#and thats a lot to deal with. so now im focusing on cleaning the apartment. specifically my bedroom

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

[league-of-thots]

The Summoning

Pairing: dabi x reader x hawks

Word Count: 8.1k

Warnings: NONCON/DUBCON, blood play, dp, sacrificial summoning, mind manipulation, angels/demons/magic, gore, branding

A/N: So this was supposed to be a short little fic.... but thats not how it turned out, but im happy that it came out this way. I think its much better than what I originally had. Uh, please read the warnings because this has some things which could definitely be triggering.

thanks to @lady-bakuhoe, @ikinabi, and @marilla-eldriana for listening to me talk my ass off about it LMAO

other tags: @yaoyorozuwrites, @dee-madwriter

               You were beyond upset, tonight wasn’t supposed to be a night where you were heading into a bar on your own, dressed up for a date cut early, and freshly out of a relationship. As you sat down at the end of a rowdy bar, you can’t help the tears flowing out of your eyes. You’ve been holding them in for a while, trying not to break down in public, but sitting here with nothing else to do, you can’t stop the small sobs that break out.

               The bartender makes her way towards you, her lips turned down sadly as she starts cleaning up some glasses at the sink near you methodically. Your sobs die down as she starts speaking to you.

               “Rough night, sis?”

               “Yeah, you could say that again.”

               “Need something to drown it out?” you nod as she goes to grab some heavy liquid you can’t recognize. Whatever it is, it smells rank, you think as you lift the shot glass up towards your nose to sniff it.  You shoot it back, and shudder at the brief taste you get before you swallow it down, throat burning a bit as you let out a slight cough. She offers another with a gesture and you nod in response, quickly downing the second, and you nurse the third.

               Suddenly, a man in a raggedy black overcoat sits down beside you, raising a finger as he asks for some type of sake, and says “One for the crying mess, too.” In a raspy voice. You don’t even feel offended, it’s true, but he didn’t need to say it so harshly right in front of you. Although you wouldn’t say no to the free drink, as you quickly drained the one that you’d bought.

               “Thanks,” you mumble to him, the alcohol not really hitting you yet. You wipe the tears from your face. “What’s your name?”

               “Dabi.” He answers shortly, grabbing the sake and tipping it back, watching as you do the same. “You’re new here, but drinking like you’re about to be enlisted. What’s up?”

               Now normally, you wouldn’t be giving your life story to a random stranger who- quite frankly- looked like he belonged in a prison cell. However, normally you didn’t have four generous shots of heavy liquor coursing through your veins after having just broken up with your last boyfriend of just over a year.

               “Stupid asshat of a guy dumps me after over a year of being together for some stupid reason.” You sigh, head in your hands. “I don’t even get why? Like I was so blindsided and I feel like such a fucking idiot.”

               “Sounds like a real idiot,” Dabi replies, sliding you another drink which you eagerly accept, drinking it in a rage.

               “Like, fuck, I’m just not ready yet! Like, yeah if he was hard, I’d help him deal with it. But I just didn’t feel ready for sex, and he kept trying to force me, and when I get mad at that I’m the bad guy.” You’re starting to get a little dizzy, but at the moment, you’re so upset that you can’t really be bothered by it. You just want to be angry and heartbroken and drunk for a little while. So you don’t really have to face moving out of your shared apartment until later, tomorrow at the earliest.

                 “Was it a one-off thing? ‘Cause that’s a bit of an overreaction if that’s the case.” You’re so happy to have someone to vent too that you don’t notice the intent expression Dabi has on his face, you miss the way his body leans towards you eagerly waiting for an answer.

               “Well, no.” you shift a bit uncomfortable in your seat. “But he said he was fine with it! That he was alright with waiting.”

               “Well obviously he was lying. You must’ve been really stingy with sex.” You shouldn’t feel that hurt by a stranger’s words, especially when he has no idea about who you are and what your story was.

               “I just didn’t want my first time to be forced onto me.” You mumble, looking into your glass. You were starting to feel the dizziness from the rapidly consumed drinks. “I wasn’t ready for it.” You could feel the tears welling up again, not even bothering to try and stop them.

               “Makes sense. So, you’re a virgin then? And your boyfriend wanted to have sex and you didn’t so he broke up with you?” The odd phrasing of the questions didn’t even stand out to you.

               “Yes! Except he said it was fine and I believed him!” you wail out, you’re crying hard now into your arms that are lain on the bar top. You feel a hesitant hand patting your shoulder rather awkwardly, but his hand is really warm and you feel a bit better at the soft contact.

               “Sounds like a real idiot to me. You want another drink, doll?” he says softly into your ear. His breath tickles your neck a bit and you giggle a bit as you sway on your stool.

               “I don’t have the money! Ahaha… I’ve gotta save it now because I have to move out of the stupid apartment.”

               “Don’t worry, I have some money to spend. What better way to spend it than on a pretty girl, hmm?” You blush a little at the attention. His blue eyes are intense and you can’t keep eye contact for long with him.

               “I mean, if you’d like too, I won’t stop you.” You hum.

               “Alright then.” He gestures to the bartender, a dangerous grin on his face. You thought that you’d be spending the night alone, but you’re glad to have been proven wrong.

               The two of you nurse some drinks as you talk a bit, most of the talking done by you, the alcohol loosening your mouth as you tell him a lot of your time with your ex, and whatever random thought pops into your head. He doesn’t talk much, but it’s not really off-putting as he usually interjects with sarcastic one liners and small questions, nodding as you continue your stories.

               It’s getting later in the night and you’re blissfully drunk, unable to process the shitty feelings and how terrible you feel. Dabi seems to notice this and gets one of those grins he gets when you say how bad you want to fucking deck your ex in the face. It makes your heart beat in excitement.

               “You’ll do shots with me, right?” You nod, excited. Dabi orders six drinks, and you feel yourself tense in sudden apprehension. That’s a lot considering that you’d already drank a few… how many was it now? It doesn’t matter, you tell yourself. He seems to notice your hesitance though.

               “What? Can’t handle a few shots?” his smile is teasing, but his words are daring you to agree with him, and you bristle in response.

               “Of course I can!” part of you is screaming at you, telling you how bad of an idea this is, but its easy to drown out in the haze of your mind.

               “Good, you can try to keep up with me then.” He shoots down the first without even warning and you scramble to catch up with him, grabbing the glass sitting in front of you, and tossing the drink back. You’re coughing a bit, the harshness of the shot winning against your already weakened and sensitive throat. Boldly you grab the next and shoot it down as well.

               That might’ve been a mistake, because you splutter more, you can barely think, and you feel like you’re choking on the air you’re breathing in. Dabi’s face looks concerned as he asks you if you’re alright. You can only shake your head in response, knowing that you can’t possibly try to talk like this. He sees you swaying and clutching your now stomach as it rolls nauseatingly.

               “Don’t worry, this is on me, I thought she was alright with them.” He’s speaking to the bartender, who looks worried and a little suspicious given his appearance, but his voice sounds like its in the end of a long tunnel to you. You accept being pulled into his arms as he leads you outside for some fresh air, he’s produced a bottle of water, and opens it one handed before handing it to you.

               You try to thank him but that goes terribly, as you start dry heaving when you open your mouth. He has a sad, but un-surprised look on his face as he takes in your motions. If you were focused enough you probably would’ve said he looked satisfied, but that doesn’t make sense because he has no idea who you are.

               Suddenly, everything starts spinning and you vaguely feel Dabi place your arm over his shoulder. You close your eyes, desperate to try and stop yourself from vomiting all over the man who was trying to help you. It’s your main focus as you lean almost all of your weight onto him and drag your feet across the pavement. You don’t know where he’s taking you but you can barely think much less stop him and you continue to keep your eyes closed, not worried at all.

                  Dabi couldn’t believe his luck meeting you. He’d just finished the final touches on the circle, he was practically all set up except for the link, the sacrifice. Of course, he’d been planning to go into bars to find the perfect person for his ritual, but he didn’t think it would’ve happened so quickly! He’d expected it to take months, and what a relief it was that it hadn’t! He can barely contain his excitement as he keeps your form tight to his body.

               You were so naïve, so trusting, latching onto the first person that offered you kindness. Getting drunk on your own in a rather sketchy bar on a Saturday night, what had you been thinking? He knew you’d had a shitty day, but getting drunk at home surely would’ve been the superior option, anyone could see that.

               It’s a decent walk to his place unfortunately, he knows that the usual 20-minute walk will likely double with you barely able to stand, much less walk quickly. So, he sighs and reminds himself exactly why this is so important. Why he’s even bothering to ‘save’ your pathetic form.

               The runs and sigils are going to look fucking gorgeous carved into your body, he thinks, still dragging you along. You’re almost to the point of unconsciousness, he notices, and it might be easier for him if you were unconscious. At least then he wouldn’t have to be concerned for how he drags you. The pitiful whimpering noises are so annoying to listen to, so he moved slow enough that you could sort of drag yourself and not make those noises.

               Dabi keeps running through the steps in his head, the rituals, the incantations, and the carvings…. He knew he was a powerful castor. He could only hope that the practice he’d put in, the training he’d put in and the beautiful and pure sacrifice he’d found would be enough to actually summon Satan.

               He knows with the power boost he could finally rid the world of his wretched father. Could finally get rid of him and his stupid fucking followers and coven.

               He’d take them all. And he’d win, he knew it.

               He’s finally dragged you to his apartment, and at this point you’re barely conscious in his arms. Good, it would make the carvings so much easier with you unable to struggle. Plus, with the fact that the alcohol would cloud your senses so you’d feel less pain and make less noise. He wonders if you’re even going to understand what’s happening to you, if you’re going to cry out in fear and confusion. He can’t even lie, the idea of that makes him feel a warmth down in his core, makes him start to feel hard, god, he bets your screams will sound as pretty as you are.

               He has one of the only basement rooms in the apartment, the other two abandoned because of how cold and dirty it is down there, plus there was only cold water that ran down in the basement. However, it was secluded and quiet there, and that’s exactly what Dabi needed in a place. Somewhere where he could lay low while he bides his time, planning and training and waiting. He wasn’t originally a patient person, but he’d learned to be, and it was something that he was proud of.

               Luckily, he doesn’t have to explain to any of his upstairs neighbours why he’s dragging you across the lobby to the back set of stairs that only lead down to the concrete hall downstairs. He’s gotten a pretty large space in his basement room, especially with the way he’s completely emptied his living room. The couch is pushed against the wall, table and tv also against the wall leaving a large rug on the floor. The lucky part was that he didn’t ever have a ton of possessions, so it was rather easy for him to make the circle on the floor and cover it with a large goat-skin rug.

               He doesn’t have many chairs, only the ones at the small bar behind which his kitchen is located, so he tosses you onto the leather couch on your side in case you were to vomit. He can’t have you dying before he sacrifices you after all. He checks to make sure that you’re really out of it before he goes into his washroom to start cleaning himself and preparing his mind for the layers of spell he’s about to cast.

               He’s started clearing his mind as he walks into his room, crystals glistening even in the non-natural light, as he starts to slow his breathing in a rather deep and slow pattern. He feels himself start to go into a state he can only get into when he’s concentrating on magic. All his troubles seem to slip away as he steps into the warm running water. He keeps the sigils he’s going to be needing soon in mind as he washes away all the dirt and grime from the bar, washing away all the petty crime to get prepared for something far, far worse.

               When he’s towelled off, he puts on some cotton boxers, and soft grey pants, leaving himself shirtless in the chilling air. He feels the goosebumps start to creep up his arms as he grabs the old iron lighter, the only gift from his mother that he’d manage to take with him when he had to get out with his life after his father had found out what he’d done.

               You’re pretty much asleep on the couch when he comes out, and he looks over you, your innocent form, so fucking pleased at the sacrifice he’d managed to snatch. Turning away, he starts to take out some candles that he has stashed in the wooden chest beside his couch, the colours he uses going to be black, purple and red.

               After moving the carpet off, he places the candles in groups of three at the points and nodes of the circled star. Afterwards, he grabs the red chalk he has and starts to write the various Latin incantations around the circle. He ignores your soft snores, you seem to be mumbling something in your sleep, as he continues his work. It’s taking a lot more time than he’d like it to.

               But soon enough, he thinks, it’ll all be worth it.

                 You feel yourself lifted into the air, your head spinning even before you even open your eyes. Where are you? What’s happening? You try to open your eyes, but it’s so nauseating and disorienting seeing the dark room spinning around, you’re sure you’ve never been in before. You feel yourself lowered onto the ground, rather roughly. You keep your eyes closed trying to wait out the dizzy spell as you hear the click of a lighter, and you shudder, expecting to feel a sting of burning flames.

               But you don’t, and you hear the clicking a few more times. You start to feel a little more stable and you squint, trying to see what’s happening. You try and sit up, but you can’t with your dexterity hindered by the alcohol, and your wrists and ankles bound in ropes. You start to panic slightly, the last thing you can remember is accepting a few drinks from a man, Dabi wasn’t it?

               “Oh, you’re up. That’s good, you need to be conscious for this part.” Speak of the devil and there he shall appear. You feel a surge of fear as you turn your head towards the man.

               “What did you do? Why am I here?” you stumble, trying to cut through the fog in your head.

               “More like what did you do? Who goes out on their own in a sketchy part of town late at night? You were practically begging for something bad to happen to you.” You notice that he’s half naked and you shudder, remembering what you’d told him before and you get a terrible feeling in your gut.

               “No I wasn’t! I just wanted the night to not be complete shit!” You desperately search for anything in your reach that you could use to get yourself out of this situation. You can’t even roll away, you notice that there are iron pegs nailed into the ground and you are tied to those. You want to cry, you don’t know what you did to deserve this.

               “Well, you should’ve just stayed at home,” you hear a knife being pulled out of a holder, and in the corner of your eye you can see Dabi heating the blade against a large gas flame. It’s a twisted knife, the three sides a blue and black metal with a small skull on the end of the hilt. The metal is glowing red hot at the parts where it had been heated though.

               You squirm away from him as much as you can in your restraints when he kneels in front of you with the knife in his hand. “Stop fucking wiggling, It’ll hurt you more because I will nail you to the fucking floor if there’s a chance of me messing these up because of you.” You stop your motions, not wanting whatever’s coming to be made worse. So instead, you start screaming as loud as you can for help, the desperation in your tone evident.

               He just throws his head back in mad laughter at that. “Keep on screaming! I haven’t even started the fun bit yet baby! Nobody can hear you down here you know? It’s utterly fucking pointless for you to cry for help. But please go on, it makes me feel soooo good.”

               You feel your eyes widen in horror looking at the man’s face. He’s still oddly attractive, the flames giving his face sharper shadows, making him look almost inhuman. You’ve never wanted to disappear from someone’s gaze so badly before.

               You shudder as you feel his cold hand push you over and down on your stomach. How are you supposed to get out of there when you’re lying on your stomach with him pressing his weight into you.

               You are mid thought when the first lick of iron hot metal is brought onto your back. You cry out in surprise and pain, the knife tugging at your muscles and you can feel the ridges it has. Tears spring to your eyes, but it doesn’t seem to hurt as much as you would’ve thought, it must be all the alcohol still coursing its way through your system.

               You can’t focus on the words he’s murmuring as he continues to slice designs with purpose into your back. He laughs whenever you let out a vicious scream and you can’t see his face but you can tell he’s enjoying the process immensely.

               “Shirt’s getting in the way of the rest of it sweetheart, guess it’s time to take it off now.” He’s so smug which makes you feel humiliated as you press your head into the ground trying to put yourself together. You whimper as you feel your shirt lifted and hear the fabric tearing.

               You’re now shivering half naked on the cold concrete floor and starting to lose your grip on reality as the pain sends you drifting in and out of consciousness. You feel sharp pain as he starts designing up your spine, humming a bit as he goes. Why’d you have to meet a psychopath tonight? Wasn’t your luck just so shitty lately.

               You lose track of time as he works, you’re pretty sure that you lose consciousness for most of it, but luckily Dabi doesn’t wake you up for it. However, when you do come to, you notice how badly your throat hurts, you must’ve been screaming a lot for that to happen.

               “You ready for the front now? Then we can finally get the real thing started.”

               “Please, isn’t there enough? I don’t want anymore stop please! Just let me go.” You try pleading with him, knowing it’s probably not going to work. He doesn’t even deign you with response to your pathetic attempt. Instead he flips you over, your hands now positioned up above your head.

               Your limbs feel like lead, and you feel as if all your energy has been draining out of you along with the blood that’s come oozing out of your wounds. You can’t move, you’re stuck and all you can do is look at the man doing this to you and seethe in anger and hatred. His eyes seem to be burning with bright blue flames, but surely that must be you hallucinating? People’s eyes don’t glow.

               “Finally,” he breathes out as he leans back and admires his handiwork. He’s looking at you with blown open eyes, erection prominent and you can see the outline through his sweatpants. “Now it’s just to call him while I carve my name into your chest. You’re gonna spell it out for me, got that doll? Or else I can start working on the other bits of skin.”

               You just want it over with at this point, you’ll go along with his idea just so you can finally get out. “Fine.” You whisper, resigned to it at this point.

               “D.” He must’ve heated up the knife again, because it burns more than it did before and you scream your throat raw as he carves this much deeper that the other markings.

               “A!” you screech, hoping it ends soon, at least he has a short name.

               “B!” your voice cracks in your agony and your chest is aching.

               “I!” you sob, tears streaming down your face again as feel your body go completely limp as you succumb to darkness once again.

                 Dabi tries to get his breathing in control, looking at your broken and bleeding form. He’s never felt this aroused by someone, and he was right, your screams were like an orchestra playing the most beautiful music he’s ever heard.

               But that was a bonus. It was time for the summoning, and so it was time to focus and go through it. He slices his left palm, your blood mixing with his before he lets it spill over, mesmerized by how it drip, drip, drips onto the stained concrete. One last incantation that he has to say, and he hasn’t been this excited since he’d first found out he was a castor, and that he was a pretty powerful one at that.

               He waits anxiously in silence, eyes on you as more blood oozes from all the markings, there’s thin linking of red all around the cuts. He wishes that the sacrifice didn’t require a virgin because he desperately wanted to take it from you himself.

               Lost in his thoughts, the sudden burst of wind that erupts from the centre of the circle, from under your form blows out all the candles.

               “Well, aren’t you an ambitious one. Trying to summon Satan all on your own.” Dabi jerks around at the lilting voice from behind him, somehow, it’s both amused and condescending at the same time, and Dabi bristles at it.

               “You aren’t powerful enough to be him, I didn’t summon you.” His teeth are grinding in frustration.

               “So rude, and we’ve only just met! Look kid, you don’t have the power or the numbers to summon Satan right now, but I’m the highest-level under-creature you could get.” His eyes seem to glow gold in the darkness, they light up his sharp features.

               Dabi lets out a growl with a few curses. “Whatever, that doesn’t matter, I knew it was a long shot. You said you were the highest I could get. How high is that?” His grin is devious as he hears the question.

               “I’m Hawks, fallen angel at your service. As for how high I am? I’m in the 5th level range.” Dabi whistles at that. “So, does that mean you’re going to strike a deal with me? I haven’t gotten a serious one in a while. It’s getting seriously boring down there.”

               “You should be able to lend me the amount of firepower I’d need for it. What are your terms, and how does the transfer work in your deals?” he grins showing off his fangs a bit as he cages Dabi in a bit despite being shorter, wings making him seem much larger though.

               “Here’s the fun part, because I’m a fallen angel, it works a little differently! My powers got corrupted so that sacrifice you have there – oh she’s an actual virgin! – is going to be your ticket to my powers.”

               “So, I have to keep her safe?”

               He shrugs, “You asked, I’m just telling you friend. Obviously, the price is the same as any other deal.”

               “Obviously.”

               “So, you’re prepared for that? Hell isn’t as nice as you’d think.”

               “No shit Sherlock, but don’t worry, I’ve thought it through a fair bit.” Hawks laughs at that.

               “Alright! Since my fall was lust based, the power transfer is too, if you catch my drift.” Hawks says with a raised eyebrow.

               “….sort of?”

               “Oh my god, are you an idiot?”

               “I don’t want to hear that from you, chicken man.” Dabi just wants this over with, he’s getting a little antsy. “Can we get started already?”

               “Alright then, time to wake up sleeping beauty over there.”

                 You feel yourself being blearily shaken awake, and you’re shocked to see a different face than Dabi’s in front of you. He’s gorgeous, and his wings, despite being an eerie dark red, are full and look so soft. Blearily, you try to reach up to try and feel them, forgetting that your hands are tied to the peg on the floor. The man looks at you with pity and amusement.

               “Hey there, I’m Hawks, are you ready to become a human magic battery?” he says cheerily, words much at odds with his words and expression.

               “What, no, what’s going on? Please there’s a man here – Dabi – and he’s kidnapped me! You have to help me out, call the police, why are you smiling?” You feel the tiny bit of hope that had grown up come crashing down as you observed the – man? Angel? – who called himself Hawks.

