#when i first started taking the meds
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sometimes I wonder if my ADHD meds actually work or if they just take away the sleepiness bc they're stimulants (I think that's the word in english)
and I can't tell the effects apart bc I'm constantly sleepy
#adhd#adhd meds#i just want someone whos taken adhd meds to tell me if this is how it's supposed to go or not#bc when i dont take them i just feel sleepy which leads to brainfog#it's probably not helping my case that im typing this at 1am when i have to wake up at 6 but still#adhd problems#adhd advice#shared experiences#idk what else to tag#i need help#when i first started taking the meds#2 yrs ago#i remember there would be a moment#where id feel them stop having effect on me#bc I'd just be hit with a giant wave of exhaustion but i couldnt go to sleep yet bc it was too early
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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new thread because the old one was getting too long and i hit the halfway point in the finale and also i was so caught up in the euphoria of levi killing zeke that i forgot to post this monke blasting off into the sunset gif that i've been saving for this very occasion
#snk spoilers#i am actually sweating so hard rn i might need to take a break to get some juice and meds (<- still down with the sickness oo wa aa aa ah)#man that first thread started out so strong with actual thought and analysis in the first 3 posts but by the end it's pure shitposting#also sorry for swearing so much in this liveblog i'm not normally like this it's just something that happens when i watch attack on titan
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one of the weird things about life expectancies in warrior cats stretching out as the series goes on is that lionblaze is 8 years old with adult grandchildren and showing no signs of age or even retiring, while yellowfang was depicted as old af when she died at the age of 8.
#warrior cats#yellowfang#lionblaze#in fairness i imagine being invincible for years when he was younger and unable to obtain serious injuries or illness#probably gave him a lifespan boost. but everyone else around him is living forever; thornclaw is fine even though his siblings retired#and they're all old enough to attend secondary school. cats like squirrelflight and whitewing don't seem to have stiffer limbs or grey fur.#i don't think they should have the same lifespan as a typical unmanaged feral colony (only 2 years!) but i think first arc cats#should really have all died of old age a while ago. second arc cats should be retired and starting to pass from old age. and cats from the#third and fourth arcs beginning to feel their age and the older ones retiring.#so a lifespan of about 8-10 years i think? with the odd outlier like mistystar. leaders should probably live another year or two anyhow#because of their extra lives. although normal age related complications would likely start to eat into them once they live for long enough.#(i mean. squirrelstar just go her nine lives. she's probably going to live longer than a cat like tallstar who got them at a younger age#even if she lands up with kidney failure or cancer they haven't been whittled away when she was young via other stuff. i think her living#long enough to take the junior cert is reasonable)#also i think medicine cats would live a bit longer because they don't have to hunt and fight all the time. although older med cats would be#more vulnerable to being killed by a disease outbreak. i think their apprentice would have to take on tasks like herb gathering and treatin#contagious illnesses.
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ok so it’s fully established that house has an incredibly hard time verbalizing his emotions (specifically the positive ones) due to a fear of rejection and a deep deep aversion to displaying vulnerability
which makes the incredibly few times he’s admitted to someone that he cares about them, well, incredible. to list every single time that i can remember off the top of my head here:
instance one: he tells stacy he loves her directly before he goes into a coma. the statement itself is undeniably romantic in nature.
instance two: he tells cuddy he loves her after they hook up and she gives him a whole long speech on how she doesn’t want him to change. this is the culmination of years of dancing around each other. the statement is undeniably romantic in nature.
instance three: he tells wilson their friendship means more to house than any patient
instance four: he tells wilson he likes him
instance five: i mean i can keep going. there’s wilsons transplant surgery there’s everything with amber theres just so much. anyway
all of which leads me to the conclusion that of the three people house has ever sincerely expressed affection for two of those are people he’s canonically in love with which means that the third one must also be someone he’s [gunshots]
#like i very much understand that telling someone you love them and telling someone you like them are two different sentences but in this#case the deviation is EXCEEDINGLY easy to explain the first two are people who have firstly already told him they love him#which greatly reduces risk of rejection and secondly in both those instances the people he's saying it to are already committed so#really what is he risking. whereas in wilson's case he displays his affections through spending time with the man when they're on good terms#and it is when he thinks he's losing wilson that he starts verbally presenting his heart on a platter. furthermore he cannot say that he#loves wilson because wilson has not firstly said the same to him. telling wilson he likes him is far lower risk than telling a man#currently insisting you're not friends that you love him. that's simply not a risk he's willing to take#anyway sorry for being crazy and writing a novel in the tags carry on#house#wilson#hilson#lisa cuddy#huddy#stacy warner#house md#hatecrimes md#also something about how wilson is the only one he verbalizes affection for throughout the show#oh fuck wait just remembered that one time he told wilson he loved him when wilson upped his pain meds in the hospital#which still mcfucking fits. anwyay
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man, chronic fatigue is such a fucking scam. like, what do you MEAN other people don't randomly lose entire days to being so exhausted they can't keep their eyes open? what do you MEAN others don't have to constantly manage and budget their energy levels in order to shower??? you're telling me that how i feel every day when i wake up after 8-9 hours of sleep is how my friends feel when they come home from work after a long day??? are you kidding me???
