#utterly and totally devastating if true.

[sunnibits]

rlly just been going thru every stage of grief today do not hmu

[ja3yun]

Melting Point | P.SH | CH.7

brother's rival!sunghoon x fem!reader warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, oral (f. rec), fingering, spitting, dirty talk, praise kink, petnames (good girl, baby), anything else lmk. ch. 7 synopsis: minhee comes to you with the missing pieces of information you need, leading you to find the courage to speak to sunghoon, hoping you can reconcile. wc: 14.9k previous | masterlist | next a/n: hi! this chapter is filled with plot and answers to questions so i am hoping it all makes sense. again, thank you for the love on the last chapter! next week is the penultimate chapter so everything is starting to tie up so please enjoy <3

Scanning the next customer's shop, your shoulders are heavy with sadness. It’s not ideal to be working the day after you just lost the love of your life but reality doesn’t stop for your problems. If you weren’t in desperate need of the money, you would have just neglected to show up.

You haven’t slept, your eyes are a darker shade than before, and the smile you couldn’t stop plastering over your face the past couple of months is non-existent. 

Last night, you went home just like Coach Lee had instructed but you don’t know if it was the best idea. The journey home with your mum was filled with her yapping about how true love never existed and how she knew his plan was this all along. There was no sympathy from her, not a surprise considering her face yesterday looked like she just won the lottery. 

Minhee, on the other hand, sat silent, fizzing from head to toe. Honestly, you expected him to be fuming since Sunghoon was the factor in your current drift from one another, however, you did expect an undertone similar to your mothers gloating; he should be telling you ‘I told you so’ but instead he seems less boastful and more resentful. 

"Your total comes to £54.35," you murmur in a monotone, extending your hand for the payment from the elderly woman. As she counts out each pound coin, you find yourself retreating into your thoughts once more, replaying the events over and over again.

Sunghoon looked so sincere when he told you it wasn’t him on the recorded phone call. The biggest question that twirled in your mind was how your mum got the audio in the first place. Sunghoon's assertion that he was only friends with Jay and Jake, who wouldn't betray him, seemed plausible, he hadn’t ever mentioned anyone but them in all the times you have spoken. So, who could have provided it to her?

That’s what you should have questioned when you had the chance, instead of letting your mind loop in on itself and confuse you to the point you didn’t even hear Sunghoon out. 

You want to reach out and ask him to meet you but it wasn’t just you that got hurt yesterday.

If there’s one image that’s sticking in the forefront of your brain right now, it’s Sunghoon’s face when he found out you lied to him. Perhaps you should have questioned everything then, considering how shattered he appeared. Someone who set out to betray you wouldn’t look so devastated that you hurt them, would they?

You're also gripped with anxiety that getting in touch with Sunghoon would make things worse and he'll reveal Minhee's actions to the National Board. It scares you to think of your brother losing his chance to skate and being disqualified from competition. 

Space might be just what you all need.

But finding that space is proving to be a challenge when your mind is consumed by these thoughts incessantly. You feel utterly overwhelmed, your mental state crumbling, leaving you feeling helpless.

The old lady hands over the money, and you mechanically carry on with your shift.

Once it's over, you contemplate your options for where to go next. Normally, the rink would be your refuge, but it feels too loaded with memories right now. Rina's occupied with her anniversary date with Allen, leaving you with no one else to turn to. The library, despite being open 24 hours, holds no appeal; the idea of sitting in silence, trying to study, feels like torture.

With a tired yawn, you realise there's only one place left to go: home.

______

Kicking off your shoes at the door, you trudge up the stairs, each step feeling like an effort as exhaustion weighs heavily on your limbs. The lure of your bed grows stronger with each passing moment as if it's calling out to you louder with every step.

You notice that your mum's bedroom light is off, signalling that she's already asleep, while Minhee's room emits the usual blue glow of his computer screen. If it weren't for the ache in your heart, this could easily pass for a typical Wednesday night.

Entering your room, you're greeted by an unexpected sight. It's not as you left it; the bed is neatly made, your stuffed toys lined up by the pillows, your desk reorganised the way you like it, and all your clothes tidily put away. Someone has cleaned for you, a rare occurrence unless you're sick.

The one prominent feature of your newly organised room is the gleaming glass trophy on your windowsill. It stands proudly, displaying your achievement to everyone as they enter the room. 

This had to be Minhee’s doing, your mum would never go to these lengths.

Unfortunately, the award just serves as a memory to Sunghoon rather than yourself. It was the night you became officially his, the night you threw all guilt and caution to the wind so you could claim him as yours. 

Taking the trophy, you toss it in your top drawer and shut it roughly, not caring about the damage you could cause it.

With no energy to shower, you change into pyjamas. It’s a bad idea to slip into one of Sunghoon’s hoodies but as it envelopes you in warmth on the cold night, you don’t think about it twice. The smell of him still lingering as you put up the hood punches you in the chest. You miss him, it’s as simple as that. 

As you sink into the welcoming embrace of your bed, the weight of the day gradually begins to lift from your shoulders, only to be replaced by a hollow ache that settles in the pit of your stomach. Closing your eyes, you attempt to banish the tumultuous thoughts swirling in your mind and drift into sleep.

You toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position, but your mind refuses to quiet down. Images of Sunghoon's smile and the warmth of his hugs dance behind your eyelids, taunting you. Every time you close your eyes, it's like you're transported back to happier times. 

For what seems like hours, your heart and brain fight with one another, much like the night before. Your heart aches to be with Sunghoon, to trust him completely while your head rationalises the evidence presented to you by your mother. 

Just as you begin to resign yourself to another sleepless night, a soft knock at your door interrupts your thoughts. Minhee's concerned voice cuts through the silence, drawing your attention, "Y/N? Are you still awake?"

With a frustrated huff, you turn your back to Minhee, a silent declaration of your anger and hurt. Acting this way may seem childish, but this is how you’ve always acted towards him when conflicts arise between you, like you regress back to being kids.

Minhee sighs, walking to the edge of your bed before helping himself to a seat beside you, “You don’t have to speak to me but you can listen.” He looks down at his hands, wondering how to broach the situation, the words aren’t coming so easily, “I…I know I did something really shitty, okay? I shouldn’t have fucked with his skate like that, Mum just…” 

When he pauses, your intrigue is piqued and you twist your head to look at him. You can see his internal battle whether to tell you something or keep it to himself. The rooted anger towards your brother grows a little, “This is the only opportunity I’m giving you to explain yourself,” you warn him with a hidden urge for him to continue.

He breathes out slowly, his voice carrying the weight of a burden, "Mum just put so much pressure on me to win, like all she’s spoken about was how I need to place first,” his words quiver slightly, a reflection of the self-doubt flooding his body.

It's astonishing how one woman can make both her children feel so worthless.

As you turn to face Minhee, his expression mirrors the familiar blend of anguish and self-doubt that you've seen on Sunghoon's face countless times. It's a painful reminder of the weight their mothers' expectations have placed upon them.

"Mini, you could easily beat Sunghoon at Nationals. You didn't have to listen to Mum," you offer, your voice laced with both empathy and frustration.

The issue has never been Sunghoon or Minhee; it's always been their mums.

Minhee takes a deep breath, steeling himself to reveal the truth that he's been carrying with him all this time, "Listen to me," he begins, his voice tinged with bitterness, "Mum needs me to win."

Your confusion deepens, leaving lines of bewilderment etched on your face as you struggle to comprehend his words, "What?" you ask, all tiredness suddenly leaving your body.

"The odds of me winning aren’t in my favour, so she put on a bet. She'll get shit tons of money if I win. She put basically all her savings into it, all my money too," his jaw clenches as he recalls the conversation they had.

Your confusion escalates further as Minhee's revelations continue to unfold before you. "Since when was Mum into gambling?" you ask, the disbelief evident in your voice.

Minhee sighs heavily, his frustration palpable as he struggles to find the right words, "There's so much you don't know about her, Bubs," he admits, his tone tinged with regret, "The gambling isn't even above board. It's all underground-type shit with high rates. I swear I didn't know anything about any of it until she guilt-tripped me into going along with her scheme."

There was no denying your Mum was a little secretive, especially after your dad left, but this is not anything like you could have imagined. You had always wondered where your Mum got the money to support Minhee’s skating but his brand deals were good enough to keep you all afloat, so you just presumed it was that.

Minhee sees you calculating in your head and decides to continue, “Once she told me, I started practising like crazy, I trained almost every day just to be in with a chance but she wasn’t confident enough so she told me-”

"To break Hoon’s skate," you finish his sentence for him, the pieces of the puzzle snapping into place with a chilling clarity.

You knew something was off that morning - the way your Mum was extra harsh on him, telling him to make sure he ‘gets it done’. It was such unusual phrasing that you should have clocked on to it sooner.

This is exactly why you didn’t want to tell Sunghoon about it. You wanted to get to the bottom of it all because you were filled with suspicion from the get-go. The thought of your own mother putting Minhee in a position like this fills you with a mixture of anger and disbelief. 

“Why did you go along with it? If she doesn’t get the money, that’s her problem, no?” you query, trying to tie every string of this situation together for your own peace of mind.

Minhee sucks his teeth and looks away from you, “You know how much effort and time she put into my career, she sacrificed everything for it, her old job, money, even the breakdown of her marriage was because of me. I owe her this.” He’s withholding some information, using this as the sole his sole reason for helping, but there is more to it, you can tell that much.

Your chest fills with hurt as you speak, “The divorce wasn’t your fault, Mini. Mrs. Park started that rumour and it drove Dad to leave. That has zero to do with you. Plus, she pushed you to go professional when you were a child, you didn’t exactly beg her to let you compete. You owe her nothing.”

You know for a fact it’s her words that have made him believe he is the route of all her problems. If only you paid closer attention to what was going on, maybe you could have counteracted her venom with something, anything, to help him believe he wasn’t tied to her like this. 

Taking one of his hands, you scoot closer to him, the warmth of his presence a balm to your troubled soul. Resting your head on his shoulder, you feel the weight of the world pressing down on both of you. "You should have told me, Minhee. I could have helped you."

He shakes his head before encircling an arm around your back, pulling you closer to him as if seeking solace in your embrace, "I wanted to protect you. She would have dragged you into it as well if she could," he confesses, his voice tinged with regret, "I regret it. I wish I just didn’t let her manipulate me into doing that to Sunghoon. I can’t tell you how relieved I was when I saw him at the rink that day we were doing the peer reviews."

It shocks you to hear him say that, considering he’s usually cursing the boy's name every time he was forced within 10 feet of him.

There was one thing that didn’t add up though, “Wait, if mum put the bet on, wouldn’t the bet be just to beat him? Why did she try and knock him out altogether with the skate? Surely that would cancel out the bet and she wouldn’t win the money?” you query, hoping your brother has the answers.

He shakes his head, “She never wanted him out of competition, just to injure him enough that he wouldn’t be able to compete to his usual standard, y’know? I would be in with a chance of beating him then,” he tells you, stroking your side, “It was touch and go for a minute, I don’t know what she would have done if he couldn’t compete.”

Underneath your head, you feel his shoulders tense up again, causing you to lift your face to look at him, concern etched into your features. "Is there more?" you ask, dreading the answer but knowing you can't avoid it.  He knows more than he is letting on, you can tell.

“Look, I’m going to say something that sounds so batshit crazy, okay, but you gotta believe me,” he says, his tone urgent, “And you know I’m not Sunghoon’s number one supporter, so you know I wouldn’t lie to make him look good.”

"Oh my god, Mini, just tell me, please," you plead, unable to bear the suspense any longer.

"The phone call was fake," he confesses, gingerly meeting your eyes as you give him a look of astonishment

Your mind reels at his revelation, struggling to comprehend the implications of what he's just said, "Fake? How? Don’t tell me you were a part of this too?"

“Fuck no, I was as shocked as you were,” Minhee protests, taking a deep breath before divulging what he knows, “I went searching after it all didn’t add up. Like, who the fuck records conversations like that in the first place, never mind sending them to Mum?”

You have to agree with him, the question also did come to your mind once you calmed down.

As he takes out his phone, Minhee's expression darkens with seriousness, his fingers tapping across the screen to reveal a series of emails. He shows you the correspondence between your mum and someone named Soohyun, highlighting the transactions and agreements outlined within.

"She paid him money to use some sort of AI to make it sound like Sunghoon was saying all that stuff about you and your relationship," Minhee explains, his voice laced with disbelief and anger, "It was one last attempt to fuck with him before the competition. She really needs that money, Bubs."

Shock courses through you, a tidal wave of disbelief crashing against the shores of your consciousness. The realisation sinks in slowly, each email adding another layer to the intricate web of deceit woven by your mother, "I-I can't believe this," you stutter, struggling to process the enormity of what he's just revealed.

Minhee gently takes the phone from your hand, returning it to his hoodie pocket with a sigh, "I know. It's like something out of a bad TV show, but it's true," he admits, his tone heavy with resignation. As his hand finds yours, a sense of solidarity washes over you, his touch offering a small measure of comfort amidst the chaos.

"To be honest, I had kinda knew it was fake," Minhee continues, his words slow and measured, "Don't get me wrong, I was livid at the idea of anyone using you that way. But on the drive home, I realized, this is Park Sunghoon we're talking about. He wouldn't dare to do that to you."

Confusion clouds your features as you furrow your brow, struggling to make sense of his words. "Huh? What are you talking about?" you ask, your voice tinged with uncertainty.

Minhee's expression softens as he meets your gaze, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "He liked you for so long, like for years. You were just so oblivious to it," he explains, his tone gentle yet matter-of-fact. "If he has the chance to date you, he's not going to take it for granted, and certainly not use you just to mess with my head."

As Minhee's words sink in, a flicker of realisation dawns upon you. Memories of Sunghoon's lingering glances and subtle gestures flood your mind, painting a picture of unspoken feelings that had gone unnoticed for far too long, "Do you know he asked me for permission to date you when we were like 15 maybe? I can't really remember exactly…but anyway, I told him to get lost," Minhee adds with a wry grin, his words punctuated by a hint of nostalgia.

Now this was new information. All you knew was that Sunghoon had knocked you back when you asked him out about that age.

“I had my reasons.”

His voice echoes in your brain as you recall what he said at the ice rink on your first date as an official couple. All this time, you had believed Sunghoon's rejection was solely his decision, unaware of Minhee's influence behind the scenes, “You told him to say no to me? Did you know I was going to confess?” Anger rises within you, not real anger but the one that siblings have for each other when one steals the remote control or eats the leftover food they were saving.

"Whoa, yeah, okay, but you have to understand I was protecting you. I don’t even know what Mum would have done back then if you started dating him, especially because it was so close after Dad left," Minhee's voice is laced with remorse as he hangs his head. "I know I had no right to tell him to leave you alone, but…"

The anger in you subsides as you see him slump a little.

"You're the most important person in my life, Y/N. You're my little sister, my best friend," he continues, his voice trembling with emotion, "He took championships and brand deals from me, fine, but if he took you away from me, particularly back then, I think I would have died." He avoids your gaze, his admission laden with shame at his insecurities.

His words weigh heavily on your heart, the depth of his love and fear for you leaving you speechless, “I’m your sister, Mini. He could never tak-”

“Hasn’t he?” His interjection silences you, “You stopped coming to my practices, we don’t hang out anymore, it’s like I barely see you,”

His words strike a chord, piercing through the haze of your own emotions. Suddenly, the gravity of his words sinks in, and you realise the toll that recent events have taken on your relationship with Minhee. You were so caught up in yourself that you hadn’t factored in how the distance would affect him. 

Being caught up in your newfound relationship, you inadvertently left behind the one person who had always been there for you, the one who needed you the most. Guilt washes over you as you realize the depth of Minhee's loneliness and isolation in your absence. You and Minhee had been each other's rock for so long, but now, it feels like you're drifting apart, and you can't help but feel responsible.

A heavy silence envelops the room, thick with unspoken regrets and untold truths. You feel the weight of Minhee's gaze upon you, his eyes pleading for understanding.

"I... I didn't realise," you murmur, the words catching in your throat, "I didn't mean to drift away from you, Mini. I just... I got caught up in my own guilt, and it was easier to avoid you altogether."

Minhee listens quietly, his understanding washing over you like a soothing tide. His empathy is palpable in the gentleness of his gaze. "I'm sorry for putting you in that position. I guess I hadn't realised that trying to keep you from him was actually doing the opposite of what I thought it would," he admits, his voice filled with remorse. Bringing you closer to his side, he rubs your waist in a gesture of comfort. "I pushed you away and blamed it all on Sunghoon."

"You'll always be my number one, Mini. You don't have to worry about that," you assure him, offering a heartfelt smile in return.

If there were such a thing as twin flames, you and Minhee would surely be just that. In every universe, you both burn together, facing every trial and tribulation that comes your way. You're deeply thankful to have him as your brother.

“Did he actually like me this whole time?" You can't help but beam at the thought of the Ice Prince harbouring feelings for you all these years.

With a groan, Minhee pushes you away playfully, "Ugh, yes. He would NOT let it go either. Even asked me if he could take you to prom," he recalls with a mixture of exasperation and amusement.

“PROM? He wanted to take me to my prom?” You squeal at the thought, imagining Sunghoon awkwardly mustering up the courage to ask Minhee for permission to take you to prom. It's a surreal image, but one that fills you with a strange sense of warmth, “I had no idea he was that into me back then,” you idly play with your hair, trying to stop yourself from reverting back to your 14-year-old self as you imagine Sunghoon crushing on you too.

Minhee shrugs, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Probably just desperate, to be honest," he teases, earning an annoyed gasp and a few playful slaps to his shoulder. "Ow! Look, just because I’m not against you dating him anymore doesn’t mean I want to hear you gushing over him, okay?"

Your eyes widen in surprise at his revelation. "You... you aren’t against it?" The words feel fake as if you've stepped into an alternate reality where Minhee's acceptance of your relationship with Sunghoon is not only possible but welcomed.

Minhee sighs, raking his fingers through his hair, “I’m still not happy that you lied to me about it, and I am not his biggest fan,” he starts, eyes pointed at you with annoyance, “But he makes you happy and that picture you accidentally sent me was…well he clearly loves you,” It burns him to say it, you can see it in how his mouth cringes, “And after everything that’s happened, maybe I should let go of some of the grudges.”

You might have to clean out your ears to make sure you’ve heard correctly. 

In one swoop, you hug him tightly, “Thank you, Mini,” You hadn’t realised the weight that you had been carrying all over your body regarding this whole secret boyfriend situation, but it’s finally gone.

“Don’t thank me just yet, you need to make up with him first,” Minhee says, “That should be easy though.”

Ah, there was that little hiccup, “It’s a little more complicated than that,” you say sheepishly as you scratch the back of your hand. Your brother stares with questioning eyes, “When we argued at Belmore I might have accidentally told him you broke his skate and that I knew,” your shoulders rise as you speak, face spreading with awkwardness and guilt. 

“You’re so fucking stupid, Y/N. Why would you tell him that?!” He is exasperated by you, his hands rubbing up and down his face to exhibit his frustration with you.

