#whatever will be will be etc if i live i live if i die then i die. such is life

[torturedtypewritersdept]

blue eyes + bruises - part three

✯ pairing:

doctor!rafe cameron x fem!reader

✯ summary:

a tragic car accident looks like it'll be the end for you, but dr. cameron is here to make sure that doesn't happen.

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, car accident, death of a spouse (not rafe or y/n), major surgery, injuries, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity back in 2021/2022 and i have rewritten + reshared it here :)

Rafe sat next to your bedside, he’s always wondered why so many patients' families had complained about the green plastic chairs he had again found himself in. He never understood their issue with a piece of furniture until he was in this moment with his Molly. He could feel its rigidity against his back as he sat watching the ventilator you were connected to send swooshes of air into your lungs. It was single handedly keeping you alive. The moment that you were in right now, with no one but a doctor you barely knew at your bedside. The hiss and tick of the machine had become background noise as he sat next to you, no longer covered by scrubs, but instead, jeans, a t-shirt, and leather jacket covered his body as he watched you live a moment that he already had. He could close his eyes and still remember it, still remember her like it was yesterday.. He wondered how he had found himself in this moment again. How he had managed to feel every ounce of emotion he had pushed down over the last two years in one measly twenty-four hour period. It wasn’t that he saw her in you, no it was different; your beauty so ethereal and unlike this world – maybe it was a twist of fate that your injuries were identical or that you had her eyes. Whatever the case, he was simply captivated by your beauty, your essence, your aura, there was something within you that he just couldn’t put his finger on. 

He had finished charting hours ago and instead of going home to be alone amongst the coolness of the sheets and the photos of her that still littered his walls, he stayed beside you, holding your hand – just in case. Jenni’s words still bounced around in his exhausted brain and he knew once he sat next to you for the first time – hell – he knew the first time he looked in your eyes that he couldn’t let you be alone, that he couldn’t leave you alone. If you were going to die, he’d hold your hand and brush the hair away from your face, he’d caress your cheek and tell you how loved he knew you were, whether anyone had bothered to show up for you or not. It’s what you deserved, it’s what she deserved. The anxiety and the freshness of his gaping chest wound was ever present, but he couldn’t leave you to cross into the next life without so much as someone to wrap their hand in yours – it’s just not the kind of guy he was. 

He still held out hope that you’d make it, that you’d be okay, that he could potentially get to know you or atleast the you that you would be after surviving such a traumatic event. He knew first hand that there was an afterglow when you got to the other side of something like that and he hoped he could bask in yours. He looked down at your hand – the one his was wrapped up in – as he tried to get away from the thoughts, as he tried to get away from Molly and the idea of you winding up just like she did. He noticed your nail polish, yellow with a black smiley face on the middle finger of each hand, similar to that of the Walmart mascot in the 90s. He giggled at that. Though he didn’t know much about you he knew you were bright – like sunshine to gravitate toward the color yellow and he knew you liked vintage things by the detail of your nail. He marveled at the fact that to have been involved in a crash so violent, your manicure was intact. He wondered how the universe was the product of things like that. Lost in thought again, Rafe brought your hand up to his lips, only grazing them over your cut up skin and he felt something, a twitch. Jumping backwards, he blinked violently a few times, unsure if he was imagining things. He was tired after all, the sunkenness of his eyes Sarah had mentioned still everpresent. He let go of your hand briefly, lifting his body from the green plastic in an effort to trudge to the on-call room and finally sleep. At least he’d be here if you needed him. As he rose, he felt it again – the twitch – and before another thought could cross through his tired brain, he noticed your eyes fly open and you start to fight against the ventilator, gasping for the air that was being pumped into you, your gag reflex pleading for control against the foreign object in your throat. His hands flew to your shoulder and your hair, rubbing soothing circles as he brushed your hair away from your face. You looked at him with fear in your eyes and his senses took over. 

“Hey, sweet girl. I know you’re scared, but I need you to relax so I can take it out, okay? Blink once for yes and twice for no for me, okay?” 

