#when i probably should have made it a week ago
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*ੈ✩‧₊˚ requiem of a cringe
did something embarrassing last night and was like "I need to go crawl in a hole and die. OR I could write"
type of post: blurbs characters: cater, rook, jack, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral (the term "damsel in distress" is used in vil's part, but it's meant to be teasing and not indicative of the reader's gender), reader is yuu, rook is rook
I. Talks Too Much
It's not that you're trying to be annoying.
Your mouth simply moves faster than your mind, and before you know it, you've been talking for twenty uninterrupted minutes about... well... nothing.
You always notice that uncomfortable, irritated look on their face just after you're done. And then you keep rambling in an attempt to make it less awkward (it never does).
And now you're here, hiding in the hedge maze outside Heartslabyul, thinking about getting lost and never coming out of it.
Of course, if anyone were to find you now, it'd be him.
"Hey, hon~ you busy?"
"Please, not now, Cater," you mutter.
The boy stills, looking a little taken aback by how miserable you sound.
"Are you still upset about that thing at the Unbirthday Party? That was hours ago, babe! I bet no one even remembers,"
You physically cringe. The faces of your uncomfortable tablemates won't seem to leave your memory...
"I remember it," you murmur, burying your face in your hands. "I'm so annoying."
For once, Cater is quiet. A minute goes by, and you think he may have left, until you hear the grass crunching under his knees as he kneels down and pulls you into a hug.
"You are not annoying. And even if you were, it'd only make me like you more," he mutters, burying his face in the crook of your neck.
"Understand?"
Your surprise at his change in tone doesn't stop you from hugging back. "Understood,"
You hadn't meant to say all of that.
You just spilled a potion you'd been working on for hours, and amidst your frustrated floor-scrubbing, you had vented about your entire week to your poor lab partner, a person you had been trying to impress all semester.
He had, gracefully, let you finish your rant, and then let you sit in it, just like the harmless potion now coating your knees as you cleaned up the floor.
Then, he awkwardly said: "That... sucks. I guess. I don't know what to say,"
There had probably never, in your whole life, been a person who looked more unhappy to be around you.
Afterwards, you found a nice spot in the woods behind campus to die.
You lie there, hoping nature would reclaim you before next alchemy class, when some purposefully loud rustling in the bushes catches your eye.
"Ah, Trickster! You really should not lie like that- a predator will take that as weakness, non? Are you injured?"
"Only my pride,"
"Talking about it will make you feel better," Rook says. It's more of a demand than a question.
You sigh. "I think I've done enough talking for... ever, actually,"
"Nonsense," he suddenly straddles your waist and pins your wrists to the earth. "I will not move until you tell me the problem, mon cœur."
You're like an animal in a snare. Once Rook has made up his mind, that's it. He will find out.
And so, with a sigh, you let him take the kill- that is, you tell him everything. Your whole, terrible week, the potion incident, the look on your lab partner's face...
When you're done, he's just. Smiling. "I see now. You are embarrassed,"
"Well... yes. You don't think that's embarrassing?"
He beams. "You are simply overflowing with beautiful emotion and passion for la vie! How could I ever find that embarrassing? You and I are not so different,"
In a weird way, that makes sense. Rook is never one to let shame hold him back from expressing his feelings.
He smiles at your pensive expression, and gives you a kiss on the head.
"Mais, next time you are upset, maybe you should come to me first, non?"
II. Clumsy
Forgetful, scatterbrained, oblivious, dimwitted are all words you've become used to hearing.
As well as a few colorful swears.
You have two left feet, even when you're not dancing- you're used to walking into walls, tripping, and dropping things- it just sucks that you have an audience now.
The first years that had gathered around the mess you made- tripping over your own feet and spilling the papers you were meant to deliver to Ace and Deuce all over the floor- are watching with grins and phones out.
You pretend they're not there, even with their taunts and whistles and laughter.
"Hey! Loitering is a waste of time!" someone barks. Literally.
You look up to see Jack moving through the crowd, scolding the other first years for blocking the hall.
When he sees you in the eye of the storm, on your hands and knees picking up your spilled papers, something upset takes his usually-stoic demeanor.
"What's the matter with you?!" he snarls at the boys. "Didn't anyone teach you any manners?! It's rude to stare- and laugh!"
His ears are flattened against his head when he kneels down beside you to help, collecting the papers, and putting them in your hands.
"Come on, we'll be late if you keep 'sittin there,"
Jack pulls you to your feet and gives one final snarl to the other first years before walking you off.
"...Thanks,"
"Eh? Don't mention it," he says. "Leona woulda had my tail if I just walked by..."
You know there's more to it than that, but you don't push. You're just happy he's forgotten to take his hand out of yours.
You can't handle being the center of attention.
For good reason, too- you're awkward, clumsy, and about the least graceful a person can get.
A true Ugly Duckling at a place like NRC. But Vil Schoenheit sees the swan in you. Perhaps that's why he's always been so patient and sweet.
It's a little distracting.
So much is obvious when he waves at you in the hall and, distracted by his smile, you walk right into a wall.
Though you can't see anything but stars after falling on your butt, the stares and snickers of everyone else are hard to miss.
Vil glares them away with a look that could kill twice over, and then stands over you as you lay on the floor.
"Come on," he says, holding out a hand. "I'll check you for concussion."
He brings you to Pomefiore and sits you down, shooing off a few curious underclassmen as he checks your pupils. "Do you feel nauseous?"
"Not really,"
"Then you'll be fine. Just a bump. You really should be more careful, though,"
You've heard that one before. Vil smiles at your dazed expression, and presses a cold compress against your head.
"This will help with the swelling,"
"Thanks," you mutter, still a little out of it. "You're my hero."
His eyebrows raise in true surprise, and then he chuckles. "And that makes you a damsel in distress?"
He doesn't give you a chance to respond before taking away the compress and kissing the red mark on your head.
"Don't think that being so cute is going to distract me. I'll make some time for lessons on poise this weekend,"
III. Unsociable
You'd think that being quiet and staying out of people's ways would get them to leave you alone, but it really just attracts more attention.
And after a grueling period of your tablemates making you the butt of every joke ("wow, I didn't know you could even talk!" "are you quiet because you hate us? come onnn, you can tell me!") you were ready to bury yourself alive.
"I don't ever want to leave," You mumble into the bundle of sheets and blankets on Idia's unmade bed.
"You could stay, y'know," Idia says from his desk, mindlessly scrolling through some gaming forum. "I should blackmail Crowley into letting you stay down here at least half the year."
"Couldn't it be the whole?"
"Nah. You need like, sunlight and stuff,"
"And you don't?!"
Idia snickers. "I'm built different. You know that. I get all my nutrients from blue light... You could at least stay for the weekend, though,"
You roll your eyes.
"...And I'll leak those normies' data. I'm sure I could get into their browser histories and have that emailed to their parents,"
Hm. You genuinely consider it for a moment, but eventually decide to give mercy. You're basically a saint.
"I think I just wanna pretend like I don't exist right now,"
Idia nods in understanding and pushes his gaming chair over to the edge of the bed, before crawling in and wrapping himself around you.
"That can be done. Pancakes tomorrow?"
Sure, there were people who talked to you, but you didn't talk back.
You just don't know how, you suppose. Every time you try, you end up saying the wrong thing, or are accidentally rude, or do something embarrassing.
You don't understand the references people make. You don't get social cues or hints. You have the social skills of an oyster.
Four months at Night Raven College, and you didn't have a single friend.
Well- except for him.
"How are you enjoying your tea?" Malleus asks, polite and curt as ever.
You take another sip- it's tangy, sweet, with a hint of bitterness. Some sort of Briar Valley blend that Malleus had imported just for you.
"I really like it,"
He smiles. "I'm pleased,"
One of the things you find so agreeable about Malleus is his simplicity. He often says exactly what he means; albeit, in a sort of 13th century Lord sort of way.
There's less stress with him. You don't have to pretend to be interesting, or outgoing, or cool. You can just be... you.