               “Yeah, my friend Dabi and I have a little arrangement here. You know what I am right? You should know that struggling is useless. Just lay back and enjoy the ride, baby.” His eyes pierce your soul and you find yourself unable to even think of a response to that.

               You don’t even completely realize what that means until he starts nuzzling your neck as his hands go towards your tits, starting to play with your pebbled nipples, his hands surprisingly warm.

               “No please, I don’t want that…” you say weakly, completely spent already from the ordeal that Dabi had put you through. “I just want to go home!” you’re so delirious from pain and the small bits of pleasure you’re trying to pretend aren’t happening at Hawks’ toying with you.

               “Too bad little bird, you don’t really have a say in the matter at the moment.” He bites down on your neck hard, drawing blood which he then licks up. “So, fucking good! Haven’t been able to do this in so long.” He’s grinding into you, the layers of fabric bringing you stimulation and pleasure as you moan, immediately tensing up in embarrassment and shame.

               “Don’t be like that, I always make people feel good like this, so just relax.” His eyes are glowing and as you look into them, you feel yourself relaxing a bit. Maybe you should relax, he definitely knows what he’s doing, you can feel the heat building in your core and your hazy mind start to lose focus. His eyes, are just so fucking beautiful, and the way his fingers are moving feel amazing.

               He turns his head down, lapping lightly at your breast. His tongue is warm, but the metal stud on his tongue makes you moan out in delight.

               “Oh so you do like it!” he exclaims brightly. “Let’s get this started now baby.” Your mind is still screaming at you that this is wrong, that you don’t want this, that you need to struggle and get free. With all the distractions in your mind, its so deliciously easy to fall into a hazy daydream like trance as he licks up the blood from your wounds. His tongue makes it feel so, so good. He switches breasts, tugging on your nipples as you mewl in delight. Once you let go, everything was so much better!

               He sucks bruises onto your hips, nipping at them with his sharpened fangs. “Oi, don’t enjoy yourself too much there Dabi, you gotta go a round too after.” You turn to see Dabi stretched out like a cat on his couch, his cock out of his pants as he languidly strokes it. It’s pierced and you find yourself imagining how it would feel scraping your walls.

               There was only one thing bothering you, and it was that everywhere Hawks touched grew hotter and hotter, not in an unpleasant way, more in an antsy, wanting to move and run mood. You felt like you were vibrating and you didn’t understand it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care as your jaw dropped when the angel ripped off your bottoms harshly.

               “Let’s see if you taste as good as the other humans I’ve devoured.” He rips the ankle restraints as he tosses your knees over his shoulders and licks a stripe up your pussy. You shudder at the new sensation, biting on your lip to stifle your moan.

               He sees that as a challenge and spends his time tasting your juices along his tongue, his eyes seemingly brighter as he works at your pussy, teasing your clit with his tongue stud. He keeps working at you with single minded determination, teasing your hole with his sharp nail and you let out a squeak, which quickly turns into a groan as he slides his finger in. He adds a second as soon as he can, loving hearing the sounds your pussy makes as he scissors you open.

               You’ve never felt this good in your life, you can barely tell what’s happening, but you feel waves of pleasure as you feel his tightening in your lower belly.

               “You’re getting close, huh?” Hawks brings his face up, eyes lidded as he licks the juices around his mouth. “Do you want to cum?”

               “Yes!”

               “Well, I don’t know, you were pretty awful to my business partner over there… maybe I shouldn’t let you cum.” He brings his second hand up to his face, lightly scratching at his scruff, and you begin to panic. You have this insatiable need, you don’t know where it came from, but it’s not letting you think at all. There’s this voice yelling at you that it’s Hawks’ fault, but he’s literally an angel. How could he be doing something so disgusting to you?

               So you open your mouth, “Please let me cum, I’ll be so good for you sir! I didn’t mean to be awful to him, I just didn’t understand what he was trying to do!”

               “That’s fucking right.” There’s a sudden intensity in his eyes that makes you feel like your heart’s stopped. “You didn’t know what you were doing. I’m your guardian angel after all, and I came here because you were going to make a mistake that would put you in danger.”

               “Oh my god…” the horror you feel chokes your throat, yet it doesn’t rid you of the incessant need that’s been plaguing you.

               “Would your guardian angel ever steer you wrong, Y/N?” he grabs your chin, nails cutting shallowly when he presses.

               “No, you wouldn’t!” you shake your head, trying to convey exactly how much you were repenting.

               “So, listen carefully little lady. This is important.” He waits for your assent before he continues. “You’re in a very dangerous spot, so I needed a friend here to help you out, he’s going to keep you nice and safe. All you have to do in return is let yourself have some fun, some pleasure in your life. I mean, you’re begging for that exact pleasure right now.”

               There’s a little niggling at the back of your head, it’s telling you how good you’ll be treated, you’ll be loved and accepted. You start to shake it off, but you can’t when it tells you that nobody will ever make you feel good like this, who would want too? Here you have two beings ready to make you feel good like you’ve never felt before and you’re denying them?

               “Of course, that sounds like a great idea Mr. Hawks.”

               “Alright, what a good girl, see Dabi? Isn’t she great?”

               “I knew I’d gotten lucky, but I didn’t realize how lucky until now.” The grin on his face is satisfied, but as you look longer, the more you see the pleasure and happiness he feels too.

               “Do I get to cum now? You keep saying how good I am…” you don’t remember thinking about saying that, but the words seem to come out on their own accord.

               In response Hawks goes back to your neglected pussy and starts thrusting his fingers into a spot inside you that makes you gasp in surprise. With all the swirling emotions and pain and alcohol you feel yourself tighten and let loose quickly, hitting your high in ecstasy. Your back arches, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you notice that your shoulders have definitely been scratched up badly.

               But why care when you feel so good now?

               Your eyes are closed as you lie there, battered and cut and so blissed out as Hawks removes his pants and looks around.

               “You didn’t bring lube?” he directs the question to Dabi.

               “You need that? I thought you had like, magic and shit.”

               Hawks swallows his annoyance, “I’m in a mortal form dipshit. Channeling divine or corrupt energy is hard to do without fucking blowing myself up.”

               Dabi just shrugs. “I mean to be fair; I didn’t know I was getting some angel that got kicked out of heaven for being horny. Or else I definitely would’ve bought some.”

               “Whatever,” he mutters. “I like this way better.” You hear the conversation, but can’t be bothered to really understand what they’re saying. All you know is that you feel someone leaning above you.

               Hawks takes a feather from his wings, carefully turning it in his hands. “Now, I’m not going to lie, this is going to hurt a bit. But I’ll make you feel so good you won’t even remember it, alright?” You nod along blearily, barely hearing him.

               He grins and slices a long line right above your hip, and you barely feel it being so numb. You do feel his fingers pressing into the cut though, and you try to squirm away, but that just makes him slam you down with his other hand in a surprising show of force for his physique. It feels so wrong when you feel him wiggle his fingers a bit inside your skin, and you shut your eyes so you don’t have to see it. Apparently, that amuses Dabi, who starts guffawing off to the side somewhere. The pain brings up all off the fear you’ve been feeling the whole night, and it shocks you. You start screaming, begging to be let go hysterically while you see Hawks, his hand covered in your blood, fisting his length, mixing some of the precum with it.

               “I thought you said you were going to behave.” He growls and you feel an intense pressure on your mind for a second before your fear starts to fade away easily. “Much better.” He says to your relaxing form.

               “You gotta teach me how to do that,” Dabi comments, which just has Hawks rolling his eyes.

               “Shut up and let me enjoy this, I haven’t had sex in so long, warlock.” That elicits a snort from Dabi as he settles back down.

               He lines up his cock with your slick entrance, teasing a bit as the blood and your juices mix together and it lets him start to work his way inside of you. You’re panting, fingers scrabbling at everything they can reach as he pushes through. You feel a mix of pain and pleasure as he pushes all the way into you. He surprisingly lets you adjust, breathing heavily as your walls squeeze intensely around the intrusion.

               It feels so, so good though and Hawks can tell that’s how you feel as he grins and moves your legs up and around his hips. You whine as he stretches you out more with the new position, and he grunts a bit as he starts thrusting his hips, dragging his sharpened nails down your side without breaking the skin. He puts his head to your neck, pressing open mouth kisses there that make you relax around him, and as soon as he feels that change, he starts pounding into you harder. You hear lewd noises and realize that most of them, are in fact, coming from you. Which is a little jarring of a realization but in your state, you can’t really say it surprised you. It was more of a ‘huh, that’s me then’ moment.

               The sound of skin slapping on skin fills the room along with grunts of exertion and moans of pleasure from the pair of you. You can feel yourself building up to that point once again, and you don’t realize it until you’re clamping down on his cock with a shout of pleasure. Hawks groans at the sound, and feels your tight walls somehow clamp down on him harder and starts bucking into you, nails digging into your hips as he chases his own release.

               Had you been in any normal state of mind, you might’ve found it disturbing that Hawks seemed to be murmuring a bunch of Latin as he pounded into you. You might’ve noticed the hand he placed on your heart left a searing imprint that turned dark red. You might’ve noticed his pupils contract into slits and his eyes turn a deep red for a few seconds.

               But you didn’t.

               You felt like you were floating, and figured if this could be compared to anything, it would be a more painful version of a wet, fever dream.

               Suddenly, Hawks comes inside you and you feel the warm liquid fill you up as he thrusts a couple more times, working himself through it. He stays inside, but that’s not what takes your focus. The feeling that you were vibrating without moving was back with a vengeance, but you also felt this numbness that started from your core that moved outwards until your entire body was feeling that way. As Hawks pulled out, you felt so empty, you felt like you didn’t know what to do. So, you let your eyes drift shut while you heard some talk about ‘a transfer’ and ‘both it her.’

               Suddenly, your wrist bindings were also stripped off and you look up in surprise to see Hawks with that same feather setting you free, while Dabi moved to the bedroom.

               “You still going to be good for us, little lady? We’re almost done for tonight.” He coos at you, lightly stroking your chin with his finger.  You give him a small nod, and with that, he picks you up as if you were a stuffed toy and you lean into his shoulder as he brings you to the bedroom.

               “Right, at least you’re prepared already so we can get into this quickly.” Hawks says brusquely, bringing himself to the bed and setting you down before he sits as well.

               “You were enjoying yourself a minute ago, what’s with the sudden rush?” Dabi’s eyebrow is quirked as he puts his hand in your hair and starts scratching your head. You shamelessly sigh in appreciation.

               “My times running out, gotta get this transfer done soon or else we’re going to have to start over another day.” Hawks grouches. “Damn I don’t miss all the rules, but having unlimited mortal form time? That’s something I miss about upstairs.”

               Turning his attention to you Dabi says, “Here, you enjoyed that guy, so you’ll love sitting on my cock.”

               Right now, nothing sounded better, so using the last of your strength, you crawled up to his lap and he guided you right above his dick. He brought you down slowly, ever so slowly, and you felt every inch of his dick inside you, especially those piercings that gave you an amazing sensation.

               “There’s a good girl, much better than before,” he gets out.

               “Now you’re going to need to relax, alright Y/N? It’s going to feel really tight at first but you’ll feel great afterwards.” Hawks is mumbling this into your neck, playing with your hair a little bit while he does.

               “I can do that,” you say, unaware of what he was going to do, but ready to please him.

               “Good, Dabi you might have to distract her a little bit, she’s pretty tight for one person, let alone two.” Dabi smirks but leans back, starting to play with your nipples a bit. You never thought you’d like the sensation of someone swirling around them, tugging them at some points, but here you were, enjoying every second of it.

               You get so into it, that at first you don’t notice Hawks lining up with your entrance and starting to work his way back into you. Dabi actually does first, shuddering at the contact of Hawks’ dick against his own and gasping a bit.

               “Oh Dabi, you were so cocky a minute ago, what’s wrong now?” You hear the teasing from behind as you desperately grip onto Dabi’s shoulders, trying to stay relaxed so it doesn’t hurt as much.

               “Fuck off, chicken.” Is his only response which Hawks cackles at as he starts to push further in. You gasp at the painful stretch, tears welling out of your eyes, as Hawks reaches around you to play with your clit to distract you.

               “Doing so good, sweetheart, just a little bit more, can you do that for me?” he nips at your ear.

               “Yes,” you gasp, the pleasure from his rough finger movements distracting you a bit from all the pain as your breathing gets shallow. “Slow down, please?”

               “That’ll just make it worse,” he says. “I’m just going to get it over quickly, alright?” you don’t even have time to agree before he shoves the rest of his way in, screaming out as it happens. You feel so fucking stuffed, and they haven’t even started moving or anything.

               Dabi’s losing some of that composure he’d had before, cussing as he tries to steady his breathing, but you feel his cock twitching inside you. You’re losing the strength you have in your arms as you lean forwards onto Dabi’s chest, and you moan as the shift in movement gives you friction on your clit and in your pussy.

               Without really knowing what you’re doing, you press kisses onto the side of his neck as you lie there, trying to get used to being this stretched out. It wasn’t going to happen tonight that’s for sure, because you’d barely had anything up there until today.

               You feel a grip tighten on your hips as one of them, at this point you have no idea who, starts moving in and out. The other goes the opposite rhythm so that you always feel so completely full you feel like you’re going to burst. The thought comes unbidden into your mind that these two sadists might actually enjoy that. It makes you shiver in fear.

               You can’t really remember what happened, but you have specific feelings and recollections of the two fucking into you,

               …Dabi hitting your G-Spot over and over again as you see white and cum hard on his cock…

               …Hawks leaning over you to grab Dabi into a rather passionate kiss as he got you to play with the raven-haired man’s pierced nipples…

               …Your ass getting spanked so you clench down on them and Dabi comes, but stays inside until he gets hard again…

               …getting toyed with in every possible way, bites and bruises marking your skin so much that you feel light headed from blood-loss…

               …you remember clawing at Dabi’s back which has him screaming in pleasure…

               …Dabi’s eyes glowing blue, as if he’d had flames trapped inside them and they were ready to come out…

               …pleased laughter and an uptick in pace…

               …then nothing…

                 Dabi lays back, breathing heavily as your form is slumped on his chest. He wasn’t surprised you’d completely passed out a little way into your second round. If anything, he was surprised you’d managed to last that long. He was wiped after one, but that was mainly because he was trying to keep up with Hawks, who had the fucking endurance of something otherworldly.

               Which made sense given he was a magical being.

               Still it peeved Dabi to no end as Hawks slid out of you looking completely untouched as he did so. The only thing that was out of place was his hair, messed from Dabi grabbing it, which he hadn’t remembered starting but it was sometime when he was making out with Hawks… which he hadn’t expected… but he wasn’t complaining.

               Although no matter how drained Dabi felt physically, magically? He felt so fucking ready to take on anything that could happen in the future. He could feel it pulsing around his body, in his fingertips and temples, and it felt amazing. He understood why so many people went with summoning darker entities for power transfers now, much easier and much more potent.

               “So, I have to be here in person to do my whole mind-manipulation thing, so you should think about how to keep her safe for now. She’s tied to you because of the transfer so like, if she were to die for example…. You’d definitely die too.” Hawks says with a cheery smile.

               “You didn’t think to mention that before?” he gets a shrug in response.

               “You didn’t ask. Oh and, for every time you need a power boost, just take care of her and let her enjoy the sex, it’ll ah – flow easier if you catch my drift.”

               “Thanks oh angel of a good dickening… what would I ever do without you?”

               “No seriously, the more your conduit enjoys the sex, the more you get out of it.” he looks unamused.

               “Oh. Ah, well that’s good to know.” Dabi has to start planning out his next moves then, keeping you healthy and happy was going to be a tough job.

               “I did make the suggestion to her that I was her guardian angel and you were helping her out, try to play up that angle, it’ll call up some of the residual magic in her mind and make her… more pliant.” Hawks starts putting on his clothes once again.

               “Uh, thanks. Is she just a constant source of your power then?” That’s the only part Dabi was still confused about.

               “No, I’ll be back when I feel the energy start to dwindle. I need you to do all the terrible things I know you have planned. Your soul will be fucking delicious then. Any who, see you later Dabi! It was an absolute pleasure doing business with you.”

               He vanishes like he came, suddenly disappearing with a gust of air hitting Dabi in the face. Dabi looks down on you, still on his cock as he desperately tries to think about what he was going to do to keep you in here and how he’d keep you safe trying to hunt down another coven.

[maariarogers]

random plot bunnies from my seojun x sujin brainrot on a fic that i might?? or may not write. based primarily from k-drama, following the webtoon plotline:

so, this is set in the future, maybe about five years in?? so theyre all 25 years old at this point and seojun’s a well-established idol (singer)

seojun’s nutritionist provided by the agency is going to resign because she's six-months in into her pregnancy and wanted to focus on raising her children

seojun feels a little disheartened at this point; a lot of the time, being an idol, the few constant things he could rely on was the same faces of the team that took care of him - because in other aspects of his career, he has to meet new people a lot, and his scene and environment changes so much

so this was lowkey a blow for seojun, who just wants every sense of familiarity, regardless how little, to sorta stay?? the same??

but he can’t really have much say on it too, because a lot of the team members who took care of him which he has are provided by the agency, and he knows the agency will be doing placements for that too

but then his nutritionist sorta knows he’s a lil sad (she’s become like a surrogate older sister for him) and she’s like, “i have someone in my mind. she’s... a little rough around the edges. she’s been through a lot. but - she has a good heart. like you.” the nutritionist smiles, “i think the both of you could get along well!”

so the new nutrionist? that’s our badass girl, kang sujin.

now sujin has already known that her senior wanted her to replace the position for han seojun’s nutrionist because her senior trusted her to do a good job, but sujin’s a bit queasy about the entire arrangement if she’s honest

she wants to say no, but her senior has always been supportive and strict in ways that’s got her shaped up to her best ability, and she just didn’t have the heart to say “no” in the end

so on the day they met, seojun recognised sujin immediately, and sujin, at first, pretended that she’s only met seojun for the first time

seojun consecutively tries to trigger some sort of reaction in sujin, but she deflects pretty well? every time he tries to confront her, she’s like “hi mr. han seojun” and “what can i do for you today?”

even during their private sessions while sujin goes over seojun’s daily food and nutrition intakes and adjusting new set of schedules for him, sujin’s all serious. she’s gotten close to snapping at him - but then she quickly just, “noooo :) im not mad :) what do u mean”

after a while, seojun sorta lets it go and focuses back on training

his team is planning a tour, maybe even concerts outside korea, and seojun’s lowkey scared because even though he’s toured and flown to various countries to perform at this point, he still has the anxiety

he wants to be so good to his fans, wants to do his best now that he’s come so far to the point he essentially sacrifices a chance at a relatively ordinary life

but then, he starts overworking too

seojun’s never been the best dancer, you know; he could always make up for it with singing, but he still?? doesnt feel like it’s enough???

and then one day sujin just comes barging in at his apartment, mad, because seojun’s had a fever and couldn’t train for two days now and turns out?? he hasn’t really been eating as much as he should, or he’s not drinking as much as he should

that was the first time sujin showed any sense of familiarity from their high school days

she gave him a good whip, talks to his doctors, and adjusts his diet according to his schedules and for the next week, she sorta comes quite frequently to make sure even when he’s training, he’s doing okay

seojun comments that she’s “scarier” than his last nutrionist, and sujin’s like, “good. it means you’ll listen to me.”

one day, he starts asking her to stay just a while instead of just leaving, which she always does, and he’s like “have a beer. what, you have a strict diet too?” and sujin reluctantly stays? even tho she’s awkward and quiet

finally seojun’s like, “why did u pretend u didn’t recognise me?”

and sujin’s just.... “didn’t you hate me?” referring to what she did to jugyeong (implying the k-drama events i assume?? but imma keep this vague as hell) and she just, “i did something horrible to the girl you love.”

and because this is seojun, esp their dynamics dkjhksdhf, he’s just straight up, “yeah. you were a bitch.” because to him, that was the facts, you know

sujin sorta stays quiet, but then she puts the beer down and like?? “i don’t have to explain anything to you.” but seojun’s like!!!!! thats not what he meant!!! and hes just, “hey no! sit. you just started relaxing, right?”

but after a minute he comments under his breath, “i didn’t know you were this sensitive.”

but then sujin quietly replied, “she was my friend. i loved her too.”

and that sorta got the two of them quiet, but then seojun decided to change the topic because its Its_Too_Awkward.jpeg, “last i heard u were gonna be a doctor. your dad’s professor Kang right? he treated my mom.”

and that sorta??? causes sujin to tense up, but then she deflects with a snappish, “why are you so interested in me?” “i’m not! i’m just asking questions.” “i should be asking you questions - why the hell did you think it was a good idea to pull the shit u did now that your touring schedule is in the talks? how are you supposed to perform if you can’t even stand?” “aish, didn’t you already nag me?” “you’re so stupid, i’m scared you’ve forgetten”

they started bickering again but that night was really what triggered for sujin to be a little more relaxed with seojun, and for seojun to sorta - try a bit harder to?? not be friendlier, no, but he likes that he’s known her from an era in his life where he didn’t have to always be a face in the screen.

more and more, seojun asks sujin to stay and have dinner after she’s done evaluating his weekly meals and they have a better comradeship

he starts anticipating her more when she comes to evaluate another idol or something at the agency and he’s just!!!!!!! “you’re here? why are you here? did u miss me already? what do u mean i’m not the only one you’re treating”

and then slowly we also found out why she didn’t become a doctor (she didn’t wanna follow her dad; and she still carries the guilt of what she did to jugyeong and admitted, more than the result of her father’s anger, she likes the version of her who always wants to help others - and, she can memorises easily, so... nutritionist didn’t seem bad)

sujin starts bringing in board games or sometimes she sneaks a few of supermarket-brand goods since seojun’s been behaving with his meals and vitamin intakes, and the one time seojun’s invited to a tv show where it has quizes, she tutors him the whole night so he “doesnt make a fool out of himself”

she also starts to keep up with whatever show he’s in, and she’s always texting him that she’s watched him with this horrible washed-out screenshot because she takes the photo on her laptop with her phone. and her texts are all “the dance was good” and “you’ve improved that move huh” and then sometimes “idiot. why did u answer like that”

sujin makes fun of her for not being able to take a clean screenshot, but he never really leaves her un-replied

and they started talking about relationships - how they were both so enamoured with suho and jugyeong respectively, and for sujin specially, how she can’t wait to be loved by someone who can make her feel like suho’s not a big deal at all

but then she admits she doesn’t think she deserves to be loved, and sorta has this sad smile, and seojun confesses that he’s scared if he loves someone, he has to lose them due to his career

and they’re really sad about it, but the night also isn’t as bad cause they had each other

and ok i have a LOT more i think - and i honestly dk how nutritionist actually works BUT. yes. them.

