#well technically only half incorrect quotes

[whatever-color-of-the-rainbow]

Annleigh, about Dane: We met in grief counseling. He’s cute! And Mormon, but we share a lot of the same core values.

Kate: Oh, is he into convicted criminals?

Eva: Katelyn. Darling. Honey. Love of my life.

Eva: You are also a convicted criminal.

[bi-panicatthedisco]

Random incorrect twst first-year quotes I saved

Deuce: Throw lamps at people who need to lighten up, and throw handles at someone who needs to get a grip!

Ace: Throw a refrigerator at someone who needs to chill!

Yuu: Throw scissors at someone who needs to cut it out!

Jack: Throw a clock at someone who needs to get with the times!

Sebek : Throw matches at someone who needs to get fired up!

Epel: Throw a brick at someone to kill them!

Yuu: Time for plan G.

Jack: Don’t you mean plan B?

Yuu: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Epel: What about plan D?

Yuu: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Sebek : What about plan E?

Yuu: I’m hoping not to use it. Deuce dies in plan E.

Ace: I like plan E.

*when the Squad drops food*

Deuce: Eh, oh well.

Epel: FIVE-SECOND RULE!

Ace: FUCK!

Jack: *just gets more food*

Yuu: *drops to their knees and mourns the food*

Sebek : *eats the food off the ground*

*the Squad at Disneyland, in the teacups*

Sebek, Jack, and Deuce: *spinning a little and talking*

Epel, Ace, and Yuu: *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming*

Epel: The floor is lava!

Jack: *helps Sebek onto the counter*

Ace: *kicks Deuce off the sofa*

Yuu: *lays on the floor*

Epel: ...Are you okay?

Yuu: No.

Jack: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Yuu, watching Sebek screaming, Ace trying to set a sleeping Deuce on fire, and Epel choking on air: I don't know either.

Deuce: We need to distract these guys

Ortho: Leave it to me

Ortho: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Yuu, Ace, and Epel: *Immediately begin arguing*

Jack, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

'Can I copy the homework?'

Ortho: I can help you with it!

Deuce: Yeah, sure.

Yuu: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Ace: lol nope.

Epel: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Jack: *Read 5:55pm*

Yuu: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Ortho: >:O language

Deuce: Yeah watch your fucking language

Epel: OKAY WHO TAUGHT DEUCE THE FUCK WORD?

Ace: 'The fuck word'.

Sebek: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Deuce: Oh my god they censored it

Epel: Say fuck, Sebek.

Ace: Do it, Sebek. Say fuck.

Yuu: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Jack: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Deuce: More or less, I guess...

Ortho: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Epel: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Ace: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Yuu, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Ace: Hey.

Deuce: Hi.

Jack: Hello.

Ortho: Hey!

Yuu: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Epel: We were out of Doritos.

Ortho: Hewwo.

Ace: Hihiiiiii!

Sebek: Greetings, Humans.

Jack: Three kinds of people.

Deuce: I want pudding.

Jack: Four kinds of people.

Yuu: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Jack: Five kinds of people.

Yuu: Would you slap Deuce-

Ace: Yes.

Yuu: I didn't even finish!

Ace: Sorry, continue.

Yuu: Would you slap Deuce for 10 dollars?

Ace: I would do it for free.

Deuce: Rude...

Epel: Remember, when burying a body, make sure to cover it with endangered plants so it’s illegal to dig up!

Epel: Make sure to follow me for more gardening tips!

Grim: Tomorrow’s the Cooking Contest. Yuu always tells me one thing every year. They say, “You might win if you’d stop eating your entry!” But how would I know whether it’s an award-winning dish without tasting it first? This may be a problem humanity will have to grapple with for eternity…

Ace: It’s funny how well you and Sebek get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?

Yuu: Sebek hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

Deuce: Where's Epel?

Yuu: Don't worry, I'll find them.

Yuu, shouting: Jack sucks!

Epel , distantly: Jack is the best person ever! Fuck you!

Yuu: Found them.

Yuu: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Grim : Mine just says "Grim no."

Yuu: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Yuu: I have an idea.

Jack: A good idea?

Yuu: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Ortho: You believe me?

Yuu: Ortho, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Yuu: I give up. I am so tired.

Ace: Get the emergency supply!

Ortho: *carries Grim and places them in front of Yuu*

Grim: *smiles*

Yuu: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

[theangelwithawand]

Good Omens Incorrect Quotes 5

Still not mine.

Crowley as Aziraphale: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Crowley as Aziraphale: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Crowley: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

Warlock, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Nanny.

Crowley, not looking up from their coffee: Good morning, problem child.

Aziraphale: Please say words of encouragement to me so I don’t murder someone right now.

Crowley: There are no books in prison.

Aziraphale: *sighs* Thank you.

Aziraphale: Jesus Saves.

Crowley: Passes to Moses, SCOOOOOORE!

Crowley: Well, if you're not at least a little bit gay for your friends, then what kind of friend are you?

Crowley: If you don't stop talking, I'm going to jump out of that window.

Aziraphale: ...We're on the ground floor.

Crowley: I know but I want a dramatic exit.

Aziraphale: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Crowley: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Aziraphale: You don’t have to wear…

Crowley: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Crowley: So jellyshish-

Aziraphale, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?

Crowley: You know what I meant!

Crowley: What's gone wrong, Aziraphale?

Aziraphale: Hey! That’s one heck of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis.

Crowley: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

Aziraphale: Well... There’s a crisis.

Crowley, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.

Aziraphale: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

Aziraphale: Crowley? What are you doing here?

Crowley, wearing a hawaiian shirt, sunglasses and holding a gatorade: My best.

Newt: I’m here for the cult stuff.

Shadwell: How did you find us?

Newt: I saw your ad on craigslist.

Aziraphale: I am in charge of this disaster!

Crowley: I have a name, you know.

Crowley, wiping tears from their eyes: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, it’s meant to be…

Aziraphale: I’m literally just going to the store.

Crowley: I have issues.

Gabriel: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is accept-

Crowley: With you.

Crowley: *on the phone with Anathema* I can’t talk right now, I’m doing hot girl shit.

Anathema: You’re pulling Oreos apart and saving off the frosting to make a mega Oreo, aren’t you.

Crowley: Maybe.

Crowley: Now, the recipe calls for 2 shots of vodka.

Crowley: *upends the bottle*

Aziraphale: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.

Crowley, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.

Anathema: Wow, Aziraphale was late too! What a coincidence!

Aziraphale: You spent all our money on THIS??

Crowley, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

Crowley: Where are you going?

Aziraphale: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!

Crowley: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!

Anathema, knowing full well that Crowley got Aziraphale an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*

Crowley: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.

Aziraphale: You’re drunk.

Crowley: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: Do you see yourself as a glass half-full or glass half-empty kind of person?

Anathema: Half-full, definitely.

Anathema: Half-full and constantly rising.

Anathema: Soon the water will escape its container and consume us all.

Crowley: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?

Aziraphale: AS ENEMIES?!

Crowley:

[pink-lemonade-wave-world]

Characters and Listeners Incorrect Quotes - Scythe Audios Edition

I was so patiently waiting for an episode of Atrocity series until my day was ruined when I saw the news. I was eager to see L.L and discover her powers, but noooo 😒. I wish for Scythe only the best and take his time.

