#why do life had to be this complicated?
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tina and spares :D!
#eddsworld#digital art#eddsworld fanart#eddsworld tord#self shipping#tnt#tord eddsworld#to to to tooooord#my heart is slowly breaking#why do life had to be this complicated?
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With ur little roster of sonas representing ur brain havoc is that Alters or just a visual way to process things. I know people have been bugging you about possible DID but ur really not beating the allegations /lh
Mostly a visualizer.. They're like. Different levels of disassociation with consistent 'feels' & traits that ive come to treat like separate people to make navigating life a little easier; so if that's what an alter is than I guess. Mayhaps! But it's not really the type of thing I would feel comfortable diagnosing myself with regardless !
#mailbox#had to start doing so bc 'Burr' would be horridly cunty to coworkers-#and then the next day i wouldn't remember why i was angry and be upset about it#so ... treating 'them' like different people makes it easier to understand daily life i guess#but like; the little comics are still exaggerations#i don't actually talk to 'the others' which. miht single-handedly rule a disorder out#sighs . as you can imagine shit's complicated
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Aegon, Aemond, Helaena, and Daeron looking at Alicent after she washes her hands of a war, that she (and Otto) dragged them into, and the throne, that she (and Otto) forced them to grasp/fight over even though they obviously didn't want it, and goes off to live her best life while they are all still stuck in a cycle forced on to them without their input (obviously this is about the s2 final):
#anti hotd#like....what were they doing with alicent in s2? like-#in s1 they had great foundation for pushing her character and her belief as to why her children would be under threat from just existing#(even if u like rhae- understandable- it's not hard to take a step back & understand some of ali's pov#especially when daemon comes into the picture)#there's buildup for why she's forcing this on to her kids (murky but still) & still shows that she loves them in a complex way#heck there was even room to show her after all this also wanting to be close to the throne trailing into s2 whatever#but then s2 shits on that by making everything that happened in s1 hold no weight & ali (& otto) basically ruin their kids lives#like i like alicent but s2 makes no sense characterwise & makes her just...a bad character overall#like ive always felt bad for her kids bc ali was wrong a lot of times but u understand it bc toxic/complex family relationships where the#love is still there but it's complicated#but now post s2? i feel sorry bc their mother pushed them down a path and then left them to live her life?#HUH!?#fanfic writers save me!#aegon ii targaryen#aemond targaryen#heleana targaryen#daeron targaryen#alicent hightower#kind of...anti alicent hightower too?#hotd showrunners really ruined this family & it frustrates me so bad#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#like āsorry sweeties mommy wants to makes amends with her childhood crush so rip!ā#(& this is from someone who ships rhaenicent)
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Babyās first trip to McDonaldās
#harley: THIS IS FUCKING MAGICAL#jim: spooks you can raise the dead why is this so high on your cool magic scale?#harley: ive never had fast food in my life. this is like crack to me#jim: how do you... how do you know what crack is?#harley: its complicated#tales of arcadia#wizards tales of arcadia#toa wizards#tales of arcadia oc#toa oc#honey's art#toa ocs#trollhunters#toa trollhunters#trollhunters tales of arcadia#jim lake jr#harley kidman#harley (hbah)#harley kidman (hbah)#half bloods and hunters#big bro jim
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okay so. donāt crucify me. but su she and jin guangyao do actually make some pretty compelling points.
