#not my monkeys not my circus

[hannahbarberra162]

Not My Monkey, Chapter 3

on Ao3

All the other chapters

Luffy demands entertainment, you demand to do the dishes, Brook asks for a performance.

Songs mentioned:

I'm Sticking With You

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

“You’re so squishy!” Luffy said, wrapping his arms around you multiple times. It was still unnerving to see the kid stretch like that, much less hug you like a rubber band wound several times around you. He had his head pushed against your boobs, the rest of him hugging you like he was a koala. It was late at night, most of the crew had already gone to bed. You were tired but had nervous energy, you wanted to stay up a little longer. You were sitting on the grass of the tangerine grove, not far from the helmsman. Watching him gracefully maneuver the ship was relaxing and taking your mind off of your worries. He was very zen in some ways, and you hoped his chill would rub off on you.

“Thanks,” you deadpanned. You were used to it, your nieces sometimes told you similar sentiments. But they were children, not captains of pirate ships. You didn’t try to pry him off for now, he could hang on you.

“You’re like a pillow all over!” You gave a half hearted eye roll to the Captain’s statement. Apparently Luffy picked up on your irritation. “What? It’s not a bad thing, why are you mad?”

“I’m not mad, it’s just a weird thing to hear,” you stated. You felt out of place when all these people were so muscled and toned. You walked a lot, sure, but they looked like they trained in the gym non stop. Even Luffy didn’t have much fat on him, despite the amount you saw him eat at dinner. You had a feeling that despite their appearances, Brook and Chopper could hold their own too.

“Well I don’t care. I’m gonna hug you as much as I want.” You scoffed at Luffy's words. How self centered, you thought. But based on what you’d seen of the kid, he was always like this.

“As much as you want? What if I don’t want to hug?” you replied. You wanted to see what the kid would do, if he’d push your boundaries.

“You don’t?!” Luffy gave you the biggest, saddest puppy eyes you’d ever seen as his arms unraveled from your torso. Someone taught the kid well. That or he knew his strengths.

“Nah, it’s ok kid, you can hug me.” He was too cute to say no to. He beamed at you, arms tightening once more like a boa constrictor. 

“Tell me a story from your world,” Luffy demanded. 

“A story? Sorry, I really don’t know the story of this-”

“No, not One Piece, sometimes the readers know other stories. I’ve heard about Goku, Naruto, Yuji, Eren, Izuku, Jojo, Inu Yasha, lots of ‘em. I like those ones, especially Goku. I wish I could fight him in real life. Maybe he could be reader-ed into my world next, you think?”

Based on the names, you thought they all sounded like anime stories. “Ah, I’m not familiar with those, sorry. I’m not really into those kinds of things. I know some other stories though. Uh, hold on, lemme think.” You paused for a moment, trying to think of a story to tell Luffy. You didn't mind entertaining the Captain, he reminded you of your nieces in some ways. You’d been telling your nieces stories when you put them to bed, but they were mostly wish fulfillment about how they would get to go to Elsa’s ice castle or a party under the sea with Ariel, things like that. The last movie you’d watched with them was the Wizard of Oz, which you showed them to get out of watching Frozen for the 487th time in a row.

“Ok, I think I got one. Have you heard of Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz?” 

“Nuh uh,” Luffy said, shaking his head quickly from side to side, “I wanna hear it.” He seemed already enraptured and you hadn’t even begun telling the story. 

So you sat on the deck, kept warm by Luffy entangled around you, and told him the beginning of the story of Dorothy and her friends. You told him about Kansas and Dororthy and Miss Gultch, about Glinda the Good Witch, the ruby red slippers, and the yellow brick road. You even sang the songs you could remember, doing them in silly voices if you could. Luffy laughed at your singing and made you sing the Munchkinland songs three times before you could move on. He paid rapt attention to you as you recalled the story of Dorothy and her trials and tribulations in Oz. After you recounted how she met the Scarecrow and his missing brain, you started yawning.

“Alright, Luffy. That’s enough for tonight. I got tired, I’m gonna go to bed.” You gave him a final hug and started to push him off you.

“No! But Dorothy just made a friend! And she hasn’t met the wizard! I need to know what happens next!” Luffy was highly invested in Dorothy’s adventure, but you yawned again.

“I guess you’ll find out tomorrow,” you replied. “I can tell you more of the story tomorrow night, I’m too tired right now.” Luffy frowned but nodded, arms unraveling.

“Jinbe, do you wanna hear it too?” Luffy yelled to the helmsman. In your effort to entertain Luffy, you’d forgotten he was there. 

