#will I ever run out of chronic bullshit to go through lol
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What do you mean it's not normal to dream during a 10 minute nap.
#i get sleep attacks in the mornings sometimes#I wake up rested but about two hours later I am rendered unable to function until I sleep for about 15 minutes#and I always dream#today I had enough and started looking into things besides blood sugar (false lead) and adhd (dxed but not relevant here)#falling into REM that quickly plus the sleep attacks themselves point to narcolepsy#or when it's not bad enough to be officially that it's called idiopathic hypersomnia#my adhd meds are given off label to treat narcolepsy#and fixing my sleep was the first thing taking them did#will I ever run out of chronic bullshit to go through lol#chronic-les#it's pretty manageable but that's because I work from home#idk what would happen in an office setting
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Iâm going to throw my two cents in and *try* not to offend anyone because I promise I really donât mean to. I think for the past two or so years we have gotten a lot of Harry content not only because of tour but also with pap walks, movies, and also the Holivia bullshit and people got used to the idea of seeing things and hearing about him on a consistent basis. I donât want to say everyone is obsessed (although some are) but I do think it becomes a sort of âaddictionâ for some people where seeing Harry stuff makes them feel good so they keep wanting more of it. It almost like a drug. I think people freaking out about him retiring is because they are not going to get their daily âfixâ of Harry and they are worried they might not ever again. I literally just saw a girl who runs a Harry social media account say that she wasnât sure how her life was going to continue from now on and was very upset. Iâm sorry but that is scary to me that some people place their entire happiness on one person. Itâs great that he can ADD joy to peopleâs lives but at the same time he is only human and makes mistakes but also deserves to take a break and rest and he didnât ask for the responsibility of being the ONLY source of some peopleâs happiness. I think a lot of the reactions are based on fear right now and not knowing how to adjust to not seeing something every day or every week and some people really need to take a step back and find some other things that bring joy besides Harry. He will be back at some point and even if he wasnât, Iâm sure there would be some sort of indication or announcement that he wasnât. He isnât just going to drop off to never be seen or heard from again. On another note, I disagree with whoever said Gemma doesnât want to get married so Harry probably doesnât want to. I always have gotten the impression he does want that one day and Iâm pretty sure he has said this in several interviews before. Just because his sister supposedly thinks one way doesnât mean he does but I donât think he will be getting married or having kids right away. Iâm sure when he meets âthe oneâ we will at least have some fan pics of them out somewhere. Even if they arenât public, I donât think he would keep their existence entirely hidden so I donât know why people are worried about that too unless itâs also a fear thing like Mod said. Sorry for the long post but I just wanted to offer a different perspective on what *might* be going on.
Oh it's definitely an addiction to some people. They're going to go through "withdrawals". I think this mainly applies to the chronically online people. I won't try to get too deep into it rn but yeah lol
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Do you have pcos? or any kind of health problem that makes it hard for you to lose weight? I'm just curious, don't answer it if you don't feel comfortable
Ok so I got a couple messages asking this same thing, as well as people suggesting that âjust lose weight and then try againâ, so Iâm gonna put a bunch of information (and I mean A BUNCH of information) under a cut here that explains everything and why âjust losing weightâ isnât a solution nor is it the problem. Like, at all.
If you donât want to read all of this, you really donât have to. Thereâs a TL;DR at the bottom and I wouldnât blame you for just scrolling straight there and skipping my rant lol
I donât have PCOS, no, my weight is mostly a âside effectâ of my mental health and years of trying different medications to help with that. Just in case some people arenât aware, two of the most common side effects of anti-depressants are increased appetite and weight gain. That coupled with one of the two most common symptoms of chronic depression â lack of energy and motivation â means that over the years Iâve slowly put on weight.
Even though every doctor insists on telling me Iâm overweight and need to lose weight as though Iâm completely oblivious to my own body and such an idea as losing weight has never occurred to me before, I have in fact tried to lose weight many many times over the years with very little success no matter how healthily I ate and how much I exercised. The only time I have ever had success was back in my 20s when I switched to a gluten and dairy free diet to try to fix another issues I was having with my gut. This is why, in the past few weeks, Mr Sandwich and I have been slowly switching our diets to be gluten and dairy free.
BUT even though I am doing that, and exercising as much as I can with my limited energy, itâs not enough. I can lose weight, sure, but I canât lose enough weight quickly (and safely) enough to be able to do IVF, which Iâll get to in a minute. So itâs not always as simple as âjust lose weightâ, everyone is different and despite what most people think, a lot of overweight people donât chose to be that way. Why anyone would think that is beyond me, but a lot of people do and because of this you get people treating fat people as less than human, as though weâre not worthy of any kindness or sympathy because obviously we had to have done this to ourselves, right?
This is also why I get so annoyed when people equate being overweight to being unhealthy. The whole âoverweight people are twice as likely to die earlyâ bullshit is nonsense! Sure sometimes itâs the case, but not always. I am not medically unhealthy at all. Apart from being unable to conceive and my mental health issues, neither of which are a symptom or side effect of my weight, I am actually perfectly healthy. Over the past few years Iâve had every test anyone could come up with to try to find out why I wasnât falling pregnant and that includes things like liver, kidney and thyroid function, cholesterol, diabetes and blood sugar tests, blood pressure, the list goes on. Everything everyone always associates with fat people, all of it was tested, and everything came back perfectly normal. I had a doctor literally say to me âIf I hadnât seen you in person, I would never have known you were overweight based on these resultsâ, which just goes to show you how biased even doctors can be.
