it’s too late or you tell her outright.
- Her work consumes so much of her time and energy that when she’s with you, she doesn’t immediately pick up on any issues.
- Her priority is keeping you in the light, which is why she moves you into her room with large windows to let the sunlight work its magic.
- In the mornings, she’ll prepare a coffee, a pastry from the best bakery, and a glass of water with an effervescent vitamin C tablet for you.
- Being a woman of science, she believes in medication, but if you’re not ready to seek professional help, she’ll at least ensure you take vitamins so your body doesn’t suffer as much as your mind.
- The deal is that you can do what you want during the day, but someone will bring you meals (and you’ll need to eat at least half), and all hygiene routines are moved to the evening so you can do them together with her help.
- Bath, shower, teeth, skincare, hair—you do everything together while chatting (as staff change the sheets and tidy the bed so you don’t feel burdened).
- She’ll try to skip the least important meetings to have meals or at least coffee with you, making sure you’re not left alone too much.
- At least three times a week, she gives you small errands to run, knowing that getting outside, walking, and fresh air will do you good.
Sevika:
- It might not seem like it, but despite her gruff exterior, she has a very soft heart. Surrounded by people with problems, she quickly notices when something’s wrong.
- She won’t bring it up first; instead, she’ll ask how you’re feeling, and if you hint that something’s off, her response is, “Do you want to talk about it?”
- If you break down while talking, she’ll hold you close, not interrupting or offering opinions. She just listens, lets you vent, and gives you something to wipe your tears. It’s not coldness—she simply wants you to process the pain at your own pace.
- She’ll mention it to Silco, at least to arrange more regular or reduced hours, ensuring you’re not left alone for too long.
- When she returns from a mission, she always tries to bring you something nice or that reminds her of you—a vulnerable gesture she wouldn’t usually make so lightly but does willingly when you need it.
- She’s unbothered by smells; if you don’t wash, she won’t push you. She just wants you to feel okay. At least once a week, if you can’t manage it, she’ll wash you herself to lighten your load, turning the moment into an act of care.
- If she has to leave at night, she’ll tuck you in, whisper that she’s heading out, and leave a glass of clean, fresh water and a sweet treat on your nightstand to reassure you that she didn’t want to leave but had no choice.
#jayce x reader#viktor x reader#ekko x reader#silco x reader#vander x reader#jinx x reader#vi x reader#caitlyn x reader#sevika x reader#mel x reader#jayce talis#viktor arcane#ekko arcane#silco arcane#arcane vander#jinx#vi arcane#caitlyn kiramman#mel medarda#sevika#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#arcane 2#arcane writing#arcane caitlyn#caitlyn arcane#mel arcane#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#arcane silco
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A New Place
Azriel x Archeron!Reader
Summary: Your birthday felt ruined until you met someone new.
Word count: 2.5k
Warnings: Angst
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They forgot. They forgot that it’s your birthday.
You really couldn’t blame them considering they all have their own lives and issues to deal with, but it didn’t make it any easier.
The main problem you have isn’t really that they had forgotten your birthday, it’s actually that they had celebrated every other holiday and birthday no matter what was going on. They dropped everything for everyone. Except for you.
So to say it hurts is an understatement. The forgotten sister, as per usual. Always left behind and pushed to the side. You suppose it makes sense considering you’re the youngest of your sisters. Always pushed to the side, whether it was intended or not.
For the last three years, things had gone from bad to worse, to just about perfect for your family. But not for you, you felt like a burden. Birthdays are supposed to be special, to celebrate whose day it was. It certainly didn’t feel like it right now.
Wandering through the River House, not a single soul in sight. Everything felt too quiet. No breakfast being made, no presents—not that you expected to get any—and none of your sisters to greet even. They were who you wanted to see right now.
Instead, you make your way to the kitchen and grab an apple instead. As you were about to leave to go for a walk, you hear loud laughing coming from the front door. In walks your sisters, their mates following close behind.
As they make their way to split off from each other, you only get a few smiles and greetings. Nothing else. That’s how you know they have forgotten. So you give them a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. Once they’re all out of the doorway, and not giving you a second thought, you take that as your sign to finally go for your walk. The walls now feel incredibly claustrophobic.