Because he likes you.
"You know," you say with a faint smile. "You're so nice to me. Sometimes I think that you're the only person I need. I could be happy with just you for the rest of my life."
You had meant that casually, but when you look back up from your cup, Malleus has this... look.
Wide-eyed, his lips pressed firmly together. There's even a dusting of color on his cheeks.
"Oh," you internally panic. Was that too much? Was that weird? Did you make things awkward again? Crap, you should have just acted normal, what's wrong with you?! "S-sorry, I-"
"Do you truly mean that?"
You go quiet, looking back at him with wide eyes. Your heart is pounding against your chest.
"...Yes,"
Malleus hums, his expression becoming more... pensive, and then...
He smiles. "I feel the same. Shall we go for a walk while the night is still young?"
#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#cater diamond x reader#rook hunt x reader#jack howl x reader#vil schoenheit x reader#idia shroud x reader#malleus draconia x reader
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They ask you back but you're a Mean Girl! Reader!
TW: Insults, bullying, the reader is a savage mean girl/bully. NO OFFENSE INTENDED!
Riddle:
The moment you heard Riddle say that he wanted you back, you couldn’t help yourself as you burst out laughing, ultimately drawing the attention of everyone in the room.
“Seriously, Riddle? You think I’d want a pathetic mama’s boy like you? It’s honestly hilarious watching you crawl back to me like some lowly bug after dumping me for the same stupid reason you overblotted and taking SO damn long to figure it out. I need a real man, not some loser with mommy issues.”
Riddle gasped the moment you said those things and his eyes filled with tears.
"Y/N!"
”Aw, you gonna cry now, baby? Ha. Typical. Just like how you did after you overblotted. And honesty, I probably should have just left you to die, or stay traumatized forever. Cause you never learn, now, do you? Which is quite ironic considering the fact that you’re my upperclassman as well as a top student. And you know? I think I’ma try dating Floyd.”
Just then, Floyd, your new boyfriend who you had just gotten together with a couple days ago walked in and gave you a kiss the moment he saw you.
“You know, Riddle? If I were you, I would really try to get out of this really embarrassing situation. So why don’t you-“
You didn’t even have to finish. The Heartslabyul Housewarden was already speeding walking out the door, only to be tripped by Ace sticking out his foot.
“Oh, would you look at that? The tiny tyrant can’t even walk!” He drawled, with Deuce right beside, also dying of laughter.
Riddle didn’t even bother collaring them.
Leona:
it had been a couple weeks since you and Leona broke up, and within that time, it was discovered that the princess decided to break off their engagement since she didn’t want Leona anymore. Leona, on this, was overjoyed, since it now meant he could come back to you and start your relationship again.
You gasped in mock hurt, “are you sure you’re a prince? Cause that’s so rude!”
“Eh? What is?” He asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.
“That you would think I’m so pathetic as to want an idiot so stupid that he sulks about being a second-born prince all day but dumps the one chance he had to be loved for what? To become a political pawn? If I had known you would be this stupid, I would have let that silly princess have you, but then again, I guess she is kinda smart, considering how she abandoned you,” you said, eyeing him up and down with contempt.
Leona gaped at your words, shocked and hurt. Never in a million years would he have thought you, someone who was always so kind to him, would be capable of such cruelty. He clutched his heart, closing his mouth and opening it again like a fish.
"Woah hon hon, trickster!" a certain blonde hunter by the name of Rook Hunt, who was also your new boyfriend jeered as he walked up to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, "looks like you've made the Roi de Leon lose his roar! How amusing!"
"Ah, Rookie, baby! Aren't I just SO full of surprises? Told you I'd be a huntress worthy of you!" You gushed as you gave him a kiss on the cheek.
"Indeed you are," Leona growled, already storming away while using a hand to cover his face so that no one saw his teary eyes.
You were right. He was an idiot. He was an idiot undeserving of you. He was an idiot to have left you. But most of all, he was an idiot to have come back to you, thinking you would want him again. And now, he definitely felt like one. Especially after how you made one out of him in front of everyone.
Idia:
"Are you two telling me," you sneered with a tight smile and a twitching eye, "that not only did you dump me that day, but also lied about the reason as well?"
"W-well," Ortho began, stuttering, "when you put it like that-"
"Y/N, I was trying to protect you. You know how powerful STYX is, and what they'd do if they found out I was dating a magicless human, and I-"
"Don't want to see me get hurt? Wow. You sure are dumb, huh? I mean, don't get me wrong. I appreciate that part, but if you'd known even a single damn thing about me, you'd have known that I would have eagerly let you go if you had told the truth form the beginning. In fact, it's really quite an insult that you'd think I'm dumb enough to value my love and relationship with you over my own safety. And to be honest, if I had known you were going to be this offensive with your mere offer to get back together, maybe getting together with you in the first place was a mistake. I'm honestly starting to see why everyone hates you and wanted to leave you to die at the hands of Ghost Bride."
"O-oh . . . okay . . ." Idia said trembling, already turning to go, "S-sorry I bothered you, Y/N . . ."
"Big Sister!" Ortho cried, "Why'd you gotta be so mean!? I know what my brother did was a jerk move, but-"
"Aw, look. The dumbass robot who's supposed to imitate a ten-year-old baby is desperately tryna defend his big bro knowing the crap he put me through. You really do worship your brother like he's a Greek God, eh? How entertaining, like how the myths are!" You cackled.
Ortho was about to punch you when Idia placed a hand on his shoulder, "leave her, Ortho. She's right. I really am a mistake."
"B-but Big Brother!"
"Let's go!" Idia yanked him along. He didn't want you to see him cry. Didn't want to hear your evil insults anymore. Didn't want to be heartbroken and humiliated any further.
"Hey! Be grateful I was kind enough to pull you aside and respect your privacy. If anything, you would've been the laughingstock of the school by now, not saying you aren't one already."
At this rate Idia was running. Running away from you, and back to his dorm. Once alone and quiet, he let himself bawl. You were right. He really didn't know anything about you. Because if he did, he would have already known you could be so mean. Because if he did, he would never have dared to approach you and ask for your love again.
Malleus (and Lilia):
(To be honest guys, I REALLY hated the way Lilia treated Y/N during Malleus' part, so I'm going to be mean to him too! >:D)
Life had been a living hell for Silver these days. How could it not be? You had been spreading malicious gossip about him, pulling the most humiliating of pranks, and spitting out the cruelest, most pride-crushing insults ever at him. And behind that cool, collected exterior he put on for the sake of his father and master, also because you blackmailed him, he was breaking behind it all.
Speaking of his father and master, it had recently been decided that Malleus wouldn't be betrothed to that stupid fairy noblewoman after all. Of course, Malleus was ecstatic, and Lilia was fine, since Malleus could be happy without political complications, and thus both immediately ran to Ramshackle dorm to tell you the good news . . . only to see you pouring cold milk over Silver's head while surrounded by a group of laughing freshmen.
"Y/N! What in Twisted Wonderland is the meaning of this!?" Lilia exclaimed, rushing to his son.
You smirked. "Well, Lilia, since you and Whore-ton were SO rude to me that day when you guys dumped me, I've decided to have a little revenge. But of course, since bullying you and him would be SO boring and predictable, I decided to take my anger out on your son and vassal, instead."
"What!? How dare you!? Y/N, I'll have you know that Malleus is a prince, and him breaking up with you was a necessary action to ensure the stability of the court of Briar Valley!"
"Indeed, Y/N," Malleus voiced angrily, "also, I have recently been informed that due to certain circumstances, my engagement was broken off. Me and Lilia came here to tell you that we can be reunited. However, I can't love you again if you're going to act like this."
