#Especially since in the stream before this he had a complete breakdown because he was terrified Cell was going to come back

[shikai-the-storyteller]

It's taking me ages to write this chapter because every time I look through old VODs / notes to check something, I come across moments like this that make me want to lie down face-first on the floor:

[Context: Pac commits to the idea of taking the Happy Pills so he can create a cure. He's about to write a note to Cellbit to explain his plan.]

Pac: If Cellbit puts himself in this position, it's worse for everyone, because Cellbit is smarter when it comes to coming up with strategic plans, so he is the thinking mind of the Favela Five group, so if he no longer has the mind, he’s not capable of solving this whole problem, you know? But if I put myself in this position to help Cellbit so he can get the cure... You understand? It's better if I'm the bait. Right? I can't- I can't carry things alone guys, I've already lost Mike [...] if I lose Cellbit and I alone had to carry things, I won't be able to. But I think Cellbit can manage better. He is more independent, and he has Roier. He has a husband. I'm trying to– to be lucid here, understand? That's all.

Date: September 11, 2023 || Timestamp: 03:10:10

[rocorambles]

Lost and Found

Pairing: Yuji x Reader

Summary: You’ve always wondered what happened to that pink haired boy who had become your closest friend in the very early years of your life and you finally get the answers you’ve been searching for.

A/N: This is for the Anilysium Server’s SFW collab. Masterlist can be found here!

The first thing you notice about Yuji is his pink hair. There are lots of kids your age playing in the park, laughing and talking to each other in the sandbox, on the swings, at the playground. But it’s that shocking head of pink that grabs your attention and with childish innocence and curiosity you make a beeline for the boy you don’t know, ignoring your mom’s warning to stop running. And it’s with embarrassment that your mom chases after you, profusely apologizing to Yuji’s grandfather when you grab a tuft of that soft pink hair in your little fist in awe.

But fortunately for the both of you, the older man just smiles and waves away your mom’s mortification and Yuji giggles, light brown eyes sparking as he grabs a strand of your hair in return, commenting on its color.

It might be the strangest greeting either adult has ever seen, but it seems to work as you both release each other’s hair and instinctively reach for each other’s hands as you race towards the sandbox, chattering about what the two of you can build together with the little plastic buckets and shovels sprawled about.

Yuji’s always been a social child, boys and girls naturally drawing towards his sunny disposition and outgoing nature. So it’s not shocking to see how quickly he’s befriended you. But what is interesting is how attached he is to you and his grandfather smiles in amusement when Yuji instantly searches for you first when he goes to the park each day, flat out ignoring the excited cries from his other friends to join them, either perking up or pouting depending on if you’re there or not. And to both his and your mother’s entertainment, you seem equally enamored. The two adults exchange knowing smiles when you practically drag your mom into a sprint upon seeing your new best friend.

Your parents take turns taking you to the park depending on their work schedules and on the weekends the three of you all go, enjoying a day off as a family. The Itadoris get to know both your parents well and the adults picnic and chat amicably and easily as Yuji and you romp and run around the park.

But it was only a matter of time before your curiosity got the better of you and for once Yuji is quiet when you ask him why it’s always his grandpa who brings him to the park.

“Where’s your mommy and daddy?”

There’s no malicious intent and you quirk your head in confusion when he doesn’t immediately answer what seems like an easy question to you.

“I don’t have a mommy and daddy.”

You’re not sure what to do or think of that reply, so you easily move on to your next question full speed ahead in a way only children can, leaving the weird feeling surrounding Yuji and you far behind. And this time it’s Yuji’s turn to cock his head in confusion with your next inquiry.

“Do you want to get married when you’re older?”

“Married? What’s that?”

“Married like my mommy and daddy! It’s when two people really like each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together.”

The concept of a mom and dad aren’t foreign to Yuji. He knows it’s normal, knows he’s the odd man out even at his young age with only a grandpa to take care of him. But he’s never dwelled too much on why he doesn’t have a pair of parents, fully satisfied and happy living with his grandpa.

But marriage...that’s a new concept he can’t quite understand, something he’s never seen firsthand or grown up with in the household. And he listens in awe as you ramble on with your explanation.

Is that why your parents always seem so happy together? Is that why grandpa sometimes seems so sad? Because he isn’t married? Yuji wants to be happy too!

“Let’s get married!”

You stare wide-eyed at the enthusiastic boy staring intently at you, surprised by the decisiveness in his tone.

“I really like you and I want to play together with you forever!”

Well when he puts it like that…

You grab his hands in yours and excitedly nod your head.

“I really like you too! Let’s tell my parents and your grandpa!”

Three sets of mouths gape at the two of you when you determinedly stand in front of where the adults are seated, hands entwined as you announce that the two of you are going to get married. And then there’s laughter and your parents and Yuji’s grandfather are cooing and shaking their heads in amusement at how adorable the two of you are.

“Marriage is for when you’re older, so Yuji and you have to wait a little longer until you get married, okay?”

“Okay!” you both scream before running off to play on the slide, promise already pushed to the back of your little heads as you shriek and giggle about who can get down the slide faster.

Life continues on and despite how months pass and then years, the two of you never tire of each other, only seeming to become closer and closer. So it makes it that much more jarring when Yuji suddenly disappears.

Your parents don’t know what to do, cursing themselves for not exchanging numbers with Yuji’s grandfather and their hearts break watching you patiently sit alone on a park bench, refusing to play with or meet anyone else, telling everyone you’re waiting for your best friend. They hope it’s just a one day thing, but one day becomes two, two becomes three, and when Yuji and his grandfather never appear for an entire month, you also stop going to the park, the location only causing you more distress than good.

Fortunately this happens not too long before you enter middle school and your parents sigh in relief when you become too busy acclimating to a new school environment and making new friends to continue crying over the sudden loss of your best friend. Sadness is more fleeting in your youth and they’re grateful for this, warmly welcoming the new friends you bring back home after school to study with.

You never forget Yuji. You don’t think you could ever completely forget the boy who had been your first ever close friend. But he begins to become a distant fond memory, a mystery you think you’ll never solve. You think of him from time to time, especially as you get older and gossip about cute boys in high school, giggling and asking each other how many kids you want when you’re older, who you’re going to marry.

A wistful smile spreads across your face and you remember how sure you had been as a child that Yuji was going to be your husband, confident promises from two children who didn’t know the first thing about marriage and love. You wonder what he looks like now. Is he as happy and easygoing as he used to be? Is he as loud and talkative? Does he have a girlfriend?

You get your answer sooner than you had expected and you freeze in the middle of the busy Tokyo streets when a familiar shock of pink hair enters your line of sight. The boy’s back is turned to you and you tell yourself you’re being overdramatic. It’s Tokyo. People dye their hair all types of colors now. So what if someone else has pink hair?

But your heart tells you differently. It’s been over a decade since you’ve seen that little boy, but you swear it’s the same exact shade of pink you remember grabbing in your tiny hands back then. And before rationality can catch up to your soul, your body is already moving, drawing closer and closer to that broad back.

“Yuji?”

The name comes out softer than you intended and you wonder if he heard you. But then he’s turning and your throat begins to choke as a pair of familiar light brown eyes lock with yours. There are millions of people in Tokyo, hundreds swarming around the two of you as they make their way to the next destination. But at this moment, it’s only the two of you and before you know it he’s rushing towards you and you gasp at the feeling of a calloused thumb gently brushing your face.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s really you.”

You don’t even realize the tears streaming down your face that Yuji is desperately trying to wipe away. Oh, that’s why he looks so blurry right now and you give him a happy watery smile before flinging your arms around him, soul at peace when you feel him return the embrace.

He’s so different from the young boy you knew. Taller, bigger, stronger. And yet, despite the many years that have passed, you can’t help but feel like not much has really changed at all. It feels completely natural for him to lace his fingers with yours like he used to and you let him lead you to a nearby cafe where he prattles on and on about what he’s been up to since you last saw him.

It feels surreal, like a rose tinted dream, and you tightly clutch at his hand even when you’re seated across from each other, afraid that if you let go, he’ll disappear and you’ll wake up all alone again. Turns out he’s just as talkative as he used to be and you find comfort in the familiarity of his tone despite the fact that his voice is a few decibels lower.

His grandfather suddenly got so sick that they needed to send him to a hospital and with no other adults to take care of Yuji, he couldn’t go to the park and tell you what had happened. You only cry harder when Yuji becomes teary eyed himself when he tells you how he went to the park almost everyday when he was old enough to go himself in middle school, hoping to find you so he could explain what had happened all those years ago. And Yuji joins your watery breakdown when you tell him how you waited a month for him (eternity for a young child), how you sat alone and never played with anyone else because you were always hoping that he’d show up again.

When your drinks and food arrive, you sniffle and laugh, drying your eyes, one hand each still firmy locked in each other’s grasp on the table.

“No more crying. We’re going to make up for lost time.”

Your parents are stunned when you bring Yuji back home with you that day and there’s more crying when they find out what had happened and of Yuji’s grandfather’s death. But they’re quick to welcome back the boy in their little family and Yuji becomes a common sight in your household and at your dining table, joining your families for meals and birthdays, studying with you, watching anime and playing video games late into the night, helping your mom with cooking and your dad with chores around the house. And the confirmation that he’s part of the family is only solidified when your parents tell you that all four of you will be going to visit Yuji’s grandfather’s grave together to pay your respects.

There’s not a single dry eye as you all picnic and sit in front of the tombstone and Yuji gratefully accepts the forehead kisses and hugs your parents shower him with, never once letting your hand go as you chat to Itadori-san’s spirit. You give your parents some alone time, letting them talk at length to the old man they had grown so close to while Yuji and you had played.

The two of you reminisce on those carefree days, teasing each other about who can build a bigger sandcastle now. You giggle and ask him if he remembers promising to marry you, joking about how silly and innocent the two of you were then. And you turn to Yuji, expecting to see him laughing with you, but there’s not a hint of humor on his face as he resolutely stares at you, light brown eyes concentrated as they gaze at you.

“I still want to marry you.”

You gape at him, waiting for him to break character, laugh and make fun of your dumbfounded expression. But it never comes and instead he tentatively grabs your hands, holding them in his, thumbs brushing soothingly over your trembling knuckles.

You’ve never seen Yuji nervous before. You don’t think you even thought it was possible for him to be afraid of anything. But standing in front of you, light brown eyes uncharacteristically flitting about as he tries to find adequate words, he looks so vulnerable, so sincere, so genuine. And you wait with bated breath, hope fluttering in your chest.

“I like you, like really like you. I know I said that when we were kids, but it’s still true, just like it was true back then. We lost a decade together and I know we’re still making up for that lost time, but I can’t help but feel like what we have hasn’t changed a bit. If anything I like you even more now…”

He trails off and your chest feels like it’s about to burst in fondness when you watch him trail off, uncertainty and embarrassment obvious in the way he shifts from foot to foot, a pink flush gracing his cheeks.

“I like you too, Yuji. Like...really like you.”

You giggle at the pout he gives you at the teasing tone of your voice as you use his words against him. But then it’s your turn to shift your weight from side to side as you also try to wrap your tongue around the feelings Yuji’s stirred inside of you since your reunion.

“I think I know exactly what you mean. We aren’t little kids who only run around and play in sandboxes and playgrounds anymore. There’s a giant gap between then and now that we’re trying to bridge. But I feel like reuniting at this age and seeing how well and easily we connect even now only makes me like you even more. It’s like our souls have grown together in a way despite the distance, like we were always destined to be joined at the hips.”

You stifle a chuckle at the way Yuji perks up, looking all the world like an eager puppy who’s spotted their precious owner, anxious energy surrounding him as he waits on your next words.

“So I guess what I’m saying is TBD on marriage, but if you’ll have me, I’d like to try dating.”

Your sentence isn’t even fully complete before you watch in mortification and giddiness at how quickly Yuji drops to one knee, the picture perfect of a man about to propose (if it weren’t for both your high school uniforms making it very obvious that this isn’t a typical marriage proposal).

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

There’s only one answer and you simply utter a “yes” that turns into a squeal as Yuji practically lunges at you, sweeping you in his arms and twirling you around.

[kpop-dungeon-dark]

Sinners. (Stalker!San x You)

•TRIGGER WARNING•

Warning(s): Semi Non-Con, sadism, masochism, fear kink, hair play, head shaving, complete submission, humiliation, degradation, anal, camera play, piercing, denial, chastity, Psycho!San, twisted and dark fucked up shit. Read at your own risk. You've been warned. This isn't for everyone. It is purely fiction and doesn't reflect any individual's behavior nor does it encourage it.

It was early in the morning and she was about to go to college in an hour. But instead of running around having breakfast, getting ready and making sure she had her assignments ready, Y/n was standing in front of her mirror, eyes closed as she touched her pussy and touched an electric razor to her head, imagining what it'd feel like if it was on and an imaginary 'Master' was forcefully shearing her. Like a sheep. "Ahh... Master… please..." The girl let a whimper fall from her lips, having no idea that the curtains of her room were open and someone could watch her through the window.

"Fuck…" The man standing outside, behind the PCO booth on the sidewalk outside Y/n's apartment complex whispered to himself, feeling his jeans tighten. Taking a picture of the girl before switching it to video mode, planning to send her the photo later. It had been a while now. Maybe a bit more than a while. He was ready and sure now, unable to wait anymore.

San had to have Y/n now.

He had to claim her rightfully his. Or, he felt like he'd lose his mind now. Just watching the pretty girl wasn't enough anymore. He wanted to touch her, feel her, tell her, that he knew… He knew that she wasn't as innocent as she made herself look in front of the people that knew her. That she was actually a hormonal little dirty girl. And whilst nobody knew that nasty side of her, he did. The thought made the man feel powerful. In control. Like he had a claim over Y/n.

There was no way in hell that she wasn't made for him.

Y/n got done with masturbating and packed up before going to college, having no idea that she had a stalker. The girl spent her usual regular day at college, having no idea of the storm that was coming.

.

San knew Y/n were in class and that’s exactly when he wanted to send her the photo he took. A sick smirk made its way on his face and he took his phone out, sending it with the caption, 'having fun there?' He knew where she sat, a lone desk by one of the windows in this classroom, the spot he was standing in providing him a clear view of her face. Yes. The man had all the information he could gather about her memorized by heart.

Y/n was drifting off when she suddenly felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, peeking at the Professor sneakily, the girl took it out and unlocked it only to choke on her breath before starting to cough, making some heads turn which caused her to put the device in her hand away to prevent it getting seized. Her blood ran cold and skin paled.

What the fuck just happened?!

San patiently waited for the female to exit her college, her being earlier than the usual time today, however. The man grinned deviously as he texted her again once she passed by him in a hurry, his taller figure getting up to follow her.

'Will you give that show again? Would you like someone to shave your hair off? That’s what gets you off right?' It shamelessly read, making her tremble.

Y/n started to rush towards her house as she didn't live too far away from her college, not having to use any vehicle because it was barely a 10 minute walk as she nervously glanced around. She was quite twisted herself. And so, a dark part of her mind thought... things, making her start to shudder as tears welled up in self hatred. She hated the soft pounds in her southern region, overpowering the thump of her heart ringing in her ears as she reached the building and rushed in.

'What's the rush for, Princess? Are you so eager to touch yourself again? Tsk. Are you horny? Knowing someone is watching you?' San was absolutely sick in the head. Chuckling at his own text, he bit his lip and hit send.

Y/n was shaking as she read the message. Yes. In her fantasies this was… thrilling, exciting, pussy throbbing and she'd like to play like this with her top but… a legit stalker? She wasn't THAT fucked. Or so the girl belived, at least. Rushing to the curtains after locking the front door, the girl drew them while trying to catch someone's glance outside but no luck.

San had mastered the art of hiding as he watched her. It wasn't like this was new or anything.

Y/n felt hopeless. She couldn't even call the cops! What would the girl show them as evidence?! She didn't want to tell or show them this! Her filthiest desire.

The 21 year old was having a mental breakdown! All her savings were in this college. She could not run away, didn't have any friends because Y/n was a foreigner and the people of this country were rather hostile to any outsiders. Couldn't go back home because she had run away from there, which was a hell in itself, when she had received her acceptance letter.

'Aww come on now!' Her phone pinged again, and then again. 'You can’t keep the fun all to yourself!'

The realisation felt like a bucket of ice cold water everytime she was reminded of it. The person had seen her masturbating and that to the fucking… razor! They knew her fantasies and at that the darkest ones! She couldn't even text them back asking him who it was! The girl was simply too embarrassed to! What if it were someone she knew in her college or around the apartment complex!

It was a dark day and it started raining. Y/n felt tears streaming down her face as her heart beat never slowed down, more terror filling her as everything outside got dark and thunder struck.

Maybe she should call the cops... No one else would help a foreigner… She just knew it. Nobody liked college students especially that lived alone because they were 'reckless' and often lied to get a good laugh out of the elders with their friends. So no one really opened their door for a student they didn't know personally.

But what would she tell the cops?! They ask for evidence!

Meanwhile, San stood on the spot he had found. Even if it was literally the end of the world, he'd still be there. Always. She was his and he had to have her all to himself. There was no other way. The man wasn't exactly sure how he'd do it but he’ll find a way.

.

Y/n called the cops at last when she started suspecting someone's presence outside her apartment. Or window… she wasn't sure anymore. And the loud thunder outside didn't help her situation. Dialing the police the scared girl told them she was afraid someone was stalking her and needed an officer for security right now. i Telling them about the texts and deciding to leave the nasty parts out, she sighed in somewhat relief when they informed that they will send an officer on the way. The student grabbed a water from the fridge and sat on the couch, taking huge gulps while trying to calm down.

Finally.

It only took some minutes before there was a knock on the door. A nervous Y/n looked through the peep hole to only cry out in relief when she saw the uniform through it. "Oh! Thank God, officer! Thank you so much! You're here!" She  was overjoyed. "Thank you! I- I am so scared!" A weak sob left her. "Please come in!"

The officer looked around the house, nodding. "I need you to calm down, miss. Tell me everything. We are here with you." His tone was professional. His name plate read 'Park Seonghwa'.

"I- I have a stalker! I don't know how!" Y/n quickly locked the door after he stepped in. "Not many people like me because I am a foreigner! I don't know if it's someone from college troubling me o- on purpose or what... B- But they've been sending me some really p- personal stuff..." She looked up at him innocently, scared.

The dark haired man hummed and nodded. "Do you maybe know the number? Have you noticed any suspicious activity around you before? Is there someone who has a motive to do this?"

"N- No... I got the first text today... I- I am really scared... I've got no one here... W- What do I do?" She told him all of it, hoping that the culprit he caught as soon as possible so she could go back to her life where she was a nobody. No one knew her and she was just another face among many others..

"Alright. We’ll keep a close eye on you. Within this period, try not to hang out too much, yeah? It is best to come directly home after college. And call us on this number if you suspect anything." He wrote a number on a paper and handed it to the shaky girl.

"Oh... Alright officer... thank you..." She saved the number gladly. And since he was supposed to stay with her to ensure the girl's safety, they sat down and Y/n awkwardly turned the TV on. Oh she never had a guy in her apartment before.

.

After getting used to the feeling of safety, Y/n got up after a while, finally having calmed down as she felt hungry. Cooking some dinner for two people, she went and handed the officer one of the two plates. "You've been here since evening... Please eat." She politely smiled, softly blushing from the embarrassment. The girl was too soft, continuously thanking him like it wasn't his job.

"You're a true hero..." She giggled and sat on the other couch, totally not thinking about how handsome he was. Before a sigh left her as she was reminded of the situation. "Officer... What will happen to my stalker when you catch him...?" He knew her darkest secrets. "I am really afraid... They mentioned some... things... very private... things..." The girl finally confessed.

“Mind telling me those things, miss? It will help us with his punishment. The more detail, the better” he placed his plate down, grabbing his pen and notepad.

"O- Officer... I uh..." Y/n gulped. "I- I can't..." She felt ashamed

“Why not? We should know so we can sentence him longer in the court. This is not okay. And you’re a foreigner. So it may also come under bullying.” His tone was soft and assuring as he looked at her, concerned.

It took the student a bit of persuasion before she spoke, hanging her head low and fingers fidgeting in her lap. "I... I was being naughty with myself... A- And they took p- pictures from my window... A- And taunted me about my... p- preferences, s- sir..." She put her own plate on the table now.

The man only hummed, nodding in an understanding manner. “That’s such a disgusting thing for him to do…” Before the man continued. “You shouldn’t do those nasty things while your windows are open either, Miss… You never know who will be watching.”

Y/n was blushing hard as her cheeks felt extremely hot. "I am sorry, s- sir... I won't do it again..." She couldn’t help but reply obediently. Her sub side sometimes got the best of her.

Besides… The officer was so handsome... It wasn’t helping her situation here.

.