#critical class analysis of mdzs when???? when will i write it when????#but like.#like#fuck okay i love how it ends#because i love a happy ending#but i just keep thinking about how su she and ESP jin guangyao are right thatā¦ they kindaā¦ had to do what they did#like su she has a few more blunders and heās clearly jealous/resentful butā¦ heās not necessarily wrong about being looked down on in the la#for reasons he canāt really control#and jgyā¦ where to even begin like okay he shouldnāt have done all those horrible things#but they ALL did horrible things#the difference is that jgy did not have anyone backing him if he fucked up if he wanted to live in dignity#he had to make sure his spot was secure#lxc lwj and whoever else was in the guanyin temple can judge him all they want#but except for wwx theyāre all clan leaders or uncontested heirs#they have a level of wealth & security that allows them to make judgements on the actions of others#knowing that they can act basically free from lasting consequence#the only person who isnāt immune is wei wuxian but even thenā¦ he had the jiang clan in the past#which. itās complicated. i know itās complicated.#but he did attain a lot of privilege thru his connection with them and they did protect him as much as they reasonably could have#in the circumstances they were given#for the most part#and then in the future he has lan wangji who will literally kill anyone that comes at him#makes sure heās warm and fed and kept entertained and away from pesky things like#responsibilities#and difficult conversations#so even tho he once knew a life like jgyās heās so far removed from it now#and just#sorry thereās a reason why all of this is in the tags#itās not super clear in my head yet#but this is the start i promise i will come back to it
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Do you guys see my vision
#bucchigiri?!#bucchigiri#marito jin#jin marito#nonokoko's art#my edits#I hit him with the trans beam. Mahoro is trans too btw#Their parents expected a boy and a girl and they sure had them lol#sorry if the top surgery scars are weird it's my first time coloring them instead of letting them in black so idk what I was doing#I just complicated my life x10 harder by giving him more tattoos? Yeah I did now I'll have to remember them and draw them *le sigh*#trans headcanon#not entirely convinced in letting his lower tattoo have the same colors as the butterfly. May change that detail#not proud of the result it looked better in my doodle phase tbh like what's up with that arm. Oh well#giving snake inspo features to characters related with snakes on their design in some way is my passion. Long live animal characteristics#ā” ā my art#artists on tumblr#character headcanons#IMPORTANT FACT: the scars are supposed to resemble the S from Siguma that's why they are rounder than normal scars would look like
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allowed myself the time to spend to write a scene because the fancy took me, ended up destroying my sleep schedule to write it, woke up at 4 pm just to realize itās not good and i would need to redo it
#at least i kind of know why but this is why i am very wary of this#writing: the hardest thing for most always no reward. as everyone already knew#iām not exactly re-inventing the wheel with that observation#fanfiction and creative writing in general is the most fruitless hobby because it takes immense skill to do anything halfway decent#and even if you get good then no one will read it and you can forget about monetization unless you are basically a chosen one#so as a hobby itās literally just for your own personal enjoyment and thatās great but thatās why i have a complicated relationship with it#every fanfiction is like a vanity piece and itās an act of self-love but basically serving no other purpose#except maybe a minor social one if you share and participate in writing or fandom communities#and i donāt have time for thatā¦ every time i try writing it feels glaringly irresponsible to do so#itās like playing video games. dude i had so much fun but i can easily see my entire life gone in a matter of seconds#if i actually did that on the regular. the amount of enjoyable timesuck is so dangerous#the elbow-high diaries
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mister impossible chapter 10 i am kissing you with tongue
#might be my favorite chapter of anything honestly i owe it my firstborn child#tags by me#TRC#TDT#the Dreamer Trilogy#Mister Impossible#Declan Lynch#and his complicated relationship with his family and the absolutely PEAK brother dynamics#buckle your seat belt do you really wanna die in connecticut#why did i have to go through puberty lmao#there are fuckfaces out there#how does it FEEL to ask for something reasonable and be completely ignored????#Niall had made Declan a liar Aurora had made him an orphan Ronan had made him a nag but Matthew had taken Declan's youth#goodbye whatever Declan Lynch would have grown up to be#mary pls strike me deaf until the state line#Declan had put his identity crises on hold multiples times for the greater good Matthew had only been asked to do it once#Declan wanted to hate Niall. for being a bad father. for having favorites. for having favorites that who weren't Declan.#Declan said he hated him but it was aspirational#Declan's relationship with the criminal underworld was the longest and most stable one he'd had in his life#LITERALLY THE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME DO YOU UNDERSTAND
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I can accept basically any trans/nb reading of Jon however my personal favorites are transmasc Jon who transitioned physically and socially as early as possible and just never mentioned it to anyone cause it wasn't any of their business OR Jon being the most repressed transfem/nb in existence. They'll be talking about gender or whatever and Jon will be like "it's normal to feel totally disconnected from your gender all the time and also vaguely want boobs. That's just a guy thing I think." only for whoever they're all talking to to go "wtf no?? It's not????"