"Pfft, stupid idiots," you spat in distaste as you rolled your eyes (and flipped your hair, if you have long hair), "seriously? You two STILL don't get it? And you honestly still think I'd want you? After so rudely humiliating me that day by forgetting I'm a commoner who doesn't always understand politics and yelling at me, and then gaslighting me by telling me I'm being emotional when really, if you two had just given me some time to collect myself and leave, you think I would still be nice to you and your dormmates? If I had known you two would be so audacious and entitled, I probably would have harassed Sebek as well. Ha! Speaking of forgetfulness, I'll also remind you that while you're the future king of the Briar Valley of Thorns, you're also a feared, friendless monster without me."
Malleus stared at you, mouth agape and stretching his ears to ensure that he heard you right. You had been the kindest person he had ever known, never in a million years would he have imagined you to also be the cruelest. Tears began to form in his eyes as soon as he realized that such terrible words had indeed come out of your mouth.
"Ha, don't tell me you also forgot that I don't fear you. After all, if I wasn't afraid to love you, wouldn't I also be unafraid to hate you, as well?"
"Now, Y/N," Lilia began, almost condescendingly, "you're seriously so angry just because of that? I expected you to be angry about the fact that Malleus dumped you, but you're angry about the way he dumped you!? How petty can you be!?"
"P-please, father," Silver suddenly said, trembling, "Sh-she's a monster. P-please, j-just appease her. I can't endure th-this h-humiliation any further," he sobbed.
"Oh, my son . . . " Lilia murmured.
"Fine," Malleus said coldly, wiping away his own tears, "Y/N, we're sorry for offending you. Now, cease your harassment towards my knight at once."
"Tsk. That's your best apology? I've seen better repentance from pigs. Kneel down on the dirt and beg for my mercy." You commanded.
"Yeah!" Epel shouted, "kneel before the queen bee!"
And with that, all the freshmen began chanting,
"KNEEL BEFORE THE QUEEN BEE!"
"KNEEL BEFORE THE QUEEN BEE!"
"KNEEL BEFORE THE QUEEN BEE!"
"FINE!" Malleus roared, getting down until his forehead touched the grass, his ass facing the sky, and in the most polite tone he could manage, began saying "your most noble majesty, please have mercy on our offenses of speaking insolently in your presence, and with our mere offer to reunite,"
"Ahahaha!" You cackled, "that's a good dog. Now get out of my sight!" You bellowed as you kicked Malleus' head, right between his horns.
Malleus immediately scrambled to his feet, and with Lilia and Silver, furiously stormed back to Diasomnia. And by stormed back, it was literal, since storm clouds began to cloud the sky.
Once in his room, Malleus finally let himself bawl - and rage. He had just made his first - and last friend, and turned her into an enemy. He had just had his first love, someone he envisioned as his queen - only for her to turn out to be a Queen of Mean.
Author's Note: When I was reading the original fanfic, I could barely imagine myself being nice to any of the boys. So, I created this fic. I was not made to offend anyone. You are a kind and awesome individual!"
When he break up with you (riddle/leona/idia/ malleus X Mc)
Riddle rosehearts
• You left everything in your hand when you knew riddle called for you, you know...he's more important than anything, you made your way to the dorms as you expected him waiting for you, what could it be? Did he tell his mother about you? Or he's inviting you for a tea party and prepared some cake for you? Soon you will know....
• You knocked the door before getting in, on hearing "come in" you opened the door and walked in with a wide smile, "riddle, you called for me?" You asked with a joyful smile waitng for him to answer, his face had a mixed expression of sadness and worrying, "yes, please take a seat" he pointed to where you can sit and he sat by you not even making an eye contact with you which made you even worried.
• "I told you I'm going to tell mother about you that's right?" Riddle's eyes rised from the ground to your face then, "yes....did she accept the fact I'm being your gf?" You said with a worried smile, he lowered his gazes before he spoke again "no.....she didn't"
• You took riddle's hand into yours still smiling as you spoke " it's ok riddle, she will change her mind, I'm sure!" You tried to look him in face only to see a bitter expression on his face, "she won't and I'm afraid..." he pulled his hands from yours as your heart sink preparing yourself to the worse..
• "We have to break up"
• Time has stopped when you heard those words out of his mouth, he's not saying this is he? You laugh as you couldn't believe this, "are you joking? You're leaving me? Haven't you said you will stay by my side no matter what they said? ANSWER ME!!" you couldn't help it but screamed at him at the end of your words unable to hold your tears anymore.
• "I have no choice...I'm sorry"
• On hearing his words you couldn't handle it anymore, you ran out of the room slamming the door by you, riddle's eyes began to tear, it's harder on him more than you, he was angiry and all against it.....but he has no choice.
• Weeks passed and you were a crying mess, not even attending any lessons or talking to anyone, but in the last few days you began to come back again but this time with a brighter smile than ever, riddle decided to ditch everything and all orders he took to not talk to you anymore and decided to talk to you.
• "(Y/n) i was thinking....i don't want to listen to her orders again....i want to be with you!" Riddle was all determined talking to you, you gave him a smile preparing to speak again but that's when kalim dashed towards you giving you a big hug.
• "Finally found you! Come on, jamil has prepared lunch for us and then we will go in a trip on the magic carpet" kalim held your arm dragging you with him away from riddle before you even speak, he held his arm in sadness as all he could think about was your bright smile when you were with someone else,someone isn't him.....
Leona kingscholar
• "Come again?" You're not sure if you didn't hear him well or he's joking or what is it anymore, is he seriously saying he wants to break up with you or this is one of his jokes...
• "Again, we have to break up" Leona sigh before pushing those heavy words from his mouth, he couldn't handle saying it once so you made him say it twice now,"and that's for?" You tried your best not to seem hurt as you rised an eyebrow questioning.
• "They arranged a marriage to me, they want me to marry a silly princess from a nearby kingdom to make an alliance with this kingdom that's it" leona closed his eyes as he tried his best not to get mad while speaking about them.
• "And you agreed?" You crossed your arms on your chest not liking what you just heard, " they are driving me mad and farena doesn't stop talking about this....they even want me to get engaged with her next holiday!" Leona hide his face with one hand as he spoke.
• "And since when you listen to anyone? Especially farena?" This time you began to get mad , you admit you even wanted to slap him!, "you don't understand anything"
• "Fine...and i don't want to understand, if breaking up is that what you want then you got it...i wish you happiness with someone else!" As stubborn he is you were also stubborn doing your best hiding your feelings..the daggers were staping you in your heart, once you closed the door and took some far steps from his room you begain crying and wailing, you think he didn't hear that? He did and it broke every inch of his loving heart to you, he squeezed his eyes shut, headache was already getting the best of him but breaking your heart was worse than headache.
• That was rough two months on the both of you, him being moody and getting mad at anyone and you for not trusting anyone anymore and not event talking with others, you just decided to keep your feelings for yourself but things can change sometimes.
• Leona saw you more active and all fresh new, did you forget about him that quickly? He moved by your direction as you were in the hall, you were speaking with someone else and laughing it was like you're finally back happy, leona take a hide as he moved closer but he was torn to see that you're talking to lilia! The vice of that lizard?! Why him!? He decided he's going to talk to you about that as he stopped you for a talk.
• "Can i talk to you alone?" It was more like a command not a request, you looked at lilia asking and he nodded and left you alone with a wide smile, "well actually i didn't expect you after being the girlfriend of a prince to become a friend with the lizard's servant I'm impressed!" Liona rised an eyebrow to you as he spoke in a sarcastic tone holding your arm into his grib which you of course didn't like...
• " well i prefer to be with a servant that truly loves me than to be with a prince that threw me away only because he was ordered to! Unfortunately....i thought myself valuable for you....." pulling your hand from his grib you walked away to catch with lilia who was watching over you from afar leaving leona hurt alone standing in the hall...
Idia shroud
• "(Y/n)! You have to decide now, it's either you stay with me forever or go back to your world!" It was the first time idia seem that serious with you, it's not like you're going to your home now since no one found you a way yet so you decided to laugh it off with idia, "idia what do you mean? I'm always here for you!"
• "Not forever! One day you will leave me! And i will go back to be alone again, if you're going to leave then we have to break up right now!" Idia gave you his back as he spoke out, it was the first time you see him like that...."break up?!"
