#tw: idk panic attack?

[lee-hatchett]

The past few weeks had felt like a blur. A haze. A gray wash - the first layer of paint an artist puts on a canvas before deciding what to paint. It was the worst kind of fugue state. Ritualistic to the point of disassociation. Stage. Video. Bowl. Name. Train.

The Tower, which he thought once would be a relic of a bygone era, had pulled Lee back into its prisonous grasp. Sure, it was in a bit of disrepair, and there was a weird offshoot where they had converted a first-floor Sponsor lounge into a living quarters for the Capitolites, but it was eerily still the same. Lee could have sworn the swirl of the steam rising from his tea was identical, even if that was a scientific impossibility.

But here he was, again, with an over-brewed cup of tea that he even paid too much for, looking at the not-so-shiny marble floors of the Tower. He was shocked into stillness as waves of memory flooded back. It was all happening again - when it wasn't supposed to.

No - no. No. It was too much. Lee's breath caught in the pit of his stomach and suddenly left his lungs empty. His eyesight blurred for a moment, and phantoms of the past overlapped in the lobby ahead. Linden. Alder. Donnegal. Dozens of others who he never saw again. No. No.

Before his brain could clear the chilling sight, his legs had kicked into gear to backpedal out of the Tower and into the blinding light of the Capitol streets. He only managed to take two steps into the mercifully bright sun before blindly colliding with someone.

"Shit, sorry," he muttered, clawing at his eyes with his free hand. His other one stung from where some of his tea cascaded over the lip of the cup to bite into the cold air. "Just had to... I dunno. Get outta there."

[beebopurr]

Shoutout to all the bitches who just stand there like this when they having they panic attacks‼️❗️‼️❗️❗️‼️

[ghosts-and-glory]

Is Narinder Ok?

Idk the file says he’s okay and my file names would never lie

Ignore how incredibly messy these doodles are, I drew these for me and me alone a few weeks ago. I felt like they applied.

He’s fine, look at how okay my document says he is. Could a mentally ill person have a list of ailments this long. (Blurred so I can keep my secrets.)

[shartfinz]

Your autism spectrum symptoms are high.

[hershey-not-the-chocolate-maybe]

heh

[lurkinganon0-0]

Amnesia is not fun…

4getting is not fun…

How could I 4get…

…

…

how could i 4get…

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I do not feel real. The world is going on around me but I am a stranger.

An outsider.

I don't feel real. Not really. I know I am, but sometimes I wonder.

I cannot focus, if this isn't real, what is?

The world runs in circles around accomplishments I have yet to see.

I cannot focus, my body is here but my mind is away.

Thoughts are broken. Fragmented, like a million comma splices.

I feel so alone here. Everyone else seems to feel real, but I feel so odd, like a ghost haunting a body, wondering if someone will notice.

There is no one to tell. No one understands.

How do you explain that nothing feels real? That it all feels like some sort of dream you have to wake up from at some point but never do.

Does the rest of the world exist? Is it all a figment of my half insane mind? How would I know?

I wish I could stop this feeling. Finally feel life finally get everything done I need to.

But... I suppose that's why I'm here anyway. So much to do, enough time. So. Why. Can't. I. Focus?

I have to hide these feelings. No one can know how much of an outsider I truly am.

I told them. They dont care. Don't know what to do. Don't know what's wrong with me.

I wish I knew. But an explanation wouldn't fix me. Nothing truly does.

They're to busy to care anyway. Trying to fix themselves, put a band aid over a crack in a large dam.

How do you ask for help if no one can help you?

I do not feel real. Time is slipping away.

I've done nothing.

I wish I could. But my mind is so fractured, so frazzled nothing seems to process, to matter.

There is so much I must do.... So I suppose I do none of it.

Time goes so slow. But they day is half over.

I wish I felt real.

I wish my life mattered more to me.

[call-me-chips]

Long vent warning 🙃

So if you came here for my typical carefree content, don't feel forced to read this at all :)

Ik I won't care if you do or don't, but I just need to get this to someone

I see a lot of people talking about having no friends and having bad friends, and both are really bad and I'm not trying to put down anyone's experiences, but I feel like there's a different kind of hurt when your friends just don't like you. Like, they're good people, but they just don't like you.