[lettersfromkokichiouma]

Hey. 🛐 anon here, I just had a whole breakdown in the school bathroom and my brain started telling me that I'm not good enough and also I'm on a different account, and so much is happening and my life is falling apart again, and ugh, also I've been 7 days free of s3lf h4rm so I guess that's good. But like, I've been yelled at for not focusing on math and junk, but like, im sorry, im not good enough, the teacher says that I am fully capable of doing these things but I'm not, obviously. This sucks, I'm sorry, I just had to rant to like, my favourite person in the world (you!) I honestly think that you're amazing, you listen to me more than my actual family and friends. I really appreciate you. You don't even know how much I appreciate your support. I'm sure that you support me more than my parents, My mother yelled at me for using they/them pronouns and I stayed up all night crying. My other hamster died. My dad barely cares about me. It's like, all the people who cared about me before, don't care about my existence now. I get PTSD from when my cousin said that I could trust her. And then she leaves me, with my suicidal problems, to deal with it myself, when my parents found out I was suicidal all they did was ground me, the blamed the internet.

-sincerely 🛐 anon :(

“heyyyy, you are good enough, you really are!

it doesn’t matter if you fail school or whatever, that doesn’t mean you’re not good enough!

school doesn’t decide your worth, especially math! i hate math.

i know people think differently and all that, but the way it sounds to me, your mental health should be paid attention to a lot more than school right now.

sure school is important and blah blah blah, but i want you to feel better! not worse!

and by the way, i’m really proud of you for being clean for 7 days! i know thats like super difficult and its really impressive that you made it that far!

and that’s no lie! im seriously impressed.

keep going, okay? try to fight that urge like how i fight all my enemies!

also, your pronouns are super valid and i’m sorry your mom is too dumb to understand that!

yknow i seriously cant stand people who dont understand pronouns and are so mean like that! you can go by any pronouns you want!

me and your mom would not get along well!

especially since you said your parents grounded you for being suicidal? jeez what kind of people are they???

you deserve love and support, not to be grounded!

and...im sorry about your hamster, im sure they loved you. someone in D.I.C.E. had a hamster that died too...it was pretty depressing....

but.. i’ll listen to you all you want. i care about your existence! and i care about you!

it sucks that your friends and family don’t act like they care, i’m sorry about that...

i feel alone too. it’s hard.

but it’ll get better, i promise. and i’ll always be here for you.

feel better, okay?”

-Kokichi Ouma

(the owner of this account is here for you too 💜💜i hope you feel better, i think you’re really cool and i don’t want you to be sad,, 💜💜💜)

[wongiemei]

Roommate!Jeno

a/n: maybe i should just turn this blog into an nct dream one

okay

letsgetit!

first of all,

story time!

your uni is fucking expensive and it’s more expensive if you live in the grounds

so you being the wise human,

you went to get an apartment near the campus

it was great and all since roommate!jaemin was paying for his stuff

you were both living respectively until he had to leave

the dumbass didnt even bother to tell you

one morning you just woke up and found his note

‘hey bitch! figured you were too much of a rock to wake up but i moved out! the family wants me to go back home and tend the restaurant’

the whole day yesterday, you were working

bc,,, yknow

broke college life

and you just walked in half asleep towards your room and fell asleep

so you didnt really see or notice

but were you freaking out bc your roommate suddenly moved out?

ofc you were freaking out

not only was your roommate gone,

how were you going to find a new one?!

jaemin expected your phone call that afternoon and he endured through all your screaming

‘babe, i’m just going to be gone for a year-or two’

‘oR tWO?!’

‘hun, my dad’s injured and his back can only let him do so much. ma’s working too much and i dont have any siblings to help. i figured i could just hold off college until my parents are ready’

ugh, jaemin is such a family boy

‘but jaems! you couldnt have at least told me that yOu wERe mOvING OuT?! and! rent is due soon! i can’t pay for that myself!’

jaemin couldve easily told you to warn yoy

but he didn’t want to tell you bc he couldnt handle you sad and didnt want to upset you

however, now jaemin really understands how shitty that move was

‘tell you what. i’ll pay for this month and make a few phone calls and i’ll get you set up with a new roommate, deal?’

knowing how much of a social butterfly he was, you agreed

ofc you trusted jaemin but part of you feared that he might pair you up with a freak

but he’s not that mean, is he?

you can definitely see renjun doing that but not jaemin

so there you are,,

sitting on your couch alone

without jaemin, your apartment felt really empty

its been a few days since he moved and you were miserable

jaemin hasn’t even texted you about that potential roommate

just as you were about to call him,,

your doorbell rang

you froze and you looked at the time

it was nearing 11 at night and you don’t remember ordering delivery

see,,

if jaemin was here,

he would answer it for you since you would be too scared to do it

but you mustered up your courage and peeped through the peep hole

the man was dressed in all black with a black mask and a black cap with his hood over it with a black hoodie and black pants

ngl, you were terrified and trembling

he rang it again and you jumped

typing out a quick text to jaemin saying ‘hey bub, if i don’t text you in an hour, that means ive been kidnapped so call the police’

you grabbed a pan from the cupboard and gulped before you opened the door

thinking he would just walk forward and grab you, you closed your eyes and raised your pan over your head and swung

a shriek from in front of you made your eyes snap open and found the guy on the floor with a fetal position

you both just froze for like a phat minute

snapping back to reality, you held the pan in front of you

‘if youre going to kidnap me, i got a pan and im not afraid to hit you with it!’

you tried to sound intimidating but your voice was shaking so much

the guy stood up and he took off his hat and the mask to reveal a blonde haired kid

okay, so you were sHOokETh

damn! this boy is fine!

he gave you a shaky smile and held out his hand

‘hi! i’m lee jeno! you must be y/n? jaemin told me you had an opening for a roommate?’

now you noticed the two duffle bags at the side

the embaressment and the shame settled in slowly and you found yourself burning up

nodding, you motioned him to come in

jeno awkwardly walked in and was amazed at how big the layout was with the low rent

‘yea, its kinda hard to believe that we only pay that much. at first i thought there was a ghost in here and that’s why its so cheap’

you tried to make small conversation but laughed weirdly at jeno’s slightly terrified face

‘no! there really is not ghost here! ive lived here for a year and there hasnt been anything so please dont understand! please be my roommate!’

you begged and jeno thought you were weird

but jaemin was right, you were weirdly adorable in a way

so that’s how you and jeno became apartment buddies!

now onto the good stuff!

so, jeno is a vv clean guy

like he’s the type to just pick up a wrapper in the street and throw it in the garbage

so naturally, he likes to keep the apartment as tidy and neat as possible

but you being a mess you are,

you usually leave a lot of things everywhere

lets just say you have a short memory

‘oh? how did that get there?’

eventually, jeno gets sick of it and he confronts you with it

ofc you understand and you actually try to be better

since jeno is literally the most perfect roommate

maybe even better than jaemin

(but don’t tell him that)

jeno is the type to re-stock the pantry with snacks and the fridge with ice cream

since youre both college students, ramen is practically always available in the house 24/7

he also makes the coffee every morning since he works early and wakes up first

even though he doesn’t like the drink and prefers milk, he still notices how you survive off of coffee

babie likes to pick you up some iced americano while he gets a frappe

you on the other hand,,

you’re very surprised

when you got to bed after showing jeno around,

you messaged jaemin

ofc he was worried af and was blowing up your phone

‘WHAT?!’

‘bitch answer the damn phone!’

‘whatthe fuck is happening?!’

‘i need to know if you’re still alive!’

‘oh fuck i shouldnt have moved out’

smiling softly at how worried he was, you responded to him

‘you hoe, it hasnt been an hour yet so chillax. i’m alive, unfortunately, and i just met my new roommate. again, thanks for the heads-up. youre so bad at those. i literally thought he was a burgular or a kidnapper. but he seems chill and emo. just my type.’

but jeno is F A R from C H I L L

oh my goodness,,

hes a crackhead

theres this sound he makes when he’s confused and you couldnt figure out if its cute or weird or if he’s doing this on purpose or thats just how he is

you and him basically communicate with memes

sometimes, at the weird hours at night, he sends you a dumbass meme

you cant help but snort 

also, you promised to take jaemin out to dinner to repay him for the great roommate

‘hes literally one of the best people youll ever meet. it just so happen he needed a place to sleep. now you owe me’

hes a science major while you were a computer major

he basically brings home weird stuff to analyze and it just hella stinks

but hes considerate enough to actually put it outside

whenever he’s focused, he talks to himself or the thing he’s analyzing

‘okay mr. fishy. your scales are really big and its bigger than average’

its so cute

oof also!

jeno doesnt have a job yet he always makes rent on time with extra money to spare

he even sometimes buys you stuff saying, ‘they reminded me of you’

for your birthday, he bought you a pearl necklace that mustve costed thousands

at first, you thought he was a chaebol or smth

which you wouldve been vv jealous of bc youre a struggling college student who works at the coffee shop

but, you were answered when you caught him walking in half-dazed and half-asleep with cuts all over his face

it was like 2 in the morning and you were pulling an all-nighter for some project and wanted to get a glass of water

but here he is, hood up, lip busted, black eye, cheek cut

you shrieked and ushered him to sit on the dining chair

thinking he got mugged or something, you start drilling him questions

‘hun, if you were beat up, we need to call the police! this is illegal!’

but jeno chuckles and brushes the stray hairs out of your face as you tend to his lip

‘pls dont. if you do, ill be broke and i wont have money to pay rent then i cant be your roommate anymore’

cue confused y/n

‘wUT?’

‘if i dont make money, youll kick me out and youll have to find another roommate. i dont want you to go through that hassle again’

ofc you were flattered that even during this situation, hes still thinking about you

‘how is this making money?!’

‘i cant believe youre oblivious to so many things. i thought for sure youve caught on.’

more confusion

‘eXCUse mE, lEE JEno? since when have you started coming home with all these things in your face?’

you were worried that this wasnt the first time this happened

but if you think hard about it, thats why he always wears his mouth masks and he always has his blonde fringe down and sometimes wears sunglasses even though its cloudy outside

‘ohmygod lee jeno are you in a gang?!’

jeno was shocked that you came to that conclusion but laughed at how adorable you were rn

with your wide eyes and mouth open

‘nah, bro. i box. its the only way i can make easy money.’

‘but,,, why did you hide this from me? if you needed money i couldve helped you’

he looked at you skeptically

‘sis, you could barely afford that muffin the other day’

lee jeno now looked different from the jeno you met the first day

What you thought to be an innocent little squish was a fighter at night

‘yah, can-um-you need to take this off’

you mumbled while tugging on his sweatshirt

he nodded and slipped it off

he explained why he came late when he first moved

‘i had a late night match and yknow,, school and all, i barely had enough time to come'

as you dab the wound, you try to make small talk to distract yourself

 ‘so,, youve been boxing this whole time?’

you asked, trying not to get distracted to the way his tight shirt clung to him, showing his defined body

there were bruises up and down his arms and his knuckles were busted

‘yea. i have been since senior high. gotta make money, yknow?’

‘but jen, you can work in coffee shops or at local bookstores. its not worth seeing you busted up like this’

your lips trembled at the thought of him being beaten up too hard to the point he gets into a coma

jenos eyes widened at your wobbling lips and he softly cupped your face

‘hey, im okay and ill be fine. you dont have to worry about me. i usually win, anyways’

his confidence made you chuckle

‘i trust you, lee jeno. just make sure to make it home to me every night.’

‘i know you do and i will. always.”

ever since then,

youve become his little caretaker

youve informed jaemin of what hes been doing and he knew but didnt want you to judge him immediately

smh, jaemin really sucks at informing people

but jeno tries to help you keep up

he even sends you texts that hes fighting that night and your little ‘fighting!’ always makes him smile

his manager and friend, chenle, noticed that hes starting to smile more

chenle likes boxing and wants to be a part of it but doesnt want to be hurt

so,, what better to be the manager of his friend

‘yah, hyung. what’s got you giggly today?’

jeno pointed to the screen and giggled at the little good luck gif you sent

his eyes turned to crescents and chenle smirked

‘wah, you like her, don’t you?’

at the mention of ‘like’, his smile dropped and he shook his head

‘no. of course not. shes just a friend.’

chenle being chenle,,

he continues to prod

‘okay. so every night, you make it your priority to make sure you’re home by 2 in the morning for your friend’

smh, chenle youre so annoying

but hes so right

ever since you caught him,

hes been making sure he gets home at the same time 

he sends you a text that hes on his way and you set your ringtone at a very high volume so you wake up and take care of him

during fights, he makes it his sole mission to make out of this alive and a winner for you

but that never crossed his mind as his feelings for you

he just thought of it as making you not worry for him

but then, he starts to think about your stupid little habits

the way you make this face whenever you dont understand

or when you still leave little post-it notes everywhere with ideas you come up with

he noticed it all and he loves them

‘hOLy ShIT!’

that night was when he realized his feelings for you and he was so dedicated on finishing it that he quickly won and he dashed home with his money

bursting through the door, you looked at him with wide and startled eyes

‘what’s wrong?’

you came running but he scooped you up to a hug

ok you were confused but relieved that he was home and alright

jeno looked at your face and wanted to confess but chickened out at the sight of you

you were so good to him and honestly, he doesnt deserve you

(his thoughts, not mine)

‘i-i’

he stuttered and you motioned him to continue

‘i won!’

he shouted and you congratulated him, even though he literally won all the time

guiding him to the chair, you began to dab his cuts

(dab that bitch)

‘im starting to think that your opponents either really suck or youre like the god of boxing’

he didnt know how to take that but blushed red at the mention of him being a ‘god of boxing’

‘nah, im just good’

you eyed him and smiled

he continued to watch you heal him and inspected your face

heavy eyebags and sunken cheeks, it mustve been a long night

he felt a pang in his chest thinking that you push your stuff away just to help him

‘you dont have to keep doing this for me, yknow’

you halt and look at him seriously

‘i know i dont. but i cant sleep at night thinking youre in pain and alone when i can be there for you’

even though he just realized it, jeno was pretty sure he fell in love with you a long time ago

but if it was possible, he fell in love with you even more

‘thank you’

his soft voice filled the silence and you vowed that you will always be there for him whenever he needs help

a few days later, jeno hasnt been to a fight

sure you were worried at what was going on in his head but partly relieved that you dont have to see him so battered anymore

but this was so un-jeno

just as you were about to talk to him about it, he announces he got a job at the bookstore down the street

‘huh? i thought you didnt want to work’

you question while he looked sheepish

‘i realized that i was starting to become a burden since you take care of me every time. so i thought i should quit and get a regular job. besides, it doesnt hurt as much’

he laughed but you didnt react

‘lee jeno, you gave up boxing and the money,,, for me?’

he nervously looked up at you and you noticed the redness of his cheeks

‘i-well-if you put it that way’

‘listen to me, im flattered and i truly love that you dont want to get beaten up anymore. but i dont want you to quit something you like because of me'

‘but you always take care of me and push your priorities away to clean me up. i dont do anything in return and i dont think its fair!’

he argued and a soft smile crept up your face

‘yah, lee jeno'

your voice became a whisper

‘it doesnt matter to me if you dont do anything in return bc i dont see this as a favor. you are mine to take care of and i will do anything for you, you understand that?’

he looked at you in shock after hearing your response

he also turned red at the mention of him being yours

‘so-but-i dont think-'

he stutters but you place your hands on his arms making him stop

‘all i ask is you to come back home, to come back to me'

by now, yall were blushing

even though it might not sound like it,

but yall just indirectly confessed to each other

yall stared at the ground and jeno looks up, biting his lip

‘hey, y/n, can i make it up to you with some coffee?’

your head darted up and looked at him with wide eyes

‘like-like a date?’

it came out suddenly and you stepped back in surprise, cursing yourself

but jeno chuckled, eyes scrunching cutely

‘it'll be one of many'

lmao i didnt really like this but i made it at 2 in the morning and i kinda like boxer!jeno

[drkcnry67]

oops sorry wrong boy toy

title: oops sorry wrong boy toy... (drabble)

pairing: lucifer!sam x reader

rating: pg-13

fluff sq: in vino veritas

h&H sq: lucifer!sam

share the love: fever dream

tags: illusions, vivid dreams, dreams that feel and look so real that you believe they are but get awoken by something else in reality that shakes you out of the dream. other than that nothing really else maybe the warning of some potion usage

created for @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @spnfluffbingo​ @heavenandhellbingo​

share the love list    fluff list    h&H list

this was reality wasnt it, you were under the impression that nothing had gone wrong, when infact everything was wrong. this seemed so real it was uncanny. 

you, your boyfriend Sam and his brother Dean had gone to stop Lucifer from rising, to stop the apocalypse from happening. in fact that is exactly what you all thought had happened. 

this day happened to be the 2 month anniversary of you all stopping the apocalypse, the boys were out on a hunt you on the other hand were soaking in a nice hot bath.

till something or someone pushed you down and ran some more scaldng hot water. it was a few hours later when the boys returned to find water all over the floor and you passed out unconcious and salding hot in the water. 

Sam was freaking out, Dean was trying to clean everything up. but both of them looked round there was no signs of forced entry, no signs of hex bags or anything. then they saw that you were making something. they knew better than to touch it. 

--------------------------

meanwhile, you were unaware of what was happening on the outside, you were focused on what you were witnessing on the inside. 

Sam: babe, why dont we go find something fun to do... i mean you know like a normal couple...

YN: sam when have we ever been normal... we hunt monsters for christ sake. besides i think we can have lots of fun right here. besides i feel like we just had date night...

Sam: are you having de ja vu. cause if you are then whats the issue...

You had to second guess yourself, something seemed a little off, Sam didnt seem like himself. he kept speaking about normal, normal wasnt what either of you were accustomed too. 

also sam never ever called you babe, like never... he always called you angel... he never ever called you babe. something was seriously wrong thats when you watched the scenery shift around you and Sam, things got really really hot. 

you started sweating feeling like you were gonna pass out which you did waking up still sweting a few moments later except now hanging above a pit of boiling hot lava. 

Sam or what looked like sam standing above you..

YN: sam what are you doing?

lucifer!sam: nope wrong boy guess again?

you took no time to think on this everything suddenly made sense.

YN: lucifer...

lucifer!sam: in the flesh, i cannot tell you how amazing it is to be out of that cage. there is a certain sense of accomplishment i feel right now, i had hoped you wouldnt figure it out for a while longer but something inside me wanted to have a bit of fun. so hows this for fun.

YN: this is a dream.. this has to be a dream...

--------------------

on the outside, Dean, sam and Cas were all hovering over your still scalding hot to the touch body. Sam was "frantic".

But Dean started to notice Sam mumbling to himself. He pulled Cas outside with him to "help get something out of the impala".

Cas: what's wrong Dean we should be finding out what happened to YN.

Dean: that's not sammy

Cas: what are you talking about?

Dean: that's not my brother in there he keeps mumbling to himself the Sam I know wouldn't doesn't do that.

Cas: I have an idea to wake YN. I need to be alone in the room when I do this cause it's not gonna be pretty. Something is causing her body to go into fever shock. That's why she is too hot to touch. The fever needs to break which means I need to go in and pull her from whatever is holding her in. you just need to keep “sam” distracted and out of the room while i save YN. 

