#who am i if i can't carry it all

[rmd-writes]

who am I if I can't carry it all

RWRB | T | 9.4k | June POV

Alex lives his life like he has a fire under his ass for no good reason and always has. Except June knows that there is a reason, there always has been. In some ways, June has spent her whole life trying to protect Alex from himself, watching him shove himself down behind impressive wit, gregarious personality and a charming smile in his effort to set the world aflame, despite the fact that he could have done so almost effortlessly, simply by being himself.

Or, five times June looks after Alex and one time she realises she doesn’t need to.

In the morning, she wakes up alone and when Alex isn’t in his own bedroom, she races downstairs. She finds him smiling over his Lucky Charms as if everything is normal, chattering to their mom about his plans with Liam for the rest of the summer and trying out for the local lacrosse team once the season starts because another boy at camp had mentioned it and Alex thought it sounded fun.  June stares at him, bleary-eyed, trying to work out if last night was a dream. Perhaps she should’ve seen it coming.  “What’re you staring at, Bug? Forget what I look like? Anyone would think you missed me or something.” He opens his mouth to show her his half-chewed breakfast.  “You’re disgusting.” “You love me.”

Read on ao3

I'm nervous about this one, friends! It's the first time I've written outside my OTPs' POVs and June is so very special to me and I hope I've done her justice.

Thank you to @indestructibleheart for being the reason this fic exists at all, to @kiwiana-writes for yelling at me and confirming that the feels were indeed feels-ing and to @welcometololaland whose comments and feedback in my gdocs give me life. I love you all 💖

[sunnykeysmash]

[kaesaaurelia]

Friends, tonight's Hero Forge theme is betrayal, heartbreak, and having entirely too many dogs.

Companion to this.

[chronicowboy]

actually so low on morale.

[rapidhighway]

gonna vent for a sec but im so tired of this "don't wanna be an inconvenience", people pleasing shit ngl.....do people who do this know that they just come off as really rude and like... it just feels insulting each time

[utilitycaster]

I just want to say, that I agree with almost all of your Critical Role takes and you have 1000% better and more nuanced takes than all of Twitter and I greatly appreciate it! The takes over there regarding Liliana and the gods are just wild and you bring some much needed sanity to the content I see

Thanks! I hope you don't mind because I've been thinking about this re: the Twitter takes but the thing about Twitter and Liliana specifically that I've seen is that there's this really bizarre fetishization of like, the fact that she is a (white) southerner (this also weirdly happened for Birdie though to a much lesser extent, and the person who spearheaded that wasn't even American so I have to assume this is a specific corner of Twitter Culture At Large). And like, here's the thing. It's true that fantasy tends to be very British in its accents, and it's also true that accents in a fantasy world are used to convey the same things we'd assume in our world - RP British for educated, southern American for rural, Cockney for rougher types, etc.

It's also true that laying the exact socioeconomic parallels from our world onto, say, Liliana and Orym (who reads to me as non-regional but I, like Liam, am from the Northeast originally) is a recipe for disaster. Or rather, it's not, but it is going to reaffirm your own biases, some of which are dangerous to reaffirm.

There was a popular post on Tumblr a while back, probably not long after Trump was elected, of someone talking about how they were convincing a relative with the confederate flag towards socialism by appealing to the idea of "isn't in unfair how uneven wealth distribution is and how a small group has so much control" and a number of people were rightfully like "uh, maybe you should focus on the racism" or "hey OP ask your relative who they think that small group in control is because I'm getting a really bad feeling they're going to say it's The Jews." And I feel that a lot of the empathy for Liliana from those spaces feels like that OP. Or in other words: I get that you see your relatives in Liliana. Unfortunately, I cannot help but see me and mine in Orym.

You see someone trapped by circumstance and desperation in a dangerous ideology. I see the fact that I haven't gone to a synagogue in easily 6-7 years without there being a security guard present and usually, the doors locked with someone looking through the window to let you in, and then in the sanctuary there's been an installation so that you can quickly bar all the doors in case an alarm goes off or you hear shots in the lobby.

I think there's a great case for seeing yourself in Imogen, who is in a painful struggle with the fact that her mother does love her very much but is in dangerously deep and has done a number of incredibly terrible and harmful things. That latter point is important, incidentally; I get that cult members sometimes rise through the ranks but all but the leader are being manipulated. But the fact remains that a brainwashed person can still commit atrocities, and in this story, they have, many times over. It's especially true because like...sure, plenty of people are like "I lost my relative to a cult and I just want them back and I couldn't harm them," but also, as we've seen, this cult can and will harm Imogen! Plenty of people are also like "yeah I gotta cut them off, it hurts but unfortunately my horribly bigoted and violent relative, while a victim of brainwashing, is a threat to me too." It's not even the full picture of the Temult side of things, let alone the picture that includes the Vanguard's victims.