Warning: If you donât wanna learn some interesting stuff about fertility and reproduction, donât read any further.
So why am I trying IVF if Iâm healthy?
Fun fact: When a woman talks about her âbiological clockâ ticking, itâs not even a joke; a womanâs biological clock is like a clock counting down from the moment sheâs born⌠or maybe itâs more like an hourglass? Either way, unlike men, who can produce viable sperm from the time they hit puberty until the day they die, women have all the eggs they will every have in their entire life already tucked away in their tiny little ovaries from the moment they form as a fetus. That ovarian reserve starts at around 6-7 million follicles during the fetal stage, by the time that new baby girl is born that number has already dropped to 1 million, and by the time she hits puberty sheâs only got about 300,000 left. Of those 300,000, only about 300-400 will be ovulated during her entire lifespan. That number obviously continues to decrease when a woman ovulates each month right up until they run out and that is when the woman will go through menopause, and there is no way to raise that amount either. Once the eggs run out, thatâs it, thereâs no more. Pretty grim huh?
By my age (35), a women with perfect reproductive health will have an AMH (Anti-MĂźllerian hormone, essentially an indicator of how many eggs you have) level of around 5.1 pmol/L (2.3 ng/mL) but for some reason, my ovaries seem to think Iâm actually50. My AMH level is 0.3 pmol/L (0.1 ng/mL), which is considered EXTREMELY low and essentially what that means is I will never be able to conceive naturally. My only chance to conceive and carry my own biological child will be through IVF.
Now, itâs super important to note that low AMH has absolutely nothing to do with weight. There are a lot of different reasons that AMH levels can be low and they could be anything from hormone imbalance to a side effect of cancer treatments, from smoking to mumps. My hormones are normal, Iâve never had cancer or mumps, and I donât smoke; in my case, itâs most likely due to constant and severe amounts of stress (like years and years of it). But seeing as thereâs no medical way to test that, the cause of my low AMH has been deemed by my doctor as idiopathic (unknown). So while weight does have some affect on conceiving naturally, in my case it wouldnât matter how much I weighed because my AMH level would still be low even if I wasnât overweight.
In Australia, there are these wonderful things called Low Cost or Bulk Bill IVF clinics. At a private IVF clinic youâd be looking at about $10-15k (Aussie dollars) a cycle for IVF, but at a bulk bill clinic they can charge as little as $800! Unfortunately at these low cost clinics youâre not able to chose your doctor either, you just get whoever is available so thatâs a problem too. But the way theyâre able to keep costs low is a combination of Medicare rebates (Australiaâs free health care system) and the fact that they donât use full sedation during egg collection which costs a buttload of money because anesthetic. They use a combination of local anesthetic and twilight sedation, which means lower cost for the patient, itâs win win⌠unless youâre overweight. For reasons I have yet to figure out â because not a single clinic can come up with any reason every time I ask â most clinics demand you be under a certain weight before theyâll treat you. Iâm not going to tell you my exact weight but itâs not anywhere near this stupid limit.
Another fun fact: This weight limit is non-existent in private clinics but I donât have, nor could I get, $10-15k. The fertility specialist I spoke to yesterday also suggest bariatric (lap band) surgery as though that were an actual viable option. Like, listen lady, if I had the money for that (anywhere between $5-20k), donât you think I would be using that to go to a fat-friendly private clinic instead of talking to your rude arse at a low cost clinic?!Â
This all brings me back to the TL;DR of it:
Hereâs the problem Iâm facing. A year ago when my AMH (egg supply) was tested it was 1.4 pmol/L (0.6 ng/mL), which was already very low then, but itâs dropped down to 0.3 pmol/L in a little over a year, so at that rate Iâm going to run out of eggs and be hitting early menopause most likely before the end of the year. At 35 years old.
Merry Christmas to me.
This has nothing AT ALL to do with my weight but for some reason these IVF clinics have a weight limit and there is absolutely no way I can lose enough weight (safely and healthily) before I run out of eggs, hence why Iâm so mad. Even if I had barbaric surgery it still wouldnât be enough time! None of these stupid clinics give a shit about that, all they keep saying is âlose weight and then come back to usâ, as though I have all the time in the world!
My only options now are to a) rob a bank and take my fat arse to a private clinic. b) rob a bank, get myself some bariatric surgery and take a buttload of speed to lose weight SUPER fast, and then take myself to a low cost clinic. c) rob a bank and use the money to buy a baby. Or d) continue to do as Iâve been doing and will continue to do regardless of what happens and thatâs lose weight the safe and healthy way and run out of eggs while Iâm at it.
Last fun fact of the post: All of this could have been avoided had my stupid GP tested my AMH levels 5 YEARS AGO when I asked him to! It would have been low then as well but not as low so I would have had more time AND back then I would have just scrapped in under the ridiculous weight limit!