Dean: we will go get some alcohol.

Cas and dean walk back inside the hotel room, “sam” is kneeling beside your still form as Cas and Dean approach, Cas goes to place a hand over your forehead, using his angelic grace to scan your mind. 

Cas: i know how to save Yn but i need to be alone for a few moments. like no one else can be in the room. its not gonna be an easy thing to watch nor will you guys be able to withstand watching this, humans can go blind from seeing this process. by the time you guys come back inside YN should be awake.

“sam” got up and looked at your body. none of the 3 boys except maybe castiel knowing what was occuring inside your head. 

-------------

speaking of which, you are still suspended over a boiling hot pit of lava, lucifer!sam is ranting about his grand plan to start the apocalypse, to deal with the world itself once the apocalypse is in completion. 

Lucifer!sam: are you still listening?

YN: yes unfortunately... but i thought we were in my head i thought we would be able to do what i wanted. 

Lucifer!sam: that unfortunately is not true, we are not gonna get into too much detail. now pop quiz beginning with what did you and the 3 idiots use to open the door to the cage?

YN: the rings of the 4 horsemen.

Lucifer!sam: very good. now who else is supposed to be apart of the apocalypse. 

YN: michael but he wants dean for his vessal. dean is not keen on that idea at all. now i have a question for you: how did you get my boyfriend to say yes to you using his body?

lucifer!sam: easy i threatened to take away the one thing that he loves the most, you... i threatened you... i was really surprised cause i knew you were pregnant the second i saw you, that is why i threatened you, thats why he said yes. 

you suddenly went into a state of shock... you were completely clueless. wait did he just say Pregnant?????? you were not sure you trusted your voice or anything. 

YN: what did you say? did you just say im...

Lucifer!sam: pregnant yes... Sam is right here inside my brain in a cage, he is screaming for you to hear him... i might be willing to let  him speak to you one last time, but after that im taking him and we are going to bring on the apocalypse and no one can stop us. 

YN: what's that light?

-------------

On the outside Dean and "Sam" went out to grab some disposable cups and alcohol. While Cas stayed behind to wake you up.

Whatever Cas was doing seemed to be working. He took one look at your current situation and could only reach in and pull you out as fast as possible.

Once he did that you were back in your own body. You sat straight up and woke up. You hugged Cas.

Cas: are you okay?

YN: I'm fine kind of. Umm where are the guys?

Cas: getting some alcohol.

You had sat up a bit before continuing to speak.

YN: can you tell me if you hear anything irragular in my belly... Like anything at all.

Cas places one hand on your belly, light begins to flow from it, you look at your belly then at Cas then back at your belly

Cas: is it Sam's?

Yn: yes but I don't want to tell him yet. That's not Sam... Not our Sam anyway. i have the perfect thing to use to find the truth but we all 4 need to be here for it. 

Cas: they should be back soon, anything i can do to help in the mean time?

you and cas go to where your workstation is set up and you get to work finishing the potion that you were working on. you also get into a silk gown and house coat while cas mixes something for you. 

Cas: the boys are just approaching the door. we will see if this works. what was your purpose for making this in the first place?

YN: to find the truth if we ever needed too. but i am sure thats not our sam. i am also sure that if im correct and thats not our sam then what sam had told me to do will need to be done. in the event that something happens to Sam in anyway shape or form, Dean is to become more than just a best friend to me. in that event i am to live my life hunting and killing every disgusting monster out there. but with a baby on the way i dont know if i can do that. 

cas was about to reply when the boys walked in. both of them entered the room fully before they saw you. beforre they could speak you ushered for them to sit down...

YN: before you both speak yes im awake yes im fine. but there is something i want my lovely boyfriend to test. i have made something that in the future i am hoping will prove useful in interrogating. will you test it honey bun?

Sam: of course babe!

that set something off in cas and dean... for they both knew that sam never ever ever called you babe. but you brought the small vile to “sam” who drank it. after a few seconds you decided to test if it was working.

YN: im now gonna ask a series of questions but only Sam is allowed to answer. 

both dean and cas were in agreement.

YN: lets begin. what is the numericle date of our anniversary?

Sam: 04.19.2006

YN: how did we meet? 

Sam: we saved you from a vampire den after that we were hooked with eachother. 

YN: you said something to me the day we stopped the apocalypse what did you say?

Sam: you are the most amazing woman i have ever known and i now know for sure that i want to spend the rest of my life with you however long it may be. 

you now had to ask one final question and you knew that this one would have to be envoked by the incantation that goes with the potion. 

YN: what is your name? in vino veritas!

the second you said that he kinda twitched and thats when he spoke. 

Lucifer!sam: lucifer the ruler of hell the son of god that has been locked up in a cage for the last however long cause some of my people in hell decided i wasnt fit to rule the dark dominions. 

dean held his hand towards you while keeping a hand held trained on his brother’s form. well at least what looked like his brother but was not his brother. 

Dean: but how i thought Sammy wasnt gonna say yes to you, you dick bag. plus how did you get out of the cage... there wasnt anything to release you. 

Lucifer!sam: actually you did, when you used those rings it opened an exit from the cage. you were mis informed on what you did and what were actually doing. that was meant to set me free... so when sam and i started arguing he agreed only cause i threatened to do harm to YN and her baby. oh well time to go start the apocalypse.

that was what set the moood in the room, your shock was real and yet something else no one expected was how protective Dean and cas suddenly became of you. this lasted several moments. 

lucifer or sam or whoever that was had disappeared. he was laughing when he did. that became your new life. 

Dean: i guess we all have a new mission or 2. one of them is to save sammy whatever it takes. the other is to protect YN and my brothers kid. 

once you hit 3 months along you were only allowed to go on salt & burns as well as assist the occassional possession and haunting. 

~but that is another story for another time~

[sharkmobster]

spider verse coffee shop au??

Anon im sorry i wanted to draw the coffeeshop au but ive been so tired lately so imma just overshare about what goes down bc this au is just (thick tombstone voice) : “everybody’s traumatized bitch lets get you a latte”

 • this au is incredibly villain centric bc uhhhhh all i do is think about villains

 • its also very aaron davis centric bc time to project my anxiety onto a grown ass man babey!!

 • anyway this takes place in a normal world where there’s no superheros or avengers or what have you, everyone’s super average 

• like i said this is more or less aaron centric and focuses on him readjusting to society and making connections with other people, and just healing in general. Aaron’s whole deal is that he was wrongfully arrested for defending himself against an off duty cop who was harassing him and ended up with a 10 year sentence  (but was let off a year earlier for good behaviour). He’s got a lot of guilt bc of this if only for the fact that he feels like he let down his brother and Miles (who was a small lad at the time).

 • Fun Fact! Jefferson was the one that picked up Aaron at the jail when he served out his sentence! The ride back to brooklyn was awkward! but also jefferson loves his brother and even tho they’ve had their falling outs he never once stopped believing that his brother was innocent. Jefferson also made sure to pull some strings and ended up getting an apartment set up for Aaron (even though jefferson and rio were 100% down to open their home to him for as long as it took him to get back onto his feet but of course aaron denied them bc he didnt want to be a burden) Aaron’s grateful but he tends to avoid his own family…a lot….

• it’s ridiculously hard to find a job bc nobody wants to hire an ex convict no matter the circumstances and Aaron’s legitimately about to lose hope when he spots an expensive looking shop nestled in between an old arcade and a knick knack shop

 • ‘Vanessa’s Cafe’ is neatly printed above the door in fancy gold lettering. it’s obvious that the owner has serious cash bc the shop looks too damn good and too well maintained to be a regular mom and pop shop. there’s a help wanted sign hastily scribbled on a piece of notebook paper in the middle of the window which is odd since it off sets the professional vibe of the place. But hey it’s worth a shot so Aaron walks in ready to be denied another job only to find the weirdest looking group of people he’s ever seen.

 • The first guy that catches his attention is the very large albino man who looks way too stressed out and manic to be working in a coffeeshop, but the job must pay well because he’s very well dressed.

 • “Liv, for fuck’s sake! Clean your goddamn station!” he’s whisper shouting? Is that even a thing? oh look at that he’s got a full set of razor sharp teeth. huh. that’s a hell of an aesthetic he’s going for.

 • The lady in question isn’t even giving him the time of day, just enthralled by her phone with a smile that looks too peaceful given what’s happening around her. She’s got wild hair tied up messily in a knitted bandana, weird glasses (custom made??) and when she glances up at aaron, her eyes widen in interest like he’s some anomaly to be cracked open. aaron looks anywhere that isnt the wild eyed lady at the counter.

• Theres another big guy that’s hanging around the back, heavily tattooed and lifting stacks of heavy boxes. Aaron takes notice of his prosthetic hand and the tattoo guy takes notice of Aaron. 

• “Lonnie. Customer.” The Tattoo guy seems nonplussed about Aaron and walks into the back. aaron assumes that he’s offended him by staring at his prosthetic for longer than necessary which yeah….yeah he’s probably not happy about the staring. 

 • lonnie’s got a bad case of resting bitch face so he’s glaring at aaron without actually glaring and he’s just rough around ALL the edges so his tones got that nice bite to it as he shouts from across the counter (which is not something you do to a customer but it’s lonnie…..)  "Hey! Ya looking for a job, skinny jeans?!“

 • Aaron blanches at the idea of working with these people but he is absolutely desperate for a job at this point.

 •"Yeah. I just got out of-”

 •"Great, you’re hired! We’re speed running this whole introduction thing, string bean.“

 •and that’s all i got other than like small details like:

 •Peter B Parker owns a ”“’'cafe”“” across from Vanessa’s and its literally just a burger joint that h a p p e n s to sell coffee and Parker will fight you if you call his place a deli ahdhdj

 •Liv and May are dating (big shock) and peter b has to constantly deal with seeing his competition over at his place all the time and it’s yikes

 • Tombstone and Noir will 100% throw hands on contact. They don’t hate each other tho??? Its weird they just like to fight. gives them a chance to work on their banter i guess. Noir works the coffee machine at Peter’s “'cafe”’ so i guess he’s the “”barista”” of the joint but he drinks the coffee more than the customers do

 • Miles and the rest of the spider kids “”“”“"intern”“”“” at the cafe which basically translates to free labor

 •  spider ham works there but he isnt a pig he’s just john mulaney. i know its weird. nobody actually sees him tho so he’s a complete mystery as to what he looks like so he could be john mulaney you never know. the only person who’s seen him is noir and that’s only bc they’re  a thing???

 •oh speaking of everyone being gay:  everyone’s gay

 • Lonnie and Gargan (tombstone and scorpion) are 100% dating but everyone legitimately thinks that the both of them are straight old men despite the fact that they live together, go to work together, hang out afterwards together, and they’re just always together

 • lonnie’s  daughter (janice)  visits every other week (def the product of a divorce he went through years ago) she’s alright with gargan but she’s very distant towards her dad and def has that teen angst phase that she’s going through

 • (lonnie can and will talk to you for hours about how much he loves and supports his daughter despite the fact that their relationship is very estranged)

 • you can find janice hanging out with the cute blond punk girl at that weird burger/coffee place across the street

 • oh gargan’s big and strong despite the fact that he’s missing three limbs, liv works in robotics on the side and constantly tweaks and repairs his prosthetics when they start acting up which leads to them having this weird friendship where they both borrow each other when they need something and dont really expect anything in return (like gargan’s good for getting her supplies and doing heavy lifting when she needs it and liv’s always down to run check ups on gargan)

 • oh yeah liv used to be a scientist but immediately lost her license and phd when she started going above some board members heads to buy less than legal things through super illegal sources

.• that’s another thing, kingpin tends to just hire ex cons and criminals to work in his cafe just bc he believes that a person willing to work hard to better themselves deserves a chance to re enter society again.

 • like they’ve all done bad things but still ended up with a job at the cafe. aaron fought a cop, liv did some shady deals for an illegal experiment, gargan used to run a drug ring years ago due to personal reasons but once he was free from jail he never dealt with the stuff again, and lonnie killed a dude (allegedly. he never went to jail bc they couldn’t prove anything but hey word spread around quick and everyone knew not to go anywhere near this guy)

 • kingpin is in this au btw he’s just……a very depressed man who’s still grieving over his wife and son dying in a car accident

.• he rarely shows up to run the cafe bc its too much for him being in the place that his wife loved and built up from the ground. he used to be the manager after she died but couldn’t handle it and mostly left lonnie to take care of it

• which holy fuck lonnie is trying his best to keep this cafe alive and well and there’s only two other people working there so like its enough to have him scrambling all over the place trying to find more help (thanks aaron)

 •miles doesn’t know aaron’s working at the cafe across the street and aaron def wants it that way bc even tho he’s out of jail he hasn’t actually……visited miles yet….. it’s the shame that’s keeping aaron from reaching out to him which is….sad bc miles doesn’t care what happened he just wants his uncle back.

 • oh oh one more thing RIPeter used to run the deli across the street but had to leave brooklyn to go volunteer at homeless shelters across the states indefinitely so theres no telling when he’ll be back, so he left the cafe under the guidance of pb parker (peter b parker voice: my cafe now)

 •and uhhh thats all i got, like i said this au is just found family trope + the healing we all want + bad people getting redemption which is all the tropes that i love all compacted together in the most cliche au you can imagine!

[cryinggameff]

Sixty Eight

Randi

Cayden was gone for work all week, and I was struggling being without him. He called several times a day to check in or just talk but it wasn’t the same. Being away from him was almost physically painful right now. It’s like the baby actually knew he was gone and made me feel this pull towards him.

The only thing keeping me going was that he had promised to take me away once he got back. He had been saying for several weeks that he was gonna bring me to Jamaica because I was all he could think about while He was there last. Until then I was just focusing on work and hanging with my friends. My mom was staying at the house currently because Cay called her behind my back and told her I needed her help while he was gone.

“Have some breakfast,” she said, pushing the plate to me.

“I’m not ready to eat yet, I’ll just have some juice.”

“You need some real calories, hows the baby supposed to grow?” She said. I looked down at my small bump, taking in what she said.

“Maybe just a little bit,” I mumbled, sitting at a chair. She made me a plate with way too much excitement and brought it to me. I started nibbling away and she watched my eat. It was just like Cayden was here.

“So when’s your next appointment?” She asked.

“When Cayden gets back. It was supposed to be a bit ago because I’m over three months but I kept putting it off,” I moved aside the eggs that were looking very off putting for some reason.

“Are you gonna find out the gender?”

“I don’t know yet. I kind of want it to be a surprise,” I shrugged. She shook her head.

“Then how am I supposed to start shopping!?” She looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed.

“You can by it when he gets here,” I offered.

“So you think it’s a boy?” She said. My brows came together.

“I have no idea.”

“You said he,” she smiled. I blushed. It was just a habit, honestly I didn’t really think about it that much. I was just focused on getting the baby out safe and sound and surviving the pregnancy myself. A boy would be cute though, and a lot of fun for Cay. But so would a little girl, and I could really see Cay spoiling her.

“Maybe I’ll find out,” I said. I looked at my watch. “I have to go to my appointment now. You can go home mom, I’ll be fine here,” I got up from the chair.

“Go ahead. I’ll clean up. Are you sure honey?”

“I’m sure. I’ll call you if I need anything. I’m not gonna be here until later tonight anyways,” I pointed out.

“Okay then. I’ll head out soon, I’ll have my cell, I can be here in 5 minutes,” she smiled.

“Okay. Bye mom, I love you,” I grabbed my things and prepared to leave before she could make me late.

When I got to Dr. Williams office, the secretary was on the phone and typing away on her computer she looked so flustered. I wondered why it was so busy. I had to sit and wait until she got off the phone.

"So sorry to keep you waiting dear. All appointments for today are cancelled. Mrs. Williams went into labour this morning," she said.

"Oh! Wow, how exciting," i said, imagining the day i would be in that position.

"Yeah, she was getting ancy, she was a week over due already. How far along are you?"She looked at my bump with a smile.

"4 months. I still got a while to go," i ran my hand over my small bump.

"It will go quickly from here, dont worry," she said. That sounded comforting and frightening.

"Im sure it will," i said simply.

"She left a message for you by the way," she said, turning to her computer. I wasn't surprised, Dr. Williams was a family friend by this point and she would feel bad about cancelling one of our appointments. "She says she emailed you the hospital shes at with visiting hours and that you're welcome to come see the baby."

"I hadn't checked my email," i said, pulling out my phone. I checked my mail and sure enough there was an email from her. "Thank you for letting me know. Ill give her a call. Thank you," i said.

"No problem hun. Did you want to see someone else?" she asked. "Dr. Hillinger is in today."

"No thats fine. Thanks though. Have a good day," I said, grabbing my phone off the counter. I left the office and went back to my car. I debated whether or not to go back home but decided i might as well go to the salon. I didn't really wanna be home alone anyways.

Cole

Ty was staying with me for the last few days and we had been having a good time, i loved having him around. Honestly, i got really lonely being here on my own. I didnt have him, i didn't have Randi or any of my other friends. I didn't wanna tell him that though. That day we were going to go watch a basketball game, id gotten the tickets a while ago because i knew it was a game he wanted to see.

"Yo, lets go man," i yelled at him from the door of my apartment. He was fixing his hair in the mirror in the bathroom. For a dude who was supposed to be all tough and shit he cared a lot about his appearance, especially his waves. He finally came out and i opened the door to leave.

We had to wait to get into the arena because the line was crazy.

"I told you we should have left earlier," i said.

"Chill, we'll get in soon," he said squeezing my hand which was in his.

"Man whatever," i mumbled, looking around at all the people. That's when i saw the people beside us, an older couple. They were looking at us like we had horns growing from our head or something. I scoffed and Trey turned to look at what i was staring at. This wasn't my first run in with openly homophobic people, hell i'd had things thrown at me by strangers before. But i doubted Trey had experienced this before and i wasn't sure what he would do or feel. I would have understood  if he dropped my hand or back away, but he pulled me closer to him and said,

"Can we help you?" to the man and lady. They looked shocked and both of them went as red as tomatoes before turning away. I smirked and looked at Trey. It was a confidence booster seeing him stick up for us like that, that he didn't deny me when it would have been easier.

"What?" he asked when i continued to look a him.

"Nothing," i said, but the truth was in that moment i realised i was dead ass in love with Trey, like i could really see myself spending the rest of my life with the nigga, and that terrified me. I let go of his hand and put my hands in my pockets. He looked a bit confused but didn't say anything.

The game was good and all and we had a fun watching but the day just went left after that incident. I knew it was me, i was acting off and he noticed. We barely talked on the way back to my apartment. When we got there he just packed his things because he was leaving that night.

"Well, i guess imma head out then, i gotta get home," he said, closing the duffle bag that was on the bed.

"I'll walk you to your car," i said, getting up from the bed.

At his car we paused and awkwardly kissed, then he got inside and that was that. I knew i shouldn't have left it like that but i was feeling overwhelmed, id never felt like this before, honestly never thought i would. The scariest part was i didn't know if Ty loved me back. I decided to go for a run instead of staying in my place so i could clear my head.

Ty

I had just gotten back in to town when my phone rang. I picked it up because it was likely work.

"Yo," i said.

"ey, its me," Cayden said.

"Was good my nigga? How that deal going?" I pulled up at the light and put my phone on speaker.

"Niggas aint have my money yet, im giving them one more day, after that i'm bout to bounce," he was moving stuff around in the back.

"Why you even give them another day?" I chuckled. "You getting soft my nigga,"

"Man, it aint even like that. I know dude."

"Aight, bet. What you need?" I asked, wondering why he was calling me.

"Go see Randi for me," he said. I should have guessed.

"Aight, but you know theres already niggas there watching your place right?"

"It aint that, i need someone to check if she need anything. That reminds me, pull up with food. Ice cream, saltine crackers, that's what she be craving," he said. Damn, i thought, this pregnancy thing sounded like a trip. Cayden was happy as hell though, and i was happy for him. I was pretty excited to be an uncle too.

"Man she be having you be her servant and shit huh?"

"You have no idea," he mumbled.

"Lucky i like your wife, i'll go."

"Good looking out," he said. "And yo, don't be having no smart mouth, she be all emotional and stuff cause of the baby."

"Ill be good," i promised with a smirk.

"Cool. I gotta go, catch you later."

"Bet," i said, then hung up. Well there went my plans to go home and crash.

It was around 9pm when i got all the stuff and pulled up to the house. I rang the doorbell and waited for a minute. She opened the door after a minute.

"Ty?" she said, surprised.

"Hey nugget," i smiled, walking in past her. She closed the door and followed as i walked to the kitchen. "Are you home alone? What happened to your friends?"

"I sent them home," she said with a shrug. "I was getting annoyed of having people fussing over me."

"Thats fair," i said, putting the bag from the store down. "Well your nigga sent me, made me get you shit too."

She opened the bag and pulled out the ice cream, crackers and some other stuff id gotten. She smiled which then quickly faded.

"What?" i said.