“I do, it is interesting,” Jinbe replied. “I like it more than some of the adventure tales readers have shared before. Especially the songs.” You blushed, which you hoped was hidden by the night. You felt like Jinbe was your middle school crush and you’d been assigned a group project together, giddy just to be near him even if it wasn't by your design.

“Alright,” you agreed, “we can meet tomorrow and find out what happens to our heroine. Good night, Jinbe. Good night, Luffy.” You gave the kid a kiss on the top of his head and headed off to the women’s quarters. You distantly heard Luffy saying something and Jinbe laughing. You tucked yourself into the little cot between Nami and Robin’s beds, covered yourself with the ratty blanket, and fell asleep almost instantly.

~

In one of the many many documentaries you’d watched over the years, you learned that some birds would sleep for a set number of hours, sleeping until they had their fill. Others would wake up at the same time every day, no matter what the circumstances were. Unfortunately for you, you were like one of the latter. You woke up in what you assumed was the early morning, Nami and Robin still asleep in the pre-dawn hour. Tip toeing out of the room, you weren’t sure where to go. The deck would be cold and you were still in your original clothes you were brought in. At your salon, the requirements were only that it had to be all black, so you were wearing black jeggings and a black long sleeve shirt. You slowly walked the hall, trying to think of where to go. As you passed the galley, you saw the lights in the kitchen were already on.

Going to the galley, you hoped to get a cup of coffee and sit in silence before your brain fully turned on. Opening the door, Sanji was prepping food for some upcoming meal while also baking some kind of breakfast treat. 

“Good morning, Sanji,” you yawned out, going to sit at the dining table.

“Good morning dearest Misty-san. Isn’t it a bit early for you to be up? Why don’t you go back to bed and I’ll gently wake you with the rest of the ladies?” You didn’t want to deal with his stupid chivalrous bullshit right now.

“Unfortunately I’m always up at this time, just how I am. Does this world have coffee?”

“Yes, it does, but -”

“Thank FUCK,” you exclaimed, sagging against the wooden bench in relief.

“- but we don’t have any right now. We’re all out, I sincerely apologize,” the blond chef lamented. You closed your eyes momentarily, holding off on cussing out the chef. It wasn’t his fault, but you’d been having coffee since you were 12. You hadn’t missed a day since…ever. 

“Do you have black tea?” you asked, trying to conceal your eye twitch. Maybe if you drank a gallon it would help stop your headache from coming.

“We do, along with several other varieties. I’ll bring you a selection.” Sanji was so courteous it was hard to be annoyed. You held in your huff of irritation, he was trying.

“I’ll get some coffee at the next island. I’ll adjust the budget, which means less meat for Luffy…” Sanji said to himself, probably calculating costs.

“I mean, I can probably make money pretty easy. But don’t you guys just, y’know…steal it?” you asked, gesturing vaguely with a sword slashing motion.

“Steal it? From whom?” Sanji was surprised at your words, he looked almost offended.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to upset you, it’s just that you’re pirates, right? So don’t you like, steal money? Jewels, gems, treasure, that sort of thing? Pillage and loot?” Sanji smiled, apparently not upset with you.

“Not this crew. We find treasure, or grateful people will give us money, but that’s about it. We don’t steal or murder. Not Luffy’s style.” Ah, they were moral pirates. You’d ask Luffy more about it later after you’d had at least 200mg of caffeine.

“What do you mean, you can make easy money?” Sanji asked, referring to your earlier question. 

“You and I have the ability to make money anywhere. Hair and food don’t change from place to place. People need haircuts and people need to eat. You obviously work a lot, I’m sure you want a break, but I can do a pop-up salon. Charge whatever the going rate is, make some cash,” you mused aloud. Pop-ups weren’t your favorite, but it would make money quickly. And you needed coffee, it wasn’t an option. Sanji brought you a mug of hot water and a variety of tea. Looking through them, you made a cup of Earl Gray, hoping it would help. 

“Just leave the dishes in the sink, I’ll get to ‘em in a little bit. I need to be two cups in before I really start moving,” you told Sanji, who had already resumed his chopping. It was pleasant in the kitchen, warm and cozy, listening to the soft clacking of Sanj’s even cutting.

“Ah, ah. You’re not spending another moment -”

“Enough, Sanji. It’s too early to argue. Leave ‘em.” You dismissed the young man’s efforts to keep you from dishwashing using your kind but firm Voice of Authority. It worked in the salon on younger trainees and equally well on Sanji. The two of you sat in companionable silence, you watching Sanji work while sipping your tea. As you sat, the sun started to peek over the horizon and you watched the sunrise through the small window in the galley door.

