#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[wordmade]

TOO MUCH FOR YOU

You and David had been working together for a while now. You were hired as his personal assistant, responsible for scheduling interviews, organizing his breaks, and managing his day-to-day agenda. So You had access to his phone, personal planner, and appointments.

David was on the rise, becoming a big deal, and needed someone to guide him on how to navigate stardom. You knew you were the right person for this. You were a fan, had all it took to do the job and was fearless.

However, as you would find out soon, David personality was from outside this world.

After years of struggling to find his place on screen, David remained humble and deeply grateful to his fans. You admired that about him, but you’d seen this story before. Fame was a double-edged sword, and as he grew bigger, the downsides and unwanted attention would inevitably take their toll. It was only a matter of time.

David wanted to hug everyone, kiss every pet, and play with every child. People even wanted him to sign their butts and he would do it despite being a little unconfortable.

So, you started coaching him teaching him how to be a little less accessible. No need to be cold or distant, but because establishing boundaries early on was crucial in this field. People needed to respect him, to think twice before crossing lines. It wasn’t an easy job, though.

It was frustrating. He was too sweet, too open. To the point that each person expected more of him. Because every fan wanted to feel special, wanted a different photo or video.

And David would let them. No surprise they hired you.

“You can’t afford to be this kind,” you’d argue, worried that his generosity would backfire.

“You don't understand." He answered once "this movie only happened because of them,” he’d counter, after you scolded him for holding a fan’s baby for far too long.

“Those fans aren’t real, David” you snapped, your voice sharp. “No one who genuinely cares about you will be upset if you set some boundaries.”

"Listen, I got this " he would say. "I've chosen this life. I dreamt about it for years. What looks like chaos to you is heaven to me"

You understood that part. But his positive perception of events won’t protect him from harassment. And you would rather die in the hands of Art the clown himself than let something happen to this man.

"Not a chance in hell, David. I will do my job and you will follow my lead" you tried to be firm with him. But it didn't always work.

Whenever he noticed talking was not solving, David would just flash his charming smile, and within minutes, he’d disregard everything you said.

Despite the tension, after some events, you found yourself laughing at his jokes during arguments. He found that you would loose your posture when he changed his voice to Mickey Mouse, and now every time you got mad, Mickey would appear.

It was impossible to keep things serious. He joked about everything!

Funny thing is.. you dont think the jokes were that funny. It was more the way he told them. David could say the most silly thing and people would still laugh their asses off. People wanted to laugh with him. That was the difference.

He was disarming, and he knew it. Slowly, the two of you grew closer. At some point you noticed that You trusted David, and he trusted you.

The freedom you guys had to speak your minds, the openess. It was as if you could be mad, give harsh critisism at one minute, and in the next be completly confortable around him. Because David knew you were mad on behalf of him. Not at him. And he was greatful for this.

Your conversations, once limited to brief exchanges on set, expanded. First, it was casual chats in the breakroom.

Then, it was late nights at David’s apartment, sharing a bottle of wine while reviewing his interviews. You’d tease him for his cringe-worthy answers, and he’d poke fun at how out of touch he felt with people your age.

The age gap between you two became a recurring topic, though you never gave it much thought. That was, until you started noticing him in a different light.

You thought it was just a work thing, but the two of you grew increasingly protective of each other. You could anticipate his needs (when he’d want a coffee or an energy drink) and, in return, he would listen more attentively, pausing whenever you started to speak. He began asking for your input beforehand, coming to you first and following your advice.

For the first time, you felt yourself relax, realizing how naturally good he was at this. He was born to be an icon, it was effortless for him. You felt proud, genuinely happy for all the opportunities coming his way.

One night, the two of you sat on his balcony under the soft glow of dim lighting, wine glasses in hand. Laughter echoed between you as you swapped stories. And then, without thinking, you placed a hand on his knee.

It was casual, innocent... wasn’t it? His reaction, though, was far from casual.

David’s smile faltered, his expression turning serious. His green (or gray) eyes lingered on yours, then dropped briefly to your lips. You instinctively moved to pull your hand away, but he caught it, his grip firm.

“You gotta to stop doing this,” he said, his voice low. You forgot that behind his sweet smile, David was a grown man. And you were touching him a lot lately.

“Doing what?” you asked, your heart squeezed.

You knew what. It wasn’t on purpose, but you knew.

“Flirting with me,” he replied, with a sad smile on his face. His soft hand still holding yours. He was looking at them.

Your breath hitched. “Come on, David. We’re just friends,” you said, trying to lighten the mood.

But his grip tightened slightly. "I am your friend. I respect you" He started with that half smile on his face, his silver hair perfectly combed. “But I’m a man after all,” he said, his tone uncertain. “If you keep touching me like that, I’m going to develop feelings for you.”

You stared at him, stunned by his honesty. His green gray eyes layed into yours, a mixture of feelings you couldn't tell, your hand still in his. And in that moment, the lines you’d carefully drawn between professionalism and something more began to blur.

Of course, you saw the man he was. And yes, you had been flirting, but it never occurred to you that he might react to it. That he would take you seriously. You were just starting in your field. No kids, no stable money. And he was the kind of man who dreamed of a family, so you simply assumed you weren’t his type. You were too different.

“David,” you began, but he let go of your hand, after holding it for too long. Too long for you to believe it was just an unintentional gesture. No, David had been wanting to do this for a while. And it stung that he let go if it.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he breathed, still looking into your eyes “I’ve just been lonely for so long that I can’t help holding on to the first thing that felt like love.”

You lost your composure then, seeing him so affected. Over the past few months, you’d learned how to read him, and now you were attached in a way that was impossible to ignore.

“I…” you tried to say something, anything, but David’s words had left you reeling. This wasn’t a confession. He wasn’t asking for anything, wasn’t hoping for anything. He was just being himself, honest, vulnerable. He was telling you how deeply you’d affected him and asking you to stop before it became too much.

“I didn’t mean to bother you,” you managed, your voice cracking.

“You’re not bothering me, love,” he said softly. “I’m just telling you… if you keep bringing me closer, at some point, I won’t be able to let you go.” He ran his fingers through his silver hair and continued without giving you time to answer "so please, dont play games on me"

"I am not," you said, your voice trembling with heartbreak. And then it hit you, something bitter. Guilt. You felt guilty for flirting with him. Not because it was wrong exactly, but because you’d let yourself believe it was harmless.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t thought of him that way before. You had. Often. But the idea of him actually being into you? That was too much, too good, too unreal. So you’d convinced yourself it was fine to keep going, not to play games, but because it felt good. Flirting with him, talking to him, working alongside him, it all felt so natural, so right.

He probably thought you were just toying with him, using him as an ego boost.

But that wasn’t it. Not at all.

You cared about him. Deeply. And when you’re single and drawn to a man who’s undeniably attractive, this is what happens. You let your guard down. You become playful, silly. You smile more. You giggle. Yes, you flirt.

"What if I don’t stop?" you said, your tone challenging.

He looked into your eyes intensely, his chest rising with deep breaths. The question got him by surprise. He swallowed hard and opened his mouth, his lips red from the wine.

"I’ll fall in love with you." His words went straight to your heart. And you felt a insane relief.

You fucking loved this about him. That he would say exaclty what he was thinking. Even if it was too soon or too much.

"And what makes you think I don’t want that?" You teased. Trying to do the same he would do to you.

"I didn’t think I was..." he started, a bit confused.

"Yes, you are, David." You interrupted him, gently.

He reached for you, his hands cradling your face. Both of you a little shy about this new way of seeing each other. You closed you eyes, to concentrate on his touch. You didn't want to miss this.

Before you could process it, his lips were on yours, pressed gently, almost hesitantly. You were taken aback by how soft they were, by how much tenderness he had been holding back all this time.

He kissed you with so much care, so much attention. His lips moved slowly against yours.

When your tongue met his, you heard him moan softly. His fingers ran through your hair, and he pulled you closer by the nape of your neck. He touched you so delicately, as if afraid to scare you away or to break you. You felt his scent l, his breath, and it was overwhelming.

He pulled back at some point, because even though this was a gentle kiss, you two were out of breath.

He grasped your hands, gently lifting you before leading you through the house, his grip steady and unyielding. When you reached the sofa, he eased you down onto his lap. Once you settled into a comfortable position, he drew you closer by the waist, his thumb tracing slow, soothing circles along your back.

You could tell he would take things very slow.

The two of you spent the rest of the night like this. David would say the sweetest things, on how you were beautiful, precious, and how he has been wanting this for so long. You on his lap, with your foreheads touching, exchanging soft kisses, your hands tangled together like you couldn’t bear to let go.

Yes, David, you thought. Yes, you are.

[koolades-world]

Can you do Obey Me headcanons of a Christian MC? MC isn't a toxic one though, they're actually super nice and supportive of everyone and such. They're also generally really trusting and try and see the best in people. They're more or less just extremely concerned and slightly uncomfortable with the entire being kidnapped and brought to hell thing(and also being forced to attend school again)

They also got really excited when they learned angels were gonna be attending RAD too, so there's that lol

Like when they saw Simeon and Luke for the first time they mentally went "THIS IS A MOMENT IN HISTORY!!!! TAKE A PICTURE!!!"

haha hi!!

when I first saw this I was really looking forward to doing it! been thinking about it a lot

one of my best friends is actually a christian who plays obey me, and she was the one to introduce me to the game. I think she would find this funny, so I'll def be thinking of her while I write this haha (if you're reading this, which you very much might be, heyyyy happy late bday girl)

Christian Mc

Lucifer

once you realize who he is, you're freaked out, both in a good and bad way

like, this is the lucifer! you ask to take a picture lol (and he's not amused)

you're a little sad and relieved when he pawns you off to mammon, since you're awed by his presence but also terrified since you knew the part he played in the bible by heart

once you get to know him, the both of you chuckle about human depictions of him and you finally get that picture! be sure to make him sign it and then frame it

Mammon

learns quickly just how many copies of the bible you own once he spends enough time in your room including but not limited to the version on your phone, the mini version in your RAD bag, and the one you keep on your side table

once you get to the stage of basically living together, he learns that you read the bible and say a prayer nightly

at first, he was nervous having to be the one to guide you but he learnt you were probably more scared of him, and you were actually just so sweet

he jokingly picks up all of the jesus merch he finds so now you have an entire shelf

Levi

the most normal out of the brothers besides the fact that he spends all his time in his room, but that kind of reminds you of a brother you only see like once a day

it's almost scary and a little jarring walking into his room, but after that, you guys get along so well

he admits that he thought the exchange program was weird, and it was all history after that

unlikely besties: a devout christan human and their gamer social outcast demon

Satan

highkey fuming about the fact that humans don't know that he and lucifer are different (he for sure smashed up an entire room of the house)

after he calms down from this though, although it takes a while for the two of you to get to know each other, he takes joy in making fun of the slanderous things said about lucifer

you both like to read but the only thing you reread and read nightly is the bible so

luckily he doesn't care about that since it wasn't his dad anyways (don't remind him that it's technically his grandpa's book)

Asmo

the first time you showed him biblical version of him, he was disgusted and refused to speak to you for the next two and half days

after that he feels a little bad since he knows you didn't mean it like that and since you basically tip toe around him

after that he comes on a little strong, but after a while you get along pretty well despite being so different

he’ll reminisce while you listen carefully and hold onto every work he says since he was a real angel and that’s so cool

Beel

while you were initially terrified of him, you quickly learnt how much like he actually was

at the core, you were both just a kind person (or demon) who wanted to help others and uplift them

always there for you to lend a listening ear and to help out out if others are giving you problems

the first in the devildom to make you feel truest welcome and let you know that you could call it home

Belphie

at first he thinks it’s a joke and kinda pokes fun at it

once he realizes you’re being serious, he feels a little bad but also still thinks is very funny how you hide your face behind a bible when you’re scare

has had holy water thrown at him, and has found a bible under his pillow before (gosh who could’ve done that…)

used to jump out at your from around corners in his demon form and it sent your running every time so you can prepared with a rosary blessed by the pope to shove in his face if he dare to try again

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Don't Worry Today, Face It Tomorrow

kai parker x reader

summary: kai's been lonely enough in his life to sense something's off with you. tonight was a good time to trust his intuition.

tags: mental health issues, depression, loneliness, late night conversations, suicidal thoughts, emotional hurt / comfort

word count: 2.6k

a/n: this is a fic i kind of wrote for myself but still want to share. i somewhat vaguely made the reader's problems my problems, because i needed to talk them out, but struggle to do that with people, so i do it through my writing. i wrote this a little while ago but have been hesitant to post it bc i didn't want to worry my readers by posting so many sui/sh related fics, but as explained in the ending note of this fic on ao3, i'm entering a new stage in my life where i hope i can start writing gentler & more lighthearted & fun fics again. i've been in a dark place these last couple months and have completely lost myself as a person, but i'm actively trying to make my life one where i'm not afraid to be present. i saw a quote recently that said, "...if hope is out of reach, try curiosity instead," and so that's about where i am rn. but anyway, i hope, despite it's heaviness, you guys like this, or maybe, it helps you feel less alone. <3

“Thought I’d find you here.”

You roll your eyes at the familiar voice. Of course he’d come to disturb your peace. 

“What do you want?”

He doesn’t answer immediately. The sound of shuffling indicates he’s coming closer. “Just checking on you.”

“I don’t need checking on. I didn’t the last time, nor the time before that, and certainly not this time. Can’t you catch the hint that I want to be left alone?”

“See that’s the thing… the hints are all there, I’m just choosing not to leave you alone.”

Fully irritated now, you shift your whole body to face Kai. Annoyingly, he leans against the restaurant’s chimney, unbothered by the heat that must be emanating from it. His arms are crossed over his chest, but his usual smirk is replaced with a somber look.

“Why?”

“Because…” He isn’t looking at you. In fact, he seems to look right through you, perhaps into some far off world or a deep void that threatens to swallow you whole. “...You look like someone who shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ve climbed up here five times in the last two weeks. You’ve been acting distant. You don’t eat, I doubt you sleep. Everyone’s worried about you, and they have every right to be.”

“I’m fine,” you lie. “Maybe I just like it up here. I can see the whole town. I’m in it, without being in it. It’s peaceful.”

If that was supposed to comfort the young witch, it didn’t. He tilts his head against the brick. “And what about the rest? Are they right to worry about you? Are these new habits you’ve seem to have adopted secretly a cry for help?”

You narrow your eyes. “Of course not, that’s insane. I told you, I’m fine.” Before he can ask anything else, you continue. “And what’s it to you? Why do you care? If they’re so worried, why don’t they come and bother me instead?”

“Because they haven’t followed you to the extent I’ve followed you.”

“Comforting.”

“They see you at lunch, not talking, not eating, not laughing. And then they see you go home, usually early, and not come out for days. They acknowledge the fact you haven’t answered their texts in days, and they know you’re not feeling well, but they’ve barely scratched the surface.” He pauses. “I’ve been studying you. I see the dullness in your eyes, and I can tell apart a real laugh from a fake one. I’ve begun to notice that right before you’re about to make up an excuse to go home, you tap your nails on the edge of the table. You scan the restaurant, making sure the coast is clear, so that you can make a sure shot to the door without being interrupted.” You open your mouth to speak, disturbed by the detail, but Kai interrupts. “I’m a sociopath. I notice things in a person’s behavior that are missed by most.”

“And why do you think all these ‘things’ are reasons to have you so worried? Maybe I’m just tired of socializing.”

“Maybe. But I’ve been alone for a long time and I know how it feels. How it feels to be hopeless, and anxious, and exhausted, in a way that goes beyond needing a couple more hours of sleep. I might not’ve been under the same circumstances, but I remember searching for the nearest, tallest building several times when I was locked in that prison world. Let me tell you, the view is nice, but when you finally get the courage to walk up to the edge, the fall is not.”