/rant
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Stimulant | RM/Namjoon
genre: comedy, soulmate au, tattoo artist au | tattoo artist!namjoon x reader summary: with immense pain comes immense pleasure, and that was definitely the case when you could feel everything your accident-prone soulmate feels word count: 2722 a/n: i had a lot of fun writing this lol. warnings include swears, mentions of sex/masturbating, and that itâs a dialogue-heavy fic. as seen on my ao3
You hated your soulmate. You absolutely hated your soulmate, and you havenât even met him yet.
You didnât start feeling what he felt until recently. The very first thing you felt was a cut on your hand and you started to bleed. A memorable first impression, to say the least. Then you developed more cuts, some bruises, and even muscle soreness. You thought that maybe it was all completely normal. You thought that all of this pain came with the package of finding your soulmate. But when you asked around how long until the bruising disappears, your friends just looked at you like you were crazy.
It was then you realized that maybe your soulmate was either accident prone or a masochist.
Or maybe they were both.
You would go about your normal day being extremely cautious and prepared for all the pain you would have to endure. Sometimes you would wake up thinking that maybe today would be the day your soulmate wouldnât hurt himself. Sometimes you even sympathized - or was it technically empathized? - because there were times you had to go see a doctor when the injuries were more severe, thinking to yourself honestly, fuck you for bringing me here, but I hope youâre all right, too.
The scarring and bruises werenât even the worst part of all of this. No, the worst part about being able to feel what your soulmate feels was the random bursts of pleasure that made you go insane. It was fine when it was night time and you were in the comfort of your home - at least that way no one could see your blushing face. But when you felt it in the middle of the day while you were at work, getting lunch, or even just fucking grocery shopping, you had to run to the bathroom so your soulmate could finish.
This morning you had a, uh, pleasant start to your day. You woke up panting, sweating, and flustered, trying to come down from the euphoria your soulmate caused all too frequently.
âIs my soulmate a chronic sex addict? For Godâs sake, itâs seven in the morning!â you muttered bitterly. A shower was necessary to wash away the shame you felt for your partner.
In the shower, you enjoyed the peace and serenity the warm water gave you. It was a peaceful ten minutes that you thoroughly enjoyed until it was ruined again only moments later.
âOw! Fucking christ!â you screamed. You saw some redness forming on your hand from inflammation caused by something. From your previous knowledge, it looked like it was from a burn from cooking breakfast.
How incredibly annoying was it that you already knew the reason for the burn?
âIâll show you a burn.â You turned the shower handle to the hot side of the spectrum and endured the 0.2 seconds of scalding water all over your body. The pain you felt was worth the satisfaction knowing your partnerâs probably cursing you out right now.
Did that make you the sadist? Or did that make you both masochists?
It was a constant battle of stimulation between the two of you that you didnât even know what was accidental and what was on purpose anymore other than the infinite shameless times heâs had sex. Maybe he thought the same about you, too. What if he thought you were the clumsy one and he was doing the exact same thing by hurting himself to get back at you?
Kind of fucked up, huh?
âRough morning?â your roommate asks, raising her eyebrow at you. She probably guessed by the sour look on your face as you exited the bathroom.
âWoke up to my soulmate having sex again and a burn from when he was cooking. Who the fuck has the time and energy to fuck this early!?â
âYouâd be surprised,â she smirks. âMaybe heâs not having sex, maybe heâs, you know.â She gestures to you a juvenile attempt at a hand job.
âEither way, itâs annoying and embarrassing, like does he not have any shame? I canât remember a time where Iâd go at least three days without having an orgasm because of him.â
âHeâs just not embarrassed to touch himself like you are, obviouslyâŚâ
âShut up.â
She wasnât wrong. You havenât had sex nor have you touched yourself because honestly, youâd be thinking about your soulmate the entire time, and it was embarrassing.
âYou need to relax and just do it, _____. Youâve been so irritable lately, itâs driving me insane.â
âI know, Iâm sorry, ok. Iâve just been so preoccupied trying to find him for months, but Iâve had absolutely zero luck!â
âMaybe thatâs why. You canât just go out looking for someone with no leads. You have no idea what youâre looking for.â
âI donât, and Iâve never felt so lost,â you pout. âBut maybe Iâll find him after today.â
âWhy, what do you have in mind?â
âHeâs going to hate me so much after today that heâs bound to show up.â
The malicious smirk on your lips caused your roommate to take a step back from you. âYouâre not gonna, like, fling yourself down the stairs so youâd go to the hospital, are you?â
âWhat, no,â you said. âIâm going to get a tattoo.â
âYouâre a psychopath.â
âI am not! If anything, heâs the psychopath!â
âYou two are meant for each other.â
âHonestly, thatâs so sweet of you to say.â
âOw, shit!â Namjoon curses. The oil from the pan pops and hits his hand, giving him a small burn.
Immediately, a running Jin snatches the chopsticks away and pushes him aside. âWhat did I say about cooking!?â
âBut Iâm hungryâŚâ
âJust ask next time! Look, youâre not even cooking it correctly - youâre supposed to scrape the ice off the dumpling before you put it in the pan so the oil doesnât pop. Youâre also not supposed to use olive oil for frying.â
âOhhhâŚâ
âI feel sorry for your soulmate. How are you even alive and functioning?â
âYeah, how have they not tracked you down to kill you yet?â Hoseok teases, pushing Namjoon further away from the stove.
âSheâs probably smart enough to know that doing so would kill her, too,â Yoongi scoffs.
