#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer
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twitter is entering their "rts > likes" phase now that likes are private after they spent years calling us ungrateful for being demotivated by ratios lmao
#man fuck yall just support artists you enjoy#dont attack people who dont rb/rt your art (hell they might even have it scheduled) but also dont constantly demand ''content'' from people#ESPECIALLY without telling them that you appreciate the effort they put in to show you cool things they made for free#you should've been rt'ing/rb'ing from the START 😒 just show people you care!#im just waiting to scroll through post after post of ppl calling out ''entitled artists'' lmao#btw my opinion on the whole thing is painfully neutral if you couldnt tell#i dont think you should care that much about numbers and ppl take it wayyyyyy too far#throwback to that one guy who personally @ everyone who didnt reblog their art that was CRAZY. i would straight up report you KJFGHKG#i also understand and have personally experienced how much engagement can change your mood#a simple ''i love this!'' can make someone's day. it's not hard to understand why ppl like engagement#when they make post after post without so much as a little tag they dont care about sharing anymore#the fact that people call that ''entitlement'' is also crazy#i have a lot of drawings i havent posted or just left nonrebloggable bc it really doesnt make a difference lmao#the only ones i leave rebloggable are the ones that i Know will do well and get attention. like the little pig redraw#if it's cute or funny it gets positive attention. anything else is shit on here lmao#it's just not as fun to share. it either leads to no engagement or negative engagement#would rather have nothing than something rude so whatever#some ppl say it's always been like this but no it absolutely was not always like this#idk what exactly caused the change. probably a lot of factors#could even just be the fandoms i hang around in! but considering i've seen the same sentiment from a bunch of ppl i doubt it's that#the best solution to no engagement is to just make friends and have fun#but 90% of the internet is hostile and negative and rude for no fucking reason#when i unfollowed someone on my old public twitter and they @ me over it. damn i dont know why but NOW i know why 😭#this post has gone way off course im just ranting at this point. i havent talked in a while hi how have you guys been#work was a lot yesterday and today is too slow (im not at work im just going crazy in my house)#(and i cant leave my house bc there's construction blocking the road someone save me)#chat
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vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.
#medical stuff cw#i sat on the steps instead of taking their seat#vent cw#i have to take five different pills a day excluding birth control which i also take for health reasons but okay#i have to thank italy for its healthcare system because at least i dont have to pay a fuckton for all that stuff. except birthcontrol.#as i may have mentioned they found quite a bit of blood in my piss so im getting tested for ✨️cancer✨️#also because i've been having health issues which might be rated#my blood work is all off but i didnt get tested for tumoral cells specifically because i may have 'just' an autoimmune condition#so im on heavy duty antibiotics too now bc i also developed antibiotic resistance last year. anyway.#i need to take those and then they'll test my peepee again but this time they will also test explicitly for tumoral cells#because something is off and my previous blood work didnt point out what exactly#terrible anemia and other slightly-off numbers that however shouldnt be off considering my lifestyle#i eat almost everything. drink plenty of water. exercise. barely smoke. not even drinking anymore. i'm not too fat nor too skinny.#so. some of the numbers that are off dont really have a reason to be off which is why they are testing my blood and piss for cancer#but like. in 3 weeks because i have to take antibiotics and iron meds (not supplements. meds.) first#so my mind's trying to convince itself that i dont have a tumor. but what if i do? i know i dont. but not knowing makes me go insane#also i have to get tested for heart disease because that motherfucker is not working properly. doesnt pump enough blood to my brain.#i took an ekg and it came back pretty normal except for tachycardia#now i have to go get an holter ekg - but was told to wait until uni starts again bc i need that exam to be done when i have a daily routine#so basically they slap electrodes and shit on me for 24 hrs while i go do my shit around the city and then see how my heart behaved#because i cant stand without struggling to breathe and sometimes it happens when in laying down to.#sometimes i cant fall asleep because i cant breathe#at first the doc thought it might be a reflux issue but not. all good on that front.#so. we'll see. and i mean. i KNOW it's not cancer. like. i'd be dead by now bc i've been having these symptoms for five months#however. i dont know if it's not an autoimmune disease. and if it is? what am i gonna do?
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Actually we r at 6 months now without any major deaths in my life, which is great! That's the longest I've gone without any major deaths since last May! The second longest was 4 months between July and November last year. Wow !
#speculation nation#negative/#i mean not exactly but also. ya kno.#really i dealt with death after death in may july november and the biggest in february#actually i think my great grandma died within the span between july and november. but i wasnt close with her & dont remember when#so idk if id count that. if i did then the longest would be 3 months. between november and february.#all this is to say. wow what a Fucking year last year was huh#i still dont rly feel like i have much trust in people staying alive in my life.#but maybe im a bit less scared of even more people in my life suddenly dropping dead.#... then again now i apparently have something wrong with my liver. which i am still not happy about.#the only reason why im not dying of anxiety is bc i still feel relatively normal overall.#but i also just remembered how. well. 28 has Long been my unlucky number. and im turning 28 next year.#so ive been half convinced im just gonna die when im 28. bc thatd be just my luck wouldnt it#and like overall theres no real reason why i Would die at that age. but now theres something wrong with my liver.#and like ok i dont think it's liver failure. i dont have any real symptoms for it#and if it was an emergency my doctor wouldve told me to go to the hospital. probably.#but idk. my truest anxiety about it is that it could be something cancerous. or something.#and really i have no reason to suspect that specifically. it's just one of the potential causes for the enzyme abnormality we found#but bc it's not entirely off the table. well now my mind has latched onto it. and is like 'What If'#and ok i just now looked into possible liver diseases to try to calm my anxiety. with mixed success.#bc i found all sorts of liver diseases. including cirrhosis. which is irreversible damage.#im just clinging to the hope of the fact that my readings werent Too high... just.#every single one associated with the liver was high. which means theres Definitely something wrong with my liver.#and im kind of scared it's bc of my prior alcohol use. i wasnt an alcoholic but i did drink pretty regularly for a bit.#but also how unfair would it be for me to get a liver disease from that??? the most i ever drank at one time was 8 shots#which is a lot but there are some people doing that kind of thing Regularly. and they dont get liver disease???#regardless this has been extra persuasion to stay off the alcohol. especially until i know what's up with it.#heyyyy mr liver inside me i prommy i will take good care of u from now on. pls dont die on me 😭😭😭#see ok this is what happens whem i start to think. i get anxious. i just need to keep not thinking.#it's 10 pm i think thats a good time for sleepies
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banging my head against the wall. does anyone wanna go insane and read TMNT Mirage #37 with me? An emotionally fraught jouney of faith and family and battling for or against your roots of eons past? You should. But if your not in for reading a 40 page comic I have a condensed visual/textual moments and summation for you! You might enjoy it!
[Mirage 37, Rick McCollum and Bill Anderson]
ID: Turtles walking through a forest with full camping bags. Mikey has his mask around his neck and wears a bucket hat: Well..." Raph wears a wide brimmed fedora type hat, he balances one sai by its point on his finger: "You do got a point, buddy." Leo is shadowed in the back with a straw hat. END
[In this comic the turtles are depicted with understated beaks and look lankier than Classic Mirage style. Their skin is usually in the darker of the 2 toners, and their masks are left without toner.]
ID: From behind the group, Don and Mikey in silhouette up front. Behind them, Raph is throwing his sai in the air. Leo is saying "I believe you Don, but... Spiritual meaning? Maybe you're reading too much into it." Close on Don's face, frowning "No, I'm not." END.
[See Donatello: The Ring, in Turtle Soup #2] Here's what you missed: Don went on a spiritual journey by himself. Now he wants them all to experience it.