A few hours later when it was bedtime and Y/n went to sleep in her room after taking care of her assignments and on the work she missed at school today, the officer got comfy on the couch. He was going to be here until tomorrow morning. Unless something happened. The girl was so tired she fell asleep easily, feeling protected and warm despite the terrible weather outside.

It was really late at night when Y/n woke up to a phone call.. "Hello?" It was the police, informing her that the officer that had been sent to her house had a bad ‘accident’ on the way and whether she still needed an officer.

The girl’s eyebrows at first in confusion before it sunk in and her blood ran cold as the phone fell from her shaking hands. At the same time she felt someone next to her. On the fucking bed. Pure terror filled her and she slowly turned to look at the relaxed figure dressed in the uniform. A shaky cry left her as she started trembling, literally mortified.

“Tsk... The stupid cops ruined the fun.” His voice was nowhere near that gentle and warm comforting voice now. Instead a low and deep hiss filled with nothing but mock.

.

San's eyebrows were frowned when he saw the cop car pulling up. "Oh no... you did not, Princess." The male smirked and shook his head slowly as he noted that it was only one officer. Moving through the shadows, he pulled out his blade from the pocket of his pants, expertly swirling it around in his hand and toying with it like he usually did. "Now, let’s see why do you need the officer, babygirl" his voice was barley a whisper as he made his way over to the car.

San was always so slick with his movements, catching the non-existent sounds of his figure were barely audible to the human ear. Before the officer could even realise there was someone around, the male had banged his head against one of the entrance walls of the low rent cheap apartment building, dragging him into the darkness with him before stealing his clothes and then dumping his body in the river along his car.

It didn't even take him long. He was fast, accurate in his calculations and confident in his abilities. "Now, to my Princess' rescue" chuckling to himself as he climbed the stairs, pinning the nameplate reading 'Park Seonghwa' on his breast pocket before ringing the bell to her apartment.

.

"The real fun is only starting" San sang as he pinned her down on the bed, holding her wrists tight above her head. "You have no idea how many nights I've watched you touch that bitchy cunt of yours." His hard bulge rubbed against her thigh.

An astonished Y/n was trembling, warm piss suddenly starting to leak out of her in pure terror as her heart threatened to burst out of the skin of her chest. Oh no! Is that what she thought this was?! It took her brain a few moments to understand it as the realisation sunk in like a ton of bricks. "Y- You... You're... You..." She could only whisper, eyes widened to the shape of saucers as an evil grin made its way on his features.

As San felt the bed getting warm, he started laughing at the girl condescendingly. "Look at you! Pissing yourself like a baby! How pathetic and disgusting! Did you really think anyone would help you, tsk?" He loved how she was shaking, the glow of her skin caused by the little droplets of sweat, her heartbeat that he could literally feel and the terror in her eyes.

Y/n started crying, the piss not stopping as it pooled inside her thighs. "Y- You're... You're the... stalker…" She whispered, still in disbelief as to how he managed that. "H- How did... How did you..." Oh God. Oh no.

The storm outside was so loud that screaming for help would just be in vain. It was so late no one would even be up...

"Baby, just like you said… I’m the stalker… I know everything about you…" His tone was sensual as he started kissing up the soft skin of her neck, moaning from how soft and delicate it felt. "Fuck! Your skin is even softer than i- it looks…" San felt himself twitch.

The girl was trembling as she slowly put it all together, staring at the ceiling as a feeling of despair and hopelessness filled her. "Y- You were p- pretending a- all this time! You're not the officer!" Adrenaline filled her as she kneed his cock, swiftly turning on her stomach and crawling off the bed before rushing out of the room. Nobody could hear the commotion. It was too loud outside.

"FUCK! YOU BITCH!" San yelled before laughing loudly. He loved this. Finally something enjoyable in his once lone and bland life. Holding his crotch, the male after her to catch the girl before she got away, catching her easily. "Where do you think you’re going?!" A smack landed on her face as punishment for what she did.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO! Y- YOU CREEPY BASTARD!" Oh she would be getting a lot of beating for this! "H- HOW DARE YOU STALK ME A- AND THEN ENTER MY HOUSE! ILL R- REPORT YOU!" As she reached out to my table to hit him with something, her hand so conveniently ended up grabbing the razor and swung it back, going to hit him with it on the head.

San laughed tauntingly and caught her arm before she could hit him and shook his head, sighing. "Now now, isn’t this the razor you were holding when you played with that tiny little cunt of yours?" The shiny object dangled in his hand.

"P- PLEASE!" She remembered the text he'd sent her. "PLEASE! I- I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT DON'T DO THIS! PLEASE! I BEG YOU!" Y/n had no idea what to say.

"Aww sweetie…" His words were soft. Almost. "Keep your begs for the time when I'll be pounding that dirty little pussy of yours." San held her hands above her head. "You like to be owned, huh? You like to serve your Master and show everyone how much of an obedient little whore you are?"

Y/n was crying harder now, afraid because she didn't know what was going to happen. "N- No! Please no! It's not true! P- Please just let me go! I- I don't want to!" Oh but she had a being kidnapped and raped fantasy. She loved the thought of someone dangerous, like San, terrifying her and fucking her, making her into his cockwhore. And he knew it. She wanted it all. The girl loved the fear and force. But all of it actually happening was something she'd never thought of. "Please! Let me go!" How could it? A whole fantasy becoming true?

"Oh please, my little slut! Let’s not fool ourselves here. I know you love the thrill of this, I know you LOVE getting used like a worthless little toy and I will give you what you want. You can try to resist me all you want but you’ll never get away from me. You're mine. I'll always catch you. You're mine and belong with me." Her eyes were on the razor as she kept thinking about the text he'd sent.

Y/n tried to reach out of his iron strong hold and snatch the razor from him. "Nu-uh…" San sang out as he held the object above him. "What if I shaved your head while I’m destroying that slutty pussy, huh? Would you like that you little whore?"

"No! NO! NO PLEASE!" Oh… But she felt wetness trickling down her leg. Oh no.

"My my!" The man chuckled darkly. "What’s this?" He swiped a finger up her bare thigh. "God, you’re such a pathetic whore, trying to fool yourself by saying no but I know you’re enjoying this. How stupid and dumb. Stupid slut!" His free hand smacked her face before grabbing her hands again.

"N- No! No! Please stop! This i- isn't what it looks like!" Before she somehow broke free again, this time biting his hand before she managed to reach the door, trying to unlock it but her hands were sweaty and cold, fingers literally frozen as she struggled to open the locks, cursing when they kept slipping against the metal.

San pushed Y/n up against the door with the most force he could come up with and pounced himself on her, letting his hard cock feel up her ass. "Don’t fight it anymore." And with that, he pulled her pj shorts down and turned her around before spreading her legs and pushed her up against the door, unclothing his cock and aligning his tip against her vagina before forcefully thrusting into her without warning before moaning loudly, throwing his head back. "God! Such a tight little nasty cunt!" San moaned and kissed along her neck, feeling like he'd go crazy from how delicate and nice her skin tasted.

The girl moaned loudly in pain, a warm stream of blood trickling down the man's monster cock. "O- Oh my God!" A sick part of her wondered if he would also shave her head and face... "I- IT BURNS!" A scream tumbled out of her lips.

"Oh… You were a virgin? Such a nasty little thing. Everyone thinks you’re an innocent little girl but in reality, you’re just a needy little bitch! Needy for cock! All the time!" He picked her up and carried the girl back to her room while still keeping his cock in her before plugging the razor in. "Come here!"

Oh yes. Oh no! Oh… She was having a battle with herself. Did she want this or did she not want this?! "PLEASE... S- SIR..."  Please yes or please no...? She didn't even know what was happening anymore. This was fucking crazy. Her stalker who had done God knows what to the cop and had entered her house after watching her for who knew how long. The stalker that had a private photo of her and she didn't even know how many other materials. And now was on top of her like this...

"Please what, babydoll?" San pulled her in and kissed the soft trembling lips roughly, loving how good she tasted and felt.

Y/n cried against his lips, the man's huge cock still in her wet and tight walls. "I- I am scared! P- People will laugh!" Was that the only thing she cared about?

"So you want me to, but scared people will laugh?" San smirked while pushing his hips back and forth, moaning with each thrust. "Let them laugh, that will turn you on even more because you love getting humiliated. I know you too well, baby.”

Y/n had faced such rejection and hostility her whole life from different people she had trusted with her safety from time to time… this was driving her crazy. Her messy emotions got the best of her at the end of it. Her breaths were heavy. "Y- You're right... You know me so well..." She started speaking his language. "Y- You want me? O- Or you'll leave me too?" This was wrong; sick.

“No. I am staying by your side and you’re staying by me. I’ve wanted you for so long... you have no idea.” He groaned at how good she felt, biting back the whimpers threatening to fall out of his lips from the pleasure. “You have no idea just how many nights I have jerked off thinking it was your tiny little pussy, hugging my cock as you moaned and begged me for more, slut.”

The girl blushed, feeling like she was dreaming. This felt perfect… at least to her troubled mind. "You're crazy... You're scary... You made me piss myself out of pure…” She whispered slowly, a small smile making its way on her lips. “...P- Please own me... P- Please shave me... my head and face... make me look like a dumb slut... s- sir... Your dumb slut..." Her shaky hand turned the razor on for him, pussy suddenly clenching around him as she finally acknowledged the pleasure it was receiving, a soft moan escaping her.

“Mmm... that’s my good slut” San hummed and praised, taking the now on machine and placing it against her hairline before running it down the top of her head, both of them moaning, Y/n from the feeling and San from the sight of the sight of now small bristles between her locks as his hips pushed in and out even faster.

The man now shaved off another strip from the spot besides the previously shaved one, humming as he remembered something and took the machine to her eyebrows first and pressed it against the skin, feeling himself hit her g-spot as her eyes rolled to the top of her head, mouth falling open as the male erased the hair above her eyes.

"Yes, s- sir! Please make me your good slut! I- I love you! I'll never leave you! Please never leave me, Master!" She started crying out of joy, kissing his hands as her unstable emotions made her feel absolute joy. He had accepted her as she truly was. In her darkest form. “Please write funny things o- on my skinhead when you’re done. I am a dumb whore!” To her, there wasn’t a man more great than him.

“Fuck yes… That you are.” San grunted as he started to shear the rest of her long locks like one would to a sheep. “You are my dumb little slut who will do nothing but serve her Master from now on!” His free hand landed a smack on her head which was showing up more and more, nothing but thin stubble covering the skin.

"Yes I will, Master! Please! Please treat me like trash!" Y/n clenched around him, near to cumming. “Trash that was born to take your cock! You're so good to me! I wish you'd snuck in my house this morning and raped me right there! I wish you'd have shaved my head and forced me to go to college like that! It would have been a pleasure to be humiliated like that and by you!” She was literally crying out of pleasure

“Oh..” The man chuckled while panting. “I will force you to go like this baby, don’t worry.” He promised as he snapped his hips even faster, feeling himself getting close from the sight and all her filthy confessions. “And I will wake you up by fucking you every morning, making you a mess and sending you off to college like that.” It was done, the only hair on the girl’s head slight messy stubble that he’d remove with a hand razor later to reveal the skin underneath.

"Yes, please! Please always only force me and rape me! Please keep me bald! Keep me at your feet! Please feed me your piss and cum! I want to be your hand and footrest! I want to be an object for you to fuck! A bitch for you to breed! Your little animal! I JUST WANT TO BE YOURS! I WANT TO BE THE DIRT UNDER YOUR FEET!" She was sobbing as she started cumming hard, her tiny body spasming in pleasure while holding one of San's hands because it was her first time cumming from sex.

Y/n wrapped her arms around him from the intensity of it and kissed him while he played with her tits, pinching her nipples painfully as he kissed the girl back and let her ride out her high before pulling out. “On your knees!” San kept pumped himself until he came all over the girl’s pretty face and mouth. “That’s my good little cumdumpster.”

She smiled and started to kiss his cock and hands in respect, then his balls. Y/n really had truly submitted. "You're perfect, Master! Where have you been all my life?!" A pout made its way on her lips as she whined, hugging his leg and kissing it, not daring to go further up out of fear.

San was satisfied with her behavior. “I’m here now baby… And I am never leaving.” He kissed the younger one and slapped her ass lightly after helping her get up. “Lets get cleaned, doll.”

"Master, I wanna drink your piss." She shamelessly told him, not standing up, taking his cum off her face with her hand and greedily sucking at it. "A- And I wanna kiss your feet!" She was way too eager for this.

The man chuckled at her request. “You want to drink my piss? Then open up, my whore.” San held his cock over her mouth before putting pressure on his bladder, whimpering before the hot stream hit her lips.

Y/n was obediently on her knees drinking all of it after cringing at the taste a little, moaning happily. It was her first time drinking anyone's piss. She was in heaven. She finally had an owner! The girl made sure not one drop went to waste. "Thank you so much, Master! It is amazing!" The younger one stopped drinking and let his piss wet her face before starting to kiss his feet, fully in her subspace.

“You’re such an obedient little girl.” San praised, not being able to hold back the smile as he watched her, never having imagined her willingly being like this for him in such a short time period. But then again, he wasn’t surprised. “Good girl.” He cooed patting her head.

Y/n desperately kissed his hand and grabbed it, starting to cry. "M- Master... everyone leaves me... P- Please don't leave me... I- I'll die!" She almost promised him, nothing short of a maniac. Maybe she was even more twisted than San, in a way

“I’ll never leave you, you’re mine and everyone will know that.” Cupping her cheeks, he passionately kissed her, already making plans in his head about how he will modify all of her features as his perfect little pet.

The girl giggled, sucking at his lips greedily. "Master! Your piss was on my face!" She tried to get it off. "Give it back! Ish mine!" Huffing, she lapped at his piss like a needy little bitch.

San chuckled from her antics and swiped his fingers on the pretty face before holding them up against her lips. “Open up…” He let her suck on the piss covering his fingers. “Fuck... you’re so perfect for me.”

Holding his arm like a child, Y/n started sucking on his fingers greedily, smiling. "Thank you, Master!" Before she made his fingers hit the back of her throat, making herself gag and loving it all. "Mashter Mashter! Whatsh your name?" The girl questioned while deep throating his fingers.

“It’s San, baby.” The man replied with a smile, watching her choke on his fingers, her warm drool trickling down his long fingers.

"Shan! Ish sho pretty! I am Y/n!" Letting go of his hand, she hugged him which was returned with a chuckle.

“I know, babygirl.”

"M- Mashter... I- I dunno why b- but... I- I shaw a video too a- and I want you to s- shove my shaved hair u- up my assh and i- in my mouth... a- and take picturesh... Hehe I am sho naughty!" His eyebrows raised as she hid in his chest, a smirk forming on his lips.

San patted her messily shaved head. “Yes. You are, baby. You’re fucking naughty but okay. Daddy is here to help his little girl with all her little disgusting whore fantasies.”

"Y- You wanna?" Before she chirped again. "Mashter I want to be owned like an object a-nd like an animal! I wanna be like a p- piggy! A- And I want you to b- beat me and whip me e- everywhere a- and I wanna be bruished! A- And I want to be raped all the time!" She was too fucking sick and twisted but now that she wasn’t afraid of being judged, she was letting all that was locked deep down out.

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll treat you like one, baby.” San said before chuckling to himself, still in disbelief of just how fucked up she really was.

"A- And I want you to fuck my bummie and not let me cum for monthsh! I wanna be forshed to wear chashtity! I want you to make me cry and beg but you don't give in and only torture me more!" She told him. "Pleashe alwaysh shlap me and my head!"

“Fuck... you’re so naughty baby… I love it.” San almost moaned from the sight before getting a chunk of her shaved hair and shoved it in her mouth before getting his phone and taking pics of her all stuffed and messily bald like that.

The twisted girl smiled in the pictures and eagerly nodded, turning her fat ass in front of him now. "Please put hair in assh too!" She struggled to speak, smiling and posing for all of the pictures.

San actually wanted to take a video of him shoving hair up her ass and so that was what he simply did, laughing. “Look at this disgusting little dumb cock whore! So slutty and needy! Loving to be humiliated and looked like a dumb fucktoy by her owner!” He spat on her.

"Yesh I am! Yesh I am!" Y/n spoke with difficulty, showing her stuffed face and head too, arching her back, imagining herself a beauty goddess of her own kind. "My lobely mashter shaved me! And ish gonna treat me like hish trash and look! I habe hair up my assh! And in my fashe! I've got no eyebrowsh!"

“My good little slave… All mine… So submissive” San praised, kicking her ass in the camera and chuckling at her squeak, watching her clench the hair up when her pucker winked. “You’re really loving this, aren’t you?” Lifting her face, he spat on her forehead.

"I ammmm~" she whined, face red before starting to try to rub her cunt against the floor.

“Look at her trying to desperately rub her slutty cunts on the floor…” He filmed it all. Fuck. He loved seeing Y/n all dirty and submissive for him.

Drool was dripping down her chin and boobs. "Yesh Mashter! O- Onwy fow yoooouuu~" a needy whimper left her.

“Mmm... yes, only for me” San spoke and slapped her hard which the girl loved, getting even more wet and kissing his hands. "I- I... cum pleashe..." She whimpered again, loving the control she was in.

“No... get up.” San warned sternly. “You’re not allowed to cum, you’re never allowed to cum.”

"B- But... M- Mashter..." The girl pouted and whined, having forgotten that she was the one that told him that she wanted him to never let her cum and torture her like that.

“Are you talking back to your Master?” Raising an eyebrow, he gripped her chin before slapping her, making sure it was all being recorded so he could fuck her to it later.

Her pussy tingled. “N- No! No Mashtew owwiieee…” The hair in her ass and mouth tickled humiliatingly.

"That’s what I thought" San husked and threw the phone on the bed before pushing her on the carpet again. "Tell me when you’re close."

"M- Mashtewwww" Y/n started crying like a little baby, shaking and dropping the hair from her mouth because it was getting hard to breathe.

"Did I say you could drop the hair?!" The man growled darkly before pushing the hair back in. "Breathe through your nose, dumb slut!"

The girl let out a cry, trembling and sobbing as she nodded. He was rough. It was making her cry. But she also loved it and felt wet. "Yesh!" She loved being at Master's mercy.

"Good girl." He said pushing her down on the carpet more. "Rub yourself nice and hard slut." Y/n started rubbing herself as he ordered, feeling the carpet burn against her pussy but she couldn't help but love it, biting her bottom lip through her stuffed mouth. Oh… She loved it so much. The girl wanted it to bleed almost… Reaching out to hold his hand, the girl spoke. "You're sho perfect... I wish I'd m- met you when I wash l- little..."

"I wish that too baby, fuck... I’d fuck you every night while your parents were peacefully sleeping in the next room…"

"Y- You'd fuck me when I wash a little baby?" This was fucking revolting and twisted. They were both utterly sick. Y/n kept moaning loudly and getting wetter, rubbing harder and harder. "Y- Your fat cock i- in my toothlessh mouth... AHHH... I wouldn't need miwk... You'd have fed me your Mashtew milk fwom youw cock..."

"Fuck yes!" He growled as he felt himself getting hard. "Yes baby… I'd feed you my cum every day. You'd have grown up getting your nutrients from it, eh?"

"Daddy... Daddy... You'd be my Daddy? But inshtead of miwk you'd feed me youw cum evewyday? Ish the besht miwk!" She was very close and her eyes fluttered shut when he started playing with her tits and pinched her nipples before pulling at them. "Then I'd say I grew up drinking Mashtew's cock miwk! Hehehe!" The girl was too far gone.

"God, yes! You’re such a filthy and sick whore!" San knew she were close so he pulled her up. "No cumming!" It made the girl whine loudly and she fell on her face.

"Mashtewwwwww!" Before she curled in his feet, calming down a little when he didn't give in and ripped her pussy away from the carpet. "M- Mashtew... p- pleashe may I wemove haiw now...?" It was getting stuck to her mouth.

"Yes. You may, my little cum rag." The male wanted to use her mouth and feed her his cum so he allowed.

Y/n dropped it and quickly cleaned her tongue and inside of the cheeks with her tiny hands. "Bleg... hehe~" she curled in his waist, rubbing her tiny head against his chest.

"Good girl~" he patted her head before pushing her back in position. "Now use that mouth good baby…" San pushed his cock down her narrow throat, loving how tight and warm she was, making her gag from the rush of it in an instant.

The girl gagged but enjoyed it, loving it all. She quickly started sucking his cock, grazing her teeth against it and swirling her tongue. Y/n had watched all that porn for a reason. Kissing his balls, she sucked on them, whimpering from how his private hair tickled her nose.

"Fuck! look at you! Sucking on master’s cock like a starved bitch!" He slapped her again, feeling his shape against the skin of her cheeks. "You love it, don’t you?!"

"Yesh! Yesh! Yesh!" She hollowed her cheeks and bobbed her head up and down his shaft, sucking and whining as San rubbed the top of his foot against her pussy, smacking her bald head before pushing his cock all the way down her throat, tightly clasping the back of her head.