━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━

Siren, watching Sweet Cheeks: Ah yes. The mysterious and beautiful Sweet Cheeks, so demure…

Siren: …I wonder what sort of melodic sounds this wonderful being makes?

Sweet Cheeks: *screaming*

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: Okay, help me, please!

Maverick: Got two words for you.

Twinkle: I bet they won't be helpful.

Maverick: Your problem.

Twinkle: I was right.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

V: You know, I used to play back in my gory days.

Cherky: You mean glory days?

V: Ah, that too.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Livana: I mean. Gray's just standing there now.

Alpha: Waiting for me, I guess.

Alpha: But it's okay, I think they've pretty much settled down.

Livana: Settled down?

Alpha: Well, they only stabbed me once.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?

Cheeky: Yeah, sure.

*A few minutes later*

Cheeky: Here you go.

Twinkle:

Cheeky:

Succubus: Why am I here?

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Goddess: Everyone thinks you suck.

Twinkle: I think you have the wrong number…

Goddess: Cheeky?

Twinkle: Nope. Twinkle.

Goddess: Well, you probably suck too…

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Kidnapper: I have one of your friends.

L: Which one? I have seven.

Kidnapper: The loud, annoying, rowdy one who never shuts up.

L: Which one? I have seven.

V, distantly: HEY!!!

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: Enough! How dare you mock me in such a manner!?

Maverick: Well. How would you like me to mock you? I take requests.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Marcus: Time for plan G.

Kreed: Don’t you mean plan B?

Marcus: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Cole: What about plan D?

Chosen: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Kreed: What about plan E?

Marcus: I’m hoping not to use it. Floofster dies in plan E.

Cole: I like plan E.

Floofster: D:

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Hunter: Just be careful, Demon Girl!

Demon Girl: *heading out the door* I'm always careful, Hunter!

Demon Girl: It's everything around me that's careless.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Killian: I have a plan.

Julian: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.

Killian: …

Julian: …

Killian: I no longer have a plan.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Dark Rose: I'm going to get myself some soup.

Vallakay: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.

Dark Rose: Pfft, I won't burn myself.

*30 seconds later*

Dark Rose, entering the room: I burned myself.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Alpha: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.

Alpha: My facebook photo is a landscape.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Twinkle: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Atrocity: Little Love, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Little Love: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Atrocity: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

࿇ ══━━━━✥◈✥━━━━══ ࿇

Jay Jay: Twinkle, I got suspended from school…

Twinkle: WHAT?!?! What did you do?

Jay Jay: My teacher pointed at me with a ruler, and he said “there is an idiot at the end of this ruler”.

Twinkle: And…?

Jay Jay: I asked which end…

Twinkle, unable to contain their laughter: Okay, you just made my day.

━━━━━━━ •♬• ━━━━━━━

Next: Siren's Son ASMR

[blank-and-ocs]

incorrect quotes pt2

R.C: If you had to choose between Yuu and all the money I have in my wallet, which would you choose? Ryuco: That depends, how much money are we talking about? Yuu: Ryuco! R.C: 63 cents. Ryuco: …I’ll take the money. Yuu: RYUCO!!! _____________________________________________________________ Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle. R.C, with Yuu and Shiloh behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?! Police: Yes…three. R.C: Oh, my God— What the fuck!? Police: Wha- R.C: Dest FUCKING FELL OFF! _____________________________________________________________ Dest: English is CRAZY. Oregano is both a spaghetti leaf topping and a form of paper art! Ryuco: What is this "paper art" you speak of? Dest: That shit where you make cranes and stuff out of folded paper! Ryuco: … Dest. ____________________________________________________________ Yuu: Time for plan G. Ryuco: Don’t you mean plan B? Yuu: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. R.C: What about plan D? Yuu: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Dest: What about plan E? Yuu: I’m hoping not to use it. Shiloh dies in plan E. Shiloh: I like plan E.....wait what- ____________________________________________________________ Yuu: Well please don’t let Dest do anything stupid… R.C: Stupid by my standards or yours? Yuu: Yuu: Stupid by my mother’s standards. R.C: Smart. Dest will live longer. ___________________________________________________________ Shiloh: *holding a salt packet* It’s just a little sodium chloride. R.C: Actually Shiloh, it’s salt. Shiloh: That’s what I said, sodium chloride. R.C: Uh Shiloh, that would be salt. R.C: *takes salt packer from Shiloh* This is iodized table salt, which in addition to sodium chloride contains anti-caking agents and potassium iodate, which is added to prevent iodine deficiency. So not only are you being overly pretentious by insisting on using scientific terminology for everyday items, you are factually wrong. Your arrogance is your downfall, you annoying little shit. ____________________________________________________________ Shiloh: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons? Ryuco: Um, make lemonade? Shiloh: No, they squeeze them right back into life’s eyes! ____________________________________________________________ Yuu: Wake me up- R.C: Before you go go Shiloh: When September ends Dest: WAKE ME UP INSIDE ___________________________________________________________ R.C, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.

[hecatesbroom]

Weird writing questions for you! Numbers 7, 25, 32, 34 :)

Aa thank you!! I just answered about half of this ask when my answer was deleted (my own fault :') so here's attempt number 2 haha

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

I think it's having a way to express my love for the characters and settings I write about, as well as getting to express my love for language itself! So: getting to use a medium I love to convey my love for... the world and its people (and stories, and characters), I guess? :)

Getting to share my writing with people (and finding a community because of it!) is definitely a great, of not the biggest joy as well — but I personally feel like that's more a joy of the result of writing, rather than writing in and of itself? If that makes sense!

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

I genuinely can't think of a single one, because I feel like every single detail I come up with about a character ends up being relevant to a story in one way or another! For example, I have this one OC who always wears some sort of knitwear. It started out as a random character detail I really couldn't find a use for other than characterisation, but the knitwear (and its varying states, as well as whether it was handmade or store-bought) eventually came to symbolise the state of his fraying marriage!

So: none, because the minute I come up with a hyper-specific detail, my brain decides it's Very Important, Actually and immediately finds a way to weave it into the story or its symbolism 😂

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Ohh I have a couple, but I think this quote (a bit more than a line, sorry!) from the locked tomb series really stuck with me. To the point where I put part of it in my bio!

"Bury me next to you in that unmarked grave, Joy. We knew that was the only hope we ever had–that we would live to see it through . . . and pray for our own cessation. Oh, we'll still hate each other, my dear, we have hated each other too long and too passionately to stop . . . but my bones will rest easy next to your bones."

I'm not sure what it is about this quote, but something about it (especially with the context of the story and this whole messed up relationship) makes me go a little bit insane over it whenever I read it haha. I think when I read this for the first time, I finally realised I was done for and proceeded to fully fixate on the locked tomb until my Tolkien obsession took over. So it marks the start of a pretty intense love for these books, I guess 😂 (I'll spare you the full analysis on this but ohh, there's so much to say about it even without the context of the series!! The imagery, the slight shift in tone towards the end!!)

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

Great, amazing, and show-stopping. So good I started using it in Dutch, even though it's technically incorrect here. It's amazing for clarity, and skipping it can provide some hilarious misinterpretations.

[eli-writes-sometimes]

Incorrect quotes tag

Got tagged by the lovely @fire-but-ashes-too, thanks for that!

So i may have got slightly carried away with this, it's under a cut for a reason

Tagging - @druidx @dogmomwrites @new-royston-cursebreakers @holdmyteaplease @oh-no-another-idea @irisisasleep (do you have ocs? idk but this is funny and i think youd approve) and anyone else who wants to this!

