#which is stupid because no one cares
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i think about bo burnham saying 'if you can live your life without an audience, you should do it' at least once a day
#bo burnham#that whole speech is so. yeah.#but i always catch myself wondering what other people think of me in public and i think about that line#and 'perform everything all the time' and social media being this performance and also the only way for someone to feel Real these days#like was it in inside that he talked about that? god he said. idk something like that.#and i think about it so much because ill be doing something and think 'i dont feel like a real person unless i upload this to instagram'#like i have to Prove and Show other people im Doing Things#which is stupid because no one cares#no one cares what other people upload because we only care about what WE upload and the attention it gets#even though that attention is so shallow and meaningless#but like. im very much not on social media anymore#i dont perform like i used to because i dont feel a need to#im doing my own things and i prefer to keep those things in my Real Private Life#live your life without an audience! uninstall instagram! stop thinking about how strangers percieve you! no one truly cares! and its great!
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Avo's turn
#trolls#dreamworks trolls#trolls band together#trollsona#avocado#clay#john dory#iloart#so heres a follow up i scribbled.. clay finally gets some sleep💕#pretend hes got gumdrops in his ears ig#also i only just realized after drawing these that trollings dont rly have a baby stage because i am stupid <3 but who cares im having fun#gonna release this when the first one hits 500 notes which is crazy THANKS YALL LOL <3
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things you can't get back
aka i've been waiting so patiently to see kidd get his ass beat by shanks (affectionate)
#fun fact i am an anime only-er#because i'm watching it with someone who hasn't read the manga and i don't want to get ahead of them. we're in this together#but i was very aware of how the fight went in advance lmao#(and i may or may not be writing a fic that this is based on)#just smth about killer warning kidd they might not be so lucky as to survive this time#and kidd saying “oh well that's only if i lose!” is very interesting to me#bc kidd cares for his crew a lot but he is also very arrogant. and so he kind of fails to consider their safety bc he's so confident#he's not stupid he knows the risk to his own life. but there is an entire crew of people behind him who could also die#who he is currently disregarding a little bit. which i think was kind of killer's point in warning him#trying to get him to maybe reconsider on his own bc he's going to do what kidd says regardless#even if he thinks its an awful idea#and i just think kidd should get to go through the horrors over the outcome. just a little (a lot)#since killer tried to talk him out of it and he didn't listen and now they're all kinda fucked#i love him a lot and i want him to suffer deeply#what is a man without crushing guilt#kidkiller#eustass captain kidd#eustass kid#massacre soldier killer#killer one piece#one piece#one piece fanart#my art
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Something I've been thinking a lot about lately is how everyone thought Egon had gone insane. What Happened that made them think that. They've fought a gigantic Stay Puft Marshmellow Man TWICE (counting the 2009 video game because iirc it's canon? Correct me if I'm wrong), fought an interdimensional god, fought a blood thirsty ruler that killed thousands and was hated by all that was trapped in a painting (and managed to get in to beat him by making THE STATUE OF LIBERTY start walking down the street with slime that reacted purely based on vibes), found an underground abandoned transit system full of the moodslime, had a bathtub try to eat Dana and her baby, fought a giant murderous black widow lady, fought the fisherman ghost who turned an entire hotel floor into the bottom of a ocean, and that's not even mentioning them getting trapped on an island that randomly raised up from underwater that had been abandoned for decades created by Ivor Shandor who worshipped Gozer. So what did he do or say that made everyone else think he'd gone insane?? All I can think is maybe he was acting strange / eratic before, but he's always been like that to some degree.
I don't know. It's something that I've been thinking about. The correct answer is 'it's not that deep and they needed a reason that the others weren't together anymore and weren't aware of Egons death or know what was going on,' but also. What Was He Saying that prompted everyone, including Ray, to think he lost his mind when he'd been right almost every time before that.
I'm genuinely so curious as to what he was up to before this. What was he doing. What insane idea was working on prior to this or was he even working on anything at all??