#please don't make this about j//mart or martin#only jon reading I can't accept is cis#sorry I just don't see it#idk might just be projection#but I think jon has really complicated feelings about gender that they don't know how to articulate#and they're also super private so they just. never mention it.#actually love literally any depiction of jon where they had a super wild personal life (band/mechs!jon punk!jon w/e) that they don't think#is important to mention ever. but occasionally they'll drop some random detail completely casually and then not understand why everyone els#is confused#like. I think jon's childhood probably wasn't super wild beyond the mr spider stuff#and once they started working at the institute I think they tried to lean really really hard into the boring respectable academic aesthetic#but I think uni jon was either the most dull shut-in workaholic OR doing really weird shit between classes with no inbetween#look I have a lot of jonthoughts ok?#anyway I think it's plausible that uni!jon was briefly non-repressed#actually adding to that: jon likes to break in to places to Investigate Them is practically canon to me.#ok anyway sorting tags. yeah I'm maintagging my jon mental illness#jon sims#jonathan sims#tma#the magnus archives#trans jon sims#trans jonathan sims#edit to add my new jon gender tag#jonder
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Omg what DOES Aaravi do as a monster slayer?
the short answer is that it varies with how much of my own stuff im willing to bring in, im afraid
mostly im waffling back and forth on this point right now because if i was a little closer to monster prom canon i might be able to have more fun with it and include a wider variety of situations and it wouldnt be such a downer as it would be in the other case...
mostly, the thing that monster slayers are in the redesign universe is a hate group, plain and simple. a particularly violent and nasty one too, at that - they're focused primarily out of human-majority societies and cultures that have much smaller minorities of other sophonts and/or that contact with those sophonts is new and recent, hence why there's such a strong sorting between "humans" and "monsters". "monsters" isn't a real category in any sense of the word, it's just a social marker for an out-group that is seen as particularly dangerous and frightening and, thus, "not normal". this is also why it doesn't really specify between monsters that are sophonts and monsters that are just normal animals...
primarily this hate group arose out of existing environmental/hunting groups, semi similar to things like forest rangers, and has even common ancestry with witches (or, one of the definitions of "witch"... witch can refer to a human with some innate workable magic, witch can refer to anyone who works with/studies magic as a job, or witch can refer to a supernatural concept/creature which is basically just the trope we have of the witch, as any malignant supernatural person who uses that supernatural prowess for evil. this is different from magic, because magic in this universe is just... another Thing That Exists, not necessarily any different from, say, engineering as a job or study, and belief in the impossible and supernatural is of course going to exist unrelated to that).
as in, there's a fairly universal need in most communities to be able to manage magic somehow. usually there's wildlife or plants that have their own innate pools of workable magic, and those need to be treated and handled differently as a different form of danger in the world, or there's magical aquifers locally, which means that all of that magic is just available as free energy to be used by anyone who has the chance to grab it, and if workable pools of magic aren't regularly maintained to recycle the magic that makes it up, then it can build up wild magic and tends to explode particularly dangerously... so you need someone who has learned how to deal with all of that, and so you get the origins of witches, and the origins of other people specializing to deal in magic and magic-heavy things, and from that you get people specialized in hunting or otherwise managing animals that utilize magic in their biology in some way.