“Just as beautiful here,” you said to yourself. You’d always liked the sunrise and were happy to see another.

The crew woke one by one and came to the kitchen, seeking Sanji’s company and cooking. You weren’t sure the chef noticed that the kitchen was everyone’s first stop of the day. He really was a sweet kid, he knew what everyone would want first thing and had a hot breakfast waiting for those who wanted it. By the time Franky and Usopp had come into the kitchen, you’d finished your second cup of tea and put it in the sink, heading for the door. You hadn’t seen Zoro or Jinbe yet but you knew Jinbe had been up late the night before steering the boat so it made sense he would be sleeping. 

“Misty-san, you didn’t eat yet!” Sanji called across the room in despair. You weren’t a breakfast person, you hadn’t been since your teens, and no amount of Sanji-pouting was going to change that.

“I’ll eat later, Sanjito, don’t worry. I’m gonna get some fresh air.” Opening the door to the deck, you meandered outside, taking in the view of the sea. Usopp came and joined you a few minutes later, watching the waves with you for a while while the two of you leaned against the railing.

“By the way,” you supplied, “I was completely serious about your hair. It’s absolutely gorgeous, let me know if there’s a particular style you’d like to try out. I’ll do whatever you want I just hope you don’t want it too short, it’s so lovely.” 

“Yeah, I was thinking about maybe doing something, I’m pretty open,” Usopp said, blushing pink. 

“Would you mind if I touched it? Get a feel for the texture and porosity?” you asked. Usopp shook his head and you reached up to touch his beautiful hair, pulling on the length lightly.

“Absolutely amazing,” you cooed at him, causing him to blush again. “If you want I can give you some ideas but really the sky’s the limit for you. You have enough length for almost any style. We can start later this morning if you want, maybe you can catch me up on this world while I work. Two birds with one stone and all that?” You did need to learn how things worked here and Usopp would be fun to spend time with. It didn’t ultimately matter, you’d had many unpleasant clients before, but it was always better to have interesting or funny clients while you stood over them for hours.

“Uh, y-yeah, that sounds great,” Usopp stammered. You removed your hand from his hair and smiled at the insecure man. You’d been brainstorming about his hair that morning and had a few ideas to suggest. You patted his shoulder and he went off to start working. Speaking of, you headed back into the kitchen to see the sink full of dishes and Sanji’s sleeves already rolled up. Luffy was the last person at the table, and was eating a pile of meat.

“Nuh uh, get out kid,” you stood behind Sanji and tried to push him gently away from the sink. The kid had strong sea legs, he didn’t budge.

“My dearest Misty-swan, I simply could not allow you to do these dishes, especially on your own-” Sanji started up, ready to dissuade you.

“Luffy, Sanji told me he wants to make special meat for dinner, but he doesn’t have the time if he does the dishes. And he won’t let me help. Tell him I’m doing the dishes right now,” you commanded Luffy. Luffy looked up at the word “meat,” and gulped down an enormous mouthful.

“‘S’at true Sanji?” Luffy asked. He already had his hands full of more food to shovel in.

“No, well, I mean, I could, there’s tough meat I could marinate to soften for dinner but -” Sanji was quickly interrupted by the boy Captain.

“Misty, does the dishes, Sanji starts the meat for tonight! Issit gonna be a feast?” You grinned snarkily at Sanji at your triumph.

“Captain’s orders, Sanjito. Gotta follow them, right? So skidaddle,” you put your hands on the Chef’s back and gently pushed him again. He allowed himself to be moved from in front of the sink towards the dry storage.

“Alright, but only once more. I can’t allow -”

“Oh hush kid,” you said with no malice, “get to marinating. I’ll let you do the ones after lunch.” And so you triumphed against Sanji once more, doing the morning dishes as Luffy asked question after question about the meat for the dinner. You weren't sure what a "Sea King" was, but you wouldn't be eating it anyway. You hummed to yourself some of the songs from Frozen since you could practically recite the whole movie by heart.

When you were done and the sink was cleared, you realized your clothes were wet from the dirty water. You went off in search of Nami or Robin to see if they had any clothes from previous readers. You found Robin in the library, reading a large tome while lounging in a large overstuffed armchair with her legs folded up under her.

“Hey Robin, question for you,” you started while the blue eyed woman put a bookmark in her spot.

“Good morning Robin. Yes, how may I help you?” Robin smiled kindly, closing her book.

“I was wondering if you have any extra clothes from previous readers that I can wear? Mine got wet,” you asked. Robin put a finger to her chin in thought.