ID: Three turtles and Splinter in the farm house living room. Raph and Mikey on the couch with books, Leo on the floor polishing his sword. Splinter standing to the side. Raph: Yeah, but Casey's car's on the blink. Mike: I hope its doesn't fall apart while he's out with April. Leo: Don will fix it when he returns. Raph has one leg up, is tossing some shuriken in one hand, his books says "Fun with sai". Mike slouches and has a drink can, his book is "Life of Bruce Lee" END
ID: Three Panels of Don explaining his experience in front of a large fire, fiddling with his bo staff, the flames curl around him as he speaks. A brow raised: But it wasn't the trees- It was one of us! The Father of All Reptiles Looking contemplative: He was a turtle. Or a ghost. Some kind of spirit... With a sheepish smile: And I'm glad I met him. He said I was special... END
Splinter reprimands the other turtles for not taking Don seriously. His lecture:
"Your lack of respect is unbecoming. Have I so failed you that you have no feel for your heritage, your roots? Reptiles ruled this world for uncounted eons, your people strode the land, slipped through the warm seas, and skittered about the sky. Though gone, their blood is your blood. And their spirit should be yours! They are your elders, with their bones left in the rock, lasting forever in the skin of the world. Respect them, and honor their spirits as you do me!" "Recall the time you spent, eons past, with your friend Renet. How you spoke of it once you'd returned! Did you not feel a sense of unity with that time? Did you not resonate to the heart-beat of the archosaurs? Your enthusiasm lingered for weeks."
[See Tales of TMNT 7] They went back in time and met dinosaurs, amongst other things.
ID: Panels with a close up on each character. April in profile, with a solemn look: You babbled on about it for days. Mike smiling wide: Yeah! It was warm! Leo, clutching his sword, looking away: I felt so free! Raph, his mask pushed up to his forehead, an eyes closed smile: Three months of fishing! Don, holding his staff, looking down: Yes, I was... Happy. END
Splinter continues to speak.
"Happiness…Ah, Donatello, it is so ephemeral. As was the time of those reptiles. Everything is a ring, and the ring turns. The world grew cold, small, furry creatures came out of the shadows. The dinosaurs died. The age of mammals began."
Raph, upset, gets disparaging about what the predominance of mammals has done to the earth.
ID: Three panels. Raph, shocked, hand over his mouth: I can't believe I said that. Splinter looming over Raph, who jerks back. Splinter: ~Think~ before~ you~ speak~ Raphael! Raph: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Splinter: Need I remind you that your best friend Casey Jones is a mammal? Close on Raph and April. Splinter off panel: Not to mention myself? Raph: Eep! April grimacing: I'm feeling warm-blooded and hairy also! END
ID: Four panels. Caption box: And look they do— Raph looking at two trees growing diagonally, thinking: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Leo, partially hidden behind foliage, thinking: Something's up. I feel... something. Mike, looking at a tree that's grown a loop in its trunk, thinking: Is this a "spiritual experience?" Don, walking through the trees in silhouette thinking: Why can't I find the place?" END
After a day of searching, they camp, but Mike goes missing during his watch in the night.
ID: Two panels, each showing Raph and Don and they face off and argue, their speech bubbles placed between them. Raph is backed up against a tree, angry, clenching his sais tightly. Don has his bo like a walking stick, and seems calmer.
Raph: Why? Mike needs us! Don, with an irregular speech bubble: Either he is alive or he is dead. The quest is more important. R: What are you talking about? What's wrong with you? D, normal bubble: Nothing. I had a dream last night. If we give up the quest, we've lost. R: Mike is more important! D: That's what the adversary hopes you think. R: What adversary? D, irregular bubble: Have Faith. R: Donatello! D, regular bubble: Remember when you devovled? We kept faith. R, yelling: AAARGH! END
[See Mirage 24-26] Raph was de-mutated into a regular turtle, his brothers had to go on a journey to save him.
ID: Leo, mask off, scowling "This is what we'll do. Break camp. Consolidate our gear. Bury what's left. We're on a combat mission now. We'll keep faith, Don, but--. A narrow panel of Don, drawn small, gripping his staff: What? Leo getting in Don's face, displeased: I hate leaving Mike. -- Just make sure you're right. END
Raph goes missing on their second nights watch, Don becomes stranger and more convicted about this quest.
ID: Leo, furiously, points in the direction of the viewer, accusing Don. "What's with you? Why are you so out of it?! -- What's wrong with your voice? [Larger text] Don't you care about Mike or Raph?! END
ID: Don sits facing away from Leo, gripping his staff, angry, speaking towards his hands. Leo looks on from a ways back, dramatically lit. Don: [Large text] Of course I do! [Normal text] But... I don't know what's wrong with my voice. I don't know who the Adversary is. And yet..." END
ID from alt: Two panels, Leo glaring, getting in Don's face, pointing at his beak, grabbing Don's staff. "Who told you this?" Don has brows raised. Don, with a wincing smile: "The Father of us all." END
ID: Multiple panels. Close on Leo, "Remember what I said about being sure?" Don holding his staff in front of himself, seemingly scared, "Leo, please." Mid on Leo, more neutral frown, "Don..." Full body, Leo turns away, the wind picks up. Leo facing away, pulled back shot. "Let's keep going." END
Narration as they travel further into stranger and stranger territory.
Leonardo: What was to be a relaxing romp has become a grueling death march. Sweating and hacking through the threatening undergrowth, he understands that he is hopelessly lost. As lost as Donatello seems to be, following an Unknown pull, mumbling to somebody only he can hear Donatello: while Leonardo must fight the wild landscape, he slips easily through the thorns. And he listens, and talks. Hair is better than scales? The birds are traitors, having stolen the secret of hot blood? Giants, brought low by small, furry ones? As he pursues the silent beckoning, he learns...
They have a run in with a foe in pitch black forest. They take many hits but score one back, severing one limb, hairy and clawed, then retreat. Don garbs himself in some make shift religious fair, using his blanket, mud and ash. The two sleep, they dream.
And they dream the same dream. They see their blood rise and rule. The ring is turning. The reptiles differentiate, and claim the seas and air. They see their family as it might have become- If the ring hadn't broken. They feel contempt for their children, the birds, as they invade the skies. But it is nothing compared to the fear which the small hairy ones bring. The furry horde had been around since the reptiles beginnings- swarming… unstoppable.
ID: Three panels. Caption Box: The morning brings questions. Leo and Don sit with their backs to a tree. Don's taken his mask off, made a dark markings on his face and body, and wears a hood. Leo: Did you dream-? Don: Yes. Leo looks upset, gestures with a hand in front of himself. "I... felt grief. Anguish. They must be let loose. -- But why? And how?" Don's face is completely shadowed by his hood, his eyes and teeth stick out in far too much detail. It is an unsettling smile. "You're starting to learn." END
Another fight, Don's leg is broken by the mammalian Adversary. Leo, with all the weight of the loss of his brothers, takes position to make a last stand protecting him. But Don urges him to continue on, to find and aid the Father of all Reptiles.
ID: Many panels, Don injured, propped against a tree. Eyes closed in pain he says "Can't you hear?" Leo looks behind them. A strange voice says "Come." Close on Don, crying, yelling at Leo "Go! Please! I have faith in you!" Leo's eyes, frowning. Leo's hand, offering his sword. Leo's eyes, he's crying through his mask. "Take this." Don's hand taking the sword from Leo. Narrow panel, Leo walks away, remaining sword drawn. "Fight well." END
ID: A cut off panel with dialogue, and a close on Leo, framed between two rocks, crying heavily. The says: You have become one with sorrow. You are sad. I am glad. Now we may speak. END
Leo climbs and the conversation continues.
Narration: There are sounds behind him, as he climbs. Voice: Your brother Donatello gave me joy when we met. I thought it would release me from my grief. Narration: Following him as he scampers every higher. Voice: I tried to go. But joy is ephemeral-- Narration: Leonardo reaches the top with haste. Voice: While melancholy lasts forever.
Leo sits at the mountain peak, thinks of his brothers, contemplates the sounds of the Adversary below and the Father of all Reptiles speaks to him more, as he falls into sleep.
This is my nexus, my holy spot. This is my prison, where I am trapped by my sadness. Dream of extinction. Dream of death. Once we were, now we are not. You and yours are what we could have been-- Had not the hairy ones come. All the scaly brethren are my children… But they hairy ones killed them-
Leo wakes slowly to a growl, then all at once with a yelp.