Also want to clarify this post isn't negative 😭 I really love the newer movies and their lore / the newer storyline / characters, I just like thinking about small stupid things like this. Gives me something to think about / speculate about / figure out an answer to.
#ghostbusters#egon spengler#nikolas posts#I have so many thoughts on it because I've just been rewatching the two movies on loop for the past few days.#All we got was Ray saying that he'd started talking about the end of the world (IIRC) and that he went insane and took everything#when he eventually left to deal with it on his own#which for the record it's extremely impressive that he would've stopped Gozer from returning BY HIMSELF. The only reason it hadn't worked#was because of the electricity issue#Hiding all the traps and setting up the proton packs to fire at the hell pit?? Insanity. He's just on a complete different level of existin#Like they were aware of Ivor Shandor and his plans long before??? They found his ISLAND DEDICATED TO GOZER who had full intention of#BRINGING THEM BACK#it's really Really REALLY not this deep but I have thoughts and I wanted to share them. Maybe someone else might have an idea I#couldn't think of or might have something to add.#I guess it could be a 'they beat Gozer once and assumed they were gone' but that wasn't the first time Gozer 'died' so??#if I missed something Please tell me. I haven't watched the newer movies as much as the older ones (I grew up watching them / playing#the game so I'm more familiar with the older lore and haven't had the chance to rewatch the newer ones 1000 times over unfortunately)#so it's entirely possible I missed something#I'd think maybe it was just because they were older but I really don't think thats the case. I have reasoning for it but I need to do#the math to make sure I'm getting the ages right by the time AfterLife happens.#really need to make a chart / timeline of all the events that happened and what year / month / day they happened. That's a project#for tomorrow perhaps.#anyways if anyones reading this sorry for the insane rambling and congrats for making it to the end#also this post isn't negative I adore the newer movies so much. I love them a lot and I genuinely don't really care about this at all#just a thing to think / ponder / speculate about if that makes sense#I enjoy thinking about stupid irrelevant stuff like this#so so so many thoughts
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btw i will forever recommend just. refusing to engage in discourse. its free its easy and you literally arent missing anything LMAO - 99% of discourse on here is just on the most pointless petty shit that literally doesnt mean a single thing to anyone in real life (i am looking directly at you "pRo/AnTi" shippers), and the other 1% is genuinely important shit... that isnt going to be solved in any productive way by insulting '''the other side''' online. arguing with strangers online never changes anyones mind all youre doing is making yourself *and* your cause look annoying as hell :thumbsup: maybe chill out. find a hobby.
#dont even get me started on how apparently this entire fucking site has never heard of nuance in its life#im ngl dude i think if youre boiling down a complicated topic to 'well this is the good side (my side) and then the BAD EVIL SIDE'#and putting anyone who even slightly falls out of line with your beliefs on the evil side#like. thats not gonna be productive in the slightest right. you understand that right#if you wanna have meaningful nuanced discussions with people you actually know about serious topics then go for it!#just dont drag random strangers into it#if i have to see one more post with dumb bullshit acronyms that everyones expected to know that insults anyone who doesnt blindly agree wit#them i stg#'if you dont agree with this then clearly youre a [evil side] who hates [group] and does [bad thing]. theres no other logical explanation#for you possibly not agreeing with me'#and theyre talking about the most obscure insane discourse youve literally never heard of before thatll be flooding your dash for the next#month#had to unfollow a really good artist because they just kep reblogging the most aggressive 'every [evil side] sucks and hates [good side] an#doesnt care about them and wants to oppress them'#(said '[evil side]' wasnt even a moral stance it was literally just something you were born as. like. you get how thats fucked up right)#which uh. sucked! especially since i was part of that [evil side]#anyway midnight rant over tldr uhhh discourse stupid go get hobbies#and if i ever mention what discourse topic inspired this post ill probably get torn apart LMAOO#(hint: its one of the stupid pointless ones)#me.txt
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does bluesky have a slightly cheesy but harmless atmosphere in a way that makes it feel like a more liberal-leaning facebook in general, or am I just getting older and made this my sphere
#I mean I've already seen one stupid thing#which was someone sincerely saying ''people only care about art they like''#in agreement with someone venting about how they feel their art doesn't get much notice which. yeah. what.#so I think this is definitely a peer group bias situation lmao#it's because I've started surrounding myself with 30something furries and other alternative artists isn't it#it's giving me an older forum/newsgroup vibe in ways I can't quite put into words. but by no means negative.
