#whole embodied health and wellness

[alchemyofmaya]

Through the power of your mind, you can transform your life

We are in a constant state of trance. When you are able to detach and understand that you are the observer of reality, of your life, of your thoughts, emotions & reactions. You watch and watch your thoughts like watching a movie.. and you fall asleep.

Your thoughts hypnotize you, you believe them to be real. Emotions arise and you react in accordance — and this cycle creates your reality (unconsciously)

Through hypnosis you are able to allow your conscious thinking mind (ego) to rest, to go deeper into a state of trance.

When you recognize that you are not your thoughts, not your feelings, not your body. You are not your mind, you are the one observing all these things — you are even beyond the soul. You are the soul of the soul. The creator of creation.

When you feel this detachment, from the self, from the story of your experiences — you create space, for the streams of divine grace, of pure consciousness, of awareness, to fill that space. This is where the dissolving of limitations, of illnesses, of habits and attachments occurs — this is how healing happens.

[international-adventurer]

Different hauls in different places. All vegan. All love.

Maria Eleni

[wellbodymind]

Teaching: Deepening awareness of embodiment

This past Saturday, I provided the “ofrenda” at the monthly gathering of women dancing the 5 Rhythms (Step Into Yes) in Austin, facilitated by Lisa DeLand (dancingfirelizards.com). Lisa and I are old friends. We met at Sweat Your Prayers, an ecstatic dance, in 1995. We have similar paths of recovery from adverse childhood experiences, and now, having worked a lot with our selves, by ourselves and…

[sanguinesmi1e]

A Round Door Like a Porthole, Lazarus Green Pt. 1 (you're here) Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

Wayne Enterprises didn’t really need a small business specializing in “ecto-weapons” invented by self-purported ghost hunters, but S.T.A.R. Labs tipped Lucius Fox off that Lex Luthor was trying to buy an obscure little company in Illinois, and thwarting Luthor was always worthwhile. Now Tim just had to figure out what to do with all the equipment and the concerningly large arsenal of guns and things that looked like normal household items but seemed to have other, horrific purposes. He would have laughed at the way they slapped “Fenton” in front of every invention name (do ghost hunters really need a Fenton thermos? Won’t a normal thermos keep their coffee hot just as well? Are ghosts like trout, to be caught with a Fenton Ghost Fisher which just looks like a normal fishing rod but glow-in-the-dark. And what the fuck even is a Fenton Peeler!?), but he thought with some chagrin about the batarangs, batmobile, and everything else that had “bat” as a prefix in the batcave. 

However, of all the things Tim hadn’t expected to find when he flew out to do an inventory of assets after they bought the business sight-unseen, a portal generating a Lazarus Pit in gaseous form was probably at the top of his list. He didn’t even know that Lazarus water could change states from a liquid to a gas like that. Maybe there actually was something to the whole ghost thing. He supposed that it made sense for ghosts to exist, after all Deadman was part of Justice League Dark. Speaking of. . . he should see if Bruce could call in someone from JLD to assess things. He was feeling decidedly out of his depth.

John Constantine did not like to consult for mega corporations like Wayne Enterprises, but Batman had specifically requested he go check something out and he figured, where's the harm? 

There. 

There’s the harm. 

It turned out the “thing” he’d been called in to look at is a machine that can tear open a stable portal into the Infinite Realms. That is not something that should be possible. That is not something technology should be capable of achieving. That is definitely not something that should exist. Bloody hell, what had the Bats roped him into!?

This really should have been Zatana’s job. Or Deadman’s. Hell, Raven or Secret would be preferable. Because John would prefer not to be dealing with this. In fact, he would prefer to be back in literal Hell than deal with the crazy shit in the Infinite Realms. Could John handle demons, archangels, and even gods? Yeah. He can bind or exorcize most supernatural threats. Does that mean he relishes the idea of going toe to toe with heavy hitters from the Infinite Realms? Absolutely not. 

Some beings who lived there were just little blob ghosts made from ectoplasm and emotion. Some were the restless undead who could not or would not cross over to their afterlives. And some were the embodiments of concepts like nature, destructive weather, and dreams. He wasn’t sure where Death fit into the Realms, whether she ruled or visited, or if it was actually just an extension of her, but he didn’t really want to find out. There were many things John could defeat. Death wasn’t one of them. And now he was looking at a portal into a realm where the living were not meant to be. 

Danny hadn’t returned to Fenton Works since graduating high school. It turned out that he was less anxious when he was not living with people who fantasized about “tearing him apart molecule by molecule” and thought that discussing their plans to dissect him (although he maintained that it would be a vivisection since he’s only half dead) made for fascinating dinner conversation. Who would have thought that his constant stress, anxiety, and insomnia were caused by environmental factors? He’d been unpacking things with a very nice therapist his sister helped him find, and seen great improvements in his mental health. It really helped that she was dead too, and unlike Spectra she didn’t feed off the misery of her patients.

Danny hadn’t intended to ever return to Fenton Works, but when Jazz told him that Jack and Maddie sold their life's work to Wayne Enterprises and a multibillionaire playboy was about to have unfettered access to the Ghost Zone, he was. . . concerned. To say the least. And that was why he was in the middle of doing some light sabotage when Tim Drake-Wayne and a guy in a trenchcoat who reeked of cigarette smoke entered the basement lab. It’s why he was hiding under the Specter Speeder removing the ecto-engine, and there to overhear the conversation that followed.

“So, am I right in thinking that’s a Lazarus Pit?” Tim asked Constantine.

The older man stared at the portal, then at Tim, then at the portal for an uncomfortably long time. Then he pulled out a flask and drained half its contents before saying, “Yes and no. That is basically the same substance as the pits, but I think that this does something else entirely. It seems like this machine basically functions as a summoning circle, but instead of pulling one entity from one side to the other, this is just an open doorway that is perpetually pulling in anything or anyone who gets within its sphere of influence.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good thing, John.”

“It’s really not,” 

“So what does that mean, is it like a blown hatch in space causing rapid depressurization?” Tim felt a little ill at the thought. “What is it even pulling into our world?”

“No, no. Nothing so dramatic as that. It’s more like, hm, so the way summoning circles work is they invite or compel a specific entity to manifest, by basically making a one-way magical portal for them. This portal is kinda like an invitational summoning, which entices, but doesn’t force anyone to enter. Usually a summoning will have a purpose though, and the being you summon will be offered a deal. If this is doing what I think it is and pulling citizens of the Infinite Realms through and leaving them on this side without a contract or direction, they’re probably getting pretty frustrated and causing havoc. It’s like offering someone a job in another country so they have to get a visa and uproot everything, only to get off the plane and find an empty office, no housing, and no paycheck.” John lit up a cigarette and took a drag.

Tim wrinkled his nose, but knew from long experience that it wasn’t worth it to argue about American tobacco restrictions in the workplace with Constantine, especially while the man was doing him a favor. Also, the man looked like he really needed either a cigarette or another drink, and he’d prefer second hand smoke to a drunk sorcerer. “So then why hasn’t this town been overrun by these beings from the Infinite Realms?”

“Good question kid, but what I really want to know is how is this portal staying open? Really, how was it opened in the first place is the most pressing issue.” John mused.

Tim had already located the blueprints for the portal while waiting for Constantine, but either the Fentons had intentionally falsified the documents to seem plausible just long enough to make off with the money, or he just didn’t understand enough of the interaction between physics and the occult to comprehend how the portal could possibly function. 

He flipped back through the blueprints while the blond man sat cross legged in front of the swirling green portal and his low, distracted mutterings took on the cadence of a chant. The curl of smoke from his lit cigarette unfurled into some kind of spell array, and began to glow. Huh, maybe Tim shouldn't be too quick to judge him for tobacco misuse. Tim triple checked the flat file for any more information about the portal, and came up empty handed.

John, meanwhile, kept chanting as the magical array grew and spread to encompass the entire entrance to the portal. At last he stopped speaking and stood up, stepping back to double check his work. “Alright, Drake. You might wanna close your eyes for this one. It’s gonna be bright,” he said, popping his cigarette back between his lips. Then he stepped forward and blew a mouthful of smoke on the center of the array. The smoke caught against the softly glowing lines, pushing them until they floated back and collided with the nebulous green swirls and, despite Tim closing his eyes, flashed so incandescently white he could see them through his eyelids.

