#what i am trying to say is: if you take the concept of stress seriously then you need to interrogate WHY people are stressed

[uncanny-tranny]

Whether or not the adage that chronic stress is as bad as smoking is or true or not, hearing that and knowing that a huge stress factor is often one's continued financial, housing, and food security really should radicalize more people. The idea of stress being damaging to long and short-term health should make you stop and wonder what contributes to stress in the first place, and if preventative measures would inevitably be a net benefit to the overall health and wellbeing of everybody

[back2bluesidex]

Slide - The Consequences - MYG (18+)

Pairing: Producer!Yoongi X Lyricist!Reader 

Theme: Angst, smut, unplanned pregnancy. Fwb to ?

Word count: 2k+

Summary: 

"I barely make it down the stairs without panic Woah, I won't let it set me off"

Alternatively, 

You are no different than the cigarette between his lips - half-burnt and waiting to be turned into ashes bit by bit with time.

Listened to Slide by Chase Atlantics

Warnings: Extreme angst. I repeat EXTREME angst. One very triggering concept (I'm not mentioning what since it might spoil stuff) but I have tried to keep it as implied as possible.

Minors do not interact!!

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Taglist requests are closed for now

A/N: This might break your heart because this is the angstiest chapter yet.

Read the next chapter

“Are you sure you don’t want to add anyone?” Hoseok asks for what feels like a thousand times. Everytime he asks this question, you get a sharp reminder of how you have no one to add as your emergency contact, how you are completely deserted from the rest of the world and how it’s no one’s fault but yours. 

You nod your head in affirmation. To dim the helplessness in your eyes, you smile a little. 

But Hoseok is not convinced as it seems, he only sighs harder. The pen in his hand fall on the patient chart as he intertwines his fingers and looks at you as if he is trying to read your troubles out aloud.

You don’t like it. You don’t like the way he understands you are nowhere near being mentally healthy for motherhood.

“Y/N?” he calls you firmly. The lack of any formal suffix or prefix shocks you momentarily. “You really don’t want to let the father know?” 

You suck in a deep breath. You want to let Yoongi know. You of course do. You want him to be happy, you want him to say “let’s do this together”, you want him to love you back more and more and more and more. 

But you know, this is hardly possible even in your wildest of dreams. 

“He’s happy with the person he loves. I- I don’t want this baby to look like an excuse to come between them. Also…” Marrying, having kids - all these, freaks me out. Yoongi’s words ring in your head like a loud alarm, threatening you to go deaf at any given moment.

“Also?” Hoseok urges you to continue. 

“Nothing.” you give him another weak smile. 

He sighs again. Probably he, too, is done with you and your nonchalant stubbornness. 

“In that case, I am enlisting myself as your emergency contact.” He takes his pen in his fingers again and starts putting down his number in your chart. 

Your eyes go wide, “but will that be okay? I mean-” 

“This is okay. Don’t worry. We usually do this in exceptional cases.” Hoseok gives you an assuring smile. 

“Thank you.” you mumble, embarrassment eats you away. 

“That’s alright, Y/N. don’t forget to take your meds and eat a lot of fruits. Okay?” 

“Okay.”

“And also, just so you know, excessive mental stress is harmful in earlier stages of pregnancy.” 

Your chest tightens. 

“Okay.”  

You usually keep your personal cell silent. Because there is simply no reason not to. 

No one is going to call you and mull over why you aren’t picking up your calls and if anything bad has happened to you or not. 

Not even your mother. She has far more important responsibilities than you have ever managed to be. 

You have a few contacts and a group chat with your high school friends, which you check occasionally. 

That is why your heart threatens to beat out of your chest when you see unread notifications on the surface of your personal phone, that too, from Yoongi. 

He had only messaged you a few times before in this number and all of those were barely a sentence. 

But today he had sent you not one or two but a total set of five different texts, which read: 

Yoongi (15:30): “I heard you are out with an emergency again?”  Yoongi (15:36): “What is it, Y/N? Is something seriously wrong?”  Yoongi (15:38): “Please, let’s talk.”  Yoongi (15:50): “Will you please stop ignoring me?”  Yoongi (16:05): “I will be waiting for you at the terrace. If you can, come before 5.” 

Your eyes close as you leave a loud exhale out of your mouth. For a moment you question your decision of coming back to the company and make up for the time you were out. You could have just taken a sick leave. Or maybe if you checked your phone half an hour ago, you would have avoided this whole ordeal. 

But right now you are in the parking lot of the building and you will have to go inside. 

And you know very well, once you are inside, the invisible threads of your body that are connected to Min Yoongi will start pulling you towards the terrace. 

It’s 4:24 now.. So he is still supposedly waiting at the terrace. 

Maybe Yoongi is right. You should talk to him. What will you say, though, you don’t know. 

Or maybe you should just listen to him, as always, let him do the talking and see how his speeches have changed since the last time, since the time when both of you were alone. 

It’s only you, who is alone now, who is troubled. 

You have always loved Yoongi’s side profile, the soft slope of his nose, the half crescent of his lips, but then again, there’s hardly anything about Yoongi you have not not loved. 

However, right now as you watch him in the glow of the setting sun, with a half-burnt cigarette in between his lips, you wish you wouldn’t have loved him so much. 

Because, now, you are no different than the cigarette between his lips - half-burnt and waiting to be turned into ashes bit by bit with time. 

But can you though? Your life is not only yours anymore. Your life is now intertwined with another living mechanism and you are far too lost in your head to be prepared for it. 

Do you really want the baby? Or do you just want to keep a trace of a fleeting thing that Yoongi had for you? 

If it’s the second then isn’t it unfair for the unborn life? 

Will you be able to love it when you can’t even love yourself? When you can’t associate anyone else with the word ‘love’ other than Yoongi himself? 

“Hey. you came..” Yoongi’s voice pierce through the dark clouds of your thoughts. His words are laced with doubts, there is a frown in between his brows and now that he is facing you completely, you can see bags under his eyes. 

You don’t even want to think about what's keeping him up at night. 

“You wanted to talk.” you finally start walking towards him with legs so heavy that it feels as if your body will fall over their weight. 

Yoongi crushes his cigarette under his shoes, like you have let him crush your hearts in those pretty hands of his. 

Once there is no smoke lingering in the air, you step near his vicinity. 

“Yeah. but the way you have been ignoring me, I didn’t think you would come.” there is a hint of hurt in his voice. 

You don’t reply anything, rather you let your eyes get lost in the maze of concrete ahead, tall buildings aspiring to touch the sky but failing regardless. 

From your peripheral vision you can see Yoongi stepping closer to you, opening his mouth to say something and then closing it again. He probably shuts his eyes for a brief second then opens it with determination burning in them. 

“Y/N, what's wrong? I heard you have been taking leaves for regular checkups at the hospital? Are you… are you hurting?” Yoongi speaks with one of those soft tones that he hardly uses for anyone. 

It’s not the first time he is using it for you, but it sways you a little anyway. 

“I am fine, Yoongi. But I don’t understand what is up with you? Why are you suddenly so worried about me? Why are you suddenly caring as if… as if I mean something to you?” you ask him calmly, waiting for a valid answer. 

“I have always cared about you.” 

“But that was when we were- we were sleeping, right? Now you don’t have any obligations towards me. So please. Please stop confusing me. Please stop making me a fool.” you let a lone tear escape from your eye. This time doing nothing to stop it. 

“How is this even confusing, Y/N? Friends care for each other. Don’t they?” Yoongi’s voice weaves and you don’t know why. 

You chuckle dryly, “sadly enough, you are not just my friend. I am in love with you and you know that too.” 

Yoongi’s eyes widen. He takes a tentative step away from you as if staying near you will turn him into a stone; and that breaks your already broken heart even more. 

“Y/N- I-”

“I know. I know you don’t- You don’t have to. I just- I am a fool. I am sorry.” Now you are sobbing uncontrollably. Your eyes give out after holding onto your tears for a year. 

Yoongi takes a step towards you, holds you by your shoulders but now his touches burn. Your body burns under his fingers and you want to run away - run away as far as possible. 

“Y/N” his voice trembles yet again.

You hastily wipe your tears with your sleeves and run away in the opposite direction towards the flight of stairs. 

He calls your name to stop you but doesn’t come running behind you. You note that. 

Yoongi will never chase you. You are not Gyuri after all. 

Once you are half down the stairs, you sit down, try to control your breathing, convince yourself that it’s not good for the baby. 

The baby. The baby. The baby. 

Should you not tell Yoongi about the baby? At least inform him? And then he can decide if he wants to accept it with you or leave it behind too? Just like you? 

But this is not yours alone. He came to you that night and left a life inside you as an aftermath.

You stand up, deciding to take a shot, not for you but for the unborn life, which deserves the equal part of attention from its other parent too. 

If there are consequences. You will face it all. 

Climbing up the stairs, as you take a few steps towards where you left Yoongi behind. 

You see him again. 

But this time, he is not alone. He is with Gyrui, who is holding on to his body so tightly as if her life depends on it.  

Their lips are molded with each other. 

Her fingers are lost in his dark locks, his hands are placed on her side as if he is not sure what he is doing. 

