#why are people so obsessed with the ways in which men and women are different?

[biblicallyaccuratepigeons]

man sometimes you gotta make your own gender euphoria by reminding yourself that you're undercover and actually trying to trick people into thinking you're cisgender

[punksocks]

Lilith & His Femme Fatale (18+ Only)

**I tried to make this general but it’s about seduction, I couldn’t pull it lol (fr minors dni!)

*Just based on my observations, only take what resonates

Often Lilith in a man’s birth chart gives less information on him and more information on the type of woman that’s his femme fatale. The type of femme that gives this complex dynamic to the relationship. I would say, similarly to Plutonian influences, this sort of connection charged with such intensity tends to elicit the extreme reaction of either repelling him or making him at least a bit obsessed with finding a way to “obtain” the Lilith person in the relationship.

I think this is always related to Lilith’s folklore of being the untamable wife. He loves her because he can’t control her. But he still wants to try (not always but often imo). Not being able to control her and her seeming so wild and free is one of the many reasons the Lilith person usually brings out the shadow side of the masc person in their connection.

(I think everyone, men/women/enbys/etc, all tend to act out of feminine and masculine energies. The energies of giving and receiving. Action and reaction. Lilith usually throws some upheaval into this because as an untraditional feminine she embodies it all. She dominates whilst not taking any action. Lilith’s sort of chaotic energy throws a wrench in the binary imo. She’s feminine but the effect she has on and within others often puts her outside of the spectrum. I’m speaking about the effect on masculine folks because I believe Lilith pushes them into a power struggle mindset due to her effects and due to our society -and Lilith’s origins- being very patriarchal. With traditional feminine energies there is also a power struggle effect but it’s more like rooted in the feminine power. Like women usually have a default role of using subservience to their advantage- as much as they can- under patriarchy. So the tension with people embodying Lilith manifests in this tension of trying to make the Lilith people conform or outcasting them. There can be underlying s*xual dynamics to this but it usually works out differently/less directly than it does with masc folks.)

Anyway that’s why I believe men/masc people react in such a charged/obsessed way to Lilith energy and why I think it tends to result in this sort of femme fatale dynamic. Now let’s get into it !

-Lilith in Aries: For Lilith in Aries, he’d love an unstoppable woman. Like I noted before (in credit to @zeldasnotes ) this is a strong indicator of a man being a feminist (we love to see it). So this could also indicate a strong attraction to someone that’s in their power, that holds their own, and that is very independent and strong in their own right. He may find himself pushing back on this type of femme, but being impressed and compelled by her when she does take the lead (his mars could show how this dynamic would play out). (You may find yourselves vying for dominance in the connection)

-Lilith in Taurus: A hyperfeminine woman. Obviously, femininity looks different across cultures, but some traits that could show up here would be: a woman with curves, a killer hourglass figure that turns heads; a woman that seems luxurious and well dressed; a woman that feels soft and smells great. Essentially being a Venusian sign, Taurus in Lilith would be absolutely smitten by a beautiful woman that embodied all that soft feminine energy (and took his money lol) (speaking of which, could be a s*x worker or trophy wife type- someone that needs a lot of money/luxury to keep around)

-Lilith in Gemini: A thinker, a woman that outwits you. Someone that keeps you mentally stimulated by challenged your knowledge. Someone that will always make you guess. Very book smart, may be curious about the taboo. Someone that gets their kicks from debating you and testing your textbook knowledge. May also be smitten by dirty talk, talking about the taboo in their intimate time together.

-Lilith in Cancer: A nostalgic nurturer that makes you feel at ease. May embody the bad traits that make you feel especially vulnerable (like familiar toxic behavior). Lilith’ archetype is often an antithesis of cancer’s traditional influence of being the emotional nurturer, so we’d have to assume a bit of corruption here. Just as easily as you could be fueling toxic behavior I’d assume you’d just as easily receive it. So mascs can project onto you and desire to leech off of your nurturing energy.

-Lilith in Leo: A diva. The one that’s in the spotlight without trying at all. Like a burlesque dancer, beautiful and radiant and practically untouchable. Speaking of which they may be smitten with a femme known for her s*x appeal. Whether that’s from having a lot of past partners or being a model or being in s*x work depends on the situation. The Leo person would likely want exclusive access to you after they get their hands on you though (fixed placements can be very possessive, it’s a whole thing)

-Lilith in Virgo: someone with their life together. (I said what I said 👀). A sort of that girl as the kids say :0. She has a meal plan and a routine and a 5 year plan. I’d also wager that this placement is the most likely to have a thing for someone that has their shit so together that it makes the native feel less than. Someone that could shame them and make them feel flawed and insignificant at the drop of a hat (a hat? The hat? Ok). Also likely to be someone that is really subtle but quietly freaky. A good candidate for workplace affairs 🤷���‍♀️

-Lilith in Libra: a bombshell babe, a true beauty. Someone who embodies very classy energy. A popular girl, one that you sort of have to work to get the attention of. (A gorgeous femme that distracts others with how beautiful and effortless she is. Pinup material and just as untouchable. Trophy wife vibes but not as intense as Lilith in Taurus (unless this is a 2nd house placement 👀). Also someone that brings a lot of balance and beauty to their surroundings. (She may attract envy due to her looks as well)

-Lilith in Scorpio: S*x personified. Someone with that intense vibe (one of the most likely placements to attract Lilith heavy femmes). Someone that has a presence that holds a lot of power. And a lot of intimate experience or at least a fearless attitude about those taboos. Someone that makes him want to explore those fantasies as a knee jerk reaction (within reason ofc). Someone that can see right through him. Someone that they struggle to gain power over. (Also pretty likely to have a power imbalance or some sort of taboo attached to the dynamic)

-Lilith in Sagittarius: A traveler, a girl struck with wanderlust. Someone you get attached to even though she’s always out of reach. Someone who loves debating and adventure. A philosopher that never stops learning and daring you to broaden your horizons. May be someone from outside of your culture as well. Or someone with a religious background you find socially taboo.

-Lilith in Capricorn: Boss babe all the way. Someone that intimidates others easily and that works very hard. A social climber. A person that knows exactly what they’re after, in that go getter sort of way. Someone mature. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets. Another possibly of meeting at work, or at least after some sort of public interaction. Another connection where both people are likely vying for dominance. Likely to have themes of restriction show up as well.

-Lilith in Aquarius: manic👏🏾 pixie 👏🏾dream👏🏾 girl👏🏾 (I’m dead*ss). The quirky girl that stands out from the crowd. One of kind in a rebellious way. The other side of fae energy, which is to say that she would be a detached trickster of sorts. Hard to predict, philosophically outside of your comfort zone, impossible to pin down, etc. Someone that forces you to think outside of the box- whether you like it or not. Could bring out the k*nkier side of you. Also pretty likely to bring out the nerdier side of you, for some reason. (Aquarius intelligence ??)

-Lilith in Pisces: fae bae, full stop. A girl like a daydream. Esoteric and ethereal. A person that may be a bit spacey but they’re off floating in space somewhere. Someone creative and subconsciously addictive. Someone that tends to appear in their dreams and tends to be on their minds a lot.

Further Notes:

-Air is most impressed upon by intelligence and uniqueness; water by an emotionally immersive and passionate connection; fire by passion and being dazzled by the person; earth by their material luxury, ambition, and physicality

-water and fire tend to become obsessive over s*xual connections the fastest imo, but it can really mentally affect air and earth placements (it’s that I’m not obsessed but they’re thinking about them all the time and doing god knows what about that 👀)

-fixed Lilith placements can make a masc person a bit more obsessive and possessive over the Lilith energy (especially if they have a fixed Venus/mars)

-Cardinal Lilith placements tend to like to be challenged over taking the lead/dominance in the connection, if underdeveloped they can be rather controlling to their partners as well

-When Lilith is close to a masc’s personal planets I’d say that he may have some sort of archetype/karmic lesson around Lilith heavy femmes (just a significant impact on his life and attitude)

-Houses can show how these energies connect (I wrote this up but the draft deleted itself and I just couldn’t lol 🙃)

[rallamajoop]

So why are there so many gay vampires?

From the time of Carmilla all the way up to the works of Anne Rice (a universe that seems to get only less subtle as the years go on), gay vampires have been a thing basically as long as anyone was writing about vampires. Lesbian vampires have been a genre all their own for decades. Bram Stoker, author of the most famous vampire novel ever written, was gay himself. So why vampires specifically?

I’ve seen people attempt to answer this one before, and there are all sorts of contributing factors I could point to here, from the genres’ beginnings with Lord Byron (infamous bisexual disaster fuckboy), to modern discourse about why queer folks so often find themselves identifying with the monsters and outcasts of fiction. Few other monsters besides vampires can so easily pass for ‘normal’, or are nearly so well known for their snappy dress sense and ‘unnatural cravings’ for human flesh. And that’s without even getting into all those skeezy outdated stereotypes casting queer people as predators, or the idea that even one ‘gay experience’ could somehow ‘convert’ you into being one yourself.

But to my mind, there’s just one really important thing that makes vampires so gay, and it’s the same thing that makes them sexy in the first place: plausible deniability.

You see, a vampire’s bite is simultaneously a) ridiculously sexual, and b) not even a little bit sexual at all.

You don’t have to look far for vampire canons where there’s nothing sexy about being bitten by a vampire. Bloody, violent, painful, sure ‒or just clinically miserable, human bodies torn open or hung up to drain like a human blood bag. What’s sexy about getting bitten by a mosquito, or a fecking leech? The diet of the actual vampire bat requires it to process so much water that it apparently spends mealtimes busily pissing out the difference, and the anti-coagulants in its saliva leave the wound bleeding messily long after it’s gone. The basic act of feeding is no more inherently sexual for a vampire than it is for a zombie.

Vampires are even a surprisingly acceptable monster to market to children. There’s a vampire muppet, a cartoon about a vampire duck, and a whole series of books about a vampire rabbit. You can put a vampire on the side of a cereal box without undue outrage. Vampires do not have to be R-rated for sex or violence.

So of course vampires will go after victims of the same sex. Do you stop to inquire whether the cow you’re eating was male or female? It’s all just predator and prey!

Until it’s everything but.

Do not let the ‘vampires aren’t supposed to be sexy!’-purists fool you. The tradition of sexy vampires goes all the way back to the oldest folklore, where the first victim of a newly-risen vampire was often their still-living spouse. Vampires were even occasionally known to get women pregnant (a convenient excuse for any widow who might turn up pregnant slightly too many months after their husband's death). The ‘original’ Nosferatu sounds more like an incubus than the naked mole-rat creature they made that movie about. The demon lover aspect of the vampire has been there all along.