What you don’t notice is a certain pair of hazel eyes studying you as you tug on your coat, and pull the door open. The spymaster’s calculated gaze, noticing everything no matter how discrete you think you’re being. His shadows agitatedly circled him as you passed the threshold.
─
Dress brushing the cobblestone streets of Valaris as you stroll down and take in your surroundings, relishing in the fresh air and sunlight warming that previous coldness you felt from the negative start to the day.
Walking past shops, bakeries, and cafes. Passing an oh-so-familiar bookstore before doubling back to head into. You think that maybe browsing for an hour or so could help brighten your already tiring day. Without realising you’re already ambling your way over to the shelves.
Picking up many books, reading their synopsis, and then putting them back in their previous places, you finally find a book that interests you. Feyre’s money isn’t mine. A sour taste fills your mouth at that thought, so you decide against getting it.
Exiting the lovely bookstore with a wave to the cashier you think it might be time to make your way back to the house. Maybe you’ll be able to fix up some food once you’re back. Mindlessly dawdling you through the crowded streets, then deciding to take the long way. There’s no need to be home any earlier than needed.
Moving by stores you’d never seen or heard of before, peering in through the windows, but not daring to go in. A sign catches your eye, ‘Benny’s Bar’ read above the doorway. From the outside, it looks similar to one that you remember in the human lands, just not nearly as beat up. A drink or two couldn’t hurt, hopefully, they’re not too expensive.
You enter, not giving yourself enough time to argue, and the strong scent of alcohol quickly invades your senses. Ignoring it you meander over to the bar.
The interior is much nicer than what you see from the street, with dark wood floors, and the walls a deep shade of green. The same wood as the flooring extends up the wall behind the bar, lined with long shelves, and all kinds of liquor. The tables scattered around the room were well worn, in a charming and homey way, with mismatched chairs pushed under them. Old paintings that seem to have been passed down for generations are pinned up around the room. The lights dim but not dingy, giving the place a warm glow without being too bright.
Passing by the fae, face down on the tables, and loud groups either brainlessly arguing with one another or laughing their asses off, either way, their conversations were unintelligibly slurred. Glancing at the clock hung above the door frame, you wonder just how long they had to have been since it’s only two o’clock. A loud breath escapes you, registering that you’re joining them. Disregard that thought and slide onto a stool regardless of the depressing realisation.
You finally grant yourself a minute to have a proper look at the people working. A large, muscular, older-looking male is behind the bar pouring out drinks, while also barking orders at a couple of younger males out the back, in the kitchen. A tall, black-haired female, her face lips set in a firm line, as she saunters around the room, handing out the drinks the larger male poured. Another stocky male makes his way around the room to wipe down tables and booths, while also pushing in chairs and picking up dirty plates and empty glasses
But the fae who sticks out to you is a female with deep blue skin, and hair a darker navy shade as she walks by some large cabinets with a heavy-looking crate in her arms. Once she notices your presence, a charming smile stretches across her lips and makes her way over to you. Your lips quirk up in response.
“Hi, Love, what can I get you?” her voice has a lovely rasp to it. However, your face heats for an entirely different reason, not having any experience with taverns in general, but also not much with alcohol either.
Contemplating your answer, your hands wringing together in your lap, “What do you recommend?” your words come out softer than intended. Her smile softens slightly, and it makes you tense up, now feeling out of place. “Don’t drink much?”
Her words cause a soft huff to pass your lips. “Not really.” your shoulders slump forward, but her smile brightens once again as she heads over to the alcohol-filled shelves that line the wall behind her. Grabbing a bottle of clear liquid, and a tall glass. She takes the lid off with a pop, and pours out a small amount, slowly sliding the glass across to you. She watches you, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips.
You pick up the drink, lift it to your nose, and instantly recoil. The smell felt like it singed your nose hairs. A soft chuckle escapes the female's lips. “I wouldn’t recommend sniffing it,” she leans over the counter as if to tell you a secret, “It’s easier if you down it in one go.”
With a slight nod, you lift the glass to your lips, follow her advice a down it in one go. It burns your throat as it slides down, and your nose scrunches slightly in response. “Didn’t taste easier.” a snort escapes her. “Unfortunately this bar doesn’t have any of the fancy sweet drinks that others do.” Your lips curve up. “I’m Benny by the way.” The Owner. Your grin grows a little and you give her your name.