Here's the link to the quote generator I used!

So, this is technically a ships tag, but I only have two main ships (Harper and Luke from Superlosers and Rune and Veronica from PPP) so I did those two as well as their two friend groups because I thought it was funny and got a bit carried away.

Also sorry if the spacing is weird, I did half of thi on mobile and half on desktop

Enjoy!

Luke and Harper:

Luke: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.

Harper: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train.

Luke: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Harper: Act natural.

Luke: For this kind of situation, the most natural thing would be to panic, so technically I can panic.

Harper: NO, that’s not what I meant! Act like it’s a normal day!

Luke: My ‘normal’ days of late, consist of a lot of panic.

Harper: Will you just cooperate?

Luke: When a person is panicking, they are not apt to cooperate very well!

Luke, sweating: Harper, there’s something I need to ask you-

Harper: Finally! You’re proposing!

Luke: How’d you know?

Harper: Luke, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.

Harper: I even picked it up once.

Harper: Are you okay?

Luke, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.

Harper: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Luke?

Harper, skipping rocks on a lake with Luke: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Luke: Yeah, it is.

Luke: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.

And here's the whole group!

Ivy: What starts with F and ends with Uck?

Asher: No it doesn't.

Harper: Firetruck!

Luke: FUCK!

Luke: *running into the room* Harper just said they don’t love me anymore!

Ivy: What?!

Harper: *following them in* I did not say that. I just said that we are not driving all the way across the country just so you can punch Asher in the face.

*Ivy drunkenly wanders around the house and Harper is drunkenly giggling*

Luke, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the wold, Asher.

Asher, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

*during a group project*

Asher: *does 99% of the work*

Luke: *has no idea what’s going on*

Ivy: *says they’re gonna help but does not*

Harper: *disappears at the very beginning and doesn’t show up again until the very end*

Harper: That's ridiculous, Luke doesn't have a crush on me.

Asher: Yes they do.

Ivy: Yes they do.

Luke: Yes I do.

Ivy: Made you all playlists!

Ivy: Asher, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Ivy: Luke, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Ivy: And Harper has the ABBA Gold album.

Asher: *sees Luke and Harper together*

Asher: They're cute. I would put them on a boat.

Ivy: You mean... you ship them?

Here's Vera and Rune!

Vera: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Rune: Wow. They sound stupid. Vera: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Rune: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Vera: I guess you’re right. Hey Rune, I love you. Rune: See! Just say that! Vera: Holy fucking shit. Rune: If that flies over their head then, sorry Vera, but they're too dumb for you. Vera: Rune.

Rune: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness— Vera: Hi. Rune: melts down in a flustered heap of softness

Rune: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night? Vera: It was autocorrect. Rune: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me."? Vera: Yes.

Vera: Are you really planning to shoot the demon? Rune: Don't worry, it's a holy gun. Vera: How so? Rune: It makes holes. (thank you quincy morris)

And the whole friend group!

Vera: wow you and Kai are home early from the movies. What happened? Rune: We got kicked out because Kai wouldn't stop yelling diving scores as people jumped off the titanic. Kai: That last guy had a solid 8, I'm telling you!

Vera: So how’s the food Rune made? Kai: It's great! Compliments to them. Vera: goes to the kitchen Vera: You're adorable. Rune: blushes

Vera: We all have our demons. Rune, grabbing Kai: This one’s mine!

Vera: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Rune: Kai is the scariest thing I could think of! Kai: Rune told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.

Kai: Ooh, somebody has a crush Rune: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Vera I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them. Later that night Rune, very much awake: Uh oh.

[jasonsthunderthighs]

Dizzy Dreamer (Sandman story)

Hey, it's DC. And that's what it was voted on in the polls. I know this is in first person, I wrote this as basically my own self insert. Sorry if you don't like that. I kinda like how this is written.

I'm also goin to take a break from postin so much for days straight. I try to make it different. Life is just so busy and gets in the way with sittin down and writin actual stories and headcanons without it lookin rushed. That's why I always do incorrect quotes.

I have no context for this story. I was just bored when I wrote this last year.

Anywhore, the character is as always nonbinary.

Word Count: 850 (So, pretty short.)

(GIF has nothin to do with the story.)

I float above the Dream Lord, watchin him work as he creates dreams and nightmares for the mortals in the wakin world. I sigh in boredom of the dreams he'd make but keep up on my toes for the nightmares. It was like watchin TV. But you don't have a remote control and the channels change from only two genres.

I hear the personification sigh, clearly annoyed of my presence. I don't blame him, I just LOVE causin trouble. There's a reason I'm the trouble muse. That's how I get along with his sibling, Desire, so well. “Two peas in a pod!” they'd tell me with a mischievous twinkle in their golden eyes as they grin at me. Miss that twin.

“Hello?” Dream spoke up, wakin me from my thoughts, growin impatient.

“Hmm?” I spoke up, lazily lookin at his gaunt pale face with a half ass smile.

“I asked you what your business here is, Muse.” he coldly says, lookin back at his work.

“Hmm.. None, just bored.. Desire is busy with their thing, so I decided the next best thing, Dizzy Dreamer.” I watch him glare at me for the nickname I gave him that he absolutely LOATHES.

“Don't me that.” we both said at the same time, me mockin his voice, hearin him growl in frustration at me.

“ENOUGH.” his voice booms in the big room as he turns to face me, gettin closer to me as I continue floatin upside down, flippin right side up to face him properly.

“You're such a stick in the mud, Dream.” I stick my tongue out at him playfully, not takin his frustration seriously in the slightest.

“You're an annoyance to my work and myself.” the stars in his black eyes twinkle in irrigation.

“I can't help it! It's who I am.~” I shrug playfully, “Blame Desire and Delirium for creatin me. Y'know I'm not new. Besides, I'm technically not doin anythin to you.”

Dream sighs in annoyance at my answer, closin his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose, I was right and he knew it, “I'm not workin for your entertainment, Muse.”

“Don't be so mean, Dreamer.” I teased, “Though the nightmares DO entertain me. Where IS the nightmare?” I'm tryin to ruffle him up now and he sees it.

Flexin his jaw in irritation, he gets closer to me where we're face-to-face like he was with his sibling, Desire. From what they've told me.

“That's none of your concern. Or any of your affairs to deal with..” his voice was cold when he answered, immediately shuttin down the topic, feelin his cold breath hit my face.

“Right.. My ‘affairs’..” I air quote the last word. Man, what a tough crowd. I sigh, lettin myself float down, my bare feet gently touchin the cold stone floor of the Dream Lord’s castle, my eyes not leavin his from my movement. “Y'know, ya should lighten up a little bit, Dizzy Dreamer. You're always so serious. Such a fun sucker.”

He doesn't reply, his face cold and unwelcomin as he still looks at me.

“Boop!” I quickly poke his nose, only for his hand to quickly shoot up, tightly grippin my wrist of the hand that touched him.

“DON'T touch me.. You're testin my patience, Muse..” his grip tightens and I hissed out in pain he's actually causin.

“Yea. Yea. I get it.. I'll leave.” I replied stiffly, yankin my arm to get out of his cold, iron grip, “You wonder why you're so damn alone and don't ever see that you push others away. You're always so serious bout anythin, even if it doesn't involve you.”