Your eyes had dropped back down the roof’s floor, but they snap back up to him quickly. His words make your heart race with sudden anxiety. When you try to open your mouth to respond, nothing comes out. It takes a moment to recover. 

“How many times did you try?” Invasive, but he’s sharing, so you ask anyway. 

“Truth be told,” he surprisingly answers, “I lost count.” He inches closer to you, but you don’t move away. “I couldn’t die in there, but that never stopped me from trying.”

“Until Damon and Bonnie got there.” 

“Yes, but I was alone for eighteen years until they did.” He sits beside you now. “Maybe you can see why I was so determined to get out.”

“I could see it before,” you admit. 

You know most of Kai’s background. You know he had a big family, most of which are dead now. You know he has been in and out of prison worlds for most of his young life. You know his time spent in those other worlds was deserved; he wasn’t just a sociopath, but a serial killer, as well. Only recently did he finally stop hurting people, afraid of ending up in another one. It was a deal he made with the brothers and Bonnie.

Kai is less afraid of death than being alone. Hell would be a cakewalk compared to the prison worlds. 

“My father ensured I couldn’t die so that I wouldn’t be able to take the easy way out. And then again, in 1903, the heretics could only dessicate; they couldn’t die, either. Guess my ancestors have some deep-rooted fascination with eternal suffering. The twin merge is a curse. You either die or kill your sibling before you’re old enough to rent a car. Then, if you live, you have to marry and watch your kids do the same. And if you die before you have merge-able kids, whoops, the death of the coven is on you. Like, imagine you get hit by a car and die, and so does the whole three hundred year old coven. That’s embarrassing. Imagine explaining that to the ancestors in hell.”

You snort and let out a laugh. 

“Obviously, I don’t care about my coven, and I only wanted to be the leader so I could prove that I could, but it does suck that we’re all nonconsensually born into this life and can’t get out of it. It would be easier if we didn’t hate each other so much, and that instead of life being one big game of dog-eat-dog, we could come together and be like, ‘Hey! This sucks! Can we try to figure out which ancestral bitch cursed us and maybe reverse that? We’re supposed to be witches, right?’”

You laugh more now. A genuine laugh, amused by Kai Parker’s unusual bareness and honesty. Never had you had such a sincere conversation with him. Frankly, you didn’t know he was capable of opening up as much as he is now. It’s nice. It’s the most meaningful conversation you’ve had recently, and if you’re honest with yourself, it’s healing. 

Not only do you know Kai’s background, you know his loneliness. Of course, you’ve never been in his shoes exactly, but you know what it’s like to feel helpless. Sometimes your parents teach you about pain before anyone else has the chance. Sometimes your friends break your heart the hardest. Sometimes it feels like there’s a target on your back and everyone’s carrying arrows. 

You don’t need to experience the same trauma to relate to someone, you just need a little bit of courage to speak up about it. The right people will listen. Those who understand. 

“I said before that I understand why you were willing to hurt Bonnie and Damon to get out,” you say. “I stand by that still.”

“You do?”

“I met your father once. I was friends with Liv before she skipped town, and he came to her dorm when I was there. He was cold.” You pause, rubbing your arms as a chill runs through your body. Whether it’s the cool night breeze or the memory, you’re not sure. “He smiled, and he made a joke, but his posture was rigid and his eyes were dark. It was like looking into the face of a snake that could strike at any moment. I was afraid to look away, yet afraid to look right at him.”

“He was never a warm person. He loved his wife, and did love my siblings, I think, but coven always came before family. He would betray even those closest to him in a second if asked. I was always told it was complicated for him, but it’s pretty simple. He never hesitated. It was obvious. There was no right vs wrong war in his mind. Guess it makes him a good leader, though. Maybe.”

“Not a good leader,” you argue, “but a dedicated one.” Kai seems to ponder that. “My family’s the opposite: they are complicated. They say one thing, but expect the other. Everything is a guessing game. You’re never quite sure what they want from you, and nothing’s ever good enough. Life feels like a competition: you have to do the most, study the hardest. There’s a thousand boxes to check by the age of twenty-three, and if you don’t complete them, you’re never going to catch up, never going to make them proud.” You’ve ranted a little, spoken somewhat quickly, but Kai follows along with great understanding. “I have a relatively big family, too, and they’re all over the country checking boxes. I live in a small town, with goals only big enough that I won’t feel like a failure if I don’t achieve, and spend every day just trying to stay alive. I’m the biggest disappointment to them and it’s so obvious.”

“Looks like we’re both family disappointments. Do they know about the supernatural?”

“Oh, god no. Their heads would explode.”

Kai laughs. He sees you shiver again and silently unzips his sweater. You startle a bit when he puts it around your shoulders, but then welcome the warmth it brings. It smells like him, so you pull it closer, finding that as a new comfort. 

“Thank you.”

“It’s technically Alaric’s-”

You start to pull it off, “ew-”

He stops you with a hand to your back. “But I’ve had it for months.”

“How’d you-?”

“After Damon woke me up when they put me on ice. I’d siphon the magic from Caroline’s mom on two conditions: one, he’d let me merge that night, and two, I could borrow a sweater.”

You chuckle, then let it envelope you again. Kai’s hand leaves your back, taking some, but not all, of the new warmth with him. He stretches out, leaning back on his elbows, and watches you copy the position. Your knees touch gently, though neither of you move. He studies you again, eyeing your face for tension, but finds your lips slightly parted in a relaxed state. You aren’t afraid of him; you aren’t trying to get away. 

The only person who isn’t taut as a band around him is Damon, because the vampire’s confidence and strength matches that of the young witch. But here, you’re only human, full of emotion and exhaustion, and alone on a rooftop with none other than the self-proclaimed sociopath himself. If your friends knew, they’d surely be freaking out, and maybe an hour ago, the thought would panic you, too. But now, at this moment in time, you’re completely calm. You’re trusting him. 

“So what’s the verdict?” He says out of nowhere, speaking up in the dead of night. The restaurant crowd left some time ago, and the roundabout hasn’t been driven through for less. In the far-off distance, you can hear a dog, but it stops after a few barks. 

“What?”

“How are we getting off this roof tonight?” You look over to him with an eyebrow raised. “Are we jumping, or are you gonna climb off with me?”

You ponder the question. Truthfully, you didn’t climb up today with the full intention of climbing back down. If Kai hadn’t followed you up, you, as he put it earlier, may have made it to the edge. 

But now, with both of your hearts and histories spilled out in front of you, things are different. Things are harder, because he’s involved. Yet, at the same time, things feel easier. He’s involved. He listened, and he shared his own story. You found common ground and it brought you closer than you’d ever imagined you could be with him. Hell, lately, with anyone. Somewhere, deep in your heart, you feel a bit of hope. 

“I’ll be honest,” he starts, “even though I’m out of the prison world, finally leading this dumb coven, and somewhat surviving in this town, I’ve considered it. I thought getting out would be a fix-all, and once I was, I would be okay, but I never imagined that life outside of it could be as lonely as my life was there. My coven still controls me and my family still hates me, and I wanted to get out and prove myself, and live, but now, sometimes,” he struggles for the right words, “I can’t find it in myself to care anymore.” He looks over to you to find you nodding, understanding. “I could die a hundred times over in the prison world with little consequence, but here, death is permanent.”

You offer a smile and a second of silence before agreeing. “Sometimes its permanence is a comfort, but sometimes a hindrance. It's permanent, I’ll never have to carry this weight again. I’ll never be a burden, or a failure, or a disappointment. But at the same time… what if I regret it? What if I’m halfway through the fall, or lying in a hospital bed, and there’s no saving me, but suddenly, I regret it? Or what if we’re conscious in the afterlife, and I miss the body and soul I once had, but gave up before my time was up? It haunts me. I have decision paralysis over dying. I wish I could make up my mind.”

Kai’s never cared much for other people, but in this moment, he knows if you got any closer to the edge, he’d hurl himself forward to pull you back. He sensed something was off about you earlier. You’d been climbing up here for weeks, but this time felt different. Necessary. 

“How about this? Climb down with me and we don’t have to make any decisions. Okay?”

“So the decision is to make no decisions?”

“Exactly.” He sits back up, outstretching a hand for you to take. “Let’s go get a coffee or something, and we can worry about it later. And, maybe, tomorrow won’t be so bad, and we can put off that decision making a little bit longer.” Kai manipulates slightly. He knows there is no decision to be made - it’s not a yes or no - but an ultimate decision on when you will take that step closer to the edge. So, if he can distract you day by day, and put off that ultimate decision, he could, with time, pull you from the edge, and eventually, off the roof. 

And that is a decision he is willing to make. He’s never cared much for other people, but something about you softens him. His life hasn’t been a fulfilling one. He hasn’t accomplished much, and he’s done little that makes him proud of himself, but you make him want to change. Be better, do more. Even if he only does one good thing, he wants to do it. He wants to save you. 

“Okay,” you finally agree, taking his hand. “Coffee sounds nice.”

For the first time of possibly many, he helps guide you back down the stairs, onto the safety of the pavement ground. You keep a hold of his hand all the way to the twenty-four hour diner two blocks down, and the whole time, he can’t stop smiling. 

[dilutedconfusion]

Lost Star

Eustass Kid x F!Reader (Part 2) Real World AU

Sexy smexy horrible gut wrenching angst.

Summary: You and Kid get to have a bittersweet phone call about why you haven’t been seeing much of him lately. Kid knows why and its eating at him from the inside out. Yet you’re still lost in a forest during winter, drunk off your ass. Kids a liar and a lover. You’re a lover and loser. Something bad is going to happen. But for now lets read about Kid crying <3

Warnings: None???

Word Count: 3.6k

Part 1 Part 2

Tags: @aynfp @shamblespirate @likeeliterallywtf @tulipps-maehem @tremendoushorsepatrolgoth

Between the silence and the sound of Kids revved up car you stuffed your body inside yourself. Weaving your bone-cold arms textured with goosebumps through the sleeves of your jacket to meet your center. You shoved your head below the collar as well, effectively using the warmth of your heart guided into your breasts to make a somewhat efficient self-heating system. Putting the call on speaker mode and getting at least one percent warmer.

“I feel like a turtle…” You mumbled softly, a growling pain rousing your stomach. A hearty burp of old tequila shots bubbling in your throat.

Kid had gone awkwardly silent. He told you he would never hang up in your time of need but as you listened to him shove his gear into drive, the loud echoing of the underground parking lot whirring endlessly, you couldn’t help but feel more alone than ever.

It doesn’t help that I’m in a forest alone.

“Kid? Did you hear me? I said I feel like a turtle.” You repeated, hoping and praying to hear his voice again. You couldn’t get enough of it right now. If he wanted to recite the entire dictionary you would’ve let him. As long as you got to listen to his rasp deep voice drift you back into comfort.

Or drift me back to anywhere safe really…but I’d prefer to be safe with him.

“I heard ya. It was stupid so I didn’t respond.” You heard the soft click of his tongue just trying to sound annoyed like he always did. Like you were nothing but a bother and he didn’t know why he was friends with you in the first place. “I should be getting compensation for dealing with your ass I swear to god.”

He shifted his phone on its stand sitting idly on the dash. The profile picture of you flipping off the camera followed by the words “Little Shit” as your profile name stared back at him. His eyes unconsciously gliding to look at it despite the road ahead. Making him wish he hadn’t used that picture for your profile in the first place.

When I see her she isn’t going to look like that. Probably half frozen and crying if I take too long.

His annoyance wasn’t as pungent as it usually was. You could hear how he softly scratched his hair on the other end. Leading you to believe he wasn’t being serious because he never made fun of you to hurt you. But you couldn’t help but frown regardless.

“Don’t say that.” Your voice was soft and breathy. Floating up towards Kid in his truck. The roads were quiet and empty late at night. Kid lived in a big city but he was driving towards the rural south. He just had to hop onto the freeway, the warm streetlights hung like stars guiding him. Pressing on the gas a bit more fervently than the authorities would like. His truck roaring in response.

“Don’t be a baby. I’m serious Y/N I’m not letting you do something like this again. I’ll fucking lock you in your own house. Handcuff you to the goddamn radiator if I have to.” What once was worry was now turning into frustration. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Couldn’t believe that you of all people had done something as stupid as this.

Y/N’s lost in a forest drunk. Y/N’s lost in a forest drunk at night.

A little part of him wanted to scream. Wanted you to stop acting drunk even if you were and take this seriously for just a moment. He was worried and it felt like you couldn’t care less about your safety.

“Kid don’t say that. I don’t need you to baby me. You’ve never babied me before. I just…fucked up this time.” You chewed over your dry and chapped lips. The bright light of your screen fills up the small cloth cave you reside in. Trying desperately not to pay attention to the forest sounds around you along with the coldness of your ass against the ground.

Kid could nearly feel the guilt in your voice. Like the sharp edge of a knife delicately lacing at your own throat. Willing to cut out the wound of a problem that was you. It was disgusting. Kid didn’t want to hear it, but he couldn’t handle it. Not right now.

“Oh, you fucked up but so did every single one of those so-called friends at that party. If I ever catch you hanging around those small dick and brained sons of bitches again I’m fucking popping their eyes out.” His thick fingers clenched around the steering wheel a bit tighter. Amber eyes flickering into his mirrors to see nothing but the road and the lights of buildings behind him.

He felt twitchy. Like one jerk of the hand or one sound too loud could send him overboard. But the problem was he didn’t know what he would fall into if he did go overboard.

She went to a goddamn party alone. She put herself in danger. Why...why the hell would she do that?

“Their eyeballs? Eww, that's icky Kid. I only knew 3 people there anyway and it's not like I asked them to baby me. They didn’t expect it.” The sudden yet expectant sound of your voice threw Kid’s mind out of its spiral. Your voice sounded stupid. As if it was pitched up too high and taking a bit too long to find the right words. He listened to the slight flutter of your breath. The chatter indicating the sudden shaking of your spine.

She’s cold. Kid’s steering wheel groaned and squeaked in response. Nearly snapping it in half as he made a wide turn onto the freeway entrance ramp. “Well I didn’t expect to have to go on a rescue mission tonight but here we are.” He let out a huff of air, checking his mirrors with narrowed eyes before merging on.

Not another car in sight as he shifted into 5th gear, bringing his car up to a rolling 90 as quick as he intended to. “If I was there I would’ve watched ya. Keep you on a 10-foot leash just to make sure you and you’re dumbass don’t get hurt.”

“You wanna leash me? That’s kinda kinky Kid.”

Kids eyes instantly rolled so hard he could have sprained something. “Oh fucking hell be quiet.” He heard your small little giggle. That quick shake in your chest was so warm it made his permanent frown disappear for only a moment. “I can see your shit-eating grin from here asshole.” Another rouse of your laughter came from the other end of the call. That hard exterior of his cracking under the pressure of that stupid laugh again for the millionth time.

Maybe she’s okay. She’s cracking jokes but…she always does that when she’s down.

You wiped the small tears out of the corners of your eyes. Pressing your legs closer to your chest as quick burst of wind breezed past you. “So basically what you’re saying is you wish you would’ve come to this party with me? That woulda been swell. I’ve missed you a lot lately. They even played some of our songs.” You recalled the night with a mix of sullen worry and unbridled passion. Remembering how you danced horribly only to catch yourself looking around for a man who wasn’t even there. A vision of him stuck in your peripheral vision like a dreamy visage.

Kid took a moment to respond. Opening his mouth just to close it again before his eyes twitched from the weird feeling growing in his chest. “I don’t have time to be messing around with a bunch of people I don’t care about and neither do you. You’re not a fucking party animal Y/N. I’ve seen your shy ass freeze up anytime some rando tries to flirt with ya.”