âShut up - HOLY FFFFFF -â
Namjoon couldnât finish his sentence as he hunched over on the floor feeling like he was on fire. He struggled to turn on the faucet to run cold water on his minor burns. His inked skin was flushed a painful pink.
âWhat happenedâŚ?â Jin asked with wide eyes.
âI think my soulmate burned me on purpose!â
âThatâs what you get for being so careless. Iâm surprised they havenât done so earlier.â
âThey have! Every time I hurt myself, they hurt themselves back so I can feel it. Can you believe that!? Who hurts their soulmate on purpose!?â
âOh, I definitely would if you were my soulmate,â Yoongi said. âIâd be pissed if my partner was chronically accident prone.â
âYou guys are great friends, you know,â Namjoon said sarcastically as he dried himself off.
âThanks!â Jungkook chimes.
âIâm going to the shop.â
âWhat about your dumplings!?â
âFuck âem, you eat it.â
âDonât hurt yourself too much today!â Jin calls as Namjoon walks out the door.
âWelcome!â the receptionist at the tattoo shop greeted you. âHow can I help you?â
âDo you accept walk-ins?â you ask.
âYes, Namjoon is available once heâs ready - speak of the devil.â
The door chimed as it swung open. A very tall, very good-looking man walks through the door with disheveled hair and a grumpy expression that was all too similar to yours, but somehow made him unbelievably handsome. His expression melts as he sees you and shoots you a quick wink with a dimple-y smile as he passes you.
âHeâll be your artist today. Now, because youâre alone, I assume you havenât met your soulmate yet?â
âI havenât. Why do you ask?â
âThose who have met or feel their soulmate need to have a cosigner that states they consent to the feeling of getting a tattoo.â
âReally!?â you said a little too loudly.
âYes, itâs the law. So have you felt your soulmate at all?â
âUh, n-no,â you lied. âNot yet, surprisingly.â
âOk, well, then you need to sign these forms that state that if youâre caught lying, we have the right to report you to the authorities.â
âR-Right,â you stutter, reading the forms thoroughly before risking hundreds of dollars in fines and possinly jail time.
âAll right, then youâre all set! Namjoon will call you when heâs ready.â
You sit in the waiting area impatiently tapping your feet. Your nails dig crescents into the palms of your hand unapologetically, with you not worrying about if your soulmate could feel it. To be honest, you were completely terrified about getting your first tattoo. You thought about the design in your car for like, ten minutes and thought up a bullshit reason in case they asked.
Itâs not like you were going to tell them you were getting a tattoo out of spite. How crazy would that make you look?
I mean, of course you were crazy, but you didnât want anyone to know that.
â_____?â The man named Namjoon asked.
His arms were now exposed as he settled into the shop, showing you nearly a dozen or so on his sleeve. Even from far away, you could tell how intricate they were, telling you that it mustâve taken hours to complete each one. Your eyes widened, sympathizing with his soulmate, that poor personâŚ
âAre you ready?â he asked you.
âYeah,â you sigh, hesitation evident in your voice.
âScared?â
You take a seat and watch him prep his needles and ink. Why were there so many toolsâŚ
âY-Yeah,â you stutter. âDoes it hurtâŚ?â
âOh, yeah, like a bitch,â he chuckles. âNo matter how many tattoos I get, they all hurt as much as the last, although the very first one is unforgettable.â
âGee, thanks.â
âIâm just being honest! Youâre here now, no use turning back, right?â
âI suppose⌠Has your soulmate ever felt any of those?â
Namjoon sits across from you and gives you another smile with his heart-stopping dimples. âNo. I got these way before I even started to feel them. I havenât gotten one since the day I started to feel.â
âHow come?â
âWell, I havenât met them yet. Iâm also an extremely clumsy person, so they experience enough pain from me,â he chuckles. Man, did you definitely related to his soulmate all too well. âI could never ask them to go through with a tattoo if theyâve never had one yet.â
âThatâs very considerate of you.â
âI suppose it is. Itâs the least I can do.â Namjoon rolls his chair close enough for you to smell his intoxicating cologne. âSo what am I drawing on you today?â
âJust an outline of a crescent moon.â
âSimple. I like it.â
âTo be honest, I thought of the design in the car,â you said, scratching your arm nervously. âI just want to get the feeling out of the way before I meet - feel my soulmate.â
âThatâs cute,â he chuckles again. âAll right, this shouldnât take longer than five minutes.â
He put on some nylon gloves and shaves the part of your arm where you want the tattoo. His hands are warm and comforting, easing your nervousness, although it quickly came back when he buzzes the needle.
âOh, shit,â you whisper. Were you making a big mistake? Were you taking your pettiness too far?
No, you had every right toâŚ
âReady?â he asked.
âNo.â
âGood enough. Itâll only hurt for a few minutes.â
When the needle touched your skin, you nearly blacked out.
âJesus fucking Christ!â you screamed.
âOw, fucking hell!â Namjoon screamed, too.
You both swung your heads to look at each other with wide eyes. At first you were extremely confused. The only reason Namjoon would be screaming in pain is if his soulmate was doing something reckless. Was it a coincidence that he felt pain as you were getting a tattoo? But then it clicked in your head that it was, in fact, you who was being the reckless soulmate.
âYou!â you both said, pointing to each other accusingly.