You stand there. 

You stand there watching them numbly. And when you decide to turn and leave, you have nothing left inside of you. 

Your body is now a shell of something that looks like you. 

You decide to take the stairs all the way down until your legs give out. 

Your back slides down the wooden door of your bedroom. 

You let out a thunderous scream and that is closely followed by wailing. 

You cry. You cry for all the times you have loved Yoongi. You cry for all the times he didn’t even look at you. You cry for the time when Gyuri came back. You cry for the time when Yoongi left that night. You cry for today when he clearly chose Gyuri over you even when you knew this was your destiny. 

You cry because Yoongi can’t be yours and today finally ends a lot of things. 

You don’t know for how long you cry. But all the tears have left you feeling weary. 

You climb on your bed and drift off to a slumber. 

And you dream. 

You dream of yourself, and Yoongi and a baby hand that’s holding his fingers. Yoongi is smiling, he is happy. 

Then you dream of a big wave, drowning you - Yoongi and the hand of the baby have disappeared. 

When you wake up, your body is drenched in sweat, so much so that even the back of your thighs feel wet. 

The pain in your body is piercing.

But when you manage to sit up - you see a pool of blood soaked in your clothes and sheets. 

The last trace of Yoongi that you were trying hard to preserve, is gone too now.  

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[siddyyyyyyyy]

Only Friends

Tim Drake x Reader

wc: 0.8 K summary: You both get flustered in an interview warnings: none, no y/n used a/n: got this silly idea while daydreaming (once more) even though i have three fics going on rn. (also, it would be better if you know the concept of 'World's most searched questions' from Wired) enjoy!

It was like every other day, just getting ready for an interview, taking the interview before doing the other stuff you have to do by yourself. It's simple, not too stressful or overwhelming. And you are actually quite excited considering it's not an usual interview. It's actually on the 'The Web's Most Searched Questions', it feeling a little exciting to be in such a format for the first time. For preparation, you watched some interviews of other actors or different celebrities to make sure you got the concept, also making sure you got the times and location right with your co-star, Tim Drake. He's in most interviews with you because of the latest movie you both acted in together. This time, being enemies in the movie. Other movies or shows, you had either neutral or romantic relationships together. But in reality, you were nothing more but friends and colleagues. You considered yourself lucky with such a nice and funny colleague, having known him for a few years already. Besides the more romantic and heated scenes, you both remained close friends throughout your career.

Once you both are ready to take the interview, having the mics set and camera pointed at you, it's time to begin. The staff explained to you one last time of how it all works, having your big card of questions first. You both inteoduce yourselves to the audience, well, camera, and slide off the first tape to the first question. It reads your name, followed up with a question, if you played in a show from six years ago. Of course, you answer it truthfully, it going well for now, explaining briefly when that show aired and how it was playing that part. Moving on, the next question is just as normal as the other. A simple question about one of the films you once starred in, answering honestly again. The next one is a little bizzare, even to you. It reads your name, followed up with a rather random and personal question. "... am I, what? Do I gossip on set?" You read aloud, being mostly confuses on why that's the third most searched question on Google about you. Where did people get that idea from. You turn to Tim beside you, still confused. "Did you start that rumour?" He can barely contain a straight face at you, shaking his head while cracking up. "I think it's about the secret pictures of us 'gossiping'." Tim answers, putting air-cotation-marks with his hands at the last word. There were a few pictures the paparazzi took of you both whispering things to each other, but you never really thought too much about it. And you definitely were gossiping, it was just rude to be truthful about it. "Ah, right. These pictures still haunt me at night, but no. I do not gossip on set. I wait until I get home." You joke lightly as you look back to the camera, continuing with the next question on the board in your hands. The last four questions go on without any weird one's popping up, until you uncover the last one. "... and Tim Drake couple?" You read aloud again, your brain short circuiting at the question. You and him, a couple? Seriously? You knew people like gossip, but was that actually serious? Tim blushes slightly beside you, glancing over to you to see your reaction. You seem just as taken aback as him. There's not much to say, really. Finally, you shake your head and look back at the camera, trying to make it as casual as possible. Ignore the five seconds of silence before your answer. "Nope. Never been together." Tim nods in agreement, keeping his wyes anywhere but you. You really haven't expected this to go awkward, considering interviews bever get awkward. There's always someone talking, either the interviewer, you, or the staff. But this is genuinely awkward. Embarrassing even. You are sure you will get nightmares about this exact incident years later. Clearing your throat, you hand your board back to the staff, Tim getting his own now.

His first question is just as light as yours, the mood getting quickly back to the one before. It's light, fun and easy. You talk a little too and poke fun at Tim as he answers his question, eventually getting to the third one.

"Tim and Drake couple with..." He trails off, seeing your name at the end. This time, it's rather annoying than embarrassing. He sighs out and look towards you briefly before frowning at the camera. "Guys, we just had that question. It's embarrassing, really. We're not together, even if our roles say otherwise in some movies." Tim explains slightly annoyed, noticing how embarrassed you are at the question. You shouldn't be, considering it's definitely not your fault and people just like some gossip. However, you also feel some different kind of emotion stir up in you. The idea of being with someone, of people knowing you are together with someone is new and sounds way better than denying it all the time. Of course you won't say that on an interview, let alone to Tim, your long-time best friend of a couple years. You both know it won't get to something more than that, both being strict about that in your friendship. You've crosses the line of friendship in roles, qs actors, before but it never felt as good as actually being with someone.

Ignoring your thoughts as best as possible, you move on with Tim. His questions are rather more funny than yours, him messing around with his answers a little as well. There's a sloght difference you noticed, and it's that people seem to take you more seriously. Probably because of the roles you play, maybe because of the personality you put on for the media. Either way, it creates an interestjng dynamic between you and Tim overall. Fans seem to like it, and it seems to work great as usual on interviews. But you never thought they could think of you both in that way. The video is finished and you both return to your own cars, hugging goodbye as usual.

◐

A few days have gone by after that interview, and you decide to check it out. The video has about four million views by now, considering the video got published about three days after you filmed it. You start to watch it, skipping through it a little before the weird question. You seem indeed confused and flustered bt the question, them having edited your moment in a funny way. A computer buffering sound on the background, zoomed in into your face with a loading icon at your forehead. It's actually funny, even if it wasn't funny when you were answering it at the moment. Tim seems just as confused for a moment, you both denying the question as politely and smart as possible, to avoid useless scandals or rumours. Okay, wasn't so bad. Tim's part was less humerus, actually nore straight to the point with hoe annoyed he answered the question. The video ends after you say your goodbyes to the camera, getting to the comment section. You read the first few one's, them being supportive and sweet. The longer you scroll down, the more you start to lose hope in your fans. They genuinely seem to ship you. It would've been funny, but now that you think of it... it doesn't sound too bad. You make your way to some fanfic websites you still know from your earlier teenage years, searching up your name with Tim. Indeed, thousands of suggestions pop up, not having expected more than hundreds of thousand people wrote some kind of romantic content between the two of you. You are really sure Tim would hate you for it, but you go ahead and read some of it. Most were just some silly short stories about the two of you being in love on set, but some were the most heart and gut-wrenching fluff you've ever read. You didn't touch the angst tag, being too scared of getting hurt over fictional problems.

You take a break from everything, deciding it's best to never touch anything like that ever again and ignore it overall. You and him were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. You would sacrifice everything for him and make sure he stays happy, but never cross the line between friendship and partners, in fear of ruining anything. He would most definitely do the same, if not more for you, but there's no way you'll ever be more than what you are now. Drying off your few tears, it's time to get to the next set of filming, staying friends with Tim. 

←MASTERLIST

a/n: also, sorry for being dead in the last few days or weeks, idk, but there's a few things going on and i won't be able to reply or post as quickly as before, but I'll try!! hope you enjoyed it

[aihoshiino]

Atp i would like to see how ruby and aqua's relarionship will go. Not in "Yasss incest!" way but more of how they (mostly ruby) realize that they need to go their past lives and accept their relation as siblings. Or at least how wrong it is even if ruby wants it so much. There is no way incest would happen because Aka hates it. I am more interested in their psychological state and their conflict and resolving that conflict.

I don't think we can definitely say Akasaka Loves or Hates XYZ just because none of us know him, but there is a weird sense of like... discomfort or maybe avoidance on the topic of incest in OnK that I find kind of interesting to just poke at in my head sometimes. Because like, one of my main issues with the way OnK has handled the incest since 123 is that it just... well, hasn't.

I know that sounds insane in a post 143 world but going through the way the AquRuby stuff (or lbr just Ruby) has been written since 123, it feels like there's a very clear distinction between the ideas of "Ruby having feelings for Aqua, her brother" and "Ruby (& Sarina through her) having feelings for Goro, her doctor". When the story wants to play AquRuby for laughs, it leans into Ruby being attracted to her brother. When it actually takes things seriously, the framing is almost always Ruby addressing Gorou and the concept of incest is so loudly, conspicuously absent. You can even sort of see this line being drawn all the way back in 123, just at the end where Ruby very pointedly first addresses Aqua and then, separately, addresses "Sensei". It's almost as if she's purposely trying to create a divide so she can have one without dealing with the reality of what it would mean to be with the other.

