#why am i that fucked?
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i want to scream i want to scream i want to scream i want to scream
i'm going fucking crazy my mind is about to explode i don't know how to get out of that
#nothing makes sense#like yesterday was really great#i did things#i felt happy#and today#my greatest achievement is a shower#my parents make me tense#life makes me tense#i have too much to do so i can't do anything#i'm behind everything i had to do#i feel like shit#why can't i just do things?#why everyone else can and i can't?#why am i that fucked?#why is everything so hard?#i just feel like i want to diseappear#like#everything is too complicated#why should i bother#i'm gonna fail at life anyway#i just want to scream until i feel better#i want to do so many things but i never can do anything#why do i suck?
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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#comic#first comic on da new pc#and now i go lay down#if you’re wondering why I am so Tired: I have PCOS which leads to chronic fatigue AND I work full time where I have to mask 8 hours a day#and talk to customers on the phone and solve their problems#I’m pretty fucking sleepy most of the time
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The movie Wicked is proof that any source material can be vastly improved by simply making the intense female friendship much gayer + the mutual male love interest both wildly bisexual and lowkey down to just be their third
#i can’t believe they improved Fiyero’s character so much just by making him intensely into both women at the same time asdakdga#Elphaba: *screaming at people*#Glinda: yeah baby you tell em! my girlfriend is gonna kick your ass!#Fiyero: god I’m so fucking turned on right now why am I so turned on by this#ideal dynamic tbh#i have other much more meaningful thoughts on this movie but this was so funny I had to post it#It was a very very good movie ngl#wicked#wicked movie
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at the end of the day it's not that you hate your job - actually, you like working, you like routine, you like feeling like an adult - it's that any time you fuck anything up, you feel like you're fucking dying.
because you could be actually fucking dying. because if one day you wake up and you misunderstood something - you could lose your job, and nobody is hiring, and nobody is paying, and nobody takes people like you, and that job you want hasn't gotten back to you. and what exactly are you going to do without insurance? good luck with those meds. you should have thought of that before being a person.
so it's not just that you forgot to CC someone on an email, it's that if you don't have this job, you can't afford rent. it's not that you misread a comment, it's that if you get fired, you will be in massive amounts of unpayable debt. it's not that you are bad at your job, but here are the stakes as they have been decided for you: be perfect or fucking die. like, literally, die. that is how much safety net you have: none.
it's not burnout, technically. but you literally just had two typos in your work, and you're already picturing the ending. you want to throw up & curl up & make it all go away. it is two typos. if he decides he is mad at you, you lose literally everything.
your mom says that you seem stressed. the thing is that you have never known a job that isn't stressful. welcome to capitalism. there is no other road, only this one. what the fuck is a career. you come here, and we hold your life against the barrel of a gun, and somewhere someone is spinning the chamber and pulling. eventually the bullet will come.
you live in a mugging. your boss owns three cars and has four kids. you worry about having enough to feed your dog. good luck. beg for forgiveness. CC the right people next time and be grateful, kid. somebody has it worse than you. someone, probably, has it worse than you. so what if you can't sleep or eat or focus. your work chat sound literally makes you panic. you had to change the sounds of computer notifications so you'd stop having such an upset stomach.
welcome to the real world! the rat race! the dog eat dog circus!
your doctor studies the results and frowns at you. "it's bad for your heart," she says. "try to reduce your levels of stress."
#spilled ink#warm up#i am OFF MY MEDS AND I FUCKING HATE IT#WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING#NOT GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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best types of brennan NPC
autism haver
stoner
frat bro who has unlearned hypermasculinity so hard that he's gone 100% the opposite direction about it
anticapitalist proletarian
the most insane person you've ever met
#brennan lee mulligan#in order this post is about (1) ayda aguefort (2) max durden (3) ragh barkrock#(4) bud cubby and (5) bill seacaster#guess what SHOW i am WATCHING#dimension 20#d20#stuff#blmulligan#dnd#ok wait i wanna think about this for unsleeping city#who are the autism havers in tuc why am i blanking.......#im gonna say esther could be an autism haver. or nod#the johns are obviously the frat bros#seven (s3\/3n?) is the anticapitalist proletarian obviously#maddy is both the anticapitalist and the autism haver as a matter of fact#and her name might be spelled maddie idk#anyway alejandro is the stoner#and wally is absolutely the most insane person youve ever met......him and la gran gata perhaps.......#i just remembered about arthur aguefort the actual most insane person youve ever met#strong case for that#the point is these are always brennan's best NPCs#most sentimental? most touching scenes? usually not. but fucking funniest? almost without fail#fantasy high
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frankly, the people whose kneejerk reaction to bisan asking for a global strike form the 21st-28th is to say that it takes years to organize a general strike are really unhelpful! no one is saying otherwise, but palestine will be a smoking crater if we all wait for years to do anything - bisan is asking us to do something now. Like are we only supposed to do something if we can do it perfectly??? At some point it’s a valid critique about the work that goes into social movement, and at another point I feel like some people are just trying to absolve themselves from not putting any effort into observing a week of economic inaction.