• "Yes! If you're going to leave me then there's no need for me to get attached to someone will leave me at last.....I HATE TEMPORARILY PEOPLE!" idia shouted made your heart jump from it's place, you ran to him to comfort him, you held his arm trying to face him as you tried your best to not seem sad from what he said...he didn't mean it, right?
• "Idia, i will always be by your side as long as I'm here but when it's time to go back i have to....i have a family waiting for me..." you were going to hug him and that's when he pushed you away, "then it's your choice to leave me then....I'm sorry (y/n) we have to break up!"
• "IDIA WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! Are you dumping me for that reason? Was i a game in your hand to toy with and leave it whenever you're tired? If that what you think of me then i will give you what you want and i will leave you...but when you know your fault don't come talk to me!" You shouted at him as you pulled him from his jacket to face your crying ones, you collected your strength to speak again "it was my fault i loved someone like you!" You threw him to the ground, you left him and ran back to your room crying, he was on the floor hugging his knees hiding his face with his hands almost crying, he felt a hand on his shoulder...it was ortho..
• "Nii san....why didn't you tell her the truth?" Ortho looked at idia in sadness as idia burst out into tears hugging his little brother tightly, "i had to do that , it's better if she don't know....when they knew im in love with a normal human they were going to get rid of her...it's all for her good to stay away from me"
• It hurts idia deeply what he said to you and what have you also said to him before you leave, but as long as you're safe then it's going to be ok, but he wasn't ok seeing you playing board games with azul every once in a while and spend time with him....and most importantly your smile that you used to bright up his day with are no longer his, he held his chest tightly crying, it was all for your own good.....
Malleus draconia
• He was worried, not like every time he used to be, he's not that joyful person but at least not by you, you grew more worried as he was avoiding your gazes to him and that's when you decided to speak, "malleus...are you ok?" You looked at him with a questioning expression unable to read his face for the first time.
• He took a deep breath before he looked at you with a serious face, "i think we should break up" you froze for a second not knowing how to react to this sudden decision that he made all alone, " why should we? Have i done something that made you mad at me? Have i said something wrong or that's because of my carefree actions? I'm sorry, i will change it all but Don't leave me!" Your eyes began to tear, you didn't know what you did wrong!
• "Look....it's better if you stay away from me....that's my problem not yours" he looked at you with a frown as he spoke, he seriously want to break up with you? , "have i complained? I accept you with all your problems in all your forms!" You reached your hand to his back as he was facing the wall, what you couldn't see back then the pain into his face, he really doesn't want this....
• "(Y/n) it's all over between us! And....there's another one in homeland that is going to be my partner, one day you will go back to your word and i don't want to be alone anymore"
• "Malleus, have you replaced me?" You cried out you lunge as your tears were running down your face like a waterfall, your crying squeezed his heart , it's not easy for him as well, "i stood by you when no one was here, i never feard you, i loved you from the bottom of my heart...and what i got in reward that you replaced me?!" You held into malleus' back crying even harder, "please tell me you're not doinf this to me, tell me that is not real!"
• And that's when you heard another voice in the room " you're not the appropriate mach with malleus, we already found him the better ones so please calmly leave the place with no more struggling!" Your eyes widened on hearing lilia's words, it was the first time you ever hear him speaking to you in that tone, you left malleus back and took your way out of diasomania.
• Poor malleus stood there, he squeezed his eyes shut as he can't believe what he has done to you, you really were the most kind person towards him and he didn't want all of this to happen...
• "You did the right thing" said lilia before leaving malleus alone into his room..
• Time passed and you stopped hearing about malleus or even want to talk to him again, you were out of class waiting for someone, malleus saw you standing there and without thinking he began to walk towards you, but only to find another blonde guy running towards you, you were so happy to see him, " o mon fleur, sorry if i kept you waiting" it was rook hunt, he took your both hands and placed a Kiss on each one as you giggled on his action he continued, "come on, i will prepare us some tea and then we will do some skin-care routine!!" The happy guy took your hand walking you away from malleus' sight , he deeply wanted to go talk to you again but he will never do that after what happened this day.....
Even a hundred apologies will never cure broken hearts....
#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland idia#twst#twst riddle#twst malleus#twst idia#twst leona#Riddle Rosehearts#Leona Kingscholar#Idia Shroud#Malleus Draconia#Mean Girls#twst wonderland#twisted wonderland imagines#disney twst#twisted wonderland riddle#twisted wonderland leona#twisted wonderland malleus
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"Always."
lando norris x gn!bf!reader
notes: I haven’t written since 2019, so bear with me. I’ve found myself thinking about a little blurb for Lando recently (actually a lot of ideas, but this one is sticking with me more than the others at the moment).
For some context, Lando’s been receiving a huge amount of hate online (and in-person) recently. I haven’t been a fan for that long—I got into F1 this summer, in 2024—but I’ve grown to care about him. I was there for Lando losing the championship, and while I think we all knew it would come to this (Max winning felt inevitable) but I’m proud of Lando for pushing so hard this entire year.
Still, with all the hate directed at him, I’m seeing a new side of him, and I’m learning that he’s a person with feelings like anyone else. I can tell he doesn’t always have the highest opinion of himself and tends to take the blame for anything that goes wrong during his races. What struck me about this is how much I relate to it. I blame myself for things out of my control or when I mess up. What sucks with Lando is that his small, human errors are what so many people focus on to criticize him—whether it’s why he didn’t win the championship or why they think he’s a bad person (which he absolutely isn’t).
The inspiration for this came from an interview he did after the Brazilian GP. At that point, everyone knew it was almost mathematically impossible for Lando to win the championship, and he talked about struggling in the aftermath: “I literally couldn’t sleep for the first two days…So I did like, what, 36-40 hours straight. So that probably made everything worse. When you’re tired, you’re more moody, and that kind of thing…I was just sat at home alone. It probably would have been better if I had been with my friends. But they don’t live in Monaco. They also have lives and are busy doing other things. And I’m a big overthinker, so like the whole flight home, the whole week, it just played over and over in my head. What could I have done differently? Why did I do that? Why did I not do this? You start thinking of all the scenarios that you kind of blame yourself for, why it’s now not possible, that kind of thing. And yeah, because I overthink and I struggle with that kind of thing, that took a bigger toll in the days after. It wasn’t an easy time.”
And I keep on finding myself wishing someone could have been there for him in person, so that he was okay. So, I wrote this. The reader in this is dating Lando but is written as a gender-neutral character that uses They/Them pronouns. The reader also has a service dog, a Bernese Mountain Dog named Thunder, to help with their own depression and anxiety (I’m not an expert on service dogs, so this many not be 100% accurate).
They woke up that early morning to the sunlight shining on their face, streaming in from the window outside. The bliss of sleep clung to them as they lay there, cocooned in warmth, the covers snug around their body. They stretched lazily, blinking their eyes open.
Instinctively, they turned to look beside them—only to find the space next to them empty. It’s too early in the morning to be anywhere else but in bed, even for training, they thought. Lando should still be here.
The realization pulled them out of their sleepy haze. The past couple of days had been not kind to Lando. They knew that he had a tendency to keep his feelings bottled up and beat himself up over his perceived failures. They understood that feeling all too well—the guilt, the constant sense of disappointment, the nagging thought that were never good enough. They had wrestled with those feelings since they were a child.
It wasn’t something that had an easy fix. If they had found the answer, they would have shared it with Lando years ago. But they had learned that the best way to fight those thoughts wasn’t isolation. Talking to someone, writing feelings down, even simple positive affirmations—thought they might sound silly—could help push back against the negative spiral. They had told Lando this countless times.
But Lando had a problem with not wanting to “inconvenience” anyone with his emotions. No matter how many times they reassured him that they were always there for him, he struggled to let himself. They didn’t blame him—it was human to struggle against your own mind.
