#what if she doesn’t want kids?
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Helluva Fandom, why has no one considered the possibility that Millie might not be keeping the pregnancy?
#‘i don’t know what to do’#‘you know i love you?’#what if millie is afraid that moxie won’t support the fact that she doesn’t *want* to carry through with the pregnancy?#what if she doesn’t want to take time from her job#what if she doesn’t want kids?#what if she’s not ready?#what if she’s *scared*?#helluvaverse#helluva boss#helluva boss spoilers#hb spoilers#helluva boss sinsmas#hb moxxie#hb millie#moxxillie#my txt
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*slams my hands down on the table* I actually think that if Zaun is granted independence by Piltover then Sevika would be the perfect leader both in and out of universe. She’s previously followed both Vander and Silco, and seen their strengths and shortcomings first hand. Not only has she seen where they faltered, but thanks to her newfound relationship with Jinx and Isha, she understands where they were coming from. She’s always been the right hand woman, always had a great vision for what Zaun could be and held a great respect for its people and their customs, but never had the backing to lead it herself. I think it would be satisfying to see her step into a leadership position, provided the final three episodes put in the work to turn what currently has the potential to be a redemption arch into what actually is a redemption arch. Moreover, Piltover and Zaun will undoubtedly still have a relationship after they gain their independence which provides ample opportunity’s for Sevika to interact with Mel, and hey wait where are you going I wasn’t finished—
#my convoluted plan to make melvilka canon…#no but I unironically do think something like this would work#I do NOT want any one in Vi’s family (yes that includes Cait) do become/remain leader of Zuan or Piltover because those kids need a break#lmao#another ending that could work for sevika is sacrificing herself to save jinx#paralleling what she did for silco only this time it’s for the right cause#but also dear god jinx really doesn’t need MORE trauma#arcane#arcane spoilers#? kinda not really but just in case#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#melvika#mel medarda#sevika#sevika arcane#textpost#shitpost
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you are umasou
#I watched it today it was so good#im not big on dinosaur stuff but i like how it was used to approach the predator/prey conversation especially when both sides are sentient#instead of just defaulting to well since predators are meat eaters their actions are automatically immoral so their role in the story#has to match. and then when your characters /are/ meat eaters you just step around that whole topic#heart knows he has to kill and eat so there’s no avoiding it but even he knows he has agency over that#hell he even decided to hunt by himself so umasou doesn’t have to see him kill and eat another dinosaur a day after meeting him#and maybe its because it’s a kids movie but it also doesn’t make a big show over the act of hunting and eating. it doesn’t dwell on it#like yes you can clearly see them ripping into guts minus the graphic details but it doesnt go out of its way to censor it either#its played straight just like hearts mom having more kids like nobody asks who the father is or when that happened cuz it doesn’t matter#what matters is she still loves heart and encourages her kids to greet their big brother and they do!!! it’s sweet#Beckon was also an interesting touch bc they make it clear the only reason he doesnt eat umasou is bc he cant and not that he wouldn’t#but he’s still a funny and interesting character and that doesn’t get in the way of how we see him too much#same for baku he was pretty polite with heart esp from the start when he asks him if hes abandoned implying he would be prepared to#look out for him from the start. and at the end when he decides to spare him. I dont hate him at all hes just intimidating#you are umasou#doodles#I wanted to draw smth more detailed but I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go with the cartoony art style#or smth closer to realistic?? so this is like. some sort of compromise I guess
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in my heart of hearts mike wheeler is absolutely an athena kid but i also have to offer up a concept that i think has extreme comedic and dramatic potential aka: repressed gay teenager mike showing up at camp half blood unsure of who his godly parent is and feeling insecure about not having powers and one day when he’s making not-so-secret heart eyes at his best friend and son of apollo will byers is when a bunch of glowing floating hearts show up above his head. and that’s how mike gets claimed by none other than aphrodite, the goddess of love and sexuality, and is in full denial about it for three days because he thinks it’s some kind of sick and twisted JOKE
(on aphrodite’s end, she’s upset mike is throwing away the gift of true love and keeps trying to trick him out of repression by making more and more improbable and hilarious gifts appear when he and will are hanging out. mike hands will a book and it turns into a box of chocolates and he has to fling it away like a frisbee before will sees it. they’re having lunch and romantic music starts playing. she gives mike the same blessing she used to claim piper and will can’t even look in his direction for a full day because he starts blushing so hard. fifty bouquets of flowers show up at the apollo cabin’s doorstep with a note that says love, mike and by the end of it, mike isn’t even repressed and unsure about his sexuality anymore — he’s just trying to not throw himself into the bonfire out of sheer embarrassment)