One blink. That was all he needed and suddenly all the emotions he was harboring didn’t matter, all he cared about was making sure you were safe and that you knew he would take care of you. The muscles in his chest squeezed against the walls of his heart as he watched tears fall out of the corners of your eyes.

“Okay, pretty girl. I’m gonna take the tube out. When I give you the go ahead, I’m gonna need you to give me the biggest cough you can and then I'll pull the tube right out, okay?” 

He explained the process of the procedure to you at your level with kindness and care and you appreciated that, even in a state of being halfway sedated. He stood there, suctioning out as much as he could of any remaining flem and secretions that remained in your throat. His voice soothed you in a sort of deja vu kind of way and you couldn't put your finger on why this stranger gave you so much peace, so much comfort – like just being in his presence was enough to make every bad thing in your world okay again.

“Okay, sweetheart. Go ahead and give me a big cough.” 

At his words, you sucked in a big breath and used all your lung power to drive a dry cough out of your throat. Simultaneously, Rafe pulled the tube from your airway, laying it on top of the napkin like material he had draped over your chest. Your first breath felt violent, it grips on to your throat like sandpaper against wood. It was uncomfortable to say the least but you were thankful to breathe on your own volition again. 

“Ow”

You croaked out, letting a wince dance across your features. 

“Can you tell me what hurts?” 

He questioned sweetly, hands still rubbing soothing circles into your hair. You closed your eyes, leaning into his touch. 

“Everything.” 

You mumbled. 

“I know, it’s gonna be that way for a while. Can you tell me what hurts the most?

You nodded – or attempted to, feeling plastic underneath your chin, alerting you that you were hurt, sparking a fear in you that you had never felt before. 

“W-what’s wrong with me?” 

You asked, reaching for the sweaty brace that your neck was encased by in an attempt to aid the burn of your throat. It felt like with every breath you took fire was coming from the depths of your belly. Rafe grabs your hands, ripping them away from the brace that encased your neck. 

“Easy, sweetheart. I need you to focus, okay? You’re really hurt and your neck needs to be still right now. I’ll explain everything but I need you to calm down, okay? Can you do that for me?” 

You looked up at him, pleading for answers, but understanding that he was there to help as his pools of blue looked back at you in soft reassurance. 

“Let’s get you some medicine and we’ll chat about everything, okay? My name is Rafe.” 

Rafe – Rafe as in Rafe Cameron? You wondered. Suddenly it all made sense, the dreamy doctor that you thought you imagined stood in front of you, with a kind disposition and sweet words and a beautiful chiseled jaw. If you were a praying woman, you’d say you were in heaven. But, it was in fact quite the opposite as you continued to feel the pain course through your body with every miniscule movement. 

“O-okay.” 

Rafe gave you a soft smile and brought the walkie up to his mouth, speaking into it. 

“Jenni, I need morphine, zofran, fluids, and lorazepam in 293.” 

His voice was soothing, even as he spoke medical words that were nonsensical to laymen's ears. 

“You got it boss, on my way.” 

The woman’s voice spoke back. She sounded sweet in the same way that Rafe did in the emergency room and it gave you hope that she was as kind as he was. 

“How are you feeling, sweet girl?” 

You attempted to turn your head in the direction of her voice, but were met by Rafe’s strong hands pushing your shoulders back against the pillows. 

“Try not to move until I give you this medicine, sweetheart.” 

He spoke reassuringly, rubbing his thumb across your cheek. 

“O-okay. I’m okay.” 

You whispered out and gave her a small smile. 

“There she is, a pretty smile on a pretty girl.” 

He spoke and moved forward, watching as Jenni came into your peripheral vision. Rafe took your hand in his again and rubbed soothing circles into it while Jenni inserted the medicine into your IV. You grimaced at the burning feeling of the medicine as it entered your veins. 

“Now, let’s get you feeling better, yeah?” 

