#and talk to customers on the phone and solve their problems

[mysillycomics]

[eclipsecrowned]

if it helps i'm not entirely convinced that their so called helpline wasn't a massive scam or attempt to phish either, and i know for sure it was an official channel for customer and it support pushed by corporate.

[morlock-holmes]

I said it earlier but my encounters with the Insurance system seem to reveal a system that is not precisely offended that they have to pay for your health care, but does find the whole thing very gauche of me.

Often, the system seems to want to waste time and money, "Sure, the last three doctors said the same thing, but who knows what the fourth will say?"

It's more like their absolute highest priority is to avoid any kind of decision-making responsibility. Everything was decided somewhere else, by an unknown person that you can't talk to because the customer service rep can't talk to them either.

The distinction between "If you put in a couple hours on the phone you can solve the problem" and "If you put in a couple of hours on the phone you'll have wasted a couple of hours" is impossible for anybody to perceive until after you've put the time in.

I've had a lot of conversations where I've asked phone reps "How would I do this correctly and efficiently" and been told, essentially, to give up expecting that such a thing is even possible.

It is relentlessly dehumanizing, and makes you feel incredibly small even when you are prying actual health care out of it.

[my-my-my]

KINKMAS DAY 2 (AKA KINKTOBER DAY 14) - Humiliation: Kisuke Urahara x Female Reader

Summary: It’s been centuries since Kisuke had a crush, and it had to be on a random customer. Crushes were irrational, but dealing with them by some “light” stalking and “deceptive” business practices, are totally logically, right?

TW: MDNI! Deception, cyber stalking, slight humiliation, more like reader is embarrassed around Kisuke since they both mutually have a crush on each other. Rope play, oral sex (male and female receiving), face fucking, anal fingering, use of pet names and dirty talk.

Word count: 3716

Read on AO3 here.

Kisuke stared at the blinking light on his phone, exhaling the smoke from his pipe as he looked back into the night sky. The moon shone brightly on Urahara Shoten, and in the distance, partygoers, night owls and everyone in between, were enjoying themselves. Normally, Kisuke would persuade Tessai, Jinta and Ururu to coax bystanders for some late-night shopping, but Kisuke was preoccupied tonight, as he watched the blinking light move around on the map.

He was distracted. He was anxious. He was confused.

The logical side that Kisuke operated on almost 99.9% of the time knew that this was a crush. A simple, childish crush on a random customer.

He found himself thinking of all the possibilities of having you visit his store again. Of hearing your voice, of seeing you smile and laugh. Kisuke could effortlessly lay plans, miniscule in size, but pushing you into a domino effect leading back to him.

But his feelings for you made him restless.

It left him uncomfortable.

He easily laughed and flirted with you at the store. Yet you were so kind and took him stride. Your gaze was gentle as you listened to him earnestly. Kisuke was always one for pranks, and yet… he felt nervous. His cheeks would be tinted pink as you listened to him try to tease you, and you politely following along. How you would ask him questions about the various Shinigami items, not knowing their true value. How your eyes lit up at what he shared. You were curious, kind and gentle.

Kisuke exhaled more smoke from his pipe. You were so different from him, yet so alike in wanting to know and understand the world around you.

This anxiety reminded him of when he first became captain. The side-stepping and uncertainty of how he stood as a captain of a squad, and the fallout that came from the Vizard incident. It left Kisuke perplexed.

Although… that wasn’t quite true. The discomfort he was feeling wasn’t quite like that time when he was younger.

Maybe it was the fact he saw you smile at someone else, another mere human. A smile different from the one you gave him. In a bizarre twist of fate, seeing you chatting with another man at a café. You were laughing, touching the stranger’s arm, smiling brightly while Kisuke watched in the distance. Kisuke felt strangely humiliated. Was he not special in your eyes?

But Kisuke was not one to dwell on his feelings. His immediate remedy was to share a bottle of sake with another woman. He charmed his way between her legs, as he watched her bob her head up and down his cock, all the while thinking of you. He wondered if making a gigai of you would solve his problems…

But all of this was foolish Kisuke realized. While he was certain he could make a physical replica of you, your soul was another thing entirely.

And besides, wasn’t the real person better than any gigai? He mused to himself, wondering what perfection and imperfection he would fail to capture if he even attempted making a replica of you.

And now at Urahara Shoten, under the brightly lit moon, Kisuke would anxiously watch the little marker of you creep closer to the shop.

Your first visit to the store was seared into his memory. You took your time to inspect everything, curiosity shining bright in your eyes. You didn’t hesitate to ask him questions, and you were generous in what you had bought. You asked if he had a newsletter or something so you could sign up for “deals and sales” (as if he had any to begin with).

“My, my” Kisuke waved his fan, trying to hide the blush on his face as his eyes drifted to your cleavage. “I do have a newsletter, my dear.” He gave a sweet smile as he conjured a fake piece of paper behind him. “Scan the QR code, and you can input your email for our newsletter.” It was so easy for him to lie; it was second nature really. Yet you didn’t hesitate as you pulled out your phone and scanned the fake code, that let him have access to your email and number.

Of course he didn’t have a newsletter, yet he created one tailored just for you. Of things that would interest you, of things that would make you visit him. You were so ecstatic with everything he offered.

Yet it wasn’t enough. He mused, thinking what that stranger had compared to him, a “mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman.” (To which you had laughed at.)

Kisuke entered his shop and milled around, when the familiar sound of the door charm rang.

“How late do you keep your shop open for, Urahara-san?” You asked as you quietly entered the store. And as if on cue, Kisuke whipped out his fan and fanned himself.

“Friday nights are a good source of customers, my dear.” He teased, his eyes filled with mirth. “I mean you’re here, are you not?”

You laughed, “I suppose that’s true.”

“Were you out tonight?” Kisuke asked casually, but his eyes were focused on you, inspecting your figure as you picked up your favourite candy.

“Sort of, but my plans kind of fell through.” You sighed, your voice despondent. Was that disappointment he heard?

“I’ve been told I’m excellent listener, if you want me to lend an ear.” Kisuke lied, smiling as you looked at him with hesitancy.

“No, it’s ok, Urahara-san. It’s pretty silly, I don’t want to take up your time.” You gave him an apologetic smile, “but thank you for the offer.”

“You won’t be taking any of my time.” Kisuke said, as he came closer to you. You couldn’t help but look away as his presence drew closer. It surprised you by how big he was, so you tried to ignore his growing presence by reading the ingredient list of some random candy box.

“I’ll be closing up shop in a few minutes.” Kisuke said, watching you. Lowering his voice, he whispered, “but I have a bottle of sake we can share, since the night is still young.” He smiled, seeing your eyes widen.

“Oh no, save that for yourself!” You nervously laughed.

“Then how about…” Kisuke paused, tapping his fan to his chin, “you can have any drink and snack here free of charge!” He grinned, as you stared at him in surprise.

“Really? Any?” You exclaimed, then narrowed your eyes, “there’s no hidden cost?”

Kisuke gave a wink, as he ushered you to the back of the store. He had spun kido to the entrance to lock the store for the remainder of the night.

With your favourite drink in hand, you were surprised to see a small table ready with sake and two cups. You felt slightly guilty for rejecting his sake offer, but you weren’t in the mood for alcohol tonight.

It was strange, to be so close to Urahara-san, you thought. He made himself comfortable and poured out his cup of a sake and took a sip, as you took a sip of your own drink. The two of you sat in comfortable silence. He had on his loose fitting samue, his bare chest right in front of your view, and his face remained unshaven, yet the bucket hat was gone. His blonde locks looked unkempt, yet his grey eyes appeared focused and clear.

“So what happened today?” Kisuke said, looking straight into your eyes.

You felt like the room was getting smaller. Was this Kisuke being serious? He looked concerned for you.

And now you felt even guiltier.

“Oh this is so stupid.” You muttered.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” Kisuke said, “you can tell me anything.”

“Promise you won’t laugh?” You asked, nervously.

“Your secret is safe with me.” He winked at you again. He’s too handsome… you thought.

Taking a deep breath, you matched his stare, “I was meeting up with someone who I thought had a mutual interest in an activity,” Kisuke raised his eyebrows, as your voice began to waver, “but they had someone else.”

“What was the activity?” Kisuke asked, as he leaned his face closer to your side of the table. You felt your body grow hot and out of nervousness, you gripped on to his table as you tried to steel yourself.

“Iwannabetiedup.” You stammered. Your body felt on fire from what you just shared.

“And they weren’t interested in it?” Kisuke asked, without missing a beat.

“Oh well… they said they were into it, but then they said they met someone else… so I never really tried it with them.” You lowered your gaze, taking a swig from your drink. It wasn’t like there were feelings involved, you tried to rationalize, just two people who had similar interests and need to scratch the same itch. “I guess I’m kind of disappointed.” You sighed, “I was looking forward to it.”

“Were you interested because of them?” Kisuke asked.

You shook your head quickly, “not really.”

“If you’re interested in ropes and being tied…” Kisuke took another sip of sake, smirking at all the ideas he had formulating now. “I can help you with that.”

You spat out your drink, “what?!”

“I said I can help you with that.” He gave you a cheerful smile.

You had never felt this kind of embarrassment before, Urahara-san was a sweet, intelligent shopkeeper.

“…mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman”

Those words rang clear in your head as you snapped back to look at him. Perverted??

Well, yes, you did catch him a few times staring at your chest, or how intensely he would look at you whenever you shopped.

You both sat in silence as you mulled over your thoughts. “Have you done this before?”

“Tying up beautiful women? You’d be the first.” Kisuke teased, grinning wide at you.

“Somehow, I doubt that, but no, I meant using ropes in general.”

Kisuke gave you a gentle smile as he reached out across the table to squeeze your hand, “yes. You can trust me.”

And with that, he escorted you to another area behind his store.

You didn’t expect Urahara Shoten to have such a massive, underground space, yet here you were. The shop was so small on the outside, yet this area was huge. But before you could ask any questions, you entered a room, with a modest sized bed, closet, desk, and lamp.

“Please sit on the bed, my dear.” Kisuke said, leading you towards it. As you sat, you watched him rummage through his closet, where pulled out a brilliant red rope.