“It slipped out! Come on, I could have told him well before yesterday. Give me some credit,” you argue back.

Both of you stare at each other, and the room’s silence quickly fills with your outburst of laughter. The tension dissipates as laughter bubbles between you, the weight of the conversation lifting momentarily. Despite the gravity of the situation, there's something strangely comforting about being able to find humour in the midst of it all.

"Okay, okay, fair point," Minhee concedes, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips, "But seriously, you need to sort things out with him, if he tells the board I’ll never be able to skate again,” you look at him incredulously to which he just laughs, “Yeah, I am aware of the irony, okay? Just please sort it out. If not for me, for yourself.”

Nodding, you cross your fingers, “I will.”

“I love you, Bubs,” Minhee stands and kisses the crown of your head, smiling in relief that he has his best friend back, “Tell him if he hurts you for real, I’ll break his legs next time.” Your mouth hangs open as he walks away shrugging.

The weight of the situation settles over you once more, but this time, you feel a renewed sense of purpose. You just hope you can fix this. 

______

You find yourself standing at Sunghoon's doorstep, your hand poised to knock, yet inexplicably frozen in place. Why has the simple act of chapping on his door suddenly become so daunting?

A nagging voice echoes in your mind, whispering doubts about whether he'll even care, convinced that the damage has already been done. The weight of the colossal secret you've kept from him bears down heavily, compounded by the regret of not believing him when he insisted the audio wasn’t him.

Yesterday, confusion clouded your judgment, leaving you unable to think clearly, grasping onto every detail at face value. But amidst the chaos, you failed to afford the same trust and belief in his earnest pleas and declarations of love.

Now, the fear grips you tight: What if he doesn’t want to mend things? What if, because of some senseless scheme concocted by your own mother, you've lost the love of your life?

But you’re a big girl, you have to face this no matter the outcome.

With that mindset, you finally chap the door, breathing out slowly as you do so. The nerves sit in your throat as it dries out, the idea of losing him was just inconceivable.

The door swings open to reveal Jay, clearly just awake. His hair is sticking to one side and he hasn’t bothered to put on clothes, boxers being the only thing keeping his dignity. You suppose turning up to the flat at 6am on a Thursday would grant some disturbance.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” Jay asks, one eye still closed.

“I need to speak to Sunghoon,” you try to convey the urgency in your voice but it comes out breathlessly. You hadn’t realised you were holding in the air until you spoke.

Jay's sigh echoes in the room, his gaze drifting upwards as he considers your request. "I don’t think it’s a good idea, Y/N, he's kinda pissed," he cautions, his tone tinged with concern.

You understand Jay's apprehension, but you can't let the rift between you and Sunghoon deepen any further. The longer you both remain trapped in this mess, the harder it will be to mend your relationship. Time might heal some wounds but it won’t fix them.

“Can I just talk to him? I need to explain,” you plead, tapping your fingers together, you avoid his judgmental gaze. 

Jay's response is swift, his conviction clear as he defends Sunghoon's character. "You didn’t actually believe your mum, right? Like anyone with a clue can see how much he loves you. He wouldn’t do something like that," he states, offering a comforting gesture by rubbing his shoulder slightly. It's evident that Jay is trying to rebuild Sunghoon's image in your eyes, a testament to the unwavering bond between him and his best friend.

As you stand there, you can’t explain your thoughts during your fight with your boyfriend because you still can’t make sense of them yourself; however he was right, you should have seen his love past the lies of your mother.

Nodding with a hint of shame, you admit, “It was all just too much to process, and I handled it poorly. But I have to fix it.” Despite the weight of your guilt, a steely determination underlines your words.

Jay sees it, he understands you didn’t want to hurt Sunghoon the way you did. Maybe he’s a bit more understanding of your own grief because his best friend neglected to mention that you lied to him about Minhee and his skate. 

When Sunghoon arrived home, Jake and Jay greeted him eagerly, anticipating news from his check-up. However, their excitement quickly turned to concern as Sunghoon stormed in, slamming the door behind him with such force that it caused shelves to rattle.

Concern etched across their faces, his friends inquired about the situation with genuine worry as Sunghoon recounted the events involving your mother and the recording. However, he purposefully omitted any mention of the skate. He didn't want to tarnish your image in the eyes of his friends with his own anger-induced bias. He understood all too well that they might harbour animosity toward you for your deception, and the mere thought of it was unbearable to him.

So he didn’t bother to spill it, still protecting you even amidst his fury.

"I heard him leave this morning. I think he went to the rink, like he usually does to clear his head," Jay offered, unsure if he should disclose this information but feeling a strong intuition that both you and Sunghoon needed it.

Your expression softens with gratitude as you look up, "Thanks, Jay," you say, appreciation evident in your voice.

As you begin to turn, preparing to make your journey back to your side of town and into Belmore, Jay's voice suddenly pierces the quiet morning air, halting your movements, "Wait there, I'll give you a lift," he calls out, his offer catching you off guard.

Before you can even muster a response to decline his kind gesture, Jay is already striding purposefully back to his room to get dressed.

Left standing alone in the tranquillity of the early morning, the absence of Jay's presence allows your mind to wander freely. You had prepared yourself to talk to Sunghoon at this very moment but now you have a whole 40-minute drive to contemplate his reaction all over again. It’s scary, the idea of this being the end of you both.

When Jay finally emerges, dressed and ready to go, he motions for you to follow him as you both make your way to his car. You don’t know why he’s doing this but you’re thankful for the saved time, the time to get here was already long enough, never mind making the same painstaking journey back.

The drive begins in silence, the gentle hum of the engine merging with the rhythm of your own racing heart. Jay's quietness feels unfamiliar, a subtle shift in the energy between you since your last encounter, though not entirely unexpected.

With some courage, you figure talking to Jay might help you later on when speaking to Sunghoon, “I think deep down I knew he didn’t say it.” 

It’s a simple confession but one you had to say out loud.

Jay spares you a quick glance before keeping his attention on the road, “He’s doted on you, like literally obsessed with you. Do you not see that, or?” There's a hint of irritation as he speaks. He can’t fathom why you would ever believe one shitty phone call rather than your boyfriend who would drop the world at your feet if you asked. 

He hasn't witnessed every facet of your relationship, but from what he has seen, he can't help but envy it. He longs to experience the kind of connection Sunghoon has found with you, hoping to find someone who reciprocates his feelings in the same way. What frustrates him about the situation is the apparent disregard you show for his best friend's love. It's as if you fail to grasp the profound depth of Sunghoon's affection, while there are others out there yearning for even a fraction of such devotion.

You angle your body to face him before speaking, “I know. There was just a lot going on and…you should have heard it, Jay. It sounded so fucking real,” you almost plead with him to see your side.

Even Sunghoon had mentioned how authentic the audio sounded, so Jay knew what you were talking about. He simply nods to acknowledge you, his expression showing understanding, “What was it then? How did she do it?”

"Some AI guy. She hired him to grab snippets from Hoon's interviews and make the audio," you tell Jay, omitting any mention of the gambling or other family drama

Jay's eyes widen in surprise. "Damn, seriously? She stooped that low?" he says, his astonishment visible in his tone. All you can do is nod, aware of how absurd and unsettling the situation is, "AI is so fucking scary, man," Jay says, shaking his head in dismay.

You agree wholeheartedly, a shiver running down your spine at the thought of the lengths people would go to manipulate technology for their own agendas, "It’s so bizarre," you murmur, still trying to wrap your head around the whole ordeal.

The silence that settles between you both now feels different, no longer heavy with tension but rather mutually comforting. Each of you understands the gravity of the situation and the complexities it entails. 

In this shared moment of understanding, surrounded by the quiet of the morning and Jay's silent support, you feel a sense of calm wash over you, in stark contrast to the turbulence that has plagued you since Tuesday. If Jay understands your side of the story, perhaps Sunghoon would as well.

Pulling up to Belmore, Jay stops the car at the entrance, “Y/N,” he pauses, collecting his thoughts, “You’re good for one another, and Jake and I like having you around, so fix this, yeah?” 

You nod, determined and empowered by his words, “I will.”

_____

As you step onto the rink, your eyes lock onto Sunghoon, gliding with so much velocity that it sends a shiver down your spine. You can't help but feel a pang of worry, knowing he's pushing himself to the limit, risking injury once more. As you approach, beads of sweat glisten on his face, his hair clinging to his skin, a visual confirmation of your concerns.

He propels himself into a jump, the sharp sound of his skate slicing through the air, reverberating across the arena. However, his landing isn't smooth; his ankle bends awkwardly, causing him to fall onto the ice.

"Sunghoon, be careful!" you call out, running to be by his side. Ignoring the impracticality of your footwear, you shuffle onto the ice and kneel beside him, "Are you out of your mind?"

Much to your dismay, Sunghoon’s ankle is thumping, a superficial heartbeat pulsing through it. He might be able to go back on the ice but he’s over-exerting himself. He doesn’t look at you, focusing on his ankle, but he also doesn’t push you away, letting you undo the bandage to assess the damage. 

Seemingly, his ankle is okay, nothing torn or hurt beyond what was already there, the bruise from a few weeks ago dying into a faded yellow, a promising sign but it still pains you to see.

Standing up, you offer him your hands for support but he shrugs you off, opting to stand on his own and skate over to the exit of the rink, “What are you doing here? Come to mess up my other skate?” His tone is sharp and accusatory, indicating that he’s still angry.

“It wasn’t me and you know that,” you defend yourself, slowly walking behind him trying not to slip.

You both successfully make it off the ice, Sunghoon plonking himself onto the bench outside. Going back to his ankle, you kneel and start the process of re-wrapping the bandage tightly, again with no protest from him. Hopefully, that’s a better sign of forgiveness compared to what his voice is suggesting.

Carefully, you discard his skate to the side and gather the bandage, your cold hand sparks a jolt in Sunghoon as you hold the start of the wrap to the back of his ankle. You take your time to eliminate any cause of discomfort which for the most part you succeed in. 

“You kept it a secret, Y/N. Lied to my face,” he says through gritted teeth which you don’t know if it’s from anger or pain, possibly a mixture of both, “Everything wrong in my life seems to be because of your family.” The words sting because you know it’s true. As much as you would love to be excluded from the accusation, you know he’s right.

“I know,” You say lowly, putting all your attention on his ankle. 

Looking at you, Sunghoon sighs, his body heavy with mixed feelings. Just looking at you now he wants to wrap you in his arms and tell you everything is okay, that he forgives you, but he can’t do that without some sort of explanation. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asks softly, staring at you as if trying to reach into your brain and pull the answers out himself.

Adjusting the bandage with a gentle twist, you offer your explanation, “Honestly, I thought I was protecting you. You had so much going on; not knowing if you would make nationals, the argument with your mum, there was just never a right time.”

Sucking his teeth, he nods, “Feels like you were protecting your brother.”

“I was, in some ways. There was something so strange going on I wanted to try and figure it out before I told you. I wanted an excuse so you wouldn’t blame him for it,” you explain your thought process to him but he won’t get it, not unless he was you in that situation.

Yet, to your surprise, Sunghoon grasps the sentiment perfectly. Protecting your brother is second nature, ingrained within you, even on the first day when everyone discovered they would be combining the rinks, you tried to protect him from doing something stupid. 

The only thing he doesn’t understand is why Minhee did it.

“Did you ever find an excuse for him? Or can I blame him for this?” he points to his ankle with his other foot so you see it. You haven’t looked at him once since you started to tend to his injury.

“You can blame him for it,” you start, pausing your actions as you wonder whether you should tell him what transpired, why Minhee did it, “Minhee…My mum put him up to it, to get you injured for Nationals so Minhee had a better chance of winning.”

“Shit, okay.”

Knowing Sunghoon, he’s trying to piece it all together to save you the explanation, but this is far too complicated for him to work out on his own, “This is going to sound so crazy, but I need you to listen. My mum is struggling to make ends meet and she got into some gambling scene. She put loads of money for Minhee to win, specifically to beat you and if she wins, it’s like thousands of pounds, enough to get her out of the debt she’s in. I don’t know how it works but it’s shady. She didn’t trust Minhee to get the job done on his own so…” You trail off, hoping he’ll put the puzzle together now.

Taking the safety pin, you secure the wrap and pull down his trouser leg, yet, you still don’t look at him, scared of his reaction. If you were in his shoes, you would not believe anything about what was just said.

But unlike you, Sunghoon knows what crazy sports mums are willing to do for their kids to succeed, his mum being a prime example, “Y/N, seriously, you should have told me.”

“I didn’t find out about the whole gambling thing until last night when Mini told me. Sunghoon, please believe me when I say he didn’t want to do it, he just…he thinks he owes our mum like he’s the one that put us in debt for chasing this dream, that he’s the reason for a lot of things outwith his control.”

“Sweets,” Sunghoon breathes out, grabbing your chin, forcing you to finally look at him, “I get it, I mean, I’m not particularly chill with it since my career could have ended but the way Minhee is feeling, I do understand.” 

His eyes hold yours like they’re hugging you, trying to pull you from your worries and somehow it works. You feel a little lighter, his hand now etching its way to your cheek to cradle it. Instinctively, you lean into his touch, seeking his comfort.

“I’m sorry, Hoonie,” you state solemnly, angry and hurt that he was just a pawn in your mother's game, the relationship between you both strained because of her and yet you were the one apologising on her behalf. 

You’re sorry for your own mistakes, but nothing was as bad as her tricks.

Sunghoon offers you a small smile, ushering you to sit next to him on the bench so he isn’t looking down on you. The symbolism of you feeling lesser is evident to him and he can’t stand it.

He turns to face you as you take a seat next to him, his hand resting comfortingly on your leg. “That phone call, I didn't say all that. That wasn't me, you have to believe me" he begs you to trust him.

"Yeah, I know," you respond with a bitter scoff, recalling the manipulative tactics of your mother. The skater's expression shifts to confusion as you continue, "My mum did that too, another thing that’s going to sound even crazier than breaking your skate."

You recount the incident with the AI recording, detailing your mother's desperate attempts to win her bet and her willingness to destroy your relationship in the process. With each sentence, his bewilderment deepens, his eyes widening and narrowing, and his mouth opening and closing in disbelief.

"Wait, seriously? It was AI?" he interjects once you've recounted every bizarre detail.

As he grapples with the revelation, you seize the opportunity to provide some comfort, gently wiping the sweat from his brow and pushing his dishevelled hair back from his face. The tension seems to ease from his features.

You pout at him, the weight of guilt settling heavily in your chest. "I'm really sorry for not believing you when all of this came out," you admit, your voice tinged with remorse.

He reaches out to take your hand in his, his thumb brushing lightly against your skin, "No, no, Sweets, it's okay," he reassures you, his tone soft and understanding, "She even gaslighted me for a second,” he suddenly starts to chuckle, “I thought my biggest worry was people making those ‘If Sunghoon sang Chase Atlantic’ AI TikToks.”

You laugh with him, knowing what he’s talking about. One day he came to you and showed you a video of him singing Slow Down which creeped you out and impressed you all at once. 

The moment of laughter dies down, the break in tension creating much-needed relief for both of you. This whole scenario is so fucked up it’s hard to believe, you’re just thankful Sunghoon is so understanding.

“What about Minhee?” he asks suddenly, passing the confusion to you, “Like, how is he in all of this?” 

Sunghoon’s concern for your brother, whether big or small, makes your love for him pound in your chest. Even after everything, he was still asking about Minhee which meant he might not hold a grudge, and more importantly, not go to the board.

Is it selfish to think that right now? To still be concerned about Minhee’s career?

Your boyfriend sees your eyes twitch, his telltale sign that your mind is racing, “Sweets?”

He breaks your thoughts, “Oh, he’s uh, he’s just stressed I think. I need to properly speak to him at some point and figure out what he wants to do,” you shake off the idea that Minhee won’t get to achieve his dream, scared that you might manifest it by accident.

Sunghoon nods, sighing deeply as he sheds any of the weight that was held over him. He wishes you would have trusted him when you heard the audio, but he does understand. Sometimes, he can be too understanding and he knows this, but it’s so easy to forgive or find reasoning for your actions.

Which will help you with your next request.

"Please don't go to the board," you finally confess, your voice barely above a whisper. It takes every ounce of courage you possess to voice the plea, but you know you have to ensure your mother hasn't irreparably damaged Minhee's chance at the Olympics. You need to see him succeed - he deserves it more than anyone.

Pressing his forehead against yours, he smiles, the warmth of his breath mingling with yours, "I won't, I promise. For you though, only for you."

The weight that's been pressing down on your shoulders suddenly lifts, replaced by an overwhelming sense of relief. You almost cry at how patient and understanding Sunghoon is, you wonder if you’ve ever met anyone like him before.

There’s a comfortable calmness in the air, his nose nuzzles against yours as he smiles contently, happy to have you back beside him. The past two days felt like weeks. It made him realise just how important you are to his life. He can’t live without you and never wants to be apart.

“So is Minhee…cool with us?” he asks gingerly.

Your face lights up as you lean back, “Actually, he’s completely fine with it, well, he said he still doesn’t like you but you make me happy. That’s all he wants.” 

Minhee and you will forever prioritise each other's happiness above all else. These recent events have underscored that sentiment, even if it took some time to fully grasp. Ultimately, you both want nothing but the best for each other.

Sunghoon appears genuinely surprised by your declaration, his eyebrows shooting up, "Really? No resentment or anything?"

"Really," you confirm, observing his reaction closely. "He... he actually told me about forbidding you from seeing me all those years ago," you add, realising his astonishment at the news about your brother being on board with your relationship likely stems from the years of Minhee pushing him away from you.

Flushed, Sunghoon shuts his eyes, “No, he didn’t,” he winces at the idea of you finding out about his long-term crush on you.

“He did. Told me how you begged him to let you take me to prom too,” you gloat, a massive triumphant smile on your face, “You loooved me all those years ago, you have to admit it now,” you joke and his face turns even redder. 

Typically, Sunghoon is being chased, so to have this hanging over his head in your relationship, he knows you’ll never shut up about it. He will admit though, that the look of delight on your face is almost worth the embarrassment.

“Okay, yeah. But blame Minhee for making us miss so many years together, okay? He was shit scary back then. I thought he was going to skin me alive,” Sunghoon recollects asking him if he could ask you out to the cinema, an innocent tiny date and Minhee, the scariest 14-year-old there was to ever live at that point, well to Sunghoon anyway, practically ripped his head off.

Prom was a mistake, he was simply asking if you had a date to prom. Yes, he was going to ask you if Minhee said no, regardless of what your brother would say, but the fire in Minhee’s eyes wasn’t one to be messed with and by this point, he was a gym-attending 19-year-old with an extra protective layer over you. Enough said.

You giggle and take his hand, offering him a sympathetic smile, “He was scared to lose me.”

"Who wouldn't be," he responds without hesitation, his tone serious and sincere.

His immediate reply catches you off guard and you do a double take, surprised by the sudden intensity in his voice.