âYouâre my soulmate!? Are you fucking kidding me?â you sigh. âBoy, do I have a lot to say to you.â
âYou have a lot to say to me!?â You look at him with a blank expression and your glad to see that he nods his head understandingly. âOk, yeah, I probably do deserve a mouthfulâŚâ
âYeah, you do.â
âBut ~ you did just lie about not feeling your soulmate! I could report you!â You silently slump in your seat with a pout on your face. âBut youâre really cute, so I wonât.â
âNormally, Iâd be flattered, but Iâm a bit angry at you at the moment.â
âAll right, let me hear what you have to say about my clumsiness.â
You sighed, collecting all of your thoughts. âFirst of all, how?â
âItâs an innate gift Iâve been given.â
âDo you see all of my bruises?â You rolled up your pants to expose your purple shins. âAnd this cut?â You point to a healing scar on your cheek. âAnd this burn on my hand from this morning? What were you even making?â
âThe, uh, dumplings had ice on them, so the oil sparked.â
âFrying ice, of course my soulmate would do that.â
âIâm not good in the kitchen, ok,â he frowns.
âSecond question, do you have a girlfriend or significant other or enjoy frequent nights out in the town?â
He raises a curious brow at you and you try to suppress any current thoughts about his handsomeness that distract you from seeing him as anything other than irritating at the moment. âAre you making sure that Iâm all yours?â
âNo, Iâm asking you why you have sex almost every day at the worst times.â
âOh, that!â he said, bursting into a fit of laughter. How he was not even at least a little embarrassed amazed you. âWell, to make things clear, I donât have a girlfriend, or significant other, or enjoy midnight reandezvous.â
âThen what the fuck are you doing - OhâŚâ You paused. If he didnât do any of those, then that meant⌠The growing smirk on Namjoonâs face only confirms your assumption. âReally? You masturbate every day!?â
âRelax, itâs not every day. As you said, I do so almost every day.â
âDo you know how embarrassingly frustrating and also hilariously ironic it is when Iâm picking up an eggplant at a grocery store and I can feel you doing your business?â
âBut you like it, donât you?â Namjoon leans his face close to yours. Close enough that you could feel his breath tickle your cheek. âDoesnât it feel good?â
âOf course it feels good, it always does, but I like to plan my orgasms, thank you.â
âBut that was the beauty of it, my dear. Knowing that as Iâm touching myself, somewhere out there, you were enjoying it as much as I was. Itâs intoxicating.â He licks his lips and suddenly your mind became hazy. âDidnât you enjoy it this morning?â
âYes,â you stated plainly, though blushing deeply.
âOf course you did. In fact, I can already feel that youâre aroused just by the mere thought of it,â he teased. âImagine the euphoria we could feel together. Itâd be twice as ecstatic, wouldnât it?â
âIf youâre that curious, letâs find out.â
âWait, Really!?â
âAfter this tattoo.â
âIâve been meaning to give you a mouthful about that, too,â he said. âHow dare you hurt yourself on purpose just so I could feel it. Does that make you the sadist between the two of us?â
âYou know, Iâve thought about it before, and I think me getting a tattoo done by you confirms it.â
âAfter all the pinching, shower burns, and nail-digging,â he paused, showing you the indented crescents on his palm. âI think so, too. Though of course, I will admit to being the fuel to the fire.â
âSo long as you acknowledge it.â
âLetâs get this tattoo over with so we can get to the real fun, shall we?â he smirked.
âCan I get some lunch or dinner before that, at least? Whereâs the chivalry?â
âHow rude of me. Iâll need the energy, anyways, I skipped breakfast this morning.â
#bangtan bookclub#raplinenetwork#btswritersguild#hyunglinenetwork#namjoon#kim namjoon#bts namjoon#rm#bts rm#bts#bts imagines#bts scenarios#kpop#k-pop#soulmate#soulmate au
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Professional women today are as unhappy as their suburban housewife grandmothers. This wasnât supposed to happen.
âThe Ambition Collision,â by Lisa Miller is one of the more read articles on the New York Magazine website. It compares the malaise that professional women feel today with the malaise of the suburban housewife Betty Freidan characterizes in The Feminine Mystique.
What is this midlife crisis among the 30-year-olds I know? Â Millennial women â at least those who reside in professional bubbles â seem to have it all. They are better educated, more prosperous, less encumbered by cultural expectations than any previous generation of women. They delay marriage (if they marry at all) and children (if they choose to conceive). They can own or rent. They can save or spend. These women have been on familiar terms with their ambitions all their lives â raised by careful parents to aim high (millennial women are likelier than their male peers to have professional jobs, to be managers, and to work in finance), and tutored by their cultural icons to perform their empowerment, and never submit. You know, âBow down, bitches,â as they say.
So why are the well-employed, ambitious 30-year-olds of my acquaintance feeling so adrift, as discontented as the balding midlife sad sacks whose clichĂŠ dissatisfactions made Updike rich? The women complain of the enervating psychic effects of the professional treadmill as white-collar piecework and describe their dread as they contemplate bleak futures â decade after decade, they imagine, unfulfilled. After a lifetime of saying ��yesâ to their professional hunger â these are the opportunity-seizers, the list-makers, the ascendant females, weaned on Lean In â theyâve lost it, like a child losing grasp of a helium balloon. Grief-stricken, they are baffled too, for they have always been propelled by their drive. They were the ones who were supposed to run stuff â who as girls imagined themselves leaving the airport in stylish trench coats, hailing a taxi with one hand while holding their cell in the other.