Your mind was racing thinking of what was going to happen, so much so that you didn’t hear Kisuke’s question.

He gave you another gentle smile and repeated his question, “do you want to keep your clothes on or off as I tie you up?”

Your mouth became dry and you became nervous again. It had been a while since you were last intimate with someone, and for some reason, you felt self-conscious in front of Urahara-san. When you looked up at him, you immediately noticed the lecherous glint in his eyes.

And without a word, you took off your clothes, avoiding his gaze. You sat nude on his bed, giving him a shy smile.

“Before we start. Let’s have some rules.” Kisuke murmured, cupping your face in the palm of his hand. His thumb ran over your lips as he continued to speak, “I won’t gag you tonight, so think of two words. One to say when you’re hesitant, another to say when you want me to stop.”

You nodded your head, “how about ‘candy’ and ‘rice’?”

Kisuke chuckled, “perfect. How are you feeling now?”

“A bit nervous, but I trust you.”

Kisuke gave you another smile and gently kissed you on the lips. You threw your arms around his neck, pulling him down on to the bed with you. You passionately kissed him back, but he pulled away.

“I want you to put your arms behind you and spread your legs.” You nodded and complied with his requests. You held your breath in as you felt him secure your arms together, forcing your chest out.

“Can you flex your fingers?” Kisuke asked, as you easily moved your fingers. Your wrists were tied securely, but not to the point of damage.

Kisuke moved down your body, kissing different parts as he placed and secured your body. Your legs were bounded to the corners of the bed, but there was still more rope. Kisuke took the remaining piece and snapped it, inspecting it with great detail, before locking eyes with you. He gave you a mischievous smirk as he made knots to the rope, then tying them between your breasts, with the final piece… your eyes widened as you watched his hand reach down between your legs.

“CANDY!” You shouted, forcing Kisuke to stop.

“What’s wrong?” Embarrassment filled you as Kisuke looked at you with concern.

“I just needed a bit of a breather” you murmured, eyes casting downwards. “Can I have another kiss?” You asked.

Kisuke chuckled, “just a kiss?” watching you avoid his gaze. But he steadied himself between your legs and kissed you deeply on the lips. He slowly pulled away, watching you try to catch your breath. “May I continue?” Kisuke asked, kissing you gently on your forehead.

You took another deep breath, but looked straight at him, “yes.”

Kisuke nodded and firmly held the rope and placed it between your wet folds. His eyes were concentrated, although you swore you briefly saw a flash of appreciation. You whimpered as the red rope rubbed your clit, while Kisuke secured it back to your tied arms.

Kisuke moved away from the bed. You blushed deeply as you saw him gaze at your body with such intensity. He wasn’t appreciating his handiwork, but you. His lust-blown grey eyes were feeding off every inch of your body, and the ropes and bindings amplified your breasts, thighs and ass that drove him mad.

“Urahara-san…” you murmured, flexing your fingers and toes as your body relished at the feeling of being bounded like this.

“Please, call me Kisuke.” He smiled at you fondly.

“Kisuke, can I try something else with you?” You asked, trying to arch your body to get a better look at him.

He gave you a sly smile. “I think I know what it is you want to try.”

You gulped as he began to slide his samue off his shoulders, revealing broad shoulders and chest, and firm abdomen, with hair leading down beneath his pants. You licked your lips as you watched his hand hover the drawstring of his pants, before he undid them, pushing aside his briefs, leaving him as nude as you.

Kisuke grabbed his cock, as he lazily pumped himself, watching you stare at him. You weren’t shy about it at all, with the way your eyes were glazed, licking your lips fervently. He climbed back into bed and straddled your face between his legs, his cock hovering just above your lips.

“This is what you wanted to try, yes?” He asked, amusement filling his voice. You nodded your head and opened your mouth, sucking the tip of his cock with enthusiasm.

Kisuke smiled and patted your hair as you tried to take him deeper. With your arms behind your back, your legs bounded, your upper body strength was limited. Kisuke threaded his fingers in your hair, gently holding your scalp as he guided you further down his length. He let out an appreciative groan, moaning your name as you took him to the base.

Then he pulled you away, watching strands of your saliva link you to his erection. Your breathing was heavy, but you looked up at him with an intense wanton look. Kisuke smirked at the sight, grabbing his cock and gently tapping your face and lips with it.

“Are you a greedy slut for any cock? Or just mine.”

You tried to swipe your tongue on his cock each time it came close to your lips, whining when he would pull it away from you.

“Yours!” You whined again, as you tried to make your body move forward to taste him again.

“So honest,” he laughed, a fiendish smile appearing on his face, “but since you answered honestly, you get a reward.” To which he placed his cock back on your lips, and you happily took him again. You moaned around him as he guided you down his cock again but winced when his grip tightened.

Your eyes rolled as you felt him slam his cock down your throat, fucking you with your face. But without warning, he let go, your head falling back to the bed as he slapped your face with his saliva-covered cock.

Kisuke didn’t say anything as he moved back down your body. He roughly grabbed and massaged your breasts, pinching your nipples before taking turns to suck on each one. His mind already wandered to the kinds of devices he’ll have on hand to clamp them next time.

Kiss after kiss, nip after nip, Kisuke traveled down to your sopping wet pussy. Your juices soaked the rope to a deeper red.

“My, my, you really are a rope slut aren’t you.” Kisuke teased, gently tugging the rope, earning more moans from you. He hooked a finger under the piece of rope to see your slick, dripping cunt. He immediately kissed your clit, lapping at it with fervor. He traced his finger around your wet hole, satisfied with how wet you were. You were crying out his name, bucking your hips, but the ropes provided little relief.

Kisuke stopped his ministrations, as he felt your legs quiver and body tense. Your orgasm was approaching, but he wanted to savour you for longer. He lifted his head and looked down at you. Your body was now covered in bite marks, and deep red markings from where the rope had shifted in place.

You were magnificent, and all his.

“Princess, do you want me to continue?” He asked, as he caressed your saliva and tear covered cheek.

“Yes, please Kisuke.”

He pulled the piece of rope aside from your pussy and lined his cock to your entrance. In one swift thrust, he entered you, moaning your name as you tightened around him.

With heavy-lidded eyes, Kisuke relished the feeling of you around him. You felt so full on the other hand. Although you were soaking wet, your sensitive pussy felt stretched full from his heavy, thick cock. Kisuke shuddered as you tightened again, as he began to slowly roll his hips.

But before you could get used to it, Kisuke stopped and pulled away.

“Kisuke, please!” You begged, confused as to why he stopped so suddenly. His cock was still erect and now covered in your juices. Without so much a word, he moved down to your legs, undoing the bindings. Yet before you could flex and roll your feet, he flipped you over on the bed.

“Keep your legs together, my dear.” Kisuke instructed, to which you obeyed. You felt the rope now wrapped around your ankles as he tied them together, but he also undid the rope slipped between your pussy and ass.

Hovering above you, Kisuke spread your ass cheeks apart, seeing the puckered hole. He would have another device ready for your ass for another time, tonight your pussy was the sole focus of his “research.”

He pushed his cock through your pussy again, earning another moan from you. Kisuke didn’t pause like last time though, he immediately began thrusting in and out of your pussy, his hips snapping against you.

Letting go of your bottom, Kisuke reached forward and grabbed your hair, pulling you back. He smirked as he watched your eyes roll, a small trickle of drool escaping your lips as you moaned his name.

Kisuke’s thrusts were relentless as he quickened his pace. He pushed his body weight on top of you, every so often lifting himself up to spank your bottom. Your mind was in a frenzy, as you felt something play with your clit, while having Kisuke fill your pussy continuously. You were lost to the pleasure, as Kisuke pulled orgasms out of your body as if he knew exactly where to push your limit. You also felt the faint pressure of his thumb near your asshole, but the simultaneous sensations from your clit and his cock clouded your mind.

Kisuke smirked as his thumb pushed its way into your ass, you moaned again. You turned your head to look at him, but Kisuke grabbed your head and pushed you down into the mattress, increasing his thrusts.

Your eyes rolled again as another orgasm ripped through your body. The obscene sound of Kisuke’s cock stuffing your pussy filled your ears, along with his pants and moans. You vaguely felt him shudder, pulling himself out of your sore pussy. You whined at the loss, before you felt hot splatter land on your pussy and ass, and the familiar pressure of his thumb and another finger pushing his cooling cum into your ass and pussy.

Closing your eyes, you felt Kisuke’s hand over your own arms, as the ropes slide off your body. He gently massaged your wrists and ankles, kissing them tenderly. Your body was sore, as your eyes fluttered to stay awake.

“I should…” you murmured, struggling to get up, “go home.”

Kisuke patted your head gently whispering your name softly, “you’re in no shape to go home. You’re staying the night.”

“Too much” you yawned, “trouble for you, Kisuke?”

Kisuke gave you a teasing smile, “no trouble for me.” His hands wandered down your ass, giving them a soft squeeze, “but you can ‘thank’ me in the morning.”

You yawned again, as sleep began to fill your mind, “you really are…” you mumbled, as Kisuke tucked himself next to you, wrapping his arms around your body, “a handsome, perverted businessman.” You murmured into his chest.

“I said I was honest too.” He laughed, kissing the top of your head, but you were already asleep.

Oh well, Kisuke thought. His mind racing at all the other things you two could try together.

Wow, finally. We're nearing the end. Took me 3 months to write 15 chapters, jesus lol.

The chapter title on AO3 is from Desire's song, "Under Your Spell," but I was also listening to Kensuke Ushio's "Supernatural Power" as well while writing the latter half of this chapter.

I struggled with this prompt at first. The original plan for this prompt was WILDLY different. I was originally thinking of humiliation where Kisuke is being humiliated, but my sister and I were talking about this, how do you humiliate someone who is... pretty much shameless? It was hard for me to grasp.

The first draft I wrote for this prompt was something along the lines where Kisuke is a serial cheater on reader. I do plan on posting that one, but more as a one-shot with possibly no smut. I'm still undecided lol.

Thanks for your patience and for reading! The final chapter is AIZEN!!!!!!!

[breelandwalker]

The biggest thing I wish I could get through the heads of my employers is that Just Because I Am Good At Something Does Not Mean I Enjoy Doing It.