“OW! Fuck!!” John clutched his face, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. “I’m doubling my consulting fee,” he grumbled under his breath.

“You alright?” Tim asked, blinking spots out of his vision.

“Yeah, yeah. Just give me a sec.” He too was blinking now. “That was not supposed to be so bright.”

“I’m assuming it worked though.”

“It had bloody well better ’ave worked.” The older man squinted at the slightly dimmer lines which still shone painfully bright against the green. “Oh. Yeah, that worked. Fuck. . .”

“What?” Tim looked on in alarm as Constantine pressed a hand over his mouth. 

“Oh man. What wanker did you say created this portal?”

“Presumably Drs. Madeline and Jack Fenton. Why?” He drew the last syllable out skeptically. 

“Because, they opened this portal with a child sacrifice, and bound his death and all the lost life potential to their bloody machine to create a perpetual gateway to the Infinite Realms.”

[fairyminnie444]

𝕷𝖆𝖜 𝖔𝖋 𝖆𝖘𝖘𝖚𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

му ρσѕтѕ ✮⋆˙

your subconscious is simpler than you think it is

you are NOT persisting if you are checking 3D and waiting for you DR!

you don’t try to manifest

Embodying the reality of your imagination

Manifesting is instantly

how should I see the role of other people in my reality?

ENDING the cycle of main frequent doubts that arise in our minds once and for all

“At your command”

EIYPO explained for you to understand and absorb

do you sometimes have that feeling that you NEED TO DO SOMETHING/TAKE ACTION to receive what you want?

“BIG” manifestations

What’s the “secret”?

Why You Can Change Your Physical Appearance and Overcome the Limitations of Biology

Why Others’ Manifestations Can’t Block Yours

I already know everything!! How do I apply this to my routine?

The “Sabbath State”

Yes, it’s perfectly okayyyy if you forget or get distracted by your routine.

affirmations to make it easier and “faster”

the ultimate post u need to LET GO

understanding your EGO so you don’t let it hold you back anymore

how to feel your desire in a natural way even if it seems unlikely?

even a negative view of circumstances can lead you to a positive one

manifesting $100,000 is as easy as manifesting $1

you already understood that! you are already there!

𝕔𝕙𝕠𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕣𝕖 𝕒𝕓𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕟𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕔𝕚𝕣𝕔𝕦𝕞𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕔𝕖𝕤

manifesting is supposed to be fun, light and easy!

~bad moments~ along the way happen, instead of ignoring them how to deal with them?

Act like the GOD you know you are.

Breaking Free from the Need for Proof

࣪˖ ִִֶֶָָ࣪☾.࣪˖ ִֶָ𝓐𝓢𝓚𝓢 ࣪˖ ִִֶֶָָ࣪☾.࣪˖ ִֶָ

i want to increase my height

what if my desires stay in imagination ans never externalize?

can we manifest multiple sps?

time travel (2)

What if others also try to manifest my celebrity sp…

how do you/did you convince yourself that manifesting/LOA is real

dealing with the 3D when it comes to using LOA (living in the wish fulfilled)

doubts affect my manifesting?

How does one take a very famous person « off the pedestal » in order to manifest them?

I want to change my birth name but i have to sign documental stuff

How I could live in the end when revising smth that if materialized would totally change my live in the 3d?

SPEC method

will it still manifest what we want even if we don’t have a clear picture on it?

I need help with my imagination.

how do i know if it's just taking its time or if i'm doing something wrong?

Can you go deeper into days/weeks of the 3D not changing and how to persist throughout the whole day when you're doing things?

What are your thoughts about getting back people who have p@ssed away? REVISION

YT Channels (sub, meditations, mentors)

I want to manifest the absence of something I've been experiencing for a long time (health and wellness related).

work on my self concept / deal with people who criticize or make me feel drained

simple breakdown to help you manifest your SP even if it feels delusional right now

trying to manifest a modeling career

manifest changing appearance and dna, but i also want to change my past to always have been this appearance and my parents too

everytime i think something is "never going to happen" or "hmm i've never seen xyz" it ends up happening?!?!

How can I manifest when I absolutely don't believe that I can?

how can i use daydreaming and listening to songs while manifesting?

someone asked me about my sp. what should I do in this case?

why is consuming more information about this law considered to be coming from lack when doing something in the 3d that "opposes your desire" not considered to be coming from lack?

I have too many things to manifest so what should I do? advice to me in harsh way

struggle with is my celeb sp and my dream job

how would you manifest hectochromia eyes?

EIYPO everything like a puppet and me it’s master pulling the strings? Does it mean that “ancestors,” “angels,” etc. are not existent, only me?

Why Some Manifestations Work Effortlessly

advices for manifesting with mental disorders

can manifest such extreme beauty that everyone in a shopping mall turns to look at me. Even though I'm not the standard and I'm common

I’m manifesting a new face, but visualising it doesn’t make me feel anything?

how do i make sure that happens for certain? i'm scared it won't

What do you think about manifesting being immortal?

+ tips on manifesting a bf/significant other

struggling with feeling the feelings and believing that it’ll happen.

I can never manifest anything related to MONEY purely

date with the guy I like However, I am a very physically insecure girl and I am too scared and nervous.

i dont know what i did wrong, i really thought this would work, i was sure about it but it didn’t and i can’t helped but feel discouraged

I have a fear that some of my manifestation will dissapear

If everything we are seeing in the 3D is assumptions we made through our life, why does sometimes when we are like 100% sure of something and then we figured it is not?

was confident, my affirmation was "no matter how and what, i have all A's" but alas i did in fact not get all A's.

i WANT to see a people who actually manifested things that changed their past, their reality

i wanna manifest more lenient parents

I’m religious so I believe in a higher power/god, but I do still believe in my own power/ Will this hinder my manifestation process because I believe in a higher power?

What am I doing wrong? SP related

how can i.. like manifest or just "undo" it??

I want to manifest my natural hair color being blond, but i have black hair and also my parents, do i have to detail everyone in my family who is blonde for my new genes?

I feel like I can't anymore, that I'm giving in… I feel stuck

i’m really confused in the living in the end thing and others things in my manifestation

I simply want to be like those people who are successful in curing their illnesses

what do you recommend me doing to change my birth year while not ignoring the reality and still living in the end?

Can our negative thoughts manifest if we think them for a long time and then stop thinking them?

How to use chatpgt to clear doubts and manifest

Tips for beginners

why do some people's jokes manifest if they don't assume those jokes are true?

how to stop paying attention to old failed attempts

How do you deal with hopelessness or desperation.

i’m scared that my fears will manifest itself and it’s out of my control

waiting mode

I feel guilty wanting to manifest

I try to live in the 4D but catch myself expecting the 3D to immediately reflect it

࣪˖ ִִֶֶָָ࣪☾.࣪˖ ִֶָ PART 2 ࣪˖ ִִֶֶָָ࣪☾.࣪˖ ִֶָ

[ukiyowi]

𝐏𝐄𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐎 (𝟏𝟏𝟖)

𝑃𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑢𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑜𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑆𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

Peitho is the Greek goddess of persuasion, seduction and charming speech. In my opinion, wherever Peitho is in your chart, it shows in what way are you persuasive and seductive, what areas can you persuade people. 

Masterlist

⟲ Houses: 

Ⱄ 1st - So determined and have very high self-esteem, may feel empowered through sexual liberation, you use your confidence and authoritive aura to seduce and get people to do what you want, honestly low-key can make anyone listen to you, you may notice a lot of people getting easily swayed by you, may embody traits of Peitho to a certain extent. 

Ⱄ 2nd - Can easily get money from people around them, may get a lot of material gifts without having to ask for them, can influence people's choices about financial decisions, good at talking business and getting people to spend, sensual and sweet, extremely feminine and may have slow elegant movement. People may not agree, but femme fatale energy as well. 

Ⱄ 3rd - Charming speech really charming, they can get people to do whatever they want using a few sweet words. Silver tongue, great sales people, can sell and pitch ideas really well. May be the type to be an academic, use their intellect and knowledge to seduce people, also good at spreading rumours. 

Ⱄ 4th - Welcoming and warm, persuade people through making them think it was their idea on the first place, manipulative, make people feel at home and get your way through creating a comfortable space, nurturing instincts that can make people imagine having a family with you may garner a lot of suitors who want to start a family.

Ⱄ 5th - They're really creative and their originality is what gets people to listen and makes them curious, great teachers, kids always listen to them, big movements, their way of doing things is grandiose, could be a bit of a tease, I've seen these people dance and they look very attractive and in their element. 