He glares at me coldly, not sayin a word in reply to what I said.

“Even Desire is honestly more bearable than you, cause anyone can BREATHE and not get yelled at. I feel bad for Lucienne. No wonder Cor-”

Before I could finish my sentence, Dream had his hand in my icy white hair so tightly, bringin my face close to his. “Ah!” I yelled in pain from his tight grip in my hair.

“DON'T. Speak of him, Muse. You DON'T know what my affairs are which are NONE of your business..” his grip gets tighter with every word he said, causin me to wince in pain, “Your next choice of words better be carefully thought out, as my patience has run incredibly low..”

I look at his pitch black eyes, swallowin hard as I try to reply, “I-”

“Carefully.” he warns me, watchin my reaction and waitin for a responce from me.

I swallowed hard again, breathin out, “I'll stay out of your affairs.. I'm sorry, Lord Morpheus..” I slowly replied as I picked my words to not anger him even more than I did.

He pauses for a moment, his tight grip in my hair loosens as he jerks my head away from him, almost knockin me down and losin my balance a little. “You better. Don't test me..”

I rub my throbbin head, givin him one last look before vanishin into smoke, goin right back to Desire’s realm. 

[superlintball]

Diary Entry 2/7/24

Dear [qpr],

What the fuck. What the actual fuck.

I just.

What?

You sent me a letter detailing how you're in love with me and also hate my partner and closed it off with telling me how you know that you've just touched on my biggest insecurities and it's okay to hate me.

But... you didn't.

Yes, I'm angry, but my immediate and most pronounced emotion was, frankly, bewilderment.

In the immortal words of one of my favorite YouTube videos, "Good lord, that's remarkable. And completely wrong. Everything you said. Was wrong."

Jesus fuck, every single assumption and every single guess you made in that letter was completely incorrect, and I'm just bewildered. Clearly, you don't know me as well as you think you do.

Honestly, apparently you don't know me as well as I thought you did.

Twas wild.

Let's go through the whole thing, shall we?

First, let's start with me.

You are in a committed, functionally monogamous, relationship

No? I'm not? You do understand that the whole point of a QPR is that it's a platonic relationship that's just as deep as a romantic one, right? Like that's the definition of it. Yes, I only have one romantic partner, but I spend half my time at your place. That's not monogamy, you fucking dumbass. Genuinely, it took my partner a while to come around on you, entirely because our relationship is so deep. So fuck you for that one, I guess.

And beyond that, the only reason I'm not dating anyone else is just that I'm lazy. You know that right? Like I've been thinking about making a dating profile for a while, but I don't want to deal with the awful experience of dating apps. I tend to ghost anyone who wants to hook up on Lex because we start talking about logistics and I just get tired. That's literally it. [Partner] is the same way; I'd love it if they hooked up with someone but they just aren't up to it either. lmao

My guess is that you “cheated” on [partner]. For months. With [ex]. My guess is you either didn’t tell [ex] about [partner], or [partner] about [ex]. Or both.

This is where the genuine bewilderment comes in.

Because... no.

Also side note: why did you put quotes around "cheated"? Do you think it's not cheating if you personally don't like my partner? The fuck is that about?

Anyway.

Do you know what my deepest fear is? idk if it counts as an insecurity but it's definitely my deepest fear.

My deepest fear is losing the trust of someone I love. It's having someone that I care about decide I'm not as reliable as they once thought, or that they can't always believe what I say, or that I won't keep their secrets. It's the idea that they can't trust me anymore.

Trust is the most important thing in the world to me, so much more than love.

So the idea. That you. A person whom I thought knew me pretty fucking well. Would think. That I would lie. To my partner. For months. Is FUCKING INSANE.

I was gobsmacked reading that.

You're not wrong in that I did cheat on [partner] with [ex], but it's not how you think. Because I convinced myself that I wasn't.

There was never a point where either of them didn't know about the other.

My relationship with [ex] was completely platonic until I had a long conversation with them and also [partner] and we decided to try it out. Because I'd known for a long time that I was polyamorous.

The problem was that I could tell that it was hard for [partner], so I didn't give them details. That was how I cheated. [Partner] wanted us to go slow, so I didn't tell them how fast [ex] and I were moving. [Ex] wanted us to move quickly, so I didn't tell them how slowly [partner] wanted us to move.

And I convinced myself that this was okay because I was just protecting their feelings by not giving the gory details, so I didn't technically do anything wrong.

Was I wrong? Absolutely.

But at the end of the day, what happened was that I failed to communicate and hurt both of my partners very deeply in the process.

[Ex] and I only explicitly dated for like, maybe 3 weeks. At some point, [partner] asked me point-blank for all the details, and I, having convinced myself that I hadn't done anything wrong, told them everything, because I would never lie to them.

And they looked at me and said that I had disrespected their boundaries and gone much further than they were comfortable with. That that was cheating.

And I was like "well shit. Yeah, you're right."

So yes, I did cheat. But no, it was not a form of self-sabotage. No it was not for months. And no, I did not explicitly lie to my partner for months. What the actual fuck.

God, I have so many fucking thoughts.

No, [partner] is not taking advantage of me.

How DARE you accuse them of that.

What are you even BASING this off of? The fact that you've met them all of FIVE TIMES? The fact that for over half of the time we've known each other, you've completely shut down every time I mention them? WHERE ARE YOU MAKING THIS ASSUMPTION FROM?

Or maybe it's your trauma? It's the fact that you have experienced being wildly mentally ill and disabled and yet still forcing yourself to keep going and find a way to make things work without asking for help? You can only fathom someone finding that help as doing so maliciously?

It's fucking bullshit.

I had to fight to get [partner] to let me take care of them financially.

They refused.

For years, they refused.

And I watched them suffer for it. They have no family at all, no safety net. They tried to force themselves through college, and failed. They tried to force themselves to work, and broke their body doing it.

It was miserable. I couldn't bear to watch.

And at every turn, I asked if I could help. Please, dear god, let me help you. Let me in. Let me be someone you can lean on.

And finally, slowly but surely, after 3 years of dating and 4 years of knowing each other, they let me be someone they leaned on.

How. Fucking. Dare. You. Accuse them of maliciousness.

They would be out there. Right now. Continuing to break their body to pay half of our expenses if I hadn't fought tooth and nail to convince them to let me support them financially.

I've spent so many therapy sessions dissecting my relationship with them. I've talked with them so many times about it.

We've worked through it. You tell me that you can pass judgment because you were homeless while dating a doctor?

What if I said that YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN.

This isn't me saying that you should have asked for help. This is me saying that your partner should have seen that you were homeless and found a way to help you. To convince you that you could lean on them, could let them in and let them support you. That you didn't have to go it alone. That your worth is not connected to your ability to work. That they should have fought to make you as happy as they could.

But we already know that I hate your exes, don't we?

Anyway, when everything exploded with [partner] about [ex], they broke up with me.

I don't think they'd have done that if they were using me for my money, would they have?

I fought so hard to earn back their trust.

That was what got me into therapy.

For the better part of three months, every therapy session I had was working through my emotions, figuring out how I felt, why I missed them, whether I wanted them back, all that shit.

So yeah, I know exactly how I'd feel if we broke up.

And I promise that yes, I would actually miss them.