ID: Full page, the Father of all reptiles finishes in a yell. "THEY ATE MY EGGS!" The mammalian Adversary's loud growl just under the speech bubble. It looms in the panel, over Leo at the bottom, his sword drawn. The Adversary, large and rodent like, fur dark, eyes gleaming, foam dripping from its mouth. One arm severed and still bleeding, implanted in it are the weapons from Leo's brothers. Raph's sai in its leg, Mike's nunchaku in the stub of its arm, Don's staff and Leo's other sword in its chest. Other small rodents cling to its form. Surrounding the image, marginalia in the corners. Cracked eggs up top, rodents in the bottom. And a border of text, listing eras, genera and species of or relating to early mammals. END
Leo's brothers, injured, wounds wrapped and broken limbs braced, are following his trail. They see signs in the sky, Mikey thinks it looked like a massive turtle. Don is assured with his faith that this means the Father of All Reptiles is aiding Leo, and that they should rest. Mike and Raph leave him to sit at the mountain base (offering him another weapon for protection), and make their way up.
Narration: At the pinnacle, a warm, fresh breeze wafts downward. The trees below grow normal. Throughout the world, fossil Mesozoic eggs break apart, as fetal reptile souls are let loose. Paleontologists will find no more intact eggs. EVER.
ID: Full page panel, Leo sits at the base of the giant cracked egg of the Father of All Reptiles. Sword dangling, he's exhausted, blood splatters him, his sword, and the mottled surface of the egg shell. The Adversary's head and remaining hand are laying to one side, the dark mass of fur on his other. His brothers cresting the peak see him, and he says "We freed him. The wheel is moving again. The ring is whole." Caption box: And whole, the ring moves on. A Marginalia drawing in the corner shows a small rodent, the front of its body inside the cracked shell of an egg. END
#some shit#tmnt#tmnt mirage#wifi blogs mirage#<- more posts like this. and less like this. there#turbles...#pretty please someone be insane about this with me? i just think its sooooooooo#my heart hurts thinking about them yearning for when the earth might have been better suited for beings like them.#and the tension between don having this true like spiritual experience and their family bonds.#NORMALLY. im against stories making any of the turtles be skeptics. especially for mirage. it just comes off a little strange. with all#they've been thru. BUT I THINK THIS ONE REALLY SELLS IT. it really sells what they would be willing to go along with but also plenty of#reasons they would push back too. and maybe it seems a little corny. but i really like it just being. reptile specific.#instead of filtering some real cultures believes into the comic. not that it cant be done just. this is the 90s.#and none of the writers have really had the chops whove done it so far (and a non insig. number have.)#anyway what i say about the leatherhead issue. I love when don gets main character syndrome. SAD BOY.#really just a very very characterful issue i like it so much. when i saw the back cover again after reading. i got startled by the red mask#cause i forgot this was mirage. NOT. need to be clear. that i dont think TONES of mirage is also this characterful. just like.#the sort of. amalgamation in my head took over. also they sounded like 03 while i was reading. due to. don angst.#so so so long. 2 LAST THINGS#should outs to the other brother for the words help in second to last image. he came in clutch!#and i would just really like to redirect everyones attention to raphs smile in image 5. he has dimples! (turtle dimples...)#oh shit 3rd last thing. guess which image was scaring the shit outta be when i tired to sleep. 👁👄👁
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#*breathes in* ok#i am in a particularly bad mood today and turning to see practically every ship I don't like in the fandom is not helping#being in a fandom can be so exhausting at times especially when you dislike practically every popular ship in it#it can be such a nightmare to deal with. i came here to ESCAPE not deal with this crap#and yes i am talking about russingon and a number of other incestous ships in this what-often-seems-to-be godforsaken fandom#like i get it. i really do. i can see why people ship them but#do you really have to shove it down my throat like that? do you have to make it so that it is practically INESCAPABLE?#and the fact that they are COUSINS just makes it SO MUCH WORSE#not that tolkien was exactly helping when he decided to make EVERY SINGLE IMPORTANT CHARACTER RELATED#even the MARRIED ONES like why tolkien WHY#i do not have the time for this crap and im sick of having to deal with it everyday#it just feels like i can never enjoy any fandom I am in for very long because i always feel so out of place and alone in it#i get discouraged and then i leave because it feels like there's no way i can really contribute to it#ive tried to write fanfic but for some reason i just can't#i dont feel like my fanarts are good enough#i know im being overly dramatic but i just really need to get this off my chest
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Ok so I first wrote a mess in the tags but by the end of it I realized the actual answer, for me, is not just following impulses for who I want to play but also: spreadsheets.
My boyfriend and I make spreadsheets almost as a hobby. We have... a lot of alts, so to make it easier we have spreadsheets for things like which alts we've done holiday events on, and which trade-able cosmetics we've unlocked on who so we can pass extras around without having to log into everyone to check (not that I collect anything in a completionist sense with so many alts).
I also made a spreadsheet that lets us mark which WT stickers we need that week and it will flag which ones we have in common with each others alts so we can pair them off to do them more efficiently if we want.
I realize it's excessive but it's a kind of fun project and I love all of my characters and my bf dearly so playing with them no matter who I'm on or with is fun and there's always something to do.
people who have alts on ffxiv
how do you do it /g
#i have 19 characters#but some are concepts i havent developed past lvl 15 and others are npcs#so the real number is 11#and of those 11 i only work on 6 regularly and of those 6 only three i consider to be WoLs#i stay on top of it by playing with my boyfriend (most of our characters pair off into duos for leveling/questing)#i tend to focus on very specific things i want to do on very specific characters based on their stories/personality/etc#like example: Rat is my main and original WoL and he is also from a family of woodworkers in ishgard#so it was very very very important to me that he be not only saint of the firmament but also number 1 on ranking for carpentry#and other alts i will aim for very specific glams or hairstyles. ill pass things on my 'main's to give to my alts if it fits them better#the less played alts still get dragged out for every holiday event - so during that time i glam them and gpose and adore them#rhika was shelved for years as a holiday alt. she is a heel at the uldah arena so seeing the arcadion got me wanting to play her REALLY BAD#so now im working on her#but mostly its just playing 1-2 mains and 2-3 alts and rotating who those 2-3 alts are#i also dont raid so theres that#the part that isnt fun though? ive done island sanctuary 4 times. i plan to do it at least two more times..........#re-aquiring some glamours and cosmetics is just needlessly tedious... this game is violently hostile toward players who enjoy alts#but i do it anyway because my characters are who they are#im the polar opposite of whatever is going on with fant addicts#the alt addict#i had to stop being a completionist. i dont want to do everythign on everyone#i just want to do what each character needs and is true for their character#sometimes that means saint of the firmament or farming a cassie earring or sometimes it just means grinding a specific mogtome or pvp rewar#choosing what to do and letting go of completionism is what let me do it tho#the only reason it wasnt an issue in wow was because rewards were all account-wide. SE catch up please gods#idk why i wrote all this in the tags...#im sleepy and cant formulate a proper response#also spreadsheets#we have so... so so many spreadsheets to track things for our characters it is. its a hobby.