#casey rambles#disability#chronic fatigue#okay to rb#also to be clear#i dont work#(because i cant)#and i literally take stimulant medication for adhd#and my bipolar meds also help#i used to be much worse than i am now wrt chronic fatigue#but the fact that im still THIS TIRED#ALL THE TIME#even with ALL THIS TREATMENT#when i first got medicated i was pissed#because i always used to get in trouble for answering 'how are you?' with 'im tired'#and adults would be like#'you cant be tired all the time'#and when i got meds suddenly i could think sometimes! the haze had mostly listed!#and now its like. oh. even with all of this improvement#i will still always be kindof tired. kindnof exhausted.#i will never be able to do as much as i want to do#as other people CAN do#because. well. i start with less energy#and i lose energy faster for the same tasks#it sucks
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What do you mean it's not normal to dream during a 10 minute nap.
#i get sleep attacks in the mornings sometimes#I wake up rested but about two hours later I am rendered unable to function until I sleep for about 15 minutes#and I always dream#today I had enough and started looking into things besides blood sugar (false lead) and adhd (dxed but not relevant here)#falling into REM that quickly plus the sleep attacks themselves point to narcolepsy#or when it's not bad enough to be officially that it's called idiopathic hypersomnia#my adhd meds are given off label to treat narcolepsy#and fixing my sleep was the first thing taking them did#will I ever run out of chronic bullshit to go through lol#chronic-les#it's pretty manageable but that's because I work from home#idk what would happen in an office setting
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Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.
#so ive been in a bad mental state lately#because of many things. but the biggest being (yes i know ive complained about this in multiple other posts)#that my best friend and my ex gf were fucking. without even asking or telling me. i got no heads up. just figured it out on my own#which sucked and now im not speaking to either of them#and when i first found out i was in a bad place physically too#i had a terrible ear infection that was so fucking painful#and i realized i could concentrate on both things. so i focused on healing#and then i remembered ny family is coming to visit for Christmas#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom#so im manically cleaning at 3:30am while angry and stressed and trying not to focus on this thing that makes me really upset#and in the middle of cleaning ill suddenly think 'should i quit my summer camp job?' or 'should i move states again?'#its not good. but i havent acted on anything#AND in the middle of cleaning i found all of my meds#i havent been taking them for months. but i decided im gonna start taking them again#i have a few refills left but then ill have to find a psychiatrist. i dont want to. but its definitely for the best#im trying to get my life back on track and build and better it#but then something hits me and completely derails everything and makes everything so hard#so anyway im gonna go do some more cleaning and try not to make life-altering decisions. and maybe build a desk#btw i have to get up at 9am to take out my puppy. and at 11:35 i have to get ready for work. again its 3:30am#and im full of manic energy#tomorrow is going to be very bad but at least I'll have a semi-clean room
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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I got my
✨🌟MEDS!🌟✨
#mine#finally got back on adhd meds#after two years of being off#one dr's office wanted me to wait until November to get them#(when i started the process at the end of July)#and they wanted me to get assessed for adhd again even though it's very clear that i have it#so when my assessment got pushed back another month i called my old dr office#even though my old dr isn't there anymore they at least had my disorder on record#so i figured it wouldn't take as long#and yup#i went in and said I'd like to get back on concerta 27mg#got asked a few things like how long I'd been on it before#and then had to do a drug test since it's a controlled substance#and my prescription was sent in and ready to pick up last night#i picked it up first thing this morning and took one when i got back to the car#it's now been a couple hours and I'm definitely feeling medicated babey
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I folded laundry fresh outta the dryer tonight!!! I had folded a couple of big shirts for myself, but then got into A Zone because ADHD. If I walked away or sat down, the folding wouldn't happen. Seeing as I just had dinner and won't be able to lay down comfortably*, I opted for just folding laundry.
I FOLDED LAUNDRY!!!
Two big loads, another in the dryer, and one more that needs drying.
My ADHD let me fold laundry. Just...wow. Folks with ADHD will know how amazing this is.
Now it's late, and I get up early**, so time for sleep. I hope I can fold the last loads tomorrow. That would be fucking impressive.