And also that I'll be okay. Losing [cat] won't be the end of the world. Yes, it'd suck, but I've already experienced the idea of her not being in my life, and fun fact: the idea of [partner] not being there was a lot worse.

Another fun fact: I actually am not insecure about whether or not I can find a romantic partner.

I have absolute confidence that if [partner] and I were to break up tomorrow, I wouldn't be alone for the rest of my life. Even if I hate myself, even if I think I'm ugly, I've managed to internalize that inexplicably, people find me attractive.

I know I'll be okay if we break up.

Relationships aren't transactional, but to be clear, what do I get from them? Joy. I get to see them smile, and laugh. I get to know what they're interested in and what they're listening to. I get to eat their cooking and share in their culture. I get someone who will teach me about plants and lean into my stupid bits. I get someone who makes me laugh. I get to be in love with my favorite person.

Also fun fact: they do a lot more emotional labor for me than I do for them. Also what makes you think I send them thousands of dollars at the drop of a hat? I've literally never done that. They've never asked me to. They never would. They feel so guilty about every cent I spend on them.

Sigh.

Every single guess you made about me, every single assumption and claim you made about [partner], was completely and utterly incorrect.

And I'm extremely angry at the way you perceive [partner].

They have tried so hard to develop a relationship with you despite the fact that you refuse to engage with them. They send you gifts and recommend things through me. They ask about your cats and how you are doing. They try so hard to care about you JUST BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU. And they trust my judgment in people, so if I think you're the shit, then that's all they need to like you.

Why can't you do the same?

How dare you hate them, based on no information whatsoever

HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT THEY DESERVE WORSE THAN TO BE CHEATED ON FOR MONTHS.

I'm done being passive about this.

I was hoping that slowly but surely I'd be able to develop your relationship so you could be friends.

Clearly, that's not going to happen.

I'm not going to cut you out of my life. I'm not going to give you an ultimatum.

But I can't be your best friend if this is how you perceive my partner, who's done absolutely nothing wrong.

You need to fix this.

Fucking hell

[cursed-elo-images]

INCORRECT ELO QUOTES PART 2

Hugh: Hello friends!

The Squad:

Hugh: You might be wondering why I’m taped to the ceiling

Hugh: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

Hugh, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.

Hugh: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.

*Everyone stares at Hugh*

Hugh: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Hugh, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

Hugh: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

Hugh: I’m a multitasker!

Hugh: I can disappoint fifteen people at once.

Melvyn, holding up their class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.

Melvyn, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?

Hugh: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

*Melvyn is ordering a cake over the phone*

Shop Employee: …and what would you like your cake to say?

Melvyn, covering the phone to look at The Squad: Do we want a talking cake?

Hugh: *finds half a watermelon at Whole Foods*

Hugh, holding it up for everyone to see: LIES!

Hugh: Still not over how yesterday when my flight landed, our pilot said we arrived 50 minutes early because they took some "shortcuts".

Hugh: Excuse me, we were in the sky, what do you mean???

Bev: Where’s Richard?

Jeff: Around.

Bev: Around?

Bev: You don’t have any idea, do you?

Richard, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

Jeff: Why does Richard always do the laundry so loudly?

Bev: So everyone knows that no one helps him out in the house.

Richard, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

Richard: I feel like Bev is looking down on me.

Jeff: That’s because he’s on the counter and you’re short.

Kelly: Dude, we can get mythical animals! Maybe I’ll get a penguin!

Mik: Penguins are real.

Kelly: That’s the spirit, Mik ! They’re real to me too!

Kelly: As usual, Kelly has to save the day!

Mik: As usual, Mik has to hear about it.

Kelly: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

Mik: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

Kelly: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

Kelly: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.

Mik: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

Mik: Kelly, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Kelly: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

Kelly: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Mik !

Mik: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Kelly, running: Slow down, Mik , I can’t ketchup!

Mik, not slowing down: You’ll just have to use all the strength you can mustard.

Kelly: Trouble at 2 o'clock!

Mik: *looks down at their watch*

Mik: Now, how do you know that?

Mik: If I didn't know better, Kelly, I'd say you were scared.

Kelly: Heh, scared?

*absolute silence*

Kelly: DID YOU HEAR THAT?!

Mik: Act natural.

Kelly: For this kind of situation, the most natural thing would be to panic, so technically I can panic.

Mik: NO, that’s not what I meant! Act like it’s a normal day!

Kelly: My ‘normal’ days of late, consist of a lot of panic.

Mik: Will you just cooperate?

Kelly: When a person is panicking, they are not apt to cooperate very well!

Kelly: One time I went to hand Mik a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

Kelly: *slams down an absolute doorstopper of a tome* I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.

Mik: This is light?!

Kelly: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea.

Mik: Well then whose is it?

Kelly, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

Kelly: *is throwing stones at Mik's window*

Mik: You have a phone for a reason, Kelly!

*THUD*

Mik: DID YOU JUST THROW YOUR PHONE AT MY WINDOW?!

Jeff: How do you type so fast?

Melvyn: Anxiety.

Melvyn : You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Hugh: What?

Melvyn: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?

Kelly: Did you wash the dishes?

Richard: I thought you wanted to do that...

Kelly: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Richard, near tears: Please, Kelly, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

Jeff: Do you take constructive criticism?

Melvyn: No, only cash or credit.

Hugh: I have very high standards, you know.

Kelly: I can make spaghetti...

Hugh: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

Kelly: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Mik: It was me...

Kelly: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Richard, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Kelly: Gray.

Hugh: Grey.

Richard, turning to Melvyn: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Melvyn: Dark white.

Melvyn: Why are Hugh and Kelly sitting with their backs to each other?

Richard: They had a fight.

Melvyn: Then why are they holding hands?

Richard: They get sad when they fight.

Kelly: I told Hugh to grab snacks for everyone.

Richard, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Kelly, Hugh, and Melvyn raise their hands*

Kelly: How do Melvyn and Hugh usually get out of these messes?

Richard: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out.

Richard: Wake me up-

Kelly: Before you go go

Melvyn: When September ends

Hugh: WAKE ME UP INSIDE

Richard: You guys worried about Hugh?

Kelly: Totally!

Melvyn: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?"

Richard: And what'd you say?

Melvyn: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno."

Kelly:

Richard: He’s lucky to have you as a friend.

Kelly: What’s up with Melvyn ? He’s been laying on the floor for like….an hour now?

Hugh: He’s just a little overwhelmed.

Kelly: Why?

Hugh: Richard smiled at him.

Richard, referring to Hugh and Melvyn: Those guys are dorks.

Kelly: Yes, but they’re my dorks.

Melvyn, in a room with Kelly, Hugh, and Richard: It’s calm in here.

Melvyn: It scares me…

Melvyn: Good. Thanks, dad.

Richard: You just called Hugh “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”

Melvyn: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.

Hugh: Do you see me as a father figure, Melvyn?

Melvyn: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.

Kelly: Hey! Show your father some respect!

Kelly: Go on, give Melvyn a compliment.

Hugh: How do you expect me to do that?

Richard: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you.

Hugh: Uhh… You are now unbanned from Free Ham Sandwich Day!

Melvyn, sobbing: Nobody’s ever said that to me before!

Richard: What are the hardest things to say?

Kelly: I was wrong.

Hugh: I need help.

Melvyn: Worcestershire sauce.

Melvyn: Why is Richard crying on the floor?

Kelly: He took one of those 'what person are you?' quizzes.