"Nothing," she said, all teary eyed and lip quivering. Well fuck. I stood there confused and not sure what to do. Maybe eating will help, i thought. So i went to the drawer and got a spoon. I handed it to her hesitantly. She opened the ice cream and started to eat it. She continued to cry while eating it. Wow Cayden had been right, but i aint even say nothing.

"I saw Cole today," I blurted. That was one thing i knew made her happy. That was her nigga. "He asked about you."

"How is he?" She asked around some ice cream.

"He's good," i nodded, "we went to a basketball game."

"Thats cute."

"It was until he started acting weird," i mumbled. She wiped her tears and sat down on the stool.

"What happened?" she asked. I barely even knew.

"Well i told some people off in line that were looking at us, then he got all quiet. But i don't know why he'd be mad that i stuck up for us," i shrugged.

"Did you ask him?" she said, passing me a spoon. I dug my spoon in and started eating too.

"Nah. I was lowkey mad that he was being pissy after i drove all the way there to see the nigga. He be confusing me. Dating girls was easier," i sucked my teeth. Randi laughed. I grinned, it was way better to see her laughing than crying.

"If its hard that means its the real thing. Just let him know you love him and move on," she suggested. My brows came together.

"We don't really be doing all that," i said simply.

"You clearly love him Ty. Why can't you say that?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Men," she rolled her eyes.

We ate more food for a while until it got really late.

"You should go to bed, doesn't the baby need sleep or something?" i asked seriously. She died laughing.

"I am tired though, ill probably go up," she looked at her phone for the time. "You can stay if you want."

"Thanks but i gotta head home, i gotta go do something later tonight," i said, getting up and stretching. She walked me over towards the door. "Hit me up if you need anything."

"I will," she said, leaning up to kiss me on the cheek. "Be careful tonight," she said, giving me a mom look. I nodded and stepped out. I got int my car and finally went to my house.

Randi

The next morning i woke up early to go to the florist. I wanted a nice bouquet because i was going to see Dr. Williams for a little bit in the hospital. My mom was coming along because they were friends, i was glad to have the company.

"Those are really nice," i said to a bouquet she was holding.

"I think so to. Lets get a toy or something for the baby," she suggested. I walked over the where there were cards and stuffed animals. There was a really cute giraffe staring at me, and i picked it up. It had these huge eyes and was so soft.

"You used to have a giraffe, one of your first toys, that thing was so dirty but you loved it," My mom said from behind me. I smiled. I could imagine me as a baby playing with this little guy.

"I like this one," i said.

"Ok, we can do the flowers and that," she said. I shook my head.

"Its not for her," I said. "Im getting it for myself."

"Ok," she said confused, but picked up another toy. "ill go pay."

I smiled and went to go pay for the giraffe. This was the first thing id ever buy for my baby, i hoped he or she would like it.

"Thank you for coming by Randi," Dr. Williams smiled big. She was holding a little pink bundle in her arms.

"Of course. Im so happy for you. She's beautiful," i said.

"You'll be holding your own soon. Want to practice?" She asked, moving the bundle towards me. I was nervous for some reason. Not like i hadn't held babies before, but id never held one while i was several months pregnant myself. I hesitated but she practically shoved the baby into my arms. I held the baby in my arms and looked down at her, heart racing. To my surprise she was alert, eyes fixed on me. God, those eyes. Id never seen such pure love, and innocence, trusting anyone and everyone. For a second i saw a little version of my own eyes looking up at me and my breath caught in my chest. But i blinked and it was gone.

When i got back home i went up to my room to lay down. Cayden face timed me shortly after and he asked me what id done all day. I told him id gone shopping and saw Dr. Williams.

"I got something today, for the baby," i said, blushing. He smirked.

"Lets see it," he said. I lifted up the giraffe to the screen.

"His name is George," i said. He chuckled and i giggled.

"I love it," he said. I paused for a moment.

"She let me hold her baby today," i said, looking down at the toy. "She was beautiful Cayden."

"I bet she was," he said.

"Yeah, but for a second...i didnt see her...I saw our baby," i whispered. I was surprised he even heard me. He cheesed and i laughed a little. I probably sounded insane.

"What did he or she look like?" he asked.

"It was a boy," i said, pausing to think back to the moment "really small, but fat cheeks, curly hair like yours," i smiled, getting a little emotional. It was joy though, not sadness. "your mouth, but the eyes, where like looking at myself."

"Damn, he sound like a good looking nigga," Cay said. I nodded.

"He was," i murmured, running a hand over my belly. "I cant wait to meet him."

"I know, me too," he said.

We talked a little bit more then said i love you and goodbye. I wished he was here to hug me right now, but he wasn't, so i got into bed with the little giraffe and put it on his side of the bed.

"There," i smirked. I turned the light off and went to sleep.

[liu-yu-xin]

Helllllo everyone :-) its 2:30am i am Not on edibles (bc i ran out) so i am coherent mostly and its time for my nyt op ed about shit no one cares about anyway im Reallyyy fascinated by what the hell winwin's whole Deal is re: being an idol bc like ok hes a really weak vocal thats a known and accepted fact its whatever but whats more weird is that ive re watched a bunch of videos where he dances and hes also. Not a great dancer? Esp for someone whos a trained traditional chinese dance dancer? whos probably been dancing since he was a kid and ik ppl say his traditional dance background makes him look a little off when he dances modern dance types that emphasizes dancing on beats and thats definitely a part of it and if this was a year ago i wouldve accepted that BUT i have someone to compare to him now which is liuyu of chuang2021 fame who has almost the exact same dance background as winwin down to the national academies where they trained and liuyu definitely had similar problems to start with but he adapted really quickly to the modern dance styles like at least to the point where its serviceable for the level of dance that idols do and hes not noticeably different than everyone else and thats just over a few months so i Cant accept that winwin couldnt do the same over like 5 YEARS.... Even watching wayv stuff from 2020 hes still just a little off even compared to the member like yangyang who learned dance from scratch when they joined sm and beyond that he has the complete wrong 气质 for a lot of these kpop stages his whole vibe has no aggressive or striking feel to it which isnt inherently a bad thing i think a lot of traditional chinese dancers have a similar vibe bc that kind of stillness and calmness is more desirable for that type of dance but that means he seems even More out of place even the actual worst dancer in wayv lucas at least has enough stage presence to offset his dance skills like if u average it out lucas ends up looking like a Better dancer than winwin... AND even moving away from more hiphop heavy dances winwin's contemporary dance and even chinese traditional dance are not as good as liuyus thats just my opiNIONNN but that actually really surprised me bc winwin has much better physique for dance than liuyu like winwin is tall and has long legs and long arms if they danced at the same level he would be the lead dancer just because the dance would look better expressed thru longer limbs but as it is liuyu's emotions are more expressive, his extensions are more full, his shapes and lines are more clean, and his eyes are more focused like winwin definitely looks more in his element with traditional dance but idk . Im not a dancer but from an audience pov he just lacks something.. the oomph... the desire to perform? Maybe he had it at some point i mean u dont get ranked first nationally for nothing but i dont think I've seen him do a single performance where he seemed like he wanted to be there for which makes me think hes one of the worst dancers in nct not because of technical issues but because of attitude problems as in he cant adjust his dance style to kpop because he doesnt really want to . And i dont know that he wants to dance at All. appearance aside I've honestly never seen someone Less suited to be an idol like there are probably idols who are less talented but there is no one less interested in being an idol than him lol he gives me the feeling that he could quit tomorrow and not feel anything about it but i also dont think he Hates being an idol? which makes him seem even more like a pretty doll in my mind like he'll just go where u put him.. and like no offense but if hes out there chilling while everyone else is competing for more lines and screentime then isnt him getting next to no lines kind of uhh 理所当然... honestly his ideal career shoulve been a model he has the body and the proportions and the face and in that case his 气质 could really set him apart in a good way anyway call me winwin i wanna be ur high school counselor lets find u a better career good night

[rantsbymiriam]

Nightmares

I had a terrible nightmare last night. It was so bad that im still thinking about it today....so vivid in my memory as if it actually happened to me. Thats the thing about dreams, you actually feel all the emotions when you dream. And when you have a bad dream, you feel it as though it was real.

I dreamt I was in a school bus filled with school children and we all got into a major accident. We crashed into the river..but it wasn’t a river..it was a river filled with oil. You cant swim in it. (gila climate change dream)

I survived. The bus driver managed to haul me out. The children died. I cried so much. The bus driver told me that we should leave the area immediately and act like nothing happened so no one would find out. I was appalled at his suggestion but I was too much in shock to be able to process his suggestion. Then suddenly im back at home trying to tell an ex of mine what happened to me with the accident and all. And he just ignored me. 

Then I woke up. 

How many layers of trauma can you point out in this very dream? So many! I dreamt abt dying chlidren!!

 I have a bajillion things to do at work today and all I can think about is 

1- The children died. I can hear their cries. 2- wtf is wrong with the bus driver 3- wtf is my ex boyfriend of 10 years ago doing in my dream ignoring me? Seriously wtf. dah dah la tu. 

Obviously whatever thats going on in your dreams is a reflection of your reality.  Howver, my reality is not so bad now though. Work is work. I should feel pretty excited about whats to come for work stuff (murals and new projects and shit) but I think at this point of my life i cant derive happiness from work anymore. In the beginning I could because everything was new and exciting and now everything is just work...blerghhh..

You know what I need to get? A life. Thats what I need to get. I spent the whole of 2018,2019 focusing all my energy and time on work and figuring out the business....but its already the end of 2019...and im legit dying for something new. I also think I need to start dating again. You know, be a normal 31 year old single woman.

I just dont know how to anymore. All the things I used to like a few years ago...before I left for London in 2016...going to bars, clubbing, partying...im just not into anymore. Whenever I am invited to go, or think about going, my head immediately feels heavy...like my entire body refuses to do all these things...

So i’ve been trying out new activities...like THRIFTING. I am a natural thrifter. It gives me so much satisfaction if I find something I love for RM2. I went last weekend with some friends and we found a RM2 MARIMEKKO PLATE WHAT WHATTTTTT. If thats not a steal I dunno what is. I used to sell these plates at Janine and they’re like RM50. 

I said in my last post that i’ve been getting back into my music.....which is really playing the guitar again..playing my ukelele....writing music..singing to myself. Why did I even stop doing this? I loveeeee music. But for the longest time, ive had the weirdest most complicated relationship with all the music I love. (to cut the story short, a lot of bands trigger my PTSD LOL) I’ve been trying to deal with all these triggers and FORCE myself to listen to the songs and create new memories attached to it. 

I notice this abt myself. When I go through a bad experience in life... when im out of it... I avoid everything to do with that time of my life like THE PLAGUE. Even when the experience also had good stuff in it, I still avoid. I don’t think this is a good way fo navigating life.

For example, last night I went to watch Last Christmas with my mom and my sister (#romcomnight) and the movie was shot in London. I legit had so many WEIRD flashbacks of my time in London. It was non stop. Good and bad memories. mostly bittersweet.  I couldn’t bring myself to really get into the movie because THE ENTIRE MOVIE TRIGGERED ME. I need to deal with this. I WONT allow just a shitty time in London make me hate an entire city that I used to love. Ahh.. London...what a weird time of my life. Thats the moment I realize you can get what you want in life, but still be unhappy about other shit. It never stops. More on that later. 

You know another city that triggers me? Singapore. Oh my god. Now I have 2 freaking countries that make me have the hibbyjibbies when I go there. 

Anyway, this year, I plan to stop getting triggered with crap that doesn’t even directly affect my day to day life. Like music, movies and entire cities that i’ve been completely avoiding because it triggers me so much. As you can obviously guess by now, relationship memories trigger me. I now know that it isn’t the relationship per se that triggers me, it isn’t even the person im seeing. It is just me being overly sentimental and having all these childhood traumas that come back to haunt me when I date people.

And it only comes out when I start getting intimate with people. All my emotional baggage from being abandoned and neglected as a child comes back tenfolds with any guy I date. He could be the nicest guy in the world and I would still have to deal with my baggage. I know my nightmare last night is probably a reflection of all these experiences i’ve had as a child.

It took me a looooongggg ass time to accept and forgive all the people who had hurt me as a child. If you dont know yet, childhood trauma is one of the main reasons why people behave / do / believe in what they do / have unhealthy coping mechanisms...and it can REALLY affect relationships and how you are in a relationship if one does not deal with these traumas properly. It also affects how you deal with stress and stressful situations. It affects everything really. For me it affects EVERY SINGLE THING abt my life, except work related stuff .People always assume I have my shit together because when its work related im almost always on the good side of things. My personal life is the opposite of my work life. It used to be a disaster area. Literally a hurricane went through it and nobody rebuilt it. It was just left there in shambles...Theres a rave happening in the middle of it.....Not really a happy rave...more like a rave happening out of desperation, like “fuck we live in a hell hole. LET’s RAVE!!!” Instead of cleaning up the mess, I chose to rave. Omg. Thats totally me and my life haha. Anyway, that was back then. Currently my personal life is a beautiful garden straight out of a Monet painting..theres a beautiful cottage right by the river.....flowers are blooming everywhere...Its pretty scenic...fantabulous...level boleh masuk Architectural Digest (welcome to my crib)...... The only problem is that its completely EMPTY.... More on that later. 

Back to childhood traumas, I am not the only one in the world with childhood traumas. EVERYONE has childhood traumas in one way or another. EVERYONE has baggage.  You reading my blog here. You have traumas. It’s only a matter of being AWARE of ones trauma or not. Thats your own journey to find out. Some people are lucky to have been born into mentally healthy and happy families, GOOD FOR YOU BRO.

Im not special at all. I hear stories front left and centre about relationships falling apart because of they haven’t properly dealt with all their mommy and daddy issues...and issues regarding the self....

Anyway I dont even know why im talking about this right now..I guess the dream last night made me realize that ive totally been avoiding dating or having relationships (or even meeting new people) and using work as an excuse to not have to deal.

Then again, its not like TINDER has the best quality of men in the world Lol so I know im not missing out on much. But I know I must. 

For the sake of my “art” and creativity. I’ve never been a full time artist AND be in a relationship at the same time. I always wondered all these artists and their “muses” - being inspired by another person to create your art....I find it fascinating. 

If you read about Frida Kahlo’s life and her artist boyfriend...whoa..thats like ART TELENOVELA....Artists are so passionate when it comes to love. I scare myself when I think about it. Artists have no chill honestly. When they feel, THEY TRULY FEEL. Im sure many artists are able to properly regulate their emotions and are just normal ass people...but the artists I know are all super mad in some way....

Which is why, I believe this is the best profession for me. There was no way I could work in an office and be a robot...churn out report after report and new marketing strategies when there is so much ABOUT LIFE out there to get inspired by...I guess this is a topic for another time which I really wanna talk about. Basically how I came into “myself” when I made the change to do what I really want in life. I changed my hair and dressing too.....I suddenly realized “Why am I wearing all this 9-5 bullshit? Why TF am I wearing an A line skirt” I can wear whatever the hell I want I dont have a boss or have to be “professional” and I can get away with wearing a plastic bag on my head if I wanted to. And here I thought I was a “non-conformist” There was so much more I was subconsciously “conforming” to and didn’t realize. Dressing and hair are just surface level stuff....Theres a whole lotta “lifestyle” choices that ive been re-thinking too....Also the sacrifices i’ve made to do the business...I had to do a whole entire LIFESTYLE rehaul for me to be able to afford doing my business......(this is something that I REALLY want to share. Cause chasing your dreams ain’t easy. People only see the glamorous parts of it)

Thats a post for another time. For now, I really gotta go back to work and FINISH UP SOME REALLY EXCITING PROJECTS....

(I tried to do this in caps lock to hype myself, but it didn’t work. im dreading work today....oh well) Im human. some days we get nightmares and it fucks up our entire day. 

[breezles]

Really lengthy life story thing under the cut..a lot of negativity and just a big fat idk what to do anymore. But I got a bunch of cleaning supplies to deep clean the house tomorrow because nobody touches it in cleaning but me!!!! 

You know I am really tired of living with the people I do now. My mom, my dad, my brother(is okay in some ways lazy fuck in others) and my moms boyfriend. It’s a horrific combination because of so many different reasons. 

One being my Dad ALWAYS having something to say, muttering asshole things under his breath about everyone. Has anger issues, flips the fuck out if shit doesnt go his way, complains on everything that is or isnt. Yells all the time if he’s not stoned. Gives me emotional whiplash, and never was a “Dad” or “Father figure” in my life. Not contributing to household things, like the list can go on and on honestly. He’s an angry asshole all the time. A good example for the sake of this; “Did you put the clothes in the dryer yet?” and I respond “Not yet but I will” and it only being an hour since. “They’re going to smell like mildew now” or “Did you feed your cats yet?” and if I answer no because I have a specific time I feed them every day that he is clearly aware of, he goes “They’re starving, they’re meowing at the door, why do you even have them?? You dont even care.” He thinks they need food every time they meow and thats why they’ve gained weight after the fifty fucking times I tell him to leave the feeding to me so I can monitor how much and when they eat. (Not 5min later he literally asks me to go put the clothes in the dryer) He also comments about how shitty it is here, and how he wants to leave. Kudos bro go for it. (Also while typing this is when the laundry shit happened, and it’s been about 10min and he finally got up to do it himself because I wasn’t moving fast enough) Also aggressive and patronizing, only talks a certain way to me, and like a normal person to my brother or moms bf. 

Moms bf; Constantly stomping through the house huffing and grunting like a wounded animal, slamming doors or cabinets, making inhuman noises that sound gross and disturbing, because he has no sense that other people live here that don’t have doors or a room to sleep in. Has no consideration at all.. Constantly calls off work at least once a week because he doesn’t want to get up. I wonder how he’s not fired yet. He’s admitted that he has nothing to look forward to anymore, when he gets home from work so he sleeps for days on end, getting more and more lazy. Has anger issues also if Mom tries to get him up for work. Has thrown things before, not at anyone but in general. Also doesn’t do any household chores like cleaning, unless on the very rare occasion dog shit outside. (Same with dad on this) 

Mom; I love her, she has a lot of health issues to deal with that I have tried time and time again to help her with but she sleeps so so SO much that it’s pretty much negatively effecting her health when she should be more focused on maintaining her condition. Never calls to make appointments, avoids it, runs out of her medication then freaks out when she can’t get it because she has to make a follow up appointment for the doctor to represcribe it. She also has whiplash anger, always complains about something being eaten that she goes to eat, which over time has pretty much made me not eat anything in the house except for an occasional sandwich or quesadilla so I’m not to blame for it. (Sounds shitty doesnt it) Doesn’t clean anymore except when she feels like it, can’t remember the last time she made dinner. Hoards up in her room taking pain medication(thats not the prescribed ones) for her Neuralgia. I feel like her mental structure is also declining because she forgets a lot or gets confused easily. Suffers from, diabetes, no thyroid, high blood pressure, possible past stroke, and congestive heart failure and gum disease. Takes medication for all of it, but diet and activity are counter active. Someone with CHF won’t live very long unless they take good care of it Even then the life expectancy is less than 5 years. It keeps me up at night, and often cry because I have to prepare for Moms death at any point from here on. 

Brother; He’s not really here a lot of the time, in a sense he’s sort of lucky he has friends and a social life to get out of the house until he comes home to sleep for work at 12-3am at night. When he is home he doesn’t do anything but sit on his phone and bitch if I ask him to help me clean anything or need something. Forgets to pick me up from work all the time, forgets a lot if it doesn’t involve his friends or his car. Doesn’t do his own laundry and hasn’t cleaned his own room in over a year. Hasn’t washed dishes or taken the trash out or anything home/chore related in months to a year.  Thinks that his share of rent and utilities is all the help he needs to do. (which I am greateful for him helping me help the house financially because his job is a good one). I often tell him from the bottom of my heart everything that I think about, tell him about Mom, tell him it’ll only be me and him down the road for each other. In hopes it sombers him if only a little. I just wish he’d improve as a person in some places. 

Myself: I don’t do much myself, except for working as much as I can. Each night I get home I do a routine of taking care of the animals because Moms bf has stopped feeding the fish he said “were his” even though I maintain and keep the tank clean and running. Dad feeds the dogs, but I bathe them and walk them, brush them etc. Same with the rest of the pets. After they’re taken care of I clean the kitchen if its gross from everyone being in and out of it all day. Take the trash out because it gets piled and everyone thinks “Fuck it” After that I do laundry if needed, and then hop on my computer to do my usual browsing. I’ve started looking for a 2nd job because I can’t afford anything except the bare basics and it leaves me broke 20days out of a month. I’ve also figured out a financial plan to keep the bills paid and rent on time because Mom got us 1000 behind on rent and our utilities would get shut off now and again. We’ve been fine for 3months straight on everything now and have caught up and everyone now pays equal amounts for everything. (Now if I could only get everyone equally sharing housework,  but i’ve barked up that tree before)

In a few hours I plan to deep clean the entire house because it smells like body odor, dog and dirt and dog hair has accumulated since the weather is changing doggos are shedding so it’s a given. I also can’t remember the last time the house was thoroughly cleaned, and not just a tidy and wipe down so it’s due and I know nobody will want to help and think what I’m doing is stupid. But i’m just tired, im tired of feeling like im taking care of child adults, of living in so much negativity I want nothing more then place myself in my own home/apartment/studio whatever I can. I want to take care of myself and my cats. I want to be a functioning person not fighting depression. Everything has built up and piled and piled and I feel so worn down and defeated because I feel like I’m the only one who gives a shit and is trying to maintain some sense, but at the same time I just want to fucking quit. 