Ⱄ 6th - People always listen to them when it comes to health or routine, for example people with this placement could advice someone to change their diet and the person would instantly agree or try to do as advised, straightforward when trying to persuade someone, mind over matter in terms of seduction, seduces through promises of giving more than receiving.

Ⱄ 7th - My friend has this placement and she's a matchmaker, can persuade people to either get into relationships or out of them, have a great eye for red flags, polite can be a bit condescending, they may use their demure demeanour to seduce people, may have the whole "good girl/boy" "girl/boy next door" thing going. 

Ⱄ 8th - Just powerful in general, convincing in regards to matters related to family property and finances, may be good at persuading people to learn more about the occult and make them interested in it, intense and mysterious seduction, pull people in who like the chase like a cat and mouse game, could pull anyone they want to be honest.

Ⱄ 9th - Make for great academics and can be the type to be able to easily recruit people into a religious organisation/making people believe in multiple religions/gods, good at convincing people to travel with them or accompany them (even if it's to the grocery store) fast paced, see seduction as a weapon to wield, direct and honest, a little clumsy.

Ⱄ 10th - The ability to make or break someone's reputation honestly, whatever they say in a work setting is taken seriously, motivate co-workers to work hard, if they spread a rumour about someone at the workplace people will take it as truth, can persuade people to change career paths, seduce through smizes, bold yet reserved body language and wit. 

Ⱄ 11th - Have such a huge influence on their friend group and community, easily persuade people to be more giving to the community, carry out humanitarian acts, donate, persuade people to alter or change political beliefs and friends, seduce by being different, their eccentricity pulls people in because its unique, fluid in terms of they can make themselves be anyone's ideal type. 

Ⱄ 12th - My friend has this placement part 2, helps and persuades people to move on from past trauma and heal themselves, are able to convince people to get rid of their limiting beliefs and this placement has a healer role almost. Seduction caused by looking/seeming dreamy and making themselves seem unattainable, use fashion to go for the kill. 

xoxoxo

All Rights Reserved Ukiyowi. Do not steal or plagiarise or reword and claim as your own!

[ange11icyuri]

HOLIDAY PICK A PILE 🎄🎁👼🏻

(What is going to happen around the holidays for you??)

-

Pile One. ❤️

Around the holidays, you might find yourself feeling a bit impatient about something you’re looking forward to. Is there a gift, a moment, or perhaps someone you’re waiting for? This sense of anticipation could bring some doubt, as if you’re uncertain whether what you’re hoping for will truly happen. I sense that during this time, your strength may be tested. You might experience a mix of emotions, including resentment or confusion, as you navigate a situation that feels complex and unresolved.

This holiday season, it’s important to find balance in your life, especially as you prepare for the new year. Don’t settle for anything that doesn’t bring you happiness or peace. Reflect on how you can create harmony in your relationships—both romantic and platonic—and work on aligning your life with what truly matters to you. It might not be an easy process, but it will be worth it.

You may also feel a strong sense of desire, but trust your intuition during this time. Be cautious of anyone who might stir up feelings or make promises they can’t keep. Stay grounded and listen to yourself first and foremost. As the holidays approach, I see you reflecting on your goals—what you’ve accomplished and what’s still left to achieve. You’ll likely use this time to plan and set intentions for the new year. This reflection will help you focus on what’s truly necessary and meaningful.

Remember, you have the freedom to choose your path and the power to shift your perspective. Don’t limit yourself to one option or outcome. Make the decisions that feel right for you, and establish boundaries where needed. This will be a time of growth and self-discovery.

The number 10 stands out—a symbol of completion. By the end of the year, you’ll feel a greater sense of wholeness, with a renewed sense of security as the new year begins. Although delays might test your patience, they are often necessary to prepare you for better things ahead. In the new year, I see clarity, fairness, and balance entering your life. You’re close to achieving your goals, and everything will fall into place in time. Stay focused, trust yourself, and know that success is within reach.

Pile Two.❄️

Around the holidays, I see you striving to stay grounded and realistic. You may also find yourself surrounded by people who embody steadiness and reliability—someone you can count on. If this resonates with your energy, it’s a reminder from spirit to continue addressing challenges in a practical, mature way. You have the wisdom to resolve issues thoughtfully, and this approach will serve you well not only during the holidays but also as you move into the new year.

However, I sense that you may be holding back a lot of emotions, perhaps feeling overwhelmed or unable to express yourself as fully as you’d like. The holidays often bring a flurry of tasks and responsibilities, and it’s easy to feel stretched thin. For some, this time may even bring feelings of emptiness, as though you’re going through the motions without truly feeling joy. The stress and constant activity could be taking a toll on your mental health, leaving you exhausted and stuck in a routine that feels draining.

There may also be a sense of betrayal or dishonesty around you. Someone in your life might not have the best intentions, and their actions could be manipulative or deceitful. Whether this has already happened or is yet to come, it’s essential to trust your intuition and be cautious about who you place your trust in. Not everyone around you has good morals or honest intentions, and it’s important to protect your energy.

The holidays might bring a shift—a time of deep reflection and ambition. You could feel pressure to accomplish goals that have been on your mind, but the overwhelming pace of life might leave you worried and uncertain. If this resonates, take it as a sign to slow down and approach things with care. Balance is key, and prioritizing your well-being is just as important as achieving your ambitions.

There’s also an energy of envy here—whether it’s you comparing yourself to others or someone else feeling jealous of you. If you find yourself envying others’ happiness during the holidays, remember that everyone faces their own challenges, even if they aren’t visible. Conversely, if someone else seems envious of you, it could be because they don’t see the struggles you’re carrying internally. You might be skilled at hiding your emotions, but bottling them up can lead to repression and frustration.

Delays or setbacks may be contributing to your feelings of doubt and anxiety. You might feel like your life is stuck in a state of chaos, or you could be navigating an unsettling change or conflict. This could leave you feeling closed off, disheartened, or unwilling to take risks. If this resonates, it’s crucial not to let these challenges close you off from others or from new possibilities. Staying open, even during difficult times, will help you find your way forward.

Though your strength may be tested this holiday season, know that you are capable of overcoming anything. Reframe your perspective, seek healthy coping mechanisms, and focus on maintaining a positive mindset. Manifest your goals and desires for the new year, and trust that good things are on the horizon. Even if things feel overwhelming now, you have the resilience to face your challenges head-on. In the end, your strength and perseverance will bring rewards and brighter days.

Pille Three ☃️

You might be finding yourself isolating more lately, especially around the holidays. Socializing or being in big crowds may feel overwhelming or uncomfortable for you, and that’s okay. It’s important to honor your feelings and take the space you need. However, I see a determination within you—perhaps you’re considering stepping out of your comfort zone a bit as the new year approaches. You’re trying to embrace independence, or you may have already reached a strong level of it, which is a wonderful foundation for growth.

There’s a promising new beginning ahead. This could signify the start of a romantic relationship, the deepening of an existing connection, or even a new friendship. Whatever it is, it feels like something that will inspire self-love and reflection, helping you care for yourself in a way you might not have before. Around this time, you may start to feel a sense of peace and balance, finally experiencing the serenity you’ve been craving.

This positive shift may be supported by the presence of someone special—a person whose energy aligns with yours and encourages you to move forward into a brighter chapter. However, don’t let comfort make you complacent. Even when things are going well, it’s important to stay motivated and keep putting in the effort. Remember, success and joy are maintained by consistent energy and dedication.

That said, there’s also a message here about letting go of something—or someone—that no longer serves you. You might be holding onto a connection or situation out of fear or habit, but it’s only weighing you down. Spirit urges you to release what isn’t meant for you to make room for the blessings ahead. Be mindful of manipulative or unreliable people in your life. No matter how good things might seem on the surface, trust your intuition and protect your energy. You deserve authentic, supportive connections.

Change can be intimidating, but embracing it will lead you to fulfillment and happiness. Even if the journey feels challenging, know that every step forward is bringing you closer to a better version of your life. Trust in yourself, focus on what truly matters, and don’t let intrusive or negative thoughts hold you back. Once you overcome these obstacles, you’ll step into a place of optimism, achievement, and inner peace.

Your journey is one of resilience, and as you push through the difficulties, you’ll find that everything you’ve worked toward will finally come together. Keep going—beautiful things are waiting for you.

