#what if i’m ACTUALLY autistic
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VENT!!
i hate how my mental illnesses/ disorders overlap with exact symptoms of bpd cuz it makes me feel like i’m like a bpd faker when i’ve never even claimed to have it..
same with my tics, makes me feel like i’m mocking ppl with tourette’s syndrome but i literally can’t control them just as much as someone with tourette’s
i also hate how no one believes i’m autistic (un/self diagnosed) because of the fact that ig i have pretty privilege and mask but maybe i should start showing more symptoms publicly (plus, year by year more and more symptoms/ traits become more prominent) so that PEOPLE FUCKIN BELIEVE THAT IM AUTISTIC
#tw depressive#tw anxiety#tw social anxiety#adhd vent#adhd things#adhd problems#audhd vent#audhd problems#actually audhd#autism vent#autistic things#actually autistic#tw vent#tw mental health#tw depressing thoughts#tw depressing stuff#tw depression#cw vent#bpd vent#bpd mood#idk if i have bpd or not#maybe i should get evaluated for any other mental illnesses#maybe i have more than the main three mental disorders#what if my mental problems are deeper than just depression and adhd#what if i have bpd#what if i’m ACTUALLY autistic#im not mentally stable#mentally drained#actually mentally ill#mentally tired
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Ways I Didn’t Realize I Was Stimming
Neurodivergent_lou
#autism#actually autistic#stimming#ways of stimming#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#feel free to reblog#Neurodivergent_lou (Facebook)#I’m a spinner and nail biter#what about you?
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“She’s so sweet she’s always going out of her way to help others” quick someone give that girl all the love and safe space she deserves before being “sweet” (pathological people pleasing as a trauma response) destroys her and leaves behind a bitter empty shell of a person
#it will! learned that one the hard way! can’t believe I didn’t see that’s what I was doing for so long :)#always just thought “I’m so nice haha wish I wasn’t” turns out I wasn’t hahah just brain chemicals outta wack :)#not that I’m not actually nice but the people pleasing isn’t what makes me so :) (me @ myself)#post traumatic growth#pathological people pleaser#rants & reflections#csa survivor#cptsd healing#childhood emotional neglect#autistic trauma#autism in girls#late diagnosed autistic#cptsd recovery#bpd mood#undiagnosed neurodivergent#abuse survivor#people pleaser#inferiority complex#trauma response#trauma recovery#traumagenic#trauma disorders
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man laios and toshiro's/shuro's dynamic is incredibly compelling to me on multiple levels
when you look at them, you can see the cultural and personal barriers that drive almost every single aspect of their relationship, both positively and negatively. laios is incredibly outspoken and driven by his passions, which he expresses freely even in the face of annoyance and/or criticism- he's allowed to be as authentically himself as he pleases, and it's this drive that allows him and the others to survive as long as they have, especially due to the fact that these passions and interests are intertwined with his skills as a dungeon diver. toshiro, in contrast, is incredibly reserved, not only due to his eastern upbringing but also his status as nobility- a combo of cultures that both demand that one save face, to avoid conflict at any cost, even at the expense of one's own feelings and individuality. this, in turn, has made toshiro the perfect samurai, as he's politely-spoken, agreeable, and an honorable, skilled man. both are also incredibly devoted to falin on different levels, having come to accomplish the same mission of her rescue despite drifting apart from the party.
on the flipside, it's these same strengths that cause them to clash- laios is outspoken but unable to truly decipher the emotions of others, leading to a lot of false assumptions and frustration from those who interact with him. toshiro is stoic but to the point of complacency, leading to a aggressively neutral disposition that's ushered by the needs and wants of others, rather than himself. neither man truly knows where they stand with the people important to them in their lives, and hold the ones that they do know how they feel with a fierce admiration expressed in ways that aren't always traditional.
in the end, they both share a growing feeling of isolation from other people that comes to a head when they meet again in the depths of the dungeon, and they both have different ways of coping with the frustrations that arise, seeing the other as only the things they have seen face to face.
it's laios' ability to express himself emotionally without consequence that sparks jealousy in toshiro, leading to a physical fight born out of miscommunication and envy. while toshiro is a driving force in the conflict, it should be noted that the actual fight is started by laios, breaking the dam of indirect communication through force. nothing is more direct than a slap to the face, and it's only after they start hitting each other that toshiro's true feelings come to light.
however, at the end of it all, toshiro is the one who stops torturing himself, listening to laios and giving him the bell, allowing laios and his party entrance into his homeland should they need it, and ultimately giving him support in his mission to defeat the dungeon mage, albeit in his own way. despite it all, they're still good friends with a conflict that boiled over, but came out the other end with a slightly better understanding of each other. the fight was painful for both of them, but it was a necessity for their dynamic to improve, and for them to be made aware of their faults and improve as individuals as well.