“I think there are a few, but not many. You can borrow clothes from Nami or myself in the meantime if you wish,” Robin replied. You smiled but internally you grimaced. First of all, you were shorter than Nami and Robin. It’s not like you were particularly short, you were average height in your area. But Nami and especially Robin were much taller than you. But more than that, both of them were unbelievably slim and busty, you weren’t sure you’d fit into anything they had just due to differences in proportion. Also, they seemed to prefer skimpy and skin tight clothes, which was completely fine. It just wasn’t your vibe - you preferred oversized clothing for at least a shirt or pants. Today was the second day in a row you’d seen Nami wearing a bikini top as a shirt and it just wasn’t for you. 

“Oh, thanks. Would you mind if I went to go look?” You’d poke around, see if anything would fit. If not, it wasn’t forever anyway. You could make something work for a few weeks.

“Not at all. The reader's clothes are in the wicker basket in our room, and Nami and I keep our clothes in the closet. Borrow what you’d like from the right hand side, that’s mine. You may wish to ask Nami before you borrow from hers as she may charge for certain items.”

“Thanks for the heads up, I’ll ask her,” you told Robin, leaving her to her reading. Charge you? For borrowing clothes? Nami was a shrewd businesswoman, you could respect the hustle, but didn't have any money to pay her with. Heading over to your room, you decided not to bother with finding Nami - you didn’t think her clothes would fit anyway. Looking through the wicker basket, you found a large enough sweatshirt but nothing else you’d think would fit. Robin’s pants wouldn’t fit you either. You settled for a circle skirt she had, but had to roll the waistband quite a few times since Robin was so tall. It was a weird outfit, but you weren’t going to be judged by Tyra or anything. 

As you were going to leave the women’s quarters, you did a double take as you glanced at Nami’s bedside table. There was a giant snail with a rotary phone on its shell. You took a step back and went to give it a closer look. It looked kind of like a woman with tattoos across her chest and a bandana in her hair, but if she were a snail. You ran a finger over the shell of the snail, which caused it to wake up, to your surprise. You thought it was a figurine or something, not a live snail. It gave you a mild smile, lazily blinking at you. You stoked its shell with your finger, the snail almost reaching into your touch.

“Aww, how cute are you? You look like an African Land Snail,” you cooed at the languid gastropod. Of course, you'd watched a documentary about the largest snails on earth and it made you want one as a pet. As you touched the bottom of the rotary on its shell to examine the phone element, the snail whined. “Oh no! Is that too tight for you? Are you a growing baby?” you fretted. Having taken care of your own animals for years meant that you couldn’t leave an animal in distress, even if it was a…snail phone. You went to your hairdressing kit, rummaging around. Finding the screwdriver you used to disassemble your scissors for sharpening, you turned the screws loose on the rotary. When it was loose, you pried it gently off the snail’s lower shell. You could have sworn the snail sighed in relief. 

“I’m gonna call you Toto. Both because of Dorothy and because y’know…African snail…Africa.…Toto…God, I’m funny. People should really appreciate me more," you said to the smiling snail. "Not you, Toto. You’re great the way you are.” You rubbed your hand along its moist neck and it leaned into you. Poor little guy. “I’ll bring you something to eat later, don’t worry.” You patted the snail once more and left to go find Usopp, bringing your train case with you.

On your way to find Usopp, you passed by Brook and gave him a smile. You hoped he didn’t ask to see your panties again.

“Good morning, fair Misty-chan. May I -”

“This better not be about my panties,” you threatened with the screwdriver you were still holding.

“Ah, then I have a different question, Misty-chan. Do you play any instruments in addition to your singing? I always enjoy having additional musicians on board. Some of the readers have taught me such interesting songs, I’d love to hear if you know any.”

You blushed, embarrassed again that everyone had been hearing your singing and humming. “Uh, well, I’m not really a singer. I’m sure you can tell I’m off-key. But I can play a couple of instruments.” 

“Oh? Please, do share,” Brook asked, inclining his head. You weren’t sure how a skull conveyed interest, but his expression did somehow change.

“I can, uh, play the ukelele a little. And I’ve been taking piano lessons for the past few years. I’m not very good at either.” Like all good Millennials, you taught yourself to play the ukelele in 2012 to complete your ‘quirky’ image.

“Would you like to play together? I’d be more than happy to continue your piano lessons if you wish.” You thought about it, you’d started lessons a few years ago as a way to fill your time after…well, after you suddenly had a lot more become available. “My piano is over here, please, if you wish.” Brook had an absolutely stunning grand piano on the top deck, you’d seen it during your initial tour. Your fingers itched to touch the smooth keys, you bet it sounded incredible.