And it’s not hard to imagine why. If someone is biting and sucking on your neck, then either they’re a vampire, or they’re well on the way to second base (other folklore has its vampires feed directly from their victim’s heart, which is scarcely less suggestive). The implications of an exchange of bodily fluids were never subtle, even in Stoker’s day (I'm looking at you, Lucy-with-the-three-husbands), and the vampire as a sexual predator was a popular literary device well before Stoker's time. Beautiful vampire women would seduce men to their demise, and the males of the species might visit the bedroom of some innocent maiden time and again. The Victorian obsession with mesmerism, meanwhile, provided the perfect explanation for how victims might be hypnotised into eager compliance, and perhaps not even remember being fed upon at all. Vampires have been the ultimate guilt-free sexual fantasy since way back in the day, compatible with all your awkward Victorian mores! (Not quite ready to admit they're sexual fantasies? No problem: he's just here to, y'know, suck on your neck a bit. No subtext here!)

The whole act of biting is so suggestive that in the early years of vampire cinema, it wasn’t shown at all, not even between opposite-sex participants. The camera of 1922’s Nosferatu maintains a demure distance during the climactic scene where the heroine is finally bitten and slowly drained of blood, and Universal’s Dracula conveniently fades to black or cuts away whenever it’s about to take place. But even if the biting has to take place off screen, who’s to say a vampire isn’t going to pick victims of both sexes?

The stately tradition of the lesbian vampire has cinematic examples going all the way back to 1936, with Universal’s Dracula’s Daughter. Though the titular vampire has a nominal male love interest – a psychologist who naively advises her to confront her temptations without fear – the result of his advice is a famous sequence where she picks up a young woman under the premise of wanting an artist's model, and convinces her to remove her top. No actual biting or nudity is shown (it was only 1936), but her fate is left in little doubt.

By the era of 70’s sexploitation, all such subtlety had been abandoned. If we’re all good with naked boobs, who’s going to be offended by a little biting?

In fact, when it comes to men rather than women, a vampire bite was, for many years, far too sexy to be shown, or even alluded to. Nosferatu clearly feeds on that film’s Jonathan-expy, but our only evidence is the bitemarks on his neck in the morning, and the final sacrifice to defeat the evil monster must naturally be female. Universal’s Dracula had to ignore explicit studio mandate that only the brides should be allowed to feed on their own Jonathan-equivalent, as to even imply that Dracula himself had fed upon a man was obviously far too homoerotic to contemplate (never mind that it’s Dracula who must be established as the threat in this opening sequence, or that it’s Dracula his victim will spend the rest of the film obsessed with).

But in that unspeakable land of male-on-male homoeroticism, you might be surprised how much homo we can squeeze in even without resorting to fangs-in-necks. The Lost Boys is surely one of the most homoerotic vampire films ever made, but there, the one big blood-drinking scene is rendered in a bloody massacre of slasher-movie violence. And though Anne Rice certainly describes the scene where Lestat drains Louis of blood in lurid detail (and even has them spend their first sunrise together sharing a coffin), Louis is already thoroughly seduced before he ever reaches this point.

You see, the lore of the pop-cultural vampire conveniently comes with a second and equally-compelling target for plausible deniability: the act of making a new vampire.

Obviously, to work, this has to be deliberate. A world where anyone bitten by a vampire becomes one hasn’t much to offer us, and the relationship between maker and fledgling can just as easily be framed as parental, as recruitment into a cult, or purely transactional. But whichever way you twist it, the implications of choosing another to share in your own eternal youth and immortality… like, I don’t have to spell this one out for you, do I? Did I mention how that thing where a vampire’s traditional first victim tended to be their own mortal widow goes all the way back?

But if we’re not ready to be completely obvious with our mainstream audience, some alternative explanation can always be provided for cover. Lestat doesn’t really want Louis, he just wants Louis’ money! (He also really wants Louis.) The Lost Boys just want Michael to join their gang! (Their very, very pretty gang, who swan around in mesh shirts, tank tops and assless chaps.)

The two sides of the vampire-deniability coin aren’t mutually exclusive, either. Carmilla drinks her new paramour’s blood, but also gazes into her eyes while promising her you will be mine. Drinking blood is a key part of making a new vampire in so many vampire stories, after all.

Carmilla isn’t even the only gay vampire story of the Victorian era. I recently posted about two other fascinating examples, both featuring male/male pairings: one being pretty much just a gender-flipped version of Carmilla, and the other a tragic love story filled with significant "vampire = gay lover" metaphors (why oh why must the townsfolk keep us apart, when we’ll only ever be happy once we’re united once more?) This stuff goes surprisingly far back.

In fact, you can find queer subtext in vampire fiction that predates even Byron and Polidori. 1819's The Vampyre was the first published vampire story, yes, but the first known work of vampire-fiction in the English language is a poem published by John Stagg in 1810, also called The Vampyre (look, the genre didn’t exist yet, you didn’t have to be creative with your titles).

In brief, Stagg’s poem recounts a conversation between a wife (Gertrude) and her dying husband (Herman), whose dear friend Sigismund, lately deceased and deeply mourned, has returned as a vampire. Night after night, he crawls into Herman’s room to drain his blood. Herman’s fate is already sealed, but unless Gertrude takes action, it will surely be she that Herman will take as his own first victim when he rises from the grave.

There may be nothing intentional about the queer subtext of this tale. A vampire’s victims often include friends he knew in life, as Stagg himself cites in his introduction. But if Herman’s first victim will be his wife, what are we to read about the fact Sigismund’s first victim is Herman? Especially given how long he’s kept secret from poor Gertrude that his dear ‘friend’ has been climbing into his bedroom each night, lying beside him in bed and sucking and draining "the fountain of my heart!" while Herman moans and tosses (in pain, obviously!), always leaving him "exhausted, spent." Ultimately, Gertrude is saved only when both Herman and Sigismund are staked through the heart, and we close on the image of them slumbering together in the tomb.

It is, however you turn it, pretty gay.

I reiterate: this is the very first known work of vampire fiction written in the English language. The second was the one that was kind-of-written-by, kind-of-stolen-from, and unambiguously based on bisexual-disaster-fuckboy Lord Byron. And the two most influential works of vampire fiction of the next hundred years would be Carmilla, the very lesbian vampire story written by a… presumably straight man? And Dracula, the not-completely-convincingly-hetero story written by #1 Walt Whitman fanboy Bram Stoker. Vampires have always been very equal-opportunity kind of monsters.

There are, of course, plenty of influential heterosexual vampire tales to fill out the roster too. Varney the Vampire, a penny dreadful from the 1840s, was so successful it ran for over 200 chapters. The 1960s had their own wildly successful Varney-equivalent in the soap opera Dark Shadows. Love it or hate it, we really can't ignore Twilight either. My own introduction to the genre was Christopher Pike’s The Last Vampire series, which came out alongside the original Vampire Diaries novels. So there's plenty of material around to keep the straights entertained – and honestly, that’s only as it should be, because the very thing that makes vampires so queer-friendly is that the sex of their victims doesn’t matter. And it’s so easy to make vampires sexy (let alone a full vampire-proposal!) that even the Victorians could do it.

Now, if your reaction to all this theorising is to tell me "but the LGBTQ’s shouldn’t have to hide behind plausible deniability!" I can only counter, "well sure, but why should the straights have all the fun?" Because playing with all the ambiguity of "is this monster really just after my blood or is this going somewhere?" can be all sorts of fun, regardless of the genders involved. And as long as they’re up for exchanging bodily fluids with persons-and-or-victims of either gender equally, why not have some fun with it?

So, okay, maybe the real title of this post should have been "why are there so many pansexual vampires?" But the answer doesn’t change. Vampires have been the bisexual disaster fuckmonsters for as long as anyone’s been writing about vampires, and have been a metaphor allowing people publish barely-coded gay attraction since 1872. And much like the queer community, they’ve only become more complex, more sympathetic, and all the more popular as romantic paramours as the years have gone by.

[thiccpersonality]

The Realization

It's hard being the only human in a team full of meta-humans, aliens or straight up gods, but Bruce manages to get by...even if internally he's overly critical of the work he does, always comparing himself to others and telling himself to do better. But, he secretly counts his blessings one-by-one at how he has friends colleagues that reassure him everyday that he does so much-yes, even when he doesn't ask for it...Clark always tells him it's in his eyes, that's how he knows Bruce wants it.

Bruce finds that stupid though, the only thing in his eyes is exhaustion, and if not exhaustion, then anger; and if not anger, then it's probably a cocktail of self-loathing, self-hate and self-deprecation sprinkled with a healthy dose of "I wish I was dead."

Anyhow, Bruce counts his blessings secretly, even if it doesn't seem like he's doing so. And while it's hard being one of the only humans without a power in a group full of meta-humans or fully fledged super powered beings, he is grateful for the other aspects of power he has: his name, his face, his money, influence-and one of his actual favorites...when he's in a good mood-his body. Bruce isn't an idiot (Jason: "Not all the time anyway!"), he sees the way people eye him up and down, both men and women alike, he knows their thoughts towards him...or well, his body at least.

He has seen the way women eye his arms and pecs (Wally: "You mean, Batboobs®!? And doesn't everyone eye those?"), watches the way mens eyes glaze over when staring at his mile long legs.

Which brings us to how Bruce never truly feels small, not anymore at least. Even if he was of smaller height for a man (or in general) his position in life and as a hero/vigilante would make him feel and appear big to people. So, Bruce hasn't felt small in a very long time, he tends to not pay attention to things like height much-to reiterate: he never feels small because 1. He isn't and 2. Even if he was, who would be brave enough to tell one of the richest men on earth-let alone THE Batman that he's short?

The answer: no one.

So while Bruce has never had anyone say to his face that he's short, he's the World's Greatest Detective™ (Jason and Stephanie: "Ehhhh...occasionally.) and can see for himself the difference of him compared to everyone else.

Who is everyone else you ask? Well, it's the people he works with and-and Jason. It's kind of hard for Bruce to truly pay attention to height when he never pays attention to it in the first place or when he's usually in life-threatening situations to really care, in fact, he doesn't know why he is even obsessing over such a thing-'but you do know'-his mind replies. The thing Bruce hates most is that he does-he does know what kick-started this whole height thing, and it was his son; Jason.