(which, to be fair, nearly everything on this alternate earth is, in some way. magic really is just... free energy for anyone who can grab a little of it, and most life will be able to at least do a little bit of that. humans are a prime example, since even non-innate magic users will still hold and maintain very small pools of magic internally, utilized primarily for metabolism and to offer a slight boost to the immune system and other such things. this is even what souls and ghosts are - just the pools of magic inside of a person that can get shaken loose through particularly traumatic events, although the systems that lead to ghosts are poorly understood (and also different from a soul, the animating supernatural concept... theres a lot of confusing terminology in this universe, and i do that on purpose). it's just that species that either live in or around magical aquifers or are uniquely adapted for it that are magic specialists, where it makes up a much larger part of their biology, and who cannot live without that magic. a human without magic might just be slightly immunocompromised, a demon without magic is dead!)
this is where you get monster slayers, though. because they were a specific movement within this larger group of people who focus on magical life, where they particularly focused on the danger posed by magic specialist wildlife during a time when nonhuman sophonts were being introduced to and "challenging" the dominant culture where they came from, and ended up connecting the two. it's a purposefully very messy grouping without a lot in common other than this specific group targeting them, and their primary goals might be similar to creating and enforcing a human-only community devoid of large, dangerous wildlife around that area that could possibly injure someone. the fact that this also ends up targeting a lot of disabled humans (vampires, zombies, etc, they're just humans who have a specific magic-derived "virus". there's very few benefits to this, it really is just a disability) isn't seen as a problem either in their eyes, mostly because they're also often stereotyped as being dangerous or endangering other people by their sheer presence, so they get sorted in with the other targeted groups as well.
there's also a lot of people and things that we have in real life that would get labelled "monsters" in this specific line of belief, even if i haven't gone into that as much, mostly because i worry that people will think that because i'm writing aaravi as sympathetic that i'm supporting her beliefs or the beliefs of monster slayers too - or that, again, i'm still just in the awkward middle ground where i'm not sure how much i want to go into this and REALLY kill the mood.
(also, because it does kind of miff me when people write fantasy settings but provide some kind of distinction between real wildlife and fantasy monsters in a way that shouldn't actually exist in that fiction. lions and tigers and bears should be considered just as dangerous and frightening as any speculative creatures you put in your work, especially when there's not any one unique feature that tidily separates the world into "animals" and "wildlife". hell this is even what i try to get at with my merfolk, since they really aren't any different from humans, as just another naturally formed sapient animal species.)
and, to be clear, i WANT this to be upsetting. it shouldn't be something comfortable or easy to talk about, let alone witness. it's something that also has to be seen and judged and understood in order to understand aaravi herself, just as much as how you can't understand miranda unless you understand what it actually means for her to be a genocidal monarch who expresses ultimate control over anyone who happens to be under her and is willing to do anything to maintain control in the groups of her equals. for both of them, they're supposed to equally be representative of those who suffer by and under the system they are a part of (aaravi is not allowed to leave the monster slayers even if she wanted to, her being discovered as half-human would mean her potentially being targeted and killed and her family potentially also targeted for association, having her entire self worth tied to her ability to lose her own personhood and perpetuate violence that no one else is capable of or wants to do, or else be blamed as the reason why innocent people get hurt and killed), while also actively perpetuating it (both have a vitriolic hatred of anyone who either "can't do their job correctly" or "isn't hard enough to withstand the pressures of their job", aaravi especially targets and is quick to punish other slayers to try and cover her also being "part monster", she upholds and feels incredibly defensive over her family name and how great her family was at being slayers, she hunts and kills a lot of other people just for them not being human that makes them even more guarded and scared of humans and more likely to retaliate in order to try and keep themselves safe, which also means its harder for anyone else to stop being a monster slayer because even more taboo gets connected to them or being one).