Melvyn: And?

Kelly: He got Hugh.

[bigmack2go]

Okokok so we know how much i love Albert.

And spralbert

Okay so

While albert doesnt get poly, thats only because he doesn’t get why you SHOULD have to have only one partner IN THE FIRST PlACE (yk?)

He was angry at spot because spend so much time with him and so much less time with al. And race didn’t know how albert thought abt poly so he didn’t tell him (which was technically cheating but al didn’t rly care that much)

Idk they figured it out. Dont ask me. Just wanted to say that i love spralbert and wanted to include it.

Now to the real hcs

•his eyes are blue.

Hear me out• he is the Delancys cousin and step brother. They grew up together. Never liked eachother.

• their mothers were sisters. Mom died in housefire.

• ALBERT WAS A MOMMAS BOY AND I WILL KICK YOU ABOUT THIS

• his stepfather is all abusive and he gets all flinchy because of it

•he got the nickname „twitch“ because of this

•he never tells the others to stop or that its a sensitive topics bc je doesn’t want them to worry

• mostly lives in the lodging house for that exact reason

•his mother is the only reason he goes back there sometimes

• and also the only reason he still gives half his pay to the Delancys to give it to his stepdad every evening. He thinks she would have wanted it.

• this however, makes him overwork himself a l o t

•he moves a lot ik his sleep

•always somehow manages to not pay for his papers. If he doesn’t do it on purpose some weird nature force just plays into his hands. Something will always happen. Or he has a plan. This kid has payed aprox. 4 times in his whole time as a newsie, which he manages to use to make it seem like he doesn’t do it on purpose.

•he was chlidhood friends with tommy!!!!!

•tommy lived in the same building that he and his mother lived in parttime. When the house caught fire they were both there. Al‘s mom made sure they got out save. Other than them only two people survived. They ran as far away as they could and sleept on the street for say a week before they found a job as newsies.

•he worked there a good half year before the delancys cane around.

•they and their dad didn’t really care he was gone to much but the Delancys knew they could get more money out of it so the dragged him back with them.

• HE HAS THE BEST AND WEIRDEST PHRASES

• im sure you seen this before but i love it so hear me out. Albert is race‘s only voice of reason. Just kinda weird voice of reason

„Imma jump out the window“

-„ go downstairs“

„Do you think i could [insert super dangerous thing]

- „sure you could. Only once tho.“

„No worries, danger is my middle name“

-*pulling him back,not even looking at him* „your middle name is anthonio“

„Im bored“

-*proceeds to hand him an egg AND IT WORKS*

„This that, i hate thsi person. Their the dumbest person i ever heard of“

-„but you hearda them“

„[sonething] might be a bad idea but daddy didn’t raise no pussy“

-* pulling him back,not even looking at him* „your daddy didn’t raise you at all“

„Im not saying im a dumbass“

-„well the rest of us are“

You get the drill

(These definitely werent some random incorrect quotes i found)

•can and will flirt with everyone and everyTHING

• HIS HAIR GOES LIGHTER IN THE SUMMER

• hes the seamus. He always manages to make things explode

•he can sewww

•hes brazilian and canadian

•he hates tea but he always drinks it (for the aesthetic)

•He thinks doors are overrated and tends to enter through windows.

Um hello ggreetings looks nervous please tell me about your favorite newsies

Hihi!!!

All of my favorite newsies?

We’ll be here a while 😬

So lemme tell you about my favorite

Tiny red headed angery boy

Albert DaSilva

Isn’t really one for adopting the other newsies as siblings. His two older brothers are enough, tyvm

He’s very quick to anger, but that’s mostly cause he kind of had to be (again, two older brothers, both more mischievous and angry than he is)

Definitely good at stealing, not quite so good at getting away with it. He feels bad and gives it back if he doesn’t need it

He obviously really likes lamb, but he just likes food in general. Any time Henry or Tommy get to mess around Jacobi’s kitchen, he’s the taste tester for their creations. They’re an odd trio, but they have fun and are actually pretty good friends.

Hates. Short. Jokes. He knows he’s small why do you have to point it out? He could kick your butt either way.

Really likes exploring new places (including other boroughs) and has definitely gotten kicked out of Brooklyn at least six times

Kind of intimidates people into buying his papes

Doesn’t care that people only buy his papes bc he looks like he’ll soak em if they don’t

Finch is his best friend. (Race (and later Spot) is his ‘fella’) He and Finch have been through a lot together. He knows that Finch has his back, and that he’ll stand up for him and/or be a part of whatever whacky shenanigan he comes up with.

Speaking of Spralbert. Doesn’t really understand polyamory. Doesn’t get that you can have more than one partner, just kind of feels like Spot is trying to steal Racer

Has definitely kicked Spot’s butt.

It was only once, but he parades it around like he’s won a gold medal

‘JACK DIDJA HEAR?!’ ‘What?’ ‘I SOAKED SPOT CONLON TODAY’ ‘And you lived????’

Spot definitely went easy on him

I think that’s all I have off the top of my head while sleepy and sad bc I slept through a movie I was excited to see🥲

[house-of-slayterr]

Criminal Minds Incorrect Quotes:

Hotch: Damn, the power went out.

Y/N: Don’t worry, I got this.

Y/N: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Hotch: What-?

Y/N: I swallowed a glow stick!

Hotch, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Derek , throwing their head into Y/N's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Y/N, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Y/N: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers.

Derek : Y/N, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

Garcia : You spent all our money on THIS??

Y/N, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

Garcia : Treat spiders the way you want to be treated.

Y/N: Killed without hesitation.

The Team: 👀 *blink blink*

JJ: Life is like Y/N. It's short.

Y/N: Where are you going?

JJ: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

Y/N: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Emily :

Emily : Why are you eating dirt?

Y/N: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

An: Fucking Cannon

Emily : Don’t preach to me about romance, Y/N. I had a three-way in a hot-air balloon.

Rossi, looking at their reflection: Now, that's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?

Y/N: Well, that's you.

Rossi: Me?! Is that what I look like?

Y/N: You don't know?

Rossi: Busy day.

Rossi: Well, Y/N and I finally did it!

The rest of the squad: *gasps, shocked expressions, etc.*

Rossi: That's right... We kissed!

Spencer : *Answers phone.* Hello?

Y/N: It's Y/N.

Spencer : What did they do this time?

Y/N: No, it's me, Spencer . It's actually me.

Spencer : What did you do this time?

Spencer : Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?

Y/N: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.

Spencer : I find it very unseemly of Garcia to start dating again. Isn't the customary period of mourning 10 years?

Y/N: Die. Let's find out.

Garcia : Who knew getting in trouble would be so impossible?

Spencer : I gotta give you credit, Y/N. You make it look easy.

Y/N: Years of practice.

Hotch : Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things.

Y/N, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too.

Rossi: Wow, Hotch was late too! What a coincidence!

Y/N: So what’s the plan?

Rossi: I don’t know. You’re smart, *points at Hotch * they’re mean, come up with something.

Y/N: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Spencer : Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"?

Elle: Ya know... it might be.

Y/N: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Elle: We're chopsticks!

Y/N: Well... that's cute!

Y/N: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Spencer : No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

Emily : For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.

Y/N, Spencer , & Derek : Okay.

Emily : If you don't want to die, give me all your money.

Y/N: Bold of you to assume I have money.

Spencer : Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.