─
Hours later you’re in the same spot, conversation is flowing easily with Benny—who hasn’t left her spot behind the bar since you entered. Refill your drinks when needed. The alcohol is easier with every drink you have. The bad morning your day started with is like a distant memory. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see It’s now dark out.
Sloppily turning to the clock to see the time—11:30—then back to face the female in front of you, now aware of the fact that you had spent your entire birthday in a tavern, you let out a long sigh. Benny tilts her head to the side from the sound, but as she opens her mouth to speak you beat her to it.
“It’s my birthday.” you blurt out, words coming out slurred, but you brush it off and continue. “My entire family forgot. Didn’t even wish me a happy birthday before I left the house.” a small sniffle followed your words.
Benny frowns. “I know who your family is, honey,” you stiffen and she resumes. “You never know, they could have a surprise birthday waiting for you.” trying to lighten your mood at least a little bit, and it makes you straighten briefly before your shoulders curl inward once again. Not believing her words. And by the way, Benny shifts on her feet, you know she doesn’t even believe it.
“Unlikely,” you mumble. Finger swirling around the edge of your empty glass. Benny lets out a huff, tapping her fingers on the wooden bar before she turns around and grabs a different bottle from the shelf, a rich brown one. She also grabs another glass before turning back to you.
She pours a generous amount into both glasses, and rather than bringing it straight to her mouth she holds it in the air, seemingly waiting for you to do the same. So you mirror her movement. She clinks her glass with yours, “To you! Happy Birthday, Love.” Both of you finish your drinks in one go.
“Thank you, Benny.” Looking over your shoulder another sigh exits you. “I should head back now.” Turning back to her. She nods.
As you slide off your seat, swaying as you straighten your dress, readying to leave. “If you need a place to stay, I have an apartment upstairs that needs an owner.” she offers just as you are about to turn away. “I know I don't know your current situation, but a new place to stay might do you some good.” A smile tugs at your lips.
“I don’t have money to pay for it,” You reply. Yes, your sister and her mate have more money than one ever could imagine, you still couldn’t help but feel like you’d owe them if you used any more of it than just drinks you had today.
Benny dismisses your words with a wave of her hand. “Don't worry about that, I have an opening to work here.” she gestures to the bar. “If you don't, I could always help you find a different one.”
Your smile softened slightly. “Thank you, Benny,” repeating your words from earlier. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
And with that, you wave her goodbye and exit the tavern. Swaying and stumbling drunkenly over the uneven cobblestone streets, as your mind churns with the thoughts that your family are most likely gathered in the living room, after sharing a lovely family dinner. They’ll probably judge you for the fact that you had a couple of drinks too many, that thought makes you feel a little queasy.
─
After a long time of manoeuvring your way through the nearly empty streets, you finally find yourself staring at the front door of the River House. Dread fills you thinking about what kind of conversation you’re about to have.
With a heavy sigh, you push the door open, stepping inside. The first thing you hear is their loud laughter. The door closes behind you louder than expected, and you grimace. The voices quiet down as you stumble your way towards the sitting room. From the doorway you see all heads turn to you. Everyone’s here. Even Lucien and Varian are seated next to their partners.
“Y/N!” Feyres's cheery voice breaks you from your thoughts. “Your back.” You step closer, her nose flares subtly, and her smile falters. But Nesta’s the one who says something. “You smell like a Tavern.” Her tone is sharp enough to make you flinch.
“I had a couple of drinks.” your reply words slurred, shrugging your shoulders drunkenly, and an uncomfortable silence follows.
“More like the whole bottle.” Mor seemingly trying to lighten the mood, her joke makes a couple of people snicker.
“We didn’t even notice you were gone.” Amren deadpans. Heads whipped in her direction at her statement, ready to scold her. “It’s true. Don’t even try to deny it.” Her voice is harsh.
Your brows pull together at the fact that no one tried to argue, and your nonchalance falters, giving way to frustration and anger at the entirety of the situation and your ruined day.
“It’s my Birthday.” your voice a near growl. Everyone’s eyes widen both at your admission and at your unusual tone of voice. Usually so soft-spoken, and gentle. The complete opposite of right now. Another disappointment.