#also shoutout to piper mclean bc i think her arc of not believing she is an aphrodite kid bc she doesn’t fit the model for it and having#been teased and made an outcast of sorts kind of jaded her and made her actively rebel against being an aphrodite kid#i just think that is very mike wheeler of her#n then she spends five books learning what love means and what being an aphrodite kid means#again. very mike. to Me#credits to abby bc i said ‘what if mike shows up at chb and he is repressed and gay and immediately gets claimed by iris the rainbow goddess#and she said i see this and raise you aphrodite#and i said oh my fucking god.#anyways might write this. (is opening a google doc)#but we will see.#again like in all actuality i think he is super an athena kid to Me anyway. although i think a pjo/st au is one that is very open to inter#*interpretation#i just think this hc has a little kick to it#before anyone gets MAD and says no that’s STUPID and he would totally be Blah Blah Blah. i don’t want to hear it#byler#mike wheeler#/astro posts#pjo
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his flower...
Aww, from the signing doodle board and the Adventurer’s Bible long illustration… He likes flowers he likes shells, just a guy and his flower he picked from the side of the road, what’s not to love. Nature lover boy…
#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#Toshiro nakamoto#Shuro#he’s so cute he looks so genuinely happy what…#It really doesn’t look storebought which is insane to me. He went and picked a flower with his noble hands from the dirt somewhere#In both of these it can be assumed it’s for Falin/he’s thinking about her which. I’m sobbing#He knows she wouldn’t want a neat trimmed bouquet bc she loves raw nature stuff. His love for her frees him a lil in its own way….#Gives him a motivation to reconnect with his interest in bugs and stuff like when he was a kid…#This is the man who got his wedding proposal rejected bc she wants to travel and went “good for her good for her”#SNAIL TOSHIRO FOR THE WINNNNN#There’s stuff to analyze here but ik toshiro positivity gets some ppl aggressive I’mma stop here pls no hate on this post <3#Answering this ask at the speed of light. Gonna answer some others tonight#Nature lover toshiro
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Vanessa Doodles before work™️
My interpretation of canon Vanessa + her w Snatcher + Someone wanted to hug he <3
#a hat in time#not really an au but ya know not really canon lol#ahit vanessa#ahit snatcher#queen vanessa#demondoodles#my art#ahit#snatcher#my beautiful queen waaaaah#the noodle loser guy <3#the hold she has on me should be studied i swear jssjnwwn#anyways yeah#i know her having a shorter dress makes sense in the context of her wanting to be called princess but#I like long dresses :]#my hc is after the whole freezing she chilled out and felt guilt for some time but then she grew to not care as nobody wanted her apologies#so why bother right?#she and snatcher reconnected and they still dislike each other but still gossip over tea and murdering intruders <3#Vanessa: Can I talk to you like a girl friend for minute#Snatcher: Ya sure give me a sec#Snatcher: Heeey girlie men ain't shit#They have a very complicated situationship but they're essentially stuck together so might as well deal w it lol#I imagine Vanessa wouldn't care about his relationship status but he would be jealous over hers#a mix of 'She doesn’t deserve to move on from ME after what she did to me' and 'I am normal about my ex I swear but-'#He and Van get together for tea and watching 50 kids competing for their amusement lol
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I am so glad that the kid spectrals have such normal and caring spirits who will definitely not physically endanger and/or cruelly betray them in the midst of their lives already being destroyed by cults, monsters, and interpersonal drama. It’s so cool and nice 👍
#paranatural#pnat spoilers#paranatural spoilers#*SHAKES THEM ALL* BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS?#Isabel doesn’t get an evil spirit partner but she does get all of her kind caring spirit partners forcibly taken from her#which she is subsequently scolded mocked and belittled for by a grown ass man. so she’s also not doing great over here#I also feel like these parallels(?) are maybe harsh towards some of them#catnine is just straight up shitty. pacts will almost certainly be shitty in the future but technically hasn’t done anything wrong YET#to max I mean. not in general. I side eye the sphinxes#muse and forge have the potential and motives to be shitty later but I personally doubt they will go as far as any of the others#and peekaboo. if I’m being honest. I don’t believe it genuinely has the capacity to fully understand that it is hurting/betraying Dimitri#like fully is just concerned with wanting a friend to play with and not being abandoned.#which obviously doesn’t mean that Dimitri WONT get hurt/betrayed further or that the hurt/betrayal is in any way less#we also do not know what’s up with Scrapdragon considering she is also currently incapable of experiencing complex thoughts lol#could be evil. could be cool. is currently just a big hungry and kind of irritated snake lady. which I love for her personally#I don’t remember if Scrapdragon has been given pronouns. just that max calls her girl. assigned lady snake by the protag.