What made everything worse was the constant online hate. Every little mistake or sarcastic comment from Lando seemed to turn into an avalanche of criticism. They remembered the first time they’d seen him like a hateful comment about himself on Instagram—the little heart next to a cruel statement, paired with note: “Creator liked this.” It had broken their heart. How could the Lando they loved ever believe such awful things about himself?
After Brazil, it had been clear that he wasn’t okay. He’d barely spoken since coming home, choosing instead to himself. They had given him space, hoping he’d find a way to process his feelings. But by the second morning, when he still hadn’t come to bed—almost forty hours after returning home—they knew they couldn’t stand by any longer.
That morning, they rose slowly from the bed, a plan beginning to form in their mind. Lanod needed someone to step in—someone to remind him he didn’t have to face his struggles alone. They were determined to be that person for him. They couldn’t take it anymore, seeing the person they loved so badly, punishing himself over his ‘failures.’
The first step was to confirm where he was. Grabbing their phone, they opened Twitch and navigated to Max’s stream. After a few moments of watching, they heard Lando’s voice—tired, strained, but unmistakably his. He was joking with Max, his words clipped, like he was holding himself together with sheer willpower. It was enough to break their heart. They opened their messages with Max.
Thunder's Owner
Lan’s streaming with you rn?
Sent at 7:48 AM.
After a few seconds, Max replied.
Maximilian
Yeah he’s on voice-only.
Sent at 7:50 AM.
Gonna do something about him?
Sent at 7:50 AM.
Max knew. Of course he did. He probably heard the exhaustion in Lando’s voice, the edge self-loathing that came with overthinking. They typed back quickly:
Thunder's Owner
Yeah
Sent 7:52 AM.
Going to unplug his setup and drag him out of there.
Sent 7:52 AM.
Maximilian
Lol.
Sent 7:52 AM.
I’ll keep an eye out for when he disappears.
Sent 7:53 AM.
Thunder's Owner
Thx
Sent 7:54 AM.
They quietly made their way to Lando’s gaming room and eased the door open. Lando sat at his desk, controller in hand, headset clamped over messy curls. He looked worn down, his shoulders slumped as he focused on the screen. His voice through, muted put playful, as he bantered with Max.
For a moment, they just watched him. Even now, he was handsome, but the tiredness in his expression made their chest ache. He deserved rest. He deserved to feel okay. And he wasn’t going to get that by sitting here punishing himself.
As soon as Lando died in-game and leaned back in his chair, they seized the opportunity. They crossed the room, catching his attention when they came into view.
“Why’re you—” Lando began, frowning, but they didn’t let him finish. Reaching down, they unplugged everything from the wall.
“What the hell—” he exclaimed, spinning around in his chair.
“No,” they said firmly, cutting him off. “I’m not you hurt yourself anymore. Get up.”
Lando blinked, clearly taken aback. “You can’t just do that!” he protested, but they were already tugging gently at him arm, urging him out of his chair.
“Angel, what are you—”
“No,” they repeated, their voice steady. “Get up,”
Lando hesitated for a moment before letting out a resigned sigh and standing. They took his hand, leading him out of the gaming room and down the hall to the living room. He didn’t resist, but he followed like a man in a daze. Once they reached the couch, they turned to him. “Sit,” they said, pointing at the cushions. Lando raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to argue, but they shook their head. “Stay.”
They turned to Thunder, who had been waiting for them in the hallway, and told him, “Thunder, guard,” while pointing at Lando.
The dog immediately moved into position, standing alert in front of the couch. Lando’s eyes widened slightly as Thunder fixed him with an unblinking stare. He shifted as if to get up, but Thunder’s stance didn’t waver.
“Jeez, I wasn’t going to get up,” he mumbled to Thunder, but Thunder just sat there and watched him until he fully relaxed back into the couch.
The thought ran through Lando’s head, how he had honestly forgotten how menacing his own dog could look. He knew Thunder was trained, saw reminders of it daily with how he interacted with his partner, but he was still shocked at how trained Thunder really was at that moment.
Thunder was still staring at him when he pulled out his phone from his pocket, opening up his texts with Max.
LN
I was just dragged out of my gaming room and told to sit on the couch and like a dog.
Sent at 8:05 AM.
Not against it, but how tf did they get so determined?
Sent at 8:05 AM.
Thunder’s watching me right now.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
I forgot how menacing he could be.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
*Picture attached.*
Lol.
Sent at 8:06 AM.
Max (The 1st One)
He’s like ‘try me, I dare you’
Sent at 8:06 AM.
LN
Yeah, I don’t particularly want to try him
Sent at 8:07 AM.
Max (The 1st One)
Lol.
Sent at 8:07 AM.
They told me before they did it
Sent at 8:07 AM.
I just let them. Lol.
Sent at 8:07 AM.
LN
Helpful. What if they were trying to kill me?
Sent at 8:08 AM.
They wouldn’t have had to if you kept doing what you were doing.
Sent at 8:09 AM.
Lando’s let out a quiet sigh, Max’s words sinking in. He glanced at Thunder, who hadn’t moved, and felt a pang of guilt. He’d pushed himself too far again, and this time it had clearly worried his partner.
A few minutes later, his partner walked back into their living room. He thought they looked beautiful, wearing one of his old t-shirts and a pair of boxers. They were entirely focused on the bowl they were carrying, and only looked up when they got close enough to hand it to him. He gently took the bowl, looked into it and saw it was one of his prep meals. While not his favorite breakfast, he knew he just needed to eat first, so he started taking bites.
He glanced up every so often, and each time he did, his partner was just sitting there and watching him eat. Lando almost chuckled at his own thought that they looked just like Thunder when watching him, and he smiled into his bowl at the thought. His partner didn’t see his smile, but he continued to eat until he had finished the bowl.
When he was done eating, he set the bowl down, and his partner again pulled him up by the crook of his arm. He just let them do so, having a thought of what was going to happen next.
His partner led them both down the hallway to their bedroom, and opened the door, leading him to sit on their bed, then they turned around and went to close their blinds and draw their black-out curtains to cover up the sunlight from the window. They had turned on their bedside lamp earlier, and the soft orange glow of the lamp permeated the room. They walked past him again, going to close the door after letting Thunder in, then they walked back to their side of the bed, and pulled him to lie down against them.
As he settled against their chest, he felt a bit odd, it being a bit of a difference to feel how much he was loved by them. How much they cared for him. And he finally spoke again, “Thank you.”
“Always, Lan. Always.” They replied, pressing a kiss to his hair.
And for the first time in days, he let himself sleep.
author's note: got inspired to actually write something for once...ty @koalapastries for the inspiration (unknowing inspiration but ty) (also sorry for using your layout outline
comments & reblogs appreciated
and i made the dividers :)
#formula 1 x gn reader#formula 1 x male reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#f1 x gn!reader#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando x reader#lando x you#f1 x you
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nothing i don’t have | pjs
part 2: support our son
pairings! park jongseong x reader, ft. huening kai x reader
summary! it was supposed to be simple, you and jay would fuck whenever either of you felt horny — no feelings. but it was hard not to catch feelings where park jongseong was involved. so you took the easy way out: you ended it.
genre! texts, written fic, college au, love triangle (corner)
word count! 1k
content warnings! swearing
author's note! i'm still trying to figure out what app/site to make the texts on so if anyone has a good suggestion please help please i'm struggling
previous | masterlist | next
You used to come over to Jay’s place nearly every other day. But it had been two weeks, and you were nowhere to be seen. It was to the point that Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon began asking if you would ever come over again, to which Jay was forced to answer that you were probably hanging out with Huening Kai. He didn’t know your actual whereabouts most of the time, but he guessed. Which made him internally cringe every time.
What he disliked the most, however, was his incessant urge to text you whenever the smallest inconvenient thing happened in his day. He was sure you would very likely reply, but he was scared of what it would be like now that the dynamic of your relationship changed. It should probably be the same, but what if your voice over text changed because now you were seeing someone else?
Jay wasn’t fond of the idea in the slightest. Did you even really like Huening Kai? Who the fuck was he to take you away from Jay? (Yet you weren’t his to begin with.) He missed you, but he could hardly voice it out to himself, let alone you.