“Are you sure? Sorry, I don’t usually play for anyone, just myself,” you apologized.

“Please, it would be my absolute pleasure to hear you play.”

You didn’t really have a reason not to, and it wasn’t like you were actually busy doing anything in the afterlife. Humoring a skeleton would take only a few minutes of your time, if that. You sat down at the piano, taking a deep breath and placing your hands on the keys. After a quick warmup, you chose a song you had already mastered, The Velvet Underground’s “I’m Sticking With You.” It was cute, the lyrics were easy to remember, and you felt confident enough in your ability to not make a complete fool of yourself. You played the tune, while Brook nodded his head and tapped his foot in time to the beat. When you finished, he gave you a standing ovation, which only made you blush again.

“Incredible! Do not denigrate yourself, you have the makings of an excellent piano player. Thank you for sharing that song with us, the tune and words are so simple yet so meaningful,” Brook complimented. 

“That song was great!” yelled Luffy from across the deck. “It’s like me! I’m sticking with my nakama forever! And you’re all sticking with me!” You got up from the piano bench, smiling at the boy.

“Well, for the next few weeks anyway. After that, who knows?” you said, shrugging. Luffy just smiled even brighter.

“Yeah, who knows?” he repeated after you. The way he smiled was curious, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about your circumstances. You were stuck like glue with them, at least until you died. Again.

“And what about the ukelele? Would you grace us with another song?” Brook asked, pulling a uke out of his hair. You didn’t want to ask about the physics behind that, but took the small instrument. You hadn’t played in a few years but it wasn’t a particularly difficult instrument. You strummed it lightly, making sure it was in tune. Once you were satisfied that it was, you decided to play “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” the Israel Kamakawiwoʻole version. You’d been thinking about it since the previous night when you were telling the story to Luffy.

“Hey, Lu, this is a song from that story I was telling you. This is what Dorothy sings when she wishes she wasn’t in Kansas anymore,” you said to the Captain, who’d come closer and sat near the piano.

Singing the gentle tune, you played and crooned the soft lyrics. Obviously you where nowhere near as good as Israel, but you'd sang it a lot in your twenties and didn't think you sounded too bad. Lost in the music, you didn’t realize the deck had gone silent until you had finished the final notes. 

“Young lady, you have blessed us with this charming tune,” Brook said, taking off his top hat and bowing to you.

“Ah, thanks. It’s uh, nothing really,” you said, embarrassed again. You kept your eyes on the uke, fiddling with it. “I’m gonna, uh, find Usopp now,” you finished lamely, putting the ukelele on the piano bench.

“We can meet this afternoon for your piano lesson,” Brook suggested. 

“Sure, thanks. That’d be uh, nice.” You agreed to meet your living skeleton pirate crewmate for piano lessons, thinking to yourself how you and Dorothy both weren’t in Kansas anymore.

[thrutheinferno]

my beloved @cowboyunderscore ‘s sweetie raskolnikov design (except i made him an angel cuz he is one in my heart)

[noes-pillow]

Does anyone else get a sick sense of satisfaction from people getting tricked into the vnc fandom bc they believe the story is complete since Jun essentially already told us the ending through Noé even though we don't actually have the full ending yet... no? Just me?

[the-shy-artisan]

Literally just watched a spider run into the office.

Nope, not dealing with it.

[gophergal]

I'm gonna go ahead and say that just because I come up with a stupid ship name for something does not mean I like it in the slightest. Y'all need to know that before I drop the ship name chart

[ancient-healer]

[daenerys-targaryen]

all of blackpink, adele, lady gaga, miley, zendaya and jlo unfollowed her?? lmaoo

[tangerinequeen19]

.

[w1ckermandesigns]

(via "Funny Quote Monkey Circus Life Humor Parenthood Moms Dads" Poster for Sale by w1ckerman)

[olli-online]

regaining a semblance of control lmao we r so back

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

[suretkerim]

HELL YEA!!!!! another piece for the awesome fic by @brekitten >:D

[confessedlyfannish]

Writing Prompt #13

"So?" Red Hood asks, arms crossed. "Was I right?"

"Yes," Phantom says, deepening his voice, "this is one of mine."

"One of your what?" Robin growls. Nightwing's hand on his shoulder is the only thing keeping him from invading Phantom's personal space, which, please, continue to do so Mr. Nightwing, Sir.

Phantom would take a deep calming breath if a) he wasn't trying to appear as otherworldly as possible which means no human breathing and b) if that wouldn't so obviously telegraph how uncomfortable he is in the Batcave surrounded by the entire Batfamily.