Pile Four 🎁

I see someone here who is deeply thankful—not just because it’s the holiday season, but because gratitude is a part of who you are. You appreciate every blessing that comes your way. You’re also someone who embodies forgiveness. Perhaps you’ve recently forgiven someone and are ready to start fresh, clearing the air as you move into the new year. This decision might mark a new beginning, whether it’s with yourself or others. You may also be striving to grow as a person, embracing positive changes to build a better future.

However, caution is needed. I sense some envy and irresponsibility lingering in your energy. While forgiveness is powerful, it’s essential to ensure those you forgive are genuinely taking responsibility for their actions. Be mindful not to trust too easily, as some may mask their true intentions behind lies. Trust yourself above all else.

This holiday season, I see a partnership forming—whether for work, a project, or simply sharing experiences with someone. There’s talent involved here, possibly related to something creative or entertaining. It will bring joy and freedom, with no limits holding you back. Remember to stay fair, open-minded, and consider all perspectives. Also, try to manage your spending wisely during this time, as there’s a warning about the potential for overspending and falling into debt.

There may be lingering anxiety, perhaps tied to past conflicts or fears of failure with someone. Despite these worries, know that you’ve earned every bit of your success. Recognition is coming your way—possibly even publicly. People will finally know your name, and you’ll feel the triumph and victory you’ve longed for. Progress is on the horizon, and with it, a newfound confidence.

You’re preparing for something bigger—an exciting opportunity that’s just within reach. Honesty and openness will play a role, and your efforts will lead to stability and success. Still, you might experience moments of doubt or feel like you’re revisiting old challenges, leading to a sense of loss or disappointment. This could make you question your path, but these feelings will pass. You’ll find forgiveness once again, and through distractions, you’ll begin to heal.

As you move into the new year, I see a shift. If you’ve felt trapped or restricted in the past, that energy is fading. Healing will take place, and your situation will improve. In the end, everything you’ve been striving for will come together. You’ll reach a place of completion, where you feel whole, content, and deeply grateful for all that you’ve achieved.

You’ve come such a long way, and your hard work is paying off. The new year holds so much promise—success, happiness, and fulfillment. Trust in your journey, and enjoy the rewards you’ve earned.



[meracyn]

Could we please get general relationship headcanons for Erza, Juvia, and Mirajane? Thank you!

scarlet, azure, and my serene devotion for you.

synopsis each of them express their love differently. but one thing’s certain; they all cherish you deeply - in their own, special way of course.

everyone knows erza scarlet doesn’t wear her feelings on her sleeve. she’s fearless, strong - the embodiment of a warrior.

that’s what nearly everyone sees her as - a fierce, determined leader. she’s protective over those she cares about, but with you? her protective instincts are kicked up a notch. always looking out for your well-being, even though you’re most likely able to handle yourself. but she insists on doing so, and her stern tone leaves no room for arguments.

at first, erza can come off as intimidating (and rightfully so), but behind closed doors, she allows herself to be vulnerable around you. it’s not a whole lot, but you can tell by her softer tone when she talks or when you’re sitting together, simply enjoying each other’s presence.

her way of expressing her love is through actions. she struggles with words but makes up for it through protecting and caring for you always. erza would suggest training you personally so you can be at your best and keep an eye on your health; ensuring you eat properly. her love speaks louder in actions than words.

erza will always make sure you feel loved, since she knows she isn’t the best in expressing it verbally. it isn’t anything big - it’s more of the simple, subtle ways that hold so much love behind it. whether she walks you home, brings you tea or listens whenever you need to vent - she makes it very clear; her heart is yours.

mirajane strauss is different, however. her love is warm and comforting, like a sweet, homemade meal after a long day. she’s very charming, and if she feels like it, will sometimes subtly flirt or joke around with you at the guild. mira can tell what you’re feeling in the moment, and depending on that, adjusts her energy to make you feel comfortable.

when you’re alone, it shouldn’t be a surprise that she’s very attentive. mirajane will end up cooking for you, humming a soft tune as the scent of whatever she’s making wafts throughout the house. she does this without you having to ask at all - and serves it to you with her entire heart.

she’s very affectionate; giving you a hug if she thinks you’re stressed or upset, pecks your cheek unexpectedly - she loves expressing her devotion through these actions - but it will never be overwhelming. it’s the perfect balance of gentle and peaceful.

mira is also pretty protective, but not over the top as erza. instead, she keeps an eye out for you always, watching quietly without ever making a big deal out of it. she does step in, if necessary, but mostly prefers to handle the issue calmly and with a smile. she will reassure you afterwards, though.

the longer you two are together, you’ll start to see her becoming more vulnerable - confiding in you with her fears, dreams, and her personal feelings. it’s her way of showing you that she trusts you deeply.

mirajane is no doubt a loving girlfriend - always eager to make you feel appreciated.

juvia lockser loves without limits. in other words, unconditionally.

her affection is as intense as a waterfall, but also heartwarming. whether she attempts to bake you a cake, create mini water sculptures of you, writing you love letters or always being by your side - every action overflows with her immense love towards you - endless, like a river.

in contrast to erza, juvia wears her heart on her sleeve, so you always know what she’s feeling. behind all her dramatic gestures of love, she’s also protective and loyal. juvia would go to any length to keep you safe, using her magic to protect you with a shield or pulling you behind her as she handles the business. if you’re upset, expect a storm brewing outside as she clings to you, rambling sweet words and a few tears staining your shirt.

you could gift her a simple bracelet or even a mismatched bouquet, and juvia will treasure it forever, crying out of happiness that her beloved gave her something so special. she’s content with the smallest of things that maybe aren’t as special, but to her, mean the world.

eventually, juvia will treasure the peaceful, quiet moments shared between you both. she’ll curl up beside you without a word, simply basking in the warmth of your presence. she’s also really thoughtful, and will remember every detail about you, no matter how unimportant it seems. it’s how she knows exactly what you like and not.

it’s safe to say that with juvia, you’ll never doubt her love.

[dr-spectre]

Getting sappy about the Squid Sisters....

The Squid Sisters being the ones to start and end Three Wishes genuinely broke me down and made me feel the most amount of emotion out of anything in this whole franchise.

They embody the past, present and the future of this series and it's world. They have made an impact in the past as they were the ones who started it all, they sing and dance in the present, and will plant the seeds for the future. Them getting the opening and final lines of this grand song is just... it's so smart.

These girls are so important to me on so many levels it's not even funny. I genuinely don't know what my mental health would be like without having these comfort characters by my side. I love them so much and they helped me get through the worst mental period in my life back in mid 2023. If they didn't help me see the light and comforted me, i don't know where i would be.... They also helped me get comfortable with my autism as well and made it less of a curse and more of a difference in how i see this chaotic world.

I remember getting my Callie plushie in October 2023 and once i held her... i teared up. This is not a joke. I'm not playing around. A 19 year old me actually cried holding a cute little Callie plush. She helps me sleep at night and helps silence the stupid thoughts in my brain that is just trying to rest.

I've been in love with this series since 2017 and it's done so much for me since then. I am gonna continue to love and adore this series until my heart finally stops beating. I've made so many memories i hold near and dear to my heart and some of the best gaming experiences I've ever had.

And getting the chance to share it with you all is just... I'm so happy. I don't feel lonely anymore in my thoughts and this series helped me make wonderful connections and it will continue to do so...

I love the Squid Sisters... I love them with every piece of my heart.

Sorry for getting all sappy LOL! (It will happen again in September.)

[dollishvie]

✎ . 𓂃 @sviebella’s 𝐁𝐎𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐏 ֶ֢ ⸝⸝⸝

★ . . . dc, marvel & the bear!