The man groaned loudly as he twitched in the soft walls of her throat, washing her throat with his hot semen before cleaning her up and finally shaving her head fully until there was nothing but glossy skin left before they went to bed.

"I have shchool tomorrow... Mashter do you go to shchool?" Y/n yawned as she snuggled into San's built chest, whimpering and smiling whenever the realisation of who he was hit her.

She loved being owned.

"No I don't. I will be right here when you come back, my pretty slut." San said while kissing her softly like he hadn't unleashed his sadistic likes on her.

"Why don't you go to school?" She suddenly pouted. "Then how will Mashter have a career?! You'll be poow! I dun wan poow Mashtew!" Y/n huffed brattily. She didn't really care about that, only wanting to see his response because she loved to piss off her top.

"You don’t really have a choice, sweetheart." The male gritted out. "You’re stuck with me forever. If I am living on the streets, you’re living with me."

She opened her mouth to brat but the bell rang. Rushing to the door, Y/n opened it to reveal a police officer. "Oh... hi..." The officer smiled a bit at her and asked the girl if she still needed an officer and why she had hung up when they called. "O- Oh no officer... I was just being paranoid... It wasn't anyone..." Y/n's cheeks blushed because she could see the officer was staring at her shiny bald head and eyebrows. Feeling herself getting wet as humiliation made her blush, Y/n found herself wondering what it'd feel like if he smacked her on her head. The girl's nipples got hard.

But oh... she couldn't cum!

"Okay then, be careful, Miss." He tipped her hat, nodding a little before walking off.

Y/n felt so wet. "Have a good night, officer!" A giggle left her as the man disappeared, starting to rub herself against the door up and down, running her hand against her head.

"Now, what was that?!" San deeply spoke, pushing the girl against the door, making her head hit against it embarrassingly. "Did you forget who alone can make you wet?!" The male yelled before slapping her. "You sick little exhibition loving whore! Not even you can do what you like to yourself! You're all mine! Only I can do whatever I please to your whore body!"

"Yes... You... You sir!" Y/n closed her eyes and held her hands above her head, lowering it for him to slap. "Please hit my head... Ugh... fuck me up... I want my head to be bruised... Ugh fuck! I am so wet... Please beat me!"

"What a disgusting little trash!" The man laughed, slapping her head this time. "You love people making fun of you, huh?"

"Yes I do! Yes I do!" She whined. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make fun of me! Humiliate me! Hit me and bruise me! Make fun of me! Humiliate and degrade me! I want my whole college to laugh at me!" A loud cry left her.

"Let’s get you bruised up, then." San decided and started slapping the girl's tiny head and face until it was all red and sore. Y/n was crying by the time he was done, literally sobbing as she just fell on her knees and knocked out of exhaustion, her owner carrying her to the bed and then laying next to her knocked out form.

"Good night, my love." The male kissed her soft and red cheek before falling asleep too, holding her fragile body close to his, his slumber calm and satisfying today after so long.

.

Y/n stirred as she felt her pussy being invaded the next morning, making her stir as she felt lips upon her own and fingers pinching her nipples as her other boob was being groaped, her pussy expanding and sucking in a huge cock. San's huge cock. "M- Master~!" She whispered out when her eyes flew open and she was met with San's face. "W- What… s- so early?!"

"I promised you I'd wake you by fucking you every morning, didn't I, my slut?" He grinned and attacked her lips, eliciting an excited gigglish moan out of her as he started to fuck her fast and rough, pushing his balls in all the way.

“Y- Yes! Yes! F- Fuck!” Her eyes rolled to the back of her head from the realisation that he had been fucking her in her sleep before she woke up, feeling him twitch inside her. “M- Master! I- I… c- cum…” Y/n tried to speak, her back arching from the pleasure of him biting on her nipples before smacking her bald head softly.

“Little breeding whores don’t get to cum, baby. They just take cock and let Master use them like the cum rags that they are.” San’s cock slammed in and out of her pussy, his hand gripping her neck for support when she clenched around him. “Fuck! So tight!”

Tears welled up in her eyes as her face got red from how rough his thrusts were, how much her clit was burning for stimulation, how much her ovaries hurt to cum. “Look at this hairless little whore! Unable to even breathe without my permission let alone cum!” He spat in her mouth before turning her around and pushing up her ass, chuckling when she whined out.

“Sorry, slut. Little whores don’t get what they want around here and only please Master as they are supposed to.” Grabbing a sharpie, San started writing on her head whilst choking her with one hand, pounding her harder and harder up her ass. “Hurry up and please your Master well so we can go to an important place before you go to school.”

‘I am a bald little nasty slut. Please hit my head. I love it.’ Was written on the back of her head as the man laughed, deciding to not tell her what he’d done just yet, waiting for her to find out later when the people on campus would be warming that cueball up.

.

Y/n was whimpering as San waved at her and she shakily walked inside her college with a bald head, wearing nothing inside her skirt as she sneakily pushed the slipping ass plug back inside her cum filled ass. Lowering her bald head now that she was outside and people were staring at her new look, the girl gulped and felt herself squeezing her legs when some girl giggled at her.

Fuck… She couldn’t help but bite her lip, loving the humiliation as her cheeks felt hot.

Master had gotten her pussy, septum and nipples pierced before walking her to college. He was going to buy a special leash for that that was going to be passed through all her piercings to ensure she was in his control at all times.

Her train of thoughts was broken when a smack landed on her head by a guy passing by before he chuckled at her shocked expression. Before the girl could question him, she received a text by San. A picture message. Of what was written on the back of her head.

Widening her eyes, Y/n gasped and her hand automatically grazed against her head. No wonder the piercing lady had lightly smacked it before Master and she had laughed at the girl. “N- No… you didn’t…” She whispered in shock before one of her ‘friends’ smacked her head, making it jerk forwards.

“Cute look, Y/n.” Before she walked off to class, the people passing by gave her looks and talked about her.

Fuck… She squeezed her thighs in utter humiliation as the wind blew, making her desperately try to keep her skirt down as wetness trickled down her thigh. The girl wasn’t allowed to touch herself and not cumming was one of the rules now upon Master’s order and her foolish confession. She had a whole day to last before getting home and begging him to let her earn it.

Her ass stuffed, body owned, everyone silently chuckling at her humiliating look and getting smacks to the head like that wasn’t going to help.

“Oh, Master…” She whined to herself in despair. “What have you done?”

.

[sorryjustafangirl]

exam week

a/n: self indulgent? always. also since we’re in our mat feels over mat hat trick :) it’s gender neutral reader again. hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Mat Barzal x reader

Work count: 1.3k+ 

warnings: some reference to alcohol and i think that’s it? reader breakdown maybe?

disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and real person fiction if you don’t like that, please don’t read! also the gif isn’t mine! all credit to the incredible gif-maker!

It was hell week. Well, not literally but, it was midterm week and those are pretty much the same thing. Especially when midterm week seems to lead into millions of assignments and projects before finals start. So yeah, hell week. 

The Islander’s west coast road trip was not helping either. They’d been gone for a week and a half, winning slightly more than they lost, but you hadn’t been able to see Mat for a couple days before the trip because of studying and exams you had to focus on. When you had apologized that you didn’t have the time, he simply shushed you and told you he’d support your degree as much as you supported his career. 

Only now it was a few days after his trip, and you still hadn’t seen him. The two of you were in a fairly new relationship, and you hadn’t hit the stage of sleeping over yet. You just simply didn’t have the time; it wasn’t your fault that your school decided to throw assignment on top of assignment on you. 

A knock on your door broke your gaze on a reading you were trying to do for your History class. You stood up from the coffee table where your computer was and adjusted your glasses and sweatpants before swinging the door open… to see your boyfriend. 

“Mat,” you breathed, suddenly aware of your appearance. Was that a mustard stain on your shirt? When was the last time you washed your hair? 

He smiled, and held up a bottle of wine and a paper bag. “Hi.” He pressed a kiss to your cheek before entering your apartment, kicking off his shoes and walking towards the kitchen. 

“Listen, babe, as much as I want to spend time with you, this isn’t exactly a good time…” you trailed off, following him. 

“Oh, have you eaten already? That’s fine, we can still split the wine though,” 

“No, it’s just… I-I have a lot of studying to do.” He looked across the island to see you across the room, opening your laptop. 

“I thought all your exams were done? You just had a week of midterms,” 

“Yeah, but I still have work to do. Profs don’t care I just had midterms,” He scoffed. 

“Well, can’t you take a break? We haven’t got to see each other in, like, two weeks,” You rubbed your eyes, sighing. “C’mon take a break…” He coaxed, coming to sit on the couch behind you and wrapping his arms around your neck before placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. You shrugged him off and got back to focusing on the reading. 

“I can’t take a break, I still have to studying for my final next week,”

“Listen, a couple hours won’t hurt…”

“But it will!” You turn around from the screen to look at him. “I have so many assignments and I have to take notes and watch hour long lectures only to have to pause it all the time to take the notes! That’s not to mention additional readings and group projects and studying! I can’t stop. I have too much work to do,”  

“I’m not saying you don’t have a lot of work, but I know that you can afford to take a couple hours off to relax,” 

“How would you know that Mathew?” He gulped, Mathew was not a pet name from you, it was an angry name. “You don’t! When was the last time you did anything like this? Years ago! Sorry that I have to work hard to get the grades I do to keep up my GPA so I can get a job I love! Sorry I don’t have time to sit and take a night off when all my work is sitting right there screaming at me to get it done!”

“Y/n…”

“I’m just so tired.” You sobbed, turning and collapsing into his arms. His warm hands ran up and down your back, trying to soothe you. “They just don’t understand how much work they’re giving me and how much I’m struggling to get it all done without failing. They say they know and they send a check-up email that’s like three lines of we’re in this together but then they don’t do anything. It’s just too much and I’m so tired and I just can’t seem to catch a break. I don’t seem to have enough hours in the day to get everything done. And on top of all that, I have to worry about finding an internship so I can get a job once my degree is done. And! I haven’t seen you in so long because I just have so much work. And I missed you.” You hiccupped with sobs and he squeezed you a little tighter.

“Shhh, sweetheart, shhh. I missed you too, but it’s going to be okay,” He kissed your hairline and just held you tighter.  You shook your head negatively in the embrace. “Yes, it will.” He promised.

“How do you know that?” He scrunched his face and readjusted the two of you so he could see your face, even if your eyes didn’t meet his.

“Because I know you. If there is anyone who can do this, it’s you. I get that it’s hard, believe me I do. You probably spend more time in front of your laptop than I do at the rink, obviously it’s a lot. But you are too smart and too determined for everything not to be okay. And even if it isn’t, you’ll still have me. 

“I just worry about burnout. And mono. You’re working yourself to the bone, and it hurts to see. You’re going to be amazing, babe, you always are. But you have to take care of yourself. You’re not doing anyone any favours with sleep-deprivation and not drinking enough water and not taking mental breaks. I want you to be okay, that’s all, okay? I’m not trying to doubt you, I’m just trying to help you.” He started to let you go, but you grasped at him harder, silently begging him to stay where he was.

“I’m sorry… I just don’t want to let anyone down,” You whimpered into his chest. He brought you out of the embrace, your eyes meeting his blues. 

“Listen to me. You are not letting anyone down by taking time for yourself, you’re not, okay? The people who care about you, including me, care so much more about you than your grades. You could never let me down, eh? I’m always going to be proud of you.” You nodded your head, and tucked it under his chin, slowly relaxing into his embrace. He pressed another soft kiss to the top of your head.

“Let's take a break, yeah?” You nodded against his chest. 

Fifteen minutes later, the two of you were sharing that bottle of wine in a bubble bath. Your laptop was open, streaming a random episode of The Office. You took a small sip of the wine, before turning slightly to face Mat behind you.

“Thank you, Mat, really. I didn’t realize how much I needed this. You always know the perfect way to make me feel better.” He brushed a piece of hair out of your face, before cupping your face with one soapy hand and pressing his lips to yours. It only lasted a few moments but it was purposeful and you could feel the love the two of you had for each other. 

“I’m here for you, whatever you need, you know that.” His eyes met yours, and all you could feel was complete admiration. 

“Yeah, I do,” You felt your face flush a little and you kissed his jaw before turning back to the show, and burrowing yourself back into your boyfriend. “How’d I get so lucky?”

You could hear Mat’s smile when he said, “I think I’m the lucky one.”

let me know what you think! thanks for reading!

[darthkruge]

Could you do an imagine where Anakin comforts an insecure reader

Anakin Skywalker x Reader ~ Insecurities 

Summary: Anakin comes home to find the reader drowning in their own insecurities and does everything he can to make it better.

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: Heavy talk of insecurities, including the reader feeling insecure about their body, personality, relationship, basically themself in general. A little bit of blood and some injuries but nothing major. Angst to fluff, I’d say?

A/N: Hi anon! First off, I hope you’re okay. Secondly, thank you for requesting! And ofc I’ll write this, comfort fics are my shit! I tried to get this request out as quick as I could and it did take a tiny bit longer than I wanted, but I wanted to do it justice. Also, y’all are beautiful and perfect and I love each and every single person reading this. If anyone ever needs anything, I’m here always. If you wanna talk or vent or just share some of your thoughts, I got you. 

(not my gif)

It was just one of those days. You weren’t a stranger to them but, nonetheless, you always felt unprepared when they hit. The feeling where you wanted to crawl out of your own skin, your own mind. Where regardless of what clothes you wore, you hated how you looked. The thoughts were the worst part, telling you lies that felt terrifyingly like truths. 

You’re worthless. You’re unlovable. You’re ugly. Everyone else can see it. They all know. No one really wants to spend time with you. You’re annoying. You’re stupid. You’re a bad person. 

The thoughts spiraled and spiraled and spiraled until you were lost in your own head. When it came to this, you frequently fell. It was too painful to hold onto your consciousness and fight it, so you let go. The thoughts continued as you curled back up in your bed, in the apartment in Coruscant that you shared with him, the one that normally brought you such comfort, and stared blankly at the wall. Tears streamed down your face and you didn’t even have the energy to wipe them away. 

Truly, the worst part was feeling so defeated. You were a strong Jedi and you took your training seriously. You’d fought in countless battles, you should be able to handle one in your mind. You wished you were strong enough to fight against these thoughts. The shame you felt around your insecurities only made you feel more alone. Instead of reaching out on days like this, you just forced yourself into silence. 

You were especially afraid to tell Anakin. Your beautiful, perfect, kind, loving boyfriend. He didn’t deserve to deal with you. He had enough on his plate, it wasn’t his job to comfort you because you weren’t strong enough to deal with your own shit. You were scared that once he saw how you viewed yourself, he would come clean and admit to seeing you the same way. I mean, you were so obviously hideous, how could he not see it, too?

Meanwhile, Anakin was finishing up a training session in the Jedi Temple. Normally he’d train with Obi-Wan, but today he wanted to focus on himself. Honestly, he was a bit distracted. Since he had a busy day today and you had the day off, he had to leave before you woke up, which he absolutely hated. He loved being there when you woke up and cooking breakfast for the two of you. You’d been dating for a few months and he was truly shocked that you’d kept him around for this long. You were everything he’d ever wanted. 

He realized he was smiling as he thought of you and decided to reach out with the Force to be reminded of your presence. He knew it wasn’t what the Force was supposed to be used for but he honestly couldn’t help it, he missed you. You were a comfort to him and he liked to check and make sure you were alright. 

Anakin’s brow furrowed as he searched for you. Normally, you were meditating at this time and he could feel a sense of serenity and contentment around you. Today, however, he was met with pain. Pain, and fear, and hatred, and sadness, and anguish, and loneliness. Anakin braced himself against the wall, stumbling back at the severity of your emotions. Right after, he composed himself and took off in a run, trying to get to you as quickly as possible. 

“Y/N? Y/N?!” Anakin yelled, bursting through the door. He was immediately taken aback when he noticed that all the lights were off. Walking quietly, he heard your sobs coming from the bedroom. He went in and felt his heart shatter. There you were, his angel, curled under the blankets, sobbing. He looked around and noticed the mirror in your room smashed. He walked over and gently placed a hand on your back, trying not to startle or upset you more. 

You looked up at him and started crying even harder. He pulled you into his arms and noticed how you fell limply into his chest. The fight seemed to have extinguished from your eyes, causing him to hold you even closer. Your arms weakly surrounded his middle as his hands stroked your back and gently combed through your hair. 

You felt lost and trapped, the world around you fuzzy and distorted from the tears. Even so, you felt him. You breathed him in, inhaling his comforting scent and feeling his warmth. He helped you ground yourself, the broken wails eventually quieting into soft cries. Anakin didn’t try to shush you, he just whispered reassurances into your hair, let you get it out, and held you. “I’ve got you, love. It’s alright, get it out. I’m here, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.���

You listened to those affirmations as you sagged into him, taking a few more minutes to just lay there. Softly, Anakin pulled you away from him so he could study you. You saw his face contorted with worry and immediately felt guilty. Great, Y/N, now you’ve made him upset. Fuck, he doesn’t deserve this. Why did I have to be so fucking needy?!

Your thoughts were interrupted by him. “What happened, angel?”

“I-” You trailed off, not sure what to say. “I just had a shit day”

You could tell he knew it was more and, feeling vulnerable under his intensely caring gaze, brought your hand to move the hair out of your face.

Quickly, you heard Anakin take a sharp inhale of breath before grabbing your hand. Ouch. You looked down and noticed the cut on the back of your hand. It had mostly dried by now, thankfully, but the pain from punching that mirror earlier was definitely still registering. 

He wordlessly went to the bathroom and brought out some gauze and anti-bacterial medicine. When he returned, his eyes drifted to the mirror and you saw him putting the pieces together. He spent a few moments in silence, his expression downcast. He worked quickly, bandaging you up and collecting his thoughts. “Why?” He asked, softly.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t stand to look at myself anymore” You whispered, wiping away some residual tears from your eyes. 

“Y/N, you’re gorgeous, love. Please, angel, please look at me.” He cupped your face and moved you so you were in his lap, making sure you heard every word. “You are truly the most breathtaking person I’ve ever met. You’re ethereal.”

Anakin’s voice was quiet as he told you these things. Quiet, yet powerful. Almost as if it was the gentle caress of his innermost thoughts. Completely honest and raw, yet too intimate for anyone to hear except you.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry your brain is lying to you. That must be so hard, fighting against your own mind. Baby, you’re brave. You’re so, so brave.”

You were shaking your head, “Ani, no, no I’m not. I’m not brave, I didn’t fight. I let them consume me. I was drowning and I couldn’t breathe until you came in. I couldn’t anchor myself at all, I was so weak” You said, disgusted with yourself. 

“Shh, shh, Y/N, listen. You are strong because even though you felt the weight of everything on your shoulders, you didn’t drown. I know you felt like you would, but look! You’re here. You didn’t drown.” He took a second to pause, kissing your forehead lovingly. “Do you want to talk about what brought this on?”

“If I tell you, promise you won’t think differently of me?”

“I promise. Nothing could change how I feel about you.”

You inhaled deeply, hands shaking slightly. Ani took them in his own, steadying them while looking at you deeply. “I’ve been dealing with some shit for a while and I think it all kind of caught up to me today? I hate how I look, Ani. I look in the mirror and I can’t handle it. That’s why I broke it, I just, I couldn’t. And then I was just thinking of how you don’t deserve to deal with someone like me. You shouldn’t have to come home after a day of training and deal with my breakdowns. I know I should have told you I’ve been feeling like this. I just was terrified. I was terrified you’d agree with me. I’m terrified you’ll leave me. I’m terrified you’ll wake up and see how you deserve so much more than the shitty fucking messed up person I am.” You trail off and meet his eyes, tears glistening in both of yours, “Ani, I’m so terrified” You finish, voice wavering. 

Anakin rests his forehead against yours, pressing kisses to your hands. He lets his eyes close and tears fall down his cheeks. He couldn’t believe you were in this much pain and he never noticed. You were the love of his life and he felt like he’d failed you if you feel like this. 

“Y/N, I’m not gonna leave you. I’m not going anywhere. You are the best person for me, hell, you’re the best person in the entire fucking galaxy. Everyday I wake up and think about how lucky I am to call you mine. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re compassionate. You’re stubborn as hell and I love that about you. You challenge me and you’re a damn good Jedi. You’re strong, stronger than anyone should ever have to be. Your heart inspires me everyday. Simply, you’re good. And I know I said it a bit earlier, but I’m gonna say it again. You are stunning, love. Truly.” Anakin said, pulling away so he could really see you. 

“Look at your legs! They’re so pretty, baby. Especially when you jump up and wrap them around me after I get home from a mission? That’s the best feeling in the freaking world! And your stomach! You always let me rest my head on it when I’m tired and I know you think it’s weird but it’s such a good angle because I can lay there and play with your hands. And, baby, your arms!! You give such good hugs and you when wrap them around me?? It makes me feel safe in a world full of chaos. And at night when you use them to curl into me, or when we’re dancing together? Fuck, I just love them.”