“I was willing to chalk it up as stress from your own lives.” Your breathing ragged. “But you've been sitting here for hours and like Amren said, you didn’t even realise I was gone for something as small as a family dinner!”
Your eyes flit around the room as you continue, “Oh, and not to mention the fact that you have all taken the time to celebrate every other holiday and birthday! I guess my day isn't important enough to remember compared to the festivities that hardly even get recognized by the general public!” You practically spat your words.
Now you take a moment to look around at them. Feyre’s face is contorted in guilt, Elain looks as if she might cry, Nesta’s staring at her lap, and everyone else is either wide-eyed or unable to meet your gaze.
The lack of response further fuels your rage. The only person who looks as if they might say something is Azriel. His usually stoic features falter, but he hesitates. A look crossing his face that you couldn’t quite make out. Not wanting to linger on that any longer, you turn your gaze back to the rest of them.
You scoff. “Nothing?” Looking up at the ceiling, too many emotions are warring in you and are far too much for you to handle in your drunken state.
At the extended silence, you turn on your heel and make your way back to the entrance. No one even calls after you. That's enough for you to grasp the fact that you can't stay here. Not anymore.
The door slamming behind you, rings throughout the house. It didn’t matter as the cool nighttime air slammed into you, the lingering effects of the alcohol wearing off entirely.
Your arms wrap around yourself to keep the cold out as you amble down the streets of the City of Starlight, the stars shining above you now not bringing the same comfort as they once did. Once again you find yourself outside a familiar building. Making your way inside, Instantly finding who you unconsciously were looking for.
Benny turns towards the entrance as the door shuts, her face falls as she takes in your expression. She quickly makes her way to her, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and leading you to a more private corner of the tavern.
“Is your offer still on the table?” Your voice is hoarse and watery. Benny gives a nod, ushering you passed the kitchen and up a set of stairs.
A new place. Already feeling more at home than with those who are supposed to care for you.
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a/n: I know there isn’t any interactions between Az and Reader yet but there will be! This didn’t come out exactly how I wanted, so I might came back to this at some point, and there might also be some spelling mistakes. The editing took longer than expected so sorry for the delay. I’ll try and get a part two out as soon as I can, hope you enjoyed. <3
taglist:
@tiredsleepyhead @blackgirlmagicforever
#azriel x reader#azriel x y/n#azriel x you#azriel x reader angst#azriel angst#azriel#azriel shadowsinger#azriel spymaster#azriel acotar#acotar x reader#acotar#a new place
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family issues-l.norris (no.4)
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pairing: lando norris (no.4) x fem! sky presenter! reader
summary: lando (and his mum) are there for you during a difficult time.
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P1. Pole position. Incredible.
“Well done,” you smiled, hugging him close as he entered his driver’s room. “You did really well.”
You could feel his smile against your neck. “Thanks baby.”
You stayed there like that for a moment, just holding each other, then he pulled back with a big smile on his face. “OH! My mum is here, you can finally meet her!”
A part of your heart sank, and another part lifted. You’d met a good portion of his family and they were all lovely. It’s just that every time you met a part of his family, he wanted to meet a part of your family. You’d been dating for a year now, and up until 2 months ago, yeah, he could’ve met your family. But then… they decided to go no-contact with you. They just told you not to call or visit anymore. You weren’t their daughter anymore. Whatever, that was fine. Your parents were emotionally unavailable due to your sister’s mental health issues, and your sister didn’t treat you well at all. You were the glass child. 2 months ago you’d gone to dinner with them and your sister brought up all your ‘happy memories’, but all of them were moments without you, or moments where you were the joke. You’d gotten upset at them, and apparently that was all they needed to kick you out of the family. So much for love. So much for blood. Lando couldn’t make it to that dinner, and he was so upset that he couldn’t. He was worried your parents thought he wasn’t serious, or that he was dodging meeting them, but you told him not to worry, that they’d meet ‘another time’. Now, you were out of chances. You didn't tell Lando about the fight or everything that came after, he’d been struggling enough with his own mental health without you having to burden him with yours. So, you just swallowed it and told yourself you’d tell him over the summer shutdown. Then, Lando was having so much fun that you didn’t want to ruin it, so you decided you’d tell him after Singapore. Probably. Maybe.
“Awesome!” you smiled. Even you could tell you didn’t sound right, too pitchy, too awkward, too surprised.