XXX

It was any other normal day at Wayne Manor...if you count your son entering your top-secret cave injured as normal. Bruce had his mask off, his icy blue eyes analyzing the information on his computer unblinkingly, there's been an issue with abductions recently and he doesn't want to waste any time on finding out who is up to it, so Bruce has been working overtime (Alfred in a tired tone: "As usual...") trying to find out who it is.

Just as his brain is stringing something together, he hears the sound of a motorcycle outside the Cave, Bruce's brain immediately switches to finding out who it could be. He takes into account every person already inside the house, outside of it, what said people outside said they were doing until his brain very obviously deduces that it must be Jason. Hm? Should he heat some leftovers up for Jason? What is the other here for? Why is he even overthinking it? Jason is free to come over anytime he wants...

....

.....

......

But what if the reason is bad? Is Jason mad at him again? Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose from the sudden headache he gets from his mind panicking, the man just groans softly and turns around just in time to see Jason riding into the Cave, his eyebrow raising suspiciously at the lack of fancy tricks his son bothered not doing.

Bruce silently analyzes his son's body for any signs of distress, starting from his head, he immediately noticed the crack in the helmet and can feel his muscles tighten in worry before remembering he's trained his kids to fight and be able to receive hits as well. The thing that causes him to stand up though is the fact that Jason hasn't noticed him yet, and the way the young man is holding his side isn't helping to ease Bruce's racing mind.

"Jason, is everything alright?"

Hm? Was that too forward of him? Bruce knows his children, but he especially knows Jason and Damian hate being asked for signs of-what they deem as-weakness and injury (Damian sipping his tea: "Wonder where we learned that from, father?)

Jason finally looks up at Bruce, his tone sounding a bit slurred as he speaks, "Jus' fine, B. A little-" he grunts as he stumbles off his bike-"scratch never...hurt me." Okay, so it's more than a little scratch, Bruce catches Jason and can't control the immediate frown he makes when the boy doesn't bother fighting his hold. "What actually happened? It's not just a little scratch...you are clutching your side like you've been sh-" his breathing hitches at the words he almost uttered, w-was Jason actually-

"What? S-Shot? Why's it matter if-" Jason quiets down when Bruce's words finally process, his baby blue's widening under his mask at the small ways his dad is starting to panic from the thought-"No! I was jus' stabbed is all...no shots."

Bruce will get on himself later about how his body relaxed a bit more when finding out his child wasn't shot, I mean, what kind of father feels relieved that their kid was just stabbed? He knows-deep down-that it's his...ahem..."trauma response" to guns, but it sucks for him to realize he finds himself more at ease when people he knows are hurt in different ways that aren't a gun...he feels like a horrible person when it happens.

For now though, his main priority is his son who is losing blood, blood that Bruce is finally noticing on Jason's hand.

Bruce grunts as he brings his son closer to his body, feeling momentarily surprised when he lets out the sound from moving the younger. Since when did he ever grunt when moving his children? Another thing is, when did Jason get so heavy in the first place? When did his once small boy pack on so much muscle and-oh, God...please...when did Jason ever have to bend his knees when Bruce held him?

His body is on autopilot and he can feel himself moving to the medical table, but his eyes are busy staring at Jason's bent knees, his mind screaming at him that this must be a prank his son is pulling-oh! Or maybe Bruce is actually in an alternate universe where his child is bigger than him.

Bruce sucks in a deep breath when arriving at the table, gently lying his son down so he can get to work on stitching his boy up while also giving a (most likely) hypocritical lecture on how Jason should stay safe.

XXX

It was ever since that day that Bruce has been hyper fixated on his own height, along with the height of others. He hates how he's been sneaking in tests and making things awkward with his family because he chooses not to answer and instead rushes off to panic when realizing Jason is bigger than him.

It all happened as soon as Jason was patched up too, his mind recalls every stupid miniscule little detail, from Jason's clothes to the way his hair was messy from sleep and-the worst part-how he had to look up at the nineteen-year-old when the young man got close enough to him. Barefoot and all. The worst part is how Jason didn't even seem to notice it, and Bruce is NOT risking letting his son know, because then he will be picked on for being smaller than him and then his Bluejay will no doubt drag his siblings into this.

Not to mention how Bruce doesn't want to deal with a furious Damian who will demand that they, in his words, "stop disrespecting father before he slits their throats."

It has been a miserable couple months for him-and don't you judge him for keeping this obsession up for months! How is anyone-let alone a parent-supposed to process that they are shorter than their kid? Bruce holds back his frustrated tears at realizing his children are grown and growing, for goodness sakes, he had a meltdown just yesterday when it caught up to him that Richard is a fully grown man...he will never let anyone know about how he clutched onto old pictures of his eldest while crying.

And everyday Bruce is hoping and praying against Damian's growth...of course he doesn't want his son to be stunted in his puberty process...but if he decides to stay little forever then that is perfectly okay with him.

Besides panicking over his family's growth, which, yay for them...really, Bruce has been noticing-and I mean, TRULY noticing, his friends colleagues heights. There are certain people where it's just so noticeable, like J'onn for example, that guy is so huge that you are stupid if you don't notice it. Another hero is Big Barda, I mean, she's a seven foot tall woman...you would obviously notice that.

But there are just some people he noticed it with but it didn't bother him before (thank you Jason for kick-starting this!) And now Bruce is constantly comparing himself to the most closest of colleagues to one's he barely speaks to, it's insane how many files he's gone through just to look at heights. His two closest friends colleagues Diana and Clark are two people he didn't bother with height wise. It didn't matter since they made him feel small in different ways...I mean, you have the Amazonian princess with strength and skills that would put any living creature to shame and a Kryptonian that is more human than most humans, who truly has a heart of gold despite any negative views towards him.

And then there is Bruce: cold, stoic, a touch too sarcastic, jaded, cynical, a negative Nancy, a party pooper (Jason says that), no fun, emotionally stunted, anxious, depressed, stressed, old, washed up, unfunny-and the worst of all; short.

Bruce holds back his distressed noise as Wally West, AKA: Richard's best friend who has been over a million times, stands next to him with that ever bright smile of his and is animatedly talking, effectively ruining his depressing train of thought. When did he get so big? So...grown? He takes in the maturity of his once soft face, the man is still cute no doubt, but he isn't that same round faced boy who bothered him about Alfred's cookies. Okay, okay, maybe he still is that same kid...just older looking and taller now.

"-and that's why I'll need that penthouse full of Agent A's cookies."

Bruce blinks away the sudden wetness in his eyes and looks down (ha!) at The Flash confused, though to the normal eye he looks the same old disinterested as usual. "You need a penthouse? What happened to that modest apartment you got?" Wally blinks in shock behind his mask before giving a toothy smile, "Is that what your mind got from that? I was joking about the penthouse...though Agent A's cookies would still be much appreciated."

The ginger shifts in place nervously at the way Batman is staring at him, did he do something wrong? The only thing that somewhat assures Wally that things are okay is the fact that Bruce gives a grunt of agreement before walking off.

He can't take this anymore! If Bruce stays around Wally any longer he's afraid he'll start crying in front of the kid. Instead, he'll just head to the cafeteria and drown his sorrows in today's dessert. Bruce walks in and sees that Diana is already in line, holding back his grumble as he stands next to the woman and internally mourns the fact his head only reaches her shoulder. "Good morning, my friend! It's a lovely day in space is it not?"

Bruce grunts and doesn't bother looking up at Diana, "It's the same view we see everyday we come up to the Watchtower."

The Amazonian just smiles brighter, warmth radiating from her mood. "Though we see it everyday it doesn't make it any less gorgeous up here." Bitterness. Bruce's heart is filled with bitterness at the words "up" and "here" , is-is Diana teasing him? Did she somehow find out about his fixation and is now subtly letting him know that she knows?

The feeling of warmth, like that from the sun, at his right side causes Bruce to automatically look up at the person standing so close to him. His icy blue eyes only widen under his mask at fully tilting his head back to look up at Clark, he feels like sobbing when realizing his head only comes to Clark's chest, why is the man even taller than Diana!?

"Good morning Bruce, Diana. Lovely morning up here, is it not?"

There's that stupid word again! And is it really a good morning when he's been suffering for so long? Bruce frowns at the gentle nudge at his side and Diana's jovial tone, "Told you the view is still beautiful." At Clark's questioning look Diana just smiles more, "Our friend here just is being a sourpuss today. He's grumpy about how I said the view is nice, he just replied about how we see it everyday."

Clark just smiles and looks down at Bruce, his smile turning amused when his friend doesn't move up the line. "Are you just going to stare at me all morning or will you move down the line?"

A scoff is all Bruce can give, not noticing the concerned looks shared over his head as he focuses on piling his food tray with dessert. The concern isn't necessarily from Bruce eating sweets, Diana and Clark both know how much their friend actually has a sweet tooth, the issue is coming from the fact he is willingly eating sweets in front of others on top of the amount it is. Clark just frowns worriedly and sits actual food on his plate while mouthing to Diana about what's wrong with Bruce.

In return, the princess just shakes her head and looks back down at Bruce, choosing to speak up. "You know, it's been awhile since we've eaten alone, just the three of us. Why don't we head to one of our rooms or something?" What she actually means by that is: "let's get Bruce alone so we can figure out what's wrong with him."

The two super powered heroes find themselves even more putoff at Bruce's distracted grunt...it is rare he pulls that one out, usually his grunts have some level of awareness to them, but this one is telling them that he's not actually paying attention. Which is cause for alarm in and of itself. Plus, Clark and Diana have been getting calls from Bruce's family, they are worried about how he's been acting as of late. They report Bruce is running off on them whenever they ask him what's wrong...which actually isn't out of character for Bruce, but if the Batfamily are saying it's different than usual, then it's different than usual.

The two taller heroes lead the shorter to his room, punching his code in before the door opens and they watch as Bruce automatically walks over to his bed and sits on it, shoving a cookie in his mouth and causing Clark to signal to Diana in confirmation that something is wrong.

They use their friend's distracted state to quietly talk about it while joining him in the room, "What's going on with him?" Diana raises her brow as she asks, tilting her head up and to the side so Clark can whisper in her ear. "I don't know for sure...but his lip is jutting out into a micro-pout. I quickly scanned him to see if he was hiding injuries, and while he's not, his muscles are tense as if he's holding back something."