Anakin trailed off for a second. He held your face in his palms and you leaned into their warmth. “And you’re face, Y/N. It’s just so perfectly you. When I look into your eyes, I know I’m home. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t understand how you can hate your body when it's the body that makes me feel like I’m going to be okay. You make me feel like I’m going to be okay. I’ve always felt so out of control, so lost. But you ground me. Please, come to me if you ever feel like this again? You are not a burden or a messed up person. You’re everything. I’m here for you. I know my words won’t fix anything overnight. Even so, I promise you, I will repeat them everyday until you believe them and, after that, I will continue to remind you until my last breath.”

You hugged him and nuzzled into his chest, overcome with emotion. “I’m trying Ani, I’m really trying. It’s not easy for me to come to people when I feel like that but I promise I’ll try.”

His arms tightened around you and he placed a kiss on the top of your head. “That’s all I could ever ask of you, love. Thank you for being willing to try”

“Thank you, too, for talking me down today. It doesn’t normally get that bad. Some days are worse than others, you know? But you really helped me. I love you more than anything. I love you for loving me when I feel unlovable” 

“I will always be here to remind you how deserving you are of love, happiness, and every other positive thing in the universe. I love you, too. I’ve loved you for years, I love you now, and I’ll love you forever”

Anakin hadn’t really let you go since he returned to the apartment. He was naturally a protective person and hated to see you hurting. He was so soft, so comforting. Although vulnerability is always hard, he made it so much easier. You knew he would always validate you, comfort you, and be there without judgement. He was everything you could possibly need and more.

Eventually, your breathing evened out as he rocked you in his arms. Anakin layed you back under the covers and went to pull away to sweep up the broken mirror’s glass. As he attempted to release himself from your arms, you whined and only tightened your grip on him. Anakin smiled and chuckled quietly, laying down and pulling you on top of his chest. You hummed contently and he placed a few more soft kisses onto your hair, your forehead, your shoulders, everywhere. You were his top priority always and he wanted to keep you safe physically, mentally, and emotionally. He could never deny you comfort, especially not in this state. After waiting a few more moments to ensure you were truly at rest, Ani closed his eyes. The glass could always wait until tomorrow...

[grace13star]

There’s been a recent uptick in posts claiming that “c!Wilbur is a worse villain than c!Dream” or that he’s “more manipulative” and it’s made me think a lot about just....how villainized Wilbur is? Because while he has done bad things, I’ve seen people just making things up or projecting onto him and making him just. so much worse than he is in canon. 

Again, this is all about the characters in the Dream SMP roleplay and are not the actual people. 

Let’s go over the bad things Wilbur is accused of doing. These are arguments I have actually seen people use and defend with their whole chest. 

1. Created a nation. 2. Sell drugs. 3. Talk about rigging an election. 4. Was a dick. 5. Blew up a nation. 6. Died. 7. Manipulation. 8. Neglectful dad. 9. Child soldiers. 10. Dictator. 11. “Threw a fit” over losing. 

Let’s talk about these and break them down a little. Another disclaimer, this isn’t trying to excuse any hurt that Wilbur has caused, because his actions did cause harm, but this is trying to explain and add context to things that are often taken out of context or just wholly misinterpreted.

1. A common argument for why this makes Wilbur evil is that he “stole Dream’s land.” But like...no. L’Manberg was created on untouched land where no one was living, and had a combined area smaller than Purpled’s garden. Dream, until he declared war, didn’t even care about them making their nation. 

I’m also including in here the claim that he “turned Dream into a villain.” ....What are you talking about. Before Wilbur was even on the server, Dream was part of the disc war, where he stole Tommy’s discs, and then kept perusing them even after the initial conflict ended, including griefing Tommy’s lawn. Before war was declared, Dream and his friends kidnapped and killed Tubbo and Tommy. Dream then also declared war on a peaceful nation (Wilbur said “if they try to declare war we will just say ‘no’”). None of that was in any way forced by Wilbur. Dream made his decisions on his own. Just because someone comes in and says “hey you suck,” doesn’t mean you have to actually suck. Dream made his own decisions, and his decision was to become a villain. 

2. Potions (drugs) are an infinite resource in Minecraft and everyone uses them. This is a stupid argument. 

3. Some people act like he actually did rig the election but...he didn’t. He definitely could have! Quackity wasn’t a citizen of L’Manberg, Wilbur could have banned him from the election easily, especially since his running mate was a previous enemy of L’Manberg. But he let him run, and then he let Fundy and Schlatt run as well. The worst he did here was talk about doing something bad. Also the reason he was trying to consolidate power wasn’t just for the sake of having power. There was, at the time, a civil war going on, and Wilbur tried to stop it but no one listened to him. He wanted the power to be able to protect his citizens and stop a war. 

4. Being a dick is not evil.

5. This is by far the worst thing Wilbur did, and though it hurt a lot of people emotionally, it really wasn’t as bad as everyone says it was. Though the explosion caused property damage, it only destroyed the podium and some of the walkway. People’s actual houses- Manifoldland, Niki’s bakery- were totallu untouched. No one even died in the explosion- the worst thing that happened was Quackity being blown back, but he landed in water. (This isn’t to say that characters shouldn’t be hurt by this! Wilbur betrayed them and definitely hurt them, but people acting like the 16th was worse than Doomsday and also blaming Wilbur for Doomsday even though he was dead is weird.)

There’s also the claim that Wilbur blew it up for the sole purpose of hurting people, which is easily disproved by just...watching a Wilbur stream. Like seriously, stop trying to do analysis on Wilbur if you haven’t even watched his streams. Wilbur had multiple chances to blow everything up, but when he had the choice between blowing it up and hurting people or not hurting people and not blowing it up, he chose the latter every time. At the festival, while Tubbo was trapped on the stage, he stopped going for the button. When Tommy and Quackity were in the button room which would have exploded if he pressed it, he refused. Also I’m gonna use the Reddit post that’s confirmed canon again- Wilbur blew up L’Manberg because he saw how much power it had, and he saw how it hurt people. He tried to destroy it to save everyone from the pain and conflict caused by the nation. He didn’t think they would rebuild. 

6. This one is the one that actually makes me angry. Because guys....Wilbur’s death was a suicide. If Phil wasn’t there, Wilbur would have done it himself- he had been planning to do it himself for months, as there was originally TNT in the button room that would have killed him with the explosion. The reason it makes me angry is because suicide is an extremely serious topic. Characters and the fandom framing it as “Wilbur left or abandoned them” is an ableist take that enforces the stereotype that suicide is a “weak” option or that it’s “running away.” 

There’s also people that will villainizing him for “forcing Phil to kill him” but while I empathize with Phil and realize it was a stressful situation, Phil very much made his own decisions here too. Wilbur didn’t force Phil to kill him, he asked him a few times and then Phil did it. 

7. Again, this is not an attempt to excuse, but an attempt to explain. So first of all, people try to claim that Wilbur was manipulative from the beginning. This is false. Persuasion and making sure someone is “loyal to a cause” is not manipulation. And then Pogtopia- he’s never manipulative in Pogtopia, again, he is only persuasive. I have a longer post that goes into more detail, so definitely check that out. After he is revived, he is definitely guilt tripping Tommy in his most recent stream, but (again, not an excuse) it’s clearly from his desperation to not be alone anymore after 13 years of near constant isolation. 

I’ve also seen claims that Wilbur manipulated Techno and that Techno didn’t know they were planning on starting another government, but this is easily disproven by the fact that Wilbur said multiple times that they’re “taking back L’Manberg” and that he wants to be it’s “rightful ruler” again while Techno was in vc. What about that implies they’re not going back to the government. 

Also since this is relevant- he never manipulated Niki. He was always kind and caring with Niki, even through his mental breakdown. He wasn’t able to bring her into Pogtopia at first, but he talked to her and made sure she’d be okay there (and she said yes!), he offered his life for hers at the festival before hitting people around them and yelling at her to run, she was the first person he gave Blue to, he gave her an inspirational speech and showed her the fox that had been left for her, she was one of the few things Ghostbur remembered. He betrayed and hurt her, but it was not manipulation.

Gonna combine this with this point also but Wilbur was not in any way abusive. A lot of people in this fandom for some reason equate “unhealthy relationship” with “abuse”, especially after the exile arc. Wilbur and Tommy’s relationship, while unhealthy, was not abusive. Please learn the difference. 

Also, if you’ve ever said that “Wilbur gaslit anyone” or that Wilbur is “insane” I want you to define those terms for me right now. No looking anything up. Tell me what they mean. Do it.  

8. What about any of Wilbur and Fundy’s dynamic implies any kind of neglect. No, seriously, where did this take come from. Wilbur was canonically overbearing and he babied Fundy. While it definitely wasn’t the best relationship, it definitely wasn’t neglectful. The only times in canon we’ve seen Wilbur be separated from Fundy was when he was exiled and Fundy cheered while he was shot and killed, when Fundy disowned him in front of their enemy, and when he committed suicide. Even before his death, when they were still on rocky terms, Wilbur stepped forward to defend Fundy from Schlatt in the van. 

9. This take is irrelevant. Child soldiers don’t matter. For one, this is Minecraft. Every single person has equal opportunities. Anyone can become powerful no matter what age they are as long as they grind enough. For another thing, at the beginning part of the roleplay no one was trying to make a long serious story about war and trauma, it was just some friends fucking around and fighting each other. Wilbur also revealed that while writing the Revolution arc that he headcanoned Tommy and Tubbo to be about 20- we know these ages aren’t correct because they’ve been reffered to by their irl ages in lore- but it shows that the “these are children” plot point was added way later- no one mentions it at all in season 1. It doesn’t matter. 

10. This is directed at one person. You know who you are. 

A dictator is defined as “one holding complete autocratic control : a person with unlimited governmental power.” Wilbur didn’t have control. That’s the whole reason for the election. It literally takes one google search to prove you wrong. 

11. There’s a difference between “losing” and “being unfairly exiled by your political opponent who is now declaring himself emperor.” Wilbur was totally fine with losing. He said during the election that he was fine with Quackity winning, and when they actually did lose, though he wasn’t happy about it, he encouraged Tommy to calm down and told him “We’re citizens tonight.” He only “threw a fit” after he was thrown out of the nation he built by someone who immediately declared himself emperor. 

So in conclusion, Wilbur Soot is an antagonist, but he is villified way beyond canon and I’m getting tired of some of these takes that I see over and over again that are easily disproved by just using critical thinking skills. 

This is most of the takes I’ve seen- some I haven’t even dignified with a response because of how clear it is that someone is just lying to try and excuse someone else’s actions- but if anyone has anymore they’ve seen that they want me to talk about, my ask box is open. 

[princessofprocrastination]

She’s Creepy (Dream)

MASTERLIST

pairing : dream / clay x reader. 

summary : apparently being a huge fan of a big youtuber is considered being a creep, according to minecraft gamer, dream. and ever since he called you mean things, your world turned upside down. (ANGST) (TRIGGER WARNING)

a/n : i’m aware i’ve been writing all angsts, i just enjoy a little heartbreak. this is a two part story!

you haven’t been on social media as a public figure for long, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t been on social media before this.

you knew people, you had people you look up to, as of many other social media influencers or content creators. 

you grew pretty quick on youtube and instagram. your content mostly included room makeovers whenever you felt bored of your own home or your storytimes. you blew up from talking about your stalker. 

since then, your subscibers stayed with you and supported you, saying that you have a charm, and that you exert good energy and vibes. and those type of comments have always made your day.

you always shared with your supporters about your life, not too personal but enough for them to feel included. of course, you’re not telling them your phone number or address, but you tried to share as many details you can legally in your story times. 

that also meant that you would tell your supporters small details about you, such as what book you were currently reading or who you’ve been watching on youtube. 

even before you stated posting on your channel, you’ve been watching a minecraft youtuber, dream and his friends. 

some of your fans would tag them in some of your instagram posts, or tweets that brought no harm so you never really acknowledged it since it wasn’t hurting anyone. 

you weren’t “fangirling” you’d say. it was more of you supported them and found them funny and entertaining. 

coincidentally, you landed yourself on the dream team tiktok, which means that dream and his friends were all over you for you page. 

and to show that you were active and not dead to your followers on instagram, you’d post a funny tiktok, usually included the dream team. you thought it was harmless. to you, it was just a way to show support. 

but only a couple days later, hashtags about you and the dream team, more specifically, just dream, were trending. 

when you saw this, opening your twitter app, you immediately went to find out what this was about. your heart jumped when you thought maybe dream acknowledged you. 

in fact, it was worse. 

what was trending was a short video clip during one of the dream teams chill streams on the dream smp. 

the conversation between george, sapnap and dream went like this. 

“you guys heard about that girl who kept reposting tiktoks about us on her instagram story?” george asked the other two boys. 

“heard she watched us before she even started her channel” sapnap. 

“i don’t know about you guys, but i think she’s being a little creepy.” dream said. 

your heart sunk to your stomach. did your actions portray you to be a creep to other people?

“dream, you can’t just say that, especially on stream.” sapnap scolded him, george also mumbling something. 

“why can’t i? i feel creeped out by her, a public figure posting me all over her socials.” dream replied, tone serious. 

you clicked off the video, before it replayed again. you couldn’t get yourself to rewatch that, to hear those words again. 

almost crying, you told yourself to suck it up, that this wasn’t worth you crying. 

although they were who you looked up as minecraft gamers, this wasn’t worth your breakdowns. 

that was until, you opened your direct messages.

you shouldn’t have. you knew the dream team stans would easily hunt you down, to ask you to back off from creeping their idol off. 

but no, you still opened your dms. you expected a normal dm, ones that say they support you or some of your friends sending you memes through instagram. 

what you didn’t expect was to see a flood of threats. 

some said “kill yourself, you don’t deserve a spot on earth after what you did.” and “back off and leave my mans.” 

it got worse from there. you thought maybe it’s just the dms, but you didn’t expect it to blow up more, with people tagging you with photos on instagram and twitter. people “cancelling” you. 

you didn’t understand how this blew up like this. you were even more baffled to see some of your supporters sending you threats, too. 

was this what you deserved? 

you weren’t one to make rash decisions, nor were you a suicidal person. 

you felt stupid. just because you supported big youtubers, you get this type of treatment?

the threats, the dm, never stopped. for three whole months, you had to deal with the never ending mean comments on your social media. you thought it would die down. 

it came to the point of seeing your address and your phone number all over the internet. you never thought it would lead to this. 

you didn’t know what to do anymore. 

not long after, people started showing up to your apartment. 

sure, your apartment didn’t have the best of security, which you blamed no one but yourself for being a public figure and living somewhere with little to no security. 

they started with knocking on your door during ungodly hours. next was mailing weird stuff or sending stuff to your house. lastly, which tipped you off was that they would vandalize your apartment. 

they would egg your front door, pee, or spray paint your walls of the outside. 

you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

soon enough, you knew you had to stand up for yourself. you had to call the police. 

and that was exactly what you did. you called the authorities, which made the brave teenagers leave you alone. 

while they were egging your house and making your life miserable, you knew this was the only time for you to make a rash decision. to leave the country, to somewhere no one else would fine you at. somewhere unpredictable, that no one would expect you to go.

it took a lot for you to book a plane ticket, box up your belongings and move to a completely different country, away from your hometown, florida. 

you loved it in florida. though it was humid all the time, you enjoyed it. now that you had to leave, you only had a little while to cherish it before you leave it all behind. 

and your family, your friends. the ones you’ve grown up with, ones you’ve grown to love and cherish. you had to leave that too. and without telling them too much information. 

that hurt the most, needing to leave your loved ones behind, to start a new life, to start afresh. 

-

DREAM’S POV

i didn’t know what was happening. one thing added onto another and soon it was out of control. 

i didn’t say anything at the start, not thinking it would go this far. i didn’t know to what extent my fans would go.

sure, i saw all the things happening, but i didn’t do anything to stop it. 

i saw her address and phone number all over social media, and did nothing about it. 

george and sapnap said something, and pushed me to do something about it, but i didn’t. i was stubborn.

speaking of, it’s been months since i heard anything about her from her herself, everything i see is from my fans or hers, wondering where she is.

should i be worried?

-

YOUR POV

you left florida. the only people you told were your parents and your childhood friend, not trusting anyone else. 

what you told them was vague, that you needed to leave, away from the US. specifically, you moved to Australia. 

you made a decision to not live near the city, but the outskirts. 

you were lucky that you weren’t a spender and you made more than enough money to make the decision to leave so suddenly. 

lucky for you, you went to college and had a degree in law, so you didn’t need to worry about not having a job.

you never thought you’d make use of your degree this early in your life, thinking that youtube and being a content creator would last a little while longer. 

you had to change you hairstyles, your fashion in general since you had to be in a more professional setting. although it was hard transitioning from a casual wear and having crazy coloured hair to wearing pant suits or formal dresses and going back your natural colour. 

three years. it took you three full years for you to even think of visiting your parents in florida again. also, given the fact that you had a stable job and you couldn’t up and leave. 

but recently, you were offered to work at another law firm in florida. you were happy to tell that to your family back home but at the same time, you were hesitant to go back to your nightmares. 

but you braved yourself, since you missed your family dearly. 

now, you were sitting on your desk in your cozy home, finalizing up the last of your move, like getting a house back in florida, this time with a better security just in case. 

boxes of your clothes and belongings went first, to reach your new house there before you did so it was easier for you, not having to worry about your stuff. 

you asked none of your family’s help, not wanting to burden them. instead you told them to just meet you at a restaurant you booked for you and your family and friends for dinner about three weeks after you landed. 

although they protested, saying it was too long until they can see you again, you told them to not worry and that you were going to use those three weeks to start working at the new law firm.

you decided to take a straight flight from australia to florida, not wasting any time. although it was almost a twenty-two hour long flight, you sat throug and got to your hometown safely. 

you didn’t know what was going on with the three boys you used to adore, since you didn’t have social media anymore. 

but you didn’t mind it, it was peaceful. 

two weeks since you’ve stepped foot in florida again. it felt amazing to breathe your hometown air again. it was refreshing. 

you have fully settled in your new house, and workplace. you were glad to have met your co-workers. they were all super welcoming and made sure you weren’t left behind in anything. 

so far, your transition from australia to florida has been smooth, and you weren’t worried about anything. 

you got a car since you’ve arrived, so that you could travel easily from one place to another. 

not to brag, but. you were making enough money to live a lavish lifestyle. a big house and a pretty expensive car, and that didn’t even make a dent in your bank account. 

you were proud to see that you achieved all this yourself, and only within a couple of years. 

you were just excited to meet your family in real life instead of facetime. 

finally, the day of the dinner with your family came. unfortunately, you had to take a case in the afternoon, so you had to come to dinner in your work pant suit, with a turtleneck and a little late. 

they understood it and told you not to worry about it, and that they would just seat themselves by your name instead of waiting for you. you promised you’d pay their dinners and apologized once again. 

the sound of your heels comforted you as you walked from the valet to the restaurant. you were a little nervous to meet them again face to face after three years. but you couldn’t wait to catch up with them and tell them all about your work life that you could never tell them during the facetime calls. 

you smiled to yourself, thinking nothing could go wrong. and nothing could really go wrong anyways, it was just a dinner after all.

but you hadn’t expected the three boys you used to idolize to be eating dinner at the same restaurant you and your family would be at, specifically, opposite your table.

you walked in the restaurant, telling the front of the house that you had a table reserved under your name and that you were pretty sure the rest of your family was already there. 

she politely told you to walk alongside her, leading you to your family. 

you weren’t paying attention to your surroundings. you were solely focused on seeing your family that you didn’t know that there were extra pair of eyes staring at you. 

you smiled as your family saw you. your mum crying while standing up to hug you tightly, as she once did three years ago. 

you could hear your friends shout your name loudly, as if to tell the whole world that you were finally here. 

“don’t cry, i’m staying, no more going back to australia, i swear.” you told your mum, trying to reassure her that you were fine and that you were not going to leave her again, since she hadn’t stopped crying.

you moved to hug your dad, who had been patiently waiting for his turn after his wife. “you look great, kiddo.” you thanked him as he complimented your professional look. 

you sat down, somewhere in the middle, between your family, opposite of your parents so that everyone could clearly see and talk to you easily. 

with how noisy you family were, you were sure the entire restaurant knew your name and where you had just moved from. 

they asked you about australia, what was it like to work there, away from your family. you caught up with every single one of them. 

“don’t you live in that really expensive neighbourhood right now?” one of your childhood friends asked. 

you winked at her, discreetly trying to answer her question. the whole table shouted and congratulated you for making it this far, in only a matter of short years. 

you covered your face, shy, not wanting this part of your life to be told to everyone in the restaurant. 

-

GEORGE’S POV 

there she was. the person whose life we practically ruined. luckily, we didn’t ruin it all for her. i guess she made use of her brains and is working a normal job.