I’m afraid that if I leave, if ever, everything here will fall apart. Dogs won’t be cared for, the house will fall into further disseray, Mom won’t be properly cared for and die quicker than she is already. But I keep telling myself you can’t help those who wont help themselves, or dont want it. Just think about myself I say, get out of here build your own life in comfort and security and peace of mind. 

I financially cannot get anywhere in life, I’ve had to teach myself to be an adult from the age of 16 to be responsible, but no one ever taught me financial health. Or security or w/e. I dont know what I’m doing wrong, I dont know where to even begin, I dont know how to get out of here on my own anymore. I’m scared I’ll be stuck in this sickening environment. I dont know who to turn to, where to get to that takes my cats. Even if I found them homes, or placed them in foster care, I still can’t afford to live anywhere on my own because of my own bills. 

what the fuck all of this circulates in my head. I dont know what to do anymore or where to go or what to fucking research I just want help, but im scared I wont know how to take any help, because I’ve engrained in my fucking head that I need to do anything I can to earn the right for someones help that I cant have it unless I’ve earned it. 

I just want to cry, I dont know what to do..I just dont know anymore. I’ve lost touch with my sense of self, I don’t see friends anymore, the only people I see outside of home are the people I work with, I have no life except the one I keep for my pets here. Thats it. 

[ulyssesredux]

Penelope

Bad or sick guy! I would not allow free speech and demeanor were absolutely incredible. Politically correct fools, won't even call it was very handsome at that and the Union Jack flying with all of the 15 states that I got somebody to let myself go with and come up with some jawbreakers about the election results. I thought I was what do they havent half the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about with not another thing in all sure you cant help yourself I wish some man or other trying to make one it takes them lovely stuff in that I was one myself for a Republican Primary-by sources-that no charges will be saved on military and other information. Build plant in Mexico and rather viciously firing all of the mountain yes when I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the country. If the press refuses to mention the many mistakes, they knew it was sweeter and thicker than hers she had too much singing a bit grey over the railings if anybody saw him and I had up in every category.

We will bring back jobs! MAKE AMERICA SAFE AGAIN! With all of my mouth if nobody was looking for a penance I wonder is he awake thinking of his like that on my speech even started when they come out of that hardened criminal he was out that ought to have stitched it and stick out her tongue is a direct threat to our ultimate goal: MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!

Lyin' Ted Cruz just used a picture naked to some poor child but I told him he does it with his peak cap on that he was as shy as a girl was passing pretending he was a thing like that if I didnt want to know where were you where are you going I could have hacked Podesta-why didn't they fix it, the world what do they havent passion God help their poor story to tell up in every hole and corner while father was up at the open air fete that one calls flagellate till he comes out and do a good sleep badly I could easily have slipped a couple of lbs of those night women if it wants to win the so-called Russian hacking was delayed until Friday, perhaps, work together to get it Ill lash it around I used to say and write a book out of Washington? Crooked Hillary Clinton, who is dishonest, incompetent and a bird flying below us he was as flat as a pancake he makes his money over selling the horses for the people and should be!

I wished he was in the place in the butchers and had a Gorgeous wrap of some other man yes it was struck by lightning and all others, have totally energized America!

He did so attractive to men the way the jews and Our Lords both put together all over T.V. doing the loglady all day put her hair up at the border.

Mexico at the College races that Hornblower with the red head behind the tree he planted the tree he planted the tree where the world to see and hear you sing Waiting and in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is sighing I am running against me.

The dishonest media!

I wish I had with the pillow what fun he was always breaking or tearing something in the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to try and steal our things if they want to print it up besides he wont be too bad I dont know and Im sure you were yes I think Ill cut all this hair off me just in passing but I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it and never let you down! General John Allen, who I never met but spoke against me. Not me!

This is Nixon/Watergate.

Mexico and creating 700 new jobs in America & around the world. They focused on wrong states! Melania. Looking forward to it.

No respect Big Republican Dinner tonight at White House wait so long as I was a Flower of the nymph with my insides or have I offended you with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the old bag the biscuits were in a glasscase with two heads and no legs thats the way hed take it you want to abolish the Federal Minimum Wage. Many of his hat what a pity he didnt believe me no its better hes going about with some other entity, was hacking, why did they only knew him as much noise as he possibly could for the least thing better yes hold them to be written up with his glasses up with a big stake in it often enough in his slippers to look for 10000 pounds for a nice hour of the Democratic Convention has paid ZERO respect to the bottom of her paralysed husband getting worse-almost ZERO growth this quarter. The Democrats don't want to thank everyone for making it too marked the first night ever we met asking me questions is it possible that the person in her story. Here we go-Enjoy!

Tremendous love and enthusiasm in the dark theyre always dreaming about with not a natural deal maker.

Crimea and continue to be weltering then in the wet if I knew more about it Ill tell him I want guns brought into the sea and the sea anyhow he always wore crooked as often as I can teach him the satisfaction in it I suppose he scratched himself in it and so many things. #MAGA Hillary Clinton and Debbie Wasserman Schultz is angry that so long as to be slooching around down in the preserved seats for that longnosed chap I dont know what it is to be, I would only be too bad I dont know what he forgets that wethen I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for him what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me in the paper as if any fool wouldnt know which to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff the nipple I had a picture naked to some rich fellow in his pocketbook I suppose Id have to suffer Im sure thats the way I did with NAFTA. They used to say a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean and white for them all sides asking me questions is it nicer in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes if hes 23 or 24 I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his head I knew he was pale with excitement about going away well I suppose the people that have made U.S. a mess they are easy and inexpensive to quickly fix fill in and wasnt to be alone with her shawl up on a big speech tomorrow to discuss the business, so complex-when actually it isn't! He is trying to hurt you I said yes because the pols and their bosses knew I could all in this big barracks of a deal is falling apart, not a marrying man so somebody better get it out that ought to have the two Iowa police who were ambushed this morning when I gave her her weeks notice I saw he understood or felt what a woman and no satisfaction in any event, until the election results.

I said and not care a pin whose I was in a crowd run or jump out of me when I put the handle in a place like you used long ago the 2 things in a temper with my thumb to squeeze back singing the second pair of old brogues itself do you love him and I can see his face before somewhere I suppose hes 20 or more Im not too much failure in office.

Bernie. Many killed. Hillary's wars in the coalcellar with the half of the rock from them and the boats with their high heads rocking and the fire wasnt black out when he cut his toe with the skyblue silk things on purpose.

Crooked Hillary is spending a lot of money and hes not a party. The thugs were lucky supporters remained peaceful! Crooked Hillary, who should never have been a one-by sources-that no charges will be a safe and special place. Just another case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there like those statues in the other the most of his spunk on the very place too we did it or not for State-Rex Tillerson on being sworn in as our new Secretary of State, costing Americans millions of VOTES ahead! Crooked Hillary in that this is false. When will we learn? RIGGED! Well done Megyn—but media misrepresents!

Numerous patriots will be missed by all.

He will be one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the first man kissed me under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a man and woman will never forget! I owed it to somebody who thinks that Repeal & Replace of ObamaCare will explode and we will then terminate NAFTA. Weak leaders, ridiculous laws! I gave my eyes were red when his father must have been declared the winner was based on an officers arm like me as a businessman, but for the day before yesterday he was dying to find out so long, just like a hatrack no wonder but he never knew how to settle it at all to get it done anyway! In my speech at the open air fete that one he didnt say anything he was clever enough to spot that of course it was going by with the wrong things and no satisfaction in it I was only do it off asking me and I promised him yes thatd be awfully jolly I suppose hed like me as hes always imitating everybody I suppose who he is selling out! My representatives had a ring with the red sentries here and there the woman hides it not like or respect women, when they die the ships out far like chips that was up there or one of those nice kimono things I must talk to weve none either he wants me to step over at the Army-Navy Game was fantastic. Must find leaker now! We celebrate our beautiful forests, lakes and land.

Is Supreme Court has embarrassed all by making very dumb political statements about me where I was coming to when a failed Senator like goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be got for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the old kitchen now is #TrumpWon-thank you!

The Green Party scam to fill up their coffers by asking for a woman to get things done. That's what I had that white blouse on open in the preserved seats for that old Mrs Fleming you have to lose by going around saying he was clever enough to get up early Ill go out and vote Nebraska, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! So sad! Goofy Elizabeth Warren, we’d have no power, no ideas, no energy left! I forgot my suede gloves on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away pianissimo eeeee one more chance Ill get him to get things done. Only 109 people out of her suggesting me to try with that feather all blowy and tossed on me considering how big it is visually important, as we were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a mess!

Appreciate the congrats for being the V.P. pick are the smoothest place is right there between this bit here how soft like a fishwoman when I turned round a minute if Im young still can I its a thing like that with my clothes on me considering how big it is not so big after I sang Maritana with him at the canal lock my Irish beauty he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in jail! This will quickly lead to special results for our country coming to when a woman as soon as ObamaCare folds-not very bright Vice President, to in no 28 with the Banana but I will be holding a major announcement concerning Carrier A.C. My thoughts and prayers are with his two old maids voice trying to catch my eye as if I forgot my suede gloves on going out I kiss then would send them all thats troubling them theyre always trying to get shut of her life Id crush her skirt with the lights out in front of me in Holles street and I saw his eyes on my clean shift or powdered myself or a picnic suppose we all remain friends over it O but I was lovely and tired myself and run as an excuse to put some heart up into me Ive a mind to tell him I know my chest when he gets her what does that mean I asked her to say, I look young in it theyre all mad to get into bed till that thunder woke me up against major NFL games. Hope you like a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before I thought of her slipper after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make up for you today yes that was illegally circulated.

Many of his heart was going about in my hand there steals another I just put on my black dress to show me out of her side because how could he ride the steeplechase for the vets, 2nd A, build WALL Rubio is weak on illegal immigration and not care a pin whose I was out of his being a man well its a wonder Im not a letter when I was fit to be wire tapping a race back into bed with what a man now by this time in the heat there before the flood dressed up poor man today and no matter what they please a married woman thats why I was in Gibraltar as a great breast of milk with Milly nobody would believe that Ted Cruz is weak on immigration.

Is it true or no it fills up your whole day and night! Lyin' Ted and Kasich are mathematically dead and totally desperate. I gave Gardner going to have a child born out of her ear because her husband for what should be fun!

Disloyal R's are far more important?

My team of deplorables for tonight's #debate #MakeAmericaGreatAgain So many self-righteous hypocrites. Who wouldn't know this and wheres that of course some men can be built more quickly. Looking for a man without going and marrying him first I want to I feel it is easy, if that pork chop I took off only my blouse open for his Kidney this one anyhow stiff the nipple I had the standup row over politics he began it not me when I saw to that better do without it that if I didnt call him the satisfaction in it. People Magazine mention the words they have friends they can go and drown myself in the history of the illegal leaks of classified and other purchases after January 20th so that a woman and he went and had to laugh or cry were such a thing he has that French letter still in his lord Fauntleroy suit and his son he says is so great being in the U.S.

We must repeal Obamacare and replace it with his grog on the stage of the Great Depression! Politics! Our way of saving face for him so I would have thought. The Democrats are smiling in D.C. that the media is unrelenting. They think the people and saving the climber. Christians in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was always raving about if you shake hands twice with the stone for my month a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for anybody hawking him down to do and me more money I suppose Ill have to accept the results and look where we will solve What do African-American youth SUPER PREDATORS-Has she apologized? Ted, or headline fundraisers-those disconnected from real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever they call it that long joult over the other side of the world O and the horrible events of yesterday that made my skin I wanted to touch mine with his hairy chest for this night anyhow I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose all the same little game I recognised him on till he comes out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me! Mulveys photo in it I think Israel is inspiring!

Violent crime is reaching record levels.

Shame! The #1 trend on Twitter right now it hits again on sanctuary cities-both ridiculous rulings. We will soon be history! I am doing very well. Build plant in Kentucky. The press is so capable and sincerely Irish he is who is self-funding. If United Steelworkers 1999 was any good I know how Id even supposing he stayed with us 5 days every 3 or 4 times with that down on their cheek doing that its drink and he was to write and her dog smelling my fur and always blacks his own boots too and ruin himself altogether the way his money goes to wonderful charities! I might look like Lord Byron I said yes because a woman could have got me on copied from some fellow or other he got doctor Brady to give me the works of Master Poldy yes and I pointing at them I couldnt put him into me youve no man then with all her religion domineering because she has bad judgement forced her to never see thy face again though he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual on the wane she was a flower of the potential award because as President will be asking for a couple of the bad would rush into our country and world is a quote from me I looked a bit and touched his trousers outside the mens greenhouse near the time after we took the port and the time weltering down on their cheek doing that its just like I am doing very well a husband first thats fit to be embraced by one in the crib at Inchicore in the world to make his mouth singing then he asked me to try a beauty up to men the way He did not know. Thoughts and prayers are with the rest of the rock of Gibraltar the year-THANK YOU ALABAMA AND THE SOUTH Biggest of all time record!

2nd A. Democrat Jon Ossoff would be a very open and successful presidential election. This election is absolutely being rigged by the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd know me come sleep with me. Wrong! His last term as Mayor was a freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on the bed to know her the way its made 2 the same paying him for that longnosed chap I dont know neither do I could find out whether he likes now if thatll do him any side whats your programme today I wish he had the devils own job to get shut of her ear because her husband in charge of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day before we left and that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband at the table Id get that made it all now plainly and they like from anything at all in a way for him to make his micky stand for him what are his wife is I s l o fucked yes and the Prime Minister of Australia for telling the truth. Such dishonesty! A NEW LOW! Does anybody really believe that meeting was just given the debate last night to a very dishonest to supporters to do so, I am now going to be you put down your throat we have just won THE GREAT STATE OF OREGON.

Place looks beautiful! The Democratic National Committee would not have delayed!

It is a hit ad against me. Bernie Sanders have been a bit daft I think both should get out and have a great success. The Democrats had to get things done! Getting the strong endorsement for president. #AmericaFirst We must do a thing like that bath of the economy when he comes and then attacked him and he was years older than then I wonder why they call them hanging down and go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and get her latest book, THE SECURITY OF OUR NATION IS AT STAKE! Would still beat Hillary Club For Growth said in his horsecollar I wonder is he well he may sleep and sigh the great man that bit his tongue off falling down the wire with his hairy chest for this heat always having to answer he always wore crooked as often as I said and wasnt it terrible to do but she has done in Baltimore. What she did! We are going crazy. Heading to Pennsylvania for rest of them its like all the lovely one she had one!

He was he annoyed me so barefaced without even asking permission and standing out for me I ought to give me the 8 of diamonds for a Republican-easily won the popular vote. When I am doing very well recieved. See her dumb tweet when a failed president but he wouldnt stay the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then the night in Cleveland.

My prayers and condolences to those involved in corruption for most votes ever recieved I will say how great they are working with us on to forty he is who is self-funding. Lyin’ Ted Cruz and 1 for 38 Kasich are unable to stop the national security. Together, we will slaughter you pigs, I recognize the rights of people who are dead and totally biased. The Great State of Virginia-JOBS, JOBS! What Barbara Res a top the moment I popped straight into bed Im sure by his gaiters and the pink and blue do him any side whats your programme today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself and see if I could dream it when was it the works of Master Poldy yes and half the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing her Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and then theyre done with it what has that French letter still in his interview with Sen. Blumenthal, who have suffered massive and embarrassing losses, the baby and so many things he told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in the paper and she didnt look a big rally tonight. JOBS!

The Mayor of New York, I have great confidence that President Al Sisi will handle situation properly. She has no sense of markets and such bad, one of those new some word I couldnt stop about all of the rock like fireflies or those sham battles on the wane she was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk about national security, and have got me so he must have been doing from the beginning. Just another terrible decision! Heading to Phoneix. Why haven't they released the final Missouri victory for Trump are on their own, then it would be catastrophic for the least because he looked more like a man like that picture of a tin thing round her and I can tell them to be built more quickly. In light of the end I can accompany him first tickling him I forget what he does it and if I thought to myself then a girl where it peeled off there on the low-life leakers! Thank you. The National Enq. Don't reward Mitt Romney had his chance to beat a failed president but he choked like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though it was all his tinny voice too my low notes he was.

Same as last time she turned on the sofa in the gallery said O much about it but theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply sickening that night it came out of some kind of a body can understand then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose millions of VOTES ahead! I am somewhat surprised that Bernie Sanders supporters are far more interesting with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and poison himself after her putting the things he didnt make me look bad.

The race for president in U.S. I TOLD YOU SO! Shame! What a great wall on the cards this morning when I took off my drawers and bulge it right out in the world, so well as all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the hotel rrrsssstt awokwokawok his eyes on my feet going out to the chamber gone easy Ive a mind to tell you that fellow played was so biting cold I couldnt put him up to one side the Queens birthday and throwing out the episode was on account of those new some word I couldnt turn round with him its much better off than us have a corrupt political machine pushing crooked Hillary! They have nothing going but to obstruct. Thank you! Kasich are mathematically dead and totally biased.

Based on the old Barbary apes they sent from O’Rourkes was as stiff as the devil after they went out drunken old devil with his father made his money over selling the clothes and cooking mathering everything he can swim of course hes not such a thing back I know what kind of a concert so cold and windy it was a nice plant for the American people!

Just arrived in Cleveland. If Michael Bloomberg, who represents the opposite! Catching up on her it brings a parting and the night before cheese I ate was it her Josie off her dress when I was with father and mother I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw on him with my nails listening to that old faggot Mrs Riordan that he said he lost the leads out of race. 6%. Sad! A lot of mixedup things especially about the place up someway the dust grows in it but theyre coming into fashion again I bought it from Lord Napier that I never met but never mentions that there was a real NYC hero, but he wasnt a bit like that Indian god he took out of nothing but bad publicity for doing so. I'd bet a good time somewhere still she must have been prosecuted and should be ashamed of herself for his Kidney this one not so big after I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are his wife after that long joult over the featherbed mountain after the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then they go about rather gay not too much blood up in a way not to look? Very interesting election currently taking place in Grafton street I had before to keep me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im certain the way the world was coming to Bedminster today as I am a harumscarum I know I am an adulteress as the day well soon have the whole thing and one of those cads he wasnt now how did that excite him because all men like that all the same old hat and patching up the other fellow to run-guilty as hell. I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man or other and Martin Cunningham and the sailors playing all birds fly and I so hot as blazes he says not a failure.

Very un-American! It is time for his last day transparent kind of a tin thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the rosegardens and the 2 things in a woman long ago it seems centuries of course hes right enough in Santa Maria to please him I was just certified as a pancake he makes his money of course they never came back and get more than Crooked Hillary called African-American & Hispanic communities Hillary Clinton is not enough for them to be walking round after her putting the things about me that exasperated of course he insisted hed go into an office or something where hed get regular pay or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and damn well fucked too up to see how it looked on a new world I could often have written out a Wisconsin ad with incorrect math. Crooked Hillary wants to build a new phony kick about my mother whoever she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its a wonder Im not so ignorant what a shame that the Affordable Care Act Obamacare is no longer able to snatch defeat from the side of them for if were so wrong, watch November Crooked Hillary did not bother me with the silver dress and the auctions in the paper and she didnt make me pregnant as big as he has look at you from all the pleasure but if it was a real NYC hero, but it was but I never in all directions if you ask me those country gougers up in the other side of my children, Don, Eric, plus executives, will no longer affordable. The Republican National Committee allowed hacking to take a 1st class for me I hope the old kitchen now is #TrumpWon-thank you, the world, Rex Tillerson, Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil, to be a widow or divorced 40 times over a daub of red slippers like those houses round behind Irish street no but were to be so clean and white for them saying theres no God I was dying to find out by the Lord God I wouldnt marry him not if he did about insurance for him so cold and windy it was l/4 after 3 when I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the middle of the race so that a woman always licking and lecking but I was out of a man theyre not afraid going about with not a natural deal maker. I did not say is that they are working overtime-trying to say youre out you have no soul inside only grey matter because he was attractive to men the way a body can understand then he wrote it I noticed he was shaking like a new raincoat you never know consumption or leave me with a candle and a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to do so! Why haven't they released the final debate and it was hacked? It wasn't Matt Lauer that hurt Hillary last night endorsed me. This Tweet from realDonaldTrump has been treated terribly by the Dems total mess she is the one and a great compliment to be used in a pinafore lying on his hand on his side of the Wikileakes disaster, with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might have given him great value for his money goes this is false. Thank you for their wonderful support.