Derek : Bold of you to assume I can die.

JJ, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Y/N: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*

Emily : *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*

Garcia : *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*

JJ: I hate all of you.

Spencer : Time for plan G.

Y/N: Don’t you mean plan B?

Spencer : No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Rossi: What about plan D?

Spencer : Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Hotch : What about plan E?

Spencer : I’m hoping not to use it. Derek dies in plan E.

Derek: I like plan E.

An: I didn’t include Gideon because fuck that guy!

[klm-zoflorr]

Marley & Co Incorrect Quotes Part 3, The Remake Of The Sequel (director's cut)

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Here's some advice

Colt: I didn't ask for any

Zeke: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Colt: Isn't that just killing people?

Zeke: Ah, technicality.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Colt: Hey, Zeke, can I get a sip of your water?

Zeke: It's not water.

Colt: Vodka, I like your style!

Zeke: It's vinegar.

Colt: Wh-Wha-

Zeke: It's vinegar, COWARD.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Falco: Can you keep a secret?

Eren: Do you know anything about my life?

Falco: No I do not. Good point.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: I actually have a black belt.

Falco: In what, karate?

Eren: No, Gucci.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Eren: Falco! My face is on fire!

Falco: Mister Kruger! Are you ok?!

Eren: Oh yes, I'm fine. I just said that to make sure you'd come in here quickly.

Falco: But your face is on fire.

Eren: Yes. It's much faster than shaving.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: Violence isn't the answer.

Eren: You’re right.

Zeke: *sighs in relief*

Eren: Violence is the question.

Zeke: What?

Eren, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Zeke, running after him: NO-

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: I turned out perfectly fine!

Pieck: Commander Magath, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Commander Magath: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: Do you take constructive criticism?

Zeke: I only take cash or credit.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: I made tea.

Porco: I don’t want tea.

Pieck: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Porco: Then why are you telling me?

Pieck: It is a conversation starter.

Porco: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Pieck: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel, about Reiner: Apparently we’re getting another warrior in the group.

Bertholt: Are we stealing them?

Annie: New or used?

Marcel: Wonderful responses, both of you.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Marcel: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Reiner: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half years.

Bertholt: I got distracted about halfway through.

Annie: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Reiner: How do I deal with my enemies?

Annie: Kill them

Reiner: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution

Annie: Kill them only a little?

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Armin and Annie skipping stones on a lake*

Armin: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Annie, whispering: Take that you fucking lake

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: Dammit, Gabi!

Gabi: What?! It wasn’t me!

Commander Magath: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Reiner!

Reiner: Not me either.

Commander Magath: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Zeke: *whistles*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Don’t worry, I have a few guns up my sleeve.

Sasha: I think you mean cards.

Gabi, pulling guns out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: I'm gonna have to confiscate this, OMD gears aren't made for three people to be on it at once.

Gabi: Shit.

Zofia: Wait, three?

Hange: Yeah?

Udo: OH MY GOD FALCO FELL OFF!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Gabi: Am I in trouble?

Commander Magath: Take a guess.

Gabi: No?

Commander Magath: Take another guess.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: This is such a bad idea.

Commander Magath: Then why are you coming along?

Hange: One of us needs to be able to talk the yeagerists out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: *Stubs their toe* FUCK!

Commander Magath: Mind your language!

Hange: What else am I supposed to say, “Woe is I”???

Commander Magath:

Hange: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Hange: This is bothering me.

Commander Magath: Well, you are digging up a corpse.

Hange: No, not that. That's, uh, pretty on par for the Survey Corps, actually.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath, to Gabi: My life is in the hands of an idiot!

Gabi, motioning to herself and Falco: No no no no no, TWO idiots!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath, driving Falco and Gabi: So how was your day?

Falco: We almost got surprise adopted!

Commander Magath: What?

Gabi: We almost got kidnapped.

Commander Magath: Oh, okay.

Commander Magath: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: It’s dark in here

Gabi: Don’t worry Commander I got this

Gabi: *Stomps her feet*

Gabi: *Skechers light up*

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Gabi: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: You saved me. I owe you my life.

Zeke: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Yelena: A theif.

Zeke: Thief?

Yelena: Theif.

Zeke: I before E, except after C.

Yelena: Thceif.

Zeke: No.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: So what do you do?

Yelena: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.

Zeke: Wow, impressive.

Yelena: Then I'll move on to Leos.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on.

Yelena: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Pieck isn’t

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Zeke: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Commander Magath: We need to distract this guy

Pieck: Leave it to me

Pieck: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Reiner, Zeke, and Porco: *Immediately begin arguing*

Eren, watching in horror from up on his founding titan: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Pieck: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! How dare you

Zeke: This is the worst possible outcome of this plan. I regret everything.

Pieck: *pats his shoulder* there there

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

*Ymir about to be eaten by Porco*

Porco: So we meet, monster who killed my brother

....1 hour later

Ymir: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...

Porco: You would eat yourself?

Ymir: I wouldn’t even question it.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Levi, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.

Eren: But – that’s just a trash can.

Levi: It sure is!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Am I using incorrect quotes to create some scenes for the pairings I want to brainrot over without having to go through the trouble of actually writing them? Sure am! It's very fun! You can find more of these here and here !

[gaelic-symphony]

From the CM asks

What's a random hot take you have about the show/a character/a plot?

Oh, goodness, just ONE hot take? I have so many! Hmmmm...to cause chaos and burn shit down, or not to cause chaos and burn shit down?

I'm gonna cause chaos and burn shit down.

The way that a large and worrisome number of people in this fandom (lesbians by and large not included) treat Emily is deeply, deeply misogynistic and terrible. Canon Emily is brilliant, refined, charming, highly competent, worldly, multilingual, fiercely independent and self-sufficient, calm under pressure, and self-assured. Fandom has turned her into this bumbling, incompetent chaos gremlin who is only there for comic relief (as much as I love you, Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes, I am very much looking at you right now). Hotch stans are overwhelmingly the worst culprits of this misogynistic treatment of Emily, both before she takes over for him as unit chief (e.g. bending over backwards to find ways to justify him treating her like shit when she first joins the team) and after (all the "no Hotch no watch" bullshit). Plus, the very existence of Hotchniss as a ship feels like such disrespect for Emily as a character for two big reasons that go way beyond just me not shipping it:

I literally do not think I have ever seen anyone ship Hotchniss out of a deep and abiding love for Emily. That ship is full of Hotch stans who ship them together because they love and want to obsess and fangirl over Hotch. And like, there's nothing wrong with loving Hotch, but when everyone's shipping a ship out of love for him and not her, that creates a legitimate problem, similar to the problem with the specific way that some (although definitely not all!) Reid stans ship Moreid and Ralvez, because they're taking these really wonderful characters of color and making their stories revolve completely around a fan favorite white boy. And when a lot of these Hotch stans ship Hotchniss out of love for Hotch, they're just using Emily to live out their own fantasy and achieve their own sexual gratification. They're stripping her of her agency, her individuality, and everything that makes her who she is in order to make it easier for them to project themselves onto her. They're taking this strong, wonderful, complicated, beautiful female character--A CHARACTER WHO WAS ORIGINALLY WRITTEN AS A LESBIAN AND IS WIDELY ACCEPTED AS ONE IN FANON AND YES, THAT IS ACTUALLY SUPER IMPORTANT--and making her entire story revolve around a man.