I am AMAZING at phone work and customer service. I have a skill for talking to people and making them happy and getting information across in a concise and useful fashion. And I FUCKING HATE DOING IT.

I'm great at troubleshooting and problem-solving. I'm very good at recognizing potential problems ahead of time and suggesting probable solutions. I'm excellent at recognizing patterns over time that could lead to either solvable problems or useful trends. And I FUCKING HATE DOING IT. (Mostly because no one ever listens.)

Meanwhile, my ACTUAL TALENT lies in writing, but I'm given so few opportunities to use it in my 9-5 that it may as well not exist as far as my employers are concerned. And then in my reviews, I get told that I need to "rise to more challenges" and "work outside my comfort zone" in order to get any sort of career advancement. (Nevermind that all the career advancement available to me involves going into a manager role, which is firmly NOT one of my talents.)

The problem here is not that I need to rise to whatever imaginary challenge they're alluding to, but that I'm not being given a challenge that I CAN rise to with the actual talents I possess. "Working outside my comfort zone" just means "try and do stuff you're bad at and then fail."

How about instead of "put everyone on the same career track and then wonder why it don't work, try "give your employees work they're suited for, instead of wasting talented people on phone work that literally anyone can do"?

(can i PLEASE make enough money to be a fulltime professional witch now?)

[sillyhanako]

୧﹒cw﹕kaiser x gn!reader, established relationship, reader knows kaiser before the neo egoist league

୧﹒wc﹕706

ー﹕m.list﹐

As the final whistle pierced the air, signaling the end of an intense battle, the players collapsed onto the ground, utterly spent yet undeniably satisfied. Their bodies ached, but their spirits soared, having pushed themselves to the brink in pursuit of victory. With weary smiles, they exchanged glances —an strengthened bond forged in the heat of competition and shared struggle.

but none of that mattered to you right now. you were beyond spent, you wished nothing but rest. Oh how your bed looks so charming right now... the match felt like a warzone with everyone fighting each other, regardless of whether they were allies or opponents. They were all driven by their egos, each trying to score a goal and be the center of attention.

Sure, you are one of those players, but we don't talk about that - The only goal on your mind was to muster up every last bit of your energy to make your way to your room, and the blue lock layout did not make it easier - seriously, at this point it should be called the Blue Maze! But alas, you managed to feel the welcoming embrace of your chamber once again. However, you must resist the temptation! You reek of sweat, and staying any second longer drenched like this will drive you mad. A shower could solve all of your problems.

Stepping under the hot water, a wave of warmth enveloped you, soothing your sore muscles and washing away the fatigue from the match. The steam curled around you, creating a soft veil that blurred the shower glass. Closing your eyes, you let the hot water cascade over your head, down your back, and pool around your feet. It felt like a much-needed reset, each droplet rinsing away the remnants of competition and reviving your spirit.

After ensuring that you only smelled your favorite scent, you put on a matching black robe that KAISER

had bought for the both of you. As you dried your hair, you scrolled through Instagram posts, casually liking your teammates close friends' only stories.

Finally resting on your bed was supposed to be a euphoric feeling, but you can't help but feel like something's missing, the bed feels way too empty for your liking. You gotta do something about this...

Knock. knock.

"Ness, i told you to leave me alo-"

"Open na noor."

you werent left standing as in mere seconds the door opened, he only knew one person who would knock at his door forty five minutes after the match ended, and it was you. It was opened with a kaiser that was smiling softly at you, a contrast to his previous sour demeanor.

"Ah [name]? What a pleasant suprise, but you usually text me before coming over, no?"

he opened the door wider and stepped aside for you to come in. The room smelled just like his signature fragrance, and they way its customized just screams him, he has his laptop open playing today's match, a casual routine for him to improve his performance.

You ploped down head first into the mattress with his scent filling up your wind pipes, his pillows were all too familiar. you finally knew what was the missing piece that kept you restless, him.

Its safe to say you both reached a point in your relationship were you couldnt sleep without eachother. " my phones almost out of charge, you dont mind right? " you looked up at his form who was going in a beeline towards you "what do you mean i dont mind? weve been together for 3 years im more than okay with your presence besides mine." He knew by your tone what you wanted at this moment.

so he got over his side of the bed (even though its technically his bed) and gently lifted the blanket over your legs and pulled it over the both of you. Its was usually you who spoons him, hugging him to your chest while you scratched his head but perhaps it was fine to swipe the roles from time to time, taking turns pampering the other person sounded nice. however right now youd like to preserve the thinking for an other time and instead enjoy nuzzling into your boyfriend's chest.

© 2025 sillyhanako ━ do not copy, steal, or reupload my works. Thanks!

[wutheringcaterpillar]

Hi! I’m wondering if you would be willing to write a fic where the snobby wife of Emmett or Lenny wants to have a surrogate with an advanced method (which he agreed to because he’s faithful to his wife), instead of having a baby of their own because the wife didn’t want to ruin their body. While they’re searching for the candidate, they found Y/N and the wife didn’t want her as the surrogate, but he doesn’t give a damn and wants her to be the surrogate the traditional way which he didn’t care if it ruins his marriage.

Summary: The neighbor who plays games through the window happens to be a more than willing candidate to solve one of Lenny’s many marriage problems. Warnings: age gap (reader is 20), breeding kink, surrogacy, cheating (kinda), surrogacy, a fucked marriage, slight lactation kink mentioned

Thank you for the request! This is my first Lenny fic, hope you enjoy ❤️

The Millers had been married for nearly two years, Lenny’s wife Marsha was a force to be reckoned with. She owned her own catering business and after a year or two it took off and she began to bring in money, not being so kind to the potential customers that couldn’t afford her “top tier” service.

Sitting in the kitchen Lenny was enjoying his morning coffee (black of course), and ignoring the screeching sound of Marsha complaining about every thing under the sun, as if she didn’t always get her way.

Lenny swore that if breathed even remotely in her vicinity, she would get pissed off. There had been talks of a baby but with Marsha being infertile, the only option on the table was surrogacy.

Lenny already had a contender in mind, someone he’s had his eyes on for quite some time.

Ending the phone call she was on, she turned to her husband with curious look on her face. Funny how her mood changes as soon as she wants something from him.

“Did you find anyone yet dear? I haven’t had much luck.” Matter of fact he did, but whether or not she was going to agree was a different conversation that he could already presume the answer.

“Well what about Y/N? She’s young and in her twenties. She’d be great” His wife glanced at him with an incredulous look of disgust.

“The twenty year old across the street? Absolutely not, she’s a stuck up prissy little whore. Always walking around in those horrendous shorts and crop tops. I want our child to be sophisticated and wise not a bimbo Lenny. Find someone else.” His wife had never taken the time to get to know you the way he did. Rolling his eyes, he glanced across the street, seeing you sprawled out in the grass laying on your stomach reading a book on this hot summer day.

Lenny had wanted you for a long time now. There had been a continuation of stolen glances, innocent flirtatious banter. 

Unbenknownst to his wife, he spent an endless amount of time staring out the window, watching you put on a show for him trying on different lingerie, playing with your breasts and touching yourself. 

You were a delicacy he craved to indulge in.

Hearing the car door slam, he waited for his wife to be out of sight before walking over to your property, his tall silhouette blocking the sun and forming a shadow of your reading.

Glancing up, you lowered your sunglasses and purposefully propped your ass up. A mischievous smile smearing across your face.

“Mr. Miller! Can I assist you with something? ” You batted your eyelashes playfully before closing the engorging old novel. He took note you were reading the classical “The Great Gatsby.” He was always a fan of seeing young readers indulging in works of early literature.

“Actually you can, may we go inside and have a chat?” Giggling and smirking, you nodded for him to follow you into the house, offering him a drink in the process and insisting that he take a seat.

A part of you was curious what this handsome, impeccably clean man could want from you, was it sex? An affair? Maybe he was leaving his wife. 

“So what do I owe the pleasure Mr. Miller?” He folded his leg on top of the other, trying to hide the fact you didn’t call him Lenny or Leonard turned him on immensely. He tried not to stare at your ass as you reached for a glass on the top shelf of your kitchen, but your cheeks were nearly falling out at this point. Fuck how he’s tried to be a good husband, but the way Marsha has been lately, the caring aspect of his marriage was dwindling into nothing.

“Allow me to start of by saying you have a beautiful place. My wife actually, she wants to have a baby but she’s infertile. I was wondering if you’d want to do the honors? I know it’s a lot to ask, a lot to put your body through but-Oh!” His words diminished when you set the glass of water down and kicked apart his legs, placing your knee firmly against his growing shaft causing his breath to hitch in his throat.

“You want to put a baby in me? Is that it?” His crystal blue eyes seemed to wander to your cleavage that was sitting blatantly in front of his face. Tipping his chin up, demanding his eye contact you grazed your hand over his upper arm, gripping at the muscular tone of his bicep instead sending chills down his spine as he withheld a moan.

“Eyes are up here sweetheart…” His heart palpitated in his chest, arousal building as his brain went haywire from the alluring lock of yours eyes. Scanning and searching the older man with interest and  before taking his hand and settling it on the cushion of your boob.

“Ye-yes but not, not the injection way. I want to fuck you, I’ve been wanting to fuck you. We may have to do it a few times just to- to make sure it takes.” He gulped desperately, not even noticing the massaging movement of his hand on your breast.

Pulling away with a playful grin, you passed him his glass of water and returned to the sink when you noticed his wife’s car pull back into the driveway.

“How are you going to convince your wife? I know she hates me.”

Lenny chugged his glass, wiping at the sweat building at the nape of his neck, what he wouldn’t do to take you here, right over this god damn table. Standing from his seat, he held a firm stance and tucked his hands in his pockets.

“I can be very persuasive. I’ll be back in a few hours. Don’t play with that pretty little pussy until I’m here, got it?” You nodded playfully at his demand and motioned for him to go.

Walking back to his house, Marsha was standing in the doorway leaning on the frame with fury in her eyes, but Lenny wasn’t having any if it.

Shoving past his wife, she began yelling obscenities, demanding to know why he was in your fucking house after she made it perfectly clear you weren’t an option.

He put her complaints to a hault, turning around and pointing his finger directly in her face.