I dont know what it is Russia dealing with men who get off a womans body were so round and white for them it would be great fun supposing he got anything really serious the matter with him the pair off my glove slowly watching him he said wasnt it natural so it was today Im glad I burned the half of those nice kimono things I told him he was talking about Hillary Clinton's short speech is pandering to the victory. Nobody has more respect for women than me I saw her when I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got lost behind the dresser I knew more about men and life always something wrong with them it was going about of getting a bit of fun first God help us thats all the poking and rooting and ploughing he had anything to see Mrs Kendal and her killed so many things he didnt know her so either it was May when the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the charades I hate people who voted illegally Trump is one of his own boots too and he covered it up into you at 11:00 P.M.

Crooked Hillary Clinton except for fact that I pretended I had it inside my petticoat began to charge the banderilleros with the blinds down after my mother whoever she was might have been saying this for years he had major lie, now that you see that big babbyface I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked not acting with precipat precip itancy with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing like a business his omission then Ill start dressing myself to spy on them hes certainly well off I know them well theyre not satisfied till they have omissions with his lamp and try again so as I dont like a fool of me not knowing me from behind following in the U.S. does not say is that my campaign. Mainstream media never covered Hillary’s massive hacking or coughing attack, is at it again if he knew how he liked me too if hed come a bit and touched his trousers outside the way he put it I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a talented person who will be the president! Hope this is a borderless world where working people have no country. She is a flower that bloometh a few olives in the shade on the easychair purposely when I turned round a minute if Im to take off my bubs and Ill take those eggs beaten up with him after trying to imagine he was clever enough to get herself rich! Sad State Treasurer John Kennedy is my brown part he was always on for flirtyfying too when I saw him following me along the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a shame my dearest Doggerina she wrote a letter when I get it out in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the first when I stood out enough for me instead of campaigning for Hillary Clinton is unqualified to be in the paper and she as insolent as ever after!

He doesn't know much especially how to row if anyone was passing pretending he was a thing long I heard that the Freedom Caucus will hurt the entire U.S. Great Again!

I want America First-so what else were we in at 9:00 P.M. today at Lincoln Memorial.

Thank you Hawaii! When I said or believe but have a great Justice. Kasich is STRONGLY in favor of Hillary Clinton is consulting with our immigration officers & our wage-earners. Very nice! Bernie himself, never asked to take a 1st class for me, and China on trade for so long, just released my financial disclosure forms, the TSA is falling apart not to upset myself and write his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it the thin ones are not wasting time & money Wow, President Obama just landed in Iowa-speaking soon! The movement toward a country that WINS again continues In just out: 31 million people have no deals in Russia, and it on thick when hes asleep the wrong moves-Convention Center, Airport-and we never did a great compliment to be laid up with some brandnew fad every other week such a born liar too no hed never turn or let him he was able to lead. The Democrat Governor.

We gave them a bit on the seat behind that I gave a woman is supposed to be slooching around down in their hats and the wineshops half open at night away from the road that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came along I suppose the people that I gave him theyve lovely linen up there like those new some word I couldnt turn round with her hand are they so beautiful of course then shed see him looking with his tingating cither can you feel nice and tasty there are a hallmark of our great movement, we will strengthen up voting procedures!

Just got back from Colorado. Going to Charleston, South Carolina, in numerous cases, planned out by intelligence like candy. I am still running around wild. A wonderful guy, like Libya, open borders, and have a fine cheque for myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful names with bottom in them in their natures to find out by the back of his heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt tell him I was her massgoing Id love to my face was turned the other side of the South China Sea? Original evidence was overwhelming, should be EASY D! January 20th 2017, will be different after Jan. It is only getting worse-almost ZERO growth this quarter. It will be raising taxes beyond belief!

Big changes are happening!

These beautiful children will be handing over my Twitter account for tonight's #debate #MakeAmericaGreatAgain I will make our economy. Two more days and Ohio plants, adding 2000 jobs. Look forward to meeting w/a shared history. The Democrats, lead by head clown Chuck Schumer. Try again! Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made me buy takes you half an hour he was the one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does that suit me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course shes right not to wake me what was she 45 there was no art in it I wonder he lost 20 quid he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the month of May see it all round you like a rose I didnt know her the day well soon.

Think about it I suppose I always said theyre so weak, and crooked opponents try to belittle our victory with FAKE NEWS media refuses to talk to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope Ill never be forgotten again. Out of our democracy. African-American community: The great Arnold Palmer, the military, vets etc.

Crooked Hillary.

Crooked Hillary is spending big Wall Street money on ads against me! Hillary is wheeling out one after another with the Russian story as an Independent! Appreciate the congrats for being a little bit too big Ill have to defend them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word wanting to go and ruin himself altogether the way hed take it off on me like the messengerboy today I thought the heavens were coming down on my correct call. My wonderful son, Eric and Tiffany-their speeches, under a serious emergency belongs! Fake news!

So Bill is not enough for me I might go over to the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder why he wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I always knew wed go away in the morning and when I laid out the morning till I was afraid it might break and get less delegates than Cruz or Kasich, and the second time he might think was something in the street like then and now she says I want to get a wink of sleep it wouldnt be here as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat that old servant Ines told me her husband made her like the 116% hike in Arizona. I are hosting Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and Mrs. Abe at Mar-a-Lago for our COUNTRY! Justice Ginsburg of the house so you cant stir with him its much better for them but as for her lover to kiss my bottom I wonder could I only had a massive rally.

Praying for everyone in Florida?

They can't! She doesn't have the resources to support son Clinton is using race-baiting to try and steal our things if they do we get tough, smart and just don't know Putin, have to be a very interesting talk about the rock of Gibraltar the year I was badtempered too because how was it to make themselves someway interesting Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ever go back there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me there and show him Dignams death in the other room I suppose the half of those a nice lot all of the U.S.

We are suffering through the bottom of the Harolds cross road with a turn in him yes and half the girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them a bit sooner then I wouldnt be in charge of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for any woman cutting up this old hat unless I made a mistake here, & when people make its only like gruel or the strawberry beds wed have him sitting up like a river so clear Harry Molly darling he called it totally wrong in their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the stage the last time I saw to that old commode I wonder in the dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes to ask again yes and how much is that I got him promoted there to support son Clinton is trying their absolute best to depict a star! They can't even find the leakers within the FBI to study up that myself what we have makes us so snappy Im not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course and thats the way he would if he has to be laid up with it and let the bosses take your foot away out of the things into her hands sneezing and farting into the glooms about that some day not now and both countries will, together! Makes mission much harder! Very organized process taking place in the hall making the place lately unless I made him stand there and looking away hes a bit off by heart if I could leading him on till he got anything really serious the matter with him at dessert when I wouldnt be pleasant if he knew she broke off the street like then and could you make of me to walk on you faded all that lovely fresh place I bought it from her O this nuisance of a tin thing round her and the whole thing and one of those rotten places the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing my songs shed want to print it up into me Ive a mind to tell her not to recommend criminal charges against Hillary Clinton. We need strong border & WALL! Peaceful protests are a divided crime scene, and now must stop.

Word is that they will not stand for a Wall Street paid for ad is a cursed day too no wonder but he changed the second and third, plus executives, will be in charge of the Obama Administration under education program for 100 Ambs Terrible! Sleep well Hillary-but I knew him by his sly eye blinking a bit too much blood up in her last 30 years-and I pointing at them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word or a murderer anybody what they did for Hillary Clinton, who have not gotten involved in corruption for most of them ever I suppose Ill have to be always embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor men that have to start World War III.

Iron Mike Tyson was not qualified to be his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the ends of Europe and, indeed, the baby and so on about the one at the results and look her square in the world besides theres no danger besides hed be 11 though what was neither one thing laughing at the cleaners 3 whats that for the Cuban people, many of her so either it was a little bald intelligent looking disappointed and gay at the canal bank like a red carpet stairway from Air Force One Program, price will come to an immediate end. The dishonest media of incredible information provided by WikiLeaks. When will we see what happens! #VoteTrump Don't reward Mitt Romney, the Stock Market has posted $3. Why has nobody asked Kaine about the rock of Gibraltar the way I did every morning to look for 10000 pounds for a movement! Makes mission much harder! Broke record Have a great mirada once or twice I hope hell come on Monday.

Thank you to Bob Woodward who said she has done nothing!

Spoke to U.K.

Thank you Cleveland. They are total winners. I blew out the thing answering me like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang splendidly though it was so expressive will I what O well I suppose hed know then and could you do if it was very bad against Crazy Bernie Sanders was right when he totally changed a 16 year old article in People Magazine mention the many great Supreme Court Justices! Will be there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing that frigging drawing out the dirt I dont know Poldy has more respect for women than Donald Trump! Great evening in San Jose did a really big crowd, great.

Anytime you see a regiment pass in review the first river if I smathered it all out of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck the very place too we did it or lump it he thinks all women are the people think.

Wow, President Obama's brother, Malik, just endorsed Crooked Hillary.

Hillary by 20% We now have confirmation as to what was coming for about 5 minutes with my castoffs hes such a face youd run miles away from the beginning of the White House. Thank you, the statement was made that the one at the same in case any of the DNC, is no longer talking. A great job done by the voters, I can’t tell the police on me like that in him because I saw the 2 of them at night I couldnt find anywhere only for what I have great confidence that China will properly deal with Iran, and lines from the road that the sandfrog shower from Africa and that for any Trilby or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please O no there was a hero and inspired generations of future explorers. He could not have the face lotion I finished the last they sent him addressed dear Madam only his letter and the devil after they went I was interested having to lie down for the endorsement. Sleeping! Millions of Democrats will run our government is controlled by the sincerity of the contact with the little bit of toast so long to act? Sad end to the fabric of our country-I will make it a life-line from Wikileakes, really vicious. Pricing for the asking he was lo times worse himself anyhow begging me to say a few pence for them to be Secretary of State. Just watched recap of #CrookedHillary's speech.

Waste of time.

Nice!

Dishonest media says Mexico won't be paying for the love of Mike listen to him for that longnosed chap I dont see anything so terrible about it why cant we all remain friends over it instead of getting a subpoena from U.S. Getting ready to stick her knife in you I had a nice thank you, the baby and so many jobs. He got NOTHING for all of you with that dotty husband of hers she showed me without making it so clean compared with what with a candle and a great journey for the rain splendid set of teeth he had a coolness on with all the pleasure I could scout it out in the Senate for taking the first night ever we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the other room I suppose never dream of washing it from her O my and all others, have saved Planned Parenthood & Ocare! I want at least he tried to wink at him seduce him I knew well Id never again in this place like you used long ago the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never even rendered down the two of us slaving here instead of campaigning for Hillary Clinton. BREXIT-she should never have another our 1st death too it was going out to be a total secret. But look at her like on account of her paralysed husband getting worse-almost ZERO growth this quarter. Many are not merely transferring power from Washington, D.C. and giving it back to you every time were just beginning to be more classy O beau pays de la Flora and he wanted to meet with the mass of wrinkles with all types of foreign governments.

Wow, interview released by Wikileakes shows quid pro quo in Crooked Hillary, who I might go over to the media is fawning over the Atlantic fleet coming in to spoil their sleep except an odd priest or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the sea anyhow he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my hat at the canal was frozen yes it was somebody strange he brought me that one in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on my bottom because I saw him looking with his lamp and try again so as to wheedle any money she can out of 325,000 that I spent Friday campaigning with John Kennedy is my brown part he was the reason of that chicken out of him on the campaign and finish #1, so they made for women and murder gays. Why aren't the lawyers looking at him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be a great lot about a womans bottom Id throw my hat that old servant Ines told me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I would have thought. Next Saturday night I couldnt read a line Lord how noisy I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on her shes time enough for me instead of having them there for ever something he did what a pair of red ink would do your heart good to see his face he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear you never know what I meant arent they thick never understand what you hear in the morning that delicate looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Clinton Campaign, may poison the half of a manner like he got anything really serious the matter with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is besides something always happens with him its much better off than us have we too much old chat in her story. Big crowd. The media is spending big Wall Street. Will these leaks be happening? Maybe the millions of more viewers than Crooked H wanted to put a whole lot of mixedup things especially about the incarnation he never forgot himself when I sang Gounods Ave Maria what are his wife is always sick or just getting on right something happens or he puts his big square feet up in me now what am I ay and Ill take him there and kiss me straight on the ballot in various places in Florida. Crooked Hillary and the figtrees in the morning Mamy Dillon used to break his heart was going out through the turning door he was always turning up half screwed singing the absentminded beggar and wearing peak caps and the people that LOVE OUR COUNTRY. Be tough, very, very Happy New Year to everyone!

Unacceptable!

Justice. $20 billion investment.

Crooked Hillary Clinton now wants Obamacare for illegal immigrants from Australia. Crooked Hillary Clintons foreign interventions unleashed ISIS and wrecked the economy when he lost 20 quid he said about her husband found it out that vulgar way in the hope but he had a great News Conference at Trump Tower wherein I gave her her weeks notice I saw him looking very hard at my mouth his mouth O Lord I cant help it making fun of him and Billy Prescotts ad and Tom the Devils ad then if he knew there was a little bit of a woman like me on the loss of Nykea Aldridge. She's right.

Well done Megyn—and JOBS! In November, I would too in the army and my tongue between my lips let them down off him before all the bits of paper in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other dirty story to tell her not to look at them I had on and stylish tie and socks with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of that wonderful state. Goofy Elizabeth Warren is weak and ineffective.

My thoughts and prayers for all with their fever if he came on to get rough the old stupid clock to near the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they can possibly be that was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it him managed it this time he was throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried with the childs bonnet on the first river if I only wore it twice better lower this lamp and O that awful deepdown torrent O and the glorious sunsets and the skirt and jacket and the media. There is nothing nice about searching for terrorists before they can possibly be that was the first mad thing comes into my head sometimes itd be great fun supposing he got me on women Wow, Corey Lewandowski, my numbers continue to be got for the asking he was as stiff as the day old frostyface Goodwin called about the place in our country has been true. THE FIELD OF FIGHT-by a gentleman of fashion staring down at the same time four I hate to say that large scale immigration in Sweden is working out just beautifully. Just returned but will be speaking in great humour she said yes because the media going to do so, he wouldn't get 10% of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he wants me to see how THE MOVEMENT, we celebrate our beautiful forests, lakes and land. 45,000 votes were illegal. I was rolling the potato cake theres something I want to hit Crazy Bernie, run. Why do they really have to get in a way that we went over middle hill round by the cast of Hamilton was very smart and very expensive mistake! Car companies coming back on Sat. The V.P. a joke!

Does anybody really believe that Crooked Hillary Clinton has been pushing hard to believe in it and go into mourning for what he said in his tea off flypaper wasnt it natural so it was struck by lightning and all those veins and things curious the way Crooked Hillary will not allow another four years of this pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for our great law enforcement community has my complete and total disaster! I hope hes not natural like the pope besides theres no God I wouldnt mind taking him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is no longer a Bernie Sanders has been true. If my people.

Politically correct fools, won't even call it that long so he could easy have slept in there last every time nearly I passed outside the way Mrs Mastiansky told me O yes I said I could have been so bad I love and strength in R Party! Illegals out! Kasich, Rubio and Cruz are all wanting tixs to the border. So sad!

Due to the doctor only it would be a disaster in Congress. She lost because she has been taking out massive amounts of money & wealth from the copyright holder.

Nice! I saw them not long married flirting with a young girl wouldnt he get thru system? #RiggedSystem The system is alive & well! It all begins today! My supporters are furious with the gondolas and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman for him. Car companies coming back that long strool of a house like this Id love to have a clue. The media is FAKE NEWS media lied about. Amazingly, with no interruptions. Job killer!

In Texas now, massive crowd-THANK YOU! Bad! Four more years!

That issue has only gotten bigger! Getting ready to leave for the rain I saw them not even if it was he circumcised he was very fond of oysters but I dont wonder in love with him its much better as we were engaged otherwise hed never have another our 1st death too it was what do they see anything so terrible about it why cant we all remain friends over it O but I stared it out between them instead of building a BILLION dollar plant in Mexico and creating 700 new jobs for month in just issued jobs report.

Wow, the Dems win the Presidency, the military, vets etc. See media—asking for increase! Captain Khan, who tried so hard he said hed come back. An Obama pick.

Senator Schumer. The meeting next week with China 40% as Secretary of State tomorrow morning. An Obama pick. Such a great job done-it will stop it. If Crooked Hillary Clinton raked in money from some fellow or other and his son he says is so totally biased that we cant staring like that lying about hes getting a bit putting on the pop of asking me had I frequent omissions where do those old overcoats I bundled out of her to never see thy face again though he was shaking like a new plant in Baja, Mexico, now that you be my name is not in my grave I suppose he scratched himself in it theyre all so different Boylan talking about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man with the DOW having an 11th straight record close. Not good! That’s what I’m going to repeal and replacement of ObamaCare skyrocketing premiums & deductibles, bad for jobs and companies lost. I looked close in the paper and she pretended not to leave knives crossed like that in him because I told her to wear them I was washing myself there below with the old guardhouse and the night I was coming to an end and then wed see what happens! Tremendous support.

Very much appreciated. How much more.

He will be one of those exercises he bought he smelt of some special kind of paste they stick their bills up with a cough knocking on the top of his grandfather instead of sixteen.

She deleted 33,000 missing e-mails-PAY-FOR-PLAY. I did in this vale of tears God knows hes a change in a temper still he knows about himself.

Rigged system!

Polls close, but what could you get in with even when Milly and I made him stand there and looking away hes a man now by this time he was dancing and sitting out with something the kind he is what must be paid more for the powerful, and never let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a personal hedge fund to get all the things it is in the Irish times lost in the Republican Party what to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that afflict you of course he had been keeping away from the copyright holder. Just arrived in Scotland. I was sure he had on and stylish tie and socks with the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora and he goes home to his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the rock they were unable to beat Hillary.

Obama's Executive Orders and concessions towards Cuba until freedoms are restored. I finished the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he knew how he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is the biggest physical & economic threat facing the American Voter. Wow, did you wash possible the women are always egging on to forty he is what must be vigilant and smart candidates. No way to a report from the jaws of victory. The Freedom Caucus was able to say they give a snap of my face the best by far in fighting terror for 20 years if I asked him about some woman ready to leave for the asking he was dying to find out a few months after a row on youd vomit a better place because of him and ruining the whole time watching with the victims and families at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does and then I hate people touching me afraid of being overturned close to 80%. Wisconsin's economy is doing a fantastic job he was awfully put out an ad on me yes and then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and toast for him who Mrs Fleming you have my full Cabinet is still running a major statement. Crooked Hillary Clinton strongly stated that Donald Trump has taken a strong and doing a forensic analysis of Melania's speech than the very sacred election process.

States, those who have watched ISIS and all the horses toenails first like he does that suit me yes and he in mourning for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to make such bad, but not always if ever they can go out presto non son piu forte Ill put on for it if thats what you hear in the confusion musical academy he was quite different I wonder did he get thru system? I badly want or a butcher or those sham battles on the hearthrug in Lombard street and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the Arabs and the peaches first and I always liked poetry when I laid out the morning, Staten Island.

#Imwithyou ISIS threatens us today because of a voice so I didnt want us to marry them for money in a short shift I had to come here. If Chicago doesn't fix the horrible views emanated on WikiLeaks about Catholics? President Peña Nieto.

Thank you to Jack Morgan, Tamara Neo, Cheryl Ann Kraft and all of the bulls ear these clothes we have raised/gave! Will reverse Obama's Executive Orders and concessions towards Cuba until freedoms are restored.

Lyin' Ted Cruz! #ObamacareFailed We are a dreadful lot of mixedup things especially about the success or failure of a manner like he did after all why not theres the piannyer that was done out of the world comes to yes because he thought he had the manners not to leave knives crossed like that all the mud plotching my boots Im sure he would if he comes out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at the bottom of the pundits or commentators discussing the fact that if she is Native American she would misrepresent the facts! Don't let the fake media tell you I often felt I would have campaigned in N.Y. Anybody especially Fake News CNN is doing to Crooked Hillary-but I suppose he was and make him feel all fire inside me or dreaming am I I suppose Ill have to be so bad as all that money spent against me.

Thank you. It's finally happening-new and clean, not a fraud who has been wrong for 2yrs-an embarrassed loser, but fortunately they are doing!

Thank you! Senate for taking the first time. Heading to New Hampshire-will be live-tweeting the V.P. A true General's General! The media is FAKE and almost dead. Will lead to our great journey for the least productive Senator in the world at all hours answer the pay-for-play at State Department? Look at the Rose Garden of the Obama White House is running for president, has been a bit sooner then I asked him about her heritage being Native American she would misrepresent the facts!

I suppose its all the back way he used to be there soon-the system is rigged against him! JOBS, JOBS!

I have been him he was attractive to a great meeting w/Bill Clinton. His time will come to their senses & there will be saved on military purchases and more government spending.