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oh my god guys why the fuck would they kill karen lmao
#there is an ART to killing characters and she would not make the cut#for a final season especially a killed character has to be carefully crafted ok#a killed character in the first season often triggers the whole rest of the plot. a killed character in the final season could finish it.#so the character who dies will probably have a big role in saving them AND GUYS SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE UPSIDE DOWN#WHY WOULD IT BE HER LMAO#it also has to be impactful on the character & audience but not TOO much on the characters because we wont see the aftermath of their death#which is why jonathan wont die bc will is the main character and his trauma is literally the whole reason for the show#so if jonathan died wills character arc wouldnt be complete#also why joyce and mike cant die#and karen dying is just stupid bc like i said she doesnt know anything but also the audience wouldnt really care if she died#you want the death of a character to make the audience FEEL SOMETHING#she had what 10 lines in s4?? be fr#‘eden thats just wishful thinking’ oh no its not….#because according to everything i just said one of the characters that makes the most sense to kill....#is steve#byler#stranger things
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Me when I found out that dumb and dumber never wanted or intended for Jon to kill the Night King despite all the build up for it:
#like- WHAT DO YOU MEAN??#ALL THAT BUILD UP FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!#this is why i refuse to watch seasons 7 and 8 everytime i rewatch the show ✋#i honestly think they hated jon#like they turned my man into a himbo - a very handsome himbo but a himbo nonetheless - and took away most of his personality and character!!#which is probably why some people hate kit as jon - but y'all gotta remember thats not his fault!! it those stupid directors fault!!#also kit is very handsome as jon like thats literally my husband right there!! 🫵#but yeah- apparently they didn't want jon to kill the night king because hes quote on quote “always saving the day” 😐#AND???#THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!#SO LET HIM SAVE THE DAY AGAIN NO ONE WILL CARE I ASSURE YOU!!#oml... I'm gonna commit a crime fr because they really are both dumb as shit 😐#jon snow#game of thrones#kit harington#house stark
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whenever ppl try to come up with some version of 'romance and love isn't forbidden by the jedi, on this one novel-'
i'm just...
#star wars#jedi order#jedi critical#sorry no that makes no sense with what's presented through most of the canon#'but it was in this one novel' then that novel it's trying to retcon it or to twist the in-between lines because it doesnt make sense#the belief that the jedi only forbid romance if it's possesive or stops someone from caring about others it's a lovely pink-tinted view#but it doesn't work with canon and the only thing that it accomplishes is attempting to to give anakin a different narrative#which is 'anakin was actually just too stupid too understand what the jedi's teaching meant'#and yes you can make an argument that anakin didn't understand all of the jedi teachings but not in the way this idea proposes#it's actually ridiculous#'anakin why you kept this secret didn't you know romance it's actually allowed by the jedi? we all have our crushes and partners lol'#'you silly the only thing we forbid it's becoming toxic and possesive'#headcanoing or making aus or fics with the jedi as this#big happy hippie family full of pacifists that try to destroy the pillars of traditional conservative nuclear families in pro of free love#it's fine like go ahead headcanon that and make aus of that but when someone comes to try to argue that no it's in fact very canon#it's just...what like come on#EVEN OBIWAN the picture perfect child for most jedi fans said he would've had to leave the order to be with satine aka IT IS FORBIDDEN#i'm going insane or what they told a 9 y/o that missing his mom was path to the dark side but no no they're FINE with romance#how could we miss Yoda's three romantic partners and Mace's being a swinger and also Shaak's polycule Anakin you're just stupid#(he is stupid but not like this lfmao)#fandom stuff#ranting#AND TO BE CLEAR no this isn't an argument about traditional nuclear conservative families or some bullshit being needed#this is me saying the jedi in canon are pretty fairly conservative as it is sorry but they're basically the knight templars with powers#and orientalism in the form of buddhism as a white american man (GL) understood it (badly)
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f1a0ded6cb190e3a9dadfa4d20c8dbb7/b9c1cc182e2e9587-a8/s540x810/9b25deb6bbb49e934709c6c80b3e7a6421ea5157.jpg)
venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
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when Arthur finally admits his feelings for Gwen to Merlin and says "my father would never let me marry her", and Merlin goes "you want to MARRY Gwen?!" like "shit, dude, I didn't realise it was this serious"