but also, if you think about it, their dynamic is literally just this
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#laios touden#laios dungeon meshi#toshiro nakamoto#shuro#shuro dungeon meshi#character analysis#anyways toshiro haters with surface level takes get the hell off my lawn boy#i hope you know this entire character analysis was born out of the realization that i'd seen this dynamic before in a different light#and i thought. man. what is the funniest comparison i could make here rn. and i'm still right abt it btw#oh yeah also of course the autism read is still there#as an autistic person myself they don't read at all like neurotypical v autism. they read a LOT more like autism v autism#you know how people with autism either get along REALLY well with other people with autism or repel each other with a force#yeah they're basically that. to me#reading toshiro as autistic with the immigrant lens btw makes him even more compelling to read that way#but that is an analysis for another time#man i missed writing these#dungeon meshi spoilers#i should tag this actually. bc i’m right#laishuro
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Going to break into your house with pots and pans and yell at you until you reframe your thinking of productivity to include more than just schoolwork or a salary or chores and the like.
Did you do a thing? Was there a positive result for you or someone else?
Congratulations, you did a Productivity!!!
You aren’t ALWAYS going to be able to have the energy to do what we consider traditionally productive. You won’t always have the motivation.
Yeah, maybe you could have spent two hours studying for that test instead of 15 minutes. Maybe you could have cleaned the kitchen instead of the dishes. And? That’s still something!
Productivity is doing things!! Did you eat food and drink water? You did something that helped your body work! Doodled in class? You made art! Even just posting theories and memes on tumblr dot com is a thing! You thought out the post, figured out how to organize it (even if you don’t realize you did that) and you made it! And now other people can see and you DID something and you should be proud!!!
Be proud of yourself or I am going to show up outside your window tonight and scream positive affirmations louder than a cat who has just discovered her food bowl is empty.
#ESPECIALLY if you are disabled or mentally ill or sick or neurodivergent or any of the like#For me with ADHD and oftentimes poor mental health I really struggle to be traditionally “productive”#And earlier today I was frustrated because I was having a difficult time finishing a school assignment.#But also?#I noticed and made a post about a parallel between comic panels.#I’m working on a long post analyzing specific quotes from Webtoon.#I got up and got a water bottle.#Is that not productive?#Does that not produce a result that I and others may enjoy?#y’all have GOT to acknowledge little victories because that took effort and THAT was productive and Im sosososososososososo proud of you!!#adhd#autism#neurodivergent#i dont know what all to tag this as so feel free to reblog with any tags you feel this applies to or apply to you in relation to this!!#productive#disability#actually autistic#actually adhd#rambles
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Shoutout to all Middle Eastern LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Arab LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Egyptian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Iranian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Turk LGBTQ+ folks (if you consider yourself so).
Shoutout to all Persian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Iraqi LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to Kurd LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Assyrian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Maronite LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Yemeni LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Aramean LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Qatari LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Bedouin LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Jordanian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Shabak LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Saudi LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Chaldean LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Kuwaiti LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Palestinian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Bahraini LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Druze LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Cypriot LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Omani LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Lebanese LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Syrian LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Copt LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Emirati LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Turkoman LGBTQ+ folks.
Shoutout to all Pakistani LGBTQ+ folks.
Take pride in it all. Your culture, your identity, it’s all so beautiful. Celebrate where you are from and who you are. It makes you you, and that is something to be proud of.
I’m aware some of those of these ethnicities don’t consider themselves Middle Eastern, so take this with a grain of salt and just an opportunity to celebrate who you are :)
post for Asians, post for Pacific Islanders, post for Oceanic people, post for Hispanics, post for Africans, post for Native Americans, post for Caribbeans
#honestly I’m not too familiar with what is considered a middle eastern ethnicity so please correct me if any are missing or wrong#positivity#self care#mental illness#self help#recovery#mental health#ed recovery#pro recovery#actuallytraumatized#actually cptsd#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbt positivity#gay#lesbian#wlw#sapphic#trans#transgender#nonbinary#queer#asexual#aromantic#intersex#genderfluid#actually autistic#bpd#traumacore#pansexual
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Autistic Headcanons: Wambus Troubleham (Bugsnax, 2020)
“I must look mighty foolish stickin' to my guns like this. But you don't give up just ‘cause things get tough. If nobody else believes in me, I gotta believe in myself.”
#bugsnax#wambus troubleham#bugsnax wambus#autistic headcanon#autistic headcanons#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#gif set#gifset#gif#🛠️.gif#to be totally honest I’m not super happy with the formatting#but this is the least horrible it looked so what can you do?#why is he looking to the left in half of the gifs… wack#I hope you guys know I fought for my life looking for good playthroughs for the ‘meltdown’ gif#I had to hear ‘y’all want Triffany back so bad?! go find her yerself!’ so. many. times#every day is hell… woe is me#this beast has been in my drafts since July and I only finished it now. um. whoops?