“dude.” i tried to attract the other two boys’ attention. 

“i know.” both of them answered me. 

“she’s rich rich, huh?” sapnap almost chuckled but was totally serious saying that. 

“yup.” dream. 

ah yes, clay. the man dream himself. sapnap and i tried to persuade him into making it right for her, for you. 

sure, he had said those mean words, but he can take it back. three years ago, at least. 

she disappeared three years ago. vanished. no one knew where you went. some say you moved out of the country, which deemed to be true. couple of years later people started to find out what you worked as, but i tried my best to help get rid of the information 

but they just couldn’t pinpoint where. you basically uped and left everything. 

and there was time to apologize, but it had been to late. 

i thought she died, quite frankly. i didn’t want to be the cause of someone dying. well at least, not me, but my friend. 

now us three were seated in a pretty formal and expensive restaurant to eat dinner. and we did not expect to see her here. 

she came in a little late, wearing a very professional wear. seemed like you went to work before this. 

i knew you were a lawyer, we three knew that since our fans found it out. 

she looked completely different. hair not her usual crazy colours. just seeing her in heels baffled me. she was wearing something formal and that wasn’t what you usually wore, years ago. 

- 

DREAMS’S POV 

she’s beautiful.

not that she wasn’t before. 

but this version of her was different. her in her pant suit, in heels. a turtleneck under her blazer. 

she looked elegant. classy. rich. 

i mean, she is rich. 

her family screamed when she told them where she lived. and man, that neighbourhood only had rich people. it had one of the best, if not the best security you could ask for. 

it wasn’t easy to buy a house there. even if you had the money, you’d need a certain bank card to be allowed to even be shortlisted. 

and if i saw it correctly, she drives a bentley that was just parked by a valet kid. 

damn. she is one successful woman. 

i know, how could i think this much of her, how dare i when i didn’t even apologized. i didn’t even try. 

in fact. i did. even before she went MIA, fully on social media, i sent her direct messages everywhere. she never replied to any of them. 

and i knew no one that had her phone number. and soon enough, no one had heard from her in three years. 

and now she’s back. more beautiful than ever. 

i needed to speak to her i couldn’t live with the guilt that stayed for these past three years. 

my fans, my so called supporters made her life a living hell and i almost did nothing to stop it. 

i’m sure she hates me. but i have to try somehow, right?

question is, she didn’t have a social media anymore, and i can’t just speak to her now that she was sitting opposite my table. 

i kept on pondering as i heard a little bit of her conversation, about her life. 

i guess she moved to australia, and worked in a lawfirm in the outskirts. so unpredictable of her. no one would’ve guessed that in a million years. 

i watched as i see her smile as she listened to what her parents were saying. 

i cherished the smile since i didn’t know when was the next time i’d see her. 

she asked the waiter for the bill, covering the whole cost of her and her huge family’s meal. 

damn, this girl is too rich for her own good. 

she puts down the bill on the table, also leaving a generous tip for the waiter that served them. she stood up to walk after her family, needing to pass my table. 

since she had been oblivious to her surroundings, i didn’t expect her to spot us, to notice us. 

but i was wrong. 

PART 2

[fantastic-bby]

Take Me Home

Pairing: Reader x Wooyoung

Word count: 1.6k

Genre: Angst | Exes to lovers

Summary: Wooyoung sits at a bar, getting drunk while all he wants is for you to take him back home

Warnings: Alcohol consumption | Swearing

A/n: So… I may have listened to Take Me Home about a bajillion times since the album was released and… this happened

P.s I’m reposting this bcs Tumblr’s being homophobic and the tags were scuffed FeelsWeirdMan

Masterlist

Wooyoung hasn’t felt this lonely since right after you left him. The darkness that shrouds his mind is something that has refused to leave him alone for almost the past two years, but it hadn’t been this bad in a while. It’s bad enough that he feels like he struggles to breath as he sits at the bar, a glass of whiskey in one hand and his phone in the other. Wooyoung’s thumb hovers over your contact, his mind battling with his heart as he painfully contemplates calling you.

He’s slightly drunk, it’s obvious that he’s at least tipsy, but he’s still sober enough to know how much he fucking misses you. Wooyoung clenches his jaw, teeth grinding together as he locks his phone and places it down onto the bar; the glass of whiskey making it to his lips as he downs it.

“Another one?” the pink haired bartender questions, an eyebrow raising. Wooyoung gives him a look before pulling a few bills out of his pocket and placing it onto the counter. “This would be your fifth glass of the night, man.”

“I don’t care,” Wooyoung sighs, “just pour me another.” The bartender purses his lips before obliging. Wooyoung isn’t dangerously intoxicated to the point where he would need to get involved, so he serves him.

“You wanna talk about it?” the man asks as he pours the alcohol into the empty glass.

Wooyoung contemplates it. Why would he be telling a complete stranger about why he feels like such a piece of shit? Then again, it’s not like he’s even spoken to anyone about it. He sighs before admitting, “I’m thinking I should call my ex.” The bartender gives him a look as he slides the glass back to him.

“It’s not exactly my business, but how dangerous would that be?”

“Well,” he sighs as he thinks about it, “I would either be getting blocked or slapped in the face.” Wooyoung lets out a bitter chuckle as he swirls the whiskey around in the glass. “I fucked up and now I’m alone. Every time I think about them, I feel like I’m suffocating while I spiral down this never ending hole.”

“Have you spoken to them since the break up?” The bartender asks as he starts wiping down a spot on the counter right beside Wooyoung that was previously occupied by someone else.

He shakes his head, “never mustered up the courage to do so.” He brings the glass to his lips and takes a sip, embracing the burn in his throat because he feels like he deserves it. “I was an asshole. I know I fucked up, but I just want to talk to them at least once more. Just to tell them I’m sorry.” Wooyoung feels like he might have a full on breakdown right in front of the bartender, who he assumes is San because that’s what it says on his name tag. He feels his chest tightening like it usually does whenever he thinks of you. “I just want to take back every shitty thing I did to them. They didn’t deserve any of it.”

“Have they ever tried reaching out?” San further questions, his hand halting for a moment.

“The last time I spoke to them, they looked so… cold towards me. The last time I had actually seen them, it looked like they just wanted to get away from me.” The memory is fresh in Wooyoung’s mind. You had stood in the apartment you shared, hands clenched into fists as you glared at him and your entire body trembling with rage. He felt like your eyes were the reason he felt so frozen, but he couldn’t cry in front of you no matter how hard the tears were trying to force their way out. Wooyoung realised a little too late that he was hurting you. There was nothing else he could do and staying with you would just destroy you. “I…” Wooyoung trails off when he feels his eyes starting to sting with tears, “I think it’s better that I stay away from them.”

“How long has it been?”

“At this point,” he pauses to look at the date on his phone, “almost two years. It’s almost been two years and all I can do is think about them. No matter how many people I sleep with or how many people I try dating, all I can think about is (Y/n).” Wooyoung looks at his phone, still battling the thought of calling you. San watches as Wooyoung slowly starts to space out, only able to wonder just how much regret clouds his mind and heart.

“I think,” San speaks up for a moment, his voice snapping Wooyoung out of his thoughts, “the best thing you should do is stop drinking before you end up doing something you may regret, head on home and get some rest.” The younger man snorts at that.

“I don’t know how I could feel more regret than I already do,” he says as he finishes his glass and slides it towards San. “But I do think I should probably head home. Thanks for the talk.”

“No problem, man. Next time you come here around this time, just ask for San. I’ll serve you.” He gives Wooyoung a smile as he takes the used glass off of the counter. “Have a good night…”

“Wooyoung.”

San nods, “have a good night, Wooyoung.”

“You too, San.” He gives the bartender a half smile as he slides off of the barstool, turning around and freezing in his tracks. Wooyoung’s eyes widen when they meet yours and you’re staring at him with the same amount of disbelief. “(Y-Y/n). What are you doing here?”

“I…” you trail off as your mind registers the fact that Wooyoung’s standing right in front of you, “I just wanted to get a drink.”

“Long day?” Wooyoung questions, his voice cracking and making it more awkward than it already is.

You make a mental note of his voice crack and nod. “I got off work a while ago and I—uhh—didn’t feel like going home just yet.” Home. Home is you, Wooyoung thinks but he shoves the thought down with the rest of his feelings. You’re right in front of him. Where’s the apology that’s replayed in his head over and over again for the past year?

“(Y/n), can—could we talk for a bit?” he musters out. “I-It’s been a while. Maybe we could catch up?” Wooyoung wants you to accept his offer so badly. Even if he gets just a few moments, just a few minutes, it’ll be enough.

“I don’t know, Woo…” you trail off when the memory of your last meeting flashes across your mind.

“Please?” If his words aren’t enough, it’s his eyes that do it for you. They look so empty, so desperate,

So lonely.

“Okay.” You take a deep breath as you nod, fearing whatever would come next.

“I want,” Wooyoung gulps. Why is this so difficult?! “I want to say that I’m sorry.” His words come out slowly, but after they’re out, he gains more courage. “I want to say that I’m sorry. For everything. I treated you like shit and I know you deserve so much more, but I just wanted to apologise.” You stay quiet, letting his words linger in your mind. Your relationship with Wooyoung was toxic and you would admit that in a heartbeat. But that way he looks at you now, so lost, your heart can’t help but crack at the sight of him. You’ve spent the time away from him healing from the break up, but you wouldn’t deny that you still love him. Wooyoung was—is—everything to you.

“Wooyoung,” your heart aches even more at the way he looks so scared of your answer. “I forgive you.” He lets out a breath that he didn’t realise he was holding, shoulders relaxing slightly. “I don’t think I ever really got rid of you. No matter how many times I’d spring clean my apartment and throw away things that reminded me of you, I think I’m still too in love with you to throw you away.” Wooyoung doesn’t know how to feel. Should he be happy that you’re still in love with him or should he feel terrible that you’ve been hurting this entire time? “And I know that you struggle with things like this—especially talking about feelings—but I hope that we can move on from this feeling okay.”

“Move on?” he speaks before he thinks and immediately regrets it right after. You blink a few times before your lips part in realisation.

“Woo…”

“(Y/n), I love you.” Wooyoung feels every inch of himself starting to break as he takes a few steps closer to you, arms open, body trembling. “I love you so much,” his voice starts breaking when he hesitates to hug you. When you pull him into the hug, whatever wall he’s set up goes crumbling to the ground. “I love you so much. I’ve missed you so much—I’m so sorry. Please give me another chance,” Wooyoung’s words come out jumbled, mumbles of apologies and confessions just pouring out of his mouth like a broken faucet as you hold onto you. You cry when you feel his wet cheek burying against your shoulder. You’ve missed the feeling of him—you’ve missed Wooyoung.

“I’ve missed you too,” you confess as you allow yourself to mold against him. “I love you.”

“Please take me home,” he sobs. “P-Please, (Y/n).”

“I’ll drive you back—”

“No,” Wooyoung cuts you off and you feel his nose nuzzling against your neck. “I-I wanna try again, (Y/n). Give me another chance, please.“ You pull away to look into his glossed over eyes pooled with tears that stream down his face. “Please take me home—home to you. I-I’ll be better. I promise.” You take a deep breath as you thread your hand through his blond streaked hair before nodding.

“Okay.”

[nlights37]

Fixer-Upper Ch. 5: Teaser

Trying to get this shit wrapped up as I type this, but until then, please enjoy this peek into Joe Snow's Real Depression Hours!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At least a quarter of the whiskey bottle remained, and he’d committed fully to polishing it off, but it seemed like it was taking forever.

That probably had something to do with the fact that he couldn’t quite breathe through his nose.

The nose thing, well, that was from the crying, not that he would ever tell anyone about that. Especially not Dany.

Fuck, now his eyes were burning again, and he wasn’t supposed to think about HER, not her name or her smell or her taste, Gods, the way she tasted was insane. There was this spot just at the pulse in her neck, where she was so sweet, and something about the way her heartbeat would speed up under the tip of his tongue, the way he could fucking feel her getting hotter for him, just made him crazy.

Jon slapped a hand against his own cheek, wincing a second after the loud crack sounded through the air, furious with himself. “Stop it.”

He heard a whine and looked up to find Ghost watching him from the corner, which was shocking on it’s own because the dog had refused to even look at him since he’d gotten back from his breakup and subsequent breakdown in his truck. How the dog had known he’d spent an hour in that parking lot silently crying, swiping his sleeve across his face every few minutes until the fabric was soaked, he wasn’t sure.

Who the fuck even was he anymore? He didn’t remember ever being this fucking pathetic.

Ghost tilted his head at Jon.

“This is your fault,” he answered, at the question in the dog’s eyes. He jabbed a finger towards Ghost, the rest of his hand wrapped around the liquor bottle, liquid sloshing as he pointed accusingly. “You were supposed to stop me, pal. How did you let me get in this fucking deep, huh?”

Maybe it was the alcohol but he was sure, in that moment, that Ghost glared at him.

Then the dog huffed, and circled, and turned his back to Jon completely.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, man.” Jon rose, a little unsteady, passing the muted television currently playing a ‘Westerosi Pickers’ marathon that he had chosen because he thought it would distract him but really all it had done was make him wish Dany was there tucked up right next to him like she was supposed to be, making fun of the hosts and eating all his chips and doing that thing he really liked to his earlobe during commercials.

No, no, he didn’t need to think about that, and he pitched forward, hand finding the wall there in the corner, as he slipped down next to his dog, in the dark. Fuck, it was night.

How long had he been drinking?

Fuck it, it didn’t matter, because he clearly hadn’t drunk enough yet, everything still hurt too much.

Begrudgingly, Ghost shifted until he could put his head in Jon’s lap, then sighed.

“You sad, too?”

Big eyes angled up to look at him, and another low whine emerged from the dog.

Jon set aside the bottle on the floor beside him and fished in his pocket for his phone, grunting with even that minor exertion. The screen swam before his eyes at first, but he managed to connect his phone to the bluetooth speakers above the television, and he fumbled around until he finally got his music app opened, the appropriate playlist selected.

There was dead air for a moment, and he met Ghost’s eyes again, resigned. “We gotta do it, pal.” The opening strains of ‘Everybody Hurts’ began to play, and Jon shook his head regretfully as Ghost’s ears pricked up. “Time for the breakup ritual.”

This wasn’t gonna work. He knew it, even as he began to bob his head drunkenly, every forlorn word striking directly into his inebriated broken heart.

He knew it wasn’t gonna work, but that didn’t stop him from coming in where he always did, off-key and far too loud. “Don’t let yourself gooooooooo,” he bellowed, face crumpling as he started crying again, mangling the next line terribly because he was finding you couldn’t shout your heartbreak out when you were also sobbing.

But he pulled it together for the most important part, yelling and slurring to the empty room that everybody DID hurt sometimes, and he was everybody, apparently.

His head thumped back against the wall and he stopped trying to do anything but sniffle and hiccup and drink and just let the rest of the song happen to him.

It looped, three times, and now he could only manage short breaths through his mouth, but when his reddened eyes fell on the gift bag he’d shoved beside his coffee table he jumped as if he’d been electrocuted. “Fuck,” he rasped, and crawled over to get it, leaning against the base of the sofa for support as he cradled the item in his lap.

Then a chill wracked him and it clicked in his mind why he’d tried to shove this out of sight earlier.

It smelled like her. Like that fucking lemon meringue pie body wash she used that made her smell fucking edible and he could almost taste her skin under his tongue, the firm give of flesh as he would sink his teeth into the rounded curve of her hip and she would moan and thread her fingers into his hair and pull…

He let his fingers crinkle against the tissue paper and sucked in another thin stream of air through his nose, still stopped up, his eyes feeling heated and swollen as he looked down at the present she had given him.

If he opened he, that would be it. It would be over. He didn’t know why, but it made a weird sort of sense, and he was convinced that this had to be true. So maybe he just shouldn’t open it.

But he had to.

Because she gave him something, and he had to know, he couldn’t not know, what was in this bag.

His mind flashed sluggishly to the desk calendar page he had meticulously poured over before declaring it a masterpiece, a brief record of what they’d done, a little something to remember him by when she inevitably got scooped up by some lucky fuck who could behave himself at parties and be respectable and made better choices. Jon was just a ruiner, anyway, that was one thing Ygritte had probably been right about, that Jon ruined everything he touched, killed it until there was nothing left.

Dany was better off without all his bullshit, in the end.

So, while he’d had every intention of keeping Naked November for his own personal times of reflection he’d decided to give it to her.

He wondered if she had unfurled it yet, if it had made her laugh, or maybe she’d studied it with that tiny devilish little smile that always popped up whenever sex between the two of them was involved.

Maybe she was doing what he was. Maybe she was getting shitfaced drunk and listening to sad music and trying to scrape together the will to purge Jon from her life. If he were going to continue on with his own special breakup traditions he would need to go round up all the things he hadn’t given her back at the park, things around his place that he knew full well were there but he hadn’t been able to part with. Her spare toothbrush, his extra from his last dentist visit, purple plastic spangled with silver glitter, still sat in the holder by his sink. Three berry yogurts were lining the door of the fridge, along with the pale ale she’d brought the last time she’d come over. Several of Drogon’s cat toys, his ‘floaters’ that ended up travelling between both their places, were scattered in with Ghost’s.

Maybe she was wandering around her place right now and finding it was just as haunted by the spectre of him as his house was saturated with her.

Maybe she was crying. He didn’t like the thought of that, at all. She’d looked upset at the park, putting on her best unaffected face for awhile, but maybe it was just the sex she was mourning.

A small, petty part of him hoped no one ever fucked her like he did, and made make all those amazing noises she made, and he hoped she never called someone else baby in that low throaty voice that made him want to bury himself inside her until neither of them could walk. That was his, and maybe it was selfish, but he didn’t care.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, and took another drink from the bottle, smiling bitterly at the burn then thrusting his hand into the paper. He grew still when his questing fingers encountered a hard edge, and for the life of him he couldn’t begin to imagine what it could be.

So, he took a deep breath and braced himself, and pulled the object free.

[cynergy-laughter]

Obey Me! One Master to Rule Them All! Headcanon #14 (Unprovoked)

Content Warning: Fake Bl**d, Graphic images, scary pranks.

So since it’s getting closer and closer to Halloween, I thought it would be fun to see the brother’s reactions if MC was a makeup artist, but not just any make up artist, an expert Halloween makeup artist, creating scary faces, zombie looks, fake blisters and gory effects. And a bit of a prankster~! So here is our Mischevious!MC Makeup effects artist~!

Lucifer: He knows you were into make up, you came to class with a full face done before. But when it got closer to Halloween, he found out what your specialty make up was... you walked into Lucifer’s room, holding your right eye, and said there was something wrong with your eye. Lucifer, being the good Devildom host he is, offered to look at it, and see if you should go to a doctor. Good thing no one else was around, cause when you removed your hand, you revealed you had a plucked out and hanging eyeball! Lucifer would never ever admit he was scared, but his “Oh my God!!” was so loud, he almost fell onto his bed. You couldn’t even hold it in and started wheeze laughing immediately. Lucifer was confused and still in shock, but then realized when he see you take the eye off and revealed your real eye under the latex. Lucifer had half a mind to end you right there, cause how dare you surprise him like that. Although he was impressed that you had that much talent, it looked so real. But don’t ever do that again.

Mammon: He was just minding his own business, counting his bills he had made from selling his brothers possession when he heard a slow knocking at the door. He walked over and opened the door, and slightly jumped when he saw you wearing a zombie mask. He tried to play it cool and yanked the mask up and off your head, only to reveal the same exact details of the mask, except with more realistic blisters and graying decaying flesh, and you growl loudly and lunge at Mammon, whom screamed and fell backward, frantically crab walking backwards fast. You tried walking toward him but then started laughing as you saw Mammon crawling on his back. Mammon growled and started to walk out the room with a blushing face, and a tear around the corner of his eye. You stopped him and hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry...” was said on repeat as he held him close while he tried to get away from you, but then held you back. From then on, you don’t do scare pranks on Mammon, cause you felt so bad. But later, Mammon said he wanted to do a scare prank with you on the others.

Leviathan: You were spying on Levi, watching him play a game from a far. You saw he was playing Hellcraft, the Devildom equivalent of Minecraft, and noticed that games’ creeper was a lot more scarier than the human’s version... you decided to play a prank. You went into the bathroom and began doing your make up, dark violet, black, red pixelated colors, and they blended in pretty well without really blending thanks your make up color mixing skills. And then you put black contacts in your eyes to complete the look. You make it back to his room, and started sneaking up towards him at his computer. You reach out your hand to tease his neck, making the noise you heard creeper’s make. Levi was slightly annoyed at the neck tease, swatting at his neck a bit, but wouldn’t budge at first. But then after you did it a third time, he turned around in his chair with a, “MC, can you please leave my neck al-AAAAAHHHH!” He screamed and jumped back so far his chair fell backward, as you hissed harshly. He legit thought it was the cursed version of the game, where if you cheated, or trolled, an enemy from the game ambushes you from behind. Needless to say you were laughing, and apologizing, Levi was blushing mad and frightened, but he later he was impressed that you even got the red streams coming from the Hellcraft Creeper’s eyes right.