Though your voice was sweet, Kids was harsh. There was nothing he could do but spit out everything as if it tasted horrible. She needs to cut this shit out. One more ‘I missed you’ and I'm going to pop a blood vessel.

“Kid, I keep telling you that they weren’t flirting. I don’t know what people think they're doing but it ain’t flirting. Or at least it doesn’t feel like it.” A small wave of relief fell over him when you chose to talk about the flirting thing. A valid misdirection from the obvious elephant in the room.

“It doesn’t feel like it because you double-guess everything people say to you. I’m supposed to be the ‘emotionally unperceptive wall of a man’ or whatever you call me. Not you.”

You rolled your eyes at that. Chewing your lips with a smile and staring at his contact information on your screen. Nothing but a tulip emoji as his name and a picture of him dead asleep with a dick drawn on his face.

“Well, don't you know me so well?” Kid could basically see the sassy tilt of your head as you said that. Staring at him with those vivacious eyes that made his stomach turn into knots.

“I do.” He said simply, nodding his head and puffing out his chest for no one to see. It was instinctual at this point. Putting on a show of confidence for you just to laugh and make fun of him.

“Which sorta makes me think you’re not so unperceptive huh?”

Kid backed off on his confidence show almost immediately. Swallowing hard he stared at the road ahead of him. What once was 4 lanes of a highway became 2. Giving him a sign that he was getting closer to you. “Well sorry I know my friend so well. I’ll make sure to forget everything you say to me like I used to.”

His own words nearly soccer-punched him in the gut. Remembering how he was when he first met you. You were just some girl he had to sit next to during one of his general classes in college. He barely even remembered your name no matter how many times you talked to him. He’d roll his eyes and stare off into space. You’re string of words seemingly endless no matter how much he pushed you away. Then after being separated by schedules, he ended up walking in on you working the register at his favorite music shop. Lined with records and CDs he found himself going back to that shop for more than just good music.

“You really were such an ass.” Your voice was a lot quieter as you spoke. A semi-unconscious haze of nostalgia bubbling around in your head. Kid knew what he did was wrong. In fact, he went home after finally having a genuine conversation with you to cuss himself out in the mirror. He had never told you that. How much he regretted not having you in his life a lot earlier than he did.

But Kid didn’t tell you a lot of things.

Like the dangerous extent of the illegal scams he’d run at his mechanic shop. Or the sleepless nights he’d get worried about everything and sometimes even you.

Kid wasn’t a mirror. He wasn’t reflecting exactly what he was like he should be. Instead, he was distorted. His lack of arm and scars not from a bad car accident but the result of all those shoot-outs and fights he’d been in. His guns and knives littered all over his body yet hidden so he didn’t scare you. His hands and chest covered in warm blood just to be washed off until his skin burned before you’d come and see him. His absence in that mirror, in your life, a sign that maybe he didn’t care and never did. But again, Kid knew if he was anything he was definitely a liar.

“I know and I already apologized.”

Yet that’ll never be good enough. Kid could feel his jaw tightening. His head cursed to be heavy with guilt as it hung on his shoulders.

“Well, I still remember you ignoring me. What happened was a strike of luck anyway. Gosh, I nearly hid in the back when you first walked into my job because I didn’t want to get friend-blocked again.” You were happy as you said that thankfully. If you could see his face you wouldn’t have been.

Well, I’m glad you didn’t give up on me but maybe that's just me being selfish. Kid couldn’t manage to say that out loud. Leaving you hanging on your words as you listened to him silently drive. It felt awkward as if you had said something wrong. Something to piss him off. Your mind scattering and eyes flickering to find something else to talk about. Something to keep him from ignoring you like he used to.

“Ya know my phone background is of us at that concert from last year. The one where I did your makeup all cool.” You mumbled softly, popping your head out of your jacket to check on your surroundings. You pressed the small button on the side of your phone. Your lock screen popping up with a picture of you and Kid side by side in a sea of people. The photo slightly blurry from the two of you jumping up and down while the stage of performers stood in the back.

“I remember that,” Kid mumbled his voice a bit more horse than before. He could nearly see the red lights, dark eyeshadow, and big grins of that night. But what was once sweet now felt distinctly bitter.

“I swear if you hadn’t been there I would’ve gotten trampled in that pit. I’m not small by any means but you give me the scary dog privileges I need.” You let out a chuckle that nearly tore at Kid's heart. His chest getting tighter and his throat dry.

Kid. This is not the time. Stop thinking about it and just drive. He had no idea why this was affecting him so badly. He’s been living with the idea that he needed to let you go for months. It haunted him any time you managed to creep up into his mind. But he never once felt like this.

I'm tired. It’s late. She’s out there and alone. I'm just being delusional.

“I’m not your fucking guard dog.” Was all he could say or maybe that was all he was good at. Complaining whenever you said stupid shit instead of saying what was really on his mind.

“Oh hell yeah you are. That and my best friend. We drank and ate like 2 big ass pizzas together on your couch. Killer nearly knocked us upside the head cause we wouldn’t go to sleep. You kept making me laugh so hard my fucking ribs hurt. Plus I swear I was shitting nothing but grease for like 2 days after that.” You let out a weak laugh, head and heart swirling in a warm sweet remembrance.

Kid could envision that night as if it was happening now. You in those loose pants and a tank top. Hair messy from all the head banging. You sat beside him on the couch while you both played video games until the sun came up. The colorful glow of the TV on your skin now shiny from washing off all your makeup. The way you always managed to smile when you looked at him.

I’m going crazy.

“Didn’t need to know that last part but yeah…it was nice. Maybe…we should do that again.” Kid couldn’t stop his mouth from saying something stupid. He couldn’t lie like he always did. It was all he was good for but now? Well, right now he was hoping you’d forget everything he’s saying.

The minute he said that you felt yourself light up. As if all that worry in your heart had disappeared within an instant. “Really? You actually wanna go to another concert with me? I basically had to beg you last time. Plus you know I...haven’t seen much of you lately.” You were downright cheery over the simple fact that he wanted to see you again. To see you at all.

I’m just hurting her. I can’t. I won’t.

“You...know I’ve been busy but y-yes I could maybe go to another concert with you. So quit making a big deal out of it.”

Goddamn it Kid what the hell?! I can’t go to a concert with her! Why the hell am I lying? He ground his teeth together. Trying to let out an exasperated yet silent sigh. His eyes slowly became foggy as he drove. Though he couldn’t tell if it was out of guilt or because you lit up the second he mentioned seeing you again.

Is she really...that desperate to see me?

“Well, I’m glad because I don’t think I could live without ya. I’ve been hanging out with a bunch of nobodies in your absence. But clearly I’ve gotten really reliant on torturing you with my presence. You’re like…my favorite person in the world after all.”

No. Kid inhaled sharply through his teeth. What once was foggy now became a pool of tears in his eyes. All the muscles in his broken chest contracted. Holding himself back from letting out a wry whimper of pain.

“Oh, you’ll f-find somebody.” Kid couldn’t help but stutter as he spoke. His voice surprisingly normal but his breath hitching uncontrollably. Wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he shook it off. Hoping and praying you were too drunk to notice through the phone.

“But that somebody wouldn’t be you and I want to be with you.”

You sounded so innocent. So pure and unfiltered as you spoke. As if you meant that from the bottom of your heart. That honesty you held was something only you could do. Kid wanted to be mean. Kid wanted to give you a reason to hate him. But he never could.

He was terminally unsuccessful and it was killing him on the inside. So once again silence was in only answer.

“Kid...when you get here will you give me a big hug? I’m shivering and I don’t know what to do about it.” You broke through that silence again. Wondering why he seemed to hate it when you praised him.

Does he…really hate it that I care about him so much? You sniffled softly through your nose. A creeping wetness in your eyes from either the breeze or something much more delicate. Your soft eyes fluttering between the forest and the low light of your phone. You hadn’t necessarily noticed the pain Kid was in. Far too worried about the silence that he kept creating between you too. As if you were annoying him once again.

Does he…hate me?

Kid could tell that he upset you. All that joy you had was seemingly sucked right out of you. His crying stalled into just a complete exhaustion. Mind wandering to anywhere else but here. “Do...Do some jumping jacks or whatever I don’t know. I’m not going to be there until a bit so just…” He trailed off, checking the time on his dash. It was taking him a bit longer than he thought to get there. No matter how fast he went it didn’t seem fast enough. His eyes caught the passing by 45 mph signs in his headlamps. But of course, he wasn’t going to follow it.

If I hit a deer, I hit a deer. If I get pulled over, I get pulled over. But I’m not stopping till I get to her. That thought pushed him forward, forcing himself to focus on something else other than the pain in his heart.

“But if I do jumping jacks I might barf. You won’t hug me if I smell like barf. I need to be in peak hugging condition.” Your voice came out in a whiny complaint. Your limbs becoming noticeably more and more numb. The huddling not doing much as the wind started to pick up until it howled ominously. You closed your eyes softly for a moment, feeling a bout of sleepiness on you. A wet dampness seeped into your clothes as you felt a bone-rattling chill crawl inside your chest.

“I’ll still fucking hug you. I’ll probably have to carry your clumsy ass back to the car anyways. So if you’re going to barf do it before I get there.” Kids annoyance was only a mask for his worry. He could tell you were getting tired. He could tell he didn’t have much time left.

What…what happens if I don’t make it in time? It was cold. No snow on the ground but winter regardless. A warmer day followed by a crippling cold night.

“What if I get barf in my hair though? I need someone to hold it up.”

A vision of you shivering with blue-tinted skin, chapped lips stinging from the pile of barf next to you, and tears slipping past your eyes came to Kid's mind. He felt his heart lunge so much he coughed spastically. Rubbing over the skin above his heart and lungs before he spoke.

“Y/N…just please don’t barf and please stay warm. I’ll be there soon.” His voice was weak but reassuring. A testament to his utter desperation and hope that this would end well.

He pressed down on the gas even harder. Pushing his car to its limits as he sped down the bumpy road.

Nothing was going to stop him from saving you. Not his stupid feelings and not any other distraction that might come his way.

A rather large drop of slushy water smacked into his windshield. Followed by a distant but bright strike of lightning splitting the sky.

His eyes flickered between the fading light and yet another splash of water hitting the glass. His blood going cold as the loud rumbling of thunder echoed in his ears.

Oh no.

A/N: Okay so I realize that the whole ‘Kid being a mechanic and also doing bad things and worrying about y/n’s safety’ has been done many times before. I love that shit and I eat it up everytime. But this is my take on it and though it’s only a small sliver of their story, I hope it holds just as many emotions. I think there is only going to be one or maybe 2 more chapters after this? It really depends on how much I write in the next go but either way SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. It’s going to get worse and then downright despicable. I apologize in advance.

[astriddestelle]

Imagine seeing black fan art of an anime and not thinking oh cute/cool and moving on.

No instead you get all in your feels and start spouting racist shit, make the VA for the main character who is black deactivate his account and dox a minor all because you didn’t like “check notes” the skin color an artist chose to use for fan art that “checks notes again” has no influence on the show at all.

Fucking pathetic. I mean that from the bottom of my soul.

I will never understand why people get so hung up on fan art. It doesn’t take away from the actual media. It’s equivalent to fanfic don’t like don’t read. Don’t like the art keep fucking scrolling don’t interact with it.

I see fan art I don’t like all the time I would never go out of my way to criticize it cause who fucking cares what some other person draws. It has no affect on my life, by the time I get off social media I've already forgot what the art looked like.

Not to mention none of yall have the talent or skill to draw at that level. Skill-less ass losers. If you don’t like seeing Sero as Hispanic, draw your own fan art and post it, build your own feed, and just don’t interact with art you don't like, it’s not that hard.

And it’s funny as hell cause yall will draw an underage ten year old anime girl hella sexualized with huge titties or some uke shotacon boy and be like it’s just a drawing they're not real blah blah blah but let it be a redraw with a person of color and yall start foaming at the mouths like the miserable rabid dogs you are.

Then yall double down in the dumbest of ways, drawing a darker skin character as light in some sort of gotcha. Like way to miss the point of the character.

It’s always the same arguments that get brought up what if I made Black Panther white. When the whole point of Black Panther is the fact that he’s a Black African. Notice how no one ever calls for Black Bruce Wayne, why cause Bruce is a rich blue blood in America, the likelyhood of said person being black is minuscule. Superman on the other hand could be black bro's an alien. Aquaman was race swapped in the movies and no one gave a shit I wonder why (here's a hint, he passes the paperbag test)

The real reason black characters can’t be race swapped is cause their race is embedded into their character, why, one cause back then when they were being introduced there were no black characters so half of their character was revolved around them being wait for it, black. Because of said reason above, society and the media seems to believe that you can’t have a black character without their being some sort of reasoning behind it. (I.e why is their black people in this show, why is so and so black, despite it not changing anything about the story)

Don’t even get me started on the fact that none of yall would ever dare say this to any person of color in real life cause you’re a bunch of pathetic losers who would get beat to a pulp.

Just sick and tired of the racism so prevalent in fan communities. Cause it's all communities not just anime.

Yall still salty over people drawing Harry Potter as Indian and Hermione as black, or Pansy Parkinson as Asian. Lucas and Erica from stranger things are heavily criticized for every thing their character does and yall hype up every other character cause they’re white. Obsessed with Eddie for doing what exactly? The same shit Lucas does helping his friends fight the upside down. Caleb still has the least amount of followers out of all the men wonder why (hint he doesn't pass the paper bag test)

I don’t intend for this to get much traction hence why I posted it hella late at night but yeah I’m tired and needed to vent.

[resurgentclass-stardestroyer]

Okay I'm going to show myself for the obsessive little freak that I am and just highlight the juicy Hux moments in Chapter 6 of the TLJ novelization, because there's so much good stuff

First sentence:

As the turbolift doors shut, General Hux tugged at the cuffs of his uniform, even though he knew they were perfect.

Off the bat — I just love his nervous, fidgeting little hands. He's constantly rubbing his hands together when he's agitated in the movies. It's his Thing. And nervously tugging on his cuffs in the elevator is a perfect image.

He tried not to think how long it had been since Supreme Leader Snoke had summoned him to his throne room aboard the enormous warship known as the Supremacy.

Snoke apparently hasn't summoned Hux for a personal audience in some time, and that makes Hux nervous. Why? I think it could be either that Snoke's presence and the throne room itself makes Hux nervous, or that maybe Hux is reflecting on the fact that he hasn't been in Snoke's favor lately, or both.

Its designers had anointed [Supremacy] the first of the galaxy's Mega-class Star Destroyers, but such a classification struck Hux as essentially meaningless. True, the Supremacy could deliver the destructive power of a full fleet. But that was a decidedly narrow perspective from which to assess its capabilities. Within the armored hull were production lines churning out everything from stormtrooper armor to Star Destroyers [...] The Supremacy's industrial capacity outstripped that of entire star systems [...]

Hux seems to care much less about the offensive capabilities of Supremacy than its immense industrial and technological capabilities. Which is quite interesting, for The General of an aggressively militaristic regime.

But until that promise was fulfilled, the First Order's capital would be mobile. It would be the Supremacy. It was a strategy that Hux had helped formulate. The Supremacy couldn't be cut off from its supply lines, as it carried them with it.

Hux helped to formulate the concept of a mobile starship headquarters for the FO — a little glimpse into how central Hux was to the development of the FO, despite how Snoke dismisses him. Again, Hux was mostly focused on the industrial advantages.

And the name of Armitage Hux would be remembered, too— of that he was certain. It would be exalted as the builder of the First Order's armies, architect of its technological revolution, and the executioner of the New Republic. And, very soon, the destroyer of the Resistance. For which he would earn another reward, Hux mused. Commander of the Supremacy would be an excellent title... surpassed only by that of Supreme Leader Hux.

