#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rapidhighway · 3 months ago

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venting like an idiot

the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired

#ughhhh #im not going to drop out just yet #itd be a shame i think #theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared #idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho #i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money #and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd #idk i just feel like shit #the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come #idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing #i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil #i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh #sucks sucks everything sucks #sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um #vent #i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig #idk its all a huge contradiction

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