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leaks from the anime post bnha 430……. #REAL #NOTFAKE
#dabihawks#tododeku#bnha 430#mha 430#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#boku no hero academia#keigo takami#touya todoroki#shoto todoroki#izuku midoriya#now I’m going to tag the fankid. the old art is terrible do not perceive it#kaito todoroki#hishiro todoroki#SO WHAT IM PROPOSING IS……#hawks goes to work with ochako on the quirk counseling business rather than wtf he’s doing on the ranking system#dabi lives and is reformed and gets plastic surgery (but wants to keep some of his scars as a statement…) and he works with natsuo#he and natsuo have a soba shop. that only sells soba and boba#still trying to decide if Hishiro is a dabihawks kid or natsuos kid#hence why hawks doesn’t say ‘son’#I also think endeavor isn’t done with his bs and before his . UGH. ‘redemption’ signed a quirk marriage pact for Shoto#shoto and his wife (haven’t decided on a name yet but she’s ballin) try to make it work but they realize it just. it doesn’t#BUT OOPS SHE WAS PREGANTE. and she figures Shoto would. honestly be fine raising the kid there’s danger out there in the states#shoto’s also winding down on heroism bc it’s really. honestly I think he would also like to work at a soba shop#he doesn’t. but. I feel like there’s a reason he just mainly goes on midnight patrols yk?#anyway he and deku raise the kid . the mom’s involved as much as she can be while being the . yeah I think she would be the most famous hero#in the United States . good for her …. good for her………#if you wanna see me elaborate…… u know what to do… hit up that inbox#or if u wanna know what happened to the rest of class 1-a in my future au……
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i was thinking about how i wished leverage had a birthday episode for some of the characters cause that would be sweet, but then i realised something and basically…. okay here’s my thoughts in quotes form, just for fun
hardison: so when’s your birthday? i could plan something for us and the team to do and-
parker: i dont know
hardison: you don’t know… your own birthday?
parker: no, how would i know? pshh, cmon, you’re telling me you remember EXACTLY when you were born? watch this - hey, eliot, do you know your exact birth date?
eliot, innocently passing by, who was canonically anonymously dropped off at a hospital as an infant: no, how would i know?
parker: that’s what i said!
hardison: excuse me?? what is going on right now
sophie, walking into the apartment: whats wrong?
hardison: parker and eliot- well, okay, when’s your birthday? i just have to prove something.
sophie: …….july 12th
hardison: why did you pause? wait, is that your birthday or sophie devereaux’s birthday?
sophie: ………… (guilty silence)
parker: see, no one knows their real birthday! haha you’re so weird sometimes, hardison
hardison:
hardison: what the fuck guys
#leverageposting#wren speaks#leverage#parker leverage#alec hardison#nate knows his birthday i guess so i didn’t include him. if he was watching the whole time he would probably say ‘idk’ to mess w hardison#they’re having this convo in nate’s apartment but it’s like 3am & he’s asleep & they’ve all broken in to hang out#parker doesn’t know either bc of her ridiculously neglectful foster parents or bc she’s parker & her priorities are simply different to most#people. her birthday is irrelevant to thievery. and sadly probably not related to fun happy memories anyway.#sophie obviously is a good enough grifter to answer confidently but she feels a little bad abt lying to her family by now#meanwhile hardison had a normal foster nana who would have known his bday. most kids aren’t safe-surrendered like eliot so assumably#hardison would have a known bday. and he likes birthdays!#and he wants to throw parker a little party even if it’s a very unconventional parker bday that involves rappelling & jumping off buildings#but he is once again thwarted by the leverage team members having the strangest possible lives#he IS gonna give them each birthday parties tho. even if he has to make up some dates & stuff#sophie’s can be the fake date she gives if that’s what she rlly wants. nate’s real birthday is on file somewhere even if he’s being annoying#rn so hardison just has to do some basic hacking. eliot would have an approximate bday such as the day he was surrendered that his parents#would have celebrated throughout childhood. and parker’s would be april 1st bc that’s alice whites bday (and YOURE ALICE!!!)#as in it’s canonically in the online info abt alice white shown in the juror no.6 job & obvs that’s april fools so it’s funny :)#and hardison has a NORMAL bday unlike SOME ppl and yes he DOES expect presents you heathens!!