Big surprise, Hux is a bit obsessed being remembered forever [which I always think carries some interesting undertones, considering he gets the name from his father]. He also wants to be the commander of Supremacy, if not the Supreme Leader. [I am once again feeling skeptical about the actual weight of destroying the Resistance. It still seems to me that wiping multiple planets and billions of people from the galaxy, the FO's powerful political rival, is a more impressive accomplishment than destroying a relatively small fringe military rival. but alas.] [I believe the whole 'Hux wants to be Grand Marshal' thing was introduced in TLJ, which is something I really like, but they don't mention it here...]

The door opened and Hux stepped into that domain, one of the few beings ever accorded the privilege of seeing Snoke in the flesh.

Hux is one of the very few people to ever see Snoke in person.

Hux knew the Force was real -- his body still ached from being slammed to the deck of the Finalizer. But such sorcery was a last dying echo of ancient history, unreliable and unpredictable where technological prowess delivered certainty [...] There was just Snoke, and his loathsome creature Kylo Ren.

I just love Hux referring to the Force as sorcery so much. He acknowledges its existence and its power, but he thinks it ridiculous and primitive; Hux values the certainty, stability, efficiency, and order technology delivers, over the capriciousness of sorcery.

And Skywalker, whom Snoke and Ren had hunted so avidly, at the expense of much else that needed doing.

!!! I'm reading the novels out of order, so maybe this was harped on in TFA too, but — clear confirmation that Hux was miffed with Snoke's hunt for Skywalker, thought it a waste of FO time and resources, which I think is so important. Hux may have taken Snoke's orders without question, and even defended them when Kylo wanted his own way, but he was still critical of them. It's likely that this has been a point of contention between them since at least the Order became aware of the map, if not longer.

Hux's shoulders tensed at the icy anger in [Snoke's] voice. He forced himself to remain impassive. If Snoke had wanted to kill him, he would have done it aboard the Finalizer, where Hux's demise would have served as an object lesson to others. He would't have wasted time by summoning him here to do away with him in secret. "You say you can track the Resistance fleet even after its escape to hyperspace -- something no military force in galactic history has been able to do," Snoke said, and Hux relaxed. Now the Supreme Leader was in Hux's arena.

Hux is a bit afraid of Snoke [and check that automatic fear response], well aware that Snoke could strike him down at any moment of Snoke's choosing. But he's very calculating about others' intentions and motivations. I love how he quickly puts together that Snoke won't kill him here, that Snoke would've killed him earlier as a demonstration if he wanted him dead.

Love how he relaxes and becomes confident when the topic turns over to Hux's interests. He's at least secure in the superiority of his expertise in the this area over Snoke.

"So your solution to this ancient problem is no conceptual breakthrough," Snoke said. "Your invention is a product not of genius, but brute force." "Brute force is underrated, Supreme Leader," Hux said with a smile.

"Brute force is underrated" is such an interesting but lovely sentiment coming from Hux, and, I think, accurate. He may not be physically brutal and he's much more intellectually focused, but his methods absolutely brutal. The militarism of the Order, and Starkiller, are pictures of 'brute force.' Though, it reminds me of a certain 'loathsome creature'...

Also, 'with a smile'........ cute

As Hux got to his feet, the turbolift opened behind him and Ren stepped into the throne room, face hidden behind his black-and-silver mask. Hux couldn't resist grinning at him. "Hux's new toy appears to be working," Snoke told Ren.

Sorry it's just so funny and kills me that Hux is being such a cunt to Ren when Ren's at his lowest. He can't resist taunting him. Bastard. I love them.

Snoke calling Hux's inventions his 'toys' is pretty dismissive of Hux, and I think revealing of their relationship. But it doesn't seem to bother Hux much, because again this is his 'arena' and he's very confident in his abilities. For apparently being dismissive about them, Snoke puts an awful lot of faith into Hux's 'toys.' It almost comes off as insecure.

Snoke had shepherded the First Order through its years in the galactic wilds, transforming a band of Imperial refugees into a weapon forged to reclaim the galaxy. As such, he would always be remembered. But Hux knew the future would need a different kind of leader--one able to direct the galaxies industries and nurture their innovations, while commanding its citizens' respect. Snoke wasn't that leader. And neither was Ren.

Gah. This is so important. Overwhelmingly important. And-? To me this is like, a glimpse of TFA Hux and Hux as he was meant to be. This is less hysterical hotheaded TLJ Hux. This part mostly speaks for itself and I think plenty has been said by others, I don't have anything unique to add — just that 'while commanding its citizens' respect' is so integral to his character, AND it sounds like it came right out of Sloane's mouth.

One thing about this novel, they really push 'Hux is more interested in industry and technology than military aspects', and honestly I love it. It shows Hux thinking far beyond the war they're engaged in, and shows his intentions — his point isn't galactic militaristic domination for galactic militaristic domination's sake, despite how it appears on the surface. He isn't focused on being a military commander forever. Hux is focused on his future as a leader of a galactic industrial and technological revolution.

I wish they went further in what Hux's plans were in regards to Snoke here. Hux clearly senses his future as the FO's Supreme Leader -- but there's no mention of any plan whatsoever on how he's going to take over. Maybe that's why he failed miserably when Ren declared himself SL :/

[mister-mykal]

9-1-1 8x06 Thoughts on the Buck, Eddie, and Tommy of it all

Okay I have like almost no followers, which makes sense because I usually only normally lurk here. I'm also sure none of my followers are into 9-1-1 here, but I just need to scream into the void on the off chance someone sees this. None of my friends watch this show so I really just hope even just one person reads this and makes me feel a little less foolish because a lot of the discourse here is so "us vs them" and black-and-white. This is gonna be obnoxiously long, so I don't expect anyone to read all this, if any of it, but I'll put a TL;DR at the end. I will not be bashing Tommy or Eddie in this post! Also I'm typing while it's late for me and my ADHD makes me a horrible proofreader, so sorry for typos and the such.

I hate fandom drama, I cannot care less about whatever beef bucktommy stans and buddie stans have I've been trying to mostly ignore it. I'm just upset if this ends up being sloppy writing on the 9-1-1 team's part. I'm gonna try to be nuanced about how I felt about 8x06 because I feel like there is a way to do this and not completely screw the writing for either Tommy or Eddie.

Tommy does not have to be endgame, that is fine. I think Eddie is definitely more popular with the fans and plenty of people love a good slow burn. Their chemistry is also undeniable. But plenty of people enjoy Tommy too, despite his cavalcade of haters. And to have thrown away what seemed like a character arc in the making for him seems like a waste if this is the last we see of him? I hear he's going to be in at least one more episode, so I hope they do that justice. I don't need them back together, I just need this to make better sense.

I know people really hate Lou and Tommy, but I'm pretty neutral about him. (Idk how true the very little things I've see about Lou is because I keep hearing he's homophobic, misogynistic, racist, etc. but I have not be able to find any receipts. If it is true, that sucks and I get why they would try to write someone like that out of the show. However, just I'm gonna focus on it from purely a story perspective right now.) I enjoy seeing Buck happy after all the shit he's gone through in his past relationships. I was cautiously optimistic from the interviews that said he was finally "getting of the hamster wheel". But yet again, Buck loves with his whole heart and has his hopes dashed. It would have been one thing if Buck was the one who ended things, but really? This again? He doesn't need his heart broken AGAIN. I don't care who Buck ends up with, I just want him to be happy and secure with whatever partner he chooses.

Why bring back a previously established character who has some growing to do and then throw them away again? Boooo, if they wanted Buck and Eddie's queer awakening arcs to happen separately, and weren't interested in expanding Tommy's character, they should have just set up Buck with random throwaway guy. Otherwise it's just drama for the sake of drama instead of something that's in greater service to the narrative or character writing. Tommy becoming Eddie's friend first especially feels too intentional. Tommy already having established relationships with Hen, Chim, and Bobby feels too intentional.

Tommy's insecure feelings over Buck eventually choosing someone else, likely Eddie, over him is incredibly real and make sense. He's never felt like he's had a place to belong in general. He's jealous of the 118, he's jealous and threatened by Eddie's relationship with Buck. Honestly, I also wouldn't be surprised if Eddie was the one who caught his eye at first because it's not that hard to clock Eddie if we're being honest. It's pretty clear Tommy was baffled that Buck was fighting to get his attention over Eddie's. Why set up this arc and end it before it's even started? If there's a ever a starting point for Tommy to grow, it's right here and now. Otherwise it makes no sense.

At the same time, Eddie's character writing makes ZERO sense if he isn't a deeply closeted gay man (or at least asexual, but that's unlikely, especially with the way they've been positioning Buck and Eddie for the longest, and especially the way they position Eddie and the Hot That whole interaction with the hot priest and the mustache, beard, fruit juice, plenty of metaphor we all picked up on that. Never has an actual straight character said "no offense, I'm straight" like that within the context of the surrounding narrative. Like come on? Denying yourself FRUIT JUICE? Denying yourself joy?? which gay used to be a synonym for? Girl, please. And even with Josh's speech a bit? I think it's obvious enough that it could also be extended to Eddie, even though he's closer to Buck's age. Growing up Catholic is pretty rough for queer people.

On top of the fact that there are plenty of other hints while he did/does have love for Shannon, it was almost always in the context of that she is the mother of his child. He literally had a panic attack over someone mistaking Ana for his wife, and over their relationship starting to get serious. Ana is a lovely lady that most men that are attracted to women would be happy to have... so what's the issue, really? And then he only thinks about staying with her simply because she could be the new mother to his child. Be so for real.

And Eddie honestly has been pretty awful to the women he has dated, and you can either choose to read that as him being a chauvinistic, exploitative pig (doesn't really align with the rest of his character), or someone deeply in the closet who doesn't really want to be with a woman. (yeah, that's sounds more accurate.)

We can reconcile all of this though. Buck more than likely has romantic feelings for Eddie, I think it'd be silly to think otherwise, but even though Buck has figured out who he is, it doesn't mean Eddie has yet. He's made progress, but he has at least a little ways to go left. As far as Buck knows, Eddie is straight in this moment. He's never hesitated to write him off as his "best friend", while Eddie... well, he'll realize he's in love with Buck soon enough.

Still, I feel like it's a bit disingenuous to say that Buck doesn't care about Tommy at all, he is clearly hurt by the break up. At the very least, even if they don't get back together at all, they need to talk this out like adults and have Tommy explain himself better, because it's obvious Tommy has walls from from past experiences. Doesn't make it okay that he did Buck like that, but no one on this show has been perfect so... 🙄 At the very least we should get that one episode from that "See you around, Buck" (Ouch, Tommy. Though I feel like that was more so Tommy distancing himself to Buck to protect himself more than to hurt Buck.) Though just as easily, we might only ever see him here and there again on calls that require air support so who knows. 🤷🏾

There were some pretty obvious parallels set up between Abby and Tommy this episode. Abby and Tommy were both firsts for Buck, they're both around the same, older age. Both of them are experienced and life and deeply lonely, so how could they possibly turn away someone who has as much love to give as Buck does? Both of them are, seemingly, just stepping stones on Buck's way to self discovery. Buck even says it himself, he calls their relationships "transformative", but obviously because the experiences Tommy has had as an older queer man, he's probably not a stranger to beings someone's flyover until they get to their actual destination. I understand why he would want to protect himself like that.

Even if that's the case, I don't think Buck would want to leave things like this. I know in one of the interviews Oliver says Buck is be heavily considering if he wants to fight for this or not, but at the very least I hope they've shown his growth and showcase his emotional intelligence by calling out Tommy that it's not fair to him to sorta decide how he feels, even if it is Buck's first relationship with a man.

It's far from Buck's first relationship and idk, it feels a little icky to tell the bi person to go fool around a be a slut when he's said that he's tired of sleeping around and wants to settle down. That can just be a character flaw with Tommy (I've met plenty of biphobic monosexual queer people), but at the very least can't Buck call him out on it? Let them have a more mature, complete conversation and let Tommy say the quiet part aloud. At the very least, I get Tommy's intention, he doesn't want Buck to have any regrets, but I don't think he knows just how much he's hurt him and how many times he's been through the situation.

Something really upsetting, even though Tommy has had his problems and hasn't been the greatest person, really sad about any closeted queer person who's been nasty, but much of it came from circumstance, not getting a chance to grow after they literally set that up with the script. Well, you do you I guess. At the very least if Tommy is nothing more than a plot device, couldn't you have let Buck come to conclusion they should break up and give him even an ounce of power in his romantic pursuits for once? Instead of the one loving too hard and too fast and hurting from it? The interview where (I don't remember who exactly) said we wont be seeing much more of Tommy, if at all really annoys me because if this is it? Ugh. That break up didn't feel conclusive at at all.

TL;DR: Wasting a previously established character as a plot device after setting up what seemed like some sort of character arc for him even if he wasn't Buck's endgame seems like really sloppy writing if you decide to discard him back into the obscurity for the rest of the series. It feels like a cheap way to add extra drama and the implications and situations you could create from at least dragging this out a little bit more could create a more satisfying resolution to this at the very least. Why retread old ground again when you said that you wouldn't and waste all the potential you were setting this up with this scenario? It still seems unresolved, so hopefully this tie this up, regardless of who Buck ends with in the end (because the focus really should be on Buck finally getting the love and care that he deserves in a romantic relationship, or at least getting to end one amicably.)

Anyway tear me apart, ignore me, whatever. IDC anymore.

[lpsotd]

important announcement part 2: electric boogaloo

greetings tumblr! i haven't made an original post in (i believe) over a month, and i actually didn't plan on making an announcement about my absence at all, for no real reason honestly, i just didn't want to. however, i think i'm correct to assume there's at least a handful of people who have been my curious about my absence, or perhaps wondering why they've noticed a lack of daily littlest pet shops on their dashboard.

this post is going to be long, personal, and serious. i'm going to be talking about myself, my life at the moment, and what i'm going to be doing moving forward.

you can read everything under the cut. i'm providing trigger warnings for suicide and familial death. the first half of this post is where the warnings apply, the other half is about what i'll be doing with this blog and also relates to my internet presence in general.

the latter half of the month of september was extremely taxing on my mental health, the main reason for my mental decline is not something i'm going to touch on here, as it's too personal and there's no reason for me to air out my private business on tumblr.com of all places. all you need to know is that during late september, i was at my worst. i had been trying to push through and continue my life as normal despite the constant turmoil i was in, and i never had the motivation to do anything with myself besides taking a shower, and even then i was rather neglectful of my hygiene. i had plenty of support from those close to me. my mom in particular did her absolute best to make sure i was comfortable and felt loved and cared for, and i did feel that way. however, at this point in my life i was a ticking time bomb and i don't think any one person would've been able to cut any cords to put a stop to the timer.

on september 26th at around 1:45pm, i made an attempt on my life. i'm not sure what it was about that day in particular, but it was then that i decided i didn't want to deal with anything anymore. fortunately for me, i was stupid enough to post what was essentially a suicide note to my main tumblr blog, which friends of mine took notice of. this, of course, worried people and one of my friends called the police to my house. long story short, i spent a day in the hospital and was sent to a psychiatric hospital the following afternoon.

i was in the psychiatric hospital for little less than a week, and if i were to detail my experience here it would make this post at least 3x longer than i intend it to be. (and i do plan on dedicating a large post to it someday) in short, it was an eye-opening experience and i left with a better view on myself as a person. i was discharged on october 3rd and i'm currently in therapy and looking for other methods to help myself.

the doctor at the psychiatric hospital diagnosed me with adjustment disorder with depressed mood, although i'm made to believe i have borderline personality disorder as i get unhealthily attached to people and my entire mood depends on how they interact with me. due to this belief, i'm hesitant to get too close to people because i don't want to risk becoming emotionally attached/dependent on one (1) sole person and my entire mental wellbeing collapsing due to something like us parting ways. so at this moment i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to pursue a romantic relationship.