He raised an eyebrow. “You alright?”
“Fine,” you nodded. “Where is she? I want to meet her.”
He nodded, still sceptical but obliged you and led you to his mother. Cisca was warm and welcoming, funny and kind, and just a good person. You saw so much of her in Lando. He was beaming as he watched you two interact, so happy that two of the most important people in his life got along. You spent the whole afternoon together as Lando went on with his duties, chatting about your lives, sharing stories about Lando and yourselves, you even got to see some embarrassing baby photos of Lando.
“So what about your parents? Do they ever come to the races?” She asked, a big smile on her face.
“Well, no actually. We don’t talk much,” you chuckled.
She raised an eyebrow, the same way Lando does. “Really? Lan told me that you were quite close with them?”
You sighed. “Can I tell you something? And you can’t tell Lan.”
She nodded and took your hand. “Of course.”
“2 months ago my parents disowned me. Lan has been begging to meet them and I have no idea what to tell him. I feel awful about it, and I didn’t want to add to his stress so I just keep lying to him telling him they’re busy. I just feel so… guilty,” you admitted.
She sighed. “You poor girl. It's awful that you have to go through all of that on your own.”
“Well, it’s not that bad,” you chuckled, trying to lighten the moment.
“It is. And that’s ok. It’s ok to be upset,” she smiled warmly. “I know my son, and he has not shut up about you since he met you as a sky presenter 2 years ago. Lan is a family-oriented person, and he’s just excited to be a part of your family and have you be a part of ours. He’d want to be there for you, the same way you’re there for him.”
You could feel yourself tearing up. You’d never had someone be so kind to you, never had someone treat you like a daughter. “Thank you,” you smiled sadly.
“And anyways, your parents suck, you can be my daughter now,” she smiled.
And you definitely cried. But, they were happy tears. You’d found your family.
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After your eye-opening conversation with Cisca, you decided you’d come clean to Lando. As you two entered your room he wrapped his arms around you and kissed your cheek.
“How was my mum today?” he asked, his voice deep with tiredness, and eyes heavy with sleep.
“She was amazing, we had a bunch of fun,” you smiled. “Can I talk to you about something?”
He nodded. “‘Course baby.”
“It’s about my family.”
Lando woke up slightly, sitting on the bed as you stood between his legs. “Alright.”
“2 months ago, after that dinner I went to, they cut contact and disowned me. It was up to my sister why and well, we know how much he hates me. So yeah, I have no family anymore, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want to burden you with it.”
You looked at Lando and his face was a mixture of anger, guilt, and upset. He cleared his throat and his grip around your waist got tighter. “Number one, I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s fucking shit and your parents don’t deserve you. Number two, you will never ever be a burden to me. Ever. You’re the most important person in my life. I love you Y/n, more than anything. I always want you to come to me about things that are happening and how you feel. Number three, fuck your family, you’re my family, alright?”
You chuckled sadly, running your fingers through his hair. “Right. Thanks Lan, I love you.”
He smiled. “I love you more.”
“I feel it,” you smiled. He stood up and kissed your cheek.
“Seriously, I’m here for you, always. Never forget that.”
You pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I know. I won’t.”
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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)
#lando norris x you#lando norris x reader#lando norris#f1 x reader#formula one imagine#formula 1 x you#formula one x reader#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 fluff#formula 1#mclaren#lando norris x publicist reader#lando norris x reader angst#ln4#lando x reader#f1 2024
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weighted boots phenomena
#you deal with the bad stuff for so long you adapt to it#and when you finally have a moment without it burdening you it feels indescribable. like you can jump and touch a star in the sky#and you want to stay that way forever! but the boots come back on#and even though you were 'okay' with them on now that you realized how much better it would be#if you never had to put them back on...#all that adaptation is down the drain and it's like starting from square one all over again#does this make sense? I think it does.#point is. I think my dysphoria is gone and it doesn't bother me much until somebody uses my pronouns for me on default and calls me by my#name and calls me handsome and it's like ah!#and then I go home#I should be happy I have it okay.#but is 'ignoring my identity and threatening/demeaning other trans people' any better.#like sure they aren't saying my name but I know they think it.#whatever. WHAT EVER. tomorrow I will see my friend and eat noodles. fucking whatever.
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