Satan: Satan is not easy to scare, by any means. In fact if you were to scare him, you’d probably be in more danger. Satan seemed like the kind of person who would punch a haunted house actor. He’s intelligent enough to know a prank, especially when he can recognize a Mammon prank. I mean, Satan is the King of pranks. But you realize in order to prank Satan, it would have to take some real skill. And it most especially wouldn’t be easy, because it was Halloween, he knew it was Halloween, everyone knew it was Halloween. You decided to not prank him, but instead show him your make up skills. You knocked on his door and walked in backward, with Satan more confused than ever before. “Just promise you won’t freak out, this is just make up...” You revealed your face, showing that you looked like part of your brain and skull showing in your forehead, as well as some bone showing on your neck. The sound that Satan made was a mix between an exclamation, a scream, and “oh wow” followed by, “how did you do that?” He says this opens up a whole new avenue of prank ideas, and that you truly are an artist.

Asmodeus: You had borrowed a bit of Asmo’s make up to set up this prank. It was a contour palette, and you had set action on your face. Later, you start knocking on the door frantically, hiding your face with a scarf. Asmo opens the door and you walk in fast, “Something went horribly wrong!” You said as you paced around the room, and Asmo asked what was wrong... You claimed, “I think I had a severe allergic reaction to your contour palette I borrowed.” Poor Asmo thought it was something as bad as a rash. Asmo told to show it, and that it couldn’t be that bad... as soon as you revealed the face that looked like it was burned through by acid, Asmo screamed. The cheeks where the contour and shading would looked like they were burned through with acid, and bubbling near where it stopped. The shriek you heard could wake up every banshee. He started apologizing constantly, until you revealed it was a prank. Asmo was half relieved, and half angry about the fact it was a prank. Of course, your make up was just amazing, so realistic... but don’t ever do that again.

Beelzebub: You pranked Beel after pranking Belphie, for which he offered to help. Belphie texted Beel that he had a surprise for him, that it was a special dish that he and you, naming you specifically, made for him. Sweet baby Beel has no idea what was coming. There was a covered dish on the kitchen island, which was covered by a red table cloth, and Belphie offered him the first bite, that MC had put their whole being into this lunch. Beel, absolutely loving your cooking, takes a fork and a knife and lifted the cover off, revealing your golden brown bald head, with grill marks on your cheeks, bubbling blisters on your chin and forehead, and an eyeball popped out and garnished with a toothpick. Beel shrieked and looked at Belphie in horror. “Belphie, what did you do?!” He shouted. “I know, you’re right, I should have left them on the grill a little longer.” Beel looked ready to either breakdown or scream again, but then his stomach growled. “... I... I dont want you to get into trouble, maybe I should get rid of the evidence...” that’s when you stood up from the fake island and reassured him it was a prank, Beel screamed again when you got up, and fell onto his back, meanwhile Belphie fell on his back laughing at what Beel said, and then at his reaction to MC getting up in panic. You decide to never prank Beel again, especially since he couldn’t even face you for the rest of the month, which is when you showered him with full size candy bars begging for forgiveness. Belphie as usual put the blame fully on you.

Belphegor: You had taken a nap with Belphie, and for the first time, you woken up before him and went to go to the bathroom... to do your make up! You decided to do a bit of impersonation makeup with a touch of freaky. You made your face look like Lucifer’s face, but then you added a red snake eye contact into your right eye and a snaggletooth fang to your mouth. You got back into bed with your face, and fell back asleep, with the covers over your head, and cuddling Belphie. You woke up to screaming and being pushed out of the bed by a frightened Belphie. You were surprised, but eventually started laughing as you got up and smiled at Belphie, revealing your red eye and fang, and Belphie threw your pillow at you, blushing and crossing his arms. “That was not funny!” “It was a little funny...” “No it wasn’t!”

[sun-stormz]

Dream SMP - Long theory and breakdown

So, as we know, yesterday’s stream was a lot.

Disclamer: the dream smp is a roleplay server, most interactions and all conflict are acting and scripted.

After catching up on some of the other streams, I have come up with some theories.

1)     The big heartbreak of yesterdays event: Tubbo going to visit tommy and thinking he lost his last life. Now, Since the two are very close and Tubbo now thinks hes dead, I’m pretty sure there is going to be a funeral in L’manburg. Now the thing here is that both ranboo and Philza know where Tommy actually is and that he’s alive, but both would get in a lot of trouble if they say they know where he is. Ranboo part of the the butcher army, and if Quackity even hears a hit of the fact that he was at technos, it’s going to end badly. Philza is in house arrest and would get in a lot of trouble if he were caught leaving. So, either tommy shows face or he will be presumed dead. The later is way more likely due to the Theseus parallel. In the story of theseus, his father thinks he died trying to fight the minotaur due to a small mistake made by the crew of the boat they where on and jumps off a cliff, ending his life. Now in the parallel, Tubbo went to visit tommy and due to the explosions and Pillar thinks Tommy took his life.

I don’t think tubbo will have the same fate as Theseus’ father, but he will definitely be way less active as president or just become cold.

 2)     Philza is going to act as a spy/ link to L’manburg for Tommy and Techno. After the attempted execution of Techno, which was held right in front of Philzas house, he has lost all respect and trust in L’manburg, even telling Fundy, his grandson, that he’s dead to him. Not many will trust Philza but I think they will grow warm to him again and he will use that to help his sons. Philza is very protective of his sons and will sacrifice a lot to make sure they are safe. What leads me to my next point.

 3)     Techno might go mad like Wilbur. After having tried to reason with the butcher army that he just wants retirement and failing, he chose blood. He gave in to the voices, the only thing stopping him from killing all of the butcher army being Quackity, who threatened Carl. We know now that the only two confirmed things that will make Techno stop is Carl and philza. I believe that he would do anything to protect Wilbur if he was seriously threatend but Wilbur being a Ghost make it hard to actually harm him. I also think that he will protect Tommy with his life. It may not seem like it but small things like not hitting him with a weapon unless he had eaten a Gapple. He was very loud and indifferent to Tommy apon finding him, but he didn’t kill him, he protected him from mobs and offered to help him. They are brothers after all, and in the end of the day the do care about each other, indifferent? yes but they still care and the small gestures make that clear. I think that techno will either see one of those he cares for get hurt or killed and just lose it or his family will keep him grounded enough to not greet complete insanity with open arms.

 4)     Quackity will become a worse Schlatt. Now I don’t think that Schlatt possessed him when he ate that heart, but it started the same power greed disease schlatt had. Dream telling him ‘don’t try’ made him fall over the edge. But I believe that is exactly what dream wanted. As we know dream is a big fan of chaos, because where there is chaos and fight, he can stand on top. Quackity falling into power greed fuled insanity makes him easy to play with. He isn’t the president of L’manburg but talks about it like its his. When he lost a canon life to techno, he said he didn’t care about what techno did in the past, what he cares about is that techno can threaten his power and that’s why hes on the hit list. Quackity is causing Chaos, the exact chaos dream wants. I’m not sure if its said anywhere but im sure Quackity was the one to evict Ghostbur from the sewers. Hes doing and saying things without running them by Tubbo and Tubbo is being played a fool, now especially after he thinks Tommy is dead, he will be easy to manipulate.

 5)     Ranboo plays a bigger role then meets the eye. He has all of technos stuff as far as I’m informed, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he was Dreams spy. Ranboo is in everyones backpocket. He talks with everyone and knows everyone. Ranboo is half enderman and the other half is unknown, there has been hints that his crown has lore, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why he feared Dream so much was because dream was using something we don’t know against him, on top of the fact the dream is, matter of fact, rather intimidating.

 6)     The Prison. Now the Prison is a big one. No one knows who it’s for, but I think its for the people that can threaten dream / the people he can’t control aka Techno & Tommy. Tommy is an obvious one considering the whole disks ordeal and that Tommy has never bent to Dreams will. Techno is one of the only people that can actually go up against Dream and possibly come out on top. Now thanks to one of Ranboos Streams we know that the prison has like 6-8 Cells as of right now. I don’t think Sam would build unnecessary stuff in an already extreme build. I’m rather unsure of my own theory of Techno and Tommy, but I’m very confident with it being for multiple people. That being said, it could very well be that it backfires, and dream ends up in it

 Final thoughts?

 I think Tommy will see through Dreams plan to make everyone go against everyone. He is good at getting people together and I think he will be able to do it again, he just needs to realize that that is what he needs to do. After now teaming with Techno he might even understand that if they want peace, they will need to have no government or at least a system Techno agrees with cause that man has at least 25 withers on hand and that is a threat.

I hope most of them will realise that the sole problem will and always will be Dreama and Greed for power over the people, what again plays into the Techno thing. If the SMP has a good ending before the likely reset for the cave update, I hope that they realise the threat to peace is Dream and Governments. I hope that Quackity regains his sanity and I hope everyone can be happy.

 Worst case scenario? Techno releases all withers he has, and the server goes out with a bang, I’d be ok with that one too.

 If you made it to the end, congratulations! This has 1250 words, so I’m impressed, have this derpy Techno gif i found as reward. Do leave your opinion in the comments I would love to talk with people I know no one that watches the SMP.  ;-;

p.s: ive have been fighting the urge to write this the entire day while at school, oh its good to have this written down

[blackberry-gingham]

I love your writing so much!💗 could you write something about how each of the boys would calm the reader down after a panic attack?

FJDJSNSN YOU BET I WILL !!!

I actually do have a bit of a history with panic attacks, so I'm going to write these imagines kinda based on the sort of care ik I'd want to receive at least, so I hope these are like, realistic but not too angsty for anyone sksksk

But uh yeah, enjoy!

Oh and PSA that isn't mentioned in any of my imagines, but on this blog John has been getting the therapy he needs and deserves for a while now, so that's what's going on with all the references to stuff picked up from his "therapy/therapist" in this post and my others. Just wanted to clear that up✌🏻😌

George

Honestly, George is a very calm and trustworthy guy, so if you could, I think you'd do your best to seek him out while you know you're having a panic attack

And if you can't bc it's really bad, then you definitely would after it's over!

You slowly walk into the living room, your blanket wrapped around your shoulders

George turns to greet you, but his smile vanishes when he sees the red rims of your puffy eyes

You don't need to say a word, George is already up from his seat and coming over to protect you

The two of you communicate easily so George knows about your tendencies with panic attacks and by now he can spot when you've had one, just like he's doing now

"There now love, let's have a seat yeah?"

He guides you over to the couch and helps you sit

George rubs a little warmth into your arms, but decides another blanket would do better

Quickly he drapes the large, fluffy throw over you and promises to be right back

He disappears for a few moments while you situate yourself in the blankets

When he returns, he's brought a modest armful of your favorite snacks and a box of tissues, just in case

George sets everything down on the coffee table, except for a little tin of biscuits, which he takes with him as he joins you under the throw

He leans in and gives your cheek a kiss, "Kettle's on, we can have cocoa if you like"

You smile, and nod to let him know you heard

"Would you like to talk?"

"In a moment", you respond quietly

"Of course love"

George pulls you against his chest for a cuddle, then balances the tin between your laps

"Would you like one?"

You eye the variety to see if your favorite is left and then nod

By now you don't even have to request which one you want, George already knows

He picks it up and holds it out to you

Unfortunately, you're not quite feeling it yet, so you open your mouth wide instead

George picks up on the cue and holds the biscuit closer so you can take a bite, gently feeding it to you

The two of you take turns nibbling on snacks for a bit until the kettle comes to a boil

George goes off to fix hot chocolate for the two of you and returns with a pair of steaming mugs

When you're both settled, George gives you some space and let's you open up on what's troubling you

He hears you out and promises to do whatever he can to help you

And he's a man of his word, as you know

Afterwards, the two of you spend as long as you need relaxing on the couch, snacking and cuddling until you feel back up to speed

Of course, George wouldn't mind if you stayed here all day :)

John

I kinda feel like John would have like a sixth sense when it comes to anxiety tbh

Like when you're experiencing your panic attack, even if he's not there to necissarily see it happen, he just knows

You're in the middle of one now, when John peaks the door to your room open

"Everything alright love? You've been quite for some time-"

John finds you shaking and unresponsive, curled up in a blanket on the bed

As someone who struggles with anxiety himself, he knows exactly what's happening, so thankfully he doesn't panic like the other lads might

However, that doesn't mean it breaks his heart any less

John approaches calmly and sits besides you

You drag yourself up and apologize, a few tears streaming down your cheeks

But John just shushes you and holds you close

"We can talk when you're ready love"

You lean into him and do what you have to as you ride out the attack, while John holds you in a comfortingly tight embrace

When everything is over, John holds up on his promise and gives you the floor to talk about what's troubling you

He can be a great listener when he wants to, a trait he's exemplifying now as he holds you in his lap

Once you've said your peace, John would totally know how to validate your feelings and all that

"I'm so sorry love, I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. What can I do to help?"

For now, you feel best just being close to him

You lay down and John cuddles onto you a bit, just how you like, the warm weight of his body grounding you

He gives you some feather light kisses and keeps his voice calm and low

"This alright?"

You take a deep breath and nod, stroking his hair

It's times like this that John just feels flat useless

He knows what to say and some tricks to use from his therapy sessions for his own issues, but he wishes he could do more for you

Be charismatic and uplifting, like Paul would

Or warm and comforting like Ringo

Instead he's just a stoic lump

John looks up at you as a stray tear falls from your eye

He wishes so badly that he could take all your pain away

If he could, he'd bear the weight of the world, just to see you safe and happy

But for now, he hopes this old body of his is enough to help you feel warm, loved, and grounded

He shifts his weight a little so he can nuzzle your cheek

It's a bit too cold and damp for his sensitive nose, but he puts his personal discomfort aside

Well, there is one more trick he has up his sleeve that he hopes will help

John chooses one of your favorite songs of his and hums it to you quietly

The sound and vibrations combined with the warmth and pressure wraps you in a whole cocoon of John

You know that he wishes he was better with words, but honestly what he's doing now is what he usually does to steady you after an attack

And honestly?

It does far, far more for you then any sympathetic speech ever could

You give John's back a little rub and hold on tightly, hoping it can begin to express your gratitude

John smiles into your neck and hums just a bit louder, snuggling closer to you

Paul

I think Paul would be one who usually comes to find you after a panic attack

It's not that you don't feel comfortable with him, it's just... It feels rather embarassing to have breakdowns like that sometimes

Paul's always so confident and cool, you hate how your anxiety and panic attacks make you feel weak, especially compared to the likes of him

He finds you laid out on the couch, burritoed up in a blanket

He playfully asks what you're doing, but the look on your face is distant, as though your mind is a thousand miles away

Your eyes are rimmed red and you appear to have some shivers going on

Slowly, you turn your gaze to look at your boyfriend

Paul is frozen

He wants to help but he's not quite sure what's wrong. All he knows is he's desperately worried

"Paul..."

Your voice is hoarse and shallow as you call to him

Instantly, Paul snaps to action with no time to lose

He vaults the couch, careful not to land on you in the process and send beside you

"What is it? Tell me, tell me...", His voice is fairly calm, despite the begging in his tone

You get to the point, neither of you interested in beating around the bush, and tell him you just had a panic attack

You've told him about these before, but never at a point in time where he was able to care for you after you'd had it

Paul almost breathes a sigh of relief. Seeing you like this... He'd feared something much worse was wrong

Of course, this is still a very serious matter, but the catch is he's come prepared

Ever since you mentioned your history with anxiety and panic attacks, he's done some digging and research on what can be done to help

He's even consulted John on the matter!

There's plenty of things he can do, but Paul knows you respond best to his words

"Do you think you can sit up?"

You consider it a moment and then agree

Paul pulls you close to him, snuggling his face into the crook of your neck as he starts by speaking some words of encouragement and making sure you know how proud he is of you

The amount of affection he's laying on you takes you by surprise

You apologize for having him fuss over you, and your eyes start to water

Paul pulls back and looks at you as though he can't believe what he's heard, but his face softens when he sees you

"Oh no no no love, none of that now"

He wipes away your tears and asks if he's done something wrong

You shake your head, "No, I-I just wish I could be as put together as you, I guess"

At that one, Paul laughs

"I can't imagine why you'd want that. Matter of fact, I wish I was as strong and brave as you"

You look up at him questioningly, but Paul only nods

"it's true! I think you're incredible, living day to day like you do. You're a real fighter, you know that?"

He kisses your nose

"I don't want you to feel like you're not as 'brave' as I am because it's simply just not true!"

Paul smiles and brushes some hair from your face to reveal the little smile you've been hiding

Feeling a bit better at last, you open up your arms to invite Paul in for a cuddle

He readily accepts, and stays with you as long as you like

Ringo

I think the first time Ringo sees you after a panic attack, he'd be really worried about you!

You see, Ringo is just such an upbeat guy, no time ever really feels like a good time to tell him about your anxiety or panic attacks really

So when he witnesses it first hand, he's completely unprepared!

Ringo finds you laying face down on the bed, with your arms covering your head

He immediately freezes

His voice is dripping with fear as he cautiously calls your name

You barely stir, still riding out the end of a panic attack

Ringo is in a full panic now, and without another word he leaps onto the bed kneeling on all fours beside you

He wants so badly to touch you and make sure you're alright, but at the same time, he doesn't know what's wrong and he doesn't want to hurt you!

Instead, he places his palm on your back and gives you as gentle a shake as he can manage

"H-hey...?"

His voice is quivering and hardly more then a whisper

After a few moments it dawns on him that he can feel you shaking under his touch

Ringo sits up on his knees and whips around to find something to keep you warm

He stretches across the bed and yanks over a thin throw

By the time he's turned back to you, you've rolled over onto your back

You wipe your eyes and try to put on a brave face

"It's alright Ritchie, I'm fine..."

Ringo looks white as a sheet, his face stricken with worry

"No you're not!", he insists

He drapes the blanket over you, but decides that it isn't nearly warm enough and, like a giant cat, lays himself across your chest as well

"There now, are you warm enough? What can I do to make you better?"

You let your head fall back and close your eyes

Honestly you do feel a bit bad for him, but you simply don't have the energy to console him right now

Ringo gets off you for a moment and slides a pillow under your head before resuming his position

"How's that?"

You sigh, "Fine thank you. I'm just... getting over a panic attack love"

"Ooooh, I understand"

You lift your head up at that, and give him a confused look

"Yeah, John's had 'em back stage a couple times before a show now and then. He tells us about 'em sometimes and what to do and all"

Somehow you find that that does make sense, and so you lay back down, glad you don't have to explain yourself

"I-Is there anything you'd like me to do for you? John likes us to bring him some water usually... Would you like that?"

Ringo snuggles a little closer, looking down at you with big, puppy dog eyes

You smile a little. You're not use to receiving so much support after an attack like this

"Maybe later, right now I just need you. I-If that's alright..."

Ringo smiles and kisses your cheek before laying his head on the pillow beside you

"Yeah, I can do that..."

You hold onto him tight, grounding yourself and allowing the comfort to wash over you

Ringo stays with you until you've stopped shaking, runs off to put on the kettle, and then hurries back beside you to stay as long as you'll have him

[hamiltonimagines]

He Doesn’t Deserve You

Pairing: Lin x Reader

Request: “Hi! Could you do a Lin x reader where y/n gets cheated on and he comforts her and it’s friends to lovers and super fluffy?🥺🥰👉🏻👈🏻” - @brian-mayonnaise

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Cheating and sooooooo much fluff

“Alright I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure you actually go home and get some rest” I said. I was currently at the Richard Rogers Theater. We had just finished a show and I was talking to my best friend, Mr.Lin-Manuel Miranda. He had a tendency to work too hard, so I was always bugging him to make sure he had time to rest.

“Thank you for your concern. I promise I’ll get some rest. Just for you” he said giving me a hug. I smiled at him and then left his dressing room.

Lin and I had been friends since In The Heights. He pitched the idea of Hamilton to me and I thought it was brilliant. Then he insisted that I play Maria Reynolds. I could never tell my best friend no, so here we were.

Granted, it was a little weird having to kiss my best friend every night. Especially since I had had a crush on Lin when we first met. I quickly realized it would never happen and then I met my current boyfriend, Ryan. Ryan was a great guy and he was charming, but he would never be Lin.

I unlocked my apartment door and I walked inside. “Babe, I’m home” I called out. I heard some commotion in our bedroom. The door was closed and I panicked thinking someone had broken in to the house.

I grabbed the pepper spray that I kept in my purse. I listened closely trying to hear what was going on. Then the door quickly opened and out came Ryan. He shut the door right behind him. I jumped at how suddenly he came into the room.