“I’ve been more than willing to give you what you want but it’s about time that I get what I want. Don’t act like I don’t know about the emails with Steven or that you’ve been racking up debt with my credit cards. Let’s not forget I work for the god damn CIA, I’m not a fool like you make me out to be I think it’s only fair sweetheart. I will be fucking her, and you will agree or you won’t be getting a fucking baby. Not from me.” She stood there mouth agape left speechless. If she thought she had an upper hand she was sadly mistaken. Before she could protest Lenny simply raised an eyebrow before heading back across the street.

He’d taken his wife’s shit for far too long and it ends here regardless of possibly jeopardizing his marriage.

Bursting through the door with a pit of fire in his stomach, when he heard the shower running he ran up the stairs, patience non existent.

Ripping open the shower curtain, his sapphire eyes settled on your soapy body, causing you to scream from the sudden surprise. Before you had a chance to say anything he was stepping to the shower, drenching his close while he closed the distance and pressed your wet body against the wall, locking his lips with yours instantly taking your breath away while embracing the hot water drenching him.

He smelt of teakwood and mint, so alluring and consuming as your hands tangled in the strands of his once well combed hair, nails dragging and pushing his lips in closer, tongues intertwining and swirling in profound desire lust.

“I’m glad you made it to me, gonna breed me hm? Knock me up with your baby.” 

“Going til fill you to the brim over and over again til that tummy is plump.”

Dropping to your knees and undoing his zipper, you released his cock, eyes going wide with excitement when the eager member popped out, merely slapping against his abdomen.

Lenny knew he was big but he was mature and grateful about it and all he could think about was stretching that tight little pussy.

Gripping the shaft, your hand moved swiftly and slowly around the girth of his cock, massaging the sensitive skin before your lips enveloped the head os his cock.

An exasperated gasp escaped Lenny’s lips at the sudden warmth and slippery slope of your hallowed cheeks.

You moaned around his length, staring up at him with lustful eyes from your kneeling position. 

“Such a dirty girl.” He moved the strands of hair from the front of your face, locking the laces inbetween his digits watching you swallow his length fully, mascara flowing messily down your cheeks.

You were such a sight for sore eyes, he could feel his heart palpitate in his chest seeing you in such a vulnerable position bobbing your head up and down. If he stayed like this he wouldn’t last very long.

Lifting you up, he carried you into the bedroom, laying you down before aligning his cock with your dripping cunt, sliding inside of your tight walls effortlessly.

The sight of your flawless, young, nude body on didplay for him so up close and personal, sent a thrill up his spine, peaking his arousal.

Your nipples glowed in the sunlight, back arching in desperation from the stretch of him, your walls clenching to his every inch.

“You are indisputably insatiable.” He breathed out as your fingers trailed down his chest before pulling down by his neck into a fruitful kiss.

He pumped in and out of you relatively slowly, wanting to relish in the moment, focusing on your warmth squeezing his shaft, aching purely for him.

The feeling of disbelief that this was actually happening still fluttering around your mind as he stuffed you.

“Fuck me Lenny. I mean really fuck me.” He scanned your needing eyes, raising an eyebrow questioning whether or not your body could handle it.

“Don’t hold back, I need you to consume me, own me, right…now.”

Placing his hands on your thighs, he pulled your body down slamming you down onto his cock, bottoming out in your alluring sex.

“Oh! Fuck!” You bit down on your bottom lip from the feeling of being so full, making direct eye contact with his charismatic blue eyes as he fucked you relentlessly. Your boobs bouncing up and down ferociously fast with each power driven thrust.

“Can’t wait to see that tummy full with my baby, can’t wait to fuck you when your boobs are leaking milk and you’re begging to be fucked more than you are now. Fuck..” Beads of sweat formed at his temple, hair falling in front of his face while his eyes darkened, the animalistic sexual instincts kicking in. Your hands grasped at his shoulder, grinding down against his bush needing more and more, your pussy throbbing from the constant brushing of his cock against your clit. He was an experienced man and it was quite clear he knew how to pleasure a woman, turning you on even more.

“Fuck, fuck Lenny…wanna- wanna feel your seed- wanna-need to-“ Your words faltered as you crumbled beneath him, his eyes never leaving yours, noting the visible sexual distress you were in.

The sound of your desperate voice moaning his name making him pulsate inside you, he was on the edge, so close to cumming but he was a man of honor and determined to get you off first.

Lifting your legs, he placed your ankles around his shoulders, rutting into you, balls slapping against the bare of your skin.

His cock smacked against your cervix with each movement in this position. You wouldn’t last long, especially with his intimidating yet attractive stare. A man had never been so focused on you and your pleasure during sex until now.

“Want my baby in you? Want to feel my cum drenching that pretty pussy, hm?” Your lips parted, mouth falling open when your body convulsed, back arching as your orgasm approached very sneakily.

“Yes! Yes! Give me what your wife can’t fucking have…fuck, I’m going to fucking cum Lenny I’m..” Your breaths became staggered, moans becoming louder as your ankles locked behind his neck, toes curling at the anticipating high.

“Go on darling, cum for me, cum on my cock while I put a baby in you. Show me how much you needed me.” Within seconds your walls came tumbling down, your core shaking from the intensity of the euphoric, palpable orgasm.

Lenny watched as you come undone beneath him, and with one last detrimental thrust, you felt his cock pulsating and the pool of his seed coating your inner walls, rushing straight to your uterus.

He fell down on the bed beside you as you both tried to steady your breathing.

Glancing over at one another in a heated craze, he kissed you once more with profound passion.

“Water break?” You gulped, unsure if your overstimulated cunt could take it. Within twenty minutes you were right back at it.

The following weeks he continued to fuck you, wanting to ensure the chance of pregnancy to just get his wife to shut the fuck up about having a baby. She didn’t have to like who it was with, she should have been grateful that he would even give her what she wanted most, that you would help even though you both knew this was a selfish arrangement but then again, Marsha was the quern of selfishness.

Within a month you’d notice your period never showed. After taking three tests, you were stunned to read the results. 

Changing into an outfit you knew would piss his wife off, you skipped across the street with the tests in hand.

Knocking at the door with a wide grin on your face, to your surprise Marsha answered her smile turning into a deceitful frown when she saw the positive pregnancy sticks in your hand.

“Who’s at the door I’m expecting-“ Lenny’s words came to a hault when he witnessed the scene, his wife’s head turning back to face him in anger and resentment but he didn’t feel the least bit sorry, instead wanting Marsha to feel how she often made him feel, like shit.

“Well you’ve got what you wanted didn’t you? Go on thank Y/N for being such a kind service.” Through gritted teeth and possibly the fakest smile you’d ever seen she thanked you unwillingly kindly for being a such a big help. Forever knowing her husband fucked the neighbor girl, and that would not be the last time that her husband would be over there, regardless of the original arrangement.

[holylulusworld]

SHG for killers (1) - The first meeting

Summary: 6 men meet up to talk about their problems. They soon realize they need someone to help them solve their problems. This person is you. Whether you like it or not.

Pairing: Steve Kemp x fem!Reader, Lloyd Hansen x fem!Reader, Robert Pronge (Mr. Freezy) x fem!Reader, Andy Barber x fem!Reader, God, the bounty hunter x fem!Reader, Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of murder/killing for money, serial killers/hitmen, mentions of blood/gore, talk about crimes, self-help group for killers/hitmen, world building, we get to know the men first

Self-help group for killers masterlist

“IT STINGS!” His screams of pain and agony echo in Lloyd Hansen’s mind when he wakes from another restless slumber.

He’s a stone-cold mercenary. Merciless and fearless. Or he was. That was until a certain former CIA lapdog pissed onto everything Lloyd stands for. It doesn’t help that he lost two fingers while hunting Six down.

“Bastard,” he curses under his breath as his eyes focus on his hand mutilation. “Still miss my pussy fingers,” Lloyd grumbles angrily. “Wait until I find you, Sierra Six. You’re a dead man; you just don’t know it yet.”

He closes his eyes, replaying the scene again. Lloyd grits his teeth, remembering how he got into a grapple with Six, who blew off Lloyd's left pinkie and ring finger.

The finger prosthetics don’t make him feel better. Sierra’s win over him, the loss of his fingers and reputation, still stings. His self-confidence and ego were not only bruised but torn in two.

For months, he fails mission after mission. His team is long gone, and so is his patience. Lloyd is angry and out for blood. Preferable Sierra Six’s blood.

He tried anything to find the renegade assassin. So far, he didn’t even find a trace. Sierra Six is a master at hiding from his enemies. Lloyd gives him that.

“One day, you’ll pay for what you did.”

“No drugs. No contact with other offenders. No missing an appointment,” Ransom’s probation officer recites all the rules he must follow. “Mr. Drysdale, did you even listen?”

“All of you are telling me the same thing.” Ransom sneers. “You’re the fifth guy in not four months. I know the rules.” He leans back in the uncomfortable and cheap chair the probation officer offered him. “All of you try to get me behind bars again; I get it. You’re pissed because I got out earlier than everyone expected.”

“Mr. Drysdale,” the probation officer replies, watching Ransom munch another cookie. “I really don’t have the time to make plans to get you behind bars again. That’s not in my job description. If you don’t have any problems, we can end the meeting for today.”

“Shit, just a sec.” Robert doesn’t have the time to talk to his ex today. “Listen, you got the money and the car. Let’s part on good terms.” He’s poorly hiding his anger. If she says one more word, he’ll sneak into her new apartment and kill her and the bastard who’s banging her brains out now. “I got a job to do.”

Robert hangs up the phone. He’s not done with the body yet. The client wants proof that her husband is dead. She’s a naughty one, Robert thinks to himself while getting the saw out. Well, all for customer satisfaction.

The doctor is not happy. He tried anything to make sure his business was flowing. Sadly, some people try to stop him from being successful.

“You had to cross me, didn’t you?" He looks down at his former partner and sneers. “We could’ve made so much money. But you had to find your conscience.”

Steve kicks the dead man, grunting as he’s bleeding on the brand-new carpet at his office. Killing his partner wasn’t in his plans for today. It’s not the first time he got his hand dirty.