The day he nearly killed a man on the spot was when he saw you and Huening Kai walking side by side on campus. It wasn’t just that, actually, because the two of you were holding hands, and you were laughing about something Kai had said. It was even worse because he was clearly walking you to class — a class that you shared with Jay. So you were bound to cross paths, and no matter how hard Jay tried to slow his pace down, you still managed to notice him.
“Oh, hey, Jay!” you called him over with a smile on your face. It was brighter than he remembered, and he couldn’t figure out if it was just his brain playing tricks, or whether you were genuinely happier than he had ever seen you before. “You know Kai, right?” you asked innocently, but it only brought back Jay’s anger from the Sanctuary Café.
Heeseung just wanted to take Jay out to an open mic. Neither of them knew that it would also be the day of your first date with Huening Kai. Jay hated every second of being there, but to you, it must’ve been an unforgettable night.
“And Kai, this is Jay,” you said with a smile, pointing at him.
“I’ve heard a lot about you.” Kai stretched out his hand forward, but the gaze with which he beheld Jay told him that he knew everything about you and Jay. That you gave him every single gory detail of what had been going on before the two of you began dating, and that made Jay even more furious. Because he refused to acknowledge any other emotion he felt.
He ignored the tightness in his chest as he shook Kai’s hand with a nod. “I’ve heard nothing about you,” Jay replied, not lying, because he genuinely knew nothing about Kai besides the few pieces of gossip and what Heeseung divulged some time ago. Kai wasn’t surprised by that information at all. You hadn’t told Jay anything about him either.
“We have to get to class, but I’ll see you later, yeah?” You looked at Kai with such admiration in your eyes that Jay wanted to step between the both of you and push Kai out of the way. But he couldn’t do it. All he could do was stand and watch and constantly clench and unclench his fists.
“Yeah, of course,” Kai replied, bending down to kiss your temple, but you grabbed the collar of his band tee and brought his mouth down to your lips. Kai let out an involuntary giggle as it happened, and Jay had to abruptly turn away, incapable of not rolling his eyes.
“Bye,” you mumbled quietly, a soft smile decorating your lips.
“Band practice starts at five.”
“I know, Kai,” you laughed and shook your head. “I’ll be there. We need to support our son.”
Jay furrowed his brows, but with Kai’s knowing grin and playful roll of his eyes, neither of you was going to elaborate on what you actually mean.
Your son?
And yet that was the first thing Jay asked about once Kai was finally leaving you alone, his back turned to the two of you. “Your son? The fuck happened in the last two weeks?”
You chuckled at Jay’s confusion, an amused look brightening up your features. “Yujin’s still in high school,” you said, shaking your head. “The keyboardist. If you remember him. He’s actually just started his second year.”
“So you call him your son?”
“Yeah, he’s the whole band’s son. And mine, now.” You grinned proudly, just thinking about Yujin. “Anyways, I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact much lately, but I’m still getting used to this whole new dynamic of me having a boyfriend and all that.”
“Oh, you’re official already?”
“I’d hope so,” you said, shrugging. “What about you? Any new conquests lately? Surely, you already found someone else? Maybe you’ve already had someone on your roster, you know, that kinda stuff.”
If Jay wasn’t too busy cringing at your words, he’d probably notice how tense your tone was, and how much you hated saying them, but he didn’t. All he heard was that you really didn’t care about him any more than a casual fuck and perhaps a somewhat close friend.
“Nah, not really,” Jay replied anyway. “I’m actually kinda… I don’t know. Haven’t felt like doing much lately.”
“Right. So just you and Jane?” you asked teasingly.
“What?” And maybe it should’ve hit Jay instantly that you were speaking of his guitar, but instead he thought that you were suggesting he really was with somebody else already, and he did not like that. “Oh.” He realised moments later.
“Yeah. I guess you could say that.” He nodded. Jay had to count all his small victories of today among the losses, too, however, because you were actively speaking to him finally. And not just that — you sat down next to him in class.
tags: (send an ask or comment to be added!) @moonpri @addictedtohobi
#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen fic#enhypen fluff#enhypen angst#enhypen fanfic#park jay#enhypen jay#park jongseong#jay x reader#enhypen jay x reader#park jongseong x reader#jongseong x reader#park jongseong angst#park jongseong fluff#park jongseong fic#enhypen jay fic#enhypen jay angst#enhypen jay fluff#haia writes
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⁝ KUROO TETSURO 𝜗𝜚 boxer! kuroo 𝜗𝜚
ᰔ word count ; 851
ᰔ content warning ; profanity 、 blood 、 boxer! kuroo 、 implied rich girl! reader 、 kindof poor boy x rich girl? 、 boxer! lev 、 mention of gambling?? (yaku, what r u doing my brother?).
you’ve never been to a club like this; the people here are a stark contrast to your personality.
whereas they are dark, broody, drugged-out criminals probably raised in trailer parks and trap houses, you were raised to be a good girl with perfect grades - and to never, ever go near drugs or alcohol.
whereas the people around you are dirty, wearing clothes they probably haven’t changed in a week, you’re careful of the people around you, careful not get dirt and muck on your very expensive shirt and your very tiny skirt.
but, you fell in love with kuroo.
four months ago, when your calculus teacher had shown interest in kuroo’s horrible math grades, she’d emailed you, asking if you would be able to tutor him until his grades improved. and of course you said yes because you’re a sucker for extra credit.
and then he was charming and he was funny and he was smart - something you hadn’t expected because, well, you were his tutor. every time you had a session, he made you laugh like it was his job.
so, of course you fell in love with him. and of course you only found out that he was in an illegal boxing ring until after you had confessed to him.
which is how you ended up here; standing in a crowd of criminals, watching your boyfriend beat the shit out of one of his friends for fun.
your brows are furrowed as lev - of all people - throws a right hook, resulting in a line of blood dribbling down kuroo’s upper lip. he’s hot, that’s for certain, but this is not making you happy. your boyfriend's pretty face is getting all messed up.
you blink and then lev is on the floor, sitting with his legs bent, forearms resting against his knees. there’s a smile on his face, despite the blood oozing from his… mouth? nose? you can’t even tell.
and then your eyes drift to kuroo, who’s holding his fists up in victory. you briefly note that they’re not even using gloves, but that thought is dismissed when you lock eyes with your boyfriend.
he’s bleeding, which would make you upset if he didn’t look so fucking hot. there’s a sheen of sweat covering his whole body, shining in the overhead light. his hair is messy - messier than usual, matted to his forehead from sweat. he still has his mouthguard in, but he’s grinning wide as ever. he points to you and winks and your knees are weak.
“lev lost!” yaku exclaims from beside you, knocking you from your trance. you turn to him and tilt your head. “he fucking lost! oh my god, i just lost so much money.”
he puts his head in his hands and curses again, which only makes you laugh. you can’t believe this is a thing that people bet on. and, no offense, but you can’t believe people bet on lev winning.
next thing you know, you’re sitting on a bench in the locker room of the grimy club, bouncing your leg as you watch kuroo unwrap his fists. your eyes are glued to his hands, bloodied and bruised.
“did you have fun?”
you look up to find him staring down at you, lazy smirk on his face. “what? o- oh, um, yeah, it was…” you trail off, eyes drifting down to your now ruined shoes. you hum. “it was kind of… scary, actually.” you can hear him stop moving, so you keep talking. “watching you get hit like that? yeah, that sucked. i mean, don’t get me wrong, you looked really fucking hot, but…” you shrug, sighing.
there’s a silence that hangs in the air. you can tell he’s trying to decide if he should be funny or genuine.