Sunghoon wasn’t just saying it; he was petrified at the thought of losing you, especially after your mother's deceitful phone call. The look of betrayal on your face had cut him to the core, a pain he never wanted to inflict upon you. He loved you too much for that.

As you process his words, you realise there's a deep emotion behind them that you hadn't fully grasped before. Sunghoon's admission hangs heavy in the air, revealing a vulnerability. Your heart clenches with empathy, knowing that his dread of losing you is deep. You softly squeeze his hand, silently expressing your empathy.

You felt the exact same way about him - terrified of losing one of the people who means everything to you.

"I'm sorry," you say quietly, your voice full of regret, "I never want you to feel like you're going to lose me."

Sunghoon's gaze softens as he meets your eyes, a flicker of emotion dancing in the depths of his own. He brings your hand to his lips, pressing a tender kiss against your knuckles, "I know, Y/N," he murmurs, his voice filled with reassurance, “I’m not letting you go anyway, you’re stuck with me now.”

You laugh, shaking your head. There's a silent vow between you both to cherish and reassure each other whenever you have to, “Can we start again?” 

“Yeah, of course, Sweets.” He plasters a genuine grin on his face, elated with the idea of putting all the negativity and lies behind the relationship and starting fresh.

You stretch out your hand, teeth showing as you smile, “Hi, I’m Y/N Kang. I’m your biggest fan.”

Sunghoon’s heart pounds loudly, you are his fan but to him, you’re more like an extractor fan. If you don’t have one of those, things go rotten and that’s exactly what it felt like without you. He needed you to such the poison and pain from his bones, he selfishly needed your love to make him feel alive. 

He wants to provide you with that same feeling.

Taking your hand he smiles widely, mirroring your enthusiasm, “I’m Park Sunghoon. I am your biggest fan.”

________

The bleacher seats are your makeshift study space, textbooks and notes scattered haphazardly around you as you bury yourself in preparation for the looming winter exams. The chill of the air contrasts with the warmth of your determination; you had an award to uphold after all.

Meanwhile, your boyfriend is focused on a different kind of preparation. With just four days until nationals, he's dedicated himself to ensuring his ankle is in peak condition. Despite having twisted it just a few weeks ago, he's pushing himself hard, determined to perform at his best on the ice. When he pushes himself a little too much, you’re there to pull him back, or rather nag him to be careful

You steal glances at him whenever you can. Despite the injury, he moves with a fluid grace, his dedication evident in every precise movement. If you didn't know better, you wouldn't even guess that his ankle had been injured at all.

As you bury your nose in your books, a sense of admiration washes over you. His resilience and commitment inspire you to push through your own challenges. Granted, yours is a little less intimidating, the exams you’ll take will be confined to a week inside a study hall whereas Sunghoon is skating in front of thousands and being broadcast on TV. 

Lost in your studies, you're suddenly jolted back to reality by a soft tap on your paper. Glancing up, you're met with a warm smile from your boyfriend, his eyes twinkling with affection, “You’re so serious when you’re focused,” He laughs, leaning over the barrier of the ice rink. 

“Are you done?” You ask enthusiastically, hoping to get out of here and get the dinner he promised you 3 hours ago; your stomach wasn’t prepared to be denied food for so long that it started to speak to you about an hour ago.

"Just about, baby. You wanna go for Italian?" Sunghoon suggests, his eyes twinkling with mischief. His suggestion makes you smile; you've been raving about gnocchi for the past two days, and he's clearly been paying attention.

As you agree, his grin widens, and he leans in close, "Great, I'll go get changed and be right out," he declares, excitement bubbling in his voice.

Leaning over the barrier, Sunghoon puckers his lips in anticipation of a kiss to which you gladly oblige, pressing your lips to his in a sweet, lingering kiss. The brief moment of affection leaves you both with a warm, fluttering feeling in your chests. With a final smile and a promise to meet you outside, he disappears to change, leaving you to gather your books and laptop.

Packing the last of your highlighters into your bag, you hear the entrance door open. Peeking over the seats, you see a familiar face walking down with his gym bag slung over his shoulder and earphones in.

"Minhee?" you question, hoisting your bag onto your shoulder before walking over to him. "Mini?" you call out louder, ensuring he hears you.

Your brother jumps a little, clearly not expecting to see you at the rink. "What are you doing here?" he asks, a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Sunghoon's taking me for dinner. I was just studying while he trained," you explain, hoping to alleviate any concerns he might have.

Your reasoning earns a thoughtful hum from Minhee. It's still strange to talk about Sunghoon so casually with him, especially after keeping your relationship a secret for all those months.

"Is he here?" Minhee glances around, searching for any sign of Sunghoon.

"He's getting changed," you reply, nervously biting your lip. Despite Minhee giving you the green light for dating, there's still a lingering apprehension about them being in the same room together, especially after "skate gate," as Sunghoon dubbed it in an attempt to lighten the situation.

There is still some part of you that dreads them in the same room together, apprehensive to what they’ll do. Minhee is overprotective of you and Sunghoon is, well, he’s got a wrap on his ankle thanks to your brother. 

Suddenly, the door to the dressing room swings open, and Sunghoon emerges, looking refreshed and ready for your dinner date. His expression is bright, his tunnel vision for you renders Minhee nonexistent to him. It’s not until he gets closer that he notices your older brother.

Once his eyes shift to Minhee, Sunghoon’s smile falters ever so slightly. He also doesn’t know how things will pan out but he knows he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable.

“Minhee,” Sunghoon nods towards him which Minhee returns, “Are you training tonight?” You appreciate the civilness your boyfriend is trying to engage in, you know he’s doing it for you but hopefully, later on, he’ll do it because he and Minhee are actually getting along.

You can only dream of the day.

“Yeah,” he says sharply but there’s a wave of something in his eyes, something that happens when he’s thinking, “Actually, since you’re here can I talk to you? Privately,” Minhee glances at you as he says privately, indicating that he no longer wants you in the conversation.

Sunghoon looks to you for approval which you grant him obviously, hoping he’ll tell you what Minhee wants during dinner, “Sure. Coaches office is free,” he suggests, pointing with his head.

Your two boys stride over to the office and lock the door behind them.

Now, you could eavesdrop, and make sure no one throws a punch, but you’re trying to be optimistic about their relationship, so you leave them be.

Taking a deep breath, you remind yourself to trust in their ability to handle the situation maturely. After all, both Sunghoon and Minhee care deeply for you, they wouldn’t want to make this any more uncomfortable for you. 

Fighting the urge to pace, you take a deep breath and try to distract yourself with thoughts of the upcoming dinner. Maybe you’ll have a glass of wine with dinner tonight, and try something new. You could get dessert if you convince Sunghoon to cheat on his meal plan for a night. 

Who are you kidding? All you can think about is what is going on in that office, no attempt at distraction will help you now.

It’s increasingly difficult for you to resist chapping the door and pestering them to let you in on the gossip. What could be so important they couldn’t talk about it in front of you?

15 minutes pass but it feels like an eternity as you anxiously await their return. If one of them comes out with a black eye, you’re ditching them both, leaving them high and dry. You really hope it doesn’t come to that.

Finally, the door to the coach’s office swings open, all limbs and eye sockets intact, which is a good sign at least; however, their expressions are unreadable as they walk towards you. There's a subtle shift in the air, something lingering between them, though they try to maintain a facade of normalcy.

"Ready to go?" Sunghoon asks, his tone gentle as he kisses the top of your head lightly.

You nod and look between both of them, “What did you guys talk about?” There’s no grace of subtlety when it comes to you and your curiosity; you know it has something to do with you, you just wanted to know what.

Minhee and Sunghoon exchange a knowing glance before your brother answers, “Just giving him some brotherly warnings…right?” he says it so casually but his tone is cryptic. You know there is more to it than that.

Linking your fingers with his, Sunghoon grips your hand tighter, offering you some reassurance amidst the swirling thoughts in your mind. He knows you're probably considering every possible conversation they could have had.

"Nothing to worry about, Sweets. Minhee was just swinging his big brother ego around," Sunghoon says, his voice gentle but firm. There's a playful twinkle in his eyes that eases your nerves, if only slightly.

Rolling his eyes, Minhee sighs, "Whatever, Park. Remember what I said, yeah?" he tries to pass it off as banter, but there's a serious current weaving through his voice, catching you off guard.

Sunghoon nods in acknowledgement, a silent knowing between them, "I got it," he replies, his gaze locked on Minhee with a sense of respect and understanding. This newfound dynamic between Sunghoon and Minhee is unfamiliar, and you can't quite decipher whether it's a positive or negative development. 

"Enjoy your dinner, Bubs. Make sure he pays," Minhee points to Sunghoon before waving you both off and heading to the changing room.

As Sunghoon pulls at your hand, leading you out of the arena, the silence hangs heavy between you. He doesn't offer an explanation so easily, much to your dismay. 

"Your brother is a shark, can I say that in the most respectful way?" Sunghoon finally speaks up, breaking the silence with a hint of amusement in his voice.

You chuckle softly, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, he's super protective," you acknowledge with a touch of pride in your voice.

"He really is. He’d do anything for you…" Sunghoon trails off, his expression thoughtful. You want to ask what he means but you resist the urge to pry further.

"Are you guys okay? You didn’t fight or anything?" you venture tentatively. 

Sunghoon offers you a reassuring smile, his eyes warm with sincerity, "I think we're besties now," he quips, trying to lighten the mood. You can't help but smile at his attempt to ease your worries, "C'mon, let's go eat, I'm starving," he suggests, kissing you quickly as you reach his car.

You are grateful they managed to have one discussion without throttling one another, even going as far as to make lighthearted jokes and playful jabs.

Baby steps, you suppose.

_____

Emerging from the restaurant and making your way to Sunghoon's car, your face radiates with laughter, tears glistening in your eyes.

"Did you genuinely believe she was asking for your autograph?" you tease, barely able to contain your amusement.

Sunghoon rolls his eyes, “Baby, it isn’t that funny. She literally ASKED me to sign it.”

“Yeah, the bill because you used your card,” as you say the words, another heaved laugh comes out, “You were so confident to think she was your fan.”

Crossing his arms, Sunghoon huffs playfully, feigning annoyance, but he can’t stop the smile from creeping on his face as he looks at you. With your face so bright and that beautiful song of your giggles, Sunghoon can’t stop looking at you, admiring you in this moment.

As your laughter subsides, you catch him staring at you intently. "What is it?" you inquire, noting the uncharacteristically serious expression on his face, devoid of its usual sarcastic pout in situations like these.

"I just love you so much..." he trails off, halting by the passenger door of his car, his voice tinged with vulnerability, "The thought of losing you was terrifying."

Sunghoon understands that you've both overcome the misunderstandings and manipulations caused by your mother, and you're in a better place now. Yet, the prospect of almost losing you because of it still haunts him.

You pout at his words, bringing your hands up to stroke the apple of his cheeks gently, “I hated it too. You’re so important to me, Hoonie,” you whisper, eyes softening at his words.

The months you’ve spent with him have been the best of your life, you could never deny that. Your relationship with him hasn’t been easy, interference from too many outside parties threatened to ruin it all, to rip you from your soulmate, but you will never let it happen again.

You place a timis kiss on his nose, “I promise that nothing will ever take me away from you again, okay?” you look at him with sincere eyes, hoping he truly listens to your promise.

He nods, closing his eyes with a serene smile, his graceful hands enveloping yours, imparting a comforting warmth. Foreheads touching, he savours the moment, soaking in the palpable connection between you both. He just wants to feel your love.

Never in Sunghoon’s life did he ever imagine finding love like this. Although he always knew he loved you, he didn’t know how intense his feelings were until suddenly you weren’t there anymore.

He smiles, eventually opening his eyes to look at you, your gaze holding nothing but love, “Will you come back to mine?” he asks as though this is the first date and he’s testing the waters to see if you’re interested.

“Actually,” you smile, pulling away from him slightly, your hands trailing down to fix the collar of his coat, “Minhee went out with Jungmo and my mum’s recently been going out at night so…”

Sunghoon's heart skips a beat at your implication, "Are you inviting me over?" he asks, his ears buzzing with anticipation.

You nod, a hint of nerves sneaking through as you bite your lip. "Yes, if you want to."

Considering the offer, he weighs the options carefully.

On the downside: it's a risk with your mum potentially returning home soon, the early morning departure could be awkward if he encounters your brother, and there's the potential for discomfort in the morning.

On the upside: it's a shorter drive to your place, he's curious about seeing your room, and it's the only location where he hasn't fucked you yet.

"Alright, let's go for it," he grins, the allure of the last pro eclipsing the rest.

Sunghoon opens the door for you and you settle into your seat and fasten your seatbelt while he slides into the driver's seat, starting the car.

As the car glides down the dimly lit streets, Sunghoon steals glances at you, a mixture of excitement and nervousness flickering in his eyes. The anticipation within him builds with every passing moment, the silence between you thick with unspoken desire.

With a playful smile, you break the tension, "Why do you look nervous?"

Sunghoon chuckles, his fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel, "Not nervous, excited,” he corrects you.

You eye him up and down, “Okay then, why are you excited?” 

Sunghoon lounges back as you hit a red light, taking the chance to look at you, “It’s like I’m entering enemy territory, like on those video games Jake plays all the time. I’m entering the red area, risking my life while I got on stealth mode,” he explains, getting even more giddy as he speaks about it.

“Hoonie, no one else will be home, I’m hardly sneaking you in.”

“Shhh, it’s no fun if you put it that way,” he chuckles, placing a hand on your thigh, “When I forward roll into your entrance, leave me be,” he plays.

Luckily for you, when you both arrive, Sunghoon refrains from spy rolling into your house like he’s an elite operative. Instead, he is waiting to be invited in like Stefan Salvatore.

“Baby, come on in, nothing gonna bite you,” you giggle as you take off your shoes.

Following your orders, he walks in and takes a look around the familiar entranceway. Nothing has changed since he was last here, just before your ceremony; aka, he’s noticed not one of your award pictures has taken pride of place next to your brothers. 

You hadn't shown your mother the pictures, nor did she inquire about how it went. Her indifference was something you had learned to accept, albeit reluctantly. It wasn't the ideal situation, but like Sunghoon, you had found solace and love in other places where your mother left a void

Coming to that acceptance was cathartic.

You lead him up to your room, a bright smile on your face. It was surreal to have this opportunity to have him amongst your creature comforts, like finally all the pieces of your life have come together.

Sunghoon stops you as you go to reach for the handle, “Wait!” he rushes out. Inhaling deeply as he jitters around like a boxer about to walk into the ring, each little jump and hand tremor making you laugh. You would mistake it for nervousness again if he wasn’t beaming at the door like an idiot 

“Will you calm down, this isn’t anything spectacular, It’s just my room,” you shake your head, looking at him as he continues his jumps of glee. Nothing you could say to him would stop him from acting like a child on Christmas morning, “You’re such a dork,” you snort, placing your hand on the handle.

Before opening the door, you mentally hope you tidied up before meeting him today. To your relief, the room is cleaner than you recall, albeit with a stray sock and some shoes strewn where your wardrobe is. You signal for Sunghoon to come, and he enthusiastically skips inside, looking about with inquiring eyes.

His attention moves across the shelves filled with books and trinkets, the cosy bed with its assortment of plushies, and the desk cluttered with papers and pens. Sharing this space with him creates a sense of intimacy and vulnerability, as well as elation among you both. Having him here feels like you can finally call this your home.

Sunghoon's smile widens as he takes it all in, his eyes sparkling with delight, "This is nice," he remarks, his voice soft with appreciation. 

You nod, feeling a surge of happiness at his reaction, "I'm glad you think so," you reply, watching as he moves further into the room, exploring every nook and cranny as if it holds some secret treasure. 

Just looking around your room is giving him further insight into your life. As your boyfriend, he knows a lot more than most, yet, seeing your soul laid bare in these four walls is opening him up to understand you deeper. 

From the 2 minutes he has spent in your room, he has just found out that you collect far too many earrings, your favourite highlighter to use is pastel pink, you had an emo phase that you neglected to tell him, and you’ve been to 4 fan signs for TO1. It’s tiny, insignificant details, but Sunghoon wants to know it all.

His eyes happen to fall on a picture of you and Minhee when you were kids, “I remember this!” he exclaims, fangs showing as he twists the picture to show you as if you don’t see it literally every morning, “This was the Youth of Skating competition when we were 13,” he reminisces.

"Wasn't I just adorable?" you remark, playfully cupping your cheeks and flashing a wide grin as you try to mimic your younger self captured in the photo.

With a laugh, Sunghoon gently sets the frame back on your desk, nodding in agreement, “The prettiest one in the crowd by far,” he murmurs in a soft tone, mirroring your joy. It's as if your face radiates sunlight, and he basks in your vibrant glow.

Closing the distance between you, he replaces your hands with his own, leaning in to kiss you. His lips are tender as they meld with yours, his touch gentle as he affectionately squishes your cheeks, “You’re still the most beautiful person I have ever seen.”

Your heart quickens as he whispers sweet nothings into your mouth, his words mingling with the gentle exploration of his tongue, "I don't buy it," you tease, playfully pushing his hands away from your red cheeks, "You'll have to prove it to me," you challenge with a mischievous glint in your eyes.

A playful smirk dances across Sunghoon's lips as he accepts your challenge, his eyes sparkling with determination. With a soft chuckle, he gently captures your hands in his, intertwining your fingers as he pulls you closer.

"Oh, I intend to," he murmurs, his voice husky with desire. Leaning in, he presses another lingering kiss to your lips, his touch sending shivers down your spine. Slowly, he trails his lips along your jawline, leaving a trail of feather-light kisses in his wake. 

He takes off his jacket, tossing it on your desk chair all the while he’s nipping at your neck. As his hands swiftly remove his t-shirt, revealing his sculpted bare chest, your eyes are drawn to the faded hickeys scattered across his skin. You had really done a number on him a couple of weeks ago, the purple still tinting his pecks. 

Before you can fully appreciate the sight, he bends down, effortlessly scooping you up, his lips showering kisses all over your face. Your breath catches at the warmth of his touch sending a flush to your cheeks, "Sunghoon," you gasp, feeling his urgency mirrored in your own desire.

Laying you gently on the bed, his chest pressed against yours, he trails his hands up and down your body, igniting flames of longing with each touch, "I know, Sweets," he murmurs, his voice laced with possessiveness, "You want me to fuck you, yeah? Prove to you that you’re the most gorgeous girl?"

“Yes,” you huff out desperately.

“Then be a good girl. You can do that for me, baby, can’t you?” he whispers into your neck, licking a stripe up your vein.

His words dance down to your pussy, arousal pooling between your legs as you eagerly nod in agreement. His confidence mixed with his praises only fuels your desire, the promise of being his good girl setting your pulse racing.

In a flurry of movement, his trousers and boxers are discarded, and he wastes no time in removing your jeans and underwear, leaving you bare and exposed to his hungry gaze. As he kisses up the tender skin of your inner thigh, his proximity to your centre sends waves of anticipation coursing through you.

“My beautiful girl, you’re all mine,” Sunghoon’s voice is low and smooth like butter.