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I think the only real happy ending scenarios in Mouthwashing are where Anya doesn’t keep the pregnancy. Like not just not keeping the baby but not caring it to term.
In all the scenarios I’ve seen it’s always about how she regains her automy while living with what happened to her with the baby as a representation of learning to move past it but it’s cheap. She also doesn’t want the pregnancy, she says it directly right before she kills herself. Keeping it would forever tie her to him in her mind as an awful little thing that she would also have the guilt of hating. This hypothetical child would have done nothing itself to garner her hate but it is of the person she hates. The person that tried to strip her of her personhood.
I think the focus of a happy end in Mouthwashing bypasses the point there was never an easy happy way or end out of this. In a world where Curly did something, Anya still has to grapple with her pregnancy and being trapped on the ship. The rape never happened? Jimmy still would’ve inevitably lost it and tried to do something to escape any responsibility he was going back to. They were all still getting laid off despite if Curly told them or not. There is no way this ends happy or even bittersweet for most of them because of circumstances before and after we know of or are alluded to.
The question posed should really be about what would someone do to reclaim agency? To make someone understand how they feel/felt through expressing what they weren’t to before?
#this is mainly because if Jimmy was not an active threat I think Anya would try to induce an miscarriage#there’s like fear that while he doesn’t want the kid he doesn’t want her to do anything to his possible child#he just wants to ignore it peacefully until it got to that point he didn’t want it affecting him#I mean her taking the pills is symbolic of her not only ending herself but making sure the bay could never come to term#all of her fear and paranoia is linked to Jimmy having a very scary power over her but if he’s gone?#what would she do to keep going and get rid of that power he had permanently???#rape tw#suicide tw#mouthwashing#Mouthwashing game#Anya mouthwashing#nurse anya
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I need advice.
I’m a white intern working in a mostly white southern(ish) high school. Students of Color number at under 2%, perhaps even lower. It’s a very white, rural community - I grew up in a fairly mixed, suburban northern community, and part of my family is Black.
Several of my white students say rude things to my Students of Color. I’ve told them to knock it off *as appropriately as I can* but I’m probably one of the few adults that actively discourage that behavior.
I don’t want to let this shit fly under the radar, but I also know that if an adult of authority *who will only be here for a couple more weeks* interferes, and then doesn’t stick around, it could make things worse. Additionally, I know these kids are probably very very very used to this ‘system’ and that making a short-term change could be more harmful than helpful.
I asked one of my senior students after a very racist incident *where she was laughing along with the perpetrator but I told him to stop anyway* that I can move him, or her, so she could be more comfortable (admin either does nothing or slaps wrists, especially for seniors). She said it was fine and that he was always like that.
I must emphasize, I think they were bantering (they talk so much I think they consider each other friends?), but it was also wayyy fucking out of line, especially in a school setting. And the guy says so much out of line shit I’m surprised he isn’t rocking a full set of dentures to replace the teeth he ought to have lost by now.
Another student took me up on my offer to move people, but I ended up moving him, which sucks because he was the victim in this situation. Unfortunately, I have to keep his aggressors in their spots, as they are highly rowdy in all the ways and require a lot more supervision than he did. And the class is really full. These were also all freshmen, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that affected the victim’s reaction.
So I’d really appreciate advice as to whether I should let it be, or continue as is, or step it up even more, from People of Color in largely white, especially rural, communities. Like any advice from current or previous educators, especially Educators of Color would be appreciated, but specifically southern/rural ones would be wonderful. I’m going to talk to my family members about it, but they’ve lived in more Northern settings their entire lives and they may have less … applicable (?) experience to the situation.