If Steve were honest, he’d admit that he likes to get his hands dirty. As a doctor, he should save other people’s lives, not take them. Still, he can’t help but feel excited about his latest decision.

Watching the family grieve over the death of their recently killed father and husband, God furrows his brows. He never understood human emotions. The man he killed was a tyrant. He betrayed his business partners, terrorized his family, and cheated on his wife.

The man remains in his hideout to watch the family and friends mourn their loss. Lately, he likes to stick around to watch their reaction. Some scream. Others silently cry.

God likes the ones who put on a show for others the most. He did so all his life. Pretending in public that he’s a normal guy.

The truth is, he feels hollow because he never belonged...

Andy Barber steps out of the courtroom with his head held high. He won another case and can’t help but smirk as his opponent seems to be salty.

“Barber,” the prosecutor says, venom in his voice. “Congratulations on letting another monster go free.”

“If you wanted them in jail,” Andy says, and he dips his head to watch his client smirk at the victims of his cruelty, “you should’ve been a better lawyer.”

Andy walks toward his client, a spring in his step to shake the monster’s hand. He smirks and assures the man he deserves to walk out of the courtroom as a free man. Andy squeezes the man’s hand hard, making him wince. Who would’ve thought a lawyer could be so strong?

The serial rapist ends up dead after the accused was acquitted for lack of evidence. Lloyd recites the newspaper. “I see you’ve been very active lately, Barber. Do I need to remind you to keep it low?”

“No one asked you,” Andy shoots back. He doesn’t know why he’s still coming to the so-called self-help group. Andy doesn’t feel guilty for killing his clients. Who else would punish them for their crimes? “They had a choice, Hansen. It wasn’t me letting him go.”

“He’s not wrong,” Ransom says between munching a cookie and sipping on the expensive mochaccino he bought on his way to the group. “Barber got a point there.”

“Who asked you, amateur?” Robert sneers. He just can’t stand Barber or Drysdale. They are not worth his time, or so he thinks. He’s fine with Hansen and the guy calling himself God. They are like him—professionals. “I don’t even know why you, Mr. Lawyer, are here.”

“I invited them,” Hansen grunts. “If you want to leave, you can go anytime. I founded this group, not you.”

“Man, stop making a fuss!” Pronge shows his palms. “I only wanted to point out that they are not professionals. What if the cops find out about their hobby? What if they decide to get a deal and rat us out?”

Lloyd snorts. He looks at the black leather glove hiding his prosthetic fingers. “No one rats Lloyd Hansen out. We all agreed on complete secrecy. What we discuss here stays within this room.”

Andy rubs his bearded chin. Coming to the group to talk about the crimes he committed helped him improve. Lloyd and God even gave him advice on how to make his crimes look like accidents. “I’m going to therapy now,” he admits. “Not to talk about my hobby, though.”

“Therapy, huh?” Lloyd taunts, while Ransom smirks. God and Robert busy themselves with checking their phones for new clients. “I hope you’re not talking about our little group with the doctor.”

Steve sneers. “Don’t call these incompetent wannabes doctors. They are by all means nothing but pathetic losers trying to tell you how to live your life.”

“No one asked you, Dr. Frankenstein,” Ransom snaps at Steve. “Did you work on some nice asses and tits lately?”

“Shut up,” Steve jumps up, knocking his chair over. “At least I got a job, and I don’t live off my family’s money.”

“Shut up yourself!” Ransom puts his cookies aside and throws the rest of his mochaccino at Steve.

“Gentlemen!” Lloyd yells at Steve and Ransom. “We come here to talk about our problems and help each other improve. I didn’t come here, freezing my ass off on the way to watch you fight like girls over the latest fashion trend.”

“The therapy helps me more than coming here,” Andy raises his voice. “Your advice was good, but I think I’ll stick to her.”

The men stop fighting and stare at Andy.

“Her?” Lloyd licks his lips. “You’ve got a pretty little doctor for your therapist? Why didn’t you tell us before? We would’ve been all ears.”

“Why does this make a difference?” Andy cocks a brow. “She’s got a good reputation and listens to me. I talked to her for months, and she never pressured me into talking about my family.”

“Boohoo, your wife killed your murderous son and is as dead as your latest victim,” Lloyd mocks Andy. “Let’s talk about that pretty ass you’re seeing. Show us her reputation and shit.”

“Why?” Andy sighs deeply. He knew it was a mistake to talk about you and your sessions.

“For science,” Lloyd grins and snatches the phone out of Andy’s hand. Before Andy can protest, Lloyd throws the phone at God, nodding at him. “Unlock it, and look for the doc.”

Steve rolls his eyes. He didn’t come here to talk about some therapist. “Can we go back to business? Barber has a therapist. Maybe he even bangs her. Who cares?”

“Bangs her?” That picked Lloyd’s interest. “Not the worst idea. Maybe as a new version of therapy. Fuck all the bad memories out of her sweet cunt.”

“Got it,” God says and throws the phone at Lloyd. Y/N Y/L/N,” he recites your address and contact information. “She looks cute.”

“Cute?” Ransom laughs. “I didn’t know the word cute is in your vocabulary. Show me.” Ransom walks toward Lloyd to look at the phone in his hands. “Not bad. Hey Barber, does she have a cute ass too?”

“Why are we talking about some woman? If our meeting is over, I’ll go back to business,” Steve says as he gets up. He wants to walk past Lloyd but glances at the phone. “Hmm…I’ve seen her before.”

Steve snatches the phone out of Lloyd’s hands. He looks at the pictures of you, licking his lips.

“Stop stalking my therapist,” Andy angrily says. “Can I get my phone back now?”

“I remember now,” Steve exclaims while staring at your pictures. “She accompanied one of her patients. They wanted surgery, but she talked them out of it. I hated her.” He shrugs.

“I bet she’s an uptight little doctor,” Lloyd muses. His smirk darkens as he looks at the men he brought together around two years ago. “Barber, did you already have a taste? I bet she tastes like strawberries.”

“Hansen, that is enough,” Andy grumbles. He snatches the phone out of Lloyd’s hands and turns to leave. “This was a waste of time!”

“Not to me.” Lloyd clenches and unclenches his fists. “I think I found something that will help us improve as a group. You all came here to talk about your problems and to get better at what you’re doing. I think this sweet doctor will be a big help.

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[inmyicyworld]

Jersey

College! Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Natasha’s idea of getting a jersey with Bucky’s name turned out to be much better than you expected.

Words count: 3.2k

Warnings: established relationships, SMUT, unprotected sex (but they’re both safe and clean), dirty talk, sex in the locker room, a lot of pet names, Bucky is needy and caring, he’s deeply in love.

Author’s note: hey everyone! thank you for your feedback on my last posts, it means a lot to me. so this is my first smut, and I hope you’ll enjoy it. (I became creative with that photo of the red jersey because I couldn’t find a perfect picture, so I edited it for like half an hour😭)

I have many ideas for my future works, but you have something interesting in mind, feel free to write me about it. Maybe I get some inspiration and create something🩷🦋

*English is not my first language. Sorry if you find any mistakes*

masterlist my ao3 ko-fi

It’s been another game for the "Avengers", where your boyfriend Bucky Barnes was a quarterback. Today was one of the most important games against "Hydra" – their biggest enemy. Obviously, you couldn't miss the game, and Natasha, your best friend and roommate, will be with you as always. And right now, she has convinced you to do something that has been on your mind for a long time.

"C’mon, It’ll be fun. He’ll like it, I promise!" She said as you two stood near the place that made custom t-shirts with any prints. And at this moment, Natasha wanted you to order a jersey with Bucky’s number and his name on it.

"I don’t know, Nat. I mean, I want to do it, but what if he thinks that it’s too much?" You nervously played with the hem of your skirt.

"Now stop it." She stood before you and put her hand on her hips like a mother who was scolding her child. "You’ve been dating for more than a year, and his guy loves you so fucking much that he can’t even tear his eyes from you every time you two are in the same room. So when I tell you that he’ll love it, I mean it." You silently looked at her for a few minutes, but when she questionably raised her eyebrow, you finally gave up.

"Fine, you won. I hate you."

"I love you too, baby." Nat chuckled and dragged you to the store.

It seemed like there were thousands of people because everyone wanted to see one of the most important games of the season. People were already taking their seats, but you and Nat went straight to the locker room to wish the guys good luck. Trainer Fury was very strict about this, and it was forbidden for people not from the team to go there, but for some reason Nat always found a way to solve this problem.

"Guys!" Natasha loudly knocked at the door. "Are all of you already dressed up? I’m not in the mood to see somebody’s ass today!"

"Come in!" You heard Thor’s loud voice.

"Oh, I see our support group is here." As soon as you two walked in, Sam ended up between you and Nat and threw his hands over your shoulders, leading you deeper into the room. "Barnes will be here soon; don’t worry."

"Okay. Are you guys ready to beat their asses?" You smiled and looked at the almost entire team that had come to see you and Nat.

"Don’t worry, Sweets, we’ll win, as always." Tony answered you while he was cleaning his helmet. "But you should tell your boyfriend to stay away from Rumlow, or else he’ll be suspended again. By the way, is that jersey with his name?" You quietly nodded as the whole team made an impressive ‘woo’ together.

"You two are disgustingly sweet, you know that?" Sam rolled his eyes, and at the same time, the door slammed. "It’s him; go give him some kisses for luck."

"Shut up, Samuel." You laughed and left their little circle to find Bucky looking at his phone. "Don’t you want to say hi, James?" He moved his eyes to you, and his face immediately lit up with happiness.

"I just wanted to text you." He threw his phone on the bench and came closer to wrap his arms around you. "Hi, doll. I missed you so much today." He mumbled into your neck.

"I missed you too, Buck." You smiled when your heart filled with all the love you had for that man. "But wait, I have to show you something." You slipped out of his hands, excited and nervous at the same time. "Look what I’ve got!" You happily turned around to show Bucky your back and flipped your hair to the side so he could see everything better. "Do you like it?"

You had a big red jersey on you, to which Bucky didn't even pay attention at first. But when you turned around, his mouth went dry and his whole body became fuzzy. You had his number 17 and the word "Barnes" on your back. You were wearing his name.