The vibrations from his words send a jolt of need straight to your core, the ache for his touch almost unbearable. As he teasingly presses a delicate kiss to your clit, you whimper in longing, your body yearning for the fulfilment only he can provide.

His hands slide up to the top of your thighs, holding them down and apart as he nibbles gently at the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. A shiver of anticipation courses through you as your hips instinctively push up, yearning for the touch of his mouth where you need it most.

Sunghoon responds with soft, warm kisses across your core, each one sending waves of pleasure rippling through your body. Then, with deliberate slowness, he traces his tongue upwards, sending a shudder of delight through you as he explores every inch of your pussy.

Kneading your hands through his hair, you grip tight as you beg for more and Sunghoon has no problem granting your wishes, kitten-licking your slit as he laps up your wetness. 

When he is going down on you, he is like a man possessed but now it’s much worse. He hasn’t tasted your essence properly since the breakup/makeup. Your boyfriend doesn’t like to go too long without your taste on his tongue, so here he is making up for lost time as he lays his tastebuds flat against your cunt, savouring every drop of you.

You pull his head back by his hair, eliciting a moan from him as you do so, the sensation of each strand being in your command causes his dick to jump in, “Fuck, Sweets,” he hisses, licking his lips clean as he looks up at you through hooded eyes, “Tell me what you want.”

But he already knows what you want, because, without your answer, he’s gathering saliva in his mouth before spitting it on your throbbing pussy, his fingers lathering you in it, “Go on, tell me,” he mutters onto your clit, digging his teeth onto it just enough for you to buck your hips onto his face.

“Fingers, Hoonie, I want your fingers. Please,” you plead, holding your hips up to his mouth in a desperate attempt to get some release of your friction.

“Not only are you gorgeous,” Sunghoon’s fingers find their way to your entrance, circling it teasingly, “You’re my obedient, perfect girl.”

Sunghoon smoothly slides his fingers inside you, opening you up and filling you with a sweet sensation. His attention never leaves your face as he looks for your reactions, making every movement pleasurable for you.

He sees your lips falling wide and your head cocking back in ecstasy as an indication to continue. His fingers hook into you, gliding back and forth in a smooth and luring pace that matches the rhythm of your desire, and caressing you just the way you like it. Each stroke sends waves of pleasure through your body, creating a fire of passion that becomes hotter with each enticing movement.

You're a moaning mess as Sunghoon expertly finds your sweet spot, thrusting his fingers harshly as he works it with precision, "Let it all out, baby," he encourages, his voice sending your head into a tizzy, "Show me how I'm making you feel."

His words alone could send you tipping over the edge, but it's the sensation of his tongue flicking your clit and the gentle suction that has you screaming his name loud enough for the whole neighbourhood to hear. Sunghoon doesn't stop you, revelling in the melodic sound of his name falling from your lips like a symphony of desire.

"That's it, angel, you're doing so good for me," he praises, his words only spurring you on further. The two fingers inside you continue their relentless rhythm, driving you to the brink of ecstasy with each delicious stroke.

Your hands instinctively push him further into your cunt as you ride his face, Sunghoon's skilled ministrations bring you closer and closer to your climax, and his tongue and fingers dance in perfect rhythm, driving you to contentment with each delicious motion. The overwhelming sensation clouds your thoughts, leaving you lost in a haze of pleasure that makes your mouth water with anticipation.

With a final, electrifying thrust of his fingers and a gentle nibble at your clit, you hit the edge of release, your chest and tummy tightening. And then, with a guttural moan that bounces throughout the room, you finally succumb to the overwhelming wave of pleasure that crashes over you, leaving you trembling and breathless in its wake.

Sunghoon continues to worship you with his mouth and fingers, guiding you through the aftershocks of your orgasm with tender care and devotion. Each touch, each kiss, each whispered word of praise only serves to deepen the connection between you.

He sucks and swallows your juices, smiling as he does so. Your walls have trapped his two digits inside you as you squeeze him tight, “Baby, relax for me,” he kisses up your stomach in an attempt to get your body to yield but your orgasm is too intense, “Shh, Y/N, breathe out for me beautiful,” he whispers as his face meets yours.

Opening your eyes, you see his gentle smile and etch a blissful one onto yours, his adoring gaze instantly rippling through your bones, helping your muscles to unknot themselves. The power he has over you is crazy.

"Told you I would prove it," Sunghoon chuckles softly, pressing a peck on the tip of your nose as he finally frees his hand from you. Shaking your head with a satisfied smile, you exhale deeply, prompting him to tilt his head inquisitively.

"Oh? Have I not done enough?" he questions, his expression filled with amusement.

"Nope," you reply smugly, popping the 'p' for emphasis, "You could do more to prove it."

Sunghoon feigns contemplation, his lips quirking to the side in mock thought, "I see, hmm…" he muses, his gaze scanning you from head to toe before he suddenly sits you up and onto his lap, taking your useless top off.

His favourite playthings are now sitting directly at eye level and Sunghoon feels spoilt for choice of what one to show attention to first. Left has always been his favourite, there wasn’t a particular reason as to why, he just instinctively went for it every time.

Before he can delve his mouth to attach to your perky nipple, you surprise him by gripping his shoulders with one hand while the other strokes his cock between your bodies. In reaction, his shoulders and back hunch over, his head now buried between your mounds. 

Your slicked hand pumps him at a vicious pace, yet the gentleness of your hand causes no discomfort. After all these months together, you know how he likes it, fast and rough with extra attention to his tip; so that’s what you do, after every fourth stroke you swipe your palm over his head, the soft skin now tinted red with need.

“Sweets,” he murmurs between your breasts, his tongue licking the valley like a helpless dog, “Let me be inside you, fuck I need it so bad,” he almost whimpers as you squeeze him.

Part of you wants to keep going and tease him but your heat is leaking for him, crying out to be stuffed by his cock. 

You lift your hips and guide him to your entrance, slowly sinking onto him, “Jesus,” you hiss out, his cock stretching you much wider than his previous fingers.

The pace you set is deliberate and unhurried as you savour the feeling of his thick shaft piercing into you, battering your cervix each time you slam down onto him. Sunghoon groans at the way your channel is enveloping him, moulding around him like a perfect fit. 

With each withdrawal, the tip of his cock catches on your entrance, teasingly, before he plunges back in, eliciting desperate pleas for more from your lips, "Hoonie, please, faster," you beg, your desire driving you wild.

It’s time for Sunghoon to take charge, his hands clasp around your back as he pulls you further into his chest, gripping onto your skin as he goes at you relentlessly. He delves so deeply inside you that the sensation becomes overwhelming, a heady mix of pleasure and need. Sunghoon's hand moves from your back to brush against your overstimulated clit, sending jolts of electricity coursing through your body, causing you to writhe on his lap, "Sunghoon, please," you whimper, your voice laced with desperation.

"What is it, baby?" Sunghoon's voice, soft-spoken and tender, stands in stark contrast to the force of his thrusts, each one pounding relentlessly against your core.

"Close," you gasp out, the intensity of your impending climax threatening to overwhelm you once again. If it were any other time, you might feel embarrassed by how quickly you're reaching the peak of ecstasy, but you know Sunghoon would understand. And he does because he feels the same way. 

Both of you have tangled in sheets for long enough that you both know one another’s body like the back of your hands. That, added in with the withdrawals, of course you were both cumming quickly. Neither of you particularly minded since it wasn’t exactly a hindrance but rather served as just another notch to add to the endless list of climaxes you could potentially have. 

The day that one orgasm halts your sexcapades for the night, is the day Ghostface will stop being hot. Never.

Sunghoon spits on your folds, his movements primitive but intentional. His fingers rubbed saliva into your delicate skin, focusing their attention on your swollen clit, pushing you to the verge of your high. These sensations are almost too intense to take, with his rough touch on your bud and the power of his cock ramming into your walls battering you in the most delicious way possible.

The other hand on your back trails its way to your left hand, clasping it in his as he intertwines your fingers, kissing your knuckles as he stares at you, love shining through, “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers out, his hips faltering slightly as he declares his adoration for you.

Nodding, you bite your lip, prying your eyes open to look into his, “I love you too, Hoonie,” you confess back to him, hips also losing their rhythm as you struggle to focus on anything other than the coil in your stomach.

You bring your lips to his hand, mimicking his earlier actions, “Cum with me, Sunghoon,” you whisper into the back of his hand, your lips parted as you suck in a deep breath, ready for release.

Your body convulses with pleasure as waves of ecstasy wash over you, leaving you trembling and breathless in their wake. Sunghoon holds you close, his touch gentle yet possessive as he guides you through the aftershocks of your climax with tender care.

Sunghoon kisses you hungrily, his lips engulfing yours in a passionate embrace as your words push him over the edge. With feral zeal, he releases his seed in you, the white strands of his desire flying straight into your depths and blending with your own release.

Your bodies melt together in the heat of passion and you both cry one other's names along with a stream of curses, lost in the throes of pleasure and need. Sunghoon punctuates each passionate proclamation with two simple utterings of "I love you," ensuring that his words are conveyed sincerely

As you come down from the euphoric high, you find yourself enveloped in Sunghoon's embrace, his love and adoration surrounding you like a warm blanket on a cold night. In this moment, with him by your side, you feel truly complete, knowing that you are loved and cherished beyond measure.

Laying you down, Sunghoon, slides out of you gently, making sure he doesn’t hurt you, “Sweets, where is your bathroom?” he asks but you’re still too fucked out to comprehend his question, leaving him to figure it out on his own, “Stay here, baby, I’ll be back,” he instructs, putting on his boxers and tucking his semi-hard cock into them. 

Leaning an ear to the door, Sunghoon assesses if anyone magically came home while you two were going at it like animals. The silence he hears elicits relief into his body as he opens the door, confident no other member of the Kang family will see his practically naked figure.

Opening a few doors through trial and error, he stumbles into Minhee’s room. The curiosity within him leads him to look around, hand searching for the light. Once he switches it on, he sees exactly what he was expecting, a clutter of mess placed in every corner. It’s similar to his room, decor-wise, but there’s one thing that he notices, standing prominent on Minhee’s nightstand. 

Sunghoon reaches for the picture of you at 3 years old, sleeping next to your older brother, hugging one another tightly. You’re wearing matching pyjamas and smiles with no cares in the world. He knows your bond with Minhee is strong, stronger than most siblings; he thinks perhaps that’s why it was so easy to forgive you for lying to him. Seeing this picture now only punctuates his thoughts.

And after his conversation with Minhee today, he knows you would both do anything to protect one another.

“What are you doing in here?” you ask, hugging him from behind. Your eyes stare at the picture in the frame and you laugh, “Oh my days, Minhee and I were so young back then,” you fondly pout.

Sunghoon wraps an arm around your shoulder, “I was looking for the bathroom to get you cleaned up but I came across his room,” he admits sheepishly, rubbing your shoulder.

“Hmm,” you acknowledge, taking the frame and placing it back on the desk. You pause your motions as you look around his desk. It had been a long time since you had been in your brother's room, possibly 2 years, but you don’t remember all of the clutter on his worktop.

Picking up the paper fortune teller, you can't help but laugh at the whimsical relic of your childhood, "I didn't know he kept all this stuff," you say wistfully, your fingers tracing the faded creases of the paper. Memories flood your mind as you recall the countless hours spent crafting these simple yet cherished treasures with your brother.

Your gaze then falls upon the painting, a colourful masterpiece that holds a special place in your heart despite its simplistic charm. "And look at this," you remark, your voice tinged with nostalgia. "I remember making this in nursery. It was supposed to be a house, but I’m clearly no Picasso," you chuckle, the memory bringing warmth to your heart.

Putting it back, you see the picture you sent him from your award ceremony, sitting proudly next to his mouse, “He printed this out?” you ask no one, “I thought this would be the last picture he would want to see every day.”

The picture didn’t just represent your achievement, it represented the lies you sat in for months without Minhee knowing. This picture was amongst the bunch that had you and Sunghoon sitting happily in love, an accidental click that exposed your deceit. 

Sunghoon kisses your temple, “He’s proud of you, baby,” he says, trying to ease your tense shoulders, “That night, sure, the aftermath was a shitshow. But you still achieved something amazing, and he’s proud.”

His words lighten you a little, a smile creeping on your face as you put it back. Shaking your emotions away, you look up at your boyfriend, “Let’s get out of here, I’ll show you where the bathroom is.” You push him out of Minhee’s bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“While you’re up,” Sunghoon follows you, hand in yours, “Why don’t we just take a shower?” he suggests, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously.

You roll your eyes and open up the bathroom door, “Fine, but only quickly, last time I started to shrivel up like a prune with how long you kept me in there,” you joke, turning the light on. 

Sunghoon smirks, “I promise, I’ll be quick,” he leans down to your ear, “I’ll just make sure I go at you rough and hard, hmm?”

taglist (closed!!): @heelee-01 @zerasari @beomgyusonlywife @iwaplant @monstanctiny21 @chiiiiiiiiis @minniejenseo @run2gyuz @jngwnlvs @haelahoops @capri-cuntz @nctislifue @jaehoonii @weyukinluv @skzenhalove @enhypenlovre @cherriruto @bambangan @who-tf-soddhi @nxzz-skz @nshmrarki @hotsforikeu @enhastolemyheart @erehkinnie30 @judeduartewannabe @neosexual @fakeuwus @positivelyinlovewithjungwon @tobiosbbyghorl @kimsunoops

[gaytkachuk]

the thing about mattdrai is leon is humble, but he knows he's good, so he can be cocky when he wants to be. but matthew is not 'humble', he's self depricating, and sometimes, especially on the ice, he uses cockiness as a defense against his own insecurities. and yeah, leon gets annoyed by that because, before he gets to know matthew, he thinks it's fucking annoying that he's so cocky.

in reality, matthew is over there, all false bravato, just praying that no one else notices that he doesn't belong, that he has never been good enough to be where he is. when he gets glimpses into matthew's imposter syndrome it's fucking eye opening. like matthew giving himself the 85 rating is not a silly little joke he genuinely fucking believes that's his nhl24 rating. and like i can imagine leon making that little joke "oh, i dunno probably 85, eh?" with a cheeky little grin. but that's not matthew. like sure! you can totally read it as him being humble but it's NOT it's him REALLY TRULY believing it. it's him playing a stanley cup game in a run he practically won for his team with a broken sternum bc he still had to prove himself (????) and the thing is like why else do you play a stanley cup game when you couldn't even get yourself dressed in the morning??? like he saw that as letting his team down and that's fucking DEVASTATING. and no one around him thought "oh! maybe just this once we should tell him 'matthew, you don't need to prove anything. you did fucking amazing. you got your team here, but you need to heal now though. you need to lay your ass back down and fucking HEAL because YOU are more important to us than a fucking TROPHY." AND YES i know he'd worked his LIFE for that moment but one has to wonder what that does to someone. to constantly chase that glory and to never feel good enough until then?? and THEN even when you reach the peak, you will feel like you still were not good enough, you didn't deserve it, you never will. and there is NOTHING you can do to fill the emptiness. not even the one thing you thought you needed most in the world. because. fuck. the thing you needed most is actually someone to give a shit. about YOU. not your perceived value on a team. not your accomplishments. but YOU. when you are laid up in bed, can't move, hurt. when you are waking up slow. when you aren't doing anything at all. when the mask is off and you're just breathing. that's what you need. and. fuck. leon can give that to him. because leon isn't thinking about those things. he's thinking about how matthew is brightest when he isn't performing. when he's there, curled up with a book in an oilers sweatshirt he'd never be caught dead in. when he's telling leon how much he loves him. when he lets himself breathe.

and that's the thing!! leon is so so good at motivating the people he loves to love themselves by just. believing in them? and i think that belief would change matthew's whole life. i think he'd start maybe believing it too. that maybe all the shit he's gotten from the people who he trusted the most was not fucking true. that maybe he is worth everything that leon is telling him he's worth. that he can. that he will. that he IS.

i think leon gets choked up when matthew says something good about himself. he'd never admit it, but he does. and i think to be loved by matthew would be the most overwhelming thing in the world, because it is utterly selfless. disregarding of anything. because that need of matthew's, that one to be loved with no conditions? it comes out subconciously in the other direction. it is unavoidable. it's fucking pure. and when he loves, he loves hard. leon almost doesn't know what to do with it, until he realizes it's a gift, and he will never ever deny it. in fact, he will work his entire life to carefully wrap his own love in gift paper, and give it to matthew at every possible moment.

send post.

[illusianation]

Well. Helloooo! It’s been approximately 184 years since I posted any kind of meta on this site, let alone a TWD-related meta. But here we are, in the year 2024, no less. Nothing like The Book of Carol and Melissa’s return to bring some of us back. Unfortunately, it’s been a mixed bag, and current spoilers point to some really disturbing info about our beloved characters, specifically Daryl. The following is from a recent Twitter post made regarding Daryl’s character and thought it would be cool to post here, too.

CW: Daryl - relationships + trauma

There are so many feelings about the spoilers re: Daryl/Isabelle, and this post isn’t meant to invalidate any of them or defend the storytelling choices or retcon. Umm, no. Not at all. That’s a whole other post and many others have written extensively on the issues of show-running, creative consistency, and marketing of The Book of Carol. It’s not even about shipping, really. On the contrary, this post is to share some thoughts about Daryl as he is now, viewed a bit thru a trauma lens.

Before I start, I feel it’s important to note that I am an LCSW, or Licensed Clinial Social Worker, in the US.

A big part of viewing what’s going on with Daryl’s character is to start by posing some important questions: Where is Daryl emotionally? What’s going on in is his headspace? Is he clinging to what’s there in France because he feels utterly alone and resigned to his fate? What if Daryl is actually able to open himself up to Laurent and Isabelle in part because of his relationship with Carol and not in spite of it? What if he’s capable of connection & love with others precisely because his OG found-family showed him what it can look like in so many ways? Hear me out. It is a powerful thing to consider, especially given that Carol, Judith, and his family undeniably shaped Daryl, offering him his first real sense of belonging and trust. Now it appears totally lost to him - a devastating, compounded, and total loss. And he is NOT OKAY.

That doesn’t mean it isn’t OOC for him to connect with others the way he has and/or regress. As we know, trauma survivors like Daryl, especially those with histories of domestic violence, complex trauma, childhood abuse, and neglect, often find themselves in cyclical patterns of vulnerability. It does make sense that Daryl, even after growing in his relationships with Carol and the fam, might still be susceptible to getting involved in dysfunctional relationship dynamics (cough *Leah* cough) His need to care for others, while being a strength, also exposes him to people who might exploit that—whether intentionally or not. He is, in a sense, truly acting out of character.