I also think the Southern gatekeeping is unhinged because it's like. guys there's QAnon members and other cults across the country; the Confederate flag example above was actually notable in that OP wasn't even Southern so you couldn't even write the flag off as deeply misguided heritage but rather was explicitly being used as a hate symbol. It's awfully presumptive to assume all southerners have the same experience (especially since the Temults are portrayed, physically and in accents, as white southerners, not that the experiences of white southerners aren't also incredibly varied). It's awfully presumptive to assume that people find Liliana threatening because they have no personal experience with people like her; often, it's because they have all too real experience with people like her, and it says something even worse about you if you can say "but you guys, I see me and my family in Liliana" when people are telling you that they see them and their families in Orym. I would not, personally, publicly admit that one's empathy extends to the people who remind you of your family but runs out before it reaches their victims. Nor would I publicly admit that I assume everyone who disagrees with me clearly has never had personal experience with this topic.

I should also note that, as I've noted a number of times before, that these are fictional characters and not real people. Twitter seems to be really fucking bad at grasping that. Like, yes, this is the other thing; I do not think that OP should kill their Confederate flag-toting relative, whereas if Imogen did so to Liliana I'd be like "hell yeah." The former is a real person who I do hope gets deprogrammed, just, you know, maybe adjust those priorities; the latter is a fictional character in a story.

[ntamain]

There is just something soo *clenches fist* about the way the zombie virus works in TWD.

Like the whole concept that EVERYBODY is infected. Like there is no way out of it!! There is no more peaceful death!! No more noble sacrifice where you die to protect somebody that you love because you will come back!!

Your loved one sings you to death and then has to murder you to keep you from coming back!!! Your noble sacrifice can end up costing them their life anyway because you might be the one killing them!!

It's just sooo [unintelligble screaming]

[ajokeformur-ray]

do you ever just royally embarrass yourself at work because you have a minor anxiety induced freak out? Because same 💀

[faillen]

.

[marc--chilton]

(mgv) (early in pregnancy)

house: you're going to find me irresistible just so you know. my natural good looks compounded with your neediness vampirism and the fact i'll be able to walk even less than i can now? you won't be able to stay away

wilson, so sweetly: when was the last time you had a psych eval? :)

[invinciblerodent]

(oh, i should not be trying to playfully weigh in on a "who's your LEAST favorite companion?" post, it starts off lighthearted and then it makes me go on my Fenris-rant again)

[rmd-writes]

Doing this while it's still Wednesday for me for once! Thanks for the tags @heartstringsduet @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @leaves-of-laurelin @welcometololaland (you’re all so early tonight!)

Have a snippet from my June 5 + 1, something a little cuter than the other parts I've shared of this fic so far:

They’re in June’s bedroom and it feels like old times. Alex is stealing the food off her plate despite having his own breakfast because he’d taken one look at her waffles and decided they looked better than his own bacon and eggs. She’d be more annoyed but after the lakehouse, he’d scared her; June has seen many versions of Alex, but never like that. Despondent, helpless, quiet. So, having him back to his incessantly annoying, noisy self after his brief trip to Kensington is a relief which, in turn, is doing wonders for her tolerance levels. She’s only pushed him off her bed once this morning.  June knows that Alex is trying not to pout about the fact that she’s off to another rally today while he once again has to stay home. She still thinks their mom made the wrong decision, taking Alex off the campaign. Of the three of them, Alex is the one people flock to, the one with enough charisma to hold the attention of a crowd on his own. He’s the one who lives and breathes politics, the one who loves it. She gives him half of a waffle.  “Nah,” he says, picking up a piece of bacon and dipping it into her maple syrup. “Doesn’t taste as good when you give it to me.” “You’re a little shit, you know that?” Alex just opens his mouth to show her his half-masticated food and laughs.  June throws a blueberry at him. 

Tagging @indestructibleheart @kiwiana-writes (something sweet from this fic for you after the Ouch) @maxbegone @orchidscript @liminalmemories21 @freneticfloetry @never-blooms @lightningboltreader @three-drink-amy @mikibwrites @chicgeekgirl89 @doublel27 @hippolotamus @rosedavid @firenati0n @fitzherbertssmolder @carlos-in-glasses @indomitable-love @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @sherryvalli @anincompletelist @cha-melodius @notspecialbabe and an open tag for anyone else who wants to play 💖

[lpsgirl109]

I think if more people were put in my shoes they'd understand why I react the way I do to certain things

[lilyveselka]

excited for every liberal i know to turn into passionate racists because their special blue guy didnt win

[musical-chick-13]

"This show is SO good, you should watch it!!"

I gotta be honest. If I look at a character list on Wikipedia and get five characters down without seeing a single woman, it's probably not for me.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

casually adds surface pressure to my “songs that are too relatable for comfort” playlist