Diana softly ah's and sets her tray down on Bruce's desk, the noise causing the man to look up at them finally. His eyebrows raising when noticing he's in his room, "Why didn't we just eat in the cafeteria?" Bruce holds back his fidgeting at the look the taller two heroes share.

Clark clears his throat, "We were going to originally...but we noticed you were acting off and suggested eating in one of our rooms as a test-"

Diana, being one to never hold back, gets to the point. "A test you failed, Bruce. To be honest, you've been acting off enough to worry your family into calling us to step in. So, can you please tell us what's going on?" Bruce feels genuine embarrassment that this is where his fixation has gotten him, he's too flustered to admit that his issue is the fact he's begun to notice people are bigger than him, I mean, what kind of issue is that?

At Bruce's silence Clark steps forward slightly, his voice patient and gentle when he speaks.

"We are your friends, B. Heck, you even feel like family. And family is there for each other just like me and Di are here for you. Jason has been feeling particularly bad lately...he says he didn't know what he did this time to make you so upset with him, you keep staring him down angrily only to storm off when he looks back at you."

Bruce feels angry with himself for letting such a stupid non-issue get this far. His looks of "anger" weren't anger towards Jason at all, he knows when he thinks hard about stuff he can sometimes look mean apparently, but he was never upset with his Jaylad...the distress was just showing on his face and Bruce most likely masked it with the first emotion that came to mind, one that's easiest for him to express or replicate; anger or irritation.

Bruce hates the involuntary distressed sound that escapes his crumb covered lips, however, for the sake of his family and ending this stupid misunderstanding, he chooses to be...honest (Batfamily: *collectively gasping*)

"Jason...he's bigger than me-" Bruce keeps the Batman mask on so he won't be too vulnerable, his hands tightening on the metal tray from the thought-"For months I have been noticing the sudden growth of my children and I...I didn't know what to do with that information. Did you know that Jason has to crouch when I hold him now? Since when did he need to do that?" At this point of his ranting, Bruce is out of bed and pacing across the room while his friends patiently listen.

"And then it hit me one day that Richard is truly a man now. Maybe that's why we got into so many fights before? I never truly realized that he didn't need my help like before-" Bruce pauses in the middle of the room and clenches his cape in his fists-"He is so much taller now and shining brighter than the little boy I picked up. Timmy is even starting to grow a bit more...which, I don't know if I should be upset or pleased that he's finally growing, that boy scares me sometimes with how small he was."

Bruce's hands instinctively reach up to run his fingers through his hair and he huffs at the mask being in the way, choosing to hide his hands underneath his cape instead.

"Wally is even so big now, did you know that? I remember the young boy with that fat freckled face pestering me about Alfred's cookies...and now that boy has the audacity to get big on me, I think I hate realizing that Dickie-bird is actually taller than his friend now, it's only by one or two inches-but still!" Bruce starts pacing again, his nerves building up once more and telling him to move.

"And don't get me started on Damian. I feel I constantly am trying to sabotage his growth...I never got to see him as a baby and so I hope he stays that small, chubby faced little boy I've come to know. I feel horrible for wishing against his growth, but I want to make his childhood as enjoyable as possible, did you know he didn't even know what movies were when he came here? He was deprived of fun and he can't grow too quickly now or fun childhood memories can't be made."

Bruce stops to finally stare at Diana and Clark, pointing accusingly at them.

"And then you two! I noticed it before, but it was never something of interest to me. I didn't need to pay attention to your heights when I feel small in other ways with you two...you-" Bruce grunts at Clark gently slamming into him and hugging him, the man sounding a mix of fond, touched, baffled and sad. "You don't need to feel small with us. I for one think you are bigger than any of us in many different ways...I mean, you just admitted to having a crisis at realizing your family grew."

Diana joins in on the hug with a soft chuckle, "I'm just surprised you didn't notice our height difference sooner. Clark and I always talked about how cute it is to pick you up, your our tiny human."

The woman just smiles more when Clark nudges her side in warning for her playful words, "But in all seriousness. This has to be the cutest moment we've seen from you ever, instead of a midlife crisis you are having a parental crisis-" Diana cackles again when Clark pokes her side again-"What? I am being serious. But also, this just shows how much you care...and I think it's only normal to feel this way when you never expected to have a family of your own in the first place."

Bruce's breath hitches at the gentleness in which Diana speaks the last part, his eyes prickling with tears at realizing deep down she's right. Ever since he took in Richard he was always amazed and scared at having a family, and no matter how much he's tried to deny it in his worst moments, that's what Richard became ever since he thought of taking him in. Bruce never expected a family, which is why he tries so hard to deny it...and I guess after years of taking care of children it's finally caught up to him that his family-more specifically, his children (because that's who they are) have grown into functioning adults.

He never thought he would want a family after losing his in that alleyway, but if anyone were to take down his defenses...of course it'd be a child.

Clark gently reaches up to tug Bruce's mask off and finds himself wanting to cry at seeing the fat droplets-hanging on for dear life-onto Bruce's eyes, even now his friend doesn't want to seem weak. He can't help but chuckle at the incredulous look Bruce gives him for wanting to cry as well.

"You can cry, Bruce. What are friends for?"

Bruce feels his face grow red, his body loosening in Clark and Diana's hold as months of tension leaves his being through his tears, choosing to hide his face in his friends strong bodies. He hates crying and how good it makes him feel afterwards, he doesn't think he deserves that feeling most days, but for now, it's okay. Bruce also can't help the eye roll at hearing Clark sniffle as well, he's such a crybaby. Diana just smirks at her two boys, carding her long, elegant fingers through Bruce's hair, the two taller heroes paying close attention to Bruce as he shifts in their hold and speaks up. Voice slightly muffled.

"Never speak about this to anyone."

Diana and Clark share a look before silently coming into agreement and lifting Bruce off his feet, reveling in his annoyed protests with laughter.

"We wouldn't dare."

("1. He isn't and 2. Even if he was, who would be brave enough to tell one of the richest men on earth-let alone THE Batman that he's short?" Does the second option imply or mean Bruce is short or is it just a scenario? You decide! I constantly switch between Bruce being a genuine short king and him just being around people that make him feel freaking short 😂.

"Clark gently reaches up to tug Bruce's mask off and finds himself wanting to cry at seeing the fat droplets-hanging on for dear life-onto Bruce's eyes, even now his friend doesn't want to seem weak." <-(Damian and Jason sipping on their tea: "Seems we found that answer to who we learned that from. 😌")

Also, I am so sorry this story got so long! I didn't mean to 😭. This idea has been in my head, and I usually forget my ideas...but this time I actually wanted to remember lol. This is also kind of based off of the one day I was hugging my baby brother and realized I actually had to look up at him...he's only 14 (while writing this I also just remembered he's 14 😭😭😭), I went back into my room and literally just sat there reminiscing on my bed about when he was brought home from the hospital to all the good times we had together and even things I wish I did different with him growing up 😂.

Also, also, I apologize for the constant whiplash from some semblance of humor (or something), to slightly crack-ish (I think so at least) writing to things getting deep and emotional. I was feeling fickle with the vibe of this story I guess, so I said: "why not everything?" 😂😂😂

This is getting even longer cause I like talking too much in notes lol, so I'm going to leave with a thank you! Anyone and everyone who bothers to read this long mess is very much appreciated!

Please remember to stay safe, happy, healthy and of course lovely as always. 💛)

[thirrith]

A guide to Dream of the Red Chamber for English speakers

I've been posting about a book called Dream of the Red Chamber for a while. I'm kinda obsessed with it but the tags here on tumblr are pretty much barren. I want to get more people to be interested in it, so here's something more informative with minimal screaming.

Dream of the Red Chamber (紅樓夢) is a 18th century Chinese novel by Cao Xueqin. It isn't very well-known outside of the Sinophone aka the Chinese-speaking world, whereas where I come from it's considered a masterpiece and classic and is so well-known and holds so much cultural significance even the people who haven't necessarily read the book make references to it - like, basically everybody knows about the book. It certainly deserves to be known and loved by more people - that's why I'm making a post about it. This post is NOT going to be an attempt to cover everything, though, because there is just so, so much to the book; instead, I am creating a guide to make it easier for people to get started if they are interested.

What is Dream of the Red Chamber about? Why do people love it?

The best way to sum it up is calling it a family saga mixed with a bit of fantasy. It tells the story of the rise and fall of a big and powerful family, focusing on the story of the young girls, the maid servants, and the wives that all live together and run the household. The only male main character Jia Baoyu is a young heir of the family, who grew up among these women and girls. He loves and understands them, loves being surrounded by them, and deeply identifies with them. My dad, who is also a fan of the book, loves saying that Baoyu 'has the heart of a maiden'.

The book is funny and full of drama, and at the same time it's also poetic, tragic and profound, and the tragedy of the characters is written in such a kind way, as if the author wants you to love them and remember how wonderful and alive they are despite the fact that a gloomy fate will claim them all.

The book is also so queer in a way that no other Ming/Qing dynasty Chinese novels can compare. Obviously there are no modern queer labels because it was written in imperial China, but there are characters who are interested in both men and women, characters who are interested in no one, and affairs between boys and between girls; many main characters have the kind of relationships with their gender that make my Chinese transgender heart sing with empathy.

If you want to hear from English speakers who fell in love with the book and learn more about the context and literary/cultural value of the book, I recommend starting with 'Why is China’s greatest novel virtually unknown in the west?' by Michael Wood on The Guardian and 'Why you should read China’s vast, 18th century novel, Dream of the Red Chamber' by Josh Stenberg on The Conversation.

Dream of the Red Chamber is a long novel with many different versions and possibly hundreds of adaptations. How should I begin?

There are two translations that I know have received good reviews:

A Dream of Red Mansions translated by Yang Hsien-yi and Gladys Yang. My partner is reading this version. It's a very faithful translation with footnotes to make up for the language and cultural barriers. (Note: the Yangs finished their translation in prison in China during the Cultural Revolution.)

The Story of the Stone translated by David Hawkes and John Minford. It's a translation that takes more artistic liberties than the Yangs version. For example it differs in the way it translates character names and its writing style. Hawkes wanted to recreate the experience of reading the novel in Chinese for English speaking readers, but it may also be harder for you to talk to those who read the book in Chinese about certain characters and details.

There is also a public domain translation by H. Bencraft Joly, which was first published in the 19th century, and you can find it on Project Gutenberg.