He spoke kindly and blush rose to your cheeks. 

taglist:

as always, if you'd like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please shoot me an ask or comment on this post so i can keep track <3

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt @akobx @allsmilesreally7 @wtfdudesblog

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

[wildsaltair]

I’d like to thank Maximus Decimus Meridius for inventing loyalty and emotional intelligence and devotion and goodheartedness. and also sex

[covington-shenanigans]

christ alive I love my parents and I'm glad I got to see them but they are just. so fucking exhausting

[caramellody]

I could go on and on and spiral about a LOT of things relating to NSBU:

The NATURE of the nsbu movie and what THAT could entail and what THAT could mean for the characters in this movie

The way at how everyone in the main cast AND barsimmion follow the themes of the lack of change and stalemate in life

[bluffmotel]

BEAR HOLT & THE HOLT BOYS ,

as dusk falls, interior night / let your father die energy drink, daniel lavery and cecilia corrigan / the hurting kind, ada limón / sophokles, elektra / aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe, benjamin alire sáenz

[specters]

customers are so wild because they'll grumble about the (optional) digital tip option on the card readers and straight up go "this is silly, there's no reason to tip you people" like 1) there is a "no tip" button right there and 2) some things you can just keep to yourself

[queenlucythevaliant]

🪆

I would love a good dark poem.

--Rain on Main

Okay, this is maybe my favorite really bleak Russian poem. It's called "In the Bottomless Pit," but there's this tinge of hope in it that just makes the whole thing work so well. Anyway, I hope you appreciate:

In the Bottomless Pit In memory of Alexander Blok and Nikolay Gumilyov Day by day more brutal and more savage, deathly horror holds the night in thrall. Putrid winds extinguish lives like candles. No more strength to scream, to help, to call. Dark the destiny of Russian writers and inscrutable the roads they trod: Pushkin stood before a dueling pistol, Dostoevsky faced the firing squad. I shall draw my lot and know my fortune, bitter Russia, fierce infanticide. I may slip on blood outside the dungeon, or I may perish wretchedly inside; but your Golgotha I never will abandon, and your graves shall never be denied. Whether slain by hunger or by hatred-- I shall choose no other lot instead: if we die, then let us die together and arise like Lazarus from the dead.

--Maximilian Voloshin

[snekdood]

i feel weird even claiming my family used to be considered "rich" bc a lot of yall immediately jump to having summer homes, 20 yachts, and enough money to save a country

[maraczeks]

+

[chiistarri]

what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

[llycaons]

'jiang cheng would like a strong woman' have you considered she would probably not like him

[dykethang]

what are the sociological implications of uni making me want to Commit Die myself. really

[gregmarriage]

the whole thing of “oh, you use mobility aids?’” “oh, you use *insert thing that makes my life easier*?” said in the kinda tone where it’s kinda obvious they’re looking down on you for it. literally go fuck yourself <3

[todayisafridaynight]

To be fair RGGO Arakawa's son is confirmed either dead or unborn so it's A LITTLE less funny than him raising a normal son looking like that... still funny though I'm obsessed with him...

Speaking of Arakawa, I'm still going nuts about whatever's going on with him in IW. His voice line in the trailer in the trailer was so sweet but he uhhh Isn't Looking Too Sweet in the screenshots...

With Akane being in the game, I really wanna know whose perspective we're remembering him from too, since prior to that it seemed pretty certain it'd be either Jo or Ichiban. It's young Arakawa specifically, so it has to be between Jo and Akane as far as we know. I'm certain Jo has seen him go apeshit, but if Akane has and she fell for him anyway? Way of the Househusband-core... that'd say SO much about her... sooooo true though queen...

You’ll have to sue me because I Forgor the only thing i remembered was that his son Was Not Deranged. Which yeah i guess you cant be deranged if youre dead （＾∇＾）

I DIDNT EVEN HEAR HIS VOICE LINE THO WHAT if it was in the Official story trailer then oops.. lol.. i’ll take your word for it until im fucked enough to actually watch it LOL

Akane’s already a confirmed bamf if her not only booking it out of the hospital right after giving birth and escaping At The Time one of japan’s (or at least kamurocho’s don’t shoot me) most notorious clans to hawaii and then STILL having people after her. ACTUALLY had to get her out of the scene because she would’ve been too powerful otherwise

[monotonouscigarette]

Geniuniely not sure if im still sane anymore, but anyways how are y’all doing?