Who ever said that work should be the be-all?
Now, âthereâs no vision,â one woman said to me. âNothing solid,â said another. Limp, desperate, they fantasize about quitting their good jobs and moving home to Michigan. They murmur about purpose, about the concrete satisfactions of baking a loaf of bread or watching a garden grow. One young woman I know dreams about leaving her consulting job, which takes her to Dubai and Prague, to move back home and raise a bunch of kids. Another, an accountant with corner-office aspirations, has decided to âphone it inâ for a few years while she figures out what she wants to do. Mostly, though, these women donât bail out. They are too responsible, and too devoted to their wavering dreams. They stay put, diligently working, ordering Seamless and waiting for something â anything â to reignite them, to convince them that their wanting hasnât abandoned them for good. Any goal would do, one woman told me: a child, a dog â âeven a refrigerator.â People have been motivated by less.
Get a grip, I want to tell them, for I am old enough to be, if not their mother then their world-weary aunt. Who ever said that work should be the be-all? You work for money. The money you earn pays the rent. You are the very, very lucky few, in possession of the jobs and apartments that every tier-one college student wants. But the more I listen, the more I think I hear in these young womenâs voices the echo of something familiar â the complaints of a long-ago generation but in reverse. The female dissatisfaction chronicled by Betty Friedan in The Feminine Mystique was prompted by a widespread awakening to the bullshit promises of domestic happiness, manufactured by culture to make female containment look good. Now another bullshit promise has taken its place, and another generation is waking up.
Hereâs some thoughtful commentary from an MIT student:
Last night, I was reading some articles from âThe Cutâ, a section of New York Magazine. I came across this one, titled âThe Ambition Collisionâ by Lisa Miller. It's one of The Cut's most read articles, and describes how a generation of professional millennial women face a strange, unexplainable burnout. They seem to lose their motivation and desire after a few years in the workforce, or at once on entering it. ...What intrigued me about the article is what the author said after describing this problem, which is that, while those external struggles exist, thereâs still a deeply personal perspective problem that everyone has. Iâll let the article explain itself here:
âThe lesson of The Feminine Mystique was not that every woman should quit the âburbs and go to work, but that no woman should be expected to find all her happiness in one place â in kitchen appliances, for example. And the lesson for my discontented friends is not that they should ditch their professional responsibilities but that they should stop looking to work, as their mothers looked to husbands, as the answer to the big questions they have about their lives. âI think possibly work has replaced âand they got married and lived happily ever after,â and that is a false promise,â says Ellen Galinsky, co-founder of the Families and Work Institute. âEveryone needs to have more than one thing in their life. We find people who are dual-centric to be most satisfied. If people put an equivalent stress on their life outside of their job they get further ahead and are more satisfied at their job.ââ
Though this insight was shared through the lens of writing about womenâs issues, I think itâs a useful thing to think about for everyone. After graduating high school and moving into college, I graduated in a lot of other ways too. Some were expected--I reached new levels of independence and capability. Some were unexpected, like new reaching new levels of confidence, or weird, like a new level of defining myself and understanding the depth of my identity. And somehow, I seemed to reach a new level of sadness or discomfort too. Adult feelings somehow are more complicated than kid feelings, and I still havenât figured out why. Itâs not that I feel more or less happy than when I was child (although probably itâs a little bit less, lol) but itâs that, as a child you at least always know why youâre unhappy--denial of ice cream, the onset of sleepiness, a little brother that destroys your things. Unhappiness is for the most part temporary and usually defined by a single moment.
Adult unhappiness has seemed to involve many more themes, where the same feelings always worm their way into whatever sadness Iâm feeling that day, even if they have nothing to do with why Iâm sad in that moment. It feels a little more chronic. Maybe itâs because of passage of time, and accumulating many more things to be unhappy about over the years. Sometimes sadness is unexplainable, like those women in The Cut article, just a strange listlessness that I can never articulate very well.
Sometimes coming to MIT feels a little bit like hitting a ceiling too. At least in my case, MIT was a goal I worked on for a full 7 years (I first started reading the blogs in middle school, lol). A sentence from this article stands out to me: âItâs as if the women have cleared spaces in their lives for meteoric careers, and then those careers have been less gratifying, or harder won, or more shrunken than theyâd imagined.â
MIT was certainly hard won. And I had known, at least superficially, that what I was doing was kind of insane--I worked really hard to get into a place where I would have to work even harder. I think what I hadnât prepared for was just how dissatisfying it can be to have hard work feel fully wasted. Freshmen year there was a lot of studying for days to barely pass, rather than studying for days to at least get a decent grade. But now thatâs mostly over--my classes are in the field I most enjoy, theyâre interesting, and though theyâve certainly required hard work, my academic life is a little more balanced. So why does that feeling of burnout, dissatisfaction, listlessness still hit? (itâs always in November or February....)
Maybe it's because as a student, life is still pretty centered around work. But things outside of work aren't always great either...
As Pascal said, all people complain, even those at the top of society. The world is fallen, and so it doesnât live up to our desires that it not be fallen. And nothing in the world can make that fallenness go away. Weâll eventually all feel this if we are sensitive and thoughtful and realistic, if we donât just distract ourselves from it. Not even a great university or great career or great apartment can make us deeply happy.