Again, I’m an intern, I’m going to only be there until winter break 2024, and I don’t want to fuck things up for these kids in the long run with my northern ally ‘sensibilities’. Thank you!
#education#help#advice#educators of color#students of color#academia#slightly more context: the senior was a Black girl. there are not a lot of Black students but there’s multiple of them from different#families (though I also tutor her little brother). so she may have community to fall back upon and that might feel like enough for her#the freshman boy is mixed Asian and as far as I can tell is the only Asian kid currently in this high school#since we’re in Appalachia of course a lot of people say shit like ‘my great grandmother was Cherokee’ (apologies to the Cherokee community#but I’m quoting these people) but some of my students are much more tan and experience a bit of colorism. again I try to shut that down but#idk how far to take it. the one girl who is definitely Indigenous (I’m not going to specify further because it’s a small community) doesn’t#seem to be treated negatively for it and seems quite proud so I’m glad for her#but she also passes as one of the tan students so idk if she’s just comfortable bringing it up around me and it doesn’t come up near#racist students or what.#more context I forgot to bring up: I’m pretty sure most if not all of the Black students are mixed or have mixed parents. so they may#have white family members that make this system of poor treatment seem okay? or white family members#who help compensate for the racist people in the community?#I really don’t fucking know and I really don’t want to make things worse for anyone#getting ‘aggressive’ protection from a student intern may NOT be helpful#idk#thank you for reading this far
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[ 2ND CHILDREN / 5TH CHILDREN ]
— The truth is, Unit 02 simply isn’t compatible with the other EVAs. (E14)
— I never imagined this boy could synchronize with Unit 02 without replacing its core. Quite astonishing. (E24)
Death & Rebirth Pamphlet / Cruel Angel’s Thesis OP / EVA-02 wiki / DEATH (TRUE ²) / E16 / E24 / DEATH (TRUE ²) / E22 / 3.0: You Can (Not) Redo Cover / E09 / The End of Evangelion / E09 / E24 / NGE Manga / The End of Evangelion
#neon genesis evangelion#nge#asuka langley soryu#kaworu nagisa#shinji ikari#mine#there’s something here that I find really interesting wrt narrative relevance#bc both asuka + kaworu r rly important thematically#point blank the show would be fundamentally different w/o asuka in it#but asuka exists outside of the ikari bloodline#if shinji dies there’s no show. if rei dies she’s replace bc she’s still necessary#asuka was incapacitated and they brought in a new pilot#all asuka wants is to be the most narratively relevant person in the room but she’s the least. she exists outside of the ikari bloodline#and so she ranks below shinji and she ranks below rei#unit 02 isn’t compatible w any of the other evas!#meanwhile kaworu is what kickstarts instrumentality. but if it hadn’t been kaworu it would’ve been smth else#he’s there for five minutes and then he’s gone. he shows up in glimpses#he doesn’t get to actually matter either not beyond a concept#i think there’s smth that ties them together there#which ofc makes their relationship to shinji fascinating#also lol I wasn’t going to include this as actually being anything but I do think it’s funny that 2+3=5 get it#2nd children + 3rd children = 5th children#im very funny#anyway where kaworu idealizes shinji well asuka has to tear him down#and in many ways this is for the same reason#all of the kids are means to an end. but i think asuka and kaworu r this the most#bc they could be anyone. Thats the thing#there’s no reason it has to be them. they could be anyone#the joke addition is ofc: feliz jueves vs quieres ser mi novio shinji?