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i cant follow furina enjoyers until ive continued this story quest. i fear my feelings about her are a little too mean
#genshinposting#theyre not that mean. im just french & hate leader figures so i automatically have some sort of disdain for her#it was baked into fontaine im afraid#im sure shes fine. however. well for one she is strongly limited by how incredibly conservative genshin is#the same can be said of every character i just dont like how in her intro she mentioned the poor citizens of fontaine#like. can you not do something about that. why is that just a normal fact of life in genshin. i hate it here#reason number 743984 why my first oc was a treasure hoarder & is still my most treasured genshin oc#(he touches on every part of the world building that REALLY pisses me off. except abyss stuff. but god is there even a way to touch that)#(eh maybe i can implement it into sylvestre somehow. idk...)#i do dislike most archons for various reasons tho... even if i can also like them sometimes... hrrm
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if i took a shower had a change of clothes took my T shot and ate a sandwich i would be a new man rn
#i didnt mention it here but ever since i got that washer/dryer#i realized while hooking it up i was missing a part that they didnt give me and moved out before i could ask for it#and i looked at home depot and the part i needed wasnt in stores currently so i could either order it to the store and pick it up#or have it shipped to my house (free either way chooser's choice style)#so i just had it shipped to me. for some reason it didnt save my apt number even though my other part of the same order came to me justfine#so ive been having a fucking war of attrition#with just waiting for my part to come in so i can do my laundry for a month vs my growing pile of stank-ass clothes#and im like im NOT doing laundry in the facilities they have. no sir im going to wait right here until my part comes in#if i finally set up this washer/dryer combo and it turns out theyre broken or something im going to melt into my floorboards#until my unemployment comes in for sure im waiting on spending any amount of money on extra food#i got food but its all shit i dont really wanna eat#its all my pantry shit thats like i bought a lot of this on sale and had a kick but i fell off awhile ago and now its kind of gross to me#and i for some reason have also been having a testosterone war of attrition#i asked my clinic if i could go back on my normal dose or not if i skipped two-coming-on-three weeks of doseage#and it took a few days for them to get back to me (i can its fine unless i had symptoms at first then start smaller)#and by then i was like#''well i take my shots tuesdays and i wanna keep that consistent so.. next tuesday it is!'' (4 weeks no T now)#and oh my god how did i live like this. no T is horrible. bring him back bring him back#but its going to all come to a head tomorrow my part is supposed to finally come in. and i do my t-shot when i warm up tomorrow#so i'll do laundry and shower and t-shot and that will be good. sandwich would be very perfect cherry on top the day but..#i think i will make *looks at pantry* instant latke mix instead#i've been intermittantly showering but now that im unemployed i dont like sweat in a factory running around so its been not super bad#but taking a shower and changing into dirty clothes fucking sucks#i realized i could hand wash a few to hang to dry but its a lil too late now my parts coming in tomorrow
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thinking about the fact that i do like forgotton realms-adjecent (fantasy equivalent of star wars-sized ip) games but then i have to grab a broom and hit anyone appearing out of the shadows who goes "now play dnd (or any ttrpg) with me" extremely violently so they remain in the dark for another 5 million years
#HOMIE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND IT'S THE FUCKING TTRPG AND ENTIRE MEDIUM ASPECT AND MATH PART AND RANDOM WACKYNESS THAT I LOATHE#IF I PLAYED DND I WOULD BE ONE OF THOSE “BY THE RULE” NERDS BECAUSE IF YOU RANDOMLY PULL OUT A BULLSHIT WAY TO UNDERMINE THE DM'S EFFORTS#WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL THEN GOD HELP YOU!#anyway ttrpgs arent my thing whatsoever and i'm actually surprised some people do not seem to be understanding that despite the fact#why yes. i do like fantasy and any setting very much if executed well#anyway forgotten realms lore is not one of those things. is anyone going to tell me the real gist of the 'multiverse' that really seem to b#just a case of multiple galaxies and planes/dimensions or are you just gping to throw 3 in-universe cosmology maps at me#there really should be a distinction between how it really is and in-universe explanations because that really is the way i dig it#unfortunately. i have yet to See One IP do it That Way and also explaib Why in Intricate Nice Details#I love bitches who explain Why and Cause And Effect and not just give me raw facts data numbers through historical events#yeah if you can tell me exactly why this species loathes x or y or evolved to be this way then great! i love you very much!#otherwise fuck off because no reasoning and 'it just is' reads as 'this is just cool to me' or 'im too lazy to think abt it' or the#adult bullshit excuse of 'well because i said so!'#YEAH OKAY FINE YOU DONT NEED TO EXPLAIN THE NITTYGRITTY OF EVERYTHING BUT BOY! DO I LOVE REASONING AS TO WHY SOMETHING ACTS/LOOKS/DOES/IS!#OTHERWISE? MAKES 0 SENSE TO ME. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT#why call it forgotten REALMS if your biggest focus is one fucking continent (faerun)#this also goes for very real stuff btw. like okay i get why a game can work essentially on a stupid display because it all comes down to#sand doing math and true/false statements etcetera. but as to how consciousness forms into a growing clump of cells. who knows#i also don't understand the concept that we need opposites for fucking everything in human-made theories like newton's law#or an explanation for 'holes' in THEORETICAL frameworks. such as what dividing 0 by 0 is. and then hanging onto those frameworks as if#they're 100% real and truth. mate it's truth from the perspective of humans but i guess i'll just not go meta here. this is dumb
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Headcanons for dating Johnny Lawrence
Johnny Lawrence x reader
warnings: towards the end theres degenerate!johnny mentions (the WORST most funny way to put it but him being an alcoholic and such) (that is NOT funny dont be an alcoholic)
a/n: i been looking at young william zabka edits for an hour brain go brrr. also yes i already have hcs for this so these are NOT part 2 they are a different au after the all valley 🙏. this has been the MOST INSPIRING fic i have written in months im literally in love with him
prompt:
after the all-valley and cobra kai, johnny felt like he’d lost everything
then he found you
you had just barely known each other, growing up in the same vicinity but never really saying a word to each other
until one day at encino oaks, johnny spotted you sunbathing on an unusually warm day and took a chance
“y/n, right?” -johnny, sitting on the pool chair next to you
“that’s right” -you, tilting your sunglasses down
“i’m johnny. we, uh, we go to west valley together”
“yeah, i’ve heard of you” -you
his stomach sank (he’s got a bad track record)
“yeah, that’s unfortunate.” -johnny, getting up to leave and pausing “would you be interested in jumping in the pool with me?”
you stared at him for a few seconds (cuz you could tell he wasn’t too confident) and got up, actually jumping in the pool in a full cannonball
his spirits were lifted and he jumped in right after you
“that was awesome!” -johnny
you two swam around splashing and annoying the older club members, but it was no matter
you ended up sitting on the pool ledge talking and getting to know each other
“oh, no, i don’t really keep up with local karate tournaments. i hadn’t heard” -you
“that’s perfect for me, then” -johnny
you gave him your number and said you’d see him at school monday
and that you did
“is that him? he’s cute! maybe he’ll start driving you to school. or you could get your license” -your mom, dropping you off
“mom!” -you “he does seem pretty sweet. i think he found me at the perfect time, too. got knocked down a peg or two from some karate tournament”
he brought you a little box of chocolates to give to you before class THAT VERY MONDAY (he was moving fast)
he was also very desperate for a prom date for senior prom but that was beside the point
you played a little hard to get
but johnny finally found a reason to fight again and he wanted to fight for you
“could i take you on a date this weekend? do you prefer something fancy like a nice restaurant or casual like golf n stuff or romantic like the beach?” -johnny
“why dont you just plan it and i’ll be ready. just tell me what i should wear” -you, kissing him on the cheek
he always felt so cool and confident but you had him flustered and about to buckle at the knees
he decided to keep it casual for now because you seemed so “go with the flow” and there were so many things to do, so many distractions to keep him from doing something stupid
and of course he picked you up because you still didn’t have your license yes
“come on, i’ll teach you how to drive” -johnny
“noooo thank you, i am not driving your car” -you
you drove it one block and he understood why you didn’t have your license
johnny paid for all your tokens and you guys had a blast competing in games and ended up with a pretty decent pile of tickets
“ooh, competitive!” -you
“i have no idea what you’re talking about” -johnny
daniel was actually at golf n stuff that night with ali but johnny didn’t even care he was so infatuated with you
he bought you some nachos for a snack, which he snuck a few bites in shamelessly
you still haven’t kissed at this point but he was waiting for the perfect moment
you made sure to touch his arms and keep close and flirt, sending all the right signals
he seemed like such a go-getter, you were getting impatient
and finally, he took you to the ferris wheel and made it all cliche and special wrapping his arm around your shoulders and waiting until you two were at the top of the wheel to place a hand on your cheek and kiss you gently
(gentle went away fast you had been waiting for this for a whole WEEK and thats a lifetime for a teenager)
he was giddy for the rest of the night and all he’d gotten was a quick makeout session
he ended up pooling all your tickets together for a stuffed animal of your choice
it couldn’t have been a better first date honestly
and soon enough he was driving you to school, walking you to class, bringing you little gifts, getting you into trouble, listening to music with you, sneaking out with you, just doing everything with and for you
and the promposal was very cute classic (a sign and some flowers, he wasn’t all too creative)
and when prom came around, you two stood out! you both looked stunning and styling, everyoneeee was jealous
“johnny looks happy” -daniel
“poor y/n’s just gonna get their heart broken” -ali
prom court?? no actually lol but keep dreaming
“you’re the prom [king/queen] in my heart” -johnny
“if you hand me a plastic crown im gonna hit you” -you
johnny took it out anyway and you both started cackling bc it was so silly
he just wanted you to feel special (you had no part in prom court at all actually there was no disappointment he was just being a punk)
“sooo, prom night..?” -johnny
“what about it” -you
“oh, nothing…”
“just drive, punk. my parents aren’t home”
a miracle he didn’t get a speeding ticket
soon enough you two had graduated and gone off to college together
although johnny had a hard time focusing on what really mattered
you two definitely partied together and he was always so protective and caring, making sure no one made a pass at you or made you uncomfortable (and if they did he’d try to fight them and you’d drag him away)
some of those nights were memorable, but he started slipping and you kept trying to keep him on the right path
he had a few wakeup calls
and proposed to you
and you accepted
and for a while, he did things right for you
but in the end, he just couldn’t grow up and you broke it off
all the fighting and drinking and partying and bailing him out of jail finally became too much and you returned the ring
“i wish it were different johnny. i really do. i thought you were the one. but i cant be with you if you’re not gonna grow up. i love you, and im sorry, but im done” -you
he was a WRECK after that he spiraled completely and cried for you for months
and he tried to get you back. he tried to straighten up and fly right but he always fell back into the same problems, and his friends were just as dumb as he was
you’d get a drunken call now and then of johnny rambling how sorry he was and how he still loves you and he wanted to change and begging you to take him back
you went on one last date with him and saw a very grim future
and realized you didn’t want to stick around to fix him
“do you still have the stuffed animal from our first date?” -johnny
“i do” -you
“promise me you’ll keep it forever” -johnny
“i promise”
his parents were so incredibly disappointed in him and that he “lost a good one”
and he never stopped beating himself up over it.
taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @an4aaa // @summersimmerus // @sapphireplums // @ravenhood2792 // @elemental-of-magic // @mauve-galaxy-427 //
#johnny lawrence#johnny lawrence x reader#johnny lawrence imagine#karate kid#karate kid x reader#karate kid imagine#cobra kai#cobra kai imagine#cobra kai x reader
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— number: unknown ღ
pairing: jungkook x reader
genre: strangers to lovers
warnings: dead dove, yandere, manipulation, corruption, mentions of stalking, mentions of therapy, dirty talk, humiliation, obsession, mentions of masturbation & dub con sex, allusions to cnc, allusions to depression and anxiety, hints of fear kink, use of triggering words in an erotic and degrading manner* (listed under the cut).
*use of the word “rape”.
masterlist
In the last few months, you've grown used to the sound of your phone ringing late at night. It still sent your heart into a frenzy, nerves sparking up like wires — but you peeked at the screen nonetheless, taking less and less time to hesitate to answer.
Number: Unknown.
Palms sweaty, you clicked accept on the call.
A chuckle greeted you.
"Lonely?"
You tried to ignore the chill his voice sent rippling down your spine, raising goosebumps along the way.
"What do you want?"
"Don't be like that," Jungkook cooed. "I missed you. Wanted to check in. What's up? How was therapy last week?"
The question came with a tint of mockery, instantly dusting your cheeks. It wasn't surprising by now that he knew; he knew everything about you, it seemed, from soul to entrails. But you couldn't wrap your head around how, or why he even paid such close attention in the first place. All you were capable of comprehending clearly was the anger blazing in your chest.
"Screw you."
"Aw, come on," he crooned on the line. "I'm just checking up on my favorite girl. Any progress? Did you tell your therapist you let your stalker fuck you right after filing a report? Did you tell him you pick up my calls?"
You felt his words swirl and burn in your stomach, as if you downed a glass of liquor. Shame crawled all over your skin, hot and uncomfortable. Why couldn't you find it in yourself to hang up? For a moment, you considered doing just that, but then quickly brushed off the idea.
Better to entertain him like this than to have him show up at your door.
Right...?
He could hear you breathe in, the lack of an answer curving his lips upwards.
"Well, that's okay. I really don't like you seeing him, though. I'm kind of offended you went to someone else for help."
"You're the reason I need help!" You hissed, unable to stop yourself. "You're seriously sick in the head."
"What a mouthy little thing you are," Jungkook murmured. "Pretty brave for someone who claimed she's afraid of me." His voice lowered to a whisper. "Pretty hypocritical too... I might be crazy, but you're the one still talking to me. Didn't you come all over my cock like a good little girl too? I think you might be a bit sick yourself, sweetheart."
Oh god.
No.
You pretended you didn't feel yourself clench around thin air, pretended your underwear wasn't getting drenched.
"But I don't mind," he continued, raspy, "I can be your therapist, baby. I'll help you feel better."
Your eyes fluttered closed, head growing foggy.
"Why keep running? Why keep running if you always let me catch up?"
"I don't," you whispered, "I'm trying to—"
"No," Jungkook tsked, "you're not. Are you too scared to face yourself in the mirror? Do you see my eyes when you try?"
You shivered for some reason.
"No."
"That's a lie... You like it when I chase you, and no therapy is ever going to help you. You know why?" He coaxed, soft. "Do you know where your sickness lies, angel...? It's not in your head. It's in your heart. You dont trust love, you don't feel it, unless it's got you losing breath, nice and tight, like a noose. Why don't you let me give it to you?"
Despite the pounding of your heart, you tried to keep his words out of your mind, tried to focus before you disappeared so deep into the fog, you'd become a part of it. But you were so tired... and floating in the dark, weightless, felt a little more like peace.
Still, swallowing thickly, you tried.
"Do you get off on taunting all your victims like some kind of psycho?"
"Oh baby," he sighed. "How many times do I gotta tell you? You're the only girl I want. No need to get jealous."
"Go fuck yourself—"
Another chuckle, then a groan.
"I should. I really want to... Miss you so much..."
Your stomach flipped.
"Miss your mouth. Didn't have time to fuck it back then... Would you let me now?"
"No," you breathed out, shaky.
Why were you still talking to him? Why were your thighs squeezed shut so hard?
"Mmm, that's what you said last time, and yet look who ended up begging me to fill that little cunt."
Your hand tightened around your phone, the pulsing in between your legs refusing to cease and getting harder to ignore.
"I know you could take it all," he breathed. "All down your pretty throat, no complaints. Would be too busy sucking, right, baby?"
"Why even bother asking?" you whispered, your voice small, like you knew the answer already.
Because you did.
"Makes me hard," Jungkook admitted, shameless. "It's cute to see you struggle. Acting like a frightened little doe, like you weren't waiting for a wolf to eat you up."
The confession was so dirty, nothing short of predatory; but it made your cunt throb and heat stick to your underwear, and you couldn't decide if you were more disturbed by him or by your own reactions.
"Fuck..." he swore hoarsely. "All that screaming and fighting only to end up begging for it. Do you like it forced? No need to think, no need to make choices. Just taking my cock like a good little rape toy, yeah?"
You weren't able to contain the hitch of your breath, thighs quivering and spine tingling all over.
Jungkook moaned softly in response, the sound shooting straight through your pussy.
"Wanna come?"
This wasn't happening.
You were losing grasp of reality, consumed by the need to find a lifeline. You felt like you caught a fever, your reply coming out more mellow than intended.
"No. Please stop."
"You're a bad liar, little doe. Without me your body and soul feel empty. You need me as much as I need you."
Your eyes fell shut. You shook your head, repeating your denial like a prayer.
"No..."
Your brain was running on automatic, trying to hold on to some semblance of rationality.
"Does it make you feel better to say that?" Jungkook muttered. "Wouldn't it be easier to give in? I know how much you wanna sneak your hand into your panties. Go on, baby. Rub all your thoughts away. It will feel so good."
You felt your thighs tremble again, the wetness between them unbearable. It was getting harder to breathe through the rising heat, your mouth falling open, trying to catch more oxygen into your lungs.
"Go on, pretty. I'll come with you... Just say the word."
Yes.
No, that wasn't right.
Please...
"No," you forced out again, something that sounded too much like a whimper. "I'm going. Stop calling me."
Jungkook just sighed.
"Shame. Can you at least move closer to the window? Do a little twirl for me. I missed you so much..."