#arthur (2 days after kissing gwen): imma wife her up#merlin: what??#arthur: what??#'I think about her all the time'#'I care about her more than anyone' 😭😭😭#it lowkey bothers me when people make this scene about merthur#'he could be talking about merlin!' mmkay but he's not 🙃#he's talking about gwen#can we be about gwen for just one minute#also love this scene because merlin is SUCH a romantic#like it's such a fundamental part of his character it's adorable#look at his face when gaius is talking about his ex fiancée alice!!#(of course gaius was also taking about magic there which is why merlin had such a stupid grin on his face)#(love and magic are his two favourite things)#arwen#arthur x gwen#merlin#ep 2x04#merlin 2x04
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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.
#simon says#to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb#you might not have done enough research#you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument#you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this#sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution#you do what you can to fight against the problem#you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem#and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem#like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue#but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face#they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you#and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing#sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that#i used this while talking with my Dad tonight#he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution#and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now#and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it#and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate#and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before#i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help#and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change#but all I really could do is the little things I have control over#and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over#like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet#which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue#and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best#so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment
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the most insane series of events happened today...
i already graduated high school way back in june, but the yearbooks were super delayed in getting finished, so they were only ready to be picked up now. i went in to school to get mine this afternoon, but was baffled to see faculty i recognized coming from the direction i was going: we were on break, right? why would anyone be there? and i thought to myself... what if my compsci professor is there... and i was sort of hoping he would be and sort of hoping he wouldn't, freaking out either way. but the odds of him happening to be there were so low, i thought... so i probably shouldn't even consider it... and yet i worried all the same.
and so i got to the building and reached our floor, two steps away from a panic, and i went to the office to pick up my yearbook... and there it was! what i came there for! without thinking i started walking down the hall and up the stairs to the math office. hell. i noticed a few students walking by... i guess they weren't on break? was it already spring semester? i paused and started browsing through the yearbook, finding that they'd forgotten to include my compsci professor with the faculty photos... and then, leafing to the photos taken during spirit week, i found the photo of my compsci professor and i when i'd dressed up as him. the only photo of him in the yearbook was one taken with me. huh. i then continued walking towards the office and peered through the open door, fearing i'll see an empty desk...
but lo! there was my compsci professor, standing at his seat, working on his computer. and wouldn't you know it, he was wearing the same blue-green plaid and tan pants he'd worn when i'd dressed up as him (the outfit i accidentally predicted he'd wear that day, coming into school with the exact same thing). he was happy to see me! and so we talked, and he told me about finals week. oh okay, they're still in fall semester finals... that explains things. i completely forgot that the last time i saw him, i'd never given him a proper goodbye, as i was whisked away by my friends. that odd grief-shaped feeling had all but melted away. i felt both awkward and at ease, as i always did when talking to him... for he was so kind and gentle, as always. he said the students do come around often, but never as often as i did... it was nice to talk to him, perhaps even reassuring.
eventually he had to get back to work, so i said goodbye and headed home. on the way to the subway i felt like a total idiot, partly for worrying so much about the whole thing, and partly for wasting his time again with all my fretting and fussing. and yet, no matter how much i fear he finds me annoying, he said he'd be happy to see me there again as i left...