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the coolest kids in forgotten valley!!☆
(…it seems there may have been a stretch of time where rock and lumina were the only kids in forgotten valley…🥲)
poseref
#in the remake hugh and the player’s kid are the same number of years apart#so i can see them having very similar conversations n friendship#surely these two kids will grow up well adjusted and they will have no lasting effects from this kind of isolation. they will be fine#i have been thinking a lot about what their childhoods were like. i want to protect both of them#everyone who has anything to say about them as kids says that both of them were not well behaved children at all#tei says rock was rambunctious and energetic and hard to handle. sebastian says lumina was less than amenable#rock says he was bored to death when he first came here and lumina asks you not to tell romana that she’s lonely#lumina also hated wearing dresses so. she is very mad and ready to bite people maybe#sos awl#bokumono#my art#rock tumbling (sos)#harvest moon#story of seasons#story of seasons a wonderful life#bokujou monogatari#i like to imagine a au where pony and cecilia come to visit their family’s respective farms#so these two can have more friends ;w;#i am always thinking about how they were both severed from their families and taken in by someone else at a young age to live in nowhere#and they are both not exactly enthused about following the path laid out for them#headcanon ⚠️ i wonder if rock’s moving out on his own happened when he was a teenager. he was extremely confident everything would work out#anyway he got fired from every job ever and after many years came crawling back. and he came crawling back blond#at the time of chapter 1 lumina is baffled by the state of the guy she grew up with. why is he using dated slang and wearing disco costume#she is also kind of mad at him for having been gone for so long#hc rock probably had more freedom as a kid than lumina did which probably annoyed her#once again takakura retrieves a small rock from the goddess pond and he’s covered in poison ivy bee stings etc. no remorse#lumina from her window on the hill feels somehow jealous of these misadventures#lumina mentions in her heart event that she doesn’t often visit the beach because her skin burns easily#meanwhile rock was probably playing outside always. if his kid is any indication#idk i like thinking about the history of this extremely small village
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personal character design headcanons + brainrot
Note: the re-bound!au does NOT belong to me, it belongs to @chipper-smol I’m just not normal about it lol
#I SAY PERSONAL BC ITS MY OWN SPIN ON IT. NOT CHIPPERS CANON UNLESS THEY DECIDE TO OR NOT YOU HEAR ME /LH#I made a banner and everything this time. PLWEASE send them your questions not me JAJFHDSF#I thought it would be cool if macaque has two separate forms as a shadow and inside a mindscape. like I wanted his shadow form to reflect#him in his prime and then the mindscape form as what he looked like when he died. or a more vulnerable state at least#based on LBD appearing to MK as the ivory lady when she died in the S3 special. I don’t know exactly what it was but my first thought seein#the white void was she was appearing to MK in his mindscape to talk to him. so I built on that#I wanted to give him a more ‘Smokey’ look as a shadow just based on how he manipulates them in the show like in shadow play. I hope this#makes it look cool and immaterial. and then his mindscape form would be more battered up and tangible#the last couple images are chippers ideas though since they said the monkeys are drawn to MK when macaque is possessing him lol#and the fact that macaque doesn’t have any senses unless he’s possessing someone + literally sniffing out wukong in the scroll 🤨📸#I also have a vivid image of macaque moving from the mindscape to physical form like umm. kind of like when he passes the boundary between#physical and spirit/mind(?) it’s like the shadow covers him like ink. or pulling Saran Wrap over your face and it clings to your skin#so it kind of makes the shadow seem like a sort of shell or covering.. and I love the idea of MK meeting macaque in the mindscape for the#first time too. like the moment mac rescues him from LBD and MK sees him all battered and tired looking brooooooo#I’m not even sure if that would count as a mindscape but it rattles around in my brain like loose marbles#god I fucking love this au. gives me imagination fuel swear to god#my art#doodles#lmk#Lego Monkie kid#Monkie kid#lmk au#re-bound!au#rebound au#lmk sun wukong#lmk swk#lmk macaque#lmk six eared macaque#lmk mk#lmk xiaotian
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Oh yeah I meant to ask, to what extent does social paranoia/self-surveillance/Complexes/etc. affect Janeys & Brakul’s relationship, or their attitudes toward one another/themselves? I remember something written about them not engaging in penetrative sex in relation to Wardi taboos on bodily integrity, which, if not just happening to coincide with personal preference, sounds potentially pretty fraught. (Maybe excessively paranoid, but I want to clarify that this isn’t necessarily a Horny Question)
Not a horny question but as usual my answer is going to be excessively long and detailed so get ready.
Anyway yeahhhh it’s pretty fraught. The bottom line is that they love each other and are also mad horny about it with only a limited number of outlets, which only adds stress to an already stressful situation. They are fully aware that they love each other and there's no 'no homo'ing their way out of this one, but ARE kind of in denial about there being a sexual component to their relationship (which is partly bolstered by the Wardi view on sexuality only considering Full Penetration to actually be 'sex', and they aren't doing that, sooooo....).
With regards to paranoia/self surveillance....