“Oh it’s just you” I said, with a soft smile. I put my pepper spray back in my purse. I let out a sigh, thinking about how I’d overreacted. I saw that Ryan was just in a robe. “Oh were about to take a shower? I might have to join you” I said, with a smirk and walking toward him.

Then our bedroom door opened again, and a girl walked out. She was also wearing a robe, my robe. “Is this a friend of yours babe?” The girl asked.

I stood their in shock. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I didn’t know whether I should be angry or sad. “You have to be kidding me. You are such an asshole” I yelled as I ran out the door and slammed it shut behind me.

As soon as the door shut, I felt the tears streaming down my face. I had trusted him, we had dated for a year. And he decided to cheat on me.

My mind raced with questions. How long had this been going on? Was this a one time thing? Were there other girls he had been with?

I decided to run to the one person I knew would always be there for me.

I got to Lin’s apartment door and I knocked. I waited and there was no answer. “Of course, he was still at the theater. He is such a workaholic” I thought to myself. I sat down in the hallway and put my head in my hands.

It was then that I lost control of the tears and I just started balling.

I was so embarrassed that I was so upset about this. Ryan didn’t deserve any reaction from me.

Then I heard someone say “Oh my god Y/N?” and run toward me. I looked up and saw Lin kneeling in front of me, with a concerned look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked me, grabbing ahold of one of my hands to comfort me. “I went home and Ryan was with another girl, Lin. What do I do? Did I do something wrong? Was it my fault?” I asked him.

“I am so sorry Y/N” he said as he pulled me into his arms. “None of this is your fault. If Ryan did that, then he is a moron who doesn’t how lucky he was to have you. He doesn’t deserve you and he never did” Lin assured me, as he rocked me back and forth.

So here I was, sitting on the floor outside Lin’s apartment as I balled in his arms and he comforted me. Once I stopped crying as hard, Lin said “Let’s go inside, I’ll make you some tea”.

He helped me up off the ground, and brought me inside. I sat down on his couch and he brought me a blanket and went to make some tea. I wrapped the blanket around myself.

I decided to check my phone. I saw countless texts from Ryan with phrases like “it wasn’t what it looked like” “please just let me explain” and “you’re the only one”.

I threw my phone onto the floor, I couldn’t stand to read the lies. I couldn’t believe I had wasted a whole year of my life dating him.

Lin walked in the room with two cups of tea. He handed one to me and I gratefully took it. “Thank you, I know this isn’t how you thought your night would go” I said. “I’m always here for you” he said to me with a smile.

“Speaking of, you can stay here as long as you like. And if you want time off the show, you can have it for as long as you want” he assured me. Lin has always been so thoughtful and caring. It only made my feelings for him stronger.

I guess I didn’t have to suppress those feelings anymore, since I was no longer in a relationship. That didn’t change the fact that Lin definitely didn’t like me though.

“Thank you, truly. I don’t know if I can go do a show tomorrow. I’ll start with one day off and see how I feel” I told him.

“Like a wise woman once said, “you need to get some rest”. So I’m going to bed and I’ll let you get some sleep” he said, kissing my forehead and going to his room.

I set up the couch that folded into a bed and I heard my phone buzzing on the floor. I figured it was Ryan, but I picked it up anyway. I looked at it and saw it was the Hamilton cast groupchat.

Lin had sent a message in the groupchat saying that I would taking a few days off. There were a bunch of responses, mostly saying get better. Everyone was assuming I was sick, because why else would I not show up.

Then I saw a private message from Pippa. It read “Y/N, I saw Lin’s message. I know you would only not do a show if you were deathly ill. So what’s going on? Are you okay?”. I decided I could tell her the truth.

Y/N: Something happened with Ryan

P: Is he sick?

Y/N: He cheated on me Pippa

P: Oh my god I am so sorry Y/N. Is there anything I can do to help?

Y/N: I don’t think so, I’ll be staying with Lin for the next few days

P: Okay, I’m always here to talk if you need it. I love you sis

Y/N: Love you too, goodnight

Pippa was my closest friend besides Lin. Her, Renée, Jas, and I were all like sisters. I knew my secret was safe with Pippa. I didn’t want everyone in the cast to know. Then, they would all just feel bad for me and I didn’t want their pity.

I put my phone down and fell asleep quickly, tired from the day’s events.

For the next three days, I stayed at Lin’s apartment and missed the shows. Pippa had come over once and brought me icecream and we talked for hours. Our cast mates had been becoming more and more worried. I decided that I was going to do the next show.

Both Lin and Pippa made sure I really was okay, and reassured me that I could take as long as I needed. I knew I had to get back in a routine eventually.

So now I was sitting in my dressing room getting my hair and makeup done for the show. I was blocking out anything I could possibly be thinking about. I wasn’t thinking about Ryan, I wasn’t thinking about my feelings for Lin, my mind was blank. I knew I would get too emotional if I thought about anything like that for too long.

I heard a knock at my door. I looked up and saw Lin peeking his head in. “Oh hi, come in” I said with a smile. “How’re you doing sweetheart?” He asked me, concerned. “I’m feeling ready, hoping this time off won’t make me forget the words” I joked, lightening the mood. “You’re going to do great, okay?” Lin said as he gave me a hug. Then he kissed my forehead before leaving.

I was standing in the wing, getting ready to go on stage. Pippa was standing right next to me and gave me the biggest hug before I went onstage.

We started singing Say No to This, I was doing it completely on autopilot. Still trying to block out all those emotions. We got to the middle of the song and it finally dawned that this scene was exactly like what happened to me. I don’t why it took me so long to connect the two. I realized I was playing the other woman.

Then, I starting thinking about Ryan and how he broke my heart. I knew within seconds I was going to breakdown. I locked eyes with Lin and he knew right away what was happening. I could see his mind spinning, thinking about ways to improv and get me off the stage.

I was holding it together and then all of a sudden, I fell apart right on stage. Leslie was on stage with us at that point. He ran over to me and ushered me off the stage with him. I could hear Lin doing improv and it was actually going well.

Pippa was waiting right there in the wings. She pulled me into her arms and Leslie rushed back on to the stage. “Shh it’ll be okay” she said as held me in a hug. She brought me down to my dressing room and I changed out of my costume, so that my understudy could take over. I assured Pippa that I would be okay so she could leave to go finish the show. I was laying on my dressing room couch in sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

I listened to the whole show and when it got to Burn, I was a complete mess. It completely captured how I had been feeling. Somehow I got through the rest of the show. I heard the show end, then within a minute Lin was in my dressing room.

Within seconds, he had enveloped me in a hug. “I knew doing a show would be too much, I should of stopped you” Lin said into my hair as he hugged me. “I thought I could do it” I told him. “That’s okay, no one expects you to be Wonder Woman and not let emotions affect you. You’re human, it’s bound to happen” he reassured me.

We pulled away and I was transfixed staring into Lin’s eyes. Throughout all of this mess, he had been a constant source of support. He meant so much to me, and everyday I spent with him as I stayed at his house, my feelings only grew stronger.

I couldn’t resist, I found myself leaning in toward him. I realized that he was leaning in too, did this mean after all these years that he liked me too?

Eventually, our lips met and it was magical. I poured all the love I had for him over the years into the kiss. It was like we were both trying to make up for lost time. We both pulled away and just smiled at each other.

Then his smiled faded. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of done that. You’re going through a lot and I took advantage of that” he apologized quickly. “Don’t you get it Lin?” I asked him. He just had a look of confusion. “It’s always been you, since before Ryan. He was just a distraction. But you’ve always been the one I wanted” I confessed.

“Really?” He asked me. I nodded and before I knew it, he was leaning in to kiss me again. This kiss was shorter, but was just as magical.

“Come on let’s go home, I believe lots of cuddling is in order” Lin said as he grabbed my hand and stood up.

[micasaessakusa]

My world

Pairing: Kita Shinsuke x Reader Genre: Angst Word Count: 2.472 words Warnings: Unplanned pregnancy

Crippling despair.

That is the only way to describe it, you guess; the only way to describe the feeling of having to watch the love of your life throw everything away for you.

But even that is still too soft a word to convey the emotions brewing inside you, twisting your heart with a barbed vice grip and stewing within your mind whispers of contempt you know you do not deserve but are nonetheless true.

Shinsuke was your world -- is you world and forever will be, and you know that in the same way, you are his. Maybe even more. But what a cruel world you are to him if just to be in your arms, he has to pay the price of… well, everything else.

It boils down to you or everything, no in between.

A mere touch of his never fails to warm you, but his hands that rest on the now apparent swell of your stomach singes you.

Looking at him, you tear up upon seeing Kita, your Shinsuke, his hair matted to his forehead because of sweat and his eyes tired but still bright despite what was sure to have been a gruelling day. Glancing down, you spot his soft, gentle hands littered with dark marks from fixing cars at the local mechanic.

You know it’s not easy for him, not even a little bit, but every time he comes home to you, he never fails to show you nothing but pure love and adoration on his face. And you’re touched, but also so utterly confused at how he could look at you as if you hadn’t just ruined his life.

He gives you a soft smile before his slightly chapped lips plant a full kiss on yours. No matter the circumstances, his kisses never fail to serve as a reminder that there will always be one person in the world who will never leave your side, no questions asked. But this affects you differently for rather than serving as a form of comfort, it instead brews some darker thoughts in your mind, tracing back to the strained conversation you had with his family before everything fell to ruin.

Backing a little from you, his lips pull to another tender upward tilt before he excuses himself to wash up, making sure to peck your stomach one last time.

Your eyes trace his movements towards the bathroom and as soon as the door shuts, you’re once again left alone to stew in your own mind-numbing thoughts.

——

“Are you sure it’s yours, Shinsuke?”

Kita’s usually warm coffee brown eyes narrow imperceptibly, cold emanating from him at the blatant insinuation thrown at you.

“Yes, mother,” he answers evenly despite the tightening of his hold on your hand. Meanwhile, you keep your stare trained on the floor, not having the courage to look at the scrutinizing gaze of Shinsuke’s parents.

He warned you about their predisposition and prejudice, but you hadn’t anticipated just how much distaste they would actually be hiding behind a curtain of impeccable manners.

Sensing your discomfort, your boyfriend of only a year wraps an arm around you, rubbing soothing patterns on your back.

For the first time that night, his father speaks, but he doesn’t even look at you when he does.

“Get rid of it,” he says with total indifference while still commanding finality. “This kind of inconvenience will only serve to bring dishonor to our name.”

He spits venom at the ‘inconvenience’ that is your child and it takes all of your willpower to not break down right there and then. His family speaks of everything as if it’s nothing. As if you are nothing. As if your relationship with their son is nothing. As if the child inside you, despite not being planned, was not made from the love you shared with Shinsuke.

But you guess maybe it is like that. Maybe to them, you really are nothing.

After all, what’s a nobody like you even doing with the sole heir of the Kita family, renowned business tycoons in the continent, whom anyone who’s a somebody covet to form even just an acquaintance with?

Who are you to sully the name of a bloodline that has been thriving since long before your great grandparents were even born?

Nobody. That’s what you are.

You are so lost in your all-consuming thoughts that you fail to notice at first how Shinsuke is already in front of you, standing tall and facing his parents. It’s only then that you become aware of the tears streaming down your face, dropping to your hands that are pulled into tight fists.

“Mother and Father, [Y/N] and I have not been together for long, but we have known each other for years now,” he starts, voice remaining calm and collected despite how tense his whole body is. “This will not please you, but I have already made my decision the moment she informed me she’s pregnant with my child.”

His words echo repeatedly in your mind and your heart beats so rapidly from the overwhelming adoration flowing through your body… ‘my child.’ Your Shinsuke said ‘my child,’ and you could not have been happier just by hearing those words.

Chancing a look at his parents, you see them still stoic, face completely devoid of emotion nor even a sliver of shock. Perhaps, they’ve accepted his decision? But even you know that that would be wishful thinking. What you do know now, however, is that you would not be alone in this journey.

Shinsuke’s words flood you with relief from the anxiety of having to go through the pregnancy alone. Even though you never doubted him, hearing him actually say he’ll be by your side sends you an unparalleled level of comfort and reassurance.

Not waiting for his family to speak, he takes your hand and helps you to stand, aware of how shaky you currently are. He bows low to his parents to signal the end of the conversation, his torso almost parallel to the ground, and when he rises back up he gives you what might have been the most tender look you’ve seen on his face the entire time you’ve known each other.

In a low voice, he speaks, “We shall be going now,” then guides you to the exit.

Just as you’re about to pass the threshold, his father says a single sentence that would forever make you question just how much you’ve taken from the man you claim to love.

“Once you leave this house, you will be stripped of everything that has to do with the family and name you so easily turn your back on.”

Instantly, you freeze on your tracks, but Shinsuke just steers you forward with a gentle hand on your back, the words of his father not making his steps falter for even a bit.

Under his breath, he whispers his own answer, steady and with full conviction.

“Then so be it.”

——

It’s been a couple of months since then but not a day has gone by with you not thinking about it.

Kita Shinsuke is a humble man, down-to-earth and genuine. He’s never one to indulge in materialistic things but anyone with eyes can see that he’s struggling to live a less privileged life. After all, he grew up so used to having both needs and wants always there, always available most especially because of his name. He’s a hard worker, yes, but up until a few months ago, he’s never had to actually work to live.

He tries his best, you know he does just like he always has, maybe even more so now that he has other people to take care of. He never complains… and that makes it all the worse for you.

Each day that passes, you become increasingly aware of the darkening circles under his eyes, his thinning frame, and everything about him now just glaringly shouts how this is not the life fit for a man like him.

You claim to love him, but by him reciprocating what does he get? Misery. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening snaps you from your stupor and in the next second, your boyfriend steps out, freshly showered and with a towel hanging from his neck. He has a small smile on his lips but it falls as soon as he sees you.

A frown appears on his face as he rushes towards you, worry etched onto his features.

“Is something wrong, love?” he says when he takes both your hands into his larger ones. He gazes at you, warm brown orbs focused solely on your face as he searches you for any pain.

“Does it hurt somewhere?”

It’s only when he brings a hand up to wipe the tears off your face do you realize you’re crying. Sniffling, you quickly wipe away all traces of your breakdown, glancing instead on the floor out of embarrassment.

“It’s nothing, Shin,” you say so quietly that he almost misses it. 

He chooses not to probe, guiding you instead to sit on the worn out couch. Your tears gradually come to a slow stop with the aid of the soothing circles he rubs on your back, and once again, your heart clenches at how just naturally nurturing he is.

A few moments pass with him trying to calm you down and when you get your breathing back to normal, he speaks.

“Something has been bothering you for a while now, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Your eyes snap wide as you look at him, guilt clear on your face. Have you unintentionally been worrying him by being transparent? Or is he so in tune with your emotions that he’s able to read you so easily?

Kita’s a perceptive person and it doesn’t really surprise you that he has caught on to your distress, but how you wish that this one time, he doesn’t, for it would only pile on top of his already long list of worries.

He caresses your hands and the warmth emanating from his palms brings you a sense of ease.

“Please talk to me, love. Whatever it is, we can work on it togeth--”

“Let’s break up.”

Shock paints his face the instant you blurt the words out and that’s all it takes for hurt and confusion to fill his usually unreadable eyes. 

You stare at him, surprise also clear on your face from what you said, but you don’t take it back. You love him and you’ll give him this one chance to back out. You’ll set him free if that’s what it costs to allow him to live a life of comfort once more.

He deserves all the comfort this harsh world can give him, and if he can’t have that when he’s with you then you’ll choose to let him go… even if that would break you.

Silence fills the small space of your apartment, neither of you having the courage to break the silence first.

His hold on your hand tightens, but you still don’t speak in fear of taking your words back. But if only he knew just how much you want to.

You’re scared, so scared that he would agree to break up. And you know you would fall apart without him, but you have to do this. Kita’s been selfless all this time, now’s your turn to prove to him how far you’d go if it’s for him. You’d give him his freedom if that would mean he gets to live a happier and more comfortable life.

What you didn’t expect, however, is for tears to fill his eyes and roll down his pale cheeks in thick rivulets as he looks at you in utter brokenness.

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. Biting his lip, he whispers words that slash through your heart.

“Is it something wrong with me?”

In an instant, you scramble to pull him in a tight embrace, your sobs breaking free along with your pleas for forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry, Shin,” you cry as you hug him even tighter, his own arms also wrapping around you in his shaky effort to hold you snug against his body. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Fuck-- I didn’t mean it, I don’t want to break up! I didn’t mean it, I’m so sorry, Shin, I’m so sorry, I don’t want to break up, not now, not ever, I’m so sorry--,” strings of apology spill profusely from your mouth and the moment Kita plants his lips against yours, you kiss him back with fervor, trying to convey just how much you don’t want to be away from him.

With one last peck, he closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against yours, his breath still coming a bit short from his remaining tears.

“Please don’t scare me like that again. I love you, my [Y/N]. I don’t plan on leaving you and our child ever,” he says with tearful sincerity, it compels you to kiss him again followed by a firm declaration of how much you feel the same way.

Hugging him close to you, you resolve to tell him everything. You let it all out; how you thought- still think he chose to be miserable when he chose you, how you just know that you ruined his life, how you feel like you’re being selfish for taking him away from his family, from his gran, how you thought you’d give him his freedom so he could live a better life, how scared you were that he would agree when you told him you’d break up. 

With each word passing through your lips, his embrace gets a little tighter as he whispers assurances to your ears, rubbing soothing circles on your back all the while.

“You didn’t ruin my life, you made it better.”

“You’re my family now.”

“I am free when I am with you. I chose you and I’ll do it over and over again.”

Amidst the tearful confessions you both lay on each other, you grip his shirt tight in a fist as you finally tell him the thing you’ve felt most frightened about when he chose you.

“I feel like I’ve taken you away from your world, Shinsuke. I feel like I hurt you.”

He stops his ministrations when he moves to hold both your shoulders in a gentle but firm grip, looking you straight in the eyes as he speaks to life the words that will forever remain in your heart and soul.

“You didn’t take me away from my world, because you are my world, always have been and always will be.”

And at that very moment, you just know deep within your heart that Kita Shinsuke has been, still is, and will always be your world.

[comic-book-jawns]

Third Time’s The Charm

1) Inviting Jamie to sleep over had been questionable.

Not that it was the first time. Just the first time since she’d broken up with Eddie and run away for the summer — well, worked at a sleep-away camp. But she couldn’t deny that Eddie wasn’t the only person she’d been avoiding. Not that she’d cut off contact with Jamie completely. In fact, she’d used all of her weekly calls to talk to her best friend... and written her weekly letters, none of which she’d sent.

2) Breaking into her mother’s wine supply had been ill-advised.

Her mother, who she had yet to see. Not that she’d been expecting a red carpet reception when she’d arrived home earlier today. But maybe... a reception? It’s not like 8 on a Friday night was a unreasonable hour.

Really it had been for the best, though.

Dani no longer had to feel guilty for not speaking to Karen in over two months — since stopping for gas and using a payphone to let her mother know she was almost at camp (“He won’t wait for you, Danielle. And then you’ll be starting senior year without a boyfriend. Is that what you want?”) — and she had the house to herself.

She hadn’t even had to call Jamie to invite her over because Jamie, who’d known her for not even a year yet, had already been waiting on her doorstep when she’d pulled into the driveway. With a bouquet, no less. And that crooked smile that always made Dani’s heart melt. And a tan that Dani had... not anticipated. Which was comical, considering...

“Hydrangeas. Mrs. Harrison said I could have some, so.”

Jamie had spent her summer working around town as a landscaper. (“Glorified waterin’ can, more like.”) And over nine phone calls, it had become very clear that Jamie loved the work, even if she did have to deal with some sexist neighbors who refused to hire her for “a man’s job.”

“Jamie, they’re beautiful...”

3) Kissing Jamie had been where it all went wrong.

It wasn’t the flowers alone that sent her over the edge. Not even the wine, exactly, though it certainly hadn’t helped. A glass and a half in, and her head had felt fuzzy. “Mom would be so ashamed,” she’d thought to herself with a giggle. She’d giggled a lot, actually — which had been especially inappropriate since Jamie’s Blockbuster pick had been Friday The 13th. But Jamie hadn’t seemed to mind. Jamie had teased her with that cheeky little smirk that made Dani feel tingly. Jamie had looked at her more than the TV.

Jamie enjoyed her company for what it was. That’s the realization Dani had come to as the credits rolled, sitting on the couch with her arm around Jamie’s shoulders and Jamie’s head on her right one. So much for not being a lightweight, too... Then again, Jamie had been up since 5:30, and they hadn’t even started the movie until 10.

“Fuck. Sorry.”

Jamie had jerked her head up, looking so meek. Like she’d done something wrong. Like there was no way Dani could’ve liked it. And that’s what had finally broken Dani. That’s when she’d pulled Jamie closer, cupped Jamie’s cheek with her free hand before Jamie could turn away in shame and reassured her in the only way she could think of.