a prime example is actually her grandma, who is still around. aaravi's from a line of monster slayers, which is to say her family was already in this hate group, they were born into it, and aaravi was just the latest in the long line of it all. her mom did work on trying to get out, did meet aaravi's dad and left to where no one else in the group knew where she was, where she could try to start anew and they wouldn't be able to find her, to have a family with someone who she had been taught to view as nothing but dangerous and frightening and not someone to be trusted... and then he turned out to be a garden variety asshole who just... left. never really was very interested in aaravi or salil, got bored with aaravi's mom once she tried settling down after getting out, didn't really do much to support her in trying to remake her life from a brand new foundation, and just left one day without a note or saying anything or anything at all, really.
all of which served as mundane trauma that pushed aaravi's mom back into the monster slayers even harder. it just confirmed a lot of old beliefs that she had burned into her mind after not really helping her to undo or confront them, and she had very little else left to go back to, and she had two kids now that if anyone else learned were the result of her having a tyst with a monster would get hurt and killed as much as she would, serving as a representation of the mistake that had just been confirmed in her mind as such.
it's why it came down on salil so much harder than aaravi, and why aaravi looking so nearly human is so important for the way the story functions. aaravi got pushed harder and harder to both try and make up for her mother's mistake, pushed to become another monster slayer and pushed even harder to be a GOOD one that would be great enough to make up for all that her mother had done while still living up to the legacy that her mom could only think of herself as having ruined, to shove all her monster parts into a deep dark little box that she would never tell anyone else about, who was told over and over how dangerous it was and what would happen if this got out. but salil... salil is much more obviously inhuman, much more obviously something that she can't hide or obscure, and so salil kind of...
well, already their mom was reverting hard onto "all monsters are dangerous and cannot be trusted and NONE of them are EVER going to be good, only lie about it to hurt you even worse", and there was a lot harder... fear, from her, that he picked up on. really, both of them picked up on it, and still aaravi doesn't know and is terrified of the possibility that their mom was scared of them, or thought that they would hurt her, or even outright hated them for being monsters. and because salil was much more obvious about it, a lot more got targeted and felt by salil, a lot more their mom tried a lot less with him, a lot more she just tried to hide him in the house and not tell anyone about him or that he existed. its why when he ran away one night, it was very easy for her to come to the conclusion that he had been found and killed by monsters, and it was very easy for that belief to be passed onto aaravi.
it's also why aaravi's grandma has such a... particular situation. she was also such a prominent monster slayer within that community and group for so long, and so many of the leaders within the community think back fondly of her, but its this very same reason that she can't talk about the amount of doubt she's also felt about it, the mounting regrets and guilt that has built up, the knowledge of what happened to her daughter and to her grandkids, and the knowledge that she can't really DO anything to help it either, even AS someone who holds such an esteemed position and even BECAUSE of it. she's effectively just built up more and more distance from the community over time, isolated herself more and more from these old friends of hers, gone quietly silent in her old age, but its also why shes never been able to fully shake it, and why that connection STILL exists and shes STILL expected to uphold it when it does. she's older than she used to be, more vulnerable, and she has a granddaughter who doesn't have a mom or a dad anymore to look after her, who is at least part of what monster slayers want to exterminate, and there's a lot at stake here that she just can't make herself risk.
so, yeah... i hope this provides a little bit of clarity as to what aaravi in the full redesign verse being a monster hunter MEANS and what she does, because it's not... very pretty, really.
if i write it, i'll likely end up focusing more on the animal side of it, least of all because i can't see aaravi taking miranda on a hunt for a person, but also because it adds in more layers of aaravi feeling disingenuous and doubting herself. she feels like she's lying to miranda, making it more palatable, more acceptable, than it really is, not showing her the full thing and letting herself be judged as is, but also aaravi is ABSOLUTELY not prepared for that conversation and doesn't know how to breach the subject of "i'm basically a serial killer for hire" with miranda, and is equally as scared by the thought of what if miranda actually DOESN'T have a problem with that and doesn't react. but it's also just close enough to still hit that uncomfortable realm with aaravi, just close enough to killing a person that she keeps seeing herself in the eyes of the wildlife, doesn't know which end of the gun she's more scared of being on and doesn't know how to handle any of it.