⁺⠀⠀⠀◟⠀ DC UNIVERSE .ᐟ

I . 𝗝𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗗 : haven ( greekgod!jason )

❝ Brutality, devastation, violence — these were not mere facets of his nature but its very marrow, carved into the rhythm of his pulse and sealed with innocent blood. He was forged in wrath, the living embodiment of war’s merciless design. A boon from Zeus, or a curse laid bare by the deities: god of warfare and its violence. The mantle was his to bear. To long for aught beyond such a purpose would be only heretical. Or should be. ❞

II . 𝗝𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗗 : repression ( tw )

❝ It was no surprise Jason hadn't processed things well. Between looking after Sheila and scavenging for scraps, being adopted by a billionaire vigilante, being brutally murdered and resurrecting three years later, his mind had done what it had to: compartmentalize. The useless, the unbearable, all of it went into some rotting drawer deep in his head or straight into nothing. Maybe not a model of mental health, but did Jason care at all? He was alive and he had you. What's the whole point in bringing anything up, anyway? ❞

III . 𝗝𝗢𝗛𝗡 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗘 : off the rails

❝ Right, you could call John’s habits slightly self-destructive. Sometimes. Let’s face it, he had the self-preservation instincts of a moth flying straight into a bloody bonfire. When it came to himself, he gave as much of a toss as a gambler with nothing left to lose. But you? That was a different story. Sure, you could hold your own — he knew that damn well, or he wouldn’t have let you get tangled up in this demonic shit in the first place. Didn’t stop him from sneaking protection spells on you. Or from throwing himself headfirst into danger to keep those hellish bastards off your back. That’s what partners did. Last night, though, it all went to hell. ❞

⁺⠀⠀⠀◟⠀⠀THE BEAR .ᐟ

I . 𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗠𝗘𝗡 𝗕𝗘𝗥𝗭𝗔𝗧𝗧𝗢 : costumer service

❝ Then there was you. Newly hired, smooth as hell under pressure, carrying the kind of calm most servers couldn’t fake. You handled people with this patience Carmy couldn’t really figure out — being polite without being a pushover, controlled even when the kitchen exploded into chaos. He trusted you. That’s why, when he heard yelling out front, his first thought was that you’d somehow managed to stay out of it, right? ❞

II . 𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗛𝗜𝗘 𝗝𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗠𝗢𝗩𝗜𝗖𝗛 : front staff

❝ Because every time you leaned in to explain something, he caught himself staring. Your lips, the way you moved your hands — it was distracting, fine? And when you told him he’d gotten something right? Jesus Christ, the high was just embarrassing. He felt like a puppy wagging his tail, desperate for a pat on the head. Ridiculous. All of it. This was supposed to be a lame punishment from Carmy, and now here he was, practically melting every time you said his name. What the fuck was wrong with him? ❞

⁺⠀⠀⠀◟⠀⠀MARVEL .ᐟ

I . 𝗙𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗞 𝗖𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗟𝗘 : when is it going to be my turn?

❝ You chose a lilac layette. Frank held your hand and followed you through every aisle, picking up blankets and bedspreads, tiny onesies that looked too small to fit even your palms. The diaper packs were neatly stacked on the cabinets you two painted together, though he insisted you shouldn't overexert yourself — not with the little baby curled up inside you. Sometimes, he'd run his calloused fingers over the clothes you bought, whispering about how she would look beautiful in them, and you would mumble a prayer to fate, to whatever force was kind enough to give them to you. ❞

𓄲 . thanks to @artyandink, @luvelykiki and @faiszt for helping me on this! i love you all 𖹭

[rainecreatesstuff]

right not to get ahead of ourselves but I’ve had the best idea for another life series:

Past Life.

They start off with the normal traffic life system, but other than that, no rules or mechanics other than the very basic ones. Every session, a number of players are randomly selected, and randomly assigned different life seasons. Until the end of the session, they are to play exactly as they would if they were in that season.

Of course, the interpretation of this is entirely up to the individual players. I imagine for most seasons they would be given the actual mechanics for the time they’re playing that season. For example, if someone gets assigned secret life, a task will pop up in their inventory. Limited life players are playing with the clock system until the end of session, double life players are linked to their soulmates (maybe their previously assigned one, maybe a completely new one). Last lifers can gift lives, and maybe have a chance of being assigned boogeyman as well.

Like I said, it’s completely up to the players how they wanna interpret the prompt. Maybe to one person, it just means playing with a new set of rules and mechanics, maybe others decide they are fully embodying their character from that season, and their current alliances and grudges are null and void. Maybe some players tell their allies and others decide not to.

This would not only be a fun return to earlier mechanics and perhaps even character dynamics, it would also return the series (in my opinion) to feel more pvp oriented. You don’t know when your teammate might suddenly become a whole different person and stab you in the back. As well, you don’t know what rules other teams are playing with. Maybe you’re not allowed to team a red with a green, but others are. Maybe you, at times, don’t even know that killing someone will actually drop them, cuz it won’t if they’re on a clock. And if you’ve got the secret life heart system, well, do you keep that a secret? Do you tell people that when you lose health, it’s gone for the session? Is it safer or more dangerous?

I feel like we’re at the point now where a sort of nostalgia cycle is starting to hit people for third and last life especially, and we’ve also seen so many different mechanics that i think some people are starting to feel like it’s distancing itself too much from the original series. I feel like this would be a really fun way to sort of roll back and revisit the older seasons, and might give people who are feeling a bit less connected to the newer mechanics a sort of connection and closure with the older seasons so the creators can move on with bigger things.

Of course, probably none of this will ever happen, but I genuinely think it would be so cool and fun both in a narrative sense and a meta sense.

[siringadev]

I was thinking about why I love Nero so much, and I realized that there is not only something so magnetic and unique about him and his design, but how the core of his whole personality is built on a deep love for Weiss, despite the fact that he is an antihero and does not very good things (first under orders from Shinra, since he is a Deepground soldier, and then out of duress, to summon Omega = to revive Weiss), but all this is out of desperation and love. I do not know any other character inside the FF7 world and beyond, who is so motivated to act out of love as Nero. Even take other iconic pairs of loving brothers (because it is brother's love that is depicted as the strongest in JP games and anime), their motivations were different, and love was secondary.

Take Itachi and Sasuke, for example.

Itachi is stated to have a very strong love for Sasuke, but what he does ultimately causes Sasuke great pain. Yes, Itachi wanted to save him, but at what cost? And his main motive was: to prevent a world war. So, at the cost of his clan's life and Sasuke's mental health, he does something terrible, and I still can't accept it as an act of love. It seems such an unhealthy, twisted form of love, illogical and scary.

And yet, I cried watching those scenes where Itachi reveals the truth, where Sasuke cries, everything is built to squeeze out tears.

Next, Madara and Izuna.

It is stated that he loved Izuna, and loved him even more than Itachi loves Sasuke. And how is this shown and proven? Well, it seems like almost nothing. Madara's main motivation is to become the strongest shinobi, to take control of the world and establish his own order, and thereby establish peace through strict control and then through magical illusions when he became disillusioned with contradictory and rebellious human nature. I understand his motivations, and he is one of the most admired character in Naruto. But what does love have to do with it? Izuna is not even present in his motivation. He simply died and caused Madara's grief, making him cruel and aggressive. And also gave him his eyes. But what besides this?

As for the others, like Lothric-Lorian from Dark souls, their connection was forced by the curse, and their motivation is simply to disobey their superiors. Their essence is nihilism and fatalism. Love is just an accompanying quality.

Not to mention Miquella, who did not show love as a personal emotion, although it seems he should embody universal love. We just can't see his love for Radahn or Godwyn or anyone to the point that we start to wonder if there was love at all? Or if there was love but it wasn't shown? So he is out of the love list.

If we talk about the love of Sephiroth, Cloud and other characters of FF7, they are so far from ultimate love that it does not even occur to me what can be said. Probably, Sephiroth wanted to love, but could not find anyone, suffering from loneliness and his own inability to build healthy relationships, and Cloud had many friends whom he valued, but never found "the one and only", whom he would love completely and unconditionally (which is why ship-wars still rage). It seems that Sephiroth could have become that one and only, considering how much Cloud idolized him, but Sephiroth ruined everything. Yes, Shinra is to blame for this, but partly it is Sephiroth's character, his selfishness and inability to put someone else's feelings above his own. Considering that Nero and Weiss grew up in much worse conditions than Sephiroth, and suffered abuse and pain from Shinra that Sephiroth did not experienced, yet somehow they were able to form the strongest bonds of love with each other and the healthiest relationships with each other (not toxic, not abusive, but built on loyalty, devotion, trust, unity and intimacy).

Sephiroth was so unlucky in love that even his own clones wanted to leave him in the DFFOO, and Weiss even laughed at this, telling Sephiroth that his puppet (Kadaj) cut his strings. And Kadaj, embodying young Sephiroth personality, longed for a family and to find someone who understood and cared for him, and he saw this in the illusionary form of Jenova. Sephiroth could have given him this care and love, but he simply used him as a tool, which hurt Kadaj. As for Weiss, he remembers Nero as the only one who understands him and cares for him, someone without whom he feels incomplete.