It's hard to tell whether or not this is intentional in the sense of being part of Ruby's arc but it nevertheless creates a sense of the series wanting to have its cake and eat it too, indulging in the shock value and spicy intrigue of incest as a taboo without meaningfully engaging with it as subject matter. I've described it elsewhere recently as the series exclusively toying with the *aesthetics* of incest, its surface level referential language and set dressing, while resolutely avoiding going any deeper and I still stand by that. The 143 kiss is actually a really good example of this - the imagery is that of two siblings kissing but on that very same page, Ruby reminds us that in her eyes, she is talking to and in love with her "Sensei". The series has conducted this deeply convoluted narrative trick where it can depict what is very clearly incest without it technically being incest. Even when roadblocks to the GRSR relationship are addressed, it's only ever in reference to their age gap and Ruby always frames it as something that *used* to stand in their way but is no longer an issue now she's 18.

On days I am feeling charitable towards the series, I'm inclined to think this is an intentional part of Ruby's arc and that she is, in universe, being a bit delulu about the whole thing as an unhealthy coping mechanism - her being avoidant of emotionally inconvenient truths is something we see popping up more than once, so this being an extension of that tendency would make sense. When I am feeling more cynical, however, I tend towards thinking this is just an excuse to indulge in shocking imagery that generates clicks without ever having to actually commit to upsetting readers by sinking *or* canonizing incest ship. My best guess is that the truth is somewhere in the middle but it must be stressed that this is just my thoughts and I have no idea what goes on in Akasaka's brain.

Anyway this is just a long and rambly way of saying "word". Regardless of what direction the story takes AquRuby, I just want the story to finally fucking commit to something instead of chickening out every time it gears up to do so.

[dearweirdme]

genuine question: do you guys not think it's incredibly unhealthy to sit online speculating about literal strangers' sexualities all day? do y'all not see how grossly disrespectful that is just as a general concept? these are people none of you have EVER met or spent ANY actual personal time with. they don't know you and therefore have never disclosed details about their romantic life bc it isn't your business??? what gives ANY OF YOU the right to hyper analyze everything they do to attribute it to their sexuality? i'm trying to understand how you all could possibly say you love them but don't have enough respect for any of them to simply be fans of their music and leave this weird ship at the door. y'all hyperanalyze all their body language to confirm they're in love but ignore them mentioning how the comments section is never fun to look at (bc it's ALWAYS just shippers being stupidly unhinged) and the very obvious discomfort the shipping shit brings them. most of you shippers are straight women fetishizing. most of you shippers are larries who jumped ship when 1d disbanded. most of you are grown adults who need to get offline and get real hobbies that don't involve breaking down the potentiality of sexuality for people you literally don't know personally. how do all of you have so much audacity and so much time to think half-critically but no time at all to introspect on the level of sheer delusion you have to willfully exist in to perpetuate this narrative shamelessly? this is so sick. how do y'all not feel awful about all the blatant, obvious, perceivable stress you shippers cause them? why can’t y'all behave like actual people with empathy and ethics?

Hi anon!

You are not sending me a genuine question. If that had been your aim you would’ve worded your ask differently. I also wonder if you send asks like this to blogs and accounts who talk and speculate about their relationships with women.. because if you are not actually being homophobic right now.. that would be the same.

I understand the delicacy in this. Except for the part of tour ask that seems homophobic (and plain rude and extremely biased on many accounts) I can even understand you wanting people to stay out of their private business to some level. You want to protect them from harm and I very much applaud that, even though I think your reasoning is faulty in some ways. It is for instance nothing new or weird for fans to care for and be interested in the private lives of artists. It’s something that the artists themselves and their labels/companies also know and at times even feed into. It’s basically inherent to the fan/artist situation. It’s just human nature to be interested in things like this.. is that bad? I don’t know if a word like bad or good applies here.. it’s just human to me.

You look at all shippers and their ways as the same. I think there’s many different kinds of shippers. There’s definitely those that go way too far. People should never confront members themselves with these things. Don’t go in their comments with Taekook or Jkk mentions. Don’t bring banners to concerts, just.. don’t. Not to blow my own horn.. but I would never! Also the constant searching for proof in the tiniest things… it’s so unnecessary and it makes people look crazy and (!) it takes away from the seriousness that this situation brings with it. Which brings me to my reason for talking about this.

Aside from thinking Tae and Jk are super cute and adorably in love, there’s the underlying issue of queerness still not being socially accepted in so many places all around the world. I think it’s important to talk about these things (even as a straight adult, because the more people talk about these things.. the more influence we have in making things better for the future). If no one was to ever talk about celebrities being closeted or closeting in general.. there would be no progress. I am fairly sure about what I have seen between Tae and Jk.. I am also fairly sure that they are not ashamed about their queerness. That is why I talk about this. I feel I am doing this in a respectful way. There’s things I do not discuss (sexual stuff) because I feel that’s in general not useful for the conversation.

I am not willing to take responsibility for other Tkkrs behavior though. I talk about things for myself and for my own reasons. I like to think everyone is able to think for themselves and be responsible for the way they interact in fandom. I am my own person though.. I do not rile up Tkkrs to go leave annoying comments anywhere.

Mostly though.. I am talking about love, anon. The difference between you and me is that to you them being straight is the default and to me it is not. Your ‘speculation about sexuality’ feels harmful to me.. because it’s love that we talk about.. I really hate the notion that there’s a difference between same sex love and straight love for you.

[tortelette]

Late night insomnia theories AGAIN I CAN'T BLOODY SLEEP PLEASE LORD I TRY TO CLOSE MY EYES AND ALL I CAN SEE IS W SKILL ISSUE DANCING

Meursault and Don are the two sinners who are seriously SERIOUSLY quite the characters that have a lot to unpack. Two characters with almost a one-sided personality when interacting towards others. Especially Don, Don has a skewed-sense of priorities in life and I was beginning to question her.

We do know in the upcoming chapters that Ishmael is going to be featured and ever since Yi Sang's story has concluded(?) (EHEM, Gubo I am coming to kill you, EHEM) I believe that her chapter revolves around the sinners "reenacting" her voyage or meeting a member of her crew who was somehow alive. Might be between those two, I am so excited with that possibility and I cannot wait what Don and Meursault's story chapters have in store.

Don might get a story that revolves around her moral sense of justice and also "personality abandonment." You think that I will forget about those Mariachi peeps back in Chapter 2??? Their comments were on point to Sinclair and the fact that they commented Don as "insincere and lack of a pure heart" iirc means we are getting on to something. I believe that Don is a person who is indifferent to many happenings in the City yet she prefers to look and take action on the smallest of things rather than the bigger of it. (That weird double faced reaction when she VIOLENTLY decided to "save" a backstreet folk and their child who violated a taboo and her neutral reaction in a FUCKING GENOCIDE TOWARDS THE INNOCENT) (Like yeah, she learned something after Verg and her idol got her cucked in the checkpoint area but there has to be an active remnant of that judgement somewhere within her during the genocide in Calw) She wanted to be the center on something especially in a situation where she can properly control hence she ALWAYS try to take over the mantles whenever she can even if it is not in her own expertise.

Hence I believe her story would revolve around the concept of her own moral judgement and how she wanted to be someone important. I also believe she wanted the attention directed at her to be a "great Fixer" she would do everything for that. Pretty much explains why one of her skill type of her default has envy (she wanted to be someone that resembles a great and perfect idea of her belief on a true Fixer and be higher or as levelled as the greatest Fixers in the City). Her story would seriously tackle on breaking her "honorable facade" and might question her validity of her desire to be a great Fixer when in truth she is not genuine on such things to do and would act like that to cover a probable rotten or indifferent personality.

I do have a personal theory that Don Quixote is actually Sancho Panza (Don Quixote's squire in the book) but that will be in a different take rather than now.

Meursault on the other hand, I believe that his story would stress around "emotional and mental breakdowns." This fucker has a decent yet extensive knowledge on distortions. Fuck, he even stated plainly that he get to witness them meaning that he witnessed more than one distortions in his life. I do have two theories on what happened to him back then and would tackle more in the future. His original novel involves him murdering someone and possibly it might bring over to the game's lore as well (more like a portion of it), and I get to say... it is quite unlikely he kills someone with a gun but rather himself.

First theory would be that he killed a person under the process or already been distorted, my friends always think that it has to be his mother because of that quote he stated back at his promotional video. Although, me and my friends would debate that the way he expresses that is either he is forgetful of that incident or that he prefers not to think about that incident and decides to detach himself away from that incident hence he cant remember the entire details of what he had done, a person who killed his distorted mother. I can probably tell that N corp is a toxic workplace environment when there are a lot of questionable acts and decisions sprouted out from the company (problematic Nagel Und Hammer and the "New League of Nine") it would be no doubt there would be a thing or two who would distort after what they have been through.