In Daryl's current emotional state he’s completely unmoored (by a literal ocean of impossible distance no less) from his foundation of emotional safety, and has appeared to regress to the point of being unrecognizable to some. The idea that Daryl's protective nature and discomfort with intimacy coexists with an ability to be exploited by others, speaks volumes to the complexity of trauma responses and his arrested development. Daryl can embody fierce loyalty and affection, yet be caught in cycles of seeking out or gravitating toward what’s familiar, even if that familiarity is rooted in pain or dysfunction. There are not a lot of options for relational safety in the ZA. Isabelle, Leah, and even Rick, all in their own ways, represent that tug of codependency and trauma-bonding for Daryl. Not to mention, when there are children connected, his protective instinct becomes exponential.

Daryl’s current isolation, insecurity, and uncertainty about the depth of Carol’s love and his OG found-family provides a pretty valid underpinning for why he might be more open to a connection with Isabelle and Laurent, and even actively choose it when given the opportunity to go home. It’s not the arc that makes the truest sense for Daryl, but it is still very true to life in the way trauma can regress personal growth, even temporarily.

At the same time, it’s 100% understandable that this shift feels like a betrayal to Daryl’s character, as it undermines the progress he’s made and relationship choices he’s made in the past. The narrative may fall really short of pushing Daryl forward, instead choosing to revert to old tropes that fail to capture the nuance of his journey. By ignoring the potential for deeper, more layered storytelling, the show risks alienating viewers who’ve been invested in Daryl’s growth over the years. It already has, and I see y’all out there. 🫶🏼

Ultimately, it’s the tension between authenticity in trauma responses and narrative sense and progression that leaves the audience, Daryl, and most likely Carol, completely unsatisfied. IRL, growth is non-linear but in fiction, especially after so much buildup (and let’s face it MISDIRECTION) it’s not unfair to expect a clearer arc forward, versus regression into old patterns.

Hopefully, the progression will materialize in resolution which will in turn, lead inevitably to - truly actualized, authentic, and absolute love in all ways for Daryl with the safest, most accepting person person in his life, Carol. After all, Spain is still out there.

Part 2 Coming Soon: Carol and Survivors’ Guilt

[savagewildnerness]

E12

OK... I normally make notes on an episode when I rewatch, but I dunno... after watching S2E5, I just feel compelled to say a few things...  First... LOL...

Armand at the end!!! hahahaha!!!

OK, so first off - the acting is SO GOOD:

Jacob - especially the way he delivers his interview 1 take down of Lestat is SO MAGNIFICENT, OH MY! Jacob! You are DIVINE! (Also: Louis' see-through grid shirt: YES PLEASE!!!!)

Luke - is SO ERIC. OMG, he is SO GOOD!

Eric - is SO GOOD! The emotion. I want Ericasavampire and seeing as much of DM is still-to-come - Eric as a vampire - PLEASE!!!!?! Finally someone to love Armand for all he is. Write an entire NOVEL of your own invention writers please for Daniel!!!

Assad - I am at this point bowing down to my Assad shrine! I haven't the words for how perfect your Armand is. I only have love.

There is SO MUCH to analyse from this episode.  We must PSYCHOANALYSE the characters this week fully!!!

I utterly ADORED it!  One thousand thanks to the writers for creating something like this - not in the books, but totally feels like the books. 

And OMG, at this stage I will be devastated if Daniel isn't involved in this entire show from start to end... which also feels somehow some kind of a homage to River Phoenix, who would have played Daniel in the 1994 film had he lived...?

ANYWAY!  OMG ASSAD I LOVE YOU!  OMG WRITERS, I LOVE ARMAND!  Like this episode - how CRUEL Louis is to Armand!  And yet, Armand saves his life!  And not only that, he offers that pathway to Lestat... right until he is unable to utter Lestat's "I love you.."  And really, Armand, you did that in so much love for Louis - you sacrificed your self! Armand, Armand, Armand.

And Armand, seeking in Daniel what it means to be fascinating and special.  The irony is that Armand IS special!!!  He is absolutely the most complex vampire… he just doesn’t understand how to love or be loved… and Louis is NOT his "one"! But he is SO fascinating!  And special.  All of the edits to Radiohead's Creep PLEASE!!!!

I also find it WONDROUS in a show about vampires - where vampires are always a metaphor to The Outsider... yet... in art, The Outsider is often portrayed in imo an unrealistic way, as in "actually the outsider is infinitely special, really!", BUT IN ARMAND, the writers have given us a truly actually special character who feels like many outsiders do - AND is told by the person he loves SO much he would literally be a pathway to their other love that he is boring and not special and not enough... THAT is relatable! (Even though nobody has told me this, as I am simply isolated, personally! Yet, still, I feel it!)

Also - OMG it is both infinitely tragic and simultaneously hilarious that Loumand true sexy times cannot begin until Armand literally WIPES Louis’ mind of Lestat!!!  LOLOLOLOLOL (Poor Armand!)

Also LOL @ Jacob in the post episode thing - saying he can’t think of a bigger betrayal than rewriting the history of a person you love and that it makes him angry… referring to what Armand does to Louis… when IN THIS SAME EPISODE, that’s literally what Louis does to Lestat..!

Meagre thoughts as I didn't write notes during the episode, so just a few points I think of now (and I have had a glass of wine with this episode lolololololol!!  Lalalalala... GOTHIC JOY!!!!!!!!!!)

Lestat is my boy, but ASSAD'S ARMAND.  Armand was always my second favoruite vampire, but Assad - I do not understand how you are making me love Armand even MORE!  Be MORE evil, Armand.  And more tragic.  And more loving.  Be every thing you are.  I know you are fascinating!!!!!

Also, I cried A LOT in this episode! Though I did not note when. Like, that I feel compelled to do a post now with my random tipsy thoughts on a non HQ version with no subtitles I hope expresses A LOT about how I love this episode!?!??!!

[vote-democrat-president-congress]

The damage inflicted on the nation during Donald Trump’s first term in office pales in comparison with what he will do if he is elected to a second term.

NYTimes: By Thomas B. Edsall 8/21/24

How can we know this? The best evidence is Trump himself. He has repeatedly demonstrated his willingness to tear the country apart.

“Donald Trump and his MAGA supporters,” Sean Wilentz, a historian at Princeton, writes in a forthcoming article in Liberties,

have made it clear that they will not accept defeat in November any more than they did when Trump lost four years ago. They believe that Trump is the one true legitimate president, that those who refuse to accept this fundamental fact are the true deniers, and that any result other than Trump’s restoration would be a thwarting of history’s purpose and a diabolical act of treason.

The authoritarian imperative has moved beyond Trumpian narcissism and the cultish MAGA fringe to become an article of faith from top to bottom inside the utterly transformed Republican Party, which Trump totally commands.

Like Wilentz, Laurence Tribe, a law professor at Harvard, does not mince words, writing by email:

All the dangers foreign and domestic posed by Trump’s cruelly vindictive, self-aggrandizing, morally unconstrained, reality-defying character — as evidenced in his first presidential term and in his unprecedented refusal to accept his 2020 electoral loss — would be magnified many times over in any subsequent term by three factors.

First, he has systematically eroded the norms and the institutional guardrails that initially set boundaries on the damage he and his now more carefully chosen loyalist enablers are poised to do in carrying out the dangerous project to which they are jointly committed.

Second, their failures to insulate themselves from electoral and legal constraints during the dry run of 2017-21 have led them to formulate far more sophisticated and less vulnerable plans for their second attempt at consolidating permanent control of the apparatus of our fragile republic.

And third, their capture of the Supreme Court and indeed much of the federal judiciary has put in place devastating precedents like the immunity ruling of July 1 that will license a virtually limitless autocratic power — if, but only if, they are not stopped during the epic struggle that will reach one climax this Nov. 5 and another next Jan. 6.

The most important reason a second Trump term would be far more dangerous than his first is that if he does win this year, Trump will have triumphed with the electorate’s full knowledge that he has been criminally charged with 88 felonies and convicted of 34 of them (so far); that he has promised to “appoint a real special prosecutor to go after the most corrupt president in the history of the United States of America, Joe Biden, and the entire Biden crime family”; and that he intends to “totally obliterate the deep state” by gutting civil service protections for the 50,000 most important jobs in the federal work force, a central tenet of what he calls his “retribution” agenda.

Julie Wronski, a political scientist at the University of Mississippi, contended in an email:

The question is how much the Supreme Court presidential immunity decision will undermine institutional guardrails against Trump’s anti-democratic behavior. If there are no repercussions for his role in the Jan. 6 Capitol insurrection, intimidation of election officers, and casual handling of classified materials, then Trump will be emboldened to partake in such activities again.

Trump has made clear that norms of governance — e.g., civility, accepting electoral defeat, and treating members of the political opposition as legitimate holders of power — do not apply to him.

While Kamala Harris has pulled even with, if not ahead of, Trump in recent polling, Republican attacks on her have yet to reach full intensity, and the outcome remains very much up for grabs.

Bruce Cain, a Stanford political scientist, voiced concerns similar to Wronski’s by email:

Trump is more erratic, impulsive, and self-interested than your average candidate and is much bolder than most in testing the boundaries of what he can get away with. In political insider lingo, he is a guy who likes to put his toes right up to the chalk line between legal and illegal activity.

There is some evidence that his bad traits are getting worse with old age, but the more serious problem is the lowering of institutional and political guardrails that constrained him in the past. The decision in Trump v. the U.S. entitling a former president to “absolute immunity from criminal prosecution for actions within his conclusive and preclusive constitutional authority” and “presumptive immunity from prosecution for all his official acts” seems to me particularly problematic. The court left open the question of how to distinguish between official and unofficial acts. Trump’s personality is such that he will without doubt test the limits of this distinction.

Timothy Snyder, a historian at Yale and an expert on the regimes of Stalin and Hitler, wrote by email in reply to my inquiry: “It would be closer to the truth to think about a second Trump administration beginning from the images of Jan. 6, 2021. That is where Trump left us and that is where he would begin.”

Unlike oligarchy and tyranny, Snyder argued,

Democracy depends upon example, and Trump sets the worst possible one. He has openly admired dictators his entire life. He would encourage Xi and Putin. The Russians make completely clear that a Trump presidency is their hope for victory in Ukraine. Allowing Russia to win that war, which I think is Trump’s likely orientation, destabilizes Europe, encourages China toward aggression in the Pacific, and undermines the rule of law everywhere.

Charles Stewart, a political scientist at M.I.T., warned in an email:

A second Trump administration would escalate the threat of authoritarian governance, most notably, by sanctioning politically motivated prosecutions. Even if the courts resisted the baldest of efforts, doing so will be costly to political opponents and also continue to silence dissent among conservatives who wish to have political careers.

In 2016 and for much of his first term, major elements of the Republican Party viewed Trump with deep suspicion, repeatedly blocking or weakening his more delusional initiatives. That’s no longer the case.

“The Republican Party is fully and totally behind Trump — the epicenter of election disruption — even after two impeachments, an insurrection and a criminal conviction,” Julian Zelizer, a historian at Princeton, pointed out in an email, adding:

The support that Trump received after Jan. 6, and the entire effort to overturn the election, demonstrates that much of the G.O.P. is fine with doing this. Now that the party knows what insurrection looks like and has given its stamp of approval by nominating Trump, we know that this is officially part of the Republican playbook.

One thing is clear: Trump would assume control of the White House in 2025 with far more power and far fewer restraints than when he took office in January 2017.

Jacob Hacker, a political scientist at Yale, argued that Trump’s near-dictatorial rule over the Republican Party and the absence of intraparty dissent will play a crucial role if he returns to the White House in 2025:

Democratic backsliding rests heavily on the absence of contrary messages within the party undermining democracy, because (a) this further radicalizes sympathetic voters (who take their cues from in-party politicians) and (b) makes the battle into an “us” vs. “them” partisan fight that is easily used by demagogues to justify further democratic backsliding.

Both Hacker and Frances Lee, a Princeton political scientist, pointed out that even with solid support from fellow House and Senate Republicans, Trump’s power and freedom to act will depend on partisan control of the House and the Senate.

Sign up for the Opinion Today newsletter Get expert analysis of the news and a guide to the big ideas shaping the world every weekday morning. Get it sent to your inbox. As Hacker put it:

The scale of the threat posed by a Trump presidency will rest far more than commonly recognized on the exact balance of partisan power in D.C. If Trump has both houses of Congress — along with, of course, a highly sympathetic Supreme Court — the pace and extent of democratic backsliding will be much greater than if Republicans “merely” hold the White House.

Given its role in appointments and its greater prominence, the Senate is the critical fulcrum. We saw in 2019-20 that Democrats holding the House helped keep the spotlight on Trump’s misdeeds and blocked some of Trump’s most egregious potential legislative moves. But House control is worth much less than Senate control, and a Democratic House may not be enough to prevent serious democratic backsliding.

If Democrats win a House majority, Lee wrote by email, “their control of the House would foreclose any opportunity for one-party legislating, such as the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017.”

In addition, Lee argued, “Trump’s proposals and priorities still do divide the Republican Party internally. Even though Trump has improved his position with the congressional wing of the Republican Party relative to 2017, he still faces pockets of intraparty resistance, especially but not exclusively on foreign policy.”

As a result, Lee wrote, “the remaining Trump-skeptic Republicans in Congress will have pivotal status in a narrow Republican majority. So the bottom line is that we don’t know much about the influence Trump can wield until we see the outcome of the congressional elections.”

Even accounting for Lee’s caution, however, Trump’s base of support has grown over the past eight years to encompass not only the MAGA electorate and the network of elected officials who have learned dissent is politically suicidal, but also the individuals and interests that make up the party’s infrastructure, especially the donors and lobbyists.

Just three and a half years ago, in the wake of the Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol, this wing of the party threatened to become a major roadblock to a second Trump term. Leaders of Wall Street and big business voiced seemingly deep concern over the threat to democracy posed by Trump and his followers, with many of these leaders vowing that they would never contribute to a Trump campaign.

“Many of the nation’s richest people said after the Jan. 6, 2021, attack on the U.S. Capitol that they would never again back former President Trump,” David Lauter of The Los Angeles Times reported. Those concerns have dissipated.

In March, The Washington Post reported: “Elite donors who once balked at Trump’s fueling of the Capitol insurrection, worried about his legal problems and decried what they saw as his chaotic presidency are rediscovering their affinity for the former president — even as he praises and vows to free Jan. 6 defendants, promises mass deportations and faces 88 felony charges.”

It would be hard to overestimate the importance of Trump’s increasingly strong ties to his party’s financial establishment. His ability to shape the flow of campaign money is second only to the power of his endorsements, making obeisance to his authority even more crucial to political survival.

Trump’s shifting relationship with the Republican establishment’s major-donor community can best be seen in the changing composition of his financial backing from 2016 to 2024.

In 2016, many of Trump’s top backers, according to OpenSecrets, could best be described as marginal figures in the world of campaign finance:

McMahon Ventures, a consulting firm founded by the owners of World Wrestling Entertainment, $6 million; Mountainaire, a chicken producer, $2.01 million.

In terms of money, Trump today is a very different candidate. The corporate qualms that surfaced in the wake of the Jan. 6 insurrection have been subordinated to the prospect of billions in tax breaks for business and the rich if Trump returns to office.

According to OpenSecrets, of the $472.8 million Trump and allied PACs have raised through the middle of this year, a quarter, $115.4 million, has come from the securities and investment industry, the financial core of the Republican establishment. In 2016, this industry effectively shunned Trump, giving him a paltry $20.8 million.

“The leaders of major industries’ decision to back Trump suggests that the economic benefits of staying on the team will outweigh principled concerns about democratic norms should push come to shove in a second Trump term,” Eric Schickler, a political scientist at the University of California, Berkeley, wrote by email in response to my query.

There are several other factors raising the level of danger posed by a second Trump term in the White House.

When he took office in 2017, Trump had no clear agenda, just a collection of grievances, impulses and prejudices; no carefully prepared list of prospective loyalists to appoint to key posts; and in essence no understanding of the workings of the federal government.

These deficiencies kept many, but not all, of his destructive impulses in check as top aides and key party leaders repeatedly steered him away from the cliff.

If he wins this year, those checks on Trump will be gone.

Trump’s advisers and allies have put together a detailed agenda along with lists of men and women who are ready to do his bidding — developments that have been detailed in this column and elsewhere.

In his email, Schickler emphasized the crucial role played by Trump’s successful efforts to drive Republican opponents out of elective office. Now, Schickler wrote:

“Each Republican member’s own political survival depends on being loyal to the team.” He continued, “Republicans will stand by Trump in any potential impeachment battle — as result, there will be no chance for a conviction, essentially making any attempt to enforce accountability into just another partisan showdown.”

During his first term, Schickler noted, Trump “raised the possibility of taking a threatening action — such as sending in troops to arrest or even shoot protesters,” but he was held back by his own appointees and senior government employees.

“The big difference in 2025,” Schickler cautioned,

is that there is a much more built-out political operation supporting Trump. Appointees will be carefully vetted for their loyalty. When it comes time to implement an order that, for example, removes civil service protections from most federal workers, the top layers of executive agencies will be filled with people eager to follow through and weed out those with “bad” views.

Not only will Trump be more robustly protected if he returns to the White House in 2025; a key institution — the Supreme Court — is more likely to back his initiatives now that it is dominated by a 6-3 conservative majority, half of which is made up of Trump appointees.

That conservative bloc has already signaled its willingness to unleash Trump in its July 1 immunity decision, Trump v. United States.

The ruling gave Trump new grounds to challenge the criminal charges and convictions he faces and suggests broad approval for future Trump policies and initiatives. The president, Chief Justice John Roberts wrote in the 6-3 majority opinion, “may not be prosecuted for exercising his core constitutional powers, and he is entitled, at a minimum, to a presumptive immunity from prosecution for all his official acts.”

Robert Y. Shapiro, a political scientist at Columbia, wrote by email:

Trump says he wants to replace the bureaucracy — part of the “deep state” — with political appointees. He wants to go after his political enemies, lock up refugees in camps, and implicit in all this he will appoint cabinet members and high-level officials who support what he wants to do instead of the “grown-ups” who constrained him at every turn during his presidency.

In this context, Shapiro continued:

The above threat to democracy has to be seen, on the face of it, as real, given that the Supreme Court has opened the possibility of immunity on any presidential actions, however criminal they might be. What Trump has said he will do, and what the Supreme Court has opened the door to — what he can do in terms of what would be criminal and not just impeachable offenses — pose an enormous threat to the nation and American democracy.

Gary Jacobson, a political scientist at the University of California, San Diego, summarized the risks raised by the Supreme Court’s immunity ruling in an email:

The court’s decisions have made it harder for the judiciary, Congress or other institutions to hold Trump in check. The immunity decision certainly enables an authoritarian presidency far beyond that envisioned by the people who wrote the Constitution.

The biggest difference if Trump is re-elected, Jacobson argued,

will be the absence of officials in the administration with the stature, experience, and integrity to resist Trump’s worst instincts in such matters. A White House staffed with sycophantic loyalists or white nationalist zealots who share Trump’s ignorance and contempt for norms and institutions will give him freer rein than in the first term.

As Sean Wilentz warns:

Trump, who does not speak in metaphors, has made it plain: “If I don’t get elected, it’s going to be a blood bath.” This is a time for imagining the worst. Not a single loyal Republican official has objected to that statement or to similar MAGA warnings about an impending civil war.