"Without Nero, there is no me" - this shows Weiss and Nero's relationship from Weiss' perspective. In DoC, we see their love from Nero's perspective and might have doubted about the reciprocity, but DFFOO shows that Weiss loves Nero as much as Nero loves Weiss.

Each case is unique, and each deserves its own respect and admiration. I simply analyzed one aspect, like love in a character, and came to the conclusion that Nero may be the strongest embodiment of this love at the moment.

[iridessence]

I would like to take a moment to acknowledge myself and say that I am elated and proud to have manifested some of my major goals since 2018-2019. Basically before then, 2014-16 I struggled with depression and suicidal ideation quite frequently due to not having steady income, as jobs in retail seemed the only available and “safe” options, but long shifts standing at a registers or posts were damagingly hard on my body. In 2017 I got a desk job that set me on the path of financial stability and reduced physical load, which did absolute wonders for my mental health but it was an absolute blight to my existence over time due to terrible management and the usual corporate garbage. I knew that staying there was fine for a time but not sustainable in the long run, so change must come eventually.

also around then, I continued to explore self portraiture and personal style but I really wanted to perform/create Burlesque acts and book them, and invest in and actually have choreography/technique and beautiful costume pieces that looked like the visions refining themselves in my head through research. I was also perpetually struggling in the dating sphere with the deficit of romantic fulfillment that I deeply wanted. and while they weren’t hostile, things were definitely weird with my family (dysfunctional, literal small town energy, upset that I didn’t want to be around them more in the suburbs but lots of interpersonal toxicity and lack of emotional growth).

I knew that in the coming years I wanted to…

quit my soul sucking job and set out to be a full-time or at least professional level burlesque performer, creating the qualitative and classic show girl acts I dream to see on stage

work on the floor at a boutique or mom-and-pop type shop that sells goods or services that are interesting to me, especially aesthetically, such as an antique shop or a jewelry boutique etc., but a place where I could sit intermittently as needed for my physical disability. Also, ideally it would be a position where I could express myself through style at my choosing and it would be received well, and also my hours would not be very early or very late.

find a loving and supporting partner who I could lavish equal amounts of love and support on to, live with and hopefully marry

Achieve/maintain financial stability enough that I have a reduced risk for homelessness and sometimes treat myself to things that I enjoy.

Figure out why the relationship with my family was such a struggle and do things within my power and desire to fix it.

In a world that isn’t a corporate machine devoid of empathy, none of that seems like a tall order to ask… but I live in America so… It took some time, but I’m starting to see the fruits and returns. Honestly sometimes things feel like a blur and I’m not exactly sure I could say there was a huge system to what I did overtime to make it work, but I know the work was there.

As of today, September 9, 2023:

I am a respected professional burlesque performer with costumes I figuratively gag over and acts that come closer and closer to hitting the aesthetic nail on the head for what I want to embody. (I quit that shitty desk job at the beginning of 2019 and haven’t looked back since. Sent a whole ass company wide message with a long and detailed “fuck you” too.😂🙈)

i’ve managed through burlesque, social media work, donations and savings, and —since the global pandemic—,odd jobs and grants/minimal loans, to continuously pay rent and ward off homelessness 

I live with the love of my life, to whom I am engaged and actively planning our wedding (we looked at a venue yesterday!)

I’ve helped my mom on the growth of her emotional intelligence and commitment to learning more about values under the race, gender, and sexuality umbrella, as well pushed her to examine the enabling and entitlement dynamics with her adult children that take advantage of her. While my relationship with my brother and sister is not great, my relationship with my mom has been steadily getting better since the pandemic. we had a breakthrough at the beginning of this year where she acknowledged and apologized for guilt tripping me for not being around the family more, when I was (she quoted) “actually protecting myself like she should have been.”

and litcherally within the past week I was offered the job at a local boutique I interviewed with a year ago and didn’t get, and I signed an offer letter to begin work within the month. 

To say I’m happy with the way things look right now is an understatement. The world still terrifies me, but I have no choice but to carve out a sliver of its beautiful experiences for myself, and I am doing just that. It may not be perfection, but it’s pretty damn good and I’m going to do everything in my power to keep it that way and make it even better. I am living my ancestors' wildest dreams!!

for anyone reading who might be struggling right now to make things work, I hope you hold on to hope that it can get better. A beautiful life is possible even on this hell scape, even for the marginalized.

[theholypeanut]

KIYOSHI TEPPEI X SECOND CHANCES

Peanut Wheel of Fortune Event

Cw: 2,3k, hurt to comfort, angst, Kiyoshi getting hurt (as in knb plot), one curse word, gn!reader

Plot: Kiyoshi was your biggest love, but it’s not easy to date a person who will sacrifice themselves on every chance they got

Event Masterlist

Kyoshi Teppei was a perfect guy. 

When you met him at the beginning of your high school life, you couldn’t help but wonder if there was anyone who embodied Golden Retriever energy better than he did. He was so nice to everyone, energetic, polite, and well-mannered, and he simply shined everywhere he went. You couldn’t believe how that happened, that one rainy day he confessed to you, with this bright smile, a tiny blush, while rubbing his nape from embarrassment. You could guess he asked at least three different people for their good luck before talking to you. Of course, you liked him too, how could you not? It was Kiyoshi Teppei. 

The first month of our relationship felt like a dream. He was Prince Charming, the greenest flag, the person who, on hearing you say you were thirsty, would run to the shop to get three of your favourite drinks and a soup just in case and sprint back before you even noticed. He always put you first and talked to you for hours, and your family loved him too. You cheered him on at every game and you became friends with his team, it all felt like the high school romance manga of your dreams. Until it started to fall apart.

Kiyoshi not only put you first, but he put everyone first. He was the most selfless person you knew. When Seirin started to get far in Inter-High elimination, he was the one working the hardest and sacrificing the most. It didn't surprise you that you spent less time together as a result: you couldn't be angry, and you'd support him no matter what. Or so you thought. Kiyoshi would never talk to you and tell you what was wrong, but you noticed a change in his behaviour at some point when his shine was no longer so bright. You noticed micro-expressions on his face like he was in pain - but whenever you asked him about it, he'd brush it off and tell you everything was fine.

Your dates became less frequent, but you were okay with that. Having a boyfriend with big dreams wasn't going to be easy. And then the Kirisaki Daiichi match happened. 

At this point, you already noticed that Teppei was overworking himself. He always put everyone first without looking back - that was what you loved and hated about him at the same time. But when you saw him get hurt during the match, it broke your heart. The whole scene looked awful and you had to cover your mouth in case you were going to throw up. The match was stopped and everything was chaotic. You barely remember anything until you got to the hospital. You wanted to be there for him, to support Kiyoshi in his worst moments. But your final straw was when he refused surgery because otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to play basketball in high school. 

You yelled at him to the point that the nurse asked you to leave. You cried and just told him you won't take it anymore. You refused to just stand there and watch him kill himself for basketball. He didn't say anything.

And that's how your relationship with Kiyoshi Teppei ended. 

People always say that your first love rarely is the last one. You wouldn’t know - even after some time had passed and you hadn't talked to Kiyoshi since the break-up, you couldn't imagine dating someone else. You were partly grateful that he was in hospital for so long and that you didn't have to see him, because deep down you knew that if he asked you to come back, you'd do it in a heartbeat. Your friends stayed by your side, telling you that you deserved to be with someone who didn't put basketball ahead of his health and, well, you. But as the year went on, you couldn't help but wonder if you'd ever loved someone as much as you loved him.

The graduation passed and you still didn’t even see him in the school. At first, you were angry, but as time went on you had to fight the temptation to call him and ask how he was. You avoided his friends from the team till graduation, but it was eating you from the inside how you couldn’t even catch a glimpse of him at school. Graduation of the first year, spring holidays, beginning of the new year. No sight. No call, no message. You were going through all stages of grief. You heard rumours about the basketball team being amazing again, without Kiyoshi. „Good for them” you replied to your friends when someone tried to break the news to you as a kind of small talk. Everyone around you knew not to mention basketball anymore. At that point, it almost felt like it was basketball that took away your first love.