Your head snapped in the direction of the window, heart jumping in alarm. Jungkook seemed to know; he sounded so amused, like it was all a game. And he was winning.
"Just kidding. I have some things to do, but I will see you soon, baby."
"Jungkook—" you panicked, shaking your head, "please don't—"
"Goodnight. I love you."
Beep.
He hung up.
You hugged your knees and lowered your head onto them, welcoming the darkness that greeted you, eclipsing the faint glow of your nightlight.
Was this your fault? You were in pieces for so long; surely that must have been to blame for the sickening pull you felt to answer the phone every time he called.
Maybe that was how Jungkook had managed to get to you. Slithered in through the cracks, took advantage of all the empty spaces. Poured himself in like poison, down to the last drop. Maybe that was also why he needed you so much; there was nothing left of him but you.
You let yourself slump onto the bed, probably the last time you'd be able to sleep through the night somewhat calmly. Because when Jungkook said soon... he always meant soon.
And the clock refused to stop ticking.
taglist 💌: @whipwhoops @svnbangtansworld @ane102 @stellalovesstarss @crisle19 @jksteponme @kimseokjinsmirror1233 @dolphinmochi
#sorry to those I couldn't tag! ❤️#anyway lmao#dead dove#yandere bts#jungkook x reader#bts x reader#bts reactions#bts smut#bts imagines#bts scenarios#bts yandere#jungkook smut
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Steps of creating a 3D model replica from scratch
trace photos of character from available and cleanest angles. attempt to get a 90 degree*, front and back, side profile and straight on of the face. save additional reference photos such as bottom of body, back, and various extra angles without tracing which may help reference later on.
*more on angles later, but trying to get a 90 degree from each side is the most realistic and practical option if you dont actually have the character you're copying
2. block out the body and head
and by block i mean, yeah, its made out of elaborate rectangles
4 aha, you thought I would hand sculpt those? no. no. I used the curve tool to add these swirls. And yes i exactly traced them over the drawings to match the original as best as possible. The end of the curve tool is flat by default so I added a few spheres to make the ends nice and round. (there is absolutely a way to make the ends of curves rounded but I did not feel like looking it up or messing with the settings)
this wasn't mirrored to the other side- I traced both sides of the body and the front from photos and sculpted the swirls for each side. I couldn't get a single photo of the swirls at the butt area so I just winged it.
6 I am struggling to not make Cha Cha look angry.
I feel like the eyes are basically traced off the original and yet she looks so much grumpier. maybe it just needs to be smoothed out?
I added a little definition to the area around the eyes and I do think it looks a little better. The more definition I add in this stage the better, because I prefer this to sculpting. However, if you're more adept at sculpting you would probably not make this as detailed.
7 Here she is after smoothing everything out in sculpt after remeshing, in both Eevee (left) and Cycles (middle/right). still trying to figure out how best to render things. For some reason her nose ended up lighter in cycles but i cant be bothered to fix that rn
On the previous step I made the elements of her face + ears mirrored but once I start sculpting I'm not using the mirror tool. In fact nothing ends up mirrored, even the back right foot is slightly shifted in position.
this is probably not even the final version, I think i might redo the smooth/sculpt part and fiddle with the underlying shapes (basically go back a step)
Cha Cha's face. is one of the most difficult things to sculpt. It is extremely difficult to understand the shape of the underlying sculpt because there aren't any photos of her with the eye paint removed. There are so few of her out there I don't think anyone would willingly remove the paint to make a custom or anything unless it was in truly awful condition, and I dont think that has ever happened.
I have saved dozens of references from a number of different sites- these pics here are from etsy, the above was from the wiki. Her eyes are different from every single other pony and pony and friends- they're so bulging, so round, the eyelashes are longer. It's wild.
I can only see all the things that are wrong with it.
It's basically impossible to get something like this 100% perfect unless you have like, a set of turnaround photos all from the same angle that you can match up to the camera. You can basically overlap references with the camera view but you will never know the exact angle so if you make edits from multiple angles like this you'll inevitably not match each angle and then have to go back and adjust the angles and then you're fiddling with it infinitely. That's why I usually go for the "trace 4 angles and make the rest up as you go along" method.
I don't want to spend _too_ long on every model I make- the Takara pony which took 6 months really shows how far down the rabbit hole I will go with something like this, and it's just not practical. But I think with a slight amount of fiddling I can match the reference a little better.
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In which the Town is left orphaned.
27: Hell
I think, in the worst possible end of all of their routes, they all die in their own special way. As morbidly hilarious that sounds, it's fitting. Explanation/headcanons under cut
So, first, Daniil: He jumps off the Polyhedron. This could be for a number of reasons. Mainly being that he feels that he has nothing left for him, particularly in reference to Thanatica. All his life work destroyed, so even if he does deal with this damned town, he has nothing to show for it. He comes to the decision as rationally as a man like him could. He weighs out his other options, realizes that he would find no particular satisfaction in them, so once the meeting in the cathedral is over, he climbs to the top of the Polyhedron and simply lets himself fall. Perhaps he remembers Eva, or perhaps he wanted to, like her, add something to such a hallowed piece of architecture.
Artemy (and Clara) are relatively simpler: He dies either in the fight with Oyun or dies to his "trials."
Clara in some way or another succumbs to the earth. I don't completely know how this would work out story-wise, but it felt like thematically. Do note that I haven't finished her route yet, haha.
anyway, this took fucking forever to finish, so despite having said I was going to do one more pathofest after this, i dont think i have the life in me to do so, ,, it was going to be for the prompt "our home" but i really want to work on and just do other stuff, NAMELY goretober !!!!
also scream fortress
i love you pathologic but i want to be free
#art#pathologic#:3#pathologic fest#pathologic_fest#pathofest#daniil dankovsky#artemy burakh#clara saburova#clara the changeling#my art (real)#tw death#polyhedron#executor pathologic#skeleton#bachelor pathologic#haruspex pathologic#changeling pathologic#religious imagery#death imagery#implied suicide
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biblically accurate modern!husband!anthony hc’s 🤍
first post here ! <3 i hope u love it <3
- anthony “i love my wife” bridgerton trying to go about his daily life when he quite literally wants to stay in bed all day with you.
- anthony is THE lightest sleeper on earth. if you get up at night, you’ll come back to the bedroom and hes just sitting up in bed half asleep like 🧍🏻♂️
- speaking of, if you even want to get up, you’ll have to wriggle out of his death grip. he will hold onto you throughout the entire night, and if it’s hot, he’ll make sure to have a hand sprawled across the bed onto you.
- sometimes you have to remind him to back off a little because he genuinely acts like you might die every time you leave the house
- insists you call/text him (preferably call) when you arrive at at wherever you’re going so he know you didn’t get hit by a car or something on the way there
- speaking of, Anthony texts like he he does not understand what a phone is.
- quite literally really only uses his dad’s old desk phone and emails. he owns an iphone 7 that is usually sitting in the back of his bedside drawer for days at a time.
- he loves all of his siblings equally, but Hyacinth has him wrapped around her finger at all times.
- will do pretty much anything for his wife, but is much more firm with his siblings.
- which is why every time they need something and you aren’t around, Hyacinth is sent to give him her best puppy eyes. he folds almost instantly every time without fail.
- genuinely does not really have many “friends” that aren’t also family. he used to in college, but he just doesn’t find it necessary anymore, and also doesn’t have the time.
- he has reading glasses. enough said.
- scared of bugs.
- talks about pretty much everything with Benedict, who he’s probably closest with in his family besides his mother.
- used to play with/take care of Hyacinth as a baby when Violet was grieving.
- sometimes struggles to pronounce big words when he’s arguing and it pisses him off so much he has to leave the room.
- likely has most of his siblings set up with a therapist, but doesn’t get one for himself until his wife tells him to.
- all of his spaces are organized meticulously, usually by color or number order.
- will check to make sure every door to the house is locked at least three times before going to bed.
- which can take up to an hour when staying at Aubrey Hall.
- we all see how he softened in season 3. his siblings tease him about it sometimes, but they’re all delighted. and he couldn’t care less. he thinks he is the luckiest man on earth and rolls his eyes every time he thinks of how angsty he was.