#melonposting#(shaking myself back and forth) YOUR OLD COMPSCI PROFESSOR IS NOT YOUR DAD AND NEVER WILL BE. SHUT UPPPPPPPP#for a while i've wondered about paying him a visit and i've always imagined immediately apologizing to him for some reason#like waaaugh sorry for being so weird around you and being stupid and a freak. it's okay if you want to kill me i understand#but no... like sure i was a bit shy around him but we had a perfectly happy and pleasant conversation#it's especially nice when he tells me things... that reassures me the most for some reason#he told me today how he had to take a sick day to take care of his sick kid but he had to work the whole time from home which was too bad#and another time he told me that the day he was out wasn't because he was sick but because he had to take a 'mental health day'#which i don't suppose is something he told anyone else#and then of course in response to one of my stupid rambly soul-bearing emails worrying about always being worried#he told me about how he's dealt with anxiety and depression before. and how it worked out okay in the end#is it weird that i find that comforting? that he should tell me about himself and how he's doing? that i know this stuff about him?#i do take pride in how much i like him and how much i know about him... i'm his number one fan... :)#god i need to be sedated. geez louise#move over luke triton you're not the only one who wants a familial relationship with a college professor. and i'm worse about it. so there#and then i kill luke. but because he's me and i'm him i end up dying too#so i suppose it's a net zero in the end huh
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Hey i am back with a thought.
I know we already mentioned like. The future future plans concerning kids in the New Age storyline.
I was thinking. Who would carry/get the kid in the couples? (Yes this implies mpreg. If this aint your thing no worries you can just ignore everything else :3 )
As you mentioned before. Nightmare and error would most likely adopt.
Between dream and blue i think blue would end up carrying the kid. Dream would feel too locked up and locked down if he had to take it easy. Also. Let this man pamper Blue. He deserves that.
Ccino and Killer. Ccino wouldnt want kids for a LONG time and even just the idea would be slow going. But killer has his soul situation (is that also a situation in this story?) And he is a knight being out and about. Ccino is safely at home and would be the safer option. But they would need a long time before ccino would feel comfortable with the idea.
Horror and Crop. Crop. Hands down. Horror with his work and Crop has help on the farm. But i doubt thwy would get a kid because they have along distance relationship.
Cross and Lust it depends on who wants it more. I can see both being the one who does it mostly because i can see pros and cons for both sides.
Reaper, Geno and Dust. Only one option. Reaper. Dust doesnt have a healthy enough soul and that with his spell around it? No way he can carry a kid. Geno meanwhile only has a soulshard so he isnt healthy enough to carry a kid either. Leaving only Reaper as an option.
Okay that was it. :D
Haha! Omg I keep forgetting this is smth I can think about! Usually it's not my scene so it might not cone up much in-stiry but it IS how I picture the cast having kids in this one, so!!! We're diving in!!
Like u said, those boys are adopting hehe-
With Dream and Blue it's a bit hard, because I think that Dream would be really really worried about Blue the entire time. Like, terrified his magic would accidentally trigger the whole Twin thing. But, ultimately, yeah, probably Blue! Dream *would* get too restless, and Blue rlly does deserve to be pampered hehe- (I just think Blue would have to really really talk Dream into it. Dream does NOT want to be like his mother anymore.)
Killer and Ccino... let's go with a yes on Killer's soul situation, so Ccino would be their only option. But, like you said, it would be ages before they even thought about discussing the idea, let alone actually having a kid.