But deep down, you were rooting for Seirin. How could you not? This team was built with your lover's sweat, tears and blood. But it made you sad that he was not here to contribute to its success. Until Kiyoshi showed up for the winter semester. And instead of feeling relieved that he was well, you were angry again. When he didn't even find a second to write you a single message for a year, you kind of wished he had a good reason: not that he'd just come back to school, all bright and shiny like before, without a proper explanation. Or has he moved on?

You wouldn’t know, and to be fair, you didn’t want to know. Because the idea that Kiyoshi simply moved on, because it was not as important to him as it was to you was as painful to you, as getting hurt during the match was to Teppei. So you decided to ignore him. Pretend that you never crossed paths. Sometimes it was less painful than seeing him behave like nothing had happened and that you had never been together.

You didn’t come to any games, you didn’t want to listen to the exciting news about how Seirin had a realistic chance of winning this time. Until one day, out of nowhere, you got a message from an unknown number. 

You hadn't really blocked Kiyoshi the year before, because he never really tried to contact you. But one day, a month after you broke up, your best friend invited you over for a sleepover, you had two beers together, and after being influenced, you deleted his number and all his messages. But you knew his number by heart, so when it popped up on your screen, your heart skipped a beat.

„If we win this game, please let’s talk” it’s all it said. Of course, that was so Teppei. He was at the school for almost four months and needs a fucking game to schedule when he will talk to you. You didn’t answer. There weren't enough words in the vocabulary to describe how angry and sad you were, and you didn't want to be the salty ex who wrote him an angry essay and made him lose a game.

But it happened: Seirin won. And just out of curiosity, you actually watched the game this time. You couldn't get rid of the painful feeling in your chest when you knew how much it had cost Teppei to achieve all this. On the one hand, you were relieved that he finally made it, but on the other hand, you couldn't deny the sadness. You never replied to that text, partly out of fear: you didn't really know what to expect from him anymore: it had been a year since you broke up, what was there to say? You felt stupid for never really moving on, but life went on without you. And maybe Kiyoshi too.

Days after the game, you stayed longer at school, stuck with your class responsibilities. It was quiet and the evening sun was glowing through the window, as you stapled the notes teacher asked you to bring after classes. Just as you finished, the classroom door opened abruptly. "A perfect student as always?" You heard a familiar voice and felt a shiver run down your spine. "Stop making fun of me, I've never been a perfect student anyway" you replied, slightly annoyed. This was so him: trying to make up for the year of ghosting with a friendly joke. "You never replied to my text. Did you change your number?" He ignored your answer and asked without further small talk. You avoid his eyes as you reply, avoiding the question: "Congratulations on your win, Kiyoshi."

Your tone was neutral, cold. The worst part was, it’s not like you hated him. How could you? But the wound was too deep to just fall into his arms like in a cheap romance novel. You heard his footsteps as he came closer, sitting on the table right next to you. „I’m so sorry.” You heard his full of regret voice. „I don’t even know where to start with all of the things I should apologise for. But what you need to know is that for all this time I could never stop thinking how I want to make it up to you.” He stopped for a second, and continued, hesitantly: „All I want to know, is if you… still love me enough, to give me a second chance. Or love me at all.”

You smiled, to his surprise. You finally looked at him, for the first time since he had entered the room. "How is it that after all this time you still know exactly what I want to hear?" He smiled back, but before he could say anything, you continued in a serious tone: "Why didn't you say anything for a year?" This was no time to beat around the bush - no amount of sweet words would change the fact that he had simply let you go and only returned when he had achieved his goal. No matter how you look at it, it seems that you were never his priority, only basketball.

Kiyoshi felt slightly intimidated by your straightforwardness, but sent you one of his branded bright smiles. 

"You know, that's one of the things I've always loved about you: you're the most honest person I've ever met. I still remember you yelling at me in the hospital. I have thought about your words ever since." He paused for a moment, looking down at his huge, calloused hands. "At first it took me a long time to process what had happened. Can you imagine that the whole time I was in hospital, I didn't believe it was over? I just refused to believe it. All the time I just believed that we would talk it out and it would be the same. Every day I rehearsed in my head my apology when you'd walk through the hospital door like you used to. But you never did. It seems so silly now, but all the time I thought that if I wrote to you, the break-up would be real. It wasn't. I think I only realised it when I came back to school and you refused to look at me. I don't think I've ever felt so empty in my life. Not even Hanamiya's foul came close to that pain. But I didn't want to just come crawling back to you and repeat the exact same pattern as last year. I did not want to... disappoint you like that again."

After you heard him pause, you couldn't help but wonder if there was any way you could have resolved this sooner, by communicating. You looked at his face attentively. "But now… I guess after we won with Hanamiya… All I could think about was how much I want us to be together again. It is embarrassing to admit how much I missed your voice. Even if you'll just scold me. But at least" he hesitated, and you noticed a tiny blush on his cheeks, "at least I had the courage to finally ask you if there was any chance that you felt the same way." His face became even more red as he quickly added: "I heard from Riko that you don't go out with anyone, if you do, I'm so sorry for saying such things."

You looked at him, still stunned by everything you'd just heard, and you couldn't help but think that Kiyoshi Teppei really is a perfect guy. No matter how much you wanted to hate him right now, to scream at him for all the time he hadn't reached out to you, you felt the anger just go away by looking at his face, all red, and his beautiful eyes trying to avoid your gaze out of embarrassment and fear that he might have said all those things to a taken person. How could you be so angry with him? You moved slowly towards him and rested your forehead on his chest. He was surprised by the sudden touch, but didn't move. 

"You're so stupid" you said as you grabbed his shirt. You waited a second to not let him notice that your voice was cracking. "Promise me you'll never do anything like that again? I never want to hear you put basketball before your health again." You couldn't see his face, but he sighed and put his hand on your head. 

„I promise” he said with the most gentle voice. 

You know what they say, that love is not enough for a relationship to survive. But this time you really think it will be enough to fuel both of you to work it out and grow together so that you'll never break up again.

Bonus:

[techramonic]

Speak, Hear, and See No Evil; Embody it.

An Essay Analysis on Religious Trauma and its connection to Nihilism through the Case Study of Vladislav Roslyakov

There is a profound intersection in faith and mentality. To uncover one’s whole being, the aspect of spirituality is well within the equation. While many use their faith as a symbol of fortitude, a steadfast hope that guides their way of living – creating practically a coherent path in a world so inconsistent and unpredictable, others see it as the pinpoint of their internal turmoil. Faith is not for all of us. If one rejects the idea of seeking solace in an institute of collective belief, then they do not believe in such a concept as “being saved”. To them, there is no redemption, only pain. 

Some people need a rather tangible and physical form of revelation for an adherence of recognition. It is the ideology: when you look up at the sky and do not see anyone looking back at you, that is when you know it’s not for you. You do not believe in such a thing as self-sacrifice, for you only see the world in a lens of self-slaughter. Often, this strained relationship with faith becomes Religious Trauma. 

Psychotherapist Dr. Alyson M. Stone acknowledges a positive link between religion and mental health but notes a lack of studies on spirituality's impact. According to Stone, “Religious trauma is more prevalent than the research suggests and often is a contributing factor to many of the problems that bring people to therapy, including depression, anxiety, and relationship difficulties. For this reason, religious trauma deserves careful attention” (Stone 2013, p. 324). Furthermore, Marlene Winell (2012) coined "religious trauma syndrome" (RTS) to describe the distress from "toxic theology." This refers to authoritarian religious doctrines demanding strict adherence, often equating disobedience to damnation.

In the case of Vlad, his mother was a Jehovah's Witness. This religious sect is banned under Russian law despite an estimated 175,000 followers in the country. In 2017, Russia’s Supreme Court found the organization guilty of inciting religious hatred by "propagating the exclusivity and supremacy" of their beliefs. Subsequent to  Russian anti-extremism laws extending to non-violent groups in 2007, placing it into the same category as neo-Nazis and members of al Qaeda.

To understand this, we must first look into Vladik’s childhood leading up to this point. Vlad’s father, a former Russian soldier who served in Afghanistan for several years, sustained brain damage from an assault, making him aggressive toward his family, leading to frequent physical abuse over his wife, parents, and even his son. He was also an alcoholic, where his violence would worsen when intoxicated. By the age of 10, his parents had filed for a divorce and he lived under the custody of his mother in a rundown apartment with poor conditions because they could not afford amenities.