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#miravi.txt#asks#fishyfishyfishtimes#monster prom#ITS........ ROUGH. ITS A ROUGH TIME IN THERE.#again the alternative is also. just to write it more like canon.#include more buffyesque vampires i suppose where killing them is more of a part of the genre#but idk. i just. really love fucked up situations and complicated Everything.#people are messy and ugly and i like it when you have to just hold both#''this character is sympathetic'' with ''this character has done something unforgivable''#or i guess. ''this character has done something unforgivable'' and ''this character has had unforgivable things done to them''#i really do think miravi works best if you view it as. okay. what happens after youve done something awful.#how do you come to terms with your own trauma and the trauma you have caused.#how do you make it out after being both victim and victimizer.#aka. why them just easing into a simple mundane happy life is the good ending for them.#why them having a kid who they love so much and can provide a good childhood to and be supportive and adoring for#is their ultimate happy ending and the culmination of all their. gestures. Themes.#theyre so happy just to be known as some slightly embarrassing very loving moms. if thats all then theyve done great.
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Something else that makes me sympathetic to Pharma's situation is like. Idk if there's an actual term for this or if someone smarter and more academic wrote it about some real life context that actually matters.
But, so we've already established among Pharma stans that the circumstances at Delphi were blackmail/torture with no real way out that wouldn't involve Pharma being responsible for people getting killed (either killing patients for the deal or having everyone die bc he failed his end of the deal).
And I feel like while "he's still in the wrong because he killed people" is part of it, another sort of implicit part is the idea that Pharma should've been willing to take more personal risk, maybe even risk dying? I mean, Ratchet does ask "why didn't you just detonate it near the DJD" (to which Pharma responds that he did try to get Sonic and Boom to do it, but they refused) so like
Idk I feel like we do have this social notion of martyrs as a very romantic ideal, people you can praise for being so brave and strong and righteous that they ended their own lives for their cause, while you can also coo about how sad and tragic it is that dying is what it took for them to do the right thing. But at the same time I feel like in reality, having an expectation that people become martyrs is kind of a toxic social norm bc like. It's very easy to demand that others sacrifice their lives for some Ultimate Moral Good when you yourself aren't experiencing the same hardships as they are. And ultimately it is kind of fucked up to tell someone "the moral thing you should've done was risk your life/kill yourself" because asking someone to pay their life to do the right thing is no small request. And sure, the typical response would be to call them a "coward" for caring more about saving their own skin instead of doing the right thing... but again, death is a really scary thing and self-preservation is a really strong instinct, so it kind of feels like having this binary view of "you're either a Brave Hero who sacrifices your life for everyone else or a Dirty Coward who's too scared of dying to do what's right" is kind of fucked up?
I guess the best way to describe it is that if someone willingly gives up their life as a sacrifice to others, it can be a noble thing because it's a choice they made willingly, but if it becomes a Moral Standard that in order to be a Good Person you have to be unafraid of throwing your life away and if you aren't willing to die you're a Cowardly Bad Person, that's when it becomes toxic.
Idk, I guess how this ties back to Pharma is that he was never in a position where he expected to make these kinds of moral decisions/ultimatums. He's a doctor who doesn't even get into combat, his job is to heal and not to kill, he's behind the front lines in a hospital that's supposed to be a safe, neutral place for him to heal people. So in the face of suddenly having a "murder people on behalf of me, or I murder everyone you swore to protect" ultimatum thrust upon him, I understand why Pharma wasn't """"""""""brave enough"""""""""" to "do the right thing" (whatever that would've been in the case of Delphi). You could argue that maybe a frontliner soldier accepted the burden of possibly dying for their cause and they've become used to it as someone who lives that reality every single day, but I feel like for Pharma, who's a doctor and a protected non-combatant (from what we can tell), that sort of risking of his life/living with the fact his life could be snuffed out any day isn't something he would've been prepared for at all.