The 1987 36-episode TV adaptation Dream of the Red Chamber is well-loved and considered by many Chinese people to be the best adaptation of the book. Every later adaptation would be compared with the 1987 one and found lacking. I personally love this adaptation a lot, and I think out of all the adaptations I've seen (including TV series, films and Chinese opera) it has the best interpretations of the book and the characters. It also has the best songs, which were adapted from the poems in the book. You can stream the series with English subtitles on the Internet Archive.

If you want something shorter that covers the main romance plot line and includes a few iconic scenes from the book, I recommend the 1977 film adaptation The Dream of the Red Chamber casting legendary actress Brigitte Lin as Jia Baoyu (she also portrayed an iconic classic wuxia character as a trans woman in another film franchise, but I digress). You can find the film with English subtitles on Youtube.

This is not all, but it's a good start. If you ever decide to give it a go, it doesn't matter if you watch one of the adaptations first or read the book first. Don't stress, take your time, and enjoy the ride!

[tacticalfiend]

while obviously not made by the same people lol, I do think Mouthwashing serves as a really great companion piece to Silent Hill 2. The more I think about both of them, the more similarities I see, and the more I see ways in which Mouthwashing really fleshes out the exploration of misogyny Silent Hill 2 has going on. It's a big reason why I'm completely disinterested and unconvinced of the popular fan interpretation of Jimmy being gay in some way. I initially joked about him being the most evil bisexual man ever with friends, but I actually think Jimmy (and Curly) being heterosexual is important to the game. In SH2, James's heterosexuality is important to his character. He loved his wife, he shows concern for Angela, but he also harbors some clear resentment for the sensual marriage he was "robbed" of due to Mary's illness. His love for her did not prevent him from committing an act of violence that was at least in part self serving. Jimmy's obvious obsession with Curly, while not being attracted to him, is kind of The Point in my opinion. He sexually abused Anya, impregnated her, and clearly harbors no guilt over what he's done. On the other hand he is overcome with guilt for what he did to Curly, precisely because he's a man. So many heterosexual men are like this, idolizing and romanticizing the other men in their lives, because men are more worthy of their adoration. They may love their wives (as pets, as property), but they worship men (as gods, as an aspiration), and who doesn't besmirch God in times of strife? Curly, in a way, is no different. He clearly deeply cares for Anya (very likely loves her), but he only treats Jimmy as an equal. Jimmy is outright abusive, but Curly's paternalism and people pleasing served as a lubricant allowing the abuse to happen in the first place. Attraction to women is not mutually exclusive to misogynistic violence. And loving women will never be enough.

[lurveinn]

I’m so curious about Wizarding fashion. JKR isn’t very physically descriptive- we just know that wizards wear robes, which are outlandish to muggles, and pointy hats, but what does that really mean? What kind of robe? Magical fashion clearly isn’t very gendered, since Harry remarks on a man at the Quidditch World Cup wearing a dress and insisting that it’s unisex (certainly not the case in Britain at the time), but we don’t have any other parameters. Keeping in mind the uniform from the movies, and the fact that in SWM, Snape isn’t wearing any trousers, here’s what I think wizards wear:

1. Flowing silhouettes and cloaks; clearly, wizards love a good statement cloak. Think tassels and frills (not like Ron’s Yule Ball fit!), massive extended sleeves and lots of draping.

2. Skirts: let’s be honest, just one singular robe, without any layering, doesn’t give us much to work with. Skirts go with the general silhouette, explain why the World Cup wizard thought muggle men wore dresses, and keep with the no-trousers thing from SWM. I’m South Asian, so I like to have a little fun with it and think of wizards in ghararas (my favourite item of clothing); the Wizarding World is quite insular, travel is relatively unrestricted (hello, they have magic!), everyone has a common enemy in muggles (and other species- goblins, house-elves) etcetera, so race probably doesn’t function the same way and I headcanon a lot of cross-cultural exchange. Plus, wizarding fashion isn’t restricted by weather- they have warming charms- so wearing clothes made for hot climates in England, for example, wouldn’t be a problem.

Plus, I actually think saris are a natural fancy dress option- flowy, drapey, colourful. Speaking of which-

3. If there’s one fanon idea that I hate (aside from fanon!Sirius, of course), it’s this image of wizards (specifically high society wizards) as reserved. Sorry, did we read the same books? Wizards, even posh, rich wizards, like the Malfoys and Blacks, are camp and very outlandish. They do house-elf taxidermy, they keep their wands in canes. Just because Hogwarts uniforms are black doesn’t mean that people dress like they’re in mourning all the time. People can be total snobs and obsessed with their image and still wear bright pink, insane robes, because guess what? They have different social conventions than we do. Men and women dress basically the same, so there is no reason to believe that a man wearing a flowing robe would be against the norm. I say this as someone who believes misogyny and homophobia are well and truly alive in Wizarding society, especially in pureblooded families where the emphasis is on continuing the line; they definitely exist, but they probably look different.

4. My personal obsession and headcanon: rich wizards wearing bones. Look, I might not think of them as racist in the traditional sense, but they are undeniably speciesist, if that’s a word? They think of themselves as superior, and other sentient magical species either work under (goblins) or are enslaved (house-elves) by wizards. We only see Veelas very briefly, but despite them being admired for their beauty, I doubt wizards treat them very well. So- show me blood-purists wearing corsets made of goblin bones and teeth. Show me Veelas being hunted for their blood to stain and dye clothes with. Show me exotic “magical creatures” that are humanoid and capable of reasoning and should have rights, like mermaids and werewolves, being hunted for their scales and pelts while also being ostracised for being ‘non-human’. It’s terrible, but that’s the kind of archaic jewellery and fashion the old families that the fandom likes to fetishise would like to wear.

[fungusgnat444]

König tropes I want to burn with hell fire

sorry for this unprompted rant but some of you guys are starting to ruin my favourite comfort character (CW mentions of noncon/r*pe, mentions of xenophobia, mentions of n*zis, general problematic behaviour, mentions of bad disability/mental health representation)

-1. Casual xenophobia- I’ve lost count of the amount of content that depicts König as a n*zi and I kinda feel like I shouldn’t have to tell you why that’s not ok. These things should not be fetishised and doing this is overall just super ignorant. That’s probably the worst instance of this kind of things but there are a ton of examples. Like a lot of people seem to think that every German speaking country is exactly the same. And to codify him as a German speaker everyone seems to think they can just slap on whatever offensive stereotype they want. As someone who has visited German speaking countries multiple times and knows native German speakers personally, believe it or not not all German men are rude, humourless, cruel, alcoholic perverts who treat women like shit and have a bunch of super fucked up kinks and no understanding of consent. If any of you had ever met someone from this part of the world you’d know that in general they are very polite and friendly people. If you want to use a stereotype there are plenty that aren’t offensive and ignorant that could be fun character quirks (eg. Germans always having to have the windows open, having a sweet tooth, having three different drinks with breakfast (water for hydration, coffee for energy, juice for nutrition. Trust me it’s a whole thing lol), being obsessed with always being on time (also works because he’s in the military) etc.). Like please at least try to be a little respectful. And if you’re going to show him speaking German at least learn the basics. Duolingo is free lol.

2 mental health/disabilities- as someone who actually has autism I think it’s kinda cool that some people have written him as autistic or having adhd etc. but if you’re going to do this can you please just do a little research so you get the symptoms right and not over generalise. Like autistic people can in fact understand humour and sarcasm most of the time we’re not robots. It’s 2024 like can we stop this trope please. A lot of people write him having anxiety or ptsd, which again I think is super cool but it’s often used as an excuse for him being aggressive/violent. Like this isn’t cute, if someone is treating you like this regardless of if they struggle with mental health or not there’s never an excuse for violence.

3 r*pe/non con- this point is kinda about fanfic in general but I see it a lot with könig especially. People need to understand the difference between a cnc kink and just plain assault. Cnc is a consensual agreement with safe words and boundaries and aftercare and mutual enjoyment. What most of these fics say is cnc is literally just him being a sexual predator. For a lot of people this is super triggering and romanticising r*pe is just disgusting.

again sorry for the rant guys but I really just needed to get this off my chest. Like this stuff has gotten in the way of my own writing and is really starting to ruin the appeal of his character. Like I beg of you can someone please write something where he’s just a sweet anxious Austrian guy who’s kind and respectful despite his reputation? Like I really don’t think I’m asking for much.

[velvetvexations]

My early socialization experience was weird as hell.

My mother wanted a daughter to treat like a doll with all the extremely gendered nonsense that entails - and was also a second wave radfem and former political lesbian, which...yeah she was half all in on the gendered shit, but also half in weird denial about it. My dad...is the one I got my auDHD from, and the result was that he raised me exactly the same way his parents raised him - which was also very gendered, but he didn't notice that. He didn't notice how differently they treated him and his sister. He just noticed what they did right by him and what he wanted to repeat. He taught me how to use tools and rebuild car engines and be handy and outdoorsy; while my mother was giving me the whole "oh sweetie don't get your dress dirty (: oh yes you should be a #girlboss in STEM but fixing a chair is too dangerous for you to do alone why don't you get your dad to help (: are you suuuuure you can lift that 8-pound object???" thing, my dad was teaching me how to operate a forklift and training me with good lifting technique and encouraging me to haul shit twice my size and letting me learn the kinds of lessons that can only be learned by minor injury. Damned near the only thing he WASN'T doing was the whole "man up" schtick, but even THAT I kinda got a detoxified version of; there was a lot of value placed on keeping my complaints in perspective, building my emotional regulation to the...best of my limited ability, and trying to solve problems independently - again, his WHOLE thing was pretty much just "what would I repeat from what my parents did to me? What would I change?" With absolutely no regard paid to "what was different for my sister? What would have been different if I'd been a girl?" Because he straight up didn't notice that shit.

As a result I fundamentally don't care that he can't quite get gendered terms right for me, because whatever, he's always treated me like just a she/her boy anyway.

Meanwhile, like I said, my mother considered herself a feminist, full on tried to force herself to be a lesbian about it in her 20s, and yet she STILL constantly underestimated my physical strength, treated my appearance like it was the most important thing about me, and kept pushing me to sit down and "be polite" - but she usually didn't SAY these things had anything to do with me being a girl, and in many cases probably didn't even realize they were herself. "Girls can do anything boys can do - but also if you fight back against your [also prepubescent, but male] bullies They Will Kill You To Death They Are Stronger You Cannot Win" was a sentiment I got (in much less clear terms) ALL THE TIME from her through elementary school. She was obsessed with my appearance, in that distinct radfemmy "well sure butches are cool but uh by butch you still mean skinny in form-fitting clothes with a pixie cut, right?" kind of way. She would never say I should dress "more ladylike" and would get angry at family members who WOULD say that out loud - she even introduced me to the concept that crossdressing is fine (sometimes) and that trans men exist (in which she made it clear she thought of us as just weird butch women) - but she would get really, really weird and cruel if I wore jeans she considered "unflattering".