Yet, Wilentz writes, “many of even the most influential news sources hold to the fiction Trump and his party are waging a presidential campaign instead of a continuing coup, a staggering failure to recognize Trump’s stated agenda.”

I am going to give the last word to Timothy Snyder, the Yale historian:

Trump is in the classic dictatorial position: He needs to die in bed holding all executive power to stay out of prison. This means that he will do whatever he can to gain power, and once in power will do all that he can to never let it go. This is a basic incentive structure which underlies everything else. It is entirely inconsistent with democracy.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/21/opinion/trump-second-term-2025.html

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Nerdy “Aziraphale and Crowley are super in love” Analysis time! (Filmmaking and acting edition)

(Very late but I promise it’s worth it)

Imo the moment Aziraphale realizes he’s in love with Crowley is Ep 3 when the Apocalypse is looming and Crowley flippantly says, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you”

Aziraphale gives the look

And it all changes

From an acting perspective, Crowley takes a confident and almost defiant stance. Despite walking away, his arms are wide open. He constantly shrouds himself in being aloof and bad, so this exaggerated gesture is the way he shows his true feelings. This is the world I can provide you. Please take it.

From a filmmaking perspective, this is a wide shot, showing Crowley and Aziraphale's physical and emotional distance. Crowley is in focus, pointing out to the right. In Western filmmaking, characters moving left to right indicate progress

This doesn't apply to countries where they write right to left or up and down. Anime flows up and down for this reason, but that's another story

Crowley has his back to the camera because his reaction doesn't matter here. He knows what he wants; his needs are clear to himself and the audience

Aziraphale's reaction here is massive. As a new viewer (still 3 eps to go,) I first interpreted their relationship as an unusual companionship. The montage at the beginning of this episode shows their progress from having a mutual agreement to an alliance to a friendship

But this look

That’s the change

The camera pushes in as Aziraphale realizes what Crowley is implying, and he's overwhelmed to the point of burgeoning tears. It's not quite a Hitchcock/Jaws zoom, but it similarly presses the subject closer and tighter into the camera claustrophobically.

Subconsciously, as the audience, we now feel his feelings pressed into him

Part of Aziraphale's reaction is his high moral standard of being an angel. While here he calls Crowley a demon, he has previously insisted, because he is a fallen angel, there is hope for goodness still.

He sees his future as a possibility in Crowley, which would destroy his known world. His moral code however is much more malleable than he would like to think, but to admit that would be failure of doing his duty as an angel

But just this acting choice, his quivering palpable fear, this reaction is much more than, “I don’t want to kill a child/not be an angel.” If he agrees to go with Crowley, the ‘side’ he’s picking isn’t good or evil, it’s love

As the characters are asexual/nonbinary (I think?,) I don’t think canonically the fact that it’s a homosexual relationship is necessarily the issue. However, the metaphor of choosing to walk away from everything you know and believe and the rigid standards of goodness, and instead choosing to be with someone who will inevitably lead you to be cast out from your world, is (unfortunately) a universal gay experience, especially considering the source material is from the late 1980’s

Crowley’s reaction to this rejection is straight up anger played off as a totally reasonable, “C’mon man, we’re best buds,” but his eyes are covered by glasses. Eyes are the windows of the soul and he certainly doesn’t want to break right now in the face of rejection. His eyes are blocked in a very emotional tight shot of him which mirrors Aziraphale's.

Now his reaction matters and we don't really get to see it

I don't know where this goes from here (well uhhhhh I did see The Spoilers ™ but I ain't gonna talk about that lol,) but this just feels like a massive turning point, and the acting and filmmaking really enhance it. From an outsider's perspective, I didn't 'get' this ship at all, but now in context, it completely makes sense. This scene is utterly devastating

This has probably been talked about to death for 4+ years now lol, but just wanted to point out some acting/filmmaking choices that really brought the oh shit moment to light <3

[kimio7]

A short list of horror fics

i completely forgot i wanted to do this lol. An unually high amount of charles fics in this rec list i wonder what thats all about

6 horror related fics for your reading pleasure (in no particular order)

the system only dreams of total darkness by mondaycore | M | 7k | Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg

anything by mondaycore is stunning and utterly enrapturing to read. the details, the tension, just everything about this fic is such a beautifully brutal read. one of the best works ive read recently.

Bonus: tell me what you know about dreams | M | 851 | Charles Leclerc

-

Denebola by Yvxson | M | 2k | Charles Leclerc/Sebastian Vettel

found this after wanting to read more sebcharl and- utterly poetic and just a lovely, devastating, read. the descriptions are just *mawh* chefs kiss.

-

Trifecta by n_ico_ando | E | 12k | Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel

not quite entirely "horror", but what a beautiful work of fantasy. the way i get thinking about moving to the east coast of canada just to experience a fraction of the atmosphere described here. amazing read.

-

worthy is the lamb (thank you for the price you paid) by choripan | E | 12k | Charles Leclerc/Carlos Sainz Jr

An utterly captivating piece of writing inspired by an utterly beautiful piece of art! obsessed with just the concept of charles as ferraris beautiful lamb and anyway he can be connected to religious imagery

-

red, and a little more red by atwater | E | 7k | Charles Leclerc/Sebastian Vettel

And last but not least, from one of my very favourite writers. this fic was basically the catapult for me to look into other works that use horror as an element or genre. amazing amazing read, so funny yet so haunting, im addicted.

bonus!

matchstick people by ecorone | E | 60k | Lewis Hamilton/Max Verstappen

ive already rec'd this on my other list but i thought it would be fitting to rec it here as well. everything i said about this author still holds true and still one of my favourite fics ever.

[heretherebedork]

Not to dwell on the fanservice issues since I also cannot engage with that part of BL for similar reasons, but I am truly concerned that the industry still doesn't have a way for brand pairs to end without causing massive harm to the actors, both personally and professionally. Sometimes I think we've made massive strides in fanservice, but then I see all the massive brand pairs currently in existence and how companies have not figured out how to let these actors move beyond them. I'll try to avoid using specific names, but there are some HUGE brands at GMMTV right now that one day might want to branch beyond BL . And we have seen how the breakup of a certain GMMTV pair caused fan devastation, harassment of a new actor, and frankly something that isn't talked about enough - actors now have to contend with a loss in job stability and probably income. Sure, their personal fans and casual viewers (me) won't care - but I am not paying money to go to their fan meetings or brand events or their concerts, and those pair fans won't either. And companies seem to just be sticking their head in the sand and hoping they can recruit the next big thing before a pillar explodes.

Even in a less controversial moment, it was just announced that a pair is ending as one needs a health break. And, thank god he's getting one. But it's also insane that their careers are going to have to undergo fundamental changes and potentially job losses (aside from dealing with angry and heartbroken fans, of which I've seen many) because they might have new onscreen partners.

I can only think of a handful of examples (I'm specifically thinking Max and Tul but there are others I'm sure) where actors have been mostly able to end their specific brand partnership (or move to other projects) without imploding the BL universe. But in those cases, I never get the impression it's because the company has a well thought out safety plan that they've discussed with the actors to minimize the impact on their careers and move them in a new direction. It seems like the lucky few have great working relationships with their co-stars and are basically able to leverage either their personal friendship or stellar working relationship to put the brand pair out to pasture with very gentle hands.

There's other issues about fanservice that really grinds my gears, but in light of the fact I believe some pairs will be ending soon, this has really made me extra angry. It feels like company negligence is going to stab some of these actors in the back when they feel like it's time to fly the nest. And fans are enabling their poor behavior.

This is all a very valid worry and one that I definitely share. Fan's response to actor pairs breaking is extreme and the ones who are really dating are even worse. I think of MewGulf every single time and the vitriolic response that people had to them and it's just... so scary, honestly.

I still see people on the some of these shorts and posts lamenting an actor pair that did one show together and never planned on doing another and people expressing how heartbreaking it is that they're not still together and just... yeah.

And having no plan for ending these pairings and their careers after does absolutely trap these actors in a portion of their career until or unless they're willing to give it all up in order to move on to something new. Which is not how it should be! Fanservice is meant to be fun and compliment to the shows, a fiction for the viewers that they enjoy, not the end all be all of an actor's career.

And there are just... there are so many actors that, right now, if they announced that they weren't dating... they would be destroyed. Utterly. Completely and totally and people would be rending their clothing and screaming about true love and it just scares me.

Fanservice has a place but I think there has to a pull back on them.

I, admittedly, don't know much about pairs that have moved apart in the longterm but I've seen people still mad about short term ones and making up longform fictional excuses for them not being able to work together but still being in love and it's just... it's wild. It's scary. They are actors! Acting! I promise!

I don't trust anything until or unless they're not working together anymore. They have to not be working on any shows together before I'll believe anything because look at what the shipping gets them. The dedicated fans, the hugely defensive fanbase, people so loyal that they will look for any sign they're in love and buy every single fanmeeting ticket, music event ticket or piece of merch based on their relationship.

Truly wild.

[magistralucis]

Had my worst confrontation with The Pigs so far, especially awful because I didn’t even intend to stumble upon this. I didn’t choose any hostile options, I was alone (I think having Kim around makes this encounter worse and longer), and I passed the check for the gun just fine... but because I hadn’t talked to the Hardie Boys yet, literally hadn’t approached them at all, my detective had no idea what to do with her afterwards. All his mangled brain could come up with was this:

Sure, Lieutenant ‘I-will-instantly-pull-a-gun-at-a-mentally-ill-old-woman’ Kitsuragi totally would. 🙄 But in his absence, I’m shattered that HDB can’t act on any other option, despite being able to conceptualize one. Logic says it right there: the locals will take care of her. It’s the right answer. In terms of video game logic, this is exactly the sort of thing that'd be a positive modifier for the Hardie Boys talk. Even if you never approached them before, it feels like it’d forward your case if you ask their help, since you have the interests of the vulnerable members of their community in mind. Even if the Hardie Boys aren’t an option, Lilienne is a short distance away, isn’t she? Couldn’t HDB ask the Washerwoman, any other local in Martinaise? If he gives anyone a heads-up, he will have delivered a minimal duty of care.

But no. None of that happens, because this scene isn’t a brownie points exercise, and HDB isn’t a reasonable authority figure. He’s deeply unwell, like The Pigs. He’s been abandoned, like The Pigs. He’s in horrible pain, clinging to the vestiges of a cop identity like her, in the desperate hopes of something real and present to hold onto. This is a man who can barely face his own reflection. Seeing The Pigs, a near doppelganger of what he is and may become, is clearly too much for him to handle. HDB can react with compassion, or he can react with threats and violence, and both threads persist through the very end of the encounter with her.

Mutually exclusive options, but both present, and both possible. They are equally valid indicators of the person HDB is, and since he’s capable of the threat at all, it’s not looking good. And this is his double he’s saying this to. We know HDB hates himself to the point of self-destruction, and didn’t/doesn’t think he can improve (’I don’t want to get better, I want to get worse’): the fact that he can think up the pieces that might help her, yet his posterior neocortex shuts him down before he can put them together, implies to me that HDB is actively refusing to believe he can help The Pigs. He’s afraid to believe. He’s beyond help, after all. Everyone told him so.

He thinks it’s true, too, so the same must go for her, yes?

It’s. It’s just. How fucking broken is HDB that he knows what must be done, but simply cannot connect himself to the idea that he ought to do it. How are we meant to bear that his immediate thought upon seeing this poor woman - this horrific, devastated mirror of himself - is that Kim will know what to do, but he does not, because he convinced himself he’s utterly helpless. ‘Cause obviously, Kim’s stabilizing him, right? Surely Kim can do the same for The Pigs, and since RAC sure as fuck doesn’t know what to do about himself, he might as well just give up if Kim’s not around. So without Kim and without the Hardie Boys, HDB will simply walk away, and never bring up this incident again. It fucking breaks my heart it can’t end any other way. There are no adjectives for this level of self-loathing.

And you know, I bet he’d have reacted similarly had he been with any other RCM officer - Jean, others in Precinct 41, whatever - because he fundamentally doesn’t exist in a system that has compassion for people like this. Note that it is Esprit de Corps, your cop sense, which pipes up first to assert that you can’t help her. ‘’’Protect’’’ and serve my fucking arse

And no, Kim doesn’t know what to do in this situation either, according to FAYDE. Unlike HDB he doesn’t even come up with the right answer, only nightmare fuel, as regular cops with regular thoughts do

oh god. oh god, kim

[wings-of-ink]

With that last anon question about true love kiss. What if it did work? how would the Ro's react and what not to that?

Ouch, the devastation!  This is hard for me to imagine, lol.

Oswin:  If there’s been some romantic connotations between them, he’ll be pretty devastated, but also doubt himself. He’ll still wonder if he’s the problem. Maybe he doesn’t love in the right way, he must be doing something wrong, he must not be worthy.

Zahn:  They’ll think that it’s okay if MC doesn’t love them “truly” or whatever, they can still love each other in other ways and maybe one day, with time, their love will be strong enough to break a curse. Until then…they need to find someone else to kiss MC.

Duri:  Depends on the level of romantic connection yet established. This could fluctuate between them being a little surprised to being totally and utterly devastated (totally undoing their entire character arc, lol).

Rune:  Doesn’t stop their determination to make sure MC wakes up. The quicker the curse is broken, the quicker they can deepen their bond with MC.

???:  Might be impossible for this to happen (maybe he’s just that lovable?).

Thank you for the ask, my mindreader! ^_^

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Rachael Lillis, the OG English VA of Misty and Jesse from Pokemon has sadly passed away from cancer. I donated to her go fund me and everything...."See You Again" by Whiz Kalifa REALLY helps you out in times like this. :'(

//You did your part in that case. And I'm really sorry for everyone who was personally affected by this.

//This reminds me of when the same thing happened with Billy Kametz, and how much that shook me, and most of the internet. And you don't know how much sweat I wiped off my brow when I found out that Sam Riegal had recovered from it.

//I don't like talking about heavy shit outside the plot of the blog, but cancer is a merciless force that only causes pain and takes away any form of joy. It destroys the spirit as well as the physical, leaving victims and their loved ones feeling hopeless, irate, and devastated.

//The emotional toll can be much more severe than the physical, depriving people of time, shattering hopes, and instilling a persistent sense of fear and uncertainty.

//One of the most difficult things to go through is witnessing someone else suffer and feeling unable to stop it. Every moment seems like it has been taken, and any chance for calm or normalcy is threatened by the cancerous shadow.

//I have lost many people I love in the past few years, not necessarily from cancer, but from similar diseases that destroyed them. My nan's lungs slowly collapsed, and she was in hospital often, until she finally lost her fight one day, and left this world.

//I don't wish this pain on anybody. Not even people I utterly despise. The pain of losing those you love is so unimaginable, especially when it seems to only happen to the people in this world who are loved.

//It's like the world's way of telling us that being a good person means nothing, and I hate that idea.

//But it's also not true. We need to be good people, because goddammit, that's the only thing saving this race of people from total collapse. I just wish we stopped losing them to soon.

//Rest in Peace, Rachel Lillis. And thank you for giving so many people a wonderful childhood. May you find comfort in the skies you were always blasting off into.

-Mod

[idealisticrealism]

TCL 3x07 thoughts (and even more feelings)

Now that’s how you do a tribute. Wow. Even though I was well and truly crying by two minutes in (and probably cried through about half of the episode in total), I actually feel kind of honoured to have gotten to watch that, to feel not only the love that the other characters had for Arman, but also the love that the entire cast and crew had for Adan. And while I truly wish we’d never had to lose either of them, I’ll always be grateful to have gotten such a beautiful goodbye.

Sorry if parts of this come off a little confusing… I had so many thoughts about everything and couldn’t decide how to organise them... in hindsight, probably should have just gone chronologically haha, but oh well. Here goes. 

Thony /Armony.

Honestly I’m impressed I managed to get a whole 90 or so seconds into the ep before the tears started, especially when it opened with Thony looking absolutely wrecked, sitting at a table with a bottle of alcohol, her buddha, some used tissues, and every piece of evidence she has about who was responsible for Arman’s kidnapping… and then for her to just shove it all to the floor and put her face in her hands?? Ugh, my baby. Her conversation with Fi was so devastating from both sides; on Thony’s part because losing Arman has broken something vital in her, and on Fi’s part because she can see the true extent of Thony’s pain as well as the dangerous path that Thony’s heading down (fixating on getting justice/vengeance for Arman rather than just letting herself grieve), and she knows she can’t stop either of them. And ugh then immediately after, when Luca has lost his beloved toy and the writers hit us (and Thony!) with: “That’s okay, my love. Sometimes we lose things and it’s… it’s fine to be sad about it.” Her face as her brain registers the truth of the words coming out of her mouth, even as she knows she can’t follow her own advice… ouch. And speaking of painful, the choice of Thony’s outfit for the wake haunts me; she’s covered head to toe in white (the traditional Cambodian mourning colour), and she’s also wearing the buddha necklace that we’ve previously seen her touch for comfort in stressful moments… I’m certain no one but us and Fi would be able to read the subtle lament of grief and pain that those choices represent. (And yet despite that, Fi still somehow thinks she can convince Thony not to go to the wake of the man she loves?? C’mon now Fi be real here lol) 

But ugh, that big breath Thony takes before getting out of the elevator at La Habana, her eyes closed and hands clutching tight at her jacket? Having to prepare herself to step into this space, his space, and be faced with the reality of his absence? And then even when Jorge tries to intercept her and turn her away for her own safety, she brushes him off and goes straight for Arman’s altar, because lbr, nothing’s keeping her away from this, from him. Her openly saying “We both lost him” to Nadia was honestly a surprise because of how clearly it indicated she was putting them both in the same category– aka both women who truly loved him, both of them made ‘widows’ by his loss??? Damn, that was more direct than I expected her to be. And ugh when she says to Ramona: “All I ever wanted was to bring Arman home” (...) “I need answers too. I don’t know how to move on from here.” I think that statement really captures one of the major aspects of both the episode and of Thony’s character: how utterly lost she is now. When Arman was missing, Thony had a goal to focus on. Even from S1, it was pretty clear that with any difficulty that was happening in her life, Thony could get through it as long as she had something to strive for, some way to keep moving forward. Like fighting to get treatments for Luca (and more recently, preventing CPS from taking him away). Outwitting Garrett and the FBI. Getting Arman free of Kamdar’s debt. Getting Fi home after her deportation. And of course, finding Arman and bringing him home. But now that he’s dead, the ‘difficulty’ that she’s facing has no solution. He’s just gone, and there’s nothing she can do to change it, no way to solve or fix it. No matter what she does, she will never be able to achieve the goal of getting him back. (Yes, I cried writing that). And so that is exactly why, instead of just accepting his loss and letting herself grieve like Fi says, she fixates on the only thing she can do: confirm that Dante was responsible, and then make sure he doesn’t get away with it, even if it means walking straight into the lion’s den and accusing one of their own.