Like, I have this one friend where, he's the closest thing I have to a best friend (aka, we see each other once a week and seem to enjoy each other's company), but I really don't think he likes me

He always has an excuse for not hanging out. Always. My sibling and I wanted to go to a comic con and invited him and his girlfriend. He mentioned a few weeks before that he might not be able to go because he might have to babysit a child or something. Closer to the con, he said that he, infact, wouldn't have to watch the child, which we were happy about, but then immediately he said that he "wasn't allowed" to go to this con. The reason he gave was "My dad thinks comic cons are cults." Even though he's been to several cons, one of which was in the US (I'm Canadian).

And just yesterday a group I was going to had a Halloween night, and he promised he would go. We all made plans to be there, but the night of, I texted him and asked him if he was coming, to which he responded with "I'm not allowed", even though he's at the age where that shouldn't matter at all

I asked him why, and he never got back.

Everything I want to do, everything we try to plan, he's got a reason to not go.

He says he likes me and likes hanging out with me, but I don't believe it. Every excuse he uses is bullshit.

And it really sucks because I truly thought he'd be a friend that sticks around. Every friend I've ever had has left the moment I got too close.

And it's not like I can easily make friends, as I've never gone to school and I'm not in college

My parents keep scolding me about how I have no friends and that "God designed people to need other people" and that I "can't live life alone", but I don't know how the fuck they just expect me to summon new ones.

I've exhausted all groups I'm in of potential friends. And it's not like I don't try to make friends. I've been rejected dozens of times

But I know I'm just about ready to stop reaching out to the friend I was talking about earlier. I'll just stop asking if he wants to do anything and see if he initiates anything. When he doesn't, at least I'll know for sure that he doesn't really like me xD

Sorry if you've made it this far btw. Ik no one really wants to listen to a stranger talk about how terrible their life is

Slightly different topic, but I really feel like I can't ever open up to anyone (which is why I rant to strangers on the internet). Literally everyone I've opened up to has either left me or betrayed me with it

I shared my struggles with a licensed therapist, and she made me feel like my feelings were nothing. She told me it was a phase and refused to hear any more

I shared one of my phobias in a trusted friend group chat, and one of the dudes sent me a gif of it, have me the worst panic attack I've ever had, and then he called me sensitive when I complained about what he did (I was crying non stop for 30 mins, couldn't calm down completely for the next couple days, and got triggered my a simple household item that has NEVER triggered me before. I mean like, I saw this simple thing, froze in place, started hyperventilating, and nearly had another panic attack)

And there are a few other examples, but the worst one is when I opened up to my best friend at the time. I opened up, shared my story, cried in front of her. She left me the following week. She suddenly started talking to her other friend more and I could barely get a moment alone with her anymore. We barely talk now

I'm just tired of people. Tired of trying. Idek what I'm supposed to do at this point. I only rant to strangers cuz it's a lot less painful if someone online unfollows you than if a friend leaves you

Anyway I think that's enough for right now, I got pretty carried away 😅

If you read all this, here's a cookie :3 🍪

[jesse-pinko]

No bc why is it soooo difficult for ppl to comprehend that the parents of abuse victims may act totally different and normal in a social setting than they did at home with a vulnerable person they essentially owned for eighteen years that they had total authority over and who they likely lived with and knew much more intimately. Do you know how many abused kids are written off as problem children bc their parents have the social sense to confine the abuse to the home while a child doesn’t have the emotional regulation to keep from acting out bc of it in public? Do y’all know how invalidated and isolated your friends feel when you have a positive impersonal encounter with their parents and you say “oh your parent seems really nice actually” and start looking at them like they deliberately misled you? Incredibly hurtful and dismissive response to someone confiding you, you’re not more objective for being an outside observer you’re just less informed

[jaxxsoxxn]

I can just imagine them facing against scarecrow and scarecrow being you know using his toxic fumes being fear, making boomerang remember that day so clearly and vividly and boomer gets so pissed he tackled scarecrow in the ground and starts beating him, beating him in like until he’s almost to death and Harley and Floyd has to like Get him off of him so he won’t kill scarecrow and Boomer is just screaming at scarecrow

 you fucker how dare you piece of shit you’re gonna die for that and Floyd and Harleys trying their best to keep boomer at bay because of that they have to ask for back up you can choose who they have asked for back up

Oh, and if you want, you can add some of your boomerflash 

Also, you’re the best of making boomerflash head cannons and stories your apps your pieces are beautiful French kiss 💋

kisses!!! <33 thank ya, the brain rot feeds off them, so I'm happy with every little idea thrown my way.