Next to him Red Hood shifts in slight discomfort. His ties to the spectral realm mean he's picking up on Danny's unease even if he can't fully translate the feeling. Which is good. Danny needs to maintain what little control he has over this situation.

"There's a gh-spirit in my...realm," Phantom says, letting himself drift gently to the other side of Batman's medical table which just coincidentally puts more distance between him and the the rest of the clan staring him down. Black Bat leans forward and he violently suppresses a flinch. "They're known as Nocturne. They wield power over dreams. Their signature is all over this."

And Danny means that literally. Their ecto-signature couldn't be more apparent if they'd written it in sharpie across Batman's suit. This is what Jason—Red Hood, because Danny couldn't have been dealing with a simple civilian case of ecto-contamination, nooo, he's got to have connections to the superheroes Danny has spent the better part of his afterlife avoiding—managed to pick up on, even being the low level entity that he is.

At which point he'd called Phantom in, even though Danny had spent the better part of two weeks trying to intimidate the guy into never contacting him, Ruler of the Spirit Realm (lightning crash!), again, but here is his calling card just in case (thunder and creaking noises!!), but again, you should never use it unless things are very serious, OoOoOoOo~~~

Damn it. It's been like 10 days.

"So how do we fix it, Your, uh, Ghostliness?" Nightwing says, ducking his head in a sort of half-assed supplication when Phantom turns to him. Nightwing glances at Jason for affirmation who shrugs out of the corner of Danny's eye.

"Phantom is fine," Danny says, waving his hand and letting his upper lip curl in an expression of distaste. "Remember, it's like you're Vlad when Dad offers him a glass of eight dollar wine!" Jazz's voice reminds him. Robin growls lowly, likely meaning he's nailing it. He looks away dismissively ("Honestly, it's like you're Vlad, anytime, ever." Sam notes dryly) and thanks god he doesn't have a heart in this form because it would be beating so loud right now.

Beside him, Jason scratches compulsively at the back of his neck. Huh, his anxiety is manifesting physically as an itch. Good to know.

"You can't fix it," Phantom says. "I can."

"At what cost?" Red Robin asks. "Red Hood mentioned you'd want something in return?"

Frick. His other contingency to keep Jason from ever contacting him again. Phantom had lightly hinted his taste du jour was, uh, souls.

Something Red Hood has apparently let slip, because now Robin shakes off Nightwing's hand, puffs out his chest and declares "I will trade myself for my father's safe awakening, Spirit!"

The other members burst into denials which almost covers up Danny floating sharply back and saying "What? No!!!"

Key word: almost.

Danny coughs as they stare at him.

"That is to say, I have no desire for a child," he puts a bit of snarl into it, showing fang. The mood in the room plummets drastically as Nightwing gently grabs Robin by the arm and pulls him back to his side.

"We see," he says. He steps forward more assertively, placing himself in front of the others, all of which are now eying him warily. "Then, is there a gender you prefer?"

It takes a second to click in Danny's head and then he swings his head wildly away from his audience to hide his reaction, nausea and embarrassment turning his face bright green. "Fika Kristo," he mutters in Esperanto as quietly as he possibly can, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He gives himself a moment to settle and game plan before turning back around. "I have no desire for any of you, and it matters not. In this instance, a deal need not be struck. Nocturne is my subject, and they have done this without my permission." Danny blinks, eyes widening. "Not—not! that I would give them permission to do such a thing. In the first place. Ahem."

"Okay...so you'll do this for free?" Jason asks. "Seems like a bad business practice since you also fixed me up for nothing—"

"What he means to say, Your Majesty, Phantom, is thank you!" Signal says in a rush as Nightwing starts, "Wait, Hood, what do you mean—"

"Enough!" Phantom says loudly (nearby bats take off and Jason's itch migrates to his forearms) "I have little time," read: he has a test tomorrow and he's only one-third of the way through the study guide "And I grow tired of this...dilly-dally." Frick! Is that an old-timey word?

"Of course. Thank you again, Phantom." Nightwing says stiffly, eyes still narrowed in Hood's direction.

"Wait, sorry, Phantom, Majesty, I'm Spoiler by the way," the purple-caped vigilante Danny already knew was Spoiler says. "How do we keep this from happening again? To any of us? Is there a way to defeat this Nocturne?"

"Moreover, why Batman?" Red Robin asks. "Why would a spirit from another dimension want him asleep?"

Phantom sighs. "Nocturne was trying to send a message. To me. Through you," he says, nodding at Red Hood. "They...how do I put this. They like attention. Being the spirit of uh, dreaming, they don't receive that attention. And you were in my realms for quite some time. And they wanted...attention."