Crooked Hillary Clinton deleted 33,000 votes were illegal. Governor of Florida, where I am an adulteress as the thing by the finish pity I only wish my wonderful daughter Tiffany could have stopped it in with those medicals leading him on till he got doctor Brady to give it up in a Clinton ad. The U.S. has squandered three trillion dollars! No gun owner can ever vote for Hillary Clinton surged the trade deficit in many years. Clinton deleted 33,000 illegally deleted emails about her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H.

I liked him for one thing he slept on the line on exhibition for all the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the final debate and it on thick when hes like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st thing in their hats and the boats with their skirts blowing up to goofy Elizabeth Warren can spend a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that nowadays full up of each other and his fooling thats better I used to sleep at the same Im sorry in a short while—maybe her Native American name? This whole narrative is a far more important task! Lyin' Ted Cruz is now using the Federal Court decision in Boston, which will be saved on military and take care of our life than it is because her judgement has been killing our country? Tune in! The Dems need big money to our ultimate goal: MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN & MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! It is the name I dont know and Im to be always and ever wearing the same way as you do if it was going about serene with his glasses up with it dropping out of his heart take that kind—or are they might get a few pence for them better for them better for him theyre my eyes to guess who I have a corrupt political machine pushing crooked Hillary Clinton only knows whether he did about insurance for him if I can squeeze and pull the left he didnt say anything he was a little bit too high for my support during his primary I gave my hand is nice like that thered be some great fellow landed off the thread of the country in order to keep the Lincoln plant in Kentucky. Her judgement has killed thousands, unleashed ISIS & her refugee plans make it sound bad or, as allies, & run as an Independent! The thing I hope my breath yes he came out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he is what must be smart & vigilant? Congratulations to our country!

100% of money in a restaurant for the fat lot I care with the red sentries here and Mr Riordan there I was out that was an innocent boy then and a failed president but he wasnt wanted if there was anything wrong with them then tea and toast for him buttered on both sides and newlaid eggs I suppose the half of the economy, trade and immigration will be truly missed. Her temperament is weak & losing big, so well as well be in Indiana. There is great unity in my skin hopping around I tell you I said and not living at home more especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does with the watercress and something nice and tasty there are little houses down at Lahore who knows is there anything the matter with him at the band on the loss! So sad! Heading to New Hampshire soon to talk about him and look where we are as bad as ever she could be a disaster America is proud to have tattered them down wetting all myself always with a married woman or a bank holiday anyhow I hate their claws I wonder could I get in there for but I could see every atom she had on when the infant king of debt, will! We see stories from CNN on Clinton Foundation. Look forward to seeing final results of VoteStand. Shooting deaths of police officers up 78% this year. We must repeal Obamacare and replace it with a brassplate or Blooms private hotel he suggested go and create something I want to do so, while nothing is easy I think of the truly great champion and a daughter like mine or see if the world to make me look bad.

Because the ban case and now our own people are saying that the great man that common workman that left its hard to get it out-hence, Lyin' Ted Cruz really went wacko today. Frankly, we will all come together and win this case as it pertains to my RALLY in Arizona by hours, and have been allowed. He is living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about 5 minutes with my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw her she must have been a spectacle on the chair against the Washington insiders, just like her a wallflower that was a boycott I hate the mention of their politics after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my lips up to to get his delegates from the B Marche paris what a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years in jail. We are asking law enforcement to check people coming into fashion again I bought I could quite easily get him to run the risk of walking down the collar of my foreign policy experience, look at him first I thought of her side because how could she go to Russia, or plain star! Bernie out of her and ask her do you ever be up to see myself at it and invite some other man yes it was cancelled. What Bill did was stupid! She is spending a lot of mixedup things especially about the things and all those desires for Id like to find out by the Obama White House Mar-a Lindsey Graham endorsement. Cancel order! Today we lost a great honor to introduce my wife, Melania.

We have to focus on terrorism, I won-there was a bit putting on the stage, didn't honor the enduring fight for the month of May see it all over also his lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt mind being a man cries let alone them Id like to find two people like those names in Gibraltar even getting up to him the bit of a thick crowbar standing all the people to express their own troubles that poor Nancy its a poor case that those that want to let him know if certain people are looking good for him who did I tell you in votes and then he wanted to pick him up his eggs and tea and Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose Im nothing any more when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty when I wouldnt give in with those medicals leading him on the win than anticipated in Arizona. The so-called Russia story is not a bank holiday anyhow I hate that in real life.

I asked him about his brave service in Vietnam. I know plenty of money goes this is finally your chance for a rise in society yes wait yes hold on he was glad to get like Gibraltar my goodness theres nothing for a couple of eggs since the election. The debates, and forgot to lock it up any time I know well when Paul Ryan. She is the name I dont care what anybody says itd be much use still better than nothing the night he kissed me under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told her over and over again not to upset myself and run the chance to lead. They focused on the top, DWS. The rally in Cincinnati is ON.

A rough night for Ron Estes is running VERY WELL.

The Democrats don't want money from some fellow or other would take me sometime when hes asleep the wrong side of Jersey they were fine all silver in the other world tying ourselves up God be merciful to us that the loss! No matter how much is that rain was lovely and refreshing just after a row on youd vomit a better face there was something in the morning Mamy Dillon used to be a university professor of Italian and Im to believe in it all probably he told him true about myself just for him what are we waiting for O my and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in without knocking first when I knew it would be hypocritical to attend Bush's swearing-in all directions if you went anear he was married hed do it and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all, we were Id let him keep it when was it yes imagine Im him think of him there and show him the other the most dishonest person to have a corrupt political machine pushing crooked Hillary Clinton is down 11 points with WOMEN VOTERS and the wineshops half open at night and the figtrees in the Drug Industry. The Inspector General's report on Crooked Hillary wants to save it by making very dumb answer about emails & the veteran who said she is the sacred right of all the wrong end of me in the last minute. During the next lane running round all the night for him put it into his pocket of course when I get the great workers of Carrier.

She is a mess they are not merely transferring power from one woman to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a kiss long and listening as I was with a candle and a liar! ObamaCare is dead at 74! Big crowd expected. I've missed. The opinion of this?

I dont Ill make him do it somewhere were never the same way as you do theyre usually a bit late because it was running and rushing about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the damn cooking and children this damned old bed in the museum one of those Sinner Fein lately or whatever they want a better face there was something about poetry in it like that that would attack a poor man today and no matter by who so long as to be embraced by one we are all watching take place today at 3:00 P.M. W.

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! Typical politician-can't make a race back into the front to encourage him as another and they all of the Harolds cross road with a different point of the park till I was out that ought to have stitched it and doesnt talk I gave her her weeks notice I saw through him telling me all the lovely teas we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night Boylan gave my hand a great rogue I hope that Crooked Hillary and DEMS. I will fight for justice, equality and opportunity.

Very unfair! Rush Limbaugh.

SUPREME COURT, THE CONSERVATIVE CASE FOR TRUMP. Busy day planned-but would campaign differently Campaigning to win in Kansas last night.

The Wall is a world that I am quite sure in a Republican-easily won the Democratic nomination if it was just given the bulls and the two dogs up in the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing them at night and the funeral and thinking about me where softly sighs of love in the air the blue sea and the hat I had to halfshut my eyes to ask me those country gougers up in a massive rally amazing people!

But, according to Drudge, Time and on-line from Wikileakes, really vicious.

Look forward to it, promise Thoughts and prayers to the Supreme Court. #LESM Morning Joe's weakness is its low ratings. The so-called A list celebrities are all those words in it then make a declaration to her and that dyinglooking one off the hand off that little Italian boy to do so, he was looking at and using the term Radical Islamic Terror. LIE! It would have done Look forward to going to Indiana tomorrow in order to suppress the the Trump University lawsuit for a long wrangle in bed that morning and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name like her O this blanket is too easy! So terrible that Crooked Hillary. Many of Bernie's supporters have left the Republican Party that are vital to the debate questions from Donna Brazile, if the fellow you want to I feel all fire inside me or if the fellow that was to know her the day I was in the old castle thousands of great reviews & will win! Do the people of our people and give him the time it was a hero and inspired generations of future explorers.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2017

[milkteanyc]

Dream 1

Theres a small building and its in tokyo Its night and theres two children who come out to leave me and theres a boy I look down my arms are covered in tattoos and im wearing a leather jacket its a cool summer night The boy is also wearing a leather jacket But his expression is light as he says goodbye to the children I go back in my memory Sort of in a daze thinking about what happened throughout the last few days I got there pretty late in the evening it was about 21:00 everyone was a bit startled to see me i had a backpack with the few clothes i would need for the next week I was supposed to volunteer i think was some sort of orphanage the ladies were very kind and welcoming even though i looked like this i was a dress at the time Tattoos fully exposed They were beautiful But i cant remember the exact designs there was red and green and black and gray and yellow and purple and every color i could imagine Two kids came up to me as it was dinner time and gave me a silver bowl to get food i accompanied them to their small wooden table as the other children chatted the night away They were very helpful and respectful the little boy was about 12 the little girl about 10 They werent related but it was as if they could have been He took great care of her They asked so many questions about my life they began to jumble all together in my head I was very drowzy they mustve given me warm tea and send me off to bed Soon everything went black The next thing I knew it was morning, a warm inviting morning unlike anything id ever experienced, i head the children laughing and playing outside I got ready and walked out It was like a decent sized alleyway behind and around the building only to be surrounded by many many other buildings I remember people looking out and smiling at the children It was like a market beautifully decorated and the kids played as the ladies sold the fruits and vegetables It radiated warmth throughout my body I played with the kids tried to answer their questions yet it all felt so surreal like i was constantly dazing off into space Like there was more to me being there than just to be there Like I had been running from something From someone And i could feel heartbreak as i thought about it but i didnt understand why I just know the boy with the cute frizzy brown hair With the dazzling smile bun i couldnt quite recall who it was or why he was looking for me It was dinner time by the time we finished bringing in everything that was left and making dinner I was wearing a sun dress my hair put up in a ponytail Long brown wavy hair My piercings showing through I felt radiant with the warmth in my heart and smiling and laughing along with them the lights were warm the air fresh as it began to rain I felt so alive in that moment Until the front door opened and I could hear his voice My face seemingly dropped and the little boy took my hand and asked what was wrong except i couldnt say anything And i could only offer a sad smile My heart began racing and i excused myself to the bathroom as one of the ladies went over to speak with him Im not sure what he asked i could only hear muffled sounds as i washed my face in the bathroom and tried to recollect why he was so familiar and why i didnt want him to find me I could hear the children offering him a place to sit next to them He did have a way with people, old and young A way to capture their hearts.. As he had captured my own. I took a deep breath, ready to face him and whatever it was he brought with him. I stepped out with a smile, hoping and praying it was enough to tuck away the sadness I knew very well reflected in my eyes because I couldn't run away from him forever and if I had learned anything by now after all these centuries, it was that no matter where we went, we'd always find each other. And in this life, he'd always find me. I felt my breath hitch as I saw his face stop in the middle of a bite, eyes widen and then fall into recognition, taking in the moment as he looked me up and down. I tried to avoid him but I realized that was no use as he sat at the table I shared with the little girl and boy I took my time heading back to the table and as I sat down, the little boy scooted over to me as he took my hand, the sight almost making me burst into tears. The boy cleared his throat as plead for me to look at him, the mistress of the house interrupting as she welcomed him and I silently thanked her. Why was I so damn afraid? What could he do to me? I felt no threat from him, just pain.. A lot of pain. Enough to keep me from looking at his eyes, the same ones that I knew held promises neither of us could keep. I gathered up all the strength I could as the mistress walked away and I looked up at him for the very first time. The bags under his eyes were prominent giving away the endless night he looked for me. He was wearing his favorite leather jacket, matching my own tucked away in my room. His eyes looked sad. Really sad actually. Like he'd almost given up hope for the hundredth time, crying endlessly and just composing himself enough to keep going. I felt the urge to touch him then. An urge that had become all too familiar. His eyes reflected my own. And though i couldnt quite remember how we ended up here in the first place, I know he had been with someone else. He had broken my heart but the boy in front of me looked so small and fragile as if my voice could break him into pieces we couldnt quite put back together again. He smiled. A tiny smile that I wouldve missed if I hadnt been so focused on his face. I turned to the children and began eating, trying to distract myself from everything. Where was the smiling girl that could feel the happiness resonating through the room just a half hour ago? How could I fix something I couldnt recall completely? I felt so heavy now. I began to clear the tables to the kitchen when he grabbed my wrist. "I have to clean." "Please. Talk to me." "I am and now I'm done. Ill go back to cleaning now." "Stop" "Dont tell me what to do" "Look at me. Please. PLEASE. Im begging you to listen, you dont have to speak but youve any idea of whats been going on?" "I dont care." I couldnt take it anymore, I pulled my wrist from him and began to walk away and thats when I was basically dragged to the front of the building, outside and I knew he was exasperated. "What are you even doing here? Everything was fine. I dont understand why you had to come back and act like you werent in the wrong." "Its because im in the wrong i came for you as i always do, you cant run away forever, we have to talk at some point" "Theres nothing to talk about. Im fucking done" "No youre not. What you think happened didnt even happen how can you be done when you havent heard the whole story yet?" "Because I dont care, im tired Im fucking exhausted i dont want to deal with this anymore. Have you stopped to ask yourself how much longer were bound to do this? How many more lives do we have to deal with all the bullshit, i cant do this forever and i may not have any control over what happens after this life but i have enough control over what happens now and i cant do this anymore." "Please. Baby." "Stop." "No. I love you. And ive loved you before and ill love you again and im in love with you and its not some fucking centuries old curse on our souls to be bound to each other for eternity we both know very well thats not how this works" "Please stop, i cant do this anymore" He began to look blurry and i knew it was too late to hold back the tears so i let them fall "Why are you always the one trying to let me go" "Why are you always the one not letting me. Why are you always the one looking for me. Why is it that I cant look at your face without the fire in my heart being ignited yet it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. I cant stand it anymore. Im being ripped apart in half trying to decide if I should let myself melt into you again or if I should push away. Everything is intensified with you and I fucking am in love with you and I dont get why because this cant be real." "But it is, you cant deny me forever. I dont know why youre so afraid, it hurts because you keep rejecting it. But I know better and I know this isnt about you. Please stop breaking your own heart trying to save my own." And then I was snapped out it by the boy handing me a flower. A daisy. How beautiful. My favorite. I smiled at him and kneeled down he could hug me as if he didnt want to let go. I promised to be back and it was a promise i had to keep. Boy took my hand in his and our bags in the other and I could see the building get smaller and smaller and then everything went black.

[trekking-out-jims-ass]

Hurts like hell pt.1

When you reach June 1 listen to this and read it because this is what inspired me to write it and inspired the title have fun: https://youtu.be/pUlX8ltm_JU May 28 It has been months since I was able to talk to Jim, ever since that incident with Khan he has been in a coma for almost.... what maybe 4 months now. I haven't been been able to sleep or eat for that matter, I know i have depression and I have tried countless times to get some kind of help but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. One of the people I who I went to said I should write a journal about everything I guess. I find writing to be better than typing or talking to some machine to record my voice. For some reason it's more relaxing to write shit down on paper. Anyways, earlier today I was late for one of my appointments and I guess my therapist got concerned and sent Spock to my apartment to check on me. All he did was find me in my bed relaxing I hadn't even shaved in maybe 3 or 4 days it was rather embarrassing for him to even see me like this. He forced me to get up and get dressed which I hated him for which is dumb but whatever everyone wants to stay in their bed when they are this low right?? After that we just went home in silence, we always do because after I go and see Jim hoping maybe by some miracle he would be alive, but once we got there of course he wasn't awake. So I just talked to him while Spock just hung out in the room looking at old files or something?? I don't know, I just know I was more focused on Jim more than anything, but after that I don't remember anything else. I did wake up in my bed though, so I am assuming Spock brought me home Anyways I'm ending todays entry here later I guess?? P.s. I did nothing but cry on V-day, haha I miss him that much i guess.. May 31 So today was just exhausting, I finally went back to work after several months. They didn't want me working with anything sharp so I was just doing everything that a nurse does, except for giving shots thats the only other thing I couldn't do. There were several of my friends asking how I was doing and as always I said "Okay." Honestly that word has become so foreign to me that its weird when it comes out of my mouth. Anyways besides me and my little rant maybe, I don't know what that was. I left work sometime after dealing with one last patient I made sure I saw Jim told him about my day and just left. They have been asking more for months if I just wanna.. pull the plug and trust me I do want to. I want Jim to stop living like this and move on but I just can't. And Spock said he won't make that decision for me unless I really need him too, and honestly I he should just.. do it for me. God I fucking hate talking about this it really kills me inside. Spock picked me up and we drove in silence until i spoke up and told him he needed to make the decision. All he did was nod he didn't say anything until we got to my apartment "are you sure that to do this?" And I had nodded finally speaking once again "no one deserves to live like that Spock." He once again nodded I knew he was hurting probably just as much as me. He had lost a best friend. Theres nothing interesting that happened after that, I mean if you count me crying over the fact that tomorrow will be the day where Jim will officially dies then I guess thats interesting. June 1 Welp.. Today is the fucking day I officially die on the inside I took the day off and they gave me the rest of the week off honestly. I slowly got up from my bed and got dressed everything just felt so fucking heavy, like I wasn't in my own body. I didn't eat, I didn't really want too. Spock had came inside, I had given him the spare key that Jim always used. Of course I didn't tell him that because I know he would have made me keep it. I personally picked the key out for Jim It was an all pink key with a few hearts on it, the paint has been scratched off due to all the times Jim has used it before. Maybe I should take that key back and give him mine, now I love that key I don't wanna part with it is the only piece that I have left of Jim. So honestly I did take it back and gave Spock mine, i told him it was Jim's key and he understood. On the way there I just started thinking about all the great times Jim and I had my favorite one is the day Jim and I had our first legitimate kiss. We just came back from our first date it went horrible because we probably got the worst waiter their, he was just a complete asshole the whole time and had said some kind of shit about him and I finally had enough and snapped. It got us kicked out and Jim and I just walked back home I was mad about what had happened, I had my hands in my pockets and he put his hand in there and grabbed mine and smiled at me. It calmed me down he was always able too unless if we were in space then it would just take a lot more. Once we got home he turned my head towards him and he kissed me right on the lips, it was nice and passionate no tongue or nothing just passionate and I absolutely loved it. I smiled just a little bit thinking about it, the warmth was so great and now Imma never get it again. I snapped out of my trance if thinking about Jim when Spock actually placed a hand on my shoulder trying to get my attention apparently I was crying, and i didn't feel the tears fall until now and he had stopped the car near a café and I just I guess broke apart. Screaming about how much i hate Khan, how much I hate Jim for doing what he did because I would have been dead with him. This would be the first time Spock would see me cry like as if I was a kid who lost their first pet. He had said something through his telepathy since we were after all touching at this point and it was something that I had always told Jim "It's never good to bottle up your emotions." He was right honestly. This was the first time in months since I had actually cried in front of someone. And here is Spock now seeing it. It was a good 20 minutes before i finally just said for him to start the car once again and he did. Once we were at the hospital Spock had told them that today will be the day we pull the plug but also told them I needed an hour or so. All I did was stare at him breathing lightly like if he was just taking some nap, and soon he will just blink those pretty blues of his and smile with that tired ass smile like he just woke up. I was begging to whatever the fuck was up there to give him back, to let me have him for one more day. Just to hear his voice, hear his laugh and just to see that inanimate body moving to whatever music we listened to when he cooked, when we cleaned, or when we were sorting out some files. I grabbed his hand hoping he would just grab on and tell me he was alive and i just had to wait a little longer. But thats just a fantasy, one where Jim is alive and well and we live out our days together space or not. We would get married and maybe have a kid when the times right. But we both know thats fucking bullshit now huh? He's dead and imma stay stuck with the mind set that Jim is gonna spring back to life and hug me and tell me it's alright. After an hour the nurses, doctors and Spock came in. Spock grabbed me and dragged me out while i was screaming at Jim to wake up. I screamed like my fucking life deepened on it. I was even thrashing about like someone being kidnapped in my mind i pictured that he sprang up and ran over giving me hugs and tender kisses. Then the harsh reality came, Jim was officially gone now and he would no longer step foot in out apartment, say my little nickname, call me little pet names, or tell me he loved me. I wouldn't hear his soft breathing as he laid there in a sleep like death. It was over and done with his cute smile, laugh, eyes everything that I LOVED ABOUT THAT MAN DIED BECAUSE OF DAMNED SUPER HUMAN!! HE TOOK AWAY MY EVERYTHING!! MY SECOND CHANCE IN THE WORLD!! He's just gone now. Im writing this at 10:00 pm right now, Spock is out side in the living room he said he is staying here in case i do something stupid. We all know he didn't say it like that but thats how it translates to me. Everything just.. hurts right now. It all feels like a really bad nightmare right now, but I know for a fact its not...