#chaosfay talks#*I have GERD and can't take meds for it. the meds do something that makes my seizure medicine not work. the seizure med#comes out more or less looking the same as it did when i took the med. this means my body wasn't doing anything with the pills. i was#basically getting no seizure meds at all. i was on the GERD med for a week before i said fuck this i don't wanna die. any other med that#treats it will likely have the same effect. plus the diarrhea was very unpleasant. i trained myself to sleep on my left side and back to#keep the heartburn from happening and fucking with my asthma. if you have heartburn and find yourself coughing a lot#especially when you lay down the coughing is caused by your stomach acid getting into your trachea/windpipe. this is very bad.#laying on the left pinches the stomach closed. avoid laying on your right especially if you have a full belly. i've found it also helps to#go for a walk to do some upright physical activity to help with digestion and reduce trapped gas. if my heartburn is especially bad i drink#sodium bicarbonate in water (recipe is on the baking soda box) and my dr gave me the okay for it. it's basically baking soda poured into#vinegar but less violent and consideable burping. never do this with a full stomach because it can really fuck you up.#**i accidentally took my seizure med in the morning because i kept reminding myself to take my vitamins and my brain went into#autopilot and i grabbed the wrong med. rather than correct this i opted to get up early. my med requires i have food in my belly and#that means i must eat. sooooo i get up at around 8AM. i'm starting ADHD med soon (#my insurance refused to cover the first med my dr)#my adhd med has to be taken in thr morning and again at mid-day so again i need to get up early. my dr suggested i have nothing to eat#because citric acid/vitamin c cancels out adhd meds. so empty belly for an hour before and an hour after. 8AM and then around noon.
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feeling very weird today 😖
#today & yesterday are the first tjme since i started medication like 4 months ago that ive slept in hours past when i usually take meds#probably juat bc i havent been sleeping enough so mt body is trying to catch up now i dont have thr pressure of work#but not taking my meds at their usual time. is making me feel straaaaange#i dont feel all that sick just rly Weird. anyway took some immediate release so that should kick in soon#tomorrow i need to wake up at 7 and take it then like usual or i fear my routine will becoming permanently Fucked.#which cannot happen bc i have to work!! full time!!#god i rly want to fall back asleep but thats the fucking devil talking ik ill feel so awful but no meds working yet im so tired#the struggleeerrrr. forcing myself to go eat something brb#.diaries
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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
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okay so random thought about adhd meds
there are some negative side effects to my meds, and some just...side effects that aren't either good or bad. For me personally the negative side effects are manageable enough that it's worth it to take them.
But one side effect that I have never had trouble with is eating. The most common side effect i hear about in general and from other friends with adhd is struggling with trying to eat around their meds. I have several friends who started taking meds when they were much younger and stopped as college students because managing their symptoms on their own was better than not eating
...when I take my meds, I can tell whether or not I'm hungry. I can hold a standard eating schedule on my own, I crave healthy food (as opposed to obsessively eating gummy bears because I need something and trail mix sounds like something straight from hell)
and so I'm curious if there's a correlation between how old you were when you started taking adhd meds and what impact it had on your ability to eat with them. Because in my personal experience, the people who have trouble eating with their meds are people who have been taking medication for most of their life
or maybe it's just me?? IDK
#adhd#adhd medication#just adhd things#also I haven't been able to get my meds in ages because of shortages and *cries* I miss them they make it so much easier to function dang i#anyway random thoughts of Crow#people talk about losing their appetite when their meds kick in and I'm just like ???#I started consistently taking meds for the first time and my *stomach* actually growled when I was hungry#instead of just feeling nauseous and having to figure out if it was hunger or anxiety or a migraine
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#day six death and dying over here due to kidney stones#pain meds really give u false sense of security briefly but overall difficult to concentrate on anything#cos when they run out they really fuckin run out level 8-10 pain#and the first hour after taking another dose is mostly waiting for the pain relief to kick in again#hour two maybe into three feeling like a normal person again wow i can exist normally#then it starts runnning out again and it goes from like 3 to 9 real quick#really trying to make the full 4 hours between the tylenol and ibuprofen so that the range between doses of the same are well past 6 hours#on top of still having to work 11.5 hour days and getting yelled at by customers and having them wish ill heakth upon you#and i still got 2 full days before my surgery wed morning#having a real fuckin struggle#ursa speaks#i knwk they prescribed me the oxy if i really need it but i really dont want to have to take it#really wish theyd done the scan when i first went jn to the ER the week before instead of being like#well we ruled out a UTI so it's probably a kidney stone ok go home now bye#then week later when i get whammoblammod by crippling pain theyre like ok now that we know its a 10mm stone we should schedule u with a uro#arg arg arg 5000 im just ranting bye#ohhhh youre a bit young for kidney stones says the urologist#ok tell that to my bitch ass kidney
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