Both of them share a fairly equal concern about status and honor. They are both fully in agreement that many aspects of their relationship have to be secret and that both need to uphold a normative life for high status individuals. The threat of public shaming is a very real concern, and they have killed people over it (duels over slander and impugned honor are legal in some contexts, Brakul extralegally beat a guy to death for it once).
Brakul personally most concerned about other people, and is compelled to avoid doing anything in public that could even be construed as romantic in nature. Wardi cultural norms permit men to be physically affectionate with male friends (kissing on the cheek is a common greeting) but Brakul is pretty hardline Bro Do Not Even Touch Me In Public. He has very few compunctions about anything done in private so long as he doesn't specifically feel emasculated by it.
Janeys is heavily religious and strongly concerned about curses and spiritual pollution (all believers in this faith share this basic tendency, but it tends to be of more pressing psychological concern to the upper classes via impact on social status and honor). His core personal concerns are on the spiritual end of things- belief in curses and spiritual pollution is a very real motivating factor in this culture. Anything he does that is conventionally understood as emasculating or spiritually violating, he has to rationalize and self-justify away.
There’s a tendency among the upper class to imagine the Commoner having a poor, uneducated, and superficial understanding of the religion, and philosophical debates on the nuances of religion is considered an ideal leisure pastime among the educated upper class. So part of Janeys’ self-justification cycle is usually like “I am very smart and knowledgeable, and now that I’m thinking about it the idea that [xyz gay as shit behavior] is spiritually polluting is superstition of the common rabble and missing all the Subtle Nuances”.
It’s kind of like Janeys will laboriously mental gymnastics his way through his various concerns and eventually be like “I Have Discovered That Giving Blowjobs Is Not Spiritually Polluting, (And In Fact Is Very Masculine???) I Will Analyze This Further” and Brakul is like “Ok cool not polluting okay awesome that’s great ok let’s go let's go letsgoletsgoletsgo”
This is a long, slow process. They have been in a relationship where they both want to fuck each other stupid for over a decade without any of that happening, instead just very slowly escalating while being very frustrated about it the whole time.
Sworn brotherhoods such as theirs are upheld by an annual ritual involving bloodletting (the palms are cut, blood drained into wine and mutually imbibed, other stuff happens). It’s a lengthy ceremony and partly supervised by a priest. The first escalation is they started doing this like, monthly on their own. It feels intimate and scratches an itch for physical and psychological closeness.
This escalated into performing a ‘’’condensed’’’ version of the ritual, which is really just them sitting around and cutting each other with a razor and licking up the blood (while perhaps half-assedly reciting the associated prayers). The underlying factor is they always need to have some excuse that does not ‘shame’ them- in this case, they have decided that their frequent exchange of blood keeps their bond soooo strong and powerful and that they're like, the best sworn brothers ever.
This blood shit is UNQUESTIONABLY sexual for them and is a physical outlet for sexual frustration. And it does eventually escalate to them finally getting off (‘weird blood shit’ was their first base, ‘doing weird blood shit and frantically dry humping to completion and then not talking about it’ was their second, ‘kissing on the mouth’ was like, 6th)
This all was worsened by the genius decision of having Brakul knock up Hibrides, who is Janeys’ wife. Janeys has no attraction to women (and also probable fertility issues) so he never succeeded himself. She had passed the expected childbearing age and is utterly miserable in this relationship and was kinda like “uhhh if you won’t let me fucking DIVORCE YOUR ASS you’d better figure something out because you’re shaming ME”, and since sworn brothers effectively ‘share’ wives (IN THEORY this is just a commitment to support your brothers’ wife and children in the case of his death) they came to an agreement that this was NOT Janeys being cuckolded and shamed, as long as no one else finds out.
The lingering after effects of this decision are one of the primary strains on their relationship on a whole number of levels, one of which is Janeys now being intensely jealous of Hibrides for ‘getting to’ fuck Brakul, and that she has had a form of closeness with him that Janeys can never have (not even just the sex but like, conception itself). The feeling of having a metaphysical bond with someone who he sees as stronger than himself makes him feel more secure, and the sense that someone has gotten in the way of that and experienced something 'deeper' is very distressing for him. Brakul also kind of wants to be a father and really, really, really wants a relationship with his bastard children (something which both Janeys and Hibrides prevent him from doing) which really wears on him.