---

In defense of Harley, she had no way to know that when Scarecrow decided to test his "new" gas on them (in a safe space, after he got "recruited" too), apparently this one showing off old fears instead of creating new ones, whatever that meant, Boomer would be hit with something... like that.

Through most of the experiment, few chosen heroes around them to help if needed, Digger was the only "normal" one. He stood still, almost peacefully, if you ignored the shaking hands and short breaths. Maybe it was the fact that they knew it's all a hallucination, maybe it was the fact that the person responsible was right next to them, but when it all finally broke away, when most started trying to get some water and calm themselves with help, the first thing he did was jump Jonathan.

The first hit wasn't the thing that broke the shock of heroes and others around them - it was the sound of a breaking bone that did it. A pain-filled whine left Scarecrow, when he tried to use his claw-like gloves to tear the Australian away, his whole body mass keeping them down, while he punched almost blindly. He was angrily half screaming, half mumbling something about Owen, whom Harley herself didn't know exactly.

But Flash, who was the first one to try to hold Digger back, definitely knew. Most people who aren't dragging Crane away to make sure he'll survive probably notice the way his eyes go wide at the suffering screams that slowly turn into whispers full of bitterness. His hands, now bloody from the scientist, shaking rapidly and trying to hold onto something - failing to do so. Barry has his arms intertwined with the Rouge's elbows, holding him behind while clinging to him and trying to calm him down.

But when he does get calm, it doesn't mean his brain is fully caught up with what happened exactly, so all they hear now, less shaky and unfocused, are the words of horrid truth that Boomer saw.

"...How could they do that? They took my boy-" this time only a few people freeze, Flash now slowly working his way to the ground with trembling Boomer in his arms. "They took my boy, he was only eight-! How could they? What did he do to deserve it?"

Floyd, water bottle in hand, gets closer to the man, brushing his wet from sweat hair up, showing his blurry green eyes clearer. Shark looks angrily at the bloodied up scientist for a second, a protective urge firing deep inside, before he gets on the floor next to the two, touching Digger without grabbing him, being more something to rest up on than anything.

And when he continues, this time words just... giving up, changing between sobs and empty anger, Harley joins up. She walks straight at him, until she's right in front of him, her shoes almost touching his. Steadily, she sits down right there, looks her friend in the eyes and waits for him to ground himself, doing her best to ignore the hurt sounds coming from him and the few words that crawl their way out of his closed up throat.

"...He was so small, y'know? His body was so light-" a sob shook him, making Barry change his hold, from holding him back to just having his arms around him and his head rest on his back. "They took him from my arms to check for pulse, but- but they didn't have to take him to the hospital - too late, they said. Too much blood, he stopped breathing fifteen minutes before their arrival. I couldn't get his blood out of my hands, it's still stuck under my nails- I need to, I need to wash my hands-"

Another attack of weeping stops him, while all they do is be here, for now. Somewhere in the back, the rest of the heroes takes care of Crane and talks to Flag, who has a grimace on his face and a glint of understanding in his eyes - it probably was in Boomer's files, knowing how they like to have all possible information. Doesn't make it less dehumanizing.

[yardsards]

living in america is literally just like. yeah i could probably benefit from inpatient mental health services but honestly the resulting medical bills would just make me want to kill myself even more

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

What if I told u,,,,, a RepairBot-Reader comic-tidbit was in the works,,,,

(WiPs!)

Featuring! A small and sweet moment for ReaderBot making a new friend <3

(don’t worry, there’s some nice angst in there, too)

: )

What do you see, ReaderBot ?

[great-tusk]

ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.

[tallyhoot]

Wow I’m feeling so great rn definitely not on the verge of a panic attack nu uh definitely not (me when I lie)

wow I definitely love when my parents talk about the abuse they did to me it’s so awesome/sarc

[o-kye]

My mom, watching me have a panic attack on her bed from the things she’s said and doing nothing: My mom, four house later: are you sure you dont want ice cream Me, who can still feel the tears in my eyes: yeah

[sleepypotatostudio]

The last two weeks have been terrible.

Loss, distressing life situations, and to top it all off, tonight a tree branch fell on my car… It was thankfully empty but I was outside and saw it happen 🙃

I think I'm ok, I'm really trying to be ok~