For a few seconds, he was silent. He didn't answer your answer either, so with confusion written on your face, you faced him again, only to see a weird look on his face.

"What? You don't like it? Should I take this off? I'm sorry…" You started to apologize, only to be interrupted by his low voice.

"Don't you dare take this off, Y/N." He suddenly came closer to you again, and the next thing you knew, your back was slapped against the metal lockers when Bucky’s lips attacked you. He kissed you passionately and deeply, pressing his body against yours as if he was desperate to touch you and feel you closer. You couldn’t hold back the quiet moan that escaped your mouth when he tilted your head with his hand, helping his tongue slip into your mouth.

You thought that you heard the screams of the boys on the other side of the room, but they were really muffled when your head was filled with the thought of your boyfriend’s soft lips and warm skin. Bucky finally broke the kiss, leaving you two catching your breath while he put his forehead on yours and closed his eyes.

"You don’t understand what you’re doing to me. You look so fucking hot in this jersey, I want to fuck you right now." He whispered so only you could hear. "You made me hard, doll." To prove his words, he pushed his hips a little bit closer to you so you could feel the hardness.

"‘M sorry; I didn’t know that you would react like that."

"Hey, Buck, we should already go." Bucky’s grip on your waist became only tighter, when he heard Steve’s voice, and he nuzzled into your neck.

"Give me a minute."

"The game is gonna start soon."

"I said, give me a minute, Steve!" He said it louder. Bucky deeply inhaled, and it was obvious that he just needed some time to calm down.

"Shh, it’s okay, James." You put your hands through his hair because you knew that it would instantly relax him. "You're gonna win this game, right? And without fights." 

"I’ll do everything for you. I just love you so much, doll." He whispered into your neck when his body finally relaxed and he was able to move away from you.

"I love you too, James." He quickly kissed you again before turning around to face the team, who had knowing smirks on their faces.

"You two should get a room." Sam had an annoyed look on his face.

"Don’t worry, Birdbrain, we will. Are you ready for the game, or are you gonna stand here and complain all day?" Bucky winked at you and went out of the room without waiting for the answer from Sam.

"So…" Natasha suddenly appeared near you. "Did you make The White Wolf hard by just wearing a shirt with his name on it?" She grinned, as it was her original plan that worked.

"Oh, shut up!"

The game was tough. Hydra played dirty as always, and Bucky almost got into a fight with Rumlow during the intense moment. You almost jumped out of the seat during the last few minutes of the game, and when "Avengers" finally won, you and Natsha screamed at the top of your lungs.

As soon as the team was done cheering and hugging, Bucky looked at the seat where you were supposed to be but saw only Nat, who pointed at you already standing near the rim. He ran to you with the biggest smile on his face, and when he finally reached you, he crushed his lips into yours.

You didn’t care that many people looked at you, even though you knew that some particular groups of girls would gossip about it for the next week because… well, everyone wanted your boyfriend. You just wrapped your hands around his sweaty neck and pulled him closer to you as far as you could with a fence between you two.

"I’m so proud of you, baby." You whispered into his lips. "You were amazing as always."

"Thank you, doll. I'm happy that you’re here with me." He looked into your eyes as his right thumb rubbed your cheek.

"You know I couldn’t miss your game, especially if it’s that important."

"Mhm, can you… come to the locker room in like twenty minutes?" Bucky nervously licked his lips.

"To the locker room? I thought we were going to celebrate it with the team as always."

"Maybe later, but I’m thinking of something, so come, ‘kay?" He started to go back to the field, but not before giving you another sweet kiss on the lips.

You sat in the cafeteria for about twenty minutes, passionately waiting for the appropriate time to go to the locker room because you really didn’t want to see another naked man that wasn’t your boyfriend. One such experience was enough for you. You asked Nat to come with you, but when you repeated Bucky’s words to her, she just gave you a mysterious smirk and patted you on the shoulder, saying that you better go there alone.

When you finally got there and knocked on the door, you heard only Bucky’s voice, who told you to come in.

"James? What’s going on?" You asked as you came further into the room. It was empty except for Bucky, who came out of nowhere and locked the door. "What are you doing?"

He didn’t answer you; he just crossed the room, kissed you, and pushed your back into the metal lockers, just as he did it a few hours ago. He was greedy, passionate, and a little bit too rough, so you couldn’t keep the moan from escaping your mouth. Bucky’s hands squeezed your hips and then went higher under your jersey.

"Bucky…" You pulled away from the kiss, but he took advantage of it and started kissing your neck. Your eyes rolled back as you squeezed his shoulders and completely forgot everything you wanted to say. He sucked your soft skin into his mouth and even bit you. It was obvious that he desperately wanted to leave dark marks on your neck, but, honestly, you didn’t care. He smelled too good fresh out of the shower, with his bare chest and low-rise gray sweatpants, and his mouth… God, you knew what his mouth could do. "Baby, we can’t do it here."

"We can, and we will." He left your neck and looked at you, leaving only a few inches between your faces. "You can’t imagine how hard it was for me not to bend you over the closest surface when you showed me that fucking shirt. With my name on it? So everyone could see that you’re mine?" Bucky licked his already swollen lips. You pressed your thighs together, feeling how wet you were. He definitely felt that motion because his eyes became darker, and he looked like he was going to devour you at that same place.

"James…" You quietly whimpered, not being able to hold yourself anymore.

"Baby, fuck– doll, I love it when you call me that. You drive me insane." He decided not to lose any more time, so his hands went straight to the button of your jeans. He helped you get out of them, not losing a chance to touch your bare legs. "Now turn around, baby." You heard a deep moan, probably when he saw the back of the shirt again.

"Bucky, please." You whispered when you felt that more juices came out of you. You loved when your boyfriend became needy and possessive.

"Look at you, doll. You're already ready for me, and I haven’t even touched you yet." He said that when he put his hand over your pussy, he probably felt the heat and pulse. "I would’ve eaten you out, but I need you too fucking much, so I promise to do it when we get to my place."

"O-okay, just do something, please." You pushed your ass back and heard a loud, deep moan as soon as you touched Bucky’s hard cock through his pants. You put your hands behind your back to try to push down his clothes, and at the same time, Bucky removed your black thongs.

You felt his hard cock on the bare skin of your ass, the tip already leaking with pre-cum. Bucky squeezed your ass with his hands and moved his hips. His perfectly shaped cock grinded against your wet folds, and you couldn’t stop a whimper from escaping your throat.

"Please, don’t tease me–" You didn’t even finish the sentence when Bucky moved forward and buried himself deep inside of you. The mixture of pain and pleasure washed over you, and you didn’t even realize that you moaned too loudly. He was too perfect, filling you completely and stretching you around him in the most delicious way.

"Sh-h, sweetheart, you don’t want other people to hear you, right?" One of Bucky’s hands slipped under your shirt and laid on your stomach, and the other one covered your mouth, pulling you closer to his chest. "Good girl." He mumbled into your ear when you shook your head.

Bucky pulled away from you, still staying deep inside of your heat, letting you adjust to his size. He put one hand from your mouth on your back, which made you lean forward toward the lockers. The cold metal cooled your hot skin, but it still felt like you were burning inside.

Bucky finally started moving his hips, and the filling of his dick coming in and out of you made you almost faint. You two had sex a million times, but it still amazed you how full and satisfied he made you feel.

"That’s right, doll. You’re so greedy for my dick, huh?" He started to go faster, and you tried to move your body to his rhythm. "Was this your plan? Showing me that fucking jersey, so I could fuck you like a little slut you actually are?" His hand went over your back, tracing letters on your shirt with his fingers, and his motions became harder. In fact, it wasn’t your idea, but you should definitely thank Natasha because you really didn’t expect your boyfriend to become even more obsessed with you.

Your mouth opened in a silent scream, and you clenched around Bucky’s cock, making him moan. "I feel how you’re clenching ‘round me. I know that you like it when I call you my slut. Only mine." 

"Yes, Bucky– James, please." A sudden slap on your right cheek pulled another moan out of you, and Bucky just chuckled, knowing that you’re always loud with him.

"Please what, baby?"

"Let me cum, please– James! I’m so close." You felt too overwhelmed with pleasure, not even realizing that you started crying when his fingers moved to your clit, drawing little circles there.

"Fuck, one day I’m gonna make you Mrs. Barnes, so you will have a well-damn reason to wear this shirt." He deeply chuckled, moving harder and harder into you. More nasty sounds of skin slapping into skin and your not-so-quiet moan filled the room. "Can you imagine that, baby? Being my cute little wife, who likes when I fuck the shit out of her? Poor doll, crying. Can’t even handle my cock deep inside your pussy, can’t you?" He moved even deeper into you, and that was it.

"God– James!" You slammed your hands on the metal near your face, trying to find something to hold onto, as the wave of heat and extreme pleasure covered your whole body and mind. Your legs trembled, and the only thing that kept you straight was Bucky’s strong hands. He felt that you were over the edge, that you couldn’t stand on your legs, and he definitely felt more juices coming out of you. He looked down and saw how his shiny cock was coming in and out of your pussy that was particularly choking him, and that sight threw him over the edge. With the last movement, he pulled your body into him, wrapping his hands around you and releasing his hot seed deep inside of you.

You both moaned at the feeling of you being so full of his cum that it had already started dripping down your thighs.

"That’s it, baby." Bucky whispered into your ear. "You did so well. Are you okay?" He left light kisses on your cheek.

It was too intense; not a single thought came to your head, and for a few seconds you tried to put yourself together.

"Mhm." It was the only thing that you were able to answer because your body was still trembling with the leftovers of your intense orgasm.

You two stayed in that position for a few minutes until Bucky realized that you had become too sleepy. He tried to pull out, but you grabbed his hand.

"‘M too sensitive." You almost cried.

"I know, sweetheart, but now I have to clean you and take you home." Bucky gently came out of you, and your body got goosebumps at the feeling of his cum leaking out of you. It took him all the strength not to shove it back into you with his fingers, but you were obviously too tired, and he couldn’t properly take care of you since you weren’t at his or your bedroom.

Bucky fell on his knees, quickly took a towel from his bag on the floor, and carefully cleaned the mess between your thighs. He reached for your panties, helped you put them back, leaving a soft kiss on your leg, and then helped you sit on the bench.