Ohhh yeah. I see Horror and Crop as the ones least likely to have kids (as u said, long Distance relationship, but also they just have to much on their plates? They're practical guys and focus on their work and existing families first. Plus, someone has to be the cool uncles to their nieces and nephews!) But definitely Crop. Especially because Horror is pretty low on natural magic as-is and even though his soul is healthy, his body might not even be able to form a firm ecto, let alone anything safe to harbor a forming soul. (Unlike Ccino, Horror was born that way, and the injury didn't help lmao-)
Cross and Lust? I think they'd both regularly get baby fever, but neither of then would be ready to settle down for a *while* in that way, so I think they'd push off the question until years later. Then when it comes up, they 'fight' over it. Insisting that they should carry- I think they'd end up choosing Cross though! As much as Lust seems like the more convenient option, as he's not a knight, Cross is just built different and insists that if anything goes wrong he wants to be the one it happens to. Which, ofc, leads to him doing training whilst in the early stages until someone (probably Killer or Dust) notices he's a little off and then Cross admits he's got a soulling. He did not expect to immediately get horrified looks (because they were fighting someone with a lil guy inside them, not because he has a lil guy) or to immediately get ushered out of training and to his room because??? Idiot??? What were you thinking??? Cross is the worst at staying off his duties, but his brother's have him covered, thank god-
And yep, put perfectly! Reaper is so genuinely the only option! It leads to some odd interactions, since Reaper can't exactly stop being King, but he manages shockingly well and has Geno there to help him (and probably later on Dust, since Night isn't about to leave Dust out of that due to work-) And. I like to think these three in particular have multiple kids perhaps, Kane and then another, and it's kinda a running joke that Reaper's the one hauling them around lmao- (Also very convenient! Because Reaper is the one with death magic in his soul, the kids are effectively immune to it! They were made from that stuff basically, so ofc they're fine!)
#new age au#this ask hit me like a truck at first ngl#but it was actually really fun to think about so I committed and it helped me work on dynamics so ty Ancha!#(usually pregnancy gives me the ick but don't worry about it lol)#I really really love the image of Cross being stubborn and absolutely sure that he can train for a little while#at least until it really starts developing. no one will even notice! y'know? it'll be fine!#and he gets away with it pretty much until either Lust spills the beans at a dinner how far along they are or until Cross suddenly has an#ecto all the time and the others are suspiscious and get the answer out of him themselves lmao#bad first-time parent Cross my beloved. he loves the little soul so much. but was also not raised well.#people keep forgetting his awful childhood and that he's still not 100% sure what's normal 😭#also unrelated but Reaper is in such a situation- he doesn't care and neither does Geno but#it is SUCH a thing because. a king? a king is carrying? what about the wizard? the assassin? the partners he never shuts up about?#and because Dust's soul is a sensitive topic Reaper cones up with more abd more stupid reasons as to why he's the one who has it#'If Dust carried then the kid would be a citizen of Orchard. we can't have that!' is definitely one of them and it's said through giggles#okay enough of my rambling-#I love making characters into good parents (*COUGH* Ccino and Killee *COUGH*) but I also love making them horrendous at it at first while#alao lovibg their kids more than anything else (Cross. Lust. Probably Error. probably Dream-)#wait I lied#not done#Blue really has to beg Dream to let him carry like. so fr. because Dream refuses to risk it.#I think he'd make Blue promise that if twins started forming they'd nope out. yeet them and try again. which is a very heavy promise#for Dream to ask of Blue but... he agrees because he understands. ofc it doesn't come to that but I think it'd have to be the stipulation.#otherwise it'd be a Blue-only kid or nothing at all haha-#queuing this for the morning!