for the week i've been home, i've been trying to readjust to normal life again after becoming used to the static routine present in the psychiatric hospital. i've found myself becoming easily irritated and overwhelmed by even the slightest bit of noise in my home because the hospital was always so quiet and calm. i'm unsure if this irritability will go away as i become re-accustomed to the semi-chaotic nature of my home.

on top of all of this, my grandfather passed away yesterday and, as of writing this, i'm in a state of emotional numbness and i've somewhat disassociated from the situation. as it stands currently, life doesn't feel too real and i'm uncertain of how i'm going to deal with this when my emotions finally come to the surface.

that's it for the depressing portion of this post. everything from here will be pertaining to the state of this blog, what i'm going to be doing with it, and also my presence on other social medias among other things.

for the past three or so months i haven't felt very compelled to post to this blog. when i went on hiatus a while ago, i thought time away from this blog would reignite my passion for it and i'd be able to come back and do things like i used to. and while that was the case for a while, i quickly lost interest again and sometime in mid-late july i let my queued posts do everything and i barely posted or reblogged anything aside from gofundmes.

while littlest pet shop is still one of my special interests, i'm no longer as fixated on it as i was when i first started this blog. i once debated turning this blog into a catchall for my toy interest and no longer posting daily lps, however that idea no longer appeals to me and i think i'm going to be calling it quits for this blog.

i'm not happy about this decision, but i no longer get joy from logging on and posting to this blog anymore.

i find it foolish to delete this blog and never use it again, though. i still have over eight thousand followers and i believe i should use that to share and bring awareness to donation posts. so this blog will not be going anywhere.

if you want to follow me elsewhere, my main blog is @joplinspiderz and my art blog is @mushyspiderz. i'm trying to put more focus on my presence in art spaces, as i want to get attention for my art and earn money doing things like commissions, as i'm looking for other sources of income so that i can pay for things i need and can stop feeling like a freeloader in my mother's house (that is half of a joke. but i do really want to help my mom with her bills and such as well as my personal things.)

i also have an instagram, threads, and twitter where i will be posting my art as well. the audience i want for my art is people in my age range (18 and older) as i tend to draw things and characters that are suggestive/sexual in nature. all three socials are currently bare (that will change, of course.) the handle for my instagram/threads is joplinspiderz and my twitter is mushyspiderz.

the person i have been portraying on this blog has been a somewhat sanitized version of who i actually am, as i wanted to create a safe and comfortable space for those who age regress because i noticed a good chunk of the people interacting with my posts were age regressers. i'm 18 years old and i enjoy consuming media that is sexual in nature as well as horror movies. i like to include sexual themes in my artwork and my writing as well. you will not find anything outright pornographic on my socials, however sometime in the future when/if i'm able to, i would like to create a patreon where i post nsfw locked behind a paywall (profiting off of horny fools sounds like so much fun /silly)

i sincerely thank everyone who followed this silly little blog of mine and interacted with me. the littlest pet shop community is one of the best fandoms i've been apart of, everyone i've met and spoken to has been so kind. running this blog was also the reason i encountered two people who i consider to be some of my closest and best friends. if i didn't create this blog i'm not sure if i would've met them.

i've always felt joy when opening my inbox here and seeing messages from people who say things like littlest pet shop was a part of their childhood, and that my blog brought them back to their childhood and made them happy. i'm so very glad i was able to give people a sense of joy and nostalgia. running this blog has been a big part of me getting over being seen as "weird" or "cringe" by societal standards. i embrace being seen as "cringe" and i have my rare lps on full display in my bedroom.

again, i thank everyone who followed me here, and if you wish to support me you can follow any of my social medias where i will be posting my artwork. i will be logging on here every so often to boost palestinian gofundmes and donation posts, and i encourage everyone who comes across those to share as well.

that's all for now, farewell. 🩷

[hannahbarberra162]

Not My Monkey, Chapter 3

on Ao3

All the other chapters

Luffy demands entertainment, you demand to do the dishes, Brook asks for a performance.

Songs mentioned:

I'm Sticking With You

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

“You’re so squishy!” Luffy said, wrapping his arms around you multiple times. It was still unnerving to see the kid stretch like that, much less hug you like a rubber band wound several times around you. He had his head pushed against your boobs, the rest of him hugging you like he was a koala. It was late at night, most of the crew had already gone to bed. You were tired but had nervous energy, you wanted to stay up a little longer. You were sitting on the grass of the tangerine grove, not far from the helmsman. Watching him gracefully maneuver the ship was relaxing and taking your mind off of your worries. He was very zen in some ways, and you hoped his chill would rub off on you.

“Thanks,” you deadpanned. You were used to it, your nieces sometimes told you similar sentiments. But they were children, not captains of pirate ships. You didn’t try to pry him off for now, he could hang on you.

“You’re like a pillow all over!” You gave a half hearted eye roll to the Captain’s statement. Apparently Luffy picked up on your irritation. “What? It’s not a bad thing, why are you mad?”

“I’m not mad, it’s just a weird thing to hear,” you stated. You felt out of place when all these people were so muscled and toned. You walked a lot, sure, but they looked like they trained in the gym non stop. Even Luffy didn’t have much fat on him, despite the amount you saw him eat at dinner. You had a feeling that despite their appearances, Brook and Chopper could hold their own too.

“Well I don’t care. I’m gonna hug you as much as I want.” You scoffed at Luffy's words. How self centered, you thought. But based on what you’d seen of the kid, he was always like this.

“As much as you want? What if I don’t want to hug?” you replied. You wanted to see what the kid would do, if he’d push your boundaries.

“You don’t?!” Luffy gave you the biggest, saddest puppy eyes you’d ever seen as his arms unraveled from your torso. Someone taught the kid well. That or he knew his strengths.

“Nah, it’s ok kid, you can hug me.” He was too cute to say no to. He beamed at you, arms tightening once more like a boa constrictor. 

“Tell me a story from your world,” Luffy demanded. 

“A story? Sorry, I really don’t know the story of this-”

“No, not One Piece, sometimes the readers know other stories. I’ve heard about Goku, Naruto, Yuji, Eren, Izuku, Jojo, Inu Yasha, lots of ‘em. I like those ones, especially Goku. I wish I could fight him in real life. Maybe he could be reader-ed into my world next, you think?”

Based on the names, you thought they all sounded like anime stories. “Ah, I’m not familiar with those, sorry. I’m not really into those kinds of things. I know some other stories though. Uh, hold on, lemme think.” You paused for a moment, trying to think of a story to tell Luffy. You didn't mind entertaining the Captain, he reminded you of your nieces in some ways. You’d been telling your nieces stories when you put them to bed, but they were mostly wish fulfillment about how they would get to go to Elsa’s ice castle or a party under the sea with Ariel, things like that. The last movie you’d watched with them was the Wizard of Oz, which you showed them to get out of watching Frozen for the 487th time in a row.

“Ok, I think I got one. Have you heard of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz?” 

“Nuh uh,” Luffy said, shaking his head quickly from side to side, “I wanna hear it.” He seemed already enraptured and you hadn’t even begun telling the story. 

So you sat on the deck, kept warm by Luffy entangled around you, and told him the beginning of the story of Dorothy and her friends. You told him about Kansas and Dororthy and Miss Gultch, about Glinda the Good Witch, the ruby red slippers, and the yellow brick road. You even sang the songs you could remember, doing them in silly voices if you could. Luffy laughed at your singing and made you sing the Munchkinland songs three times before you could move on. He paid rapt attention to you as you recalled the story of Dorothy and her trials and tribulations in Oz. After you recounted how she met the Scarecrow and his missing brain, you started yawning.

“Alright, Luffy. That’s enough for tonight. I got tired, I’m gonna go to bed.” You gave him a final hug and started to push him off you.

“No! But Dorothy just made a friend! And she hasn’t met the wizard! I need to know what happens next!” Luffy was highly invested in Dorothy’s adventure, but you yawned again.

“I guess you’ll find out tomorrow,” you replied. “I can tell you more of the story tomorrow night, I’m too tired right now.” Luffy frowned but nodded, arms unraveling.

“Jinbe, do you wanna hear it too?” Luffy yelled to the helmsman. In your effort to entertain Luffy, you’d forgotten he was there. 

“I do, it is interesting,” Jinbe replied. “I like it more than some of the adventure tales readers have shared before. Especially the songs.” You blushed, which you hoped was hidden by the night. You felt like Jinbe was your middle school crush and you’d been assigned a group project together, giddy just to be near him even if it wasn't by your design.

“Alright,” you agreed, “we can meet tomorrow and find out what happens to our heroine. Good night, Jinbe. Good night, Luffy.” You gave the kid a kiss on the top of his head and headed off to the women’s quarters. You distantly heard Luffy saying something and Jinbe laughing. You tucked yourself into the little cot between Nami and Robin’s beds, covered yourself with the ratty blanket, and fell asleep almost instantly.

~

In one of the many many documentaries you’d watched over the years, you learned that some birds would sleep for a set number of hours, sleeping until they had their fill. Others would wake up at the same time every day, no matter what the circumstances were. Unfortunately for you, you were like one of the latter. You woke up in what you assumed was the early morning, Nami and Robin still asleep in the pre-dawn hour. Tip toeing out of the room, you weren’t sure where to go. The deck would be cold and you were still in your original clothes you were brought in. At your salon, the requirements were only that it had to be all black, so you were wearing black jeggings and a black long sleeve shirt. You slowly walked the hall, trying to think of where to go. As you passed the galley, you saw the lights in the kitchen were already on.

Going to the galley, you hoped to get a cup of coffee and sit in silence before your brain fully turned on. Opening the door, Sanji was prepping food for some upcoming meal while also baking some kind of breakfast treat. 

“Good morning, Sanji,” you yawned out, going to sit at the dining table.

“Good morning dearest Misty-san. Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up? Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll gently wake you with the rest of the ladies?” You didn’t want to deal with his stupid chivalrous bullshit right now.

“Unfortunately I’m always up at this time, just how I am. Does this world have coffee?”

“Yes, it does, but -”

“Thank FUCK,” you exclaimed, sagging against the wooden bench in relief.

“- but we don’t have any right now. We’re all out, I sincerely apologize,” the blond chef lamented. You closed your eyes momentarily, holding off on cussing out the chef. It wasn’t his fault, but you’d been having coffee since you were 12. You hadn’t missed a day since…ever. 

“Do you have black tea?” you asked, trying to conceal your eye twitch. Maybe if you drank a gallon it would help stop your headache from coming.

“We do, along with several other varieties. I’ll bring you a selection.” Sanji was so courteous it was hard to be annoyed. You held in your huff of irritation, he was trying.

“I’ll get some coffee at the next island. I’ll adjust the budget, which means less meat for Luffy…” Sanji said to himself, probably calculating costs.

“I mean, I can probably make money pretty easy. But don’t you guys just, y’know…steal it?” you asked, gesturing vaguely with a sword slashing motion.

“Steal it? From whom?” Sanji was surprised at your words, he looked almost offended.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to upset you, it’s just that you’re pirates, right? So don’t you like, steal money? Jewels, gems, treasure, that sort of thing? Pillage and loot?” Sanji smiled, apparently not upset with you.

“Not this crew. We find treasure, or grateful people will give us money, but that’s about it. We don’t steal or murder. Not Luffy’s style.” Ah, they were moral pirates. You’d ask Luffy more about it later after you’d had at least 200mg of caffeine.

“What do you mean, you can make easy money?” Sanji asked, referring to your earlier question. 

“You and I have the ability to make money anywhere. Hair and food don’t change from place to place. People need haircuts and people need to eat. You obviously work a lot, I’m sure you want a break, but I can do a pop-up salon. Charge whatever the going rate is, make some cash,” you mused aloud. Pop-ups weren’t your favorite, but it would make money quickly. And you needed coffee, it wasn’t an option. Sanji brought you a mug of hot water and a variety of tea. Looking through them, you made a cup of Earl Gray, hoping it would help. 

“Just leave the dishes in the sink, I’ll get to ‘em in a little bit. I need to be two cups in before I really start moving,” you told Sanji, who had already resumed his chopping. It was pleasant in the kitchen, warm and cozy, listening to the soft clacking of Sanj’s even cutting.

“Ah, ah. You’re not spending another moment -”

“Enough, Sanji. It’s too early to argue. Leave ‘em.” You dismissed the young man’s efforts to keep you from dishwashing using your kind but firm Voice of Authority. It worked in the salon on younger trainees and equally well on Sanji. The two of you sat in companionable silence, you watching Sanji work while sipping your tea. As you sat, the sun started to peek over the horizon and you watched the sunrise through the small window in the galley door.

“Just as beautiful here,” you said to yourself. You’d always liked the sunrise and were happy to see another.

The crew woke one by one and came to the kitchen, seeking Sanji’s company and cooking. You weren’t sure the chef noticed that the kitchen was everyone’s first stop of the day. He really was a sweet kid, he knew what everyone would want first thing and had a hot breakfast waiting for those who wanted it. By the time Franky and Usopp had come into the kitchen, you’d finished your second cup of tea and put it in the sink, heading for the door. You hadn’t seen Zoro or Jinbe yet but you knew Jinbe had been up late the night before steering the boat so it made sense he would be sleeping. 

“Misty-san, you didn’t eat yet!” Sanji called across the room in despair. You weren’t a breakfast person, you hadn’t been since your teens, and no amount of Sanji-pouting was going to change that.

“I’ll eat later, Sanjito, don’t worry. I’m gonna get some fresh air.” Opening the door to the deck, you meandered outside, taking in the view of the sea. Usopp came and joined you a few minutes later, watching the waves with you for a while while the two of you leaned against the railing.

“By the way,” you supplied, “I was completely serious about your hair. It’s absolutely gorgeous, let me know if there’s a particular style you’d like to try out. I’ll do whatever you want I just hope you don’t want it too short, it’s so lovely.” 

“Yeah, I was thinking about maybe doing something, I’m pretty open,” Usopp said, blushing pink. 

“Would you mind if I touched it? Get a feel for the texture and porosity?” you asked. Usopp shook his head and you reached up to touch his beautiful hair, pulling on the length lightly.

“Absolutely amazing,” you cooed at him, causing him to blush again. “If you want I can give you some ideas but really the sky’s the limit for you. You have enough length for almost any style. We can start later this morning if you want, maybe you can catch me up on this world while I work. Two birds with one stone and all that?” You did need to learn how things worked here and Usopp would be fun to spend time with. It didn’t ultimately matter, you’d had many unpleasant clients before, but it was always better to have interesting or funny clients while you stood over them for hours.

“Uh, y-yeah, that sounds great,” Usopp stammered. You removed your hand from his hair and smiled at the insecure man. You’d been brainstorming about his hair that morning and had a few ideas to suggest. You patted his shoulder and he went off to start working. Speaking of, you headed back into the kitchen to see the sink full of dishes and Sanji’s sleeves already rolled up. Luffy was the last person at the table, and was eating a pile of meat.

“Nuh uh, get out kid,” you stood behind Sanji and tried to push him gently away from the sink. The kid had strong sea legs, he didn’t budge.

“My dearest Misty-swan, I simply could not allow you to do these dishes, especially on your own-” Sanji started up, ready to dissuade you.

“Luffy, Sanji told me he wants to make special meat for dinner, but he doesn’t have the time if he does the dishes. And he won’t let me help. Tell him I’m doing the dishes right now,” you commanded Luffy. Luffy looked up at the word “meat,” and gulped down an enormous mouthful.

“‘S’at true Sanji?” Luffy asked. He already had his hands full of more food to shovel in.

“No, well, I mean, I could, there’s tough meat I could marinate to soften for dinner but -” Sanji was quickly interrupted by the boy Captain.

“Misty, does the dishes, Sanji starts the meat for tonight! Issit gonna be a feast?” You grinned snarkily at Sanji at your triumph.