The lackluster explanation sits for a moment before "They were jealous? Of me?" Red Hood asks skeptically.

"It's more complicated than that. Your...physiology," Danny puts it as delicately as possible, watching regretfully when Red Hood still stiffens at the mention, "Is particular. You gather attention in our realm. And having my attention is...special. But not!" He says to the group at large, a touch panicked, "Romantic!"

Jesus, he's never gonna hear the end of this from the others.

"Anyway, I will ensure it does not happen again."

"By paying them attention," Spoiler says under her breath, wiggling her eyebrows at Black Bat, Red Robin shooting them both a glare. Nightwing ignores them in favor of staring at Red Hood and Phantom. Danny is unsure what Red Hood has disclosed about how he knows Danny, but now he feels confident the answer is close to nothing.

Before Nightwing can ask whatever uncomfortable thing he's about to ask, Phantom disappears. Invisibly, he hovers over Batman's sleeping body and silently apologizes for the intrusion before intangibly slipping into Batman's REM realm and finding the man...oh...

Probably thirty minutes later he reappears to the group, who all perk up at the sight of him. Their eyes bounce from him to Batman; who does not move, to the monitor; which shows no change in his brain activity.

"I'm going to need your help," Danny says to Jason, getting to the point.

"Why? What can I do?"

"It's easier if you come with me," Danny says, grabbing his arm.

"Come with—"

Danny wastes no time in turning them both invisible and flying them into Batman's mind.

"What the—" Red Hood twists and turns, taking in the hallways of the manor. From afar, they can hear the tinkling of a piano. "You, I had your word—"

"This isn't where you think it is," Danny says hurriedly. "We're in your—Batman's dream." He walks quickly down the hallway, towards the music. Jason follows.

"What?"

"The way to break a dream spell is to wake the dreamer. You can't do that externally so you do it internally. Usually you wake the dreamer by turning the dream into the nightmare, scaring them awake."

The hallway stretches on longer than realistic, the dream attempting to divert them. But it can't outrun Danny. His power seeps into the halls, ice creeping along the paneling and freezing the way behind them.

"Batman, however, is hard to scare."

"So you want me to do it."

"What? No." Phantom shoots him a confused look. "Why would I—Ahem, The other way is to convince the dreamer they are dreaming. They break the dream themselves."

"Alright..." Jason says slowly, now keeping pace with him. His breath forms a cloud as he speaks. "And you think I'm the person to do it? I'm not the one he listens to you know, that's more Nightwing's schtick, or hell, anyone other than me."

"This isn't just Batman's dream, Jason," he says. Hood's eyes narrow at his real name, but now the truth is necessary. "This is The Dream. The perfect life. Everything he could ever want."

They're approaching an opening on the right side of the corridor. A bright light emanates from it, alongside the noise of stumbling piano keys and laughter, deep and male and unrecognizable. The Dream.

"Thomas Wayne," Jason breathes. "You want me to convince Bruce it's worth walking away from the center of his universe? It'd be easier if I put a bullet in their chests."

Danny stops abruptly before the doorway, turning to face Jason.

"You know, I fixed you," he says, head cocked. "Those feelings you felt, you shouldn't be feeling them anymore."

"I...I don't."

"Then why do you act like it?" He lets himself drift up, reaching beyond their planes of existence and extending a metaphysical hand to Jason's spirit. It shivers away. "You don't have to hide behind what was."

"I'm not hiding! And I don't have to explain myself to you!" He tries to move forward but Danny puts a hand out and he cannot move past it. He growls in frustration.

"I'm grateful to you, but with or without the Pits I'm fucked up. This is just who I am. This is just what he made me."

"You've never asked why I look like this. But did you know my form is malleable?" Phantom says, letting his legs shift into a tail, letting two eyes become three. "What I believe is what I am."

And then he takes several steps back, putting the doorway between them. "From here on out, the Pits can't tell you how to think or feel. Your decisions are wholly your own. Starting with this one."

Jason stares at the doorway, then Danny.

"I won't make you," Danny says simply. "And if you desire, I will retrieve Nightwing instead."

Jason scratches at his arms, grits his teeth, and stomps through. The light resolves into the sitting room, massive windows letting in sunlight so bright it streaks yellow-white across the room. Bruce sits on the maroon versailles couch next to Cassandra, who sits cross legged, excitedly watching Alfred pour her a cup of tea. To their right, in the open space, Damian barks instructions at Tim on handling a katana. Stephanie and Duke sit on the ground besides the coffee table, homework sheets sprawled across the surface, suffering their way through a calculus problem.