The scene when she stands by Arman’s altar and remembers the first time she came to La Habana was so painful to watch; back then, she came to him to save a dying Luca, and yet only like 4 months later, Arman is the one whose life has been cut short. Thanks to him, though, Luca is safe and healthy, and will likely lead a full and happy life. There’s something so poignant about Jorge bringing the drawing to her right at that moment, almost like it’s a sign from Arman that it’s okay, that Luca’s life was always more important than his own. And honestly I can’t believe that Thony admits what she does to Jorge– that she thought she and Arman would have more time, and that there was so much that she’d never gotten to say to him. Like wow, talk about a love confession?? She knew how she felt about Arman, but had kept pushing it aside, thinking that there would be time for it later; that eventually everything with the FBI and Kamdar and Luca and Fi would settle down and they would have the chance to really acknowledge what was between them. But now that chance is gone, along with everything they could have been, and she's grieving that as well as him. And while it’s a truth that she had a hard time even admitting to Fi, she knows that Jorge will get it, both as someone who loved Arman (and who missed out on a lot of time with him, and had a lot of things that went unsaid) and also as a man who has been through the loss of the love of his life. Honestly, Jorge could save Thony’s life a dozen times over and I’ll still never be as grateful to him as I was for the simple fact that he told her he thinks Arman knew all the things she never got to tell him. (And really, from everything we’ve seen… I think he’s right. Arman knew.). 

That moment was one of many punches to the heart from this ep, and honestly one of the most painful was when Thony is left to clean up Dante’s murder (and in that all-white outfit! Oh no), and she’s frantically trying to get Fi to leave, not only because she doesn’t want Fi involved in this dangerous world, but also because I think she knew she was seconds from completely falling apart and she didn’t want Fi to see it. The wobble in her voice as she says “Everything is fine now. Everything is over… it’s over” and then just immediately breaks down sobbing?? Devastating. Because like I said, the need to make Dante pay for what he did to Arman was the only thing keeping her together and functioning– and with one bullet, it was suddenly done, and what does she have left now?? Just inescapable grief and emptiness in the space that Arman used to occupy in her life. It’s all over now, and that's really highlighted by the fact that the first thing she does after finishing cleaning up the murder is to tell Fi that she’s walking away from the criminal world (mirroring 1x01 when she was dragged into it by cleaning a murder), and then goes straight to Arman’s altar to tell him goodbye. She doesn’t tell him how grateful she is– she’s already told him that, many times over the course of their relationship– but instead, she needs him to know she’s sorry, for everything that had led them here, and for the fact she couldn’t save him. And then ugh, her “I just hope you knew…” and the way her eyes close as a more mournful version of their theme/leitmotif starts to play, and we see all the flashes of her memories of him?? We may not have heard her say the word ‘love’ out loud but we didn’t need to. This entire episode was a love letter from Thony to Arman, her own personal velorio within a velorio. (Not to mention, in this article sent to me by @crwdgoinapeshit, Elodie specifically describes Arman as someone Thony 'loved a lot, if not the love of her life' ugh). And lbr if his parents hadn’t appeared at that moment and interrupted things, she probably would  have finished that sentence, and would have said aloud how much she loved him. But like Jorge said– he knew. He died knowing she loved him, and that she would carry a piece of him with her always. 

Ok I love that despite her having told Fi that she’d be right out in a minute, and having the opportunity to just easily walk away when the drama starts unfolding with Arman's parents, she simply looks at his picture again, and then walks over to join Nadia, like she’s telling him,  “Don’t worry. I’ll have Nadia’s back, and if needed I’ll do my best to keep your family from bringing the place down on all our heads.” And that choice turns out to be a significant one, because she overhears that Ramona’s middle name is Marina, just like the word Arman wrote in the dust– and just like that, it’s not over. She has a purpose again, and she’s not going to stop until she’s achieved it. The leader of one of the most dangerous cartels in the country took the man Thony loved, a man that was supposed to be family to Ramona, and now Thony is coming for her. And if that’s not fucking badass, I don’t know what is.

Ngl, I do feel a little bit like I need to write a scene-insert fic for the gap between when when Arman’s parents leave, and when Thony gets into the car with Fi, because I think there’s a rather important conversation that needs to happen there between Thony and Nadia– both a ‘we need to talk, later’ (regarding Ramona and Arman) and a ‘can I have this’ (regarding the mini caddy), because I would feel bad if Thony just took it without asking, especially given that Nadia herself felt so bad about accepting it from Isabel. But oh my heart, when she sat down with Luca and reminded him about Arman, and pulled out the mini caddy… and then the “I’m sure he would want you to have it” (he really would) and “But no matter what it went though, my friend only loved it more. Do you think you can keep it safe for him?” (Help, there’s a waterfall coming out of my eyeballs.) To watch the ep end with Arman and Thony driving off into the sunset together in the caddy was all kinds of rough… I know a lot of fans kind of wish that that was the ending we had for them, that we’d never gotten a S3 renewal and could instead all just live in a shared fantasy where Arman and Thony got to go on to lead full lives together. And honestly sometimes I feel that way too. But I have also loved and appreciated season 3, and I’m grateful to have had more time with this incredible cast, and also to say goodbye to Arman and Armony in such a beautiful way.

Fiona.

Once again, Fi is very much proving herself to be the Samwise Gamgee to Thony’s Frodo Baggins, from trying to convince her to stop and let herself grieve (like Thony tried to do for her after Marco’s death), to trying to protect her by keeping her from going to the wake, to realising that even if Thony is doing things she doesn’t agree with, she’s going to stand by her. Ngl I did feel for her with Thony’s very blithe “Don’t worry! If anyone’s gonna kill me, it’s not gonna happen at a wake!” because that’s hardly reassuring, Thony! And seriously can you imagine S1 Thony ever saying something like that??? I think our girl has spent a little too much time in the criminal underworld, and she’s starting to get desensitised– and Fi can see it, can see how both that desensitisation and Thony’s need for justice for Arman is leading Thony to go deeper and take risks that could easily backfire on her or their family. Ugh but that moment in the laundry when she really thinks about the lengths that she and Thony would go to for each other, and realises that while Thony is making some unfair decisions in the grip of her grief, Thony would also run straight into any danger for her without a second thought– and so she decides to do the same, because that's who they are to each other.

Honestly I’m proud of the guts it must have taken Fi to go to the wake despite the presence of the cartel and their possible anger about Arman’s death, all so she can be with Thony to support her through this loss. But she does it, because she knows the loss is that immense for Thony. I’ll admit I’m a little confused why Fi would have gone to the loading dock rather than through the main entrance, and while it’s likely literally just for plot reasons, I’m going to explain it as bc she used to go to the loading dock to drop Thony off/pick her up when Thony worked at La Habana. I’m sure Thony probably even took her up in the service elevator one time and gave her a sneaky after-hours tour haha. But ugh of course her taking the service elevator now means that she’s right there as Dante leads Thony out, and in true Samwise fashion, she doesn’t go running for help– she goes to rescue her Mr Frodo herself! Seeing her creeping along armed only with a hammer, ready to take on all 6 foot 3 inches of Dante in order to save her beshie?? What a brave, foolish, wonderful woman. But then Jorge and Ramona appear and she’s too outnumbered to do anything, and all she can do is hide there and listen– and dude, for at least a solid minute or so she legitimately thinks that she just listened to one of her family getting murdered. Like holy shit that’s gotta add a whole new fresh level of PTSD on top of what she already had from her border crossing ordeal. And then for her to stay and help Thony clean the blood, despite Thony desperately trying to make her leave? It makes me think of Thony’s introduction to the underworld in 1x01, witnessing a murder and having to clean it up– Thony had no choice but to be pulled into that world, but Fi does. She can see that Thony is walking straight down the path into Mordor (sorry for the continued LOTR references, but they’re the best I got atm lol) and she chooses to go with her.

And I am so glad of that, not only because Thony is so clearly spiralling without Arman and needs Fi’s support, but also because we all know that now that I can’t have Armony, there’s literally nothing I want to see more out of this show than my dream of the three Mob Queens (Thony, Fi, Nadia) running Vegas lol. Plus, Fi has spent the last 2 seasons being a counterweight of sorts to Arman in the tug-of-war for Thony’s life-path; Thony’s relationship with Arman drew her deeper into the criminal world, while Fi has been trying to drag her away from it. But now Arman is gone, Thony is the one choosing to continue deeper in the underworld, and I think it would be really interesting to see Fi realise that her efforts to pull her away are never going to work, and instead kind of go ‘alright, if you can’t beat them, join them’ and follow her. (And I mean, the thing about Sin Cara being faceless means anyone could take over as the new Sin Cara, and no one need ever know…......)

Nadia.

Ugh, my baby Nadia. She seems so broken, so young and alone. And even with Ramona saying supportive things and calling her ‘my daughter’, her being in the office with Ramona and Jorge does have less the feeling of family support and more like sharks circling, especially when they start questioning her about the FBI. No wonder she seems to panic a little (justifiably, considering that she had Russo in this room only like a week ago!) and so tells them about Thony knowing the meet location– but unlike other times she’s deliberately directed blame at Thony to get it off herself, this time she actually immediately stops and backtracks, trying to defend her. I love that deep down she knows that Thony would never betray Arman like that, because Thony loved him too. And even when Thony shows up to the wake uninvited, Nadia’s immediate response isn’t to get angry or kick her out; it’s ~almost~ even like relief, because here is someone she can actually talk to about what’s going on. When she asks her about the Feds, it’s not because she thinks Thony called them; it's because Thony’s the only one she can trust to help in figuring out how they knew. But then Thony gets frustrated about Nadia telling Ramona and throwing suspicion on her, and Nadia gets frustrated about how trusting Thony about Dante potentially cost them Arman, and honestly I love this conversation so much?? They’re in conflict over Arman, just like they always have been, but now that he’s gone they’re also oddly united, and only have each other to turn to. Thony’s apologies to her are heartfelt, and there’s no force in it when Nadia suggests she leave. Tbh I don’t think she actually knows if she wants Thony to leave or stay, because while on one level she is angry with her, having her there to direct her anger towards is a much-needed outlet; and plus when it comes down to it I think she needs the familiarity and support that comes with having Thony present, especially with the Sanchez sharks around. It’s funny, but Nadia and Thony’s relationship is starting to feel just as sibling-like as the Sanchezs’ to me; that complicated mix of comfort and antagonism that any of us with siblings know so well. (Also ugh Nadia’s “Do whatever you want, you always do anyway” is practically an exact echo of what Arman said to her in 1x03, and I’m not fine at all). 

But regarding Nadia and Thony’s relationship, I think it’s clear that they’re only going to get closer as the season progresses, and one hint towards that is the complete change in the way Nadia interacts with Isabel in this ep. In the earlier seasons you could tell she didn’t like Isabel at all, and hated it when she came to La Habana/around Arman. She was absolutely jealous, because of the exact thing Isabel admits to her now: that she never stopped loving him. Before his loss, that was a threat, just like Thony was. Now, it’s a comfort, a connection that only three people can understand: Isabel, Nadia, and Thony. Aside from maybe his mother, the three loves that Arman had over the course of his life are the only ones who will truly carry his memory with them, the ones that will keep a part of him alive- and at least in some way, they’ll be forever bonded by that. But god, Isabel’s line about not being able to believe he’s gone, about walking into La Habana and feeling like he could suddenly appear from around a corner– that one was absolutely in there for the cast and crew, who have said practically the exact same thing about Adan in interviews. Having lost both the character and the actor makes this episode even more poignant and tragic, and you can feel the love in every aspect of it. 

But sigh my poor increasingly-inebriated Nadia is not making the best calls at the moment, such as running straight to the office to get Russo’s business card (out of its very secure location amongst a bunch of papers in the safe) to burn it right then and there. Not suspicious at all haha.  And of course Jorge catches her doing it, which would have probably been a nail in her own coffin if not for Jorge spotting the picture Luca drew (which Arman kept in the safe, ughhh), and that leading to her admitting the truth of Arman’s love for Thony and the regrets she had about their marriage, and Jorge seeming to realise that she did sincerely love Arman and wouldn’t have betrayed him. And man, does she demonstrate that beautifully when Arman’s parents arrive and the Morales siblings all start fighting, and she’s the one that calls them all out on it and reminds them that they’re here for Arman, and that he deserves respect, not their pettiness. Absolute queen behaviour from both Nadia and Eva, who completely knocked it out of the park this episode. Based on cast interviews, she seems to have been the cast member most affected by Adan’s death, so filming this episode must have been so incredibly difficult for her, but she was beyond amazing. And for Nadia’s sake, as unexpected as her last scene with Jorge was, I was so glad that someone finally thought to give her a goddamn hug!!!

Jorge.

Ugh, hearing Jorge using that soft voice with Thony, and him immediately apologising for not checking in on her, then trying to warn her of the danger from Ramona… like damn, kudos to the writers for managing to take a character I was so prepared to hate and making me like him. Jorge really did love Arman, and has begun to genuinely care about Thony, and I’m sure that it would mean a lot to Arman that his brother-uncle is doing what he can to protect the woman he loved now that he can’t do it himself. But ugh, Jorge’s wonder at seeing the mini caddy again and realising that Arman had saved it from the fire, and then him admitting how much he’d wanted to get Arman back after Eduardo had separated them? That was so bittersweet to watch. Tbh I think he spent years deliberately not thinking about his love for Arman, but then everything surrounding Arman’s abduction and death has brought it all to the surface, and I’m looking forward to how that will affect his choices from here.

For now, his next step is to interrogate Nadia a little to be sure that she didn’t betray Arman (and maybe also because he’s hoping to find Ramona a scapegoat that isn’t Thony??). The initial part of their conversation was actually super sweet though, and omg, learning that Arman wanted to go legit partly so he could help his dad open a distillery? One they’d call Heart of Heaven?? (Or maybe Heavenly Heart? I’m not sure exactly how the Spanish would translate). God, despite his badass exterior, my boy Arman really was just too soft and good for this world. And ngl, Jorge seems to have a bit of that in him too. His next conversation with Nadia– about his own (seemingly rocky) marriage and his regrets about it, and about losing his wife Vanessa– definitely seemed to create a genuine understanding between them for the first time, and I liked that he apologised to her for accusing her. So looks like Jorge now has two women to protect on behalf of Arman. 

Him bringing the drawing to Thony was so kind and thoughtful– partly for just even recognising what it would mean to her, but also for telling her that Arman had always wanted kids and basically implying that Arman would have viewed Luca as his own. In that simple act of taking the drawing, he spared Nadia from the pain of having to deal with it, and he ensured Thony got to have this reminder of Arman’s love, and I’m so grateful for it. Losing Arman– and him learning just how truly she had loved and had been loved by his brother-nephew– has definitely changed and solidified their bond, which is why she trusts him with the arrest report about Dante, and why she dares to even voice the possibility that Ramona could be involved. And though he immediately shuts her down about that, he still takes the report straight to Ramona and challenges her about what they’re going to do about it, showing that he is worthy of that trust from Thony.

But hooo boy, after everything that happens with Dante, and then the showdown with Eduardo, we definitely get to see a new side of Jorge, the frustrated agitation of a man who is starting to question everything he thought he knew. Arman’s death is going to have a ripple effect, that’s for sure, and though Jorge is still being the obedient brother for now and cleaning up the mess with Dante (interesting how Ramona was the one to pull the trigger, but it was Jorge and Thony that were the ones dealing with the consequences and making it disappear) I think he’s going to be doing some pushing back against her as the season goes on, and as he tries to figure out the truth. I couldn’t quite make out what he said to Dante’s body as he was kneeling beside it; couldn’t tell if he was apologising for his fate or telling him it was what he deserved lol!  @prhiswife do you mind translating? Also if you can be bothered translating any more of the Spanish in this ep I would be very interested to hear any or all of it lol. But honestly it surprised me to see him go back to La Habana there at the end, to stop before Arman’s photo and then to seek connection with Nadia about their mutual loss… and tbh, it looked like almost too much connection for a second there???? For a very fleeting moment I honestly thought they were actually heading for a kiss (the crying and the face touching felt oddly reminiscent of Armony in 1x06) and I was like ???? what the fuckkk??? Lol. But I think it was more just him genuinely trying to comfort her, and I'm happy to see the foundations for Thony's team of criminal badasses (Fi, Nadia, and Jorge) developing....

(I mean, it would be objectively hilarious if the show decided to make another Morales man fall in love with both Thony and Nadia, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening here lol) 

Ramona.

Loved seeing the sibling tension building over Jorge’s support of Thony, and loved seeing how immediately he defended Thony/how genuinely she wanted Arman back. Like Nadia, he really does believe she wouldn’t betray Arman. At this point of the ep it’s almost a bit of a Ramona and Nadia vs Jorge and Thony scenario, even if poor Nadia and Thony actually want no part in this sibling debate lol, and are in many ways united on their own team. The odd moment Ramona has when she stands from the chair definitely seems to indicate some kind of pain or medical symptom (like dizziness or something) and was very deliberately included by the writers… more clues that she is secretly dying??? But anyway later when Ramona says that with Arman’s death, there’s no reason to keep his ‘accessories’ (aka Thony, and maybe Nadia too?) around, I appreciate that Jorge again immediately defends Thony. He’s starting to see Thony (and soon, Nadia too) as a member of their extended family and I love that.

Okay yasss to this showdown of these two strong, intelligent, determined women, facing off against one another in a kitchen of all places (a setting that has associations with the disempowerment and minimisation of women)…  not to mention that with one all in black and the other all in white, they’re forming the perfect contrast of good and bad, light and dark… the writers made so many deliberate choices here and I love it. These two started out on such uneven ground, with Thony shrinking before the might of Sin Cara, and now here they stand perfectly eye to eye, with Thony daring to call out Ramona’s right hand man as their potential traitor. Daaamn. Seeing Thony witness Ramona’s shaky hand was also interesting– if not for that little ‘moment’ Ramona had earlier in the office, the shakiness could easily have been read as a sign of emotional stress in response to Thony questioning her about Dante, but instead it looks like further proof of the ‘Ramona is dying’ theory… either way, no doubt it’s going to come up between them at some point. Also lolllll at Thony’s “oh come on” expression when she sees Dante kiss Ramona (lol zero chemistry there, sorry guys) and realises she literally just accused Ramona’s boyfriend right to Ramona’s face. Oopsies. I think she might have suddenly been a bit less certain about the assurance she gave Fi about no one killing her at the wake after that?? Lol. But anyhow, now that Thony knows the truth about Marina, the next showdown between these two is bound to be even more epic…

Also it's interesting that when Jorge brings Ramona the police report and the truth about Dante, she makes a token effort to argue with him and say that Thony could be making it up, but within seconds she’s texting Dante to bring Thony down to the dock (given he literally nabs Thony like 30 seconds later). Clearly she’s not the type who hesitates about doing what needs to be done, no matter what it is, including murdering her boyfriend to cover her own ass. This woman is stone cold, that's for sure. But damn look at that Sanchez sibling swagger as they make their entrance, and the way Jorge puts on a little show about saying sorry to Thony, luring Dante into being secure enough to put his own gun away… and then Ramona gives her own little spiel about not taking betrayal lightly while Thony sputters for words to defend herself. Like yes that was absolutely meant to ~build the suspense~ for us viewers (and also to traumatise poor Fi), but also maybe it’s a sign that Thony is being considered to enter the family in a more meaningful way, and a warning for her if she does? 