He looked at your sleepy and tired face while putting on his clothes.

"Hey, doll? You’re too quiet. Is everything okay? Was I too rough?"

"I’m ‘kay, it was just as intense as when you make me come many times in one night. Just help me with my jeans; I can’t feel my legs."

"Of course, sweetheart." He helped you with your pants and then fixed your messy hair. You couldn’t imagine how you must’ve looked right now. "I love you so much. Thank you for being here today. You’re truly the best thing that ever happened to me." Bucky kissed your forehead and wrapped his hands around your body, standing up with you.

"I love you too, Buck. So so much." You happily buried your face into his neck, knowing that your boyfriend was going to take care of everything.

He picked up his bag and keys for the locker room and came out of there. Bucky didn’t even close the door when he heard a familiar voice.

"Do not tell me that you two did what I think you did!" Sam was standing there a few steps away with disgust and shock on his face. "I didn’t expect that from you, Y/N/N." He joked.

"Sorry, Sam." You moved away from Bucky’s neck and tried to give Sam your best apologetic smile.

"Well, I’m not. Since you’re here, close the door, Birdbrain; we hurry."

Sam stood there for a few more moments after Bucky left with you in his arms.

He decided that the headphones that he left in the room could wait until another time.

[fancyfeathers]

Huntian: Where did you get 10 million? That's a lot of money, and I understand you have to justify the money to your dad.

Miss Luthor: Well, a crazy guy attacked my father when he took me to work, and that crazy guy tried to take my arm because he said my dad snatched it or something. Obviously, I got scared and started crying like a little girl.

Songbird: Justifiable, but what about the money?

Miss Luthor: I'll get to that part. Later, my father solved the problem by giving that crazy guy a box. Since I couldn't stop shaking with fear, they carried me home. Since it took me a while to calm down, I ended up upsetting my father, and he gave me all that money as consolation and said he was going to transfer more to me.

Songbird: You need to cry to your father more often.

Blue Lantern: Definitely, because my brother says they just transferred a few million into your account.

Burn It All Down

No that is such a canon interaction to the story like cause Lex’s daughter was most definitely spoiled growing up but in a way to make up for everything, like oh her dad missed dinner because of a business meeting in Shanghai? He’ll have Mercy take her out shopping or to a concert. She is going to nationals with her volleyball team? Oh sorry he can’t be there in person since he is closing a business deal and will be in London, oh but don’t worry he’ll face time and watch the whole thing, and her mother and Mercy will be there the whole time to watch and he’ll pay for the best hotel for her and her teammates and fly them out on a private jet and she can call daddy right after the game to tell him how it went and cry if she lost.

Her entire closet back home is worth at least three quarters of a million if not more, let’s be honest it’s probably more, with all the designer brands he buys her and custom made, one of a kind clothes, all just for her. She is grateful but at some point it just feels like empty gestures, because while her dad knows every little detail about what goes on in her life via phone calls or security cameras, but he is barely there for most of it even if he acts like he is, all of those gifts are just empty apologies to fill the void of him not actually being there. It’s just her and her mom sitting at the dining room table most nights if her mom does not eat in her own room, then it’s just her sitting alone. Her parents no doubt have their issues which hurt their daughter in the process.

Then when she finally gets to spend actual time with her dad, of course it’s him taking her to work, her sitting on one of the couches in his office while she reads a book or something and he’ll talk to her every know and then but even then it’s mostly silence because at this point she’d rather be out at a picnic with her volleyball team.

(Link to the scene this ask is talking about from season two of Young Justice)

Then to make it worse, her father’s office nearly gets blown up by Roy Harper when he tries to get revenge on Luthor for kidnapping him, cutting off his arm, cloning him, and freezing him for eight years. She is absolutely terrified when she gets dragged down to the parking garage to get taken somewhere safe. But even then Roy tries to attack them there, fighting Mercy, meanwhile Lex is perfectly calm, while his daughter is a terrified mess because she has no clue what is going on as a sweet little sheltered rich girl.

So when Roy finally beats Mercy, he instead gets an explosive rope around her arm instead of Lex’s arm and she is just about to pass out in pure fear, meanwhile her father is still completely calm, even with the threat of his daughter’s arm getting completely blown off…

“That’s detonation cord Luthor, the kind Lexcorp sells illegally, it’s the perfect revenge. I use your own tech to do to your daughter what you did to me.”

“Expect we gave you anesthesia, your methods seem a tad more violent.”

“W-what is he talking about?! Daddy, what’s going on?!”

“Calm down my dear, everything will be perfectly fine, just let me handle it.”

By the time it is all over, Luthor giving Roy a case with something in it in exchange for him to leave the with his daughter completely unharmed, well physically at least, mentally anyway she is a wreck. She has to deal with the fact that her father is not only absent in her life but also a horrible person, shocker I know.

So she’ll be sitting in her room when they get home, still just getting through a panic attack after everything that has happened while hearing her parents arguing down the hall and then she gets a notification on her phone.

Ten million transferred into her account.

The next thing she realizes her phone is thrown across the room and breaks on the wall, but she doesn’t even care, she feels like she is going insane at this point, literally on the verge of shattering her bedroom window with a lamp and crawling out and running away and never looking back, not like she would get far alone without dragging her back. But when Apollo, Oliver Queen’s son comes to rescue her, knocking on her window and stealing her away like some sort of platonic Prince Charming , she doesn’t ever look back once.

Now what happens to her makes funny stories to share with her new friends, her new family, all of them laughing at their past trauma to cope in some capacity since they don’t know what else to do and she is certainly not going back to retail therapy and using daddy’s credit card to get whatever is needed to cover up the wounds.

[honeybadger-has-a-grimoire]

Pokémon Grounding Ritual

Hey, everyone! It’s Clover, and, as per the results of the poll, the next blog topic is my Pokémon Grounding Technique! And I have to say, this is a good thing to write about now, specifically, since a lot of stuff went down IRL—and I’ll definitely need to ground and recenter myself soon.

So grab your bag, your favorite Pokémon, and your Pokédex as we talk about how I use one of my favorite media franchises in my practice!

Psychology and Witchcraft: A Quick Background Discussion

Okay, so before we go on our journey to be the very best like no one ever was, a quick discussion on how I use psychology in my practice is necessary for background knowledge.

In my witchcraft practice, I use the idea that spell work and ritual can help you calm down and focus on a problem at hand. In doing things with your hands and with the set intention of helping you out with X,Y, or Z, you are creating a space in your brain to look at the problem from a new perspective. This new perspective then helps you solve the problem since not only is your headspace calm, but, also, doing the spell diverts your consciousness from the problem at hand—which then allows your unconscious mind to work through it a bit better and help find a solution through processing all the information you have gathered.

I mainly use this approach to witchcraft through grounding techniques, like making Tea or playing Pokémon. The ability to use my hands and distract my brain helps a lot to calm me down and look at problems or situations through a new perspective—mainly a calm one.

Pokémon specifically comes in handy when I’m overstimulated, exhausted, and miserable. I work two jobs, and one of them has various different types of lights of various levels of brightness and warmth. This lack of uniformity causes a migraine due to photosensitivity and it only gets compounded by the store being wall-to-wall with customers on Sundays. So I start feeling overwhelmed and jittery and not okay. I need to escape and to ground all the excess energy.

So… I hid in the girl’s bathroom, turned on my emulator, lowered the brightness and played GBA rom hacks and fan games of Pokémon.

And that’s where my little ritual began.

Now, let’s actually talk Pokémon ritualistic grounding.

Pokémon Grounding Ritual

The actual ritual itself is very simple and adaptable to your specific needs. Remember, what works for me may not work for you and what works for you may not work for Tyson down the street and what works for Tyson may not work for his partner. In witchcraft, Pop Culture Witchcraft especially, a lot of it requires researching (cultural/historical contexts, open versus closed practices, other people’s paths, etc.) and then trial and error.

For me, the Pokémon Grounding Ritual works as such:

I hide in the bathroom, my room, or another solitary place. Double points if it’s dark and quiet.

I boot up my Delta Emulator app on my phone.

I let my intuition guide me on picking out a Pokémon game to continue playing—and this is the most important step because I am usually too overwhelmed to think. So, by going on autopilot, I am allowing myself to slowly start coming down from overstimulation or anxiety.

I play and allow myself to focus on the game for about five or ten minutes (more depending on how overwhelmed I feel and where I am). And I let my inner self decide when it’s ready to rejoin the world—which is usually after a battle or two.

Repeat when necessary.

Allowing my excess energy to have a focus is why this really works. I am taking all this pent up, uncomfortable energy and putting it into action physically by moving my hands and letting the calming surroundings of my favorite video game franchise bring me back to myself. When I’m home, if I’ve had an overwhelming day, I usually do this by working on my Arthurian Grimoire project you’ve seen me post on my main blog or make tea. But I can’t exactly pull out my craft kit or my teapot whenever I’m out and overwhelmed.

Psychological-Techno magick is great for on the go because I always have my phone on me in case of emergency. So I will always have Pokémon with me.

What about you guys? Do you have a similar ritual? If not, what’s your go to grounding? Tell me, I would like to know!

That’s it for today, folks!

[tanukitsuneko-suki]

build episode 33 thoughts:

- they're STILL in active contact with each other?!?!?!

- "find it within 24 hours" oh even bloodstalk knows we are speedrunning the plot

- i've really warmed up to gentoku. look at him walking awkwardly in the opening song. he's just a guy

- i would consider dying if it's for eiji akaso

- "the evol driver was made in order for evolto to assume his ultimate form" GREAT!! he can do that!! as long has he stays 5832489874 feet away from banjo ryuga

- 𝓶𝔂 𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼𝓼

- I NEED YOU DEAD. FUCK. FUCK. STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!!! UGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

- bloodstalk's actor is really good. the whole multiple souls in one body plot can and would go awry if the actor sucks at it because it's gonna look cringe, but i'm in no way taken out of the story whenever i'm watching bloodstalk/soichi. the swap is so obvious and seamless

- MY PRINCESS.....

- OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH "get out. we're escaping." there's something left in that small, shriveled heart of his <3 gentoku nice one!!