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296.
At what time of day do you normally feel the best? >> Thereâs no specific time of day when I feel best; the way I feel is dependent on too many other factors.
Do you normally have to hem pants? >> No.
Name one reason why someone should not commit suicide. >> I canât name reasons for someone else.
What would you do if you had no one to love and support you? >> I would survive, as I always have. Going through shit alone has never killed me before, why would it suddenly do so now?
If you didn't have love and support, would you feel life was worth living? >> The good thing about going through long periods of time when I had no one to turn to is that it taught me that in the end, it really doesnât matter. Either I want to live, or I donât. And if I do, then Iâd best stop worrying about what I donât have, and get on with using what I do have.
If you had no family nor friends nor money, would u feel life's worth living? >> Iâm just going to refer to the above answer, because it covers all bases (especially seeing as... I have definitely been without all of the above and still kept going for my own sake).
If you're unhappy, what would it take to make you fulfilled? >> Sometimes nothing. Unhappiness doesnât always have a cure, sometimes itâs just an irrational feeling. Also, one could argue that unhappiness doesnât have a cure at all -- everything you think makes you less unhappy is just distraction. But, I mean, itâs really just whatever you believe.
What was the last thing that upset your stomach? >> Alcohol.
Do you have to go the pharmacy a lot? >> No.
Are you sunburned? >> No.
Do you wish someone loved you? >> Honestly, it doesnât matter much either way.
Do you call yourself stupid often? >> Not often. I make an effort to avoid that kinda bullshit self-talk.
What's a song you love? >> Uhh... Falling Snow by Agalloch.
Do you miss anyone who was mean to you? >> Not, like, chronically mean to me, no.
Name someone you know who is a cancer survivor. >> I donât know any cancer survivors.
Are you friends with any cancer survivors? >> No.
Does God often answer your prayers? >> ---
How was your day today (or yesterday, if it's morning)? >> Itâs been fine. Finally caught up on Pose.
Do you wish the sunrise and sunset lasted longer? >> No.
Would you want to relive your childhood again? >> No.
Were your college years the best years of your life? >> I didnât attend.
Would you rather re-live high school or college? >> Youâre joking, right?
What is the dumbest sports-team mascot you've heard of? >> ---
Are you a sports fan? >> Iâm not.
Where do you feel like you fit in the most? >> I donât know, I never gave it much thought.
What would you most like to do at a renessaince faire, if you were a worker? >> I donât know enough about Ren faires to have a thought about this.
Do you hate social classes? >> No.
Do you think talent should have anything to do with social class? >> Talent doesnât have anything to do with social class. Success in oneâs chosen field does, regardless of talent.
Name a country who's history you know nothing about. >> Cameroon.
Name a religion you know nothing or very little about. >> Zoroastrianism.
Don't you hate know-it-alls? >> Not really. I just ignore them.
What is your favorite store at the mall? >> I donât have one.
When was the last time you went to the mall? >> I went last week, to see The Dead Donât Die.
Do you have a bed or do you sleep on a mattress on the floor? >> I have a bed.
When was the last time you went for a run? >> Ha!
Have you ever tried hard drugs? >> A few.
Which school subject did you hate the most? >> All of them, really.
What was the last thing you wore from Aeropostale? >> I donât have anything from Aeropostale.
Which devotional do you read? >> ---
Do you appreciate classic literature? >> Meh. I like what I like, and if I donât like it I donât care about it.
What is something you find strange? >> I donât know, I canât think of anything off the top of my head.
Do you like your natural hair color? >> Itâs fine, yeah.
Would you rather get a pixie cut or get dreadlocks? >> Dreadlocks would suit both me and my hair type more than a pixie cut would, but theyâre also a lot of maintenance and Iâm not into that.
Would you rather dye your hair or get a perm? >> I guess dye. But Iâm perfectly happy not chemically treating my hair at all.
Do you keep Christmas lights up year-round? >> No.
Have you ever started a new trend? >> Not to my knowledge.
Do you have any artwork of yours from high school? >> No.
What did you win a scholarship for? >> Nothing?
Did your college meet your expectations? >> ---
What was the best thing about college? >> ---
How old were you ten years ago? >> 22.
What's the best piece of advice you can give someone ten years younger ? >> I have no advice for a 22 year old. Most of the early-twenties people I know seem rather advice-averse anyway. Which kind of makes sense -- theyâve had people telling them what to do all their lives already. Itâs time for them to make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons, not blithely listen to older people who think they know better just because theyâre older.
Do you feel like you are old enough and experienced enough to give advice? >> I am experienced enough in certain areas to give what I think is reasonable advice, but I prefer not to give advice. The only reason I have this experience in the first place is because... I went out and did shit, and dealt with the consequences. I assume most people would benefit from that same experience.
How old were you when you started to feel mature and experienced? >> LOL, thereâs an age when you actually feel that way? I assume itâs an illusion people put upon others but never feel quite right about assuming for themselves.
Were your 20's hell? >> They were, sure.
What type of bug do you see the most often in your home? >> Fruit flies.