Second theory is where Meursault is the one being distorted. This is a theory that got us excited the most because of game antics (one of our own sinners fighting against us? Funny enough is that he is the strongest unit with complete full leveled IDs and EGOs ready in my team. This is why I build Heathcliff and Faust as backup in case that scenario will happen.) This theory revolves around him getting into a mental or emotional breakdown (quite difficult what irks him to bend when we know that even in stressful situations he remains a calm yet annoyed facade - Rosespanner ID) and resulted him killing his own mother without him realizing it. But my friends and I were thinking that it might not only be the reason he get into jail. One friend of mine point out that killing one person is not enough to be seen as a threat because that is quite common in the City where survival is a must have because of people getting into each other's throats with or without a valid reason. What if... he kills many people? Yet the only person he realize that was killed in the mix is his own mother. After the onslaught he just returns back to normal after a sense of clarity came to him and in that part is where he gets jailed. He was ridiculed and spouting him anger because he has the ability to distort, something that represents of showing one's true self. Final boss material right here, his story might be about overcoming this distortion problem he is dealing with and also about his perspective of everything and why he thinks of it.

Alright I am done I need to sleep or else my mother find out I am still awake and write this shit. Time to fuck off.

[shwoo]

Day 31 of @flooftober! Thanks a lot to everyone who read/interacted, and especially @flooftyfizzlebeans for creating the challenge, and saying such nice things about these stories.

I would also like to thank antihistamines. They really... anted those histamines. And unclouded my brain a little.

Anyway, this story involves Gramble, and I'm using both the "Trick" and "Treat" prompts. Also it's double length since it's the last one. I considered making it much longer, but my brain's not quite that unclouded.

(Prompt list)

Title: Has many discipline-specific uses Summary: Floofty notices a sleepwalking Gramble about to make a mistake. (Also on AO3)

.

Floofty had released what was happening too late, and Gramble was too far away. They yelled "Wake up!" as they crossed the rest of the distance.

Gramble opened his eyes all the way. "Wh…" He noticed the Grapeskeeto in his hands, which were raised to his mouth. "Ah! Igrapetius!" He lowered his arms and hugged it, as it struggled.

"One of your pets, I assume?" said Floofty. They hadn't seen it get out, but these days, any loose Snak generally belonged to Gramble.

Gramble jumped. "Floofty?! Why're you here?" Floofty wasn't good at judging tone, but they knew suspicion when they heard it.

"As we both reside in the same town, I assume you are asking why am I in this particular spot at this particular time," said Floofty. "I merely observed you come across this Grapeskeeto in your sleep, and prepare to eat it. Knowing your views on this subject, I awoke you before any consumption could occur."

They were too tired to bother trying baby language. Gramble would just have to take what he could understand. Maybe he'd end up being yet another Grumpus who turned out to be smarter than they looked.

"You… saved Igrapetius?" said Gramble. He looked down at the Grapeskeeto in his arms. "I… I didn't know you cared… But why were you watching me in the middle of the night in the first place?"

"I often watch you," said Floofty. They knew Gramble might find that creepy, but that was his problem, because they weren't actually being creepy. "There is precious little else of interest occurring at this time of night."

Gramble didn't run away screaming, but he did frown. "A-are you running some kind of experiment on me, Floofty? Wait. Are you the reason I've been so tired lately?"

Floofty's tired brain took a second to catch up to what was happening now. "What? Your sleep difficulties are clearly the result of stress! I, too, am prone to sleep difficulties. Believe me, I would much prefer to be asleep in my hut right now. Alas, my brain chemistry will not allow it."

"Oh, you just can't sleep?" said Gramble. "I guess I have been a little stressed lately, what with having so many little ones to take care of, and Wambus, and I still got a couple Grumpuween decorations to finish…"

"What?" said Floofty. "Grumpuween already?" Last they'd checked, it had been July. That meant they'd already missed their birthday.

"Um, yeah, it's tomorr--" Gramble looked up at the sky. "Today," he corrected himself. "Wiggle's been real excited, and I thought… Maybe I could knit some little Fryders, or some bats, and hang them up around town. I dunno if the little ones would appreciate it, but I think the others might…?"

Floofty didn't know why he was asking them. "Potentially." They decided they might as well tell him what they did know. "I, at least, would be… disposed toward that concept." They'd always really liked the idea that boundaries between the living and the dead were thin at this time of year, although it was obviously not plausible from a scientific view.

"Y-you would?" said Gramble. He squeezed his Grapeskeeto. "Just goes to show. You never know what someone's gonna like until you talk to them!"

"Yes, I am beginning to see that," said Floofty. If Gramble had seriously believed that Floofty might be experimenting on him without his consent, then it was surprising that he hadn't expected them to like Grumpuween. Maybe they could lean into that. "Perhaps I, too, will create some seasonal decoration," they added, "if my work allows. Yes, some fake blood, perhaps some green lights inside test tubes… It may be quite entertaining."

"Ooh, the more the merrier!" said Gramble. "Just so long as the blood is fake." He almost laughed.

"I shall make every effort to ensure that it is," said Floofty. Gramble had sounded like he was about to laugh, so he was probably joking. Apparently that was something he could do, sometimes.

[mlobsters]

one person's messy relationship to asexuality, relationships, sex and fandom

i saw a post the other day talking about how whenever the topic of asexual folks not having sex comes up, people will chime in that ace people can/do have sex sometimes too and that's okay! and basically how it adds nothing/takes away from the conversation. which, i mean, both things are true.

there's so much deep misunderstanding of what being asexual is and means. take myself, an ace person, i had no clue what being asexual meant until the past handful of years. at my big age of 40+. i'd seen some posts by cody daigle-orians, ace dad advice (tiktok, they have a book out now too and another on the way! i am ace), and things started churning in my mind. i read some simple definitions in a healthline article and it's like a lightbulb went off.

What Does It Mean to be Asexual - Healthline

Libido. Also known as your “sex drive,” libido involves wanting to have sex and experience sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it might feel a little like wanting to scratch an itch.

Sexual desire. This refers to the desire to have sex, whether it’s for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.

Sexual attraction. This involves finding someone sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them.

i realized i'd never experienced sexual attraction, and in fact had a complete misunderstanding of what sexual attraction even was. i was conflating my libido and sexual desire with attraction. similar to being agender and having aphantasia, i think it can be difficult to conceptualize something you've never experienced. whenever you hear people talking about things, you're trying to fit it within the framework of what you experience and how you understand the world works, to realize they are experiencing the world in a fundamentally different way you didn't know existed. it might seem absurd but i remember being around women talking about how they were looking forward to a movie because it meant some dude's ass would be out. and inside my head i was just like, really?? ....huh. (i said it was absurd.)

sex has been a large source of conflict and stress in the past 20 years of my life. so i guess this is that story.

i don't know how old i was, but some time in my early teens, i figured out women's bodies were what turned my crank. i had romantic crushes on boys at school, but thinking about girls got me going. but no one specific, never anyone specific. to this day, never anyone specific. this would be an important detail i didn't connect until much later. so i knew i was bi from early on, but it was the 90s and being out just wasn't really happening in school where i lived. i got into a serious, and abusive, relationship with a boy when i was 17 and that lasted 11 years. i was interested in sex, i had a lot of sex with him at the beginning. over time, i didn't want to have sex anymore.

i've always been conflict avoidant, and being with someone who picked a fight with me nearly every day for years made it so much worse. i didn't feel like i could say no. i looked forward to my period because then i had an excuse to not have sex. i briefly was in therapy, never mentioned the abuse or a whole host of other things but i did tell the therapist about not wanting to have sex with my then-spouse. she told me "use it or lose it", that the less sex i had, the less i'd want it. so have more sex and you'll want it again. that poisonous bit of advice stuck with me a long time. i didn't believe it, but i didn't not-believe it either. i didn't stay with that therapist more than the whatever number of allotted weeks insurance would pay for. years later, i asked for a divorce and left that relationship.

i got into other relationships, and sex again was that shortcut to intimacy/attention/affection and it was good. but then at some point, again, i didn't want to have sex. i was married, i had kids. i seriously thought it was part of my responsibilities of being married. like, spousal obligation. i knew when it had been too long and i needed to step up. go search on the internet "don't want to have sex with spouse" and basically the vast majority of advice will say sex is essential to the relationship and sometimes you have to compromise.

but i didn't want to, and i hated having to. why is it that i always have to compromise in a way where i'm losing bodily autonomy? my body is mine except once a week because i have to do this for the better of the relationship? this obviously was a big source of stress for me, and my partner could tell things weren't right. i avoided physical affection because i didn't want it to be confused with interest in sex.

i've spent a long time feeling guilty about not knowing i was ace. that i got into relationships and then flipped the script when i didn't want to have sex anymore. like i'd inadvertently done a bait and switch. i've been trying to pick apart what changed, why it changed, etc for years. ultimately, sex was a shortcut to affection and undivided attention. and if my libido and desire for sex was lining up, it worked. until it didn't. maybe six months before i was really sure, my spouse asked if i was ace. i thought i was somewhere in the spectrum maybe but i didn't know. and then things clicked and i got it. i was honest with the fact that i didn't want to have sex, i hadn't wanted to have sex for years, and as far as i could tell i could be fine with never having sex again. i didn't want to be "fixed", i didn't want therapy, or hormone checks to see if there was something "wrong" with me. i still have a moderate libido, i just don't want sex with someone else. i still struggle with some guilt over that last bit.