- if you have children, he’s the most loving father in the world. will wear a tutu if the need arises.
- he can’t have you in his office for more than thirty minutes or he gets distracted.
- he didn’t cry for years after his dad died, and now he cries about once a month.
- most animals love him for some reason.
- has nightmares relatively frequently after edmund dies, but they die down as he gets older.
- favorite color is navy blue. changes to light blue once he’s married.
- good with babies and toddlers from when hyacinth was little.
- you make him take breaks while he works everyday, and they become his favorite parts of the day. you bring him tea and sit in his lap and pet his hair, sometimes he falls asleep. he tells you to wake him up but you never do.
- still uses an alarm clock.
- refuses to leave bed until ten am every day.
- smells like sandalwood and cinnamon.
- idk why but i feel like he fucking LOVES sudoku puzzles.
- but dont ever ask him to do a real puzzle thats more than 50 pieces or he may start crying.
- type of mf to read actual newspapers.
- no one in the family has serious allergies, but he still keeps an epi pen everywhere just in case.
#anthony bridgerton x reader#anthony bridgerton#anthony bridgerton x female reader#bridgerton#bridgerton x reader#bridgerton smut#anthony bridgerton smut#bridgerton fanfiction#anthony bridgerton fic#anthony bridgerton fanfiction
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Pick- up
going out on a limb here lol havent written smut in god knows but i had this idea like ages ago and just wanted to write it down. please dont judge this kinda made me cringe a couple times lol
warnings: SMUT, phone masterbation, R.I.P Bill
Toms POV
"Fuck ___ pick up, pick up, pick up" Tom mutters into his phone the high pitched call ringing in his ear. The sound turning off and the beeping of a missed call is now echoing in the quiet room. Tom looks over to check if Bill is still asleep, the only think tom can see is his brothers back facing him on the single bed across the room.
Tom breaths a sigh of relief, if Bill knew what Tom really wanted he would be kicked out and made to sleep in the hallway as ___ wasn't picking up, Gustav and Georg love their privacy way to much to want Tom to sleep in their rooms so that was a no go as well.
"Fuck sakes" Tom groans, he lifts his bed sheets to see if his hard on is getting any softer but to no avail. Another time this would be great, he could go sneak into ___ room fuck her to his hearts content give her a quick little i love you kiss then sneak back before Bill and the others wake up.
But no, it just had to be on the day where they all had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn. Looking to his bed side table the clock flashing 11: 15 pm, not to late into the night but everyone is probably trying to get some rest of the big day tomorrow including ___.
Deciding to give it one more call he reaches for his phone chucked somewhere in his messed up sheets. Scrolling quickly to try and find her number in his phone catalogue, groaning quietly when his boxers rub against his sensitive cock.
"Please, please,please, pick up ___, god" he groans feeling a tad bit guilty about waking her up but god did he need help right now. As the beeping sound of a missed call sounds again he groans giving up hope that she would pick up.
'Bing' his phone rings. Toms head whips over to his phone, flipping it open and seeing that he had a new message from ___ his heart pumping wondering if he was actually going to do this, but the quickly making up his mind as he had now dragged ___ into his problem.
___ POV
The ringing of my phone wakes me up again. I roll my eyes getting annoyed at who ever keeps ringing me at such a late hour. One more ring goes off and i groan if frustration and snatch my phone from the bedside table.
I shut my eyes tight as the blinding lights flash me, as i get used to the brightness and can actully see whats on the tiny screen i see its from my boyfriend Tom with like a bazillion calls next to his name.
I get the reason Bill spilt us up, not wanting to her the headboard slam against the shared wall or the gasps and moans as we fuck each other to over stimulation but oh well. It does feel weird not having Toms warm body pressed against my back, his wandering hands running up and down my thing or his soft breath on the back of my neck but i digress.
Texting him quickly the letters on my screen pop up slowing, still groggy from just waking up but i manage to get a go enough sentence to send.
Me- Hey babe whats up why you ringing to late at night??? Tom- Please i need you, ive had this boner for like ages and it wont go away please help. Me-Really Tom a boner you woke me up in the middle of the night cause your horny Tom- Yes baby i know it sound stupid but its so sentitive right now and i cant bare it please Me- Why dont you just jerk off then? Tom-yeah but i dont got any sexy pictures of you on my phone to use and i get to distracted to make anything up in my head, can you just call me please
You furrow your eyebrows in amusement before another ding went off, wondering what Tom has to say now you open the chat log and see Toms cock standing tall, tip swollen and red, pre dripping from it already. You wont lie but seeing his dick even with the shitty lighting from the camera flash gives you that warm feeling in the bottom of your stomach.
Tom- please baby, i cant take it no more
He types in the chat. Your a bit confused as to what to do, wondering if he wanted to come into your room as him and bill are sharing a room and that wound be weird or if he wanted to have phone sext which your havent done before.
Me- So do you want to come over to my room or what?? Tom- To risky bills got some sorta fancy security thing set up on the door to make sure i didnt try and come to yours well just call okay Me- Wont Bill hear you on call though? Tom- I'll be quite baby dont worry
is the last text you get before the phone rings again. Not waiting another second you pick up that call, flicking your bedside table lamp on and sitting up against the headboard, your thighs tightening in anticipation.
Hearing a groan from the other side of the call you assume Tom has already started to try and get rid of his problem. You hear shilick noises which you can guess if Tom working his hand up and down before another low groan reaches your ears.
"Hey baby"Tom whispers a slight chuckle at the end, "Hey Tommy, really that bad is it?" you giggle finding this all a bit to amusing."Fuck you have-mmh no idea" he groans half way through talking "say some thing baby- need to hear- ngh- need to hear you noise fuck please, talk about - anything ugh" tom moans in a hushed noise.
You hear the bed creak through the phone wondering if he was thrusting up into he hand, the same way he does when you give him blow-job. Not having a clue what to say you just repeat things you have heard him say when hes close to cumming, words flowing out of his mouth as the high hits him.
"Fuck~ ___, need you so bad" he voice pitched higher then before his hand jerking him off faster." What do you want tom huh? you want my mouth to suck you off or just my hands maybe both though i bet you would like that" hearing a louder groan from the other side signalling to you that he was getting closer you keep going. "Yeah you like that, face fuck me, making me choke on your dick hmm".
Toms POV
Fast gasps come out of my mouth the knot in my stomach getting bigger, i move you phone to rest between my ear and my shoulder and move my other hand to my balls kneading them slowly. The extra movement adding to the stimulation my body starts heating up and i feel myself get closer.
___ spewing words into my ear, the sanarios of want we could be doing if there wasnt a wall between us carring me furter to my climax. I grip my cock harder aswell as my balls going faster letting out a few loudish moans quickly looking over to bill to see if hes woken up but his body still relaxed and not moving.
"Fuck ___-ngh- im gonna-Fuck!" you groan into my phone, my body tensing, my hips rising further to meet my hand, my back arching with my eyes rolling back as the high hits me hard. I bite onto my bottom lip really not wanting Bill to wake up at this point, fisting my dick again riding out my high i let a few moans out just to let ___ know that i was cumming.
As my body slumps back down onto my bed i let go of my now softening cock letting it rest on my lower stomach. Letting my breath get back to normal and cleaning up my cum before talking to ___.
"Thank so much babe, fuck i really needed that" i say with a much clearer tone "No problem babe, i hope you know that your gonna have to fuck me in the morning i don't care when but this phone sex thing god it hot, but id rather have you fuck me then listen over the phone of you get what i mean" she giggles.
We quickly say our good bye as i try and get some sleep, looking back at Bill seeing his back turned i can only pray that he didn't wake up, my eyes drifting to the clock flashing 11:39. I pull my body deeper into the bed my eyes only now feeling heavy as i slowly drift of to sleep.
TIME SKIP
I wake up the sun barely up but lighting up the room enough without lights looking towards bill bed seeing he not there must mean he up and about probably in a very pissy mood but still. Grabbing my socks and slipping them on i walk around to ___ room, seeing shes not there i raise my brow. I walk to Gustavs next, no one there i huff walking down the corridor all the way to Georg room, knocking a few times before jiggling the door handle to see if it was unlocked it was....