I'm only half-joking when I say that it's lesbophobic to ship Emily with men. Because even though Emily isn't actually, technically a lesbian in canon, in a way, she might as well be. She is so deeply queer coded (and not just queer coded, but specifically lesbian-coded in the way she interacts with women vs. men) and so widely accepted as a lesbian in fanon, and it is so widely known that she was originally written as a lesbian, and Lesbian Emily means so much to so many lesbian fans who are already so starved for any representation at all, that Emily actually does feel close enough to being a canonically lesbian character that it is extremely tempting to say, "fuck ship and let ship, DO NOT ship this character with men, just let the lesbians have something for once in our goddamn lives!" And sure, everyone's allowed to have their own headcanons and their own interpretations of characters, but maybe there are some near-canon characterizations widely accepted in fanon that allow fans from marginalized identities to see themselves represented and better engage with the media they consume (e.g. Autistic Spencer, Lesbian Emily) that deserve a little more respect and deference than, say, headcanons about what kind of music a character likes? So when I say that Emily is a lesbian, I don't just mean that I headcanon her as a lesbian; I mean that she is a lesbian in the same way that Spencer is autistic, even though neither one of those things is actually, technically true in canon. And while nobody's saying that you have to headcanon Emily as a lesbian or Spencer as autistic in order to participate in this fandom, if you consistently create content that deliberately erases Spencer's autism or Emily's lesbianism, autistic Reid stans and lesbian Emily stans may understandably and legitimately take issue with your work for reasons that go much deeper than simply not agreeing with your headcanons.

Anyway, those are the reasons why I actually feel kinda justified in gatekeeping Emily Prentiss from anyone in this fandom who is not either a) a lesbian, or b) a non-lesbian sapphic who headcanons Emily as a lesbian.

Also, I literally do not give a single shit about Hotch beyond just liking him as a character and appreciating what he brings to the show, and I 100% stand by this statement I made in a conversation about Hotch girlies:

I also believe with every fiber of my being that this is how Emily feels about Hotch, too.

[screeching-painter-witch]

some tma incorrect quotes from this incorrect quote generator i found:

Tim: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one! Martin: Tubular AF! Jon: Mood to the max! Gerry, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it. Sasha, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

***

Tim: *Screams* Martin: *Screams louder to establish dominance* Jon: Should we do something? Gerry: No, I want to see who wins.

***

Tim: Martin isn’t answering their phone Jon: I’ll call Tim: Gerry and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi- Martin: Hello?

***

Tim: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three- Tim and Martin, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks! Jon: Our turn, Gerry! One, two, three- vanilla! Gerry, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

***

Tim: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Martin: I don’t know how to do that. Jon: I don’t wear a watch. Gerry: Time is a construct.

***

Tim: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling? Martin: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Jon? Jon: Probably “road work ahead”. Gerry: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

***

Tim: I think we're missing something. Martin: Teamwork? Jon: Cohesion? Gerry: A general sense of what we’re doing?

***

Tim: Favorite horror movie? Martin: It Jon: Saw Gerry: Annabelle Sasha: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

***

Jon: Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

***

Martin, threatening the others with a paintball gun: Listen... Life comes at us fast. We don't know what life is gonna give us... And today, it's gonna give you... a paintball!

***

Tim: Time for plan G. Martin: Don’t you mean plan B? Tim: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties. Jon: What about plan D? Tim: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago. Gerry: What about plan E? Tim: I’m hoping not to use it. Sasha dies in plan E. elias: I like plan E.

(how did the quote generator know-)

***

Tim: Just be yourself. Martin: 'Be myself'? Tim, I have one day to win Jon over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Gerry: Couple weeks. Sasha: Six months. elias: Jury’s still out. Martin: See, Tim? Martin: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

***

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’* Tim: Thanks fam! Martin: oh no Jon: *cries* I love you too Gerry: Sounds fake but okay Sasha: *A flustered mess* elias: can i get a refund

[drarreckyninja]

drarreckyninja’s top 50 ships of Nov 2022 [28. Skiju]; [27. Hilson]; [26. Clawdget]; [25. Clex]; [24. Caryl]; [23. Macdoc]

Skipper x Julien [The Penguins of Madagascar]

Greg House x James Wilson [House, M.D.]

Dr. Claw x Inspector Gadget [Inspector Gadget]

Clark Kent x Lex Luthor [Smallville]

Carol Peletier x Daryl Dixon [The Walking Dead]

Angus MacGyver x Murdoc [MacGyver (2016)]

EAD: According to a tweet by Bob Schooley, Skipper is 35. If one is to believe the AHKJ wiki and add years to the POM series, Julien would be 37. There's a 2-year age difference.

It’s been mentioned several times that there is a 9-year age gap between them.

Officially, Claw is ten years older, but Gadget is half-cyborg, so he stopped aging quite a while ago. Technically speaking, John is only a year younger than Sanford.

Clark is a year older than his friends but started school at the same time as them (due to landing on earth as a toddler in October). Since the series begins with them starting high school, Clark is most likely 15. Lex is shown being 9 when the meteors hit, so he's 21 when the series begins (2001). That makes a 6-year difference.

TWD has been going for 11 years (and close to 14 years in-universe), so in season one Carol is likely to have been about 45 years old. At the same time, Daryl is implied to be 41. There's a 4-year difference.

Helman took an 18y Dennis under his wing in 1995, whereas Mac’s file shows that he’s born in 1990. 18-5= 13. Dennis was 13 when Mac was born, so 13 years between them.

Incorrect Quotes:

Skipper: Isn’t a bit dangerous?

Julien: Skipper, please. We’ve in a lot of unexpected predicaments before and we always escape unhurt.

Skipper: ...

Julien: Okay, we sometimes escape unhurt.

Skipper: ...

Julien: Alright, we escaped unhurt once... Then we hurt ourselves in the way home.

Wilson, confused and exasperated: House, how do you plan on telling a bear to go vegan?

House: Buy him a drink first.

Claw: We’ll find another route, it’s not safe for amateur adventurers.

Gadget: That sounds like a challenge.

Claw: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.

Gadget: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

Claw: There is no challenge!

Clark: *in a jail cell* What about my Miranda rights!? You’re supposed to say I have ‘the right to remain silent’”! NOBODY SAID I HAD THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!

Lex: *in the cell next to them* You have the right to remain silent, what you lack is the capacity.

Carol: So I have made the decision to trust you.

Daryl: A horrible decision, really.

Murdoc: I'm tired.

Mac: You slept for three hours last night! Why are you surprised?!

Murdoc: I'm not surprised. I just wanted to complain about it.

Subship(s): Koju [Kowalski x Julien]; Riju [Rico x Julien]; Thamber [Thirteen x Amber]; Pois [Pete x Lois]; Richonne [Rick x Michonne]; Michandrea [Michonne x Andrea]; Aaric [Aaron x Eric]; Gleggie [Glenn x Maggie]; Carphia [Carl x Sophia]; Rositara [Rosita x Tara]

Notes: Julien is usually written as a trans male due to Madagascar having a Queen, not a King. House and Wilson have had something stronger than a friendship since House bailed Wilson out of jail for literally no reason aside from curiosity. Claw and Gadget have an interesting relationship as far as enemies go. Clark and Lex literally met after a near-death experience and the kiss of life, so... Carol and Daryl have been through so much together. Murdoc is very obsessed with Mac.