Following this, his mother had renowned her faith. Neighbors described her as a devout follower who spent a lot of time in prayer. They recounted that she had barely any concern for Vlad due to being too focused on her faith, but there were many instances of her controlling nature towards her son’s life. According to Vlad’s profile background, his mother would frequently punish him for disobeying rules of her faith. Although he accompanies her in services, he does not recognize himself as a follower. He publicly expressed his contempt on Jehovah’s Witnesses as, “some kind of fools who dance and sing.” A friend of his had also expressed that the two would often make fun of the community. Despite these differences, Vlad still appeared to care for his  mother and understood that she had no other means of coping and did not have a community to interact with since she had no friends or relatives close by. With this, he made sure to spend time with her, yet we can discern that these regulatory rules are merely pushed unto him.

Vlad was not allowed to engage in hobby classes, amateur activities, or even watch movies as the faith forbids these activities. According to his VK chats with Liza Panchenko, his favorite movies were Stand by Me, Pulp-Fiction, and Lost Highway. However, he stated, “I didn’t watch any good movies after 2005”. Though this may be a speculation, one of the possible reasons for this is because he was forbidden by his mother. However, despite her warnings, it is clear that he still would go against her.

Vlad became sports-obsessed and developed an interest in weaponry, violence, neo-nazism, war, and killers. Despite occasionally picking up fights and being placed on the “chair of shame” by his college director, Vlad was reserved and withdrawn from others. His friends had described him as a loner, who was quiet and avoided making friends, rather talking about topics of violence, especially about Columbine. He had no intimate relationships or sense of future and practically only attended school because he was forced by his parents. He did not see any future and saw no escape other than death. Even with an interest in violence and guns himself, he expresses a disdain towards joining occupations like the armed forces.

Moving forward, it is crucial to recognize that the psychological distress caused by religious trauma can manifest into Nihilistic ideology. According to Alfred Alder, a psychoanalyst who founded individual psychology, human behavior is motivated by our unique experiences and the perceptions we garner off of these. To him, humans are driven by goals and we aim for superiority by striving for these goals which are molded by our values and aspirations. These in turn develop into a lifestyle that affects us in different aspects of our behavior.

Furthermore, Alder speculated that psychological development occurs when people pursue meaningful goals, though factors can disrupt this process. Exchanging the feeling of self-superiority with inferiority and emptiness. When one lacks any meaningful goal, they are devoid of any means to stay motivated because they have no inherent cause that may allow them to “live”. 

From a nihilistic perspective, the absence of inherent meaning in existence can lead individuals to view life as a mere distraction. You exist, yet you do not truly live—merely passing time because life feels more like an obligation than a will. This allows you to fade into a concept and lose touch with your humanity. You become a mere entity in this world so vast that it cannot accompany the hatred you bear for it because you are insignificant. You see yourself as nothing, born out of your lack of purpose, therefore you are nothing.

To tie this into the conversation, trauma and abuse can disrupt the process of finding and garnering purpose, hindering the creation of goals and instead, promoting nihilistic attitudes. This includes religion, which can either be an antidote or a poison. 

Religious trauma can be a  catalyst for promoting nihilistic thinking. Taking Vlad as an example, when individuals are subjected to oppressive religious doctrines that instill shame, fear, and guilt – it can lead to an inflated sense of despair. This dread of being trapped in a system that dictates your worth and purpose fuels the tendencies to lean into nihilistic ideologies. You are cornered with no escape despite religion itself being a form of solace and escapism made for believers to feel less in despair. Vlad's strict upbringing in a religious environment and controlling mother contributed to his growing resentment towards religion and humanity itself. This lack of free will over his beliefs and choices only amplified this sense of dread over being powerless. Further alienating him from others because he believes that no one will truly help him, not even God.

If God is not there to help and save him and there are no means of a divine intervention in his life, then he will be the intervention himself. He is the destruction the world has insistently brought upon his life in the form of unforeseen circumstances. He is the “judgment” that he has been taught to fear. He is the delusion that he has created because of his fixation over power. He is hatred. He shall not speak of evil, nor hear it, or see it. So, in turn, he is the embodiment of the evil he is taught to not be. 

Hatred, just like anger, does not come from evil but mistreatment. Though in this case, it is amplified to a point it becomes visceral. Vlad's constant exposure to religious extremism and the trauma he endured further deepened his nihilistic perspective and in turn, developed his trauma into a projection of an image of hatred over things he cannot control: his life and the people around him. Moreover, the trauma from his father's abuse and his mother’s overbearing nature only developed a deep-rooted cynicism towards conventional structures. In his belief, if he is controlled by anything but himself, it is evil.

To conclude, religion has a profound impact on an individual's psyche. It has the ability to either heal a person or destroy them completely. Vlad’s life is a perfect example of how one’s religious trauma can manifest into a distortion of their worldview, ultimately leading to them seeing no other escape in this miserable existence other than death.

[thesensteawitch]

A Message From Your Person 💝💌

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!

I hope you all are doing well. I am back with another collective reading. This reading will give you a glimpse about what's going on in your person's mind and heart.

For personal readings please DM me or email me at thesensteawitch@gmail.com

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- Three of pentacles, The magician, King of cups, Queen of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Ten of Pentacles

Animal Spirit- Spider

Hello, my dear pile 1. This person is in love with you. Like REALLY. TRULY! Their efforts may seem a bit slow but they will be pacing up with time. They have this whole life planned or at least imagined with you. They love you with everything they have got. They try to keep a check on you. They see you as a stable and beautiful human being. They are trying their best to match your level. You are their home, their safe space. They too are trying to be yours. Just know that it will take some time for them to love you the way you deserve. To reach your standards they need to deal with their emotions first. But in the midst of everything they care about you. They need to come out of their comfort zone which they clearly know. Suffering and pain have somehow become comfortable for them but they know that you are their true calling. For you, they must come out of it. They feel overwhelmed when trying to communicate their emotions. Give them time and space. They have got so much to share and build with you but they are at a place from where they can only imagine and visualize a future with you. They are asking you to be patient with them. When the time is right Universe will clear all the blockages. Your person may be a workaholic. They need to set their priorities straight. For some of you I see that they are trying to make themselves financially stronger so that they can provide for you. They dream of a fulfilling and abundant life with you.

To know more about your situation book a reading with me.

Pile 2

Tarot Cards- King of Swords, 3 of Wands, King of Wands, Six of Pentacles, The World, Nine of Swords

Animal Spirit- Elk

Dear pile 2, currently your person is at a learning stage. They are learning some very significant lessons regarding relationships. The true meaning behind them. They are trying to understand what love truly means. They have searched for definitions from all around the globe. They may be spending a lot of time on the internet searching for the answers they need. They are generous and kind-hearted. They are trying to figure out how to begin this new journey with you and at the same time let go of the past hurts. Your person is charismatic. They may be magical. But they seem to be suffering some days. Their own mind plays tricks on them. As this year ends they will be out of their misery. Probably after the 21st of December, you'll see some positive change in their behavior. Somewhere deep down they love you. In the weirdest way, they are showing their love for you. But you can sense the hint of pain in their gestures. This pain will be over soon. Your person may also be suffering from health issues so they need to take care of themselves. They are letting you know that soon they will be able to spread love but before that, they must embody love within them. They are learning to detach themselves from their past relationship experiences. Sometimes it's a struggle and sometimes they sail smoothly. You need to give them time at least till January.

To know more about your situation book a reading with me.

Pile 3

Tarot Cards- Queen of Cups, Four of Swords, Judgement, Six of Wands, Eight of Swords, Temperance

Animal Spirit- Swan

My dear pile 3, your person wants you to know that it's okay to fall in love again. Don't hide yourself behind the walls. Don't give them excuses. Don't tell them that you can't do it for XYZ reasons. They know you have got so much love to give. They can see right through you. They know that deep down you can love someone again. To love them, perhaps again. They are asking you to come as your true self this time. Wake up and look in the mirror. Look what they see in you. Someone who is patient, loving, victorious, and who can handle transformation. Someone who is honest and doesn't give excuses. You're being too proud to show them your true side. They want you to drop your walls. Spend some time alone and assess your emotions. Ask yourself questions regarding this person. Sit in silence. You will receive the answers from within. If you or your person doesn't take a step towards each other then this bond can end very soon. Communication is needed. Pride needs to be set aside. They are afraid too of falling in love with you. But they are willing to give it a try. Think about it.

To know more about your situation book a reading with me.

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