On a personal level, Janeys swings between feeling smugly justified about everything (he's only hiding it because everyone around him is stupid and wouldn't get The Nuances) and like, Oh God I've fucked up so bad I am shamed beyond recognition. Why did you let me do this to myself, this is your fault, you made me like this, etc etc etc. (This is especially the case when he suffers any unusual misfortune, seeing it as signs of a curse).
Brakul can usually weather this out (and is also very good at logically assuaging his concerns), but it's very draining on him. He shares the core belief in spiritual pollution, but he doesn't share the experience of actually Feeling dirty or shamed by things only they know about. They get into a lot of fights (not necessarily explicitly about all this, but it's an underlying tension) and Brakul often just deals with it by up and leaving for days on end until Janeys is miserable enough to not be upset. Brakul also has some alcohol abuse issues and could be diagnosed with clinical depression (not entirely because of this, but it doesn't help).
Another bottom line is just like, after over a decade in vehement denial that they are fucking each other, the notion of 'actually fucking each other' has kind of an outsized weight to it. Objectively (BY WARDI CULTURAL STANDARDS) they have ENTIRELY and thoroughly shamed each other and are riddled with spiritual pollution, and taking it up the ass couldn't make it any worse so might as well. But they haven't quite got there.
So yeah this is kind of all over the place but I think this answers the question???????
#It should be noted that all this is not an exercise of ‘what would it be like to be a gay man in this setting?’ but instead#‘what would it be like for these specific guys - who are freaks - to be gay men in this setting?’#Also I have to introduce Hibrides soon she’s an important character.#I have engaged in the (wildly masturbatory) practice of imagining your thing has a fandom and what the bad fandom takes would be#and am pretty convinced that she’d get a lot of hate.#shes trapped in a miserable relationship with a guy who is abnormally misogynist (in an already patriarchal culture) and also HATES HER and#she doesn’t even want kids but societal pressure (and Janeys publicly blaming her for not having children and claiming she was infertile)#gets her to agree to this whole scheme. He wants nothing to do with her and vice versa but he won't let her get a divorce because it would#be humiliating for him. She’s really going through it#but I also don’t want her to be a pure innocent victim and the end result is a character that some people would definitely be like#‘ummm wow horrible homophobic bitchwife :/’ about#brakul red dog#janeys haidamane
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as someone who’s never liked timsteph i find it so funny that i just accidentally talked myself into a revrob au of them. revrob au where war games happens, steph (~15) gets captured & tortured, except this time tim (~16) comes in to try & help but due to [unforeseen circumstances] no one comes as backup, and they’re both tortured, leading to steph’s red hood era via being resurrected somehow by arthur brown and tim’s oracle era brought on via complications due to torture.
tim’s the one person steph won’t target, and steph’s the one person tim can’t really get angry with about killing, because they get it.
#THE ONLY EXCEPTION💥💥💥 except it’s like a kinda horrifically toxic relationship#steph is pissed that tim survived & is still condescending to her via his ‘as long as u don’t target the kids i won’t interfere’ shit#and tim wishes he died instead because now literally everyone knows abt him bc he was publicly kidnapped & recovered#tim was with steph as she died and she’s very grateful for that. tim is annoyed bc she didn’t have to deal w the aftermath like he did#like they have the worlds most unhealthy relationship but also it works bc their care outweighs their hatred#& then u also get fun convos where tim can’t stand damian/b/duke saying that what steph is doing is wrong bc *they weren’t there*#tim drake#batfam#dc#stephanie brown#anyway. i have never shipped timsteph. i dont know where the brainrot came from. i’m having fun here tho#reverse robins#tim becomes a biomedical / doctor esque thing and works in r&d at drake industries 👍#he’s the one steph goes to when she’s hurt. he can’t talk anymore & he trusts that she’ll always listen to him even when she doesn’t want to#anyways. what happened here.#(tim ends up having to kill black mask to escape bc he was held there even after steph died. bc he had info she didn’t.)#(it’d be hypocritical if he got angry at her killing ppl who did bad things.)#i know tim & damian are on good-ish terms when they’re adults but that tim still is fine w steph hunting damian /b/duke#bc ‘he got his chance to chew them out. now it’s her turn.’ i have no clue about literally anyone else yet tho#thoughts
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