there was some inner turmoil over whether it was the years of baggage, of having sex that was vaguely consensual but also clearly unwanted, if that's what "caused" my loss of interest in sex. that the inability to say what i wanted from the abuse trickled down to other relationships. maybe if i'd figured out what was happening in my 20s, i'd be less rigid about no sex when i understood i could say no. i slowly came to accept that it didn't matter. what matters is where i am now.

all that said, let me wrap up a bit with how this all intersects with media and fandom. sex scenes, especially with my faves, in visual media often weirds me out (not always, and it's not terribly clear to me when it does or doesn't, but also not sure it matters.) and there again, there's been a trend of less sex scenes in movies etc, and i don't think that's a good thing either. just because it sometimes makes me very uncomfortable, i don't think they shouldn't exist. i just often don't want to see it. but i can skip it or look the other way or whatever. that is my problem, not everyone else's who does want to see it.

and nowadays the only time i feel much turmoil is within fandom spaces. being horny on main for your faves is normal and expected and i don't begrudge anyone that. especially with how puritanical some fan spaces have become and the nonsensical moralizing over shipping. i'm a wincest shipper, i read plenty of pearl clutching fic on the daily. but there's some internal weirdness for me seeing people being horny on main about their faves. please go ahead, but i don't want to see it. but i absolutely also do not want to unfollow people because of it, but it's also not something i can filter on.

so i try to get a feeling of the type of posts people might be getting up in their horny feelings in the tags and i scroll past without reading. people being horny for their faves and writing some explicit fic about it, sign me up. it's a step removed from anyone i know and i can just sort of, live vicariously through the characters experiencing things i don't experience. but there's something very different in my mind when it's a person talking about it on tumblr or twitter or whatever. it doesn't make sense and i get irritated with myself over it pretty regularly, and it adds to feelings of isolation.

i already have a lot of unpopular opinions about my current fixation, just add this to the pile of things i am alone in feeling. which is terribly dramatic and ridiculous, but it is what it is. and my anxiety+social anxiety+depression make this whole cocktail more potent. i'm always trying to find a way to let these things roll off my back. it's a work in progress.

so i think the point of this all is that it's hard talking about asexuality in general terms because the spectrum of feelings and experiences and relationships to intimacy is vast. and as asexual people, we're often combating some very base level misunderstandings from the public at large - that being ace isn't about not being interested in sex. it may involve that, but it's not what the literal definition is. so this is just one person's very messy relationship to asexuality.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[azuresins]

Wild, I thought it was accepted as common knowledge that everyone knew… That very young children are QUITE adverse to the concept of staying alive. By pure nature of innate curiosity, wanting to explore and try things and not comprehending why they shouldn't if it's dangerous. That even when young children get to a point in life when they start to know better, they will absolutely still disobey their caretakers and parents, and shouldn't always be taken at their word.

The human race has yet to agree globally, or even nationally, on what the standard age is, for a human who has completely developed the concept between right and wrong, because this concept alone... is so varied and oftentimes depends entirely on the individual child. That's… every child... that's everyone on the planet, that's normal.

Young children under constant emotional stress, however…? Young children who are apt to feel trapped by a situation, or not in control of their own fate from birth…? Young children in extraordinary circumstance? Young children who also display worrying or suspicious behaviors that other children in similar households, do not display…? ... That should never be dismissed. Some of the asks I get are starting to trouble me a bit. I've gotten some seriously nasty asks but lately they've been ...something else. If I published every single ask I ever got about this, my blog would be a landfill. Some of these asks pertaining to the poison theory, under the guise of "counter arguments" are among the worst of it, there's no mistake about that. So listen... Children who feel trapped by a situation, emotionally unsafe…? Explaining to them why they are, or why they feel trapped... isn't enough to fix it, for them. Even validating their feelings of feeling/being trapped... isn't enough to fix it. You either have to remove them from the trap or percieved-trap, itself… Or else make absolutely sure they no longer feel trapped, and have willingly accept their fate or situation. ... And the ONLY way to do that, is to give them an OUT. Give them a choice, to decide for themselves.

It doesn't matter how kindly Vincent and Rachel tried to dress this situation up, for R!Ciel.

They did not, could not, present an out.

R!Ciel was told his fate was sealed from birth and there was nothing anyone could to do stop it from happening, or fix that for him, and it didn't matter if he wanted it, or not.

I think Rachel and Vincent tried their best to validate him when he cried about it, and tried their best to make it seem better, and perhaps they even believed he didn't feel trapped or upset anymore. I am not saying it's their fault, necessarily. But they couldn't change that part, for him. R!Ciel didn't have a choice, the same way Vincent didn't have a choice, the same way Claudia didn't have a choice. So what else adds to this, what makes him different?... He's a twin.

Giving one child the freedom to choose their own fate, and not the other … no matter how nice of a fate, it seems?

That is a recipe for absolute disaster. Absolutely.

I'm sorry this is so pearl-clutching to say... I'm SORRY if people are offended by this. But sometimes? Children, and people in general who aren't in control/feel out of control of their lives? … Develop harmful behaviors to take, or feel, in control. GASP! ...what a scandal.

It's not like that's never happened to a character in this manga before! (That's sarcasm).

People have continuously insisted, I am projecting about this. To that I say... you know what… Maybe it's you, actually?

Perhaps you have this great sense of moral obligation to defend this fictional character, and make sure I'm seen as stupid or make sure my concerns, thoughts and interpretation of the events in this story are invalidated or something like that, but?

In the process of looking for a counter argument, you don't need to be so ignorant and make blanket statements about real people, and children who struggle with these behaviors, and resulting mental illnesses, in real life.

Please take a deep breath. Relax. This is the last time I'm going to say this and from now on if I feel the need, I'll just link to this and other previous posts I have already made.

One more important thing, that I can not stress enough: I don't owe anyone details of my personal life, for private or public display. To make assumptions, about what I have or have not experienced in the way of my own mental health, or knowledge about the mental health of people close to me, or education pertaining to these matters I may or may not have... it's just rude.

[renizera]

How to make a strong academic comeback

My academic year started in February, and now it's August, which means I slacked off for nearly 6 months. I couldn't cope up with the academic pressure. Spent some months trying out new things ,hanging out with friends, trying to understand the new concepts and terms of the brand new fatass books. When the first exam knocked at the door, I couldn't help but cry looking at the 100 pages long syllabus just for one subject. With all the 13 subjects and huge syllabus, I did not know how to study all these just for 10 marks. It was like trying to swim in an ocean just after learning swimming . It was the same scenario for most of my friends. Just to fuel up my anxiety, my nerdy friends would say they haven't studied anything yet. I, of course, knew what "anything" actually meant. However, I crammed for exams and forgot most of them eventually, and of course, my score wasn't up to the mark . But I wasn't that serious because it was the same for all of us .It did bother me though,  i just didn't  let it affect it much until it hit me that my board exam is just 11 months away and ive hardly started anything . I am lagging behind in so many subjects. So it came to me that I SERIOUSLY NEED TO MAKE A COME BACK . And I did made a successful comeback and I am sure you will do too. So, HERE'S MY GUIDE TO MAKE A SASSY COMEBACK. I swear it truly works if you  struggle to be consistent like me.

1. CLEAN UP YOUR DESK RIGHT NOW   Put on some music on and just clean the desk, please. I know it might sound either ridiculous or classic to some of you. But believe me, it's the game changer. Why, you ask? Because, • It will be the source of motivation to study • You will be aware of your study materials • You will find out so many things that you thought were lost for months (I found 2 pens that i lost a year ago) • You will have a clear idea about the study materials you  need. • You might find your inspiration to study harder (like I found my old to-do list diary, and it reminded me how I nailed my national exam). It might boast up your confidence level. • Find out unused pages that you can easily reuse. • Let your mind wander, and it will relieve stress. • Finally, you will have a clean and arranged desk and a motivated clear mind.

Next, 2. Take a paper and a pen  Write down all the pending works . I know it's hard. Take time if you need it, sometimes, we don't acknowledge what we are lagging behind, so use the motivation and get going. I urge you to do this on the same day. If you did these 2 things you can either call it a day or you can

3. Put a timer of 5 mins and start studying 1 topic leave it after 5 mins . In this way, this unfinished task won't leave your mind, and you will feel intrigued to finish it. (source: yt :in59seconds )

4. Wake up 15 mins earlier next day and move your body You will feel a lot better I swear. Try to stretch everyday after waking up for 7 days . These 4 minimal task is easy to follow. I dare you to stop reading from here and get your asses up to get some work done. I wish you luck on your sassy comeback. You got this.

I will be back with more tips and tricks like this. So stay tuned and comment down if these tips helped you and update me with your sassy comeback. Love you.