It had done the exact opposite.

Not only had Jamie not kissed her back. She’d yelped in surprise, and then gone speechless when Dani immediately pulled back — just stared at her, wide-eyed and rapidly losing color.

“Jamie...”

I don’t know what to say.

Before she could even apologize, Jamie had practically jumped off the couch, out of her arms, and run to the bathroom. Leaving Dani to slump back against the couch and add another tally to worst things I’ve ever done.

(“Danielle, I love you!”)

At least she wouldn’t have to see Eddie again until school started. The O’Mara’s always went on vacation to Lake Michigan at the end of the summer. The O’Mara’s and her, for a decade.

Not that she regretted her decision. It was the fact that she didn’t, actually, that made her feel guilty. Though she did miss him, of course. He was the closest thing she’d ever had to a brother, which felt kinda twisted to say after dating him for the past three years. But it was the truth. She’d felt more kissing Jamie just now than she’d ever felt kissing Eddie.

And wasn’t that just her luck.

Not that it was Jamie’s fault. If Jamie wasn’t interested, she wasn’t interested. God, Jamie could be straight for all she knew. When she’d asked if Jamie was seeing anyone last year — not in that way, just to get to know her new classmate, her new lockermate — Jamie had been cagey, so Dani hadn’t asked again, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

What if Jamie didn’t even want to be her friend anymore? After all, Jamie had probably assumed she was straight.

Dani heard a click now and sat up, looking over the back of the couch. Jamie closed the bathroom door, and Dani sat back down sideways as Jamie walked back over. But Jamie’s eyes remained glued to the carpet; and when she sat down on the edge of the couch, wringing her hands in her lap, she was several inches farther away than she’d been.

“I’m so sorry, Jamie. It - it won’t happen again. I promise.”

She had to practically choke out the words, but she meant them.

“S’okay.”

Maybe she really had read this all wrong from the start. Mistaken Jamie’s selflessness for affection.

“No, it’s not. You’re - ”

“I’m fine!”

Dani couldn’t help flinching. She knew Jamie had a temper. Everyone at school did. But it had never been directed at her.

“Sorry.” She’d already forgiven her, but Jamie did look genuinely remorseful as she looked at her, finally. “Just, uh...” Jamie cleared her throat — as she often did, even over the phone. “Caught me off-guard, is all.”

Dani wasn’t sure what possessed her not to just leave it there. Or apologize again. But to smirk at Jamie.

“Or was I just bad?”

“No! I...” Jamie gulped, ducking her head. “I don’t think so.”

Dani snorted. Jamie was far sweeter than she cared to give herself credit for.

“Don’t think so?”

She expected Jamie to laugh, to relent, to resume the playful roasting Dani loved. But Jamie didn’t say anything as she looked away, quickly but not quickly enough for Dani to miss the added color blossoming on her cheeks or the way her lips quivered.

“Oh...” Dani couldn’t breathe. “My god. Oh my god!”

“I’m gonna go.”

Jamie’s voice was raspy, barely above a whisper, as she bolted off the couch, and Dani felt worse still.

“No! Wait, I - ” Jamie was running up the basement steps before Dani even got to her feet shakily. “I didn’t mean it like that!”

Only to immediately trip.

***

“Fuck!”

First, Jamie had lost her dignity. And now she’d lost her shoes. Or, rather, left them inside. Downstairs. Kicked them off so she could kick her socked feet up on the coffee table. She was trash, but she wasn’t a tool.

Well, that was her answer, wasn’t it? Anyone who might look at her funny on the walk home probably would’ve looked at her funny anyway. And she was already halfway across Dani’s lawn. Fuck shoes.

Except... they were one of her only pairs. And her favorite, tattered as they were. And... Dani liked them.

“Oh, thank god.”

It wasn’t fair, the way her heart still swooped at the sound of Dani’s voice. Breathless, at the moment. She slowly, and only partially reluctantly, turned around to find Dani stepping out onto her front porch, panting... and holding her Black Hi Top All-Stars. There was no point in leaving now, Jamie supposed, as she shoved her hands in her pockets — not until she got her shoes back.

“Thanks.”

She muttered it, not even looking Dani in the eye. But she still said it. She did not, however, reach for the shoes when Dani offered them, waiting for her to set them down on the lawn instead. Maybe Jamie had a shred of dignity left, after all. Or maybe it was just her good old self-preservation kicking in again — eleven months too late. Clearing her throat, she bent down and picked up her shoes. She could make it around the corner at least before putting them on.

“Jamie.”

She could hear it in her voice, but seeing the tears in Dani’s eyes — as she looked up, despite herself — well, it didn’t make it easier to blink back her own.

“S’all good.”

She nodded, trying for a smile. Probably not succeeding.

“I’m the one who should be ashamed.”

Wait, Dani had come all the way out here just to double down? Seriously?

“I - I never would’ve - ”

Jamie felt a sneer curling her lips.

“Kissed me if you’d known?”

“Of course not.”

Well, then.

“See ya at school.”

She didn’t look back as she continued across the lawn, but she couldn’t shut her ears off.

“Jamie?”

Nor could she stop herself from rolling her eyes at Dani’s confused tone. This was how it had been all along, though, wasn’t it? She’d been a good enough distraction from Eddie, but now she wasn’t a good enough experiment. Yet Dani wanted her to stick around anyway. And she was supposed to be grateful.

“Jamie!”

Jamie flung shoes down on the edge of the lawn and spun around as her eyes burned.

“Look, I’m sorry for not advertisin’ the fact that I’ve never snogged anyone! But you came onto me! And you regrettin’ it now is not my problem!”

It should’ve felt good. Would’ve felt good, probably, if not for her starting with her deepest insecurity, throwing a voice crack in the middle and ending in tears. But, all in all...

“I don’t.”

It was so quiet Jamie almost didn’t hear Dani over her own breakdown. But even through blurry eyes, there was no mistaking Dani approaching.

“I don’t regret it.” Jamie sniffled pathetically as Dani took her hands. “I’ve - I’ve wanted to do it... for a long time.”

Even as she felt her heart swoop again, Jamie couldn’t quiet the voice in the back of her head and chuckled harshly.

“And yet you’re ashamed.”

“Because I stole your first kiss!”

Tears were streaming down Dani’s face now. But Jamie, it was like the levy breaking. She’d always been a cryer, much to her chagrin. But not like this. Not when Louise had left. Not in the group homes. Not when she’d finally been shipped off to the States because the system didn’t know what else to do with her and an American businessman had promised to come back from his trip with a child for his lonely wife.

No, she hadn’t cried like this since Mikey had been taken from her.

“I’m sorry.” Dani was holding her. Jamie wasn’t even sure when it had happened. But Dani was stroking her hair, rubbing her back, as she bawled into her shoulder, arms crossed over her own chest, pinned against Dani’s. “I’m so sorry.”

Jamie whimpered but then cleared her throat hard.

“You didn’t.” It still came out garbled, and she coughed. “Didn’t... steal it.”

“Jay.”

(“Hey, Jay... Sorry, Jay-Jamie, are you, umm, doing anything this weekend?”)

“I... wan’ed it... to be you.”

She felt Dani loosen her grip and lifted her head up, sniffling, to find Dani looking at her in... in awe? Feeling heat rise to cheeks, she ducked her head, laughing awkwardly.

“Not that I was savin’ maself or anythin’.” She cleared her throat and rubbed her face, starting to get a hold of herself again. “Never made much of an effort, though. Not, uh... much of a people person, in case ya hadn’t noticed.”

Jamie smiled a little to herself as she heard Dani let out a watery chuckle and rubbed the back of her neck as Dani’s hands ghosted over her hips.

“And I knew bein’ gay n’ all. Wouldn’t have as many options. But I dunno. I just...” Jamie cleared her throat again, looking back up as she went to shove her hands in her pockets but felt Dani take them instead. “Assumed it would happen eventually, ya know?”

Dani nodded, and the gentle yet focused look on her face almost made Jamie burst into tears all over again.

“By the time, I moved here, though... But then I met you.” Dani smiled; and, Christ, even with tear-stained cheeks, she was radiant. “And I - honestly, I figured it was pointless to hope for.”

Jamie’s heart clenched as Dani’s face fell in an instant, and she squeezed Dani’s hands as she tried for a smile again. Felt it working this time.

“But it was hope.”

Slowly, Dani’s smile came back to life, even warmer. Or was it Dani’s cheeks that were getting warmer?

“Can I, umm, can I be your first second kiss... too?”

This was her moment. This was her chance. Why couldn’t she fuckin’ do it?

“Sorry, I - ” Dani’s blush was quite evident now. “Obviously, it’s fine if you don’t - ”

“No, I do!”

To her credit, Dani didn’t laugh at the outburst. She was clearly fighting a smile, though, and Jamie cleared her throat yet again.

“I just, uh... I don’t want to... disappoint ya.”

She couldn’t make it through it without looking down, though that didn’t help much considering Dani was holding her hands.

“Hey.” Dani squeezed them. “Look at me… Jay.”

Unfair pulling out what Jamie was sure would one day be her ‘teacher tone.’ But she chuckled as she complied and found Dani smiling softly.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time.”

“So really no pressure, then.”

Dani rolled her eyes, and Jamie’s heart tripped over itself, then pounded as Dani proceed to reach up and tuck a few of her curls behind her ear.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Jamie. The only thing that matters to me... is that it’s you. And that you feel com- ”

Fuck, what was she doing?

“Sorry! I’m sorry.”

Jamie pulled her hands off Dani’s cheeks and ran them through her own hair as she folded in on herself. She didn’t know much. But she was fairly certain kissing Dani was not supposed to involve breaking her nose. There wasn’t any blood on Dani’s face, though. In fact, Dani was... grinning. Beaming, even. And Jamie couldn’t help returning it a little, even as her face burned.

“Told ya I would screw it up.”

Dani raised an eyebrow.

“Do I look disappointed?”

Jamie gulped, blushing even harder. Since when she had become such a simp?

Well, no. That was the thing. She never had been, had she? Because Dani had never once treated her as lesser than. Dani had gone out of her way, in fact, to try and prove to her that she wasn’t — whether it was slipping notes into her locker before an exam or sitting with her in the cafeteria when no one else would, including Eddie, or introducing herself on that very first day, only to get a grunt in reply.

“Ya know what they say, though…” Jamie snapped out of it just in time to watch Dani’s confidence falter. “Third, umm, third time’s - ”

Jamie bobbed her head embarrassingly quickly, embarrassingly hard. And yet she couldn’t bring herself to feel even an ounce of mortification. Only excitement. Well, okay, maybe a little nerves too. Especially as Dani, beaming once more, gripped her wrists and guided hands back to her face.

“Okay, umm, you tend to tilt your head to the left, so...”

She did? How would Dani even know that?

Dani erupted into giggles, and Jamie flushed as she realized she was literally titling her head to the left in contemplation.

“Why do you think I sat on the left side of the couch?”

What?

Dani flushed now as her smile turned sheepish, and Jamie felt the corner of her mouth curve up as her heart fluttered. Dani really had wanted it. All of it.

“Anyway.” Dani swallowed. “Since yours tilts to the left, tilt my head to the left too... Sorry, my left. Your right.”

Fuckin’ hell. Dani wasn’t snickering, though, as she let go of her wrists. She was actually looking at her quite intently, a little south of her eyeline. Jamie felt her mouth go dry.

“And then…”

“Yeah.” Dani swallowed again, as her eyes flicked back up, then smiled ruefully. “Sorry, I - I’ve never really tried to teach this before.”

Before Jamie could make a flirty quip, Dani blanched.

“Oh, god. That sounded really patronizing. I didn’t...”

Jamie leaned in, closing her eyes.

“Can I kiss ya, Dani?”

She couldn’t feel Dani’s nose at all, which she figured was a good sign — though, admittedly, she did feel rather foolish and uncomfortable titling her head almost sideways. Particularly without an answer. But then she felt a hand on her chin, another on the top of her head, tilting her closer to center. Close enough to feel the side of Dani’s nose nuzzle against her own as Dani wrapped her arms around her neck and exhaled.

“Please do.”

And Jamie did.

[dontshootmespence]

Through It All

Part 27

Summary: Now married, Spencer & Y/N navigate the D/s lifestyle. How will their relationship change?

Words: 1,923

Warnings: Anxiety.

A/N: No smut, just fluff!

The birth parents, Ai Campbell and Kyle Richardson, could meet you and Spencer and decide that they didn’t like you as much as they thought, so instead of telling your parents or Diana about the possible new babies, BABIES, you just ask your parents to babysit Charlotte while you have a date day.

Once Charlie’s out the door with your parents you start to get shaky, your legs barely able to hold up your weight. Spencer wraps you in his arms. “In through your nose and out through your mouth. We can do this.”

“What if they don’t like us?” You ask as loudly as your voice can muster. You feel so small, so scared. Your hopes are already up.

Spencer takes a deep breath, clearly a little on edge himself and chuckles. “Well, one, they’d be wrong. We’re amazing. And two, like you said before, it’s either meant to be or it’s not, but we’ll get through it.”

“I want these babies, Spence.”

Reaching into your bag, he pulls out your hairbrush. “We have a few minutes before we have to go. Turn around and close your eyes.”

His instructions pull you away from your thoughts for a moment so you turn around and do as he says, smiling softly when he pulls the brush through your hair. “This always relaxes you.”

“It does.” Nothing puts you at ease more than having your hair brushed.

Minutes flow into hours, at least your body believes it. When you’re finally peaceful, Spencer taps three times on your shoulder and whispers that it’s time to go. As his hand slips into yours, you swallow back your fear and hope for the best.

---

Cradle of Hope practically crackles with electricity. The moment is now. On the way over, Minnie called to let you know that Ai and Kyle were there a little early and excited to meet you both.

Spencer parks the car and comes to your side to open the door, taking your hands in his. “Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.” He repeats himself two more times before asking if you’re ready to do this.

You breathe calmly. “Let’s go.”

Inside, Minnie ushers you in and preps you both that way Spencer had prepped you. She just tells you to be yourselves. “Because if they fall in love with who you are, the people right in front of them, you’ll probably get chosen. It’s when people are closed off that these kinds of meetings don’t go well.

After a quick introduction via Minnie, she leaves the four of you alone. Ai is barely showing, but she has her hand on her stomach anyway, clearly protective. Just as you are, she’s a little nervous, but Kyle and Spencer take the lead and introduce themselves. “How are you?” Spencer asks. “Ai, how are you feeling?”

“A little morning sickness,” she replies. “But nothing too horrible just yet.” Sitting down on the couch, she cuddles into Kyle, clearly they’re on the same page about this and they love each other. In terms of birth parents, if they choose you, you couldn’t be luckier. “Minnie just said that we should get to know each other. We’ve read your file, but maybe you could tell us a little bit about your lives.”

Spencer gives your hand a squeeze. Your nervous energy is now his, so you tell Ai and Kyle all about how you met at a bar and fell hard and fast for Spencer. He smiles at your words and pulls you close. “We’ve been married for a couple years now and have a beautiful little girl named Charlotte Magnolia. We call her Charlie for the most part. Occasionally Maggie and Spencer calls her little flower.”

“She is,” Spencer continues. “I used to work for the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit as a profiler. After nearly 20 years with the Bureau, I decided to start teaching and consulting on occasion so I could be home with Y/N. Best decision I ever made after asking her out and asking her to marry me.”

“Stop, you guys are so cute,” Ai laughs. “Okay, so Kyle and I are really intent on these babies being adopted together. We want them to be wanted by whoever adopts them. Not just they’ll take two because they don’t want to lose the opportunity for one, if you know what I mean?”

“I do,” you reply. “I would be lying if I said that taking on two babies at once didn’t scare the ever-living shit out of me-”

“Me too.” Spencer nods vigorously.

Laughing, you continue. “But we want them both. Having them will complete the family we’ve always wanted.”

Kyle leans forward and opens his mouth, hesitant at first. “Can I ask why you want to adopt when you do have a biological child? Do you think you’ll feel any differently about her as opposed to them.”

Spencer responds immediately, ensuring them that children are children and if they choose you, those babies will be your children in all ways but one.

“As for why adoption, I’ve always wanted to adopt. And although I love the result of my pregnancy, the pregnancy itself was taxing on my body and to be truthful it’s not something I want to put my body through again.”

“With all this morning sickness, I feel you.” Ai takes a sip of water and pulls Kyle back into the couch so she can lean on him. Nearly an hour passes as you trade stories. Almost nothing about the adoption itself, just random stories that allow you to get a feel for who everyone is as people. “Do you have any questions for us?”

Spencer wrings his hands together and leans up, having slouched into the couch over the course of the last hour. “We do. Umm, what made you pick us to meet out of all the files you read?”

“We both like the fact that you already have a baby.” Ai rubs her stomach, a somewhat sad smile crawling across her lips. “I guess it gives us the assurance that you’d be good parents, because you already are. We also liked your FBI background, Spencer. We feel like they’d be safe, which is all we want. Safe and happy and-”

Without meaning to, Kyle cuts her off. “Sorry, babe. We really liked the way you spoke about each other. Kind of reminded us of us. We’ve been together since high school. And although we would like these babies, we don’t feel as if we can give them the life they deserve while still working to cement our own lives.” The last few words catch in his throat and Ai begins to hold back tears.

“How involved would you want to be post-adoption?” You ask shakily. You feel for them. Though you want these babies, you feel awful that they do too and just aren’t in a place to provide for them. “Do you want updates?”

“We’d definitely love updates,” Kyle says, squeezing Ai’s hand. “As often as you would be comfortable. Possibly visits, again if that would be okay with you. But those don’t have to be as often. Probably couldn’t be, especially while in college. Is that something you’d both be okay with?”

Nodding, you reach across the table separating the two couches and wrap your arms around Ai’s neck. She’s full on crying now. You don’t know what else to say, so you tell her it’s going to be okay and no matter what happens things are going to work out. “We definitely want them to know that they’re lucky enough to have four parents that love them.”

Kyle pulls Ai in for a hug and soon enough you’re all at least a little bit teary eyed. There seem to be a few whispers between them before he responds. “Ai, yea?”

She nods.

“We choose you. We want you guys.”

Your quiet stream of tears becomes a raging waterfall. “Thank you,” You cry. “We promise they’ll never doubt how much they’re loved.”

---

Once it truly settles in that you’ve been chosen the panic starts to settle in. Less than a year from now, your little family of three will become a family of five. Two newborns at once? Twice as many bills? Three children under the age of three? It’s both exciting and vomit-inducing. Obviously, it’s what you and Spencer both want, but you will have to go through that period of uncertainty again, where you question every decision you make as a parent and a human being.

For nearly a month, you and Spencer busy yourselves with reconfiguring the apartment to accommodate two babies. There’s a small office across the apartment where you move Charlotte, so that her old bedroom, the larger room, can hold two cribs. In the midst of trying to put everything together you have a little bit of a breakdown about how cluttered everything feels, which leads to you and Spencer discussing the possibility of a move into the suburbs once the babies are ready to transfer into big kid beds.

So much is happening at once and despite wanting to take your time with each other, quickies in the morning become the norm. Eventually, you’ll both settle into the building anticipation and get back to your preferred sexual routines, but neither of you can focus at the moment and with all the preparations and nervousness you’re too tired to do anything but snuggle.

“Should we tell Charlie about the babies?” You ask, basking in the afterglow for a brief moment before pushing yourself up. “I mean I know Ai and Kyle could still back out, but I have a good feeling.”

“And we don’t want to leave her blindsided anway,” Spencer says, pulling on his flannel pajama pants. “How about over breakfast?”

In agreement, you grab Charlie from her room and let her pick an outfit before bringing her out to the table, where Spencer already has some eggs ready for her. “Charlie, Mommy and Daddy have something special to tell you,” Spencer starts, his voice constricting. Somehow, through all the unsubs he talked down and all the times you and he have done everything under the sun, he finds himself at a loss for words in front of your barely two year old.

Crouching down, you meet her at her level and hold her little hand. “There’s a mommy out there, kind of like me, who has two babies in her belly. But she can’t take care of them, so she asked Daddy and I to take care of them. You’re going to be a big sister.”

Try reading a 21-month-old. It’s hard. Even Spencer looks baffled, though it looks like the gears in Charlie’s sweet little head are turning. “Babies?” She asks pointing to your stomach.

“Not my belly, baby. They’re in another lady’s belly and she needs help so the babies are going to come here and be your little brothers or sisters.”

A small smile forms on her face. “I help?”

“You can absolutely help with the babies!” You say excitedly, thankful that her reaction wasn’t worse or even non-existent. “You’re going to be a great big sister.”

Without a word, she jumps off her seat at the table and runs into her room only to come out moments later with a baby doll in hand. “I help.”

Bending down, you kiss the top of her head and pick her up, sandwiching her between yourself and Spencer. “Best big sister ever,” he whispers.

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