And that's just the thing, about why all flavors of radfems are wrong about how "socialization" does and doesn't impact people! She never tied gender to a good half or so of those messages, so even after I started transitioning, they still felt like they were always aimed at me. Meanwhile, I got the same kind of auDHD from my dad that made him never see the gender of his own upbringing, only "things my parents did that I would repeat vs. things they did that I would not" - I only realized just HOW aggressively gendered my mother's behavior was by studying sociology years later.

Terfs are wrong that early socialization is destiny, everyone responds to the same messages the same way, and GNC "men" are treated wonderfully.

T[i]rfs are wrong that we all ONLY ever internalize messages aimed at our ACTUAL genders and trans men can just shake off misogyny because it's not REALLY aimed at us, regardless of whether that claim stays in the realm of "because WE know deep down that something is off when we're being called the wrong thing" or gets all the way into the batshit belief that everyone has ESP for people's essential soul gender and GNC men ARE treated just fine and it's ONLY eggmode trans women who get mistreated (and they all do regardless of how well they do or don't perform masculinity) and trans men are all totally raised as men and never treated misogynistically in the first place because of that soul gender ESP.

And ALL radfems are wrong that there's a rigid, universally applicable set of rules as to what socialization looks like based on your gender - just because there ARE broad patterns that DO need to be acknowledged doesnt erase the fact that from person to person there's a LOT of variance for a LOT of potential reasons, and that ends up meaning that in order to figure out what it means for trans people, you DO have to do a whole individual level examination - including by diving into the whole dysphoria-inducing disaster that is being perceived as the wrong gender and all that comes from it.

Also I sometimes half-jokingly identify as cis-bigender because between the thing with my parents, the fact that when I hit puberty it became apparent that I'm actually intersex, and the fact that I'm pretty sure I'd have been on the femboy-transfem cusp had I been AMAB, over 10 years into transition I finally feel manly enough to go high femme when the mood strikes, and I've finally gotten comfortable calling myself a girl when it's funny, I think that's a very fun label and about as accurate and honest as any single term comes.

I wish I could frame this ask.

[clovenhooves-dot-org]

"Destined" for GNC

I once saw a comment saying "How is a little girl supposed to dream of growing up to be a construction worker if she gets catcalled every time she passes by a construction site?" and it made me think of how we tend to approach gender nonconformity. We assume that any woman who is GNC must've had this as her entire life goal, that she had to be "the chosen one", someone who could name every single airplane model at 3 years old and who strived to get a PhD in electrical engineering the second she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up.

In reality, while STEM and handyperson skills are certainly a part of male socialisation that they boys are immersed in from their earliest years, plenty of men do not dream or feel destined to make careers in them or turn it into an obsession, which is why a lot of trades and construction struggle with getting workers. They go into these professions because they are lucrative, or simply because they need money. Women are seen as needing an exceptional reason to do so - they had to have been destined for this, they had to have it in their genes, they must just somehow inherently, biologically be different from all those other women who do completely different things like arts and crafts (which couldn't possibly transition into any kind of trades skill, oh no). And ofc they have to be absolute geniuses to justify even dipping their fingers in it - they can't possibly be average or heaven forbid struggle.

In reality, femininity and its limitations are actively harmful to women, and that's all the reason women should have to forego it. Women do not need to be obsessed with roleplaying as men or be destined to be specifically a welder with a special welder brain in order to conclude that femininity is a shit deal for them and to live outside of its confines. Ofc the women drawn to these things will often have a long history of interest in these things, but that's precisely because these fields are so hostile to women in general, let alone average women. It's survivorship bias.

Society in general loves the idea of "talent" and people having certain "brains" for something, with plenty of research expended into seeking to find some special "classical music brain gene" to explain it all. The narrative for all people is defined by an exceptional minority, and people who struggle due to lacking the money, safety net and socialisation of more successful individuals are simply told to give up because they're not meant to do something. But this ofc goes beyond mere professions, and into presentation as well. Women see other GNC women and they assume "Well, they must've always been this way, they're not like us other gals", instead of realising that that could be them. All female people by virtue of being recognised as female are saddled with femininity and all women are harmed by it. Countering this harm and expanding your possibilities as much as you can is a matter of survival for ALL women, not just the ones with sufficiently blue-ish brains

By YesYourNigel.

Join the discussion on clovenhooves.org!

[venuscnjunctpluto]

Astrology Observation pt. 2

(Thank y’all for all the support on my first one❤️🙌🏾)

*as a sag Venus sag mars pls stop asking me why I’m laughing…I’m not laughing at YOU I’m just insane😝

*moon in the 1st synastry is so therapeutic you just feel really comfortable opening up to the 1st house person and as the 1st house person I feel honored someone trusts me enough to share their feelings🫶🏾

*people w aqua and libra in their big three are the chillest mfs you’ll ever meet. Even though I’m very chaotic anytime someone describes me “chill” just seems to be thrown in there. We space out ALOT and it’s honestly embarrassing😭 Ex: Alicia keys, lil Wayne, Harry styles, Rosalia. Harry gives such himbo energy in interviews and they drag him for it in the comments but he’s probably just thinking about multiple things at once. Alicia keys didn’t even realize lil mama was on that stage and went on performing lol. Obviously lil Wayne smokes but something about his energy…he’s on cloud 9. And just go watch Rosalia’s chicken shop episode💕😂.

*honestly Aries mars aren’t that bad when it comes to temper because usually they find ways to manage it. Now mars-Uranus aspects is a completely different story. I have late mars-Uranus and it takes me a while to get mad but when I do I can’t even think anymore. My old roomie had a tight square and she would blow up on people for no actual reason like girl sit down😭

*something about Scorpio mars men is just😮‍💨 they have such a sneaky energy to them that makes them stand out. Virgo mars are fine too they’re just so skinny and no matter wtf they do they’re always nerdy ugh (ex: Matthew gray gubler, Lucky daye, Dylan O’Brien, Jeff Buckley)

*i noticed Aries moon don’t really get along w each other. They find their own energy to be too mf much (which it can be) so they prefer being around more calmer people *coughs* libra moons like me. They wanna be bouncing off the walls 🤪 while their friend is just like 🙂.

* fire risings do a lot of things fast. As an Aries rising, I walk fast, get happy fast, eat fast, workout fast. My cousin is complaining her sag rising toddler eats and drinks way too fast.

*venus in 11th…how many tiktok drafts do y’all got😭

*i talked to this guy who had similar placements as me (Venus in 8th and moon in 6th plus Aquarius and Aries placements) It was so chaotic it was literally us going back and forth obsessing over eachother while trying to keep it lowkey. But also the amount of anxiety we are naturally incline to have made the whole situation too mf much.

*i have mercury conjunct my friends mars and for years she tells me the things I say can take people there and make them wanna fight me. It’s in Capricorn and so I was confused before I knew we had that aspect

* i noticed rappers whose lines always stick out to me have Gemini mars or mercury- mars (central cee, king von, tupac, kendrick , j. cole)

*i was talking to this guy and I had Venus and mars plus pluto in his 4th house. Months after we stopped talking our friend groups meshed and he would tell me non-stop I reminded him of his mother. He said she was the same height as me and y’all I was scared to ask what she looked like cause 😫 y’all remember that episode of family guy when Chris dated that girl that looked like Lois yep 4th house synastry.

*im a true crime whore and two women who killed their bfs had sun-Uranus aspects. Their energy was erratic and very off putting in videos. I can’t remember the other one but Courtney tailor/clenney was one.

* More spilling my business on the Internet😍 i think I’m done entertaining people my age. Pluto in the 8th, Lilith in 1st, and Venus conjunct Pluto synastry has been hell. Where’s my sugar daddy/mama?? It’s ghetto out here

*gemini Lilith generation whose a year younger than me is nasty asf😭 esp the tauruses they have their Lilith conjunct their Gemini Venus and opposite their Pluto. One said he had a slept w two girls at separate times. He didn’t know they met until the girls posted a selfie together and tagged him. They later told him they wanted a threesome and he did it😭 knowing astrology I believed every word

* sidebar Neptune-asc people and trying to give off innocent vibes ugh annoying asf to me. I can see right through their bs but they’re able to fool most people.

* mercury-Pluto aspects are in fact LIARS and throw a Scorpio placement in there😮‍💨

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

Sometimes I'm having a good day then I randomly have flashbacks to posts I've seen on tumblr. Mostly of; cat animagus regulus, regulus replacing peter, regulus and sirius being best friends, dramatic sirius, James being all people pleasing and not arrogant at all (save me arrogant rich boy James oml), remus being a jerk for no reason and being borderline toxic for sirius and I'm not okay any longer. But I cant express that to anyone at school cuz they'll just be like who tf are u talking abt????