Do you put off things until the last minute? >> Occasionally. ...I probably should vacuum, shouldnât I. :|
Do you have the air conditioning on right now? >> No. The only A/C is in the living room anyway, and does nothing for the rest of the apartment.
Is your mom the same size as you? >> ---
Does camping appeal to you? >> It does, under the right conditions.
What color is your sleeping bag? >> ---
How often do you pray? >> I donât.
Do you surrender to Christ daily? >> No.
When was the last time you went to church? >> Easter.
Do you know any Christians who aren't judgmental? >> Of course I do.
Do you believe there are any good people in the world? >> lmao what kind of question is this
What's one thing you are scared of? >> Dying painfully.
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Diary of a Stressed Black Woman
Hey yall!Â
So first I wanna start off by saying thank you to everyone for all the love and support Iâve received since I decided to start this blog a couple months ago. I was really nervous to be so open and honest and you guys really made me feel like I wasnât as crazy as I thought lol. I know I havenât posted in a minute, Iâve honestly been kind of self absorbed in bullshit but Iâm back and Iâll remain consistent this time lol. With that being said.....*ahem, clears throat* excuse me while I wild out on my soap box for a minute....I AM muthafuckin tiedddddd, i am STRESSED tf out and I donât know wtf iâm doing with my life. I seriously ask myself is this shit even worth it anymore?!. As I wake up each and everyday and start prepare myself for the same ol routine, these thoughts often circulate through my mind. I feel like im constantly jugging that long to do list of shit that never seems to end, shitty niggas, dramatic friends, pestering family, deadlines and homework assignments due dates approaching for classes, outstanding bills due and that cloud of pressure hanging over my head. Some days I literally feel like Iâm about to explode..... if you feeling anything how Iâm feeling take a second as your reading this...to just B R E A T H E. I have to remind myself when I finally sit my busy body head ass down to just relax and breathe. As human beings were constantly on the go and overwhelming ourselves with shit that either can be handled differently or with adequate preparation completed with minimal stress.Â
We all know how stress feels because it affects us all in almost every aspect of our life. But what exactly is stress? Stress is your bodyâs way of responding to any kind of demand or threat. When you sense danger, whether itâs real or imagined (mine is often imagined lol) your body's defenses kick in and your fight or flight reaction occurs. What is so crazy is stress is not always a bad thing, I honestly feel like I perform my best when Iâm stressed out. I tend to work better in high fast, stressful situations. For example if I have a paper due at 11:59 my ass is scrambling to write a 5 page paper at 10:30 lol. Iâve found myself getting better grades when I do last minute shit compared to when I take my time lol. Thatâs honestly how I got through college, and the way my semester been going thus far seems like how Iâm gonna get through grad school. (Disclaimer: plz donât be like me, be better and do your assignments in a timely fashion lol.Â
Stress starts to become an issue to your mental health when it occurs over a long period of time. Suffering from chronic stress can be extremely dangerous and start to affect you mentally, cognitively, emotional, physically and behaviorally. Your nervous system that responds to you enduring stress cant distinguish between you being stressed over a an argument or you facing an actual stressful situation (things that are life threatening). So the more you experience that emotion of stress the more you trigger you nervous system and the more your heightened state of stress level is increase and can become exacerbated.Every system in your body is affected by stress. Ever have a huge fight your boyfriend/girlfriend and feel like you donât have an appetite? Thatâs not because your sad but because your digestive system is affected. Or maybe you start to feel sick after completing a stressful ass project? Your immune system has been affected by your stress.....Stress can leave your brain vulnerable to lurking variable like anxiety and depression, that I personally know how well itâs compatible with stress.Â
Our generation puts so much pressure on ourselves because of society. I often find myself setting these unrealistic goals to stay relevant with my peers, or family and mentally endure hell and stress myself out just to half way accomplish it......as a black female my risk of high blood pressure and stroke is higher than white women so experiencing this high level of stress for me isnât good for my health in the long run....
Survey shows that even though most Americans stress level are falling
Then we look at coping mechanisms....Iâve already discussed how I negatively cope with shit in my life. I touched on drugs and reckless behavior in my last posts, but I didnât say one of the most common things people do when they are trying to cope...especially with stress. Can you guess what it is? Eating...lol if Iâm trying not to be an alcoholic or drug addict, I indulge in huge binges where I eat everything I can and pass out. Clearly this is not an appropriate response to dealing with stress.
So how does one deal with stress in a healthy manner? Well for starters, not putting too much on your plate would help.Â
Honestly thereâs no appropriate or specific way to deal with stress....like any other mental health disorder you do whats best for you to help you cope.
Iâve learned that mediating throughout the day has caused a huge relief. When I feel myself getting overwhelmed I just remove myself and mediate....confiding in friends and family is also always a good outlet and resource. Journaling or blogging (like me) is also a stress reliefer! Honestly typing this post has caused such a relief for me because it gives me a chance to get out of my head and read what Iâm saying on a computer screen. Managing your time more efficiently definitely can help rid yourself of all that time constraint pressure your feeling as well. Physical activity is also a great way to get those endorphins bumping as well. Â
*To my fellow readers who are stress, just relax! you got this! tell yourself words of affirmations daily to keep your motivation level high and stress level low. Remember God timing is always perfect and you can rush the process....
Leave your stress in 2017, thatâs what Iâm doing, with my new year, new me head ass lol.
**xoxoâ
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