[elytrafemme]

Hey. Ive been following you for a while and yk just friendly neighborhood kid trying to get a following

I try and write, but i was wondering how to start bringing up my account as to how to get my writing up and about, as well as like what formatting i should try out first in the begining (like blurbs, 1 para descriptives, one shots) (i dont do x yn it unnerves me)

... Honestly im a bit confused and lost and ur a huge deal to me so some advice to the fan if you will :>

hey hey! keep in mind that i'm just one person out there who writes, so take everything i say with a grain of salt, but i will do my best to give advice :]

i think the absolute main thing when it comes to writing is that you HAVE to write things that you yourself enjoy writing. a while ago, there was a fic i started for a fandom, and it got the attention of a pretty popular person in the fandom space, who was super super excited for me to continue it. it ended up never getting a second chapter, because while that external support was nice, i was never truly in love with the concept of the fic and honestly found myself more and more stressed at the prospect of working on something i didn't care about.

getting support for the things you create is amazing-- everyone loves validation and getting to have a community of readers is so so nice-- but you have to love what you're creating, not just go after what you think people might want. and it took me personally a while to learn that but once i did, i started enjoying the things i wrote way way more, and i think people who read the works i made could tell that.

in terms of the /kind/ of writing you put out there, i haven't noticed one type of piece getting more attention than another. i recommend that if you post a piece, you give some kind of header with the title of it, if it involves characters list the main characters involved (if it involves OCs you could describe them briefly but i am not experienced in posting original works on tumblr so i can't really speak to that), list off any major content warnings (i.e. death, core, etc.), and give an approximate word count. that way, especially with one shots, people know the length of what they're about to read and can set aside time accordingly for it.

when you do that, also, you can then tag for those things! I'm not the best at tagging my writing in all honesty, so I'm not sure of all the tips and tricks there, but I think you can get a lot out of tagging the main characters involved (if a character only shows up as a brief reference in 1 line, i don't recommend tagging them). past that, you can always look in the tumblr writing tag and see how other people tag their things; that might give you a better idea than i can.

also, if you do start to get people reading and enjoying your writing, you can make a tag list! i'm ... also notoriously bad at using mine, but basically if you get a few works up you can ask if people want to be tagged any time you post a new piece of writing. that's a good way to have people consistently look at things!

last tip i'll give is that you should absolutely reblog the FUCK out of your own writing, because that seriously does help. a lot of people also tag on "reblogs are appreciated" or "reblogs > likes" to encourage other people to share their writing. don't go up to someone directly and ask them to reblog something/why they haven't, since that is a pretty uncomfortable experience, but on the actual post itself i think it's fine to say that you would appreciate people who like the post to also reblog it! just a gentle nudge y'know.

also this is super minor but one of the good things about reblogging your own writing is that you can queue things (albeit i have never used tumblr's queue system so again, grain of salt), and hit different timezones! 4-6 PM EST is the time range i usually shot for with posting anything i wanted people to see, but i have no idea if that's actually the best time, so you can use self reblogs to experiment

i don't know if this is what you wanted me to answer for you; truth be told i was a little confused at your intiial question haha, but i hope that this is somewhat helpful! best of luck with writing :]

[burrowkit]

hey, just a quick fun fact, tip for those who may need to hear/read/see this: sometimes, the signs of an abusive work can be the same signs that [my] school ("they") taught me about abusive [dating/romantic] relationships.

sure, it's a little different, but the concepts are the same.

an abusive workplace can/will prevent you from leaving [house/work/office/etc.], just as "they" talk about abusive partners making it hard for you to leave.

{example: they give you so much work that they pile on so you can't see your family, friends, go for interviews because you're burned out and tired and can't do or go anywhere}

an abusive workplace can/will love bomb. Yeah, maybe they aren't sending me chocolates and flowers to try and make me forget what they're doing and to appreciate them.

{I don't really have a good example, since I think this is really "I messed up, here's something to compensate", but good companies will also appreciate and give you stuff anyways}

an abusive workplace can/will make false promises. The whole "baby please, I promise I'll change" but won't.

{I'll give you the raise I kept promising you, I'll make your life easier but won't, I promise I'm not making you work every other weekend with no days off but now you need to work that weekend, etc.}

I don't remember all the signs of an abusive relationship, since at the time I wasn't super into romance (still am not), but anyways.

But seriously, some places will work you until you're broken.

Oh, and some places do have a bit of a Golden Child / Scapegoat situation going on, so be wary of that too!

Edit: TW Dark Place Mentioned in Keep Reading

Maybe this'll "out" me to people who know me... but I was at an abusive workplace. It broke me.

That proverbial wall people keep talking about when they hit their breaking point? Not so fun fact, if you're shoved to the top of it, turns out...

It's this wall built on the edge of a cliff to keep you from falling over. On the other side of the wall is just empty space. Empty space leading down to sharp rocks and shallow water. Super pretty picture. Absolutely terrifying place to be.

That's the point where I was crying multiple times a day, because I didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want to get up for work. Then I'd break down trying to get ready for work.

I couldn't take a sick day. There was no one to replace me with, and besides, I was still the contact person.

That's the point where someone [my mom at the time] had to stay up every night to ensure I made it to bed safely. Not that there was a risk of me doing anything, but I also couldn't keep working there anymore.

I jokingly (and slightly seriously) tell people that the company has a department called The Dream Department. Their role? To send people planning to leaving, are leaving, or have left, various nightmares to make them want to stay/come back.

My scary point to prove this department exists? In my dream (been out for a bit now and I still get these nightmares) one time I realized the nightmare wasn't the place I left to be happy at, but the old place, I snapped awake.

This Dream Department tried to get me to come back by saying "look, there's all these people you like. Oh, don't talk to those people (who will tell you not to come back for your own health), talk to these people! Oh, no salary discussions for the job offer we're giving you in this dream world"

I am trying to move on, I swear, I am.

It's been awhile now and I still can't go near their office without wanting to throw up. Without shaking so terribly once I get to the location nearby that it's hard to do anything.

This new job I'm now at has so many similar (non abusive) things, that I started getting flashbacks.

My throat started to close.

Doctor thinks it's stress-induced. You know, like remembering being at the bad place.

[deadbeandrop]

hello! i'm syd of @lyril 🎉 and i do all kinds of stupid and gay shit

welcome to a VERY long over-due side blog! i got into camp lazlo on joe murray's birthday in 2020 and for some god foresaken reason it's stuck in my brain enough to have yearly months-long revisiting sessions, so, here we are at the moment!

this will be an archive of old and new art, misc. commentary, and my ramblings about the ideas i have, that, at this point, are sort of a retool/continuity reboot/whatever of the show in my head... this is mostly a space to get out all the stuff that's been marinating in my brain forever cus i never finish anything, and just whatever other low effort stuff that isn't going anywhere else any time soon. one day, i will finish the big folder of documents i've been working on and share them here and everything will make sense ❤️

i also have the blogs @scoutmaster-lumpus and @slinkman that i will return to one day as well if my team finishes workshopping the Situation

more info (about what i do and how i approach things) under the cut!

QUICK GENERAL NOTES

i can be known to take some Creative Liberties on occasion, but most of the time, a lot of what i do is still heavily based in what the show's given us, just a little more Modern-Cartoon-Esque in tone and emotionally complexity. at any given time i will either be expanding upon, re-arranging, or taking what's actually in the show a little too seriously OR completely making shit up, occasionally in the pursuit of something else/more expansive. if i don't like how something is or it just doesn't happen to work any more, there's a good chance i might just toss it out, considering the show is also no stranger to keeping an inconsistent continuity and freely retcon-ing stuff. so, while the sense of "canon" is still to be malleable here, i will note i am usually a big stickler for paying close attention to "canon" in the first place and have spent the past while just trying to make what we have in the show make sense and i am only now just sort of branching off into my own thing. in practice, i still want to maintain the overall vibe, cartoonishness, and other elements of everything that make the show what it is! i want the majority of these characters to still feel and to speak as close to they do in the show... as best as i can, at least. even so, it's best to still consider it all to have a personal flair to it in the end, of course :)

as such, i don't really consider all of this (or at least the individual parts) an "AU" even if you could definitely still consider it one, mostly because i am approaching this to at least some degree like i am actually on a Project here (aside from my own boughts of self-indulgence!). in a way, i think its sort of a "practice run" to me — if i were to actually plan out and write my Own series, what would it be like? what kinds of skills would i learn by figuring it out? i'm still a novice writer, so i'd like to think by studying i am giving myself some experience and practice, even in a casual setting without all the actual technicalities and limitations that would come with it

and do still take the stuff i say here with a Grain of Salt for now (especially if its tagged as old art — a lot of my approach has changed and is in progress since then) because it's not always set in stone when in such an early stage, and i'm frequently adjusting things... the art here will not always be up to par, mostly due to the fact that a lot of it is quite a bit old at this point and because a lot of the time i just need to get the concepts out and share them, and i'm trying to relax more about that exact thing, so please excuse me in my momentary stress about doing so... i'm trying to just have this be apart of my little Exercise Zone is all!

in terms of focus, Overall, i am thinking up what's basically a re-imagining of the actual series, except with more of a sense of clearly defined character arcs and development for some of the cast, exploring underutilized characters and dynamics, and occasionally re-doing certain concepts in a better way. however, one of my favorite areas to play around in is the Pre-Story and Post-Story concepts, which can include anything from backstory to what the characters will be like in the future, as well as concepts for everyone's family! i find that stuff fun to explore as well as important to getting a grasp on the characters

currently, i'm in the process of working on a ton of documents full of scattered ideas for the majority of the characters. at the moment, i have a priority on lumpus and slinkman, but also in the process are jane, chef mcmuesli, and edward, with others in the future if the ideas strike me one day! if you have a specific character you're wondering about let me know...