!!!!!!!!

i love aus i love reconciliation i love wondering how things could be different or how x character would fit into a narrative but some things are just !! incorrect !! regulus isnt an animagus!! its very fucking hard to become one!! he is NEVER described as intelligent!! quite the opposite!! also, he isnt crookshanks!! he's fucking dead!! he committed suicide!! it's literally one of the three things he canonically did!! stop taking that away!!

regulus could never ever replace peter!! he would never fit into the dynamic the marauders have!! he's also a fucking nazi and remus is equivalent of a jew!! sirius would've hated having him there!!

why? because regulus was a major part of why he wanted to leave leave leave his house!! he was suffocated at number twelve!! constantly compared to his picture perfect brother!! his brother, who was a soft idiot!! who was naive and gullible!! who was the opposite of sirius in everyway!! it was never ever sirius and regulus - it was sirius or regulus!! sirius vs regulus!! they likely had a very complicated relationships!! its very very possible they hated each other!! "i have a brother i could never hate him 😖 i understand sirius, im sure they loved each other <3" unless you grew up in the 70s in a very very uptight house with a mother who was clinically insane and an absent father, both of which supported ethnic cleansing and genocide of a race you live amongst, and your younger brother, who you've likely considered your closest in that torture chamber, ends up going further than your fucked up parents by joining in the ethnic cleansing, by being obsessed with fucking hitler, by fighting against you in war, all while being praised for doing so while you're abused for not wanting to kill innocent men, women and children until you runaway as a teenager to go to the house of someone you've only known for five years because of how horrid it is, i dont think you understand!!

and sirius is called dramatic!! sirius black!! who was in solitary confinement for twelve years, charged for being the very thing he did so so much to be the opposite of, charged for murder of his sanctuary, of his best friends, of his godson, of twelve innocent bystanders, betrayed by one of his closest friends, who was homeless for over an year, who was trapped again in a prison of his old home, constantly exposed to triggering stimuli like his fucking mother!!!!!!! and being made comments about which he deals with so very maturely!! he is dramatic!! despite the fact that he barely, if ever, brought it up!! and if he did, then only to his godson!! his last remaining person!! good god, he suffered so much and he's never, ever allowed to complain!!

and james!! god!! what do we know about him? that he had a massive ego!! a massive heart, yes, but he was proud!! stop with the perspective that one has to sacrifice themself to be good!! i know most people here are teenage girls, that we are taught that this is the only way to be, but it isnt!! especially not to a wealthy pureblood (=white) boy in the 70s!! he likely was incredibly selfish!!

remus, god remus, after sirius - this is the character assassination of the centaury. his entire character revolves around his cowardice!! how unlike a werewolf he is!! how he does everything possible to be the very opposite!! he ruins his life because of how he fears ruining other people!! but fanon remus - he's a fucking proud werewolf, i dont care what people say!! he's abusive, he's a sex-addict, druggie - he's an asshole!! he is literally fenrir greyback!! the man who ruined his life!! 'mr tell me a fucking secret' my ass!! and its just funny! its cute and wholesome and let's focus on how he suffered and how hot he is, when there's no evidence of most of these claims!! let's, instead, focus on how horrified remus would be at what he's portrayed as!! he's portrayed as the very thing he's tried to be the opposite of!! this is just one more example of sirius' trauma being put onto remus to make him some tragic hero, when that in itself is remus' tragedy!! that he died and left an orphan to a fucked up kid, that he had no friends and couldnt hold relationships, that he's forgettable despite standing out, that he's outshone despite being intelligent - it's just not as romanticizable as 'my dad hates me and i'm really hot and smoke cigarettes'

i just yapped so much because god its so annoying!! no one sees it!! "let people have fun" yes, but lets call bullshit out!! dont romanticize toxic relationships to young girls @ marauders fandom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sixlane]

lane u can't just say "pandoralecto" and leave it at that i need to know more please

it seems i’m incapable of talking about pairings without making a moodboard recently… but anyways YES let me tell you about them.

alecto is our resident radfem man-hating lesbian who can’t help but conform to patriarchal ideals in her quest to redeem herself and her family in the eyes of the rich elite. she’s mean and selfish and brutal yet she still cares what others think of her. pandora on the other hand could not give less of a fuck what anyone is saying about her, yet she just happens to be this (on the outside) “perfect woman.” she’s blonde and beautiful with delicate features and she’s rich and she throws elaborate parties that everyone who’s anyone is invited to. and she does it just because she wants to. pandora has never done a single thing she didnt want to do, and she’s praised for it. people don’t seem to care that she’s blunt and apathetic because she’s beautiful and alecto hates her for this. but she also wants to be her. she becomes jealously obsessed with pandora and somewhere along the way that blurs into lust. and it’s so ugly and gross but she wants to literally cut pandora open and wear her skin. she can’t help it.

then we have pandora, who is just living her life carefree exactly the way she wants to and there’s alecto standing in the corner of her party with an untouched martini just glaring at everyone. and pandora is like. what is her problem? alecto is so full of rage and pandora cannot understand how a person can hold so much inside of them and she doesn’t like it. she thinks alecto has the most massive stick up her ass and her failure to understand this woman bleeds into disdain for her. but it also means pandora cannot get alecto out of her head. she’s a natural observer and she finds herself to be so fascinated by other people because she’s so different from them. she’s low empathy like her brother but entranced by the way people interact with each other in a normative context. she cannot for the life of her understand why alecto cares so much about anything but for some reason she can’t get herself to leave alecto alone. their whole relationship is pandora doing things to get reactions out of alecto. good or bad. seeing what will make her tick. constantly antagonizing her. she’s obsessed with alecto just as much as alecto is obsessed with her. she wants to break her so bad.

their fighting turns into violent make outs which lead to creepy power-play sex. who will get the upper hand. it’s a fight to the death. they’re both trying to rip the other open.

also i thought it would be interesting to explore their relationship in the context of both of them being in some type of weird codependent twincest relationship. they don’t hinge on this but like pandoras relationship with evan is about belonging and alecto’s relationship with amycus is about dominating. so i think the pandoralecto sexual dynamic would be flipped. alecto finds their violent sex dynamic surprisingly fulfilling because it’s equal. they’re both women!! she’s not performing. she’s at her most feral and imperfect and pandora still wants her in some weird way. she feels more comfortable taking on a submissive role because she doesn’t have to uphold this power over pandora that she feels she has to uphold when she has sex with men. for pandora sex with her brother is not about sex. it’s very intimate and like. idk something otherworldly. but sex with alecto is about sex. it’s lust and obsession. i think she realizes that alecto has never not been in control and she wants to flip that. she wants to get on top of alecto and see what happens. she takes the reins because alecto has always had an iron grip on them.

tl;dr: they’re feral and they hate each other and they’re obsessed with each other at the same time. they both have an inability to let things go once they’ve zeroed in and that’s what drives this dynamic. they just can’t stop!

[vivianbernadetteaurora]

Observations astrology

I don’t know what it is about Pisces film females but they have the most beautiful area of their face which consists of their lips cheeks and mouth where it’s very flashy like that is the only way I can describe it but it’s really beautiful like their mouth, face and mouth and head almost like oval shaped And like really juicy look kind of like Taurus but in a different kind of way that’s the only way I can explain it? Like I say rising like little baby little chubby like Megan Thee Stallion like chubby lips and that and cute little lips and yeah just suck kind

Aries and not that bad they fallen in love with you. I think they could be really faithful and they get a lot of slack but I don’t think that’s why and that’s coming from somebody who went out with an Aries who essayed me.

Pisces men with a lot of Aries in their chart gives psychopathic energy. I was with this man for five years you had this and I was absolutely obsessed with him. He brought out the best in me. He made me feel like never ever man before after he has diagnosed ASD.

Man will literally go out and say that flirting with someone and saying how beautiful someone else’s so I don’t think they ever really get into someone to that degree because there’s always other options plenty more fish in the sea

Sagittarius women, I find with Scorpio placements very terrifying and very aloof but dark at the same time and they can come across is really scary and really but almost like a bully but do not give the same energy, the man don’t give us the same energy maybe they do to other men, but obviously I don’t know cause I’m not a man obviously.

I wish I knew more Capricorns because they seem chill and loyal, but I just don’t seem to have them come into my life

people who have a ascendant Libra, relationships are very very young age and could be married a couple of times or could’ve got married very young and you know why this is it is literally because they’re seventh house? 🏡 Aries house seventh Aries usually the 1st to do something the first person who won survivor was an Aries, because Aries do seem to do things very young e.g. for example losing their virginity they often of♈️ very young, age relationships, and like I said marrying young, maybe even a loping and secret

Maybe a shotgun wedding,

Example of this my Nan, who is a libra rising and a lot of Aries  in the charts in the seventh house r, so it has the air of Libra more to it not getting married very young, because everything in that seventh house 🏠 Aries. ♈️ end up doing things at the youngest, because they are the baby of the zodiac . they will either get married young, a shotgun wedding, they might lose their virginity young, my sister who is Aries 🌞, they might start doing drugs young like my ex-boyfriend who was at Mars and Venus in Aries he started smoking weed at like eight.

Or to give you another example of a libra rising my Nan, who is an Aries son so her son moon and mercury sitting in the seventh house, pregnant 15 and had to get married that’s what happened back then she was a catholic and Irish, and she married this alcoholic piece of shit sorry my grandad, who treated my dad and the rest of his siblings like shit, this is just an example of what happens if you are a libra rising, like I said it’s not always the case, I look at Anna Nicole Smith she married young but she married a very older man, Beyoncé is surprisingly a Libra rising, and met Jay-Z when she was very young.

People with there mars in Gemini ♊️ live wires, they also have the extremely restless ADHD energy. They can’t sit still for five minutes. I have to always be doing, unless they have other aspects that tone is down, but most of them have this going on until some degree

[starlightseraph]

sighhhhh…

i saw a post claiming that being uncomfortable with some of the wild rpf blogs is homophobia (or rather, that we’re only so uncomfortable with the rabid david/michael shipping because they’re both men, and not by georgia/anna stuff because they’re women), and i find that very funny.

firstly, most of us are queer to begin with, and while being queer doesn’t mean you can’t be discriminatory to other queer people, it’s important to mention.

secondly, the reason no one’s weirded out over georgia and anna is because no one is actually, truly shipping them in the real, actually world. it is very clearly a joke, and some of it is fun stories on ao3. the whole making out thing (which i’ve now seen brought up as evidence that we’re not as uncomfortable with f/f rpf) is literally in response to neil gaiman’s tumblr joke about dottie and sadie, who are fake characters that he uses to deflect from people wanting spoilers. the fandom has imagined them as being played by georgia and anna. they won’t be, because dottie and sadie aren’t actual characters in any fictional work. no one’s saying that georgia and anna, the real people, should make out, we’re making a joke about a fake storyline that only exists in several posts on tumblr.

we’re not grossed out because the the david/michael shipping is m/m. we’re grossed out because these are real people that are being treated like puppets to serve some fantasy. not hypothetical characters created for the purpose of a gag that will never be in any official form of media. not characters in a show who don’t actually exist. actual fucking humans.

rpf stands for real person fiction. fiction. i’m not even sure this qualifies as rpf anymore; no one’s treating it as a fun, made-up story, they’re presenting it as an “investigation” into the real lives of real people. people who are strangers, people who we know almost nothing about.

rpf very often morphs into this, and i really think it’s in a class of its own.

it’s one thing to write silly little stories on ao3 using the names and personalities and likenesses of real people, it’s a completely different thing to dissect every single thing you see about someone and to come to a conclusion that just so happens to perfectly fit your ideal of their lives.

i find even the purely fictional rpf to be a bit strange and uncomfortable, but i don’t have any real moral objections to it. when it bleeds into reality, though, and the wishful thinking of fans presents as a vast, complex conspiracy, that’s straight up creepy. like i won’t even go into why it’s creepy, it should be obvious. celebrities are genuinely afraid of people like this. they’re afraid of the rumours, they’re afraid of stalkers, they feel like they can’t even have innocent fun without it being “proof” that their marriage is just for show. they hate it. i hope all these blogs know that david and michael would all but certainly be very unamused by all of this. they’d probably be a bit terrified, and also embarrassed that anything they did could possibly be interpreted in these ways. no celebrity ever signs up for this, the extent of the obsession some people have is impossible to comprehend until it’s in front of you. even if they’re used to it by now, why, in the name of god, would you pile on?

please, touch grass. smell the roses. leave the parasocial echo chamber. do something to reacquaint yourselves with the real world and how real people function. if you’re really fans, leave them and their loved ones alone.