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See the thing is. I know I'm good at writing. Like I have my weak areas or things I need to improve in, but it's not a skill I otherwise spend a lot of time feeling insecure about because a) if I don't believe in my writing literally who will b) if I want to publish my writing I ought to at least feel a resting level of good about it because editors and agents likely will not be cradling my face like a prize cat and telling me how talented I am while asking for their edits c) I've always had an audience for my writing even at its worst– I started sharing my original works online when I was around 16 & that really helped sell to me the idea of 'there will always be someone out there who likes what you do' d) untalented men never think this hard about the quality of their works and they always end up published anyway and e) I don't have many other thoroughly developed skills so why not have one I feel good about. Having said this. Awkward feeling to realize you're one of the authorial weak links in your postgraduate creative writing degree's social circle
#part of the issue is definitely also like. i am good at what i do! its just that im the only one doing it#40 people in my fuckass degree and im the only one who writes fantasy fiction. we had one more girl but she did romance & dropped out#(to be an agent) (this isnt a sad story)#but yeah no im mostly surrounded by very talented poets and screenwriters. which makes my works seem a little. frivolous. in comparison#and my friends especially are so fucking talented it makes me ill. and they engage politely with me about my writing but its also#superficial and i cant blame them because its simply not what they write/what theyre interested in! i feel the same about poetry#but my friend actually seemed surprised a while ago when i mentioned a thing id been writing and i joked that it looked like she was#surprised i could have good ideas and she didnt answer. and like. man.#i am a good writer! i fucking know im a good writer but im a good FANTASY writer and these people are. different writers and theyre good an#im floundering in this environment next to them and theres something not as like.. artistic in what i do its so fucking embarrassing#and they also display just such a lack of curiosity as to others' writing like.. they wont check the moodle forum to read what the others i#our module have uploaded for each assignment?? like arent you even just CURIOUS? but now im also just wondering if theyre like 🤞 this#with each other in a way that excludes me and my stupid flop ass fiction. i dont know. its just so silly. everyone always talks about#finding community in writing groups & degrees & such and that is exactly the last and most isolating place ive ever been insofar as my#writing goes. like at least way back in high school no one cared in general. here people do care. just not about what i can bring to the#table. although again i really dont know if this is a larger scale lack of curiosity/involvement in others works so i digress.#notnow#tbd#sorry this is a very priveleged complaint to have i AM deeply enjoying my degree and ik im so lucky to get to go where i attend. i just#occasionally feel sad. and knowing i failed my last assignment (which WAS fiction) (one chance to prove myself! cute) isnt helping much#if the poetrypeople are better at me even in the thing im meant to be good at. baby we're about to enter the mental health meat grinder.#but we stay silly. i think i just need to find people online etc to talk to about writing again like i did at 17.#just full insanity paragraph analysis. that was fun. i enjoyed that.
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catch me laughing in the club awkwardly because this season has a 19 year old blonde female companion from London, a space travelling left of law brunette queer boy who flirts heavily with the doctor, absolutely zero writers of colour and no mention of sensitivity readers…….and next season the new companion is a woman of colour. uh oh!
#he’s not stupid enough to do Martha again but be REAL with me. do you think this man can handle writing for a brown woman and a black man#and make it in any way genuinely tasteful. the one race he’s punched down and the other he’s basically ignored during his tenure :/#rtd seems to think because he has the lived experience of the great struggles of being queer in the 80s and onwards#which was a serious struggle and came with its issues#that he understands being a person of colour? like he wrote an episode about racism and then laughed about not needing a sensitivity reader#before he handed it off to ncuti. but it needed one because it was a stupid episode because he’s white and moreover#seems to think he understands WITHOUT actually getting any of the nuance. which makes it worse.#im just concerned to put it lightly#like chibnall’s bad habit was ‘good episode followed by a bad episode so bad you forget the good episode even existed’#but at least he got writers of colour in to make some of those episodes! he actually cared! and also fumbled real bad (nazi uniform… ://)#still. he actually gave it a pretty good shot and opened some doors behind the scenes. like the writer’s room which is just as important#and also in the scenes tbf like yaz and ryan sharing scenes as poc companions during the same run was groundbreaking#and rtd just closed them again going actually no im doctor who’s most specialist boy and we should do my run all over again#stop this man. get someone new in. he is not much better than chibnall rn like he is not batting hits#stop letting the world’s most charismatic doctor (ncuti i will get rid of regeneration to keep you. i love you. wish you had better writing)#distract you from the fact RTD is doing a ‘biggest hits’ tour rn. stop him!!!!!!! please can we have a showrunner of colour! a woman! please#rtd critical#doctor who#dw
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