do keep in mind that the adult characters are my favs, and i am also an adult myself — and this is a blog for a children's television program from nearly 2 decades ago, so while there isn't anything crazy going on here, i might be a little unwell or make a crude/suggestive joke here and there. furthermore, i'm not all that into shipping the kids, but that's not really got much to do with anything, it's just not my personal focus outside of a very few exceptions :) (i might have more interest in "future" stuff in that sense)

i choose to Ignore the finale (and have since day one) just cus i think it's stupid and unsatisfying and its agonizing when its the Only thing people ever bring up in regards to the show aaand i'm doing my own thing anyway (no hate to tom kenny for thinking it up though LOVE YOU KING ❤️) let's all hate the finale... together! 🤝

and, finally, PLEASE send me asks if you wanna...! about what i draw or plans for characters or the show or what you're curious about yourself or whatever else that's on your mind. i will THROW up. i'm NICE and i LOVE TO TALK and i am ALWAYS STARVING FOR CAMP LAZLO INDULGENCE... i have thousands and thousands of words i've got to get through, and i have no problem talking about some of it early if prompted. alternatively, you may absolutely send to me (or talk to me about) your OWN ideas and headcanons if you are fine with me playing along with them too! i work best by absorbing bits of other people's ideas first, so i would be glad to hear or bounce off of them. i can get a little bit carried away talking about my own ideas, but, please, don't take that for not wanting to hear anything from the outside — i still need sustenance to live!

IMPORTANT LINKS

posts that i consider important will be marked with a bean emoji 🫘 ! however, here is a little quick directory and preview of the posts you will eventually find there:

masterpost of official content-related links (coming soon!)

overview of general character(/ization) ideas

setting & worldbuilding

introductions to OCs

information on the 80s camp kidney cast

the lumpus and slinkman relationship timeline and analysis

post-finale storylines

the lumpus "redemption arc" process

QUESTIONS THAT ARE NOT FREQUENTLY ASKED BUT COULD BE!

"HOW DID YOUR INTEREST START?"

my Honest answer: i got shown chef mcmuesli and thought he was Cute. and for some reason watching the show revolutionized my friend group, so here we finally are a few years later

"WHY CAMP LAZLO OF ALL THINGS?"

i think camp lazlo is a really funny cartoon that has a lot of good episodes, and even though i don't quite think it's the best one in the world, or even that i've seen in my own limited pool of media, i do still believe it's a painfully underrated show anyway and the "personal attachement" and "fun" factors are always the best sort of measure in that sense!

it's a little bit ("a little bit") of a Playground Area for me as well, where most of all i like the huge potential and the aesthetics of everything, but i also just disproportionately love some of these characters! which is partially my own fault. so i'm overall fine with just sort of fucking around... joe murray was talking about how the summer camp setting already provided an infinite supply of ideas, and i think that's really true! i LOVE the setting to Death and while i don't remember a lot of it, i feel VERY lucky to have been a girl scout as a kid

as you soon may notice, i am Way too invested in lumpus and slinkman and they are my wives for some reason ❤️ so, unfortunately, a good chunk of the stuff on here will likely be focused on them specifically because they have clung to me like a leech

"DO YOU KNOW WHY THE COLORS IN MY COPY OF THE SHOW ARE ALL FUCKED UP?"

Mmmaybe!

"HAVE YOU WATCHED ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE OR LETS GO LUNA?"

i've only seen a couple episodes of each! if i ever watch some of them though i figure i'll post about them here too. the classic icon of my art blog is a minor/background character from RML with a couple lines!

"SO WHY DO YOU LIKE SLINKMAN AND LUMPUS SO MUCH ANYWAY? WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING TO THAT MOOSE AND SLUG???"

that's just how it goes sometimes, isn't it?

i actually have a history of enjoying similar pairings of characters — lumpus and slinkman, burns and smithers, dedede and escargoon... every single one of these is a boss and assistant who are voiced by the same person, which is Wild!

but, i've accidentally dug myself into a very deep investment hole on account of All That Shit I Just Made Up, and just have a lot of fun playing around with them as characters. dysfunctional and complicated dynamics are some of my favorites to explore, and they have a lot going on — two characters i'm already super into individually, a childhood friends to life partners dynamic, potential to explore both ends of the health spectrum and the story i can play with there character-development wise for both of them while still keeping it interesting to me, some weird gay shit going on, and two characters who just bounce off each other well. at this point i just like to see them Exist in the Same Vicinity at All 🫶 for a long time now i've felt like there's been an empty space here to fill with focus of them!

i really do just like character analysis so the bigger documents i'm working on are sort of an idealized writing guide/story outline for myself. it's a very long process (the document i started chipping away at is like... over 20k by now, but its been a few years in the making) and after i finish laying it all out, i might turn it into a fic one day! for now, i've just got too much else on my hands to finish up first, so you'll get to see some of it in its raw conceptual form, while i try to get myself to work on cleaning it all up, at least

and here's a gay little timeline JUST FOR YOU of the Main stuff i have going on. i will make a bigger post(s) explaining things in the future

(i'm still playing with the exacts of this too so several time frames on here are subject to change, as per usual)

"DO YOU HAVE A TOYHOU.SE OR ANYTHING FOR YOUR OCS?"

i do, but since i take so long to finish and finalize anything, i have most things of that nature shut down until i revisit them. and if there's any interest i might work on getting the finished stuff i have back online at least. either way, any information about any characters will be in my DocumentsTM and talked about on here when i clean it up either way

"WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE SLUG WOMEN BANNER?"

i made it for the slinkman blog, i just think it's annoying when non-mammals have tits and i have a love-hate relationship with camp lazlo character design ❤️ and it's just really funny to put it there tbh

[julesssyy]

went through ur birth chart last night before i went to sleep, here are my thoughts (prob rlly incoherent):

rising - gemini

people may also underestimate you on first hand, you can be sharper than you appear

you prob have a very specific level of online “weird” humor like some extremely like analog horror-esque picture and it’s just captioned “being a girl” and ur like “omg let me post to my story”

sun - aquarius

aquarius placements sometimes struggle with the idea of being known intimately so strap in as i pick at your chart babes

i feel like you have a lot of complex or just interesting opinions on topics maybe political ones but considering ur gemini placements it’s more likely like niche, off the wall stuff like fandom debates or a tiff in some other micro community.

rip you’d prob like frutiger aero aesthetics just vibe wise

moon - gemini

i am once again imploring you to journal instead of doomscrolling 

you prob don’t enjoy ruminating on the past a lot! which is cool as long as you’re not running from your past self or past mistakes

mercury - aquarius

reaffirms my headcanon that you have weird or eccentric humor primarily.

you’re very creative, intelligent, likely idealistic but you can also be rebellious and independent to the point where you’re hard to pin down

venus - pisces

it’s likely you still have your childlike whimsy or an adultified aesthetic version of childlike whimsy, water venuses r kind of like that i feel like

psychoanalysis of people is not flirting.. just throwing this out there..  

love may be a fluid concept for you, you might fall abruptly for people or question your sexuality or find yourself in love triangles a lot

true lover girl vibes honestly

mars - virgo

most likely to stress yourself to the point of being physically sick; my mars is in aries so when i’m angry i’m very expressive of it and since my mercury (communication) is in cancer i can be EXTREMELY passive aggressive (or just aggressive, depending). 

virgo in mars, I feel like you’re less outwardly angry but it ends up impacting your health (mental & physical)

you can be critical & picky but also helpful & wise! it’s not what you say but how you say it. 

you might enjoy putting people in their place a little too much. also scale of 1-10 how icked are you by typos in your posts & in others?

jupiter - taurus

people with this placement tend to be lucky with finances & their career!

jupiter is the planet of fortune and growth being the biggest planet while taurus is a sign of wealth & stability. very practical.

however, taurus is also a sign that rarely says no to treating itself and jupiter grows without bound. try not to overindulge 

i think this placement is very demure, very considerate.

saturn - libra

everyone is scared of saturn bc it stands for boundaries, limits, hard work; it’s the last planet that can be seen in our solar system with the naked eye. 

likely you strive for balance in life & relationships 

probably a strong sense of justice or fairness! this placement absolutely gives law & legal energy

you’re also indecisive. and you may strive for perfection which goes with the balance thing. 

saturn is exalted in libra ^_^ so the energy is favorable. 

uranus - aries

rebellious

uranus is a revolutionary planet, you’re into doing what’s bold and new but you’re impulsive about it which makes it hard to take seriously sometimes.

aries is the baby of the zodiac, uranus is the planet of freedom and change; uranus actually rules of aquarius, it’s why they’re usually such independent free thinkers! but considering you have the womp womp baby sign of the zodiac in uranus i cannot take you seriously so sorry babes

something about it just gives “revolution!!” whenever you stub your toe.

neptune - aquarius

nonconformist / individualistic

you can be scatterbrained and unusual. but also very modern and daring.

too weird to live, too rare to die.

pluto - capricorn

pluto is a planet of transformations and power; i like to think of the tower tarot card because it destroys things so they can level out and be rebuilt in a better manner

reveals corruption in power structures, urges you to look at your own relationship with earth’s resources 

off topic you are younger than me. based off this alone LMAO i didn’t calculate ur age or anything dw

sincerely & with love - 🐠

are you in my walls. do you have secret cameras in my house. how do the stars and planets ACTUALLY MEAN SO MUCH LIKE WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS TRUE. I HATE TYPOS SCREAMS???