“y/n,” he says slowly. his shoes come into your field of vision, but you know if you look up, you’ll probably start crying. “hey, come on, sweets, look at me.”
as soon as you look up, his hands cup your face and he leans down to press a quick kiss to your lips.
when he pulls away, he smiles softly. “i’m okay. you know that right?” you nod and he laughs, pulling you into a hug, smashing your face into his stomach. “i’m okay. you hear me, lady? i’m alright.”
you laugh now, too, pushing away from him playfully. “ugh, i hate you!” you exclaim as he loosens his grip. the smile on his face lets you know that he knows you don’t really mean it. and, of course, you don’t.
he stares at you for a moment longer before jerking his head towards the door. “come on, let’s get out of here. we can go get ice cream or something.”
“ice cream?” you repeat, raising a brow. you stand up, not even reaching his nose. “and what are we going to do when the worker sees your busted lip and freshly bruised eye, hm?”
he inhales, puffing his chest out, holding his breath. he exhales on a laugh, throwing his arm over your shoulders. “yeah, we’ll go through the drive-thru, ‘kay?”
#kawoala#haikyuu#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! x reader#haikyuu drabble#haikyuu drabbled#haikyuu!! drabble#haikyuu!! drabbles#kuroo#kuroo x reader#kuroo drabble#haikyuu kuroo#haikyuu kuroo x reader#haikyuu!! kuroo#haikyuu!! kuroo x reader#kuroo tetsuro#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo tetsuro drabble#haikyuu kuroo tetsuro#haikyuu kuroo tetsuro x reader#haikyuu!! kuroo tetsuro#haikyuu!! kuroo tetsuro x reader#boxer kuroo#boxer kuroo tetsuro
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ysblf + valentines
#ysblf#betty la fea#mystuff#i was on the 60fwy and i realized valentines day was tomorrow (today) and i was like 'oh i should do something'#so this is something. no accent on 'bogota' bc i got lazy.#my regret is i didnt make a stalker joke but i feel like it didnt fit here and also i made this last minute#when i probably should have made it a week ago#no i didnt just change something......
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I've had this pose ref saved for a while and the Superman set photos just gave off the same energy 👉🏻👈🏻
The reference is this photo of Katharine Hepburn as Antiope and Colin Keith-Johnston as Theseus in the 1932 play 'The Warrior's Husband' (and I'd love for people to turn into a draw your otp meme pls pls pls this pose is so good)
And also, of course, the Superman (2025) set photos
#superfamilyweek#superman#dcu#clois#lois lane#clark kent#i was actually gonna post this a few days ago but then i found out about the superfamily week#it wasn't made for it but i hope you can accept this humble offering even if it doesn't really fit the prompts#art#digital#fanart#live-action#dc#regular#final#colour#this actually from june when the set photos came out and i just got completely obsessed and went into a clois haze#it all looks so good though!! the whole thing!!!! i'm vibrating with excitement just thinking about it!!!!!!!#if this film isn't good i'm gonna be sooo disappointed you guys have no idea how much i'm looking forward to it#but anyway. ART RAMBLES: as i mentioned on the tags of my last drawing this piece gave me SUCH a headache#i think it's probably cos it was just supposed to be a quick sketch so i used a more stable pencil brush#but then i really liked it so i decided to properly colour it instead of just doing the watercolour thing i usually do for sketches#but with finished pieces i like the lineart to be kinda messy and the sketch to even show through bit#and since i used the more stable brush for the sketch it ended up looking WAY too clean. not like my stuff at all.#so i just started throwing stuff at the wall to see what could make it more interesting. full background! actual lineart! texture layers!#and this here is what i was the happiest with. i don't... love it though. it should be looking way more interesting given the pose#and then i also did the purge girl halfway through this and it looked SO good right out of the bat (pun intended)#so i went a bit into a spiral. did some realistic stuff i'll post soon. and now am trying out a thick black lineart style.#(i'll definitely still use the coloured lines for the sketchy watercolour stuff though. it just looks way too cute)
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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How’s life? No pressure question ofc, but if you want to share please feel free to do so with this ask :3
Eh, it doesn't feel all that great right now. I'm tired and hungry a lot, but I just have to get a routine together. My sleep has been wonky, I've been waking up too early, but I feel fine then but it also feels like I can't rest completely- I have dreamless nights mostly. And I also just get annoyed a lot, but it feels better being around people I like.
#my father is upset today too cause I couldn't hang out with him#I talked to a social worker at school a few days ago just for check in and in my opinion I still feel bad even talking to her#it's been a rough week and I'm not sure what to do except deal with it and move on#I like to draw still#I dont want to get tired of it#I mean at least I'm doing productive things like laundry and showering#I'm gonna have spaghetti today that's a good thing#I'll have clean sheets for my bed that's good too#I got presents a day earlier and that's good#I like listing the positives#It kinda gives me ideas for writing#I really wanna eat all these positive things i mean the feeling it gives me in itself#I really love the good things I don't ever want to lose them#I'm actually gonna try to make a doll bunny today#I got dug up old fabrics in my room so I can experiment with something new#I'd list more good things but I'd sound kinda weird doing that in the tags#I should probably journal again but my mind blanks when I try but I'll figure it out#I mean poetry and fanfiction is always an outlet#I gotta practice that more often#There still a ways to go in life so obviously it'll change eventually it always does#And it's only one of many weeks so I can't be too doubtful#It can't always be the worst#Feeling the same feels awful#No matter the emotion it kinda turns numb if you feel it long enough#Days are always changing though since everybody is doing different things everyday all the time#Like most say 'it gets better' eventually#I guess I can wait for a good day#I have no choice sooo I'll let whatever happen#Well technically I can make it happen#I'll feel better when I made myself dinner and cleaned my bed and put away my laundry and put on fuzzy socks and go to sleep
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and I’m having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasn’t supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is like…#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties I’d ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone I’ve gotten to so far#but out of all the people I’ve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even that’s a bit iffy because tbh I’m pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesn’t show up that might just end the friendship but that’s another matter entirely#also iffy because I haven’t gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I just… thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#I’ve thrown low key Halloween parties in my mom’s apartment that had more people show up#now I’m at the most important moment of my life (so far) and I’ll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really don’t want that because it’s been small enough as it is#I just feel like I’m never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#I’m never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I don’t know why I can’t have those things#and I know it’s stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because I’m so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#I’m grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesn’t offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesn’t matter#personal
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Hey so Snap this is going to be so fucking weird, but honestly don’t care. So I was watching a clip of Drag Race Philippines and it was the make over episode and I think they were making over family members and this father was all about getting into drag. So, I just wanted to tell you never forget how much of a lovely loving kind and caring father you have, who loves you and protects you and makes you feel heard. That’s all.