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Art Fright 2024
smoke and mirrors prompt + foggy forest color palette with (an aged up version of) Carrie Krueger from tawog
#the mixed colors are actually just a pattern of two colors#I’m sorry idk what it’s called#ik being in the mirror is her mom’s thing#but I thought this would still be fun#the amazing world of gumball#tawog#carrie krueger#tawog Carrie#tawog fanart#ArtFright2024#art fright#art fright 2024#pixel art#beginner artist#well I’ve been doing it all my life but I think I still qualify as a beginner#trans artist#autistic artist#artists on tumblr
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it’s so funny that shadow the hedgehog is one of my biggest hyperfixations but i’ve never posted art of him bc i cannot draw that mf to save my life
literally fuckin cursed. i hate drawing the sonic style and he looks weird in my own style rip
#i own so much shadow merch it’s not even funny#i have a fuckin sticker of him on my name tag at work#half of my tshirts have shadow the hedgehog on them#i have a shadow charm attached to my phone case#and two shadow the hedgehog jackets#a pair of shadow the hedgehog sweatpants#and two shadow the hedgehog pieces of jewelry#and a lego figurine and a pop figure and a cursed unlicensed plushie#and two actual plushies#and an enamel figurine#and many stickers#and more i can’t think of rn#yet i still can’t draw this fuckin guy#natatalkz#natadrawz#art#my art#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#i’m autistic what about it
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Hangman says weird shit when he gets nervous
As in, he overshares when he gets nervous and isn’t sure what to say, sometimes it’s just trauma dumping and sometimes it’s sexual and sometimes it’s just… idk weird
He usually has it under control, the pressure of his job is not the thing that gets him, it’s the stress of his life outside of work
—
Example 1:
Ice: nice to meet you, Jake
Hangman: pleasure’s all mine sir, you have a beautiful house, you know, I used to live in a house just like this before my dad kicked me out and disowned me
Ice:
Hangman: sorry
—
Example 2:
Coyote: so?
Hangman: so what?
Coyote: did you tell him?
Hangman: I told him that I can’t stand him and that I want to **** his **** and then have him **** me until I can’t breath and hopefully until he can’t speak
Coyote:
Coyote: instead of… I love you?
Hangman: I got nervous ._.
—
Example 3:
Rooster: are you sure you’re ok?
Hangman: of course, it’s just a funeral, haven’t even seen the man in more than a decade
Rooster: yeah but he’s still your dad, you’re allowed to be upset
Hangman: hmm
Hangman: hey, did you know that like 1% of people get buried alive?
Rooster: I didn’t know that
Rooster: ready to go?
Hangman, taking his hand: hopefully he won’t wake up mid ceremony
#am I autistic and tend to over share information when I’m nervous and don’t know what to say? absolutely#Bradley and Coyote get used to it very quickly and they can identify it#and then know what to do#it takes other some time#am I…. pushing the autistic Jake Seresin agenda?… no I couldn’t possibly…. could I?… no… 👀#do I actually think they kicked him out and disowned him? idk but I needed to put something so ce la vie#is the number of people that get buried alive real? I think idk I’m not good at research#tom iceman kazansky#hangster#top gun#iceman kazansky#top gun maverick#Jake seresin#hangman#rooster#bradley bradshaw#Jake netting Mav and ice as Bradley’s parents fucks him up#icemav
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if you see absolutely anything that has kabru in it. And are unable to stop yourself from making it about L/abru (even when Laios doesn’t even appear or is irrelevant to the content in question!) and reduce kabrus entire deuteragonist-level character into wanting to fuck laios. I’m stealing something out of your house!!!!!