But oh dude when the Morales family are having their big confrontation and Jorge learns that Eduardo and Teresa begged Ramona to let Jorge stay with them? And that she forbade them from trying to reach out to him?? He’s spent his whole life believing he knows the truth of what happened, to the point where he genuinely hates his own brother for it (and spent years resenting Arman as well) but now he’s starting to realise that maybe he’s only ever been fed her version, and that she may have manipulated him all along?? Oooh, that’s really going to ramp up the sibling tension a whole lot more for the rest of the season. And speaking of which, I saw someone suggest somewhere (sorry to whoever it was, I looked but couldn’t find the post again, happy to credit you if you let me know) that maybe Ramona actually had Jorge’s wife Vanessa killed to stop her from ‘stealing’ him away from her/the business, and oh man that would definitely make things interesting! Tbh atm I’m having a hard time imagining him fully turning on Ramona, even with the truth about her involvement with Arman’s abduction, but if he learns she killed Vanessa… well, that would be something to see.

Jeremy (ugh).

Ngl, really appreciated that Thony’s thoughts seemed to be echoing my own sentiments when I immediately yelled “Oh, fuck off, Jeremy!” the moment he appeared on the screen. Honestly I hate this guy so much, and I hate that even after costing them Arman, he’s still here, still invading their space and their private grief. Given Nadia’s very convenient building explosion and the insurance payout that her new lawyer was able to push through suspiciously fast, and also the fact that Nadia previously told Russo that a cartel had taken Arman, Russo is clearly after anyone and everyone she can possibly take out in the criminal world, and so she’s keeping Jeremy undercover because she knows that Thony is tied up in it all somehow. All Jeremy’s ‘casual’ questions are really grating on me, and it makes me wonder exactly what happened on the cliff after Arman’s car went off the edge… like the FBI were right behind them, so I’m assuming that he and Thony and Fi were all taken in for individual questioning by the FBI? But how would that have worked for Fi, given the FBI knew she was deported like a month ago?? I’m guessing we’re just supposed to ignore that, and to assume that the FBI let them go after ‘believing’ their story. Certainly letting them go would have been the smarter move, because they knew that they had Jeremy right there as a mole to get the kind of information that the women would never give up? But ugh damn the stress of the Velorio situation making Thony so distracted and eager to get away that she agrees to let this guy put cameras up in their house!! Girl, no!!!! Now he has cameras to see exactly who is coming and going from your house, cameras that he can access at any time!! And then omg Fi you also let him access the smoke detector, where he could plant a bug??? Goddamn this guy and his smooth lies-- like how much of that story about his dad on 9/11 do you think was fake? Probably all of it, just like everything else about him ugh. The FBI boys in this show sure do love sob stories about their dads (though at least Garrett’s was true!). But seriously, charismatic as this guy is, could these two stop being so chill about leaving him unattended in their house???? 

Promo spoilers.

Okay I know I don’t usually talk much about the promos for next ep during these recaps, but damnnn it looks so intense that I need to unpack it lol. First, Thony seems to have some kind of nightmare about Sin Cara, and ugh, what if she sees Arman in it? I'm not ready for how she'd react to that. And then the clip of her looking all tearstained (maybe the next morning?) telling Fi “If Ramona had anything to do with this, she has to pay”? Damn, she's really gonna do it, she's going to go up against the cartel version of The Godfather. (And you know what? She's gonna win.) But I’m curious which scene is going to happen first; Thony in the grungy apartment with Jorge and Ramona  (with Ramona telling Jorge to shoot her, and him seeing the ‘Marin’ writing) or Thony coming to see her in the art gallery in that red dress?? (the last time she wore that, Arman killed someone for her. Is this a sign she’s going to return the favour and kill Ramona??). At this point I'm definitely assuming the apartment stuff happens first, and obviously Jorge refuses and doesn’t shoot Thony, and he confronts Ramona about the Marina thing; and so having him sort of on her side (or at least, no longer so firmly on Ramona's) will help her be bold enough to confront Ramona at the gallery. Thony’s comment about the things people do when they have nothing to lose is interesting; I’m assuming it’s directed at Ramona, and maybe about the fact that she’s dying??? (Obviously it can’t be about Thony because she has plenty to lose.) Anyway ugh I’m so pissed about fucking Jeremy somehow weaseling his way into The Cleaning Ladies as well as their personal life?? Can someone please kill this guy already.  One of the clips looks like Thony’s dragging his body across a floor (you can see a glimpse of the light blue shirt on a man-sized body, so it makes sense that it’s him), and too bad we know he’s involved in the filming for later episodes, bc I would have absolutely thrown a party if he died this ep lol. Oh well, there's always hope for Thony to kill him in the finale haha

Anyway I think that's (finally) all for this week, and while it's going to suck waiting a whole extra week for next ep, at least they gave us one of the best episodes of the entire show so far to tide us over until then.

As always, I'm super happy to chat about this show so feel free to reply/send me an ask if you have anything you wanna contribute!

[appledotcodotuk]

vertigo: an aminori drabble

yet another little drabble courtesy of the yuri shipping olympics! the prompt this time was 'I can't believe you talked me into this'. I'm bringing back an old favourite to appease my 16 year old self, and basically nobody else. aminori enjoyers if you are out there...

summary: minori is certain that she can finally see a crack in ami's cool facade; and all it'll take is a ride on whimsiville's supersonic rollercoaster: Vertigo! a flawless scheme which will certainly not backfire. not at all...

banner: screencap from Toradora ep. 6 "True Self"

pairing: minori kushieda / ami kawashima

no warnings required!

1,423 words!

'I cannot believe you talked me into this' Ami Kawashima, model student, model model, and model melodramaist huffs.

It does not surprise Minori - at least not a great deal - that the way in which her face scrunches with distaste is still beautiful; the sort of righteous disdain you'd see in a fancy book of fancy artpieces that cost an arm and a leg and weighed about as much too, and all without running the risk of a lasting wrinkle.

There's a hint of the unimpeachable to her which promised any attempt to test this stoic unrufflability would yield nothing but frustration.

Perhaps, were she one of those rational types, Minori would recognise this as the omen of futility that it was. It would be better, really, for everyone if she did.

But Minori was dedicated, and all she could see in those finely crafted features was a provocation. Ami was a challenge, or she was issuing a challenge, and Minori didn't stop to mull over the distinctions between the two. She was a bit more preoccupied with attempting to pry loose an expression which hadn't been made for TV from Ami's habitual smirk.

'What's wrong Amin? Scared of a bit of height?' She asks, opting to accentuate the extent to which she too, was entirely cool-headed and unbothered by the other's presence by slinging an arm over her shoulder.

Ami had opted for a breezy summer dress that day, with thin straps, and thus no fabric to shield her from Minori's totally casual arm-slinging. There was nothing to prevent her from feeling the way her exposed shoulder hardened into a taut tension under the skin.

Woah. Had she developed inadvertant powers of petrification in the last minute? Before she could inspect Ami's shoulder for any stray pieces of stone, however, her arm was smacking limply into her side; a consequence of its unceremonious dislodgement from its resting place. 'Ow!' She says, as if it had hurt, 'What gives?'

'I am not Taiga, I don't need to be encumbered with any extra limbs.' She says, and there's a familiar flash in her eyes and ah geez, she's totally about to- 'Whilst I'm sure that little terror could benefit from the additional weapon when she inevitably has another tantrum, I prefer words to brute force.' There it was.

Why did she always turn to Taiga? More importantly, how come she knew, with a precision that frankly unsettled Minori, just what to say to send an indignant blush a-blazing in her cheeks, and as an adendum to that, what malicious God had perfected her in the art of setting Minori's heart pumping anyway?

On second thought, perhaps a God was too pure a boon-granter for someone like her. A deal with the devil for quick wit, unshakeable smarminess, and perfect hair was decidedly not off the table. She wouldn't put anything past Ami.

Instead of responding with something that would have been, no doubt, utterly devastating, Minori opts to take the moral high ground and pictures the way that smug self-assurance would melt away soon - in approximately 3-5 minutes time, if the sign posted outside the start of the queue was anything to go by.

Ooh, maybe she'd even scream! Perfect, beautiful Ami Kawashima, shrieking as she hurtled across the track at world-record-creating speeds.

'What's the stupid smile for?'

'Hmm...?'

'Hey, snap out of it fluff-for-brains, we're nearly at the front.'

Curses! She'd been so caught up in envisioning her victory over Ami's snide professionalism that she'd almost forgotten to be present for the main event! Get your head in the game Kushieda - you're playing for keeps here!

'Aw, oopsie! I must've gotten distracted.'

They were nearly at the front now, which meant a first-class view of terrified fairgoers being lowered into Vertigo, screaming as they were whipped past at speeds that made Minori dizzy, just from looking, and sickly aftermaths: the victims of Whimisiville's finest, fastest rollercoaster.

Taiga had flatly refused. Takasu had muttered something about 'winning Inko-chan' from a stall that contained a bunch of slightly squashed looking bird plushies and disappeared. Kitamura was long-lost. It was just the two of them. Minori, Ami, and the terrifying rollercoaster. She had to make the most of it.

Especially when it had been so easy to convince Ami to come along with her for the ride. Who knew when this sudden fit of good-will would strike Her Imperious Majesty next? All it had taken was a few insinuations of cowardice here, a sprinkle of guilt tripping there…!

She was almost disappointed that she hadn’t been called upon to deploy her patented ‘Please-I-Have-Never-Wanted-Something-More-in-My-Life-and-if-You-Say-No-I-Will-Hold-You-Personally-Responsible-for-the-Lack-of-Fulfillment-that-Will-Plague-My-Every-Waking-Hour’ eyes! Although, perhaps that was for the best. She didn’t know if her heart could take her special-est of special moves quailing under Ami’s cold disapproval.

Better to just be thankful for the chance to absolutely squander whatever warm feeling had prompted this agreement as quickly as possible, right? She almost felt bad, meeting what could well be an olive branch with this. Almost.

‘Heeeey Ami.’ She turns to her victim, attempting to stifle a giggle. Really, it was all her fault: she should never have let slip to Minori that this was her first time in Whimsiville when they’d run into her by the shooting gallery.

Taiga had been less than pleased by the chance encounter but Minori was nothing if not optimistic. Or was that opportunistic? The possibility of getting a reaction out of a brick wall in the body of a high school student was just too tempting! ‘Did I mention that this thing can go 200 km/h and has three loop-de-loops?’

‘You did not.’ Ami says, glaring. Having made it past the barrier now, they're scoping out a free cart in tandem with the portion of the crowd who have finally escaped the drudge of the queue. They settle unanimously for a carriage towards the back. It’s neon yellow, with flaking flames painted on the side and there isn’t enough space for them to sit entirely apart from each other.

Instead, their knees keep grazing each other, and Minori jumps each time it happens, sending their legs flying away from each other like two magnets stuck facing identical poles. ‘But don’t worry, I’m used to compensating for your particularly severe case of scatterbrain.’

‘Hey!’ Minori leaps to her own defense, and it seems her knee also has something to say because it leaps too - settling firmly next to Ami’s who continues on, apparently unaffected.

‘For instance, I do know that you tend to get motion-sick.’

Huh? Since when had Ami been keeping such close tabs on her? That was confidential information, which required a Taiga-level clearance, and she referenced it as easily as if she had been there on that lazy afternoon when she’d been regailing Taiga with the misadventures of her family trip to Kyoto! Well, she supposed that technically she had been there, it had taken place in the classroom, but that was even more shocking!

Had she, Ami Kawashima, been eavesdropping? Surely not! The only eaves that were supposed to be dropped around here were by Minori, the super-sleuth!

Really, was there no integrity to be found in the subtle art of getting one over on someone? At least Minori, in her schemes, was willing to put her own body on the line - she was sacrificing her stomach so she could see Ami’s smug expression get turned inside out by this high-speed death trap!

‘And,’ Ami whispers - whispers! - as she draws closer to Minori, her breath warming the outside of her ear - what was that bit called again, the shell? Minori finds in that moment that she doesn’t really like the comparison. Shells were so hollow, a pale imitation of the setting which formed them, a memory of something distant, and displaced. Ears were much less nostalgic, surely. They didn’t hear only what they wanted to hear, right? - Ami was being very quiet all of a sudden. Minori bites down the urge to yell at her. What, what?!

‘Did you know that before we’d met, I had ridden Vertigo five times over? I’m a big fan of the part with the 50 meter drop!’

Click.

The bar that would keep their bodies from slamming into the ground below as they were shot along at really, very high speeds (and Minori, in all her arch genius knew that this speed was 200km/h precisely) snapped into place with the finality of a death sentence.

Oh.

She was totally screwed.

[dgrailwar]

Round Δ, Day 3 - 'Funny Vamp' versus 'Traveler'

The two stared each other down.

"Magician."

"Princess."

After that, there was no hesitation.

"And... fire!"

The Magician threw her hands forward, magic circles manifesting in the air before a barrage of magical energy sprayed outwards like a gattling gun. The True Ancestor Princess raised one hand, the earth rumbling as a wall erupted from below, blocking the energy blasts before splintering.

Their movements were a destructive blur, the speed and intensity of colliding stars as they slammed into each other, the very fabric of the digital space beginning to crumble even faster than it had under the weight of the Abyssal Wyrm. The Magician was like a comet of azure light, appearing in multiple places-- or perhaps changing places so quickly that the eye and the senses were tricked into believing the afterimages were just as real as the original.

The True Ancestor raised her hands, the world commanding itself to her whims, the ground and the air serving as a blockade against the unrelenting blasts.

"These attacks. So rudimentary, yet effective enough. Is this all the power you can offer, fledgling Magician?"

"We'll see. Right now, I just want to see what the current 'me' is capable of against someone like you!"

Another massive barrage of magical energy, as one of the endless onslaught passed through the defenses of the True Ancestor. Blood. Pain. A sensation utterly new to this pale girl, who had been locked inside a castle for an eternity. She felt it, her heart in this troublesome humanoid form beginning to beat.

And so the princess smiled before raising her hand. Chains and vines erupted from the ground, chasing down the traveling star with preternatural speed, the destroyed area rapidly filling with lush, ancient, mana-dense vegetation in the Princess' wake.

"…Ah-- thank you, Magician. Yes, I'll test the limits of this 'self' as well!"

The current boosts are:

Archetype: Earth: +25%

Aoko Aozaki: +20%

Servant Skills:

Archetype Earth (Funny Vamp)

Ultimate One (Skill) (D Rank): Whatever the highest boost her opponent had (before demerits are counted), have that be her boost, and then add an additional 5%.

Breath of the Planet (C Rank): A complete and total immunity to demerits. Skills that 'cut' boosts, such as Gatekeeper's skill, are also ignored.

Rainbow Mystic Eyes (A Rank): Her enemies are struck with a 12% demerit.

Aoko Aozaki (Traveler)

Magical Bullet Loading (B Rank): When engaged in combat, gain a +20% boost.

Magic Circuits (Rotation) (A Rank): Magic Circuits that never run out of magical energy. When in a Free-for-All, increase the boost from 20% to 25%.

Magician (C Rank): Her status as one who wields the Fifth Magic. Traveler is completely immune to demerits. Additionally, when in a Free-for-All, if she loses (or falls in 2nd) but is within 10% of the opponent's score, she takes no negative penalties.

[terrence-silver]

If you could totally have it your way, how would you see Terry Silver eventually dying? Like, what circumstances do you see leading up to/surrounding it and what would be the cause? How would the various people who knew him react, from beloved to John (if you think he’s outlive him, that is) to other characters of Cobra Kai?

---

Despite what the writers might say or do, I am convinced John Kreese would be utterly devastated and anything but utter devastation would be flat out of character for him. A hill I will die on. This is not only a member of his unit, his best friend for a major chunk of his life (possibly well over forty years and counting) literally possibly the last of his own platoon dying, in a time when the generation that served in Vietnam is slowly becoming fewer and fewer in numbers, but this also the end of an era. The end of an age. The life he saved so many times has just extinguished and he's lived long enough to see that day. Ironic, no? Considering how many times John himself has faked his own death and now, here Terry goes for real, no pretending. This is one snake pit John couldn't fight for Terry over. Even if there's bad blood between them, what John goes through and feels is pretty hard to describe in a small blurb but it's akin to someone closer than your own brother no longer being alive. Akin to losing your own limb. He might play tough otherwise. Might not outright show his grieving, but this is a death I don't reckon John would ever recover from emotionally. It's the type of thing that would haunt him to the end of his days and if anyone disrespected that memory, trust and believe John would smash their nose in for it. He has had the privilege and the right to feud with Terry --- others lose a teeth for it. He's some of the few people outside of Betsy and the members of his unit John would look forward to seeing in the whatever fucking beyond exists out there, maybe even in hell, if that's what it takes.

I think Daniel Larusso would be shocked, perhaps even a bit speculative and paranoid, wondering if this is fake news and another dirty trick of Silver's and initially, after double and even triple checking, he probably wants to be happy and relieved about the fact that someone who's caused him so much pain and trauma is finally gone and that he and his family are safe, but the jubilation falls sour pretty quickly, because yeah, I tend to write Daniel like a good person and I don't figure he could sincerely feel anything more than this deep, unsettled sensation where you just can't be happy once your abuser dies. Not really; you tell yourself you should be, but you validly just can't and in fact I almost see him feeling some sort of way about it, dare I say, falling in something of a conflicted, depressive state not too many people know about because Daniel doesn't want anyone to know about it seeing as how it is pretty hard to explain you actually feel a sort of sympathy for someone quite so rotten. Not even Amanda would be aware of this, if at all possible. If anything, the only person he might confide about his true feelings could be someone like Chozen or doing so in front of Mr. Miyagi's gravestone. Thing is, Daniel is aware Terry Silver will never truly leave and that he will live on the trauma and fears he's embedded in Daniel's psyche and he might decide to make peace with it in a callback to his words to Terry and John that ultimately, it'll be Terry who will be forgotten, deciding to just that; Forget and move on in peace, therein lying his greatest personal victory. Irony of all ironies is that Daniel might be the one of those most affected by Terry's death.

Honestly, I don't see the likes of Kenny Payne, Kyler or any of the kids in Terry's new and renewed Cobra Kai caring too much that he died; I mean, considering how easily they all collectively turned on him and how easily they collectively sided with him in the first place, one gets the impression these kids go with the flow. The trendiest, shiniest new things that teaches them the most badass skills and how to use and abuse said skills to beat and abuse those weaker then themselves, and at that time, it was Cobra Kai under Terry Silver. Tomorrow, it could be another cool dojo under another cool Sensei entirely. The world keeps turning. What I mean to say is, there is almost something tragic how easily Terry was left behind by all of his students and how even easier he'll be forgotten by them if he, figuratively speaking, dies.