And for me personally, from an outsider's perspective, it strikes me as kind of unethical to go "oh well he should've just detonated the bomb himself even if it killed him" bc again, there's a difference between witnessing a moral conundrum as a bystander versus being the person living with it and being under time pressure where it's do-or-die. Just as part of my personal standards, I feel like death is such a huge consequence/burden of someone's actions (literally you are no longer alive, any potential you had left is cut short, you cease to exist on this plane) that it feels rather callous to go "Well you should've just been willing to die for your beliefs if you really cared that much!!!"
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#this is only like tangentially related to pharma honestly#not to compare blorbos to real life but like. it reminds me of this phenomenon where privileged ppl in privileged countries#will tell ppl living in zones of war and strife 'oh well if you don't like your gov so bad just revolt against them'#like oh yes tell me how easy it is to stand up against the threats of torture and death#surely the only reason people would want to avoid that is bc they're cowards or don't want to stand up for their beliefs#contrary to what nationalism would have ppl believe. 'wanting to not die' isn't a moral position#everyone wants to live. no one wants to die. it doesnt make you a bad person to be scared of dying#esp (going back to blorbo's) in a situation like pharma's where every option he had ended in death#the death of his patients or the death of everyone at delphi or his death personally#on top of the fact he's a noncombatant who hasn't been desensitized to violence/risking his own life#and is dealing with a trained group of killers that he can't possibly match on physical terms#so yeah actually i don't blame pharma for what he did#he made shitty decisions in a shitty situation but was ultimately a victim#also if you want to view the blackmail deal from a framework of abuse#it is also fucked up to basically tell someone they werent brave enough to just kill their accuser or ask for help#isnt the entire point of such situations that the victim is both powerless to stop the abuse#and too afraid of asking for help/thinks they cant ask for help. and thats why they dont just get out#idk sometimes the best moral judgement is to forgive someone or view it as 'complicated'#sometimes regardless of the good or evilness of their actions the best choice is to not make a judgement#or to err in favor of a forgiving/'i cant speak for your experience' judgement#anyways the fact is that the rosy fantasy of being a brave noble soldier who sacrifices for the cause#rarely stands up to reality where youre just terrified and powerless and dont know what to do#and suddenly the rosy glow of The Noble Cause isnt comforting in the prospect of horrible torturous death
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the telltale sign that you've been watching good films is when you get legitimately confused by two-person relationships in media. Like. where's the third person? we need them.
#you NEED at least three people. at LEAST#gotta have that triangular dynamic in your relationship or what is even the point? why do i care?#are they a love triangle? a throuple? three people who simply have had a profound and potentially fucked up effect on each others' lives?#who knows! not me!!!!!#but i am eating up every moment#(context: i tricked myself into rewatching a film i really enjoy by making it a necessity for my schoolwork and now i am THINKING)#i love the fact that triangular relationships have ALWAYS been my shit and now i'm suddenly discovering that there's a bunch of films#that are interested in exploring it in a much deeper way than a simple love triangle where one person gets chosen over another#bc life is soooooooooo much more complicated than that and these films GET IT#anyway.#i need to watch more films i haven't seen before but i also need to rewatch my favorites over and over and over and over and over and over#DO YOU SEE MY ISSUE?????????
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Orb...
+ process kinda
#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL#i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!!#i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece .....#i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!!#thus: orb#im very happy w it so thats why im posting#idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig#lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not#im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things#and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works#and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay?????#i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane#but i think ive got it down p well :)#ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!!#i like how half my art i post here is either chibis#or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever#yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY#had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis#and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics#catie.art.