disclaimer: If you ship l/abru and gaf about kabru and don’t do this then this post isn’t about you 🤓
#I love kabru so much but finding content of him is so painful bro I cant#Flames flames flames up the side of my face!#I constantly consider just nuking my account and forgetting I ever read or cared about dungeon meshi many times bc of this lol#I care him so much. More than I care about dungeon Meshi as a work as much as I respect it and it’s fun to create for#I can’t be normal about this genuinely I never get like this but I turn into A.M from I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream#Laios and kabrus connection is really sweet in the end and I don’t ship it but like the ship it’s so inoffensive in abstract just not for m#But in reality every day I get jumpscared by the things people are doing to my angel#Like just do laios self shipping that’s clearly what you daft cunts actually want why puppeteer kabru free my boy#I promised I would never post like this but like it really makes me so mad lol. And want to just go back to not looking up anything online#And I already specifically curate my experience to a crazy degree.#But the way that this fandom revolves around babying laios is crazy dude#Like every single thing is about poor poor laios#like he’s the main character but it’s insane even people who LIKE him have to put disclaimers when saying even jokey mean things#Because then 1000x idpol white autistic people will descend upon them otherwise#And I say this as an autistic person of colour it’s annoying asf lol I do not respect any of you! To put it mildly!#If the only way you can engage with characters or stories is through vectors which You can personally project onto and relate to#I’m doing a lot more than fucking stealing something out of your house!#It’s the most normal thing on earth to not like the main character of a series but I feel if you genuinely hated laios#And are not just “guilty” of criticising him or appreciating his flawed character. Then the legions of cornballs will descend on you#The only good spaces are small pockets of people engaging with each other together. The rest lol nuclear devastation#but I suppose that’s the nature of fandoms lol why complain about clowns at the circus 🚶#Like there’s literally characters whose main purpose in the story IS their relationship/dynamic with laios. Kabru is NOT JUST THAT!!#He is a deuteragonist!#Treat him like one!#Like why are people talking about labru on my freaking kaburin and kabushuro posts dude free me
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Meltdowns and Shutdowns
The Autistic Teacher
#autism#actually autistic#meltdowns#shutdowns#what it feels like#these are NOT tantrums#personal experiences#I’m sure some can relate#neurodivergence#neurodiversity#actually neurodivergent#The Autistic Teacher (Facebook)
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I must be the weirdest student. Can figure out complicated cataloguing systems because it Just Makes Sense. Struggles with assessment scenario because she got paralysed drafting an email to a fictitious manager because she didn’t know how Formal they wanted it to be.
My tutor: so do you need any help with understanding the cataloguing systems?
Me, absent-minded: oh nah that’s fine, I can do that
My tutor: haha wow you must be blazing through this topic the—
Me, on the verge of anxious tears: but how do I format an e-mail to a fictional manager I’ve never spoken to before I’m so confused
-
My teacher: can anyone explain ISBN?
Me: (starts to detail what ISBN is with great articulation)
My teacher: so here’s an exercise question for the last half an hour of class, feel free to ask any question— oh yes?
Me, emanating Super Anxious Vibes: so like. what exactly are we doing?
My teacher: uh. It’s all written in the question.
Me: no I know. I understood the sentence. But. How. How do you want us to do it? I’m— I’m confused.
My teacher: ???? Is this the same person??? What?
#I didn’t understand myself for years#still don’t#but now I know what it is#✨neurodivergeeeeence✨#neurodivergent#neurodivergent tag#adhd#actually adhd#actually autistic#autistic#if something is vague. I will cease to compute#soon as someone connects those vague dots for me? I’m OFF#autism#asd#ren rambles#personal
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As an actually autistic person who learned English as a second language can I just say this about Yuki:
If your reaction to Yuki’s sincere apology, written in his own cadence and “imperfect” English, is to disbelieve his statement that he genuinely did not know what the R-slur meant and then call for cancelling him on all platforms -
I want you to take a long look at yourself and think hard about where your expectation that he is lying about his knowledge of the term actually comes from. Think about it for a second.
You are not actually helping autistic people. You’re just racist.
#f1#yuki tsunoda#for the record I am happy they fined him because an example does need to be made#but I am happy they suspended half of the fine#because he literally did it unintentionally and was horrified and apologised publicly#it was proportionate. I’m glad he apologised. let’s move on#I am DONE with the rise of white knight cancel culture where people who haven’t grown up in English language spaces#are held to frankly colonialist mindset linguistic standards#‘he should have known what it meant’#well WHERE do u think he learnt the word. we need to take a long long at the f1 garages and ableism there#but ripping yuki apart and accusing him of lying about not knowing what it meant? you’re just racist#tw ableism#tw racism#actually autistic
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y’know how you’re down to clean your room and then your parent tells you to clean your room and all of a sudden you would rather die than do it, yeah, that’s how it is for me but with talking
#ask me to repeat myself#and i will go dead silent#good luck figuring out what i was gonna say cause i’m not giving any hints#autism#autistic#actually autistic#asd#autism spectrum disorder#on the spectrum#autistic things#autistic problems#autism problems
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Geek Girl just hits different when you grew up undiagnosed autistic and got bullied for it
Like oooh I see parts of myself in such a kind and caring light and it feels cathartic it feels healing
#like here is an undiagnosed autistic teenager who is bullied for it and just oh the way it is shown#she’s not punished for the bullying#and never once is she forced into masking#she doesn’t understand why she’s different the way she is bc she doesn’t know she’s autistic#but she still identifies someone else who is ‘like her’ in that way#and gets to have a supportive connection and a healing conversation with him#jaxy babbles#geek girl#geek girl show#Harriet Manners#she gets to infodump all the time!#and the show doesn’t show it in like a negative way!#yes it shows that’s she’s awkward but it’s not like an ‘ew’ thing it’s not rejecting#it’s going ‘actually what she’s saying is interesting’ and ‘taking the time to understand her and care for her is worthwhile’#anyways I’m a lil obsessed
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