Bruce, smiling softly, looks across the room to where the atrocious playing is coming from. Red Hood follows his gaze.

Sitting at the piano, trying to play while Dick distracts him with a pair of chopsticks, is Jason. He puts a hand on Dick's face and shoves, both of them hitting the wrong keys.

"Get—away—dumbass!"

"No, see, it's a duet! Jay!"

"That's not why it's named—" and Jason Todd-Wayne tips his white-tipped head back and laughs.

[starry-eyed-psychopomp]

No hate to cql or anything but every time I read a fic that has Lan Wangji be the Chief Cultivator I die inside. Because like. NO. That’s a TERRIBLE IDEA for everyone involved. First of all, Lan Zhan cannot communicate properly enough to be a politician, and his main priority is his husband. He is not suited for that role. Second of all, the novels’ implication that the next Chief Cultivator (if there even is one) would be Nie Huaisang is actually very important for Wei Wuxian’s character development?? Like, Wei Wuxian knows that Nie Huaisang is a lil conniving bitch who painstakingly arranged for the downfall of the most powerful man in the cultivation world, manipulating multiple people to their deaths (or at least emotional ruins) all for his own revenge. He knows that Nie Huaisang is capable of as much damage as Jin Guangyao, and that he’s poised to take over his seat of power. Wei Wuxian knows all of that and, very deliberately, decides not to give a fuck.

Wei Wuxian, who spent his entire life picking up the messes of other people, destroying himself in the process, only to have those same people spit in his face and make him a pariah, sees this potential Problem for the cultivation world and goes, “You know what? That’s none of my business.” and runs off to elope with his boyfriend. Like, Nie Huaisang probably won’t be as bad as Jin Guangyao. He’s been shown to have more human decency, at the very least. But he also spent the entire series expertly lying to everyone, so much so that we really don’t know what he plans to do now that he’s gotten his revenge. And you know what? That’s fine. He can fuck over all the four great sects if he’d like, because the cultivation world’s politics have been a corrupt shitshow for decades, and it’s their job to sort that shit out. It’s certainly not Wei Wuxian’s job. He’s done enough, and he deserves this one moment of selfishness. He deserves to get his own happy ending and settle down with the family he’s always wanted and not have to worry about saving all those ungrateful assholes. Wei Wuxian is at least on good terms with Nie Huaisang (it was awfully convenient that his old friend’s revenge scheme coincidentally involved resurrecting him and setting him up with his crush) and he trusts that he won’t fuck with him or his family.

And that’s good enough for him! Lan Wangji is similarly happy to spend the rest of his life with Wei Wuxian, and after 13 years of mourning he’s sure as fuck not gonna ruin his second chance to go play politics with the most obnoxious people in the world. The ideal ending for both of them is a happy marriage that mainly involves doing their own thing, night hunting together, fucking every day, and teaching the kids. Their calling, where other people are concerned, is absolutely as teachers, and nothing more.

[chrissyfied]

HEWWO MY BABIES 🥹 thank you for liking and being patient as i send off the next batch a little later today, i need to make one call for an appointment (surprise surprise my days off continue to be busy lfkdja)

the queue is taking a little longer to fill because work is very busy and i’m working sat & sun, but immediately tend to my sick mom. off on monday and tuesday, but again, mom is my priority. so! queue schedule as to not overwhelm myself…

saturday morning: 3 drafts

monday morning/night: 4 drafts and anything else that may come back

this can change on whether or not i’ll have energy to write a tiny bit after work. which i tend to do so nothing piles, i just don’t queue it until there’s a breather.

if anyone missed out? feel free to hit the ♥️!!

✨ REVERSE MEME CALL ✨

boop the ♥️ and i will go through your meme tag to bombard with 1 - 5 memes for variety! remember, answering is not an obligation - whatever works, works! whatever doesn’t? don’t even sweat ittttt. have a wonderful rest of your day/night!

[jojolightningfingers]

i truly truly will never stop being tickled by how law's braincell count just plummets into the negatives whenever he's around luffy and kid SPECIFICALLY at the same time. like if it's one or the other he copes more or less just fine. kid's a shit-starter but he's predictable and easy (and fun) to rile up. luffy runs on baffling logic but he's fundamentally easy to get along with so long as you maintain your zen and understand that he usually doesn't MEAN to get under anybody's skin. separately they aggravate law in different ways. but when they're together kid's penchant for starting dickswinging contests (or inability to not take the bait of one) collides with luffy unhesitatingly answering with a one-up that no sane person would conceive of and what the hell is law supposed to do against THAT fuckin wombo combo. get left behind and called a bitch for it? not goddamn LIKELY!!