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not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues šš i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one
i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (āĀ“ā”`ā)
#i talked about my intro 2 adulthood and what it was like around before/when i left home and how my sis was just 10 when i left#so we never rly got to be close n i just started talking 2 her this year. but the last thing i told my mom was she lost her son forever#and that she better not fuck up with my sister - and she took it to heart fr which was Great for my sister.#she grew up v loved and supported and idk as the eldest u have complicated feelings being the experiment child.#and as an older sibling u are genuinely happy ur younger sibling has it so much better but there's this disconnect where u both have#Very very different feelings about ur mom and family in general ig. but it's from having lived different lives and idk.#she relates though šš oldest sibs rly b dealing w moms that tear them down then watch w bittersweet feelings that ur sibs get a better#life. my life itself is fine lol im kinda stoned (ā ļ½”ā ļ¾ā Ļā ļ¼¼ā ļ½”ā ) but like. a good loving childhood. support. community n never feeling like#there's Nothing for u here. she's turning 21 in December it's crazy how time flies. I'm glad she's doing good but I'm just thinking about#how we had Very different lives and stuff going on in our late teens š®āšØ#bless my manager fr i'm glad we got to get into it !! š¹ i can see why i miss her when we don't get to meet for the week
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Just when I'm trying to be more social again, something will happen that reminds me why I'm a hermit
#vent ahead:#i tried to get my friends together to celebrate passing my exam#I'm not the kind of person who celebrates stuff about myself but I said fuck it I deserve it and I miss my friends#and they turned it into a drama and gossip fest#i don't care i really don't i just want to play cards against humanity and have a good time#i haven't seen these ppl in months and they either brought their romantic partners and ignored me alltogether#hijacked the evening and made it about them or didn't even arrive#why do they have to turn a simple celebration into something so complicated?#i hate it i hate it i hate pls get out of my house#I'm sitting here staring at the forgotten cards and food#and wondering if this is the point in life where i realize that friendships mean more to me than to the allo people around me#the older i get the more isolated i feel#and being aro makes it worse not gonna lie#i thought i could live without a partner as long as i had my friends but well#funny how that works#dan is rambling again
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lemme tell you im starting to get a little sick of when im complaining about when a show or movie is writing a major female character with not as much depth as her male cohorts or she's written oddly plot device-like for a main character and people always tell me "oh but it's intentional, we're seeing her through the eyes of the male main character and he has a crush on her so he doesnt see her flaws" because like
FIRST of all yeah i get it but its hard to write that trope interestingly to me at this point without a lot of work put into subversion so intentionality doesnt make it any less boring
SECONDLY half the time people say this about ensemble cast stuff and like why is the random dude suddenly designated as the most perspective of all perspective characters when it comes to this specific woman. why dont we get to see the other characters perspectives on her too?
AND THIRDLY do people view women they have crushes on as bland plot devices without lives of their own enough irl that this is so universal in writing? isnt the point of having a crush wanting to hang out and know more about your crush, know about their likes and dislikes and all that. am i missing something here
#im gonna sound insane for what im about to say. but i grew up watching way to much harem anime for a 10 year old#and im gonna be honest. maybe that spoiled me? those things were not without their flaws but at least the 5 different magical giant#goddess demon vampire women with multicoloured hair inexplicably in love with random normal guy at least had like. inner lives#like thats why the guy is so normal and bland. because the focus is on the magical women and their pink hair and their complicated#backstories and familial lives and whatever outside of the main character#like theyre still big boobied colourful haired fantasies but at least they showed me something about em#when it comes to these other stories where a woman is treated like a plot device love interest and written like a dead wife in an#action movie but like. alive. i cant help but feel like. are you holding out on me? i want to know her. show me her LIFE i want to SEE IT#grabs writers by the collar ARE YOU HOLDING OUT ON ME???#its nuts because sometimes you see the bones of a really cool character but the writers are more interested in what she can do for the main#male character and how he sees her than whats going on in her head. i dunno im just getting annoyed. i think u can do this trope well#like how i think you can write basically any trope well. but i see intentionality used an excuse so often so i wanna see you do#SOMETHING interesting with this trope if ur gonna do it at least. subvert it in cool ways i dunno just do ANYTHING hfjdkjfkd
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