“Captain’s orders, Sanjito. Gotta follow them, right? So skidaddle,” you put your hands on the Chef’s back and gently pushed him again. He allowed himself to be moved from in front of the sink towards the dry storage.

“Alright, but only once more. I can’t allow -”

“Oh hush kid,” you said with no malice, “get to marinating. I’ll let you do the ones after lunch.” And so you triumphed against Sanji once more, doing the morning dishes as Luffy asked question after question about the meat for the dinner. You weren't sure what a "Sea King" was, but you wouldn't be eating it anyway. You hummed to yourself some of the songs from Frozen since you could practically recite the whole movie by heart.

When you were done and the sink was cleared, you realized your clothes were wet from the dirty water. You went off in search of Nami or Robin to see if they had any clothes from previous readers. You found Robin in the library, reading a large tome while lounging in a large overstuffed armchair with her legs folded up under her.

“Hey Robin, question for you,” you started while the blue eyed woman put a bookmark in her spot.

“Good morning Robin. Yes, how may I help you?” Robin smiled kindly, closing her book.

“I was wondering if you have any extra clothes from previous readers that I can wear? Mine got wet,” you asked. Robin put a finger to her chin in thought.

“I think there are a few, but not many. You can borrow clothes from Nami or myself in the meantime if you wish,” Robin replied. You smiled but internally you grimaced. First of all, you were shorter than Nami and Robin. It’s not like you were particularly short, you were average height in your area. But Nami and especially Robin were much taller than you. But more than that, both of them were unbelievably slim and busty, you weren’t sure you’d fit into anything they had just due to differences in proportion. Also, they seemed to prefer skimpy and skin tight clothes, which was completely fine. It just wasn’t your vibe - you preferred oversized clothing for at least a shirt or pants. Today was the second day in a row you’d seen Nami wearing a bikini top as a shirt and it just wasn’t for you. 

“Oh, thanks. Would you mind if I went to go look?” You’d poke around, see if anything would fit. If not, it wasn’t forever anyway. You could make something work for a few weeks.

“Not at all. The reader's clothes are in the wicker basket in our room, and Nami and I keep our clothes in the closet. Borrow what you’d like from the right hand side, that’s mine. You may wish to ask Nami before you borrow from hers as she may charge for certain items.”

“Thanks for the heads up, I’ll ask her,” you told Robin, leaving her to her reading. Charge you? For borrowing clothes? Nami was a shrewd businesswoman, you could respect the hustle, but didn't have any money to pay her with. Heading over to your room, you decided not to bother with finding Nami - you didn’t think her clothes would fit anyway. Looking through the wicker basket, you found a large enough sweatshirt but nothing else you’d think would fit. Robin’s pants wouldn’t fit you either. You settled for a circle skirt she had, but had to roll the waistband quite a few times since Robin was so tall. It was a weird outfit, but you weren’t going to be judged by Tyra or anything. 

As you were going to leave the women’s quarters, you did a double take as you glanced at Nami’s bedside table. There was a giant snail with a rotary phone on its shell. You took a step back and went to give it a closer look. It looked kind of like a woman with tattoos across her chest and a bandana in her hair, but if she were a snail. You ran a finger over the shell of the snail, which caused it to wake up, to your surprise. You thought it was a figurine or something, not a live snail. It gave you a mild smile, lazily blinking at you. You stoked its shell with your finger, the snail almost reaching into your touch.

“Aww, how cute are you? You look like an African Land Snail,” you cooed at the languid gastropod. Of course, you'd watched a documentary about the largest snails on earth and it made you want one as a pet. As you touched the bottom of the rotary on its shell to examine the phone element, the snail whined. “Oh no! Is that too tight for you? Are you a growing baby?” you fretted. Having taken care of your own animals for years meant that you couldn’t leave an animal in distress, even if it was a…snail phone. You went to your hairdressing kit, rummaging around. Finding the screwdriver you used to disassemble your scissors for sharpening, you turned the screws loose on the rotary. When it was loose, you pried it gently off the snail’s lower shell. You could have sworn the snail sighed in relief. 

“I’m gonna call you Toto. Both because of Dorothy and because y’know…African snail…Africa.…Toto…God, I’m funny. People should really appreciate me more," you said to the smiling snail. "Not you, Toto. You’re great the way you are.” You rubbed your hand along its moist neck and it leaned into you. Poor little guy. “I’ll bring you something to eat later, don’t worry.” You patted the snail once more and left to go find Usopp, bringing your train case with you.

On your way to find Usopp, you passed by Brook and gave him a smile. You hoped he didn’t ask to see your panties again.

“Good morning, fair Misty-chan. May I -”

“This better not be about my panties,” you threatened with the screwdriver you were still holding.

“Ah, then I have a different question, Misty-chan. Do you play any instruments in addition to your singing? I always enjoy having additional musicians on board. Some of the readers have taught me such interesting songs, I’d love to hear if you know any.”

You blushed, embarrassed again that everyone had been hearing your singing and humming. “Uh, well, I’m not really a singer. I’m sure you can tell I’m off-key. But I can play a couple of instruments.” 

“Oh? Please, do share,” Brook asked, inclining his head. You weren’t sure how a skull conveyed interest, but his expression did somehow change.

“I can, uh, play the ukelele a little. And I’ve been taking piano lessons for the past few years. I’m not very good at either.” Like all good Millennials, you taught yourself to play the ukelele in 2012 to complete your ‘quirky’ image.

“Would you like to play together? I’d be more than happy to continue your piano lessons if you wish.” You thought about it, you’d started lessons a few years ago as a way to fill your time after…well, after you suddenly had a lot more become available. “My piano is over here, please, if you wish.” Brook had an absolutely stunning grand piano on the top deck, you’d seen it during your initial tour. Your fingers itched to touch the smooth keys, you bet it sounded incredible.

“Are you sure? Sorry, I don’t usually play for anyone, just myself,” you apologized.

“Please, it would be my absolute pleasure to hear you play.”

You didn’t really have a reason not to, and it wasn’t like you were actually busy doing anything in the afterlife. Humoring a skeleton would take only a few minutes of your time, if that. You sat down at the piano, taking a deep breath and placing your hands on the keys. After a quick warmup, you chose a song you had already mastered, The Velvet Underground’s “I’m Sticking With You.” It was cute, the lyrics were easy to remember, and you felt confident enough in your ability to not make a complete fool of yourself. You played the tune, while Brook nodded his head and tapped his foot in time to the beat. When you finished, he gave you a standing ovation, which only made you blush again.

“Incredible! Do not denigrate yourself, you have the makings of an excellent piano player. Thank you for sharing that song with us, the tune and words are so simple yet so meaningful,” Brook complimented. 

“That song was great!” yelled Luffy from across the deck. “It’s like me! I’m sticking with my nakama forever! And you’re all sticking with me!” You got up from the piano bench, smiling at the boy.

“Well, for the next few weeks anyway. After that, who knows?” you said, shrugging. Luffy just smiled even brighter.

“Yeah, who knows?” he repeated after you. The way he smiled was curious, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about your circumstances. You were stuck like glue with them, at least until you died. Again.

“And what about the ukelele? Would you grace us with another song?” Brook asked, pulling a uke out of his hair. You didn’t want to ask about the physics behind that, but took the small instrument. You hadn’t played in a few years but it wasn’t a particularly difficult instrument. You strummed it lightly, making sure it was in tune. Once you were satisfied that it was, you decided to play “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” the Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version. You’d been thinking about it since the previous night when you were telling the story to Luffy.

“Hey, Lu, this is a song from that story I was telling you. This is what Dorothy sings when she wishes she wasn’t in Kansas anymore,” you said to the Captain, who’d come closer and sat near the piano.

Singing the gentle tune, you played and crooned the soft lyrics. Obviously you where nowhere near as good as Israel, but you'd sang it a lot in your twenties and didn't think you sounded too bad. Lost in the music, you didn’t realize the deck had gone silent until you had finished the final notes. 

“Young lady, you have blessed us with this charming tune,” Brook said, taking off his top hat and bowing to you.

“Ah, thanks. It’s uh, nothing really,” you said, embarrassed again. You kept your eyes on the uke, fiddling with it. “I’m gonna, uh, find Usopp now,” you finished lamely, putting the ukelele on the piano bench.

“We can meet this afternoon for your piano lesson,” Brook suggested. 

“Sure, thanks. That’d be uh, nice.” You agreed to meet your living skeleton pirate crewmate for piano lessons, thinking to yourself how you and Dorothy both weren’t in Kansas anymore.

[positivelybeastly]

I'm just curious what the Beast and Abigail Brand relationship is like? (I haven't really read any of the x men comics until now.)

Ouaghhhhh . . . okay, so.

Full disclosure, I am a late comer to the truth of Wonderbeast, and, in fairness, I have an excuse! My trajectory for getting into Beast was reading him in X-Treme X-Men and New X-Men in the early 00s, then falling out of comics for a good long while until X-Men: First Class got me back in. When I got back home from watching the movie, the very first thing I did was go on Amazon, and type in 'X-Men comics.'

This was the very first result I got.

That is my legit Amazon purchase history right there, by the way. December 2011, verified, right there for you.

I bought the first volume, consumed it voraciously, then bought the other three volumes rapid fire. I still have them.

And this is how the Beast/Brand pipeline begins.

When we meet Hank in Astonishing X-Men, he's at a very rough place in his life, still. His best friend, Jean Grey, has recently died, he's still struggling with his anxieties and insecurities over his secondary mutation, still reeling from the psychic attack by Cassandra Nova, and, as if to rub salt in the wound, he's presented with the simplest solution to at least most of his problems.

A cure.

Because let's be real here - we can call it a mutant gift all we want, but some people have it worse than others. Beak, Glob Herman, Maggott, Dummy, Forget-Me-Not, Beast - these people have powers that suck exponentially more than Storm or Cyclops or Emma Frost. They just do. And I am well aware of the fact that this is a nuanced discussion, that Scott has to wear his glasses/visor, and that Ororo has to maintain control over her emotions so that she doesn't wreck the weather systems, I get that. I know that.

But.

It always hits me, the fact that Logan cannot respond to Hank's point specifically. He cannot argue that Hank's X-gene specifically makes him dangerous, because to do so would be fucking insulting - all he can do is blow it out to a macro level, and make it about Hank's status as an X-Man, about the fact that an X-Man admitting that some mutants just want to be cured and all that implies would be a massive blow to everything they represent.

And that is a point, one that has to be weighed up, but you can't act like this isn't literally dehumanising for Hank. Logan literally says he's not a human being, he's an X-Man - his duty outweighs his right to peace of mind and humanity.

Also, no, I don't care that Hank 'did this to himself.' Hank turned himself blue and furry, yes, and he made his peace with that.

But he did NOT choose to mutate into a feline monster with less fingers, new predatory instincts, less humanity. This is a nuance that is almost always lost in this conversation - Sage made this choice for him, and that will always colour this stage of Hank's life. It's very well likely that he might've chosen to go ahead with the mutation anyway, to save his life, but it doesn't matter because he never got the chance.

Treating Hank's different mutations as broadly the same, despite the fact that they are eminently different and they make him feel differently, is one of the many nuances that is often lost by both writers and the fandom at large, and it makes him a less complex character as a result. It is important that classic Hank would not have chosen to cure himself, but feline Hank would. That is important.

This probably seems like I'm getting off track, but I promise you I'm not. This is all vital context for this relationship.

So, the cure is destroyed, although Hank has one sample of it sitting in his lab by the end of the story.

Now, by this point, Abigail Brand has entered the story. She is, to put it bluntly, an asshole - Nick Fury with less warmth.

It's also vitally important that you know that Hank and Abigail's literal first interaction is him making fun of her. I'm not kidding.

So, we fast forward a little bit, and Cassandra Nova comes back, and. Well.

Hank's literal stated worse fear. Thanks for the second dose of trauma, Nova! Really love that!

This is also very important to their relationship. Swear down. Hank is, unfortunately, an unwilling cannibal, and it's all continuing his increasing alienation and isolation and dehumanisation. For someone who is, I would say, best characterised as a humanist, to become, if you'll forgive the ghoulish joke, a humanitarian, is ego shattering.

Anyway, Hank and Abigail begin to interact more and more as S.W.O.R.D forcibly recruits the X-Men to help them with their problems.

And thus, a. Tension, begins to develop.

Anyway, remember how I said cannibalism would be important?

And things continue to roll along . . .

Oh my . . .

Ouuaughhhhh . . . I love heart on his sleeve Hank . . .

So, what is this all building to? Well . . .

And there it is.

Abigail Brand is a massive monsterfucker, confirmed. Love her for that.

Now, this exchange kinda reads differently now, after all the mud that Hank's been dragged through since the mid-00s, especially with X-Force and everything, but at this point in continuity, Hank was still very much one of the most moral, ethical, well regarded heroes in the entire Marvel Universe. He would often be given maxed out stats for conscience and wisdom in expanded material, people would repeatedly state that he didn't have it in him to kill, that he could be trusted to do the right thing - he was a moral counterweight.

And the fact that Abigail wants him on her side because of that? To be her professional bullshit caller? To bring her up to snuff? That speaks a lot about her, honestly. She is not just a thug. She feels. She cares. She has a sense of right and wrong, it's just distorted sometimes by the wider scale of dealing with intergalactic politics and all the attendant bullshit that goes along with them - and Hank gives her perspective. He grounds her.

And to Hank, this is a fucking brand new epoch. He's just coming off a relationship with Trish Tilby where she explicitly rejected him because his form repulsed and scared and unsettled her - and now, this woman wants him because his form is familiar to her. Because it conforms to her sense of attractive. It gives him an all new perspective. He looks like her people. What must that feel like to Hank?

Suddenly, it isn't, I'm a monster to my fellow humans, it's, to the right people, I look beautiful.

(Well, Abigail would likely not use the word beautiful, but.)

That is immensely attractive! And let's be real here - this is all kinda mercenary, to begin with. Abigail wants to fuck Hank because he's hot, and she wants to work with him because she's trying to be a better person but can't trust herself to do it properly; Hank wants to fuck Abigail because he's lonely and isolated and wants to feel wanted, and he wants to work with her because it's a chance to be a contrarian full time!!! What more could he goddamn want?! Feelings have not yet begun to enter the equation.

But that's fine, because this is fun.

And we can let things cook . . .

And it's clear that it takes a little bit. Feelings are entering the equation, but it's not impossible for things to take a backslide here and there. They don't quite completely trust each other yet. They're cute together! But they're still brittle at this stage.

Things could still break apart - except, Abigail does have a heart.

Look at that smug motherfucker.

What really seals it for me is this, though, from a later arc of Astonishing X-Men.

For someone like Abigail Brand, for whom work is everything, there is no clearer way to say 'I love you' than this. She wanted to protect Hank from the consequences of his actions. She wanted to protect him from the perversion of his work, done with good intentions but perverted for ill. She worked, for months, off the books, on things that weren't her jurisdiction, because of Hank.

There's so much that she's not saying here, but this is the EXACT SAME WOMAN who, if you scroll up, just panels ago, was saying there was NO-ONE she would not sacrifice, no enemy she would not sleep with, if it meant that Earth was safe.

The Earth . . . and Hank, apparently.

That is huge.

Also, they kinda have a kid together? Sort of?

That's Broo, Hank's protege. He happens to be around because of a whole adventure where Hank pulled the X-Men into a Brood related nightmare that ended up producing a mutant Brood with compassion and emotions and empathy.

A Brood related nightmare where Abigail was in danger. And why was she in danger?

Because she was being heroic, huh?

And then there's this . . .

Now, this is from Siege (2015), part of Battleworld, so it isn't quite 616 canon, but it's the exact same writer as S.W.O.R.D, so I have absolutely no hesitation in saying that this is exactly how Abby feels about Hank in 616 as well.