like idk! I get it, okay! People have bills to pay that don’t magically go away for a strike, we don’t have nearly enough social infrastructure in place to support people to fully stop going to work for a week. But fuck, dude! Stop immediately responding in such a defeatist way! Cut out unnecessary purchases! Try to shop local! Put more effort into promoting Palestinian voices online! Attend a protest, call a local rep, do something!
#like am I going insane#why did I see a post with thousands of notes on it talking about how it doesn’t make sense to be asking for this sort of action#it doesn’t make SENSE?#like god! I hope you’re taking other more sensible courses of action then!#fucks sake man#bisan is living through a waking nightmare and some of you are so pedantic and miserly#palestine#free Palestine
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Hot take and not to be a killjoy or the shipping police but people treating Viktor or Jinx's aroace headcanons as if they were canon is not the revolutionary take people think it is.
Headcanons are always all right but we have to acknowledge that they are somehow damaging when they apply to stereotypes. It might not be the case for everyone but most of the time people unconsciously assume that disability/mental illness=asexuality. These headcanons erase the freedom of attraction from people who are already seen as unable to have sexual/romantic experiences/desires, when it's completely untrue and harmful.
You can headcanon Viktor and Jinx as aroace, but I have seen people changing their minds once Viktor is no longer disabled (s2 with all of his other forms) and Jinx is no longer as mentally ill (alternate universe Powder). And it speaks wonders of how people see these characters.
"I never thought about Jinx being able to feel romantic/sexual attraction until s2!" To believe she's actually only capable of that when she's not "damaged" is incredibly disturbing. Especially since Jinx has always had a bit of a flirty personality too.
"I've always seen Viktor as asexual, I don't know why!" That's fine. You can headcanon him as ace. But I believe there is a reason behind it, most of the time, if for some inexplicable reason the "vibes" of the disabled character are making you think he's ace.
I say all of this being aroaspec myself, by the way. Headcanon all you want but going to people's posts commenting how "it's weird for you that they have romantic/sexual plots when they're clearly aroace" is not a win at all. It's a headcanon, after all, and it should be treated as such, and that's fine. But it also is damaging to spread stereotypes like these.
Of course the disabled character is asexual. Of course the mentally ill character is aromantic. It's not as revolutionary as you might think, tbh.
Fandom is not activism and it's all right to have any headcanons you want BUT some of them are filled with damaging stuff and perhaps we should look into ourselves more before treating these assumptions as something canon.
#i hope i didn't sound rude btw i am saying this respectfully and this is directed to the ones who push these hcs as canon#if you have your own theories and know abt aroace stereotypes but are respectful abt it this is not for you keep scrolling#i actually think showing jinx (who has been dehumanized by the fandom A LOT) in a romantic relationship is good for her character#and viktor letting himself be free and loving what he considered imperfections thanks to jayce at the end c'monnn they need to make love#tired of disabled characters being treated as babies and always hc them as aroace let them fuck#this being said i am aware there are more terms inside aroace etc etc etc and there are more ways of considering them aroace etc etc etc#this is NOT about that it's about being aware of how 'mmm it's the vibes!' argument does NOT work when it's stereotypes#it's like saying 'wow this robotic character is giving me autistic vibes idk why' LIKE CMON NOW WEFNEWLFNL YOU KNOW WHY#please don't cancel me i am giving my humble opinion as someone aroaspec#at the end of the day you can do whatever the fuck you want tbh#i'm not the shipping police here#arcane#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#jayvik#timebomb
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need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#my hands are still shaking to be quite honest i could not put a lot of effort into this.#but like. brain. why did you do that#literally i have been like hopelessly obsessed with de nonstop thinking abt it for the past couple of days it is Scaring me#it is terminal its soooo fucking chronic#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#for anyone who wants to know i bumped into some guys car that was stopped for a school bus. i think my brain errored and thought#my foot was fully pressing down on the brake pedal but it wasnt.#i am like 99.99 percent sure neither of us had any major damage to our cars but we still filed a police report just in case#because insurance do be a bitch. dudes back bumper was scratched lightly and my front license plate has a dent now#also literally my first ever car accident that ive had ever yippee yay