- i'll have to say, this is a nobler ideal than whatever the fuck dan kuroto has LOL

- gentoku... he's fun now xD i always love a good redemption arc

- hmm maybe he should've succeeded in killing utsumi that time on the bridge. when i rewatch i'll make sure to tell early season night rogue that

- this is his second time getting hit by the Down Boy switch because instead of tucking it somewhere in his suit he just throws it off the side and hopes the problem solves itself, and i really don't wish to victim-blame but Jesus Christ, gentoku

- oh nvm i was too mean there's just another one LMFAO

- MY POINT STILL STANDS!!!!

- they're making fun of him 😭😭 so what if he just wants nationwide peace!! he's trying his best over here!

- BABYGIRL????????? I...OH....BABYGIRL YOU'RE SO BOYGIRL I LOVE YOU!!!!! THIS PLOT TWIST IS SO CUTEEEEEEEE. LOOOLLLL WAS HE JUST FAKING IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE HE'S ALREADY SAID TOO MUCH AND HE'S LOWKEY EMBARRASSED BUT IT'S EVEN MORE EMBARRASSING NOW THAT HIS EMO PHASE WAS OVER BUT HE STILL REMEMBERS EVERYTHING HE DID SO HE JUST KINDA ROLLS WITH IT HAHAHAHAHAHA GENTOKUUU PLEASEEEEEEE

- i can wife him. i can fix him

- i still think it's the pinnacle of humor that sento has had disastrous friendships broken down by dealbreaker reveals rife with betrayals and they still apparently have each other on speed dial. sure bloodstalk murdered my previous identity and strung me along for a year pretending to be my family while i have amnesia, but i'm not gonna block his number or anything just incase he wants to give me a little kidnapping tip-off. gentoku kept trying to kill me on multiple occasions and has harmed people that i love in both physical and emotional ways, but it's not like i have to delete his number in my silly custom phone now do i

- oh my god he just wants to save his father :(

- i think it would be fun to have a kamen rider season where it's just old men. age 45 minimum

- wait... i get it.... bloodstalk x nightrogue...i get it now....

- the dynamic initially having nightrogue as the leader and boss above bloodstalk that he can't defy, only for it to be revealed that stalk has been stringing everyone along... gentoku being shoved into literal mud, his name sullied and dirt on his tongue... suffering the atrocities borne from his ruthless ambition.. only to lose said ambition but having to stay strong anyway, with nobody to talk to, and now bloodstalk doesn't even offer him a single glance nor a shred of respect, his view focusing on greater heights, unilaterally obsessed with sento's genius as fodder solely to push banjo to his limits.....but gentoku faces him anyway because he doesn't give a shit about powers controlling the universe or ones that could end planets.... he's got a bone to pick with fucking bloodstalk and he's gonna make sure to land a good punch on that ugly fucking mug

- the clown-ass music as they wind up the evol driver...lmao

- THE ACTUAL BGM IS SO COOL THOUGH

- HIS DAD IS DEAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

- omfg evolto needs to die you guys

[i-am-a-secret-ssshhh]

Actual thoughts I've had recently (none of these happened out loud):

*About an angry customer* Who pissed in your pickles?

Holy hot peppers banana man (and then I proceeded to question who banana man was)

Wow, I forget I'm legally an adult.... I should make a will

I feel a headache coming on *older brother gets home from work just moments later* there it is

When I go to hell, I hope they have therapy

*at my mom* You need therapy

If I had limitless power that could do anything, I'd probably just never work again. But, I'd also probably take over the world and fix everything, soooo

All my problems could be solved by truck-kun

*About something out of my control* Ah shoot, it's all my fault

"Does it come in black?" (My brother then told me to stop quoting batman)

Monday is the day of bullshit

There's no such thing as BEFORE AFTERNOON on a Sunday when it comes to waking up

I would probably sleep through the end of the world if I was comfy enough

Wow... I may have made a mistake....

*Waking up in IMMENSE pain* That's, not supposed to be happening. *never brings it up to anybody else*

I wonder if I have enough dexterity to knit with sewing needles and thread

I have been lied to, there was no water in the fridge of the break room. There's no water in the break room at all.

How are you both extremely nice and also a super bitch?

*About my phone* You, you, were at 100% 10 minutes ago and now you're at 96%. And I never took you off the fucking charger!

I risked it all for a picture in a video game (in baldur's gate 3)

God I hope no one records me, my resting bitch face will always betray me. And also I'm very judgemental, but that's besides the point.

I could just, not, keep my opinion to myself though, wouldn't that be much easier for everyone

I can't believe I'm going to be surviving entirely off junk food for 3 days. What bullshit.

*About a fictional older man* He could solve all my problems. (my best friend: No he could not. Me: A bitch can dream!)

I am the family disappointment. What a shocker.

Do you ever shut up?

I'm lonely, not desperate.

I feel like you shouldn't be telling me these things.

Why are you mad at me? You asked me to ask questions if I was confused! I needed clarification! I might be dumb, but I'd rather do it right after being unsure, than wrong confidently.

Don't... don't make me cry over an inanimate object in an anime. Please don't. My heart can't take it.

Like clockwork, every three months, I need a new phone charger. It's almost become a schedule.

A bitch slap would solve, all your problems, my dude. All of them.

God I hate kids. (this is a thought that happens often)

Man. If only you would schedule me. Then I could tell you, I can work more than you think I can

*Has a job* I need another job, this... this ain't it.

Wow, it's almost as if, you underestimate my ability to be responsible. Wow. Are you my mother?

I asked your opinion because I want your opinion, so give me your opinion GODDAMMIT.

How dare you forget my birthday is two weeks after yours? And how dare you insinuate I wouldn't make a cake between now and mom's birthday. That's almost insulting.

I'm just over it at this point.

You sure do talk a lot, but you don't really say much.

[20dollarlolita]

My store has service technicians, trained by the companies that make the machines they work on. Our service department is very good. At any given time we have between 150 and 300 machines in the queue awaiting service, with that queue wait time being 3-6 weeks. However, people do make mistakes, and sometimes a machine will come back and the original problem will not be solved. Because of this, we have a warranty on all of our service.

There's a couple of limitations on that warranty, which means that when I'm talking to someone about warranty work, I have to screen for a couple of things. Mostly this is that the problem they want to put in for warranty work is a problem that they disclosed at the time of repair, and that this repair happened within a specific time window. If this is outside of the warranty time period or if the problem is a new problem that didn't exist when the machine left the technicians, then I can't put the machine in for a free re-work.

Customer calls and starts on a very long story about how she had the machine serviced and nothing has been right with it ever since. "Nothing's right with it" is a pretty vague problem and she can't narrow down the answer to explain what's going on. This is pretty uncommon since most people will be able to explain "when I start sewing, the thread breaks every time," or "it makes a screaming noise" or "the bobbin doesn't fit into the bobbin case anymore," or all kinds of other problems. However, since I no longer work at a store where we need to get customers addressed as quickly as possible. I can just sit on the phone and let her go on until she's ready to let me talk. I love letting people go on for way too long and then say, "I want to help you. What would you like me to do to help you in this situation?" because it helps me help them better and it's so much fun to put the responsibility on them. 10/10 recommend asking the customer what you want them to do to fix their problem after they've spent 10 minutes explaining how horrible everything is.

So we get through her disappointment with the company and the frustration that this has caused her, and she says that she hasn't been able to use it since it was serviced. So now, my turn.

"Okay, we do have a warranty on our service. We stand by the work we've done and we want you to be satisfied. If you're within that time frame, let's see if we can fix this."

At this point the customer interrupts to explain that she'll call whoever it takes to get her problem sorted out.

"I can help you here. When was your service performed."

And I really wasn't expecting her to say, "Well, about twenty years ago," like that was a totally reasonable and normal thing to say.

"...our warranty is 90 days."

"Well how on earth was I supposed to know that??"

To be fair, I don't know what our service paperwork looked like in 2003 because I was too busy being in primary school. Maybe that wasn't very clear or something.

[ragsy]

ACTUALLY, i got to thinking about how i forget that a LOT of people have a ton of anxiety over talking on the phone. maybe i can give a few pointers as someone who has been answering phones for their entire professional life.

(these are general rules-- different businesses have different phone answering policies, but these should all apply to places like doctor's offices, libraries, office buildings, small- to medium-sized customer service lines, etc.)

(people who are used to talking on the phone, this post is not for you. this is for people with phone anxiety.)

receptionists exist to connect you with who you need to talk to. if you don't know who that is, say "hi, my name is [x], my problem is [y]. can you help me?" or "hello, how do i [x]?" if the receptionist isn't trained in solving your exact problem, they should connect you with someone who can.

don't get upset about being placed on hold. sometimes they just need to physically walk across the room to grab a file, and the phone cord is not long enough.

don't start rattling off account numbers and detailed information until the person on the other end asks for them. they're more than likely working with some sort of extremely clunky database, and it can be several clicks just to get to the field they need to fill in with that information.

don't get upset about being asked to repeat yourself. that just means they're making sure they heard you correctly so the information they have is accurate.

sometimes the person on the other end of the line is just as terrified as you are. every business i've worked at trained employees on how to use the phones by saying "okay, answer that for me please" and giving no further explanation. it happens.

most customer service people are running on autopilot and if you say anything you think is awkward or embarrassing they'll most likely forget about it as soon as the call ends.

[fuck-customers]

Fuck customers who don’t care to follow the basic flow of a conversation and constantly talk over/interrupt you. You called ME for help. STOP trying lead the conversation when you’re a fucking moron who doesn’t even know what you’re talking about to begin with. All I need is a yes or no to the simple questions I’m asking you. All this extra information you’re giving me is completely irrelevant and now prolonging the time it takes to solve whatever problem you called in for to begin with. And for the love of god, stop interrupting me with a new question while I’m midway through answering your first one!

Also to note: I’m not talking about at the people who have phone anxiety, have trouble with certain social cues, or compulsively overshare/over explain. I 100% get that because I’m the same way. It’s these idiots in management or corporate america who have the urge to lead the conversation and tune out employees because they can’t be fucked to use the active listening skills they harp on us to have. It’s rude and the quickest way to get “accidentally” hung up on.

Posted by admin Rodney.