[thesharktanksdriver]

The Devil's name is Tomie (Romantic)

I fucking love Junji ito and specifically the ever changing character of Tomie. This is kinda more of a character study of her with my interpretation

Reader in this is female

There are dark topics in this like murder, Tomie’s origins which include her being in a relationship with her teacher and general creepy dudes so be warned. Also stuff in the relationship is definitely toxic (low key kinda yandere) but it’s Tomie so you probably already assumed that. She’s not a good person by any means and is a monster in every sense of the word

this is dark and not healthy. I repeat not a healthy relationship.

This is kinda me dabbling in some darker subject matter so please be warned when reading and keep that in mind

From the vivid memories that Tomie can removed of her initial life of a normal teenage girl she knew she always had a rosy picture of romance

She’d see romances played on the screens of tv shows depicting charming men with roses and girls being gifted necklaces or letters written out of love

It was something she had craved and had become curious about

Love, what an odd thing. It must’ve been great by how all the women in those old movies would giggle like little girls and swoon

It’s perhaps why her former self had pursued a relationship with her teacher, one whom would eventually go on to dismember her along with her classmates

It was from that point she had realized that love was fake

Faker than the plastered smiles of those classmates who had killed and dismembered her as she walked back into that classroom

Watching with a smile the mental anguish her appearance had given them

Each time she then went on to be killed by pathetic men had gone to prove that to her

Love was only made up of two things, obsession and lust

But something changed suddenly

She had enrolled at a university with the goal to once again watch people’s psyche crumble for her entertainment

Looking for a victim to toy with in her endless cycle

But it was there that she ran into you, poor naive little you who had a seat beside her in class

Your…cute?. A bright young woman like herself who greets her with genuine enthusiasm

That in itself isn’t much to her, what does get her attention is when a pathetic boy tries to steal a glance beneath her skirt

She can’t say she’s surprised but before she can retaliate on her own you do it for her

Calling him out in front of everyone with raging fury of how disgusting he is

Now that…that for some reason sparks an interest in her

For almost all her previous lives from her different clones Tomie couldn’t really remember a time someone had acted in such a way

It intrigues her to pursue you

So after class is over she thanks you, asking if perhaps you’d be interested in a study session and you agree

She meets up with you at a small cafe she found herself enjoying, they made good pastries and no one had yet to screw up her caramel macchiato

It’s there that she engages with real conversation with you. There’s no fake facades like usual, she lets her guard down just enough as you ask about her interests and what she was pursuing

When she asks the same questions you light up, talking passionately

She can’t remember the time where she’d put so much effort into something

She did it before (she must’ve back when she was a normal school girl) but her mind goes blank

As hours tick on she doesn’t feel the passage of time until you suggest walking her back to the dorms

And she agrees

You hover by her side, giving security from male gazes sent both of your ways

You’d glare sending them scattering off which made her hold back giggles

She felt nice

So she concludes that perhaps she’d spend more time with you

Meeting up with you from this point onwards becomes a tradition for her

Along with spending her lunch with you talking and idly chatting about the latest fashion

She likes that you actually listen to her, treat her more than just something to claim or impress

You genuinely engage with her interests in the refined and even pick up the latest copy of vogue when you have the chance and money

You see her as Tomie, an individual that no one (not even her other incarnations) can replicate

Sure she is a bitch at times, one who’s words cut harsher than knives but you also know that she is honest in those words of criticism

You take her for what she is even though the bad overweighs the good (but you don’t know about that. She keeps her cool when with you)

She begins to realize she has formed some sort of attachment to you but she’s not sure what type

It feels more intimate and intense than friendship but for the longest time she’s in denial that it is love

Or at least her own slightly twisted version of it

And it stays that way for the longest while until you end up crying in her unblemished arms

Apparently one of your professors had been acting creepy towards you. Constantly sending odd glances your way and trying to get you to stay after class to talk to you privately

It was freaking you out, especially since he was a well regarded teacher and no one would possibly believe your words

Whatever is in her mind pauses at that, flashes of HIM and what had initially started her never ending cycle play in her head

It is then two questions are answered in her mind

1. Why was she so interested in you?

It now stares her in the face, you remind her of her former self

You exemplify what she remembers of that initial life so long ago. The innocence, the passion, the hope and Shortcomings of how girls are treated by society

The fear that comes with it from being taken advantage of by men whom await around corners like monsters

Back then she’d been to naive and cocky to see how her teacher had taken advantage of the opportunity. She thought at the time she was in control, that it was ok but it wasn’t

But your smart enough not to fall into their claws, you see the red eyes peering from the darkness and know to run

What you do not know though is that the beautiful blue of Tomie’s eyes are an entirely new monster that you had run willing into

With each incarnation each Tomie loses a bit of their humanity, becoming more and more removed from the original

They’d all accepted it at that point, hell she had reviled in it for awhile that she was removed from humanity

But due to you she now craves it, she craves to have you to help her feel alive again form how utterly human you are

And 2. That feeling was love…you what she assumed to be love

It’s such a removed concept to her now. Twisted by the past memories of dead Tomie’s of “Love” they’d revived from their followers

Obsession and lust being the key ingredients to that mysterious concept

But now as she whips away your tears with a certain gentleness she sees the love for so long ago

Love she saw in those black and white films of a childhood long past

Or something like it

At heart Tomie knows this love is likely twisted, dark at the centre of it all yet she does not care

All she cares is that she’s feeling something

So kisses you, stopping your tears as you reciprocate back surprised but happy

She smirks as she pressed deeper into your mouth, hearing your little sounds

Her hands pull you closer to her, she can now feel your racing heart beat pounding in your chest. It’s cute especially as hers is unbeating

That night when you fall asleep at her side, curled up in her luxury blankets, head on a silk pillow as your hair formed a halo around you, she stares

You look like an angel, you are one…one that’s now trapped in the hands of a devil masquerading as an angelic being

She makes your relationship with her public immediately after that, hanging off your arm as you both head to classes

You get jealous stares but her angry glares stop people as the stew in anger

Your teacher whom was bothering you soon ends up getting kicked out his job and you cry happy tears to her

Unknowing to the fact she pulled some strings to have it that way

That’s how she likes it though, you completely unknowing to her true actions

And she intends to keep it that way no matter what

For she is now your loving girlfriend, whom always kisses your cheek goodbye and makes sure that everyone knows your hers and she’s yours

As you can tell she’s extremely possessive in more ways than you’d expect

She hides it well from your view but to everyone else they get the message

Stay the fuck away

Her world revolves around you and so should yours

She almost always has a hand on you, whether that be the small of your back, your hand, an arm wrapped around your shoulder or your waist

It gives her security and she enjoys the warmth she feels from you

Who needs friends anyways when you have your loving girlfriend?, family isn’t needed much either but she lets a pass on that

Cause she can slither her way into that social bubble and make them love her

Make them encourage you to possible tie the knot if your open to marriage

It doesn’t matter much to her but she does admit a wedding would be fun and it would make it official that your both tied to each other to the eyes of everyone else

If your Family’s homophobic or generally awful she’s 100% using that to advantage and getting you to cut them out your life

That way it’s just you and her

Tomie absolutely loves coordinating outfits with you that compliment one another or are complete opposites

Cause on the one hand the matching outfits show that your a couple and your both super cute together

But on the other hand with opposite aesthetics it’s also really cool when your in something pastel while she’s draped in red and leather with an arm around your waist

Whatever your tastes are in style she accommodates it to these fun little ideas she has

Speaking of which, Tomie is actually quite happy to try out quite a bit of dating ideas she saw from online and tv

Stuff like theme parks, movies, museums, plays and travel are ones she really wants to experience with you

But She’s equally happy to try out your suggestions as well since your the only input she actually cares about

She’s also protective but you probably already expected that as well

The minute any aggression is aimed at you she’s sending death glares and planning to ruin that persons life

Sometimes she won’t do it depending on the day and the amount of effort she wants to put into that

But on days she’s feeling petty or they did something really bad their entire life is gonna be in the garbage bin

No ifs, and’s or buts about it

This sentiment also extends to Other Tomie’s she runs into

She kills the other versions of herself whom interrupt her routine with you because of the fear they’ll steal you away

While they are also Tomie each has their own sense of individuality compared to the others which leads them to butt heads constantly

They are the same person but also not simultaneously

And with that comes the threat of them as well

For if they are her they’ll also want you to themselves just as she does once they see what makes you special to her

And she refuses to share you with anyone else including herself

You don’t know of this of course, she brushes it under the rug as she links her hand with yours and drags you off to a new shop

Telling you to find a nice dress as she deals with something urgent with a smile

With her she baths you with the same luxuries she surrounds herself with

You get the best just as she does, it’s to be expected since you are her beloved, her love, her dearest

Unlike most incarnations of herself your Tomie actually puts some effort into stuff

She likes domestic life, whether that be helping you with a meal or engaging in small but fun activities

Their enjoyable because you make them enjoyable for her

Which is something that can’t be said for the other Tomie’s and herself before she met you

She lives, breaths and wakes up each morning to feel your love for her and her love for you

No matter how actually twisted it really is

Because of this Tomie won’t let you go even in death

When the time comes that you are aging she WILL make sure that your still at her side

She curses you to a fate similar to her own except there are no other versions of you

Your just put in an immortal cycle, die and then wake up rejuvenated and back to normal

No memory of said death or life except for the fact that Tomie is your loving girlfriend

And when this happens you awake at her side in bed, her smiling face staring back at you as she caresses your cheek softly

Then giving you a kiss to seal your fate once again

To love Tomie is to suffer but for Tomie to love you is a fake eden that the devil herself protects

There is no apple to bite as to realize the truth of her ever consuming love