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

i think sometimes, especially nowadays with mental illness being spoken about more openly, it causes people to analyze their own behavior and want to pathologize it. in reality, there are some experiences that are just innate to being human and aren’t necessarily signs of you having any type of mental illness. can things like being socially awkward and anxious be symptoms of a mental illness? yes, but it’s not at all abnormal to be awkward at times and anxiety is a normal human emotion. for instance, you may be awkward because you haven’t socialized to the extent you need to and are not comfortable with yourself. but you would get there eventually if you commit to putting yourself out there and exposing yourself to the discomfort and allowing it to fade. you may be anxious because you feel unprepared or ill-equipped for a particular situation, or there’s some other completely rational reason to have anxiety like a test result. it’s not always happening or affecting you just because you’re neurodivergent. particularly young people tend to want a diagnosis to “justify” things that are completely normal.

im in no position to say if that's the case for every anon here, but i've realized that us as a society have felt the need to put ourselves into a box recently. it is very important that mental health is a bigger topic and it helps people to reach for help but some just want a diagnosed to be labeled as something. like the "tiktok diagnosis" that everyone diagnosed themselves with something (that most of the time is one isolated symptoms like maladaptive daydreaming) but never searching for professional help. what's the point of "finding out what you have" and not trying to get the help you need.

maybe some people just want something to put the fault on. i've known people that have self diagnosed bpd (which is a real thing and has to be taken seriously) that just use their "diagnosis" to not hold themselves accountable for their actions. and even with celebrities, i'll use ER as an exemple, (again, i'm in no position to tell if she's bpd or not) i've seen many people speculate about her being bpd with the objective to take the responsibility of her actions away from her, "it's okay she has mental illness". and that goes for sooo many celebrities.

this is so harmful for the people that have a professional and serious diagnosis, the people that fight for visibility, having their own issues not taken seriously because of people who trivialize the condition they have

i agree. there’s a few basic tenets that i feel like people need to understand when talking about mental illness, and if they cannot do so it just derails the conversation for everybody. the first being that mental health/illness is not some entirely different concept to our physical health. it is real. just because you cannot see it doesn’t nullify it’s existence; i have an invisible chronic illness and i would liken it to this situation. i spent nearly two decades with my own suspicions but i could not self-diagnose myself.. or self-diagnose something like having a cancerous tumor. i could go to my family/friends, or a medical professional, to voice my suspicions and request testing be done to confirm, but i am not a medical professional capable of diagnosing. so, why do we make space and allow for people, some with dubious intentions, to do this with mental illnesses? it’s just not appropriate and it undermines those who spend years, sometimes MANY years fighting to obtain a diagnosis and treatment.

also, mental health conversations are not limited to just those who are diagnosed! mental health and your overall physical health are not separate matters. just like we could encounter an acute health emergency, the same can happen mentally during times of high stress or something profoundly sad/distressing. we can talk about all of these things without playing doctor and diagnosing ourselves with disorders, and really, we should.

[morningstar-warriors]

Game Fifteen... And Others I haven't written something like this for...

So This is the giant turd pile list of all the stuff I have been working on since the last game... A lot of issues arrived, I'd received great feedback from different players. All wonderful, and time to take a sledgehammer to the preexisting stuff... Disclaimer, this post was initially sent to a playtest group so pardon its casual nature. I figured it'd be good to record it here as well.

Mad Rambling below:

Dice Pooling:

First off, still using six sided dice. So that hasn’t changed. I imagine you all know what dice pooling means, but just in case the short and basic of it is: the better your character is at something, the more dice they can roll. In this case, that would be your cat’s ability score + their skill = How many dice they roll. I explained this in a recent post that's probably more put together.

This has its ups and downs… Rolling a pile of dice, and counting the amount of numbers that pass a check, rather than adding them all up, feels a bit more player friendly. Especially for kids and noobs. It’s dead simple, a 6 is really good, a 1 is really bad. Everything in-between is up to how easy or hard a situation is.

Downs are, the way the game is at this point in time. You can have up to five points in both your ability scores and skills. This means you could roll up to TEN dice. That's a LOT OF DICE!!! Now, this could actually be super fun. The big roll. Who wouldn't love a huge roll? You’d feel so good at what you’re doing. The chance of reward feels higher... But, I can see it getting old and tedious if it's a commonly used skill.

Harm:

Rather than keeping track of HP and AC numerically, you now have little boxes to tick off. Honestly one of the worst aspects of D&D for me is all that honkin stinkin math. This gets rid of more math! YAY!

To better explain, Harm is a way to track how hurt a character is.

⬛Scrape (Mild damage) No debuff

⬛Bloodied (Blood is drawn, an active attack was made and landed)

⬛ouch - 1

⬛Oof ouchies -2

⬛Severe (Your cat is damaged badly, and needs medical attention.) - 3 dice to roll

⬛Fading (Your cat is dying, and needs medical attention NOW.) -4 dice to roll

Names of Harm still being workshopped…

Rather than an enemy dealing, say, a measly 4 damage. Now they deal 1 harm. If you reference our chart above, that means a cat is scraped. So they suffer no consequences– yet. Two more hits, and they could temporarily lose 1 dice from their dice pool.

With harm comes Protection. Instead of armor coming with an AC, it tells how much harm it deflects.

Really Rough Chart:

Fluffy – Grants 1 protection.

Thorn Armor – Grants 1 protection and 1 harm to an enemy.

Clay Armor – Grants 2 protection.

Leather Armor – Grants 3 protection.

Bone Armor – Grants 4 protection.

With this I am also working on the medical side of things, as one of the biggest playable classes– A Healer, needs to be able to enact their namesake.

Leveling:

Still floating in many “errs” and “uhms” for me, but I want it to work through failure and RP. Like Harm, its boxes you tick off. Everytime you fail a roll, you get to check off a box, and get closer to leveling up. This lets people level fast– which is something I feel like DMs dance around way too much. Game progression feels way more fun and natural if your players level up fast. Seriously, try it. Also, I love the concept that failure leads to LEARNING. That's awesome.

RP is the part where this gets foggy. So you get to level with good rp? What the hell is good rp? Is that not subjective? Maybe. Dad and I agreed when everyone at the table is excited by another player’s actions– that's good rp. Influencing the DM, rule of cool, is good RP. So I know it exists, it's not completely nebulous.

I think offering a clear outline of what I mean may clear this up. I want to put a stress on interacting with, and helping your friends at the table. Character growth, interaction between players, participation from players, I think that is something that should be required in these games.

Skills:

BONUS UPDATE!!!!!

I added SIX new skills. Oooh ahhh! In my first playtester group, I had a very distinct issue called “Roll Ponder.” I said it over and over and over. Make a ponder check for me, ehh roll ponder, yeah ponder, you know what I’m gonna say… It became a meme. A groan and an eye roll. My head was in my hands guys.

So I remedied that, presenting, the newbies:

Chase

Cats are known to be quick, they can twist and change direction in the drop of a hat. A cat’s Chase Skill determines how fast and maneuverable it is. Sometimes a cat needs to get away from a threat in time, or rush after a fat juicy mouse. This check is best used in cases of speed, hunting, and evasion.

Endurance

In some cases cats may be doing strenuous tasks for prolonged periods of time. Or worse, they’ve eaten a dangerous herb. Endurance dictates how well they can handle being put under tough situations. Especially ones that strain them physically.

Tradition

The Tradition Skill puts to test how well a cat has been listening to their elders. This Skill is used to identify unique aspects of different Clans or outsiders. Aside from understanding different customs, cats use Tradition to recall old stories and Clan history.

Medicine

The world of Warriors is dangerous, and cats often get hurt. The Medicine Skill helps a cat know what herbs to smell for, or understand how critical someone’s condition is. Through these discoveries a cat can help alleviate pain or prevent death.

Faith

A cat may ask their ancestors for signs or an answer, the Faith Skill gives them a chance of being answered to. Certain cats have abilities gifted to them by Star Clan or the Dark Forest that could be tapped into through Faith. Other times they are being influenced by forces they wish to push away, or want to recall a detail regarding religious stories.

Speech

Speech shows how well spoken a cat can be. This skill aids in persuasion, and attempts to impress those listening. Cats who are particularly cunning use Speech to lie or manipulate others.

Link to all the skills here.

Now obviously not all of these were related to the ponder conundrum, but they felt like relevant additions that expanded the kind of actions a kitty cat could take.

TLDR:

Lots of updates that need some tweaking and play testing, it's time to play cats again.