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y'know every time i feel guilty about bothering someone by singing along when i'm listening to music, i just remember that i have to tolerate my dirtbag brother screaming at his ps5 for hours every day so listening to muffled off-key fall out boy is probably preferable
#ramble#it's not loud btw it's just like. singing along in the car volume#not to get on my soapbox but there's a literal dent in his wall from his controller. and we're in the uk you CANNOT punch through walls#idk about anyone else but i've NEVER yelled at a video game?? like i'm absolute dogshit at 80% of them#and i've never had a PHYSICAL reaction beyond maybe 'ughh' then turning it off#if you're getting that angry maybe you just need to play different games because you're clearly not having fun#also added bonus that i didn't realise until adulthood. as a former daughter#cis son privileges are CRAZY#i don't even swear in front of my parents and my dude is just screaming actual slurs next door with NO consequences#like you wouldn't do that in public why is it ok to do it here#i think i've said fuck in front of my mum ONCE and i literally couldn't look at her the entire day#this is a box i am not ready to unpack yet akdhdh#is this just a my family thing or is this common
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thanks @chipper-smol for getting me ISAT i will be so irresponsible with the looping
#the real reason why you arent allowed to do this in game is because the dev knew we'd be nowhere close to finish it if we could#too much power and not enough responsibility etc etc. i dont even know if siffrin would want to stop looping once he figures out he can#do this. “stardust do you want to get out of the fucking loop or not stop smothering yourself on the fighters jugs” LMAOOO#i havent played it yet bc im gonna go in blind and stream it on call so 3 other ppl can watch me cry like a weenie in real time#my art#myart#in stars and time#isat#isat isabeau#isat siffrin#isabeau#siffrin#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isafrin#shitpost#i am. so fucking sorry
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Being aroace is so cool, but so, so hard sometimes. Watching all the persons you hold dear finding *their* person. Grieving the idea of an allo relationship. Realizing that, maybe, somehow, you're the second choice fo everyone. Because friends are great, but **lovers** are the goal in our society.
Most of the time, i am sooo happy to be aroace. And then, when im alone in bed, at 3 am, i find myself crying by fear of being alone.
And I think it's normal. It's grieving a certain way of thinking. And it's hard, especially when you were raised this way, and that everyone keeps doubting your identity.
So yeah. Shout-out to all the aroace people, wanting a deeper connection, without wanting romantic love.
I love y'all
#asexuality#aromantic#aroace#asexual#let me just be sad#also im doing what i can.#im having a moment#nah but seriously#what a fucked up society#also why i am crying while watching mama mia ?
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oh my fucking god i don't have any clothesssss
#what moving to another country does to a mf...#it's like. i gotta shop for winter clothes ASAP#because i have like 2 sweaters and 1 sweatshirt like that's it LMAO#and a jacket i bought HERE#why did i not pack winter clothes when coming to fucking sweden you ask. good question#my baggage was already 30 kilos#im only one weak person#i already died that day due to my 30 kilo baggage many times#i had to ask random people to help me lmaoooooo the way i'd rather die than doing that in a normal day 😭#it was THAT bad..#and now i dont have anything proper to wear. fml#and i am so bad when it comes to clothes shopping like u have noooo idea#im terrible at shopping in general. :/#ughhhh i will try to do that this friday :////// hope i don't freeze in the meantime :////#🗒
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from zurichfilmfest' twitter - january 14, 2025
#why he's always looking so good#god i want to die#just give me once chance mi amor lmao#que dolor no ser tu mujer#anyways#just doing this for the funsies#and because i am still sick as fuck#deleting this later#sebastian stan#sebastianstanedit#sebstanedit#fysebastianstan#stansclan#sstanedit#sebstangifs#gbbb
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“I hate the script, the vault dwellers sound so cheesy—“ my Brother in Steel you realize that’s the point, right? They were bred to act like the physical embodiment of an HR e-mail. Did you not catch the memo that Vault-Tec put out regarding their experiment facilities?
#fallout#fallout tv show#fallout tv series#they were raised to respect the Golden Rule they’re a bunch of fucking kindergartners#theyre MEANT TO BE CRINGE#plus if you keep watching you’ll SEE WHY THEY DO THAT#don’t quit in the first episode when you have so many more to explore wtf is wrong with them!!! it’s a good show!!!#sometimes I think people like to hate things just to hate them and I understand. truly. i am a certified hater too#but don't dog something that has reasoning!! you're meant to cringe! and you'll see why!!!#GIVE IT TIME IT WILL MAKE SENSE I PROMISE#fallout spoilers
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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