"After McCoy, she will never let herself love anything."

Ouauuhhghhhhh . . . they complete each other, quite frankly. He's the moral counterweight to her pragmatic solutions. She's the realist that reminds the optimist that the world isn't sunshine and daisies all the time. He's the bright, colourful, bounding genius, she's the insanely deadly workaholic who hates you. Enemies to lovers.

This is crack to me, friends. This is crack cocaine.

Also, I reject the idea that they're on-again, off-again. These two were locked in from S.W.O.R.D onward, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

It's incredibly clear to me that the X-Men never understood this relationship, just like how they never really understood what makes Hank tick in general, and so they just make assumptions based on what they think they know, because we're literally never shown these two in the middle of one of their supposed arguments. Every time they're on panel together, they're flirting and backing each other up, consistently, every time. Even during X-Force, Abigail is pretty much the only person that Beast treats with respect, and love, and care. They hug, which is unheard of for that version of the character.

Well. There is one other character evil Beast treats with care.

Man, X-Force #50 was all kinds of gay . . .

Anyway. If it weren't for Simon, Beast/Brand would absolutely be Hank's One True Pairing. As it is?

Hank has two paws. He can hold two hands.

[mayhem-ensues]

My Top 10 Sulemio moments

It's been a whole week now since our girls' story ended but the brain rot remains, so I'm listing out my favourite Sulemio moments from the show.

List is going under the read more because it is long and has many images.

Number 10 is this small conversation from Episode 9 between Suletta and Shaddiq. The reason I love this so much is that it’s the first time that Suletta really takes pride in the fact that she’s Miorine’s groom. A lot of people are of the belief that Suletta first starts really developing romantic feelings for Miorine after Episode 7, and I think this scene really highlights that change in Suletta’s feelings.

The other noteworthy thing here is that it really illustrates the difference between Suletta and most of the other people in Miorine’s life which is that she actually trusts Miorine to make her own decisions.

Number 9 is the late-night conversation between Suletta and Miorine in Episode 4. I love this scene not just because it’s the first time where they really start to learn more about each other, but also because it does set up the parts of their character that would cause problems for them later. Suletta is proud to carry the expectations of Mercury because she loves the idea that she can be useful to them, whereas Miorine thinks it’s an unfair burden to carry. It’s a nice set-up for the later drama to come when these two aspects of their personalities clash.

And this is something that I really love about Suletta and Miorine’s relationship. When there is friction between them, it always comes from a place that is true to the characters rather than the drama coming from forced “misunderstandings.”

Also, there’s only one bed in Miorine’s living area and Suletta certainly wasn’t leaving to go back to whether she slept before she joined up with Earth House that late at night. They 100% shared that bed.

Speaking of friction between the two characters, here’s Number 8 on the list, the Greenhouse conversation from Episode 16.

I find Miorine’s desperation in this scene to be really heartbreaking, she’s looking for any sign, no matter how small, that Suletta might go against Prospera’s wishes if the circumstances were right, but Suletta’s still in too deep at this point. The fact that Miorine is visibly hurt by the conversation here says so much, considering how far she’s previously gone to maintain her composure. Even during the big emotional moment in Episode 11, she doesn’t want Suletta to see her cry, but here she genuinely breaks emotionally and can’t hold it in at all when Suletta admits that she would kill for her mother.

Number 7 is Suletta reaching Permet Score 5 and it’s a moment I love for more or less the same reason I love the previous scene, any scene where a normally stoic character really shows how much they care is an incredible scene in my opinion.

And of course, everything leading up that is excellent too. Miorine choosing to trust Suletta’s decision to pilot the Calibarn despite the very real dangers, even pushing to activate higher levels of Permet when the others were hesitating is a perfect display of Miorine’s faith in Suletta, and a perfect turnaround from her earlier, misguided attempt to protect Suletta from the Gundam’s Curse.

At Number 6 we have the moment that this show left me with permanent emotional scars.

Miorine forcing herself to abandon Suletta for “her own good” was always going to be heartbreaking, but they really twisted the knife by having Suletta fantasize about their perfect wedding while Miorine’s fingers hovered over the trigger. And then on top of all that, they just had to go and play the damn Happy Birthday song AND have Miorine tossing back cool-san! Like, they really stuck the boot in there.

Like, when I was re-watching the show, I have to admit I found it genuinely difficult to re-watch this scene again and that’s how you know it was really well done. Suletta begging for another chance while her entire life crumbles around her haunts me.

Show of hands, how many people started watching the show because of this exact scene? Cause seeing people talk about this moment was definitely what got me to watch the first episode.

Don’t think I have to elaborate too much on how good this scene is or what it means for their relationship, but I will say that Suletta’s reaction when she finds out she’s engaged is probably still my favourite Suletta face.

Also, Miorine completely sidestepping the potential “but we’re both girls tho?” drama by talking about how common gay marriage is was perfection.

More shows should have that amount of courage.

Number 4 is the happy ending. After everything these two went through over the course of the show and also some of the dumb stuff that was said about their relationship by real people, seeing them end the show married, in love and living their best lives was unbelievably cathartic.

Also, extra bonus points for having Suletta end the show disabled and not having it treated as an awful tragedy that mars the happy ending or having it be something that she can just overcome with sufficient willpower.

While I would have loved to have seen the wedding on-screen, the fact that we ended the show with married sapphic women in as big a franchise as Gundam is already pretty incredible.

Wedding OVA when tho?

At Number 3 we have Suletta and Miorine using healthy communication for the first time!

As I said earlier, one of the things I love about the relationship between Suletta and Miorine is that any drama between them is true to their characters, Suletta is insecure in her relationships and needs to feel “needed” to feel safety in those relationships and Miorine is cold and closed off emotionally since her upbringing makes it hard for her to trust. As such both of them have trouble communicating exactly how they feel.

That being said, in order to be truly great, conflict and drama needs to be followed up with by a satisfying resolution. And in terms of providing a satisfying resolution to all that drama, they absolutely knocked it out of the park in this scene. Miorine explaining to Suletta how much her life has been changed for the better since they met, actively working to accommodate Suletta’s desire to feel useful and asking to be together forever. Like everything here was exactly what it needed to be.

Also, as well-done as the emotions were here, it would be remiss of me not to mention the goofy looney tunes style chase scene that proceeded it was also brilliant.

The number 2 spot on the list goes to the formation of Gund-Arm inc.

When we meet Miorine she is very upfront that her one and only goal is to escape the Benerit Group and go to Earth. Although she passes up on the chance to escape from Earth to save Suletta in Episode 2, she’s still pretty clear about what her ultimate goal is. Although it goes unsaid for several episodes after this, this is the moment that Miorine decides that keeping Suletta safe is more important than making it to Earth by willingly tying herself to a Benerit Group company just to keep Suletta and Aerial safe. Even bowing before her father and begging for his help, probably the last thing that Miorine ever wanted to do, in order to make sure her plan worked. If this scene doesn’t illustrate just how much Miorine was in love with Suletta even at this early stage of the story, I don’t know what will.

In addition to the scene just being completely incredible in every way, the other reason it ends up so high on this list is because this scene marks a pretty clear turning point in Suletta’s feelings for Miorine. I think most people now, generally agree that this scene is probably where Suletta starts falling for Miorine for real, and after rewatching the show I think that idea comes across very clearly. From this point onward, Suletta clearly takes a lot more pride in her title of Groom, she’s a lot more openly affectionate towards Miorine, and also a lot more concerned about how Miorine perceives their relationship.

So yeah, awesome scene, huge turning point in their relationship, Number 2 spot.

And finally, we reach my number one favourite Sulemio scene, their reunion in Episode 22.

Just take everything that I said about the scene from Episode 11 and multiply it by 10. Suletta reappearing in Miorine’s darkest hour to remind her to keep moving forward was everything I needed after a rough couple of episodes for Miorine.

Also, the whole scene is just a perfect show of how Suletta developed over the course of the show. Suletta starts the show shy, insecure in her relationships, not particularly confident in her words, and following orders rather than working toward her own goals.

Here, Suletta is able to speak with complete confidence about how Miorine changed her life, about the things that she’s done wrong and the things she wants do better, and about her desires for the future.

Of all the scenes in this show, this is the one that had me tearing up the most, and for that, it absolutely deserves the number 1 spot on my list.

Also, that handholding. Hoo boy, that is the most emotionally intimate handholding I’ve seen in my life.

So yeah, that's my list of my favourite Sulemio moments. If your favourite scene wasn't one of the ones that made my list, then tell me about what made you love that scene so much because I love this show, and I love these characters and I will read anything about them.

[falmerbrook]

now I wanna know about Vivec and Sotha Sil too hehe

Vivec

First impression

Pretentious esoteric lore antagonist (his fandom portrayal made me assume I wouldn't care for him)

Impression now

I don't understand him fully but that's part of the appeal. He's almost like a real person in that regard. Most people don't get him either (and even less) but that's ok to me. My own interpretation is definitely not based very solidly on canon but he's invaded every crevice of my brain so I don't fight it. My beloved meow meow

Favorite moment

The conversation the Nerevarine has with him in Morrowind. I interpret the whole thing as the most honest he's ever been with the player (not fully honest, but more honest than we've otherwise ever seen) and I think it gives us the most clear picture into his character in a way that is really obscured (purposefully) in the 36 Lessons and his ESO appearance. I came to love him from his Morrowind dialogue so I'm just partial to it.

Idea for a story

I would love to see Nerevar and Vivec hijinks before Nerevar became king (sorry I'm tired so not that detailed).

Unpopular opinion

Now here's a character where I have a lot of them but the biggest are 1) I think folks lean way too much into the crazy weird metaphor stuff (and/or interpret his weird metaphor stuff too literally) when his actual in-game portrayal show us that he's actually pretty conversational and "normal" and 2) I personally headcanon that he died before Baar Dau fell rather than still being out there somewhere.

Favorite relationship

Obviously his relationship with Nerevar is one of my favorite to ponder on in the while series, but also his relationship with Almalexia and Sil as a trio. I wish we got some Tribunal interactions in general but I think unfortunately that opportunity is behind us now.

Favorite headcanon

Where do I even begin. The line between interpretation and headcanon can get blurry with him. To keep it brief (and I guess this isn't a "favorite" either but whatever) in terms of his identity as a mortal I picture him as intersex (but afab, determined by the folks around him as a child) a bigender (not that he would necessarily put a label on it however), dealing with dysphoria for most of his life and always feeling a little unsatisfied with himself over this issues with gender. Whatever he has going on as a god is way too complex to put a label on.

Sotha Sil

First impression

His Morrowind appearance inspired absolutely 0 impression on me other than "wow this is fucked up" so I got my first impression from the fandom: The woobified one. He seemed to get more attention (like, genuine interest, not meme attention) than Almalexia and Vivec so being a little contrarian a liked him a lot less.

Impression now

I want to study him under a microscope. Definitely one of the most interesting and emotionall engaging characters in the series and while Vivec is still my favorite, I get the hype. Although, also like VIvec, I am more interested in his character and how he got to where he is as a person than his philosophy or connection to the metaphysical world or whatever.

Favorite moment

Despite how much attention his character gets in ESO, I'm now realizing we don't actually see that much of him. I'd probably say the conversation we have with him at the end of the Clockwork City main quest.

Idea for a story

It's late at night and I'm too tired for this one rn sorry!

Unpopular opinion

Idk if this is actually unpopular but it is underrated imo. I like that the Clockwork City DLC portrays him as kinda fucked up in the way he rules. It's like a dystopian utopia. I'm glad that he also gets to be a little corrupt and fucked up like Almalexia and Vivec. All three of them screwed up in the way they ruled at some point, but all three of them also genuinely cared and tried at some point also.

Favorite relationship

I'm most intrigued by his relationship with Vivec+Almalexia and Nerevar. None of them are developed like, at all, but i want to know more and think about it a lot!

Favorite headcanon

He lost one of his arms in the attack on Ald Sotha, and throughout his mortal life continually built and refined prosthetics that started out very basic and over time got better and better.

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

long personal post about how actually things have gotten better

warning: mention of heavy topics

so im deciding to start re-embracing the joy and sincerity and vulnerability i had at 15. Tumblr was literally my diary.

however the suicidal ideation of being 15? no. tho we still have bouts of hopelessness, but its different now. however i do rlt struggle to refer to that time as being suicidal, but im not sure there is a better word. like i did not want to live, but i did not want to die - because all of my thoughts and logic had me convinced that yeh, it could (and likely would) be worse ... moving on...

i also used to actually reblog stuff. not just scroll and like. and ive been reblogging more lately.

why wasnt i reblogging or posting?

at some point i became very repressed. i shut down self expression and started just internalising all of my lows and lots of other thoughts. i had some bad friendships and experiences and shitty home life where i adapted by just burying everything. not just the bad stuff. i was terrified of judgement and having the things i enjoyed and cared about and liked, be torn to shreds. i was also very scared to say the wrong thing (thanks Tumblr Moral Perfectionism and Purity Culture). but whilst im still not comfortable sharing my passions and emotions IRL... thats just common sense. its mostly family and experience has taught me that they will insult me. i am a lot less afraid of cringe. and im a lot more confident in my own thoughts and opinions. we could also talk about how fandom died for me in 2016 and iykyk. like i lost hope and didn't see the point trying to care again if loss was inevitable. its one of those grand philosophical questions and my answer was that it was better to have no joy or love than it was to risk having something and suffering the pain of losing it... but that is an anxiety mindset. you cannot be happy living out of caution. the greatest joy comes not without risk.

anyways, for a few years now, ive really been on the up. i got some diagnoses which meant I could finally start to understand myself and what was going on and why, and I could learn to manage it. And im not just talking mental/neurodivergence. i was also really physically sick for a long time and im still dealing with the trauma of that because noone fucking believed me (ps. if anyone knew me during that time and you did believe me. thanks. but also despite my memory being shit, ive got to say noone rly knew me during that time. i was very shutdown and had very limited interaction with anyone.) and all i just kept hearing about during that time was how lazy I was and how i must have a really low pain tolerance but ANYWAY. point is, im doing better.

still not living in a perfect situation, and im still not well (i never will be, such is the nature of "chronic" ) but im not living in a state of fear and dread every single day. im in a much better place.

am i exhausted constantly bc i now have a fulltime job and it is unnecessarily stressful and also physically demanding and also i have very little energy to begin with? yeh. but also do i love my job? also yes.

do i have very real concerns that im going to burn out and/or my condition will worsen and i will be unable to work and support myself and i wont have a safety net? also yeh. thats that bouts of hopelessness i mentioned earlier.

but mostly, im doing okay.

i dont have as many friendships as i used to, or any especially close friends but, the people i do have in my life are good people. i dont feel constantly scared that i will say the wrong thing - something embarrassing or awkward or questionable - and that they will abandon me. there is a sense of security.

i dont rly have anyone that I feel completely comfortable and relaxed around but im getting there. Like very almost there, for the first time in my entire life. i can see the possibility of being accepted and at ease. and it is really only me holding myself back. (one day i will figure out how to relax).

i constantly joke about having cured my anxiety but honestly? i kind of did. the thought patterns are still there but I'm so much better equipped to recognise and manage those thoughts. my every action is no longer dictated by my anxiety. most of the time I'm barely aware of what im doing. which thats its own issue... But im no longer in a perpetual state of hypervigilance and that is good. im not even on antidepressants anymore. I've got the anxiety under control, not the other way around.

if 15 year old me met me now- she would be slightly disappointed that i didnt have my own place - but otherwise she would be so shocked at how well i function and how confident i am and how happy i am, and shocked that i now actually want to live a life.

im also, as i said, making an effort to actually give a fuck again. im gonna start caring about things and im not gonna shut up about it.

im going to be more open and honest. and im going to learn how to be me.

being vulnerable is the absolute most terrifying thing but thats my goal. thats the necessary risk. it won't come easily or naturally or right away, but i will get there.

things are looking up.