i'd have to die before i forget how great my dad is thank you for the opportunity to brag about him again anon
#snap chats#no smarmy one-sentence response i fear i never play about my dad's character and its been. A Month so i gotta be earnest#Comically And Topically tho i still wonder wtf my dad meant when he said 'i always thought of being a girl' when i opened up to him#part of me thinks he was just joking and thats probably it but also ....... //audible confusion + vine boom + eyebrow quirking//#its so funny you brought up my dad though i was thinking of visiting him this weekend#last week my Bitch Ass Mom wanted to watch a movie with me and since speak no evil was coming out i proposed we see that#since starting therapy shes been 'trying' to be closer with us but she still doesnt like me on a fundamental level so get bent ig#but she hates horror movies and made a whole show of not wanting to go and how american movies are so brutal and blah blah#this was right after she took me ice skating with her .. cause shes obsessed with ice skating now ... like maam please#i like skating so thank you but ... idk ... she never wants to do things i wanna do#then again we're pretty different i think so. LOL sorry i like horror movies and nothing you like apparently#im glad she didnt come cause i just went with my bro and since the theater was Virtually Empty we just cracked jokes the whole time vjlaekv#plus i just know my mom wouldve been annoying and i wanted to enjoy the movie !!!! which i did ty !!!!!!!#but yk who LOVES horror movies and who i used to watch horror movies with all the time growin up !!!!!!!!!!#i havent seen a movie with my dad in forever.... the last one we saw was so long ago but it was some weird owen wilson movie i think#wait now that ive dragged my mom into this she started therapy Did I Share That. Im Reminding You Anyway#but the most vile thing i ever heard her say was that she admitted to me she never loved my dad 'emotionally'#like wow ..... a thousand life times in hell for you i think i cant even begin to describe the rage chat i could write a novel#but i only have 30 tags so i wont. i should call my dad tho.. this is inspiring me to call my dad thank you anon#if youre still reading Double Thank You. i havent complained about my mom in a while and this was just funny timing overall vjRLKJAEVK#ok im gonna go talk with my dad now. my college friend's coming oevr in like three hours and we're gonna watch glass#cause that came up in convo yesterday Long Story so that should be funny vjlekjlakj
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god help me i'm going insane about dickson xenoblade again
#this is what i get for thinking about lord of the rings too hard this week (specifically denethor / gríma / saruman and the like)#thinking about the way anthony may delivered “when will you learn you HAVE no future?”#he thinks shulk is fully DEAD at that point. he thinks HE killed him. which he very much meant to. but now that the kid is no longer there#now that the terrible future he's been preparing for and actively working to bring about has in fact come about#i don't know that dickson really cared anymore. he played his part he did the deed expected and he did it unquestioningly. So What Now?#well. now nothing. now the world that he spent so long biding his time in; so long getting enmeshed in (even for nefarious purposes)#is about to end; is about to be gone forever.#sure zanza will probably just create another world and maybe he (dickson) will have Even More Power in the new one#(though that's not a given! he doesn't know for SURE his lord and god will keep his promise!)#but like. what the hell does he care at this point#dickson SAYS he wants power but i suspect that long long ago what the giant dickson really wanted was SURVIVAL.#we never get to know just how he became a disciple or what the giant civilization looked like in its heyday or how it ended#but in MY headcanon dickson saw that some kind of destruction coming and he wanted Out#and maybe he hated his peers and figured any power and prestige that came from this bargain was just a bonus#i think he thought of himself as a saruman type: powerful; remote; far above the petty troubles of mortals (even the long-lived high entia)#but i have always headcanoned that by his later days (i.e. when he started engaging w/colony 9; machina village; etc. in earnest)#he committed too hard to the bit and started “going native” as it were; started to give a shit in ways that he would never dare admit#maybe not as much of a shit as; you know; a regular guy would. but more than an immortal disciple and horseman of the apocalypse should.#and all the time knowing that all the world he'd seen would soon be gone#maybe everyone else can get fucked. but shulk had to die too. and that's what their god MADE them to do.#he can't allow himself to care or to hope for another option bc in his mind it's already over; decided; that's it#what else can you do in the face of ultimate power but bow to it and take whatever scraps may fall to an obedient servant?#“you have no future” nor does he except that shulk came back. except that the peoples of bionis/mechonis just wouldn't accept Fate.#and in some final rebellious corner of his mind he starts putting eggs in shulk's basket. “if they can't even defeat telethia they won't#stand a chance against me (or zanza)” so let's see if they CAN. oh they did? how about a dragon? oh fuck they defeated the dragon too?#well fuck. maybe there WAS another option all along. but will/can they stand against me; the final disciple? oh they can??#guess i'll die then bc i'm not looking THAT in the face. i am NOT unpacking my cowardice/failure/lack of vision after all these years.#good luck with that tho <3 you're welcome for the training btw. where i'm going i don't have to see your trauma assuming you live that long.#dickson#xenoblade
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#im pretty sure im having a mild allergic reaction to my tatto0 :-[#its so itchy. like im sure itchiness is normal on some level but i dont think after a week it should b raised and so itchy its hard to slee#it only started to get bad yesterday and i mean im not covered in hives and its not fucked up and red but its not fun#im guessing its a metal allergy? but i got a black tatto0 years ago and thats fine. i guess its whatevers in the blue#so now my whole upper right arm and shoulder r so so itchy. its also possible this is bc i put expired aquaphor on it#but the itching started 1st and all i had was the aquaphor so idk maybe i made it worse or maybe it did nothing#and now ive gotta go to the psychiatrist tomorrow and shes gonna b like: have u broken out in a rash or anything? and ill b like well no#but im extremely itchy for probably unrelated reasons#or maybe this is caused by the lamicta1 and the tattoo didnt cause it. god dammit if she makes me stop taking it ill b sad. i want it to#work :-( ugh#or it could b infected? but each ring is separate so it would b weird if all of them go infected simultaneously#i want it to go away so i dont have to worry abt it tomorrow 😩#unrelated#lab mate: when r u gonna leave today? me considering how long i cab stand it before i have to go home and take my shirt off: uhh idk
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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what’s the point of conversation if you aren’t verbally penetrating each other or devouring the other. yes i know you’re probably maintaining friendly and lightheartedly supportive relations with other people and yes i know i regularly am like i WISH people TALKED to me and yes i would be creeped out if i was probed in questions or overshared at by a stranger as if vomiting bile.
i’m just… feeling frustrated.
#i wanted to break the newly formed pottery plate the moment i got it#and felt its sturdy clean solid form#its concentric pattern and little fish inside#break something good and sturdy and MINE#my own creation something i should treasure#break it in the middle of a group of potters#so solid and grippable#good and hard thick and cold something that is built by grip and palm#fits perfectly comfortably in the palm like a soothing mint balm. calmingly strong#something you can form a claw around without being aware how delicate it is. like $1 plates.#it was made to be held. it was made—-solid as a heart.#to break it — could i shatter it? the CRACK the THUNK#the sound of skin moving over it ringing its 沙沙的sound#how easily would it break? how easily would it break? my hands are warm and running hot they are itching to throw this unique thing to#the tarmac and hear the round sound#the urge to destroy others’ wet clay works in frustration#while knowing id fight anyone who even touched my delicate little cup-shaped experiment#i can’t find my clay. i lost it two weeks ago probably when kamala harris lost the election.#they moved it that week and i’d come in late. and in my shaking-hands haste i knocked over someone’s two tall goblets. sorry.#donald-trump-figure-gets-smacked-on-by-cat#and i missed another thing tonight#the support group i’d meant to go to. but their times clash.#…#last week i didn’t come to class at all#i was resting. maybe after a concert or something#of COURSE i’d lose the clay. of course i feel lost and behind and confused.#next week is the second last week.#i’d missed the first class. the fourth. the fifth. and this is the sixth.#and i forgot to change my long sleeve shirt. which id noticed while driving here but i was gonna be late#and then i had to do pottery while having my
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I guess I have to suck it up and admit that, yeah, despite myself, against my own wishes, I suppose I do love that damn Gojo Satoru guy after all
#I hate how fond I've grown of this character but I guess I do have grown fond of him#But you see#He made him laugh#So I guess it's alright. I guess it's alright to love him after all#Despite the damn disappointment and the broken ribs#I wish I could go back to two months ago and not get into this at all#I'm still at episode 14 of the anime#I could let this man eat my heart like a green apple#I wish I could strangle myself out of this#I feel like drowning from within at times#And yet for one moment it looked like it was all worth it#Because he made the kid laugh#I don't know#They could have been everything to me for real haha#I hate that they won't be but just a tiny bit of what they could have been#But how delicious the drop of honey grazing my lips#I talk too much#I should probably delete this later#JJK spoilers#Given I'm going to talk about it but I MUST mention that I can't stand just go good it is that Gojo left Shoko the letters to the kids#The lasting intimacy and trust in time. How personal. Ugh#I wonder about Ijichi though. I wonder if there'll be some last thing he'll have to deal with too#ANYWAY the kids seem to be too well adjusted all things considering#Mainly that it's been years in real time#But for them it's been what? A couple days? A few weeks at most?#Megumi killed his own sister a few days ago and he seems... Fine? Yes people have been seeing him deal with the grief for a very long while#But for him it was like. Last Thursday#This is the sort of thing I mean when I say there is a very clear lack of breathing time in this manga#Everything happens too fast to the point it becomes more than a little unbelievable#Anyway... I am elated over Megumi laughing at that letter. But how bitter I am about the times in this
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