Opening the door i was met with everyone's faces: Bills face scrunched in disgust, Gustav mouth hanging open, Georg looking like he was about to die if he kept his laughter in any longer which seemed to be right as he busted out laughing clutching his stomach. ___ face in her hands i get the gist that ether ___ told them about our call or Bill woke up and told them.
"You couldn't of waited!" Bill shouts, my question getting answered. "Hey my plan was to go to ___ room but you had that fancy lock on so" i say not caring to much i grab a coke from the fridge and sit down next to ___ opening it a placing my arm around her shoulder giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.
"I told you he was gonna wake up" she says leaning her head on my shoulder as we watch Bill rant about last night with Georg dieing from laughter and Gustav in shock. "Oh well, he'll get over it" i chuckle taking a sip from my coke.
YALL i hope you liked please leave requests they are open 😁
Taglist @oppopotamus@adissonsss@violentnewmarley@saumspam
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insecurities , — Nagi Seishiro ! anon request :3
sypnosis whereas reader is feeling insecure about her body weight.
warnings . mentions of slight trauma, vulgar words, fluff, angst, nsfw, not proof read yet , all characters used are aged up. note ⧽ some parts may seem rushed or ooc in other peoples opinion. english isn't our first language, so please bare with oncoming vocabulary or grammatic mistakes. (๑°⌓°๑) authors note . the ending was kinda rushed, and sorry this was late. But hey, please enjoy reading !
You nervously stood on the scale, watching the numbers go up as your manager stood ahead of you. Your eyes widening slightly as the numbers went up from the usual limit.
" Ms. [ last name ] , we've talked about this. Have you not been doing the... diet that we've told you to do? " She then said, stopping in the midst of the sentence to look at the scale, then to you.
"I- " You stuttered to defend yourself , voice almost visibly breaking. You were embarrassed. Yes, you were nervous about checking your weight, yes you had doubts about your body; but there was a small glint that wanted you to atleast hope that you weren't doing anything wrong.
" I think not. " Your manager said, raising a brow. " You will not be walking on the runway, and Miss Mikage will be taking your place "
"But I worked hard for that position! I spent nights prac-"
" You are dismissed. " Said your manager, cutting you off.
You walk away in defeat, sadness washing all over you. You worked hard to be in this position, you've gotten rejected multiple times, cried over this multiple times, and the year you finally have gotten chosen to show the talent you've been working hard for— this is what you get?
"She finally got woken up to reality." ,
"She thinks she's all better than us when the reason she got in here was because of her connections." ,
"I heard the only reason the company accepted her because she's the wife of a famous football player."
The people surrounding you murmured in a secretive tone, despite you hearing them loud and clear.
Instead of lashing out your anger, you wouldn't want to risk your job even further. So you chose to be the 'bigger person' and walk away.
You reached your house, opening the door as you found a pair of mens shoes placed hastily on the floor. You sigh, fixing them up as you took yours off and placed it beside neatly.
You went to the sofa, not bothering to greet your now husband– Nagi since you were too stressed with all the things going on.
I mean, you couldn't understand. Sure, you were the wife of a famous football player. But you worked hard for this position, you went through those interviews, questions, and so what if you were only accepted because of your 'connections' ?
Is it so wrong that you eat like a normal human being?
You DONT understand. Is this what you've been dreaming of? Is this the dream that you wanted so badly, is this the feeling of achieving the dream that you've worked your ass off?
You started to overthink, you started to wonder— am I not enough? Is this what everyone thinks of me? Do I even deserve this life? Do I even deserve Na-
"Baby?" A familiar voice questioned, his tone more of a hum.
You know, Nagi really cares about his games. He'd choose to slump all day if he could. Actually, if you were to describe him– hell he'd probably care about nothing at all.
But the moment he hears the front door creek, the sound of your shoes tapping as you place it on the floor— even though your usual 'Nagi, I'm home' wasn't heard, he was sure it was you.
His eyes perk up ever so slightly, still, he focused on his game; but this time, with the thought of you coming to greet him in his mind. He waited, and waited, but to no avail. And once he fully takes his headphones off, he hears– muffled sobs?
Ah, that's it. It was your voice. But, why does it make him feel so.. so hurt? Getting up is a nuisance, greeting you is a nuisance, but what's this? The moment he opened the bedroom door to see your crying state, it was automatic.
He walked towards you, sitting down the couch as he sees your heartbreaking state. "[Name] ? .." he asked, pausing– it was his first time seeing you like this. "Huh? What happened?" He said, reaching out his hand
As much as you wanted to bawl out crying into his arms, you couldn't shake the worry that echoed through your brain. "Go away." You retorted, voice almost breaking.
'huh?'
Was what Nagi thought at the moment. What'd he do wrong? Why are you being like this? Why are you acting like this? Why why why why?
"I don't deserve you." You muttered out.
"Huh? t're you talking about?" He said, in actual confusion — head tilting slightly to the side.
"I don't deserve you. Let's end this." You said, getting up.
Then a hand pulling you back down.
"What are you—"
Your eyes soften as he cuts you off with a kiss.
You wish you could've resisted, but your body just reacted. The way his tongue slowly slid in your mouth, kissing you in that same lazy pattern. How could someone resist such thing?
"Ah, what a hassle." Nagi says, pulling away.
" You don't have to console me if I'm such a hassle " You retort , looking away.
"Mmm, you being sad is a hassle. I don't like it." He says, head snuggling to your chest. He stays silent for a quick second, thinking of a a way to have you feel better. "You can tell me what happened if you want, I don't think of it as a hassle when it comes to listening to you."
Unknowingly once again, tears welled up your eyes from hearing his words. Do you really deserve someone like him? And when your tears stream, so did your feelings. You unconsciously let your mouth run about how shitty your boss was and your surroundings, how you felt, and everything else that bothered you.
And there was Nagi.
Nagi who would've fallen asleep if it were someone else speaking
Nagi who would've chosen to play his games and put on his headphones rather than to listen to some girl crying
You know, ultimately — Nagi never thought he would be the type of person to really care. But when he saw you crying, talking about the things that bothered you; it bothered him too.
Just as you thought he fell asleep listening your rants as you muttered 'what'd I expect' , you see him suddenly look up. "I'll tell reo to transfer you to a different company tomorrow.. but first, I need to remind you something, 'kay?"
He leans in once more, his lips lazily moving against yours as he almost effortlessly changed your positions, his slim hands holding your thighs as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
He suddenly stood up, a slight gasp leaving your lips as you felt him move. Nagi interrupts your attempt to speak once again with a following kiss as he made ilis way to your joint bedroom, carefully placing you down on the bed.
He pulls away, finding you already unbottoning your blouse as he removes his shirt. And when you do take off your clothes, he stares at your body for a while— the thoughts of insecurity in your mind growing as you see his lips move to speak.
" s' pretty.." He said, hands giving a quick run on your waist down your thighs as he spreads them. "Mm, I think you shouldn't listen to what they say. They haven't seen how pretty you are."
Nagi added, his fingers slipping down your underwear as he puts two digits inside of you. You let out a strained moan, hand quickly covering your mouth as he curled up his fingers, pushing them in and out swiftly.
He takes your hand off your mouth, snuggling his face onto it slightly. " wanna hear you moan out my name "
He says, removing his fingers as he pushes his tip against your entrance— then almost slamming it all in, causing you to jolt. "Sei—" You moan out, followed by another as he went on to steady his pace.
"Need to remind you how perfect you are" He mumbled, lips on your neck as he leaves a mark, his free hand spreading your other thigh slightly further to angle his hips up to that spot.
"Fuck. Y' feel so good." Nagi added, ramming into you continuously, his grip on your thigh. "Sei, 'm close!" You whimper out in response your head moving back as you gripped on the sheets.
After a few final thrusts, you both reached your high as you lie restless.
"I love you." You mumble out as Nagi basically collapses on you.
"Again."
"I love you."
"Again"
"I love you."
And the cycle repeats until he falls asleep.
#x reader#rsventhesecondd#anon request#bllk x reader#bllk#fem reader#angst with a happy ending#fluff#seishiro nagi#nagi seishiro#nagi x reader#nagi smut#x reader smut#nagi seishiro smut
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