[sephirothsplaything]

DNA| Sec.80 high power- chapter 7

a/n: Hiiii omg we've finally arrived to the beginning of the real story. Can you tell i've been setting a lott of stuff up? Like a lot of stuff?

Rhaella and Corlys’s relationship is so goated btw. Rhaella's characterization is coming through slowy but surely lmao

anyways.. tell me wat you think <3

word count: 2082

Another night of restlessness latched itself onto Rhaella. She rolled over with a groan of discontent.

It was morning. The beams of sunlight permeated through her chamber window. Rhaella’s sleeping gown was dampened by sweat. The night terrors had not ceased since her time in Kings Landing weeks prior.

The darkness.The fire. It was a repeated pattern she could not escape from. Rhaella’s brain pulsed with paranoia at the possible meaning of it all.

Had she been cursed? 

Rhaella made herself ready for the day. Maids ushered themselves into her room. One straightened out her dress while another fussed with her silver hair, arranging it into a thick braid. Despite their best efforts, stubborn curls fray out onto her forehead.

The dark Dragonstone halls surrounded Rhaella as she walked towards the main room. There sat her father, Daemon at the head table. Rhaella hesitated to make her presence known to him. Ever since the death of her mother, their relationship had become strained. 

More on Rhaella’s part rather than his.

“Rhaella?” Daemon called out to this daughter. “Come sit.”

Rhaella closed her eyes for a moment. Maybe if she stood still he would forget

But to no avail. Rhaella knew her father would not ask again.

Walking over, Rhaella sat a distance away from her father. She tried to keep her expressions minimal.

Unfortunately for her, there was no hiding from Daemon.

“ You were late to dock the boat when we left Kings Landing,” Daemon said. There was no room for denying it. It had been stated as plain fact.

Daemon was met with silence. He watched his daughter slightly readjust in her seat, discomfort evident.

“What happened?” 

Rhaella wondered if there was even a point to lie. Her father seemed to always know when something troubled her despite keeping to herself.

She hated that. It made her feel weak.

“I was summoned by her grace,” Rhaella said.

“What did Alicent want with you?” Daemon said.

Rhaella had effectively backed herself into a corner. Was she really going to disclose that her carelessness was the reason for the meeting?

“Breakfast,” Rhaella said. Daemon scoffed at this. Rhaella toyed at the fabric of her dress. Suddenly, she felt as though she was a young girl again, being helplessly scolded.

Daemon stared Rhaella down with such force, nearly compelling the information out of her.

“Do you think me an idiot?” Daemon asked. It was less of a question by the sound of his voice.

“No.” Rhaella’s response was immediate. Her hands were shaking, but it was far from fear that she felt.

“Then tell me the truth, Rhaella,” Daemon said firmly.

“The entirety of it.”

“ The queen seemed to be concerned regarding my friendship with Aemond,” Rhaella said. She decided it would be better if she chose her words carefully.

She watched her father lean back in his chair. Daemon raised an eyebrow at her choice of words but said nothing further regarding it.

Rhaella could tell her father wanted to say something regarding that, but let it be.

“She was worried about what people in the realm would whisper about my maidenhood,” Rhaella mumbled. 

Daemon heard it anyway. His eyes were enraged.

“Alicent is a shrewd cunt just as well as her father,” Daemon said.

Rhaella could see it now. Her father would fly back to Kings Landing and burn the Red Keep to the ground.

It wouldn’t be for her sake. Only to retain his own pride.

“Father, please.” Rhaella urged. A slight panic inched its way onto her face.

“I’ve taken care of it,” Rhaella said.

Daemon shot his daughter a stern glance.

“Have you?” Daemon said. Rhaella glanced down the hall. She knew her sisters were no doubt listening in.

“For all you know, Aemond could be whispering in his mother’s ear about you,” Daemon said.

No. Aemond wouldn’t dare do such a thing to her. Of this fact, Rhaella was most sure.

Rhaella’s silence only further infuriated Daemon.

“ Do you think he’d go against his mother for you?” Daemon scolded. 

Rhaella couldn’t even look her father in the eye. She knew the truth.

The same truth that she would do anything for her family.

“And the maesters tell me you are the smartest of my children.” Daemon scorned further. 

Rhaella stood from her seat swiftly, causing the chair to push back with a screech. 

“Whatever you wish to say to me father, I can take.” Rhaella snapped. No matter how hard she wished to repress her nature, the blood of the dragon was hard to deny.

“ A man like him will only harm you in the end, I’m sure you know this,” Daemon said, voice softening slightly. 

And of course, Rhaella knew. She knew that Aemond’s values and temperament had completely changed over the years. 

What was more frustrating was that she’d remained the same. Holding onto someone who knew her so well. 

However, Rhaella’s sound reasoning had fled from her mind in her anger. Spite had taken its place.

“Nykeā vala raqagon zirȳla?” Rhaella said bitterly. Her arms were crossed in defiance. ‘A man like him?’

“One that would abandon his daughters at their mother’s funeral in favor of his niece, you mean?” 

Rhaella retained no joy from stabbing her father in this way. But harsh words seemed to be the only language he understood at times.

Daemon sighed. It was an argument he knew very well. Although he rarely addressed it, he could see his once sweet daughter grow into a being that held the world against him.

Hers was the curse of observation. And he was well deserving of it.

“Rhaella.. I loved your mother deeply.” Daemon said.

It was Rhaella’s turn to scoff. Maybe he did love her mother, but he loved the Princess as well.

Rhaella had no desire to continue the conversation. She had her fill of her father.

“I wish to leave for Driftmark,” Rhaella stated. 

It was not framed like a question.

“My grandsire has been unwell for some time and I have yet to see him,” Rhaella said.

Rhaella did not wait for permission. She walked to the hall and turned the corner, but it was not one of her sisters she was met with.

It was the Princess Rhaenyra. Rhaella was no less frustrated at the sight of her.

“Your father cares for you,” Rhaenyra said. Rhaella could tell her previous words had also hurt the princess. She had also cared for her mother.

But Rhaella didn’t much care at the moment. She shifted away from the princess's touch, going to her room.

Whilst packing up some of her things, Rhaella’s mind mulled over her father’s words.

There was something much larger brewing in the realm. Rhaella was unsure what exactly it was.

Reaching the docks, Rhaella got onto the ship. In truth, she deeply missed her grandsire. Baela had her special bond with their grandmother, but Rhaella and Corlys connected differently.

She could recall sitting on his lap as a young girl while he told her stories of his time at sea.

Moments later, Rhaella arrived at Driftmark. There was no one to greet her as this was more of a surprise visit.

Rhaella strolled through the great halls, stopping occasionally to admire her grandsire’s collectibles.

“Lady Rhaella?” A voice echoed through the hall. Rhaella turned to see Ser Marc, an advisor to the Driftwood throne.

“Hello, Ser.” Rhaella greeted. Her hands folded politely in front of her.

“And what brings you here?” Ser Marc questioned. 

“I’ve come to see the condition of my grandsire,” Rhaella said.

Ser Marc smiled down at the girl. He escorted her to Corlys’ room. 

“Lord Corlys, you have a visitor.” Ser Marc said. Corlys slowly turned his head to see his beloved granddaughter.

“I see that even the mighty Sea Snake requires rest.” Rhaella teased. She sat herself at the foot of his bed.

Corlys lightly chuckled before turning to cough. Rhaella grimaced in worry.

“Your grandmother says it’s the Gods’ way of humbling me,” Corlys said.

Rhaella hummed at the thought. 

“Perhaps you should listen,” Rhaella said. 

Corlys slowly sat up in his bed. “You came here alone?” He asked.

Rhaella fixed her gaze on the adjacent wall. Sometimes it became incredibly inconvenient to be known so well.

“Rhaella..what happened?” Corlys asked. Despite herself, she knew it would be a relief to be completely honest for once. 

“My father,” Rhaella said simply. She heard her grandsire sigh out.

“I’ve always known Daemon to be rather...difficult,” Corlys said.

A tame description by all accounts.

“He’s always treated me differently from my sisters,” Rhaella said. And it was true. Baela was always closer to their father, the lords called her the best of their parents. Rhaena in addition had been loved by all in Pentos.

Rhaella had been the outlier. The strange one.

“He loves you no less,” Corlys said. Rhaella’s fingers traced patterns into the bed absentmindedly. She loved her father, but he truly did not understand her.

Another subject had crossed her mind. 

“Grandsire..what do make of dreams?” Rhaella asked.

The abrupt change in conversation left Corlys confused.

“How do you mean?” Corlys asked.

Rhaella inched closer. A sudden look of intensity crossed her face.

“If the Gods are truly real...do you suppose they communicate through dreams?” Rhaella asked.

Corlys was silent for a moment at the prospect of the odd question. 

“I believe that the Old Valyrian Gods watch over us all,” Corlys said finally.

Rhaella huffed in dissatisfaction. This did little to alleviate her pondering.

Standing up from the bed, Rhaella smiled at her Grandsire.

“Rest well, so that you do not continue to worry my grandmother,” Rhaella said.

Rhaella gently closed the door behind her. She continued her meaningless roaming until she stopped by one of the main doors, seeing her grandmother, Rhaenys.

“Grandmother!” Rhaella called out. Rhaenys looked up in surprise.

“Rhaella?” She walked over to her granddaughter, embracing her in a tight hug.

“What are you doing here?” Rhaenys asked. Rhaella was beginning to grow tired of the question.

“ I wanted to see Grandsire,” Rhaella answered. Rhaenys placed her hands upon Rhaella’s shoulders, a gentle expression on her face.

Rhaella noticed some of her grandmother’s things packed in a bag.

“Are you going somewhere?” Rhaella asked. 

“ The King does not have much longer, I venture,” Rhaenys said. “I plan to visit him briefly, offer him comfort.”

Rhaella had no strong connection to the King Viserys, based on her father’s rants regarding him, they might have shared some common interests. 

“I wish not to return to Dragonstone for a time,” Rhaella said. Rhaenys’s head cocked slightly to which Rhaella ignored.

“Let me come with you,” Rhaella asked. Rhaenys contemplated the question for a moment. 

“I’ll arrange for a letter to be sent to Dragonstone, lest your father raises all seven hells at your absence,” Rhaenys said.

It was hardly a joke. Her father’s temper was not to be trifled with.

Rhaella followed her grandmother to the moor. They came into view of the large she-dragon, Meleys.

She watched as her grandmother saddled Meleys, who continued to laze about in the grass, half asleep. 

“The red queen has grown quite docile I see,” Rhaella commented. She approached the dragon with caution. 

“Nothing to be hostile about these days I suppose,” Rhaenys said. 

Rhaella slowly reached her hand out to the dragon. It had been long since she’d seen Meleys, Rhaella doubted that the dragon even remembered her.

Meleys gave a slight snarl, causing Rhaella to pull back slightly. 

“Oh stop that Meleys.” Rhaenys scolded. 

Rhaella opted to brush her hand against the dragon’s side,to which she allowed.

“Baela told me you refuse to take a dragon egg,” Rhaenys said.

Rhaella felt herself turn cold at the topic. 

“The dragon that was hatched to me was malformed, I refuse to cause such a fate onto another,” Rhaella said. Her voice had grown distant. 

“Rhaella, that wasn’t your fault,” Rhaenys said.

Her grandmother’s words were no remedy for the growing numbness pulling at her.

She was undeserving of something so innocent. It was possible that something was all wrong with her. The Gods had made themselves clear.

Damn them.

Rhaenys helped her Rhaella onto Meleys. Rhaella secured her arms around her grandmother.

“Allow me to tell you this granddaughter,” Rhaenys spoke again. There was assurance in her voice mixed with something else Rhaella could not quite place.

“Men should shake in fear the day you claim a dragon for yourself.” 

[starry-eyed-steve]

I'm annoyed with people who completely vilify s1 Steve or King!Steve in general and put him onto the same level as Billy or Jason, when in canon, it's simply not true. Steve did one bad thing at the end of season one, which he realised, immediately checked himself, and apologized for.

People act like he was a big bully, constantly shoving people into lockers and committing hate crimes, so to speak, when in reality he wasn't like that.

The reason he was an asshole to Jonathan was because Jonathan put himself into the role of being the school weirdo. Plus, him being a creep and taking those pictures and developing them in school isn't exactly helping his case. Steve smashing the camera was totally valid as Jonathan violated Nancy's privacy and Steve's as well. He didn't have to buy him a new camera because he was in the right for that.

Throughout s1 and s2, Jonathan gives off "I'm not like other girls" vibes, he constantly judges people who are popular, and he even judges Nancy. Will called him out for having no friends because Jonathan doesn't want to open up. Granted, he suffered a lot of trauma and had to grow up quite early to take care of Will. I won't hold this against him because he had it not easy, but it still doesn't change the fact that he can be a judgemental asshole, like Steve essentially.

In s1 ep 2 it was shown how King!Steve wasn't this big asshole when he throws the party. He invited Nancy because, duh, he liked her, but when Barb showed up, he never made a big fuss about it even though he probably anticipated Nancy coming there alone. Later, when Barb cuts herself, after being pressured by Nancy to participate in drinking, he never made fun of her for that. He was concerned and honestly less of an ass than Nancy was in that scene. To me, this shows his true character because he could have easily made Barb feel terrible in that situation, as he obviously doesn't like her that much, but he didn't because he isn't evil. Even after she was gone to take care of her hand, he never made a joke about it with Tommy or Carol.

In s3, when Robin gave her speech to Steve as to why he was the worst (after him being brutally tortured which was played off for laughs) she couldn't even come up with good reasons why he was so horrible. She literally says Steve was a real asshole because he:

Was late to school

Asked dumb questions

Was funny and cool

Got bagel crumbs all over the floor (the worst crime committed by a person)

And the girl she liked was only looking at him and his "stupid" hair.

Another reason why the show itself villainizes Steve so much, and has to remind him and the audience how bad he was every season, is because it's written by people who were nerds and had a bad experience in high school. Like the basic concept of the show is nerds=good and jocks=the devil. They are literally judging popular kids because of their own prejudices. And with how they set up s5, Steve will have to prove again he's a changed man, this time to Jonathan (again) despite him saving his ass twice, and him apologizing to Jonathan in s1. It's like Steve is never allowed to truly move on, simply because he was popular in high school. He still has to make up for the mistakes of his past while other characters in the show just get a pass for theirs.

We are never shown this big evil Steve, we are only told by people who themselves have prejudices towards the popular crowd. Eddie literally gave this whole speech about how he doesn't like people who fit in, he was harassing them and couldn't find it in himself to postpone the final campaign because he hated how Lucas wanted to venture into other hobbies. (The show basically vilified Lucas for playing basketball.) Eddie isn't really better than the popular kids. However, because he's a nerd, he isn't portrayed as the villain but as a person who just gets it.

In conclusion, yes, Steve was an asshole in certain situations. Yes, he was (still is) vain and cared about his reputation. But in no way was he this big bad bully like people and show make him out to be. He was popular because he was charming and had the ability to converse easily. I mean, he was still able to become prom king in 1985, despite falling from grace in '84. He wasn't awkward and knew how to make people like him. He was still King!Steve up until Billy, even with dumping his friends, because he probably got along well with others in general and was only judgmental towards people who actively seeked out keeping to themselves rather than participating in "normal" high school society and were judging the popular crowd for participating in return.

Also worth noting is Steve being mean or an ass was really amplified by the friendship with Tommy and Carol. It's like he thought he needed to be extra mean in order to be perceived as cool by them and vice versa. They all brought out the worst in each other, when Steve realized that he cut them off. Like he said, he cared a lot about superficial things, but in the end, when it comes to serious things, he will always come around.